Exterminator Anon vs. World Bug Pony Council One-Shot


                                            >Door slams open, interrupting mosquito-pony mid-sentence

                                            >In the doorframe a tall bipedal figure towers, bathed in the bright daylight. It is clad in bright yellow garbs and has sprayer connected to not one but three canisters, each boasting chemical warnings more heinous than other.

                                            >"Exterminator Anon is INNNN THE HOUSE!"

                                            >The declaration is met with resounding silence. The room is paralyzed with disbelief and sheer surprise.

                                            >Finally, Chrysalis slams her hoof into the table with a shrill yell

                                            >"SCATTER!"

                                            >The room explodes into skittering, chittering, fluttering and sputtering. Centipede mare tries to squeeze into the ventilation duct, at least three mares get stuck in the window, their combined arthropod abdomen girth preventing them from escaping. Another window gets continually assaulted by a fly pony who is yet to realize that the window in question is, in fact, closed.

                                            >You are Off By One, a computer bug pony, and mare, are you glad that you're a silicon lifeform for once. Pesticides shmesticides, who cares, hah.

                                            >Meanwhile, the intruder closes in and looks you over. You offer a smug look. Face under the respirator returns the smirk.

                                            >"You know, before I got to Equestria I used to work as a programmer..."

                                            >*Panicked beep-boop noises*


                                            >Be Off By One once again.

                                            >You just have booted back up. The last thing you remember are spider-like appendages of the Exterminator Anon reaching for your keyboard.

                                            >Eeesh! You thought you were done for!

                                            >Fear of being fixed still fresh on your mind, you dim your screen to appear off and start examining your surroundings thoroughly. You appear to be standing on top of a bench. To your side you see a black, holey leg disappearing beyond your camera's field of view.

                                            >Loud snoring seems to be implying that Chrysalis is fast asleep.

                                            >To your left you see the entrance of the building that you all 'requisitioned' for the bug pony council to be held. A large group of ponies in fancy suits mulls around neurotically.

                                            >Entrance door creaks open and out comes the familiar yellow-clad figure. He has the centipony mare wrapped around him like a fancy scarf, if scarves could wrap half of your body.

                                            >His emergence produces some gasps from the pony crowd.

                                            >Coming a little closer to them, he "accidentally" swings the tail of his "scarf" towards the small mob, causing few ponies to bolt.

                                            >Satisfied with the result, he stomps to your bench grumbling something huge bug infestation and overreaction.

                                            >Oh cachemisses, he's coming right here! You slow down your fans to a crawl to appear inert.

                                            >Meanwhile Anon grunts at the lack of free space on the bench and moves his centi-haul to the bench across from you.

                                            >She's cross-eyed and completely zoinked out.

                                            >Exterminator grimaces, looks around to make sure no-one's watching before... booping her right on the snoot!


                                            >That causes her to blink sporadically for a bit. This only causes more booping, until she finally scrunches, takes a very surprised look at the tall alien and slumps into the sleep, joining the snore choir. He lays her into a more comfortable position and disappears back into the building.

                                            >During the next few minutes more and more bug ponies join her on the bench and all around, some already asleep and some requiring the booping maneuver from ever-grumbling Anon. He seemed to have a never-ending list of things to grumble about, including job description, queasy businesscolts, his protective suit, the equipment and even Celestia and her, quote, goddamned thermonuclear microwave, unquote, whatever that meant.

                                            >Suddenly, he stopped stock still and looked up.

                                            >"You gotta be kidding me"

                                            >With a practiced motion he threw aside his heavy equipment and unzipped the suit, practically leaping out of it.

                                            >In one swift jump he crosses distance between you two and drapes the yellow rubber all over you, and, following a flip, below too.

                                            >Have you been found out?

                                            >Is he going in for the kill???

                                            >You can't see a thing and your temperature is rising across the board, so you let your fans loose, no reason in being sneaky anymore.

                                            >It is because of your fans that you don't pick up on the tapping immediately. When you do, it has strengthened to a continual onslaught against your rubbery cocoon.

                                            >The rain stops as quickly as it started.

                                            >Yellow fabric shuffles and you see the alien for the first time without the mask. He's thoroughly soaked from the rain, but looking uncharacteristically happy for someone who grumbles endlessly and just got caught in a rain.

                                            >Behind him, your bug friends are all snoring away, strategically piled up under awnings and away from water.

                                            >"So, uh, you come here often?"