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Functional Dysfunction: Arc 2 By combatcomma

By Guest
Created: 2023-11-06 00:50:20
Expiry: Never
anontwilight sparkletrixiestarlight glimmer/rgre/reverse gender rolestimberwolftimberwolvescombatcomma

  1. Previous arc: NAkMQMqr
  2. ----------
  3. >You slide the next batch of cookies into the oven.
  4. >These were the peanut butter ones so you decided to do them last.
  5. >This way Trixie wouldn't be eating more as they came out of the oven.
  6. >She and Twilight had passed out in the tub, so you and Star had put them in the bed together.
  7. >This was absolutely necessary because once Trixie was out she would latch onto someone or something and would not let go.
  8. >Star went to do something most likely related to magic as you started baking cookies for the kids you traumatized.
  9. >You stare into the oven, watching the flames beneath the cooking sheet.
  10. >No fancy electric ovens here, but this was nice.
  11. >There was the fire keeping you warm and the cold seeping into your shoeless feet from the perpetually cold floor.
  12. >It struck a nice balance in the room.
  13. >You sigh and finally shut the oven.
  14. >That should be about...
  15. >Twelve minutes?
  16. >You'll check 'em in twelve.
  17. >You turn towards the nearest support pillar and start to climb it.
  18. >It sure was nice that this castle had so many hand holds in the walls.
  19. >It may be jagged crystal, but you could climb it if you knew how.
  20. >Once you're high enough, you look back towards the chandelier and find a pile of sticks on it with a few new green 'lights'.
  21. >It starts to shift a second before you jump, giving you a nice spot to land on.
  22. >The jump causes the fixture to swing, which the wolves immediately begin to counter by shifting their weight against the swing.
  23. >You sit down and press your back against the chain, the wood closing over your head a second later.
  24. >If someone actually bothered to look up, they'd see a shitty chandelier with some bone thing sticking out of the bottom.
  25. >Speaking of said bone thing, you take the glaive off and lay it down in your lap, the wood around you shifting around as needed.
  26. >The fingers on your left hand dance along the bone as the index finger of your right traces a particular groove within it.
  27. >Having this back moved something in you.
  28. >You move your fingers down towards the blunt end, where you try to scrape out a bit of dried blood from one of the grooves.
  29. >This was a pillar for you in many ways and...
  30. >Starlight's back.
  31. >You should get down from here.
  32. >Or you could stay right here and scare the crap out of her when you get a chance.
  33. >That sounds like more fun.
  34. >You grin and set the glaive off to the side as you wait for Star to enter the kitchen.
  35. >It doesn't take too long before the door swings open to reveal her.
  36. >You can just see her through small holes in the wood.
  37. >"Okay, I took care of...Anon? Where did he-ooh, cookies!"
  38. >She smiles and quickly walks across the room towards the batch of cookies, which were cooling by the closed window.
  39. >You grin to yourself and slip out of your nook and silently onto the ground once she passes you.
  40. >You stay close, but just out of panic kicking range for when you say hi.
  41. >Star reaches the counter and picks up one of the oatmeal raisin cookies, despite the chocolate chip ones being right next to them, and sinks her teeth into it.
  42. >Just as she sees your reflection in the window pane.
  43. "Watcha doing, Glimmy?"
  44. >She doesn't panic, but a very audible clack of her teeth can be heard before she turns to face you.
  45. >A hoof is placed in your chest as she looks up at you.
  46. >"I hate you."
  47. "Aw, I love you too, Glimmy."
  48. >"I think my heart stopped for a second."
  49. "Just from seeing my pretty face?"
  50. >She tosses the remainder of the cookie at you.
  51. >"Buck you!"
  52. "Later. I still need to finish the peanut butter ones."
  53. >She has one of her signature rage spasms before picking up the cookie off the ground.
  54. >"You're lucky you're cute...and a half decent cook."
  55. >You give her quick peck on the snoot as she finishes her cookie.
  56. "You'd love me anyways."
  57. >"That is debatable at best."
  58. >She stops and looks around the kitchen.
  59. >"So did you make anything for lunch or were you just going to make cookies all day?"
  60. "I made some lobster salads and tossed them in the fridge."
  61. >The lobster was left over from the other day and you didn't want it to go to waste.
  62. >Still felt weird to have leftover lobster.
  63. >Star gags.
  64. >"Guess I'm trying some more fish stuff."
  65. >You lean down and give her another quick kiss on the nose.
  66. "I kept your lobster in a side bowl if you didn't want to try it. That way you can just push it in Trixies direction and watch it disappear."
  67. >"Aw, you're so nice to me."
  68. "You know it, bitch."
  69. >"Oh, there's the normal you. So what should the three of us do after lunch? Do you-"
  70. >You put a hand up.
  71. "It's four now, remember? Or did you already forget that Twilight's in the herd now?"
  72. >She winces, but nods.
  73. >"I...actually kind of did. Speaking of Twilight, are you really not mad at her?"
  74. "Yeah, I mean, why should I be mad at her? She didn't mean for anyone to get hurt and I don't want to become some brooding asshole just because she told me the truth."
  75. >"Well that..."
  76. >She narrows her eyes and puts a hoof on you.
  77. >"Anon was never this rational. Who are you and what have you done with him?"
  78. >You smile and move a hand to scratch at her ear.
  79. "Yeah, yeah. And how often do you get all fussy over me like this, huh?"
  80. >She rolls her eyes but leans into your hand.
  81. >You scratch a bit more at her before pointing one of yours towards the door.
  82. >That sounds like both of them.
  83. >But Trixie shouldn't be up until the peanut butter cookies are done.
  84. >Unless...
  85. >You grab the hotpad and open the oven door.
  86. >Well shit.
  87. >Trixie knows your cooking better than you do.
  88. >You pull the cookie sheet out of the oven as the two enter the kitchen.
  89. >"Cookie?"
  90. >"Cookie."
  91. >You chuckle at the of bleary eyed pair who probably just got up from their nap.
  92. "Okay girls, I've got chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, and peanut butter cookies. Which one do you want?"
  93. >"Butter."
  94. >You're going to assume Trixie meant peanut butter while Twilight-
  95. >"Chocolate chip, please."
  96. >Just about what you expected.
  97. >You scoop one of the piping hot cookies of the tray before setting it on the counter.
  98. >Grabbing the chocolate one, you walk over to the pair as Star pulls out the salads for everyone.
  99. >She walks into the dining room as you crouch down in front of the two mares to offer their respective cookie.
  100. >Trixie uses all the grace you would expect.
  101. >Which is to say she simply slams her face into your hand and licks up the mess.
  102. >Twilight, on the other hand, takes a second.
  103. >Her nose starts working, sniffing at the cookie before she smiles.
  104. >"Thank you."
  105. >She starts to eat it out of your hand, leaving you to just wait until the two are finished.
  106. >Really?
  107. >You expected Trixie to do this, but why didn't Twilight use her magic to hold the cookie?
  108. >Well there's worse things you could be doing.
  109. >Plus their tongues kind of tickle.
  110. >Thankfully, Starlight has more food to distract them.
  111. >"Alright girls, Anon made salads if you're hungry."
  112. >Both mares give a quick couple of licks before turning to face her.
  113. >"Food?"
  114. >"Trixie demands food."
  115. >You smile and grab a dish towel to wipe the slobber off as the girls walk into the dining room.
  116. >You pick up Twilight as you go, making her squeek.
  117. >"I can walk!"
  118. "I'm sure you can but-"
  119. >You sit down, plopping her in your lap as you do so.
  120. "I don't care."
  121. >She grumbles for a moment before taking a second to look around.
  122. >There was food in front of her, Trixie to her right, Star to her left, and you beneath her.
  123. >Seeing all this, she settles down and picks up a fork Star had set on the table.
  124. >Star spears a bit of lobster from her side bowl and bites down on it.
  125. >She chews for a moment before shaking her head and pushes the bowl down the table.
  126. >"Still not my thing. Does anypony want this?"
  127. >Not even a full second passes before Trixies horn lights up to pull the lobster over.
  128. >She nearly dumps it before looking back at you and Twilight.
  129. >"Do you two want some?"
  130. >Twilight nods.
  131. >"Yes, please."
  132. "I'll take a little bit so long as you promise not to bite me for it."
  133. >Trixie nods and floats up half of the lobster, depositing the majority of it in your salad and giving Twilight-
  134. >A single piece.
  135. >Twi looks betweeen it and your bowl as Trixie dumps the remainder of the lobster into her bowl.
  136. >The scrunch is real as you pick up your bowl to dump some of the lobster onto her salad, chuckling all the while.
  137. "Don't get too upset. I'm surprised she even offered."
  138. >She says nothing, only grabbing your right arm as it passes by her head.
  139. >She runs a hoof down your forearm as she looks at it.
  140. >"Anon. What did this?"
  141. >You don't even need to look to see what she's talking about.
  142. "That was a tar gator. I tried to get a drink one day and he was all 'surprise, motherfucker'. I came back after I healed up, dug a ditch, and then poked him to get him to charge me. That one was about a ton and a half and ran faster than a choir boy trying to get away from his priest, so when he hit the ditch wall snout first, he just kind of crumpled in on himself."
  143. >Twilight stares at your arm, her hoof still tracing up and down it.
  144. >"I could have prevented this."
  145. >...
  146. >Oh god damnit.
  147. >BAP
  148. >She jumps as the fan makes contact, her eyes following it as you put it back in your pocket.
  149. "New rule. Any time one of you thinks I'm horribly damaged or in pain or whatever, you're getting bapped."
  150. >Starlight seems less than pleased by this.
  151. >"Anon, denial isn't-"
  152. >You silence her by sticking a piece of lobster on her horn before returning to Twilight.
  153. "Look, these aren't your fault. In fact, I got a good deal of them by being stupid. We've been around eachother for awhile now, so let's not get all whiny because you learned something new."
  154. >"But-"
  155. >BAP
  156. "No."
  157. >"Well I-"
  158. >BAPBAP
  159. "You saw me naked, like, an hour ago. Why didn't you fuss then?"
  160. >Twilight immediately stops and begins to turn red.
  161. >"Uh..."
  162. >Star looks very unamused as she turns to Twilight.
  163. >"You were distracted by his dick, weren't you?"
  164. >"NO!"
  165. >"That sounds like a yes to me."
  166. >Twilight turns even redder at Stars remark as Trixie snuggles into your side before beginning to eat.
  167. >You roll your eyes and pat Twilights back.
  168. "Relax, Twi. And thanks for the compliment. I didn't know my dick could turn ponies blind."
  169. >"Well it's just that...it's right at eye level."
  170. >You chuckle to yourself as Star shakes her head.
  171. >"No it's not. It's at mouth level."
  172. >You can't help but laugh as Twilight turns even redder.
  173. >"Oh...Ooohh, that-"
  174. "Hey, how about we change the subject so that you don't emberass yourself?"
  175. >"Right! That's a good idea. New subject..."
  176. >She rubs her chin as she looks between Trixie and Star.
  177. >"How about this? You haven't been here too long, but you seem to have adapted to pony society pretty well. How did you adapt so fast?"
  178. "Well I kind of had some help. I poked around your library and picked up some books about culture and body language."
  179. >You grab her ears and start to swivel them around.
  180. "I watched these flipper flappers for when someone was upset and would generally try and not do something that would get me stabbed."
  181. >Starlight snorts.
  182. >"Well what about when Discord used the mirror magic on me? I didn't have my ears then and you seemed to know what to do."
  183. "Well you're either angry or moody so you're pretty easy to handle."
  184. >"Buck you! I get horny too."
  185. "You're horny when you're breathing, Star."
  186. >"Well...nopony was ever going to stab you."
  187. "I know that-"
  188. >"Buuuttt."
  189. >The three of you look to Twilight as she shifts around in your lap.
  190. >"When you first showed up, Celestia gave me that book that mentioned the other humans and...I may have some plans written up for if you had tried to cause trouble."
  191. >She wriggles around as the two other mares turn to stare at her.
  192. >"I know it was wrong of me. That I should have just trusted a colt in need but Celestia talked to me about the other humans that-"
  193. >You can't help it.
  194. >You laugh.
  195. >The girls look between eachother, all rather confused as you hook a finger under your shirt and pull out your necklace.
  196. "Do you know why I never take this thing off? It's pretty much exactly because of this. I figured you had some kind of plan for me so I never wanted to be too far away from a weapon when I first got here. We were planning in circles around eachother like a couple of idiots, Twi."
  197. >She frowns and picks up the necklace by the biggest claw, something jagged and worn with time.
  198. >"So...you were planning on using this on me?"
  199. >Oh.
  200. >This is why you're not allowed to talk.
  201. >Shut up, Brain!
  202. "Uh, while we're on the subject of how long I've been here, Flutters found me at the start of summer, right?"
  203. >Twilight nods as she puts down the claw.
  204. >"Uh, yes. You spent just over two months...recuperating before Trixie returned from her trip and kicked off Pinkies party."
  205. >Trixie finally pulls her muzzle out of her bowl to do something that she loves even more than eating.
  206. >Talking.
  207. >"And this is why Trixie is the best."
  208. >Twilight rolls her eyes as you swallow a quick bite of your food.
  209. "And now it's October. I know I've been a bit of a shut in for awhile but-"
  210. >You point at Starlight.
  211. "I've only seen one birthday. Even for a town this small I would think there'd be more birthday parties, especially with Pinkie running around. What's with that?"
  212. >All three mares are completely motionless as you look between them.
  213. "What? Is this weird or..."
  214. >You trail off as Twilight looks over to Star.
  215. >"Did you not tell him?"
  216. >Star is quickly looking between you and Twi.
  217. >"W-well I thought he'd understand that since my birthday is just out of season....But I guess we need to give him the talk?"
  218. >"Well how did you, you know, first become intimate without understanding eachothers differences?"
  219. >Trixie taps Twi on the back, making her turn around.
  220. >"Trixie asked if Anonymous had a penis. He said yes. Trixie then asked if he wanted to put it to use."
  221. >You nod.
  222. "It was something like that, but a bit more romantic since Trix brought some flowers."
  223. >Trixie nods and returns to her lunch, leaving Twilight to rub her temples.
  224. >"I can't believe you two didn't-what were you going to do when estrus came around?"
  225. >Starlight shrugs.
  226. >"Well, it's still kind of early in the relationship so we'd probably use that funky tea that deals with the heat."
  227. >"Wouldn't want to have a foal out of herdlock."
  228. >Star happily nods at Trixies interjection.
  229. >"Yeah! We know what we're doing."
  230. >Her attempt at a grin fails miserably under Twilights glare.
  231. >Twi turns up to you, her left ear occasionally flicking.
  232. >"Do you mind waiting on the answer for that? It's a little complicated."
  233. >Touched on some weird stuff and probably just armed an emotional time bomb for Star, so FUCK!
  234. "Uh, yeah. I didn't think a single birthday would be weird."
  235. >"It's usually not but-"
  236. >Her eyes nearly pop out of her head as she puts a hoof on Star.
  237. >"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to go talking about it with you here-or at all really! Just-"
  238. >Star rolls her eyes as she snaps Twilights mouth shut with her magic.
  239. >"Twilight, you know how I feel about it."
  240. >"Mmmph-mmm-mmm."
  241. >"And you should know full well by now that I don't care."
  242. >"Mmm-mmph-mm-mmm!"
  243. >"Yeah, you're going to be like this for awhile aren't you? Okay Anon, I've got a question. Since you're...different, when is your birthday?"
  244. "Well it's..."
  245. >You put a hand up to your chin.
  246. >When is your birthday again?
  247. >Did you really forget that of all things?
  248. >The last time you celebrated it was-
  249. >Wait.
  250. >How old are you?
  251. >...
  252. >Fuck.
  253. >You pat Star on the head as you stare off into space.
  254. "L-let me get back to you on that one."
  255. >You pick up your salad and go to take a bite.
  256. >How long had it been?
  257. >You couldn't even properly track the years in that place since winter sometimes didn't happen near the Keep.
  258. >You jump as a hoof pokes your cheek.
  259. >"Trixie has a question to distract you from your growing existential dread."
  260. >You swat the hoof away and look over at Trix.
  261. "I don't-"
  262. >She places a hoof over your mouth and begins to shush you.
  263. >"Sh-sh-sh, it's okay. Trixie is here now. You can cry on her shoulder."
  264. >You not-so-gently push her hoof away.
  265. "Fuck you."
  266. >"Later. Trixie is still eating."
  267. "...Ask your fucking question before I fold you into a beach ball."
  268. >Trixie nods and finally pulls her hoof back.
  269. >"Trixie was just wondering if it is normal for humans eyes to be different."
  270. >Oh.
  271. >Oh fuck.
  272. >Okay don't panic just try to explain your stupid Naruto eye without-
  273. >Twilight spins around in your lap as she tries to get a better look.
  274. >"I never noticed that. They're the same color but they have differing structures."
  275. >Starlight wriggles over to take a look.
  276. >"Huh. I'm surprised I didn't notice that myself considering-hey!"
  277. >Starlight yelps as Trixie spins her around.
  278. >"You didn't notice? How could you not have seen his eyes? Do you rut or make love?"
  279. >"...What's the difference?"
  280. >Trixie growls as she locks her horn with Starlights.
  281. >"Look into Trixies eyes and tell her what you see."
  282. >"I see your eyes, you dyke. And why aren't you getting after Twilight? She didn't notice either."
  283. >"She wasn't looking at another herds stallion, as she shouldn't have. Now look into Trixies eyes and see the love she has for you! No homo!"
  284. >The two start to struggle, allowing you to breathe.
  285. >That is a story you did not want to tell.
  286. >Actually, why were you telling them any of that stuff?
  287. >You were telling these pastel ponies about stuff that would give Doom Guy a murder boner.
  288. >At least you never told any until-
  289. "Holy shit! It's Thursday."
  290. >All three mares stop to look at you, with Twilight being the first to speak.
  291. >"What's so special about that?"
  292. "This whole mess happened within a week. I acted like a little shit to the girls on Friday, the wolves showed up Sunday, and you left for Canterlot Tuesday and stayed there until today. I can't believe the week went by this fast."
  293. >Twilight blinks.
  294. >"Hm. I think I need to go check the wards."
  295. >She gets up just as Starlight teleports away from Trixie.
  296. >"I think I'm going to go make some new ones."
  297. >"Good idea. We'll be back here in a bit, you two."
  298. >And with that, the two teleport away, leaving you more than a little confused.
  299. "Well that was-Trixie! That's Starlights."
  300. >Trixie shrugs as she combines her own salad with Starlights.
  301. >"She left. That means it's fair game."
  302. ----------
  303. >THUD
  304. >THUD
  305. >THUD
  306. >Twilight does not look like a happy pony as you finish knocking on the school door.
  307. >"Is this absolutely necessary?"
  308. >You give your armor another once over, making sure every thing is in place before donning your helmet.
  309. >Trixie hands you the box after you're done with that and you swear you can see her chewing.
  310. >Why did you let her hold the cookies?
  311. "Nope."
  312. >She rolls her eyes just as the door swings open, making Star throw up some kind of cloaking spell for the trio.
  313. >Cheerilee barely looks at you before shaking her head.
  314. >"Nope."
  315. >She tries to slam the door in your face, making you chuckle.
  316. >Silly pony.
  317. >Puny pony doors can't stop the Anon train.
  318. >You grab the edge of the door and start to push back, listening to her hooves scrape against the wooden floor as you slowly make your way in.
  319. >Ducking through the door way, you look around, seeing many scared faces and one very angry one.
  320. >"Mr. Anonymous, if you don't-"
  321. "All of you stayed."
  322. >You begin to slowly walk towards the front of the room as Cheerilee growls at you.
  323. "You did not go searching for blood or glory as I once did. You are all smarter than I once was."
  324. >You place the box of cookies on Cheerilees desk and point to it.
  325. "As promised, cookies for those who stayed."
  326. >You look around the room, not one of the kids daring to move as you do so.
  327. "No one's allergic to peanut butter, right? There's some-"
  328. >"Out, out, OUT!"
  329. >You dodge back as Cheerilee starts to swing a broom at you.
  330. >"Get out of my school, Anonymous!"
  331. >The kids cheer as you charge for the exit, trying to avoid the broom as you go.
  332. >You barely make it out before the door slams shut behind you.
  333. >Twilight snorts as the camo spell drops.
  334. >"That was mean of her, and I absolutely plan on talking to her about the proper treatment of stallions, but did you really need to do that."
  335. >You shrug at the now visible princess and continue towards the castle.
  336. "Kind of, yeah. There's plenty of stuff in the forest that could eat something as small as them."
  337. >"Okay, but did you have to make a scene like that?"
  338. >You can hear Star groan, making you giggle little to yourself.
  339. >"That wasn't nearly as bad as last time. You should see the kokiri, Twilight."
  340. >You giggle a little bit more.
  341. "I've got a couple of those ready to go along with a deku tree now. Which is a real treat, Star."
  342. >"A deku tree? What the buck is that?"
  343. "Something I'm holding onto for emergencies or fun. Or maybe even efungencies. Fungencies? Eh, Pinkie's better at that than I am."
  344. >You can hear Starlight make general whining noises as Trixie picks up her pace to catch up with you.
  345. >"Will you make Starlight fight this one like she fought the kokiri?"
  346. >"I'm sorry. Why was Starlight fighting these 'kokiri'?"
  347. >You turn back to see Twilight having a little panic attack.
  348. "It was for educational purposes."
  349. >You're pretty sure you can hear Stars eye twitching.
  350. >"It's too early for this."
  351. "It's three in the afternoon."
  352. >"Happy Hour starts at five. Therefore, it is far too early for this."
  353. >You chuckle as you pull on the castle door.
  354. "I thought we were-"
  355. >"Oh! There you all are! Everything is going well, I assume?"
  356. >You stare at Celestia, the three mares around you trying to poke their heads past you to get a look at her.
  357. >She was currently sitting at a table with a full tea set and snacks laid out across it.
  358. >The issue with that being that there was never a table in the foyer.
  359. >Twilight wriggles past you to greet her as you hold back.
  360. "I sense...shenanigans."
  361. >Trixie nods in agreement.
  362. >"Shenanigans that we are on the receiving end of."
  363. "The worst kind of shenanigans."
  364. >"Shenanigans."
  365. "Shenanigans."
  366. >Twilight glares at the two of you.
  367. >"Will you two quit? Princess Celestia is here and you need to behave."
  368. >You put a finger up to your lips in a shushing motion.
  369. "Sssshhhhh-"
  370. >"Enanigans."
  371. >You give Trixie a thumbs up for her fantastic performance as Celestia waves you over.
  372. >"Come, come! Sit, have some tea, and tell me how your day is going."
  373. >You move to follow the princess' order, Twilight well ahead of you and the other two mares bringing up the rear.
  374. >You kneel at the table, Twilight on your right and Trixie directly to your left with Star next to her.
  375. >You pop your helmet off and set it on the table as Celestia begins pouring tea.
  376. >"Before we get started, may I ask why you are wearing that?"
  377. >She gestures to your armor, to which you simply shrug.
  378. "I was delivering cookies."
  379. >"In a full suit of armor?"
  380. "Yep."
  381. >"...Are there any left? I can't help but think they would be better than these."
  382. >She gestures to the boxed cookies sitting in the center of the table.
  383. "No. I dropped all of them off at the school."
  384. >"Well-"
  385. >"Trixie has a question! Why are you here?"
  386. >The stage magician immediately ducks after her outburst as half the tables contents go flying towards her head.
  387. >"Trixie! You can't just interrupt the princess!"
  388. >She glares at Twilight as she gets up off of the floor.
  389. >"Why not? Trixie interrupts you all the time."
  390. >"Well I'm not /the/ princess! You can't just-"
  391. >Her jaw snaps shut as Celestia clears her throat.
  392. >"Twilight. I'm sure you know why I'm here."
  393. >You can see Twi come to a full stop, and it takes a moment before the backup gerbil hops into its wheel.
  394. >"Oh! Let me just-"
  395. >SNAP
  396. >And she's gone.
  397. >You stand up and begin to work your right gauntlet off as you walk towards Celestia, who was shuffling her wings.
  398. >"I was going to ask her about-"
  399. "Boop."
  400. >The princess goes cross eyed as you place a finger on her nose.
  401. >She stares at it for a second before focusing on you.
  402. >"I'm sorry?"
  403. "Twi's going to be back in a second and she's going to flip when she sees me booping her royal highness' sunny snoot. The freak out will be hilarious."
  404. >Celestia puts a hoof up to her mouth and chuckles into it.
  405. >"Yes, I imagine it will be quite the sight."
  406. >She puts her hoof back down and looks up at you.
  407. >"But I did want to ask if she talked to you."
  408. "She did. I'm fine with it and I told her what I could about the other humans."
  409. >Her ears shoot up, and she stands at her full height a second later.
  410. >"I'm sure Twilight has some kind of report to give me, but if you could tell me anything about them, about that town, I would be eternally grateful."
  411. "I'll tell you what I can, but I couldn't pick everything out. I don't know if those humans...you know."
  412. >Celestia nods, her face revealing nothing.
  413. "I couldn't make out a lot, but I think something got through the wall by the pond. The houses and the wall near there were...off. But it looked like some patches were done, so they survived that at least."
  414. >She tilts her head to the side as she takes in your words.
  415. >"I'm sorry. A pond? The closest body of water to that town was a river. I don't remember a pond being there."
  416. "Well...then I guess something big made a hole and it was filled in with rain water. It was deep enough for me to swim in it, so something either hit pretty hard or dug from underneath."
  417. >You let your hand drop to your side, the little joke having lost its humor to you.
  418. "I can't really say what happened. Something big was probably there, and it looked like the people in the town survived it, but the wood was rotten, the walls mostly fallen. It's just too old to pick anything out."
  419. >She nods and in one smooth motion wraps her wings around you.
  420. >"I gave up trying to find answers centuries ago but...it is good to have something. Thank you, Anonymous."
  421. >Not sure what else to do, you settle on placing a hand on the back of her neck.
  422. >You wonder if-
  423. >SNAP
  424. >"Okay, here's absolutely /everything/ for-mmph!"
  425. >Twilight lets out a muffled yell as a blue glow envelopes her muzzle.
  426. >She glares at Starlight, who simply points at you and Celestia.
  427. >Twi calms down as you wait for Celestia to finish.
  428. >Her head was nestled under your chin, her ethereal mane tickling you as she finally sighs.
  429. >"Forgive this old mare, ladies and gentlecolt. This is simply something I never expected to get answers to, even if they are limited."
  430. "I could try going back there if-"
  431. >"No. Stay here where it's safe."
  432. >She lifts up a hoof and places it onto the heavy dragon scale covering your chest.
  433. >"There is no need to lose you, Anonymous."
  434. >You're actually pretty okay with that.
  435. >You'd be more than willing to help her, but you only know that the place is deeper in the forest than you like being.
  436. >And that was no place to be lost.
  437. >She finally pulls back, a small smile on her face.
  438. >"Besides, you have a new member in your herd. Or you will as soon as I get a hold of that paperwork."
  439. >Twilight slides the heavy stacks of paper across the table.
  440. >"How long do you think it will take to get this through the system?"
  441. >Celestia summons a stamp, picks up the stack of paper, gives it a slight bend, and finally lets the pages flip down, stamping every page as they go by.
  442. >With a snap of magic, the papers are gone and she smiles down at Twilight.
  443. >"About that long."
  444. "...So that's actually done?"
  445. >"Yes. There is now nothing keeping Twilight from joining your herd."
  446. "Huh. Can you actually skip all the bureaucracy like that?"
  447. >She nods as Twi tries to pick her jaw up off of the ground.
  448. >"I can, but I plan on-"
  449. >SNAP
  450. >"There you are!"
  451. >Celestia takes a few steps back as an angry looking white unicorn marches up to her.
  452. >"You can't just leave in the middle of day court to-are you having a tea party?! Do you have any idea the scene you caused for this?"
  453. >"Now, now, my little-"
  454. >"Don't you even start with the 'my little pony' bit. Get your flank back to Canterlot /now/."
  455. >Celestia huffs.
  456. >"Why can't you be more like my previous assistant, Raven?"
  457. >"That was my mother, and you only like her now because she's retired and can't get you to work. Now back. To. Canterlot."
  458. >The unicorn emphasizes each word by jabbing her horn into Celestias side, pushing her towards the door.
  459. >"Ow, fine. Just stop poking me."
  460. >Celestia smiles at you as she continues to try and dodge the unicorns assault.
  461. >"My apologies to all of you, but it would seem-"
  462. >BZZZT
  463. >She jumps as the unicorn hits her with lightning from her horn.
  464. >"OW! Don't-"
  465. >BZZZT
  466. >"OW! Fine, I'm going."
  467. >Celestia lights up her horn and with a flash of light leaves the angry unicorn poking at air.
  468. >She sighs and waves a glowing horn at the place the princess used to occupy before walking over to Twilight.
  469. >"Hello, Princess Twilight. It would seem she went back as I asked. Would it be too much trouble for you to send me back? I used up a bit too much energy getting here."
  470. >Twilight nods quickly, her horn lighting up to send the mare away without a word.
  471. >You point at the now empty space and look at Twi.
  472. "I'm surprised you didn't get after her for attacking Celestia."
  473. >She looks up at you and slowly shakes her head.
  474. >"I'd rather lose my magic for a day before I make Raven mad."
  475. "What exactly can she do to make you that scared of her?"
  476. >"She can revoke my access to the Canterlot archives."
  477. >...
  478. >You should have expected something like that.
  479. >She sighs and looks up at you.
  480. >"So...I guess I'm officially part of this herd?"
  481. >You look over at Star and Trix, who both nod.
  482. "I don't see why you wouldn't be."
  483. >She nods and stares off into space for a moment.
  484. >"Y-you have some kind of schedule for this, right? I just realized how fast this is moving and...I'm going to go and come up with a dating schedule for us."
  485. >Oh, this could get bad.
  486. >So this is what Spike was talking about when he said you should plan this out.
  487. >Too bad you had no idea what he was talking about.
  488. >You look at Starlight, who just shrugs as Trixie ate the snacks off of the ground.
  489. >Okay, you're on your own.
  490. >How do you redirect a nerd?
  491. >...
  492. >You lean down to Twilight and pick up her hoof with your right hand.
  493. "We already have a plan, Twilight."
  494. >"Oh, good! What-"
  495. "The plan is to not have a plan."
  496. >"...I don't like that plan."
  497. >She looks skeptical as you work your other glove off.
  498. >You lift her hoof up to her face as you pull a cup of tea over.
  499. "Let's say a drop of water, tea in this case, lands on your hoof. Which way is it going to go?"
  500. >She thinks about it for only a second before responding.
  501. >"At the current angle, it would head towards my fetlock."
  502. >You dip a finger into the tea, swish it around a bit, and then hold it over her hoof.
  503. >The tea drops at the side of her hoof, continuing to slide around the side as the two of you watch.
  504. "There's a thing humans have called chaos theory. This idea is that little details can effect big systems. Like with this tea, it's just too hard to predict with all the little details, like the small movements of our bodies, the air, or even the grooves in your hoof. We're going to apply this to our love lives in that stuff will happen and we, acting as the water, will roll with it."
  505. >She continues to watch the drop of tea as it slides onto the hand holding her hoof, a slight scrunch growing on her snoot.
  506. >"Chaos theory."
  507. >Starlight, who had walked up to Twilights right, nods in agreement.
  508. >"Yep. We don't organize anything and look how not angry I am right now. Besides, you can just think of it like the cycle."
  509. >Is Star actually going to try and make your bullshit work?
  510. >Because that would be great.
  511. >Also, what cycle?
  512. >Twilight smiles and pulls her hoof back, taking a napkin from the table to wipe her hoof clean.
  513. >"I think I can see that. I'd just have to find my place to complete it."
  514. >More magic horse stuff, but it seems like your nonsense worked.
  515. "You've already got a place in our herd, Twi."
  516. >You point between yourself and Trixie.
  517. "We have the murder hobo and the magic hobo that found a home together, both with questionable sanity."
  518. >"Trixie was never a hobo. Her home is just on those despicable wheels."
  519. >You nod at her before pointing over to Starlight.
  520. "There's the grumpy one with an oral fixation."
  521. >"I'm also working on becoming an alcoholic!"
  522. >You finally point to Twilight as Star pulls out a bottle of something in a flash of light.
  523. "And now we have the responsible one."
  524. >Twilight scrunches up.
  525. >"With all due respect, I can not possibly be responsible for all three of you."
  526. "That's never stopped you from trying before."
  527. >The scrunch momentarily intensifies before ceasing to be.
  528. >"True enough."
  529. ----------
  530. >You are Twilight Sparkle.
  531. >And you forgot something.
  532. >Something that Celestia personally asked you to look into.
  533. >You feel especially bad about it considering you handed her copies of your current reports, which would now be incomplete.
  534. >Thankfully, the rest of your herd agreed to help when you brought it up.
  535. >That's going to take some getting used to.
  536. >Your herd.
  537. >You breathe slowly out of your nose and look over to your herd sisters.
  538. >Anon had said only you were allowed to walk on your own hooves in the forest, which only rubbed your ego a little bit.
  539. >Starlight and Trixie were perched on the large wolfs back, the wolf leading the way as Trixie hummed to herself.
  540. >Anon was still in his armor, which you had no complaints about.
  541. >You didn't like asking him to come into a place this dangerous, but it made you feel better knowing that he had something on in case a monster appeared.
  542. >There was definitely something out here too, but whenever your group came close, you could just see the creatures scramble further into the darkness.
  543. >You were probably scaring off the smaller creatures, but here's hoping you weren't attracting something bigger.
  544. >Turning towards Anon, you decide to try asking again.
  545. "So what exactly is this blue harbor?"
  546. >"I keep telling ya, Twi. It's some magical flower."
  547. >You roll your eyes.
  548. >Again.
  549. "I doubt that some flower is going to be able to affect you with magic when neither I nor Starlight could."
  550. >Once again, Starlight snickers.
  551. >"Listen to this dork. Thinking magic is made up of facts and logic."
  552. >You point a wing at her and give a meaningful look.
  553. "Don't get me started, Starlight. We can go back to my library right now if you want to debate the basics again."
  554. >She simply rolls her eyes, ignoring your challenge once again.
  555. >This cycle of you asking a question to Starlight being...Starlight had gone on since they told you about this blue harbor.
  556. >"I'm just saying that you need to be ready, because when Anon messes with it, you're going to be knocked onto your flank."
  557. "And can we talk about that? You let your stallion mess around with something dangerous-no offense to you, Anon. You're free to make your own decisions."
  558. >Trixie takes off her hat and tips it.
  559. >"There. It may not be a sunhat, but it is now tipped."
  560. >You snort and carry on as Trixie puts her hat back on her head.
  561. "But you let him mess around with some unknown, magical object. Even if Anon is completely immune to magic, there are plenty of spells that can still hurt him. Spells that can soften the ground, cause explosive blowback, or even-"
  562. >"You've been thinking about this a bit, haven't you?"
  563. >You jump as Anon addresses you.
  564. "Well, I mean, I was just thinking about spells that I can't use around you and...I really wasn't trying to think of how to hurt you."
  565. >Your ears pin back despite Anons chuckling.
  566. >"So you were just obsessing over every detail, just like you do with everything else."
  567. "I don't get obsessed over every thing."
  568. >Anon looks at you, and you can just barely see the eyes set deep behind the small visor.
  569. >"Do you want to put that up for debate?"
  570. >You purse your lips.
  571. "Maybe later."
  572. >He chuckles as Trixie stands up on Jims back.
  573. >"Ah, here we are."
  574. >Your ears snap up and you pick up the pace, using magic to push aside bushes for Anon and yourself as Jim simply marches through the mess.
  575. >Anon gives you a happy nod as he walks through the bushes before you follow yourself.
  576. >Walking into the clearing, you see-
  577. "Alright, very funny. Poison joke has healing properties, yeah right. Where are the flowers that we're actually looking for?"
  578. >You look up at Anon who was...staring at a bush?
  579. "Anon? Is something wrong?"
  580. >He doesn't answer you, choosing instead to turn his head towards the other mares.
  581. >"You two get off of Jim. Now."
  582. >You look over to your herd sisters, who were carefully trying to get off Jim as he growled at the shadows.
  583. >Alright.
  584. >This is either cause for concern or a prank.
  585. >You choose concern and light up your horn, keeping an ear towards Starlight and Trixie as you watch where Anon is looking.
  586. "Can you see something out there."
  587. >Once again, you don't receive an answer as Trixie and Starlight walk up to you, the wolves shattering apart before taking their place next to Anon.
  588. >He snaps and points to the ground, ordering them to sit down.
  589. >The wolves obey, but you could still hear a low rumble of a growl coming from some of them.
  590. >Starlights horn was lit and ready to fire as she trotted up to Anons right.
  591. >"This better not be some kind of prank, Anon."
  592. >"It's not. Let's call it an old friend."
  593. >Anon puts his left hand over his right arm and starts to drum a beat on his armor.
  594. "What are you-"
  595. >Before you can finish, a noise comes from the forest in a mimicry of Anons song.
  596. >Without a word, Anon steps forward, tossing his glaive into the poison joke before banging on his chest.
  597. >You follow after him, keeping close as a wooden rod shoots out of the bushes to land next to Anons weapon.
  598. >The clearing was humming with the magic you and Starlight were gathering.
  599. >The bushes shake for a moment before as-
  600. "What the hay is that?!"
  601. >You stumble back as the skull of some alligator like creature emerges from the brush, the body following after it looking like a horrid mish-mash of parts that had no reason being together.
  602. >It crawled forward on two rotten, yet powerful legs, it's rear end looking more fish or snake like.
  603. >Skin was almost non-existent on its corroded, black flesh.
  604. >Green smoke billowed from its maw as it hissed at Anon.
  605. "You call that thing a friend?"
  606. >Anon simply points past the abomination as the bushes start to rustle again.
  607. >Oh, great.
  608. >What else is out there?
  609. >You watch as...
  610. >A bush comes out of the bush?
  611. >The only discerning feature on the grassy creature was the face, which was a deep blue with a spiraling feature coming from each eye.
  612. >Anon crouches down and gestures at you.
  613. >"I call that one the oogie boogie bush and the big one vape nation. They're kind of-"
  614. >"You can talk?!"
  615. >You all collectively freeze as the bush yells.
  616. >It takes a moment for Anon to respond.
  617. >"Yes? I guess you can too?"
  618. >"But of course, I am no simple horse!"
  619. >Wait.
  620. "Zecora?!"
  621. >A hoof goes up and Zecora removes the mask.
  622. >She shakes her mane out before looking at you.
  623. >"Yes, my friend. Did this beast, you apprehend?"
  624. "Wha-no! We're not arresting Anon, he's the stallion of our herd."
  625. >Zecora stares at you for a moment, her eyes slowly traveling across the two other ponies and the human.
  626. >Finally, she shakes her head and trots forward to retrieve her staff.
  627. >"This I can not deny, you three have bigger teats than I."
  628. >You're not sure how to take that but-
  629. "I have a couple of questions, but my first has to be what is that thing?"
  630. >She takes the staff and bops the beast over the head, leaving only the skull as its body disappears in a puff of green smoke.
  631. >"It is a creature I conjure, for when I need to enter lands of danger."
  632. >Anon stares as Zecora places the skull on her back.
  633. >"You can just turn that fucker off?"
  634. >You light up your horn and gently turn Anon to face you.
  635. "Second question. How do you two know eachother?"
  636. >Anon points upwards and does a circular motion with a finger.
  637. >"After I lost my pack, I ran from the deeper parts of the forest. And that's when, uh, we found eachother."
  638. >Zecora snorts and waves her staff at him.
  639. >"You came looking for dinner, but fought like a beginner."
  640. >Anon stands up and slams his fists into his chest again.
  641. >"You wanna say that like someone without brain damage?"
  642. >You throw a shield up between the two before they can take things too far.
  643. "Okay, let me ask again. How did you two meet?"
  644. >Zecora shoves a hoof at Anon and looks at you.
  645. >"This beast of the woods was trying to turn me into baked goods!"
  646. >"...Twi, I'm seriously having trouble understanding her."
  647. "She's saying you tried to eat her."
  648. >"Oh, that is so not true! I was just following you when you set the tree on fire."
  649. >"And for what reason would you follow, that which you do not know?"
  650. >"...Because reasons."
  651. >You put a hoof up to your face as you try to process everything.
  652. "Okay, so let me get this straight. Zecora tried to set you on fire-"
  653. >"And for good reason, else I would have been well seasoned."
  654. >"Bullshit, I didn't have any seasoning!"
  655. >You ignore that remark and step in between the two.
  656. "Ignoring that for the moment, didn't you see her use tools like her staff, Anon? Did you ever see him using any, Zecora? Surely that would have suggested some higher level of intelligence and that you didn't need to use violence."
  657. >Anon shrugs and points at the inert golem on Zecoras back.
  658. >"For the most part, she'd just sic vape nation on me. But even then, I've seen other stuff use tools...kind of. That usually just means it's smarter and needs to be killed harder."
  659. >Zecora nods.
  660. >"With him I agree, kindness here is a luxury."
  661. >You put the hoof up to your face again.
  662. >One of your friends was attacking your stallion who, in turn, was trying to eat her.
  663. >Where do you even start with this?
  664. "Did neither of you speak during...how long have you known eachother."
  665. >Anon takes off his helmet, garnering some attention from Zecora.
  666. >"So you are not but bone, simply your knowledge well honed. Just over a year, I have known this creature queer."
  667. >"...You calling me gay?"
  668. >You place a hoof on Anons knee and look back at Zecora.
  669. "So you two have been trying to kill eachother for over a year, and not once did either of you speak?"
  670. >Zecora shakes her head.
  671. >"Only thrice did we fight, the remainder of the time we were relatively polite."
  672. >"I'mma say right now, you deserved it the second time. That was my kill."
  673. >Zecora marches forward and taps her staff against your shield.
  674. >"Had it not been for me, you would have been torn in three."
  675. >"All you did was some bullshit to tie its legs together. After that, you just sat back and watched me rip it a new one. You didn't even get vape nation to do anything!"
  676. "So you two hunted together too? Wait, why do you hunt, Zecora? You don't eat the things out here, do you?"
  677. >"There are some potions that require, flesh from a creature dire."
  678. >Note to self.
  679. >Never take another one of Zecoras potions.
  680. >The three of you are stopped by Trixie calling out.
  681. >"Trixie just wants to state that she does not like this forest and any stories that may be associated to it."
  682. >That's something you two can agree on.
  683. >You look over at Trixie and see her nestled into Bobs belly, while Starlight was resting against Bo the same way.
  684. >The remainder of the wolves were now either missing, lounging, or licking the dirt.
  685. >You really need to ask if Hendrix was okay but-
  686. >"Like those flowers. Those flowers are too ridiculous for even Trixie."
  687. >Your head snaps back to Zecora as the shield between the two would be combatants drops.
  688. "Zecora! You stepped in the poison joke!"
  689. >Zecora looks down at her hooves, which were concealed by her bushy disguise, before nodding.
  690. >"This is a place of peace, which the joke serves to police."
  691. "B-but now you have to craft the antidote for it."
  692. >She tilts her head to the side, giving you a quizzical look.
  693. >"Do you think I need to rhyme all the time?"
  694. >You stop.
  695. >You stop so bucking hard, you're pretty sure you stopped being alive for a second.
  696. "You've been affected by poison joke since I met you?!"
  697. >"In a way, but there is no need to neigh."
  698. "I just-why-graaaaAAAAGGGHHHH!"
  699. >Anon looks over towards Trixie and Starlight.
  700. >"You two want to bet on if she blows?"
  701. >Starlight scoffs.
  702. >"I'm not putting bits down against that."
  703. >A blue hoof shoots up as you try to get yourself under control.
  704. >"Trixie will. She knows that Twilight knows that nothing can be learned from a crater."
  705. "We have learned /so/ much from craters! Shut your mouth, Trixie!"
  706. >You sigh and look back at Zecora.
  707. "But she's right."
  708. >"Trixie takes payment in-"
  709. >BZZZT
  710. >"OW!"
  711. >You release the magic from your horn, noting Trixie giving you the stink eye before continuing.
  712. "Please tell me why you never told me you were afflicted with the poison joke."
  713. >Zecora simply shrugs.
  714. >"I believed my warning to be sufficiently alarming."
  715. "Wha-you just spoke in rhyme. That just made you seem more mysterious and spooky."
  716. >"I suppose I could have been clearer with that."
  717. >...
  718. >This is why you like math.
  719. >Math always has definitive answers that are fixed and unchanging.
  720. "Do you, or do you not need to speak in rhyme?"
  721. >Zecora chuckles, and you can't help but feel annoyed.
  722. >"Long ago, when I was a foal, I took pride in my song, but that would not last long. For I found a flower of ubiquitous power, that many feared and more thought weird. A touch was all it took, to change my outlook. Overnight my songs were broken, and there were rhymes in every sentence spoken. I followed the flowers across the world, to see if this mystery I could unfurl. At last I found the cure, but by then...I found peace. What happened when you touched the poison joke, Twilight?"
  723. >You narrow your eyes at the zebra, having some idea where she's going with this.
  724. "I couldn't use magic. Something that I would practically say is a part of me."
  725. >She nods, a small smile on her face.
  726. >"Had you not used the cure I made, your ailment would have ended without aid. So long as you had accepted the change, instead of making an exchange."
  727. "So why didn't you make me go through your...pilgrimage like you did?"
  728. >She puts her hooves up in a shrug.
  729. >"Be it friend or foe, I do not know. It could still have harmful properties, that need to be eased. Not to mention, I earned some goodwill through my action."
  730. >Well...
  731. >At least you were helping Zecora make friends by losing your magic for a bit.
  732. >Anon walks over to Zecora, stopping at the edge of the poison joke before crouching down.
  733. >"So you're telling me that these flowers will...make you really bad at something you really enjoy."
  734. >Zecora shrugs again.
  735. >"It is hard to say, what skill will decay, but for the most part, that's a start. I have seen you with the poison, is there some skill it has made you shun?"
  736. >Anon slowly works his gloves off, setting them to the side as he looks at Zecora.
  737. >"Yeah."
  738. >Your brow works up and you try to get a look at Anons face.
  739. "Anon?"
  740. >He ignores you and points at Zecora.
  741. >"But that's not much of an issue. What is an issue is that I tried to eat a person. Do you hold any grudges against me?"
  742. >Zecora looks him up and down before nodding.
  743. >"Too many beasts have we slayed, underneath this leafy shade. I need not prattle, I have no issue calling you a sister of battle."
  744. >"If you can talk normally, why do you rhyme and stuff?"
  745. >She playfully shoves against his chest plate.
  746. >"Try spending ten years speaking in rhyme. You will not easily change back, even with time."
  747. >She extends a hoof, which Anon happily takes.
  748. >Hooray friendship?
  749. >"So...you seen anything with any meat on its bones?"
  750. >...
  751. >You pick up Starlight and Trixie and drag them over to you.
  752. "So Anon just found out something that tried to kill him, and that he tried to kill and eat, is sapient. And now he wants to go on a hunt with her."
  753. >Trixie nods.
  754. >"Yes, it's terrible. Can't you use your status to lock her up?"
  755. >You slowly push Trixie away as Starlight chuckles.
  756. >"Maybe the poison joke messes with ponies heads. Oh, speaking of. Anon, show Twilight how that stuff works!"
  757. >Anon whips his head around to give Starlight a smile.
  758. >"Aw, shit. I almost forgot!"
  759. >He reaches into the patch of poison joke to grab his weapon and stabs it into the ground next to him before facing you.
  760. >"Okay, I know World Star Yoda is okay, but which of the three of you is squeamish?"
  761. >You narrow your eyes at Anon.
  762. "I'd say I'm fine, but why do you ask?"
  763. >Starlight nods as you set her down.
  764. >"I'm fine too."
  765. >"Trixie is just going to prepare for something horrible, because that's what this place is."
  766. >Anon shrugs, grabs his right arm with his left hand and-
  767. >POP
  768. >Oh, hello lunch.
  769. >It's nice to taste you again.
  770. >You work to keep your meal down as Anon swings his arm around, which was bent at an angle you are ninety percent it shouldn't bend.
  771. >"FUCKING...Forgot how much this shit hurt. This stuff doesn't act up unless I'm hurt, so I found a way to dislocate my elbow. The flowers acting up would send almost anything scrambling so it was really handy. You ready to-oh. Star's out."
  772. >You look over and see that, yes, Starlight had fainted.
  773. >...
  774. >What a cock.
