Equestrian Magic


                                            >Be Anon.

                                            >A Jewtuber of minor success.

                                            >After finishing a video, you sit down to watch it to make sure there's no errors.

                                            >The video starts running.

                                            >"Hey, guys, xX_Faggot_Youtuber_42069_Xx here."

                                            >"Yes, I'm back. Yes, really, as you can see from my tan and unshaved beard. No, I did not eat any enchanted food that made me stay there forever, the time was not dilated where spending a few weeks there meant that hundreds of years passed here or vice versa, I did not kiss any magical frogs that turned out to be cursed princesses, I did not fight any dragons, or any of that other stupid tropey shit."

                                            >"You need to remember that, while Equestria is a parallel reality and has weird creatures we have in our myths, they're far from a perfect match. All those fairytale tropes are also something that we came up with, and none of them take place in Equestria. So, no, while it's a magical an bizarre place, it's not like what you think."

                                            >"So, now that we got that out of the way, I'm sure you have questions. "Magic, what's that like?" And so on. If you're still in the disbelief or bargaining stages and don't think that Equestria is real, then this video is not for you. Yes, we have met aliens, and yes, they are real, and yes, I just came back from a two-week vacation there. So. Equestrian magic."

                                            >"Most of you are probably going to ask "What's it like when they touch you with that glowy stuff and hold you in their magic field?", or "How does it feel to ride one of those pegasi carriages?", or other kiddy stuff. Yeah, you heard me. Kiddy. Stuff."

                                            >"We already saw people reacting and making stupid faces when ponies did their magic. Telekinesis is magic 101 for every unicorn, and flight for pegasi is the same as walking for us humans, not to mention that we already have tropes of our own for that stuff. There's hundreds, no, thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of books, comics, and movies about wizards and superheroes with those exact abilities - telekinesis, flight, all that stuff. No, for you, my viewers, I am going to tell you about something far, far stranger than you could possibly imagine, something that I experienced myself. Something mind-boggling. Something truly alien, not a "ooh, sparkles" type of thing. I'm certain some of you have heard that their females don't act like ours? Yeah..."

                                            >"So. I was in this bar, having a drink..."

                                            ----------------------------------------

                                            >You sit on a slightly too short bar stool, sipping on your beer.

                                            >You half expected for the ponies to have some kind of crazy, glowing, bubbling, frothing magical drinks that would turn you inside out, but no, they have more or less the same stuff that bars stock on Earth.

                                            >Ales, beers, ciders, (though ciders are far more popular than beers, a reverse of how it's on Earth), mead, stronger spirits, and so on.

                                            >The crowd seems largely similar to a crow of humans, and at the same time, entirely and completely bizarre.

                                            >It's not like they're acting strangely. It's exactly the fact that they're acting like a bunch of humans, while they're a bunch of brightly colored magical ponies is what's throwing you off.

                                            >You notice that a lot of ponies keep glancing at you, looking you up and down again and again.

                                            >You're not terribly surprised. You are a literal alien, after all. Humans do the same thing back on Earth, only ten times worse.

                                            >With how many intelligent species they already have, you guess it's a little less shocking to see another one tossed into the mix.

                                            >You examine the ponies too, though you do it from the corners of your eyes, trying not to draw any attention to yourself.

                                            >Don't want to offend someone and get your ass kicked, and then get kicked out of the country, after all.

                                            >Unfortunately, it seems like your dumb face attracted too much attention anyway.

                                            >Three ponies approach you, taking up the stools on both sides.

                                            >Internally panicking, you try to decipher their body language.

                                            >All of them are smiling, their ears aren't pinned back or folded like in those photos that you saw of pissed-off ponies, so you're not in trouble... You hope. They're also females, so they're not very large.

                                            >Two of them have wings, and they're slightly extended, though.

                                            >You dearly hope that that's not a signal of "I'm going to drop-kick you if you look at me funny".

                                            >Their tails twitch occasionally, which is also not a signal you know the meaning of.

                                            >The one to your left flags down the barmare, and glancing at your mug, puts down a bunch of coins on the counter.

                                            >"Sailor's cider, please, whatever my friends order, and a refill for the lord here."

                                            >Lord? The fuck?

                                            >You say absolutely nothing as she turns and winks at you, feeling your gut tense up.

                                            >This is what you were afraid of.

                                            >Everything seems normal and exactly the same as on Earth, until you trip over something you can't make heads or tails of.

                                            >Her friends place their orders too.

                                            >"Mead, please."

