Pastejam 2023 2 Entry


                                            >"Hello sir! Look at carpet! Very high quality! Best of best! Come look!"

                                            >You ignore that guy, and the other variety of ponies who keep trying to peddle you their goods.

                                            >Except for that one pony who was sitting in one of the back alleys that was hidden behind several vendors and a pain in the ass to get to.

                                            >Her stall room thing had no lights, and you could barely make out her face.

                                            >You honestly thought she was the one you were looking for, but nope, she was just some shady pony who offered you some bomb-ass kebabs.

                                            >Well, didn't know they were bomb-ass, yet.

                                            >She only offered you some kebabs and of course you took some, since her establishment seemed a little sad to you.

                                            >Turns out it was dark because she ran out of oil for her lamp and didn't have time to go out to get more.

                                            >Goddamn were the kebabs good.

                                            >Like, I'm-buying-more-because-they're-so-good good.

                                            >Anyways, you ate your fill and had some small chat with the mare, who was very friendly and happy to serve "such a unique customer."

                                            >You honestly had to escape after she kept droning on about your oddities.

                                            >So now you're still walking through the bazaar, looking for what you came here for.

                                            >You take another look at the flier folded up in your pocket.

                                            >'MADAME BIZARRE: DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE NOW! LOCATED IN AL-BRIDLE BAZAAR IN SOUTH EAST ALLEY! ONLY 15 BITS!*'

                                            >'*only for the first future'

                                            >It would be nice if the flier was more specific.

                                            >You look around for another alley to dive into.

                                            >You spot one sandwiched between a lantern and clothing stall.

                                            >Immediately you are barraged by their sales attempts.

                                            >"Hello! Buy some lanterns?"

                                            >"Look here, very good clothes! You can wear this one!"

                                            >You just ignore them and try to get between all of their stuff which is practically blocking the alley.

                                            >You manage to get through, mainly thanks to your legs.

                                            >You continue down the alley, looking around, mainly at even more stalls filled with various goods.

                                            >Except for one.

                                            >You pass by a turquoise pony whose stall only consists of a two chairs and a table with a crystal ball.

                                            >She's fast asleep on her sofa chair, snoring pretty loudly.

                                            >Wrappers are scattered all over the floor.

                                            >You take a look at the washed out banner that hangs in the back.

                                            >'MADAME BIZARRE, FUTURE EXTRAORDINAIRE!'

                                            >Well, this must be it.

                                            >It's more...

                                            >It's not what you were expecting, honestly.

                                            >You're a little disappointed.

                                            >From the way your best friend described it, this place was bustling with extravagant decorations.

                                            >This is the complete opposite of that.

                                            >And goddamn did it take forever to find her.

                                            >Well, you're here now.

                                            >You approach the snoring pony.

                                            "Ahem."

                                            >"ZzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz..."

                                            "AHEM."

                                            >"ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzz..."

                                            >You walk up next to her and tap her forehead.

                                            "Hello?"

                                            >"zzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzz..."

                                            >You tap her a little harder.

                                            >And a few more times.

                                            >"ZZZZzzzzzzz..."

                                            >Fine.

                                            >You shake her a little.

                                            "Hello!"

                                            >"ZzZzZzZzZz- Zuh-? Uh?"

                                            "Hi, are you madame Bizarre?"

                                            >"Oh! Uh- yes, yes I am, prospecting customer! You're here for ~YOUUUUUR FUUUUTURE~, right?"

                                            "Yup. Wait, you don't sound like you're from here."

                                            >"Me? Pssssssssh. Naw, I'm from Canterlot."

                                            "What are you doing here then?"

                                            >Please be a good excuse.

                                            >You don't want to find out that you traveled all this way and spent hours combing through a bazaar when you could've done this in Canterlot.

                                            >"Aaaaaah, well I sort of uuuuuuhhh had to kinda leave, some ponies didn't like my work..."

                                            "That sucks."

                                            >"It does, but hey! I've got my own place here and business is a-booming!"

                                            >You could say the opposite.

                                            "That's good to hear."

                                            >"So! Take a seat over there, I'll get everything ready in a jiffy."

                                            >You do what you're told and plop down onto the chair.

                                            "You know, it was pretty hard to find this place."

                                            >She hops off her chair and walks over to open a very well hidden cabinet in the back.

                                            >"Huh? Oh! Right! I /did/ try to put specific instructions, buuuuuuut some ponies had some trouble trying to figure out 'the south east alley, that's not at the edge of the bazaar but around halfway between the sort of center and that one part of the bazaar that juts out, around 60 degrees, near the vendor who sells lanterns and the one that sells traditional clothes."