  775. >Trixie removes a hoof from her mouth and points at Anon.
  776. >"Please fix your arm. Please, please, please, Trixie does not enjoy looking at that."
  777. >Anon chuckles before looking over at you.
  778. >"There's a lot of magicky stuff, so use your magicky stuff to record it or whatever."
  779. >You shake your head.
  780. "Anon, please. You don't need-"
  781. >You don't get to finish that sentence.
  782. >How could you?
  783. >The poison joke was erupting with light as a surge of raw mana exploded from where Anon was touching it.
  784. >Currents of wind and magic rush past you as the light coalesces around the hand touching the flowers before traveling up it.
  785. >The light gathers at his elbow and seemingly molds the flesh and bone into its proper shape.
  786. >Anon works the arm for a moment before waving at you.
  787. >"So how was that for a magic trick?"
  788. >No.
  789. >You point at Anon.
  790. "No."
  791. >You point at the poison joke.
  792. "No."
  793. >You point a wing at Trixie and a hoof at Starlight.
  794. "No."
  795. >Finally, you point at Zecora.
  796. "No."
  797. >You turn around and begin to head back towards Ponyville.
  798. "If any of you need me, I'm going to be in my library."
  799. ----------
  800. >This is horse apples.
  801. >Absolute horse apples.
  802. >You have a copy of nearly every book in Equestria and there's only one that mentions poison joke.
  803. >And it said /nothing/ about it having healing properties.
  804. >There was just the one page about how it had some annoying side effects that changed based on the pony.
  805. >The only other detail of note was that it could be found anywhere and everywhere, which made this obnoxious blue flower the only plant to grow in the dragon lands.
  806. >It was maddening enough that you ended up building a book fort, something you used to do as a filly when you were especially frustrated about something.
  807. >The current fort was two stories with an unusable first floor, some minor furnishing, and a cannon made of books that could be used as a reading stand.
  808. >You used to make these as a filly because you believed that the fort would simultaneously protect you and teach you things through osmosis.
  809. >Then you finally learned how osmosis worked and had your little heart broken.
  810. >At least until you tried to change how it worked.
  811. >You spent about three months trying to make a book-to-brain osmosis spell and failed horribly.
  812. >Actually, you're smart enough now to try making that spell again.
  813. >Maybe you should-
  814. >CLICK
  815. >Your ears snap up and your head follows shortly after, allowing you to look through one of the arrow slits in the fort walls as Starlight whistles.
  816. >"Sweet Celestia. I thought the other libraries had been robbed, I didn't think I'd find a whole house made out of books."
  817. "It's not a house, it's a fort."
  818. >Starlight and Trixie jump at your retort.
  819. >The former leans forward and looks your fort up and down.
  820. >"Twilight? How do we get in there?"
  821. >You focus on the pair, charging your horn and teleporting them into the fort.
  822. >Starlight takes it better than Trixie, who stumbles a little once the pair land on the pillow next to you.
  823. >"Gagh! Warn Trixie next time you try to do that!"
  824. "Sorry. And sorry that I left all of you out there, that was just-where's Anon?"
  825. >Both of the mares grimace, making you stand up.
  826. "What happened? Did he-"
  827. >"Relax, relax."
  828. >Starlight puts a hoof on your withers to try and get you to sit down.
  829. >"He's fine, it's just that the stallions finally caught up to him."
  830. "Oh. For the thing at the school?"
  831. >"Yup."
  832. "...How many stallions were there?"
  833. >"A lot. I think there were even some out of towners in the horde."
  834. >You grimace, but nod all the same.
  835. "Well...at least he's safe. Is that why it took you so long to get back?"
  836. >Trixie snorts from her pillow.
  837. >"Well first we had to wake up the little colt."
  838. >Starlight growls and lights up her horn, to which you grab it with your own magic.
  839. "Starlight, Trixie is your herd sister. There's no reason to use violence against her."
  840. >"You shocked her next to the poison joke!"
  841. "That may be true, but right now we are in Fort Knowledge. And Fort Knowledge is made of books. My books. And if you two start fighting, you could damage one of them."
  842. >You let Starlight reflect on your words as you release her horn.
  843. >She looks over at Trixie, who simply sticks her tongue out.
  844. >You tug on her ear with a spell, making her whine, before returning to Starlight.
  845. "So I guess Zecora had something to wake you up?"
  846. >"It did a bit more than wake me up, but yeah."
  847. >Her tongue flicks out as she scrunches up.
  848. >"I'm pretty sure I can taste the color orange now. It kind of tastes like grapes. Anyways, after Zecora got me moving, she and Anon just sat down and talked things out. Stuff they did together, times they tried to kill eachother, and stuff they killed together. Which is...something. The two got along really well which is-"
  849. "Good, considering their newfound history."
  850. >"Yeah, let's just call it good."
  851. >You sigh and get off your own pillow, tucking your legs underneath yourself so that you can sit on the book tiled floor.
  852. "How do I approach this? Where do I even start with this? The two of them...officially, I should be sending both of them to a dungeon for assault at the very least. An insane asylum would probably be a better fit but...how are you two not upset about this?"
  853. >The pair look at eachother for a moment before Trixie simply shrugs.
  854. >"Trixie has a wide range of emotions that she currently does not care to deal with, but as for now, she simply accepts that this is her life."
  855. "...What?"
  856. >Starlight clears her throat and points at herself.
  857. >"Twilight, do you remember when we first met?"
  858. "Of course. You were in that town doing some...not so great things."
  859. >She nods and makes a grand sweeping gesture.
  860. >"And then you destroyed my vision for that town, I went crazier than a bat pony, did some /very/ bad things, and now I'm a student counselor. This is what life is like for mares like us. We don't get to have calm, relaxing lives. We get stuffed in a pressure cooker of insanity and sometimes the lord of chaos comes over to check out a book..."
  861. "Are you-"
  862. >She waves a hoof.
  863. >"Sorry, I was just expecting Discord to show up to try and check out a book when I said that...guess he's not coming. Anyway, how was your day, Twilight?"
  864. >You scoff.
  865. "You know exactly how may day was."
  866. >She nods with a grin all too wide.
  867. >"Yeah, I do. That's not even counting the fact that you used to be a unicorn once. How crazy was the day you became an alicorn?"
  868. "That actually wasn't a very bad day."
  869. >It takes a second for the truth of that statement to hit you.
  870. >You press your face against the cool books of the floor.
  871. "I want my life to be normal again."
  872. >"Be honest with me Twi, could you even stand going back to doing nothing?"
  873. "I could certainly try."
  874. >You sigh and wrap your wings over your head.
  875. "I can't help but shake the feeling that this is some kind of ancient evil that I'm going to have to defeat. As soon as I saw those flowers light up, I immediately thought I had to go and get the girls so we could prepare for whatever this is."
  876. >"You thought of that after the calm part, right?"
  877. >...
  878. >You pull a wing off your face to look at Trixie.
  879. "What calm part?"
  880. >"The part where the poison joke lights up and makes you calm."
  881. >You pull your other wing off of your face and stare at Trixie, who starts to fidget under your gaze.
  882. >"Y-you felt that too, right? Was Trixie the only one that felt that?"
  883. >Starlight nods.
  884. >"I felt that the first time he activated it. It was...like snuggling up next to a fire in the middle of winter."
  885. >"Trixie was reminded of that feeling she gets when a crowd cheers. It makes her feel warm and...cared about."
  886. >"Aw, Trix. I care about you."
  887. >"I-I know. It's just a good feeling is all."
  888. >"You know what else is a good feeling?"
  889. >Trixie shifts around for a moment, having trouble meeting her herd sisters gaze.
  890. >"What?"
  891. >"Snuggling with one of your herd sisters."
  892. >Trixie blushes as her herd sister starts nuzzling against her neck.
  893. >"Come here and-Twilight? What are you doing?"
  894. >You were currently busy taking notes, as well as pressing a test disc against each of your herd sisters foreheads, just under their horns.
  895. "These discs will turn red if either of you are under the effects of mind control and-"
  896. >"You got those because of me, didn't you?"
  897. >You stare at Starlight.
  898. >She stares at you.
  899. >You snap back to Trixie as her disc turns red, noting no change in Starlights detector.
  900. "I'll answer that question later. Right now, Trixie is being mind controlled, possibly by the poison joke, and I'm going to-"
  901. >Starlight sighs and places a hoof on you.
  902. >"That-that's probably mine, Twilight."
  903. >Trixie snorts and puts a hoof on Starlights muzzle.
  904. >"What did you do?"
  905. >"...Not too much?"
  906. >"Trixie will ask once more before using her hooves, what did you do?"
  907. >Starlight looks between you and Trixie before shuffling back a few inches, a small shield popping up around her once she stops.
  908. >"Something that's easy to fix."
  909. >Starlight lets out a nervous laugh as Trixie glares at her.
  910. >"Then fix it."
  911. >"But things are better this way."
  912. "Starlight."
  913. >She looks over to you, and between the two glaring mares quickly drops the shield before undoing the spell.
  914. >Trixie looks around, slowly rubbing her head.
  915. >"Nothing feels different. What was the spell supposed to do?"
  916. >"It kept you from setting off fireworks indoors."
  917. >Oh.
  918. >You place a hoof on Starlight and put the remaining detector disc on Trixie.
  919. "That...was not the worst use of that kind of spell, but that is still unethical."
  920. >"It is also incredibly rude! Trixie only set off fireworks in your room twice."
  921. >"You set my sheets on fire!"
  922. >"Well-"
  923. >"And how many fireworks did you set off in the entire castle?"
  924. >"Not too-"
  925. >"Counting individual rockets, not just fuses lit."
  926. >You nod at Trixie, taking the disc off of her and giving the still white device a good once over.
  927. "You're lucky the walls here regrow, otherwise I would have made you pay for the damage. Okay, so neither of you are being mind controlled, but there was definitely an element of the reaction that affected your minds...that I was immune to."
  928. >You light up your horn and books from the walls, ceiling, and floor start to shift around, some moving towards you while others move to fill newly made structural weaknesses.
  929. "Starlight, no offense, but this is kind of your field. Does this ring any bells?"
  930. >She starts to rub her chin as she thinks.
  931. >"First thought? This could be something similar to a Will of the Speaker ritual. Something that tries to superimpose the main casters will over anypony in range and will also increase the strength of those effected to become as strong as the caster. One of the issues with the ritual is that anypony stronger than the caster simply...ignores it. Since you're an alicorn, that could be what's happening. We'd have to ask Zecora if it effects her but..."
  932. >She drifts off, staring at the corner of a wall made entirely of architectural books.
  933. >You nod and procure some writing materials.
  934. "Okay. I'll send a letter to Celestia tonight, get a message to the girls to keep an eye out, and tell Anon to stay away from the poison joke since he seems to be some kind of catalyst for it."
  935. >You sigh and close the series of open books around you.
  936. "I'll learn what I can and then I'll...just leave it be, I guess. I don't really like it, but right now the best course of action is to simply prepare and hope this is just something weird about the poison joke."
  937. >You flop onto your side and look over to the other two mares.
  938. "Unless you two have some idea on how to deal with this."
  939. >Trixie shrugs, but Starlight puts a hoof up.
  940. >"Are you really going to sit back when something like this is practically on your front step?"
  941. "Zecora was nearly turned into a tree because of another tree in that forest. This could just be a case of Everfree flora being Everfree flora."
  942. >"Huh, it's weird to see you not freaking out about something."
  943. >She rubs her chin for a moment before throwing a hoof up again.
  944. >"Well if we're done with that, then I have something else for you to talk about."
  945. "And what's that?"
  946. >Starlight picks you up with her magic and sets you down between herself and Trixie.
  947. >"You and Trix are in a herd together and the most you know about eachother is how hard the other hits. Why don't you two talk a bit about stuff you like?"
  948. >That's...a good point.
  949. >How do you start talking about this kind of thing?
  950. >You look over at Trixie.
  951. "Um. I like books?"
  952. >"Trixie is aware of this."
  953. "..."
  954. >"..."
  955. >Starlight rolls her eyes and throws a leg over your back to shove Trixie.
  956. >"Tell her what you like, Trix."
  957. >"Well-"
  958. >"Something both of you like."
  959. >Trixie scrunches up momentarily before shifting around against you.
  960. >"Well there are a couple of things...but both of you must promise not to tease Trixie about it!"
  961. >"I promise not to tease you about it outside of the bedroom."
  962. >You scrunch up as you turn towards Starlight.
  963. "Starlight, that's-"
  964. >"No, that's fair."
  965. >You scrunch up a bit more as you look back at Trixie, who was avoiding both your gaze and Starlights.
  966. >"Trixie...is a fan of Starswirl the Bearded."
  967. >You look at Trixies hat and cloak and find answers to questions you didn't have.
  968. "And you're emberrassed about that?"
  969. >She shifts around a bit more before settling down.
  970. >"Well Trixie was just teased a lot for liking Starswirl as a foal. She didn't want her herd to tease her too."
  971. "You mean tease you outside of the bedroom?"
  972. >"Of course."
  973. "...Alright. Well did you meet Starswirl when he returned?"
  974. >Trixie blinks, slowly tilting her head to the side as she takes in your words.
  975. >"W-what do you mean he returned? Returned from where?"
  976. "He was stuck in limbo for the last thousand years. Did Starlight not tell you this? She was there when we freed him and the other Pillars."
  977. >Trixie doesn't say a word, simply glaring over your back at a shrugging Starlight.
  978. >"How was I supposed to know you liked the colt? Besides, if you'd read a newspaper you would have known he was back."
  979. >"You know full well Trixies opinions on newspapers! And why did you never tell her you did something of such significance?!"
  980. >"You always get whiny when I tell you about the stuff I do. You're always like 'Trixie is the only hero ponies need' or 'Trixies stories are better'."
  981. >"Well this is different!"
  982. >"Then I'll be sure to tell you the next time I meet some thousand year old stallion."
  983. >Trixie lets out a low growl before looking back at you.
  984. >"Do you know where he is now?"
  985. "Not really. He wanted to travel, so there's no telling where he went."
  986. >She sighs and nods.
  987. >"That's just as well. A stallion like him should not have chains to bind him...There is one other thing Trixie can think of that the two of us may both like."
  988. "What's that?"
  989. >She shifts around a bit more before working up the nerve to face you.
  990. >"Have you ever played Ogres and Oubliettes?"
  991. >You reel back, almost shocked.
  992. "Y-you play?"
  993. >"Trixie sees it as a good way to flex her story telling muscles. It helps improve her shows and helps her come up with the stories to tell. Sadly, there aren't many players on the road, so Trixie always had to play all the characters as well as the dungeon master by herself."
  994. >That's kind of sad but-
  995. "Is that how you came up with that story of you defeating the Ursa Major?"
  996. >"Yes."
  997. >...
  998. >Well, at least she's honest about it.
  999. "You know, I remember Anon trying to join in on Discords game, but he couldn't because things got really weird. As in too weird for even Discord. Do you think Anon would be willing to play a standard version of the game?"
  1000. >Trixies tail starts to flick back and forth with excitement.
  1001. >"I don't see why we couldn't ask him. What do you think, Starlight?"
  1002. >The two of you look over to Starlight, who was chugging down a bottle of something.
  1003. >You scowl and give the bottle a twist as you try to get it away from her without spilling the drink.
  1004. "Hey! No food or drink in the library!"
  1005. >She waves a hoof and hoofs over the bottles cap, which you quickly screw on.
  1006. >"Sorry, just trying to drink my regrets away. I didn't realize I was dating two massive dorks."
  1007. ----------
  1008. >You are Anon.
  1009. >And-wait a second.
  1010. >Something's wrong here.
  1011. >Is it?
  1012. >No, you're just nervous.
  1013. >Which isn't too surprising considering the current scene isn't quite right.
  1014. >You're used to walking among a smiling sea of rainbow colored ponies.
  1015. >Right now though, the rainbow was angry.
  1016. >It wasn't exactly a big crowd, considering it was made exclusively of the few males of the town, but it was still sizeable.
  1017. >Part of you wanted to laugh because the sight was almost comical.
  1018. >But the rational part of you kept your damn mouth shut.
  1019. >Any mare that caught sight of the horde of stallions would immediately turn tail and all but run in the other direction.
  1020. >Discord was floating over your shoulder, still in his ghostly form and grinning like an idiot as half of your wolves tried to attack him, the other half keeping a wary eye on him.
  1021. >At the front of the mob was Spike, who looked amused by your plight, and Big Mac.
  1022. >You raise a hand at the pair and wave.
  1023. "Hey, guys. How're you-"
  1024. >"Anon."
  1025. >Huh.
  1026. >So Big Mac can say other stuff.
  1027. >...
  1028. >Is this where you die?
  1029. >Mac shifts the stalk of grass to the other side of his mouth and steps forward.
  1030. >"Ah imagine you know why we're here."
  1031. "...You're planning a bake sale?"
  1032. >Your hands shoot up as half the crowd steps forward.
  1033. "Sorry, sorry! Snark is a defense mechanism. Uh, you're here because of the thing at the school, right?"
  1034. >Mac nods as the crowd slowly takes its former position.
  1035. >"That was right cruel a'ya, Anon."
  1036. >At this, the crowd starts to speak up.
  1037. >"Yeah!"
  1038. >"You're a menace!"
  1039. >"Why are you wearing that mess of an outfit? It looks fit for Nightmare Night!"
  1040. >Mac puts a hoof up to calm down the crowd.
  1041. >"Ya 'member my sister, Anon? Ya remember Applebloom?"
  1042. "Uh, kinda?"
  1043. >He nods and starts to pace in front of the crowd.
  1044. >"She's scared'a trees now, Anon. D'ya know where she lives?"
  1045. "...On a farm?"
  1046. >He stops, looking you up and down as if you were the biggest idiot on the planet.
  1047. >"An orchard. She lives on a farm fer trees, Anon. And now she's scared of them because of you."
  1048. >The crowd was getting riled up again, but Big Mac once again gained their attention before they could do anything.
  1049. >"I have ta walk her in and out of the orchard 'cause she's scared that one'a them trees is gonna get her. I'm right furious 'bout what ya did."
  1050. >He shifts the stalk of grass back to the other side of his mouth as he looks over the crowd.
  1051. >Once settled, he looks back up at you.
  1052. >"But ya did the right thing."
  1053. >Chaos breaks out among the crowd and Mac starts yelling to get the mobs attention as Discord floats downward.
  1054. >"I absolutely adore this town. I can not think of anywhere else on this plane that is this much fun."
  1055. >You watch Mac bellow over the crowd before turning over to Discord.
  1056. "Is gathering a lynch mob for a talking down to normal around here?"
  1057. >"Oh, absolutely. This is something that developed in the early days of Equestria. As it would turn out, if a good portion of the towns stallions turn on an individual mare, she's much more likely to listen than if it were just one of them."
  1058. >You look over at Discord, who was watching the crowd finally settle down.
  1059. "I didn't think you'd actually know about this."
  1060. >"Of course I would. I make a point of learning how things are built, how they came to be. Afterall, it's much easier to tear something down if you know how it's made."
  1061. "That's way too-"
  1062. >You wave a hand at him.
  1063. "Rational for you."
  1064. >"Are you saying I should go get my collection of sporks?"
  1065. >You turn back to Big Mac as he clears his throat.
  1066. >"As Ah was sayin' those foals love to poke their noses into exactly the things they shouldn't. And livin' that close to the forest, I've seen some of the things that would be all too happy if they did just that. I know for a fact that Applebloom has been too close to plenty of that forests ugliness. Shoot, mah sister does her best, but sometimes even I have to go out and help her fend off things like those."
  1067. >He points to your wolves, who were still growling at and trying to attack Discord.
  1068. >You turn as someone clears their throat, your eyes landing on Mr. Cake.
  1069. >"On that note Mr. Anonymous, I have to ask, are they safe? They won't go, uh, tracking down our foals, will they?"
  1070. >You put a hand up as some loose mumbling roams through the crowd.
  1071. "No! They don't-they won't just do that."
  1072. >"Are you sure?"
  1073. "Well...mostly. But they definitely won't hurt anyone with me around. Just treat them like a normal dog and they'll be nice."
  1074. >The crowd certainly doesn't seem happy about that response as Big Mac steps forward again.
  1075. >"Keep 'em in line, Anon. As for the foals, they need to understand they can't go poking around where they shouldn't be. Ya may have been harsh about it, ya may have been cruel about it, but I'm willin' ta bet those foals ain't gonna forget the lesson they needed to learn."
  1076. "So...are we good?"
  1077. >He shakes his head.
  1078. >"There's a field trip planned for the foals, but they don't quite have the money. You're going to help us make treats for Nightmare Night so we can earn enough bits for them to go."
  1079. >You nod.
  1080. "Uh, sure. Just let me know when."
  1081. >He nods, first to you and then to the crowd, who grumble as they disperse.
  1082. >Well that wasn't so-
  1083. >You jump as Discord ruffles the shirt underneath your armor.
  1084. >"Looks like you were right, my boy. They were planning a bake sale."
  1085. >...
  1086. >You're a fucking psychic.
  1087. >You look face Mac as he and Spike walk up to you.
  1088. "So, are we good now?"
  1089. >"Nope."
  1090. "Uh, will we be good after the bake sale?"
  1091. >"Eyup."
  1092. "That's the most you've talked in a while, isn't it?"
  1093. >"Eyup."
  1094. >You take your helmet off and look at your little gathering.
  1095. "I really am sorry, but Cheerilee said they were talking about it, and while I initially thought of doing something reasonable, things just kind of-"
  1096. >Spike chuckles as he pats at your leg plate.
  1097. >"Don't worry, Anon. We all know what happens when you get involved."
  1098. >...
  1099. "Well fuck you too."
  1100. >He chuckles a bit more as Discord rolls his eyes.
  1101. >"Yes yes, this is getting boring now. Can we get going?"
  1102. >You look up at Discord, confused.
  1103. "Going where?"
  1104. >"Bowling, of course. Did you forget already?"
  1105. >You blink.
  1106. >Holy shit, you completely forgot it was guys night.
  1107. >But this is Twilights first day in the herd.
  1108. >It'd also be good to change into something besides monster plate armor.
  1109. "Actually, I need to-"
  1110. >You're interrupted by Spike nudging the back of your leg.
  1111. >"You two go ahead and get a lane. Anon and I have something to talk about."
  1112. "But I-"
  1113. >"Oh, and get me some cheese fries too. It was a long day at the school."
  1114. >Big Mac nods and starts to walk away, Discord in tow as some of the wolves continue to try and attack him.
  1115. >You pull your glaive off of your back and impale Bob who yelps, more in confusion than pain, and gather the attention of the other wolves.
  1116. >You turn to Spike as Bo tries to free his brother.
  1117. "Hey, sorry Spike, but I gotta-"
  1118. >"Did you see what I just did there, Anon?"
  1119. >You look at the small purple dragon as he returns a simple, almost annoyed look.
  1120. "You told them you wanted cheese fries?"
  1121. >He pinches the bridge of his nose and slowly breathes out.
  1122. >"Thicker than-I was saying that I wanted to talk with you alone. In a subtle way. You know what subtlety is, right?"
  1123. "Oh, don't you start with that proper stallion bullshit."
  1124. >Spike puts his claws up, trying to gesticulate something before simply giving up.
  1125. >"I wanted to talk about Twilight with you."
  1126. "Well that's cool because-"
  1127. >"She's back, I know."
  1128. >...
  1129. >Your train of thought hurt itself in its confusion.
  1130. "How did you that?"
  1131. >"Do you think Twilight is the only one Celestia sends letters to?"
  1132. >You take a step back from the small dragon.
  1133. "Maybe? Why would she be writing you letters about that?"
  1134. >"Do you want the short explanation or the long one?"
  1135. "I'm kind of confused right now, so I'll take the short one."
  1136. >He rolls his eyes and starts to follow after Discord and Big Mac.
  1137. >You follow after him, ripping the glaive out of the ground with Bob still attached and sling him over your shoulder.
  1138. >"The short version is that Celestia owed Twilights mom a favor. Getting Twilight into a herd was her way of paying it off. She sent me a letter to make sure things went smoothly between the four of you."
  1139. "Excuse me? Doesn't that horse move the fucking sun? How big is the set of balls on Twilights mom that she got Celestia to owe her a favor?"
  1140. >He shrugs.
  1141. >"I don't know the story, I just know that the one thing Velvet asked from Celestia was to get Twilight into a herd."
  1142. "Is Twilight really so hopeless that she needed the help of a sun god to get a date."
  1143. >"She's...not that bad, but she certainly needed some help. Thankfully, you see things a little differently than the average stallion."
  1144. "As in I'm not a prissy bitch?"
  1145. >"Eh, pretty much. She's a nice mare, she just..."
  1146. "Is she really that bad by pony standards? Sure, she's kind of dorky, but she's dorky in a cute way."
  1147. >Spike puts a claw up to his chin and shakes his head.
  1148. >"No. No, it's just at this point she has a reputation."
  1149. "What kind of reputation?"
  1150. >He sighs and looks around, checking to see if anyone was nearby.
  1151. >Seeing no one, he looks back at you.
  1152. >"Have you heard of the Twilight Zone?"
  1153. >You tilt your head to the side, giving Spike a dubious look.
  1154. "I have, but I'm willing to bet it's not the same thing. What's the pony Twilight Zone?"
  1155. >He sighs again and puts a claw up to his face.
  1156. >"You know what the friendzone is, right?"
  1157. >You can't say you like where this is going, but nod all the same.
  1158. >"With Twilight being the princess of friendship, the friendzone was renamed to the Twilight Zone. Once the paparazzi found out she'd never been on a date before, the name stuck."
  1159. "That's...pretty harsh for a bunch of cute little ponies."
  1160. >"Yeah, well, the ones who came up with it certainly weren't cute."
  1161. >The two of you walk in silence for a while.
  1162. >You guess it's good to know that the tabloids here aren't too different from the ones on Earth.
  1163. "So Celestia was trying to get Twi a date. And I'm guessing you had some hand in helping?"
  1164. >Spike nods his head.
  1165. >"Yeah, I'd just hang around anypony that got near her. She was able to weed some of the gold diggers out by herself, but some of the colts were a bit smarter. Although they'd still talk a bit more with me since I was another colt, so I tossed them out if they weren't the right one for Twilight. After she became a princess though-"
  1166. >You put a hand up.
  1167. "Whoa, hold up. What do you mean after she became a princess? Wasn't she born into royalty? Or is that different here?"
  1168. >Spike stumbles, nearly tripping over his own feet before turning to face you.
  1169. >He opens his mouth to say something just before extending one of his wings, flexing it in front of his face before folding it back.
  1170. >"I guess I can't entirely blame her for forgetting to mention that."
  1171. >You frown as he turns and keeps walking.
  1172. >Is he not going to give you an answer?
  1173. >You move to follow just as Bo bites into Bob, making the load on your back just a bit heavier.
  1174. "So I'm the lucky guy that got past you, huh?"
  1175. >Spike chuckles.
  1176. >"The three of you are just the right blend of crazy. Starlight is...well she's Starlight, but what really bothers Twilight about her is her ideas and theories on magic. Trixie is just as smug and proud as Twilight and I'm willing to bet those two mares will be locking horns by the end of the week. And then there's you, the ringleader of this madness."
  1177. "How is any of that good for her?"
  1178. >"Because she's just as crazy as any of you."
  1179. >You stop, watching the little shit of a dragon keep walking.
  1180. >You shake your head, picking up your feet just as Dean latches onto the growing ball of wolf over your shoulder.
  1181. >Looking back, you note how the ball of teeth and timber would make a half decent hammer.
  1182. "So what? You're some kind of gatekeeper for her?"
  1183. >"Yep. She's the closest thing I have to family. I'm not going to let some gold digger come up and trot all over her."
  1184. >Oh.
  1185. >You keep forgetting he doesn't have any real family.
  1186. >It would make sense for him to be protective of Twi.
  1187. "So are you saying you don't think I'm a gold digger?"
  1188. >He gives you a sideways look and slowly shakes his head.
  1189. >"You don't actually ask for anything. Well except for, and I'm quoting you here, a bloody carcass fit for a dead god. Why do you have to yell for that everytime we cook?"
  1190. "The blood god needs his blood, bro."
  1191. >"Yeah, sure. Look, you want my honest opinion of you?"
  1192. "Of course."
  1193. >"I think you're nuts. But so long as you're there for Twilight, I don't care."
  1194. "I'd say that's accurate and fair. You really care about her, don't you?"
  1195. >He looks up at you as another one of the wolves, probably Hendrix, latches onto Bob.
  1196. >"Anon I...kind of see her as my mom. I know you won't intentionally hurt her and that things you do things a bit differently in your herd, but please, please be good to her."
  1197. "Spike-"
  1198. >You stop and turn to face the small dragon, who mimics you a second later.
  1199. "You know what I'm like. Who I am. I may run my mouth a bit too much sometimes, but at the end of the day? We both know I'll take care of her just like I've taken care of the other two. And if I don't, you're free to kick me in the head."
  1200. >He rolls his eyes before continuing forward.
  1201. >"You say that like I wouldn't have done it anyways."
  1202. ----------
  1203. >That was some bullshit.
  1204. >Some serious fucking bullshit.
  1205. >Over half of your shots were gutter balls.
  1206. >Discord said he wasn't doing anything...
  1207. >In between bouts of laughing like an idiot.
  1208. >And then there's the fact that every ball he rolled was a strike.
  1209. >Except for the one where the pins started to run away from his ball, but still.
  1210. >Guess that's what you get for inviting Discord to...anything really.
  1211. >He had wandered back with Big Mac when everyone decided they were done, leaving you and Spike to head back to the castle.
  1212. >Said dragon was describing some...unique therapeutic methods.
  1213. >"It's great, trust me. I just lay on the table while Lotus takes a belt sander to my face. After she's done, my scales shine like Celestias sun and I feel like a newly hatched dragon."
  1214. "That's...something."
  1215. >He smiles to himself as you push the castle door open.
  1216. >You look around the entry way, wondering where the girls could be.
  1217. >Well, no reason to waste time.
  1218. >You look down and place a hand over Hendrix's muzzle.
  1219. >His leafy ears twitch as he looks up at you.
  1220. "Hey. Find Twilight, boy."
  1221. >He stares up at you, happily wagging his tail as his eyes go dark.
  1222. >The fuck is this?
  1223. >His whole body pulses with light as his eyes return to normal, yanking his muzzle out of your hand and making his way towards the stairs.
  1224. >The fuck is this?!
  1225. >He's not even trying to follow a scent, he's just running along.
  1226. >You pat yourself down, making sure your helmet and gauntlets were still hooked to your belt.
  1227. >Spike follows after him, completely oblivious of the fuckery you had just seen.
  1228. >"Wow, being able to track down Twilight like this is nice. If he doesn't get distracted, that is."
  1229. "Yeah."
  1230. >You do a short jog to close the distance, the remainder of the wolves following after as you keep an eye on Hendrix.
  1231. >It's...probably nothing.
  1232. >They are magic wood dogs afterall and you've seen them do weirder stuff.
  1233. >Hendrix hits the top of the stairs and goes straight, following the gentle curve of the hallway.
  1234. >You keep close as-
  1235. >"Nonners?"
  1236. >Your head whips back at the familiar voice.
  1237. "Pinkie?"
  1238. >"Nonners!"
  1239. >You barely get a chance to react as Pinkie rockets out of the door she was poking her head out of.
  1240. >She tries to do the usual grapple hug, but finds a bit of difficulty with the spiked armor you were wearing.
  1241. >"Ow, ow, OW! You're too spikey for hugs. Take it off."
  1242. "What?"
  1243. >"You heard me. Strip!"
  1244. >"PINKIE!"
  1245. >Before you can process what Pinkie just said, she is dragged back to the door she came from, wrapped in a blue glow as Rarity berates her.
  1246. >"What in Equestria makes you think it's okay to say such a thing to a stallion?!"
  1247. >Pinkie whines.
  1248. >"I was just asking him to get naked so I could hug him. What's wrong with hugs?"
  1249. >"...I legitimately don't know if you are trying to play a prank on me and that bothers me."
  1250. >You look back at Hendrix, who was nearly around the corner, and start following him.
  1251. "Well, uh, you guys go ahead and keep doing whatever. I'm looking for my girls."
  1252. >"What? No way, I want out of this boring stuff!"
  1253. >You dodge Rainbow as she zips by your head.
  1254. >"Do you know how long we've been stuck here, Anon? The boredom is killing me!"
  1255. >You pick up your pace, trying to keep up with Hendrix as Rainbow circled over head.
  1256. "Yeah, you mind me asking what you girls were doing here?"
  1257. >You look to your right as Applejack settles in to a pace matching yours.
  1258. >"We were gradin' homework here since you fellers were havin' some time to yourselves. I'm guessing that ended early tonight?"
  1259. >How is there homework for friendship?
  1260. >That's retarded.
  1261. "Yeah, Discord was having a bit too much fun so we called it quits."
  1262. >"Mhmm, that colt doesn't mind causing trouble."
  1263. >You look to your left as a quiet whisper of wings slips up next to you.
  1264. >Fluttershy looks at you, her brow furrowed as she whispers to you.
  1265. >"Is something wrong?"
  1266. >This fucking horse.
  1267. >Nice as can be and can read you like a book for some fucking reason.
  1268. >You lean over and whisper back.
  1269. "I don't know. I just asked Hendrix to do something and he...started acting weird."
  1270. >"Do you think he's okay?"
  1271. "Maybe."
  1272. >She hums to herself as Rainbow starts speaking again.
  1273. >"I didn't even know that Starlight and Trixie were in here. Hey, what do you think of playing a game of...can you even play buck ball? Well how about we just go for a swim?"
  1274. >Rarity scoffs.
  1275. >"Rainbow, it is far too chilly to go swimming."
  1276. >"Only for a dyke like you."
  1277. >"Darling, call me that one more time and I will stuff you into something that will have the whole town calling you that."
  1278. >"You'd have to-"
  1279. >You tune out the bickering as Hendrix latches onto a door handle.
  1280. >He wriggles it around for a moment, giving you time to catch up before he finally manages to open it.
  1281. >You slip through the open door after him, watching him slink up on an absurdly large bookfort.
  1282. >Deciding this has gone on long enough, you reach down and grab Hendrix by the bramble of his neck, holding him out at arms length.
  1283. >He looks at you, the usual happy look on his face and no signs of the previous oddness.
  1284. >Okay.
  1285. >What was that?
  1286. >You keep your eyes on him as Spike rubs his chin.
  1287. >"I haven't seen her make a fort in awhile. Something must be bothering her."
  1288. >"Bothering who, darling?"
  1289. >He looks over at Rarity before turning back to the fort.
  1290. >"Hey, Twilight! Are you in there?!"
  1291. >You hear some surprised yelling and scrambling before a face appears in one of the forts windows.
  1292. >"Spike, is that-OH! Everypony's here. This is great!"
  1293. >SNAP
  1294. >Twilight appears in front of your group, holding about twelve different lists.
  1295. >"I need to talk to all of you about-oomph!"
  1296. >Twilight goes rolling back as Pinkie hits her with one of her signature tackle hugs, her various lists dropping to the ground as she loses her focus.
  1297. >"You're back! When did you get back? Why didn't you tell me you were coming back so I could throw a welcome back to Ponyville party?"
  1298. >"Twilight, dear, it is good to see you back. I must say I'm almost as surprised as Pinkie. How was your trip?"
  1299. >Twi grunts, trying to shove Pinkie away so that she could address Rarity.
  1300. >"It was-mmph-better and worse than I expected, but that's not important right now. I need to-"
  1301. >"Why weren't we the first ones you came to see? C'mon sis, I expected better from you."
  1302. >Twilight glares at Rainbow as you toss Hendrix at Bob and Bo.
  1303. "She had to come see me first because I had to fill out that villain reformation paperwork."
  1304. >You look around the shocked and confused ponies and the one dragon who now seems to despise your very existence.
  1305. >Looking up at the fort, you see a bemused Trixie watching the scene play out as Spike holds out a claw to you.
  1306. >"Can you not try to use at least a little bit of tact? Are you allergic to it or something?"
  1307. "Nah, I'm just really bad at it."
  1308. >You point to Rarity.
  1309. "Apparently, Darling Day was bad enough to get me qualified as a villain. So now that there's a herd of all ex-villains or whatever, Twilight can join ours because horse laws are horse shit."
  1310. >Rarity shakes her head.
  1311. >"I have...not that many complaints about that. Did Twilight happen to tell you anything else when she brought this up?"
  1312. >Oh.
  1313. >You could have some fun with this.
  1314. >Play the innocent victim that knew nothing and was being-
  1315. >Your eyes land on Fluttershy, who looked more than a little concerned.
  1316. >...
  1317. >You're not a monster.
  1318. >You can't make her cry.
  1319. >You sigh to yourself and nod.
  1320. "Yep. Twi told me everything."
  1321. >Applejack puts a hoof up.
  1322. >"Did she-"
  1323. "Yes. So help me, I'll start wearing a sign around my neck if I have to explain my feelings on this again. I'm more upset that none of you just came out and said anything."
  1324. >Rainbow throws her hooves up.
  1325. >"I wanted to! I kept saying we should have, but Rarity and Twilight were all 'he's a delicate colt, think about his emotions'. I just wanted to be a sis for you, but noooo they wanted to be dumb. It drove me nuts!"
  1326. >Applejack takes her hat off and steps forward.
  1327. >"Anonymous, I've not been honest with you about this nonsense. Do you have it in your heart to forgive this mare?"
  1328. "Yes."
  1329. >"...What?"
  1330. "I'm going to make that sign and beat you with it."
  1331. >You roll your eyes and point over to your wolves.
  1332. "Some of those guys tried to kill me once and after that, they were the only things I could call friends. And none of you ever tried to hurt me, so what's the issue?"
  1333. >"Well they's just animals. They didn't know what they were doing. We did and we weren't treating you right."
  1334. "Well I fought with someone that was sentient and-"
  1335. >"Actually, sapient would be the correct term since-"
  1336. >Pinkie interrupts Twilights interruption by hugging her even tighter.
  1337. >"Shh, no science, only hugs."
  1338. "...but I'd say she's my friend. Wait, what was that zebras name?"
  1339. >Before she can respond, Applejacks eyes widen.
  1340. >"Zecora was hurtin' you? I knew she was a no good zig-"
  1341. >SNAP
  1342. >You look over at the grumpy Twilight, who had just teleported AJ away.
  1343. >"I keep telling her not to use that word."
  1344. "Where did you send her?"
  1345. >"The roof. The trot back will be long enough for her to cool off."
  1346. >Fluttershy taps at your leg.
  1347. >"Why were you and Zecora were fighting?"
  1348. "Eh, we had some territory and...food disagreements sometimes. But we ended up becoming kind of friends."
  1349. >"Well, that's nice. You should come with me the next time the two of us have tea."
  1350. >She smiles innocently as Rarity clears her throat.
  1351. >"So this whole nonsense just does not bother you in the slightest?"
  1352. "Nope."
  1353. >"None at all?"
  1354. "Nuh-uh. I appreciate the sentiment, but I would've preferred if all of you had just been honest with me about it."
  1355. >"As we should've!"
  1356. >Applejack comes stomping in through the open door, surprising Twilight.
  1357. >"I thought it would take you longer to get down here."
  1358. >"I'm not going to miss a chance to watch one of your busy-body plans blow up in your face. Ah knew we should'a been straight with him and look where your plan got us? One big ol' circle of stupid, Twi!"
  1359. >Twilight rolls her eyes.
  1360. >"Yes, I'm aware of that now, but can we get to the important issue?"
  1361. >"And what issue is that?"
  1362. >"A flower that-"
  1363. >"I'mma 'bout to put both of my back hooves in your face."
  1364. >Twilight rolls her eyes again before levitating Pinkie off of her.
  1365. >"Poison joke does a bit more than we realized."
  1366. >The room grows quiet as she finally gets to her hooves, setting Pinkie down next to her as Applejack snorts.
  1367. >"And how is that more important than this?"
  1368. >You reach over and pat her on the back.
  1369. "Easy, AJ. Just relax and think of apples."
  1370. >She sighs and looks up at you.
  1371. >"Ah'm sorry, Anon. It's just that lying to you for so long has been eating me up."
  1372. "Well if you've got anything else you want to tell me, you can say it right now."
  1373. >She purses her lips and presses her hat against her chest.
  1374. >"Well, if that's really how ya feel, I was the one that dumped the molasses in Pinkies party cannon on Darling Day."
  1375. "...Get the fuck out."
  1376. >"She is not leaving."
  1377. >Twilight lights up her horn and drags all of her friends closer as a scroll appears next to her.
  1378. >"None of you are until I can finally get my point across. Spike, send this scroll to the princess, please. Girls, the poison joke has some, possibly, mind control attributes when activated by a catalyst."
  1379. >Rainbow puts a hoof up as Spike sets the scroll aflame.
  1380. >"I understood most of that. What activates it though?"
  1381. >Twilight points a hoof at you.
  1382. >"By Anons personal account, the poison joke will only activate when he is injured. When he is hurt and touches it, the flowers release an absurd amount of raw magic and proceed to heal him. Trixie and Starlight also stated that it has some kind of effect on them during the process."
  1383. >Fluttershy taps at your leg.
  1384. >"So the blue harbor you told me about is poison joke?"
  1385. >You nod as Twilight keeps going.
  1386. >"I want all of you to keep your eyes peeled for trouble, anything out of the ordinary, keep an eye on the forest, and for the love of Celestia, don't wander in there alone until we're sure this is normal. Anon, do not, and I'm being serious here, do not mess with the poison joke again until we've figured out what's going on."
  1387. "Okay, but what if I just poked it all day instead?"
  1388. >She points a hoof at you.
  1389. >"So help me Anon, stallion or not, I will lock you up in the dungeon if I have to. We don't know what it is doing to you and I will not have my first colt friends mind be eaten by something from across the abyss."
  1390. "What is the-ooowww, Rarity, the fuck is wrong with you?"
  1391. >You step as away from the squealing Rarity as she goes higher and higher in pitch.
  1392. >She prances in place for a moment before looking over at Twilight.
  1393. >"Oh my goodness, I can't believe it took me this long to register that. You're in a herd now!"
  1394. >Twi blushes and shrinks in on herself as her other friends perk up.
  1395. >"Well, yes, but that's not as important as-"
  1396. >"Nonsense! We can deal with poison joke, this is much more important. Oh, were you planning on doing a weaving? I can get you the supplies, free of charge, of course."
  1397. >Twi gets a far off look as her blush deepens.
  1398. >"A-a weaving? I didn't even think of...Anon, would you mind doing a weaving?"
  1399. "What's that?"
  1400. >Twi and Rarity stare at you, both wearing a similar expression of disbelief.
  1401. >Rarity leans over and speaks in a softer tone to Twilight.
  1402. >"I thought you were teaching him about pony culture and society and how-can-he-not-know-this-Twilight?!"
  1403. >Twi sputters as Rarity starts to shake her.
  1404. >"W-well when he entered a herd Starlight-wait."
  1405. >SNAP
  1406. >Twilight teleports her herdsisters next to her, Trixie stumbling momentarily as Star impacts with the floor, her mane in her face as she starts to move.
  1407. >"Ow, buck y-"
  1408. >"Don't give me that, you were supposed to teach Anon about-wait. Why weren't you at school today?! You were supposed to go back when you became a pony again."
  1409. >...
  1410. >Did Twilight really go the whole day without realizing Star was a pony?
  1411. >Before Star can respond, Spike puts a claw up.
  1412. >"That was my idea. I figured that Discord wouldn't be done with her that quickly, so I decided to extend her time off so when he does come for her, the chaos will be kept away from the school."
  1413. >Twilight stares at him before slowly nodding.
  1414. >"That's actually a good idea, Spike. I might have to make a change to the hoof-book."
  1415. >He nods as Star shifts her mane out of her face...
  1416. >You look at Trixie, who was grinning like an idiot and quietly stepping away from Star.
  1417. >You point at Star and her grin just grows wider.
  1418. >She must have been having fun with a sleeping Starlight while all of you were down here talking.
  1419. >Star rubs a hoof over the cheek which had the 'I'm a super lesbo' speech bubble on it and looks up at Twilight.
  1420. >The other cheek had a crudely drawn vagina on it and her horn had veins along its length, most likely in an attempt to make it look like a penis.
  1421. >"Twi, do we really have to do this now? I had to listen to you two geek out for an hour before...what? What's everypony laughing at?"
  1422. >You look around the room of ponies and the single dragon, all trying to contain their laughter and simply shake your head.
  1423. "Star, did you really fall asleep with Trixie next to you?"
  1424. >She looks down at her tuft, which seemed to have some kind of spell on it to make it look concaved.
  1425. >She shakes her head and begins to walk out of the room.
  1426. >"I hate you, Trix. I hate you."
  1427. ----------
  1428. >You are Starlight.
  1429. >And today is a new day of Twilight being Twilight.
  1430. >"But you need me there!"
  1431. >She was on her fourth cup of coffee, so she had more then enough energy to make a fuss.
  1432. >Spike rolls his eyes and continues to coat a bagel with cream cheese.
  1433. >"Things would run smoother with you there, yes, but right now we don't need you."
  1434. >"But-"
  1435. >"You made a deal with the demon ladies, Twilight. You set up three weeks of work for them, with provisions for three months and if you go back now, you won't get your worth out of that deal."
  1436. >He holds up his bagel, lightly singing the bottom of it with his flame as Twilight continues her protests.
  1437. >"Well I can't just sit here. I have a school to run, paperwork to go through for upcoming festivities, and-"
  1438. >"A herd to take care of."
  1439. >Her jaw snaps shut as Spike starts to head towards the door.
  1440. >"I'll let you handle the paperwork when you get to it, but the school is fine. Spend some time with your herd, set up something fun, or just talk about things. Enjoy yourself, Twilight. You need a break every now and then."
  1441. >He opens the door and looks over at you.
  1442. >"Keep her here or you'll be working overtime for the rest of next week."
  1443. >You slowly wrap a hoof over Twilights withers as she snorts.
  1444. >"Overtime pay is another piece of paperwork I'd have to fill out."
  1445. >Spike shrugs.
  1446. >"She's on paid leave, isn't she? We'll just count the bits we gave her for this and say she's been paid."
  1447. >You hold onto Twilight much tighter as the little demon leaves through the door.
  1448. >Buck that.
  1449. >Buck all of that.
  1450. >Just as the door closes behind him, the one to the kitchen opens, revealing Anon with a tray of food.
  1451. >"Hope you girls don't mind, but I cooked a little bit less today."
  1452. >"Trixie won't mind so long as she gets more food."
  1453. >You grab a napkin off the table and stuff it into the blue mares mouth as Anon starts laying out food.
  1454. "So you didn't want to cook as much, but you still made your biscuits? Aren't those more work than something like hay bacon?"
  1455. >He stares at you for a good three seconds before grabbing one of the biscuits.
  1456. >Before you can react, he skewers it on your horn, leaving crumbs to fall in your eyes as he fills plates for everypony.
  1457. "Ah, buck you! I was just-"
  1458. >Another biscuit is added to your horn before you can finish that sentence.
  1459. >"Each of you only get two."
  1460. >You drum a hoof on the table.
  1461. "Alright, I can take a hint. I'll shut up."
  1462. >He leans down and places a kiss on your muzzle.
  1463. >"I love you, but every time you insult my biscuits, I love you a little less."
  1464. >You didn't insult them though.
  1465. >You were just asking a question.
  1466. >You shake your head, pulling the biscuits off your horn as you look for the crumbs that fell.
  1467. >...
  1468. "What are you doing?"
  1469. >Trixie freezes, her tongue halfway out of her mouth and reaching for a lump of biscuit that fell on the table.
  1470. >Her eyes flick between you and the lump before she pulls her tongue back into her mouth.
  1471. >"Trixie was eating your food."
  1472. "Uh-huh."
  1473. >You charge up your horn and zap her, watching her momentarily panic as she starts to float upwards.
  1474. >She doesn't go very far before a bulky green arm wraps around her.
  1475. >"No fighting during meal time, you two."
  1476. "We weren't fighting. I was just letting Trixie know her place."
  1477. >A purple beam hits Trixie and you can't help but roll your eyes at the fun ponice.
  1478. >"Gravity spells are dangerous, Starlight. Even if we're inside, there's still a potential risk of-"
  1479. "That wasn't a gravity spell."
  1480. >Twilight blinks as you point to Anon.
  1481. "Let her go, Nons."
  1482. >He looks more than a little concerned as he does so, keeping a hold of one of her hooves as she floats up to his eye level.