                                            >"Two shots of applejack."

                                            >The barmare works fast, and a few moments later, a fresh mug of beer lands in front of you.

                                            >You slowly keep drinking from the first mug, not sure what accepting the drink means in this situation.

                                            >The pegasus that paid for the drinks turns to you after taking a deep pull from her mug, licking off the foam of her slips in a weirdly slow and demonstrative way as she looks at you with a grin.

                                            >"So, big guy, been in Equestria long? You have that disbelieving look a lot of newcomers have. Not that the portal's been open all that long, but, you know."

                                            "Oh, mm, no. I've barely been here for... Well, less than two days. This is just my second day."

                                            >"Ahh, that explains it. Vacation?"

                                            "Yeah..."

                                            >"Heh, quit panicking. Don't humans chat each other up in bars?"

                                            "Well, they used to, though I think they do it less these days."

                                            >The pegasus sitting to your right speaks up.

                                            >"There's rumors how it's near impossible to talk to people back on your world. Any of that true, or just ponies making up stupid manure to get in a newspaper article?"

                                            "Well, I mean... It's not entirely wrong. These days, people just... Talking to someone out of nowhere is a way to get called a weirdo or shouted at, in some places. Not that anyone likes nutcases like that, but they kind of poisoned the well for everyone else."

                                            >"That's pretty messed up."

                                            "Not going to argue there."

                                            >The first pegasus speaks up again, making you turn your head.

                                            >"So then, you wouldn't mind if we chat for a while?"

                                            >You turn back towards her.

                                            "Uh, I guess not..."

                                            >The unicorn, who was sitting behind the second pegasus, downs one of her shots and levitates the other one.

                                            >"In that case, mind if we go to a table? Talking like this is pretty awkward."

                                            "A-alright..."

                                            >You finish your first mug and take the one that the mares bought you as you stand up.

                                            >They suddenly stick very close to you as the four of you navigate the bar while trying to find some empty space.

                                            >One pegasus and the unicorn press their sides into your legs, while the second pegasus flaps her way in the air behind you.

                                            >The bar is fairly crowded, so it's not that easy.

                                            >Eventually, you find a smallish booth in the corner, the mares guiding you towards it.

                                            >At their gentle nudging, you go first, and they move in after you, trapping you.

                                            >It looks like it'd fit four ponies comfortably, but with you there, it's a bit of a tight fit.

                                            >The mares seem to rather enjoy that fact for some reason, the unicorn and the pegasus all but draping themselves on your sides with massive grins.

                                            >You jolt a bit as you feel something grab your legs.

                                            >Looking down, you notice that the mares have wrapped their tails around them.

                                            >Still confused and with no other actions available, you take a drink.

                                            >Fortunately, the mares are entirely happy to keep pushing the conversation themselves.

                                            >"So, what's your name?"

                                            "Anon."

                                            >"Well, pleasure to meet you, Anon. I'm Thunder," The cider-drinking pegasus introduces herself.

                                            >"Name's Spring Showers," The one with the mead says.

                                            >"Solder Spark," The unicorn toasts you before downing her shot.

                                            "Ah, it's a pleasure, ladies. Um, thanks for the drink."

                                            >"Oh, don't even mention it. It's how we do things here in Equestria when we chat someone up. Common courtesy, really," Thunder says.

                                            "Alright. Good to know."

                                            >"So, what brings you to Equestria?"

                                            >You sigh internally sigh in relief at the safe and innocuous topic.

                                            "Well, I wanted to see the place, really. An alternate dimension? Anyone would be interested in that."

                                            >"Yeah, but what about it was that you wanted to see? It's a rather big topic, to say the least. Quite literally the entire world."

                                            "Ah, well, it wasn't the cities or the tourists spots. The country isn't anything too stunning, no offense. It's really nothing you wouldn't find on Earth. I haven't been to the magical cities like the ones made of clouds, of course, but the other stuff, well, it's just the same as anywhere. It's the people that's the interesting part."

                                            >All the mares seem extremely satisfied by your answer, for some reason. The unicorn grins at you with lidded eyes.

                                            >"So, you wanted to see and learn more about ponies?"

                                            "Yeah? I mean, what else is there to do?"

                                            >"That's wonderful! We'd be happy to provide you with lots and lots of close-contact, first-hoof experience! Very, very happy," Thunder almost purrs, leaning into your ear and almost whispering the last part, her breath tickling your skin.

                                            >You tense up as Solder does something similar, putting a hoof on your thigh and slowly rubbing it back and forth.

