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Anonfilly Thread (Complete)

By Bluebirdd065
Created: 2024-03-17 22:58:54
Expiry: Never
anonocslice of liferetarded

  1. "Twilight."
  2. >I stare at my hooves in horror.
  3. "WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO?!"
  4. >"I-I didn't do anything! My horn didn't even light up!"
  5. "Oh, so then I guess the motherfucking tooth fairy did it then, huh?!"
  6. >"I don't know! I can't even trace the source of the magic!"
  7. >Jesus Christ if I had fucking laser eyes, I'd so be using them right now.
  8. >So I show up to Twilight's to help stack books or some shit, and now I'm suddenly a fucking filly.
  9. >Fucking perfect.
  10. >My fucking suit is three times my fucking size now.
  11. "FUCKING FUCK YOU TWILIGHT! YOU BETTER FIX THIS SHIT RIGHT FUCKING NOW BEFORE I FUCKING PILEDRIVE YOU!!"
  12. >She looks super scared.
  13. >Then something clicks into her mind.
  14. >She smiles.
  15. >"You know... I always wanted a personal protege of my own..."
  16. >Oh fuck, I forgot I'm a third of her size now.
  17. "Hey, let me down, you BITCH!"
  18. >Fuck you and your damn magic!
  19. >What the fuck is she...
  20. >She's grabbing a dress.
  21. "No, Twilight. No, fuck you! FUCK YOU! FUCK. YOU! FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OFF I'LL FUCK YOUR FUCKING FUCK YOU FUCK!!!"
  22. >"There you go, little filly! Now you look soo adorable!"
  23. "I SWEAR TO CHRIST I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYEBALLS AND FEED THEM TO YOU!!"
  24. >"Now now, fillies your age shouldn't be cursing, should they? Maybe the CRUSADERS could help teach you that.
  25. >N-no.
  26. >Please, Christ, no Twilight.
  27. >That would mean a fate worse than death.
  28. >My face falls into a pleading look.
  29. "Twilight, you can turn me into a filly, make me wear a dress... But please, sweet SATAN, do not- DO NOT, send me to see those three! I'll do anything!"
  30. >Wait why did I say anything.
  31. >"Hmm. ANYTHING, huh?"
  32. "Oh, did I say ANYTHING? What I really meant was an-othing! Obviously."
  33. >"-I bet Applejack and Rarity would just LOVE to introduce you to-"
  34. "NO NO OH GOD PLEASE NO OKAY I'LL DO ANYTHING."
  35. >She smiles.
  36. >"There you go. That's more like it."
  37.  
  38. >Great. Just fucking great.
  39. >So purple shit decided she wanted me to act like her fucking filly until she figured out how to change me back.
  40. >The rest of the town became aware of my existence as a filly and basically gave my human self the fucking finger.
  41. >Nobody but Twilight knows about me previously being human, because ponies here are fucking stupid and apparently not that perceptive.
  42. >But because I was now a filly, the Mayor enrolled me into school, despite Twilight actually trying to help me out with that.
  43. >Of course, she only did that shit because she wanted me to stay home so she could boss me around and set books and shit.
  44. >Stupid Twilight.
  45. >So today, I grabbed a lunchbox full of bacon and headed out to the school building.
  46. >If I'm going to fucking school, I need some kind of goddamned enjoyment out of it, at least.
  47. >The bell rings the minute I step inside the building.
  48. >Cheerilee smiles and walks over to me.
  49. >"Ah! You must be our new student, Green Leaf!"
  50. >Wow, Twilight is really shit with names.
  51. >I don't even have anything leaf-related on me.
  52. >Stupid bitch.
  53. "Yup, that's me. And hey, listen, can you NOT do the whole stu- introducing me to the class thing? I want today to go down smoothly."
  54. >"There's no need to be shy, Green Leaf."
  55. "Yes, I KNOW that, but I'd still prefer to-"
  56. >"Who's the new student, Ms. Cheerilee?"
  57. >Hmpf.
  58. >Diamond Tiara.
  59. >I only knew about that bitch from what Twilight and Applejack told me.
  60. >Plus just LOOKING at her is a good indicator that she'll be a bitch.
  61. >"Oh! This is Green Leaf!"
  62. >She scans me and scoffs.
  63. >Bitch.
  64. >I swear to god if she fucking says anything, I'm going to suplex that bitch.
  65. "Ms. Cheerilee?"
  66. >"Yes?"
  67. "If she says anything rude to me or tries to bully me, don't be surprised when I punch them in the face. Just saying."
  68. >I walk away like a bad ass and take an empty seat the furthest from Diamond and her cock sock Silver Shit.
  69. >Not that I'm scared, but suplexing a bitch isn't really a good first impression.
  70.  
  71. >The kids come into the building and I realize that I sat closer to the fucking Crusaders.
  72. >Oh shit.
  73. >Not these little fucks.
  74. >They don't even sit down before they notice my lack of a Cutie Mark and start asking me stupid shit.
  75. >Mostly about joining their gay club, of course.
  76. >"Alright everypony, settle down!"
  77. >Everyone goes silent.
  78. >Cheerilee, I swear to god I'll-
  79. >"I'm sure you all noticed today that we have new student!"
  80. >YOU. STUPID. BITCH.
  81. >Well fuck, time to leave a good first impression!
  82. >Not many chances you get to become a kid with the mind of a fully grown adult.
  83. >I walk up to the front of the room while Cheerilee prouds me around like a prized turkey.