  1483. "It's just a modified kinesis spell I've been playing with. It uses the targets personal reserves of magic to keep them up. She should stay about that height until she's about half empty."
  1484. >Trixie wriggles her hoof out of Anons grasp and starts to move around.
  1485. >She manages a hybrid of a trot and a swim, her height increasing a bit once she gets over the table, before turning back to you.
  1486. >"Can you change how high it puts the pony you shoot it with? Trixie has some ideas."
  1487. >Oh, that's never a good thing to hear.
  1488. >That being said-
  1489. "I could play with it some more. Why, what are you thinking?"
  1490. >She does a slow backwards slide, dropping down as she reaches the other end of the table.
  1491. >"Trixie thinks of all things since she is so incredibly brilliant, but right now she is thinking of her show."
  1492. >You roll your eyes and zap her with your horn, making her hit the ground with a yelp as the spell unweaves.
  1493. >Anon goes to retrieve her as Twilight leans over to you.
  1494. >"That's still dangerous. What if the spell stopped when she was over something that could hurt her? Or what if it didn't stop siphoning her magic?"
  1495. "That's why I'd stay with her. I'd be making sure she was safe while laughing at her suffering."
  1496. >She gives you a not-so-gentle shove.
  1497. >"You're not a very nice herdsister."
  1498. "No, but I'm a very loving one. As in tough love."
  1499. >She snorts as Anon sits down between the two of you, Trixie nestled in his lap.
  1500. >"Okay, so we're still going out drinking tonight, but what else do we have on the agenda today?"
  1501. >A purple hoof shoots up.
  1502. >And then just kind of sits there.
  1503. >Anon slowly chews on a bit of egg as he looks at Twilight.
  1504. >"Are you waiting for me to call on you?"
  1505. >She nods.
  1506. >"...You know we're not in a classroom, right?"
  1507. >The hoof slowly goes down.
  1508. >"Heh-heh, yes well I was just wondering how that game of O and O went with you and your colt friends."
  1509. >Anon stops chewing and stares at her.
  1510. >"What?"
  1511. >"W-well Trixie, Starlight, and I-"
  1512. "You can leave me out of this."
  1513. >She shoots you a glare before continuing.
  1514. >"/We/ were wondering if you wanted to play a standard version of O and O with us."
  1515. >Anon looks between you and Trixie.
  1516. >"That sounds great, but I didn't know you two were actually interested in that stuff."
  1517. >Trixie nods and shrinks in on herself as you shrug.
  1518. "I'm not, but it's not like I'm going to be a whiny bastard and ditch my herd for a night just because of a game."
  1519. >Anon smiles and scratches behind one of your ears.
  1520. >"Well that's nice of you. How about we do something you like when we get the chance?"
  1521. "Sure! We could go drinking or..."
  1522. >What else do you do?
  1523. >...
  1524. "Oh no, I'm boring."
  1525. >The other three laugh as you try and dredge up something interesting about yourself.
  1526. >You still don't feel secure enough in your relationship to tell Anon that you like flying kites.
  1527. >Chances are he already knows, considering he saw your room.
  1528. >You tried to tell him all the kites were a new style of table, but you don't think he bought it.
  1529. >Twilight taps at Anons side to get his attention again.
  1530. >"So I was just thinking, if I knew what kind of campaign you played, and what you enjoyed about it, I could setup something you'd like."
  1531. >Anon shifts around, playing with his food as Trixie shovels hers into her mouth.
  1532. >"It was...it was guys night. We don't talk about guys night."
  1533. >"Well, I just want to know how you like it, because I want our first time to be special and-"
  1534. >"You realize that can be taken in a very bad way, right?"
  1535. >Twilight blinks, the gears in her head churning as she tries to catch her unintentional innuendo.
  1536. >"...Oh, sweet Celestia, I didn't even think-I wasn't talking about sex, I was just-"
  1537. >Twilight trails off as Anon starts to scratch at her ears.
  1538. >You can't help but chuckle through a mouthful of eggs.
  1539. "I need to figure out how to make a projection like your hands. It'd be great to have an off switch for her."
  1540. >She makes some half-hearted complaints as Anon pulls his hand back.
  1541. >"Do you mind if I use your lab today? I want to make some stuff."
  1542. >Trixies ears swivel towards Anon as Twilight puts on a skeptical look.
  1543. >"What kind of stuff? You're not planning on making more of those weird fireworks, are you?"
  1544. >"Nah, I was just going to make some stuff for when I go hunting. Stuff like smoke grenades, maybe some poppers for distractions, and some fun dust. I didn't have access to that kind of stuff on hunts in the forest, and I thought it would be nice to make some since I have the opportunity."
  1545. >"What's fun dust?"
  1546. >"Thermite."
  1547. >"What's that?"
  1548. >"Fun."
  1549. >"...Alright, I'll let you use the lab on the condition that I see what this fun dust does before I let you use it."
  1550. >"Hmm, heh-heh. Uh, okay. Hey, how do you feel about a nap?"
  1551. >Twilight raises her mug of coffee.
  1552. >"If this didn't keep me up, my rapidly growing concern would."
  1553. >"...Fuck it, I'll still make it and let you judge."
  1554. >Twilight nods as you rub your chin.
  1555. "You know, I just realized I never asked how you knew how to make that kind of stuff. Where did you learn it from?"
  1556. >Anon chuckles as he cuts a biscuit open.
  1557. >"A wondrous place of magic and insanity. Or, you know, not your kind of magic, but the kind that makes me wonder how my species still exists."
  1558. >A blue hoof is placed on Anons nose.
  1559. >"Trixie learned how to make fireworks all on her own. And she did so through sheer determination and will power."
  1560. >Twilight rolls her eyes.
  1561. >"Speaking of your fireworks, how many do you have left? I know for a fact that you never bothered to properly bind them and they're dangerous like that."
  1562. >Trixie laughs.
  1563. >"Oh silly, Twilight. You have no clue how much effort goes into the process of packaging a Trixie brand Fire-Trix."
  1564. >"I'm not talking about the packaging, I'm talking about the binding spell to keep them from randomly exploding."
  1565. >"...There's a spell that does that?"
  1566. >You put a hoof over your muzzle and sigh.
  1567. "I actually feel kind of relieved. It's not that you were being an intentional idiot-"
  1568. >"Hey!"
  1569. "It's just that you had no idea what you were doing."
  1570. >Trixie growls at you as a series of books appear in front of Twilight.
  1571. >"Here. These go over the basics of binding and durability for minor constructs. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me."
  1572. >Trixie looks at the stack of books skeptically.
  1573. >"Just like that? You're not going to charge Trixie or make her do work for these, are you?"
  1574. >"Of course not! Not only will this reduce the amount of fires in town, we're in a herd together and that, well, that makes you my sis."
  1575. >"...Trixie has never heard you use that word."
  1576. >Twilight ruffles her wings.
  1577. >"What word?"
  1578. >"Sis."
  1579. >The wings shift outwards, but Twilight reins them in before they can fully flare.
  1580. >"So?! I was just trying to be nice to you. What's wrong with that?"
  1581. >"Nothing! And Trixie appreciates the books, it's just weird to hear you call her that."
  1582. >"But Starlight calls you sis all the time."
  1583. >"Well sure, but Starlight's fun."
  1584. >"I'm fun!"
  1585. >"You really aren't."
  1586. >The wings fully flare out this time as Anon leans over to you.
  1587. >"They're bonding. Isn't it great?"
  1588. >You take a sip of your coffee as Trixie crawls out of Anons lap to get in Twilights face.
  1589. "It's adorable."
  1590. ----------
  1591. >Anon and Twilight went off to the super dork lab 9000, leaving you with Trixie.
  1592. >Said magician started fiddling with the bindings on one of her fireworks.
  1593. >She asked you to look over it when she was done, so now you were doing scan after scan on it.
  1594. >You decided to do so outside just to be careful, but you've got to say-
  1595. "This isn't half bad, Trix."
  1596. >The performer mare gives the usual smug smile at your praise.
  1597. >"But of course! Trixie takes pride in her work and will do everything in her power to provide a better performance."
  1598. >You smile for a moment before finding something in your scan.
  1599. "Hey, what else did you do? I can feel a...lump in the binding."
  1600. >Her smile only grows wider.
  1601. >"Trixie has had a problem with ponies stealing her fireworks and these books had some interesting parts. Like the passages about how to make a construct that could only be activated by a certain pony. With some work, it could also help to make Trixies show more dramatic."
  1602. >You rub your chin and stab the wooden rod of the firework into the ground.
  1603. "That's not a bad idea, but you've got to keep in mind that by tying it to a word, or words, of power that you can't say those words around the fireworks without going off."
  1604. >She nods.
  1605. >"Trixie is aware of this."
  1606. "There's also the fact that-"
  1607. >You reach out with your magic, grabbing the 'lump' in the rockets binding and break it.
  1608. >You immediately put up a shield around it as it begins to screech and sprouts legs.
  1609. >Wings pop out of the back as it begins spitting fire and sparks.
  1610. >Trixie stares on in horror as the rocket turned roach tries to fly away.
  1611. "See, this is why Twilight likes to use the 'rules' for magic. Taking the road less traveled will definitely get you somewhere, but you have to ask yourself-"
  1612. >The roach explodes, scattering into hundreds of smaller roaches, each one made of burning embers.
  1613. "Will I be able to handle what's at the end of this road?"
  1614. >You collapse the bubble, extinguishing the flame roaches before looking at your herdsister.
  1615. >"Trixie...will probably avoid experimenting for now."
  1616. >You nod and pat her on the withers.
  1617. "That's probably a pretty good idea. I may not agree with Twilights 'magic has laws' ideology, but there are definitely some safer points to start with. That was a good first try though. You should definitely grab another one and try a basic binding on that."
  1618. >She paws at the ground, watching as you release the cinders to the air.
  1619. >"So...the binding was good, but the lock was bad?"
  1620. "Yep."
  1621. >"Can you teach Trixie how to make a working lock like the one she was trying to make?"
  1622. "I could try, but that kind of thing is delicate at best. If you try and put it on a firework, it would have to be perfect or you could seriously hurt ponies. It would probably be safer to make a storage box that only you can open."
  1623. >"That would be nice too but..."
  1624. >She sits down on her flank, rubbing her chin as she looks at the dirt.
  1625. >You sit down with her, enjoying the cool morning air.
  1626. >The weather team was doing a great job with rolling in fall.
  1627. >There was a nip in the air that was getting just strong enough to reach through your fur.
  1628. >Dark clouds full of ice were being scattered around the sky to lower the temperature for the coming winter.
  1629. >All around, it was a gloomy day that was perfect for spending in doors with-
  1630. >THUD
  1631. "ANON?!"
  1632. >You look at the colt, who was grinning like an idiot, and then up to third floor of the castle, which had a certain princesses head poking out of it.
  1633. "Did you just-"
  1634. >SNAP
  1635. >"Did you really just jump out of a window?! Are you hurt? Are you okay? WHY DID YOU JUMP OUT OF A WINDOW?!"
  1636. >You point at Twilight and nod.
  1637. "That. That's what I was going to ask."
  1638. >Anon chuckles and boops Twilight before heading towards the back of the castle.
  1639. >"I just thought her freak out would be funny."
  1640. >Twilights freakout.
  1641. >Over him jumping from a third story window.
  1642. >There is a very audible sound to her eye twitching.
  1643. >Or is that yours?
  1644. >Trixie hops up and follows after Anon.
  1645. >"What's that thing? Is that the fun dust the two of you were making?"
  1646. >Anon lifts up a wooden stake and twirls it along his fingers.
  1647. >"The thermite is inside. I was telling Twilight how it worked and we got to thinking and talking, and talking and thinking and then this thing was born."
  1648. >You lean over to Twilight, who still looked pretty upset.
  1649. "So what does this thing do?"
  1650. >She snorts and gestures at the stake.
  1651. >"Besides making me question my life choices? It's essentially a syringe for thermite. The idea is that, once activated, the stake will discharge a large amount of energy into the thermite which will hopefully light it. After that, the back of the stake pushes forward, shoving the thermite into whatever it was stabbed into."
  1652. >You scrunch up.
  1653. "I'm sorry. You made something like that? That doesn't sound like you."
  1654. >She rolls her eyes and picks up her pace to keep up with Anon.
  1655. >"Yeah, well, the two of us got to thinking and it was fun...in a 'this will probably kill something' kind of way."
  1656. >Anon chuckles and wags the stake at her.
  1657. >"That's one of my favorite kinds of fun."
  1658. >Trixie leans over and whispers into Twilights ear.
  1659. >"You're not actually going to kill things with that, right? Right?"
  1660. >Anon chuckles again, tossing the stake into the air as the small forest the wolves planted comes into view.
  1661. >"I'm just going to-"
  1662. >"Why is there a forest in my backyard?!"
  1663. >Anon turns around and looks at Twilight.
  1664. >"How did you not notice that when you got back?"
  1665. >"I-well-I was stressed, okay? And I didn't think to take a trot around my castle and see if there was a...Anon, what are those?"
  1666. >One of your eyebrows rises as you follow her pointing hoof, which lands on... a stick.
  1667. >Well it wasn't so much a stick as it was a block of wood, but there were dozens of them hanging by vines from the trees.
  1668. >Many more of these things could be seen at the edge of the small forest, which was surrounded by signs saying to not enter or a crude drawing of a skull and bones.
  1669. >Anon points to the closest piece of wood.
  1670. >"Those things are part of the Deku tree I was telling you girls about."
  1671. >You look between the blocks of wood, occasionally able to see green light deep within the trees.
  1672. "That's...something."
  1673. >"Not yet it isn't."
  1674. >Twilight taps at Anons leg.
  1675. >"What do those things do?"
  1676. >"I don't know."
  1677. >She stares, dumbstruck and at least mildly infuriated as Anon simply shrugs.
  1678. >"These guys do weird stuff. Hell, if only you could have seen what it was like when I had my pack altogether. Faggot Grande could actually..."
  1679. >He stares off into space, his eyes losing focus for a moment before he points to the inner depths of the woods.
  1680. >"Why did I call that thing a Deku tree? I could have called it a Faggot tree and-wait. Faggotry must be ceased. And I never want the tree to stop so...I'll reconsider my shitposting habits later, right now there's science to do."
  1681. >Trixie raises a hoof and starts to point between the various signs.
  1682. >"When did you make those? You were with Trixie since these trees were planted and she never saw you make them."
  1683. >"I stayed up one night and got everything going while you and Star slept. I needed to do it alone because I didn't want either of you to get grabbed."
  1684. >It does your heart no good knowing that Anon plays around with this stuff when you're asleep.
  1685. >But there's also that one little thing he said.
  1686. "Grabbed by what exactly?"
  1687. >"The Deku tree. Something that shouldn't hurt you, but also something that we shouldn't mess around with."
  1688. >"Trixie is confused, curious, and concerned."
  1689. >Anon nudges the magician before stepping forward.
  1690. >"Put concerned in front of the other two and you'll be fine."
  1691. >Twilight lunges forward, placing herself in front of Anon before he can get to close to the teeth of Tartarus.
  1692. >"Nuh-uh. You're not getting near that. Give me the stake and I'll find something to test it on."
  1693. >You can't see it from your current angle, but you can feel Anon grinning.
  1694. >"So I'm not allowed to get closer to the trees?"
  1695. >"Yes. Give me that wood. Thing! I didn't mean-"
  1696. >"Henson!"
  1697. >As one, the dozen or so blocks of wood that you can see twist on their vines.
  1698. >He snaps his fingers and points at his feet.
  1699. >"Bring me a tree, boy."
  1700. >The trees collectively sway and groan, as if in a wind that wasn't there.
  1701. >You and the other two mares step back, all three horns lighting up as one tree in particular starts to move.
  1702. >It lurches upwards, nearly falling over before the roots hook back into the ground.
  1703. >Wriggling its roots around, the tree started to 'walk' towards the three of you.
  1704. >A thick vine was wrapped around it, keeping it connected to the rest of the forest.
  1705. "What the buck?"
  1706. >Twilight nods, taking another step back as the tree gets close.
  1707. >"That pretty much sums up my opinions on this."
  1708. >The tree stops, churning up the dirt beneath itself before stabbing its roots into the soil to anchor itself.
  1709. >Anon reaches forward and grabs the end of the vine, giving it a slight tug and making the whole thing unravel.
  1710. >It snaps back, reeling back into the shadows provided by the trees.
  1711. >You point a hoof at the tree and look at Anon.
  1712. "Explain."
  1713. >He chuckles and leans against the tree.
  1714. >"If you think that's neat, you should see what it's like in there."
  1715. >You stare at the trees and shake your head.
  1716. "These things get worse everyday."
  1717. >He laughs again and pokes Twilight.
  1718. >"There, I didn't get closer to the trees, now back up so that I can test this thing."
  1719. >She frowns, but does as she is told.
  1720. >"Alright, but I want you to get out of the way quickly so I can put a shield up."
  1721. >Anon nods as he slams the stake into the tree, pushing down on the back end of it before stepping back.
  1722. >Twilight throws up a shield as sparks begin to fly from the stake.
  1723. >Fire quickly erupts between the edges of the tree and the stake, making Trixie perk up.
  1724. "That kind of looks like one of Trixies sparklers."
  1725. >Anon whips his head around and frowns at her.
  1726. >"A sparkler?! This is-"
  1727. >POP
  1728. >Twilight winces as a glowing red glob of something splatters against her shield.
  1729. >"I was wondering if we secured the end cap properly. We should have-oh. We soaked it to keep it from burning. It probably blew apart when the heat turned the water into steam."
  1730. >She shakes the molten material off her shield as Anon nods.
  1731. >"Yeah, I was hoping it would turn into a good stabbing grenade, but it looks like most of the metal shot out the wrong direction."
  1732. >"Wait, you knew that it was going to break?"
  1733. >"I didn't know I was just hoping it would...and mostly in the other direction."
  1734. >Twilight puts a hoof on her face and sighs as she drops her shield.
  1735. >"Alright. Okay. I saw what thermite does and now I'm going to say that you're not allowed to use it."
  1736. >"Yeah that's about what I expected, but do you want to make something like that again? It was kind of fun making this thing with you."
  1737. >"...Sure. Chemistry is a relatively unexplored field and it was interesting to see something so simple and destructive. Not to mention I had some fun messing around with this."
  1738. >"Great! After I make the smoke grenades we can play with napalm."
  1739. >Trixie pushes herself between the pair and points at the tree.
  1740. >"Are neither of you aware that the tree is on FIRE?"
  1741. >The pair of idiots look up before Twilight laughs.
  1742. >"Hahaha, yeah let me just-"
  1743. >She lowers her horn and launches a freezing blast, putting out flames from the tree and the molten stuff that hit her shield.
  1744. >You lean forward, trying to get a look at the substance without burning yourself.
  1745. "What is this stuff it shot out?"
  1746. >Twilight lights up her horn and picks up the material, using her magic to cool it down to a solid state.
  1747. >"Aluminum and rust of all things. Nothing special to it, I just ground both up very finely. It's actually kind of disturbing how easy it is to make and how violently it reacts. Here, help me rip open this tree so we can see what happened."
  1748. >You nod, the two of you lighting up your horns and enveloping the tree with your respective magics.
  1749. >There's a little tingle as you feel Twilight tugging at your magic, with you doing the same to her before the two of you finally get an even hold of the tree.
  1750. >"Ready?"
  1751. >You nod and give a hard pull, listening to the ripping noise of the tree as it tears apart.
  1752. >Anon whistles as the four of you approach.
  1753. >"Did I ever tell you three that I like magic? Because-oh, look at that shit."
  1754. >He crouches down, looking at the molten metal still bubbling in the tree.
  1755. >"It left a decent load behind, but it looks like the injector thing me and Twi made worked pretty good."
  1756. >Sure enough, there was a scorched black line reaching towards the center of the tree.
  1757. >Looking closer, you can see little bits of metal cooling to a more reasonable temperature.
  1758. "If you two make more stuff like this, they're going to have to rewrite the Geneighva Convention."
  1759. >"They can't rewrite it if it's on fire."
  1760. >Twilight shakes her head at Anon.
  1761. >"It would actually be easier to rewrite it if it were burning."
  1762. >"...Fuck magic. I hate magic."
  1763. >He turns around and starts to head back, the three of you following after Twilight chills the metal again.
  1764. >Anon whistles, getting some rustling from the trees before the wolves happily trot out.
  1765. >Except for Boyle.
  1766. >He looked like his usual grumpy self, glaring at the sun the same way a shut in nerd would.
  1767. "So what does the Deku tree do exactly?"
  1768. >Anon hums as he rubs his chin.
  1769. >"It's...kind of like a spider and its web."
  1770. >Trixie picks up her pace, putting some distance between herself and the wolves.
  1771. >"That seems unnecesarily ominous."
  1772. >"Really? Cause I think it was the right right amount of ominousness."
  1773. >"Hmm, maybe omninous wasn't the right word. How about corny or vague?"
  1774. >"Excuse me?"
  1775. >"Well you didn't explain the horrors that it holds, the terror that is waiting to be unleashed. You simply said 'it's a spider and its web'. Trixie knows you can do better Anonymous, and she only chides you when you do not put effort into your work."
  1776. >"My work is cooking and cleaning."
  1777. >"And in that regard-"
  1778. >"And sometimes killing."
  1779. >Twilight immediately puts a wing up.
  1780. >"You're not killing anything."
  1781. >"But what if-"
  1782. >"Come get one of us if you're in danger and don't try and use some loophole. Like telling your wolves to kill something while you do nothing."
  1783. >You can't help but laugh to yourself as she huffs and marches forward, allowing you to whisper to Anon.
  1784. "I think she's catching on to your nonsense."
  1785. >He glances at you before grinning.
  1786. >"Good. The first stage of corrupting her is coming along nicely."
  1787. ----------
  1788. >You are Trixie.
  1789. >And you are currently enjoying a cider with your herd at The Prancing Pony.
  1790. >Starlight was sitting across from you in the booth and had a touch of red to her cheeks, something that you were sure you mirrored.
  1791. >Twilight had a sheet of parchment out and was doing math, a visual representation of her liver floating next to her as her cider got warm.
  1792. >And Anonymous, sitting on the floor since he couldn't fit in the booth, had his usual root beer.
  1793. >Both you and Starlight had offered to get him a proper drink, as usual, but he insisted that he would be the one to walk you all home once you were done.
  1794. >You continued to push a bit more, since you knew it would be more fun, but that only encouraged your wet towel of a new herdsister to reprimand you.
  1795. >Part of you felt bad that Anon wouldn't drink with you because of you.
  1796. >But the other part was already drunk, so what do you know?
  1797. "Twilight, why are you working? This isn't work time, this is fun time."
  1798. >Starlight nods in agreement.
  1799. >"Yeah! Shtop bein' a dork for once in your life and have some fun."
  1800. >...
  1801. >Is she acting more drunk than she actually is?
  1802. >She wouldn't do that unless-
  1803. >She teeters on the bench for a moment before crawling off of the bench and onto Anons lap.
  1804. >"H-hey. I'm kinda dizzy. You mind if I sit here for a second?"
  1805. >That conniving bastard.
  1806. >She's pretending to be drunk to get more attention.
  1807. >Well you can do one better.
  1808. "Anonymous, Trixie demands that you toss that whorse onto the floor. She is trying to take advantage of you."
  1809. >A pair of pink hooves flail at you.
  1810. >"Shut up, you dyke. I'm trying to get some action while I'm still kind of sober."
  1811. "Like you don't get enough already."
  1812. >"Honestly, I'd say I don't."
  1813. >You scrunch up, wobbling to your hooves as you try to give her a piece of your mind.
  1814. >The particular piece being offered was a hoof.
  1815. "C'mere you-hey!"
  1816. >You struggle as Anon picks you up and sets you on the opposite bench.
  1817. >He places Starlight on top of you a second later before pushing both of your drinks over.
  1818. >"Be nice you two."
  1819. "No."
  1820. >"I don't wanna."
  1821. >Anon shakes his head and looks over to Twilight.
  1822. >"Do you not like your drink? We can get you something else if you like."
  1823. >She stares at her drink for a moment before looking over her notes, both you and Starlight shifting to an upright positions as she does so.
  1824. >"I'm trying to figure out the right amount of alcohol to drink so that I can become optimally..."
  1825. >She waves a hoof in a circular motion.
  1826. >"Buzzed? It it better to be tipsy or buzzed? And what's the distinction between the two?"
  1827. >Anon chuckles.
  1828. >"Part of the fun is finding out the hard way."
  1829. >"Well I don't want to get blackout drunk. What if I end up doing something inappropriate to you?"
  1830. >Starlight snickers.
  1831. >"Then we'll be teasing you about it for the rest of your life."
  1832. "We may even get a pony to paint out the scene where you molest poor Anonymous."
  1833. >She glowers at you as she shuffles her papers around.
  1834. >"I just think there's a time and a place for everything, and it is never appropriate to be drunk near a stallion."
  1835. >"You're a dork."
  1836. >You make a grand, sweeping gesture at Starlight.
  1837. "Behold, the smartest thing Starlight has ever said."
  1838. >You dodge the attempted smack, if only barely, as Anon turns back to Twilight.
  1839. >"Do you want me to get you something different?"
  1840. >She frowns and picks up her drink, putting down her notes as the image of her liver disappears.
  1841. >"Well...a cider isn't a bad start, I guess. And Applejack would be upset if I didn't drink it."
  1842. >"I could ask Red for a couple of shot glasses. That way it'll be quick, like taking off a band-aid."
  1843. >You scrunch up.
  1844. "Can you get some actual shots too? Trixie needs to show Starlight who the alpha is."
  1845. >"You got bits?"
  1846. >You scrunch up a bit more and pull out your bit bag.
  1847. >You pull out four bits and offer them to Anon.
  1848. "There. that should be enough for a couple of rounds for Starlight and Trixie."
  1849. >Anon looks at the bits and nods.
  1850. >"That'll get some shots, but what about snacks?"
  1851. >Snacks?
  1852. "What snacks?"
  1853. >He points over his shoulder at the two sister barkeeps, Red and Rum.
  1854. >"Red was telling me about how she wants to try and serve food now. She says it's nothing too fancy, but she's got some cheese fries if we wanted to try them."
  1855. >...
  1856. >You pull out another pile of bits and offer them to Anon.
  1857. "Get some cheese fries too."
  1858. >Anon nods and gets up, leaving the three of you behind.
  1859. >Starlight lifts up a hoof and drops it on the table to get Twilights attention.
  1860. >"So you have anything interesting to talk about?"
  1861. >"Well...I've been playing around with turning a potato into a-"
  1862. >"Anything /interesting/."
  1863. >Twilight scrunches up as you take a sip of your cider through a grin.
  1864. >"I got a new copy of-"
  1865. >"Iiiintereeesting."
  1866. >"It's an interesting book!"
  1867. >"It's a book. It's boring by definition."
  1868. >Twilight snorts and picks up Starlights drink, shoving it over her muzzle to silence her before turning to you.
  1869. >"Alright, do you have anything interesting to talk about?"
  1870. "Trixie can talk about herself."
  1871. >Starlight pulls the mug off of her muzzle with a pop and grins at you.
  1872. >"But she said something interesting, Trix."
  1873. >...
  1874. >You turn back to Twilight as you put a hoof in Starlights face, gently pushing her away from you.
  1875. "Would you be interested in replacing Starlight?"
  1876. >Before she can respond, a tray holding a weird bottle, shot glasses, and food is set between the two of you.
  1877. >"I don't think I'd like that. I kind of like her."
  1878. >Starlight squawks at Anon as he sits back down at the end of the table.
  1879. >"Hey! What do you mean you 'kind of' like me?"
  1880. >"I mean that you're a cutie with some issues."
  1881. >"...I can't even argue with that, but buck you anyways."
  1882. >Anon chuckles as he fills four glasses from the oddly shaped, almost jagged bottle.
  1883. >You scrunch up as you see what he got.
  1884. "Why did you get two baskets of fries? Trixie isn't made of bits."
  1885. >He rolls his eyes as he pushes the shots and a basket of the fries towards you.
  1886. >"Twilight doesn't like cheese-"
  1887. "That isn't Trixies problem."
  1888. >"So I grabbed a plain one that she and I could share."
  1889. "But those were Trixies bits you spent."
  1890. >"Think of it this way-"
  1891. >Anon pushes the plain fries and empty shot glasses towards Twilight.
  1892. >"With me and Twi eating from this one, you effectively have more cheese fries."
  1893. >...
  1894. "That sounds like it makes sense."
  1895. >"That's probably because it does."
  1896. >You grab a pile of fries and start to munch on them.
  1897. "Mmm, Trixie will bother with thinking later, right now she has booze and some half decent fries."
  1898. >Twilight shuffles her wings as she picks up some of her fries.
  1899. >"You didn't have to get me something special."
  1900. >"It's fine. Besides, this way the two of us will actually get some fries before Trixie eats them all."
  1901. >You would have shared!
  1902. >A bit.
  1903. >At the very least, you would have given Anon some.
  1904. >Anon drags Twilights mug over to the two empty shot glasses and fills both with cider, doing his best to keep from spilling.
  1905. >He pushes one of the glasses back and lifts the other up in his hand.
  1906. >"Alright, I'mma drink a bit with you to help you get into it, okay?"
  1907. >Twilight pins her ears back and nods.
  1908. >"O-okay."
  1909. >She lifts her glass up and grimaces as she sniffs.
  1910. >"You don't actually like this, do you? It smells terrible."
  1911. >Starlight giggles.
  1912. >"That's the wonderful part of alcohol. It makes you forget all your problems for awhile. Heck, if I drink enough I can't hear Trixies voice."
  1913. >You scrunch up again.
  1914. "Excuse you! The melodious and-"
  1915. >"I doubt there's anything powerful enough to drown out her voice."
  1916. >You scrunch even harder at Twilight, who was giving you an obnoxious grin.
  1917. "Fine! How about you two put your bits where your mouth is and we see who can really handle their liquor? Twilight can stick with the little glasses since she'll lose anyways."
  1918. >That gets a rise out of the princess, her wings flaring out as Anon slowly sips from his shot glass.
  1919. >"I can handle some cider!"
  1920. "Trixie doubts that."
  1921. >Starlight nods apologetically.
  1922. >"Yeah, sorry Twi, but I doubt you could take it."
  1923. >Anon refills his shot glass with Twilights mug and smiles at her.
  1924. >"Whether you do or don't, I'll be there to support you...and also to keep you from getting alcohol poisoning."
  1925. "That was only one time!"
  1926. >"And what happened 'that one time'?".
  1927. "...Trixie showed her incredible skill?"
  1928. >Anon shakes his head and turns to Twilight.
  1929. >"Were you there for that mess? She downed a whole barrel of cider and we had to take her to the hospital."
  1930. >You hold up a hoof.
  1931. "More accurately, Trixie chugged the entirety of the barrels contents without taking a breath. A feat that nopony has yet reproduced."
  1932. >Twilight places a wing over her muzzle.
  1933. >"That explains some of Rainbows recent behavior...you three will stop me if I start to get inappropriate, right? I don't want to be-"
  1934. >You reach across the table and silence her by placing a hoof in her tuft.
  1935. "You're thinking too much."
  1936. >"But I-"
  1937. "Less talking, more drinking."
  1938. >"Don't-"
  1939. "Here, watch the master do it."
  1940. >You pick up one of your shot glasses, instantly downing it and-
  1941. "Aaauugh! What is this?!"
  1942. >Anon begins patting your back as you start to cough, leaving Starlight to scoff as she picks up a shot for herself.
  1943. >"Stop being such a massive cock. You just took one, how bad can it be?"
  1944. >She slams the drink back and begins to have the exact same reaction that you did.
  1945. >You pat her on the back as she coughs and sputters, slowly getting closer as you get your breathing under control so that you can whisper in her ear.
  1946. "What were you saying, Starlight? Trixie couldn't hear you over the sound of you coughing up your lungs."
  1947. >Anon pulls his hand back and picks up the bottle to look it over.
  1948. >"Is it really that bad? It's just something Rum offered up when I asked Red for some shots. She said it was some dragon thing that nobody ever bought and sold me the rest of the bottle for two bits."
  1949. >Dragon ale?!
  1950. >You look at the bottle and then over at Rum.
  1951. "Is she drinking some of her own stock? Trixie could buy a house with this."
  1952. >Twilight perks up, her ears swiveling forward as she takes a look also.
  1953. >"Really? What's so special about it?"
  1954. "Well for starter, dragons aren't exactly known for brewing, so this is rare to begin with. There's also the fact that they usually don't make glass, so dragon glass is almost as rare as one of their drinks. For these, they'll usually scorch sand into multiple panels of glass and then fuse them together. The 'cork' is usually a rock that the glass was heated and cooled to seal against. And if you look here-"
  1955. >"Neeeerd."
  1956. >You wave a hoof at Starlight in an attempt to either hit her or silence her.
  1957. "You can see how this side has a speckling of red flakes mixed into it, which make it almost shimmer in the light. Those are ground up scales from the dragon that made it."
  1958. >Twilight nods at you as Starlight takes another shot, immediately doing her best impression of a dying ostrich.
  1959. >"I didn't think you'd have such in depth knowledge on...any subject really. Sorry, I just-"
  1960. >You shake your head, which shakes a bit more than it should have.
  1961. "Give Trixie some credit, Twilight. She has traveled the world a good deal and has been in quite possibly every bar in Equestria."
  1962. >She rolls her eyes as you pick up the final shot.
  1963. >"There are better ways to learn than to-"
  1964. >clack
  1965. >She looks down as you gently place the last shot in front of her.
  1966. "Take it."
  1967. >"I-I'm not sure if I'm ready for something like this."
  1968. "You probably aren't, but this is a once in a lifetime experience."
  1969. >She looks over to Starlight who had her face mashed against the table as she mumbled to herself.
  1970. >"Just a small town colt dundudu LONELY WORLD! Hehehe, I forgot the singy words."
  1971. "See? She took two and she's still okay."
  1972. >"That doesn't look okay."
  1973. "That's okay for-hic-her."
  1974. >This stuff sure does act fast.
  1975. >You hope Twilight tries some soon.
  1976. >"D-does it at least taste good?"
  1977. "It is-hic-the worst tasting drink you will ever-hic-have. Now drink."
  1978. >She frowns and picks up the glass and looks at the murky liquid inside.
  1979. >"You're not going to give up on me trying this, are you?"
  1980. "Nope."
  1981. >She huffs and begins slowly working up her nerve.
  1982. >"I-it can't be that bad. And even if it is, I'm an alicorn. I'm sturdy. I'm resilient. I can do this."
  1983. >Starlight begins giggling.
  1984. >"Hehehe, y-you gonna do a presu-a pemsu-you gonna get some charts out for yourself?"
  1985. >Twilight glares at her.
  1986. >"Alright, you want to see me drink this thing?"
  1987. >"Y-yeah. I wanna see ya be fun for once in your life."
  1988. >"I'm fun!"
  1989. >"No ya aren't."
  1990. >"Ugh, fine I'll do it!"
  1991. >"Do it, ya dork."
  1992. >Without any further provocation, Twilight slams back the shot, which sends her into a coughing fit.
  1993. >Anon pats her on the back, trying to clear her airways as she looks at you.
  1994. >"W-why would yo-"
  1995. >THUD
  1996. >Starlight falls into a fit of giggling as Anon leans over to look at the passed out princess.
  1997. >"Maybe starting her on the hardest stuff there is wasn't a good idea."
  1998. >You shake your head.
  1999. "Nope. Was best-hic-idea."
  2000. >You lift up the bottle of dragon ale and offer it towards Anon.
  2001. "Do you-hic-want some? I kind of want to save this for special occasions, but there's no reason you can't-hic-have some with us now."
  2002. >Anon puts a hand up, slowly flexing his fingers as he looked at the bottle.
  2003. >He seems...something?
  2004. >You don't really know.
  2005. >It's getting harder to think.
  2006. >He puts his hand down and shakes his head.
  2007. >"Maybe another time, Trix. I need to carry at least one of you home-"
  2008. >Starlight puts her hooves up.
  2009. >"Twwooo of us. And gimme some sexy time too."
  2010. >"And I need to make sure neither of these two puke anywhere."
  2011. >You nod and secure the bottle before looking back at Anon, who already had Twilight on his shoulder.
  2012. "Anon."
  2013. >"Yeah?"
  2014. "I love you."
  2015. >He turns to you, surprise showing on his face before a soft smile comes through.
  2016. >"That stuff is getting to you, isn't it?"
  2017. "Maybe, but that doesn't-hic-make it any less true."
  2018. >Starlight giggles again and pokes your cheek.
  2019. >"You sound like a massive dick."
  2020. ----------
  2021. >Your head is pounding, your eyes are refusing to function properly, and you feel like you're about to vomit.
  2022. >Despite this, you still don't think you drank enough last night.
  2023. >You look at the small stack of chewable tablets on the table.
  2024. >Just one of those and this hangover would be gone.
  2025. >Starlight was eyeing them too, but you knew she wasn't ready to give in.
  2026. >It was a matter of pride, of who was marelier, and who was truly the best.
  2027. >You just had to outlast her and endure for a little while longer.
  2028. >It would-
  2029. >skreeeeeee
  2030. >Your ears pin back, Starlights doing the same as the main door to the dining room swung open.
  2031. >Standing in the entry way, looking like the embodiment of suffering, was Twilight, quietly whimpering under the duel assault of light and sound.
  2032. >"I hate both of you."
  2033. "Trixie hates you too, don't worry."
  2034. >"I'm seriously considering tossing the two of you in the dungeon for making me drink that."
  2035. "So long as you close the cell door quietly, that's fine."
  2036. >She continues to make whining noises before speaking again.
  2037. >"Why? Why did I let you two talk me into that? I thought drinking was supposed to get rid of my problems, not make more."
  2038. >You say nothing as Starlight pushes one of the tablets over.
  2039. >"This will get rid of the hangover if you really need it."
  2040. >Twilight looks at it with bleary eyes before awkwardly stumbling towards it.
  2041. >She reaches forward, picking the pill up off the table with her lips and starts chewing.
  2042. >"Is this actual medicine, or did I just eat some kind of illegal narcotic?"
  2043. >"It's fine, but I'm surprised that you didn't ask that first."
  2044. >"I'll sort out my priorities when I have the capacity to care. And caring starts with coffee."
  2045. >She stumbles towards the kitchen door, opening it as quietly as possible as she enters.
  2046. >Starlight points after her as the door swings shut.
  2047. >"So...she took it first. That means we're both marely and stuff, right?"
  2048. >...
  2049. "Yes. She lost and we win."
  2050. >You push a tablet towards Starlight and immediately eat the other one.
  2051. >The familiar tingle lights up on the inside of your skull as you bite into it.
  2052. >The two of you groan in unison as the small mix of magic and medicine starts taking effect.
  2053. >"I hate everything a little less now."
  2054. >You grumble a bit as you press yourself against her, slinging your head over her withers.
  2055. >"Trix? What are you doing?"
  2056. "You are soft and warm and, even if you aren't quiet, you are a good resting place for Trixies aching head."
  2057. >"...Yeah, okay. Just wriggle around so I can put my head on you too."
  2058. >Should you?
  2059. >That sounds like a lot of effort.
  2060. >She is your herdsister though.
  2061. >...
  2062. >You wriggle around, slowly moving yourself to the floor and moving your head to Starlights flank.
  2063. >She shuffles around too, gently placing her head on your flank so that the two of you make a ring of snuggling.
  2064. "Remember, no homo."
  2065. >She groans before pressing her head deeper into your flank.
  2066. >"Sure, no homo, you dork."
  2067. >The two of you fall into silence, enjoying the calm quiet of the room.
  2068. >At least until Twilight comes back.
  2069. >Neither of you bother looking up, only grumbling in protest at the noise she makes as she enters.
  2070. >You crack open an eye as she sits down, seeing a pair of rather long legs standing next to her.
  2071. >"Aw, look at you two all snuggled up."
  2072. >You grumble a bit at Anons doting.
  2073. >"I'd join in on the cuddle pile, but I'm still cooking. And speaking of-"
  2074. >A disc of fried hashbrown drifts into your vision, your nose immediately getting to work as the smell reaches you.
  2075. >You lazily open your mouth, allowing Anon to insert the hashbrown into your mouth.
  2076. >"There's some more of those and some coffee on the table. I think I made yours the way you like, Star."
  2077. >And with that, Anon leaves, leaving only the sound of quiet munching from you and your herdsisters.
  2078. >This is nice.
  2079. >Well, the pain isn't, but it's nice to be surrounded by most of your herd as you recover.
  2080. >The food starts mixing with the medicine, helping you get to your hooves.
  2081. >Starlight gets up with you, wriggling around to grab her coffee with a chuckle.
  2082. >"Getting some coffee before Twilight drains the first pot? Now this is something new."
  2083. >You would laugh along with her, but right now you were watching Twilight glare at her as she drank her coffee.
  2084. >She looks at you, a small smirk growing as she turns back to Twilight.
  2085. >"Mmm, it's nice to have coffee that doesn't taste like an ash tray. A little bit of cream really helps."
  2086. >You quietly sip at your drink as Twilight grumbles.
  2087. >"It's supposed to taste like that."
  2088. >"Really? It's supposed to taste like horse-apples?"
  2089. >"You're supposed to take it black or not at all."
  2090. >"Anon puts all kinds of stuff in his coffee."
  2091. >"He's a stallion. Stallions have delicate palates."
  2092. >Starlight manages a light snigger as you grab another hashbrown.
  2093. >"Why Twilight, that almost sounds sexist."
  2094. >You can't help but laugh as angry princess noises fill the room.
  2095. >"We'll continue this conversation after I've had some /actual/ coffee."
  2096. >You smirk and nudge Starlight.
  2097. "She just doesn't like cream or sugar because she's already fat."
  2098. >She snorts in a fit of laughter as Twilight glares at you over her mug.
  2099. >"Why would you take her side on this? You're drinking it black too."
  2100. >You take a sip of your drink, relaxing as the medication kicks in.
  2101. "Trixie has no feelings one way or the other, she simply joined the side she found to be more amusing."
  2102. >Twilight growls as she picks up another hashbrown for herself.
  2103. >She was using her hooves instead of her horn since the hangover was ruining her concentration.
  2104. >"Yeah well...shut up."
  2105. >Starlight laughs and pushes against her side.
  2106. >"Wonderful comeback-"
  2107. >She smiles a bit wider as the grumpy princess continues her growling.
  2108. >"But how's your head doing?"
  2109. >Twilight stops, her mug halfway to her lips as she thinks.
  2110. >"It's...better. A lot better. Wow, that thing worked quick."
  2111. >She takes a sip of her coffee as you nod.
  2112. "That was-"
  2113. >BAM
  2114. >All three of you jump as the door to the dining room slams open.
  2115. >"Darling!"
  2116. >Oh.
  2117. "Is it too early to start drinking again?"
  2118. >You are ignored as Rarity charges in, skidding to a halt behind the three of you before depositing a pile of boxes on the table.
  2119. >Twilight shuffles back, setting her coffee on the table as Rarity organizes her boxes.
  2120. >"Uh. Hi, Rarity. What are you doing here so early?"
  2121. >"Don't you remember, dear?"
  2122. >She opens a box and slides it over to Twilight.
  2123. >"I was getting the supplies for your weaving. Now tell me, what do you think of these."
  2124. >Inside the box was half a dozen bands of varying types of metal.
  2125. >Each band was made of at least a dozen rings all linked together.
  2126. >Twilights eyes go wide as she pulls the case closer to her.
  2127. >"How did you make these so fast?"
  2128. >"Twilight, please. I have materials ready for any herding occasion. Not to mention that this is more of an earth pony town and the demand for these are nearly non-existant. Now take a moment to look those over while I get the colors of your herd mates."
  2129. >Twilight nods as Rarity pops open another case.
  2130. >She takes out a circular piece of glass and places a disk of white fabric around it.
  2131. >"There we go. Now, I'm assuming Anonymous is busy with making breakfast, so which of you wants to go first?"
  2132. >You and Starlight look at eachother for a moment, with Twilight nose deep in her box, before you shrug.
  2133. "Trixie will go first, seeing as how Starlight is an inept coward."
  2134. >Rarity nods happily as Starlight rolls her eyes.
  2135. >She picks up the glass and hovers it over your tail and, with a flash of her horn, fires a bolt of light through it, which bounces back into the glass.
  2136. "That's safe, right? It won't burn Trixies tail?"
  2137. >Rarity giggles excitedly as she changes out the strip of fabric around the glass.
  2138. >"Ohoho, of course, of course! It's just an easier way to make the ribbon for the weaving."
  2139. >You look at the cloth that she left behind on the table, and see it now matches the lighter highlights of your mane and tail.
  2140. >Without any warning, she grabs Starlights tail, making her stiffen up.
  2141. >"Hey now! You're no herdsister of mine so go easy on that."
  2142. >Rarity rolls her eyes.
  2143. >"Starlight, please. We both know I'm not trying to make any advances on you. Now just hold still while I..."
  2144. >Calming herself down a bit, Rarity repeats the process and applies the light blue of Starlights tail to the fabric.
  2145. >The color begins to seep through the roll as Rarity pulls it off.
  2146. >"There we go! Now I just need to get...some shade of green from Anonymous and your selection of band, Twilight."
  2147. >The particular princess puts a hoof to her chin as she looks between two of the bands.
  2148. >"I think either iron or bronze, but I'm not sure which of the two would be better."
  2149. >You look over the two bands and start to think.
  2150. >Should you have asked for a weaving when you got into this herd?
  2151. >It would have been nice but...
  2152. >You lose your train of thought as Rarity hums.
  2153. >"It's not about which is better, it's about which is right for your herd."
  2154. >Twilight continues to rub her chin as the kitchen door swings back open.
  2155. >"How are you three-oh hey, Rares! What are you doing here?"
  2156. >Rarity hops up and excitedly adds another roll of fabric to the glass.
  2157. >"Something very important for your herd! Mind helping me for a second?"
  2158. >Anon frowns but steps forward, looking to you for context.
  2159. >You simply nod as Rarity gets him to crouch down.
  2160. >"Uh, sure. What exactly are we doing?"
  2161. >Rarity looks him over for a moment, fidgeting with his clothes before she answers.
  2162. >"You need to iron your clothes, darling. It will clear out those wrinkles."
  2163. >"Sure thing, darling. Would you like some coffee and some breakfast since you're here, darling?"
  2164. >You and Starlight snicker to yourselves as Rarity clasps her hooves in front of her face.
  2165. >"I will not be distracted. Give me your hand, please."
  2166. >Rarity doesn't even bother waiting, simply taking one of his hands with a hoof and flipping it over.
  2167. >"Hmm. It looks like your frog is-sorry, is that what you call this side of your hand?"
  2168. >"No, it's called a palm and since when was part of you called a frog?"
  2169. >Rarity ignores the question and flips his hand over.
  2170. >"It looks like your palm is ever so slightly lighter, and since you don't have a tail, we'll have to use that."
  2171. >"Okay?"
  2172. >Anon looks beyond confused, looking to you and Starlight for help.
  2173. >The two of you laugh for a moment before you try and help him out.
  2174. "If you had a tail, she would try to get the lightest color from that. Since you don't have one, she's just using the lightest color she can see."
  2175. >"...Okay?"
  2176. >Rarity picks up the magnifying glass and hovers it over Anons hand.
  2177. >Just like with your tail, she zaps Anons open hand with it, slowly turning the fabric into the same deep green as Anons hand.
  2178. >"That's...something. I thought normal magic stuff didn't work on me."
  2179. >Rarity happily hops in place as she removes the strip of fabric.
  2180. >"All this does is capture light and convert the color of the fabric around it. It does nothing magical to you."
  2181. >She smiles and looks at Twilight.
  2182. >"What do you think, Twilight? Have you decided?"
  2183. >She shakes her head and leans back.
  2184. >"I don't know. It's something that..."
  2185. >She trails off as her eyes fall on Anon.
  2186. >"Anon, we're still going to use chaos theory regarding our love life, right?"
  2187. >Anon freezes, same as you and Starlight.
  2188. >No.
  2189. >Is she really going to take that nonsense seriously?
  2190. >Pfft, who are you kidding?
  2191. >This idiot would do anything that a stallion asked her to.
  2192. >Anon struggles for words before quickly nodding.
  2193. >"W-well yeah. I actually got that from a mathematician called Ian Malcolm. Real cool guy. Real smart."
  2194. >Twilight nods, completely oblivous to the nervousness in Anons voice, and lights up her horn.