                                            >"M-hmm. Learning is a two-way street, and we'd love to learn more about humans, too. Telling you everything you want to know would be great fun, though. And I do mean *anything*," She grins, ever so gently rubbing her nose against your cheek.

                                            >You notice that her muzzle is incredibly soft. The only reason you don't lean into her when she pulls back is because you're so tense.

                                            >"I think you're scaring him a bit, girls," Spring Shower warns them, though she's still smiling as she watches you.

                                            >Their reaction is quite opposite to what you expect them to do after such a warning.

                                            >Thunder leans in even more, pressing her muzzle against your ear.

                                            >"Aww, poor guy," She coos. "Humans don't act this way, do they?"

                                            "N-n-no, not really," You stammer.

                                            >"Shhh.... Shhhh... It's okay. You're in Equestria. We do things a little differently here," She soothes you, gently running circles on your chest with her hoof. "That's why you came here, didn't you? You want to experience something different?"

                                            "Yes...?"

                                            >"Well then, don't be afraid. We're not going to hurt you, I promise. We just want to show you some Equestrian hospitality. It's quite flattering that you decided to come here, you know? It's nice. Means that you find us interesting. Makes us want to be nice to you too," She keeps whispering in your ear.

                                            >You take a deep pull from your mug as the gears turn in your head, smoke almost coming out of your ears.

                                            >You mentally smack yourself at the ridiculousness of it all.

                                            >Two fluffy, adorable pastel ponies are rubbing up against you, and you're practically shitting your pants, as if you were facing down a xenomorph.

                                            >They probably just like to communicate physically a bit more. Herd species or something like that.

                                            "Right, right. Sorry, I'm just a little overwhelmed. Take it easy on me, alright?"

                                            >"Oh, sweetie, don't worry about that. We're not that kind of mares, we know how to treat a stallion right," Solder reassures you, rubbing your thigh again.

                                            >"Would you like a hug?" Thunder asks, suddenly extending her wings as far as the limited space allows.

                                            >Your thoughts completely derail for a few seconds as you examine the fluffy pony next to you, her wings outstretched as she shows them off to you.

                                            >You can't help but trail their lines and contours, every feather as she smiles proudly once she sees how thoroughly you're checking her out.

                                            "Sure," You eventually say, not even remembering to what you're agreeing to.

                                            >Immediately, she latches on to you, wrapping you in a feathery embrace.

                                            >...

                                            >Did you just die and go to heaven?

                                            >Holy shit this is amazing.

                                            >Your hands shoot up almost without you thinking about it, wrapping themselves around the pony and pressing herself against you.

                                            >Your face is completely stuffed into her fur, the fluff a heady mix of strange scents.

                                            >You already guessed that ponies must be soft, but the scent...

                                            >Ozone, definitely, that odd smell of wet earth after rain, and what you guess is the scent of the mare herself.

                                            >Sweat, but not to the degree that it's offensive. It's quite nice, actually.

                                            >"Oooooh..." Thunder exhales breathily.

                                            >"Wow, he really latched on to you, huh?"

                                            >"Poor guy clearly needed it."

                                            "Sorry," You say, gently pulling her off.

                                            >"Nooo, you clearly need more. Far, far more."

                                            >"Allow me," Solder volunteers with a smile.

                                            >She can't envelop you like pegasi can, but she's still enthusiastic.

                                            >Gripping you tightly, she nuzzles your chin, rubbing her entire head and mane on your neck.

                                            >You can't help but inhale her scent as well, when she raises her head a bit and her mane ends up in your face.

                                            >She smells like a mare. She also smells sparkly.

                                            >As you sit there, some part of your brain keeps analyzing the events.

                                            >It takes a bit for it to catch up, but you finally get something workable when Thunder leans back in to just barely nibble on your earlobe, only with her incredibly soft pony lips, with no teeth.

                                            >The drink. Calling you a lord. Rubbing your thigh and getting all physical. Offer of the "lots and lots of close-contact experience".

                                            >Of course, just because that bit of your brain came to a conclusion, the conclusion itself is quite a thing to attempt and process.

                                            >They're hitting on you.

                                            >They're.

                                            >Hitting.

                                            >On.

                                            >You.

                                            >YOU.

                                            >*ATTRACTIVE FEMALES* are hitting on *YOU*.

                                            >And they're not just trying to get free drinks from you, either. THEY bought YOU a drink.

                                            >You freeze completely as the mares keep grinning, running their tails along your legs, and otherwise caressing various parts of your body.

