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RGRE Promptbin 001

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 18th December 2020 12:04:17 AM
25th June 2022 01:33:44 PM

  1. > Anon is a spirit that got misfiled by the grim reaper
  2. > He now wanders Equestria trying to find a way back to life, or maybe to the local heaven
  3. > Only foals and the mentally unstable can see or hear him
  4. > Little Twilight fulfills both conditions
  5. > Anon encourages her to push the boundaries of science
  6. > Learns magic theory along with her, but he doesn't have a good intuitive grasp of what it can actually do
  7. > Part of why Twilight was so obsessed in "Feeling Pinkie Keen" was because Pinkie's metaphysical powers implied that there might be magics that could defy the current understanding, maybe even incarnate Anon
  8. > Meanwhile, Anon stays the fuck away from Pinkie, she looks freaky from the astral plane
  9. > As Twilight learns friendship lessons, Anon becomes fainter and fainter to her
  10. > By the time she is princess, she has so many duties, she rarely dabbles in mad science anymore
  11. > She did have that one imaginary friend that she made up, to comfort her when she was new and unsure in a new school, but she will never admit that she had an imaginary stallion
  12. > Sometimes she guiltily shlicks to fantasies about him, feeling foalish and like she is defiling a pure part of her childhood
  13. > Anon amuses himself by trying to match her pace with ghost dickings
  14. >Starlight becomes a student to Twilight
  15. >Not knowing about friendship and still reeling from her previous actions have left her feeling alone and unstable
  16. >Finds Anonymous walking the halls of the castle and goes to confront him
  17. >She is amazed and slightly terrified to find out her magic has no effect on him
  18. >She is even more surprised that he understands magic at it's most fundamental level
  19. >They begin to bond to help Glimmer simmer down into her new life
  20. >Being careless Glimmer speaks to Anon whenever and wherever
  21. >Hearing Glimmer talking to Anon one day, Twilight begins to follow her and take notes
  22. >Makes the connection that this Anon is her Anon and he was actually real all along but can only be perceived by a select few
  23. >She is heartbroken that she ever doubted his existence and abandoned him similarly to how she did with her friends in Canterlot
  24. >In an attempt to reconcile with one of her oldest friends and trusted advisers she attempts to tear open a path for Anon to come and meet the rest of the ponies of Equestria
  25. >Luna and Celestia welcome their old friend into the world of the living
  26.  
  27.  
  28.  
  29. >After a magical mishap that allows the two to communicate via a notebook, Twilight and Anon enter into a transdimensional long-distance relationship
  30. >After months of purely textual contact, Twilight finally devises a way for Anon to come visit Equestria
  31. >While making her preparations, she begins to worry that the reversed gender roles of Equestria may cause Anon some stress
  32. >He already has to accept the existence of magic, talking ponies, and the infinite vastness of the multiverse, being wolf whistled at would be a bridge too far
  33. >She proceeds to organize the town to fake 'normal' gender roles for the duration of Anon's visit, with predictably bad results
  34.  
  35.  
  36.  
  37.  
  38. >Anon is a stripper
  39. >Comes out of giant birthday cakes and gives the lucky mare a lapdance
  40. >Sometimes the mares get drunk and ramble to him about how it's not right that he has to strip for a living and how they're going to "save" him
  41. >Anon never hears from them again
  42. Such is life for Anon the stripper.
  43.  
  44.  
  45.  
  46. >"Anonymous, you really ought to be more careful. Why, some mare could catch you alone and take you against your will!"
  47. >You've had enough of this 'poor little stallion' bullshit
  48. >You lean your head back and smirk, resting one hand on your hip and use the other to point a lone finger at the princess of the night
  49. "I can take any pony on the planet, Princess, even you."
  50. >"Is that a challenge, my LITTLE human?"
  51. "Don't think your lithe figure and feminine wiles will make me hold back. U wanna go, m8?"
  52. >Luna sputters for a moment, blushing up a storm and unable to counter verbally
  53. >You take the advantage and pull your shirt off over your head
  54. >Taking care to avoid knocking your sunglasses off
  55. "I don't care how much you've toned that plot of yours, those elegant curves got nothin on dis bulk! IT'S GO TIME!"
  56. >She finally recovers and smirks at you, narrowing her eyes
  57. >That's a bit too wide a smirk though
  58. >Maybe you're biting off more than you can chew
  59. >"Challenge accepted, Anonymous. I think you'll find our techniques quite...tiresome. Could a naked ape like you earn our cries for mercy?"
  60. >Fuck it, it's go time.
  61. "That'll be hard to do when your twinkling mane is pressed against the floor, Princess. We didn't evolve from apes..."
  62. >You twist at the waist and flex both your arms and your back
  63. "...we evolved INTO APES!"
  64. >She shudders and licks her lips for a moment
  65. >Her horn lights up and you jump back, hopping from foot to foot and bringing your fists up in a boxing stance.
  66. >Every door and window in the room suddenly slams shut.
  67. >She stands and lowers her font half into a fighting stance, licking her lips.
  68. >"Show me your moves, Anon, show me all of them..."
  69.  
  70. >Celestia is awoken in the middle of the night to find the castle shaking amid the sound of broken glass
  71.  
  72. >She finds a bunch of staff and guards peeking through a doorway trying to watch what's going on inside
  73. >The door had been reduced to splinters
  74.  
  75. >"Dost thou surrender fair Anonymous?!" Her sister bellowed with a giggle
  76.  
  77. >Celestia finally gets to see what's going on inside
  78. >A window was broken.
  79. >A few of the floor tiles were cracked
  80. >It looked like a tornado had gone through the room
  81.  
  82. >And off to the side, Luna is attempting to pin a shirtless Anonymous to the floor
  83. >His pants are threatening to fall off of him if they rip any further
  84. >Somehow his sunglasses remain fixed to his face
  85. >"You haven't won yet Moonbutt!" He responded with a manic grin on his face
  86.  
  87.  
  88.  
  89.  
  90.  
  91. >Sometime after Anon has settled in RGREquestria, the ponies finally find a way to create a portal to earth.
  92. >Unsure what to do with the first contact, Celestia and Luna pull Anon from his leisurely life as househusband and make him into the "Minister of Human Affairs"
  93. >He's not too happy about being pulled away from his family and shoved into a position they just made up.
  94. >So naturally, being spiteful and difficult is the route he takes.
  95. >The meetings between him and earth's leaders churns up a shitstorm bigger than Trump being elected for a number of reasons. Like generally being an asshole and getting away with it.
  96. >But the biggest reasons are his adamant refusal to take human refugees or allow immigration into Equestria.
  97. >And since Equestria is already the sole superpower of Equis and not reliant on importing OR exporting, Anon can afford to wait for trade deals and treaties biased in his favor. 
  98. >But once people get a general idea of RGREquestria's wealth, magic, and utopian quality of life, millions are clamoring to get in overnight.
  99. >Men want in for easy love.
  100. >Women want in to finally experience a matriarchy.
  101. >Poor want in for new lives and opportunities.
  102. >Rich want in for business ventures and dreams of living like kings,
  103. >Vermin want in to leech on the wealth and charity.
  104. >Virtuous want in to have a home to be proud of.
  105. >The word "No" has never triggered so many people so fast before.
  106. >As he watches yet another riot (or "peaceful showing to protest the unfair Equestrian Minister" as the news calls it) from his earth office, he wishes he was at home cuddling his wife or playing with his kids.
  107. >Maybe he should let a few hopeless cases in for shits and giggles?
  108.  
  109.  
  110.  
  111. >Anon buys a larger hoodie to keep Lyra in the front
  112. >Bonbon wants in, attaches to his back
  113. >He needs an even bigger hoodie
  114. >This time with straps inside the front and back
  115. >Fillies think it's fun to grab onto his legs and ride his feet as he walks
  116. >Anon gets special pants with little hoofholds
  117. >Pinkie starts hanging onto his side, so he carries her like a football
  118. >Rainbow Dash knows a good napping spot when she sees one
  119. >Takes the spot in the crook of his other arm
  120. >They pitch in to buy him a better coat
  121. >Anon walks around ponyville most of the day covered in ponies
  122. >Gets snuggles
  123. >Gets dem gains.
  124. >Life is good
  125.  
  126.  
  127.  
  128. >How’s a human male to earn an income in a world where all that’s expected of him is to stay home and take care of the foals?
  129. >The answer came to you in the form of a minty-mare.
  130. >Lyra, whom almost always hitched a ride inside the confines of your old worn out hoodie made an off-hand remark one day.
  131. >”Mares would pay for something like this.”
  132. >Not one to let a golden opportunity pass you by you began the “Anonymous Public Transport” company.
  133. >For the low-low price of just five bits, you’d get a comfy ride to wherever in town while seated inside a hoodie.
  134. >Headpats along the way cost an additional two bits.
  135. >Business was good.
  136. >Excpet…
  137. >”My dear Anonymous would you be so kind to take me to Twilights castle?”
  138. >Celestia
  139. >Again
  140. “I thought we went over this, you can’t fit in here.”
  141. >”Oh nonsense, I’ve been on a fantastic diet and I’m sure-“
  142. “Fine, but if you fall out I can’t be held responsible.”
  143.  
  144. >Celestia buys his services for an entire day
  145. >Even splurges on headpats and nuzzles
  146. >He shows up in the morning and she hops, folding her rear legs up and through the straps
  147. >Almost a year of being covered in ponies just about everywhere he walks has made Anon /fit/
  148. >Her neck rests against his cheek and her head rests on his head
  149. >The payment for headpats and nuzzles was for her
  150. >His hoodie stretches around her, and he has to grab both her enormous cheeks to hold her up
  151. >She has breakfast this way, sitting in his lap and hoodie at the breakfast table
  152. >Luna taunts her, but Celestia just says she's jealous she didn't think of this first
  153. >Gets crumbs on Anon's head
  154. >Headpats and nuzzles him while he walks her to each appointment
  155. >He either faces the wall or she twists her neck at meetings
  156. >Holds Comfy-Court(tm)
  157. >Naps on him in the garden in the afternoon, still in his hoodie
  158.  
  159.  
  160.  
  161.  
  162. >With Equestria's extremely liberal views on sex, prostitution is actually one of the more accepted jobs for stallions
  163. >It's common to see colts completely covered in clothes, strutting around and flirting with any mare who comes near
  164. >Anonymous arrives in Equestria covered in clothes
  165. >After he settles in with Twilight, he asks about getting a job
  166. >She tells him about the brothel on the edge of town.
  167. >He thinks she's messing with him, so he leaves to go find a job on his own.
  168. >He's turned down at every single one.
  169. >Each time they tell him about the brothel
  170. >When he gets offended at the suggestion, they scoff at him.
  171. >"It's honest work."
  172. >"Ponies 'round here sure would appreciate yer efforts."
  173. >"You seem like the kind of stallion that would excel in that career field."
  174. >"Zis is not a brothel, good sir. Zis is a Spa."
  175. >Eventually, he goes to the brothel and applies
  176. >They just laugh when he offers a resume, and tell him to show his cock
  177. >He's hired on the spot and sent to the 'exotic males' section
  178. >The other stallions, a mix of zebras, dragons, and griffons, see his unique looks as competition and constantly try and sabotage his 'dates'
  179.  
  180.  
  181.  
  182.  
  183. >Anon likes playing with foals so much that mares think he's baby-crazy
  184. >Some mares feel cautious and uneasy as they think, "If I tapped that, he'd probably want half a dozen foals from me."
  185. >Others feel anticipation at the same thought
  186.  
  187.  
  188.  
  189.  
  190. >Anon has the largest herd known to Equestria
  191. >Twenty mares, who are all perpetually pregnant
  192. >There are finally enough ponies in the Apple Family to run the farm
  193. >Expand it, even
  194. >Every foal in school has him as a father
  195. >He sires a bunch of colts, even more than regular ponies
  196. >They almost have his stamina and sex drive
  197. >Mayor Mare (also in his herd) increases taxes to make the school better, and higher more teachers
  198. >Everyone is ok with it
  199. >Cheerilee (also in his herd) moves classes to the Crystal Castle and Twilight (his alpha mare) lives her dream to be a teacher 
  200. >She has to expand the town to accommodate their needs, and all the jobs they'll need when they get older
  201. >Five generations and nearly 26,000 foals (each mare in his herd had six) later, you can still tell the descendants of man apart from regular ponies because of their incisors.
  202.  
  203.  
  204. >Celestia had a hardcore predator fetish.
  205. >It's no use because she's the most powerful being in the world.
  206. >anon is ignorant of this
  207. >satisfies her need to be 'hunted' and dominated
  208. >is completely unaware she's powerful enough to break every bone in his body or flat out vaporize him
  209. >she has to bend over backwards to prevent him from finding out and ruining her favorite fantasy of being a weak, easily dominated mare
  210. >In bed, Celestia accidentally zaps Anon one day out of pure reaction.
  211. >She feels terrible that she just killed her lover and the only human.
  212. >He gets back up, dazed and a bit singed, but not dead.
  213. >Turns out, while he has no outright immunity, he does have a heavy resistance to magic for some strange reason.
  214. >Celestia can actually fight back in bed now, and doesn't have a overwhelming chance to win.
  215. >He could ACTUALLY eat her even if she gave it her all.
  216. >UNF
  217. >The guards don't even bother to investigate the sounds of struggle anymore.
  218.  
  219.  
  220.  
  221.  
  222. >Well Anon, you finally did it.
  223. >You're getting married to your wifu.
  224. >There is just one small problem about being the male equivalent to a bride in horse world.
  225. >They have some of the weirdest marriage proposals and ceremonies.
  226.  
  227.  
  228.  
  229.  
  230.  
  231. Celestia constantly sexually harasses people around her, and having a direct line to twilight, she gets the brunt of it. Along comes anon, who can give as good as he gets, but celestia has no idea who it is, as he signs all the letters anonymous (Take it as anon fell through in ponyville and twilight wanted to show celestia she is capable of handling matters on her own.) and never told her about him, or that it was even a him. 
  232.  
  233. Let this escalate
  234. Tell it from celestias pov
  235. Have her take a minor vacation to ponyville to find out who is responding to her in every way she likes
  236. Have it all anon with spike running up to him with scrolls, sealed documents, and what not. 
  237. [In short, Celestia sends sekuhara letters to twilight, but anon answers them.]
  238.  
  239.  
  240.  
  241.  
  242. >>Ponies think Anon might be getting homesick
  243. >>They start wearing clothes and walking around on their hindlegs whenever he's around
  244. >>Anon is confuse but is starting to like things this way
  245. >>Bonus: Celestia now towers over Anon being a whole head taller when standing on her hind hooves
  246.  
  247.  
  248.  
  249.  
  250. >Rainbow Dash regularly just walks into Anon's house when she wants to talk to him
  251. >Ponies don't have much of a sense of personal space, so this is common amongst their kind
  252. >Horse houses don't even have locks on their doors
  253. >Rainbow Dash can't find Anon right away and starts wandering room to room looking for him
  254. >Walks into what she later learns is his bedroom
  255. >Finds him sitting on his bed, masturbating
  256. >Awkward silence
  257. >Rainbow runs out, yelling apologizes in her wake
  258. >Rainbow is confused
  259. >"Colts don't do that!"
  260. >As far as she's concerned, stallions don't even go to the bathroom; now she finds her innocent (if willfully ignorant) worldview shattered
  261.  
  262.  
  263.  
  264.  
  265. > Anon is a professor of Prosaic Studies at Celestia's school of gifted unicorns
  266. > That is, physics, chemistry, and pugilism
  267. > He dabbles in runes and rituals to handle the shenanigans his students try to pull
  268. > He lets them have one telekinetic lick at his shaft before he gives them the magical equivalent of hitting your funny bone
  269. > He has decent pull in faculty meetings, partly because he is head of his department, partly because he's one of two male professors there
  270. > His colleagues flirt with varying amounts of shamelessness
  271. > Friday nights, he drinks with Celestia and they share stories about the stupid things the students do
  272.  
  273.  
  274.  
  275.  
  276. >Twi births a centaur.
  277. >Its a girl!
  278. >Alls good until teenage rebellion hits.
  279. >She escapes home and visits Tartarus to see Tirek.
  280. >"It's not a phase, mom! Tirek, like, understands me and stuff!"
  281. >Anon patiently waits for Tirek to accidentally impregnate his daughter and then run when he gets the news that he's going to be a father
  282. >If Anon didn't let his daughter experience the consequences of her actions, then how will she learn?
  283. >Twist: Tirek embraces fatherhood and wants to rise child as his heir.
  284.  
  285. >It could actually be an appropriately feelsy story for RGRE. The homme fatale, so hurt by the betrayal of his brother, finds family that he can love again, family that doesn't use his love of them like a weapon or a chain, until he finds himself willingly "tied down".
  286.  
  287.  
  288.  
  289.  
  290. >Johnny Bravo in RGRE
  291. >Unlike earth, he's got females almost literally throwing themselves at him.
  292. >Just one flex, and they're fighting over who gets him. 
  293. >But they're ponies, not babes...
  294. >[Internal Conflict]
  295.  
  296. >Be Johnny Bravo in Equestria.
  297. >You were wooing a sweet sweet momma by showing her how you could lift a stature of a horse.
  298. >She got all freaky and screamed about magic.
  299. >You honestly believed the only magic around there was how smokin' hot she was.
  300. >You were wrong.
  301. >The statue broke while you were holding it.
  302. >You guess they didn't use good materials.
  303. >The thing just fell apart.
  304. >And then you found out that that hot hot women weren't the only magical thing around.
  305. >You were pulled into a weird trippy hole in the world thing and ended up here.
  306. >Some town full of magic pony people.
  307. >"Whoa daddy, look at that sweet guy over there."
  308. >"Excuse me sir, can I have a minute?"
  309. >You turn to whoever's speaking.
  310. >There's a cream furred winged pony with an orange mane.
  311. "What is it, little pony thing?"
  312. >"Are you one of Celestia's angels? Because you are smokin' hot."
  313.  
  314.  
  315.  
  316.  
  317.  
  318.  
  319. >RGRE
  320. >Football is seen as super colty, basically the Equestrian equivalent of women's mma
  321. >Yeah they're tough and strong, but mares like AJ are watching it are in it for the colt on colt
  322. >Rarity got into it by watching all of her dad's games
  323. >Knows stats, plays, every detail about players and coaches
  324. >Anon watches it with her because it is the most human entertainment ponies' have.
  325. >Despite most colts being limp-wristed fairies, football players are just the same as on Earth.
  326. >Plays a quick game with Rarity's dad when meeting the parents
  327. >Still throws the mean spiral that he did in high school
  328. >average for a human but being able to throw that far is unseen with even the best unicorn players
  329.  
  330. So
  331. >Hondo Flanks trains Anon to be a pro football player helping Anon live up to is Bundy-esque dreams. Basically Rocky, but with football and ponies
  332.  
  333. >Anon plays with the local stallions garnering attention from a random scout. Amazing him with blitz and shotgun plays. With Rarity torn between worrying that Anon's newfound fame will lead him to meet much more marely mares than herself and being supportive of him reaching his dreams
  334.  
  335. >Anon plays with the local stallions garnering attention from the local mares who weren't really interested before finding their clits getting hard at sweaty, musky Anon in football tights and half a shirt. All while Rarity beats back the oncoming horde of "fans" from moving in on her man all led by the mareliest mare in Ponyville, Applejack. Who doesn't know a thing about football other than hot males roughhousing, but tries to act like she is a superfan too
  336.  
  337. or
  338. >Rarity is worried that she has an Electra complex due to how much Anon is like her father when she sees them horsing around. Both Janefillies, both big and strong, both hold her and stroke her mane when she cries, both are perfectly fine with how colty she is. This is made all the worse by the fact that her family loves him and her dad all but demands she marries Anon
  339.  
  340.  
  341.  
  342.  
  343.  
  344. >"Anon! A poor colt like you shouldn't have to plow all that snow in the cold!"
  345. >Scrape
  346. Huh? What?
  347. >Oh, it's Spergle. She's in some sort of carriage with a blade on it.
  348. >You load up another plow full of snow, and grip near the end, tossing it onto your almost meter high snowbank
  349. >"Here, I'll do it for you."
  350. >Her horn lights up, which to you by now is a telltale sign of trouble, and your shovel is yanked out of your hands and deep into the snowbank.
  351. >It triggers a mini avalanche, spilling snow all over your previously clean walkway.
  352. T-Twilight! Damnit, I don't need any h-
  353. >You quickly step out of the way as her now glowing carriage surges past you, clearing whatever's infront of it but making a mess of the sides.
  354. Watch where you're going!
  355. >"I can't! It's out of controooool!"
  356. >You get an eyeful of firm booty has the carriage presses up against her plot and the whole contraption spins out, crashes into the snowbank, and fucking explodes.
  357. >Thanks, cartoon physics.
  358. >Pretty much all of your work over the last half hour's undone.
  359. >You saunter over to the debris, and Twilight, who pokes her head out.
  360. >Snow falls down her shaking mane.
  361. >It's actually kind of pretty.
  362. Mare's job, huh?
  363. >"S-sh-sh-sh-shut u-u-up-p-pbbbrbrbrrr..."
  364. >The snow can wait.
  365. >You pick up the half-frozen mare and carry her inside, patting her cute little pony butt and listening to her whispers of "Whimsy" or something like that.
  366.  
  367. >The hot chocolate's still a bit hot, but it's fine considering how cold you were.
  368. >Nonny has you wrapped up in a blanket around you. Both of you watch as the CMC clear Anon's walkway with their own tiny snow shovels.
  369. >They're slower, but at least they're thorough.
  370. >Meanwhile, your plan worked. Anon's cuddling you! Maybe you'll get some dick tonight too.
  371. >Until then, you nuzzle into his chest and snooze
  372.  
  373.  
  374.  
  375.  
  376.  
  377. >Ponies. being as expressive as they are, have advanced vocal cords.
  378. >They can talk, sing, whistle, mewl, purr, yelp, yip, chirp, coo, whine, neigh, whinny, and other sounds.
  379. >The expressive faces, with large eyes, swiveling ears, flicking tails, tilted heads, and even hoof gestures add another layer of complexity to conversation. 
  380. >Talking to a pony is anywhere from perfectly clear to total guesswork because of this.
  381. >Their physiology also reflects their speech.
  382. >The variable make-up of their bodies makes calling them ponies, referring to a direct relation to earth horses, almost totally incorrect.
  383. >The soft hooves, unreal agility, extreme hardiness, high level of flexibility, jaw strength, plush fur, varied (and sometimes extra) senses, gender skew, use of magic and countless other things borrow from a medley of mostly mammal creatures.
  384. >And this is not even counting the odd, sometimes nonsensical social customs and rituals that can vary based on location, hierarchy, race of pony, family, clan, and other things.
  385. >A human in such a place would be an alien in an alien land indeed.
  386. >Though, trying to live in such a place with such creatures is not without reward...
  387.  
  388.  
  389.  
  390.  
  391.  
  392. >Despite how the gender skew should have made things easier, Lyra the eccentric lyre player is one of the few ponies who finds you attractive.
  393. >Take up her offer for a date. 
  394. >And later, a full relationship.
  395. >With an indifferent (at first) Bonbon along for the ride, of course.
  396. >And it's everything you ever wanted. A real relationship with not one, but two real wome - er, mares. 
  397. >Little do you know, Lyra and Bonbon are thinking the same thing.
  398. >FreaksInLove.mp4
  399.  
  400. >Ponies talk about Anon, Lyra, and Bon Bon behind their backs
  401. >Some of the nastier ponies laugh as they pass by
  402. >Then they start witnessing how Anon and his mares are genuinely happy together
  403. >thelaughterstops.png
  404. >Several mares become intimately aware that they are, in fact, single
  405.  
  406.  
  407.  
  408.  
  409.  
  410. >Lyra is a humaboo
  411. >Completely obsessed with humans as per usual
  412. >But she hasn't quite made the leap to thinking Humans are for Sexual
  413. >It wouldn't be very difficult to get her to that point, but she ain't a monkeyfucker yet
  414. >Humans are for snuggles, ear scratchies, and belly rubs
  415.  
