CMC, Caped Crusaders of Ponyville


                                            Plaster from SpentAnon’s Pastebin, if he request this to be taken down I will oblige


                                            >”You’re reign of evil is no more, you big meanie!”

                                            >”Yeah!”

                                            >Be Incognito, the Dastardly and Fabulous Masked Villain of Ponyville

                                            “Why, if it isn’t the adorable CMC’s. How wonderful of you to show up, and just in time, too!”

                                            >With a flick of your hand, you unveil your hapless victim by swiftly pulling the thin sheet of dark red cloth covering them

                                            >”Sis?”

                                            >Apple Bloom, A.K.A. Red Delish, looks towards her helpless sister who is in great peril

                                            >”Delish wait! It’s a trap!”

                                            >Your smile turns to a frown as your ruse has been foiled yet again by Sweetie Belle, A.K.A. Radiant Diamond

                                            “Ah, Miss Diamond, observant as always-”

                                            >”Get away from the civilian, or else!”

                                            >The last of the Heroic Three, Brave Hoof, shouts to you

                                            “Enough! My patience is waning!”

                                            >Opening your trenchcoat, you pull out two glass vials filled with glowing liquid, one red and one blue

                                            >You also pull out and cover a black stetson with the cloth you still have in one of your hands

                                            “Why Applejack, do you know what these vials are?”

                                            >”A-Ahm afraid not!”

                                            >You’ll have to thank Applejack later for letting herself be roped into this

                                            >She’s a damn good actor, even though she’s bad at lying

                                            >Holding up the red vial, you cackle awfully as you look to see her lean away from you in sheer terror

                                            “Don’t worry, I’ll educate you. This-” you position the red vial to be in front of the blue, “-harbors a concoction of pure hate and malice, and if one drinks it, they will be slaves to it and gain unimaginable power!”

                                            >The CMC gasp in horror at such a revelation

                                            “However, this-” you hold up the blue vial and swirl the contents around, “-is an antidote.”

                                            >Returning the blue vial back, to its proper place, you grab a black mask stealthily as you pop the cork on the red vial

                                            >”Incognito! Don’t drink it, you’re better than that!”

                                            “How sweet Delish…” tapping your chin with the rim, you hum, “y’know, you’re right, I am better than that.”

                                            >A wave of relief washes over their faces

                                            “That’s why-” you quickly tip Applejack’s muzzle up and pour the contents of the mixture in her mouth, “-I’ll give it to her!”

                                            >”NO!” you hear them all collectively shout


                                            >Positioning the cloth in front of her, Applejack grabs the mask from your hand and puts it over her eyes

                                            >After doing so, she quickly swaps out her hat and shoves her own stetson into your hands, which you pull away to unveil your new henchman

                                            “BEHOLD, WICKED AMBROSIA”

                                            >Wicked Ambrosia smacks her lips

                                            >”Mmmmm, strawberries…”

                                            >”Applejack!”

                                            “She is Applejack no longer!”

                                            >After securing AJ’s stetson in your trenchcoat, you tie the cloth around her neck and determine she is a proper fit to be a part of your EVIL master plan

                                            “Ambrosia, do away with these fools, will you?”

                                            >”Mah pleasure!”

                                            >Strolling away to a nearby tree, you hear desperate, anguished pleas

                                            >”Sis, stop!”

                                            >Climbing the limbs, you sit yourself down and pull out your journal of MALICIOUS INTENT

                                            >”Git over here you varmint!”


                                            >Glancing up after marking off one of the items off your checklist, you see Ambrosia pinning down Delish with Diamond and Brave Hoof circling around her

                                            >We can’t have that now, can we?

                                            >Pulling from your trenchcoat your High-Pressurized Hydro Canon OF DOOM™, you slowly bring the scope to your face and take your time to properly aim

                                            >targetlocked.shoot

                                            >Blasting Brave Hoof mid jump, you quickly pivot and drench Diamond before she could lunge onto Ambrosia

                                            “HAHAHAHA, YOU SHOULDA SEEN YOURSELVES!”

                                            >Miming the looks on their faces, you don’t notice Delish gain the upperhand on Ambrosia

                                            >Nor do you notice Diamond levitate a stick off the ground and poking you

                                            >Falling out of the tree, you land on your ass

                                            >Hard

                                            >Distracted by the pain, you feel your trenchcoat open up

                                            >”How!”

                                            >”What do you mean-SERIOUSLY!”

                                            >Shaking off your daze, you can clearly see Brave Hoof and Radiant Diamond gawking at the many vials of red and blue covering your torso

                                            >Thank Celestia none of them broke

                                            “Ah, I see you’ve found my collection. Tell me, can you notice how all the antidotes are fake?”