  84. >"So, anything you want to say to your classmates?"
  85. "Sure.
  86. >She backs up and gives me some room.
  87. >I clear my throat, already seeing DT rolling her damn eyes.
  88. "If you cross me, I'll kill you."
  89. >Everyone's silent.
  90. >I casually walk back to my seat.
  91. >I hear DT scoff again, but she pulls back from saying anything.
  92. >That's right bitch.
  93. >I run this fucking school now.
  94. >Cheerilee starts teaching shit about basic as hell math, talking tens and shit.
  95. >I wonder if she'll just graduate me right now if I show her some algebra shit.
  96. >She gives us some gay basic multiplication assignments, expecting them to be finished in like, two hours.
  97. >I finish them in two minutes and casually sit there.
  98. >Cheerilee glances at me every few minutes until she clicks her tongue and walks over to me.
  99. >"Is there a reason you're not doing your work?"
  100. "Aside from it being done? Don't think so."
  101. >She checks your paper and glances at everyone else's, obviously trying to see if I was copying or some shit.
  102. >Except that everyone was barely on the second question.
  103. >Out of thirty.
  104. >"Oh... H-how did you figure this out?"
  105. "It's basic multiplication. What's so hard about it?"
  106. >Like to see you do number theory, school horse.
  107. "So do I get a golden star here or what?"
  108.  
  109. >She just stares at my paper.
  110. >"In all my years..."
  111. "Yeah yeah, that's great. Gimmie something harder, come on."
  112. >She looks at you.
  113. >"One hundred times four hundred?"
  114. "Fourty thousand. Come on, I said HARD. Where's all the variables and imaginary numbers and stuff?"
  115. >She thinks about it a moment before writing a simple equation on my paper.
  116. >2+x=0
  117. >I look up at her and frown.
  118. "That's not very difficult. How about functions or some shit?"
  119. >I cover my mouth.
  120. >Cheerilee's too confused to realize I just cursed in front of her.
  121. "How about some number theory?"
  122. >
  123. >Cheerilee is absolutely speechless.
  124. >From the start of the lesson to the end, I moved from my desk and took to the chalkboard, while she took a seat.
  125. >Not understanding a single fucking word I was saying, most of the class just took to sleeping after they finished their work.
  126. >"N-not even I understood the subject very well..."
  127. "Cool. So does this mean you'll graduate me already or something?"
  128. >She puts a hoof on her chin.
  129. >"Well, I can't see any point of keeping you here if you know so much about this subject already..."
  130. >Fuck yeah, gon' go home.
  131. >"...But there are still other subjects that this class undertakes."
  132. >You grin.
  133. "Come on, bust out the easy physics and essay stuff!"
  134. >"Don't forget history."
  135. >H-history?
  136. >In an entirely different world?
  137. >Fuck.
  138. >She notices your ears fall.
  139. >"History isn't your forte, I presume?"
  140. >I shake my head.
  141. >I had to admit that it felt kind of good to be treated like an adult again here. She didn't see me as a kid during my lecture, despite technically being one.
  142. >But my lack of Equestrian history threw me back.
  143. >She smiled.
  144. >Now I was just a kid in her eyes again.
  145. >All because I didn't know one subject.
  146. >The recess bell rings.
  147. >All the kids, now tired and bored as shit, slowly walk out.
  148. >I was so close to getting out of this damn class.
  149. "So you're keeping me in this class for history, aren't you?"
  150. >She smiles and nods.
  151. >I groan and grab my lunchbox before heading outside.
  152.  
  153. >All the little assholes are playing around in groups and fucking around swings and shit.
  154. >I don't despair however, because of the fresh little friends I have in my lunchbox.
  155. >I sit alone at a table and pop open my lunchbox.
  156. >Diamond spots me and closes in.
  157. >I pull out the sweet juicy strips of porn onto a napkin and smile.
  158. >Diamond is absolutely mortified.
  159. >She and Silver simply watch as I pick up a strip of bacon and pop it into my mouth.
  160. >They scream and run away.
  161. >That's right, bitches.
  162. >I could be like the best fucking bully here if I wanted to.
  163. >Not even the CMC come up to me once they see the bacon.
  164. >It's like kryptonite to ponies.
  165. >It's wonderful.
  166. >I savor the wonderful taste of pork that probably isn't even compatible with my fucking body and see Diamond Tiara walking over to me again.
  167. >This bitch really is persistent, isn't she?
  168. >I wear an unamused look as she comes up, not knowing in the slightest who she's talking to.
  169. >She scoffs again and looks at your lunchbox first.
  170. >"So where'd a freak like YOU come from?"
  171. "Your mom's room."
  172. >I fight the urge to start fucking laughing and settle on a smug grin.
  173. >"You know, you gotta lot of nerve talking to me like that!"
  174. "Last time I checked, you came up to me first. Mess with the bull, you get the horns, and I don't think you'll like where these horns'll go."
  175. >She tries to act all tough and gets closer to you.
  176. >"Is that a threat?"
  177. "Nah, call it a friendly reminder. You cross the line, don't say I didn't warn ya, alright?"
  178. >"Pft, what could a stupid blank flank like YOU do to ME?"
  179. >Some ponies go silent and watch.
  180. >I laugh.
  181. "You really ARE asking for it, aren't you?"
  182. >Some ponies start to whisper.
  183. >"Do you even know who you're talking to here? My daddy's one of the most powerful ponies in all of Ponyv-"
  184. >FUCKING. SUUUUUUPLEEEEEX!!