  416. >Bon Bon on the other hand, is also a humaboo, though she zealously hides that from everybody but Lyra
  417. >And she *definitely* thinks Humans are for Sexual
  418. >She tries her hardest to keep Lyra from finding out the depths of her perversion
  419.  
  420. >Then Anon shows up.
  421.  
  422.  
  423.  
  424.  
  425.  
  426. ponies are alien anyways, and their basic musculature; huge, expressive eyes; usually nice voices; and incredibly smooth, silky, plush coat means that any Anon willing to fuck a horse in the first place will find them physically satisfactory.
  427. So Moondancer, whose cutie mark shape is unbalanced, whose horn spiral is slightly uneven, who has this slightly too sharp shape to her eyes puts her firmly below average in pony beauty (her smell isn't sweet enough either), but with the gender skew is probably going to be dating her hoof forever. In comes Anon, who loves her personalities and interests, and is genuinely confused when she explains how unattractive she is to other ponies. He tries to explain little things about the shape of his nose and width of his jaw and how those made him below average to humans and she's like, "Uh, what? But you smell like sex on wheels! Why would anyone care about something like that? You say those are acne scars? I like them, they're as cute as freckles, why would they be bad?"
  428.  
  429. Anon ends up with a herd of ponies that legitimately do have the best personalities around (one or two are even ravishing by pony standards, and love that they've finally found someone who legitimately doesn't care), and he finds every single one irresistible.
  430.  
  431. My favorite offshoot idea was that Twilight was also unattractive, until she ascended, which polished her to an exemplary beauty (maybe not super model, but clearly pretty). Even her friends are by turns jealous or admiring. Anon's the first one in her life who barely commented aside from how neat it is that she has wings now
  432.  
  433.  
  434.  
  435.  
  436.  
  437. >Anon learns to bake
  438. >Gets pretty good
  439. >Always free samples to his good friends
  440. >*insert random Ponyville celebration here*
  441. >Lots of friends and family join up
  442. >SCC specializes in pure sweets; cookies, cakes, etc
  443. >Anon has fresh bread, buttered rolls, scones, bagels, muffins, and pastries
  444. >Everypone surprised a stallion besides Carrot knows how to work an oven
  445. >Even more surprised that breads can taste so good
  446. >Like a woman managing the perfect grilled steak every time without needing any sauce to fix
  447. >Makes him a hit with mares who enjoy their food
  448. >Pinkie is happy that Anon is getting attention, but is concerned with how much Mrs. Cake keeps 'adjusting' her tail
  449.  
  450.  
  451.  
  452.  
  453. Mares are the men of the horse world. They won't be too critical of excuses to have sex all the time with their husbands.
  454.  
  455. >You whip out your penis.
  456. "I heard sex during pregnancy can cure cancer."
  457. >Your mare is already on top of you before you even finish your sentence.
  458. >"Well, you can never be too careful."
  459.  
  460.  
  461.  
  462.  
  463. >Anon and Twilight have seven foals
  464. >Eventually it gets a little too much for Anon, but they've spaced them out enough so that the oldest can help out with the youngest
  465. >Twilight wants more foals though, so they wait until the first four are out the door
  466. >They have more and more foals like this
  467. >Anon still remembers all their names and loves them all
  468. >The two of them are still having babbies when their firstborn has a foal of her own
  469. >Turns out constant exposure to the magical ejaculation of an alicorn's horn has plenty of health benefits for Anon
  470. >Anon's spawn become so numerous in ponyville the family now not only controls it legally, but economically
  471. >Anon's children have to start moving out of ponyville because other ponies are hesitant to join "The Family"
  472. >Fifty years later, Princess Twilight and Anon's family gatherings fill up her entire castle and require tents outside, because the new Inns are all full up with her family
  473.  
  474.  
  475.  
  476.  
  477. >Seashell injures herself for the millionth time in Ponyville
  478. >This time, something broke, and she has go under physical therapy for a while
  479. >Cripple pone regrets letting Seashell stay at her place during her recovery
  480. >Seashell is happy because Cripple's house is really big, and the tall doctor gives nice massages, too
  481.  
  482.  
  483.  
  484.  
  485. > Luna is an antisocial weeb
  486. >Humans appear frequently in pony anime
  487. >Luna routinely has her guards abduct Anon to spend time with her
  488. >She doesn't seem to grasp that kidnapping people is wrong
  489. >She's confused
  490. >In all the time they've spent together, he hasn't 'accidently' fallen dick-first into her face
  491. >Or tripped and caught the waistband of his pants on the corner of a table so that his pants are pulled down
  492. >Or accidently buried his face in her genitals
  493. >Or stumbled across her collection of lewd human sexual pornography magazines and offered to teach her first hand
  494. >Has anime lied to her?
  495.  
  496. one of the guards should point out the fact that she's using tactics in animus that never, ever lead to sex or a relationship, and should therefore follow the tactics, techniques, and procedures outlined in her favorite doujins of hentai series.
  497.  
  498. >Anon and Luna (through some contrived courting ritual) have sex
  499. >Luna is disappointed that he does not loudly proclaim that he's going to make her pregnant and/or give her his foals
  500. >She's also disappointed that his speech was limited to grunts and mumbled declarations of love, rather than things like "if I cum any more I'll die" or "your vagina is milking my penis of all its sperm"
  501.  
  502. >Anon's having a nice dream about apples or whatever
  503. >Suddenly, he's standing at the foot of his bed, with a little girl laying on it
  504. >"What are we going to do in the bed, Oni-chan?"
  505. "Goddamn Luna, I'm not acting out your fucked up, and might I add tired and clichéd, fantasies!"
  506. >The girl crosses her arms and sighs
  507. >"You are much less fun than my Japonies Animes promised, Anonymous."
  508.  
  509. What are we going to do on the bed, Princess?
  510. >Pomf
  511. B-but you poop from there
  512. >"Not this night, Anonymous"
  513.  
  514.  
  515.  
  516.  
  517.  
  518.  
  519. >The innocent pic of Redheart.
  520.  
  521. >"Hello, sweetie! Admiring my mouth, are you? I bet you didn't know that I can practically suck a bowling ball through a silly straw with these little lips, could you?"
  522. >"Perhaps you'd care to find out~<3?"
  523.  
  524. >"I'm afraid the diagnosis is Male Hysteria, Mr. Faggot."
  525. "...Male Hysteria?"
  526. >"Yes. Certain bodily functions may create a buildup of fluids that become poisonous to the individual if they are not drained in time."
  527. "If you wanted to give me a blow--"
  528. >"PLEASE, Mr. Faggot, I'm trying to remain professional here. No reason to use such crass language to describe a standard medical procedure."
  529. "And there's nothing wrong with this?"
  530. >"No need to worry your sweet little head over this, Mr. Faggot. These lips of mine could suck the melon out of a cantaloupe, so this won't hurt a bit. Please undo those pants and get on the table."
  531.  
  532. >"Also, maybe don't tell the other doctors and nurses that I'm doing this for you."
  533. "Why's that?"
  534. >You know why.
  535. >Because this procedure is bullshit and she's using your ignorance of pony culture to give you a blowjob.
  536. >Backwards Equestria is weird, but you don't complain when it gives you free blowjobs.
  537. >"W-Well, the machine we use is all the way across the hospital, and it's a lot quicker if I just do it the old fashioned way.
  538.  
  539. >"Thank you for answering our call on such short-notice, Anonymous."
  540. "I came as fast as I could, Nurse Redheart. What's the situation?"
  541. >You could swear she twitched when you talked. Must be bad.
  542. >"Please come with me."
  543. >She leads you into a room with a mare on the little doctor's table.
  544. >You think you recognize her eyes. Derpy?
  545. >She blushes and turns away from you.
  546. >"This is indeed a dire situation, Anonymous. Are you willing to help her out?"
  547. "Sure, anything you need."
  548. >The nurse hands you a small collection of papers, full of graphs and numbers and charts.
  549. >You don't understand any of it, because they're all obfuscated terms.
  550. >Levels of "Serum F" and "Percent of Berry-Humor" and such
  551. "What does this all mean, doc?"
  552. >"She will soon succumb to Mare Hysteria if she doesn't get the balance of her Humors in check, and you're the best source of the Essence she needs. One dose should be enough for a few months, but her situation has become dire."
  553. "Okay...and what would mean what?"
  554. >"Your Male Essence. You or I need to administer a dose, orally or anally, for her to return to normal levels. Otherwise it might jeopardize her basic functioning and make her unable to care for her work or her foal."
  555. >...
  556. >You look at Derpy.
  557. "And you're ok with this?"
  558. >She looks up at you from the floor and nods bashfully.
  559. >You look back at Nurse Redheart, who is staring at you with a grim face.
  560. "Seriously? This is the cure?"
  561.  
  562. >"Yes, Anonymous. I realize you are still learning about a pony's biology and physical needs, but this is the method we use here to resolve issues like this. You're also bound by the doctor-patient confidentiality clause you signed when you volunteered to help at the clinic."
  563. >You sign and raise your eyebrows at the both of them.
  564. "Fine, fine, I'll help...wait, what did you mean 'orally or anally'? And how would you do it?"
  565. >"Your emission will be either directly administered to her with her method of choice, or I will extract it myself and inject it in whichever orifice she chooses."
  566. "Extract? No need to sound so clinical for this."
  567. >She gives you a deadpan look.
  568. >"There is. We're in a clinic right now."
  569. "You're not going to be using a tool or something, are you?"
  570. >"What? No, none of our tools would work on you. They are all designed for pony physiology, so either of us would have to extract it the 'old fashioned way,' to put it in layman's terms."
  571. "Oh-kay. So, how are we going to do this?"
  572. >Nurse Redheart hands you a vial with a glowing liquid in it.
  573. >"Please imbibe this and wait five minutes for it to work. It will increase your body's production to the levels required for a full dose for about an hour, but it will need some time to work. Please drink two of these next."
  574. >She points to several glass measuring cups from the lab, each with about a quart of water.
  575.  
  576. "Whoa, alright."
  577. >You down the little potion which tastes like strawberries and grass, then down a quart of the water.
  578. >After only a few seconds, you feel a tingling sensation across your body, and your crotch feels...heavier.
  579. >"Ms. Hooves, how would you like your dose administered? Please consider all your available options."
  580. >She blushes and rubs one of her hooves on her foreleg, looking down at the paper for a few seconds.
  581. >"A-anally," she answers and looks up at you both.
  582. >Somehow.
  583. >You raise your eyes at that. Back home people would have taken a dozen needles in the arm before using that "method."
  584. >Nurse Redheart doesn't bat an eye and turns to open a cupboard, pulling out a little squeeze bottle and setting it on the counter. She then turns to review her notes on the counter.
  585. >You look at her for a moment, waiting for her say something.
  586. "Uh, are you going to give the two of us some privacy?"
  587. >She snaps her head at you and gives you a look as if you had just asked if the sun moved on its own.
  588. >You remember this face.
  589. >"By Celestia, no! You're only a volunteer, Anonymous. You'll need a medical professional to be in the room to oversee the procedure and make sure the dose is administered properly."
  590. "O-oh."
  591. >"Not to mention I'll need to put you under another hour of medical supervision afterwards to handle the lingering effects of the potion. Your body may not clear out the medicine as quickly as a pony's does."
  592. >As you sit there manspreading from the potion, feeling your balls swell to about twice their regular size, you step back mentall for a moment wondering just how you got yourself into this situation.
  593.  
  594.  
  595.  
  596.  
  597.  
  598. >Twilight's friends make fun of her relentlessly when she admits that she's sexually submissive. 
  599. >Goes on for some time.
  600. >Finally, she gets fed up and angrily tells them to watch what she means.
  601. >Thinking it was some sort of joke, the other five agree and hide out in Twilight's room for this "show"
  602. >It seems like less of a joke when Twi unashamedly rubs herself off a few times, filling the room with her scent.
  603. >Even less of a joke when she calls in Anon, who pops a stiffy the instant he gets one breath of the Twi-filled air.
  604. >It can't be that easy, can it..?
  605. >When Twilight finally bends over and gives her pudgy rump a shake at the painfully aroused human, the other five are treated to a show like no other.
  606. >One or two might even get a new fetish.
  607.  
  608.  
  609.  
  610.  
  611.  
  612. >Anon visits Cadence's room just before the wedding
  613. >Knows she's an imposter
  614. >Decides to spin a tale of how he and Cadence used to be together before Shining came into the picture
  615. >Plays the "quiet, shy" young stallion stereotype and says that he wanted to see her before she was wed
  616. >Reminisces about the moments they shared, the love they had for one another, and the empty and fleeting promises they made to each other as they breathlessly exchanged kisses
  617. >Asks for one last kiss before she's officially married
  618.  
  619. Have chrysalis call him out on his Bulls hit because she senses the insincerity from his emotions.
  620.  
  621. Now have her rib on him for being such a sad individual who old do such a thing as make these lies. Have her target his insecurities. Now have her have a slight interest in this strange stallion trying to be just as manipulative as her.
  622.  
  623. Maybe anon doesn't get interest from ponies so this is sort of his joking but deep down real pleasure for affection. 
  624.  
  625.  
  626.  
  627.  
  628.  
  629. I want smooth as ice James Bond Bon Bon. She uncovers, fights and captures a changeling trying to capture Anon while keeping Anon oblivious and seducing him at the same time.
  630. A couple times her cover is almost surely blown due to forces out of her control, but Anon just blows it off as silly ponies being silly.
  631.  
  632.  
  633.  
  634.  
  635.  
  636. >Preening is extremely important to pegasi and catbirds.
  637. >Twilight unfortunately had a little accident and is stuck with a neck brace which leaves her unable to take care of her wings.
  638. >Can't ask another mare to do it because it might give the wrong idea about which team she bats for.
  639. >Asking a stallion is tantamount to a marriage proposal.
  640. >The only option left is to ask Anon, who doesn't understand the implications of the act, to do it for her.
  641. >All the while keeping their arrangement secret so no pony can accuse her of taking advantage of the naive Anon.
  642.  
  643.  
  644.  
  645.  
  646.  
  647.  
  648.  
  649. >Fresh off the rock farm teen Pinkie who's somehow even cuter and bouncier and insanely filled with hormones but too traditional and sheltered to know how to react to Anon
  650. >Teen Applejack, after her parents died she's an emotional wreck and falls for Anon harder than a journalist falls for a rape hoax
  651. >Teen Fluttershy, halfway between her adult model looks and the awkward gangly lanky look of her earlier years, still picked on mercilessly by her peers, Anon is her only refuge
  652. >Teen Rarity, still a hopeless romantic but without the confidence her succesful business brings her, she's so desperate to make things work she'd do anything. ANYTHING.
  653. >Teen Rainbow Dash... probably a pretty cunty jock desu. But she ends up running a train on you with the rest of the all mares hoofball team. Worth putting up with her cuntiness to end up swimming in hot fit teen marepuss. Somehow still with you even after you've been passed around the entire hoofball team, and brings you flowers after she forgets your birthday like you thought she would.
  654. >Teen Twilight is a shut in nervous wreck going through exams. Her few friend barely see her anymore and she's practically killing herself studying. it takes a bit of work to convince her to spend time with you instead of studying, and she's a stuttering mess most of the time around you. But years of furiously clopping with a hammer hoof has left her surprisingly receptive to the brutal anger fucking you give her after she blows you off for the third time to study. The time you spend with her is short, far between, but leaves you exhausted and satisfied.
  655.  
  656.  
  657.  
  658.  
  659.  
  660. >Lyra & Bon Bon, "best friends" forever
  661. >Lyra is shorter, less curvy, has weirder interests
  662. >Bon Bon is tall, has big tits, child-bearin' hips, and likes all sorts of feminine things like rough football, motorcycles, and falling asleep on the couch after eating too much pizza
  663. >Lyra initially introduced the "we're a package deal" thing for courting because she didn't honestly expect any man to be interested in her, and was counting on the deal to work her way when Bon Bon inevitably lands a hot guy
  664. >Cue Anon, who shows interest in Lyra instead of Bon Bon
  665. >Lyra could cut the "package deal" thing, grab Anon, and never let go
  666. >Instead, she loyally sticks to the deal and offers to turn their relationship into whatever word for "herd" that the human version of horseland uses
  667.  
  668. >Lyra has a bad judge of character
  669. >Stallions take advantage of her
  670. >The most recent one is why Lyra lives with Bon Bon instead of, you know, her house
  671. >It's because she doesn't have one any more.
  672. >Bon Bon is fiercely protective of her friend and only lets up when she's satisfied that Anon won't screw Lyra over
  673. >After that, she's the sweetest mare in the world
  674.  
  675.  
  676.  
  677.  
  678.  
  679.  
  680.  
  681. >Opposite of that.
  682. >Being tall and slender with a defined face is seen as the one of the hallmarks of regal beauty.
  683. >Meaning that alicorns are the most desirable pony race by far.
  684. >In comes you, now the tallest being in Equestria.
  685. >Add that to your long limbs, your relatively narrow profile, and your foal-like face (small yet defined facial features.) and ponies look at you like humans look at alicorns.
  686. >Majestic, yet adorable in an otherworldly way.
  687. >You may not fill a few other things that ponies find attractive, but being exotic makes up for much of that.
  688. >Can't take even 10 steps outside before ponies crowd around.
  689. >Even the most macho mares become shy yet are still compelled to vy for your attention.
  690. >Stallions practically mow each other down to get close and enthusiastically try to befriend you, like how girls in highschool form a clique around the pretty girls. 
  691. >You're not real sure how to take it.
  692.  
  693.  
  694.  
  695.  
  696. >Humans are to ponies in popular fantasy what elves are to humans.
  697. >Haughty perfect mary-sues with more powers and perfect "quirk"s than can be counted that every lonely fa/tg/irl either furiously masturbates to or hates irrationally. Sometimes both. 
  698. >Then, a human. AKA you, pops into Equestria.
  699. >Right in the middle of a Dugouts n Drakes convention filled with nerd mares and the occasional poser stallion.
  700.  
  701.  
  702.  
  703.  
  704.  
  705. >Anon has a marefriend
  706. >Luna has taken interest in Anon
  707. >Luna doesn't do anything malicious to him or his marefriend, but she has the power and money that allows her to butt in at inappropriate and inconvenient times
  708. >Sitting at the table next to theirs at a restaurant
  709. >Talking loudly in the movie theatre just a few rows down from Anon and his marefriend
  710. >Writing out the words "buck off he's mine" in the stars while Anon and his marefriend stargaze
  711. >Anon and Marefriend make love
  712. >Lean in to kiss
  713. >Luna's head pokes out from the covers and goes in between them
  714.  
  715. >Luna is in your fridge drinking all your soda and beer when you open the door to get something cold to drink
  716. >"This ale - be it thine mare's?"
  717. "No, it's mine."
  718. >"Then thou should be thankful We art here, fair Anonymous. It isn't proper for an unwed colt to be drinking of the alcohols."
  719.  
  720. >Drunk Luna tries to make constellations in the sky for you 
  721. "Alright, Luna, what do you have to show me."
  722. >" 'tis... 'tis a present. We gifted upon thee a... buckin' beauty amongst the stars that nary rivals thine own."
  723. >You look up at the sky and see a bunch of stars connected to make a vagina
  724. "Luna? Is that-"
  725. >Luna begins laughing loudly and falls over
  726.  
  727.  
  728.  
  729.  
  730.  
  731. > Anon wears the absolute worst Hawaiian shirts and plaid pants
  732. > Tie die and neon biker shorts
  733. > Rarity has to be held back from destroying his wardrobe
  734. > Twilight theorizes that Anon is wearing mating plummage to attract a female, even though there are no human females on Equestria
  735. > It's just so tragic, putting on a display that will never work
  736. > Rainbow and Fluttershy are confused
  737. > Normally it's female pegasi that put on showy displays to impress the male's
  738. > So why are they a little turned on by Anon in his Grateful Dead t-shirt and blue polka dot overalls?
  739. > Ponks is in love
  740. > Applejack dismisses it as coltish whimsy
  741.  
  742.  
  743.  
  744.  
  745. >Anon brazenly stares at the backsides of mares and their marely bits
  746. >They welcome the attention and don't bother to hide it
  747. >Stallions throughout town grow resentful of Anon's sluttery
  748. >Anon keeps a list of the size, shape, and desirability of the clit of every mare in town
  749. >Writes it in his stupid writing system from back home
  750. >Twilight sneaks into his home one night and copies it
  751. >Spends a week deciphering stupid human writing system
  752.  
  753.  
  754.  
  755.  
  756. >anon cant speak horse
  757. >but can read pony body language fairly well
  758. >coupled with humanlike facial expressions and animalistic behaviors
  759. >they wag their tails when happy
  760. >ears fold back when theyre sad/annoyed
  761. >and theyre all so ADORABLE 
  762. >anon picks up and pet any pony that greets him
  763. >pony is flustered but dismisses it as alien colt whimsy 
  764. >other pones try to take advantage of anon's ignorance
  765. >but anon can see it coming
  766. >he just picks them up and pets them too
  767. >flustered pone cant continue or else her maresculity card would be revoked
  768.  
  769.  
  770.  
  771. >Anon, due to the way he arrived in Equestria, shows up naked as the day he was born
  772. >In a perfectly spherical indention in the ground and wall
  773. >Ponies don't understand his want for clothes
  774. >They take away any cloth because it'd be impolite to be so lewd in public, or in front of the princesses
  775. >He still thinks all these little ponies are adorable
  776. >He picks up and pets every single one that comes up to him
  777. >Even the princesses, who are surprisingly light compared to him
  778. >However, nopony can get him hard
  779. >After a while, a prize pot is established for whoever can
  780. >Luna and Celestia both made the pot quite large
  781. >No one can convince Anon that ponies are for sexual
  782.  
  783.  
  784.  
  785.  
  786.  
  787. >Get send to RGREquestria.
  788. >Inb4 REEEEE
  789. >Get transformed into a bad OC while you're at it. 
  790. >You are now Kagome in every teen girl's Inuyasha fanfic ever.
  791. >That is to say, you're loaded down with dumb powers and everyone the opposite gender wants to fuck you. 
  792. >Need to find a way back to your real body, and ASAP.
  793.  
  794.  
  795.  
  796.  
  797.  
  798. >Anon winds up in a different spot in each of the alternate timelines
  799. >Crystal War: he ends up a pin-up model because nopony will let him fight on the front lines
  800. >Gets put on trading cards included in MREs, along with a bunch of other stallions
  801. >Nightmare Moon's Victory: Nightmare Moon makes him learn to love her
  802. >Twilight nearly goes nuclear when he sees him laying on her throne like a babe in Conan
  803. >Changeling Victory: Teaches the ponies to go Far Cry on Chrysalis' ass
  804. >only has loincloth for clothes
  805. >Tribe shares him between themselves
  806. >Twilight stays a little too long when they invite her to spend some time with him
  807.  
  808. >Back in the primary timeline
  809. >Twilight documents her encounter in incredible detail
  810. >Creates anatomy drawings and notes
  811. >Passes them around her friends
  812. >Anon wonders why Twilight and co are acting all weird now
  813.  
  814.  
  815.  
  816.  
  817. >After seeing how much trouble that the mane six get into, Anon decides that he want to settle with a more normal mare.
  818. >While not an unfit slouch, adventure just isn't his thing.
  819. >Hell, being a house husband sounds NICE.
  820. >The six are baffled that this exotic and surprisingly pleasant male keeps rebuffing their attempts to deepen their relationship beyond "Acquaintances"
  821. >it goes against all they know.
  822.  
  823.  
  824.  
  825.  
  826.  
  827. Anonymous, having acquired what passes for a computer and an internet connection, is pleasantly surprised to stumble across Equestria's version of 4chan.
  828.  
  829. After lurking for a while (because only faggots don't know the value of lurking moar,) he decides to do what he's best at - trolling and shitposting, not to mention tripfagging where appropriate to rile up the plebs.
  830.  
  831. He winds up inadvertently bonding with Princess Luna, who also happens to shitpost, troll, and tripfag - albeit under an assumed name. It's not proper decorum for royalty to be seen doing such things, after all.
  832.  