                                            >Hope drains from their face as the direness of the situation hits them

                                            “I’ve hidden many antidotes across Ponyville, but most of them are duds. If you don’t find the real ones before dusk, your friend is MINE! HAHAHAHA!”


                                            >The two pin your arms down as Delish comes over and ties you up

                                            >Setting you beside Wicked Ambrosia near a tree, she goes over to her two friends and talks to them in hushed whispers

                                            >”You really are something An-”

                                            “Shhh! It’s Incognito!”

                                            >Wicked Ambrosia rolls her eyes

                                            >”Right, but what are we gunna do now?”

                                            >As you twiddle your thumbs behind your back, you feel the ropes loosen up

                                            “Did you teach Red Delish how to tie a knot?”

                                            >”No, I taught Apple Bloom.”

                                            >Smartass…

                                            “Well, you should probably make sure she practices more-”

                                            >”Brave Hoof! Watch over them while we look for the vials! We’ll be back before you know it!”

                                            >”Yeah!”

                                            >You watch as Radiant Diamond and Red Delish rush off in the distance to the town of Ponyville

                                            >Brave Hoof sits herself before you and leers menacingly into your very soul

                                            >It’s more cute than scary

                                            “Oh, Wicked Ambrosia! Why, we’re in quite the pickle!”

                                            >”Quiet you!”

                                            >Chuckling to yourself as you rip the poorly tied knot, you grin a cheshire grin as you see another of your EVIL minions creep upon the clueless ‘hero’

                                            “It looks like we may need something SWEET to offset this FOUL taste!”

                                            >”I said quiET-”

                                            >Standing up and stretching, you marvel at the colorful work Pinkie manages to create

                                            “Well done Pink Menace,” you say as you untie Wicked Ambrosia, “remind me to commemorate your aptitude for ribbons with a sweet treat later!”

                                            >”What can I say Nito, I can’t help myself but WRAP PONIES into some PRESENTS!”

                                            >The three of you laugh in a rather heinous manner as Brave Hoof murmurs from the ribbons that bind her

                                            >Slipping a strand off her muzzle, you wait to hear her pitiful cries

                                            >”You won’t get away with this Incognito!”

                                            “I already have,” you say as you slip the strand back to its proper place

                                            >Turning around, you declare your EVIL master plan

                                            “Today, we shall form our MONSTROUS merry band of misfits, and tonight, we shall take ALL THE SWEETS FROM PONYVILLE!”

                                            >A cacophony of shrill guffawing pierces the winds around you

                                            >Unbridled terror washes over the young filly’s eyes at what you say next

                                            “Next stop: RAINBOW DASH!”


                                            >Strapping Brave Hoof to your back like a backpack, you all march to the stomping grounds of the great flier

                                            >”M-MMM-MMF!”

                                            “I’m sorry dear, you’ll have to speak up.”

                                            >The sound subsides

                                            “Lovely.”

                                            >”Incog, how’re we suppose ta get her down?”

                                            “It’s quite simple, really,” you say as you twirl your signature black fountain pen, “you’ll just lasso her down with your rope.”

                                            >Just in time, you see a blue blur dart across the horizon

                                            >”Your turn! Your turn!”

                                            >Wicked Ambrosia readies her lasso as Rainbow comes into view

                                            “Wait for it...”

                                            >Damn, you’ve gotta give her credit, she is crazy fast

                                            “Wait for it…”

                                            >You don’t think AJ can pull it off

                                            “NOW!”

                                            >Staring on with bated breath, you watch as the rope flies onto Rainbow’s leg just as planned

                                            >Jumping onto the rope, the three of you start pulling her to the ground

                                            >’You can do it Dash,’ you think to yourself

                                            >Before losing hope, you watch with glee as Rainbow plummets only to shoot herself parallel to the ground and wrap the rope around all three of you, freeing herself in the process

                                            “Blast it all!”

                                            >Barely keeping yourself from smiling, you keep up your enraged facade as you watch the Mare-Do-Well’s alter ego fly away to somewhere safe


                                            >Be Red Delish, one of Ponyville’s Caped Crusaders!

                                            >... and you’re stumped

                                            >You’ve been searching in bushes, stalls and any other nook or cranny these vials could be

                                            >But it seems like you just can’t find any!

                                            >”Delish, where should we go now?”

                                            >Rubbing your hooves together, you try to get into the mind of Incognito

                                            “That Incog’s a rightly dirty sort, and we haven’t found his lair yet. So maybe we could find a clue there?”

                                            >”Good idea! But where should we look?”