  185. >I drive DT into the ground and hop onto the table.
  186. "And the crowd goes wild! Aaaahhh!"
  187. >The ponies start laughing.
  188. >Silver tries to help her friend into consciousness.
  189.  
  190. >
  191. >Now I'm nearing the end of my fucking detention.
  192. >Fucking Diamond.
  193. >I told Ms. Cheerilee that I'd fuck her up if she said anything.
  194. >I warned her, dammit.
  195. >Who cares if I attacked her first?
  196. >She was a bitch first.
  197. >Doesn't that mean anything here?
  198. >She provoked that shit.
  199. >Twilight comes in and gives me a kind of, 'what the fuck did you do' look before talking to Cheerilee.
  200. >"Ah, Princess Twilight! What brings you here?"
  201. >"Just Twilight is fine. I'm here to pick up Green Leaf? Had she caused any trouble today?"
  202. >"O-oh, um, actually, yes. She, uh, attacked one of her students."
  203. "Hey, I told you I would, didn't I?"
  204. >"Attacked a student, huh?"
  205. >She glares at me.
  206. "Ey, that bitch asked for it- I MEAN FEMALE DOG."
  207. >Her glare darkens.
  208. >Cheerilee looks at a clock.
  209. >"Well, I suppose it's about time to release her, anyways. I'll leave any further punishment to you, Twilight. She IS yours, correct?"
  210. >Twilight softly nods, eyes never leaving mine.
  211. >"Well, that explains a lot. Your child here is hooves-down the smartest filly I've ever taught. You should be very proud."
  212. >"Oh, I am."
  213. >She glares at me again.
  214. >"When she isn't misbehaving, though."
  215. >Cheerilee gives you a pitiful look as Twilight drags you out of the building.
  216. "Woo, nice act, Twilight! I'm sure Cheerilee saw it as plenty convincing!"
  217. >"An act? I expected more out of you, Green Leaf. You've disappointed me today."
  218. >You laugh.
  219. "Damn Twilight, you really are-"
  220. >"DON'T CURSE OR YOU'LL GET IT!"
  221. >She lifts a hoof up.
  222. >I pause.
  223. "Jesus, Twilight, you can drop the act. Nobody else is here."
  224. >She smacks me right across the face.
  225. >Hard.
  226. "OW, hey bitch! What was that for?-"
  227. >"WHAT DID I FINISH SAYING?!"
  228. >I stay quiet and whimper.
  229. >"Now... What do you say?"
  230. >I look at the floor, then Twilight.
  231. "T-that..."
  232. >"Yes?"
  233. "...THAT YOU'RE A CRAZY BITCH!"
  234. >RUUUUUUUN!
  235. "HAHAHA STUPID CUNT!"
  236.  
  237. >So apparently Twilight took the whole me being a filly thing too far.
  238. >She, being the crazy fuck she is, apparently is starting to see me more as her daughter than the wonderfully handsome man I was before.
  239. >Apparently the personal protege thing wasn't far enough.
  240. >She still looms the CMC over me, though I'm sure that by now they probably wouldn't want to fuck around with me anymore.
  241. >At this point, I'm simply hoping that I'll either one day turn back into a beautifully sexy human again, or will get fixed by Twilight.
  242. >Despite her saying she's working on it, I'm beginning to lose a little faith in that.
  243. >So now, after calling Twilight a cunt nugget several times, I am left with a sore ass and no supper today.
  244. >If I was half as tall as I was before, I'd just get food myself, but as of now, the only way to get food is to climb shit, and with Twilight's horrible tyranny finally coming out, I don't see it as a very good idea.
  245. >I will definitely have me revenge once I'm human though.
  246. >I'm gonna dropkick that bitch so hard she'll explode.
  247. >Speaking of, Twilight comes through the door.
  248. >She's been coming through constantly to see if I was 'sorry for my misbehavior'.
  249. >Every single time, I give her the same answer:
  250. "Go fuck yourself, Twilight."
  251. >And a smack to the rump follows afterwards.
  252. >She's a bit hesitant at doing it, not because she understands how bat-shit crazy she is, but because I always purposefully make lewd noises as she does it.
  253. "Mmmpf, harder, Twilight~"
  254. >Honestly, I'm glad she just stops instead of actually hitting harder, because hooves fucking hurt.
  255. >The pain is great for changing into suggestive noises though.
  256. >It's hilariously brilliant.
  257. >I've even been thinking of going all out and riling myself up down south so the next time she hit me, she got a hoof-full of filly juices.
  258. >If she wants to treat me like some stupid bratty kid, then by all means...
  259. >I'll be a bratty fucking kid.
  260. >Twilight leaves the room with a sigh.
  261. >Down south, here we go!
  262.  
  263. >Hooh, oh, this feels pretty damn good.
  264. >Still not even sure what I'm doing, but I've seen enough porn to get the jist of it.
  265. >Circles, circles.
  266. >Since I was originally a human, and an adult male, could I now be labeled as a pedo?
  267. >But then you'd be calling a little filly a pedo.
  268. >Huh.
  269. >Wonder how that'd work.
  270. >-Why the fuck am I thinking about this? I'm jerking it here, let's get some lewd thoughts in here!
  271. >Actually, I don't even NEED lewd thoughts! I'm a girl!
  272. >Ooh, yeah.
  273. >Damn son, this feels great.
  274. >I mean, I also haven't wanked it in like, years, so there's that as well.