  833. That bonding eventually turns to dating, and nobody seems to be smart enough to draw the obvious parallel between the two most notorious shitposting tripfags suddenly being in a relationship and the latest hot gossip about the relationship between Princess Luna and Anonymous the human.
  834.  
  835. At least, not until Twilight Sparkle starts looking at the situation…
  836.  
  837.  
  838. "And judging by the speech patterns of both of them I have concluded that Anon and Princess Luna are the notorious internet trolls Toohueforu and FatCelestia"
  839. >You finish presenting your findings to Celestia
  840. >She doesnt seem happy about the results
  841. >In fact she as just sat there mumbling since you finished
  842. >"FatCelestia? Really Luna thats so petty! Well see how she likes it when the tables are turned!"
  843. >Celestia finally locks eyes with you again
  844. >"Oh Twilight how versed are you on shitposting?"
  845. "I studdied over 200 years worth of historical shitposting when preparing this so I could correctly classify ea-"
  846. >"Perfect!" Celestia announces cutting you off
  847. >"Tomorrow we shall get started!"
  848. >You look at her confused
  849. "Get started with what Princess?"
  850. >She gets a wide and evil looking smile on her face
  851. >"With my plan to drive those trolls off of ponychan Twilight!"
  852.  
  853.  
  854.  
  855.  
  856. >"Oh look, Anon's DVD collection!"
  857. >"Dirty... Hairy? Ooh, I didn't know he was into this! Let's see what colts schlick to..."
  858. two hours later
  859. >"That was not a porno. That was not a porno at all. B-but why am I so wet?"
  860.  
  861.  
  862.  
  863.  
  864. >Estrus is the only time that mares act like traditional females. 
  865. >Rainbow crawls into your lap, pushing your book away.
  866. >She looks up at you, her smiling face red and her eyes just a bit glassy.
  867. >Pawing at your chest, she mewls out that she wants a foal.
  868.  
  869.  
  870.  
  871.  
  872. >Herds are a common thing, but they're almost always a single tribe deal
  873.  
  874. >Pony standards of beauty for Earth Ponies are vastly different than from Pegasi or Unicorns.
  875. >Most Stallions are only sexually attracted to their own kind of pony
  876.  
  877. >Occasionally you'll find a stallion that bucks tradition and goes after 'exotic' mares
  878. >A Pegasus who prefers that Thicc Earth Pony booty over the more streamlined pegasus form for instance
  879. >But it's not very common
  880.  
  881. >Mix-and-match herds are rare, even if the mares would otherwise be fine with it or prefer it, because good luck getting a stallion to go along with that.
  882. >This has been a bit of a problem for ponies like Octavia and Vinyl, or Lyra and Bon Bon, who would love to find a stallion together, but a colt who wants both of them doesn't seem to exist.
  883.  
  884. >Enter Anon
  885.  
  886.  
  887.  
  888.  
  889. >Working class mare living paycheck to paycheck
  890. >Mare loses mane in industrial accident
  891. >Due to a variety of factors, like not giving a fuck, not being to afford a proper wig, and losing a bet to her friends while drunk, is wearing wooden liberty spikes
  892. >Looks really silly but she's tough enough that no one would mess with her anyway
  893. >In comes Anon
  894. >Sees pony seems to be wearing a gnarled spiky helmet and thinks its the most metal thing he's seen in Equestria so far
  895. >Walks up and starts talking to the mare, compliments her headwear
  896. >ConfusedAndFlusteredToughGirl.parchment
  897.  
  898.  
  899.  
  900.  
  901. >Anon is involved in a shipwreck.
  902. >He and his herd take control of the situation to rescue all the passengers.
  903. >Anon's lifeguard skills help him save stallions and little colts and fillies that've gotten separated from their herds.
  904. >Despite his mares' insistence, he refuses to abandon ship until he's the last man (pony) left
  905. >A sudden rupture in the hull causes the slowly sinking ship to quickly capsize
  906. >He's separated from his herd and presumed lost at sea
  907.  
  908. >A week after his funeral, his mourning herd gets a message
  909. >Anon is alive and well in the seapony kingdom!
  910. >But the seapony mares that rescued him have now claimed him as their stallion
  911. >Shoo shoo be doo RGRE
  912.  
  913. >If a mare gets together with a seapony stallion, she's lucky
  914. >If a stallion is in a relationship with a seapony, he's obviously been abducted and forced into it
  915.  
  916. >Anon never even had a herd- he just so happened to be on the same cruise with some asshole mares
  917.  
  918.  
  919.  
  920. >"Hey there good-lookin', how would you like to carry my brood?"
  921. >"Look at them sexy legs, unf. It makes my fins go all a-quiver!"
  922. >"Ugh, I can't see! Is he taking his shorts off yet?"
  923. >Sigh
  924. >It seems like no matter where you go you just can't escape this reversed gender role fuckery
  925. >All you wanted to do was go to the beach alone, without ANY mares, and RELAX
  926. >Maybe even catch a few rays. Maybe get a little tan
  927. >But no, soon after you arrived three weird looking fish-mares jumped up on a nearby rock and started catcalling you.
  928. >You try your best to ignore them and lay back on your beach towel letting the sun soak into your skin and closed your eyes
  929. >After a while the light behind your eyelids go dark, as if you were being covered by a big shadow
  930. >That didn't make any sense, there wasn't a cloud in the sky
  931. >You immediately open your eyes and immediately freeze up at what you see
  932. >A gigantic fishpone snuck up on you while you were sleeping
  933. >"Um, would you like to, um, go for a swim? With me. I'm not evil I promise."
  934. >Fucking seaponies
  935.  
  936.  
  937.  
  938.  
  939.  
  940.  
  941.  
  942.  
  943. >Celestia grows lazy, meaning Twilight is regularly selected for diplomatic missions
  944. >Anon has nothing better to do, and she wants some company, so she brings him along
  945. >Various meetings bring up all kinds of uncomfortable topics
  946. >Including constant offers to Twilight to marry far-away lands' princes
  947. >Twilight is excited at first, thinking she'll end up with a beautiful colt who is fair, does housework, and gives good head
  948. >As she journeys further and further however, discovers that the other races are frankly disgusting and her dream prince is nowhere to be found
  949. >Gets sick of it all eventually, but knows she can't give up her job
  950. >Eventually just decides to marry Anon, not out of love, but just for some peace of mind
  951. >Something something RGRE
  952.  
  953. >Anon can see through her bullshit.
  954. >Mostly because she openly admits why.
  955. >Can't decide between marrying a princess for political reasons or keeping himself pure for his future waifu.
  956.  
  957.  
  958. >Twi is honestly uncomfortable with the idea of marrying some male she barely knows.
  959. >It goes against her fairly chivalrous nature. 
  960. >But the pressure she's faces from other nations that want an easily moldable foothold in Equestria quickly becomes overwhelming. 
  961. >Before Twilight breaks under the constant offers, Anon swoops in and pretends to be her lover, one so devoted and perfect that none of the arranged husbands could compete.
  962. >To be sure his friend is out of trouble, Anon even does some demeaning things expected of males to complete his image, though not without teeth-gritting reluctance. 
  963. >The flood of marriage contracts stops cold.
  964. >Twilight is beyond grateful for the peace, and now has Anon at her side whenever possible.
  965. >Somewhere down the line, however, the acting between the two starts to become real.
  966.  
  967. Well, do you think we'll be able to get along for the rest of our lives?
  968. >"If you'd stop making fun of my plot, sure."
  969. >Twilight stops at the table, and smiles at you
  970. >"I was more worried you would find all of my... hobbies... weird."
  971. Everyone's got their own strange 'hobby', Twi. I'm no different.
  972. >You kneel down in front of her
  973. Besides, we don't have to spend that much time together if you don't want to. We're only pretending to love each other.
  974. >Twilight gives you a hug suddenly, catching you off-balance and you kind of fall into her
  975. >"It's okay Anon, you've become one of my closest friends since our adventures together started. We'll get along just fine."
  976. >She's hugging you a bit too tight.
  977. Don't choke me, Twiggles.
  978. >"I'm just pretending to hug you!" she giggles.
  979. Well, I ain't pretending to like i-
  980. >Soft, warm, wetness presses against your lips
  981. Twi?
  982. >"Just a pretend kiss."
  983. >...
  984. >The fuck is she going on about?
  985. >You stand up, holding the small alicorn in front of you
  986. >She wants to play that game, huh?
  987. >"Oof!" her leg twitches and her hug intensifies while you firmly grasp her booty.
  988. Don't worry, that's a pretend grope.
  989. >"Haha! Pretend..."
  990. >Your head yanks forward into hers again, and this time she slips her tongue into your mouth, then letting go with a pop
  991. Nngh... heh... pretending to make out, right?
  992. >"Haha! Just pretending!"
  993. >The two of you don't stop laughing while you take your pants off
  994. >Twilight grunts as you slam her onto the table, before laughing again
  995. >"Hahaha! I guess we have to pretend to fuck to, right?"
  996. Yep, just pretending!
  997. >You spend the next hour roughly pretending to fuck her on the table, knocking over every plate, utensil, and glass off while she pretended to moan very loudly
  998. >After you pretend to cum inside her, the two of you make your way to her bedroom, where you pretend-cuddle and then pretend to fall asleep together.
  999. >What a legendary prank. You should tell Pinkie.
  1000.  
  1001. >You will never be dragged along with a friend while she visits her family for a few weeks in another city
  1002. >You will never be convinced to pretend to be in a relationship with her to get friends/family off her back
  1003. >You will never put on a big, fake smile and tell an equally false story about how the two of you met
  1004. >You will never go to a nice restaurant for dinner
  1005. >You will never start to feel a bit more relaxed around her family
  1006. >You will never keep the charade up as the days go by
  1007. >You will never sit close to her and enjoy the warmth coming off of her body
  1008. >You will never hold hands in public to keep up the illusion
  1009. >You will never go star-gazing some nights just in case a suspicious relative is watching when you least expect it
  1010. >You will never convince one another (without very much effort involved) that you should share a bed because that's what couples do
  1011. >You will never cuddle under the covers
  1012. >You will never wake up to the sight of your friend's face
  1013. >You will never give each other sleepy smiles
  1014. >You will never eventually go home together
  1015. >You will never realize that her family will continue to ask about your relationship and where it's going
  1016. >You will never decide to keep up the facade of courtship so that the "made up" stories are easier to come up with
  1017. >You will never be this happy
  1018.  
  1019.  
  1020.  
  1021.  
  1022.  
  1023.  
  1024.  
  1025.  
  1026. >Fem Sentry the husbando snatcher.
  1027. >Swoops down and snags you in the middle of town before carrying you away.
  1028. >The REEEEEE of the handful of mares wanting you is audioable for miles. 
  1029. >Life afterward is okay. Despite being a bit of a douche, Fem Sentry's subtle bragging about having the tightest pussy in town is true and she plays guitar.
  1030.  
  1031.  
  1032.  
  1033.  
  1034.  
  1035. >Anon desperate for cash starts looking through his stuff to do for money.
  1036. >Equestria is at a modern level of tech, so most of Anon's books are useless.
  1037. >Except for his monster-girl encyclopedia.
  1038. >Gets the idea to instead make a monster-stallion encyclopedia instead.
  1039. >Starts making a shitload of cash.
  1040. >NEET mares start buying the books in droves.
  1041. >Stallions complain about it.
  1042. >Then a wizard pone tries to make monster husbando real.
  1043. >Shit goes horribly wrong quick has mares are being raped on the streets and stallions are being monsterized.
  1044.  
  1045.  
  1046.  
  1047.  
  1048. "I look like a fucking idiot."
  1049. >"No, you look great!"
  1050. >When you first heard about "underwater breathing device", you thought it was some kind of protection amulet that puts a layer of air around you
  1051. >You were entirely wrong
  1052. "How is having my entire head submerged in a big soap bubble 'great'?"
  1053. >"Well, you can come over to my place now!"
  1054. "And what if this thing pops?"
  1055. >"Nonsense! It's pointy-proof!"
  1056. >To prove her point, sharkwaifu blows a smaller bubble and puts it between her teeth
  1057. >She bites down, and the bubble doesn't pop, instead it just reshapes itself like a squeaky toy
  1058. >You sigh, knowing that there's no way of talking yourself out of this
  1059.  
  1060. >Anon and Bitey visit Ponyville and Twiggles
  1061. >Celestia decides that the Princess of Friendship should try to re-establish relations with the sharkponies
  1062. >She scares off all the stallions because of her teeth
  1063. >Which are all visible almost all the time because she can't contain how happy she is to be exploring the land kingdoms
  1064. >Ponies in general get uncomfortable because the both of them have predator teeth and eat meat
  1065. >Anon has to stop every half-hour or so to spray her down with a squirt bottle full of water and rub it in all over her slick body
  1066. >Twilight stops mid-lecture when he casually pulls it out and starts wetting her down
  1067. >Bitey complains about a tooth bothering her
  1068. >Anon casually reaches into her maw and yanks it out of her face
  1069. >She thanks him
  1070. >Twilight nearly faints and makes an excuse to take a break
  1071. >Anon and Bitey go to the local restaurant that serves fish and, just for fun, eat it like a couple animals
  1072. >Tearing into it with their whole faces, ripping it off the bone and the plate, flinging bits of fish everywhere
  1073. >Both stay in the palace pool room
  1074. >Fuck in Twi's pool for shits and giggles
  1075.  
  1076. >Anon meets a sharkpone at their new embassy in Canterlot while there on a trip with Twilight, who is crushing on him hard
  1077. >He wanders into their embassy, thinking it's an aquarium
  1078. >Winds up trading stories with one of the shark ponies in the huge pool
  1079. >She convinces him to go for a swim with her, thinking he'll make for a good chase for a while
  1080. >He strips down to his boxers and makes her fins go stiff
  1081. >He asks if sharkpones have the same features as sharks back home, like sandpaper skin, weird sensory organs in their snouts, and easily-replaced teeth
  1082. >She lets him rub his wigglers on her skin
  1083. >Oh they feel good against her slick skin
  1084. >Convinces him to inspect her snout
  1085. >She can smell and sense all sorts of things about him
  1086. >It's getting better
  1087. >Offers to let him pull out a tooth
  1088. >It's hard for him to get a good grip, so he wraps one arm around her and holds her close against his chest, then uses the other to yank it out
  1089. >It's too much for her, she passes out
  1090. >Anon accidentally causes an international incident
  1091. >The sharkpones agree to forgive him if he stays to make it up to them
  1092. >JustAsPlanned.shark
  1093.  
  1094.  
  1095.  
  1096.  
  1097.  
  1098. >Anon arrives in Equestria a good 15-ish years after the show
  1099. >Pops into existence in the tundra around the Crystal Empire, and so he just chills in the castle and agrees to questioning in exchange for room and board
  1100. >Flurry Heart crushes on him hard
  1101. >She's extremely embarrassed about her enormous wing-boners that her well-above-average sized wings give her
  1102. >Anon, meanwhile, still hasn't picked up on what the extended wings mean
  1103. >He just thinks it means she's happy to see him
  1104.  
  1105. >Be Flurryheart
  1106. >You were having tea with the alien creature, Anonymous.
  1107. >Your titled teacup did little to obscure your peeking as you sipped and locked your eyes on the flesh between his slightly parted shirt buttons.
  1108. >The Crystal Empire was no stranger to steamy summers, and Anon had taken it upon himself to loosen his garb, despite you sitting with him.
  1109. >Sundammit, he trusted you and here you were, tracing the soft curve of his inner chest with your eyes.
  1110. >He deserved a gentlemare and yet...
  1111. >It would be so nice... to lay your cheek down and press against him.
  1112. >Your stupid, big-ass wings twitched at your sides, rising slowly.
  1113. >You coughed, nearly spitting out your tea and clacked it down on it's saucer.
  1114. >Anon turned to you with a look of concern and you gave him a pained smile.
  1115. >His innocent stare only made your wings harder to restrain, and a shiver ran through you as he leaned over to get a better look at your face.
  1116. >Don't look down shirt, don't look down his shir—FUUU, you looked down his shirt!
  1117. >A hot blush flooded your face and you opened your mouth to apologize, but he merely titled his head and put the back of his palm against your forehead.
  1118. >"Are you okay, Flurry? You seem a little feverish."
  1119. >He got even closer, his face inches from yours.
  1120. >You could smell the fresh scent of his shampoo, and the faint orange flavor of the tea on his lips.
  1121. >You found yourself leaning closer, eyes locked into his slightly parted mouth.
  1122. >Would a little peck hurt?
  1123. >He suddenly turned to your wings and you felt your skin turn cold.
  1124. >Oh Lunas stars above, he was going to call you out this time, you know it!
  1125. >No colt could not know what it meant, not after this long.
  1126. >"Oh, Flurry, your poor wings looks horribly tense again. I've been thinking about that. I want to try to give you a wing massage. Maybe that'll help?"
  1127. >The heat in your face doubled and you suppressed a squeal.
  1128. >He just... right to your face... with the cutest most innocent smile you've ever seen.
  1129.  
  1130.  
  1131.  
  1132.  
  1133.  
  1134.  
  1135. yes, i'm surprised that anon doesn't see more interaction with other stallions in ponyville or canterlot. it's not like they don't exist, and most stallions would be at least trying to hang out with him, either because he looks good to ponies so they look better for hanging out with him, or he looks like an uggo to ponies, so they look way better by comparison.
  1136. they'd either be hot by association or by comparison, either way they win. not to mention there's all sorts of opportunities for stallions to take Anon under their leg or wing to show him the ropes and play matchmaker with him, since that's something that women do here (especially if they think they're good at it, they want to feel good about themselves, try to eliminate a thirsty mare from the dating pool, or they're taking pity on a mare that no other stallion would date)
  1137.  
  1138.  
  1139.  
  1140.  
  1141.  
  1142.  
  1143. > Be Prince Anon, of Labyrinthia
  1144. > Technically, you were adopted by the Royal Architect, but she is high enough in station that if she had a kid, they would be a prince or a princess
  1145. > However, the poor old girl is barren, and turned to interdimensional adoption
  1146. > The ritual grabs an unwanted person younger than the ritualist, and warps them to the plane
  1147. > It wasn't fun, finding out that particular aspect of the ritual, but you can't really argue with it
  1148. > Stone Hinge isn't so bad, as adoptive mothers go
  1149. > The food is good, the labyrinth is fascinating, and she thought it was cute how you tended to stare at her impossibly large tits
  1150. > There are drawbacks, though
  1151. > She loves to teach you, but she never seems to think you are capable of independent action
  1152. > Admittedly, at least two thirds of the tauresses on the street could simply pick you up and carry you away, but it still kind of irked you to be stuck in a tower like some sheltered maiden or whatever
  1153. > And then, most of the time that you are outside of the house, you are at court
  1154. > While the parents are talking about matters of state, the youngsters like you usually walk in the gardens, or chat in tea rooms
  1155. > Despite your many lessons, you don't quite fit in here
  1156. > You suck at poetry, dance, and flower arrangement
  1157. > The other guys get scared off by your "uncouth" speech and "wild" personality
  1158. > The girls, sensing weakness, try to tie you up in word games, so that you'll agree to suck their clit or something
  1159. > More than a few have suggested a midnight rendezvous, for more intimate discussion
  1160. > You'd gladly take them up on the matter, their boobs are amazing, but Minos have a pretty good sense of smell
  1161. > The first tauress you bedded would lay claim to you the next day, and snap you up in a forced marriage
  1162. > For the time being, you content yourself with mutual groping and ass grabs
  1163.  
  1164.  
  1165.  
  1166.  
  1167.  
  1168. >”It’s just not natural I tell yah!”
  1169. “Applejack calm down.”
  1170. >”Twilight I ain’t havin’ it.”
  1171. >Your wings rose up to your temples and began moving in a circular soothing motion.
  1172. “Remember when we had our little misunderstanding about Zecora? Maybe we should just be-“
  1173. >”That was different and you know it Twi, first it’s Anon, next thing yah know and all the colts will get stolen by those- those”
  1174. >Applejack was a good pony, but sometimes she had this bad habit of being a little…
  1175. >”Dang Ziggers!”
  1176. >Racist
  1177.  
  1178. Meanwhile at Sugarcube Corner
  1179. “I told you these cupcakes were great.”
  1180. >The zebrican princess only smiled as she engulfed another cupcake.
  1181. >Being the newly appointed ambassador to Zebrica was by far the best job you could’ve hoped for.
  1182. >Good pay, a great dental plan, and all the zebra princess pussy you could want.
  1183.  
  1184.  
  1185.  
  1186.  
  1187.  
  1188. >You are Anonymous
  1189. >You have been in the harem of Sultana Rahima for two years.
  1190. >You are one of her favourites, an Ikbal, the highest rank that can be attained before becoming one of her husbands.
  1191. >To climb higher, one had to give the Sultana a foal. Something very unlikely to happen, in your case.
  1192. >Despite many attempts, your seed would not take. Humans and ponies cannot breed.
  1193. >Not entirely unsurprising but you are still saddened by it. You love her and would happily give her foals if you could.
  1194. >But apparently it is not to be.
  1195. >The other harem members were quick to notice and just as quick to mock you for it.
  1196. >As long as Rahima wasn't present, of course.
  1197. >One of the husbands, Faizan, was especially infuriating.
  1198. >He'd walk past you when you were practicing your dancing or reading in the palace gardens, his five children in tow.
  1199. >When they passed you, he'd look at you with a smug, gloating expression on his face.
  1200. >Look at what I've made. You will never have this.
  1201. >Bastard.
  1202. >You take some small comfort in the fact that any love between him and the Sultana appears to have cooled.
  1203. >She did not give him any truly extravagant gifts on his birthday like she usually does with her husbands, only a modest sum of bits, and her attitude towards him that day was formal and stiff.
  1204. >You wonder if Rahima even slept with him that day. Hopefully not.
  1205. >Taking a deep breath, you calm yourself. Today is not a day to be angry.
  1206. >Rahima is coming home today. 
  1207. >Her campaign against the zebra tribes in the south has been long but is now finally over.
  1208. >The husbands will be the first to greet her, and after them the Ikbals.
  1209. >You want to look your best for her.
  1210. >You take another look at yourself in the mirror, making sure you haven't missed anything.
  1211. >Your golden necklace and earrings, your bracelets, your robes...
  1212. >Yes, everything seems to be in order.
  1213. >Smiling, you turn away, leave the room and start making your way to the courtroom to await your beloved Sultana.
  1214.  
  1215.  
  1216.  
  1217.  
  1218.  
  1219. >Anon is in an abusive relationship by pony standards
  1220. >No goodnight kisses
  1221. >Only 15 minutes of good-morning cuddling
  1222. >Whenever she makes cookies she gives Anon all the burnt ones
  1223. >Anon's mare friend finds out about this and whiteknights him super hard
  1224.  
  1225.  
  1226.  
  1227.  
  1228.  
  1229. >Your marefriend Spitfire brings you home with her.
  1230. >Her widow mom unashamedly hits on you.
  1231. >Sptifire is embarrassed, but doesn't stop it. 
  1232. >Remember that you saw one smaller herd in Ponyville where a mare and her mother were both in it.
  1233. >Wait...
  1234. >Oh shit.
  1235.  
  1236. >Your Superior Human Predatory Hearing allows you to hear their whispers
  1237. >"Moooom, I called first dibs, ok?"
  1238. >"You're right, dear, lemme know how he is in the sack!"
  1239. >"Mom! Wait until he's not here to ask that, ok?"
  1240.  
  1241.  
  1242.  
  1243.  
  1244. >Cadence adopts Anon because weird horse things.
  1245. >Maybe he needed parent's permission to enroll in magic school or something
  1246. >He is now invited to all the family events
  1247. >Enduring the joked about the situation is a small price to pay for VAST COSMIC POWER
  1248. >Zap zap zap motherfucker.
  1249.  
  1250.  
  1251.  
  1252.  
  1253. >Take in mature, older mares down on their luck.
  1254. >Adventure across Equestria for the fountain of youth, because you know it's there somewhere.
  1255. >Give your experienced waifus a new lease on life.
  1256. >Get the best of both worlds with youthful, yet wizened mares.