                                            "What."

                                            >"Yeeeeeaaaaaah, not exactly my best work, it's like ranked, like- uh, top 47th worst thing I've ever done."

                                            >She returns with two cups and a pitcher.

                                            >"Here, some refreshments. You're going to neeeeeeeed it!"

                                            >She pours out a clear liquid into both cups and gives you one.

                                            >You take it into hand and take a sip.

                                            >The water is cold and crisp.

                                            >You watch as Bizarre plops herself back into her seat and downs all of her water in one go.

                                            >"Mwah. You're gonna need that water, 'cause where we're going, there is none."

                                            >You take her advice and finish the glass.

                                            >"More?"

                                            "I'm good."

                                            >"Great! Now if you hoof me that so I can put it away."

                                            >You hand her the glass and she does what she said.

                                            >"O-kay! Time to get this show on the road! So, what's your name?"

                                            "Anon."

                                            >"Like, just 'Anon,' or is there more? Because I really need to know your full name for this to work."

                                            "Well, my full name is Anonymous, and that's all. Nothing else."

                                            >"Alrighty then!"

                                            >She starts to rub the crystal ball on the table.

                                            >"Hmm, what's your favorite color?"

                                            "My favorite color?"

                                            >"Yup!"

                                            "Red."

                                            >"Ooooo, aggressive."

                                            >You look into the crystal ball.

                                            >It's not really doing anything.

                                            >It's just...

                                            >It's just being rubbed.

                                            >She's not even looking at it.

                                            >"Ok, last question: how many bits are you carrying right now?"

                                            "How much is this going to cost?"

                                            >"Uhhhh, depends, really. How much do you have?"

                                            "Around a few hundred bits."

                                            >"M'kay. Sounds good to me!"

                                            >The pony reaches down underneath the table's cloth and pulls out a big book.

                                            >A book with a single huge FUCKING EYE ON IT!

                                            >"Woah! Calm down! It's harmless!"

                                            "Jesuschrist! Warn me before pulling that thing out!"

                                            >"Sorry! I just got a little excited, hehe. I forget customers aren't used to a big eyeball on a book."

                                            >She places the book down on the table and the eye immediately locks onto you.

                                            >You shift uncomfortably in your seat.

                                            >"Don't worry, it's harmless. (Mostly.)"

                                            "What was that at the end?"

                                            >She smiles and waves her hoof dismissively.

                                            >"Oh, nothing."

                                            >You're starting to get second thoughts on this.

                                            >"Ok, time to get this show on the road! Fortunomicom, I command you to seek a future for Anonymous! He also likes red!"

                                            >The book levitates itself into the air, the eye side facing towards you as it begins to open.

                                            >"Here we go! Stay where you are and stay calm!"

                                            >Inside are MORE fucking eyes.

                                            >Hundreds of them.

                                            >All staring at you.

                                            >The eyes dilate and the world is a bright red.

                                            >There is nothing else.

                                            >You can feel your throat tighten as the otherworldly starts to set in.

                                            >The sky starts to sear, turning brighter and brighter.

                                            >Oh god, pleasedon'tbeterriblepleasedon'tkillyoupleasedon'tpleasedon'tpleasedon'tpleasedon'tpleasedon't.

                                            >Then, you're on a boat.

                                            >A small boat.

                                            >The night sky is dazzling.

                                            >You see Bizarre in front of you, sporting a grin.

                                            >"Hey hey hey!"

                                            >You let out a breathe you didn't know you were holding.

                                            >"You alright there? You look like you saw void beast."

                                            "A-a what?"

                                            >"Ah, never mind. It's probably good you didn't see one."

                                            >She flashes you a bigger smile.

                                            >"Okay! So, since we're on the River of Dreams, let's take a gander at your ~FUUUUUUUUUUTUUUUUUURE!~"

                                            >She looks to something behind you.

                                            >"Conductor? Start the ride."

                                            >You turn and see a single oar on a raised post.

                                            >It suddenly hovers and starts rowing, moving the boat.

                                            >"Okay, Anon- can I call you Anon? You gave me that name first but also your full name and I'm like trying to decide-"

                                            "You can use Anon."

                                            >"-cool! Okay, Anon, let's start!"

                                            >She leans over the side of the boat and beckons you to do the same.

                                            >The "water" is a deep, rich blue, and it starts to shimmer with color.