  2195. >It fizzles a bit before she can concentrate enough to cast the spell.
  2196. >In a flash of light, a single bit appears in front of her.
  2197. >...
  2198. >You are so happy you kept your mouth shut when they talked about this.
  2199. >Starlight, on the other hoof, was begging you for help with her eyes.
  2200. >You shake your head, slowly scooting back as you try to contain your laughter.
  2201. >"Sun side up, I'll take Iron. Moon side up, I'll take bronze."
  2202. >Rarity frowns and places a hoof on your herdsister.
  2203. >"Twilight...really? I'm not going to tell you what to choose, but leaving it up to a coin toss is...not exactly the norm."
  2204. >Twilight nods and slowly spins the coin.
  2205. >"I know, but maybe it's good to do something a little different sometimes."
  2206. >Raritys frown deepens, but she says nothing else to object as Twilight tosses the coin.
  2207. >The five of you watch as it flies through the air in a gentle arc before bouncing off of the table.
  2208. >Twilight leans over the table and smiles.
  2209. >"I guess I'm going with iron. Kind of wanted bronze though."
  2210. >Rarity puts a hoof on her back.
  2211. >"You can go with bronze. There's no need to reduce something so important down to a simple coin toss."
  2212. >Twilight shakes her head.
  2213. >"I know it seems a little weird, but now that I'm in a herd, I'm going to be trying weird things. So I might as well start with this."
  2214. >"I...suppose that makes sense. And in any case, you can choose something else if you decide to advance your relationship."
  2215. >Rarity nods to herself as she packs up her supplies, leaving the iron band and the various strips of fabric.
  2216. >"Do come and see me when you're done. I would love to see how it turns out."
  2217. >And with a happy skip in her trot, Rarity leaves the four of you.
  2218. >Anon in particular was scratching his head.
  2219. >"So...what is this weaving thing?"
  2220. >Twilight picks up the iron band with her magic and looks up at Anon.
  2221. >"It's-wait, why didn't you two do this with him?"
  2222. >Starlight shrugs.
  2223. >"That's a bit old fashioned for me, Twilight."
  2224. >You scoot back a bit, shuffling around as you turn towards the princess.
  2225. "Trixie has her reasons."
  2226. >Twilight shakes her head.
  2227. >"It's where a-"
  2228. >"Anon? Are you going to come back and help me cook, or am I going to have to let your biscuits burn?"
  2229. >Anon whips his head around at the young dragons challenge.
  2230. >"Don't you threaten my biscuits, you little shit. Come and fight me if you've got a problem."
  2231. >Spikes rebuttal is caught in his throat as he sees the band Twilight is holding.
  2232. >He puts a claw up to Anon and turns around.
  2233. >"One second."
  2234. >Anon throws his hands up as the small dragon walks back into the kitchen.
  2235. >"The fuck? If you're going to start shit at least have the decency to finish it."
  2236. >He begins to make his way towards the kitchen just as Spike comes back through.
  2237. >"Catch."
  2238. >Without any further warning, a hefty bag is tossed at Anon, who snatches it out of the air and begins to look it over.
  2239. >"I'm sure Twilight will want to go on a walk once you're done, so you four might as well grab some groceries while you're out."
  2240. >You lean over, trying to get a look at the bag as Anon opens it up.
  2241. "Is that full of bits? There has to be at least fifty in there."
  2242. >Anon shakes his head and puts the bag on the table.
  2243. >"Uh, there's a list too, but yeah. I guess I should have expected a dragon to have a hidden hoard somewhere."
  2244. >Twilight scrunches up as Anon sits down next to her.
  2245. >"Where did he get that many bits? I give him an allowance, but I doubt he would have saved up that much for groceries."
  2246. >Starlight shrugs.
  2247. >"Don't dragons steal stuff? Maybe he-"
  2248. >"STARLIGHT! Not only is that incredibly rude, but we're talking about Spike. He would never steal."
  2249. "Not to mention that you're more likely to have a gryphon steal from you than a dragon."
  2250. >Twilight glares at you as you take a sip of your coffee.
  2251. >"That is demeaning and inappropriate to the dragon and gryphon communities."
  2252. "It's true though. Trixie put on two shows in two different gryphon towns and had more bits stolen then she earned. Meanwhile, the one dragon Trixie put on a show for actually paid her to put on a show. Admittedly, Trixie was forced to do so against her will and the payment was either a single bit or dying, but Trixie still finds dragons preferable."
  2253. >Anon leans over to look at you.
  2254. >"You put on a show to save your life from a dragon? That sounds like a story you could tell for your current show."
  2255. >...
  2256. >You could have told that story instead of the one about with ursa major that got you in trouble.
  2257. >Dang it!
  2258. >Well, at least now you have material for a new show.
  2259. >Anon picks up the green ring of cloth and looks over at Twilight.
  2260. >"Alright, I'll try asking again. What is this weaving thing?"
  2261. ----------
  2262. >You are Anon.
  2263. >And after about three hours of banter, shit-talk, and work, you are done.
  2264. >You take one more look at the braid-sorry, the weave of Twilights tail.
  2265. >She nearly threw a fit when you called it 'a fancy braid'.
  2266. >You, Trix, and Star had each taken a portion of her tail and tied your respective ribbons near the base of it.
  2267. >Trixie had taken her silvery-white one and tied it around the bulk of the blue in Twilights tail.
  2268. >This left a bundle of Twilights blue and deep purple for Starlights teal, and some blue and the lighter, semi-pink purple for your green ribbon.
  2269. >Each of you had held onto your strand of tail, slowly weaving it together until the three of you reached the end where the iron band was placed.
  2270. >Said rings of iron were now one after Trixie and Starlight had heated them up to fuse them together.
  2271. >The smell of burning hair wasn't pleasant, but the final product was, especially considering the little bit extra Star did to it as it cooled.
  2272. >There was one solid ring making up the core of the ring, with clumps of metal coming together to take shape.
  2273. >These larger pieces reshaped themselves into the mark of the person whose ribbon it was over.
  2274. >You could see Trixies wand and cape over her white ribbon, Stars magicky thing over her blue, and your question mark over your green from this angle.
  2275. >After all of that was done, the extra bit of tail hanging out had been trimmed.
  2276. >The strips of fabric had been given an extra foot or so to trail on the ground behind her.
  2277. >You smile to yourself and place a hand on her back.
  2278. >Despite practically vibrating in either nervousness or excitement, she still manages to give you a smile.
  2279. >"R-ready?"
  2280. "Yep. Are you?"
  2281. >She looks over to a bemused Starlight, a surprisingly patient Trixie, and then back to you.
  2282. >"No."
  2283. >You chuckle to yourself as Starlight rolls her eyes.
  2284. >"C'mon, you nerd. Just don't think about it."
  2285. >"D-don't think about it? How can I not think about something like /this/?!"
  2286. >Star rolls her eyes again.
  2287. >"Just start mumbling out math equations to yourself or something. You'll be fine."
  2288. >Twilight wriggles around, looking between you and Starlight before nodding.
  2289. >"Okay. I can...not do this, I'm going to my room to-YIPE!"
  2290. >You pick her up, tossing her over your shoulder as you head towards the door.
  2291. "C'mon, that list Spike gave me is long as hell and I don't need you spazzing out over nothing."
  2292. >She grunts and whines as she tries to struggle out of your grip.
  2293. >"It's not /nothing/ it's-"
  2294. >You pinch her cutie mark, making her kick as Trixie opens the door for you.
  2295. "Then tell me what it is. You've been making a big deal about this, but I still have no idea what's going on."
  2296. >You really don't.
  2297. >You had tried to ask Twilight while you were doing the whole weaving thing, but she had been dancing to some imaginary tune as the rest of you had worked on her tail.
  2298. >Twi sighs and nods to herself as you make your way through the front door.
  2299. >"Okay. But put me down. The bit toss was one thing, but being carried around by a stallion after he weaved my tail is pushing it too far. No offense, it's just that I need to stand on my own for this."
  2300. >You do as she asks, gently placing her at the top of the stairs before looking around.
  2301. >Where did-oh!
  2302. >There it is.
  2303. >You stroll down the steps, turning back at the bottom towards a small root sticking out of the ground.
  2304. >Twi follows after, with Trix and Star following after her as you tap at the root with your foot.
  2305. >Twilight shoots an annoyed glare at the other two before lighting up her horn.
  2306. >"Really? Could neither of you have closed the door?"
  2307. >Trixie gives her usual shit eating grin as Twi shuts the front door with her magic.
  2308. >"You keep telling ponies that your door is always open. Trixie just thought you might want to take a literal approach to that."
  2309. >Twilight snorts and begins to turn back towards town.
  2310. >"You know full well what I meant."
  2311. >You pat her on the head as the four of you begin to walk down the road.
  2312. "So is this weaving thing just a unicorn thing or-"
  2313. >Twi nods, her tail gently swaying side to side.
  2314. >"Yes, actually. Each tribe of ponies has their own traditions when it comes to this and, even if it's not as common anymore, I still think it's important. Unicorns will weave a tail in the same way they will weave a spell, something that is very important to us, which I'm sure you're aware of."
  2315. >The four of you reach the edge of town and you can already see a couple of ponies poking their noses out.
  2316. >Is that one Caramel?
  2317. >You should throw one of your shoes just in case it is.
  2318. >The two whisper to eachother for a moment before disappearing down a street.
  2319. >"It's something that's intrinsic to any unicorn and has been since pre-unification. It's also representative of the cycle in a way, with how the process starts with one pony, and then continues until it finishes with the one who started it."
  2320. >Finally making it into town, you look down the street you had seen the pair of stallions run down, where you see...
  2321. >That's a lot of ponies.
  2322. >...
  2323. >Well, guess you know what the gossip is going to be about for a while.
  2324. >"The ribbons are representations of who is in the herd, which is why they need to be the color of their herdmates. It's usually considered good luck to use the lightest color of the ponies mane or tail, but since you don't have either Rarity...improvised."
  2325. >You run a hand over your shiny, green dome.
  2326. >The only hair on you now was from Star and Trix.
  2327. >You were like a crazy cat lady with miniature horses instead of cats.
  2328. "And what about the metal part?"
  2329. >Twi smiles and looks back at her swinging tail.
  2330. >"That designates a ponies place in the herd. Iron represents strength while bronze, the metal I was thinking of using, represents protection. With iron as my band, I will be a bastion of strength for this herd."
  2331. >You chuckle to yourself.
  2332. "So wouldn't a book be more fitting for you?"
  2333. >Trix and Star snicker as Twi rolls her eyes.
  2334. >"As much as I would have liked that, that would have ruined a perfectly good book. Not to mention that a keeper of knowledge would use tin as their band."
  2335. "Wait, that's actually a thing? Why didn't you go with tin?"
  2336. >The four of you stop in front of the bakery, the first stop of many, as Twilight shuffles her wings.
  2337. >"Because...as much as I want to go back to reading my books, for everything to go back to normal, I know that won't happen. I know that I need to step up and actually do something to take care of those I care about."
  2338. >It still seems silly that a cute little pony has to run around and save the world but-
  2339. "That's pretty noble of you, Twi."
  2340. >She smiles at you as she opens the door.
  2341. >"Stallions first."
  2342. >You smile back as you duck down through the doorway, your eyes landing on Mr. Cake as soon as you straighten yourself out.
  2343. >"Hello there, Anonymous. What do you need today?"
  2344. >You pull the list out of your pocket and push it across the counter.
  2345. "Spike sent me over to pick something up. It's, uh, order two-fifty-three?"
  2346. >He smiles before turning towards the kitchen doors.
  2347. >"Thank goodness! I was almost starting to think it was a prank order with how much he ordered."
  2348. >wut
  2349. >You stare after him as Starlight nudges Twi.
  2350. >"I know you know the rest of it. Go ahead and tell him."
  2351. >You look over to Twilight, who shuffles back as your eyes fall on her.
  2352. >"Um. The final part is to essentially show off, which is why-"
  2353. >"Not that part."
  2354. >Twi shoots a glare at her before shuffling around a bit more in front of you.
  2355. >"Well, I mean, we don't exactly need to talk about that now."
  2356. >Trixie throws up a hoof and waves it.
  2357. >"Trixie can give him the abridged version."
  2358. >With a flash of purple, a bagel was jammed into Trixies mouth.
  2359. >You look at Twilight, who was shifting her weight from one side to the other as she set two bits on the counter.
  2360. >"So...when a herd of unicorns gets married, they will reweave their tails with a metal they believe to be more fitting of their current position. For example, I may end up using tin or bronze for my final weaving if iron doesn't suit me. But the important part is that a second band of platinum is added near the base of the tail. It's platinum for several reasons, but mostly to pay respect to princess Platinum."
  2361. >Trixie continues to try and choke down her bagel as Starlight smirks.
  2362. >"Go ahead and tell him the rest."
  2363. >Twi licks her lips.
  2364. >"Uh, it's important for ponies to see the weave, which is why we're out-"
  2365. >"The fun part, Twi."
  2366. >Twilight squirms under the pressure Star is putting on her.
  2367. >She takes a deep breath and finally looks you in the eye.
  2368. >"After the final weaving and the two bands are applied, the mare and the stallion need to apply their...essence to it. After about a month, the tail is trimmed from the top side of the platinum band. S-some herds will end up keeping the cut tails in a display case."
  2369. >...
  2370. "So do you not wash your tail for a month or-"
  2371. >"Nonono, of course I would, I just-it's part of the whole thing and...you know."
  2372. >She slowly starts to turn red as Trixie and Star laugh.
  2373. "I can't say that I do, but I'm certainly willing to try new things every now and then."
  2374. >She turns even redder as the Mr. Cake returns.
  2375. >He pushes a cart that was threatening to topple over with how many boxes were stacked onto it.
  2376. >Mrs. Cake was behind him, an absurdly large box on her back as she smiled at the four of you.
  2377. >"Hello, dearies. How are you today?"
  2378. >There are collective scrunches all around as you look at the haul the pair brought out.
  2379. "Uh, good. Is all of that the stuff Spike ordered?"
  2380. >She nods as she places the box on the counter.
  2381. >"Yessiree! Twenty four cupcakes, of varying flavors, just as many muffins in just as many flavors, a bakers dozen of plain bagels, and a cocoa castle creme cake. Do you need anything else today?"
  2382. >Twilight shakes her head.
  2383. >"I would like some answers, but I'll settle on paying for a bagel Trixie ate."
  2384. >That gets a squawk out of the magician.
  2385. >"You-"
  2386. >Twi teleports another bagel into Trixies mouth before adding another two bits to the pile on the counter.
  2387. >"Add another bagel to that. Will these four be enough for them?"
  2388. >Mrs. Cake nods and slides the bits into her apron.
  2389. >"Yes, ma'am. Although the total for the rest is thirty bits."
  2390. >Fuck.
  2391. >Well, at least it's not your money.
  2392. >You nod and pull out the bag of bits, trying to count out enough to pay before Mr. Cake starts squealing.
  2393. >"Oh, my goodness! I can't believe I didn't notice when you came in. How about we knock off half of that price for the happy herd?"
  2394. >You him a look as his wife squawks.
  2395. >"D-dear, please. We can't let all of this go for that cheap."
  2396. >Mr. Cake smiles and pats her back.
  2397. >"We absolutely can. And what we really need to do is get to work on some of our Lovers Specials."
  2398. >Mrs. Cake scrunches up, her eyes slowly scanning your group before landing on Twilight.
  2399. >"Oh! Oh my goodness, I should have realized why you were ordering so much. The four of you have a nice day, I have to get back to work."
  2400. >You turn to Twilight, who was slowly turning a nice shade of red.
  2401. "I thought you said this kind of thing isn't very common."
  2402. >Mr. Cake chuckles behind a hoof.
  2403. >"It may not be very common in places like Canterlot, but an old earth pony town like this one actually cares about something like tradition. Every time a new herd makes a show of being together, it's like an out of season Hearts and Hooves day. I'm going to be working my tail off today, but it's always so nice to see love in bloom."
  2404. >He stares off into the distance, happily humming to himself as Star nudges Twi.
  2405. >"You're going to be the center of the world today, Twi. How do you feel about that?"
  2406. >Twi scrunches up for only a second before shrugging.
  2407. >"Wouldn't be the first time. And maybe being the center of attention will be a good way to try and understand Trixie."
  2408. >The stage magician gives an approving choking noise through her bagel as you count out the bits.
  2409. "So...fifteen bits?"
  2410. >Mr. Cake snaps out of his stupor and quickly scrapes the bits off of the counter.
  2411. >"Yes, sir! If you need anything else, let me know."
  2412. "Will do. Thanks for...all of this."
  2413. >Starlight looks over the pile of treats and shakes her head.
  2414. >"I thought this was a grocery run. I didn't think we'd need a wagon for this."
  2415. "Well, thankfully I came prepared. C'mon, each of you grab some boxes."
  2416. >Twilight grabs the biggest box and Star grabs the remaining small ones before you can get to them, all while Trixie tries to choke her second bagel down.
  2417. >Mr. Cake scurries around the counter and opens the door four the four of you.
  2418. >"Let me know if anything's wrong and have a nice day!"
  2419. "I'm sure everything will be great, thank you."
  2420. >He smiles once more as the door closes behind the four of you.
  2421. >You whistle quietly and tap your foot against the ground, making the bushes around the building explode.
  2422. >Twi screams, Star shoots wildly, and Trixie crouches down as the large, singular wolf takes form in front of you.
  2423. >Twilight looks between you and the small holes the wolves had left in the dirt.
  2424. >"Wha-why were they here?"
  2425. "They followed us. Did none of you see them trailing us?"
  2426. >You take the large box from her and place it on Jims back, slowly pushing on the box to get it to submerge into the bramble.
  2427. >Star just shrugs as Twilight sputters for an answer.
  2428. >"I can't speak for these two, but my eyes were stuck on your flank for the whole trip over."
  2429. >You chuckle as the other two stare off in opposite directions.
  2430. >Or maybe Trixie's just trying to clear her wind pipe.
  2431. >Twi, still trying to pursue the subject, waves at you while keeping her eyes on a patch of grass.
  2432. >"B-but you didn't go get them from the trees behind the castle."
  2433. "No, but I still told them to follow."
  2434. >"How?"
  2435. >You put your hands up, giving her jazz hands along with your best smart ass smile.
  2436. "Mmmagic~"
  2437. >That gets her to face you, a soft glare on her muzzle as you take the boxes from Star.
  2438. >You continue prepping and packing the wolf in Twilights grumpy silence.
  2439. >Trixie swallows the last of her bagel and nudges Twilight.
  2440. >"Are you really complaining? Did you want to carry that stuff around all day?"
  2441. >Twilight snorts and turns away.
  2442. >"Not really. It's just I don't like the idea of them sneaking up behind me. And I definitely don't want another hunk of my tail ripped out. Especially now."
  2443. >Oh yeah.
  2444. >You had forgotten that Boyle had ripped out a hunk of her tail.
  2445. >You should do something to...
  2446. "Well I'll be damned."
  2447. >You turn around, smiling as you pluck some of the chords in the wolfs frame.
  2448. "It looks like the boys had a similar idea to this weaving thing."
  2449. >The trio perk up, slowly stepping forward to look at their tail hair mixed into the beast.
  2450. >Star rubs her chin and looks up at you.
  2451. >"That's...something. But you were the one that first decided to use a bit of my tail."
  2452. >Twilight nods.
  2453. >"That's probably all it is. Hendrix just found something he liked and...somehow conspired to get more with the others."
  2454. >You nod.
  2455. "My money's on Boyle being an asshole and Hendrix being Hendrix. He may be an excellent tracker, but he isn't right in the canopy."
  2456. >Twi quirks an eyebrow.
  2457. >"The canopy?"
  2458. >You reach down and poke her head.
  2459. "That's what I call their heads. It's a tree pun."
  2460. >She rolls her eyes as Trixie points at the wolf behind you.
  2461. >"Is all of that food going to be okay in there. Won't they try to eat it?"
  2462. >You shake your head and turn towards the market, motioning for the three to follow you.
  2463. "It'll be fine. I've stored food in them before."
  2464. >The wolf, who is now bulkier due to the boxes inside it, starts to play a slow song.
  2465. >...
  2466. >What song is that?
  2467. >It sounds familiar.
  2468. >You shake off the odd feeling as you look around the market, looking for your next stop.
  2469. >Which happened to be the apple stall.
  2470. >You look back, making sure everyone was close by and seeing a small horde of ponies watching you from a distance.
  2471. >Yup.
  2472. >Word is spreading fast.
  2473. >You sigh as you step up to Applejacks stall, pulling out the list Spike gave you.
  2474. "Hey, AJ. I need...four dozen apples? Who the hell are we feeding?"
  2475. >AJ quirks an eyebrow and starts to bag apples.
  2476. >"That's a good question. That's a hefty pile'a apples yer orderin'."
  2477. >You shrug and pocket the list as you pull out the bag of bits.
  2478. "How much for all of that?"
  2479. >She hums to herself as she dumps a pile of apples into a bag.
  2480. >"How about five bits?"
  2481. >Before you can even think of counting out the money, a blue hoof slams onto the counter.
  2482. >"Trixie thinks you can do better."
  2483. >AJ stops bagging and stares at her.
  2484. >"'Scuse me?"
  2485. >"Trixie thinks you can do better."
  2486. >"...I'm givin' ya-"
  2487. >"A mediocre deal?"
  2488. >You grab Trixie and toss her up on your shoulders.
  2489. "You're going to sit here and be quiet so that Applejack doesn't beat you up."
  2490. >AJ snorts and tilts her hat back.
  2491. >"Nah, nah. The mare's got a point, Anon. Let her down so I can give her a better deal. With mah hooves."
  2492. >You look around, trying to find something to diffuse the situation.
  2493. "Uh, hey I've got a question for you."
  2494. >"I'll answer once ya let that mare down."
  2495. >Trixie continues to exacerbate the situation by blowing a raspberry at AJ.
  2496. "Uh, when a herd of earth ponies come together, do they do something special to signify being
  2497. together or whatever?"
  2498. >The question catches AJ off guard, a small smile forming on her face.
  2499. >"Why, yes we do. There's all kinds'a fancy names fer it, but I just call it a runnin'."
  2500. >Twilight puts a hoof up.
  2501. >"It's supposed to be called a-"
  2502. >An apple bounces off of her head, silencing her and knocking her back.
  2503. >"Don'cha go tellin' me 'bout earth pony traditions."
  2504. >Applejack looks up at you as she continues loading the bag.
  2505. >"Fer every member of a herd, we run a mile. Ya got four ponies, ya run four miles. After that, an elder from each ponies family will follow the tracks they made out of town and back. If one ponies tracks can be picked out, that means they don't fit in with the others and are usually sent away."
  2506. "That seems a little harsh."
  2507. >AJ shrugs.
  2508. >"It's how things are, and it's done right by us. Plus, the Running of the Leaves came from it, so we can't get rid of it now."
  2509. >Twi holds up a hoof.
  2510. >"Actually, most scholars think that-"
  2511. >Another apple bounces off her head as AJ puts the bags on the counter.
  2512. >"The Herd Runnin' came first, Twi. And I'll fight ya on that."
  2513. >Starlight picks the bags up, loading them onto the wolf behind you as Trixie picks up the apples that were thrown at Twi.
  2514. >"So are you just going to sell these damaged goods to some unsuspecting pony? That would be-"
  2515. >AJ picks up a third apple and chucks it at her, bouncing it off Trixies head.
  2516. >"Keep 'em, ya dang fool."
  2517. >Trix smiles and loads the apples into the bag.
  2518. >"Trixie knew you could do better."
  2519. >You put the bits down on AJs stand and give her your best smile.
  2520. "I know she's obnoxious, but I'd appreciate if you didn't hurt her."
  2521. >AJ nods and goes back to sorting her apples.
  2522. >"If'n that's the case, ya might wann'a get her away from me."
  2523. >You nod back and begin to walk away.
  2524. "Will do. See you, tree cowboy."
  2525. >You hear the usual annoyed grumbling at the name as the three of you start to walk away.
  2526. >Twilight pulls Trixie off of your shoulders, hefting her up before setting her on the ground.
  2527. >"You're supposed to trot on your own four legs. Not be carried around like a foal."
  2528. >Trixie huffs and swings a hoof at Twi.
  2529. >"Trixie had no say in the matter."
  2530. >"Well if you had-owowOW!"
  2531. >Trixie joins in on the whining as you tug on the pairs ears.
  2532. "You two can fuss later. We have an issue."
  2533. >Star perks up as you release the two ears, leaving their owners to tend to them.
  2534. >"What's wrong, Nons?"
  2535. >You point down an alley way.
  2536. "Our next stop is Bon Bons, but the place is practically under attack."
  2537. >The three girls look down the alley to see a veritable stream of stallions running to and fro about the shop, some even sitting in front and crying as they devoured chocolates.
  2538. >Is this the Hearts and Hooves thing Mr. Cake was talking about?
  2539. >You poke Twi and point to a pair fighting over some kind of pony Toblerone.
  2540. "Did you really not know this was going to break out? This is pretty intense."
  2541. >She throws her hooves up in exasperation.
  2542. >"I had no idea. Although, I've lived most of my life in Canterlot and they tend to be a bit...reserved there."
  2543. >Trixie lifts up a hoof and makes a circular motion.
  2544. >"Well how long have you been in Ponyville? Surely you've seen herds formed in your time here."
  2545. >Twi stares at her, slowly shaking her head.
  2546. >"Trixie, I may be the princess of friendship, but I still prefer books. I usually avoid whatever is causing gossip or drama in town."
  2547. >"Oh, you're no fun. A little drama can go a long way in terms of entertainment."
  2548. >Twi snorts at her.
  2549. >"Do you really find joy in the suffering of other ponies?"
  2550. >"It doesn't have to be suffering. Trixie can settle on the mild inconvenience of others."
  2551. >You roll your eyes.
  2552. "Alright, that's enough out of you. Now how about we-"
  2553. >"Ah-hem."
  2554. >You look down and see-
  2555. "Starlight?"
  2556. >Star nods as the crackling energy in her mane and coat slowly turn her a solid pink.
  2557. >You can just see the faint light of her horn, which was now hidden in her mane, as she set a fedora on her head and a fake mustache on her muzzle.
  2558. >"Okay, I don't want to get caught up in that mess, so give me that list and I'll grab whatever we need."
  2559. "Before I do that...why are you Pinkie?"
  2560. >She rolls her eyes and creates a pair of sunglasses in a flash of light.
  2561. >"I'm not Pinkie. I'm Pinkie in disguise. And when ponies see Pinkie in a bad disguise, they'll try and get out of the splash zone."
  2562. >Maybe the boring ones, but you'd probably hop in on that.
  2563. >Speaking of the boring ones, Twi takes a swing at the disguised Star.
  2564. >"Starlight! What would Pinkie think if she saw you running around as her?"
  2565. >"She probably wouldn't care so long as I didn't make a pony sad."
  2566. >Twilights jaw snaps shut as you hand Star the bits and look over the list.
  2567. "We need five pounds of each type of chocolate, a bucket of lollipops, and a murder of gummy crows...what?"
  2568. >Star nods and begins to head down the alley.
  2569. >"Got it. I'll be right-HEY!"
  2570. >She yelps as Twi grabs her tail, yanking her back to whisper into her ear.
  2571. >Star scowls at her with Pinkies face, something incredibly weird to see, before a small smile overtakes her.
  2572. >She nods, Twilight produces some bits in a flash of light, gives them to her, and Star continues on her way.
  2573. >You point at her as Twi returns to you and Trixie.
  2574. "What was that?"
  2575. >She looks back at Star for a moment before returning to you.
  2576. >"Well, I was just thinking...Actually, would you like to know what pegasi do for herds?"
  2577. >You quirk an eyebrow and lean against Jims side.
  2578. "Sure. What do they do?"
  2579. >She lights up her horn, moving the dirt around her hooves and forming it into mini pegasi and clouds.
  2580. >"A herd of pegasi will choose a cloud at random and take it as high as they can. Once they've done that, they'll pluck primary feathers and exchange them so that another herd member can stick it into their own wing. After that, the herd will perform a slow glide downwards, and if the feathers stay in place, it's a herd meant to be."
  2581. >You rub your chin.
  2582. "So it kind of sounds like earth ponies and pegasi actually...do something while the unicorns just show off the weave thing."
  2583. >She rubs the back of her head.
  2584. >"Well, unicorns have historically had issues with vanity."
  2585. >You can't help but snort as you look over at Trixie.
  2586. "Really? Unicorns have vanity issues? I never would have guessed."
  2587. >She smiles and brushes back a lock of her mane.
  2588. >"If you're trying to insult Trixie, you're not doing a very good job of it."
  2589. >You let out a low chuckle as-
  2590. >"I'm back!"
  2591. >You jerk as Pinkie-Star hops into the middle of the three of you.
  2592. >"Ugh, that place was packed!"
  2593. >You stand up straight, dusting yourself as Star walk towards Jim.
  2594. "You get everything?"
  2595. >"Almost. She was out of the regular chocolate and I could only grab three pounds of dark, but I got everything else."
  2596. >She levitates the various boxes off of her back, placing most on Jim and moving one towards Twilight as energy crackles across her body.
  2597. >Her mane flops back to its normal style as her normal colors slowly over take her form.
  2598. >She puts a hoof up and massages the back of her head.
  2599. >"That spell wears me out."
  2600. >You smirk to yourself as she looks herself over.
  2601. "It shouldn't. You're just making yourself pinker."
  2602. >Star shoots a glare at you.
  2603. >"Buck you, I'm not pink."
  2604. >You pat Twi on the back.
  2605. "What do you think, Twi? Is she pink?"
  2606. >"Uh."
  2607. >She looks between you and Star, who was glaring at her.
  2608. >"Don't you do it. Don't you side with him."
  2609. >"Well, technically speaking-"
  2610. >Star grabs Twilights muzzle with her magic to silence her.
  2611. >"You know what? Forget it. Just show the other two what you had me get and let's move on."
  2612. >Twilight quickly nods and opens the box.
  2613. >And just stares into it.
  2614. >...
  2615. >And stares at it a bit more.
  2616. >Star clears her throat.
  2617. >"Did you want me to get something else-"
  2618. >Twilight shakes her head and smiles at her.
  2619. >"No, they're perfect! It's just...I guess I still haven't fully acknowledged that I'm finally in a herd."
  2620. >She pours a bit more magic into her horn and pulls three chocolate covered strawberrys out of the box.
  2621. >"Here. I know I had Starlight get it, and that it's nothing too special, but I thought it would still be nice."
  2622. >Starlight graciously takes hers, taking a small bite out of it as Trixie swallows hers whole.
  2623. >You pick your strawberry out of the air as Twi glares at her.
  2624. >"That was supposed to be a gift. No, that was a gift! Why would you just-"
  2625. >You tap a foot against Twilights hoof, getting her attention as you carve through your strawberry with one of the claws on your necklace.
  2626. "That's how she says she likes it."
  2627. >Trixie nods, still trying to choke down her treat as you finish cutting the fruit and offer half of it to Twi.
  2628. >She looks at it hesitantly before turning to you.
  2629. >"Do you not like it? I can go and get-"
  2630. >You roll your eyes and rub the fruits innards on her nose, making her eyes cross as she tries to lick off the little bit of juice.
  2631. "I'm no expert on this herding stuff, but I at least understand that a herd does stuff together. It wouldn't be right if the three of us got something and left you out of it."
  2632. >She looks up at you, slowly smiling before accepting the offered treat.
  2633. >"You may not be an expert, but it sounds like you've figured out all you need to know about herding."
  2634. ----------
  2635. >Spike was getting a talking to.
  2636. >There was no way in hell you were going to use all these tomatoes.
  2637. >And the cheese!
  2638. >Why did he need ten pounds of mozzarella?!
  2639. >It was going to go bad before it could be used up.
  2640. >You look back at poor Jim, who was straining under the weight of all the food.
  2641. >Poor guy.
  2642. >Probably should have brought a wagon.
  2643. >You shake your head and turn to Twilight.
  2644. "Are we having some kind of party? Why do we need this much food?"
  2645. >She looks back at Jim and shakes her head.
  2646. >"Not that I know of, but I may have forgotten something."
  2647. >She and Star light up their horns, opening up the door for you and the overburdened Jim.
  2648. >You stay back, making sure he's okay as he goes up the short couple of steps.
  2649. "He might have trouble with the stairs, so we might have to lighten his load."
  2650. >Twilight nods.
  2651. >"Would it help if we took the big box out, or should we just take some weight off?"
  2652. "I think if we-"
  2653. >"Ack!"
  2654. >You turn around to see Twilight struggling with a tiny pink blob on her back.
  2655. >"What is-Flurry?! What are you doing here? You should be with..."
  2656. >Twilight trails off, the baby happily alicorn chewing on her ear as an all too familiar look colors her features.
  2657. >Not willing to go through one of her hour long panic attacks, you grab her muzzle and give it a shake.
  2658. "Twi? Whose kid is that? Where are her parents?"
  2659. >Her reply is barely a whisper, a blank, soulless look fills her eyes.
  2660. >"I forgot."
  2661. "You-"
  2662. >"Aw fugaht."
  2663. >Any and all signs of panic are gone as the baby attempts to imitate Twilights words.
  2664. >She pulls the foal off of her head and into a hug.
  2665. >"Are you talking now?! Oh, you're growing so fast, Flurry! Can you say Auntie Twilight?"
  2666. >"Pbpbptthhht."
  2667. >"Auntie Twilight."
  2668. >"Da da?"
  2669. >"You can say dada?! You're such a smart little filly!"
  2670. >You tune out the baby and the baby talk in favor of Star and Trixie.
  2671. >Who were behind one of Stars shields.
  2672. >You frown and walk around the shield, crouching down between the two mares.
  2673. "Do one of you know who's kid that is?"
  2674. >Star nods.
  2675. >"That's Twilights niece, Flurry Heart."
  2676. "Okay. And why are you two standing behind a shield? It's just a baby."
  2677. >She scoffs.
  2678. >"That foal is a magical juggernaut. The shield won't even protect us, it'll just give us an extra second to run."
  2679. >That's...not even surprising at this point.
  2680. "So why is she here instead of with her parents?"
  2681. >"We /were/ looking for her, but it looks like she found her favorite aunt."
  2682. >Twilights head snaps up to the top of the stairs, where a white unicorn and another alicorn were standing.
  2683. >"Shining! Cadence!"
  2684. >With a flash of her horn, Twilights tail turns invisible.
  2685. >"I completely forgot you were coming."
  2686. >The unicorn chuckles as the pair make their way down the stairs.
  2687. >"I'm not too surprised. Judging by the size of that book fort, something must have been stressing you out."
  2688. >Twilight lets her head hang to the floor, the baby still clinging on and chewing on her ear.
  2689. >"I...yeah. I had an issue that I had trouble sorting out."
  2690. >The two continue their conversation as the alicorn walks around Twilight, heading towards you and doing a happy little dance on the tips of her hooves.
  2691. >"Hi there! I hear you three are in a herd."
  2692. >...
  2693. "Is that how you normally start a conversation?"
  2694. >"I would if I could, but new herds aren't formed every day."
  2695. >She puts a hoof up and taps against the shield.
  2696. >"Hi there, Starlight. Nice to see you again."
  2697. >Star smiles and drops the shield.
  2698. >"Hello, Cadence. You've met Trixie before, right."
  2699. >Cadence smiles and extends a hoof towards Trixie.
  2700. >"I think we met once, but it's nice to get to know you a little better."
  2701. >They shake hooves as Trixie smiles.
  2702. >"Well of course it is. Everypony should know Trixie."
  2703. >Cadence hums to herself as she pulls her hoof back.
  2704. >"Yeah, I think I remember you now. But /you/ must be Anonymous, the stallion of this herd that little Twilight's been writing to me about."
  2705. >You quirk an eyebrow and look over to the purple nerd, whose mane was being attacked by Shinings hair brush, before nodding.
  2706. "Yeah, I'm Anon. Are you a princess too or..."
  2707. >She waves you off with a nod.
  2708. >"I am, but please don't bother with the formalities. Just call me Cadence. And that big colt harassing my sister-in-law is my husband, Shining Armor."
  2709. >You look at them again, seeing the comb now stuck in Twilights mane as she struggled to get out of a headlock her brother had put her in.
  2710. >Flurry was giggling away as Twi tried to get out of the hold.
  2711. "What are they doing?"
  2712. >Cadence gives you a curious look.
  2713. >"Do fathers of your kind not groom their family like that? I'm sure her dad will do the same thing to her when he comes down."
  2714. >Ignoring that first part.
  2715. "Her parents are here?"
  2716. >You don't know if you're ready to meet the family.
  2717. >Wait, you already are.
  2718. >Shit, don't panic!
  2719. >Cadence happily nods, almost prancing in place.
  2720. >"Yes, they are! We couldn't clear our schedules for Hearthswarming, so we decided to meet up for Nightmare Night instead. Aaand I found a certain somepony that the three of you might like to meet. You especially, Starlight."
  2721. >Star narrows her eyes.
  2722. >"And who exactly-"
  2723. >"There's my sugarplum!"
  2724. >Stars eyes go wide as an older looking, purple stallion comes running down the stairs.
  2725. >Another couple were near the top of the stairs, slowly making their way down as well.
  2726. >Star wraps a hoof over her muzzle and sighs.
  2727. >"I...guess this is for the best. Anon, Trixie. I'm going to talk to my dad for a bit and then introduce you. For the love of Celestia, at least try to make a good first impression."
  2728. >Trixie flourishes her cape.
  2729. >"The charismatic and lovable Trixie has yet to make a poor first impression."
  2730. >"That's a load and you know it. Now shut up and behave."
  2731. >The two of you chuckle to yourselves as Star puts on her best smile and walks over to her dad.
  2732. >So...
  2733. >This is going to be a mess, but is it going to be the fun kind?
  2734. >Cadence walks in front of you, giving you a soft, almost sad smile.
  2735. >"I tried to make this into a big family meetup but...the power of love can only go so far. I couldn't contact your family, Anon. I'm sorry."
  2736. >You frown and look between your three mares, two of which were being aggressively groomed, and shrug.
  2737. >Picking up Trixie, you pull her against your chest.
  2738. "I appreciate your efforts Cadence, but my family is here. I have Trixie, Star, and Twilight. I've got all I need."
  2739. >Trixie smiles and places a hoof on your chest.
  2740. >"Would you really call Trixie part of your family?"
  2741. >You lean down and give her a little kiss on the snoot.
  2742. "I'd say I already do."
  2743. >You grin as a thought comes to you.
  2744. "And you know what? This might actually turn out pretty good. Chances are that both Twi and Stars parents brought pictures of them as babies."
  2745. >Trixie starts to grin.
  2746. >"They must have some embarrassing pictures. If we ask nice enough, we might even be able to get copies of them."
  2747. >The two of you are pulled out of your plotting by a Cadence giggling to herself.
  2748. >"You two are so cute and...different! I love seeing a new herd in action."
  2749. >You jerk back.
  2750. "You love wha-"
  2751. >"Ignore the innuendo, it was an accident."
  2752. "Uh-"
  2753. >"Now here's an important question for you. Why did you count Twilight among your herdmates?"
  2754. >You look at Twi again, who was being attacked by combs from both her father and brother.
  2755. >All while the pony that you think was her mother was sitting back and laughing at the scene.
  2756. >You just shrug at Cadence, who was nearly wagging her tail.
  2757. "She's in our herd now. I don't know why she made her tail disappear, especially when she told me herself she's supposed to show off that weave."
  2758. >Cadences eyes go wide before a smile overtakes her face.
  2759. >"She's probably just overthinking things, but did you really weave her tail? That must have been why the town was going crazy. We were thinking about getting some gummy crows for Flurry, but the candy shop was packed."
  2760. "Gummy crows?"
  2761. >Cadence nods.
  2762. >"Flurry's part pegasus and the crows help with her flight coordination."
  2763. >"She probably likes them because of what you ate when you were pregnant with her."
  2764. >Cadence puffs up at Shinings interjection.
  2765. >"Shiny! Do you have to tell everypony about that."
  2766. >He smirks at her before looking over to you.
  2767. >"She had some weird pregnancy cravings, let me tell you."
  2768. >You turn to Cadence, who was trying to hide behind her mane.
  2769. "Did you actually eat live birds when you were pregnant?"
  2770. >"...Maybe."
  2771. "I'd be judging you super hard if it wasn't for the fact that I've eaten worse."
  2772. >No!
  2773. >Don't say you'd be judging Twilights family the first time you meet them.
  2774. >There's a thing called manners, asshole.
  2775. >You put Trixie down and stand up to your full height, garnering the attention of most of the people in the room.
  2776. >Shining whistles as you start to head towards Jim.
  2777. >"You're a big colt."
  2778. >Fuck.
  2779. >Don't say it.
  2780. >Don't-
  2781. "For you."
  2782. >God DAMN IT!
  2783. >There is something wrong with you.
  2784. >Shining chuckles.
  2785. >"Yeah, I guess I haven't seen any others of your kind. Are you about average height or..."
  2786. >You come to a stop next to Jim and look down at your tar gator boots.
  2787. >It's too bad what happened to your old, Earth made ones.
  2788. >Reaching into Jim, you fish around for the candy.
  2789. "I'd say I'm a bit bigger than most humans."
  2790. >The smile diminishes from Shinings face.
  2791. >"Uh. Is that an actual timberwolf?"
  2792. >...
  2793. >You pull out the box of crows and give Jim a nudge.
  2794. "It's more like seven, but yeah. Did you not notice him earlier?"
  2795. >He stares at Jim, who was casually looking around the room, and shakes his head.
  2796. >"I thought it was some weird decoration that Twily got."
  2797. >The focus on Jim gets him even more attention as Twilight and her parents come over.
  2798. >Twilights mom waves at Jim and looks at you.
  2799. >"I've never seen one of those things before, but I've heard they're supposed to be pretty vicious. Why is this one so calm?"
  2800. >You pat Jim on the back before walking over to Cadence.
  2801. "Because I hit harder than they bite."
  2802. >Ugh.
  2803. >That sounds like a line out of some shitty fanfiction.
  2804. >Thankfully, she bursts out into raucous laughter as you hand the box over to Cadence.
  2805. "Here. All the stuff on Spikes list is in Jim there, but these are the crows."
  2806. >Cadence smiles and happily takes the box from you.
  2807. >"Thank you! Did you get everything? I should have sent Spike enough bits."
  2808. >She fiddles with the box as you nod.
  2809. "We got most of it. The candy shop was running out of chocolate and we could only get four pounds of dough instead of ten."
  2810. >"Aw. Well I guess thin crust never hurt anypony."
  2811. >She pops open the corner of the box, allowing three of the gummy crows to...fly away?
  2812. >"Flurry! You want some crows, filly?"
  2813. >The filly in question stops chewing on Twilights ear to stare at the crows flying through the air.
  2814. >She mumbles gibberish to herself before leaping off of Twilights back, flapping her wings as she flies towards the crows.
  2815. >She starts to swoop and dive, trying to catch the candies as the older blue stallion steps forward to extend a hoof.
  2816. >"Since seemingly nopony in my family has any manners-"
  2817. >His wife nudges him in the ribs.
  2818. >"Did you not know that already?"
  2819. >He nudges her back before continuing.
  2820. >"I suppose I'll introduce us. I am Night Light and my wife here is Twilight Velvet. My son here is Shining Armor and I see you've been getting along with my daughter-in-law, Cadence."
  2821. >You shake Night Lights hoof and nod as he points to every one.
  2822. "It's nice to meet all of you."
  2823. >Night Light titters and waves a hoof at you.
  2824. >"Oh, and it is wonderful to meet the stallion that my little Twilight has been writing to me about."
  2825. >You look over at Twilight, who was pawing at the floor with a slight tinge of red to her face.
  2826. >You get her attention and point between her parents and Cadence.
  2827. "Hey, Twi. Who haven't you written to about me?"
  2828. >She purses her lips.
  2829. >"Um. The majority of the Equestrian population?"
  2830. >You shake your head as Star returns to the group with her father.
  2831. >She looks between you and Trixie and gives Twilight a brief glance before pointing towards her dad.
  2832. >"Anon, Trixie. This is my dad, Firelight. Dad, this is Trixie and Anon."
  2833. >Firelight happily runs forward and grabs Trixies hoof.
  2834. >"It is so nice to meet the two of you. I am so happy that my little filly was able to find a herd of her own."
  2835. >Trixie smiles and pulls her hat off with her magic.
  2836. >"And it is a good thing she found us, otherwise she'd still be lost and bumbling around in life."
  2837. >Firelight nods.
  2838. >"Oh, I know! She's a good filly, but she has always been one to find trouble."
  2839. >You can't hide the smirk as you look over at Star, who looked about ready to kill Trixie.
  2840. >Okay, this might actually be fun.
  2841. >You wipe a hand over your mouth, trying to hide the smirk as Firelight comes over to you.
  2842. >"And you are...something new! Nice to meet you, Mr. Anonymous. Has my daughter been treating you right?"
  2843. >You look at Starlight, whose face was colored with despair and fear, and slowly nod.
  2844. "She is incredibly polite, sir. It's always nice to have her around."
  2845. >Why did you just lie to Stars dad like that?
  2846. >Firelight smiles and grabs your hand with a hoof.
  2847. >"That is so good to hear! She was always had trouble with the colts."
  2848. >Star whines.
  2849. >"Dad, please don't."
  2850. >"I'm just telling the truth, sweetie. Oh, let me tell you two about the tragedy that became her school dance! She-"
  2851. >"Before you do that."
  2852. >The rooms occupants collectively turn towards Cadence, who was standing behing Twilight.
  2853. >"I just want to ask Twilight where her tail is."
  2854. >Twilight whips around, making Flurry squeal as she spins.
  2855. >"I-I had an accident in the lab. Yeah, I-"
  2856. >clinkclinkclink
  2857. >She goes quiet a glowing blue ball bounces on the crystal floor behind Twilight.
  2858. >Trixie gestures at her and looks at her parents.
  2859. >"Have you noticed that your daughter has a tendency to overreact?"
  2860. >Velvet eyes the glowing orb before looking at her.
  2861. >"Yeah, she gets that from her father."
  2862. >Night Light nips at her ear.
  2863. >"There are enough couches here for you to sleep on a different one every night we're here."
  2864. >"I'm fine with that. Some of them look comfy."
  2865. >Night Light rolls his eyes before looking at Twi.
  2866. >"Twilight, what actually happened to your tail?"
  2867. >Twi shifts her weight from side to side.
  2868. >"Well..."
  2869. >She lights up her horn, pulsing a bit of magic through it to make her tail reappear.
  2870. >"I wanted it to be special when you saw it. I didn't want you to just...see it."
  2871. >Cadence had already circled around by the time she was done, with Shining and Night Light coming a second later.
  2872. >Night Light picks it up, wordlessly stroking the iron band.
  2873. >Cadence happily flaps her wings as Shining extends a hoof as well.
  2874. >The sight catches Firelights eye, who focuses on the light blue fabric in the tail before looking to his daughter.
  2875. >Starlight nods, and that is all that he needs before galloping over to join Twilights family in gawking over her tail.
  2876. >Well, most of them, that is.
  2877. >Velvet was looking between you, Star, and Trixie, slowly rubbing her chin.
  2878. >"So my daughter is in a herd with an overgrown monkey, a registered hex offender, and...a pony that I'm assuming runs around in a hat and cloak all the time."
  2879. >The three of you look at eachother, each nodding in agreement.
  2880. "That sounds like us."
  2881. >Star sighs.
  2882. >"Unfortunately."
  2883. >"Trixie would like to add that she is better than your daughter in every regard."
  2884. >You smack the loud mouth over the head as Velvet heads back to Twilight.
  2885. >She wraps a hoof over Twis withers and pulls her close.
  2886. >"I always had this feeling that, if you ever did find one, you'd come to your father and I and tell us that you were in a 'bachelorette herd'."
  2887. >Twilight rolls her eyes.
  2888. >"I kept telling you that-"
  2889. >"And /if/ you found a herd that wasn't a complete clam jam, they'd be the most dull, boring idiots in Equestria."
  2890. >Night Light snaps up and waves a warning at her.
  2891. >"Velvet! That is our daughter and her herdmates are right here!"
  2892. >Velvet waves back dismissively.
  2893. >"Give me a second. There's a 'but' at the end of this."
  2894. >She takes her hoof and places it in Twilights chest.
  2895. >"Never, even if you lived to be older than Celestia, did I think you would end up with somepony that would have so much as a sense of humor."