  1257.  
  1258.  
  1259.  
  1260.  
  1261. >Move to Canterlot.
  1262. >Meet an older mare in the bar one night.
  1263. >With a bit of bonding over drinks, learn that she was kicked out of her house and family by her stallion after the nastiest of more than a few arguments.
  1264. >Shit man, that doesn't sit right with you.
  1265. >Offer your spare room to her free, much to her shock.
  1266. >Grow closer to her, as she does to you.
  1267. >Finally, you can't take it and admit you love her.
  1268. >She sadly turns you down, not wanting you to weighed down by a "sad mare well past her prime."
  1269. >Fuck that.
  1270. >Find a way to bring her back to her prime so she'll accept you and get a second chance at once. 
  1271. >Doesn't matter of that means blowing all your savings on a de-aging potion or punching out some ancient evil guarding the fountain of youth, you MUST have her.
  1272. >Return with your prize and give it to her.
  1273. >She's beyond stunned. No stallion would ever go so far for a mare. This is something out of a fantasy book.
  1274. >Tearfully, she accepts both the second chance and your affection.
  1275. >Young once more, you and her plan to elope and marry.
  1276. >But before you can do that, she wants to explain to her now adult children.
  1277. >That's cool.
  1278. >Get a sinking feeling when you and her take a train to Ponyville.
  1279. >Feeling gets worse when she heads right for the gaudy crystal castle in town.
  1280. >Well, now you know why the name "Twilight Velvet" was ringing so many bells.
  1281.  
  1282. >Anon purposefully says shit to Twilight like, "your mother and I think..." and "your mother and I want to talk to you..."
  1283. >Manages to keep a straight face when he starts to insist that Twilight call him "dad"
  1284. >In reality, Anon doesn't actually care what Twilight calls him
  1285. >He just thinks that the way the purple mare glares at him when he brings it up is hilarious
  1286.  
  1287. >Anon and TwilightVelvet show up with a daughter.
  1288. >The satyr girl already made it into celestia shcool for gifted unicorns.
  1289. >She's basically a less autistic version of twi with access to human ingenuity.
  1290. >She and flurryHearth get along like a house on fire 
  1291. >Candance finds her adorable.
  1292. >Twi is ecstatic as she gets to play the big sis role.
  1293. >Shining likes anon's bombass tea
  1294. >NightLight buttmad, Anon is nearing a smugness singularity
  1295.  
  1296.  
  1297.  
  1298.  
  1299. >Valentine's day in RGRE
  1300. >Anon expects something cutesy and innocent, like mares shyly handing out pre-made cards and cheap little chocolates like it's elementary school
  1301. >What he doesn't expect is an enormous fist fight (hoof fight?) in the middle of town, where the mares compete to see who is most worthy of courting Ponyville's stallions
  1302.  
  1303.  
  1304.  
  1305. >Everyone in Ponyville participate in school-like pre-made cards giving, with guessing who send cards to who, everything is serious
  1306. >Anon tried that for the first time
  1307. >It's chaos, everymare is trying to find who is his valentine and find which card is his
  1308. >So serious that Twi in head of analytic team trying to determine it by hoofwriting
  1309. >A regular chaotic day in rgre ponyville
  1310.  
  1311.  
  1312.  
  1313.  
  1314. >Fleur takes a trip to Ponyville for a photo-op with the mane 6
  1315. >Anon volunteers to escort her and give a tour of town
  1316. >Fleur thinks he was assigned to her as an "escort" and holds his hand in her hoof in public whenever she can
  1317.  
  1318.  
  1319.  
  1320.  
  1321. >Caramel kicks a mare out of his herd for something petty
  1322. >Expects her to be back the next day with flowers, gifts, and apologies like usual
  1323. >Instead she doesnt come back
  1324. >He gets worried after a few days and goes looking for her
  1325. >Finds out Anon snatched her up and has been pampering her
  1326. >She refuses to go back to Caramel and Anon tells him to hit the bricks
  1327. >Now that Anon has her Caramel wants his mare even more than ever
  1328.  
  1329. >secretly this is Anon's job
  1330. >mare gets kicked out of a herd
  1331. >the norm is for them to go back, practically begging to rejoin
  1332. >not anymore.stealyourwaifu
  1333. >mare's pay Anon to pretend they're a part of his herd now
  1334. >he pampers them to no end to get the stallion's to beg the mare's to come back
  1335. >this happens so often that Anon constantly has a sizeable herd so it isn't brought into question too often
  1336. >when it is Anon simply states how he's happy to let his mare's be happy with another stallion
  1337. >the stallion's are none the wiser
  1338.  
  1339.  
  1340.  
  1341.  
  1342.  
  1343.  
  1344. "Pinkie, you really need to cut down on the sweets."
  1345. >"B-but, ha~h, Anon, you know how much I like cupcakes!"
  1346. "Pinkie if you keep this up our foals will be diabetic in a month."
  1347. >"I just want my foals to like it, and I hoo~h know you like my diet."
  1348. "I'll like your taste no matter the diet, Pinkie. You know that. But I want our foals to be healthy, so something's gonna have to change."
  1349. >"Oh Nonny, I love it when the stallion takes charge. But -nnph!- Twilight says you don't have to induce for another three months!"
  1350. "I know what she said."
  1351.  
  1352.  
  1353.  
  1354.  
  1355.  
  1356. (Celestia)
  1357. >Anonymous please, you know I am sensitive about how big my teats are.
  1358.  
  1359. >"M-most stallions almost completely avoid them if we're not g-giving them a t-teatjob."
  1360. >"You're the first stallion I've met that actually likes to...to do that..."
  1361. >"So eager, Anon, I'll have to check with twilight and see if she has any spells to help me keep up with you."
  1362.  
  1363.  
  1364. >Celestia keeps her teats at lactating size.
  1365. >If you catch her at the right angle, you can see them shaking and jiggling between her legs.
  1366. >The truly lucky get to see one or two pure white drops drip off of them.
  1367. >Starts a new obsession with various noble stallions.
  1368. >Their mares try to mirror the princess with various degrees of success.
  1369.  
  1370. >She extends your life and youth with magic.
  1371. >And in return, you give her the large family that time has denied her.
  1372. >Before 100 years are out, the alicorn population is exploding if you count children growing and having alicorn foals of their own.
  1373. >Countless thousands of years later, you and Celestia are remembered as the father and mother of all modern ponies, who are all alicorns with human blood at this point.
  1374.  
  1375. >With nopony dying of old age due to magic, and the insatiable lust of alicorns, the population explodes
  1376. >Soon there are only two factions left: children of the sun and children of the moon
  1377. >Soon there is very little room left on this world
  1378. >Especially after your waifus and daughterus and their descendants rid the world of the lesser races
  1379. >You will never lead your planet-covering family in a quest for the stars
  1380. >You will never rule the galaxy from your seat at the heart of the galactic pony empire
  1381.  
  1382.  
  1383.  
  1384.  
  1385. >Celestia is the Princess of Fertility
  1386. >She displays all the signs of a good mother
  1387. >Wide hips, big teats, a healthy appetite
  1388. >However, she's lacking one thing
  1389. >Genitals
  1390. >While her body is that of the ideal mare, she's cursed by fate to never mother any foals of her own
  1391. >She contents herself with being the mother of her nation instead, with every mare and stallion considering her as close as their own parents
  1392. >It's her fate, and she accepts it
  1393. >Still, she wishes she could have something... More...
  1394. >Equestria could use a strong father figure, after all
  1395.  
  1396.  
  1397.  
  1398.  
  1399. Absolutely everything. When Anon discovers their vaginas in Discord's chaotic realm, his first instinct is to slip his fingers in and tickle their clits.
  1400. After centuries of nothing, the sudden stimulation causes Celestia to start screaming lewdly in the middle of court.
  1401. It causes Luna to accidentally fire off a destruction spell at a nearby maid. Thankfully, magic health insurance allows her limbs to be regrown.
  1402.  
  1403. im imagining him casually spraying them down with a showerhead or something while the princesses some hundreds of miles away are practically convulsing from the stimulation
  1404.  
  1405. >Anon and the Quest for Royal Pony Pussy
  1406. >Literally. He carries them both in a silk bag in his pack.
  1407.  
  1408. >Mash both pussies together.
  1409. >Far away, both Celestia and Luna's faces go nuclear red.
  1410. >They both know whats happening.
  1411.  
  1412.  
  1413.  
  1414.  
  1415.  
  1416. >She breeds with you and claims it's just a Germoneigh eugenics experiment in public. 
  1417. >Also says her affection is just to keep a constant variable for the experiment.
  1418. >Often catches shit for saying such callus things about a male.
  1419. >Really, Aryanne fell hard for you but didn't want to admit something contrary to her lifelong beliefs.
  1420. >She loves you enough to die in your place should something happen. 
  1421. >Germoneigh still gets a copy of the notes she idly takes through pregnancy and motherhood, however.
  1422.  
  1423. >"Unh, ah, Ahnon, ja, f-fill me wiz your filzy subequine seed! Breed me like ze animal you are! M-make me a race traitor and knock me up wiz your human semen!"
  1424.  
  1425. >Anon winds up in RGRE Germaney.
  1426. >Ends up becoming a secretary for Aryanne.
  1427. >Has to constantly deal with her aggressive flirting and attempts to get in his pants.
  1428.  
  1429.  
  1430. >Field Report #788
  1431. >Foal #3 has been born without any health issues while being 15% larger than the average foal, just like his sisters before him. Doctors noted high amounts of brain activity in utero which jumped after birth. This is again consistent with my other two foals and most likely caused by their human dual heritage. My human mate is once again thrilled to have another healthy child. Just like the last two times, his mare-like attitude has softened into a more tender and nurturing one in the presence of the newborn. 
  1432. >The newborn is much more active than the average foal. Squirming, vocalizations, and short periods of open eyes marking a consistent average with my last two children. My mate has taken to holding the foal and playing with him when ever possible. The newborn responds well to the stimulation. 
  1433. >I am, as per usual, feeling large amounts of maternal love and find myself proud of producing such a healthy and lively child, as any normal mother would. This is consistent with my last two pregnancies and births. Lactation and feeding proceeding as normal, though my mate noticed my less than optimal milk production. He remedied this by preparing me oat and nut treats with fatty acid and Omega 3 supplements added. After only a days worth of consumption, my milk production jumped back to ideal levels, letting the foal have his fill. Leftover milk has been stored cold for later use.
  1434. >I still find my unfading love for my mate as powerful as day one. I noted in previous reports his distinct hardiness and general agreeably as being rather attractive, and I still stand by that. As he matures as a father, however, he as shown an increase in tender moments with both myself and our children. I personally enjoy it.
  1435. >I recommend finding a way to the human world of Earth due to the abundant supply of males my mate has talked about. Many Germane mares would appreciate the superior companionship and (albet not pure) potent breeding stock they provide.
  1436.  
  1437.  
  1438. >Sniper Anon in Nazi Equestria
  1439. >Elite commando operative sniper soldier fell into a pit of radioactive Jews while on assignment in Germany.
  1440. >Was transported to this strange new world.
  1441. >Much is different, yet so much remains the same.
  1442. >This world seemingly has no or few other humans.
  1443. >There are still Nazis.
  1444. >They just happen to be cute pony people.
  1445. >With magic.
  1446. >He still has his raifu.
  1447. >He still has a mission:
  1448. >To shoot Nazis.
  1449. >In the balls.
  1450. >This is made slightly more difficult due to many of these Nazi ponies being mares.
  1451. >That's not going to stop him though.
  1452. >He'll just have to shoot them in the lady-balls.
  1453.  
  1454.  
  1455.  
  1456.  
  1457.  
  1458.  
  1459.  
  1460. >Violent sex involves ponies tugging on his shirts and pants
  1461. >Trying to tackle him
  1462. >Ponies ride his dick twice as long as they would a regular stallion
  1463. >It takes about 30 minutes of a train being run on Anonymous in the town square before he's completely done
  1464.  
  1465.  
  1466.  
  1467.  
  1468.  
  1469. >Anon had been told that Equestria was RGR
  1470. >But he hadn't really internalized it
  1471. >It was just cute poners acting funny to him for the most part
  1472.  
  1473. >Then Hearts and Hooves Day came around
  1474. >It was Valentines Day in disguise, and he saw it as such.
  1475. >He knew it could be a very lonely holiday for the romantically unfortunate
  1476. >He'd spent far too many of them by himself
  1477.  
  1478. >But he hadn't quite realized just how many ponies in town had that problem.
  1479. >A few stallions, but mostly mares.
  1480. >A lot of mares.
  1481.  
  1482. >Sad poners are his kryptonite
  1483.  
  1484. >He ends up talking to Pinkie while she takes a breather from baking up a storm
  1485. >Mentions he wishes he could help somehow, but there's only one of him, and half a town worth of lonely mares.
  1486. >He couldn't give each of them a good long hug before sundown even he tried
  1487.  
  1488. >But Ponk has an idea
  1489. >A wonderful, awful idea
  1490. >About a cave and a pool...
  1491.  
  1492.  
  1493.  
  1494.  
  1495.  
  1496. >Mares show off their abilities to their highest extend in order to attract mates
  1497. >Once a mate is attracted and estrus begins, they quickly settle down and get a feel for each other with plenty of rutting
  1498. >If the stallion submits, the mare immediately begins preparations for marriage and in the meantime more rutting ensues
  1499. >Equestrian families typically have many foals. These are often separated into two categories: smaller families and larger ones
  1500. >Both still involve plenty of rutting
  1501. >Smaller families stay in the same community for most of their lives 
  1502. >Larger families either split up (Eldest children leaving, parents staying, sometimes vice versa) or as a whole will move in search of new lands, these first camps are known as "herds" and later develop into villages and then towns as nomads, friends, and sometimes small, separate families move into the communities 
  1503. >Ponyville started out this same way and is mostly populated by single mares, preyed-upon colts, and small families
  1504.  
  1505.  
  1506.  
  1507.  
  1508.  
  1509. > "Anon, darling, we need to talk."
  1510. > Never a good sign
  1511. "What about?"
  1512. > Rarity chews on her lip
  1513. > "The doctor says Twilight is going to have twins, and she already has two foals from you. Something must be done!"
  1514. > You sigh
  1515. > To be honest, when you heard about the whole herd thing, you had thought it was all about threesomes and moresomes with all the mares you could handle
  1516. > The reality is rather different
  1517. > Applejack works for most of the day, and still has to take care of her family
  1518. > And then there's the weird rivalry going on between Twilight and Rarity
  1519. > Twilight has been rather smug about being so fertile, and giving you strong foals
  1520. > Meanwhile, Rarity only has had one foal from you, which she spoils relentlessly
  1521. > And now she is talking about foals again, even though she is already pregnant
  1522. "What do you want me to do? It's not like I can get you doubly pregnant."
  1523. > Rarity smiles a little at that
  1524. > "Of course not, you silly man. But Twilight needs to be matched, or else she will be utterly insufferable. What I want you to do, is take my assistant to bed. Any foals by her will count on my side."
  1525. > You rub your face tiredly
  1526. "Your solution to Twilight being smug is not having me talk to her, but to bring yet another mare into the picture, so complicate matters further. Is that right?"
  1527. > She rolls her eyes
  1528. > "Please, countless mares have done the same thing. Normally I would hesitate to escalate matters this way, but Twilight's only assistant is Spike, and he can't give you foals."
  1529.  
  1530.  
  1531. >Bring in Rainbow.
  1532. >She has triplets from the get-go.
  1533. >If Rarity thought Twilight's smug was bad, then the sheer oversmug Rainbow has for pushing 3 foals out of her petite self is unreal
  1534.  
  1535. >Rainbow lies there, breathing slowly but harshly, near comatose from the intense 30 hour labor.
  1536. >Thankfully there'd been no health complications, but as a first time mother having triplets, both pregnancy and birth had been beyond grueling.
  1537. >She licks her chapped lips.
  1538. >"Rarity. Twilight. Come here. Please."
  1539. >You know pony hearing is good, but you imagine even they barely heard her whisper.
  1540. >They both shuffle closer, also ragged from seeing their dear friend undergo this ordeal. You don't think either had slept more than three hours.
  1541. >"How are you doing Rainbow Dash?"
  1542. >"Can I get you anything darling?"
  1543. >You smile to yourself. You know that even at their worst in this strange inter-herd pecking order rivalry, friendship ran deep and strong beneath it.
  1544. >Rainbow is looking past them to a nurse that's just entered, three foals on her back.
  1545. >With practiced ease, one foal is deposited at each teat, the extra into her arms.
  1546. >Rainbow licks her lips again, and stares at Twilight and Rarity, her magenta eyes seeming to spark back to life.
  1547. >A circling hoof takes in the three polychrome babies.
  1548. >"I made these."
  1549.  
  1550. >An hour later you're sitting in the waiting room, rubbing your face, trying to figure out how to explain in your friendship report to Celestia that your entire herd, including the actual Princess of Friendship, was now banned from Ponyville Horsepital for any non-medical reason, and had a warning from the ponice for raucous behavior and disorderly conduct.
  1551.  
  1552. > Be Applejack, coming home from a long day at the orchards
  1553. > The Apple family is doing well, you even had a chance to do some baking for your husband
  1554. > A nice warm apple pie for your sweetie pie
  1555. > You blush a little at the thought
  1556. > As you walk into Anon's house, you hear the foals giggling in the backyard, playing with their pa
  1557. > You smile fondly, setting the pie down on the table
  1558. > Twilight stumbles down the stairs, looking run down and tired
  1559. "Books ambush you again?"
  1560. > She shakes her head
  1561. > "Pulled an all-nighter writing up a report on astral transference for Celestia."
  1562. > Twilight sniffs, her ears pricking forward
  1563. > "That smells delicious, what's the occasion?"
  1564. > You smile at the compliment
  1565. "No occasion, just thought Anon might appreciate it."
  1566. > Twilight makes a little whining noise in the back of her throat
  1567. > "He wouldn't miss a slice, right?"
  1568. > You frown
  1569. "This is between me and him, Twi. I don't get much time with him, so I gotta make it count."
  1570. > Twilight considers this
  1571. > She draws a little circle with her forehoof, acting coy
  1572. > "I believe tonight is my turn sleeping with him, right?"
  1573. > You nod grimly
  1574. "Which is why I have to-"
  1575. > "I'll trade it for the pie."
  1576. > ...
  1577. "Done. Pleasure doing business with you, Mrs. Sparklemous."
  1578.  
  1579.  
  1580.  
  1581.  
  1582.  
  1583.  
  1584. >Male prostitution runs rampant throughout Equestria
  1585. >Especially in Canterlot
  1586. >When Anon first came to Equestria, prostitution was basically the only job available to him
  1587. >His best customer was a socially inept people unicorn, but she seemed to just quit coming to him for whatever reason
  1588. >A few years later, he moves to Ponyville to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city
  1589. >After meeting five of the mane six, they take him to meet Twiggles
  1590. >He remembers her
  1591. >He recounts his and her history, not realizing that most ponies take a hard line against stallion exploitation, and that he's jeopardizing her reputation and friendships
  1592.  
  1593.  
  1594.  
  1595.  
  1596. >You are Twilight, and you're here to greet the newest resident of Ponyville.
  1597. >You normally wouldn't do this (working as a librarian and having no real legal position of power), but Pinkie insisted that you attend the new pony's "Welcome to Ponyville" party.
  1598. >"Twilight?"
  1599. >Oh! It seems that he found you before you found him!
  1600. >You turn around and give him a big smile.
  1601. >...or rather, you give his crotch a big smile.
  1602. >Mare oh mare, he's tall.
  1603. >You look up... waaaaay up....
  1604. >...aaand...
  1605. >...and it's the hooker you used to call up all the time.
  1606. >Buck.
  1607. >He gives you a big smile and crouches down to scratch behind your ears, just the way you like.
  1608. >"Long time no see, Twi."
  1609. >Oh, fantastic. He remembers you.
  1610. >Double buck.
  1611. >>"You two know each other?"
  1612. >Rarity trots over to you, ears perking up at the prospect of new gossip.
  1613. >"Oh yeah," says Anon, cheerfully running his fingers through your mane, "We saw each other all the time in Canterlot."
  1614. >>"Do tell, darling."
  1615.  
  1616. >"Actually, Rarity, I'm here on retainer from Princess Luna to help all of you out here. She thought you girls could use some 'help' from time to time and get rid of any tensions that might arise from your duties as the Elements of Harmony."
  1617. >What.
  1618. >Just how old-fashioned does Luna want to go with this?
  1619. "Anon, could I speak to you for a moment in private? Behind the building, perhaps?"
  1620.  
  1621.  
  1622.  
  1623.  
  1624. >Your mouth is dry and your heart is racing
  1625. >They cant find out!
  1626. >It could end your friendships!
  1627. >You open your mouth to respond but no sound comes out
  1628. >"Oh I used to do all sorts of work for her back in Canterlot."
  1629. >Wait what?
  1630. >"She had many positions that I had to fill over the..."
  1631. >He scratches his chin
  1632. >that gloriously carved chin
  1633. >"Three years was it?"
  1634. >It takes you a moment to realize that he was speaking to you
  1635. "Uhh yeah three years."
  1636. >He nods
  1637. >"Yep three years of filling in and hard labor while she was working for Celestia."
  1638. >Reaching over he scratches that one spot on your muzzle that just turns your bones to jelly
  1639. >"Then one day she was just gone. POOF! I asked around but no one knew what happened to her."
  1640. "S-sorry about that."
  1641. >He gives you that toothy smile
  1642. >"Its alright purplespark you can make it up to me by helping me find a job. Maybe I can even work for you!"
  1643. >He picks you up and wraps you in a hug
  1644. >Ever so quietly he whispers in your ear
  1645. >"That is unless you want these kind ponies to hear about all the things you made me do on Princess Celestia's dime."
  1646. >He pulls back and sets you down
  1647. >"So what do you say Twilight? Do you know of any holes I can fill?"
  1648.  
  1649. >You stare at him in terror
  1650. >He had you by the teats and he was ready to twist them and you know he is good at it by experience
  1651. >His sinister sexy smirk tells you that he knew you were bucked
  1652. "Sure thing Anon. Come by the castle and I will get you set up."
  1653. >"Aww that's so nice of you Twily."
  1654. >You flinch at your childhood nickname and the embarrassing memories of role played sex involving it
  1655. >"So Anon you must tell me ALL that you know about the current trends in Canterlot!"
  1656. >Rarity, perhaps sensing your discomfort, grabbed the conversation by the reins
  1657. >You take the opportunity to escape for a drink
  1658. >Ducking under the punch table you begin to hyperventilate at the damage Anon could do
  1659. >Why did you have to be such a lusty teen?
  1660. >Why couldnt that part of your past stay in Canterlot where no one cares
  1661. >"This might help Twlight."
  1662. >Pinkie hands you a paper bag
  1663. "Thanks Pinkie."
  1664. >You start breathing into it until your mind catches up with what just happened
  1665. >You almost inhale the bag as realize Pinkie is under the table with you
  1666. "P-pinkie what are you doing under here!?"
  1667. >"Just helping silly. You looked like you were panicking out there. When you slipped away I knew you might need cheering up."
  1668. >Oh Pinkie if only you knew
  1669. "Its OK Pinkie Im fine. You can go back to the party if you want. Thanks for the paper bag by the way."
  1670. >She smiles at you
  1671. >"MmmmmmmmmmmmNOPE! Why is it that Anon freaks you out Twilight? Is he an assassin sent to kill you? Is he an old magic school rival? OHOHOH MAYBE HE IS YOUR OLD CRUSH!?"
  1672. "N-no Pinkie dont be ridiculous. Its just...complicated."
  1673. >She stares at you inquisitively for a few seconds before she shrugs
  1674. >"Okie Dokie Loki! If you need anything just come tell me! Iamalsogoodathidingbodies!"
  1675. "Thanks Pinkie fo-...what was that last part?"
  1676. >"Nothinggottagobye!"
  1677. >And with that she leaves you under the table
  1678. >Somehow feeling better
  1679.  
  1680.  
  1681. >Cadence was never Twilight's foalsitter in RGRE.