                                            >It would make sense for him to live somewhere foul…

                                            >But you’ve searched all the dumpsters!

                                            >That’s when an idea strikes you

                                            “Hey Diamond.”

                                            >”Yeah?”

                                            “We should free Incogni-”

                                            >”ARE YOU NUTS!”

                                            “Now holdon just a sec-”

                                            >”HE’S EVIL! WHAT IF HE-”

                                            “SWEETIE!”

                                            >Radiant Diamond goes dead silent and looks around to see if anyone heard you

                                            “Umm, Diamond… we should let Incognito go so we can trail him and see where his base of operations is.”

                                            >Radiant Diamond shifts from hoof-to-hoof

                                            >”I don’t know Red, something just doesn’t feel right-”

                                            >”HELP!”


                                            >Be Incognito, the Conniving Corrupter of Ponies and Goodies!

                                            >You’ve been tailing Rarity through the streets of Ponyville from rooftop-to-rooftop after sending your DIABOLICAL party to your Lair de Mal to ‘interrogate’ the foolish filly

                                            >Needless to say, you’re very thankful pony construction is very strong

                                            >”Why thank you darling, I’ve been needing these threads for a new project!”

                                            >It looks like she’s heading to her boutique now, and you saw Red Delish and Radiant Diamond in an alleyway about two buildings ago

                                            >Perfect

                                            >Jumping off the roof, your stomach collides with one of the higher building’s ledges, knocking the wind out of you

                                            >nononono-

                                            >Barely hanging onto the roof, you pull yourself up

                                            >That could’ve gone better

                                            >Continuing to skulk, you see Rarity about fifty feet from her door

                                            >It’s showtime stallions and mares…

                                            >Leaping through the air, you land five feet in front of her home

                                            “BOO!”

                                            >”HELP!”

                                            >Rushing forward, you catch her by her barrel before she has time to flee

                                            “Ah, what a wonderful seamstress you are! I could use some help with my friend’s attire…”

                                            >”Let go of me you brute!”

                                            >Popping the cork off another red vial, your about to pour its contents down her throat, but you’re ‘surprised’ by a startling sight

                                            >”Drop tha vial, now!”


                                            >Looking up, you see two determined do-gooders puffing out their chests

                                            >They’re so…

                                            >REFUSE THE URGE TO DAW!

                                            “Oh, how sweet! The ‘heroes of Ponyville’ think they can foil my plans?”

                                            >”Incognito, why are you doin this ta ponies?”

                                            >Clearing your throat, you ready yourself to deliver a well thought and MENACING monologue that took so many laborious hours to create

                                            “I’m sure you both know of my upbringing as you’ve heard it many a time before, but I intend to pilfer ALL the sweets this puny town holds so that NO PONY will EVER be able to enjoy confectionaries UNLESS they SUBMIT to ME! And-”

                                            >”Quit yer monologuing!”

                                            “What? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO-”

                                            >Caught off guard by Radiant Diamond, the vial flies out of your hand and shatters when it hits the ground

                                            “THAT COST ME 20 BITS YOU MONGR-AH!

                                            >Letting go of Rarity, you check the searing hot pain that is burning your arm

                                            >... you told her to nip you, not… draw… blood…

                                            >Rarity might be a little too good of an actor

                                            >Looking back up, you see the two fillies’ faces, and Rarity’s, filled with utter shock

                                            >”Darling, I’m sor-”

                                            “You… you will pay…” you point towards everypony spectator nearby, “YOU WILL ALL PAY IN DUE TIME!”

                                            >And with that, you bolt back to your hideout knowing they will follow you


                                            >Running across town, you reach its outskirts and approach a rickety ol’ wooden sign that says ‘BEWARE!!!’

                                            >Truly the best deterrent to keep away any sane pony

                                            >Removing the fake sod off the hatch’s handle, you open it and jump in stylishly

                                            >Closing the hatch back up, you walk through the corridor into the inner depths of your sanctum

                                            >...

                                            >Why is there candy in here?

                                            >And comics… and brushes… and a tiara?

                                            >...

                                            >Sighing at who you think might’ve made this their personal abode, you kick the mess aside

                                            >Don’t want any hero tripping, landing them a booboo like you

                                            >Plus, it just shows how AWFUL you really are

                                            >Before stepping through the final entryway, you rip part of your undershirt off and wrap up the bite wound

                                            >Checking one last time to make sure you didn’t tie it too tight, you step through the veil

                                            >”HAHAHA, STOP!”

                                            >”Only if ye give up yer identities!”

                                            >”Never!”

