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Serial Snuggler One-shot

By SNAFU-Non
Created: 2021-01-12 17:58:10
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
    >In the city of Canterlot there is an urban legend that is being told in hushed voices, be it in the castle or in the slums.
  2. 2.
    >They say that there is a being, tall and gangly, yet sneakier than shadow and faster than lightning.
  3. 3.
    >It sneaks on lone unsuspecting mares when they least expect it and drags them off in the shadows.
  4. 4.
    >Caught mares are later found sleeping, their coats cleaned, their manes brushed, with only vague memories of being pet, snuggled and fed their favorite candy.
  5. 5.
    >That is the legend of the...
  6. 6.
    >The Serial Snuggler.
  7. 7.
     
  8. 8.
    >Be Anon.
  9. 9.
    >Be ninja.
  10. 10.
    >Be trained in guerrilla petting warfare.
  11. 11.
    >Graduated at top of your class, have over three hundred satisfied mares.
  12. 12.
    >You're Equestria's top snuggler.
  13. 13.
    >And the only one.
  14. 14.
    >Bullshit portal-based attacks are bullshit.
  15. 15.
    >Despite all that you hit the ground running and soon enough you started improving your skills even further.
  16. 16.
    >You displayed your power by having both princesses helpless and completely at your mercy for six straight hours.
  17. 17.
    >Six hours of long, heartfelt bellyrubs, ear scritchies and mane brushing.
  18. 18.
    >After that you were a wanted man. Well, wanted apelien.
  19. 19.
    >Always on the run, chased to the end of Equus.
  20. 20.
    >Ah, who are you kidding, you were parading under their literal noses for hours without them noticing anything.
  21. 21.
    >Sometimes having ninja powers constantly on is super boring.
  22. 22.
    >Your ninja powers don't work on magic, though. Entire castle was sure that magic alarm system was on the fritz.
  23. 23.
    >So you covered your sneak suit in variety of anti-magic stones you attained from Queen of Pleasure in exchange for holding her hooves and giving them a little massage.
  24. 24.
    >Never has once she mentioned kitchen, so you threw completely free ear-rub in to sweeten the deal.
  25. 25.
     
  26. 26.
    >Your trained ear catches a very quiet sigh.
  27. 27.
    >In an instant you cross several city blocks and hang down the ledge to peek in the window the sigh came from.
  28. 28.
    >Aha! Sad, lonely mare, hunched over some paperwork!
  29. 29.
    >Perfect target!
  30. 30.
    >You swing inside, and very soon she quietly purrs as palm of your hand traces concentric patterns on her belly, while you feed her her favorite chocolates.
  31. 31.
    >Took you entire 0.014 seconds to find that out and 'buy' some from a shop! Getting sloppy!
  32. 32.
    >And by the way, it's not a theft, you left the money on the counter!
  33. 33.
    >Now that the mare finally succumbed to sweet grasp of sleep, you decide to finish off whatever pesky paperwork problem that made her frown.
  34. 34.
    >You literally have seven thousand IQ.
  35. 35.
    >At least, you think so.
  36. 36.
    >Wouldn't be able to process your surroundings at superspeed otherwise!
  37. 37.
    >You put your MIGHTY INTELLECT to find and fix whatever mistake was making the mare sad.
  38. 38.
    >...hold on, it might take a while...
  39. 39.
    >There it is, she forgot to carry two. The rest comes easy.
  40. 40.
    >Now that the paper is done, time to turn your attention back to completely helpless mare!
  41. 41.
    >Do you snuggle her or do you wiggle in her grasp?
  42. 42.
    >Mares feel uncomfortable being little spoon for some unfathomable reason, so some concessions have to be made...
  43. 43.
    >You tap your chin in thought.
  44. 44.
     
  45. 45.
    >Meanwhile, several rooftops over, a hanging bat mare unfurls her wings and starts whispering into dimly-pulsing crystal.
  46. 46.
    >"Serial Snuggler took the bait, I repeat, Serial Snuggler took the bait!"
  47. 47.
    >From her position she observes several shadows move in the dark. And then all Tartarus breaks loose!
  48. 48.
     
  49. 49.
    >Be Close Quarters, elite royal guard mare.
  50. 50.
    >One second you were rappelling down to window, upset at lieutenant whisper-yelling at you to remember that you're dealing with a stallion.
  51. 51.
    >And the next second you find yourself being tightly held as the little spoon of More Paperwork, your unwitting plant mare!
  52. 52.
    "N-Nani?!"
  53. 53.
    >You have no idea what you just said but it seems oddly fitting.
  54. 54.
    >You also can't help it but feel incredibly relaxed, as if you spent entire day getting pampered.
  55. 55.
    >But then the gravity of your situation hits you.
  56. 56.
    >Oh no, you're going to be the laughing stock of entire platoon for this dyke shit. Damn you, Serial Snuggler, DAMN YOU!
  57. 57.
     
  58. 58.
    >Be Wearing Bars, the lieutenant mare, large and in charge.
  59. 59.
    >Though you don't feel like it now...
  60. 60.
    >In but a second, you lost visual with your entire squad!
  61. 61.
    >You call out for Radio Contact to request reinforcements but she doesn't respond.
  62. 62.
    >You whip your head to her last known position and see her splayed on the roof, grinning madly with partially eaten mango in her weak grasp.
  63. 63.
    "Darn it!"
  64. 64.
    >You catch movement in the corner of your eye and jump back instinctively.
  65. 65.
    >By Celestia, you've got your eyes on the sneaky Serial Snuggler! A feat that very few mares can boast about!
  66. 66.
    "Halt, apelien! Surrender and you won't be hurt!"
  67. 67.
     
  68. 68.
    >Be Anon, approaching the lieutenant mare purposefully slow.
  69. 69.
    >You raise your pointer finger and with unyielding slowness aim for her snoot.
  70. 70.
    >Her eyes cross as she struggles to keep them on your approaching finger. But it is too late.
  71. 71.
    "You are already pet."
  72. 72.
    >*boop*
  73. 73.
    >The sensation of two hundred lightning-fast pets catches up to her!
  74. 74.
    >And pomf=3 she goes on menagerie of pillows you snuck in during previous moments.
  75. 75.
    >Giving her withers a few scritchies, you leave the scene.
  76. 76.
     
  77. 77.
    >Somewhere high above two pair of eyes armed with only one pair of binoculars fight to watch the whole scene unfold below.
  78. 78.
    >There is a sigh.
  79. 79.
    >"Perhaps We called dibs on him being our royal consort too early."
  80. 80.
    >"I'm afraid we'll never have another petting session like that, sister..."

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