  275. "Unh-"
  276. >SHUT UP. KEEP QUIET.
  277. "A-aah~"
  278. >Fuck, stop moaning, me!
  279. "Mmm-MPFH"
  280. >Okay, just gotta keep quiet, now-
  281. >"What's with all the weird-"
  282. >OH FUCKASDFNK
  283. >"SWEET CELESTIAAAAAH?!-"
  284. "AAAAAH GET THE FUCK OUT!!-"
  285. >
  286. >Well that plan was a bust.
  287. >It certainly scared Twilight off though.
  288. >Just not in the way I originally planned.
  289. >She screamed, slammed the door shut and hasn't returned.
  290. >It's been almost two hours already.
  291. >I wonder what she thinks of me now?
  292. >I mean, even though I AM technically a filly now, I'm sure the thought of me being a guy before hasn't really settled in.
  293. >Well, that's if she remembers that I was a guy, and not her long lost fucking daughter from outer space or some shit.
  294. >People can sometimes have themselves believe in crazy shit.
  295. >I look down at my filly parts for a moment.
  296. >Doesn't seem like Twilight's coming in here for a while now.
  297. >Might as well wrap things up!
  298. "Hah, n-nice~"
  299. >Maybe being a filly isn't all that bad?
  300.  
  301. >It's a good thing the walk to the schoolhouse isn't that far.
  302. >Any further and Twilight would've opted to take me there.
  303. >Or just leave me alone anyways, because of yesterday's 'incident'.
  304. >In fact, she didn't even say anything to me while I was leaving the castle.
  305. >She was just sitting down at the table with a mug of coffee beside her.
  306. >She looked like she didn't even sleep.
  307. >There were bags and shit under her eyes, and her mane was fucked up.
  308. >All she did is creepily stare at me while I helped myself to the cereal she finished having.
  309. >Honestly, I've never wanted to go to school so badly before.
  310. >Even if I was across the entire fucking room, she was staring at me.
  311. >If the bitch wasn't the 'Princess of Friendship' I'd of been fucking terrified of her.
  312. >And I still was.
  313. >I practically sprint over to the school and hop inside as the bell rings again.
  314. >I take my seat and watch all the ponies come in.
  315. >Some of them smile, others just freak the fuck out and avoid my eyes.
  316. >It's wonderful.
  317. >Diamond Tiara just glares at me.
  318. >I grin and casually wave back.
  319. >If that bitch wants some, she can fucking come and get some.
  320. >The CMC come in and smile at me.
  321. >They sit all around me.
  322. >Way to ruin my fucking day, Jesus.
  323. >"Hi, Green Leaf!"
  324. >Ugh, I forgot that was my stupid fucking name.
  325. "What do you want?"
  326. >"We want you to join our club! You know, because you don't have your Cutie Mark and all..."
  327. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm a Lonewolf type of filly."
  328. >They all get closer.
  329. >"Come oooon! You would be PERFECT for our club!"
  330. >"Yeah! Plus you're the only filly that's EVER gone against Diamond Tiara!"
  331. >Hmm, maybe I can actually work with this.
  332. >As fucking annoying and horrible the threat from Twilight has been, if I go through with it on my OWN terms, it can be much better for me.
  333. >Basically like customizing a concentration camp before staying in it.
  334. >It's still a concentration camp, but now you have a personal minibar and a man cave.
  335. >The fillies watch me in anticipation.
  336.  
  337. "Fine, but I've gotta set ground rules."
  338. >They gasp and smile.
  339. >"Anything!!"
  340. "I'm not doing tea parties. Even if Twilight drags me to one. In fact, ANYTHING girly, I'm not going to do. The rest of the rules I'll come up with as we go."
  341. >They jump out and fucking hug the shit out of me.
  342. >Thankfully not literally, but pretty damn close.
  343. >Cheerilee starts class.
  344. >I really have no reason to listen, so she kind of just silently lets me be.
  345. >Meanwhile though, I'm shooting spit wads at DT.
  346. >I always expertly turn my head back and pretend to work, so she never catches me in the act.
  347. >Neither does Cheerilee.
  348. >
  349. >The recess bell rings.
  350. >The CMC jump up to run outside, then stop themselves and cooly follow me out.
  351. >I feel like a mother duck.
  352. >A BADASS mother duck.
  353. >I bust out my bacon again at the table and watch the fillies flinch.
  354. >The CMC are horrified, but stay at the table and glance at each other.
  355. "Oh come on, bacon's not that bad at all!"
  356. >"Anon always said that when he'd bring that stuff..."
  357. >I pause and stop chewing.
  358. >They're eyeing me suspiciously.
  359. "...Anon? Who's that?"
  360. >"You don't know who Anon is?"
  361. "Nope, never heard of him. I only came here eight days ago."
  362. >They smile and start talking about this handsome motherfucker named Anon.
  363. >They talk about how sexy he was, and how he got all the bitches and loved to dropkick ponies when they fucked around with him.
  364. >Also, how weird he was-
  365. >HEY FUCK YOU.
  366. >"Yeah, I dunno. Applejack always told me that she believed Anon was a 'few apples short of a bushel'."
  367. >Well guess who earned a 'Free Dropkick Coupon'?
  368. >Only valid at participating Anons.
  369. >Limit one(1) dropkick per stupid bitch.
  370. >"I think Anon was pretty cool!"
  371. >Thanks Chickun.
  372. >"I don't know. I don't think he liked us very much..."