                                            >A delightful chorus of laughing fills the wide chamber yet again

                                            >There’s no better sound in the world…

                                            >”Hi Nito-what happened to your arm itlookslikeanowiedoyouwantacupcakeor-”

                                            “‘Tis but a flesh wound, Menace,” you say as you wave off her concerns

                                            >Moving up to Brave Hoof, you hear the hatch open up with hushed whispers following soon after

                                            “Tell me, Brave Hoof, who are you and your friends really?”

                                            >Her pouty defiance only serves to make you grin even further

                                            “Hmmm… it appears we’ll have to do this the hard way-” you motion over to a metal briefcase in the corner, “-Menace, if you would.”

                                            >In mere seconds, the briefcase is within your grasp

                                            >Setting it down, you unlock the latch and slowly open up the lid

                                            >Pulling out your prized TRUTH FEATHER, you run it across your nose taking a good whiff

                                            “Ah, how I love the smell of tears of laughter…”

                                            >”Incognito, w-we don’t need to go th-there~”

                                            “Then tell me. Who. Are. You. Really.”

                                            >”...”

                                            “Don’t worry my sweet filly,” you say as you run the feather along each of her ears, “it’s much more fun when they don’t talk.”

                                            >Grabbing one of her hooves, you bring the feather closer to her-

                                            >”Stop right there, criminal scum!”


                                            >Turning around, you’re met with a sight that fills you with pure, unadulterated rage

                                            >Mare-Do-Well, your archnemesis, stands haughtily before you with the other two CMC flanking each of her sides

                                            >”You have violated pony law! Pay the town with community service or serve your sentence! Your stolen goodies are now forfeit.”

                                            >Dropping the feather, you put up your hands in mock defeat

                                            >”Yer surrendering? Why I thought-”

                                            “Ambrosia, in my career as a villain I have learned one thing,” getting down on your knees, you turn to the clueless ponies before you, “sometimes, you just have to sit down.”

                                            >Unable to hide your growing smile as they get closer, you spring into action and tackle the most dangerous threat

                                            >Pinning Mare-Do-Well to the ground, you hear a scuffle behind you

                                            “AND WAIT FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO STRIKE-”

                                            >The Masked Mare-Do-Well headbutts you, knocking you back long enough for her to swiftly wrap your hands into her cape

                                            “CURSES!”

                                            >Looking over to your minions, you realize the battle is lost

                                            “YOU WILL RUE THE DAUMPF-”

                                            >”Quiet!”

                                            >Unable to give a clever retort to being gagged, you instead resort to murmuring mockingly as you shake your head condescendingly

                                            >”Thanks girls, I thought I was a goner!”

                                            >”I found the map with the vials!”

                                            >”Brave Hoof, Radiant Diamond, you wait here with Mare-Do-Well while I grab ‘em. Once we cure her, we should get to Anonymous to get her checked out, alright?”

                                            >”Aye!” they both collectively shout


                                            >When Red Delish leaves, you’re ungagged

                                            >”I’ll take Incognito and Pink Menace to the precinct, make sure your friend is safe.”

                                            >”But Mare-Do-Well, what about-”

                                            >”It’ll be fine” she says as she corrals the two of you into the hallway

                                            “Someday, I will return, and I WILL BRING THE FURY OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS-”

                                            >”Yeah yeah, shut up will you?”

                                            >As soon as you’re out of Incognito’s evil lair, you start to strip

                                            “You have the bag Rainbow?”

                                            >”Of course, and that was AWESOME dude!”

                                            >Taking the bag, you quickly grab your clothes and throw them on, shoving the costume inside

                                            “Wish I could stay, but I gotta run!”

                                            >”See you later Nonny!”

                                            >With the end of that debacle, you rush home to dress the bite wound and prepare to meet the blessed heroes of Ponyville


                                            >Be Anon, resident Human of Ponyville and secret super scientist

                                            >And you are most certainly NOT Incognito, the Unclean Hoarder of Sweets

                                            >Finishing up dressing your wound, as soon as you put your long-sleeve dress shirt on, you hear a knock on the door

                                            >*KNOCK* *KNOCK*

                                            >”Anon, we got an emergency!”

                                            >That can’t be good, you wonder what could’ve possibly happened while you ‘weren’t there’

                                            >Opening the door, you put on a show of mock surprise, gasping at such a scene

                                            “The CMC? Here? Come inside, quick!”

                                            >Ushering them through the door, you close and lock it, going through all the windows to lock and close the blinds as well

                                            “What happened? Why is Applejack with you?”

                                            >”Incognito made her drink some weird potion that turned her evil!”

                                            >”But we got her an antidote.”

                                            >”Yeah!”