                                            >You weren't this stunned and confused when you stepped through the portal, saw ponies doing magic, or anything remotely like it.

                                            >Put all of those things together, and it'd make just a tenth of how alien and impossibly surreal the experience is.

                                            >Oh yeah. Equestria's an alien dimension alright.

                                            >Solder's hoof wanders from your thigh so close to your dick, she's almost touching it.

                                            >That makes you start moving again, reflexively taking another pull from your mug.

                                            >It's the last of it.

                                            >"Want me to get you another drink, stud?" Spring Showers immediately asks.

                                            "I, ah... Maybe?"

                                            >You ponder what she called you as she flaps off.

                                            >Stud.

                                            >It's not a word humans use often, but you get the meaning.

                                            >Yeah, it looks like they're done being subtle.

                                            >Though you guess they weren't very subtle to begin with.

                                            >And even that was probably putting it mildly. You just didn't get the signals they were sending you.

                                            >You trace the forms of Thunder and Solder Spark as they lean against you, smiling happily when they see that you're checking them out. flexing a little.

                                            >"Like what you see, big guy?"

                                            "Yes, quite... Quite a lot."

                                            >"So, that thing about learning about each other... I heard that you guys don't smell things as well as we do?" Solder asks.

                                            "I have no idea how well ponies smell things, but judging by your noses and muzzles, I'd say that's a definite yes."

                                            >"Your sense of touch is way better than what we have, though, right?" Thunder adds, clopping her solid hooves together.

                                            "I'd assume so, yeah."

                                            >"Well, Anon, I'll be honest with you, we've been smelling you quite a lot. And, let me tell you, I like it. But it seems quite unfair and one sided. So, want to... Touch me?" She inquires, moving he eyebrows up and down at a ridiculous speed.

                                            >You swallow nervously as your mouth suddenly becomes dry as a desert.

                                            >Spring Showers saves you as she hoofs you a mug, from which you take a deep pull, finally finding your voice again.

                                            "Yes..."

                                            >"Well, go on then. Don't be shy, I don't bite. Unless you ask nicely."

                                            >You follow her command, gently running your free hand through her coat.

                                            >Solder Spark snorts.

                                            >"Come on, Anon, she told you not to be shy."

                                            >Using her magic, she gently grabs your hand and guides them lower... And lower... And lower.

                                            >Your eyes go a little wide at the sparkly sensation as she takes your hand all the way to Thunder's - flank, you think it's called?

                                            >Then, she uses the same magic to make you give Thunder's flank a strong squeeze.

                                            >"Oooh... I like that."

                                            >The magic disappears immediately after, your hand reflexively unclenching as you quickly pull it back.

                                            >"So, Anon, are you enjoying learning about ponies with us?"

                                            >You grimace as your dick starts straining against your pants.

                                            "Yes, maybe a little too much, even."

                                            >"Oh dear, we didn't meant to make you uncomfortable..." Solder dramatically gasps.

                                            >"It must be this crowd. Would you like to go somewhere more quiet and... Intimate?" Thunder breathes in your ear.

                                            ------------------------------------

                                            >The video is almost at its end.

                                            >"And that's it. Equestrian magic. Answer me, honestly. Did any one of you think of such a possibility? Sparkles, spells, all that stuff, sure. But did any one of you ever thought you might get honestly *hit on* by three mares at once? Equestrian magic, I tell you. Left me stunned. Speechless. Flabbergasted. Lost. Confused. Floored. Surprised. Shocked. Bewildered. Astonished. Confused. Dismayed. Overwhelmed. Astounded. Breathless. All of that stuff."

                                            >"Yes, unicorns smell sparkly. What does that mean? Well, it means that they smell like sparkles. No, I am not going to qualify that statement in any way. Unicorns smell like sparkles. If you want to know what that's like, you'll just have to go to Equestria and smell one."

                                            >"That's it. That's the end of the story. What, were you expecting something else? Yeah, okay. I went with them and they showed me some magic. Sparkles and stuff, you know? Yup, that's it. End of story."

                                            >With a nod, you hit the upload button.

                                            >As it's doing that, your thoughts keep wandering, coming back to those three mares hitting on you in that bar.

                                            >That was still the most surreal, unbelievable experience of your entire life.

                                            >Among the souvenirs you brought with you, there's a small slip of paper with an address in Equestria and a small note written on it.

                                            >"Come visit if you're ever in Equestria again, stud - Thunder and the gals."