  373. >Only when you say shit like that, Sweetie.
  374.  
  375. >They start going on about all the awesome stories I told them about Earth, in a very... exaggerated way.
  376. >"A-and then, he said he fell off the swings, and there was a huge fire breathing dragon! And he smashed it wit-"
  377. >"-It wasn't a dragon! It was a horde of zombies, remember? Anon never said anything about dragons!"
  378. >Oh, right.
  379. >I exaggerated them.
  380. >Then hey, look at this, here comes Diamond Dick begging for more.
  381. >"Heh, get a load of THIS freak show, Silver Spoon!"
  382. >"Yeah, they oughta take this to the road!"
  383. >The CMC just go quiet and stare at the table while they continuously call us 'blank flanks'.
  384. >That's right, US.
  385. >'S on now, bitches.
  386. "OI! Ya havin' a giggle here, mate?! Wanna say that to mah face?!"
  387. >They laugh.
  388. >That fucking accent was for Anon's amusement only.
  389. >You cunts.
  390. >"Wow, you're even more of a loser than I thought!"
  391. >Alright, you asked for scary Anon mode.
  392. >I step off the table and get in her face.
  393. >I stare straight into her eyes.
  394. "If you want to start shit, I will happily oblige."
  395. >She just smiles.
  396. >To the side I can see Silver Spoon slowly walking around me.
  397. >Without even looking, I punch her square in the face.
  398. >She got knocked THE FUG OUT!
  399. >Diamond's smile falls.
  400. >I put my hoof on her chin.
  401. "If you ever, EVER try this shit again, I will show no more mercy. Mark my FUCKING words. UNDERSTAND?"
  402. >Diamond is silent.
  403. >She finally nods.
  404. "Great. Now fuck off."
  405. >I leave her be and go back to the table.
  406. >Everyone's staring at me.
  407. >Was I really that scary?
  408. >I tried really fucking hard to be, but I don't think I sounded very scary.
  409. >Especially being a filly and all.
  410. >Well, I'm sure the curse words had something to do with it.
  411. >I haven't heard a single filly cuss since I got here.
  412. >Or anyone, for that matter.
  413. >Except for Pinkie, in that one time I convinced her that friends always talked to each other that way back on Earth.
  414. >I guess she thought if it was good enough for Earth, it was good enough for her.
  415. >Oh well.
  416.  
  417. >I go back to eating my bacon and realize ponies are still staring at me.
  418. >Then I notice that they're not staring AT me.
  419. >They're staring BEHIND me.
  420. >Instead of turning around like a bitch, I cover my eyes and start walking backwards.
  421. >I bump into who I'm assuming is Ms. Cheerilee.
  422. >I shake my head and continue walking backwards.
  423. >I've learned more than a few things from scary movies:
  424. >Never investigate weird sounds and noises.
  425. >Never turn around when you're expecting creepy shit.
  426. >Pretend you didn't hear/see anything.
  427. >And run to your neighbor's house when a nigger is in yours so it can kill them instead.
  428. >Also, fuck creepy toys and being alone. Gotta turn all the damn lights with shit like that.
  429. >Under my hoof I can see Cheerilee's hooves before me.
  430. >Yeah, just keep walking back.
  431. >Going ass first into danger.
  432. >"Green Leaf."
  433. >Also, stay fucking quiet.
  434. >You hear some creepy ghost bitch say your name, just put on an unamused look and continue jerking off or whatever you were doing before.
  435. >"Green Leaf."
  436. >Beep, beep, beep! Backing up here, bitches! Out the way!
  437. >"Green Leaf!"
  438. "Hey Green Leaf, they're talking to you."
  439. >I look at a random green filly, ignoring Cheerilee's glare.
  440. >As soon as she looks at the poor thing, I fucking bolt.
  441. >Where should I go? Fuck it, let's go home.
  442. >I run that shit and bob and weave through the marketplace crowd for cover.
  443. >I reach the castle and open that shit up.
  444. >I can see Twilight still sitting in the position she was earlier, staring at the table.
  445. >Her eyes snap to me like a fucking meerkat, still bloodshot and shit like they were earlier.
  446. >Fuck this, I'm going to go to Sugar Cube Corner.
  447. >Maybe Pinkie can giggle at this bitch and fix her.
  448. >AWAAAAY!
  449.  
  450. >Bobbin' and weavin'.
  451. >"Hey 'Nonny, whatchu doing?"
  452. >Pinkie's walking right beside me.
  453. >How the fuck?
  454. >Wait, shit, she called me-
  455. "'Nonny? Who the hell is that?"
  456. >"Oh PUHLEEEASE, 'Nonny! I'd recognize you ANYWHERE!"
  457. >Hmm, wonder if being psychic is part of her job descripti-
  458. >"-Yup!"
  459. >I stare at her.
  460. "Ponk, you're fucking crazy."
  461. >She giggles.
  462. >"I know!"
  463. "Just, don't call me by my original name. I'm Green Leaf to you, alright?"
  464. >Because loads of fuckers would be extremely happy to know I became a small, pretty much defenseless filly.
  465. >"Okie dokie lokie! So what can I do ya for?"
  466. "...How did you even know I was coming to see you?"
  467. >She grins.
  468. >Right.
  469. >She might as well be Jesus.
  470. "Well, I'm looking for a place to hide from Twilight and Ms. Cheerilee. I'm pretty sure I broke Twilight, and I'm sure Cheerilee has a fucking bounty on my head now."