                                            >It quickly forms an image.

                                            >...an image of you being executed at Canterlot Palace.

                                            >You flinch at Bizarre's sudden laughter.

                                            >She's in tears.

                                            >"Ohhhh, haha, a classic! Let's not check that one out, though."

                                            "Wait, why am I being executed?"

                                            >"Hehe, oh- do you really want to see why? It'll count as your first futureeeeee."

                                            >You grimace as the boat moves past the image.

                                            "Fine, I don't want to see."

                                            >More color starts to form into even more images.

                                            >"Be sure to check both sides of the boat! Futures appear everywhere!"

                                            >You nod in affirmation.

                                            >You keep looking on this side, and see an image of you surrounded by a mare and two fillies.

                                            >Looks pretty good.

                                            >"Interested in that one?"

                                            "A bit."

                                            >"Well, if you want to learn more, just dive right in."

                                            "Wait, I just go into the water?"

                                            >"Yup! Just make sure you aim for the future, don't try to land in the dark parts of the River."

                                            "What if I land in the dark part?"

                                            >Bizarre crosses her forelegs and pouts.

                                            >"Then I don't get paid."

                                            "Uhm, okay. But what happens to me?"

                                            >Bizarre's pout turns to an ominous grin.

                                            >"Oh, you don't want to know."

                                            >You elect to not ask any more.

                                            >You continue looking at the water.

                                            >More and more images start appearing in the water and further down.

                                            >You see one where you're on a boat.

                                            >The one you're currently on.

                                            >Bizarre apparently takes notice of this too.

                                            >"Aw, suh-weet! Let's jump into that one!"

                                            "What? I don't want to go into that one."

                                            >"I'll give you two free fuuuuuuutureeeeees."

                                            >She drives a hard bargain.

                                            "Ok, fine."

                                            >"Awesome!"

                                            >And like that she jumps into the image and disappears.

                                            >Leaving you alone.

                                            >Shit.

                                            >You stand up on the boat, which starts to rock.

                                            >You can do this.

                                            >Just hop over the side.

                                            >You take a deep breathe and walk over the side.

                                            >You hit the water with a crash.

                                            >Going past the water, you appear, floating above the boat.

                                            >It feels like you're suspended in water.

                                            >A non-ominously grinning Bizarre looks at you.

                                            >"Took you long enough."

                                            >She turns back to the boat.

                                            "Hey, you left me-!"

                                            >"Shhhhhhh! It's starting!"

                                            >"Hey, that future looks nice!"

                                            >Future Bizarre points towards an image that you can't make out from your floating spot.

                                            >"That does look pretty nice."

                                            >"...Are you not going to go check it out?"

                                            >"How much are you charging for each future?"

                                            >A coy smile appears on her, and present Bizarre's face.

                                            >"Not much. Don't be afraid! This is your future we're talking about! You can just pick one where you get rich if you think this is too much."

                                            >"Alright, let's go."

                                            >As you watch as future you starts to get up, the water suddenly blacks out.

                                            >"What the-?"

                                            >A red circle appears under the boat, and a thrumming starts to reverberate all around you.

                                            >"What's happening?"

                                            >"Darn. Hold this, Anon."

                                            >You see Bizarre hand you a stick.

                                            >Then, future Bizarre jumps off the boat and splashes into the dark water, barely missing the red circle.

                                            >Present Bizarre whoops.

                                            >"Aaand she's gone overboard! You go, mare!"

                                            >"Bizarre!? BIZARRE!"

                                            >You can see your future self panicking, and so does your current self.

                                            >Present Bizarre notices.

                                            >"Oh, hey hey hey! Calm down, Anon, this is just one future! It doesn't happen unless you select it."

                                            "But you abandoned me!"

                                            >"Okay, so maybe I abandoned you, in /this/ future. The future is endless, Anon! Anything can happen, you know? There might be one where I save you. Heck, maybe we'll see one where we make out on the boat or something."

                                            >You keep staring at the boat.

                                            >The red circle begins to grow as dark tendrils emerge from it.

                                            >Your future self starts to panic and jumps into the water.

                                            >Instead of disappearing like future Bizarre, you float in the red water.

                                            >The tendrils start to surround future you as your future self screams.

                                            >You can feel yourself being pulled up and as quickly as the feeling comes, you find yourself back on the boat.

                                            >You stare at Bizarre.

                                            >Bizarre smiles.

                                            >"We can stay for as long as you want, as long as you have the bits. We're shopping for your future, after all."