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2196 12.26 KB 197
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>It was late in the evening and you were heading to visit Twilight for your usual game night
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>Her and you had been spending the last few months together playing board games that no one else would touch, or given their intelligence and patience, even be able to play.
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>Single use 10 part long box set puzzles, trading card games complex enough to need a certified judge just to play casually, and Ogres & Oubliettes.
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>Spike had repeatedly expressed interest in playing O&O with the both of you and you're pretty sure he could understand it too.
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>That was until Twilight started spending the majority of the sessions making you manage your brothels
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>At first you thought it would be funny to open a whore house to help afford magic items.
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>Until she forced you to painstakingly, and in character, handle the hiring, benefits, wage, taxes, etc.
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>Admittedly you were enjoying micro managing as the perfect brothel tycoon.
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>So Spike would only get in the way of that.
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>Also probably not a topic suitable for children.
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>When you arrive at the library you are greeted by Spike at the door.
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>You come inside and ask him where Twilight is.
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"She went to get some last minute snacks. Maybe while you wait you can teach me what you're playing tonight!"
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>The plan tonight was more O&O, which meant more prostitutes.
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"I'm sorry Spike, but the game we're playing isn't for kids."
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>The innuendo is lost on both of you.
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>Spike grumbles to himself and sulks upstairs like every game night.
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>You instead make your way downstairs to wait for her.
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>While you're walking down the steps you see a book you don't recognize beside the usual maps, books and papers used to play.
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>Is Twilight writing up some sort of tragedy to throw a wrench in your highly successful and profitable business?
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>It would be wrong to look, it'd be like cheating.
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>However you have spent dozens of hours carefully planning the future of your franchise, Hoovters, and it would be more wrong for Twilight to sabotage it.
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>Reading through her all her notes wouldn't be right, but just skimming a page or two?
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>Totally justified for the sake of your hard working mares.
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>You double check that Twilight isn't coming through the front door.
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>You sit down in front of the book.
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>You open the cover to find a table of contents
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>Written on the first line is 50 Shades of Hay (Celestia x Applejack x Me)
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>Mouth agape you keep reading the title expecting it to change.
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>It does not.
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>In fact it only gets worse.
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>Spring Breakback Mountain (Apple Bloom x Scootaloo x Sweetie Belle x Me)
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>The Princess and the Pee (Celestia x Luna x Me)
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>One that catches your eye is "The Grand Gaping Gala". It takes up a very, very large amount of real estate in the tablet of contents.
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>The names listed are in the dozens starting with Celestia and includes what you can only assume was every attendee at the actual Gala Twilight attended.
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>Of course "Me" is the last character listed.
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>In fact, as you skim through more of the contents, every single story here has Twilight in it.
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>There's a lot with Celestia's name too, she is by far the most popular name aside from Twilight herself.
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>Somewhere along the way you remember you're invading your friend's privacy.
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>All you wanted was a leg up for your business but now you feel a little dirty from what you've read.
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>You close the book without diving further into this obviously very personal and private book.
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>When you notice the worst part yet.
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>In your haste to read it you missed the writing on the cover and spine.
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>"Volume 36".
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>Surely that isn't how many books Twilight has filled with her self insert erotic fan fiction.
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>It has to be part of a large set of blank journals she bought and this just happened to be the one she filled with that.
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>Your thinking is interrupted when you finally hear the front door thrown open.
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>Quickly jumping from Twilight's spot at the table you take a seat in your own chair before she comes down.
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>And she comes down in a flurry dropping her saddlebag on the table splattering some of the game papers around.
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>She immediately lifts Volume 36 with magic and slots it into the top shelf far out of reach of wandering eyes.
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"You weren't reading my DM notes were you?"
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>There's a shortness of breath in her words, as if she was sprinting not running but sprinting home.
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"Of course not. That would be cheating and out of character for my alignment."
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>Twilight half asses a chuckle but you can hear the anxiety in her voice.
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>You look up at the shelf where she stashed the book and can see they're all the same color, squinting your eyes reveals that Volume 36 is set right next to 35, and 34, 33.
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>It's the whole collection.
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>There's even some numbers past 36.
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>Twilight kicks the table just a bit harder than what she probably meant to.
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"I mean it. Don't go snooping through my... campaign notes."
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"I swear on my heart I will not read your campaign notes lest you use magic to banish me from Equestria."
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>You even gesture a cross over your heart as you promise with slightly nervous smile.
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>Does she really believe you didn't open it?
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>Does she know you have every intention of grabbing the ladder from upstairs, lugging it into the basement, and inspecting the other 35+ volumes?
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>Probably not, Pinkie is the one who's psychic.
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>Despite the road bump Twilight and you dive right into the game.
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>O&O goes about as expected, Twilight makes you run through the nitty and gritty of economics.
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>She tries to sell the excitement of fending off the taxman as if he's an invading army of of trolls.
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>It's hard to even remember what this campaign was supposed to be about originally.
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>The night finishes off after you recruit a Breezie for a high value client.
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>Part of you feels at least a little gross about that but whatever, after all it's just a game.
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>You're tidying up your sheets and dice to leave while Twilight cleans the crumbs from the table.
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"I'll see you next week then Anon?"
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"Oh yeah, I just can't wait to donate to orphanages to lower my income bracket."
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>Twilight playfully sticks her tongue out and blows a raspberry at you.
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>As you're walking across the main room you see Spike from the corner of your eye watching you intently.
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"I'll see you later Spike."
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>He only responds with a sinister chuckle.
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>Instinctively you respond the same way whenever someone laughs at you.