  2896. >You can almost feel the contempt radiating off of Twilight.
  2897. >"Gee. Thanks, mom."
  2898. >Velvet nudges her and points to you and your girls with a smile.
  2899. >"And now look! I know I told you not to toss your clam in crazy chowder, but you went and jumped into what may be the craziest herd in Equestria!"
  2900. >"Okay, that's enough."
  2901. >Night Light reaches over and bites down on Velvets ear, making her yelp.
  2902. >"Ow, ow Nighty, please. I was just congratulating our daughter on getting a herd."
  2903. >Night Light spits out her ear, but keeps ahold of it with his magic as he pulls her away.
  2904. >"We're going to have a talk."
  2905. >He turns back to the group and smiles.
  2906. >"How does everypony feel about lunch? I think we should go out and celebrate the new herd. I'm just going to take a second to talk to my wife."
  2907. >There are general sounds of happy agreement and some whining as Velvet is dragged off.
  2908. >Welp.
  2909. >Guess it's time for lunch with the family.
  2910. ----------
  2911. >You are Starlight.
  2912. >And this could be worse.
  2913. >You guess.
  2914. >Sure your dad was occasionally embarrassing you, but you were currently at the nicest restaurant in town.
  2915. >Which really just meant that it had chairs instead of making you sit in the dirt.
  2916. >You would have liked to sit inside, since it was kind of chilly, but you were all stuck to the patio since Anon brought the wolves.
  2917. >Still, it helped that Twilights suffering was well beyond your own.
  2918. >Both of her parents, her brother, and even her foal sitter were here to tell stories about her.
  2919. >You're sure they have stories to tell, but Anon and Shining were getting surprisingly chummy.
  2920. >Or, not too surprising considering the current topic.
  2921. >Anon laughs as Shining moves around his salad topping that acted as the characters in his story.
  2922. >"And that's when the yeti charged."
  2923. >Anon giggles into his drink and points to a grouping of torn up lettuce.
  2924. >"What did the recruits do?"
  2925. >Shining rolls his eyes.
  2926. >"What do you think they did?"
  2927. >"Okay, let me rephrase that. How bad did they panic?"
  2928. >"Well, remember when I said we were hauling some heavy weaponry?"
  2929. >Shining lifts up a cherry tomato.
  2930. >"They whipped out a balista, loaded it, and fired it."
  2931. >Anon starts giggling again.
  2932. >"Did they hit the yeti?"
  2933. >"They did. They shot it square in the chest, and I found out that one of them is pretty skilled with that kind of weaponry."
  2934. >"Well, don't keep me waiting."
  2935. >"Draw Weight, the mare that fired the ballista, decided to use magic to boost the shot."
  2936. >"And she overdid it, didn't she?"
  2937. >Shining nods.
  2938. >"The bolt hit and that thing flew. And when I say it flew, I mean it /flew/. If princess Luna was still on the moon, she would have had a friend to talk to."
  2939. >Anon chuckles.
  2940. >"I'm surprised it stayed intact. Kind of reminds of the time I made a rorschach thingy with a rabbit and a fifty ca-"
  2941. >You light up your horn and tug on his sleeve.
  2942. "Hi. Voice of reason here. Just came by to tell you two to stop telling your horror stories in public."
  2943. >Both colts stop to stare at you for a second before slowly looking around the area.
  2944. >Night Light and your dad were both looking a little green, while some of the other patrons were giving your table odd looks.
  2945. >Velvet looked intrigued by the story while Twilight, Cadence, and Trixie were just arguing over bread sticks.
  2946. >Shining rubs his nose and shifts around.
  2947. >"I guess I forgot where we were. I'm used to being in a barracks surrounded by mares."
  2948. >Anon nods.
  2949. >"Yeah, I got a little carried away too."
  2950. >Velvet shakes her head.
  2951. >"No no, by all means, tell us what happened to the rabbit."
  2952. >Night Light wraps a hoof over her withers.
  2953. >"What she /means/ to say is, how has Ponyville been treating you, Anonymous?"
  2954. >Anon looks between the two before nodding.
  2955. >"It's great. It's calm, quiet, and the monster attacks only come once a week."
  2956. >He points between you and Twilight.
  2957. >"These two usually help get rid of those with Twilights friends while I stay with Trixie."
  2958. >The magician in question throws a hoof up.
  2959. >"To keep him safe! Trixie is afraid of no beast, she is just the last line of defense for dear Anonymous."
  2960. >Anon pats her on the head as she continues the breaded struggle, allowing Shining to ask a question.
  2961. >"You seem capable enough, Anon. Why don't you get in on the fighting?"
  2962. >Anon grimaces.
  2963. >"Well, for starters, I operate a little differently than ponies. I don't think many would like seeing me do my thing when stuff here runs on friendship and rainbows. Not to mention that most of the stuff hitting town was out of my class until I got my pack and my gear back."
  2964. >Huh.
  2965. >You wonder if Anon could 'deal' with the bugbear.
  2966. >That thing has attacked the town three times in the past five weeks.
  2967. >It wouldn't be that bad, right?
  2968. >Anon and the wolves would get meat, and you wouldn't have to deal with as many monster attacks.
  2969. >Night Light nods.
  2970. >"Speaking of your...'pack' is Flurry alright?"
  2971. >Anon looks over at the foal, who was wrapped up in Hensons paws.
  2972. >There was a low rumbling coming from the wolfs chest as it licked Flurrys mane, making her laugh.
  2973. >Most of the wolves were in a circle around them, but you think Boyle was missing.
  2974. >Anon nods at the pair before turning back to Night Light.
  2975. >"Out of all of them, Henson is the least likely to do something. Not to say I haven't been keeping an eye on him."
  2976. >Night Light does not look reassured as Shining nods.
  2977. >"I've got a spell ready just in case, but she seems to be enjoying herself. Even if she needs a bath now."
  2978. >You shake your head.
  2979. "So you two are just going to let a foal play with a dangerous monster?"
  2980. >The pair think on it for a second and shrug.
  2981. >"Sure."
  2982. >"Why not?"
  2983. >You put a hoof on your face.
  2984. "There is something wrong with you. Both of you."
  2985. >You press the hoof harder into your face as your dad starts to tut.
  2986. >"That is no way to talk to your stallion and a prince, Starlight."
  2987. >Shining waves a hoof.
  2988. >"Don't worry about me. It's nice being treated like a normal pony every now and then."
  2989. >Anon nods.
  2990. >"And the four of us just like to have some healthy banter. It may sound mean, but it's just how we get along. Right, Star?"
  2991. >You realize Anon is trying to give you an out but-
  2992. "I wouldn't really say Twilight likes banter."
  2993. >The two of you look over at the princess, who had lost the battle of the bread sticks.
  2994. >Cadence and Trixie, however, were still going at it, throwing themselves over Twilights back to better fight eachother.
  2995. >Twilight turns to you and shakes her head.
  2996. >"And you'd be right. I still think banter is just an excuse to be rude."
  2997. >You put a hoof up to your chin.
  2998. "You, uh, you need some help there, Twilight?"
  2999. >She simply shakes her head.
  3000. >"I'm fine, but when the waiter comes back can you ask him for more bread sticks?"
  3001. >You nod as she returns to her food.
  3002. >Seeing his chance, your dad extends a hoof towards Anon.
  3003. >"Excuse me, Anonymous, but do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
  3004. >Anon takes a sip of his drink before nodding.
  3005. >"Sure. What do you want to know?"
  3006. >"Well you say that you're from a different world and, while I may be skeptical, I can't deny that I'm curious. You see, I'm a little old fashioned and have an interest in other old fashioned things. Do you have any stories about your kinds history?"
  3007. >Anon rubs his chin.
  3008. >"I'd love to tell some stories, but I don't know much history stuff outside of the world wars."
  3009. >You scrunch up.
  3010. "The what?"
  3011. >He waves a hand and continues.
  3012. >"But I do know a bit about an era that you might like. It was a time when art, music, and all kinds of stuff developed."
  3013. >Night Light smiles.
  3014. >"Now that sounds interesting. What do you colts think about us staying home tonight and having a nice chat?"
  3015. >Firelight smiles and happily nods.
  3016. >"That sounds wonderful! It would give me a chance to shake off the aches from the train ride and it would also let us get to know eachother better."
  3017. >Three of the colts start to make a plan, leaving Anon confused as to how he was dragged into things, as a crunching, snapping noise gets your attention.
  3018. >You look over to see Henson rip out Bobs neck, shaking off some of the sticks before looking over to Flurry.
  3019. >She looks at the pack leader and then to Bo as he flops down in front of the filly.
  3020. >Getting the idea, Flurry reaches out and starts to chew on a stick in Bos neck as Bob pulls himself back together.
  3021. >Night Light hums to himself and picks the filly up, making her whine as he pulls the foal into a hug.
  3022. >"I think that's enough play time for now. Is everypony ready to go?"
  3023. >Before anypony can say anything, Velvet puts a hoof on the table.
  3024. >"Hey. Since you colts are going to have a get together, how about the mares go around town and do the same?"
  3025. >Night Light responds quick as a whip.
  3026. >"No drinking."
  3027. >He puts a hoof on Velvet and looks between you and Trixie.
  3028. >"Don't let her near a bar. Her doctor says she needs to stop drinking."
  3029. >Well that rules out just about everything there is to do in town.
  3030. >Velvet rolls her eyes as she drops a pile of bits on the table.
  3031. >"That so-called doctor is just trying to push pills."
  3032. >"She is not! How many doctors have we been to that have told you the same thing?"
  3033. >"There was the one."
  3034. >Night Light places a hoof on her nose.
  3035. >"That /one/ tried to sell you a grave and a tombstone."
  3036. >"...Well that's just thinking ahead."
  3037. >You lean over and around Anon to nudge Twilight.
  3038. "Your parents are fun."
  3039. >She shoots you a glare for a second before fully pulling herself out of her salad.
  3040. >The bread stick between the two fighting mares above her lights up before slowly floating away, dragging away her assailants with it.
  3041. >She leans over and places her head next to yours behind Anons back before whispering.
  3042. >"I bet your dad is fun too. I'll make sure to spend some time with him."
  3043. >...
  3044. >She returns to her food as Anon pats you on the rump.
  3045. >"Congratulations, Star. You poked the bear."
  3046. ----------
  3047. >Sure, Velvet wasn't supposed to drink.
  3048. >But what Night Light didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
  3049. >Velvet slowly turns the mug of cider upwards, savoring every drop as Twilight glares at her.
  3050. >"Dad said you're not supposed to drink."
  3051. >The only reply is happy humming as the older mare downs her drink next to her daughter.
  3052. >Cadence was on the far left side of the group next to Trixie, sipping on some fruity drink you would expect a stallion to get.
  3053. >She would occasionally wobble, not from the drink, but from sitting on a bar stool that was far too small for her.
  3054. >Trixie was already on her second cider.
  3055. >You were in the middle of the group, slowly sipping your first drink because you wanted to see how this turned out.
  3056. >Velvet slams her mug onto the counter and looks at Twilight.
  3057. >"Twilight."
  3058. >Twilight only increases her glare.
  3059. >"Mom."
  3060. >Velvet wraps a hoof around her daughter.
  3061. >"I hoped you had loosened up. You have a herd with some of the weirdest ponies I've ever met and a giant, hairless monkey."
  3062. >She nudges you with the hoof slung over her daughters back.
  3063. >"What's the story behind the big colt anyways?"
  3064. >You lean on the counter and shrug.
  3065. "Not much to tell. Twilight dragged him out of the forest and things just kind of happened with Trixie and I. And then the wolves showed up...and then we dragged Twilight into it. Yeah, I guess there is a lot to say about it."
  3066. >Velvet chuckles and shakes Twilight.
  3067. >"So did you plan on joining them, or did it just happen?"
  3068. >Twilight scrunches.
  3069. >"Yes."
  3070. >Velvet smiles and pulls her into a one sided hug.
  3071. >"I'm happy you found a herd, Twilight. I really am."
  3072. >Twilight smiles and wraps a wing around her mother.
  3073. >"Well...so am I. They're two good mares and one very good stallion."
  3074. >Velvet boops her as she lifts up her drink with her magic.
  3075. >"Good. I'd expect anything less for my little filly."
  3076. >"...I'm still telling dad you went drinking."
  3077. >Velvet stops, her drink halfway to her lips.
  3078. >"Nopony likes a papas filly, Twilight."
  3079. >"Maybe, but I care about you and if your doctor says you shouldn't drink, you shouldn't."
  3080. >Velvet grumbles and turns to you.
  3081. >"So why did you want a pony like her in your herd?"
  3082. >You just shrug.
  3083. "The way I see it, either the three of us become responsible, or we get her to lighten up. Either way, it's a win."
  3084. >She slowly swirls her drink as she nods.
  3085. >"Well whatever happens, just try and beat a sense of humor into her. I tried myself, but I guess it didn't work since I didn't write it in a book."
  3086. >She floats her mug over and knocks it against Trixies.
  3087. >"That goes for you too!"
  3088. >Trixie gives her a short look before looking over to Twilight.
  3089. >"Trixie will do what she can, but she feels that your daughter is better at being the butt of a joke than making them."
  3090. >Twilight fires a bolt of lightning over your head, shocking Trixie as Velvet laughs.
  3091. >"It sure seems like it sometimes, doesn't it?"
  3092. >Twilight rolls her eyes.
  3093. >"Are we done picking on me yet?"
  3094. "Nope."
  3095. >"Trixie will continue to do so should you shoot her with lightning again."
  3096. >"I'm your mom, so it's kind of my job."
  3097. >Cadence waves her glass in the air.
  3098. >"I won't pick on you, Twilight!"
  3099. >Velvet snaps up and points at her.
  3100. >"That's because you're more of a colt than my son! Do you actually let him run off and defend /your/ empire while you sit in a warm and cozy throne room?"
  3101. >Cadances feathers ruffle as she tries to hide behind a wing.
  3102. >"W-well I get sick when I see blood. And Shiny's better at leading troops against those monsters anyways."
  3103. >Velvet shakes her head.
  3104. >"Cadence, I love you like a daughter, but you need to mare up. For Celestias sake, my son acts like he has a bigger pair of teats than you."
  3105. >Cadence looks at her fruity drink and shrugs.
  3106. >"Hey, I'm the princess of love. I'm supposed to be in tune with my masculine side. And it's not my fault that you raised Shiny to have an obsession for this stuff."
  3107. >"I did not-"
  3108. >A notebook appears in front of Twilight, cutting off Velvet.
  3109. >"Do you want to go over the list of 'camping trips' again?"
  3110. >Velvet stares at the notebook and grumbles as she returns to her drink.
  3111. >"Those camping trips were an excellent opportunity for you to build some character."
  3112. >Twilight waves the book at her.
  3113. >"Not once did you bring an actual /tent/."
  3114. >"I brought tents with us!"
  3115. >Velvet coughs and continues under her breath.
  3116. >"I just didn't let you use them."
  3117. >Twilight flips through the book.
  3118. >"You only brought food with us twice, and they were those nasty, dehydrated meals."
  3119. >Velvet takes a sip of her drink.
  3120. >"Grass and MREs are great for a growing foal."
  3121. >Twilight glares at her as Velvet moves her drink around.
  3122. >"Are you still upset that your brother is better at it than you?"
  3123. >"No!"
  3124. >Laughter erupts from your group, Cadence trying to hide hers behind a wing as Velvet pats Twilight on the back.
  3125. >"Okay, okay. I know when to stop poking. Does anypony else have anything to talk about?"
  3126. >Cadence lifts up a wing and points it towards Twilight.
  3127. >"Oh me, I do! How are things going Twilight? How do you like your herdmates?"
  3128. >Twilight purses her lips.
  3129. >"Well-"
  3130. "I'm pretty sure she doesn't. I think she's just with us because we're here."
  3131. >Trixie shakes her head as a look of panic crosses Twilights face.
  3132. >"No, it is simply meant to be that royalty bows down to Trixie."
  3133. >Cadence scrunches up.
  3134. >"Are you having some issues?"
  3135. >Twilight snaps Trixies mouth shut with magic and shakes her head.
  3136. >"Nope! Everything has been going great."
  3137. >Cadence looks at Twilight and then moves her suspicious gaze onto Trixie.
  3138. >She switches between the two for a moment before turning to Twilight.
  3139. >"Twilight."
  3140. >You smile as Twilight whines.
  3141. >"Y-you don't need to-"
  3142. >Cadence gives up on her and turns to you.
  3143. >"What's the problem?"
  3144. >Twilight lights up her horn, trying to bind your muzzle like Trixies only for you to dispel her magic.
  3145. "She and Trixie-"
  3146. >"Starlight!"
  3147. >You continue to ward off her assault as you talk to Cadence.
  3148. "Don't really like eachother. They said they made up, but we'll see how long that lasts."
  3149. >Cadence nods as Twilight continues to try and blast you.
  3150. >"Hmm, okay. Thanks for telling me."
  3151. >The older princess lifts up her drink, downing it in one go before hopping off of her bar stool and trotting away.
  3152. >You look at Twilight, who had finally stopped her assault to watch Cadence leave.
  3153. >There was a hollow, distant look in her eyes.
  3154. >"Why...why did you tell her?"
  3155. >You shrug.
  3156. "She's the princess of love, right? Maybe she'll help you two get over some issues you still have."
  3157. >Twilight shakes her head.
  3158. >"No...not like this."
  3159. >You roll your eyes and pull your drink over.
  3160. "Don't be a foal. I put up with your friendship lessons, Cadence has to be more tolerable than those."
  3161. >Twilight, to your surprise, actually starts laughing.
  3162. >"C-can't be worse?! Bahaha!"
  3163. >You begin to feel uneasy as Twilights laughter turns almost manic, making her lose her grip on Trixie.
  3164. >She looks between you and Twilight, looking just as uneasy as you feel.
  3165. >"Trixie would appreciate some context."
  3166. >Velvet taps on the counter to get your attention.
  3167. >"You two know how Twilight is discreet when she deals with her royal duties?"
  3168. >You frown.
  3169. "You mean when she deals with friendship problems? I wouldn't exactly call her discreet. She's nosy, pushy, and kind of obnoxious."
  3170. >Velvet grins.
  3171. >"Compared to Cadence, she is incredibly discreet."
  3172. >You narrow your eyes.
  3173. "What do you mean?"
  3174. >Velvet lights up her horn and pulls out an old newspaper from the ether.
  3175. >You pick up the light pink paper and look it over.
  3176. >Trixie hops to the ground and trots over to look at it with you.
  3177. >"What's this about? Some kind of parade?"
  3178. >Velvet chuckles and shakes her head.
  3179. >"That is a copy of 'Love Letters'. Cadence likes to...put on a show when she fixes a problem and the newspaper came to be because of her flair for the dramatic. That parade on the front actually happened just because a mare in a herd didn't like her stallions cooking."
  3180. >You turn back to the main photo of the newspaper.
  3181. "Th-that's a lot of ponies."
  3182. >"Yep. It was a pretty small town so she shipped some ponies in to help out. And this was one of her smaller outings. Things will only get worse for you the worse the problem is."
  3183. >The maniacal laughter from Twilight stops as Trixie starts to float away.
  3184. >"That's right! So we're going to fix this right now and go on a date, just you and me."
  3185. >Trixie struggles in the air as she is hauled towards the door.
  3186. >"Wait! Two mares can't just say they're going on a date without saying no homo first. And Trixie wants a parade!"
  3187. >"No homo and too bad. We're getting hayburgers."
  3188. >Trixie stops struggling and looks at Twilight.
  3189. >"Can Trixie get the triple hayburger meal?"
  3190. >Twilight glances at her for a second as she moves towards the door.
  3191. >"If you're willing to split the check."
  3192. >Trixie huffs as Twilight drags her out of the bar.
  3193. >You stare after them for a second before looking back at Velvet.
  3194. "I'm going to get dragged into this too, aren't I?"
  3195. >She starts to laugh.
  3196. >"Oh, you bet your pink flank you are."
  3197. ----------
  3198. >You are Twilight.
  3199. >And-
  3200. "I think we did this wrong."
  3201. >Trixie looks up at you, slurping down her drink as she tries to chew a mouthful full of hay fries.
  3202. >"Mmph?"
  3203. >You roll your eyes at the slob and gesture at the mostly empty table.
  3204. "Aren't we supposed to, you know, talk and stuff while we're on a date? Instead we both just scarfed down our food as soon as it got here."
  3205. >She slowly processes your words along with her food.
  3206. >Finally, she shrugs as she swallows, allowing her to speak.
  3207. >"Aren't we just here because you're overreacting again?"
  3208. "I am not overreacting and take this seriously! Cadence could be watching us right now."
  3209. >Trixie rolls her eyes with a snort.
  3210. >"We don't have to talk here."
  3211. "Well...we're supposed to."
  3212. >She scrunches up.
  3213. >"Says who?"
  3214. >You light up your horn and teleport a certain book to you.
  3215. "In 'Dating for'-hey!"
  3216. >You flail as Trixie tries to toss the book out a window.
  3217. >You manage to catch it, if only just.
  3218. "Don't throw my books around! No, don't throw any books around. You could damage them."
  3219. >Trixie, for her part, doesn't care.
  3220. >"It's a book."
  3221. "Yes, it's a book so don't throw it."
  3222. >She breathes in slowly before leaning forward.
  3223. >"What does the book say about dates at fast food restaurants?"
  3224. "...Oh."
  3225. >She puts a hoof on the table and quickly shakes her head.
  3226. >"Not to say that Trixie did not enjoy this, but there are times when a bit of class must be applied."
  3227. >You snort.
  3228. "That's actually kind of funny. Hearing you say some things need some class, that is."
  3229. >She smiles at your snark.
  3230. >"Humor helps too, but how about we go somewhere more private if you think the princess is following us?"
  3231. >That's actually a good idea.
  3232. >And if your memory serves right-
  3233. >You light up your horn, and in a flash of light transport the two of you to one of your hidden libraries.
  3234. >Trixie stumbles and shakes her head as she gains a sense of her surroundings.
  3235. >"Warn Trixie when you..."
  3236. >She trails off, leaving a small smile on your face as she looks over your collection.
  3237. >The room looked just like any of your other libraries, but since the books here were usually smaller, you could store a good deal more.
  3238. "I remember you saying that you liked manega, so this seemed like a good place to go."
  3239. >Trixie slowly spins in place, looking the shelves up and down along with what little furnishing there were in the room.
  3240. >"You have a much bigger collection than I thought you would have."
  3241. >You smile a bit wider and bump flanks with her.
  3242. "I've checked Canterlot, Manehattan, and even some shops in Neighpon. I have yet to find a bigger collection of manega."
  3243. >Trixie shakes her head and walks towards the nearest shelf, floating her hat and cloak over to a nearby table.
  3244. >"But Trixie thought you were poor."
  3245. >You snort in annoyance.
  3246. >"How did you pay for all of this on so few bits?"
  3247. >You move towards a reading pillow, which was really more of a giant bed in the center of the room.
  3248. "First of all, I'm not poor. Secondly, Fluttershy knows a mare in the business that occasionally gives her some stuff. Fluttershy gives them to me because she knows I'll take care of them. And finally, they're not all...legitimate."
  3249. >Trixies head whips around.
  3250. >A sly grin covers her face as she fully turns towards you.
  3251. >"Really? Young Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship and paragon of justice is a /thief/?"
  3252. >You roll your eyes as you pick up a blanket off the ground.
  3253. "I'll pay for the legitimate copies when I have the bits. For most of them at least. I won't give a bit to the mare that wrote 'My Coltfriend is a Jell-O Mold'."
  3254. >"Aw, but that one's great! The way Mold-chan goes and-"
  3255. >You snort again, almost breaking into laughter, which causes Trixie to stop.
  3256. >"What? I just-"
  3257. >You pat a hoof on the bed-pillow, gesturing for her to come closer.
  3258. "Sorry, I just didn't think I'd ever hear you use the word 'chan'."
  3259. >Her soft blue cheeks turn a rosy red as she blushes.
  3260. >"I, you, um...please don't tell anypony."
  3261. >You nod and pat on the bed again.
  3262. "I promise, but don't Starlight and Anon already know?"
  3263. >Her head wobbles from side to side as she trots over to you.
  3264. >"Trixie tries to be somewhat reserved when it comes to certain interests."
  3265. "Really? I didn't know you could be reserved."
  3266. >The mare picks up the bundle of blanket you had just rolled up and shoves it into your face.
  3267. >"Shush. Trixie just doesn't want to scare away her herdmates."
  3268. >You pull the blanket off of your face, lifting it into the air as Trixie crawls into bed before lowering it on top of the two of you.
  3269. "Do you really think they are so petty that they'd kick you out of a herd for liking something?"
  3270. >Trixie looks at you, shuffling around under the blanket as she thinks.
  3271. >"Well...no. No, of course they wouldn't. They adore Trixie and she cares for them."
  3272. >Really?
  3273. >You reach out with a wing under the blanket, pulling her into a hug.
  3274. "Hey, you know full well that neither of them are the type to judge."
  3275. >She shifts around a bit more, trying to wriggle out from under your wing.
  3276. >"Of course not but...is it wrong to be worried?"
  3277. >You can't help but chuckle to yourself.
  3278. "Trixie, if I wasn't the princess of friendship, I'd be the princess of worrying."
  3279. >"What? You're saying that you wouldn't be a princess of books?"
  3280. "If I could choose, I absolutely would be. But I have this feeling that something enjoys kicking me around."
  3281. >She snorts as she looks over the shelves.
  3282. >"You're not the only one. Where's fantasy in this mess? Trixie likes to read it when she gets the chance, but Anonymous always laughs at her for it."
  3283. >You scrunch as you start to float a varied selection towards you.
  3284. "He'll do the same when I read a fantasy book too."
  3285. >"Really? So it's not just me?"
  3286. >You chuckle and shake your head.
  3287. "It must be some kind of cultural thing for him. Any time I try to ask, he just laughs and mumbles about unicorns and fantasy."
  3288. >You stop and think for a second, pulling the wing off of Trixie to look at it.
  3289. "Although, I guess I'm not a unicorn anymore."
  3290. >Trixie watches as you fold the wing back, staring at it before looking at you.
  3291. >Thinking about it now, she is one of the ponies that knew you before you got them.
  3292. >She must be thinking back to that time.
  3293. >"Trixie feel like she should get some form of recognition for pushing you to where you are today."
  3294. >Or she's just thinking about herself.
  3295. "Excuse me?"
  3296. >She waves a hoof.
  3297. >"Well clearly Trixie pushed you along the path of greatness. How would you have gotten where you are today without Trixie helping you?"
  3298. >...
  3299. >This is what you chose.
  3300. >This is the pony that you chose to be in a herd with.
  3301. >You take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
  3302. "Yes, you're the reason I became a princess. Thank you, Trixie."
  3303. >She smiles at you before turning to the books you were floating in front of her face.
  3304. >"Speaking of...this kind of thing, have you thought of anything for that session of O&O you said you were planning?"
  3305. >Your ears perk up as you start to think.
  3306. "Not quite yet. I wanted to get some ideas for a campaign that all three of you would like. But now that my brother's here, he could run a session for us."
  3307. >"Are you going to invite Cadence too, or are you too scared of the /terrifying/ princess of love."
  3308. >You roll your eyes and give her a light shove.
  3309. "She'll probably be there too. It wouldn't be a proper game without both Grog and Mog."
  3310. >Trixie stops browsing among the floating books.
  3311. >"Who?"
  3312. "Oh, Grog and Mog are Shining and Cadences characters. They're both barbarians made for the sole purpose of driving me nuts."
  3313. >She smiles up a little bit.
  3314. >"Well these two already sound fun."
  3315. "They are. It took a while, but the pair eventually grew on me."
  3316. >Trixie nods and turns back to the books in front of her.
  3317. >"This is...nice. It's nice to have somepony I can..."
  3318. >She trails off, searching for the right words that you think you already have.
  3319. "Somepony you can drop the act with?"
  3320. >Trixie scrunches up a little bit before nodding.
  3321. >"Well, yeah. Starlight and Anon are fine with most of what I do, but it's nice to have somepony I can...geek out with who I know won't judge me...You won't judge me, right?"
  3322. >You smile and scoot a bit closer.
  3323. "No, I won't judge you. Outside of your selection of manega, at least."
  3324. >She scrunches up a bit more and looks at the book in her magical grasp.
  3325. >"What's wrong with this?"
  3326. >You snort and highlight the title.
  3327. "'Pounding Hearts and Growling Stomachs'? That may be the cheesiest romance novel I've ever touched."
  3328. >Trixie gives it another once over before grinning at you.
  3329. >"And yet you've read it."
  3330. >You can feel the blush on your face as Trixie starts laughing.
  3331. >"Oh, oh, or do you read it for the 'plot'?"
  3332. >You flick a wing out, smacking her over the head and making her drop the book.
  3333. "Shut up!"
  3334. >Trixie laughs as she picks the book up off the ground, snuggling a bit closer to you as she does so.
  3335. >"No, I don't think I will. You can actually be a little fun when I wriggle that stick up your flank."
  3336. ----------
  3337. >It's warm.
  3338. >You're comfy.
  3339. >And you don't want to get up.
  3340. >Which was a real shame, considering one of your wards was going off.
  3341. >You groggily rub your eyes and look around.
  3342. >There were no windows in this room, and the lights it did have were lowered to simulate the outside world.
  3343. >Must have been out for awhile.
  3344. >You don't even remember falling asleep
  3345. >You look over to Trixie, who was snuggled against your side.
  3346. >Her head was on your withers, and she mumbled softly as she slept.
  3347. >The two of you should-
  3348. >You scrunch up as another one of your wards sends out a signal.
  3349. >What was that one?
  3350. >You light up your horn and try to interpret the various alarms.
  3351. >Oh, there's a lot more than just those two going off.
  3352. >That's not good.
  3353. >You focus and pick up what you think is the oldest of maybe a dozen or so alarms.
  3354. >It was going off in the first ring of the second floor of the catacombs.
  3355. >That's not too far from here.
  3356. >It was to the northeast, at an intersection of stairs and what should be an exceptional illusionary wall.
  3357. >You scrunch up a little more as you pick up the next signal.
  3358. >Which told you that the illusionary wall was not as great as you thought.
  3359. >You don't even bother with the rest of the signals, choosing instead to try and wake Trixie.
  3360. "Hey. Wake up. Somepony's coming."
  3361. >KRRCH-WIRRR
  3362. >Trixie jerks and you whip around at the new voice.
  3363. >It takes only a glance to recognize Anon at the door.
  3364. >Starlight was next to him, a camera and a developing picture in her grasp and a grin on her face.
  3365. >The realization doesn't keep your heart from hammering in your chest.
  3366. "Sweet Celestia, you two. Don't scare me like that."
  3367. >Anon smiles and walks into the room, setting off another one of your warning wards.
  3368. >"Sorry, but you two went missing and we couldn't find you."
  3369. >Trixie manages to grumble as Anon scoops the two of you up.
  3370. >"You interrupted Trixies nap."
  3371. >Once Anon gets the two of you settled on his chest, he leans down and boops her nose with his.
  3372. >"Well it's almost bed time and I can't sleep without you."
  3373. >You can see the faintest hint of a smile on Trixies face as she snuggles deeper into his chest.
  3374. >Starlight smiles and raises the camera.
  3375. >"Turn 'em towards me, Nons. I need a picture of the three of you."
  3376. >You groan as Anon begins to turn, shoving your face into the crook of his neck as Trixie turns towards the camera.
  3377. >"Get Trixies good side."
  3378. >Anon chuckles as the camera goes off again.
  3379. >"That's pretty easy considering you don't have a bad one."
  3380. >She hums to herself as you turn to Starlight, who used her magic to store her camera and pictures.
  3381. "How did you two even find us? I had dozens of wards and spells to keep ponies away from here."
  3382. >She looks at you for a second before turning to her right.
  3383. >Hendrix, impaled on Anons glaive, floats into view.
  3384. >The wolf was happily panting, despite the bone spearing his body.
  3385. >"Anon told him to find you and he did. I was a little surprised the first time he walked through a wall, but it didn't take me long to figure out you were probably in your porn stash."
  3386. >You let out an annoyed snort as Anon starts to exit the room.
  3387. "It's not porn, it's-"
  3388. >Trixie grumbles as she floats her hat and cloak over to herself.
  3389. >"Some of it is porn."
  3390. "It is n-"
  3391. >"Not that Trixie would know. She avoids such things."
  3392. >You roll your eyes and look up at Anon.
  3393. "How did Henson even track me? Normal wolves need a scent trail to follow something and I didn't leave one since I teleported. Do timberwolves have a different method of tracking?"
  3394. >Anon hums to himself, twisting and turning through the halls until he finds the stairs.
  3395. >"That's something I need to figure out."
  3396. >You ears turn back at the tone of his voice.
  3397. "Do you think there's something to be worried about?"
  3398. >He shakes his head as he begins to ascend the stairs.
  3399. >"Doubt it. It's probably just some magic fuckery."
  3400. >You lean over Anons shoulder to look at Hendrix, who was still impaled on the bony weapon that Starlight was carrying.
  3401. "Well if you're having problems with magic, let me know. I'm more than happy to help."
  3402. >He nods as he ducks under a doorway.
  3403. >"Sure thing. I just want to-"
  3404. >"Oh, there she is!"
  3405. >You jerk at the voice, and it takes you a moment to find its owner.
  3406. >As soon as you do, you're not at all pleased with what you see.
  3407. >Your dad and Firelight were in the hallway, looking at your group.
  3408. >Their expressions were mixed between smiles to concern as they looked at the speared wolf Starlight was holding.
  3409. >Nightlight turns away from the unperturbed wolf and looks at you and Trixie.
  3410. >"Aren't you just precious? Oh, where did you go, sweetie? I was getting worried."
  3411. >You grumble at the attention, making Anon chuckle.
  3412. >"These two passed out in one of her libraries. I figured I'd wash her up before I sent her off to bed."
  3413. >Firelight smiles and moves over to his daughter.
  3414. >"And of course my little filly helped her stallion find his missing mares. I knew I did something right with you."
  3415. >Starlight rolls her eyes as he nuzzles her.
  3416. >"Dad, please."
  3417. >"Oh, let me have something, my little Star. I barely see you anymore."
  3418. >Starlight grimaces and lifts up Hendrix.
  3419. >"Can the doting at least wait until I put these two things down? One is sharp and pointy and the other has claws and teeth."
  3420. >Firelight nods and quickly steps back.
  3421. >"Of course, of course. Just...can we do something sometime? Just father and daughter?"
  3422. >Starlights mouth works, and it takes her a second for her to speak.
  3423. >"Yeah. It'd be good for us to talk."
  3424. >Firelight smiles softly before turning away.
  3425. >"I'm happy to hear that. Let me know when you want to talk."
  3426. >Nightlights eyes shift between the two before he puts a hoof on Anon and nods at you.
  3427. >"Make sure to clean out her frogs. I tried to get her into the habit of doing it herself, but she never listened."
  3428. "Dad!"
  3429. >You grumble as the older stallion all but scampers off.
  3430. >Did he really have to say that?
  3431. >Well, at least you're not the only one that has to deal with family.
  3432. >You turn to look at Starlight as the stallions disappear around a corner.
  3433. "Are you and your dad okay or..."
  3434. >She turns and begins to trot down the other direction.
  3435. >"Let me talk to my dad first. I want to sort some things out with him."
  3436. >You scrunch up as Anon moves to follow her.
  3437. >Didn't the friendship map send her specifically to deal with the issues she had with her father?
  3438. >Why did it send her back if they still had problems to work out.
  3439. >Is there some kind of way to circumvent the map?
  3440. >Your jostled out of your thoughts by Anon, well, jostling you.
  3441. >"Hey, Sparky. You're thinking so hard there's steam coming out of your ears."
  3442. >You scrunch up and put a hoof over your ear, making Anon laugh.
  3443. >"Not literally, you dork."
  3444. >You scrunch up even more and press your muzzle back into his neck.
  3445. "I just woke up. Give me a break."
  3446. >He smiles at you before turning forward.
  3447. >"So moving onto a simpler question, why do you run off to your own room after we take a bath together?"
  3448. "Well, it's just inappropriate for a mare to be in a bed this early in a relationship."
  3449. >He turns to you, a look of minor disbelief on his face.
  3450. >"So taking a bath is fine, but sleeping in the same bed while dating is weird?"
  3451. "Yes. It's just...it's weird."
  3452. >Anon shakes his head.
  3453. >"Silly ponies and their silly society. Can you get the door?"
  3454. >You look forward, lighting up your horn to open the door, revealing the herds room behind it.
  3455. >The bathroom door was already open, and you could the bath tub was already full and waiting for you.
  3456. >Starlight wanders off to put Hendrix and the weapon in a corner as Anon heads towards the bathroom.
  3457. >You wonder who should move in with who when the four of you are ready.
  3458. >Sure, your room is bigger, but they have everything set up for themselves.
  3459. >And it might be cozier to have a smaller room.
  3460. >Hmm.
  3461. >That's something to think about.
  3462. >You nicker softly as Anon lowers you into the already full tub.
  3463. >He lowers in Trixie after you, who snuggles against you as she mumbles to herself.
  3464. >Starlight slips in after her as Anon begins to struggle with his clothing.
  3465. >"You know I can just teleport your clothes into the hamper, right?"
  3466. >Anon waves her off as he pulls off his heavy boots.
  3467. >"I know, but I know that at least two of the mares in that tub like me to put on a show."
  3468. >That wakes Trixie up, who swivels her head around and upwards as you lower your gaze to the water.
  3469. "I'll just, uh, look at the tub here and...yeah."
  3470. >Starlight snickers and nudges your side.
  3471. >"C'mon, Twilight. We all know you're the biggest pervert here."
  3472. "Hey! I am not a pervert! I am a gentlemare that knows how to treat a stallion, unlike the two of you."
  3473. >"Having manners doesn't automatically mean you're not a pervert."
  3474. "...Shut up."
  3475. >You scrunch up as a finger boops your snoot.
  3476. >"I think that's the first time I heard you tell someone to shut up, Twi."
  3477. >You turn to Anon as he slides into the opposite side of the bath.
  3478. "Well she just-"
  3479. >The words die in your throat as your eyes land on Anon.
  3480. >Without the...distraction from last time, the damage is much easier to make out.
  3481. >You had seen it all before, but the fact the you were responsible for half, or maybe even more, of those scars made your stomach turn.
  3482. >Anon lifts his left arm up to scratch at his head, revealing a small section of his upper arm that had a chunk missing from it.
  3483. >"Twi? Something wrong?"
  3484. >Should you ask him about it?
  3485. >You kind of-
  3486. >No.
  3487. >He's told you several times not to talk about it.
  3488. >You quickly shake your head.
  3489. "No. Everything's fine, I'm just thinking."
  3490. >You twiddle your hooves, thinking as silence falls on the room.
  3491. >Barely a second passes before Anon sighs and the sloshing of water gets your attention.
  3492. >You turn to watch as he crawls towards you, an almost annoyed look on his face.
  3493. >"Cute ponies aren't allowed to be sad, Twilight."
  3494. >Trixie nods, scooting over as Anon scoots in between the two of you.
  3495. >"This is a proven fact. Trixie is the most visually stunning pony in Equestria and she is never sad."
  3496. >Starlight smirks and leans forward to look at Trixie.
  3497. >"Did you just say that you were cute? Because that's a line in the dyke sand that even I won't cross."
  3498. >Trixie blows a raspberry at her as Anon starts picking things up off the shelf behind you.
  3499. >He sets a bowl in the water, leaving it to float on the surface as he turns your head downwards, wrapping his left arm over your back as he gets to work.
  3500. >There is a soft clinking of metal before you feel a tug at your horn, making a small piece of salt drop in the bowl.
  3501. "You really shouldn't be doing this over water."
  3502. >Nopony should.
  3503. >The salt that accumulates in a ponies hooves, horn, or wings could become volatile if disposed of recklessly.
  3504. >And letting magically charged salt go down the drain is the epitome of reckless.
  3505. >Anon hums to himself as he picks out another couple of pieces of salt.
  3506. >"Yeah, Starlight said the same. Hasn't stopped us from putting on a couple of light shows though. Plus, I don't like seeing you all mopey and I've been told that this feels pretty good."
  3507. >It really does.
  3508. >Salt build up on a horn is kind of like having a runny nose, and cleaning it up helps your 'breathing' so to speak.
  3509. >You sigh as Anon picks out some more salt from the groove of your horn.
  3510. "I'm fine but you-"
  3511. >You extend a wing, gently running it against the nook of flesh.
  3512. "Are not."
  3513. >Anon lifts up the arm to look at the spot you were rubbing against.
  3514. >He chuckles before returning to your horn.
  3515. >"That's just a bite. It didn't do anything serious."
  3516. >You push his hands away with a hoof.
  3517. "Just a bite? Anon, that's part of your arm just...gone! Doesn't it hurt or isn't it hard to use or-"
  3518. >With a snort, Anon rolls his eyes.
  3519. >He then reaches past Starlight to grab the edge of the tub with his left arm.
  3520. >With seemingly no effort, he rips out a piece of crystal the size of your head, making Starlight yelp as the water begins to gush onto the floor.
  3521. >"You bucker! Give me that thing before the tub dumps the water everywhere."
  3522. >Anon puts up no resistance, happily handing back the piece of crystal as he puts a hand to his forehead.
  3523. >"My arm is fine, Twi."
  3524. >You stare as Starlight uses her magic to fix the hole Anon just tore in the crystal.
  3525. "That...huh."
  3526. >Anon taps at your horn with the salt pick.
  3527. >"Are you going to let me finish your horn, or do you need to be even more dramatic?"
  3528. >You look up at him and then to the water to locate the salt bowl.
  3529. >It floats over to you in a lavender glow as you nod.
  3530. "Sure, sure."
  3531. >That was...
  3532. >You look over to Starlight, who was cleaning up the water on the floor.
  3533. >Trixie is completely unphased and was dozing off next to Anon.
  3534. >Said human was giving you a curious look.
  3535. >"You okay?"
  3536. >You shake your head.
  3537. "No, I just...I didn't know you were that strong."
  3538. >Anons brow furrows in thought.
  3539. >"That-"
  3540. >CLICK
  3541. >The two of you snap up as the door swings open for-
  3542. "No."
  3543. >Anon chuckles as most of his wolves trot into the bathroom.
  3544. >You wrap your hooves around your tail, making sure the iron band is safe.
  3545. "No, no, no."
  3546. >Anon chuckles a bit more before splashing some water on the wolves, sending most of them scattering out the door.
  3547. >Henson and new Jim remain mostly unaffected, slowly walking over to the edge of the tub and sitting down.
  3548. >Anon points between the pair and looks at you.
  3549. >"I doubt these two will mess with your tail. They should be fine if they stay."
  3550. >You purse your lips as new Jim begins to drink from the tub.
  3551. "I think I'd feel better if they were somewhere else."
  3552. >And with that, you teleport the two wolves away.
  3553. >Or try to at least.
  3554. >You blink as new Jim looks around in confusion while Henson turns to stare at you.
  3555. >You scrunch up and try to teleport the two away again, only to fail once more.
  3556. >Starlight looks between the two wolves before turning to you.
  3557. >"What are you trying to do?"
  3558. "I'm trying to-"
  3559. >You're horn flashes with the light of another failed spell.
  3560. "Teleport them out."
  3561. >She smirks before lighting up her horn as well.
  3562. >"Aw, can the princess not manage a little teleport?"
  3563. "I could teleport this whole castle if I wanted to, but these two-"
  3564. >Two horns flash in unison, and both have no effect on the wolves.
  3565. "Can't be teleported."
  3566. >Starlight scrunches up, swearing under her breath before lighting up her horn again.
  3567. >She tries a series of different spells, all of which fail, before turning to you.
  3568. >"Okay, I'm annoyed and mildly intrigued."
  3569. Weren't you just floating Hendrix around?"
  3570. >"No, I was floating the giant bone he was speared on. Maybe they-"
  3571. >She trails off as she looks just over your head.
  3572. >You turn to see what she's looking at and see Anon.
  3573. >Oh.
  3574. >They have magic resistance just like him.
  3575. >He looks between the two of you and shrugs.
  3576. >"I'd make some witty remark about how I didn't teach them that trick, but I'm honestly surprised neither of you tried to zap them before today."
  3577. ----------
  3578. >You are Anon.
  3579. >And sometimes it's neat to learn new things.
  3580. >But sometimes two of your horse girlfriends will go on a maddened frenzy of magicky-science.
  3581. >That's pretty much what happened last night.
  3582. >Trixie had passed out, so you put her to bed before keeping tabs on the mares.
  3583. >You give the pair about a month or so before they give up trying to dissect the wolves.
  3584. >It was pretty fun, save for the talking down to you got from Spike.
  3585. >'Anon, she needs her sleep. Anon, you should have forced her to go to bed. Anon, I'm a whiny little bitch.'
  3586. >Said dragon was currently working on the eggs and hay bacon, while Nightlight worked on the waffles.
  3587. >Firelight was making crepes, you were making biscuits, and Cadence was making a mess.
  3588. >You will give her credit though, she was putting a lot of effort into...whatever she was doing.
  3589. >She digs out some cream cheese and turns to Spike.
  3590. >"Sooo, is my kinda-sorta brother-in-law looking at any special mares?"
  3591. >Spike rolls his eyes.
  3592. >"Even if there was a pony I was interested in, I wouldn't tell you about her."
  3593. >Cadence scoffs.
  3594. >"Why?! I'm the perfect mare to help you get a herd."
  3595. >"For starters, I saw that mess you made in Manehattan last month-"
  3596. >"It wasn't that much glitter! It only filled a single apartment."
  3597. >"Secondly, and I know it sounds crazy to say this, I think I'll wait a decade or two before I find somepony."
  3598. >You can't help but laugh.
  3599. "Are you that afraid of cooties?"
  3600. >He rolls his eyes again as he flips the bacon.
  3601. >"Yeay, yeah, laugh it up. I just know that Twilight needs somepony to help her out and you're no good at paperwork."
  3602. "I'm good with paperwork."
  3603. >"You really aren't."
  3604. "Hey, I-"
  3605. >"And besides, I'd like to set up something like the Inkwell family but for Twilight. A lasting family line that lives to care for one scatterbrained mare. That way I know she'll be taken care of, even if I'm not around."
  3606. >He chuckles to himself as you start to think.
  3607. >You never thought about it before, but what happens to Twilight when you and the others...
  3608. >Will she just hop from herd to herd as time goes by?
  3609. >Is that what Celestia and Luna have done?
  3610. >Is Shining even Cadences first husband?
  3611. >Ugh, you don't like-
  3612. >"Speaking of you."
  3613. >Your head snaps up to Nightlight.
  3614. >"Do you really have to be armed while we're cooking?"
  3615. >Your eyebrows shout up as you look up at the glaive pointing over your shoulder.
  3616. "Uh. Yes."
  3617. >He sighs and points towards the dining room door.
  3618. >"Well can we at least not have your pets at the dinner table?"
  3619. >You put the bowl down and crack open the door to the dining room.
  3620. "If you really want me to I can take them out, but I think Twilight and Flurry are having a good time."
  3621. >The old stallion walks up to you, poking his nose into the crack of the door frame so he could see.
  3622. >Twilight had foregone her morning coffee in favor of trying to attach electrodes to Henson.
  3623. >The wolf paid her no mind, only nudging Flurry occasionally before growling at Twilight.
  3624. >Flurry tried to mimic the sound, but could only manage a high-pitched trill, lacking the heavy timbre that Henson produced.
  3625. >Hehe.
  3626. >Timbre sounds like timber and he's a timberwolf.
  3627. >Nightlight sighs and steps away from the door.
  3628. >"I don't like it, but those fillies are certainly happy. Just promise me those things won't hurt them."
  3629. "They won't. In fact, Henson seems to have taken a real shine to Flurry. He's not usually that outgoing too, so that's saying something."
  3630. >Nightlight snorts.
  3631. >"Wonderful. My grandfoal is attracting monsters."
  3632. "Well on the bright side, they're pretty cuddly once you get used to them."
  3633. >He grumbles to himself for a moment before turning to Firelight.
  3634. >"Is it such a bad thing that I want to have a nice, quiet breakfast with the family? No monsters, no weapons, just some pleasant family bonding."
  3635. >Firelight chuckles.
  3636. >"Trust me, the bigger the family gets, the more distractions you want. Especially with mares. If they have nothing else to talk about, they'll do something silly to entertain themselves."