  471. >"Alrighty tighty! Let's go!"
  472. >I follow the Pink Lord of Darkness up into her room.
  473. >In any other occasion, the thought of going up to her room would be fucking wonderful.
  474. >But, you know.
  475. >Filly.
  476. >I settle myself on the amazingly comfortable bed of hers and just stare at the ceiling.
  477. >Twilight's just been in the same spot for fucking hours.
  478. >What about seeing my honey pot set her off to freak the hell out like that?
  479. >Just as Pinkie was going to settle into bed with me in a sadly un-sexual way, I hear a bell thing ring below.
  480. >"Ooh, a customer! I'll be back!"
  481. >I just nod and take to staring at Gummy.
  482. >The creepy motherfucker slowly turns his head towards me.
  483. "Ya tryin' to start a bloody contest with me, ya wanker?"
  484. >He slowly drags his tongue across his eyes in response.
  485. >It's like Twilight as of today just turned alligator.
  486. >I stare straight into his eyes.
  487. >Mine start to dry up, and that bitch brings his tongue out to keep them wet.
  488. "Hey, that's cheating!"
  489. >To my utter horror, he stops and brings his tongue back, all while never breaking eye contact.
  490. >H-he fucking UNDERSTOOD me.
  491. >It's always the quiet ones.
  492.  
  493. >"No, no, wait wait wait! I didn't mean I didn't not not NOT have Green Leaf here, I meant-"
  494. >"It's over, Pinkie! Green Leaf, as smart as she is, hasn't been very smart in her decision-making skills. She cannot continue in school if she's going to spend her time just attacking ponies!"
  495. >SHITHIDEUNDERTHEBED!
  496. >I slide under it and fit perfectly with my wonderfully small filly frame.
  497. >Gummy's still staring at me.
  498. >"Where is she? Pinkie, where is she?"
  499. >"She's not here!"
  500. >"You're not a very good liar, Pinkie."
  501. >You can see Cheerilee's hooves getting closer to the bed.
  502. >Whelp, I'm fucked.
  503. >She passes the bed and opens a closet.
  504. >Haha. Stupid bit-
  505. >"-Hi, Green Leaf."
  506. "AAAAH SHIT!!"
  507. >I instinctively jump and hit my head on the bed.
  508. >"So are you going to come quietly, or will there be some property damage bills mailed to me later?"
  509. >If this was Earth, I'd of capped you already!
  510. >...Ugh, fuck it.
  511. "I'll come clean. Diamond asked for it, though."
  512. >"But you punched SILVER SPOON."
  513. "She was going to restrain me and let Diamond use me as a freaking punching bag!"
  514. >"And then I would have reprimanded her! All I and every other student saw was you punching a filly in the face and walking away!"
  515. "Well excuse me for wanting to protect myself BEFORE getting beaten up!"
  516. >Cheerilee sighs.
  517. >"Whether Silver OR Diamond deserved it, you still hurt both of them, and there parents are not happy!"
  518. "Pft, then they can answer to the Princess! I got connections! Friends in high places!"
  519. >"Their parents aren't answering to the Princess, Leaf. YOU are."
  520. >B-but that look.
  521. "No! Don't! She's fucking crazy!"
  522. >I clamp my muzzle shut.
  523. >"...EXCUSE ME?"
  524. "Aha, I said freaking, obviously..."
  525. >Fuck.
  526.  
  527. >
  528. "No, NO, I'm being super serious this time! I. AM. ANON! Now don't take me to go see that crazy bi- FEMALE DOG!"
  529. >Cheerilee rolls her eyes.
  530. >"Are you REALLY trying to pass off as an alien, JUST to get out of trouble?"
  531. "No! I'm being fu-freaking serious here!"
  532. >"I hope you know how much worse you're making this for yourself. Besides, I never really talked to Anon. I don't know his story."
  533. "THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?"
  534. >"Because whether you're actually an alien taking place of a filly or not, you're disrupting my class and terrorizing my students."
  535. >She smiles.
  536. >I feel my eye twitch.
  537. >"Oh, looky! We're here!"
  538. >The castle door opens under Cheerilee's touch.
  539. >It wasn't even closed.
  540. >Or locked.
  541. >Oh shit, scary movie rules, scary movie rules!
  542. "DON'T INVESTIGATE THAT'S HOW PEOPLE DIE!"
  543. >She just ignores me and walks inside.
  544. >Fuck it, it's safer in groups!
  545. >We both walk through the place and stop at the dining room.
  546. >Twilight isn't staring anymore.
  547. >She's passed out in the same spot she was earlier, face and hooves lying on the table.
  548. >Even Cheerilee looks a bit disturbed.
  549. >"P-Princess Twilight?"
  550. >She jolts awake and falls out if her chair like a dumbass.
  551. >"WHA-WHO?!"
  552. >She sees both me and Cheerilee and glares.
  553. >Right at me.
  554. >"What did she do?"
  555. >"She punched a student in the face and ran away."
  556. >...hell is empty.
  557. >"Is that so?"
  558. >Cheerilee just nods.
  559. >"I'll leave her with you, because I don't think she should be allowed in our school for quite some time."
  560. >"I see."
  561. >Cheerilee just ignores my pleading look and walks off like a bitch.
  562. >So what if I punched a bitch in the face and suplex-ed another? Is my LIFE really worth that shit?
  563. >Twilight slams the door behind Cheerilee and looks at me.
  564. >"Come here."