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"Y-you too."
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>Without a second thought given to that you rush out the door and make for home.
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>You lay down to sleep but stare at the ceiling eyes wide thinking about Twilight's self insert erotica.
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>It takes hours to finally get some rest.
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>When you wake up you deal with your daily routine.
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>Brush your teeth, bathe, eat breakfast, jerk off to crude drawings of the townsponies.
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>After cleaning up from a shameful fantasy involving Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara you head out to the library again.
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>Hopefully some sort of monster or natural disaster will threaten the town and Twilight will have to leave to stop it.
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>But how likely is that?
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>It could be days before another one of those shows u-
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>You're conveniently interrupted by screaming ponies running in a panic.
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>They seem to be growing extra appendages, spots, some have shrunk, and some are just ambiguous howling monstrosities.
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>Blessed you are to be human, completely unaffected by all these pony problem.
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>But this is exactly the sort of thing that would get Twilight out of her house while she solves this scenario she probably created.
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>Or one of her friends honestly.
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>Completely un-phased you leisurely stroll to the library.
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>Just to be safe you knock on the door, and thankfully no one answers.
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>You step inside to find a mess in the main room.
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>Twilight must have been frantically searching for an answer the plague outside.
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>There's no time to lose.
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>You're about to scurry downstairs only to stop at the top.
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>Spike is sitting at the table.
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>And he's reading a familiar book.
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"Hey buddy, whatcha got there?"
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>Spike doesn't react at all when you question him.
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>He's just breathing heavily with his nose buried.
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"I don't think that stuff is for kids Spike."
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>You reach for the book when spike pulls away from you while hissing.
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>He glares at you for a second before realizing what's going on.
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>He drops the book in fright and covers his eyes with face red.
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"I'm s-sorry."
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>You pick it up to see what he was reading.
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>Chasing The Purple Dragon (Spike x Rarity x Me)
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>Now you're blushing too
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>A quick skim reveals it's about Spike getting Rarity addicted to magical gemstones in exchange for sexual favors.
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>It's very explicit.
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>Also Twilight seems to show up at random to join in.
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>For no particular reason.
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>You remember Spike is still there on the floor when he lets out a quiet sniffle.
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>Oh Lord he must be traumatized from reading this.
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"Are you okay? Did you know what you were reading?"
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>He wipes the tears from his eyes.
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"Am I in trouble?"
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"No way, you're just not old enough for a story like this."
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"But you were reading it too and I've already read it a bunch!"
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>Oh man, this is getting out of your depth.
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>Teaching a kid when it's alright to get horny is not a question you'd like to answer.
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>And he's already read it.
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"Spike I don't think I'm old enough to deal with this right now so why don't you just go upstairs and take the book with you and we'll forget this happened."
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>Spike might rat you out to Twilight if you take it away from him.
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>Now that compounded with this is definitely a conversation you don't want to have with her.
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>Most definitely a one way ticket to banishment.
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>Spike was already on his way to his bed.
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"Don't let Twilight see you with that."
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>He doesn't respond as he scurries away.
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>You turn your attention towards the bookshelves.
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>The ladder is conveniently next to the volumes you're after.
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>Thanks Spike.
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>A part of starts to feel bad.
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>Are you really going to betray your friend's trust while she's out risking her life to save the town?
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>Sweet Celestia only a terrible person would do such a thing.
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>Good thing you're not a terrible person.
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>You inspect the spines of the books.
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>The one from earlier, 36, is still here.
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>But maybe you should check another one?
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>At random you grab number 10.
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>Opening the cover to witness the secrets inside, you find exactly what you were looking for.
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>Golly gee these titles she's written are so hilarious.
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>Every one is better than the last.
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>These titles were probably the funniest thing you've ever seen and anyone who read them would agree.
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>You pick a safe looking one from the list and turn the pages to check it out.
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>Shining Goes to Taco Bell (Shining Armor x Me)
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>Not even a page into it you are disgusted, horrified, and your entire day has been ruined.
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>You have just maybe made a mistake.
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>There might have been a reason Twilight didn't want anyone to read these.
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>With a thousand yard stare you put the book back in its place.
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>You're just about to climb down the ladder and leave when a thought creeps in.
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>What would the first stories be like, what made Twilight start down this terrible path?
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>You reach for Volume 1.
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>The ladder creaks and squeaks while you climb down it with your prize in hand.
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>You take your usual seat at the game table and open the cover.
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>It's still nearly organized by title like the others but the handwriting, (hoofwriting?) is noticeably worse.
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>Better yet, there are doodles all around the margins.
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>They all seem to be Celestia and Twilight.
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>Some of them are the couple nuzzling, kissing, touching hooves.
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>A few others are more risque with Twilight laying on her stomach presenting herself to a licking Celestia.
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>Has Twilight always been so horny?
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>Now that you think about it she had been practically hand picking a lot of prostitutes for your O&O brothel through the client npcs she made.
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>Maybe there really is no plan to mess up your business and she's more invested in it than you.
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>The story titles are more of the same.
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>Vague puns and wordplay but they're more childish.
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>She was probably self inserting herself and Celestia into kids' books she read as a filly.
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>Winnie the Poon (Celestia x Me)
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>Where the Child Things Are (Me x Celestia)
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>You are unsure if the order of the characters names matter since they're all Twilight and her teacher.
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>Green Eggs and Slamming Ham
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>The Very Horn-gry Caterpillar
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>Others just seem to be generic names she made herself.
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>The Teacher's Pet
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>Forbidden Love
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>The Mare in Me
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