  3637. >"Hmm, I suppose you're right. If nothing else it's already a fight to get a conversation out of Velvet. I can't imagine having to try and carry a conversation for a full herd."
  3638. >"Oh, I know that pain."
  3639. >The two laugh to themselves as you start to cut out biscuits.
  3640. >You can't say you've ever had a problem with your girls not talking, but you're different than a pony.
  3641. >...
  3642. >You look over at Firelight again.
  3643. >Star once said she had seven moms, but only her dad is here.
  3644. >Could the rest not make it?
  3645. >Well it's not really your business anyways.
  3646. >If he wants to talk about it he can-
  3647. "Hey, do you two mind if I ask about herd life?"
  3648. >wat.
  3649. >The two fathers turn from their work to look at you.
  3650. >"I'm sorry?"
  3651. >"Excuse me?"
  3652. >Your mouth continues to move before you can shut it.
  3653. "It's just that herds weren't a thing where I came from, and I'd appreciate some advice on how to handle one."
  3654. >Great.
  3655. >Just great.
  3656. >You're becoming a nosy little asshole.
  3657. >You'll probably be gossiping with Caramel by the end of the week.
  3658. >Nightlight perks up and happily nods.
  3659. >"Oh, of course! I'll help however I can, but I've only been in a single mare herd. What about you, Firelight?"
  3660. >The purple stallion purses his lips for a moment before slowly nodding.
  3661. >"I...suppose-"
  3662. >HUACK
  3663. >You all turn, looking to the small dragon who was belching up smoke as he coughed.
  3664. >Oh good.
  3665. >You're saved from your fate of being a gossip by Spike dying.
  3666. >Nightlight begins to gently pat him on the back.
  3667. >"Spike? Are you okwaAUUGH!"
  3668. >Nightlight jumps back as a jet of green flame erupts from the dragons mouth.
  3669. >Spike slumps over, groaning in pain as a newspaper lands on the floor.
  3670. >"I told her not to send stuff that big."
  3671. >Nightlight frowns as he picks up Spike with his magic, floating the dragon onto his back.
  3672. >"I think I'm going to have a talk with that princess the next time I see her."
  3673. >"No. She-ugh-is just-"
  3674. >Spike continues to try and argue, occasionally belching up flame as Nightlight takes him to the dining room.
  3675. >Well that was a thing.
  3676. >You lean down and pick up the newspaper he coughed up.
  3677. >What you see on the front is about what you expected.
  3678. >Well, you expected it a couple of months down the road, but here it is as todays headline on some Canterlot tabloid.
  3679. >'A Diamond in the Rough, Will Princess Twilight Find Her Herd to be up to Snuff?'
  3680. >The main picture showed the four of you lined up at the cafe you were at yesterday with Twi and Stars family.
  3681. >The side column showed Flurry chewing on one of the wolves with some silly headline about her being princess of monsters.
  3682. >In the top left corner of the paper was Celestias overly flowy writing.
  3683. >'Thought you'd like to know.'
  3684. >Guess you should have expected this.
  3685. >You wave to the remaining two cooks as you head towards the door.
  3686. "I'm pretty sure this is for Twilight. I'll be back in a second."
  3687. >The two nod as you walk into the dining room and make a beeline for Twilight.
  3688. >Nightlight had set Spike down in a chair and was currently fussing over him much the same way Twi was fussing over Henson.
  3689. >Starlight was next to her and was messing with something that looked like a cross between a Ouija board and a sewing set.
  3690. >She was stabbing the needles into Henson as if she were doing acupuncture while a spinning top danced over arcane runes.
  3691. >Henson was ignoring both, as he was still trying to teach Flurry how to growl.
  3692. >You wave the newspaper next to Twilights head in an attempt to get her attention.
  3693. "Hey. You got something from Sunbutt."
  3694. >The bundle of wires in her hooves drop to the floor as she snatches away the newspaper.
  3695. >"Don't call her Sunbutt! She-oh."
  3696. >She looks at your hands before looking up to you.
  3697. >"What about the last letter I sent? Did Celestia still not send a reply about the poison joke?"
  3698. "I didn't see anything."
  3699. >Twilight tosses the paper on the table and gets back to work.
  3700. >Guess you're not pulling her out of her work.
  3701. >She grumbles to herself as you slide the paper across the table to Shining and Velvet.
  3702. "They also have a small article on Flurry."
  3703. >Shining picks it up and his eyes scan the paper as he sips his coffee.
  3704. >He focuses on the picture of his daughter as he puts his mug down.
  3705. >"That's cute."
  3706. >Velvet nods in agreement.
  3707. >"It is. I hope there are still some copies of that floating around when we get back to Canterlot. I want a copy of that for my collection."
  3708. "You can take it. We may read it, but we'll just toss it afterwards."
  3709. >Velvet smiles and looks at Shining, who was peeling the front page from the rest of the paper.
  3710. >"Anon, I've been in the paper a lot myself. Plenty of them mocked me, said a mare should have my job, or even outright insulted me. So you know what I did with those papers?"
  3711. >You shrug as Shining uses his magic to make part of the crystalline table fold over the paper.
  3712. "You threw it out? Maybe burned it."
  3713. >Shining shakes his head as he slides the now encased front page towards you.
  3714. >"I framed them and hung them up on my office wall. It serves to remind me of how far I've come, with the added bonus of scaring off any journalist who sees it. It's always funny seeing a new reporter react to my wall of shame."
  3715. >You frown and pick up the slab of crystal.
  3716. >That sounds kind of dumb but-
  3717. "I guess it is a decent memento to the addition of Twi to our herd."
  3718. >You give the slab to Trixie, who was watching the scene with intense disinterest.
  3719. "Hold onto that. I gotta finish cooking."
  3720. >"Sure. Trixie will just-wait. Is that Trixie on the front page? Yes! Trixie is finally famous! Woo!"
  3721. >So much for her dislike of the newspaper.
  3722. >You chuckle to yourself as you return to your cooking companions.
  3723. >Nightlight was chugging away on his work along with Spikes, while Cadence and Firelight were whispering to eachother.
  3724. >Well so long as they finish-
  3725. >"Anonymous."
  3726. >You turn back to Firelight, who has a stern expression on his face.
  3727. >"You asked for help with herds earlier and I...well, I suppose I have a cautionary tale."
  3728. >Oh.
  3729. >You had completely forgotten that you had let your inner man horse out for a second earlier.
  3730. >Well, maybe this will actually help you out with your herd somehow.
  3731. >You nod and return to your work station.
  3732. "I'd appreciate any tips you can give."
  3733. >"Well it's a bit of a long story...and if it's too much, that's fine-"
  3734. >Cadence reaches down and gives his side a soft nuzzle before whispering into his ear.
  3735. >Firelight frowns at whatever she was saying, but continues.
  3736. >"I-I got greedy, and I couldn't give anything when my herd asked for something in return. I could cook and clean of course, but I grabbed such a large herd all at once and...and I can't have foals."
  3737. >...
  3738. >You point towards the dining room.
  3739. "So you're not Starlights real dad?"
  3740. >Firelight shakes his head.
  3741. >"No-I mean yes, of course I am! There are just certain methods to give stallions a boost if they have my kind of problem. We were able to use that once, but never got it to work again. And even that we got wrong. Starlight was born out of season, so she was bullied constantly and we always got odd looks."
  3742. >Not sure how somebody can be born out of season, but that's a question for later.
  3743. >You turn fully towards him and walk over.
  3744. >Nightlight was minding his own business, working hard on breakfast while Cadence mostly pretended to do the same.
  3745. >Her ears, meanwhile, were pointed directly at the two of you.
  3746. >You lean against the counter next to Firelight and gesture to him.
  3747. "I'm guessing things only got worse from there."
  3748. >"It did. Some of the mares were content, but most of them started to get restless. I think some even resented me for only giving only one of our mares a foal. After some fights and some time my herd...broke."
  3749. >You rub your chin, trying to think of the right words to say.
  3750. "I-I'm sorry. That-"
  3751. >"Don't be. I'm the one that made this mess. Now I'm just trying to make the best of things."
  3752. >He smiles and puts a hoof on your knee.
  3753. >"So if I had one piece of advice for you, it would be to keep an average sized herd and to sort things out with the mares you have before any issues come up. After that, the four of you can figure out where to go."
  3754. "I...thanks, Mr. Firelight."
  3755. >The old stallion chuckles as he returns to cooking.
  3756. >"Oh please, Anonymous, no need to be so formal. Call me dad."
  3757. >You nearly choke on air as Nightlight puts a hoof to his forehead.
  3758. >"Oh, how could I be so senseless?! Call me dad too, Anon. We may as well be one big family already."
  3759. "Um, isn't it a bit early for me to do that?"
  3760. >>"No."
  3761. >You wave your hands in the air as the two simultaneously return to cooking.
  3762. >Great.
  3763. >Now you have two horse dads.
  3764. >You look at Cadence who was trying to hide an oversized grin in her work.
  3765. >Hmm.
  3766. >You slink over to her and slide an arm under her barrel, getting a small sound of surprise out of her.
  3767. "Let's talk for a second."
  3768. >She looks up at you, ears slightly splayed back as you slip out the side entrance of the kitchen.
  3769. >"Uh, about what? It's not like I planned this or anything."
  3770. >You set her on the floor and look her in the eye.
  3771. "Planned what exactly?"
  3772. >She blinks, staring at you for a moment before the gerbil starts running in its wheel again.
  3773. >"Ugh, fine. I was never as good at this secrecy stuff as aunty. I had a whole thing planned out, but I guess I'll tell you now if you want to ruin my fun."
  3774. "Considering you seem to be trying to mess with me, I'll happily ruin your fun."
  3775. >She pouts for a second before some note cards appear in front of her.
  3776. >"Give me a second, I thought I'd have more time before I got to you."
  3777. "You what now?"
  3778. >She ignores you and continues to read from her notes before a metal ingot appears in front of her.
  3779. >"Do you know what this is?"
  3780. >You take the piece of metal in hand, looking over the semi-golden sheen, the slight corrosion, and the seal of its blacksmith pressed into its surface.
  3781. "It's a metal ingot."
  3782. >Cadence huffs and ruffles her wings.
  3783. >"Aw, c'mon! Roll with it, I'm trying to do something."
  3784. >You roll your eyes and hand the ingot back.
  3785. "It's bronze. And pretty old from the looks of it too."
  3786. >She nods happily as she takes back the piece.
  3787. >"It was actually sealed away with the Crystal Empire, so it's just over a thousand years old."
  3788. "Huh."
  3789. >"But enough about that. Do you know how bronze is made?"
  3790. "By smelting copper and zinc. Are you going somewhere with this?"
  3791. >Cadence scrunches up for a second.
  3792. >"Zinc? That mare told me it was-nevermind. Smelting! That's the important part. If you want two or more things to become whole, you need to turn up the /heat/."
  3793. >You give the mare a skeptical look as her smile slowly grows.
  3794. "So you plan to...smelt us together as a herd?"
  3795. >"Either that or break you apart."
  3796. >You blink, trying to process that statement as her smile widens.
  3797. >"There are some great herds out there, Anon. Some ponies that really love and care about eachother. But some...some break apart when they really get to know eachother. There may be a quirk or a flaw that starts to chip into the core of the herd. And then-"
  3798. >You put a finger up to the pretty pink princesses lips.
  3799. "Hold on. Is this your whole premise? Because I'm sure if there's a problem I can talk it out with my herd."
  3800. >Cadence scrunches up and does a huffy little dance.
  3801. >"Well...I'm sure you have some!"
  3802. >You nod.
  3803. "Like the possible compatibility issues Firelight had? Or where Twilight will go when I die?"
  3804. >She scrunches even further.
  3805. >"Why are you being so rational about this? You were supposed to get upset and go mope...somewhere!"
  3806. "Well for starter, I'm dating three tiny aliens and they're dating one very large alien. I'd say we've done a decent enough job of working things out so far."
  3807. >"Yeah but-"
  3808. "And two, is this really how you bring herds together? Stir up drama and watch as they tear eachother apart?"
  3809. >Cadence sighs.
  3810. >"I know it's not nice, but it either reinforces a herd or breaks up one that isn't meant to be. If I could use my love magic on you, I'd be able to make a better point for you. Something that you're worried about and need to work on."
  3811. >She charges up her horn and you watch as a blue aura crackles across your skin.
  3812. "You ponies just can't mind your own business, can you?"
  3813. >Cadence purses her lips.
  3814. >"W-would you mind leaving the castle for the day? I thought you'd be a bit easier to break but..."
  3815. >You nearly laugh.
  3816. "You want me to leave so that you can torment my herd? Why should I do that?"
  3817. >She rubs her hooves together.
  3818. >"Um. Because Twilight already has this scheduled out?"
  3819. >You hesitate.
  3820. >There are plenty of things in this world that you just won't mess with.
  3821. >You'd never mess with AJs trees.
  3822. >You'll never swear around Fluttershy.
  3823. >And there is no way in hell that you were messing with Twilights schedule.
  3824. >You step back and point towards the dining room.
  3825. "You don't know that. She said she forgot you were coming. She couldn't have planned and accounted for all of the nonsense you're planning on doing."
  3826. >Cadence smiles.
  3827. >"We're talking about Twilight /Sparkle/ right?"
  3828. "...Fuck."
  3829. >Her smile grows as a small bag appears next to her head.
  3830. >"Here's some bits for breakfast. You know where she keeps her schedule don't you? Go check and if I'm not in there, come back and I'll give you double this."
  3831. >You frown as you pick the bit bag out of the air.
  3832. "So you want me to leave my herd with a nut job that has the singular purpose of turning them against eachother? Just for a bit of money?"
  3833. >"You'll also get a happier herd and make up snuggles after I'm gone."
  3834. >You sigh and turn around.
  3835. "I'm going to check Twis planner. If you're not in there, I'm coming back. And if you are...I'll probably regret ever talking to you."
  3836. ----------
  3837. >Why did you agree to this?
  3838. >Why?
  3839. >Of course Twilights schedule was going to be covered with Cadence.
  3840. >Well, at least you have a couple of places you can go while she does her nonsense.
  3841. >You gently knock on the cottage door and wait.
  3842. >As usual, it only takes a second for Fluttershy to peek out the door.
  3843. >Her eyes lock onto yours and you can see her smile before she throws the door open.
  3844. >"Anon! Come in, we were just talking about you."
  3845. >Your ears perk up a bit at that as you duck down under the doorway.
  3846. "We? Who else is here?"
  3847. >"One you used to call foe, somepony you know."
  3848. >You look forward and see a smiling zebra on Fluttershys couch.
  3849. >"What luck that you have come to me, I had planned a visit to the crystal tree."
  3850. "Oh! Hi...you."
  3851. >She scrunches up despite the slight smile on her muzzle.
  3852. >"Is your mind full of cotton, such that my name you have already forgotten?"
  3853. >You wave her off before pulling yourself up into the rafters, moving carefully as the wood groans under your weight.
  3854. "And what if I did? We've had more fights than we've had conversations."
  3855. >She smiles and brings out a bundle that was nestled in the seat next to her.
  3856. >"My name is Zecora. And regarding our slight rift, I have brought a friendly gift."
  3857. >You wriggle forward on the rafters, making sure you don't crush any nests as you extend an arm to take the object.
  3858. >It was heavy for its size and wrapped in multiple layers of broad leaves.
  3859. >You roll onto your back and begin unwrapping it as Fluttershy moves to sit in her chair.
  3860. >"It's so nice that the two of you can be friends, even if you had some disagreements before."
  3861. >You nod and point at Zecora.
  3862. "Yeah, especially considering the nonsense you dish out. You were a real pest sometimes."
  3863. >Zecora laughs.
  3864. >"You flatter me! Nearly all of your prey was torn in three."
  3865. "Well that's kind of a force of habit. You have to tear some stuff down fast or it might do something weird. Other stuff has redundant brains...I think."
  3866. >You pull the final leaf off of the gift and-
  3867. "Holy shi-"
  3868. >"Language."
  3869. >Your eyes flick to Fluttershy, who was giving you a dire look, before you look back at Zecora and raise the skull in your hands.
  3870. "You kept this? We fought over this thing forever ago."
  3871. >Zecora nods.
  3872. >"Oh, how time does flow, that was three years ago."
  3873. >Three years.
  3874. >You've been in that forest for at least three years.
  3875. >Fluttershy looks between the two of you before hopping out of her seat.
  3876. >There is barely a sound as her wings beat, propelling her upwards to a beam next to you.
  3877. >"Do you mind if I take a look?"
  3878. >You nod and hand the skull over.
  3879. >The mare hums as she hefts it in her hooves, which she had a little trouble doing since it was just a bit bigger than her own head.
  3880. >"Hmm. Sharp, almost blade-like teeth, similar to a rodents. Too bad the lower jaw is missing. What was...no it didn't have a lower jaw, did it? There's no points for the tendons and musculature to hook to the skull."
  3881. >You nod and tap at the back of the skull.
  3882. "See how smooth it is here? What does that tell you?"
  3883. >She rubs her chin as she looks over the skull again.
  3884. >"There's no points of connection for a spinal column. Maybe this was something similar to an octopus, but they at least have a full beak to bite their prey with...Oh! The weight! This wasn't the actual head, this was just a flail used to hack parts off of its prey."
  3885. "Close! Think of a hydra, but smaller and with weird tentacle necks. I called it a Jason because it reminded me of a fictional axe murderer from back home."
  3886. >Fluttershy scrunches up and looks into the empty eye sockets.
  3887. >"Really? I guess I understand that, since this creature may have swung its heads around like axes."
  3888. "There was that along with the way it breathed. Each head would take a turn to breath during a single breath, so it made a noise similar to Jasons theme song."
  3889. >Zecora shudders.
  3890. >"A creature incredibly foul, with an even worse howl."
  3891. "Oh, yeah! I forgot the noises that thing made as we tore into it."
  3892. >Fluttershy hands the skull back and looks over to Zecora.
  3893. >"Why were the two of you fighting over this?"
  3894. >Zecora nods to the skull.
  3895. >"A potion to open the minds eye, this creature did supply."
  3896. "And I just wanted it because I was hungry."
  3897. >You pick at the teeth on the skull, trying to dig out some old crud.
  3898. >A tapping at your shoulder gets you to look at Fluttershy.
  3899. >"Um. Did you get some of this monster to eat? You at least got something to eat that night, right?"
  3900. "I ended up having some tree bark after the two of us split ways. It wasn't exactly tasty, but it filled me up."
  3901. >Her wings shuffle about as she frowns.
  3902. >"Anon, I don't know about humans, but tree bark isn't very good for ponies."
  3903. "It's okay. I got around that by ignoring facts when I ate it."
  3904. >Her frown deepens as she looks between you and Zecora.
  3905. >After some thought she leans forward, diving off the beam and gliding into her kitchen.
  3906. >"I'm going to get you a snack."
  3907. "Aw c'mon, Flutters. I don't need-"
  3908. >She pokes her head out of the kitchen and looks up at you.
  3909. >"Do you want some tea too? I was thinking of getting out some of my tea cakes."
  3910. >...
  3911. >You like those tea cakes.
  3912. "Do you have some kind of sweet tea to go with them?"
  3913. >"I have lemon tea."
  3914. "That sounds good. Thanks, Flutters."
  3915. >She smiles and dips behind the corner, leaving you and Zecora alone.
  3916. >You grumble momentarily as you look over the Jason skull.
  3917. "I swear she thinks I'm just one of her animal friends sometimes."
  3918. >You turn at the sound of a hissing snake.
  3919. "No, I'm not making fun of you, Bob."
  3920. >The twenty foot boa was up in the rafters with you, lazily flicking its tongue at the air.
  3921. "Don't give me that look. You..."
  3922. >You turn to Zecora, who was watching the exchange with a mixture of confusion and concern.
  3923. "I can't do it. I can't talk to animals like Flutters can."
  3924. >She nods, mostly to herself, before addressing to you.
  3925. >"I must give my apologies, I did not know I took a meal you were trying to seize."
  3926. >You shrug and return to playing with the skull.
  3927. "It's a good thing you knocked me around. If you'd have been a push over, I would have come for you next. And speaking of getting knocked around, where's vape nation? That big zombie looking thing that you let do most of the work."
  3928. >"The beast you fought so long ago is known as Akoa'ko. And she rests in my hut in a bag of nuts."
  3929. "Wait. Is she actually in a bag of nuts, or did you just say that because it rhymed?"
  3930. >"She-"
  3931. "And that didn't even rhyme very well. Hut to nuts? You could have said...something better."
  3932. >"..."
  3933. "...It was a legitimate point, but whatever. What about those nuts?"
  3934. >She extends a hoof and waves around the room.
  3935. >"Seeds, nuts, and flowers, these are present in all of lifes hours. By grouping them together, life may be pulled from the aether."
  3936. "So you recharge that fu-"
  3937. >"Anon."
  3938. >Your head whips back to the kitchen, where Fluttershy was giving you the meanest scowl she could muster.
  3939. >Which is to say she was kind of frowning at you.
  3940. >"Language."
  3941. >She slips back into the kitchen as Zecora stares at you.
  3942. >The zebra shakes her head as a pair of birds fly down and land on your boots.
  3943. >"I have a question about the joke and its poison. How did it bring you woe, and how did it make you grow?"
  3944. >You let your head loll off the side of the beam and shrug.
  3945. "I was very good with...let's say ranged weaponry. Like bows and stuff but better. I traveled and entered shooting competitions wherever I could. I mostly lived on the road in my big, fancy metal wagon. I was doing pretty well until I landed in that forest."
  3946. >"I can only guess that it was your sense of aim that the poison did maim."
  3947. "A-yup. I landed directly on a patch of glowing poison joke with my truck and trailer. There was even a bunch of sand from the place I was driving through. As soon as I noticed my 'company' I panicked. I ran to the trailer to try and deal with it the only way I knew how."
  3948. >You shake your head.
  3949. "I sawed down trees with bullets, turned the blue harbor into a brass one, and nearly melted those barrels. All that, and I couldn't land a single hit on something the size of this town. And what did that thing do in response to the noise I made? It looked at me funny and turned into a star."
  3950. >Zecora laughs.
  3951. >"Surely you joke. What is this monster you awoke?"
  3952. "Judging by its buddies and what happened the second time I saw it, I think it's a god."
  3953. >Zecora goes quiet for a moment, quietly thinking to herself.
  3954. >"That is a rather serious claim, if I may proclaim."
  3955. >You poke at Bob the Boas flicking tongue.
  3956. "Yeah, I know. It's probably just magic, but at the time...after I figured out I couldn't shoot straight, I started the bull shi-"
  3957. >Your eyes flick to the kitchen, where you could just see the end of a pink tail.
  3958. >Zecora chuckles.
  3959. >"This must be some form of joke, you act as though your will is broke. You say you have seen gods, but she gives you reason for pause?"
  3960. >You watch the kitchen for any sign that Fluttershy was coming before whispering to Zecora.
  3961. "I tried to eat her rabbit once. I learned not to make her mad."
  3962. >She wears a mask of amused disbelief as a family of squirrels hop onto your chest.
  3963. "Moving back to my story, that was where I started the mess that was switching into melee."
  3964. >"Truly? Of Fluttershy you are afraid, and in the forest you stayed, all while lacking skill with a blade?"
  3965. "I'm not afraid of her, but yeah. Things sucked for a /really/ long time. But then it got better. And then things got weird."
  3966. >"In what way, would you say?"
  3967. "Well I mentioned-"
  3968. >"Tea's done!"
  3969. >The two of you turn towards the pegasus walking into the room with a tray on her back.
  3970. >There was a steaming kettle, the promised tea cakes, three small cups, and a small bowl of bird seed.
  3971. >Fluttershy reaches back and grips the tray in her mouth to transfer it to the table before looking up at you.
  3972. >"Do you want to come down and join us, or would you prefer to stay up there?"
  3973. >You give Bob a quick boop before sliding off the beam, being extra careful as the squirrels and birds scramble.
  3974. >Fluttershy begins pouring tea as you settle down next to the table.
  3975. "Thanks, Flutters."
  3976. >She hums as she hands out tea before returning to her seat with her own cup and the bird seed.
  3977. >You take a light sip as she nibbles on some of her bird seed.
  3978. >Zecora blows on her tea before looking at you.
  3979. >"You tell a tale of madness, and I'm sure you could act as the forests atlas. But even still, you found the strength to hunt and kill. I am sure that the flower of blue, no longer has any effect on you."
  3980. >...
  3981. >That's a thought.
  3982. >If this stuff made it so you couldn't shoot and you met its requirements for fixing yourself...
  3983. >You swirl the tea in your cup.
  3984. >Your old gear was out of your reach, but you were half decent at wood carving.
  3985. >Maybe you could make a bow.
  3986. ----------
  3987. >You are Starlight.
  3988. >And through the magic of story telling, it's still breakfast time for you.
  3989. >Pre-breakfast time to be precise.
  3990. >You attach a dowsing prong to the back of Hensons head and watch as the reading top dances across the board.
  3991. >It tells you just about what you expected, which is to say it's not picking anything up.
  3992. "I've got nothing, Twilight. There's some blips, but outside of that I'm just picking up the usual background magic."
  3993. >Twilight snorts as another wave of her magic dissipates against the wolf.
  3994. >"There has to be something. These wolves and Anon...Anon. Anon!"
  3995. >She leaps from her seat, hooves clicking against the crystal floor as she gallops past Spike into the kitchen.
  3996. >"Anon! Come here for a second. I need you for magic reasons."
  3997. >Now that's something to think about.
  3998. >If you can get a test with Anon and the wolves together, you might get something useful.
  3999. >You sigh and drop your tools as Henson starts to nuzzle Flurry.
  4000. >There was some logic to this, but you weren't figuring it out on an empty stomach.
  4001. >You turn to Trixie, who was...whispering to Cadence?
  4002. >When did she leave the kitchen?
  4003. >There is a soft pop as a picture appears next to Cadences head and proceeds to float down.
  4004. >Trixie plucks it out of the air and stares at it as...
  4005. >Is she bucking crying?
  4006. >Trixie stands and quietly leave the room, leaving you utterly bewildered as Cadence follows after her.
  4007. >You look to Shining, who was watching the scene unfold.
  4008. "Do you have any idea what she said? Or even what was on that picture?"
  4009. >He takes a quick sip of his coffee as Twilight reemerges from the kitchen.
  4010. >"Hey, did any of you see Anon come through here?"
  4011. >Oh horseapples, she got Anon too?
  4012. >You shake your head as Shining hums.
  4013. >"I think I know what's going on. I think I'll have a talk with Cadence and go find Anon once I'm done. You two keep clear of her until I say otherwise."
  4014. >Twilight scrunches up.
  4015. >"But...we're supposed to let Cadence do her thing."
  4016. >You scrunch in return.
  4017. "Weren't you the one talking about how horrible she would be?"
  4018. >"I did, but she's the princess of love. What do you think would happen if she can't work on a failing relationship?"
  4019. "A failing-Twilight, our herd is fine. We're just a bunch of weirdos."
  4020. >Velvet laughs.
  4021. >"I've only been here a day and that's exactly how I'd describe your herd."
  4022. >Twilight scrunches harder as Shining stands up.
  4023. >"Spend a day with your herd sister, Twily. Let your big brother get some breakfast and then he'll deal with your scary sister-in-law."
  4024. >Twilight huffs as her brother trots past her into the kitchen.
  4025. >She grumbles for a moment before trotting over to you and retaking her seat.
  4026. >"Well I will stay with her because we need to figure out what's going on with the wolves. Right, Starlight."
  4027. >You purse your lips, thinking for a moment as you watch Flurry and Henson growl at eachother.
  4028. >Or attempted to at least.
  4029. >The foal could barely manage anything deeper than a bird chirp.
  4030. >You sigh and rest your head on a hoof.
  4031. "Right now, I don't see the point. We'll probably get the exact same results that we got from Anon. For now, I say we wait for him to come back and perform a Melody Dream style reverb with him and the wolves together."
  4032. >You're blasted with a gust of air as two purple wings flair out.
  4033. >"A WHAT?! You realize that can cause a resonance cascade if done incorrectly, don't you?"
  4034. >You roll your eyes.
  4035. "Of course I do. I also know that you just have to recast the spell to end the cascade."
  4036. >Twilight lets out a frustrated whinny as she waves her hooves at you.
  4037. >"You can't just...bad Starlight. Bad."
  4038. >You chuckle and gesture over your back.
  4039. "You want me to prove it? Because I can."
  4040. >"Do you two want to know an easy way to sort this out?"
  4041. >The two of you turn to a grinning Twilight Velvet.
  4042. >"Go into one of your rooms and have a 'private conversation' if you know what I mean."
  4043. >Twilight begins to sputter, stumbling over her words.
  4044. >"M-mom! That's not exactly appropriate."
  4045. >"But it's still accurate, isn't it?"
  4046. >Velvet nods towards Spike and then to you.
  4047. >"Why don't you go ahead and tell Starlight about the special box you found under Twilights bed."
  4048. >The seated dragon only manages a half-hearted laugh before a flash of white blinds you.
  4049. >You blink a couple of times, trying to get the stars out of your eyes to make sense of your surroundings.
  4050. >Once you do, you find that you're in the middle of a large ravine in the middle of a mountain range.
  4051. >Almost everything around you was stone, save for the sliver of grass surrounding the stream the two of you were next to.
  4052. "Uh, Twilight? Where are we? The closest mountain to Ponyville is Canterlot and that's a single mountain..."
  4053. >You look at Twilight, who was a deep shade of red and was having trouble keeping her wings from fidgeting.
  4054. "I thought Celestia would have taught you how to avoid panic teleports...Now I'm curious about that box."
  4055. >"N-no you're not! There's nothing to be curious about!"
  4056. "You wouldn't have brought us out this far if it was just porn. Come on, what was it?"
  4057. >"It, uh, it was a teleport!"
  4058. >There is a small pop and and a fizzle of magic around Twilights horn.
  4059. >You can't help but sigh at her confused look.
  4060. "Twilight, look where we are. You tossed the two of us all the way out here on an empty stomach and practically no sleep. Do you really think you're going anywhere?"
  4061. >Her stomach growls, reaffirming one of your points.
  4062. >"Well...you could get us back."
  4063. >You light up your horn, trying to get a feel for the surrounding area only to be reminded how tired you were.
  4064. >Ugh.
  4065. >You probably should have at least taken a nap last night.
  4066. "I might be able to get us to back."
  4067. >Her ears snap up as she steps forward.
  4068. >"Great. Lets-"
  4069. "If you're willing to go through with one of my simplified teleport spells."
  4070. >You barely catch the grimace on her face before she manages to hide it.
  4071. >"Well I guess we're not getting back anytime soon. But since we're on the subject of your 'simplified' spells-"
  4072. "Wait. Stop right there. Forget I said anything."
  4073. >"...I have a few books we could go over."
  4074. "You know how this will end, Twilight."
  4075. >She grumbles to herself before ripping a lump of grass out of the ground with her teeth.
  4076. >"Ah ha'e grahs."
  4077. "I think everypony does. Except for Applejack. She's weird like that."
  4078. >"She's nah wei'd."
  4079. >You leave her to her grass, not feeling especially interested in an argument as she continues her grumpy grazing.
  4080. >Looking upwards, the sun could just be seen rising between the two peaks of a single mountain.
  4081. >A clump of grass lights up below you as you sever it from its roots before chewing on some of it.
  4082. >The dirt was easily the worst part of any grass.
  4083. >You chew slowly, enjoying the scenery, the cool air on your fur and...sweet Celestia, it is so bucking boring here.
  4084. >Hopping to your hooves, you look around for something passable to work with.
  4085. >There were plenty of pebbles and rocks by the stream but-
  4086. >Oh!
  4087. >You trot over to a sizable boulder and begin to circle around it.
  4088. >The stone probably won't last long, but it should last long enough.
  4089. >You sit down and begin to use your limited magic reserves to etch runes into the rock.
  4090. "So since we're going to be here awhile...tell me what was in the box."
  4091. >Twilight stops dead in her tracks and stares at you.
  4092. >"I-it was no-"
  4093. "Twilight."
  4094. >You lean around the rock to look her in the eyes.
  4095. "C'mon. I'm your herd sis, right? We can talk about whatever dirty magazines you had. And you won't even have to worry about offending anypony since they can't hear you."
  4096. >She frowns as she continues to nibble on some grass.
  4097. >"It...it wasn't a magazine."
  4098. "Oh? Did poor Spike find some of your toys?"
  4099. >She paws at the ground a bit as she chews on a lump of grass.
  4100. >"Y-you're not going to drop this, are you?"
  4101. "I might, but we're in a herd together. It's probably better if we talk it out now instead of you just dropping it on us one day. Or bottle it up forever. Yeah, you'd probably do that."
  4102. >Twilight whines for a moment and continues to paw at the ground before looking back at you.
  4103. >"Before I say anything, I want you to promise not to judge or make fun of me."
  4104. >You chuckle as you finish the first ring of etchings.
  4105. "I'll be nice, I promise."
  4106. >Twilight continues to paw at the grass, slowly turning redder and redder before sitting down.
  4107. >"He um...he found my bridle."
  4108. >Oh.
  4109. >"And my reins. And a...thing I made that could be used as a collapsible hitching post. That's actually how Spike found the box, the compression spell lost cohesion and POP! There's my...stuff. Hehe he."
  4110. "...Kinky."
  4111. >"Please don't kick me out of the herd."
  4112. >You shake your head as you wrap up the second ring of etchings.
  4113. "Twilight, I wouldn't kick you out just because you have some...unique interests for the bedroom. Besides, kicking somepony out comes down to a vote. You don't have to worry until you tell Anon and Trix."
  4114. >You finish the third and final ring as Twilight begins pawing at the ground again.
  4115. >"D-do you think they would-"
  4116. "Oh, by Celestias golden teats."
  4117. >You tap your horn against the center most point of the rune, throwing what little bit of magic you had into it.
  4118. >Your blue magic seeps throughout the runes, creeping its way through them and quickly quickly turning red.
  4119. >The wind picks up, nearly throwing your mane into your face as you trot over to Twilight.
  4120. >You place a hoof on her tuft and give her a gentle shake.
  4121. "You're a good mare, Twilight. You're a damned good mare. Anypony would be lucky to have you in their herd and I know for a fact that both Anon and Trixie care about you. Even if Trix is weird about showing it. If anything, you should go find a better herd. I certainly wouldn't blame you! Anon, Trixie, and I are three different flavors of crazy while you're just...off brand vanilla."
  4122. >Thankfully Twilight was looking at you, otherwise she would have noticed the stream start to flow uphill.
  4123. >"What? No, I could never do that. I wouldn't leave you just because a 'better' herd came along. I respect you, I like Anon and...I'm getting used to Trixie."
  4124. >You can't help but snicker.
  4125. "Don't worry about her. She still gets on my nerves sometimes, too."
  4126. >"I know, I know. It's just, does she have to be so-why is that rock vibrating?"
  4127. >You look over your withers to see the boulder you had been working on trying to shake itself free from the ground.
  4128. "Oh, don't worry about that. I figured we wouldn't come back, so I just threw down something quick."
  4129. >"Wha-"
  4130. >Twilight barely gets a word out before a pillar of flame fires from the carved runes.
  4131. >The flames manage to warm you up nicely and do a wonderful job of scorching everything on the other side of the boulder.
  4132. >The princess, naturally, starts to panic as the boulders tremors slow.
  4133. >"What did you do?! Why did that boulder-and the wind! A-and the river! STARLIGHT!"
  4134. >You snicker to yourself as you walk over to the runes.
  4135. >Twilight was snorting every step as she followed to see your horn craft.
  4136. >There, hugging the shape of the stone, was a hole torn into reality showing a shimmering, golden void.
  4137. >"What the buck is that?!"
  4138. "It's a hole."
  4139. >Oh, you can almost hear her anger.
  4140. >Wait, no you can't.
  4141. >That's just the sound of her grinding teeth.
  4142. >"What is it a hole /to/?"
  4143. "It's a little project to help me get around quicker. I've carved runes all over Equestria that let me enter some kind of...space. I don't fully understand where they take me, but they've been safe so far."
  4144. >Magic begins to seep from the portal, heating and cracking the stone around it.
  4145. "Mmm, I didn't think it'd last. C'mon, let's go home."
  4146. >"Through that? Nuh-uh, no way. That is not safe. Ad when did you have time to set these up 'all over Equestria'?"
  4147. >You roll your eyes and stick a hoof through the portal.
  4148. "It is perfectly safe. So long as nopony is here when the rock blows up. And it doesn't matter when I set them up."
  4149. >She still doesn't know about the plans you made and the things you did after she destroyed your town.
  4150. >The rock chooses that exact moment to split open, making a wonderful distraction for you.
  4151. "Now do you want to eat grass and nap here sleep here all day, or do you want to get back home and grab some breakfast?"
  4152. >Twilight purses her lips, her wings occasionally shuffling as she stares into the golden realm.
  4153. >She takes a half step forward before her eyes flick to you.
  4154. >"Do you promise it's safe?"
  4155. "So long as we use it quickly. This rock has about a minute before it blows up in our faces."
  4156. >She looks at the ground, at the grass beneath her hooves before turning back to the rift.
  4157. >"You said you set these up all over Equestria, right?"
  4158. "Yep. It's kind of like web of pathways that can get me anywhere whenever I want. Still working on a name for it. I'm kind of thinking about webwork at the moment."
  4159. >Twilight eyes the stone as it starts to glow red.
  4160. >"Do you have one in Canterlot?"
  4161. "Yeah, why?"
  4162. >"Celestia hasn't responded to my last letter about the poison joke and I want to talk to her about it."
  4163. "Okay we can-"
  4164. >"And because we may need some of their doctors if something goes wrong."
  4165. >This bucking-
  4166. "It is completely safe, you dork. Now-"
  4167. >"This is also a serious security risk that Celestia should know about."
  4168. "...Okay, I'm going."
  4169. >You hear Twilight continue to whine as you trot towards the rift.
  4170. >"I'd rather not, but if nothing else, this probably won't be the worst thing I've dealt with you."
  4171. "Wait, do you mean with me or against me?"
  4172. >"With you. No offense, but you were a bit more manageable when you were a crazed cult."
  4173. >You watch as she steps through the gate, making the gold flicker and the stone crack once more.
  4174. "Guess I shouldn't have asked, but geeze. No need to twist my teats like that, filly."
  4175. ----------
  4176. >You probably should have just left Twilight in that valley.
  4177. >"I can't believe you would be so reckless with your magic. Wait. Actually, I can believe it. I've seen some of your horn craft and most of it isn't pretty."
  4178. >Yeah, you definitely should have left her.
  4179. >If nothing else, you wouldn't be stuck in some doctors office enduring repeated scans.
  4180. >A young unicorn, probably too young to be a doctor, was wrapping up her final reading on Twilight as the princess complained.
  4181. "There's nothing wrong with the way I do magic, and my runes are perfectly safe."
  4182. >That gets you a scoff.
  4183. >"Safe? You said that boulder was going to blow up yourself. How is that safe?"
  4184. "I was just cutting corners on that particular rune to save energy. I know you saw that the one we exited from was more stable."
  4185. >"It was, but it was carved into one of the inner castle walls. And you know that rune work will wear that down."
  4186. "Not within my lifetime it won't. That wall was made of Calfcatta marble, which has micro strands of crystal running through it. These crystals will help disperse the load, and with the way these runes work, it will take decades of continuous use to wear that down."
  4187. >Twilight stares, blinking for a moment before she points at you.
  4188. >"How do you know so much about marble?"
  4189. "I hang out with Maud."
  4190. >"Oh. Well what will you say to Celestia when I tell her you're damaging her property?"
  4191. "I'll probably just show her how much I've given her in taxes. If that can't be used to fix a wall, she needs to make it out of something cheaper."
  4192. >"..."
  4193. "And what if she wants to remodel the palace? A wall falling down will give her the push she needs to do it."
  4194. >That gets a laugh out of the doctor.
  4195. >"Oh, trust me, Ms. Glimmer. It'll take another thousand years before that old nag decides to change anything."
  4196. >Twilight ruffles at the insult to her fellow princess.
  4197. >"You shouldn't call her that Ms...I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."
  4198. >"My name is Sunnyside, princess. But you can call me doctor."
  4199. >Twilight scrunches up as the doctor boops her.
  4200. >"And don't worry about whatever mischief you two got into. Both of you are perfectly fine."
  4201. >Twilight almost looks upset at that.
  4202. >"But...but we used dangerous magic and-"
  4203. >She stops midsentence as the doctor places a hoof on her.
  4204. >"Twilight, both of you are fine...even if you're both idiots sometimes."
  4205. "That's an...interesting bedside manner."
  4206. >The young mare rolls her violet eyes and turns back to Twilight.
  4207. >"You should see Luna. Doctor Goldenheart had to cut off his tail and use it as a tourniquet because she thought it would be fun to fight armed guards. /After/ hiding the medical equipment."
  4208. >"...I have several questions about that, but what does that have to do with our argument?"
  4209. >"I'm saying that adaptation is a good thing, if used reasonably like the good doctor. And it's something you certainly need. You play too close to the book sometimes."
  4210. >You barely get a chance to smirk at Twilight before the doctor rounds on you.
  4211. >"And you."
  4212. "Me?"
  4213. >"Yes, you. Magic has rules for a reason. I have stitched up plenty of mares like you. Plenty of mares that think they can do better than the current standard. The lucky ones are usually the ones that are just bleeding. You should meet this one herd I tried to help. One of the incidents I couldn't fix involved a mare using a body swap spell with a dog. Now the mares body is in an asylum and her mind in a dogs body."
  4214. >Twilight claps her hooves together under her chin.
  4215. >"Doctor Sunnyside, you really shouldn't be telling us this."
  4216. >The mare waves her off as she lights up her horn.
  4217. >A series of pamphlets float up and over as she addresses Twilight.
  4218. >"So long as I don't tell you their names, it's perfectly fine. And speaking of herds, I hear that you're in one now."
  4219. >"I-well, I mean-"
  4220. >"Here."
  4221. >The doctor hands Twilight a pamphlet, who immediately blushes at the sight of it.
  4222. >"Uh, thank you but-"
  4223. >She's stopped mid ramble by a hoof to her mouth.
  4224. >"I need both of you to look over that pamphlet and compare it to your stallions penis. Look at the felinid genitalia, for example. If something like that gets inside you, you'll need stitches in your vaginal canal."
  4225. >Your legs momentarily cross on their own before you hop off the bed.
  4226. "Okay! I think that's enough fun time with the doctor. You ready to go, Twilight?"
  4227. >She hops off the table with a quick nod.
  4228. >"Yep. Sorry doctor, but I need to meet the princess."
  4229. >Sunnyside smirks as the two of you trot out of the door.
  4230. >"Alright. You two stay safe and-"
  4231. >Some more pamphlets float over to you, making Twilight whine as you pluck them out of the air.
  4232. >"Keep that in mind."
  4233. >You flick between the two pamphlets, quickly glancing at the covers.
  4234. >One showed a herd of pegasi, while the other showed a more varied herd including a minotaur, a buffalo, a zebra, and a single pegasus stallion.
  4235. "'Preening with your herd' and 'preening with non-ponies'...Alright."
  4236. >You reach into a bowl by the door, digging out a sugar cube as Twilight nods.
  4237. >"We'll be sure to talk about this later. Thank you, Doctor."
  4238. >Twilight digs into the bowl herself as you bite into your sugar cube.
  4239. >The effect is almost immediate, energy courses through you and your horn crackles momentarily as a well of mana blooms within you.
  4240. >Twilight bites into her own and moans as the two of you step outside.
  4241. "It's a little unsettling knowing that some doctor all the way up in Canterlot knows about our herd."
  4242. >"I know plenty more than that."
  4243. >Both you and Twilight yelp as Sunnyside pushes her way between the two of you.
  4244. >"And one of those things happens to be where Celestia is. Come on girls, let's go bug her."
  4245. >...
  4246. >You give Twilight a sideways look, who was giving you a matching one in return.
  4247. >Both of you shrug before following the weird doctor.
  4248. >You pull up one of the pamphlets and look it over.
  4249. "So...preening with your herd. What do you-"
  4250. >THWAP
  4251. "Ow! Buck you, you mare cum gargler."
  4252. >Twilight settles her wing against her body, keeping an eye on Sunnyside before turning to you.
  4253. >"How about we keep our conversation a bit more appropriate?"
  4254. >You rub the spot where her wing hit you, wobbling around a bit as you try to walk with three hooves.
  4255. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?"
  4256. >She scrunches up, but only for a second before shooting back.
  4257. >"What kind of flowers does Anon like?"
  4258. "Really?"
  4259. >"What? It's a legitamite question."
  4260. >You shrug as you pass a pair of guards, both of whom were saluting.
  4261. "Well, he's kind of weird about them."
  4262. >"Weird how?"
  4263. "Weird as in he'll go and get a bowl or something and just...leave them in there. I know it drives Trixie nuts to watch good food go to waste, but she buys him more every week."
  4264. >"Huh. I wonder if it's some kind of cultural thing unique to humans."
  4265. "I don't know. I'd ask him, but it's kind of become this thing. The flowers sit on a little reading table as Anon brushes us. Sometimes he'll sing, but Trixie is always staring at the flowers, probably thinking about eating them."
  4266. >"That sounds...nice."
  4267. "It usually is."
  4268. >The two of you continue on in silence, passing guard after guard on your way to wherever this doctor was leading you.
  4269. >These halls had an interesting duality to them.
  4270. >They were a thousand years old, but shined as if they were just laid in place.
  4271. >There were dozens of ponies moving in every direction, but barely a sound.
  4272. >There was a bird-
  4273. >Why is there a bird?
  4274. >Its red and gold plumage caught the light, scattering it across the hallway like a living disco ball.
  4275. >You nudge Twilight and point at it.
  4276. "Twilight, am I going crazy or is that a pheonix?"
  4277. >Her ears flick as she looks upwards.
  4278. >"It is. Philomena! What are you doing here?"
  4279. >There is a soft chirp as the pheonix lazily spins downwards, coming to a rest on the back of the doctor.
  4280. >The mare makes no motion to look back, nor does she even seem to notice the pheonix.
  4281. >Twilight scrunches and speeds up to catch up with her.
  4282. >"Excuse me, doctor Sunnyside? You seem to have Princess Celestias pet on your back...Doctor?"
  4283. >She ignores Twilight, choosing instead to poke at the bird on her back.
  4284. >"I was having a good time. Did you really need to do this?"
  4285. >The bird, naturally, has no words to reply, choosing instead to peck at the doctors side before tugging on its own wing.
  4286. >It repeats the motion on the mares opposite side before the doctor looks up at her.
  4287. >"You won't get a mouse tonight if you keep this up."
  4288. >Philomena hesitates, thinking for a moment.
  4289. >But only for a moment before pecking at the mare twice as hard.
  4290. >"Yeah, that's what I expected."
  4291. >Twilight scrunches up even further as the mare takes a right.
  4292. >"This may sound like a weird question, but are you prin-"
  4293. >"One second, Twilight. Both of you, follow me."
  4294. >The mare takes another right...right through a wall.
  4295. >Twilight stares at the wall, registering what just happened as you sigh.
  4296. "Goodie. Another one of /those/ days."
  4297. >Twilight plays with the illusion as you work yourself up.
  4298. >"Well this is...something."
  4299. "Yep. Let's go see what kind of mess is behind it."
  4300. >You trot through the wall, making Twilight yell as you enter...
  4301. "Oh, I don't like this."
  4302. >In the room that you had just entered was Celestia and a dozen Raven Inkwells around a table.
  4303. >What made it even more peculiar was that all the Ravens were from different tribes.
  4304. >Most were unicorns, but there were still pegasi and earth Ravens.
  4305. >All had the clean white coat, with the black mane tied up with a red ribbon.
  4306. >You look back at Twilight as she enters and point to the other ponies.
  4307. "Please explain."
  4308. >Her ears pin back as looks at the arranged ponies.
  4309. >"This is a meeeting of the Inkwell family. Something that only happens when-"
  4310. >Her eyes snap to Celestia, who was giving the usual soft smile.
  4311. >"Is something wrong, princess? The last meeting of the Inkwells was twenty years ago when-"
  4312. >SQRAWk
  4313. >You jump at the screech and spin in place to see the doctor trying to creep away.
  4314. >Philomena was on her back, yelling and hopping on the doctors back for attention.
  4315. >Sunnyside glared at the pheonix before stepping towards you and Twilight.
  4316. >"Well, since she won't drop it, I guess we're going to have a talk. Hello ladies, I'm Celestia."
  4317. >...