  1682. >This time around, her foalsitter is a teenaged Anon.
  1683. >Since she lives away from her parents in the castle, and most of her time with Celestia is dedicated to learning rather than leisure, that leaves Anon as her primary parental influence. 
  1684. >Thus, Twilight carried more than a few human mannerisms and a few ways of thinking into adulthood.
  1685. >The result is a radically different Twilight. Sometimes for the better, but not always.
  1686.  
  1687. >The reason why Twilights special talent is all magic and not just a very specific part of it is because Anon, as a human able to do anything, pushed her to explore and learn new things.
  1688. >It's found out that Starswirl the bearded had a human as well.
  1689.  
  1690. >Anon isn't technically her dad, but Twilight still sees him as her father
  1691. >It makes it really awkward when her friends hit on him all the time
  1692. >Even moreso when she's so adamant about none of them scoring with him
  1693. >Zecora starts fucking him out in the everfree, where twilight can't see them
  1694. >She finds out anyway and confronts her about it
  1695. >Zecora does a little song and dance as a rebuttal
  1696. >"Hoooow many times must your," *stomp stomp* "Father bang meeee, before you realize, your mother I'll be?"
  1697.  
  1698.  
  1699.  
  1700.  
  1701.  
  1702.  
  1703. >Anon is having a hard time meeting mares
  1704. >He's too marely for most of their tastes
  1705. >Twilight offers to help him seek out a mate
  1706.  
  1707. >Twilight is a kissless virgin nerd
  1708. >After years of not bothering with all that stallion stuff, she decides it's time to get her cherry popped
  1709. >Her friends decide that Anon's laid back, market attitude makes him a good starter dick, since he won't demand commitment
  1710.  
  1711. >Anon is a character from one of Twilight's favorite books
  1712. >And her husbando
  1713. >She brings him into the real world, hijinks ensue
  1714. >Three hijinks
  1715.  
  1716. >Twilight manages to connect to Earth's internet
  1717. >She infiltrates the RGRE thread on /mlp/ and writes prompts about herself
  1718.  
  1719. >Rainbow introduces Anon to Daring Do, thinking that they'll make great friends
  1720. >Little does Rainbow know, DD is a regular Stallioniser who prides herself on her sexual conquests as much as her literal ones
  1721. >Twilight is also there
  1722.  
  1723.  
  1724.  
  1725. >A fair elf maiden comes to equestria
  1726. >Most mares make fun of her for being a sissy
  1727. >it doesn't help that her teats are small
  1728. >Fluttershy and rarity feel good about not being the most coltish mares around anymore
  1729. >then come around anon, a male fair and pure as the driven snow
  1730. >Many of the equestrian residents try and win him over
  1731. >by being as marely as they can
  1732. >it doesn't work
  1733. >Anon meets elf girl
  1734. >he falls for her shyness and beauty
  1735. >Jelly and salt ensues
  1736.  
  1737. >Celestia conjures a mighty warrior to defend equestria from a terrible monster
  1738. >A mysterius biped clad in armor come forth
  1739. >the mysterious warrior swears loyalty to celestia
  1740. >after a gruesome battle they find out he's a male when he take off his armor
  1741. >Mares acuse Celestia of forcing a stallion to fight her fights
  1742. >The knight however stands by her princess
  1743.  
  1744. >Anon becomes a pimp
  1745. >Many stallion prostitutes go work for him believing that he will be gentle and caring of his fellow males
  1746. >He is not
  1747.  
  1748. >Anon comes to equestria without hopes of ever finding love
  1749. >Candence doesn't undestand why such kind, gentle and handsome stallion would have a hard time getting a mare
  1750. >then another man comes into equestria
  1751. >Unlike the cynical manlet anon, he is an adonis of a man with the charm of a prince.
  1752.  
  1753. >Equestria is invaded and anon goes full farcry
  1754. >The mane six are horrified that he had to lost his inocence in such horrible way
  1755. >They treat him as gently as possible to try to make him forget
  1756. >He had fun and wonders if he could join the army
  1757.  
  1758. >Anon gets fed up with the reverse genders bullshit and takes a hike to the everfree
  1759. >When he doesn't come back tomorrow the m6 go look for him
  1760. >Turns out the he found the secret deer civilization
  1761. >he fits in just right since the deers have the same gender roles
  1762. >he doesn't want to leave
  1763.  
  1764.  
  1765.  
  1766.  
  1767. >Anon fucks the evil right out of poor Woona
  1768. >She just needed some Love and loving dickings
  1769. >Elsewhere, Cadence feels a gigantic smile overtake her, and she knows not why
  1770.  
  1771. >Later on, Discord gets loose
  1772. >But the mane 6 never became element bearers
  1773. >Now they must put a stop to all this whimsy without the help of the Rainbow Riot Hose
  1774.  
  1775.  
  1776.  
  1777. >Nightmare Moon takes on her own form after being purged from Luna.
  1778. >Shacks up with Anon, deciding that cozy life beats a potential 3rd defeat.
  1779. >Finds herself with all the benefits of being an alicorn with none of the responsibility.
  1780.  
  1781. >You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
  1782. >And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
  1783. >The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
  1784. >The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
  1785. >You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
  1786. >You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
  1787. >A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
  1788. >That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
  1789. >Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
  1790. >It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
  1791. >Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
  1792. >Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
  1793. >Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
  1794. >Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
  1795. >It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
  1796. >Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
  1797. >With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
  1798. >Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
  1799. >Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are.
  1800.  
  1801. >meanwhile, in Canterlot
  1802. >Celestia is trapped in court listening to the retarded complaints and proposals of useless, spoiled nobles
  1803. >all she has to look forward to afterwards is a mountain of paperwork awaiting her approval or dismissal
  1804. >Luna is currently passed out in the castle library, buried under several piles of books and scrolls while attempting to bring herself up to speed on the modern world
  1805.  
  1806. >Celestia and Luna scry Nightmare often to see if she's up to no good.
  1807. >All they gets to see is the genocidal alicorn they reluctantly pardoned living a cozy and carefree life.
  1808. >It really hits home just how fucking unfair life can be.
  1809.  
  1810. >Anon and Nightmare build a house within the Everfree forest
  1811. >It is safe for Anon, since Nightmare never leaves his side
  1812. >It is safe for Nightmare, since she still retains the power of an alicorn
  1813. >They both love the permanent shade of the canopy, and venture out to their favorite clearings at night to gaze at the stars
  1814. >She has triplets, then twins, and several more children with Anon
  1815. >Both the parents and their children eat meat, and the eternally-reproducing monsters of the Everfree provide them plenty of sustenance.
  1816. >Their children all have a strange allure to them, and regular mares and stallions fall for them all the time
  1817. >All of Anon's children want a relationship like their parents, and so stay monogamous
  1818. >Several generations later, you have to walk more than ten miles in the Everfree forest to get to the truly dangerous areas
  1819. >But the first ten are dangerous for the heart
  1820.  
  1821.  
  1822.  
  1823.  
  1824.  
  1825. >Someway, somehow, Little League gets Anon to promise to start a relationship with her once she has a cutiemark or otherwise comes of age.
  1826. >And thanks to some old laws, his word as a male in a romantic situation like that is binding. 
  1827. >In the meantime, however, he has to deal with her as a hanger-on until she's of age.
  1828. >Honestly, he just wanted his life to stay quiet...
  1829. >But maybe having an adorable and mold-able wife-to-be won't be so bad(?) 
  1830. Who is he kidding? This is going to be a shitshow.
  1831. Meanwhile, League can't stop bragging to her insanely jealous friends.
  1832.  
  1833.  
  1834.  
  1835.  
  1836.  
  1837. >Be Proncess Celery, Best horse.
  1838. >You almost regret telling that alien to keep in touch with you.
  1839. >He's been dragoning all these whiney letters to you all month.
  1840. >Twilight's doing this, Twilgith's doing that.
  1841. >Please help me, Twilight's trying to put things in my butt
  1842. >A bloo bloo buh bloo bloo
  1843. >Fucking apelien needs to learn to chill
  1844. >You contemplate just telling him to fuck off.
  1845. >Nah.
  1846. >His letters still give you a high like any other, even if he's a little crybaby.
  1847. >You drop the latest letter and roll around in the big pile.
  1848. >Oh Luna it's so good, this is way better than those weaksauce poppies.
  1849.  
  1850.  
  1851.  
  1852.  
  1853.  
  1854.  
  1855. >Plot twist, Chad is actually very average, he's just a bit more into sports than the bookish Anon.
  1856. >They become pretty tight bros and act like it, but the mane 6+C&L think they hate each other.
  1857.  
  1858. >"They're hoof-wrestling? Clearly competing to attract mates."
  1859. >"Anon, apologize to Chad! You can't just call people-CHAD HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ANON!?"
  1860. >They call each other asshole, fucker, and bitch all the time.
  1861. >"But Chad is clearly into sports! Why is he listening to Anon's book recommendations? Is-is he looking for Anon's weaknesses?"
  1862. >"They CLEARLY hate each other. Look at the way they bare their canines when they meet. I realize it looks like they're smiling, and I'm grateful to both of them for adapting to our ways when around ponies despite how weird it must be to show their teeth in a nice way, but among predator-species the act of showing teeth is an aggressive display, showing they can and will eat you."
  1863.  
  1864. >Mane6 plus princesses start taking "sides."
  1865. >Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Luna prefer Anon.
  1866. >Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and Celestia prefer Chad.
  1867. >Cadence wants them to fuck.
  1868. >Anon and Chad just think they their friends are friends with each other's friends.
  1869.  
  1870.  
  1871.  
  1872.  
  1873.  
  1874.  
  1875. >Anon makes some friends in Ponyville
  1876. >That drunkard Berry
  1877. >Everfree zigger Zecora
  1878. >Bucking juggler Trixie 
  1879. >He also do a lot of "harmful" things like drinking strong, uncolty alcohol or wandering alone into forest
  1880.  
  1881. >M6 try to help him overcome his "problems" and escape bad company
  1882. >Anon just like spending time with his friends
  1883.  
  1884.  
  1885. >Anon gathers weirdos and outcasts into one herd
  1886. >And together, they have the time of their lives as one loving family.
  1887. >The sheer shock the M6 feel when they accidentally find the odd herd in a sweaty, deviant, writhing mass of an orgy rather than Anon pairing of with them one at a time like proper.
  1888.  
  1889.  
  1890.  
  1891.  
  1892.  
  1893.  
  1894. >Celestia is excited about adopting a protesting Anon
  1895. >She's going to play hoofball, give Anon his first drink of alcohol, and turn him into the mareliest marely stallion there ever was
  1896. >Luna, his "aunt", disapproves of Celestia treating the poor colt like a mare and tries to teach him how to be a proper stallion so that he can attract a mate
  1897. >Tries to teach him proper table manners, how to balance a book on his head, how to cook, and the best ways to tongue-fuck a mare
  1898.  
  1899. > At first it was just comfy incest-play with LunaMom
  1900. > But you wondered out loud if non-Alicorn pussy was different
  1901. > So she decided to involve her staff
  1902. > "You have to eat all the maids, Anon"
  1903. "Whyyyyyyyyyyyy"
  1904.  
  1905. >Luna embraces the hedonistic lifestyle by having all the female castle staff line up, winking pussies out
  1906. >Anon gets to choose 5 mares daily to "practice" on all throughout the day while pleasuring his adoptive mother throughout the night
  1907. >Some of the kitchen staff are starting to show after Anon got a little to enthusiastic one day
  1908. >They consider it an honor to carry Prince Anonymous's children and hope that someday they'll get added to the Royal Herd
  1909. >Life is good
  1910.  
  1911.  
  1912. >Luna can't find Anon one day
  1913. >Not only that, but her sheets haven't been washed yet
  1914. >Eventually finds Anon spooning one of the cleaning crew mares, rubbing her plump tummy and humming a lullaby from Earth
  1915.  
  1916. >Anon's herd is the entire female population of Canterlot Castle
  1917.  
  1918.  
  1919.  
  1920.  
  1921.  
  1922. >As you sit at the bar nursing your beer, Applejack hops into the seat next to you and orders a cider
  1923. >"It ain't as good as our cider, but we're out of season right now. I'll take bad cider over good beer any day."
  1924. >You shrug
  1925. "I never really cared too much about the taste, just that I get a good buzz."
  1926. >The two of you sit quietly together, the only noise being your sips, and her tapping hooves
  1927. >She seems nervous, she keeps glancing between you and her untouched drink
  1928. >Whatever it is, it must be pretty big if it's got Applejack worried
  1929. >She's the toughest girl/horse you've ever met, on Earth or in Equestria
  1930. "Is something on your mind, AJ?"
  1931. >She looks up to you, putting on a brave face to mask her feelings
  1932. >"...Would ya like to get hitched?"
  1933. >Okay, that wasn't what you were expecting
  1934. "Hitched? Like, married?"
  1935. >She nods, turning back to her glass and tracing the rim with the tip of her hoof
  1936. >"Ah don't really care for datin' and romance stuff. Colts are usually real soft and sensitive, ya gotta figure 'em out."
  1937. >"Yer not like the other colts, Anon, Ah get you. Ah'm gettin' a bit on in age, need to start thinking about startin' a family."
  1938. "I don't really know if we could start a family together, AJ."
  1939. >"Twilight doesn't think our species'll be an issue, says it ain't nothin' a little magic couldn't fix."
  1940. >A raised eyebrow from you, and AJ catches that she's probably said too much
  1941. >"N-not that I've been going behind your back or anythin', Ah just asked outta curiosity's all."
  1942. >She swallows nervously as you take another sip of beer
  1943. "This is kind of a big ask, AJ. I like you, but not even five minutes ago I thought we were just friends."
  1944. >She deflates
  1945. >"So, that's a no then?"
  1946. "I didn't say that. Just that it's a big ask."
  1947. >She perks up slightly
  1948. >"Ah suppose it is...Ah'll give you some time to think on it, okay?"
  1949. "Thanks, AJ."
  1950. >You pat her back, and she lingers on the contact for a moment before heading out
  1951. >You take another sip of beer
  1952. "This beer tastes awful."
  1953.  
  1954. > You take a sip from your growler of cider
  1955. "So, your sister asked me to marry her."
  1956. > "Ayup."
  1957. > Big Mac takes a sip from a steel can
  1958. > It's actually a margarita in there but he's got a "moonshining Jane-colt" reputation to maintain.
  1959. > Case in point, he turns away and horks a loogie about three yards off the veranda. 
  1960. > There's a long pause. He's a colt of few words. 
  1961. > "You considerin' it?"
  1962. "Yeah."
  1963. > "Eyup."
  1964. > He spits through his teeth, down into the flowerbed. 
  1965. >"She's all right. She'll do good by you."
  1966. > You take another swig
  1967. > She was right, this cider ain't that good
  1968. > Burns your throat a lot
  1969. > Too sweet
  1970. > Probably needs to be served cold to dull the taste
  1971. > Beats really shitty beer, though
  1972. > "She's noisy as fuck rollin' in the hay, though."
  1973. > Cider almost comes out your nose
  1974. > Jesus you thought it stung when it was just in your mouth
  1975. > "... Ah suppose some colts like themselves a noisy mare, though."
  1976.  
  1977.  
  1978.  
  1979.  
  1980. >Keep your family smaller than the average Equestrian herd.
  1981. >Each one of your children gets much more attention and care as a result.
  1982. >In fact, you can practically read their minds since you spend so much time on them 
  1983. >They all grow up to be successful and well adjusted adults with the added guidance.
  1984. >Meanwhile, if you ask an average stallion what one of his 17 children's favorite color is, he blanks out and frantically tries to remember.
  1985.  
  1986. >Small families have negative connotations, a holdover from the days when ponies were prey animals
  1987. >Even in safer, modern times, ponies consider small families to be irresponsible
  1988. >What if one or two of their foals dies? That's the end of their family line!
  1989. >Anon's waifu is freaked out when Anon doesn't want to bring any more mares into the herd
  1990. >Does he expect her to bear 10 foals?!
  1991. >Does he want her family tree to die out?!
  1992.  
  1993.  
  1994.  
  1995.  
  1996.  
  1997. >Catbird still insists on building a nest
  1998. >Sits on her offspring to keep them warm
  1999. >They get too old to be comfortably sat upon 
  2000. >She finds a suitable replacement in the form of her husbands ever willing face
  2001.  
  2002. >Catbirds have a strong "I must sit on Thing" instincts
  2003. >Once over from the cat part, and twice over from the nesting instincts she gets from the bird part
  2004. >Anon is the frequent target of being sat on
  2005. It doesn't even have to be sexual every time. Sometimes there's face-sitting, but other times she just feels like reading a book while she sits on Anon's lap.
  2006.  
  2007.  
  2008. >Gilda convinces Anon to carry her through Ponyville's market to show him off
  2009. >Neither of them have fucks left to give, so he carries her upside down and makes out with her
  2010. >Gilda hangs there and gives the ponies there the bird while giving Anon his bird
  2011.  
  2012.  
  2013.  
  2014.  
  2015.  
  2016.  
  2017.  
  2018. >Anon finds some wild potatoes near the Everfree
  2019. >Plants some but cooks most of them
  2020. >Applejack asks what he's eating
  2021. >Smacks the plate out of Anon's hand when he tells her "french fried potatoes and tomato ketchup"
  2022. >Tearfully asks why he's trying to kill himself
  2023.  
  2024.  
  2025.  
  2026.  
  2027.  
  2028. >Take in villain mares who have no hope of romance with their tarnished reputations. 
  2029. >Like Glimmer, Trixie, Sunset, Lighting Dust, Suri Polomare, and others doomed to die alone.
  2030. >Give them a second chance and help them adjust to normal lives.
  2031. >End up with a herd that is undyingly loyal, filled with individual skill, and a collective willingness to fuck shit up if need be.
  2032. >Realize later that you have a twisted mirror image of the M6
  2033.  
  2034.  
  2035.  
  2036.  
  2037. >Minotaurs: Big muscles, naturally stronk, can lift you above their heads
  2038. >Completely fall apart if they sprain their ankle and whimper whenever you leave the room
  2039. It's all apart of old prey animal instinct.
  2040. >"No, Anon, don't go! I'm so much easier to catch and eat!"
  2041.  
  2042. >Anon feeds his minotaur cowfriend soup while she sits on the couch, whimpering anxiously while she cradles her wrapped up ankle
  2043. >Is instinctively terrified of predators in her state 
  2044. >"I'm going to die on this couch, aren't I?"
  2045.  
  2046.  
  2047.  
  2048.  
  2049.  
  2050. >Anon, immune to magic and with strength proportional to ponies and his bodymass, volunteers to help reform villains
  2051. >Sells it to twilight and Celestia because he's different than all these other ponies who grew up here and has an alien mindset
  2052. >Humans also have inherently individualistic, defiant, and strong mindscapes with high resistance to mental tampering
  2053. >Also the ability to disregard, rationalize, or otherwise NOPE out of any kind of sights or experiences these ponies consider horrible
  2054. >He winds up talking to these villains as if they were any other pony
  2055. >Calls them on their shit
  2056. >Brings them down to earth, gives them some perspective in their lives
  2057. >All with the body, face, voice, and smell of a big strong stallion
  2058. >None of those mares stood a chance.
  2059.  
  2060.  
  2061. >Anon's herd's foals are all potential super villains in the making 
  2062. >they all have canine teeth, eat meat, and are a fair bit more aggressive than normal ponies due to being half-human
  2063. >Trixie, Glimmer, and Sunset's kids are all brilliant magical powerhouses seeking to delve into forbidden arts.
  2064. >Lightning Dust's kid isn't as fast as say Rainbow Dash, but can manipulate weather on a level no Pegasi has achieved before
  2065. >Suri's kid is ridiculously strong even by Earth pony standards
  2066. >They all have their mothers' cutthroat personalities
  2067. >the only thing keep them from actually going through with it is that it would disappoint their father
  2068.  
  2069.  
  2070. >Individually, they can be big and powerful.
  2071. >They were ruthless and powerful, with hatred, wrath, greed and envy feeding their hearts.
  2072. >before, they had nothing to lose.
  2073. >The cold and loneliness were all that they had.
  2074. >But now, there's somepony.
  2075. >More like somehuman, that now, helps them to try what they though was impossible.
  2076. >Someone to forget the pain of loneliness.
  2077. >Someone to be there to catch you when you fall.
  2078. >Someone to feed that past hunger.
  2079. >Someone to hug and forget the cold world.
  2080. >Someone to forget the wrath and give a second chance.
  2081. >Someone to heal and mend a broken heard.
  2082. >That's what the "villains" see in Anon.
  2083. >But what would happend if you take away what the villains cherish and love the most?
  2084.  
  2085. >The Princesses offer to PAY Anon's herd not to have anymore foals on the fear that the next really will become the next major threat to Equestria.
  2086.  
  2087.  
  2088. >Anon declines, since he loves making love to his waifus too much
  2089. >His waifus also make loads of money; at least when their skills are applied correctly
  2090. >Anon makes sure of this
  2091. >Celestia can't force him to stop
  2092. >She also can't do anything to keep him from having foals either, since he's got four ex-villains at his beck and call, and his daughterus would get desperate if they think the princesses themselves are out to get their father
  2093. >Discord's help is right out, since Sunset's foal has learned things nopony was meant to know, she could off him with enough effort
  2094. >Chrysalis is out too, since Trixie's foal could demolish the entire hive alone if she thinks her father has been kidnapped
  2095. >Not that they could make it past Suri's daughter
  2096. >She can't let Marchiavelli even hear about this, since she'd bungle the entire political structure and possibly turn them against her for generations
  2097. >Twilight's too nerdy to convince or seduce him, and it would only make him more powerfoal as the head of the herd
  2098. >What can she do to stop this?
  2099.  
  2100.  
  2101.  
  2102.  
  2103.  
  2104. >Big Mac, contrary to most stallions, isn't all that concerned about finding a mare or several and having a bunch of foals
  2105. >He's content with life as is, and he'll get around to it eventually.
  2106. >Maybe.
  2107. >If he feels like it.
  2108. >His attitude of course does not pass without comment from his many relatives
  2109. >Though the only one whose opinions he actually cares about is Granny Smith
  2110. >Granny's sort of grudgingly letting things be, sure that he'll come around later, convinced that all stallions do eventually.
  2111. >That and she knows how pointless it is to try to force an Apple about something that they've got their mind set on.
  2112. >Better to let him come around on his own time and make him think it was his idea.
  2113. >Maybe seeing his sister have some, and finding out he's "Uncle Mac" now would do the trick...
  2114.  
  2115. >Applejack has always wanted a large family
  2116. >Sure she has a lot of cousins and such, because the rest of the Apple Clan is huge.
  2117. >It just doesn't seem right to her that 'her' part of it is so small...
  2118. >If only the accident hadn't happened, she might have had a whole herd of siblings running around to help out on the farm
  2119. >But now with Anon around, and a little magical assistance, she just might be able to have her own little ones
  2120.  
  2121.  
  2122. >The other stallions in the town use him now as their clam-jamming fat friend when they take him out to the bar with them every week
  2123. >He's a really good line of defense, even better than the really marely colts they had before
  2124. >Until the day he was disarmed by a cutie patootie derpy hooves
  2125. >She wasn't aggressive, just forward
  2126. >Kinda clumsy, but genuinely interested in Anon
  2127. >She was a nice mare
  2128. >Anon leaves his friends to the wolves at the bar and takes her home
  2129.  
  2130.  
  2131.  
  2132.  
  2133.  
  2134. >Anon and Pinkie Pie start dating
  2135. >All the stallions try to convince him to leave her, since he deserves so much better than that chubby weirdo
  2136. >He doesn't even notice; The subtext of their backhanded compliments flies right over his head
  2137.  
  2138. >"She's got so many friends. How can she spend the time together you deserve?"
  2139. "Yeah, her schedule can be a little hectic at times, but that just makes the time we spend together even sweeter."
  2140. >"You know, she is a little... Plump. Most stallions wouldn't give her a second glance."
  2141. "She could stand to lose a few pounds, but what do you expect? She works at a bakery."
  2142. "Besides, that thick earth pony muscles, with a little layer of fat... She's like a big cuddly pillow!"