                                            “Do you still have the potions with you?”

                                            >”Of course we got ‘em! They’re right here!”

                                            >Red Delish drops her saddlebag and lifts the flap, revealing the colored fruity sodas in little vials

                                            “We’ll need to get this to my laboratory immediately, we don’t have much time.”

                                            >Pulling on a book in your bookcase, the large piece of furniture clicks and pops off the wall

                                            >Swinging the secret door open, you all descend down the dimly lit stairs after you seal your entrance

                                            >Reaching the bottom, you set the saddle bags down on a nearby table with various flasks, burners and other scientific equipment

                                            >The ponies thought it was strange of you to try and make medicines instead of getting your ‘booboos kissed’

                                            >Unsurprisingly, the kissing never worked for you, it only worked for other ponies

                                            >It took a while to get setup, and while you aren’t a scientist, you have made some headway

                                            >You’ve recreated penicillin, alcohol and ibuprofen, and hopefully you can continue this trend, too

                                            >Pulling out a blue vial and a red vial after wearing your special labcoat, you procure two droppers, sucking up the contents of each and tasting a single drop

                                            >”ANON!”

                                            “Let me work now,” you say as you smack your lips in delight from the strawberry flavor, “science is happening.”

                                            >Wary, but understanding, they let you continue to sample each ‘diabolical compound’

                                            “Hmmmm, it seems like Incognito used hippopotomonstrousos and siphoned it through a coaxial cable to enhance the corruption present inside the liquid.”

                                            >Part of you fills with happiness at watching the little tykes try to wrap their heads around your bullshit

                                            >”That makes sense…”

                                            >”What are you saying Anon?”

                                            “Incognito is very crafty” you say as you sample the blueberry fizz, “but also sloppy.”

                                            >Setting down the dropper, you take the vial and have little sips here and there

                                            >”What do you mean ‘sloppy?’”

                                            “He did well in creating the red vial with crude equipment,” you muse, swirling the bubbly soda, “as for the antidote… he wasn’t as focused on making it correctly.”

                                            >”Does that mean…”

                                            >Resting a hand on Red Delish’s head, you rustle her mane a bit

                                            “I’m afraid that Applejack is at the corruption’s mercy,” having the flair for the dramatic, you leave a long pause in your speech and watch the CMC’s faces droop, “but… I might be able to hold it at bay.”

                                            >Pouring some of the soda in a flask, you watch as it flows through various tubes connecting it to a much larger flask

                                            >When it hits the end of the tube, you stare on in glee at seeing the blue change to an apple juice-like color

                                            >With some sleight of hand, you swap the flask for some apple juice in your lab coat

                                            >Walking to Applejack, you set the drink in front of her

                                            “Every week when we usually meet, I’ll give you some medicine. You needn’t take it daily, just weekly, alright?”

                                            >”If that’s all there is to say, then I’m good doctor Anon, thank you!”

                                            >Ruffling her mane, you motion for all of them to go back to the living room

                                            >”Welp, now that’s taken care of, I gotta run back to the farm and make sure Apple Bloom’s there. If she and her friends aren’t home, Rarity and I aren’t gonna be happy ponies.”

                                            >Both you and Applejack smirk at one another in secret, revelling in Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle’s epiphany

                                            “Actually Applejack, if can stay for a while, I’d like to examine you a bit further.”

                                            >”If you say so-”

                                            >”GREAT! Now that yer safe, we need to head hom-TO HQ! So we can monitor and stop EVIL CRIMINALS!”

                                            >”Yeah, what Blo-RED DELISH SAID!”

                                            >”We’ll be taking our leave, stay safe you two.”

                                            >Having watched Sweetie Belle take charge, you enjoy their departure even more as they bolt through the door


                                            “You’re really cruel, you know that Applejack?”

                                            >”Says you, Incognito.”

                                            >Laughing, you motion for her to sit down while you grab the two of you some cider

                                            >Opening the cabinet, you’re pinned to the floor by a poofy pink mane

                                            >”Heya Nonny! That was fun! We should do it again!”

                                            >Picking her up off of you, you run your hands through her coat as you grab a bottle of cider and balance it on her nose

                                            “Don’t drop this now, ok?”

                                            >”Okiedokielokie!”

                                            >Grabbing three glasses, you return to the table with Pinkie in tow performing ever more dangerous stunts

                                            >Somehow, the bottle of cider makes it to the table unscathed

                                            >”What now, Anon?”

                                            “Now? Well, we’ll have to figure out the plans of the next villains who will harass Ponyville and, with any luck, the CMC can save the day once again.”

                                            >Having poured the cider, you all toast to a job well done