  4318. >You point over your shoulder.
  4319. >At Celestia.
  4320. "You're a little short to be her."
  4321. >'Sunnyside' waves a hoof dismissively.
  4322. >"That's one of the Inkwells disguised as me. And it wouldn't be a very good disguise if I was full size, now would it?"
  4323. "Probably not, but why do you need a disguise?"
  4324. >It really wasn't that great of a disguise anyways.
  4325. >Her coat and eyes were still the same color, even if her mane was just pink and not quite as flowy.
  4326. >"I was going to surprise you, but I guess I'll have to tell you now. In regards to your-"
  4327. >She pokes Twilight in the chest.
  4328. >"Most recent letter about Anonymous. I have a personal interest in poison joke, so I decided that I'd...spend some time with him to figure out what I could."
  4329. >Twilight reels back.
  4330. >"I didn't know you were interested in that. I've just been trying to avoid it after my first encounter with it."
  4331. >'Sunnyside' blinks.
  4332. >"You've encountered poison joke? You never wrote to me about that and you don't seeme to be showing any symptoms."
  4333. >"Well Zecora found a cure-"
  4334. >"A what?"
  4335. >"A cure. She found a way to get rid of the effects of poison joke."
  4336. >"...And you never thought to tell me about this?"
  4337. >"I-I didn't think it was important."
  4338. >Because right now, she looks like she's bordering on mad, and you'd rather not see an angry princess of the sun.
  4339. >Celestia takes a long, deep breath in.
  4340. >And lets it out just as slowly.
  4341. >"It's fine, Twilight. Actually, this is great. Somepony else that knows how to deal with this? I'll just have to extend my stay a bit."
  4342. >"You're stay? Wait, you're going to come live with us?!"
  4343. >"Just for a bit. This is the closest I'll get to a vacation for the next thirty or so years, so after my research, I want to have a bit of fun and haggle a bit."
  4344. "You want to haggle? Over what?"
  4345. >"Anything really. It'd just be nice to have a pony not instantly give me something. And not being the center of attention for a bit will be great. Like when you two were arguing when I was doing your physical. I was just there and you were doing your own thing and-"
  4346. >"Oh my Celestia! Celestia called me an idiot!"
  4347. >The room collectively watches as Twilight starts to hyperventilate.
  4348. >You ignore her in favor of Cele-Sunnyside.
  4349. "So about that."
  4350. >"I didn't mean it perso-"
  4351. "I'm not worried about that, it's just...if you're playing doctor, you know how to actually be a doctor, right?"
  4352. >"Of course! It's kind of a hobby of mine."
  4353. "...That sounds kind of creepy."
  4354. >Sunnyside blows a raspberry at you.
  4355. >The princess of the sun just blew a raspberry in your face.
  4356. >Huh.
  4357. >"Don't be like that. I'm just trying to take care of my ponies."
  4358. "Was that comment about stitches in...you know. Was that really necessary, or were you just messing with us?"
  4359. >"Haha, well...a little bit of both."
  4360. >You shake your head at the doctor playing princess.
  4361. "Whatever you say, Sunnyside."
  4362. >She smiles at the use of her pseudo-name.
  4363. "But will all of the Ravens be able to handle Equestria without you?"
  4364. >"Yes and no. We'll be sending correspondances through Spike for anything important, and the Inkwells know me well enough to know how I'd respond to most other things. And they're not all Raven, just her."
  4365. >You try to see who she pointed at, but can't pick a mare out.
  4366. "How do you tell them apart? They all look identical."
  4367. >A soft smile comes to 'Sunnyside's face as she turns to you.
  4368. >"The Inkwells have been with me for nearly as long as I've been a princess. The first Inkwell was something of a gift to me from a very old friend. I know each and every one of them just as well as they know me and-"
  4369. >She stops as the sound of scribbling intensifies.
  4370. >Both of you stare at Twilight, who was rapidly writing down everything Celestia had just said.
  4371. >Celestia sighs and starts to head for the exit.
  4372. >"I really wish you hadn't found out here. It would have been fun to play around a bit while nopony knew me."
  4373. ----------
  4374. >You are Anon.
  4375. >And fletching is a bitch.
  4376. >That's what bow making is called, right?
  4377. >Or is that arrow making?
  4378. >Fuck if you knew.
  4379. >The idea of flinging a stick at someone using another stick and some string always bothered you.
  4380. >It's like...where's the boom?
  4381. >The pow, the pop, or the bang?
  4382. >Bows just twang or thwip, and for that you have no quip.
  4383. >...
  4384. >Shit, you've been spending too much time with Zecora.
  4385. >You grab a tree around the trunk and heave, listening as the wood cracks and groans.
  4386. >Eventually, the soil starts to give, revealing the trees roots.
  4387. >Most of the wolves danced around you as the tree groaned, while Henson relaxed under the shade of the forest he replanted.
  4388. >One more heave and the tree is free of the earth.
  4389. >You teeter a bit, trying to balance the crooked and gnarled tree on your shoulder.
  4390. >The thing was nearly twice as wide at the base as you were.
  4391. >You wait until the wolves stop hopping onto it before heading towards your improvised workstation.
  4392. >Which was really just a pile of other trees.
  4393. >Your current thought process was if making a bow is hard, make a bigger one and work your way down.
  4394. >So you were going to make a trebuchet.
  4395. >This seemed like the only reasonable course of action.
  4396. >A low whistle gets you to, slowly, turn around.
  4397. >"Doing some gardening, Anon?"
  4398. >You chuckle at Shining.
  4399. "You could say that."
  4400. >He smiled every time your eyes locked, but his eyes would glaze over and his ears would twitch when he would look at the tree on your shoulder.
  4401. >Not too surprising.
  4402. >You drop the lumber, instantly crushing...Bob and Bo probably and sit on it before facing Shining.
  4403. "What are you doing out here, man?"
  4404. >His faltering expression settles into a peaceful smile as he steps forward.
  4405. >"Well first of all, I have a gift."
  4406. >You perk up as he pulls a rather large box off of his back with his magic.
  4407. >He floats it over to you and sets it down by your feet.
  4408. >Dean comes over to sniff at it as the branches by the crushed wolves start to glow.
  4409. >The tree rips itself apart, branches, bark, and timber flying about in a maelstrom as the wolves reconstruct themselves.
  4410. >Bob and Bo both shake their heads...which now no longer had their paper fan mustaches.
  4411. >Must still be under the tree.
  4412. >You'll have to fix that later.
  4413. >Trixie really liked giving the mustaches to them, and you don't want to tell her that you ruined them.
  4414. >"I tend to bring work with me even if I'm on break, and when this showed up, I thought of our first conversation."
  4415. >You pick up the box and with a bit of work get the lid off.
  4416. >What you see inside is-
  4417. "Is this...is this what I think it is?"
  4418. >You pick up the long wooden block.
  4419. >It was about three feet long, had a clunky handle made for hooves, two arms engraved with some magic looking stuff, and a groove running the length of it.
  4420. >The groove was no doubt for the dozen or so foot and a half long bolts that were at the bottom of the box.
  4421. >You look over the device for a second and see what looks like a button on the end opposite of the handle.
  4422. >Pressing it makes both arms snap out and begin to glow a soft blue.
  4423. >"It's a little experiment that the gals in the Empire have been cooking up. A collapsible ballista that /should/ be able to hit as hard as something twice its size. The idea is to give it to mobile teams that need to travel light, but still might encounter something nasty."
  4424. >The little wooden war machine hums with power in your hands.
  4425. "And you're just...giving this to me?"
  4426. >"One of my policies when it comes to anything new is to check it over with as many eyes as possible. Ponies think differently from the other races of this world, and having additional input can snuff out a problem before it appears. Plus, it's kind of an apology gift for Cadence being...Cadence. I actually wanted to ask you about what she said to you."
  4427. >You can't help but laugh as you pull a bolt from the box and load it onto the ballista.
  4428. >The light from the arms transitions to the bolt, doubling the glow and making it vibrate just a little.
  4429. "She tried to get me upset about kids and some other stuff. Eventually I walked off since she said she'd be in Twilights schedule, and I wasn't messing with that."
  4430. >Shining chuckles as you press the butt of the weapon against your shoulder.
  4431. >"Smart move. And don't brace that thing against yourself. We had-"
  4432. >krschzTHWOOK
  4433. >You rock back, taking the recoil and watching as...you miss fucking everything.
  4434. >Henson planted an entire forest behind Twis castle, and you missed every single tree.
  4435. >The pack leader watches the bolt sail through his woods before falling to pieces.
  4436. >It takes only seconds for him to pull a kokiri from the woods.
  4437. >The human shaped doll shambles forward and taps itself in the center of the chest.
  4438. >Is that little shit mocking you or legitimately trying to help?
  4439. >You grumble and load another bolt.
  4440. >At least the thing sounds cool.
  4441. "What were you saying, Shiny?"
  4442. >You look back at him and see that the glassy eyed, ear swiveling look had returned.
  4443. >"I was saying that a mare crushed half of her ribs because she fired that without securing it."
  4444. >Oh.
  4445. >You look down at the ballista and then back to Shining.
  4446. "Uh, well it's a good thing humans can take a serious beating then. Right?"
  4447. >He blinks.
  4448. >Once, twice, and then finally returns to normal.
  4449. >"Well that's good! I'm sure you'll be grateful for that when you have a full herd in your bed."
  4450. >You jerk, yanking the trigger by accident and sending another bolt into nothing.
  4451. >Kokiri Henson watches the shot go wide and only taps at his chest again.
  4452. "Dude! That's your sister your talking about!"
  4453. >He blinks, staring off into the distance as you load the third bolt.
  4454. >"Huh. I guess you're right. It's still weird to think that little Twily finally has a herd."
  4455. "Is she really that weird for ponies? I mean, she's a little pushy and just a touch obnoxious, but how has she not had a date before me? She's a princess, stupid powerful with magic, and pretty cute...to me at least."
  4456. >Shining snorts as you take aim at the gently swaying kokiri.
  4457. >"Hey-snrk-do me a favor and call her cute in front of her mom. That'll be a show."
  4458. >You give a short nod, as most of your attention was now on your weapon and your target.
  4459. "Sure thing. Just let me try and-"
  4460. >krschzTHWOOK
  4461. "Hit this thing."
  4462. >The bolt clips one of the kokiris shoulders, doing little more than rustling the leaves on its body.
  4463. >It continues to tap its chest as you reload.
  4464. >"Watch the vibrations. I know it's not a lot, but at this range it's enough to throw off your shot."
  4465. >You stop, glancing at Shining before looking the weapon over.
  4466. >Sure enough, the whole thing was shaking, if only barely, from the enrgy put off by the arms.
  4467. >Well aren't you the dumbest sack of shit?
  4468. >This should have been basic for you, but it has been quite a while.
  4469. >It kind of felt like recoil from automatic fire.
  4470. >And you didn't even think of how the bolt would drop as it traveled.
  4471. >Shaking your head, you press the butt of the ballista against yourself once again and get a feel for its vibrations.
  4472. >You breathe deep and try to relax.
  4473. "So what exactly is Cadences plan with all of her nonsense?"
  4474. >You can hear Shinings breath catch in his throat, even if it's just for a second.
  4475. >"I'd rather not say while you have that in your hoo-hands."
  4476. "...That bad?"
  4477. >"It's not bad it's just...Cadence is a lot like my sister."
  4478. "Weird thing to say about your wife, but okay."
  4479. >He snorts and continues.
  4480. >"Cadence has plans. She has schemes, plots, and above all else, she has lists. Do you know how Twilight reacts when something happens that isn't on her list?"
  4481. >You breathe out slowly, trying to loosen up as you take aim.
  4482. "Poorly?"
  4483. >"That's an understatement, but it works. Now guess who wasn't on Cadences chart?"
  4484. >You pull the trigger, making the ballista crackle with energy and light.
  4485. >The bolt soars, and you get half a second to realize you didn't account for windspeed.
  4486. >It occurs to you immediately after that windspeed isn't an issue when it's manually controlled.
  4487. >And since the weather team hasn't been using wind due to the lowering temperature, the shot flies true.
  4488. >It impacts with the kokiri, shattering the tapping hand and sending the creature flying back into the depths of the trees.
  4489. >You drop to a knee and take a long, shaky breath.
  4490. >"Anon? You okay?"
  4491. "I...yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."
  4492. >You collapse the ballista before dragging its box over and putting it back inside.
  4493. "I just didn't think I'd actually get a hit."
  4494. >He scrunches up a little as you start to giggle to yourself.
  4495. >"Well, like I was saying, Cadence had a list when she came down here. She also brought a couple of herds with some open slots."
  4496. "So she was going to play matchmaker around here?"
  4497. >"Yeah."
  4498. >He picks up the box and scoots it over to himself.
  4499. >"With Twilight."
  4500. >...
  4501. >You stand up, making him push the box behind himself this time.
  4502. "So is she trying to break up my herd?"
  4503. >"No no no, she's just panicking...I think. She had a plan for how this trip would go, who she'd try to set up Twily with, that kind of thing. When we got here, Spike said she found a herd and she started stress grooming until you showed up."
  4504. "She was...stress grooming?"
  4505. >"It's a habit she picked up when she was pregnant with Flurry. She wraps herself around me and starts brushing my mane. She does it to Flurry sometimes too."
  4506. "...Your wife is weird."
  4507. >"I know, but she's weird in a fun way."
  4508. >You shake your head and sit back down on the tree.
  4509. "So what do we do about her shenanigans?"
  4510. >"I'll deal with her. All you need to do is talk to Rarity. I had a talk with her and she's making a suit for you."
  4511. "A suit? How will a suit help me deal with Cadence?"
  4512. >"It won't. Actually, she's pretty easily distracted, so it might. But I want you to get a suit because I'm planning a date night for the four of you."
  4513. >You make a show of pulling at the hem of your shirt.
  4514. "Don't ponies usually go naked? Is this not fancy enough?"
  4515. >"No. You need something that looks like it hasn't been dragged through the mud."
  4516. "My clothes aren't that bad!"
  4517. >Although it probably wouldn't hurt to wash them more often.
  4518. >Shining just shrugs.
  4519. >"I don't think it's much of an issue, but if Cadence sees somepony not dress up for a big date night, she throws a fit."
  4520. "Okay so...get a suit and then what? This is a pretty small town, it's not like it has a bunch of restaurants or any place fancy to go to."
  4521. >He just smirks and slides the box back to you.
  4522. >"I've already got that covered."
  4523. "Heh. Date night, a suit, I'm guessing some dresses for the girls, and I'm willing to bet some other surprises. You work fast."
  4524. >He smiles and begins to turn away as you pick up the box.
  4525. >"You bet I do. Now come on. Let's occupy ourselves until the mares get back."
  4526. ----------
  4527. >You tighten the strap, tightening up the jurry rigged holster just a bit.
  4528. >You were curious about how the ballista would sit against your armor, so you threw on your gear and got to work.
  4529. >Thankfully, you had some leather for straps and padding in your old travel bag.
  4530. >The leather itself was from a creature that you called Bob.
  4531. >There was no special reason for the name, you just thought it would be funny to call it Bob.
  4532. >You lift your right leg, swinging to the left, and then to the right as you test your range of movement.
  4533. >And, for the most part, it seems to work pretty well.
  4534. >You put your foot down and start hopping in place before grumbling to yourself.
  4535. "Think it needs some padding. It makes too much noise when I move."
  4536. >You can practically hear Shining scrunch up from his seat across the room.
  4537. >"Too much noise? I didn't hear a thing. How do you wear so much armor and move so quietly?"
  4538. >You shrug as you turn to the mirror wall.
  4539. >There wasn't a mirror in town big enough for you, so Star just used some magic to make a mirror lie wall.
  4540. >You thought it wouldn't work on you, like most pony magic, but for some reason it does.
  4541. >You figured it was like their magical shields somehow.
  4542. >Telekenisis and giant lasers?
  4543. >Nothing.
  4544. >Mirrors and glowy shield walls?
  4545. >Sure, that works on you.
  4546. >For some reason.
  4547. >Magic is bullshit.
  4548. "Trial and error. And when error results in getting mauled, you learn pretty quick."
  4549. >You see him grimace in the mirror, your helmet in his magical grasp.
  4550. >"They do say pain is the best teacher."
  4551. >He picks up a hoof and runs it over a notch in the visor of your helmet.
  4552. >"And it certainly looks like /something/ tried to go for your face. Is that why you made the visor so small? I doubt I could even slip a bit through there."
  4553. >You stop fiddling with the leather straps.
  4554. >You breathe slowly as you look at the mirror.
  4555. >Putting a hand up to your face, you pull your left eyelid open just a bit more.
  4556. >The eye no longer had any white to it.
  4557. >It was just a solid shade of green that wouldn't look natural on any human.
  4558. >The slim, black line in the center made it resemble a cats eye.
  4559. >Your other eye looked like it should, save for the same, peculiar shade of green.
  4560. >These were just two of the many...improvements you had revieved.
  4561. >You close both of your eyes and look at Shining.
  4562. "Yeah, the stuff out there will go for any weak spot they can find."
  4563. >You tug at the ballista on your hip, grunting slightly as the new holster refuses to yield.
  4564. >Need to fix that up.
  4565. >Don't want to be in the middle of a fight and stop to struggle with this thing.
  4566. >It takes you a second, but you manage to pull it off and load it with a bolt from the nearby box.
  4567. >You take aim through the open doorway, at your bed and-
  4568. >krschzTHWOOK
  4569. >You smile and Shining scrunches as a bolt of wood appears in a corner of the beds headboard.
  4570. >"Do you mind telling me why you're shooting your bed."
  4571. >You reload and take aim again.
  4572. "Well-"
  4573. >The weapon crackles with energy as you land another bolt in the other corner of the headboard.
  4574. "I'm uh...I'm decorating."
  4575. >"...You're decorating."
  4576. >You shrug as you collapse the weapon before...
  4577. >Guess you need to work on a way to put it away quickly too.
  4578. >You work on setting the weapon on your hip as you address Shining.
  4579. "Well...honestly, I just wanted to see if they girls notice."
  4580. >He laughs as you point to the main room.
  4581. "I'll be the first to admit that I'm no fancy homemaker, but I try! And when Star gets confused about where Trixie is and comes and asks me instead of looking at the BLUE SHEETS, I get a little miffed."
  4582. >Shining only laughs harder, making you grumble.
  4583. "Sorry for ranting. I just-"
  4584. >"No. No, you're fine. I just didn't expect you to go on a rant about your mares noticing your sheets is all."
  4585. >With a smile, he points to the ballista.
  4586. >"And be careful not to play around with that too much. It's like your other weapon. Both are powered by runes, so they will break down with use."
  4587. >...
  4588. >You swing both arms around to point at your two different weapons.
  4589. "So these are going to break? Are they going to explode or-why didn't Twilight say anything when she saw my glaive? What the fuck?!"
  4590. >Shining just shrugs.
  4591. >"She might have thought of mentioning it, but it was probably pretty low on her list of priorities."
  4592. >You frown as you pull the glaive off of your back.
  4593. >There were no cracks, and it looked pretty good due to your regular maintenance.
  4594. "So what'll happen? Will it just..."
  4595. >He hops off the couch and slowly makes his way to you.
  4596. >"It depends. Runes made by ponies, that are done well, should just turn the material they are on to dust. They can be volatile, but the higher the quality, the better it'll hold together."
  4597. >He charges up his horn and reaches out with his magic.
  4598. >"But so long as you don't activate the runes, it won't deteriorate. Otherwise..."
  4599. >He trails off, shuddering as his magic hits the bone.
  4600. >His horn dims as he steps back, his tongue flicking out as if he were trying to get a bad taste out of his mouth.
  4601. >"Or that's what happens with normal runes. That thing doesn't feel right, so I can't quite say."
  4602. >That doesn't give you much hope.
  4603. >You don't want to lose this thing.
  4604. "Well I guess something's-oh!"
  4605. >You pat Shining on the withers, getting an inquisitive look from him.
  4606. "Go with me on this."
  4607. >Before he can respond, you pick him up and start to rub him against the mirror in a clockwise motion.
  4608. >You get three rotations in before he clears his throat.
  4609. >"What are you...oh."
  4610. >He stares as the mirror starts to flicker and fizzle out of existance.
  4611. >Behind it was a little nook carved into the wall with what you're pretty sure is more runes.
  4612. >It was twice as tall as a pony and light would occasionally flicker through the odd looking letters.
  4613. "I'm guessing these are more runes, right? Can you tell me what these do?"
  4614. >You put Shining on the ground, who takes a second look at it before stepping back.
  4615. >"That is...something. How did you find this?"
  4616. >You point up at the chandelier.
  4617. "Well I like to hide when I take naps and ponies, save for pegasi, seem to have an issue with looking up."
  4618. >"Yeah, that's a real issue when training earth ponies to deal with aerial threats."
  4619. >You chuckle at the thought of whatever silly wargames ponies play before continuing.
  4620. "So it seemed like a nice place to take a quiet nap until Star barged and started making...that. I tried asking her about it, but everytime I do, she gets all squirrelly before teleporting away."
  4621. >Shining scrunches up a bit and looks over the mess in the wall.
  4622. >"Well...this is deffinitely runework, and it looks well made, save for the size."
  4623. "What's wrong with the size."
  4624. >He rubs his chin, thinking of what words to use as he prods at the runes with his magic.
  4625. >"Twily could explain it better but...think of a candle. If you have too much wick to wax, or the flame burns too hot, that flame won't last as long as it could. This one looks like a tarpit turned into a candle using dragon bones as the wick."
  4626. "And that's...bad?"
  4627. >He narrows his eyes as his magic runs across a sequence of runes.
  4628. >"I'm not quite sure. This is a field that's not very well understood and-"
  4629. >He stumbles back as the core ring lights up a dull yellow.
  4630. >"Oh! Well that-"
  4631. "What did you do?"
  4632. >"I didn't-"
  4633. >A deep blue flows through the closest runes, making both of you take a step back.
  4634. "The fuck did you do?!"
  4635. >"Nothing! It activated on its own!"
  4636. >A pale white overlays the next layer, which mostly consisted of writing.
  4637. "Okay, what if we just broke the whole thing?"
  4638. >"That's a bad idea for multiple reasons."
  4639. >He stares at the runes as green light consumes the rext ring.
  4640. >It gets halfway through the ring before a dome of light appears over the whole thing.
  4641. >Shining grunts under the strain of his spell, but still manages to look at you.
  4642. >"Alright, here's the plan. Get everypony out of the castle and start running."
  4643. >You slap him, making the shield flicker for a second.
  4644. "Bullshit! You've got a family, I'm not going to pussy out and leave your kid without a dad."
  4645. >The final ring, which was composed exclusively of jagged inscriptions, begins to glow.
  4646. >Half of it begins to take on a silver hue, while the other shines gold.
  4647. >He rolls his jaw as the multitude of colors slowly shift to red.
  4648. >"I appreciate the sentiment, but you need to go. There's no telling what-"
  4649. >His jaw slackens as the wall melts into a golden void.
  4650. >Both of you stare, watching in rising fear as Starlight steps through.
  4651. >...
  4652. >Wait, what?
  4653. >Your face probably shows the peak of disbelief as Twilight and some other off white pony follow her through.
  4654. >Starlight scrunches up as she looks between you and Shining.
  4655. >"Uh, hi there. Didn't expect to find the two of you waiting for us."
  4656. >She taps at the shield holding the three mares.
  4657. >"You mind putting this down? What are you even doing with this?"
  4658. >Shining clears his throat, looking to the ceiling as he drops the barrier.
  4659. >"We were-"
  4660. >There's two quick taps of a hoof against your boot.
  4661. >"Standard operating procedure for the guard. If something unusual is found, magical or otherwise, secure it before attempting to disarm it."
  4662. >D'awww.
  4663. >He's trying to hide the fact that he was freaking out.
  4664. >...
  4665. >Well since it was his idea-
  4666. >You nod and point at the wall behind Star.
  4667. "Yeah, we were just sitting here talking when that mirror you made disappeared and Satans telephone gloryhole popped up. We were coming up with a plan to kick some ass when you stepped through."
  4668. >You reach into your back pocket, pulling out a paper fan to-
  4669. >BAP
  4670. >"OW! What was that for?"
  4671. >Star rubs her nose as you point at the screwy portal.
  4672. "For not warning me about that. And because of that too."
  4673. >"Well excuse-"
  4674. >"Shiny? Shining, why are you bleeding?"
  4675. >You freeze as Twilight rushes over to her brother.
  4676. >A little handkerchief appears as she stops in front of him to dab at his cheek.
  4677. >Sure enough, the guy was bleeding.
  4678. >Not a lot, but there were three little holes that-
  4679. >Oh.
  4680. >You lift up a hand.
  4681. >The hand you had slapped Shining with a second ago.
  4682. >The hand that was covered in armor made from a rather spikey monster.
  4683. >It also happened to be the hand covered in a bit of blood.
  4684. >Shit.
  4685. >You extend your other hand, only to get another tap at your boot.
  4686. >Shining takes the handkerchief from his sister and uses his magic to press it against his cheek.
  4687. >"You'd make a very good father, Twily."
  4688. >"...I think you mean mother."
  4689. >"I know what I said."
  4690. >Twilight scrunches up as the other two mares chuckle.
  4691. >He uses the moment to write on the wall above their heads, using his current use of magic to hide the new ones glow.
  4692. >'We both panicked. Don't worry about it.'
  4693. >No.
  4694. >You should worry about it.
  4695. >This is bad.
  4696. >This is very bad.
  4697. >You reach out once again towards him only for the handkerchief to dash out.
  4698. >It does a quick sweep of the back of your hand, cleaning up his blood before landing in your palm.
  4699. >"Anyways, it's a good thing you two are back. Both of your dads were upset that you skipped out on breakfast."
  4700. >Star groans as Twis ears fold back.
  4701. >"Oh. Hehe, yeah we didn't mean to-"
  4702. >"Don't tell it to me, tell it to dad."
  4703. >He trots around, getting behind her before gently poking her with his horn.
  4704. >"Now come on. You two should apologize."
  4705. >Starlight huffs as he pushes her along with Twilight.
  4706. >"Why do I have to apologize? I was /abducted/ from my own home by a spastic nerd."
  4707. >"I am not spastic!"
  4708. >Star scoffs at Twilights retort.
  4709. >"Oh, yeah? You want me to prove it?"
  4710. >"Yes, if you have proof, I would very much like to see it."
  4711. >"Okay, you know how you've been on a date with me and Trixie?"
  4712. >"How does that-"
  4713. >"You haven't been on a date with Anon yet. That clearly makes you sexist."
  4714. >You jerk out of your reverie and reach for Twilight.
  4715. "Don't take the bait Twi-"
  4716. >"Oh my Celestia! I can't believe I've been so horrible to you, Anon! I promise I'll make this up to you tonight! Anywhere you want to go, we'll go. We'll do anything you want and-I am so sorry princess! I just did that thing that you don't like me to do where I say your name and...sorry."
  4717. >The third mare, who you now guess is Celestia, gives what could be called a gentle glare to the dork.
  4718. >She walks over and pats Twilight on the head.
  4719. >"One day. One day the two of us are going to go out and...do something, I don't know! Fish maybe, that's nice and relaxing. And while we're fishing, I'll beat some sense into that head of yours."
  4720. >Celestia turns to both you and Shining.
  4721. >"Gentlemen, it has been nice meeting you, but please call me Sunnyside while I'm here. I would like to talk to you later, Anonymous, but right now I need to see the towns baker. I think I need a dozen or so cakes. Or maybe-"
  4722. >Celestia continues to ramble on as she leaves the room.
  4723. >You look to Twi, who had her ears pinned back and her nose nearly to the ground.
  4724. >This dork was absolutely precious.
  4725. "Hey."
  4726. >Her ears flick slightly as she looks up at you.
  4727. >"Yeah?"
  4728. "Isn't there a place in town with spaghetti or something?"
  4729. >She picks her head up as she thinks.
  4730. >"There's one. Why?"
  4731. "Well you were just talking about a date. And I think spaghetti sounds pretty good."
  4732. >Both her head and ears snap all the way up.
  4733. >"Y-you still want to-okay I just need to-"
  4734. >SNAP
  4735. >Aaand she's gone.
  4736. >Star looks at the empty space that Twilight used to occupy before looking at you.
  4737. >"Well, I guess I'll-"
  4738. "Wait, before you go, have you seen Trixie? It's been at least an hour and she hasn't come demanding snuggles."
  4739. >She scrunches up for a second bfore shrugging.
  4740. >"Last I saw her was this morning when Cadence was with her. Trixie started crying and the two ran off."
  4741. "...She what?"
  4742. >"She started crying and ran off. Why, is that important?"
  4743. "Starlight. Star, Glimmy, Glim-Glam. At what point did you think to go after Trixie and talk to her?"
  4744. >You watch as the gears slowly churn in her head before clicking into place.
  4745. >"I-uh-thought about doing it awhile ago, but I just got back so-"
  4746. >SNAP
  4747. >Starlight was now gone, and with her absence, the portal in the wall slams shut.
  4748. >You sigh as you turn back to Shining and offer up the bloodied handkershief.
  4749. "Sorry about that. I really-"
  4750. >He shakes his head and pushes your hand back towards your chest before turning towards the door.
  4751. >"Like I said, it's fine. Although I do think I need a nap after all that excitement...my dad says that...ugh, I'm getting old."
  4752. >You chuckle as he makes his way out of your room, following Celestias path.
  4753. >He opens the door and walks out, leaving you in silence.
  4754. >For the most part, anyways.
  4755. >There was a quiet drumming.
  4756. >A gentle humming.
  4757. >In your chest, your heart was hammering away, doing its best to break a rib or two as you tried to catch your breath.
  4758. >You knocked a fist against your chest, trying to ease your breathing as you open up your other hand.
  4759. >The bloodied hankerchief was hard to get a good look at due to it shaking.
  4760. >Why was it shaking?
  4761. >Wait, it wasn't shaking, you were.
  4762. >You look to the nearest clock.
  4763. >Eleven o' three.
  4764. >You walk into the main bedroom and look at the clocks over and next to your bed.
  4765. >Eleven o' three on both.
  4766. >You walk into the bathroom and check the clock over the tub.
  4767. >Eleven o' three.
  4768. >Now, considering nothing super weird happened, that should be eleven in the morning.
  4769. >You walk over to the window and grab the handle with a shaking hand.
  4770. >Funny thing about pony windows.
  4771. >Most windows, that aren't ground floor, act like doors.
  4772. >It makes it easier for pegasi since so many of them seemed to have an issue with stairs.
  4773. >...
  4774. >You're stalling.
  4775. >And who could blame you?
  4776. >You're fucking terrified.
  4777. >But you're probably just overreacting.
  4778. >You did go pretty crazy awhile back, and there's no guarantee that you ever got your sanity back.
  4779. >You breathe in slowly and grab the windows handle.
  4780. >What you should see is the forest under a sunny sky, emphasis on the sunny part.
  4781. >This window faces south, towards the forest.
  4782. >And the moon rises in the east and sets in the west.
  4783. >So you really shouldn't see it hanging over the forest to the south.
  4784. >Let alone three of them.
  4785. >Slowly, ever so slowly, you pull the handle, revealing the outside world.
  4786. >What you see is...nothing special.
  4787. >The forest still stood, the sun still shone, and the birds were still chirping.
  4788. >You grab the window frame and drop to your knees.
  4789. "Oh, thank fuck! It's not real, I'm just crazy."
  4790. ----------
  4791. >You are Twilight.
  4792. >And you are on your third date for this week.
  4793. >But this one is different.
  4794. >It's with a stallion.
  4795. >Your stallion.
  4796. >It was just about noon, so the usual romantic features of the restaurant were lacking.
  4797. >Things like the candles, the dim lights, and the band.
  4798. >But maybe that last one was a good thing.
  4799. >The 'band' consisted of one mare with a banjo, so maybe it was better that you didn't come later.
  4800. >There were breadsticks though.
  4801. >...
  4802. >That's not going to win Anon over.
  4803. >You look up at him and try to think.
  4804. >What do you say.
  4805. >Should you start with a pick up line?
  4806. >No, that's no good.
  4807. >Especially since he picked you up.
  4808. >...
  4809. >The sun hat you're wearing isn't big enough.
  4810. >You stand up and head for the door.
  4811. "I need-hey!"
  4812. >Your legs kick out as an arm wraps around your barrel, picking you up before setting you in the humans lap.
  4813. >"You need to stay here. You're on a date, remember?"
  4814. >You can't help but lean into the hand that starts scratching at your cheek.
  4815. "Well yes, but I...I'm not quite sure what to talk about or how exactly this should go or-"
  4816. >You whine at his chuckles.
  4817. >"You've been on a date with Star and Trix already. How is this any different?"
  4818. "Well they're mares. It's different because...it is."
  4819. >He hums as he reaches out with his free hand and grabs one of the breadsticks.
  4820. >"How so? I thought all the mares in a herd were supposed to love eachother just as much as the guy."
  4821. "Well they do but...how do I say this to a stallion?"
  4822. >"Oh, I gotcha. You prefer to eat dick instead of pussy."
  4823. "...I'm not going to say you're wrong, but you could have said that a bit more elegantly."
  4824. >He chuckles as he breaks the bread in half with his fingers and offers you one of the halves.
  4825. "I'm not a foal. You don't need to-MMPH!"
  4826. >You try not to choke as he shoves the breadstick into your mouth.
  4827. >"Okay, now you can't leave since you ate something."
  4828. >You scrunch as you chew on the piece of bread.
  4829. >And chew.
  4830. >And chew a bit more.
  4831. >Nopony's going to catch you talking with a full mouth.
  4832. >Papa didn't raise a cave mare.
  4833. >Anon starts to nibble on his half as you finish yours.
  4834. "I wasn't going to leave without paying."
  4835. >"Nah, you were just going to panic about something trivial, get distracted by something nerdy, and panic again when you realised you forgot about me."
  4836. "...Am I really that predictable?"
  4837. >"Like clockwork. You'll do your task perfectly and dutifully, but sometimes you need to be rewound. Or unwound in some cases."
  4838. "Huh. I actually kind of like that analogy."
  4839. >You shift yourself around, pushing yourself up into a sitting position.
  4840. "So...what do we talk about?"
  4841. >No!
  4842. >Don't talk like that, you should take the lead and-
  4843. >"Hmm, good question. We've known eachother for a good while, and we know eachother pretty well. Or I'd like to say we do at least. Uh, what about this?"
  4844. >You look down as he grabs the end of your tail, running his thumb over the iron band keeping the braid together.
  4845. >"What's it like running around with this thing on? Doesn't it get annoying to have something tug on your tail all the time?"
  4846. "It's supposed to do that. It's meant to be a reminder of the weight we will have to carry and of the strength we need to do so to be in a herd."
  4847. >"Huh."
  4848. >He runs his thumb over it again before laying your tail against your leg.
  4849. >"So what do you think of joining our little band of idiots?"
  4850. >You purse your lips.
  4851. "Well I wouldn't call you that and I'm not quite sure."
  4852. >"What aren't you sure of?"
  4853. "Well I just...I thought that, when I entered a herd, things would change somehow. I don't know how, but it feels like the three of you just said 'hey you're in the herd now' and nothing's changed. N-not to be ungratefu-"
  4854. >"No, I get what you're saying. And it's probably because things just happened so fast. I mean, you haven't even been in the herd for a full week, but this week feels like it's been a year."
  4855. "Yeah, you're right about that. Saying things were hectic would be an understatement."
  4856. >He chuckles as a hand runs through your mane.
  4857. >"Yeah. It almost reminds me of the week you and the girls found me."
  4858. >You grimace.
  4859. "I'd say that was much worse than this."
  4860. >"Oh yeah, that was a mess. Rainbow and AJ were being, well, themselves. Pinkie kept throwing food at me and Rares woudln't shut up. I punched you because you were being a stubborn turd, and Fluttershy kicked my ass for that."
  4861. >You snort.
  4862. "I am not stubbo-wait, Fluttershy did what?"
  4863. >He says nothing, only running a hand over your muzzle.
  4864. >"I, uh, I'm not entirely sure, but I think I broke your nose then."
  4865. "Uh, yeah, you did."
  4866. >It wasn't too bad.
  4867. >You were able to put a shield up...that he mostly ignored.
  4868. >It had shattered like glass, barely slowing Anon down in any meaningful way.
  4869. >Still, the broken nose wasn't as bad as Rainbow giving you grief over a colt being the one to do it.
  4870. >You remember pretty well, but the sudden change in Anons attitude made you nervous.
  4871. >His eyes had become more serious, and his expression seemed almost thoughtful.
  4872. >A thumb runs over your muzzle again, tickling your fur.
  4873. >You wait for him to say something, but he just sits there and stares.
  4874. >...
  4875. >Is this some kind of human thing?
  4876. >Some aspect of their culture?
  4877. >Maybe-
  4878. >You jump as he places a kiss on your nose.
  4879. >"I'm sorry I hit you, Twi."
  4880. >Oh.
  4881. >He just wanted to give you a kiss.
  4882. >That should have been obvious.
  4883. >You snuggle up next to him and smile.
  4884. "It's okay. Besides, I heal pretty quick, especially after I became an alicorn."
  4885. >"...You what?"
  4886. >You blink as his expression becomes one of confusion.
  4887. "I heal pretty quick?"
  4888. >He shifts around to get a better look at you.
  4889. >"What do you mean you 'became an alicorn'?"
  4890. >Did you never tell him about that?
  4891. >...
  4892. >Buck, you never told him about that.
  4893. "Well, I mean, I used to be a unicorn and Celestia sent me this spell and-"
  4894. >You shrug with your wings.
  4895. "Then I got these."
  4896. >He picks you up and lifts you over his head.
  4897. >"Spead 'em."
  4898. "Uh...y-you mean my wings, right?"
  4899. >His expression instantly turns deadpan.
  4900. >"What do you think?"
  4901. >...
  4902. >You slowly start to spread your rear legs, getting an annoyed growl from Anon before he puts you back on the ground.
  4903. >"Perv."
  4904. "Sorry. I just-well-"
  4905. >He gently pats you on the back, silencing you.
  4906. >"It's okay, relax. I don't mind being with a magical tranny so long as you were actually born with a vagina."
  4907. "Of course I was born with...female equipment. And what's a tranny?"
  4908. >He shakes his head.
  4909. >"Forget I said that. Yeah, I thought it was weird that both of your parents are unicorns. I thought your dad would have been a pegasus or something."
  4910. "Is that how you think equine genetics works? When we get back home, we're going to have a talk about pony lineage and bloodlines."
  4911. >He smirks.
  4912. >"So you want to talk to teach me how ponies make foals?"
  4913. >You stutter as the heat from a blush washes over your face.
  4914. "Wha-no no I would never..."
  4915. >You stop, sighing as Anon chuckles to himself.
  4916. >You nudge him with a wing as you pick up your drink.
  4917. "How do you talk about things when you're in a herd? I always get so nervous and start freaking out. It looks like you, Starlight, and Trixie have it figured out."
  4918. >"Well, for starters, which of the three of us do you think knows what we're doing?"
  4919. >You take a quick sip of your drink.
  4920. "Um...you?"
  4921. >"Ha! That's a good one Twi, but no. None of us know what we're doing or how to properly do it. We've got a cute idiot, a nut job that's twelve types of crazy, and a military grade autist...two of those, counting you."
  4922. "Um, no offence, but which one of those are you?"
  4923. >His brow furrows before he grabs another breadstick and stabs it onto your horn.
  4924. >"Dork. And as I was saying, we get through stuff by doing what feels right."
  4925. >He wraps an arm around you and pulls you tight.
  4926. >"Like this. This feels nice so I'm going to keep doing it."
  4927. >Well...
  4928. >You can't argue with that.
  4929. >You pull the breadstick off of your horn with magic.
  4930. "So a bit of that along with that chaos theory you keep talking about?"
  4931. >"Heh. Yeah, that too."
  4932. >The two of you sit in silence, slowly nibbling on your respective snacks.
  4933. >You glance at him, trying to think of a way to tactfully approach the next topic.
  4934. "So the pon-human that came up with that..."
  4935. >"Ian Malcolm."
  4936. "Yeah. There's probably a lot of other humans that were just as smart, right?"
  4937. >He chuckles.
  4938. >"Yeah, I guess you could say there's a lot like him."
  4939. >You rub your two hooves together, working up the nerve to ask a question you probably don't want an answer to.
  4940. "Did you...did you ever think of going back to your world?"
  4941. >Anon simply stares.
  4942. "To try and see Malcolm, I mean. Or maybe even other scientists or your family that you-"
  4943. >He doesn't move.
  4944. >"I...no. Not once have I ever thought of going back."
  4945. >You scrunch despite yourself.
  4946. "Not once?"
  4947. >"Well early on, I just figured I was dead and ended up in hell, and when I got over that I...well, I went a little crazy."
  4948. "I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."
  4949. >You trail off as he stares into space.
  4950. >Oh buck, you did it now.
  4951. >You're big mouth was about to get you kicked-
  4952. >You jump as a finger lands on your lips and a smirk grows on Anons.
  4953. >"Hey, you've got cameras around here, right?"
  4954. >The scrunch returns in full force.
  4955. "W-well yes, but-"
  4956. >He leans down to whisper in your ear.
  4957. >"Is there a spell that a unicorn can use that acts like a camera?"
  4958. "Of course but-"
  4959. >"How would they take the pictures? Would the unicorn need some paper on them?"
  4960. >Your feathers ruffle at the repeated interruptions.
  4961. "There are several methods, but specially treated paper is the preferred-hey!"
  4962. >You nearly topple over as Anon stands up.
  4963. >He walks away, towards a corner where a lonely mare was sitting.
  4964. >...
  4965. >A lonely mare in a trench coat and an oversized hat.
  4966. >...
  4967. >He could have just said there was a photographer in the room.
  4968. >The mare tries to act casual as Anon approaches.
  4969. >The act is quickly done away with as he picks her up and lays her down on the table.
  4970. >"Hey, hey, hey! Let go'a me ya crazy colt! I'mma-"
  4971. >The bravado vanishes once Anon flips open her coat, revealing four neat stacks of photos.
  4972. >The top of each one clearly showed you and Anon.
  4973. >"Whoa, hold on now, I need those to feed my, uh, my cat?"
  4974. >Anon ignores her, flicking through the first stack and quickly moving to the second before smiling.
  4975. >He pulls out one of the pictures and shows it to the mare before leaning down and whispering to her.
  4976. >She goes incredibly still as he speaks, giving an occasional nod before glancing at you.
  4977. >You should probably stop this.
  4978. >That seems like the sensible thing to do.
  4979. >Before you can come to a decision, the mare hops off the table.
  4980. >She tips her hat to Anon before turning towards the door.
  4981. >"It's a deal. Get a hold of me when you get a date and I'll be here."
  4982. >Now your scrunch is scrunching to scrunchy-scrunch as Anon returns to you, picture in hand.
  4983. "How did you know she was taking pictures? There was no flash of her horn and no other obvious indicators."
  4984. >He just smiles as he sits down next to you.
  4985. >"Magic."
  4986. "What do you mean 'magic'? You have no-wait. That's some kind of human snark, isn't it?"
  4987. >His smile widens as he shows you the picture.
  4988. >"Kinda. Now what do you think of the picture she took?"
  4989. >You look and find a sweet, if not very flattering, scene.
  4990. >It was a picture of when Anon had kissed you on the snoot.
  4991. >He looked almost dignified in the way he was leaning down to kiss you.
  4992. >You, on the other hoof, looked like your brain had just stopped functioning.
  4993. >Your eyes were wide, mouth agape, and your wings were just a little too raised for your liking.
  4994. "I think I'd prefer a different one."
  4995. >With a smile, he nudges you.
  4996. >"Really? I think this shows off your dorky side perfectly."
  4997. >You nudge him with a wing before pulling the picture from his hands.
  4998. "What did you say to her to get her to give this to you? This probably would have gotten her a decent pile of bits."
  4999. >"Don't freak out but-"
  5000. "Why do ponies only say that when they plan on saying something that will freak me out?"
  5001. >He smiles and wraps an arm around you.
  5002. >"I asked if she'd like to be the photographer for our wedding."
  5003. >Oh.
  5004. >"Sure it's a little-I mean really early to think about, but...you know."
  5005. >That...
  5006. >What?
  5007. >"I thought she'd be good since she was being pretty discreet."
  5008. >The room seems to move around you, reminding you of what this sensation is.
  5009. >You're about to faint.
  5010. >Dang it.
  5011. >The girls will never-
  5012. >THUD
  5013. ----------
  5014. "Please put me down."
  5015. >"Nope."
  5016. >You appreciate Anons concern, you really do, but he didn't have to carry you home like you were a foal.
  5017. >After you had passed out, he carried you to the hospital, where you awoke to a group of laughing mares, a nervous Anon, and some smelling salts under your nose.
  5018. >And now he was carrying you through the center of town to break down what little pride you had left.
  5019. >"You scared me fainting like-"
  5020. "I didn't faint!"
  5021. >He stops, looking at you for a second before smiling.
  5022. >"You're absolutely right, Twi. You didn't faint, that was just a slip of the tongue."
  5023. >...
  5024. >He doesn't have to patronize you like that.
  5025. >You cross your front legs and lean against his chest.
  5026. "Were the ponies at the restaurant upset at us dashing out of there?"
  5027. >"Maybe. Probably."
  5028. >You groan.
  5029. "I'll have to go back and apologize."
  5030. >"We can-oh!"
  5031. >You extend a wing, wrapping it around Anon as he leans into a jog.
  5032. >He skids to a halt in front of Starlight and Cel-Sunnyside, who were carrying Trixie and Cadence on their backs respectively.
  5033. >Both of the carried mares were unconscious and had boxes stacked on top of them.
  5034. >Cadences horn and hooves were dragging against the ground, making small divots as she was carried down the street.
  5035. >You lean forward, trying to look over the pair as the mares carrying them turned towards you.
  5036. "What happened? Are both of them okay?"
  5037. >Celestia smiles and lifts one of the boxes off of Cadence.
  5038. >She floats it over to you and opens it, revealing donuts by the dozen.
  5039. >"As I understand it, these were about to be thrown out when these two appeared and bought them up before trying to eat them all."
  5040. >Anon sighs.
  5041. >"That...makes a surprising amount of sense. Trixie would get upset about someone wasting food."
  5042. >He extends a hand, gently scratching Starlights cheek.
  5043. >"Thanks for finding her, by the way."
  5044. >"You should thank me for carrying her. I think we need to put her on a diet."
  5045. >Anon chuckles before turning back to Celestia.
  5046. >He reaches into the box and grabs a stack of donut before placing all of them over your horn.
  5047. >You scrunch and pull the stack off as Anon begins to munch on one.
  5048. "Don't do that. I don't want to get the glaze in my mane."
  5049. >"That's what he said."
  5050. >Anon and Starlight begin to laugh as you stare at Celestia, who seemingly could not comprehend what just came out of her mouth.
  5051. >"I-I-I'm so sorry, Anon. That just slipped out and-"
  5052. >Anon giggles.
  5053. >"I didn't think you were the kind to make that sort of joke."
  5054. >"I'm not! My sister was just bored last night so she entered my dreams with a list of 'your papa' and 'that's what he said' jokes. I swear, I'm never this crass, she just...leaves an impression on the mind."
  5055. >Anon laughs even harder.
  5056. >"Subliminal shitposting! I need to officially meet your sister some day, she sounds like some kind'a genius."
  5057. >You try to keep yourself steady as Anon turns and begins walking down the street.
  5058. >The two able bodied mares follow, keeping pace despite their heavy loads.
  5059. "I think I might need to have a meeting with her too."
  5060. >"Yeah, maybe she can pull that stick out of your butt."
  5061. >Starlight chuckles.
  5062. >"I think her current problem is the lack of a stick."
  5063. >You glare at her before facing Anon.
  5064. "I'd prefer if you didn't spend too much time with her right now. Especially since both of you are acclimating to modern equestrian culture, and nopony needs the two of you teaching eachother poor etiquette."
  5065. >Anon smiles as he turns to face the other two mares.
  5066. >"I think she just insulted me."
  5067. "I did not-"
  5068. >"Not only that, but she insulted one of her fellow princesses too."
  5069. >Starlight smirks.
  5070. >"If you keep working her up like that, her head is going to pop."
  5071. >Celestia smiles as well before glancing around.
  5072. >"I would say, to all of you, avoid the etiquette classes. Act in a manner that feels natural and stick to that. Ponies will end up seeing you a certain way and any change, no matter how small, could cause an uproar."