  2143.  
  2144.  
  2145.  
  2146.  
  2147. >Anon brings a musical instrument with him to Equestria
  2148. >He ends up becoming a famous musician
  2149. >Despite the fact that he's just getting up on stage and playing music normally, he becomes something like the Equestrian equivalent of a J or K pop star
  2150. >Including the devoted, fanatical, cancerous fanbase
  2151. >When he starts dating a mare, his fans are up in arms
  2152. >He's supposed to stay pure for them, dammit!
  2153. >Since there's no internet to harass him or his slut over, a few of his most ardent fans decide to head to his hometown and try to preserve his precious virginity
  2154. >Hijinks ensue
  2155.  
  2156.  
  2157.  
  2158.  
  2159. >Anon assumes Rainbow is gay and asks her how to get mares.
  2160. >Rainbow plays along because gay friend perks.
  2161.  
  2162.  
  2163. "Anon you don't have to stuff your thong."
  2164. >"Excuse me? This is all me, dash"
  2165. "No way, it's not even subtle. It's like there's a sausage stuffed in there."
  2166. >"Don't believe me? Feel for yourself."
  2167.  
  2168. >"C'mere, Anon."
  2169. "What is it?"
  2170. >"Pants off. Mares get weirded out if your junk smells weird, so I'm gonna get a whiff and see if you need to take a shower or something."
  2171.  
  2172. >"Anon, you need to make sure that a mare will stick with you even after the first time having sex. I can teach you how."
  2173. "Ok, how would I do that? Buy her flowers and listen to her a lot?"
  2174. >"No, you need to be the very best at 'giving her face.' Don't worry, I'll teach you all about that as long as you're willing to practice."
  2175.  
  2176.  
  2177.  
  2178.  
  2179.  
  2180. >Anon is hired by Filthy Rich as a nanny
  2181. >Anon's duties are house cleaning, meal cooking, and making sure that Diamond Tiara doesn't kill herself or sneak out or whatever
  2182. >Diamond Tiara has gone through nearly a dozen nannies, half of which try to steal from her family
  2183. >Imagine her surprise when Anon goes above and beyond his duties as nanny and actually cares about her
  2184. >Makes sure she does her homework, plays with her when she's bored, makes sure she eats enough during meals, etc
  2185. >Diamond Tiara crushes hard on Anon
  2186. >DT's her usual bitchy self at school, but her personality does a complete 180 when Anon comes by to pick her up
  2187.  
  2188.  
  2189. >"It's not like I'm letting you pet me because I like it, you looked like you needed to calm down, yeah, that's it."
  2190.  
  2191. >"As your reward for your barely adequate service that still exceeds all my other live in nannies, you may attend me in the bath."
  2192. >her blushing intensifies
  2193.  
  2194.  
  2195.  
  2196.  
  2197.  
  2198.  
  2199. >Pinkie is not chubby
  2200. >Not even a little bit
  2201. >For an Earth Pony, she looks just barely better than an anorexic.
  2202.  
  2203. >This is decidedly suboptimal for Party Horse
  2204. >What stallion would want a mare with no flanks to speak of?
  2205.  
  2206. >No matter how hard she tries, she just can't seem to gain any weight
  2207. >Ponk needs badonkadonk!
  2208. >And she just can't get it.
  2209.  
  2210. >Twilight is convinced that her reality warping magic must consume truly massive amounts of calories to explain how she can eat several times her body mass worth of sweets in a single sitting, and have nothing to show for it.
  2211.  
  2212.  
  2213.  
  2214.  
  2215. >Being tall and slender with a defined face is seen as the one of the hallmarks of regal beauty.
  2216. >Meaning that alicorns are the most desirable pony race by far.
  2217. >In comes you, now the tallest being in Equestria.
  2218. >Add that to your long limbs, your relatively narrow profile, and your foal-like face (small yet defined facial features.) and ponies look at you like humans look at alicorns.
  2219. >Majestic, yet adorable in an otherworldly way.
  2220. >You may not fill a few other things that ponies find attractive, but being exotic makes up for much of that.
  2221. >Can't take even 10 steps outside before ponies crowd around.
  2222. >Even the most macho mares become shy yet are still compelled to vy for your attention.
  2223. >Stallions practically mow each other down to get close and enthusiastically try to befriend you, like how girls in highschool form a clique around the pretty girls. 
  2224. >You're not real sure how to take it.
  2225.  
  2226.  
  2227.  
  2228. >Get rich easy just off modeling.
  2229. >Roll with an entourage of fabulous stallion friends.
  2230. >Be the legendary beauty invited to all the most prestigious gatherings in Canterlot.
  2231. >Always at least one magazine with you on the front. 
  2232. >Find an eager waifu or two.
  2233. >Have handful of foals. 
  2234. >Live a life of glam.
  2235.  
  2236. >Model Anon
  2237. >Fleur Dis Lee is grooming him for life as a professional model
  2238. >Little does he know she's also grooming him to be a model husband
  2239. >She hopes to have him on the cover of HorsepunVogue in six months, and preparing meals, cleaning her home, and pumping her womb full of foals in eight
  2240.  
  2241.  
  2242.  
  2243.  
  2244.  
  2245. >There are no mom jokes in RGREquestria
  2246. >But there are dad jokes
  2247. >but they're not funny or groaners, though
  2248. >"Oh yeah, well your dad fucked me last night!"
  2249. >"I'd be mad, but I'm still feeling the afterglow of sitting on your dad's face for a couple hours"
  2250. >"I can't hear you with all your dad's cum sloshing around in my gut/pussy/stomach."
  2251.  
  2252.  
  2253.  
  2254.  
  2255. >Other mares give Lyra shit for having thicc breeding hips.
  2256. >She ignores them. She knows what, or rather WHO her strategic weight gain is going to attract.
  2257. >And sure enough, the mares who made fun of her have to eat their words when Lyra finds herself the sole recipient of a certain biped's affection.
  2258.  
  2259.  
  2260.  
  2261.  
  2262.  
  2263.  
  2264. >ywn get flutters to shamefully admit to all the sex toys she has
  2265. >ywn rock her world when you tell her you are gonna use them on her
  2266. >ywn push in her buttplug
  2267. >Ywn get her to admit she likes to cosplay as characters from her Animoo comics
  2268. >Ywn fuck her while she's dressed as one of the characters
  2269. >Ywn blow your load inside her while she screams "oni-chaan!" or some other weeb shit
  2270.  
  2271.  
  2272.  
  2273.  
  2274.  
  2275.  
  2276. > Be Hull O' Blue 
  2277. > You knew the company couldn't afford a proper, professional crew of sailors, but even so
  2278. > There's even some Anonkin, judging by the names
  2279. > You continues the roll call
  2280. "Fucker!"
  2281. > "Here!"
  2282. "Mother Fucker!"
  2283. > "Present!"
  2284. "Old Mother Fucker!"
  2285. > "You rang?"
  2286. > Anonkin are usually pretty serious about their jobs, so you can't complain too much
  2287. > And they are always nice pieces of eye candy
  2288. > But the whimsy
  2289. > Dear Sun and Moon, the whimsy
  2290. "Really Old Fucker!"
  2291. > "Right behind you, Captain."
  2292. > You look over your shoulder with a frown
  2293. > You had forgotten the navigator was one of them
  2294. > Discord take you, there is no way this voyage is going to go smoothly
  2295. > With your luck, he's probably in disguise as the cook or something
  2296. "Dead Fucker!"
  2297. > Silence
  2298. > You look up from the scroll
  2299. "Does anypony know where Dead Fucker is?"
  2300. > And then you see it
  2301. > Some joker brought a skeleton on board
  2302. > Fucker is waving its leg in the air
  2303. > Tight Pants, the company liaison, has the grace to look embarrassed
  2304. > "It was one of their stipulations, I'm afraid. One last voyage for their fallen brother."
  2305. > Of course
  2306. > You sigh
  2307. "Right. Welcome aboard you all to Rick's Limb, and keep your damn whimsy to a minimum. Understood?"
  2308. > A score of voices yell back in unison
  2309. > "Yes ma'am!"
  2310. "Mares and stallions to your stations, I expect to be out of the harbor by the next bell!"
  2311. > As motley as your crew is, they seem to know their jobs
  2312. > Perhaps you really will find the Fort Anne archives, that legendary library of human lore
  2313.  
  2314.  
  2315.  
  2316.  
  2317.  
  2318. >Lyra thinks Anon and his fingers are gross
  2319. >Bon Bon is enraptured when she watches Anon unwrap a candy quickly and easily
  2320. >"He didn't have to use his mouth or hooves or ANYTHING!"
  2321. >Tries to hire him to help with the candy production
  2322.  
  2323.  
  2324.  
  2325.  
  2326.  
  2327. Anon sets up a scarecrow. Pegamares think it's a human male and flock to it. The plants around it are just bonus for spending time with the hot silent colt.
  2328.  
  2329. >Anon carefully plants poison joke in the field around the scarecrow on a Friday 
  2330. >Hangs out with AJ drinking cider all day in the park the next day, watching for any that got caught in his trap
  2331.  
  2332.  
  2333.  
  2334.  
  2335. >Ponies only have the most basic of sex toys
  2336. >It's shameful to have them for mares /and/ stallions.
  2337. >A mare who can't get dick is a failure
  2338. >A stallion who would rather rut something fake than the horde of willing mares is unbelievably selfish.
  2339. >Because who ever heard of a stallion that couldn't get laid on demand (they exist, but don't bother trying to convince anypony of that)
  2340.  
  2341. >Most ponies who want a sex toy have to get by with the improvised kind.
  2342. >A filly during her first estrus will look longingly at that cucumber in the vegetable drawer.
  2343. >A unicorn mare might repurpose a magic crystal that vibrates.
  2344. >For the awkward gangly colt, he'll never be able to look at the couch in the living room the same way again, after that one time.
  2345.  
  2346.  
  2347.  
  2348.  
  2349.  
  2350. >there is a dragon literally named "Bad Dragon" who sells these in a variety of sizes
  2351. >They can't be produced in Equestria
  2352. >They're subject to huge import taxes
  2353. >Ponies pay out the nose to have them shipped in anyways, in nondescript cardboard boxes
  2354. >Bad Dragon asks Anonymous to come visit for an "earning opportunity"
  2355. >He asks Twilight what that's all about
  2356. >She knows, but she doesn't want him to know she knows
  2357. >What do
  2358.  
  2359.  
  2360.  
  2361.  
  2362. >Shock!
  2363. >Scandal!
  2364. >The nobility is all in a tizzy over it
  2365. >Princess Cadence, along with Rarity and her ilk all over the country find it just *so romantic* that Love conquers such meager barriers as social status.
  2366.  
  2367. alternatively
  2368.  
  2369. >Celestia just tells everyone that he is of noble blood among his kind
  2370. >What humans are around to say any different?
  2371. >His not behaving like an aristocrat stallion is just cultural differences
  2372. >He *is* an alien after all
  2373.  
  2374.  
  2375.  
  2376.  
  2377. Anon, after a couple months in equestria is suffering withdrawals from not being called a faggot. Because the stallions are all acting like girls theres no smack talk or banter between them. So Anon convinces the mane 6 to let him join in in their Mares night and talk shit to him. The pony who absolutely fucking roasts him is not who he expects.
  2378.  
  2379.  
  2380.  
  2381.  
  2382.  
  2383. >Twilight Velvet finds Night Light sleeping with another mare. probably fluer or whatever her name is. 
  2384. >She files for a divorce and Night Light gets 75% of the stuff because 'poor colt needs help'. 
  2385. >Night Light gets to the kids first and makes up some bullshit story and they accept it because "Why would their own father lie about something like that."
  2386. >Twilight and Shining can't believe their mom would do that to their father and pretty much disown her and refuse to talk to her. 
  2387. >Velvet is absolutely ruined. 
  2388. >She still kept her job but most of her coworkers shun her. 
  2389. >Velvet starts going to bars to drink away the real world.
  2390. >One day she is approached by a large bipedal stallion. 
  2391. >They talk and hit it off. 
  2392. >Months into them dating Velvet realize how much freedom she has around Anon that she didn't with Night Light
  2393. >Doesn't complain about how she takes care of herself, yet cares enough to worry about her. 
  2394. >Likes sports. 
  2395. >Doesn't care if she hangs out with the mares alot. 
  2396. >Doesn't bug her about money. 
  2397. >Doesn't complain for days about her forgetting something. 
  2398. >Starts becoming all around more happy with her life. 
  2399. >A year or so later they get married. 
  2400. >Twilight can't believe her mother remarried. 
  2401. >She tries to give her shit about it. 
  2402. >It keeps going to the point Velvet tells her to get bent. 
  2403. > Eventually Velvet figures out she married a colt young enough to be her son. 
  2404. >She's never been so wet before.
  2405.  
  2406.  
  2407.  
  2408. >Twilight Velvet and Night Light get a divorce after Night Light cheats
  2409. >Twilight Velvet Loses the house and has to stay with her daughter, where Anon is conveniently staying
  2410. >Anon is the only person to believe Velvet without trying to make justifications for Night Light
  2411. >They hit it off
  2412. >Twilight Sparkle walks in on the strange bipedal inter dimensional being fucking her mother hard on her own princess sized bed
  2413.  
  2414. >Twilight is scarred and recounts what happened to her friends when they ask why she looks like she hasn't slept.
  2415. >Rainbow Dash asks if it was hot
  2416. >OutragedFashionHorse.poni
  2417.  
  2418.  
  2419. "Hey Velvet, I'm home."
  2420. >"Hi deary, how was work?"
  2421. "Fucking horrible. Goddamn ponies."
  2422. >You flop onto the couch longways in the living room
  2423. >"Aw, I'm sorry. I'll be in in just a minute to have a seat."
  2424. >You wriggle lower on the couch to get your head on one of the cushions
  2425. >Velvet comes in the living room with a book and some tea
  2426. >She takes a seat on the couch too
  2427. >You love the way she smells
  2428. >"Would you like me to rub your hair?
  2429. >You nod between her thighs.
  2430. >This was really your favorite part of the day.
  2431.  
  2432.  
  2433. >>I would like to keep Velvet all to myself without the whole sharing with her daughter business.
  2434.  
  2435. >Not wanting the confusing but still oddly heartwarming situation of a mother coaching her you and her daughter on how to care for the children you produced with both of them
  2436.  
  2437.  
  2438.  
  2439. She's old enough to be Mrs. Rogers. She has a grandkid, remember?
  2440.  
  2441. "See you later, Velvet, I'm heading off for work!"
  2442. >"Goodbye, sweetheart!"
  2443. >Velvet rears up on her hind legs and gives you a chaste, closed-mouth kiss on the lips.
  2444. >"And remember, dear," she says, playing with the collar of her red sweater, "I like you just the way you are."
  2445.  
  2446.  
  2447.  
  2448. >”So, what are we supposed to call them relative to us?” Twilight asks with a tilted head.
  2449. >Velvet taps her chin in thought, shifting a bit on the bed so the sleeping foal tucked against her side wasn’t poking his horn into her.
  2450. >Thankfully, little Dusk isn’t as clingy as her Shiny was as a youngling, so the tiny unicorn remains asleep.
  2451. >”Normally, Dawn here would be considered my grand-daughter,” Velvet starts, tilting her head to the tiny alicorn playing with Twilight’s wing. “But since we’re in one herd, she’ll be considered a step-daughter to me, just as Dusk won’t be your uncle, but a step-son. Since both have the same father, it’ll be a little easier to file.”
  2452. >”This sounds like it could be confusing?” Twilight states unsurely as she pulls her rambunctious daughter closer with a wing.
  2453. >The elder mare snorts. “Sweetie, you have no idea. Once we have to finalize all the paperwork for this, it’ll be a red tape nightmare.”
  2454. >Idly, the unicorn mare wonders if she can beg a stiff drink out of her human, then dashes the thought. There’s no way he’ll let her while Dusk still needs nursed.
  2455. >Night Light was the same way, but decidedly more unpleasant about it.
  2456. >Velvet loses her train of thought when Dawn wiggles out from under her mother’s wing and dashes to her half-brother as fast as a month old foal can.
  2457. >Said half-brother is booped and bapped awake by his hyper sister, who quickly ropes the bleary little colt into playing with her.
  2458. >The eldest mother and daughter both smile at the sight.
  2459. >Now, what was Velvet thinking of again..?
  2460. >Wait... That’s it!
  2461. >Velvet smirks. “Twilight? How would like a bit more practice on the art of being a mom?”
  2462. >The purple alicorn blinks unsurely. “How?”
  2463. >”Well, there’s two foals here, and you’ve got two teats...”
  2464. >Twilight’s face falls into a flat expression. “You just want to drink again, don’t you?”
  2465. >”Don’t judge me.”
  2466.  
  2467. >"Try spelling out my name, Anon."
  2468. >"Pay special attention to this little part here when I wink."
  2469. >"Stiffen your tongue and use your neck for a bit, dear. Yes, just like that."
  2470. >"Ho-kay, Anon, keep your m-mouth open. I've been, hah, on that special diet for a while now, so I know you'll l-love the taste..."
  2471. >"Know that I love you Anon, and I still would even if you didn't do this for me every day."
  2472.  
  2473.  
  2474. >Anon and Velvet have been together for a while
  2475. >However, neither of them have really made love with each other
  2476. >Anon feels that it might be awkward to bring it up to a mother like her
  2477. >Velvet feels that she might seem perverted to Anon if she's too forward about it
  2478.  
  2479.  
  2480.  
  2481.  
  2482.  
  2483.  
  2484. >Prostitution is legal in equestria
  2485. >Anon, loving the hoerspussay, signs up immediately
  2486. >Turns out married mares are the most undersexed class in the country
  2487. >He's had to run from a lot of angry husbands
  2488. >So many times he now ties a bell around the front door
  2489. >He keeps a rope handy for window escapes
  2490. >He's had to learn on the job how to sneak around, sneak in, sneak out, and generally avoid detection
  2491. >Anon adopts the prostitute name "Sam Fister"
  2492. >He charges double for fucking a mare while her husband is home without detection
  2493.  
  2494.  
  2495.  
  2496.  
  2497.  
  2498. >Colts are the bad guys.
  2499. >Ponies think that Anon is some kind of evil villain.
  2500. >Because every time a weird stallion has set up in the last decade or so they have been evil.
  2501. >Joe the drowner zebra, who drowned animals for fun.
  2502. >Smootchie the midget unicorn, who tried to poison the town using his evil lipstick.
  2503. >Sombrero the hatted earth pony, who used his evil hat powers to crystalize ponies.
  2504. >The list goes on.
  2505. >For quite a while.
  2506. Anon is just too lazy to be dangerously evil
  2507.  
  2508.  
  2509.  
  2510.  
  2511. >maybe it's just name-based. Your first daughter God-Empress Ultramagic surpasses both Twilight Sparkle and Starswirl the Bearded despite being an earth pony.
  2512.  
  2513. >"Ultraaaa, where are you sweetie?"
  2514. >"Over here mom."
  2515. >Your wife, Coco, walks out of the house.
  2516. >It's probably time for school. You always loose track of time watching her play in the mornings, rocking in your chair on the veranda, digesting breakfast.
  2517. >Ultra had stolen some of your sausage again. Coco had conceded that she'd probably inherited an omnivorous diet from her father.
  2518. >She picks up to a trot as she approaches your daughter. Unf, dat plot.
  2519. >"Admiring the sky? It is a lovely day, maybe we should go for a picnic after school."
  2520. >She sits next to God-Empress Ultra, nuzzling her gently.
  2521. >You were glad she'd been in Manehatten when labor hit, their horsepital was easy about handing out epidurals. There's no way she would've agreed to that name if she hadn't been high as a kite.
  2522. >Ultra ignores her mom. Not out of rudeness. She's always gotten wrapped up in her thoughts.
  2523. >You were pretty sure she was gonna get something philosophical for her cutie mark, like a lectern or scroll.
  2524. >The wind's picking up, blowing her silvery mane and tail back and forth.
  2525. >Coco's also content to sit there with her, admiring the clouds streaming by.
  2526. >Some sort of rush delivery if you remembered the weather bulletin correctly.
  2527. >"Mom," Ultra breaks the silence, "I don't understand about the sun. Only Celestia and Luna can raise and lower it right?"
  2528. >"Well, I think I remember that other unicorns could, but it's very hard."
  2529. >"Huh. That's what I don't understand. What's so hard about it?"
  2530. >"Oh, well geez Ultra. We're Earth ponies, I've never thought much about it. Maybe it's... really far away?"
  2531. >"Hmm. I dunno. It doesn't feel that far away."
  2532. >"Uhm, I don't know what you mean honey."
  2533. >"I've been thinking about it ever since Applejack let me try bucking at the farm. It doesn't seem that different."
  2534. >"Th- the sun? Doesn't feel different from bucking?"
  2535. >"No, yeah, well, let me show you."
  2536. >What the fuck?
  2537. >This was new.
  2538. >She's rears back a little, kicks her little hoovesies some-
  2539. >Hnnnnnng
  2540. >Then falls to her forehooves and does the same with her rear legs.
  2541. >This time when her legs come down it's with a cracking sound. You can see shockwaves of silver light flowing through the ground from the point of impact.
  2542. >Your head feels like a bell Pinkie Pie is ringing but you catch God-Empress hitting the ground again with a seemingly practiced motion.
  2543. >The shockwave changes, quiets down, and you see a colum of pale light rising from the horizon to embrace the sun.
  2544. >You're not sure when you stood from your chair but you can only stare, aghast, as the celestial orb drops until its rim suddenly hits the horizon.
  2545. >You can't stare too long at that though because now your daughter is hovering above the ground, wrapped in a skein of light.
  2546. >You stagger forward, seeing her eyes sparking, streamers of jagged light thrown off from her flank as she drifts to a gentle landing, a glimmering cutie mark solidifying in her coat.
  2547. >It's a golden crown with a sun, sphere with a lunar crescent, and scepter with Twilight's six pointed star.
  2548. >Oh boy. You feel like some princesses are going to want explanations....
  2549.  
  2550.  
  2551.  
  2552. >Princesses see what happened
  2553. >Decide immediately that Anon will now be responsible for naming all ponies
  2554. >This will completely eliminate the need to spend all that effort on the Pony Insturmentality Project they've been testing on Celestia's students.
  2555. >With only a hooffull of successes like Twilight and Cadence.
  2556. >So much more free time.
  2557. >Luna can finally have a hobby.
  2558. >Celestia can actually take a week off.
  2559.  
  2560.  
  2561.  
  2562.  
  2563.  
  2564. >Anon is given an honor guard to protect him because "He is as pure as driven snow"
  2565. >His honor guard is named White Knight. Who goes out of her way to "protect his honor"
  2566. >She is secretly really attracted to Anon but cannot act on it... Even though he is lewd as fuck to pony standards.
  2567. >She also wears a sun hat when not in full armor.
  2568.  
  2569.  
  2570.  
  2571.  
  2572. >Equestria treats royal weddings like in medieval europe
  2573. >Anon marries both Celestia and Luna because this is my green dammit
  2574. >All of the nobles show up, along with the mane six and half of ponyville, where he first lived in this world
  2575. >After the ceremony, reception, and speeches, the mane six and many of princesses favorite nobles pick them all up and carry them to the royal bedrooms
  2576. >The huge room is filled with chairs and pillows surrounding a huge bed
  2577. >They all expect to watch Anon have sex with both princesses, as is tradition to ensure an heir
  2578. >Cadance and Shining Armor have a front-row seat not two feet from the bed
  2579. >It takes so long to get to the main event because of foreplay they start bringing in snack cakes and coffee
  2580. >They all watch Anon speed up and start chanting almost in sync with luna's squeaks
  2581. >They have to take an intermission before he gets to her sister
  2582.  
  2583.  
  2584. >half an hour of foreplay, twenty of which is oral given to the mare, followed by thirty minutes of fucking kissing her and playing with her teats in the missionary position
  2585. >all the nobles watch and get jealous, tell their friends about it
  2586. >they try to emulate it, and fail
  2587. >those shitty magazines full of relationship advice are obsessed for the next decade on how to be able to perform "the royal treatment"
  2588.  