  565. >She taps a hoof on the table.
  566. >I quickly plan my escape and walk up to her.
  567. >She opens her mouth, and I quickly toss the mug near her at her face.
  568. >It shatters and spills cold coffee everywhere.
  569. >I run the fuck out of the room.
  570. "CRAZY CUNT!!
  571.  
  572. >OhshitohshitohSHIT
  573. >I'M FUCKING SCREWED.
  574. >I instinctively run up to my room, being the sneakiest nigger ever.
  575. >Thankfully, my room wasn't some filly looking shit, and still a great, wondrous mancave.
  576. >Courtesy of Celestia, for having Twilight teach me friendship and shit.
  577. >Still hasn't taught me anything.
  578. >Well, besides her being A PSYCHOTIC FUCKING SHIT, of course.
  579. >I jump into my closet, taking care not to bump into my beautiful suits meanwhile.
  580. >Sure, I had like twenty of them that all looked exactly the same, but those fucking prices sure weren't.
  581. >For being the 'Element of Generosity', Rarity sure is a greedy fucking Jew, let me tell ya.
  582. >I shut the closet doors and wait silently peering through the blinds.
  583. >This is why I should've just let Cheerilee go in instead.
  584. >Why did I go in with that bitch, too?
  585. >Twilight practically smashes the door in.
  586. >Her eye twitches.
  587. >"You, GREEN LEAF, have NOT been a very good filly lately!!"
  588. >Hory shet I'm fucking terrified right now.
  589. >She barely takes a few steps forward before staring straight at the closet.
  590. >I hear that gay twinkly sound magic makes and pause as the doors violently swing open.
  591. >Twilight stares straight at me and slowly walks forward.
  592. >Fuck, this is the only thing I hate about fucking villains.
  593. >They always take their time to pull the trigger.
  594. >She looks so pissed off you can't even tell that she's the current embodiment of friendship across the entire fucking country.
  595. >She's fuming and drenched in fucking coffee.
  596. >She gets closer.
  597. >I back up against the wall and cover myself with my hooves.
  598. "MOMMY DON'T PLEASE!"
  599. >Wait, what the fuck did I just say?
  600. >Twilight loses her anger and seems confused.
  601. >She noticeably calms.
  602. >THIS IS MY CHANCE GET THE FUCK OUT!
  603. >I run towards and push the bitch out of the day before fucking off through the castle and outdoors.
  604. >Fuck scary movie rules, to the forest!
  605. >That zigger bitch HAS to have some shit to help me out before I lose my goddamned mind!
  606. >And sum dank weed.
  607.  
  608. >Where the fuck am I going?
  609. >The zigger's house should've been in this general area!
  610. "Green Leaf! Green Leaf, where are you?"
  611. >Fuck, it's Twilight!
  612. >Hide in the fucking flowers!
  613. >Dammit, these fucking things stick out too much!
  614. >Fuck you, blue flowers!
  615. >Aim for the bushes!
  616. >Twilight's walking around the place, looking at everything.
  617. >She stops just before she steps in those blue plants and takes one glance around.
  618. >Then she leaves.
  619. >That's right, bitch.
  620. >Fuck off.
  621. >I wait a few more minutes before leaving my cover.
  622. >Barely take a few steps forward before slipping and falling backwards down a fucking hill.
  623. >I screamed the whole way, of course.
  624. >Fucking hills.
  625. >
  626. >I open my eyes and groan.
  627. >Nice, I fucking knocked out.
  628. >I hold my head in my hands and sigh.
  629. >Yup, that's a horrible fucking headache coming in.
  630. >Goddamned forest.
  631. >I stand and wobble a bit.
  632. >Why am I so fucking tall?
  633. >Wait.
  634. >Tall.
  635. >Hands.
  636. >Lack of hair.
  637. >I'M A FUCKING HUMAN AGAIN HOLY SHIT YES.
  638. >Anon walks among these puny ponies once again!
  639.  
  640. >Aw lawdy Lucifer!
  641. >Oh shit, but what if this is just temporary?
  642. >What should I do meanwhile?
  643. >Ideas ideas.
  644. >I could punt Diamond?
  645. >Punch Cheerilee in the face?
  646. >Drop kick Twilight?
  647. >Hmm, Twilight...
  648. >LET'S DO IT!
  649. >Using my amazing human dexterity and strength, I practically fly up the fucking hill and head towards Twilight's castle.
  650. >Having spent about ten days as a filly, I feel being tall again as crazy weird, but exhilarating.
  651. >It feels great to be able to run again.
  652. >And I never thought I'd ever fucking say that in my entire goddamn life.
  653. >I barge through the doors like a badass and see Twilight pacing back and forth in the hall.
  654. >"Green Le-... Anon?"
  655. >I nod.
  656. "Das right, bietch."
  657. >"H-how did-"
  658. "HUMAN MAGIC."
  659. >"That's not-"
  660. "DEAL WIT IT, YA PURPLE SHIT!"
  661. >She flinches.
  662. "Now, you KNOW why I'm here. You, have been going BATSHIT CRAZY, and slapped my shit TOO MANY TIMES!"
  663. >She opens her mouth-
  664. "-Ya caught me jerking off and went fucking NUTS, and I've waited a long, LONG span of TEN DAYS for this!"
  665. >"Anon, I wanted to apol-"
  666. "SILENCE, FIEND!"
  667. >She stops.