  5073. >You poke your nose over Anons shoulder to try and get a look at her.
  5074. "Are you referring to something in particular or-"
  5075. >She waves a hoof.
  5076. >"Yes, but don't worry about that. Right now I have a more pressing concern."
  5077. >A bubble appears around your group, scattering the incoming light and seeming to block sound as well.
  5078. >You look at the barrier, trying to discern the spell made as Celestia offers you a side view of herself.
  5079. >"Is there something wrong with my disguise? Everypony has been staring at me, and I get the feeling there's something wrong with it."
  5080. >You look her up and down, looking for anything of note.
  5081. "I don't see-"
  5082. >"Are they looking at you or the princess on your back?"
  5083. >Celestia blinks at Starlight before laughing.
  5084. >"Well that would just be too obvious of an answer, now wouldn't it?"
  5085. >The barrier drops as Celestia continues down the street.
  5086. >Anon and Starlight follow after her as she continues speaking.
  5087. >"So did you two have your date? How did that go?"
  5088. >You blush, raising a wing to hide behind as Anon chuckles.
  5089. >"It went pretty well in my opinion."
  5090. >Starlight hums.
  5091. >"Sounds like it went pretty bad for Twilight."
  5092. >You shuffle your wings.
  5093. "W-well there was some paparazzi there."
  5094. >"Not too surprising. What did you do about them?"
  5095. "...Anon asked them to be our wedding photographer."
  5096. >Cadences head snaps up, rocking her and Celestia back with the force.
  5097. >"Wedding? Who wedding? When-oh, my stomach hurts."
  5098. >The group stops to watch her little episode before she lowers herself back down.
  5099. >Celestia smiles and gently runs a hoof over Cadences head.
  5100. >"The four of you will have to let her help plan it. She'll throw a fit if you don't."
  5101. >Starlight shrugs.
  5102. >"That's fine with me so long as she's not too over the top. Hey! You think we can have a strawberry cake for that?"
  5103. >Anon makes a face.
  5104. >"Strawberry? Aren't all wedding cakes-"
  5105. >"Wedding?!"
  5106. >"Shush, love horse. Aren't those cakes supposed to be vanilla?"
  5107. >Starlight nods.
  5108. >"That's exactly why we should have strawberry. Vanilla is too boring."
  5109. "Okay first off, there is nothing wrong with vanilla. Secondly, how are you not freaking out? This is kind of a big thing for us to be talking about!"
  5110. >Starlight looks at you, then to Trixie, and finally looks Anon up and down before shrugging.
  5111. >"I think we've been doing pretty good. I may not want to get married today, but I don't see an issue with it."
  5112. >You throw your hooves up.
  5113. "How can you be so relaxed about this? This is something that needs planning and talking out and-"
  5114. >You stop at the boop of a finger on your nose.
  5115. >"This is also something that you should probably stay calm and think rationally about."
  5116. >You push the hand away and look up at Anon.
  5117. "You don't get to say that after springing that on me."
  5118. >"He may have surprised you, but that doesn't change the fact that he's right."
  5119. >You frown at Celestia.
  5120. "Well...would you say that I'm overreacting?"
  5121. >She shrugs.
  5122. >"I'd actually be a little concerned if you weren't. I'd be worried that a changeling might have taken your place if you weren't panicking about something."
  5123. "I am not that bad. Right? Am I that bad? Do I-"
  5124. >"To answer you question, this is more of Cadences field."
  5125. >She points her horn towards the mare in question.
  5126. >You huff, resigning yourself to your momentary fate of annoyance and love pondering.
  5127. >...
  5128. >You shift around in Anons arms to look around.
  5129. >Seeing that your group was outside of the town and nopony was nearby, you decide to ask Celestia something a little personal.
  5130. "Speaking of this kind of thing, have you...have you ever had a special somepony?"
  5131. >"I don't know."
  5132. >The answer comes so quickly, and so casually, that your group is stunned into silence.
  5133. "W-what do you mean, you don't know? Wouldn't you remember that kind of thing?"
  5134. >"You'd think so, but no. My memory isn't exactly the best after all these years. It wasn't until my sister came back that I realized that there were some holes in my memory."
  5135. "Oh...A-are you okay or-"
  5136. >She chuckles to herself.
  5137. >"I'm fine, Twilight. I understand and accept the role I play for Equestria. I just...Actually, you know what? Next vacation I get, we'll have a princess' day off kind of thing. You, me, Luna, Cadence, and Flurry. We can have some fun, talk about our problems, and just enjoy ourselves."
  5138. "That actually kind of sounds nice, but Flurry might be a bit young for that."
  5139. >"Don't worry about that. My next bit of vacation time is thirty years down the line, so she'll be plenty old enough."
  5140. "...I'll mark my calendar."
  5141. >"You'll also have to make sure it's okay with the hubby."
  5142. "Are we really back on that?!"
  5143. >She laughs as Anon pokes you in the belly.
  5144. >"Are you really that upset about this?"
  5145. >You shake your head.
  5146. "No, It's just...It's a lot to think about, and plan, and we're not having a strawberry cake for our wedding, Starlight!"
  5147. >The unicorn scrunches up.
  5148. >"Why not? Strawberry is a great flavor for cake."
  5149. >"Says the woman who puts grape jelly on her biscuits."
  5150. >She rolls her eyes at Anon.
  5151. >"I'm not going to argue jelly with you again. All I'm saying is that strawberry is a good flavor for a cake."
  5152. "We don't need to change from vanilla. Vanilla is the perfect cake flavor and deviating from it, especially for a wedding, is a terrible thing to do."
  5153. >Celestia turns to look back at you.
  5154. >"Well won't you have one of those stacked, layered cakes? Why not make each layer a different flavor?"
  5155. >Anon nods.
  5156. >"I actually kind of like that. We can each get our favorite flavor of cake and it can even be designed after us. Same color with cutie mark drawn on top. Maybe some design that matches mane colors."
  5157. >Celestia smiles.
  5158. >"That sounds adorable."
  5159. >"Well I've got to take care of my girls some how. I just hope Pinkie can manage something like that without that fondant stuff since you don't seem to have that here."
  5160. >Celestia stops dead in her tracks, making Anon and Starlight stumble as they try not to run into her.
  5161. >She turns slowly and locks eyes with Anon.
  5162. >"Anonymous. In all my years, I have used my power and influence to remove only one thing from the records of history. Do you know what that is?"
  5163. >Anon takes a step back and glances at you before looking at Celestia.
  5164. >"Fonda-"
  5165. >"Yes. Speak its name again and I will have you banished from Equestria. I will not have that evil return to my land."
  5166. >You all stare, dumbfounded at the sudden threat before Anon slowly nods.
  5167. >"Okay but...seriously?"
  5168. >"Cake is the one thing I have. If that foul concoction returns, I'll make my sisters 'eternal night' look like a foals tantrum."
  5169. >"That seems even more excessive, but I guess I see where you're coming from. All the cooking shows would just layer that shit on and the thing would barely be edible."
  5170. >"Ugh, that's exactly why-wait, cooking shows?"
  5171. >Anon turns and quickly heads for the castle.
  5172. >"Hey, we should drop these girls off and do stuff until we forget about this conversation."
  5173. >"Wait, did you see any interesting cakes from your home-"
  5174. >Anon speeds, encouraging Celestia to chase him.
  5175. >The two continue to yell at eachother and run, leaving you to wonder how horrible this fondant must be to leave Celestia so shaken.
  5176. ----------
  5177. >You are Anon.
  5178. >And it's a new day of breakfast making.
  5179. >Kind of.
  5180. >Since you ended up running off yesterday, Nightlight put the previous days biscuit batter in the fridge.
  5181. >This freed you up to...stand around, you guess.
  5182. >You lean against the pantry door and watch the other cooks going about their business.
  5183. >Things were just about the same, but Celestia had taken Cadences place in cooking.
  5184. >She was tending the eggs next to the two unicorns while Spike tried to keep the stoves flames going.
  5185. >Firelight and Nightlight were having a talk with her, and you were doing your best to try and pick out what was part of her cover story and what was real.
  5186. >"So you say you're from Manehattan?"
  5187. >She nods at Nightlight.
  5188. >"Yes, sir!"
  5189. >Firelight tilts his head to the side.
  5190. >"I thought all ponies from Manehattan had a distinct...accent."
  5191. >"Ponies that live in the inner city usually do, but I live on the outer edge of it. I work part-time at a school to help young unicorns control their magic."
  5192. >Both stallions laugh.
  5193. >"That must be fun."
  5194. >"I still remember when my little Twilight turned me into a cactus. How do you think your class is doing without you? And what compelled you to come here?"
  5195. >"I'm willing to bet one of my legs that my class is doing just fine. As for why I'm here-"
  5196. >She turns and points at you.
  5197. >"I heard that Mr. Anonymous has encountered something called poison joke."
  5198. >Both of the older men stare at you, brows furrowing.
  5199. >Nightlight is the first to turn back to Celestia.
  5200. >"That's not an issue, right? Nothing's going to happen to him?"
  5201. >Celestia shakes her head.
  5202. >"No. This is just a pet project of mine. If he's fine now, I highly doubt there will be any issues later."
  5203. >He sighs.
  5204. >"Oh, thank Celestia."
  5205. >You smirk as Celestias eye gives a subtle twitch.
  5206. >"I was worried that mare would never find a steady herd."
  5207. >Firelight nods.
  5208. >"I know that feeling. My little filly went through all kinds of odd phases. She used to wear all black and spikey clothing, and for some reason she bought a guitar that she never used."
  5209. >...
  5210. "Uh, did you happen to bring that stuff with you?"
  5211. >He looks at you, blinking for a moment before smiling.
  5212. >"As a matter of fact, I did! I figured that my little filly should have her things back now that she has a herd. There's a box full of things in my room. Whenever the two of you want it, feel free to come and grab it."
  5213. >You can't help but smile.
  5214. "I'll-"
  5215. >You turn at the signature popping, and subsequent thumping, noise of what is surely Twilight teleporting into the dining room.
  5216. "That sounds like my cue. I'll be back in a second."
  5217. >You pour out a cup of coffee as the group returns to talk.
  5218. >"So do you live alone in Manehattan or-"
  5219. >"No, I have a sister."
  5220. >"Oh, what's she like?"
  5221. >"She's...my sister."
  5222. >"Oh, do I detect a bit of a sibling rivalry."
  5223. >"You could say that."
  5224. >You lose track of the conversation as you step into the dining room, where a half sleeping Twilight was pulling herself across the table towards her brothers coffee.
  5225. >Shining, for his part, just ignored her and continued to read his newspaper.
  5226. >You take the mug in your hand and run it by Twis nose, getting some of her attention.
  5227. >She lifts her head up off of the table and looks at you for a moment before her eyes lock on the mug.
  5228. >"Coffee."
  5229. "Yes, it is coffee. But only ponies sitting in their seat, and not on the table, get to have some."
  5230. >She whines but still pushes herself towards the edge of the table.
  5231. >Starlight and Trixie both pick her up with their magic and set her down between them.
  5232. >You walk around the table and place the mug in front of Twi, who begins to lap up the coffee the same way a dog would with water.
  5233. >She hums happily as you look up at the wall behind Shining.
  5234. "Do you need anything, Cadence?"
  5235. >Cadence, who was currently taped to the wall with a baby Flurry chewing on her ear, nods.
  5236. >"I'd really appreciate it if you got me a salt lick. Please?"
  5237. "Sure thing. Somebody around here's gotta be nice to you."
  5238. >Shining hums into his coffee.
  5239. >"It's for the best, Anon."
  5240. "That may be, but that-"
  5241. >You point to Cadence and the mountain of duct tape holding her to the wall.
  5242. "Is a bit excessive."
  5243. >Shining folds up his paper and lays it down on the table.
  5244. >"Anon. Cadence is the princess of love."
  5245. "Oh, is that why there's a giant heart on her butt?"
  5246. >He ignores the sarcasm and carries on.
  5247. >"This means that, even if she is capable, she tends to get a little overzealous. Normally I would let her 'experiment' with her field, but this is my little sisters herd."
  5248. "D'aww, are you looking over your widdle sister?"
  5249. >He takes a sip of his coffee before picking up the paper again.
  5250. >"You're damned right I am. And on that note, the four of you need to go to Raritys after breakfast."
  5251. >You groan.
  5252. "What do we need from the darlingest of darlings?"
  5253. >"Clothes. What else would you get from a seamstress?"
  5254. >...
  5255. >You look back at Cadence.
  5256. "Your husband's rude."
  5257. >She shrugs as much as the tape allows her.
  5258. >"Only sometimes."
  5259. "...Can't you just use magic to get rid of the tape?"
  5260. >"Getting rid of it is easy. Getting rid of it and keeping my coat is a bit hard for a horny pegasus."
  5261. "Uh..."
  5262. >"Yeah, realized as soon as I said it. The analogy still works though."
  5263. >You shake your head.
  5264. "I guess I'll get you that salt lick then."
  5265. >"Thank you."
  5266. >You turn and walk back into the kitchen, heading directly for the pantry.
  5267. >The words of the remaining three cooks meet your ears as you dig around for a salt lick.
  5268. >"And then they started arguing about what kind of cake they wanted."
  5269. >"Oh, what did Starlight want?"
  5270. >"She said she wanted strawberry."
  5271. >"...For a wedding cake?"
  5272. >Oh.
  5273. >You have made a mistake.
  5274. >You turn slowly and look over the three ponies, none of which seemed to have noticed you.
  5275. >Spike was leaning against the kitchen island, one ear pointed towards the ponies as he grinned at you like an idiot.
  5276. >See, this is the kind of thing that happens when you do stuff without thinking.
  5277. >Sure, talking about marriage with your horse girlfriends was one thing, but doing that while their parents were here?
  5278. >That's a recipe for disaster.
  5279. >...
  5280. >Then again, this is magic horse land, so the rules of logic need not apply.
  5281. >So fuck logic, acquire horse-in-laws.
  5282. "Yeah, she wanted strawberry, Twi said that only vanilla was acceptable. I don't quite know what Trixie wants yet."
  5283. >The two oldsters jump at your interruption and face you before prancing over.
  5284. >"Oh, I am so excited-"
  5285. >"Talking about a wedding already-"
  5286. >"Please don't let my daughter have a strawberry wedding cake. That's just-"
  5287. >"Did you tell Velvet? Let's go tell Velvet. Spike! Sunnyside! Please watch breakfast."
  5288. >"Yes! I need to talk to my little filly."
  5289. >The two unicorns grab your sleeves with your magic and start to tug you out the door.
  5290. >You sigh as they drag you into the dining room and towards your girls.
  5291. >Firelight lets go of you once he sees his daughter and practically runs over to her.
  5292. >Star looks between him and you before Firelight pulls her into a hug.
  5293. >"Oh, I am so happy for you. I've waited for this day for so long! You're not getting a strawberry cake but-"
  5294. >You can see the exact moment Star turns from confusion to despair once she realizes what her dad is talking about.
  5295. >Nightlight lets go of your sleeve once the two of you stop behind Trixie and Twi.
  5296. >Trixie glances at him before giving you a quizzical look.
  5297. >You hold up a finger to her as Nightlight tries to pull Twi from her coffee.
  5298. >"Is my little filly going to talk to me?"
  5299. >"Mmm."
  5300. >"Twilight."
  5301. >"Hrmmm."
  5302. >"When were you going to tell me you were talking about getting married?"
  5303. >And just like that, Twilight becomes a little fountain, spraying and coughing up her drink as her dad pats her back.
  5304. >"You need to tell your father about these things. I want to know when your herd is talking about marriage."
  5305. >Trixie grabs your sleeve and pulls you down to her level.
  5306. >She paws at your shirt and speaks in a not too quiet whispered yell.
  5307. >"When were we talking about this? Trixie doesn't remember this."
  5308. "Uh, well yesterday when..."
  5309. >You sigh.
  5310. "When you ate yourself into a food coma. You weren't exactly awake for that."
  5311. >She shifts in place, nervously rubbing one of her legs with another.
  5312. >"I...you...Why didn't you tell me about this last night?"
  5313. "Because you didn't wake up yesterday. I wasn't kidding about the food coma thing."
  5314. >She fidgets in place, making you frown.
  5315. "Are you upset about this or-"
  5316. >"No. No no no, I just...I just need to think about somethings."
  5317. >Oh, please don't freak out like Twilight.
  5318. "Do you want to talk about it?"
  5319. >She reaches upwards and nuzzles your shoulder.
  5320. >"Later."
  5321. >Well that-
  5322. >"And I want chocolate for the wedding cake."
  5323. >Okay, she's fine.
  5324. >You turn back to Twilight, who was the center of attention for most of the room.
  5325. >"I didn't get a say or even a heads up! He just started talking about it and next thing I know I'm in the hospital-"
  5326. >"Why were you in the hospital?"
  5327. >She sputters at her fathers interruption.
  5328. >"I-well I mean-"
  5329. >Velvet starts to laugh.
  5330. >"You fainted like some kind of colt, didn't you?"
  5331. >Twilight starts to turn red at her mothers guess.
  5332. >"Velvet-"
  5333. >She holds up a hoof to placate Nightlight.
  5334. >"I'm not making fun of her. In fact, I'm happy for her. There's finally a chance for her to see a penis outside of its sheath."
  5335. >Nightlight opens his mouth for a retort, but stops at Twilights slowly rising hoof.
  5336. >"Uh. H-humans don't have sheaths. So...yeah."
  5337. >There is not a single sound in the room as every single pony in the room stares at you.
  5338. >This little dork...
  5339. >You reach out and place a hand on Twilight, who jumps despite how calmly you were trying to act.
  5340. "Do you know what over sharing is, Twi?"
  5341. >Her head ducks down and her ears swivel back.
  5342. >"Yes."
  5343. "Then why-"
  5344. >"Wait. Before you tear into the poor filly, let me say my piece."
  5345. >You step back as Velvet walks over to her daughter.
  5346. >Nightlight watches warily, something that Velvet either doesn't see or pretends not to.
  5347. >She wraps a hoof around Twilight and pulls her close.
  5348. >"Twilight, as your mother, all I can say is-"
  5349. >There's a flash and a flask appears in front of the two Sparkles.
  5350. >"Nice."
  5351. >Nightlight sighs into a hoof.
  5352. >"Anon, I am so sorry. I tried my best to teach these two tact and manners, but I clearly failed."
  5353. >You can't help but chuckle.
  5354. "She may be tactless, but at least she's endearing."
  5355. >"That she is. This one however-"
  5356. >He reaches out and bites down on Velvets ear, making her drop the flask.
  5357. >"Ow! Nighty, c'mon. This means she's not gay! Isn't that-ow ow OW! Don't bite harder."
  5358. >Nightlight lets out a muffled grumbling through a mouthful of ear as he drags Velvet into the hallway.
  5359. >Twilight was trying to hide herself under a pile of wings and hooves, so you turn to Shining.
  5360. "Are they always like that?"
  5361. >He picks up the dropped flask and pops it open, giving it a sniff before pouring some of the contents into his coffee.
  5362. >"No, mom is just excited for Twily and dad...actually, that's normal for him."
  5363. >You look over to Star and her dad, who had fallen back into a conversation about wedding planning.
  5364. "Well I'll be back in a bit with-"
  5365. >Your eyes land on Cadence, who was giving you big puppy dog eyes as she licked the air.
  5366. "With your salt lick. Be back in a bit."
  5367. >You see her smile before you turn back and reenter the kitchen.
  5368. >You make it halfway to the pantry before something catches your eye.
  5369. "Didn't you say you were going to handle the eggs?"
  5370. >Celestias head pops up as you walk over to her work station.
  5371. >"Yes. Why, do they not look good?"
  5372. >She lets out a little huff as she pushes the spatula through the pile of runny eggs.
  5373. "No, they look fine. I just thought you'd try to make them sunny side up since, you know, that's supposed to be your name."
  5374. >She purses her lips.
  5375. >"That's...what they started out as."
  5376. "Oh..."
  5377. >"..."
  5378. "Well, keep up the good work."
  5379. >She grumbles as ingredients start to fly around her.
  5380. >"You bet your hide I will."
  5381. >Seeing that all too familiar 'me strong mare, me smart mare' look, you start grabbing the stuff that isn't fit for eggs from her grasp.
  5382. "Well I'll just let you-"
  5383. >You pluck a tub of sour cream out of the air.
  5384. "Do that while I-"
  5385. >You grab a gray box before it hits the eggs.
  5386. "Get Cadence her-are these tacks? Why do we have tacks in the kitchen?"
  5387. >Spike calls out from the other side of the kitchen.
  5388. >"Those are mine. I have those for snacks sometimes."
  5389. "Seriously? I knew you ate gems and stuff, but that's weird?"
  5390. >He shrugs.
  5391. >"What can I say? I need a good source of iron."
  5392. >You shake your head as you walk towards the oven.
  5393. "Dragons are weird."
  5394. >"That's funny to hear coming from the hairless monkey."
  5395. "Now you listen here, little man."
  5396. >You pop the oven open to check on your biscuits.
  5397. "I am the product of generations of trial and error. The errors being dead people and the successes being dudes getting bitches and killing shit. I don't need some Barney flavored chicken mcnugget insulting me."
  5398. >Spike turns around, slowly putting his spatula down as he smirks at you.
  5399. >"You look funny."
  5400. "...Fuck you."
  5401. >He snickers as you grab a hotpad for the biscuits.
  5402. >You pull them out and set them on the counter before ripping one open.
  5403. >Seeing that they're done, you smile before grabbing the butter from Celestias whirlwind of stuff.
  5404. "You two want a biscuit?"
  5405. >Spike waves you off.
  5406. >"I'll have one later."
  5407. >Celestia doesn't reply, simply picking one up off the tray and eating it.
  5408. >Uncut.
  5409. >Unbuttered.
  5410. >And without any kind of topping.
  5411. >Like some kind of disgusting animal.
  5412. >You shake your head as you transfer the biscuits over to a basket.
  5413. "Alright, I'mma take these out. Anything else ready?"
  5414. >Spike picks up a plate of waffles and hands it to you.
  5415. >"I've got these ready."
  5416. "Cool. What about your eggs, Ce-er-Sunnyside?"
  5417. >Celestia finally puts the myriad of ingredients down and walks over to you, pan in hoof.
  5418. >"The omelette is done."
  5419. >You look into the pan and see an omelette that could probably feed everyone in this house with room for leftovers.
  5420. "Weren't these eggs scrambled a second ago? How'd you get from scrambled to omelette?"
  5421. >She sighs before setting the pan on the counter.
  5422. >"If I knew that, we'd be having eggs sunnyside up."
  5423. ----------
  5424. >Well this wasn't quite as bad as you thought it would be.
  5425. >You tug at the hem of the shirt and inspect yourself in the mirror.
  5426. >The suit was exactly what you'd expect from Rarity.
  5427. >Classy, all kinds of fancy, and a perfect fit.
  5428. >You look over to your girls and their matching dresses.
  5429. >They may have all been identical, but the quality was exceptional.
  5430. >Each one was made of a silky fabric that was noticeably thinner than the one that made up your suit.
  5431. >They clung to their bodies in a way that made it look like it was their natural coat of fur.
  5432. >You could see clearly defined haunches, muscle, and the not so subtle belly that Twi was packing.
  5433. >But the most distinctive aspect of the dresses was the backright corner of each was missing.
  5434. >The way it was cut showed off not only their cutie marks, but gave just enough room for their tails to hang out.
  5435. >If you didn't know any better, you'd think this was lingerie.
  5436. >...
  5437. >It's not lingerie, right?
  5438. >You'd rather not be fitted for that kind of thing by one of your friends.
  5439. >Speaking of, Rarity was making some quick adjustments to Stars dress, but was having trouble doing so.
  5440. >The poor girl looked about ready to drop from exhaustion, but was also shaking from whatever she had taken to keep her up.
  5441. >Star was shaking too, but that was probably because of all the needles that were dancing around her.
  5442. >You reach out and reassuringly pet her cheek before sitting down.
  5443. "So any idea what your brother is planning, Twi?"
  5444. >Twilight wriggles her wings around, trying to find a more comfortable position for them in the dress before answering.
  5445. >"Honestly? I don't have a clue. That restaurant-"
  5446. >Rarity giggles.
  5447. >"You don't...you won't be going anywhere."
  5448. >...
  5449. >The four of you stare as Rarity devolves into a fit of giggling.
  5450. >"Oh, it's going to be so beautiful. I only wish that-"
  5451. >THUD
  5452. >Rarity collapses to the floor as...Rarity continues to work.
  5453. >What?
  5454. >Star breathes a sigh of relief as she picks up the sleeping Rarity.
  5455. >"Oh, thank Celestia. I thought I was about to get stabbed."
  5456. >You point at the Rarity duplicate, who was ever so slightly translucent.
  5457. "Uh."
  5458. >Star places the original Rarity on the drama couch before looking at the other one.
  5459. >"Guess I'll be staying here until she's done."
  5460. >Why-
  5461. >No.
  5462. >Nope, don't ask questions.
  5463. >You don't want to deal with this kind of weirdness today.
  5464. >Star looks over her dress before wriggling her eyebrows at you.
  5465. >"Hey. What do you think of making a mess of these outfits tonight?"
  5466. >Twilight boops her before you can say anything.
  5467. >"Don't talk to a stallion like that. Mind your manners."
  5468. >"Oh? Would you rather I talk to you like that?"
  5469. >"Uh, w-well-I-you-as I was saying!"
  5470. >Twilight snaps her hooves together before facing you.
  5471. >"The restaurant that you and I went to yesterday is the nicest one for miles, and that wasn't exactly great. I don't know where Shiny-"
  5472. "Hey, that's not nice. They're breadsticks are pretty good."
  5473. >Trixie perks up.
  5474. >"Is Twilight insulting Trixies third favorite Neightalian place?"
  5475. >Twilight rolls her eyes.
  5476. >"I'm just saying-"
  5477. >"They make great toasted cheese sandwiches there."
  5478. "They have those?"
  5479. >"On the foals menu, yes."
  5480. "...Seriously?"
  5481. >"What? It's cheap. And you get breadsticks no matter what you order!"
  5482. "That's a fair point but...damnit, I want a grilled cheese now."
  5483. >"See? There are no flaws with Trixies logic."
  5484. >Twilight snorts.
  5485. >"I doubt that for multiple reasons."
  5486. >"There is no need to be jealous, Twilight Sparkle. We all know that you envy Trixies great intellect."
  5487. >"...Why am I in this herd again."
  5488. >Starlight nudges her and points to you.
  5489. >"Because he has a dick and likes you."
  5490. >"I-no! I wouldn't jump into a herd just because a stallion...You know I see you as more than a dingle-doo, right, Anon?"
  5491. >You snort.
  5492. >Sure, Twi's not the kind to swear, but dingle-doo?
  5493. "Yeah, but I'm sure that it was on your mind."
  5494. >"N-no it wasn't."
  5495. >You put a hand on her back and-
  5496. >THWACK
  5497. "Ow! Son of a bitch."
  5498. >You glare at the ghostly Rarity as she sets the ruler back on a counter.
  5499. "The fuck was that for?"
  5500. >Twilight takes your hand into a hoof and looks it over.
  5501. >"She probably just didn't want you messing up the dress."
  5502. >Star rolls her eyes.
  5503. >"Oh, yes. Don't damage the clothes. Never mind that we'd probably be better off with a blanket that-OW!"
  5504. >Star rubs her flank at the spot where Rarity had poked her with a needle.
  5505. >"Dyke. Ow!"
  5506. >You shake your head before looking over at Trixie.
  5507. "So what's your guess on where Shining is going to take us?"
  5508. >She rubs her chin as she thinks.
  5509. >"Well, as Twilight has noted, the restaurants in town are lacking in class. Trixie believes that is for the best, since all the fancy stuff either has no flavor or is too small, but that's not important. As for where we're going...it's just too obvious."
  5510. >Twilight rolls her eyes.
  5511. >"Oh, then by all means, enlighten us."
  5512. >"Of course, my simple-minded herd-sister."
  5513. >"...I'll kick you."
  5514. >"If you think about it, or were capable of thinking at all-"
  5515. >"Right in the ribs."
  5516. >"The answer is so obvious even a foal could figure it out."
  5517. >"I'm as strong as an earth pony. Do you know what would happen if I kicked you?"
  5518. >"Honestly, even a cave mare could figure it out."
  5519. >"Anon, can I kick her?"
  5520. "After we go on this date, and only if you promise not to break anything."
  5521. >During all of this, Star has the biggest, dopiest grin you've ever seen her wear.
  5522. >"I am so glad we added to the herd, Twilight. Trixie finally has somepony to pick on besides me."
  5523. >Twilight rolls her eyes and, with a grumble, allows Trixie to finish her spiel.
  5524. >"So the only logical answer is that we're not going anywhere, so much as somewhere is coming here."
  5525. "Mind repeating that with less dumb in it?"
  5526. >She snorts before making a dramatic pose.
  5527. >"We are going to have a lovely and romantic dinner in a wagon!"
  5528. >...
  5529. >You look at Twilight.
  5530. >Twilight looks at you.
  5531. >Both of you do your best to contain your laughter.
  5532. >"That's-snrk-a theory alright."
  5533. "Pfft, yep. Totally a theory."
  5534. >Trixie simply smirks at the two of you.
  5535. >"Laugh now, for Trixie will be sure to be the last to do so."
  5536. >You shake your head as the ghost Rarity opens a drawer.
  5537. >She pulls out four bright red ribbons and immediately heads for Trixie.
  5538. >Trixie initially jumps, but relaxes as the ghost Rarity ties a bow into her mane.
  5539. >You point as Rarity delicately works the fabric.
  5540. "Is it normal for Rarity to dress up her customers like this?"
  5541. >Twilight looks, thinking for a moment before a realization seems to hit her.
  5542. >"Part of a seamstresses job is to dress the ponies in the clothing she made for them. Clothes are kind of a luxury, so most ponies don't know how to put them on."
  5543. "Huh, neat. I guess that also helps for those who don't have hands or magic."
  5544. >"As a matter of fact, that's how she makes most of her bits. From this store at least. Ponyville is mostly earth ponies and the clothes they usually have are heirlooms. Rarity will either patch those up or help somepony into them."
  5545. "Well..."
  5546. >You look down at your new suit.
  5547. >The material was as dark as midnight and as soft as silk.
  5548. >Not a single seem nor stitch could be seen, save for a very subtle 'A' stitched into the fabric over your heart.
  5549. "Now I just feel overdressed. Are clothes really that big of a deal? Should I wear them less often?"
  5550. >Before Twi can answer, Star shoves a hoof in her mouth.
  5551. >"Yes. You should absolutely walk around naked all the time."
  5552. >Twi smacks the hoof away.
  5553. >"Your clothes are fine, Anon. Don't-"
  5554. >"Don't listen to her, she's lying! Right, Trix?"
  5555. >Trixie shakes her head.
  5556. >"Unfortunately, Trixie must take Twilights side on this."
  5557. >Twi scrunches up.
  5558. >"Why 'unfortunately'?"
  5559. >Trixie ignores her and points a hoof at you?
  5560. >"Think about it, Starlight. Sure it would be nice to have it hanging in front of your face all day, but that would also devalue it."
  5561. >Star rolls her eyes.
  5562. >"You can't devalue dick."
  5563. >"True. But try looking at it now."
  5564. >"I can't, he's got pants on."
  5565. >"Exactly! All three of us know what it looks like, but right now we have to imagine it based on what we can see. You can see it under his pants on the right side, the shape and length hinted at but not given away."
  5566. "I guess it's my turn to question why I'm in this herd."
  5567. >Star moves her head forward, getting just a bit too close.
  5568. >"Okay, I think I see you're point, Trix."
  5569. >"Of course you do. You may be dumb, but you're not /dumb/. Now look lower and you'll see-"
  5570. >"G-girls. We really shouldn't be treating Anon like this."
  5571. >You turn to thank Twilight, only to see her drooling as she stares at your junk.
  5572. "Will you three stop? If not for my sake, then just so that I don't have to admit that Caramel was right about mares."
  5573. >Twilight, to your surprise, actually moves closer.
  5574. >"S-sure thing, Anon."
  5575. >You sigh as the ghost Rarity comes up to you, walking through the other three with the last ribbon.
  5576. >She begins fashioning it into a tie for you as you look into her eyes.
  5577. >Or through them in this case.
  5578. >She was looking through you too, her eyes focused on nothing in particular as her magic worked.
  5579. >It was creepy, but she was so close that there was only one thing you could think to do.
  5580. >You raise a hand, bringing it up to her face before-
  5581. "Boop."
  5582. >The duplicate Rarity stops and, for the first time since she appeared, shows some emotion.
  5583. >Annoyance, to be precise.
  5584. >She reaches up and boops your nose in return before finishing with your tie.
  5585. >With that done, she walks around you and...rejoins her body, you guess.
  5586. >Damn, magic is weird.
  5587. >You stand up and point towards the door.
  5588. "Looks like-"
  5589. >"There, see how it shifted in his pants?"
  5590. "If you don't stop, I'm going to hurt you. Now, it looks like Rares is done. You girls ready to see what Shining has in store for us?"
  5591. >Twi looks herself over and pats the bow on the back of her head before nodding.
  5592. >"I'm ready. How about you, girls?"
  5593. >Trixie tugs at her mane, pulling the little bow at the end of it into sight before nodding.
  5594. >"The stylish and dashing Trixie is ready for a classy evening. Too bad you'll be there, Twilight."
  5595. >Twi squawks.
  5596. >"What's that supposed to mean?"
  5597. >"Trixie thought the meaning was rather obvious."
  5598. >"Oh, I'm going to-"
  5599. >You're pulled out of the conversation by a tapping at your leg.
  5600. >Star was watching the pair argue, occasionally tugging at her bow before looking up at you.
  5601. >"You want to bet on whose going to be the first to throw a kick?"
  5602. >You really shouldn't be betting on that sort of thing but-
  5603. "My money's on Twi. Trixie brings out her angry side."
  5604. ----------
  5605. >The chamber reeked of death and decay.
  5606. >The air was stale and still, contrasting with the swirling vortex of eldritch power.
  5607. >A sorceress was raising the dead for reasons you did not care to understand, and you were here to stop her.
  5608. >Your allies stand ready to fight, from the paladin Selestine, to Moxie the thief, and even Schmungus.
  5609. >It had all led up to this, and you knew what you had to do.
  5610. >The sorceress ends her ritual and looks down upon your group.
  5611. >"You come before me, into my tomb. My HOME! What compels you to defile the final thing that I hold dear in this world?"
  5612. >You step forward.
  5613. "I don't know about the others, but I kind of wanted to fuck you."
  5614. -_-_-_-_-_-
  5615. >Shining bangs his head against the table.
  5616. >"Celestia damn it, Anon. Really?"
  5617. "Honestly, I don't know what to tell you. If you didn't pick up on this when I told you the name, then this is on you."
  5618. >He shakes his head as he sits back up.
  5619. >"I just thought you were trying to be funny. I mean, who would name their character Booty McSwagdick?"
  5620. "Obviously someone that wants Booty to be recognized by the world at large."
  5621. >Cadence gives a little wing jab in your direction, which you think is a kind of thumbs up.
  5622. >He sighs before picking up some of the abomination pizza Cadence made.
  5623. >It had gotten cold since lunch, but it was still good for snacking.
  5624. >The thing was nearly the size of your bed and had toppings of nearly everything imaginable.
  5625. >There was even a corner with no cheese just for Twilight.
  5626. >And on the subject of the little weirdo, Twilight was wearing a cardboard mockup of her paladins armor.
  5627. >It was painted yellow nad half squished, but had some kind of spell to make it sparkle in the light.
  5628. >Shining picks a mushroom off the top of the pizza as he rummaged through the notes.
  5629. >"That roll is going to get you killed so..."
  5630. >He drums his hooves on the table as he looks between the players.
  5631. >"We're going to pretend-"
  5632. "Aren't we doing that already?"
  5633. >"Shut up. We're going to pretend that hasn't happened yet while /anypony/ tries to stop him."
  5634. >Cadence slams a hoof on the table.
  5635. >"Mog want two things! To smash and to SMASH! Grog care not what weird musical bull do."
  5636. >Trixie pops up from under the table, a cowl covering most of her head save for her horn.
  5637. >"The skilled and valiant assassin, Moxie, searches for a place to hide so that she may better strike."
  5638. >Starlight snaps up.
  5639. >"Oh my Celestia. This is why you talk in third person, isn't it?"
  5640. >"...Maybe."
  5641. >Trixie slides back under the table as Shining turns to Star.
  5642. >"Starlight. What will your character do to, hopefully, stop this."
  5643. >"Well I-"
  5644. >"And keep in mind the roleplaying aspect of this roleplaying game."
  5645. >"Oh."
  5646. >Star picks up her character sheet and looks it over.
  5647. >"I-uh. Hmm. I have no idea what I'm doing, so I'm going to roll for Schmungus to be his wingmare."
  5648. >Shining scrunches up as Star throws a die onto the table.
  5649. >"That-you can't-Twilight, please help."
  5650. >Twilight jumps and looks between you and Shining.
  5651. >"Uh. Uh. Selestine the Radiant seeks justice, but believes ponies will be better off if they find the light of the sun on their own. So...I prepare a heavenly smite but do nothing."
  5652. >"..."
  5653. >"Sorry, Shiny."
  5654. >Shining sighs and starts to play with the paper behind his screen.
  5655. >"Don't be sorry. I'm actually kind of happy. You used to always go with the story *sniff* the story that I was trying to tell and..."
  5656. >He picks up a hoof and lays it across his muzzle.
  5657. "Are you really crying over this game?"
  5658. >"Of course I'm not! It's just that my little sister has finally found a herd and that got me thinking about when Flurry will find a herd and-"
  5659. >Cadence pats him on the back.
  5660. >"There, there. If Flurry ends up anything like her father, I'm sure she'll be just fine."
  5661. >"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure she will."
  5662. >You look to Twilight, who only shrugs, the movement exaggerated by her oversized shoulder pads.
  5663. >Shining starts digging through his notes again.
  5664. >"Okay, where were we?"
  5665. "Well, Booty was going to tap that booty, but are you okay?"
  5666. >"I'm fine. Just let me figure out how the two bootys will...booty."
  5667. >You chuckle for a moment before tugging at your suit.
  5668. "So I gotta ask, were the fancy outfits really necessary for this? It seems a little overboard for this kind of thing."
  5669. >Shining stops.
  5670. >"Do...do you think this is what I had planned?"
  5671. "Well..."
  5672. >You look around the room and shrug.
  5673. "Yeah. You had us run out and get some fancy clothes and when we came back, you invited us to play this."
  5674. >"But that's because-"
  5675. >Twilight gently pulls off her cardboard armor and hauls Trixie out from under the table.
  5676. >"Hey! Trixie was-"
  5677. >"Shush. We're going somewhere nice and I don't want to put wrinkles in Raritys dress."
  5678. >Shining stares, looking over the four of you, the pizza, and the various dice on the table.
  5679. >"I guess I didn't think some things out as well as I could have."
  5680. >Cadence starts to laugh.
  5681. >"Oh, are your plans at matchmaking falling apart Shiny?"
  5682. >"No! Everything is going just as planned. There's just been a slight misunderstanding. And I'm not even matchmaking, I'm just setting up a date."
  5683. >Cadence giggles.
  5684. >"You're getting anxious about this, aren't you? Worried about what can go wrong, what will go wrong and-"
  5685. >Shining rolls a pair of dice.
  5686. >"Mog takes five damage."
  5687. >"What? How?! She wasn't even in combat."
  5688. >"She was working her jaw too much and bit her tongue off."
  5689. >"..."
  5690. >"Good filly. Now we can-"
  5691. "Wait. I've got a question. Okay, two, but first is why are we here?"
  5692. >"What do you mean?"
  5693. "I mean if you have some fancy stuff planned for us, why are we here eating pizza and playing D&D?"
  5694. >Twilight taps your shoulder.
  5695. >"It's O&O."
  5696. >You roll your eyes as Shining clears his throat.
  5697. >"Well, certain preparations have to be made and-"
  5698. >Trixie slams her hooves onto the table.
  5699. >"He has ponies rolling the wagon into town and if we were outside, we'd see it coming."
  5700. >"I...what?"
  5701. >You grab another piece of pizza and shove it in Trixies mouth.
  5702. "Ignore her. So you've got some preparations or whatever, okay. Second question."
  5703. >You lean back, lifting up a foot covered in the rough tar gator leather and place it on the table.
  5704. "Should I ditch the boots? I wasn't sure if I should, and Rarity passed out before I could ask her."
  5705. >Star gives you a nudge.
  5706. >"You could have asked us."
  5707. "Well, I wanted to ask someone with an understanding of either class or basic social etiquette."
  5708. >"...I see what you're implying, and even if you're right, buck you."
  5709. >Shining eyes the boot for a moment, glancing between it and your suit before nodding.
  5710. >"Take those things off. They look good for a fight, but you won't be getting into-shouldn't be getting into a fight. Twily, please make sure they're on their best behavior."
  5711. >Twilight quickly nods and wraps a hoof around your arm while floating Trixie over to her side.
  5712. >"I'll do my best."
  5713. >You narrow your eyes and point at Starlight.
  5714. "Why didn't you grab her too?"
  5715. >"Because magic would make doing that pointless."
  5716. >...
  5717. >You grab one of her rear legs with the arm she was holding and lift her up into the air, making her squeak.
  5718. "And what is grabbing onto me going to do for you?"
  5719. >"P-put me down!"
  5720. >She clings to your arm, wings flapping frantically as Trixie scoots over to take her former place.
  5721. >"Clearly Twilight just wanted something warm to snuggle against."
  5722. "Well-"
  5723. >You lower her down into your lap, making her blush.
  5724. "I guess I can't blame her for that."
  5725. >You reach over her and start to take off your boots before addressing Shining.
  5726. "You ready to keep going now?"
  5727. >He nods.
  5728. >"You failed the roll, but with Starlight acting as 'wingmare' for you, you just barely pass."
  5729. >He begins to delve back into the story as...
  5730. >What is that?
  5731. >Where is it coming from?
  5732. >"I wouldn't normally allow this, but we may as well play it out."
  5733. >You turn an ear up at the ceiling and then back towards the door.
  5734. >Placing a hand on the crystalline floor, you try to get a better feel for...whatever this is.
  5735. >"As of now, the sorceress is skeptical, but curious. How will the two of you convince her to sleep with Booty?"
  5736. >Star puts a hoof up to her chin.
  5737. >"Um. Whip his dick out?"
  5738. >"Really?"
  5739. >"What? I know that would work on me."
  5740. >"But she's not-"
  5741. >"It would probably work on any straight mare for that matter."
  5742. >"Not all mares are as needy as you are. Right, Cadence?"
  5743. >The princess in question purses her lips and Twilight quickly covers her ears to avoid hearing the answer.
  5744. >"Shining. Have I ever said no?"
  5745. >"...Anon, does Booty whip his dick out? Anon?"
  5746. >You place Twilight on the floor and move quickly over to the wall, pressing an ear to it as you listen.
  5747. "So this surprise you have for us-"
  5748. >You keep an ear to the wall for a moment before facing him.
  5749. "It's pretty big, right?"
  5750. >Shining stares at you.
  5751. >You stare at him.
  5752. >He sighs and stands up.
  5753. >"I chose this room specifically so you couldn't hear it coming."
  5754. >Twilight looks between the two of you, confused.
  5755. >"Hear what coming?"
  5756. >He sighs again before heading towards the door.
  5757. >"The surprise. Come on, all of you."
  5758. >You do as you're told, but keep a hand on the wall to 'listen'.
  5759. >Your girls follow a minute later and Cadence was already at Shinings side, teasing him.
  5760. >"And this is why I don't treat my job like some kind of math problem. I /never/ know all the variables. You, meanwhile, probably have some kind of checklist that you thought the evening would go by. I bet you were waiting until the engines-MPH!"
  5761. >Cadence shakes her head, trying to get the glowing band of energy off of her muzzle as Shining smiles at you.
  5762. >"Are the four of you ready?"
  5763. >Engines.
  5764. >And here you were getting yourself worked up.
  5765. >You let go of the wall, slowly breathing a sigh of relief as you nod.
  5766. "I'm good. Let's go, ladies."
  5767. >Trixie and Twi hop up, marching after Shining and leaving you and Star at the rear of the group.
  5768. >She taps at your leg.
  5769. >"So. You excited? And more importantly, how badly do you think this is going to go?"
  5770. >You scratch your chin, thinking as the sound becomes loud enough for the others to hear.
  5771. >Multiple sets of ears perk up and start to swivel around as you shrug.
  5772. "I see tonight going the same way most things do for us. A little rough, but mostly nice."
  5773. >"Sounds about right. Where's your money on what will be the weirdest thing to happen tonight?"
  5774. >Shining opens the doors to the southern balcony, revealing the source of the sound.
  5775. "Well, if this is our start for the night, than I've got nothing."
  5776. >You had seen airships before, mostly in the distance.
  5777. >They were kind of what you'd expect from an airship, big balloon with a deck and some sails.
  5778. >But this thing?
  5779. >This fucking thing?
  5780. >The airship currently lowering a ramp to the castle balcony was something straight out of a fantasy book.
  5781. >Before you hovered a 'unique' airship to say the least.
  5782. >Four crystal pillars floated independently of what was basically a flying iceberg.
  5783. >On top of the ice, ponies were running around on a grassy field, among the trees planted in the ice.
  5784. >At the center of the main deck were six bells in a circle, with a seventh, much larger bell in the middle.
  5785. >Above the bells was a ball of fire.
  5786. >It was no bigger than a pony, but pulsed and vibrated along with the hum of the engines, suggesting there was something more there.
  5787. >It was hard to tell if the ship had fallen into disuse or had simply...grown while unused.
  5788. >You'd almost think it was a pirate ship, what with the jagged edges, the crude styling, and the overgrown trees.
  5789. >Why there are trees on the ship?
  5790. >Before you get to ask this very important question, the boarding ramp slams down, and a very shiny, green mare appears.
  5791. >She looks over your group, her fiery red eyes immediately snapping to Shining and Cadence.
  5792. >"Your Highnesses! I thought-"
  5793. >Shining waves her off.
  5794. >"It seems we don't get to do things the way I want to. How's the old boy fly?"
  5795. >The mare salutes.
  5796. >"He's whining like any lively colt, sir, but he does his job wonderfully."
  5797. >Cadence nudges Shining in the ribs.
  5798. >"Sounds like a certain colt I know."
  5799. >He rolls his eyes before turning back to your group.
  5800. >"Anon, Trixie, Starlight...Twily. This is the Benevolent Gale. We've been going through the empires collection of ships and trying to see what needs fixing. I figured that, since this is pretty much what we were doing anyways, I'd give the four of you a night to remember."
  5801. >The little sniffle from earlier starts to come back.
  5802. >"On board are the best cooks the Crystal Empire has to offer and enough supplies to make you nearly anything you could want. The ship will stay in a holding pattern around Ponyville until you're finished or if you ask some thing specific captain Emerald Fire."
  5803. >The mare at the top of the ramp gives a short nod before Shining continues.
  5804. >"So the four of you-"
  5805. >He stops, licking his lips before trying to clear his throat.
  5806. >"So the four of you...just get on the ship and have a good time, okay?"
  5807. >Shining runs off, rubbing at his eyes.
  5808. >Cadence smiles gently before pulling Twilight into a hug.
  5809. >"Your brother cares a lot about you."
  5810. >Twilight sputters, trying to find her words.
  5811. >"I-I care about him a lot too. I just wish I could give him something like this."
  5812. >"You don't have to do much for that."
  5813. >She lets go of Twilight and heads for the balcony door.
  5814. >"Just have a good time with your herd, and I'm sure he'll be happy."
  5815. >You watch her leave before turning your attention to the waiting captain.
  5816. "Well this is-"
  5817. >"CALLED IT!"
  5818. >You nearly jump out of your skin at Trixies yelling.
  5819. "What did you call?"
  5820. >"Trixie said that Shining Armor was rolling a wagon into town. Well she was half right because he was actually /flying/ a wagon into town."
  5821. >...
  5822. >You point at the airship.
  5823. "That's not a wagon."
  5824. >"It carries things and can move from town to town. How is it not a wagon?"
  5825. "Does that look like a wagon to you?"
  5826. >"Yes."
  5827. "..."
  5828. >"A weird looking, flying wagon sure, but it's still a wagon."
  5829. "...If I call it a wagon, will you shut up."
  5830. >"I think we both know the answer to that question."

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