  2589.  
  2590.  
  2591.  
  2592. >anon being the only human makes him on the endangered species list 
  2593. >his reproduction is the top priority of many ponys jobs
  2594. >just like with endangering tortoises in the zoo any time anon gets it on there is a lot of fanfare and excitement
  2595. >eventually becomes a tourist attraction 
  2596. >tickets are sold to watch anon save the human race
  2597.  
  2598.  
  2599.  
  2600. Anon in RGREquestria.
  2601. >Mares normally give the "protective older sister" routine to prospective mares courting a stallion they're close to.
  2602. >No expectation of the reverse.
  2603. >Anon starts courting Fluttershy.
  2604. >Discord being Discord, doesn't feel like he has to conform to expectations.
  2605. >And Discord cares about Fluttershy, and figures she needs it more than most stallions do.
  2606. >Discord gives the un-heard-of "protective older brother" routine to Anon.
  2607. >Overdoes it. Gives him the full chaos treatment.
  2608. >Fluttershy resents the protectiveness, but she can't bring herself to say anything strong enough to Discord.
  2609. >Mild disapproval, but not enough to make him think it's a bad idea.
  2610.  
  2611. Version 1:
  2612. >Her friends can't bring themselves to argue with Discord's...logic?
  2613. >They won't do anything to intervene either.
  2614. >Anon cares enough to keep pursuing Fluttershy despite everything.
  2615.  
  2616. Version 2:
  2617. >Her friends resent what Discord is doing.
  2618. >They can't convince him to stop.
  2619. >They can't get Fluttershy to convince him to stop.
  2620. >So they decide to help Anon court Fluttershy despite the chaos being rained down on him
  2621.  
  2622. >Anon calls him a casual
  2623. >Asks him where the slimy tentacles, impossible geometry, sexy daemonesses, and madness is
  2624. >Discord is a little squicked-out from his suggestions
  2625. "Don't touch me, you filthy casual faggot."
  2626.  
  2627. >Anon makes Discord his bitch. 
  2628. >Princesses get scared. 
  2629. >They tell The mane 6 to hit him with a harmony lazer. 
  2630. >They do. 
  2631. >For a good minute all they see is smoke and dust. 
  2632. >Then out comes Anon. 
  2633. >No change, no stone, no banishment. 
  2634. "0/10 worst lazer ever. Would not recommend."
  2635. >They can't believe it. 
  2636. >H-How? 
  2637. >How was that a 0/10! Was clearly best lazer! Worst taste! Get out now! REEEEEEEEEE
  2638.  
  2639.  
  2640.  
  2641.  
  2642.  
  2643.  
  2644.  
  2645.  
  2646. >Fluttershy is like the gangly geek in school who grew up into an Adonis with a 6-pack and a 9 inch dick.
  2647. >In pone terms, she has the biggest, softest wings, a huge tuft, and a cunt tight enough to crush an aluminum baseball bat.
  2648. >The damage was done, though, so she never lost her demure attitude or geeky interests despite being a jaw dropping 11/10.
  2649.  
  2650.  
  2651.  
  2652.  
  2653.  
  2654. >In this version of RGRE, there is an isolated kingdom of humans, led by Prince Scorpan
  2655. >Seeing humans is incredibly rare, they keep to themselves and avoid contact with the world outside their kingdom
  2656. >Celestia still gets bills from their kingdom, demanding that she pay for their border wall.
  2657. >Anon shows up
  2658. >Ponies assume it's Prince Scorpan, venturing out of his kingdom ANONYMOUSly to learn about the outside world
  2659. >Something Something RGRE™
  2660.  
  2661.  
  2662.  
  2663.  
  2664. >Marefriend thinks you're unhappily trying to please her by "faking" being horny 24/7.
  2665. >Because what stallion just gives away sex without using it as leverage over a mare?
  2666. >You actually are horny 24/7 because you've discovered the magic that is almost always willing mare puss.
  2667. >Now you've got to convince her that your affection is genuine.
  2668.  
  2669.  
  2670.  
  2671.  
  2672. t would be unisex and would be like hot springs from my japanese animes. Teenage mares would wait inside for hours hoping for a young stallion to share the hot spring with them but they only ever get gross old fat stallions
  2673.  
  2674.  
  2675.  
  2676.  
  2677.  
  2678. >Copper and nickle are rare materials in equestria worth a lot of money per ounce while gold is somewhat common
  2679. >Anon just so happens to have several change jars full of the stuff lying around
  2680. >This makes Anon worth several million bits, and when word gets around, has to beat the hundreds of suitresses trying to get at his money
  2681.  
  2682.  
  2683.  
  2684.  
  2685. > Cross dressing
  2686.  
  2687. > Equestrian traps are mares that wear button down shirts and slacks, stuffing a ball bra 
  2688. > Due to Anon's nipples, ponies assume he is a trap
  2689. > Something something flustered mares
  2690.  
  2691.  
  2692. >"I-im not a dyke if I watch tomcolts taking dildos in the vagina at HornTube..."
  2693. >"I mean ,there is just a minor difference​ between that and watching two gay stallions having sex with each other !"
  2694. >"And watching two stallions have sex with each other and masturbating to it is not what dykes doing"
  2695.  
  2696.  
  2697.  
  2698.  
  2699.  
  2700. What if the reason for the skewed gender ratios is analogical to what happened in China?
  2701. >Equestria is undergoing a baby boom after a warmer period
  2702. >the population gets out of control rapidly, and tension around food and land rise up
  2703. >then the climate starts going back to colder one again
  2704. >nation is going to collapse if nothing is done
  2705. >Celestia makes the hard call of implementing the one child policy
  2706. >it is not received well, but there is nothing ponies can do
  2707. >dura lex sed lex
  2708. >mares were more likely to hold a more beneficial position in administration and the like, due to princesses being at the helm, while stallions were mostly working in the field to keep up the with the skyrocketing demands
  2709. >colts were downright abandoned in the forest before long, due to the draconian taxes for multiple children
  2710. >Luna has to deal with uncountable nightmares of mothers who weep after their children
  2711. >she cannot take it anymore and demands the abolishment of the policy
  2712. >when denied, she snaps and goes NMM to "bring down the tyrant"
  2713. >she actually had some following amongst the common folk
  2714. >but it was not enough
  2715. >3 generations later Celestia realises that she didn't even notice when the point of no return was passed
  2716. >irreversable damage has been done, but the ponies already started to adapt to the new situation
  2717. >mares take over the physical labour, stallions are being protected
  2718. >the population becomes much slower to grow now, and the policy is abandoned
  2719. >before long, nobody even remembers that things used to work differently
  2720. >except for Luna, on her moon
  2721.  
  2722.  
  2723.  
  2724.  
  2725.  
  2726. >Contrary to what the tabloids would have you believe, Celestia is not secretly Molestia
  2727. >In fact, she's such a prude that she's still a virgin
  2728.  
  2729. >Luna is the scandalous one.
  2730. >She thinks Celly is horribly repressed, and would be a lot happier if she got some good loving dicking.
  2731.  
  2732. >Luckily, Anon is Luna's very good friends; he produces the best dreams from Earth and Luna enjoys them immensely.
  2733. >Implores him to take a train to Canterlot and steal her sister's virginity
  2734. >She had Anon at "train"
  2735.  
  2736.  
  2737.  
  2738.  
  2739. >"The night will last fore-'
  2740. >There's a hot exotic male here
  2741. >SexiNightPrincess.pon
  2742. >"Hey Bby, u lookin' for a real mare?"
  2743.  
  2744.  
  2745.  
  2746. >Nightmare Moon grumbles in protest as she allows you to gently push her onto her back.
  2747. >Her hooves instinctively curl up against her chest, giving her raw sexiness an edge of cuteness.
  2748. >A blush peeks through her black fur, and she can barely force herself to look you in the eyes.
  2749. >Had you not seen her acts of legitimate cruelty towards the ponies who refused to fall under her rule, you would have pegged her as a stereotypical tsundere from your ching chong animes.
  2750. >She mercifully spares you the nightmares that would have normally resulted from witnessing her bloody rise to power.
  2751. >"J-Just to be clear," she stutters, "I'm only letting you do this because it's your birthday."
  2752. "Hmmm? Do what?"
  2753. >You crawl over her until you are face-to-face, and then relax your body.
  2754. >The alicorn body is tough and your body practically weighs nothing to her.
  2755. >Nightmare moon stifles a gasp and her blush intensifies.
  2756. >"Th-This!"
  2757. >Oh, right.
  2758. >Sex in the "dolphin position".
  2759. >While it's a vanilla position back home, rutting belly-to-belly is a very lewd, very intimate act to ponies.
  2760. >"You've been a very faithful servant," she rambles, trying to hide how flustered this is making her, "and an equally faithful love, so I wa-"
  2761. >You interrupt her by placing a finger tip against her lips.
  2762. >You're lucky she didn't bite you.
  2763. "Shhh..."
  2764. >You rub your cock against the winking length of Nightmare's pussy, making her wriggle impatiently against you.
  2765. "Let's make this night last forever..."
  2766. >Something something RGRE
  2767.  
  2768.  
  2769.  
  2770.  
  2771.  
  2772.  
  2773. >Cowboy shows up
  2774. >Is used to very rigid gender roles just to have his life and understanding of them flipped upside down
  2775. >All the mares go crazy for him, opening doors for him and catcalling him slowly driving him nuts
  2776. >He, being a cowboy, feels he doesn't need mares help, gets angry at them
  2777. >They just think its cute to see him mad
  2778. >Something something more RGRE
  2779. >Cowboy Anon dies of cuddles
  2780.  
  2781. >Cowboy Anon seeks refuge at Sweet Apple Acres
  2782. >Applejack figures out right quick that he's like a more talkative Big Mac, and likes to do things himself
  2783. >Ain't afraid of getting dirty, or putting in a good days work.
  2784. >He's a strong independent stallion who don't need no mare
  2785. >AJ likes, and would really like to change his mind on that last part.
  2786.  
  2787. >She discovers the secret to his heart
  2788.  
  2789. >The secret is hard cider, and good 'ol home country cooking.
  2790.  
  2791.  
  2792.  
  2793.  
  2794.  
  2795. >Christian Anon and Pagan Anon in Equestria
  2796. >They both work hard at their trades, and spend their free time converting as many ponies as possible to their religion
  2797. >A holy war may be brewing between them, fought with pool noodles and inflatable hammers
  2798. >They eventually put their differences when Muslim Anon shows up, with a horde of newly-converted camels
  2799.  
  2800.  
  2801.  
  2802.  
  2803.  
  2804. >Be Anon
  2805. >You're hanging out at the street corner, waiting for tricks
  2806. >Some nervous-looking pegasus mare trots up to you. Got a trench coat and sunglasses on, as if that'll do much good. 
  2807. >"H-how much?" She asks.
  2808. >"10 for a handy, 20 for a warmy, 30 for an up-close and personal, 50 for the entire package. Ya get all that plus a nice conversation."
  2809. >Shakily, the horrid pervert fishes out a 50 bits.
  2810. >"Not out here, ya idiot. People will see. Keep your money out of sight 'til we get somewhere private."
  2811. >You lead her off to some abandoned apartment a friend lets you use. "So, whole package?"
  2812. >"Y-yes, sir. Um...how long is it, by the way?"
  2813. >"One hour."
  2814. >"...Th-that's not..."
  2815. >"I'll go two hours for 75, but that's it."
  2816. >Nodding, she produces a fifty, a twenty, and a five.
  2817. >Spend the next two hours brushing her mane with your hand, cuddling, talking, and lightly kissing (but never with tongue and never more than three seconds at a time). 
  2818. >"Alright, time's up."
  2819. >Send her on her way. 
  2820. >She'll be back. She's hooked, just like all your other clients. Damn sicko perverts.
  2821.  
  2822. And the follow up
  2823.  
  2824. >Be gentleman of negotiable affection in manehattan
  2825. >Particularly pathetic-looking Unicorn mare sidles up to you
  2826. >She's a blank flank. Considering her apparent age, that's pathetic. She's got bags under her eyes and wisdom lines around her mouth. She's grandma material. 
  2827. >"It's ten for hand-brushing, two for-"
  2828. >"I have a request actually!"
  2829. >You gesture for her to go on
  2830. >"H-...how much for you to...pretend to be my husband?"
  2831. >"..."
  2832. >"Just for a day...maybe two..."
  2833. >"...500 per day. 'Day' being a 24-hour period. I got a place rigged up like a nice, cozy home for this kinda thing. I can be whatever husband you like. We spend the whole day together acting like a couple. For an extra 100 per day I got a filly who'll pretend to be our daughter too."
  2834. >She nods solemnly and walks away.
  2835. >A few minutes later she returns with 1200 bits
  2836.  
  2837.  
  2838.  
  2839.  
  2840.  
  2841.  
  2842. >Teleiophilia is a real problem in RGRE
  2843. >It's not uncommon to find tween to teen fillies trying to harass full grown stallions.
  2844. >Whether it's just horny fillies letting their hormones talk or genuine, flustered attempts to get a jump-start on a relationship varies, but most stallions don't appreciate it.
  2845.  
  2846.  
  2847.  
  2848.  
  2849.  
  2850. >Anon is pure as the driven snow!
  2851. >Or at least he seems that way to mares, since he ain't a horsefucker
  2852. >But he does have a weakness for cute cuddly things (score one for just about everything in Equestria)
  2853. >Especially fillies
  2854. >Fillies who short circuit all his defenses against pone romance attempts
  2855.  
  2856. >Now a filly (or fillies) must play the long game, and attempt to slowly woo Anon, without falling permanently into the dreaded Friendzone.
  2857.  
  2858.  
  2859.  
  2860.  
  2861.  
  2862.  
  2863. >Celestia has tried to have romantic relationships in the past
  2864. >But she's not the picture of innocence that she projects to her subjects
  2865. >Keeping a kingdom at peace for a thousand years doesn't just happen
  2866. >She's done things she's not proud of in order to protect her little ponies
  2867. >Equestria was once a far more savage place, and behind the veneer, evils both fantastic and mundane still lurk.
  2868. >Keeping them at bay required her to make hard choices, and often to do the dirty work with her own hooves, away from prying eyes
  2869. >Luna doesn't have to hide it, being the Princess of the Night does have a few benefits
  2870. >Celestia however, is a slave to the image she has crafted of herself.
  2871.  
  2872. >The very few stallions that have gotten close enough to her to see under the mask did not like what they saw.
  2873. >The more successful she was at making her ponies safe, the softer they became
  2874. >Soon she stopped trying, devoting herself to her work.
  2875. >He dreams of finding one who loved her, the /real/ her, became ever more distant from reality
  2876. >Condemned to spend the long years of her Sister's exile alone, doing whatever it took to preserve Equestria.
  2877.  
  2878. >But Anon is no normal stallion
  2879. >Luna has seen in his dreams that the world he is from bears far more resemblance to the Equus of old, than the near paradise it has become.
  2880. >Perhaps her sister's dream could soon become reality...
  2881.  
  2882.  
  2883.  
  2884.  
  2885. >Anon introduces cosmic horror to Equestria
  2886. >Ponies think that lovecraft's pantheon is that of all of earth
  2887. >Luna can't help but be interested in the dreams of a stallion with such a capacity for darkness
  2888.  
  2889. "I keep telling you Luna, I can't go for anymore midnight strolls with you."
  2890. >"Well why not?" 
  2891. "Night is when my dark work is done. Soon the great old ones will descend from their seat of creation and they'll be very curious as to why their fledgling drone has yet to shake the foundation of reality." 
  2892. >"That is so hot."
  2893.  
  2894.  
  2895.  
  2896.  
  2897.  
  2898.  
  2899. >Anon goes to work at the Rock Farm with Pinkie's family
  2900. >Anon is one of the first non-family males the Pie sisters have seen
  2901. >None of them know how to act around him
  2902. >something something RGRE
  2903.  
  2904. >maud is utterly cool and collected as usual
  2905. >is actually freaking out on the inside
  2906. >pinkie is the only one who picks up on this because Maud blinks one too many times per minute or some such
  2907.  
  2908. >Limestone, unexpectedly, does not act tsundere just like my japanese animes
  2909. >Reigns in her temper and acts cool & collected
  2910. >Corners her sisters when Anon isn't around and threatens to throw them into a quarry if they get in between her and Anon Not that she would ever hurt her family
  2911.  
  2912.  
  2913.  
  2914.  
  2915. >After another long day, you're finally about to feel the sweet embrace of sleep.
  2916. >As you lay in the dark feeling your eyelids grow heavy, a brilliant flash of light practically blinds you.
  2917. >Princess Celestia is standing next to your bed.
  2918. >Beautiful. Majestic.
  2919. >...Incredibly tired looking.
  2920. >You sit up to respond to the Horse Princess, but she forces you back down with her magic.
  2921. >She wordlessly crawls under the blanket with you and wraps her limbs around your body.
  2922. >Grabbing your face with her hoof, she points your face at hers and stares deeply into your eyes before speaking in a serious tone.
  2923. >"Nopony will believe you."
  2924. >She nuzzles into your neck and wraps a wing around you as you try to figure out whether or not you're being raped.
  2925.  
  2926.  
  2927.  
  2928.  
  2929. I had an idea the other day I'm still trying to sort out, where Humans are something akin to Fae creatures or Youkai. Some are good, some evil. Some are harmless, some dangerous. Many are just /strange/.
  2930.  
  2931. They can appear without warning, and vanish just as quickly. They are at once familiar, and alien. With strange customs and ways of thinking.
  2932.  
  2933. A potential idea I had along with it was that humans aren't RGR, and that leads to some strange consequences when they interact with ponies.
  2934.  
  2935. A human woman might react rather poorly if a stallion were to rebuff her advances, especially if she felt that he 'insulted her beauty' in the process.
  2936.  
  2937. Whereas a human man might reward a mare who compliments him with more than just snuggles. She awakens the next morning, his scent on her pillow, and a valuable treasure in his absence.
  2938.  
  2939. But "adult" humans are rare encounters, far more likely would be a little girl (The Target Audience). They are usually not very dangerous, but they can be very annoying if they don't get what they want. Which is usually to ride around on a 'pretty' mare or filly (especially one with what they deem interesting colors), brush their manes and tails, and dress them up.
  2940.  
  2941.  
  2942.  
  2943.  
  2944. >Stallions are as big a perverts as mares
  2945. >Herds couldn't really be a thing if a stallion wasn't willing and able to satisfy them all.
  2946. >But they have to pretend otherwise, at least until they get into a committed relationship, or they get stuck with short flings
  2947.  
  2948.  
  2949.  
  2950.  
  2951. >It's a known fact that stallions are good with children and that father figures are in short supply
  2952. >Anon is friendly and typically spends his time at the park to watch ponies and learn about their behaviour
  2953. >Sometimes he'll kick a back back to a group of rough-housing fillies or help a wayward colt find his father
  2954. >Isn't prepared when baby ponies start going up to him and hugging him
  2955. >His first response is to throw up his arms and make it clear that he ISN'T touching these children who are not his
  2956. >Ponies around him "D'aww!"
  2957. >Anon has never been so confused in his life
  2958.  
  2959.  
  2960.  
  2961.  
  2962. >Anon is going steady with Applejack
  2963. >Applejack likes the way Anon isn't a prissy, moody stallion and how he can carry his own weight on the farm
  2964. >She likes how she doesn't have to be delicate with him; both with farm work and sexy times
  2965. >Anon enjoys how Applejack is one of the few mares in town who don't treat him as either a glass doll or a glorified child
  2966. >He likes how he can be himself around her and not have to worry about her jumping in to help him when she thinks he can't do something because of his gender
  2967. >Sometimes Apple Bloom slips up and calls him "Daddy"
  2968. >Life on Sweet Apple Acres is pretty good for Anon
  2969.  
  2970.  
  2971. >Anon has to go on a trip to another city for a few weeks
  2972. >Anon is welcomed back at the train station by Applejack and Apple Bloom
  2973. >Anon nearly gets his "welcome back" kiss but instead gets a big tackle-hug from Apple Bloom
  2974. >She snuggles into his chest
  2975. >"I missed you, Daddy..."
  2976. >It immediately begins raining in the station; right at the exact moment when some dust flew into Anon's eyes
  2977.  
  2978.  
  2979.  
  2980.  
  2981.  
  2982. >Twiggy piggy has been spending a lot of time with Anon
  2983. >Unlike other stallions, he doesn't seem to mind her being an awkward spergy bookhorse
  2984. >Whenever her friends tease her about him, she's quick to say that they are just friends
  2985. >What hurts most is that it's the truth
  2986. >And she can't seem to do anything to change it.
  2987. >A unicorn who could stare down Nightmare Moon and Discord, terrified of saying a few words to a good friend.
  2988.  
  2989. >Then she gets her wings
  2990. >Her body changes, she feels better than ever
  2991. >But the fundamental problem didn't change
  2992. >In fact, it got worse.
  2993. >She noticed that he seemed to be spending less and less time with her.
  2994.  
  2995. >Pony stallions were more than happy to try to fill the gap, with her new Alicorn form and authority.
  2996. >But she didn't want /them/.
  2997. >She wanted her friend.
  2998. >The one who hadn't cared that she was a bit messy when she ate more hayburgers than was entirely healthy
  2999. >Who would tell her stories from another world late into the night
  3000. >The only stallion besides her brother (and Spike), that she'd ever been able to truly relax around.
  3001.  
  3002. >But they were drifting apart, and she couldn't figure out why or what to do about it.
  3003.  
  3004.  
  3005.  
  3006.  
  3007. >Desperately clingy anon just wants love
  3008. >Keeps getting used for sex and dumped
  3009. >Mares who are interested in staying with him are driven off by his clingyness
  3010. >This just makes Anon retreat into his shell avoid ponies
  3011. >Cue some poner that is interested in Anon who is now a lonely shut in who is desperate for love but cant bring himself to trust.
  3012.  
  3013.  
  3014.  
  3015.  
  3016. >"Uh, hey Twi? Yer horn's been glowing fer a few hours now. What's going on?"
  3017. "Oh, yeah. You know how me and Anon are dating?"
  3018. >"Yah mention it at every possible opportunity. Yeah, Ah know."
  3019. "Well, after a particularly rough session in the bedroom..."
  3020. >She leans over to AJ and whispers into her ear
  3021. "Seeeeeex"
  3022. >"Ah figured."
  3023. "I realized that I didn't really know all that much about how to...um...do that sort of stuff..."
  3024. >"Ah'd've never guessed."
  3025. "Shut up. So, in order to be a better lover for Anon, I've decided to approach the issue with science!"
  3026. >"...Meaning?"
  3027. "I've magically extracted Anon's consciousness from body, sealed it in my horn, and am now running a litany of sexual simulations on it to learn the best way to please him! So far, he's orgasmed 457 times."
  3028. >"W-what the buck, Twilight!? That's sounds-"
  3029. "458."
  3030. >"-that's absolutely twisted! Yer crazy!"
  3031. >Twilight waves her hoof dismissively
  3032. "Oh, please. Anon certainly isn't going to be complaining the next time we're in bed together!"
  3033. >She leans in close and lowers her voice once more
  3034. "I'm going to put his...p-penis in my mouth."
  3035. >"...Ah'm calling the pol-"
  3036. "459."
  3037.  
  3038.  
  3039.  
  3040.  
  3041.  
  3042. >Flower sisters working as a team to snag Anon
  3043. >Roseluck cuddles with Anon to get him used to her (and by extension, her sister's) scent
  3044. >Daisy gifts him with flowers whenever he walks by their shop as a way of showing off how successful their business is
  3045. >Lily invites him to stay at their place - at first for lunches and dinners, and then she times his visits with powerful rainstorms and convinces him to stay the night
  3046. Anon will be warming their bed and making them haybacon for breakfast in no time.
  3047.  
  3048.  
  3049.  
  3050.  
  3051. >Vinyl has a large following of stallions
  3052. >They feel like her songs are totally about them
  3053. >Vinyl regularly brings a few back stage and fucks them
  3054. >It's one of the perks of the job, you know?
