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Maretropolis One-shot

By SNAFU-Non
Created: 2022-10-16 05:01:29
Expiry: Never
/rgre/comedy

  1. >This is Maretropolis and you hate it here.
  2. >Like a quarter of this crazy city has freaking superpowers. Those who don't, are still tough as nails and can either do magic, perform green-hoof shit or fly like no big deal.
  3. >And you're... just there. Slow, bulky and very squishy bachelor in distress. Being kidnapped on almost a weekly basis.
  4. >Talk about being royally screwed by the destiny!
  5.  
  6. >Mere mention of bad luck seems to bring it - two mares in masks jump out at you from the shadows!
  7. >It looks like your plans for today will have to wait.
  8. >You raise your hands.
  9. "I know the drill, ladies."
  10. >One of your kidnappers nods at you to follow and you comply.
  11. >"Good colt."
  12. >Considerable amount of maneuvering dimly-lit alleys and underground passages you three emerge into what you recognize to be the Don's criminal hideout.
  13. >Pair of crooks gestures you towards massive doors to Don's personal quarters and you walk in with familiar resignation. Wouldn't be the first time.
  14.  
  15. >Your first kidnapping went completely sideways as perps, being not privy to your squishiness accidentally cracked your skull with blackjack and you subsequently spent 4 months in horsepital in coma.
  16. >The Don nearly strangled the pair of underlings responsible for that incident.
  17.  
  18. >Talking about Don - she's finally done with unbuttoning her fancy business suit, and has stretched on her back on dark-red faux-leather couch. She gives you a dirty look before grasping your hand, forcing it under her suit and into the depths of her tuft.
  19. >You don't wait to be 'asked' a second time - it's the Don we're talking about here, after all. A ruthless mare with hair-trigger temper.
  20. >Starting off slowly you build up momentum.
  21. >She shivers as you put both hands into belly-rubs that wander up and down her barrel with no particular pattern. Finally one of hands comes up along her neck and settles on her noggin, paying special attention to both of her ears.
  22. >Leaning into your hand, she outstretches her foreleg towards you.
  23. >Holy mother o' mercy, she wants you to hold her hoof!
  24. >God only knows what she will want next...
  25.  
  26. >*CRASH!*
  27. >Only quick reflexes save you from getting face full of door.
  28. >Still ducked, you're unceremoniously picked up and thrown by Don out of harm's way and into the sizable pillow heap in the corner.
  29. >Wind getting knocked out of you aside, that was really nice of her.
  30. >"Donna Nuthin! The kingpin of the underworld! We meet again!"
  31. >For some reason everyone in this city speaks with dramatic pretense of acting school drop-out; needless to say, you're thankful for every second of silence merciful horse god sends your way.
  32. >You carefully peek out from your hiding spot, waiting out for dust to settle during dramatic pauses everypony here is so fond of.
  33. >How your day will go depends entirely on what team of heroes is after Don today.
  34. >Silhouettes finally become legible enough and you can barely make out insignia...
  35.  
  36. >"Team Flank-Buckers is here to save the day!"
  37. >Oh no, not these dipshits...
  38. >You'd be hard-pressed to find worse heroes.
  39. >It's not that they suck at taking out baddies, to the contrary, despite being team of dysfunctional imbeciles they somehow tended to come out on top.
  40. >However, let's just say that almost half your hospital stays were paid by them.
  41.  
  42. >Don, despite being a tough mare doesn't stand a chance against four mentally-deficient superheroes.
  43. >It's less of a fight and more of a beatdown.
  44. >They stop once Don is in cuffs and sports several shiners.
  45.  
  46. >You briefly consider hiding in the pillow pile, but you're just too damn big.
  47. >Besides... yep. Captain what's-her-face's eyes glow sickly green - a tell-tale sign of x-ray vision usage.
  48. >Her eyes are locked on your pelvis, and she looks very nonplussed.
  49. >You rebuke with a look capable of burning though ablative reentry vehicle coating.
  50. >She's the reason you fashioned yourself a lead codpiece to stop x-ray vision perving. Unfortunately volume added to the bulge drew attention from practically everyone else.
  51. "Yowch!"
  52. >Fucking speed-o-diarrhea pinched your buttock!
  53. >This prompts a series of immature giggles from the rest of the team.
  54. >Bunch of chucklefucks.
  55. >Being fondled at lightspeed is still kind of a problem that you have no solution for.
  56. >Though every speedster mare eventually ends up biting more than she can chew and passes out with her muzzle buried in your crotch. It's absolutely despicable.
  57.  
  58. >You jerk your hand back as Booze-Blazer tries to lean her head into your palm. She looks almost offended.
  59. >"I reckon we oughta be compensated, -hic- with you bein' saved and all..."
  60. >Here we go again...
  61. >This is Maretropolis and you hate it here.

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