  3055. >One of Anon's stallion friends convinces him to come to a show with him
  3056. >Vinyl has her groupie wrangler take Anon to her room for some good, old-fashioned sex
  3057. >Anon doesn't get the memo
  3058. >They're playing board games and shit while Vinyl's clit is screaming for attention
  3059. >She's mute, so she can't just ask him to stick his tongue in her
  3060. >When he starts setting up the board for Oponeration, she just pounces on him
  3061.  
  3062.  
  3063.  
  3064.  
  3065. >A ball of lightning suddenly opens a hole in your floor
  3066. >It crackles, sparks, and then dissipates
  3067. >Revealing Twilight
  3068. >Christ, what happened to her?
  3069. >White headband, her mane's fucked up, she's got an eye patch and even a cut on her cheek.
  3070. >"Anon! I'm from the future!"
  3071. Woah.
  3072. >"I have something to tell you! Equestria is in terrible danger!"
  3073. Well shit, what do I need to d-
  3074. >"You have to impregnate me!"
  3075.  
  3076. >You slap a hand to your face.
  3077. "For fuck's sake, Twilight. Seriously?"
  3078. >You gesture wildly at her weird future-costume.
  3079. "Seriously?!"
  3080. >Twilight grips your shoulders and shakes you back and forth.
  3081. >"Our foals will save the world, Anon! They'll be the new bearers of the Elements of Harmony!"
  3082. >It's bullshit, and you don't believe it.
  3083. >Twilight's hoof-grip loosens and she backs away a couple of steps.
  3084. >"They'll also be incredibly business savvy and will end up owning almost all of Ponyville. Is it so wrong to want a marecave with all the latest updates of Ogres and Oubliettes, and all the miniatures I could ever paint?" 
  3085. >You just glare at her.
  3086. >You would be just fine with sex if she didn't keep coming up with these dumb schemes.
  3087.  
  3088.  
  3089.  
  3090.  
  3091.  
  3092. >It's not immediately obvious that Anon is a male
  3093. >Twilight thinks that he's a mare
  3094. >Complains to him about how stallions are all whores and how she's such a "nice gal"
  3095. >She nearly faints when she realizes how badly she fucked up
  3096. >Anon just thinks the entire reverse "nice guy" thing is funny
  3097.  
  3098.  
  3099.  
  3100.  
  3101. > Starlight Glimmer sometimes takes things too literally
  3102. > Twilight told her to try to think about her actions from an outsider's perspective
  3103. > Starlight bungles a spell that would set up a parallel self to observe herself with
  3104. > After the inevitable magical explosion, she starts hearing voices
  3105. > The voices of stallions around her
  3106. > Starlight learns two things very quickly 
  3107. > Stallions are incredibly harsh on each other in their thoughts
  3108. > They also stare at mares' teats and tufts
  3109. > A lot
  3110.  
  3111. > And then there's Anon
  3112. > Broadcasting lust and violence like a vulgar fog horn
  3113. > It's hard for Starlight to keep her composure around him
  3114. > It's very arousing, hearing a stallion so hungry for sex, but it's more than that
  3115. > Starlight is starting to notice the things he fantasizes about, and has developed a bit of an appreciation for the feminine form
  3116.  
  3117. >"Damn, I just can't decide which of these mares I'd want to sit on my face first."
  3118. >"All these ponuts...I wonder if the mares here like anal?"
  3119. >"Breastfeeding in public like that? Guess things really are different here...I wonder if a mare would let me try that on her..."
  3120. >"Damn my balls itch. Hope these mares don't notice me doing it through my pants pocket."
  3121. >"Do the princesses ever orgasm? Can they? They probably hit horse-menopause three thousand years ago...eh, I'd still hit it."
  3122. >"Damn, look at those applebucking thighs."
  3123. >"Communism was a mistake."
  3124.  
  3125. >"Look at all this exposed pussy. I can't believe how much I've been masturbating; It feels like my dick's going to fall off. Woah-hoh, look at that one! I'm getting hard just by lo- Oh, god, no, it hurts... Why is everyone sexy and naked?! I need to fuck something or else I'm going to go insane!"
  3126. >Meanwhile, Glimmer is doing her best to hold back her blush and not flag up her tail at Anon
  3127.  
  3128. >Starlight somehow gets caught in a conversation with the local human.
  3129. >He's polite, and the topic is really of no importance.
  3130. >Though his face is even, Starlight can hear his countless idle thoughts of sex, casual violence, outright hatefulness, and other unpony things that no other stallion even has the capacity to think of.
  3131. >But the one that stands out the most is his forefront thought of grabbing her and viciously fucking her right there in public. 
  3132. >She has to bite her lip and tuck her tail, hoping no once sees the clear trail of shameful arousal running down her leg.
  3133.  
  3134. Or, instead of taking the obvious lewd route.
  3135. >Pony thoughts are very simple
  3136. >This doesn't mean that ponies are dumb; it's just that they don't bother with thinking about topics irrelevant to whatever's at hand
  3137. >Enter Anon, who is basically an amplified loudspeaker, blasting chunks of music and shower thoughts constantly, even while holding a conversation
  3138. >Glimmer is now very cautious of Anon's mental state
  3139.  
  3140.  
  3141.  
  3142.  
  3143.  
  3144. >Foal-sitter Anon
  3145. >It's one of the only jobs available to a stallion, apart from secretary and waiter
  3146. >He doesn't feel like bringing higher-ups their coffee and getting his ass slapped as thanks, nor does he like the revealing outfits that he'd have to wear when waiting tables
  3147. >Foal-sitting it is, then
  3148. >After his first half-dozen or so evenings taking care of foals, he's pretty sure he's got it down pat
  3149. >Enter: Diamond Tiara
  3150. >Ignored by her parents as they spend weeks at a time out of town attending important events, she lashes out and makes things difficult for him
  3151. >He'd split if the Riches didn't pay him so well for taking care of their daughter
  3152. >Anon persists, he doesn't leave her, and she starts to be less of a little fucking shit to him
  3153. >She starts to look forward to her evenings with him
  3154. >One evening, she greets him with a cheerful "Daddy!"
  3155. >She's mortified
  3156. >Her face when
  3157.  
  3158.  
  3159.  
  3160.  
  3161.  
  3162. >Sir Anonymous in Equestria
  3163.  
  3164. >Celestia recognizes his skill and potential threat, and takes him as one of her knights errant.
  3165. >Should he serve Her and Equestria faithfully, he will be rewarded with lands to call his own.
  3166.  
  3167. >Frequently clashes with the nobles, and many other knights, who find the idea of a male knight who takes himself seriously to be ridiculous
  3168. >Celestia's personal guard may be littered with stallions, but they are mostly ceremonial in this age. More for decoration than actual security. Something Anon finds absurd.
  3169. >The sovereign's bodyguard should be the most powerful force in the land in his opinion.
  3170.  
  3171. >He takes the young Shining Armor as his squire
  3172. >The lad has potential. Potential that is ignored by most of the other knights.
  3173.  
  3174. >Together they wander Equestria, going where Celestia directs, or where the currents of fate take them.
  3175.  
  3176.  
  3177.  
  3178.  
  3179.  
  3180. > Platonic gestures are platonic in Equestria
  3181. > Anon decides to mess with Twilight during the standard multidimensional cultural exchange survey
  3182. "Oh, holding hands is pretty lewd. Some degenerates even do it in public, but they are the exception. As for hugging..."
  3183. > Twilight disseminates the information as quickly as possible, nopony wants the new stallion to be traumatized by handmolesting or rapehugs
  3184. > Ponies hold a hoof out for a hoofshake, only to pull it back in mortification 
  3185. > Pinkie wants to hug so bad, but she can't, she isn't that kind of mare
  3186. > M-maybe when he's asleep...
  3187. > Ponies are affected in odd ways
  3188. > Mares start wondering why they are winking from just holding hooves
  3189. > Stallions are more cagey about hugs, but the ones in herds find hugs to be more satisfying somehow
  3190.  
  3191.  
  3192.  
  3193.  
  3194. >>Anon camped out on the roof of the school
  3195. >>Fuck these ponies, they aren't the boss of me
  3196. >>Steals fat pony's lunch every day
  3197. >>Motherfucker has a fork cutie mark, mother must be a chef or something
  3198. >>Whole purpose in life is to eat his mom's food, what a bitch
  3199. >>Follow him home
  3200. >>Plan in motion after he goes to school
  3201. >>Back porch, pretend to fall out of tree and smash block of wood for thud
  3202. >>Roll around on the ground crying like a bitch
  3203. >>Mommy pony comes out. Whoa, fucking MLPILTF
  3204. >>Cute act go!
  3205. >>She gives you glass of milk. Pretty sure it came from her crotchtits. Score.
  3206. >>Chubby pony comes home to you fucking his mom.
  3207. >>Mommy pone comes in front of fatty
  3208. >>Its ok, he just thinks I'm are hurting her
  3209. >>Now you steal his lunch and yell at him and call him a faggot
  3210. >>Animal control is called in. Who do these bitches think they are?
  3211. >>2 mares.
  3212. ...
  3213. >>Cute act go!
  3214. >>Bring them flowers, which the dumb horses eat
  3215. >>Sit when they tell you, but like a man on a bench with your legs crossed
  3216. >>Fatty comes to see if they caught the bad animal that hurt his mommy
  3217. >>It looks like they've got him pinned down, but he's really putting up a fight!
  3218. >>One is holding his head down by sitting on it, the other is straddling his waist, but it keeps bouncing her up and down trying to get away! Animal control must be hard work, they are both yelling at it not to stop.
  3219. >>Fat pony feels funny. He goes back into the school to eat cookies instead of watching the 2 sexy animal control mare get railed by the human.
  3220.  
  3221.  
  3222.  
  3223.  
  3224. >Oh god, can you imagine how hellish it would be to live in an Equestria where poners are that size? You can't fit into any of their buildings, and their tiny vaginas are too small for an average-sized human cock. It's like, you finger-fuck them and they're all "oh yes you're so big"
  3225.  
  3226. >Implying that isn't the actual size of ponies.
  3227. >Implying it wouldn't be hilarious to have Anon having to crouch everywhere to go into buildings and crawl inside.
  3228. >Implying that ponies aren't awed every-time they go into Anon's giant house.
  3229. >Implying ponies aren't the perfect super elastic cocksleeves.
  3230.  
  3231.  
  3232.  
  3233.  
  3234. >Pones that only come up to your mid thigh in height.
  3235. >You stretch them nearly to their limit despite being average.
  3236. >Petite mares like Rainbow need warmed up first or there is no way you're getting in.
  3237.  
  3238. >Alicorns are tall enough to look at your chest, and only Celestia is as tall as you if you count her horn.
  3239. >Little colts and fillies don't even hit knee height.
  3240. >Foals are the size of kittens and can fit in your hand.
  3241.  
  3242.  
  3243.  
  3244. >Anon doesn't have any native magic in him
  3245. >Ponies sense each other by subconsciously/unconsciously picking up on their magical signature
  3246. >Anon is magicless, so they can't instinctively know that he's in the room with them
  3247. >He can sneak up on poners very easily
  3248. >Sometimes they panic when they think that he's gone, like how a baby has zero object permanence and thinks that a ball just stops existing when he can't see it
  3249.  
  3250.  
  3251.  
  3252.  
  3253.  
  3254. >the ambient magic in the air leaves him in a state of constant arousal akin to a mare's estrus cycle.
  3255.  
  3256. I have an idea
  3257.  
  3258. >Anon gets captured by ponies who want to turn him into an exotic sex slave and know about his condition 
  3259. >They attempt to overload him on magic and turn him into a cunt-hungry slut
  3260. >Anon blacks out and goes full RAPE MONKEY, turning it around on them in a mindless haze of lust
  3261. >They intended to be the rapists, now they are the ones getting raped
  3262. >Any attempts to stop him with magic just make him more aroused
  3263. >He breaks out and unleashes his lust on Ponyville
  3264. >By the time he finally comes down off the magic-induced lust craze, a significant amount of mares are pregnant with his spawn
  3265.  
  3266.  
  3267.  
  3268.  
  3269. >Day in Equestria.
  3270. >Be Pone Catherine.
  3271. >You are a pony who once saw a human.
  3272. >You were at the city reservoir and they rescued your ball from the pipes after it went over the fence.
  3273. >Ever since then you have known you have a special purpose in the world.
  3274. >To blow shit up.
  3275. >Mom was so proud when you came home with your cutiemark that day.
  3276. >"You're gonna make those deer feel the wrath of Celestia one day."
  3277. >You don't specialize in deer exploding, but you've helped the royal guard out when they needed an extra hoof assembling their bombs.
  3278. >Most of your work ends up being fireworks of all shapes and sizes.
  3279. >Dad comes to all the shows you get hired to run.
  3280.  
  3281.  
  3282.  
  3283.  
  3284. >It's Hearth's Warming Eve
  3285. >Anon and waifu are pretty good friends
  3286. >Anon has waifu and a few of their mare friends (colts too prissy, yo) over at his house for horse-Christmas celebrations
  3287. >waifu has a bit too much to drink and attaches a sprig of mistletoe to her dock
  3288. >This gets a bunch of laughs out of their friends and is probably considered the equivalent of wearing a "kiss the cock" apron
  3289. >Anon is just tipsy enough to take her up on her "offer"
  3290. >Bends over darling, grabs waifu by the flanks, and gives her candyvag (or ponut, depending on what you're into) a big, sloppy kiss
  3291.  
  3292.  
  3293.  
  3294.  
  3295.  
  3296. > Sirens are the Irish of Equestria
  3297. >Whenever they aren't singing they have thick Irish accents
  3298. >They get into fights and drink a lot
  3299. >Adagio's real name is Adagi O'Dazzle
  3300.  
  3301. >Beautiful, smooth singing voice with just a hint of an Irish lilt in their voice by the way they trill their R's
  3302. >Once they're off-stage, they're Guinness-loving Sirish dogs who can't keep their hands off of Anon's ass
  3303. >Aria and Adagio have pleasant-sounding accents, but Sonata's is so thick it's like visiting Newfoundland on drinking night
  3304.  
  3305. >After they lost their powers, they generally spend their time drinking, fighting, and being miserable
  3306. >They meet Anon because he's the guy who buys their alcohol for them now
  3307. >Originally they used to just using their singing to hypnotize people into giving them free booze but that's no longer an option now that they're normal teenage girls
  3308. >Anon decides to actually help them make something of themselves
  3309.  
  3310.  
  3311.  
  3312.  
  3313.  
  3314. >Chryssi in RGRE
  3315. >to find the best, purest form of love she and her perfectly normal not rainbow drones must feed on stallions
  3316. >the mares are just polluting the thing with their lust too much
  3317. >that kind of dirty love is like drugs for the cheesebugs - gives them a hell of a kick, but not healthy in the long run
  3318. >the Hive Queen learns about a large biped in Ponyville
  3319. >turns out it's a stallion
  3320. >excited about getting a large batch of love, she personally goes for him
  3321. >turns out Anon is not as pure as she would've hoped
  3322. >turns out humans are for sexual
  3323. >and so are changelings as far as Anon is concerned
  3324. >she wakes up two days later with the biggest hungover she ever had
  3325.  
  3326.  
  3327.  
  3328.  
  3329. >A unicorn mare pregnant with a reincarnated Anon.
  3330. >She finds that she can keep doing cavalier mare things while pregnant because "mysterious" things keep happening that pull her out of trouble.
  3331. >Meanwhile, the halfgrown foal that is Anon just wishes his mom would stop being a jackass that needs saved by him every week.
  3332. >Because god damn doing magic while unborn is exhausting.
  3333.  
  3334.  
  3335.  
  3336.  
  3337.  
  3338. >Mmm. Fresh cookies.
  3339. >Bet the kids would want some.
  3340. >Grab a plateful.
  3341. >Head on the down to the basement.
  3342. >Down the dank stone stairs lit my torches of unnatural color.
  3343. >Hear a roar and pause. 
  3344. >Oh wait, that was just the Scorpio Demon chained down somewhere.
  3345. >Little... Big? Big bastard knows not to mess with you after you put the fear of the spraybottle in him.
  3346. >Pass the army of skellies doing skelly things 
  3347. >At the bottom after 500 steps in the main magi workshop. 
  3348. >Interrupt your kids in the middle of a satanic summoning complete with mind melting chanting hymns.
  3349. >And like magic they drop what they're doing, gladly leaving the confused unknowable horror in the pentagram half-summoned for some hot cookies. 
  3350. >Dad ALWAYS knows whats up.
  3351.  
  3352.  
  3353.  
  3354.  
  3355. >RGREqG
  3356. >Twilight sent Anon to the wrong human dimension by mistake and landed him a sweet job to say "I'm sorry"
  3357. >As a high school teacher
  3358. >It's cool, though. He had a sack of bits on him at the time and those things are solid gold.
  3359. >Enter: Dazzlings
  3360. >Not only are they hundreds of years old and otherworldly sea-monsters, they're also a group of trouble-makers who do things like bully other girls and and skip classes
  3361. >Anon decides to be a positive influence on somebody's life for once
  3362. >something something the gender ratio is still A Thing in EqGland
  3363. >something something female teachers won't leave him alone
  3364. >something something RGRE
  3365.  
  3366. >rape as disciplinary action.
  3367. >Dazzlings brag about it afterward
  3368. >"Guess who just got laid!"
  3369.  
  3370.  
  3371. >A couple of female teachers (and a few of the more attentive female students) are worried for Anon's safety
  3372. >It wouldn't be the first time a male teacher (at some other school, mind you) was confronted by a group of horny teenaged girls and raped
  3373. >"He doesn't even carry around a rape whistle."
  3374.  
  3375.  
  3376. >RGREqG
  3377. >The girls in school play a variation of chicken in which they use more and more lewd innuendos on Anon
  3378.  
  3379. >"Mr.Mous?"
  3380. >Derpy places her well-endowed bottom on the desk
  3381. >"Can you teach me about human anatomy?"
  3382. >You cover your eyes as you rub the bridge of your nose
  3383. "I teach marine biology, Miss Hooves."
  3384.  
  3385.  
  3386. >Implying Derpy wouldn't fuck it up somehow
  3387.  
  3388. >She places her amazingly round posterior on the desk
  3389. >"C-can you teach me about birds?"
  3390. >You raise your eyebrow at the gray girl.
  3391. "You meant bird and bees, didn't you?"
  3392. >Poor Derpy becomes confused for a good while, not understanding what went wrong
  3393.  
  3394.  
  3395.  
  3396. > Female students attracted to hot older male teacher, but too chickenshit to do anything about it but gawk
  3397. > Male teacher optionally notices, corners one or more of them ("miss X, you'll see me after school.. in my office"), makes their fantasies come true. He's in control the entire time though. 
  3398. > Male students get together and giggle embarrassed at how cute female teacher is. Sluttier ones dress provocatively to tempt her, make lewd innuendos, maybe try to trade dick for grades.
  3399.  
  3400.  
  3401.  
  3402. >Anon realizes he is basically some sort of sexual totem for the girls
  3403. >Uses it to make them improve their grades
  3404. >Highest scoring students sit with him at lunch and get to spend time with him outside of school
  3405. >Its the girls that try really hard but still fail that get the most attention from him
  3406. >Private lessons at his house
  3407. >Hands on Tutoring
  3408.  
  3409.  
  3410.  
  3411.  
  3412.  
  3413.  
  3414. >Anon in RGREquestria.
  3415. >Can't get a decent job, keeps getting pushed to settle down with a mare.
  3416. >Not particularly happy with the situation.
  3417. >Gets courted by a mare who happens to be a changeling.
  3418. >Changeling just adapted to whatever got him to like her, so she was happy to go along with his "backwards" ways.
  3419. >Anon happy to have a mare that finally doesn't see him as second-class.
  3420. >Gets drunk on love.
  3421. >Reverts during sex.
  3422. >Freaks out, tries to explain.
  3423. "Eh, I'll still hit that."
  3424. >Anon likes changelings for treating him decently.
  3425. >No reason to hate them.
  3426. >Changeling realizes that Anon still loves her despite the change.
  3427. >Which never happens.
  3428. >She has so much spare love that she has to share some before bringing any back to the hive.
  3429. >Other changelings in Ponyville can't believe she has this much to spare.
  3430. >"How long have you been gathering this? A year?"
  3431. >"A day. Well, less, really; he's been asleep for a while, after we wore each other out."
  3432.  
  3433. >First changeling starts bringing others in.
  3434. >Makes it look like a herd from the outside.
  3435. >Changelings start abandoning other covers and deceptions they have going.
  3436. >Anon is fine with this.
  3437. "Ponies think that's all I'm good for and look down on me for it. Changelings think it makes me walk on water and look at me like I'm the best thing to ever happen to them."
  3438.  
  3439. >First changeling, full to bursting with love, develops into a queen.
  3440. >Anon starts his own hive.
  3441.  
  3442.  
  3443. >>inter-hive tunnel warfare when Chrysalis comes looking for her missing changelings and finds they defected
  3444. >>a war raging right beneath Ponyville with the ponies none the wiser
  3445.  
  3446. It'd be a very short "war".
  3447.  
  3448. >Changelings give one look at Chrysalis
  3449. >Chrysalis, who staged the whole invasion of Canterlot.
  3450. >And got them thrown out with a net loss of love.
  3451. >They start radiating blinding amounts of love
  3452. >Powered by the endless fount of it they receive from Anon
  3453. >Chrysalis imitates Team Rocket again
  3454. >Can't even bring herself to blame them.
  3455. >They've got a good thing going.
  3456. >Comes crawling back.
  3457. >Begging to share.
  3458.  
  3459. >Anon leaves the decision up to his Queen.
  3460. >The original changeling who brought so much love into his life.
  3461. >And received so much in return
  3462.  
  3463. All of my changeling guards would be cute as fuck so the hive's enemies wouldn't want to hurt them.
  3464.  
  3465. >Big, bright eyes
  3466. >Soft fur, plump bodies
  3467. >Slightly smaller than the average pony to make them look cuter
  3468. >Smaller fangs
  3469. >Constant mild feelings of elation due to all the extra love, making them cheerful, agreeable, and excitable
  3470. >Adorable uniform where the helmet is purposefully a size too big so that it can slip down her face a little bit and she has to stop whatever conversation she's having and push it back up onto her head
  3471. >Make the horseshoe things hollow in the middle so that they clip-clop extra loud on the hard floors
  3472.  
  3473. >Most of the changelings migrating to Anon's hive/herd still have the intimidating warrior bugpone look when they drop their disguises.
  3474. >Anon still loves them.
  3475. >One smaller changeling, previously imitating a young colt and getting some familial love, gets a chance to see Anon's queen first, before dropping their disguise.
  3476. >She looks so much less warlike. Softer.
  3477. >Takes a gamble.
  3478. >Tweaks appearance a bit, turns into a small changeling with big eyes, soft edges, cute little wings, boopable nose.
  3479. >Anon can't help but d'awww aloud.
  3480. >Sound does not go unnoticed.
  3481. >Changeling gets full to bursting just from a few seconds of Anon-hugging.
  3482. >Anon loves all his changelings, but can't help but be a sucker for such cuteness.
  3483. >Many more changelings follow this lead.
  3484.  
  3485. >Some changelings imitate Anon's children, and get cuddles.
  3486. >Others imitate herd-members, and get sexy times.
  3487. >None of them ever go hungry.
  3488. >Ponies can't believe how caring Anon is to his (very) extended family
  3489.  
  3490.  
  3491. >The Ponyville hive is so well-fed that the changelings can't contain it all. 
  3492. >More than once a few have almost blown their cover by accidentally drooling love.
  3493. >It's a thick, glowing pink liquid that tastes like ambrosia and has countless curative properties. 
  3494. >They have to store the excess. 
  3495. >And there is a LOT of it.
  3496. >When Chrysalis and what's left of her hive bust in and find a WATERFALL of liquid love in the throne-room just for decoration, it hits them how hilariously outgunned they are
  3497.  
  3498.  
  3499. >Deep in the hive, however, lies a nasty surprise.
  3500. >The real guards.
  3501. >Changelings who transformed themselves into spikey, foot-long-stinger laden, Cazador-like monsters for the purpose of keeping the new king safe.