  668. "You chased me into a damn closet and nearly vaporized me right then and there, and-"
  669. >"-But I-"
  670. "YOU'VE COMMITTED CRIMES AGAINST SKYRIM AND HER PEOPLE, WHAT SAY YOU IN YOUR DEFENSE?"
  671. >"I-"
  672. "I'VE HEARD ENOUGH!!"
  673.  
  674. >I run straight toward her, smiling like a madman.
  675. >Everything seems to gloriously slow down as I leap into the air.
  676. >She has the most terrified face ever as she shields her face with her hooves.
  677. >My shoes connect with her face and send her flying just as things speed up again.
  678. >She flies pretty damn far, too.
  679. >I break out into a celebratory dance.
  680. "Woo, uh, yeah, alright, woot-woot! All aboard the soul train, motherfuckers!"
  681. >I start doing the bus driver and walk the dinosaur.
  682. >Fuck those people who say they aren't real dance moves.
  683. >They can suck my long human DIIICK!
  684. "Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur!"
  685. >I cooly walk over to Twilight and start tea-bagging her unconscious body.
  686. "Mmm, oh yeah, ya like that, book bitch? Take mah balls in ya FACE!"
  687. >Then a clever idea pops into my mind.
  688. >It's perfect.
  689. >I carry her over to the kitchen where she had been and sit her down exactly as I found her.
  690. >I make some coffee in another mug and set it down beside her.
  691. >I stage everything perfectly.
  692. >It'll just seem like nothing ever happened when she wakes up!
  693. >Hopefully.
  694. >There are plenty of inconsistencies in it, but I'm pretty confident in her retardation to believe it'll work.
  695. >Shit, what should I do now though?
  696. >So many options!
  697. >Hmm, let's go see Cheerilee!
  698.  
  699. >
  700. >I don't know what time it was when I got knocked out or whatever the shit happened to me, but it obviously lasted into the next day, not only because it looked morning, but also because of all the little niggers running into the school.
  701. >I ran behind them and walked into the place.
  702. >Being fucking six feet tall again, my head was always touching the fucking ceiling.
  703. >I sit down in my usual spot and smile when the CMC come by and sit down.
  704. >They're staring at me pretty much the entire time.
  705. >"A-Anon? You're Green Leaf?"
  706. "...Green Leaf? Who's that?"
  707. >"You don't know who Green Leaf is?"
  708. "Nope, never heard of them. I've only been here for a few hours."
  709. >They smile and start talking about this sexy little badass named Green Leaf.
  710. >They talk about how she fucking dominated Diamond and Silver Spoon like a bunch of little bitches, and how she ate bacon and was all hardcore and shit.
  711. >Surprisingly, they don't even ask why the fuck I'm there, and just keep talking about how "cool weird" Green Leaf was.
  712. >I spot Diamond and Silver walking towards their seats and plant my feet in them.
  713. >What was across the entire goddamn Grand Canyon as a filly was now within arm's reach as a human.
  714. >The two fillies glare at me.
  715. >Silver's glasses are fucked up and broken, and she had a bandage on her nose.
  716. >Imagine the damage I could do now?
  717. >If I punched that bitch, she'd probably just explode.
  718. "Seat's taken, ladies."
  719. >"Both of them?!"
  720. "Wow, you can count! Yes, both of them! Sit on the floor, you jaggoffs."
  721. >They huff and do so, just as Cheerilee comes in.
  722. >"Good morning, class!"
  723. >"Good morning, Ms.-"
  724. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING, SAN DIEGO!!"
  725. >Cheerilee yelps and stares directly at me.
  726. >I'm smiling the whole time.
  727. >"Gree- Green Leaf?"
  728. >I wink at her.
  729. >I get up from my desk and walk over to hers.
  730. "Alrighty class, today we shall be learning about quantum theory! Now, do any of you know what the principle of wave-particle duality is?"
  731. >Everyone is silent.
  732. "Diamond Tiara?"
  733. >"Wh- what?"
  734.  
  735. "-FUCKING WROOOOONG! GO STAND IN THE CORNER OF SHAME!"
  736. >I prop my feet up on the desk as Ms. Cheerilee comes over.
  737. >She's half angry, half confused.
  738. "Yes, Cheerilee? Do you have a question for your unbelievably handsome teacher?"
  739. >"Can I speak to you outside?"
  740. "OOH HOO, we can do more than just talk, honey, but it'll cost ya."
  741. >Her face reddens and she glares.
  742. >"Now."
  743. "Haven't you ever heard of respecting your elders? I'm pretty damn sure I'm older than you, flower buns."
  744. >"OUTSIDE."
  745. "Ooh, you wanna take this shit outside? Sure thang, sugar."
  746. >I start popping everything, stretching out, doing push-ups and shit.
  747. >Cheerilee just stares and walks outside.
  748. >After I finish my great thirty second workout, I go outside and see her.
  749. >She doesn't waste a second.
  750. >"Who are you? WHAT are you?! Why are you here?!"
  751. "Those are simple questions, miss, simple questions."
  752. >She looks unamused.
  753. "One, I am the great Anonymous the Third, Destroyer of Worlds and Lover of Ladies. Two, I am a wondrously sexy beast bestowed upon this world to spread my word and seed throughout the planet!"
  754. >Her eye twitches.
  755. "And three..."
  756. >I smile.
  757. "I came to give a message."
  758. >Cheerilee looks so annoyed.
  759. >"And what message is SO important that you needed to disrupt our class for it?"
  760. >I tighten my fists.
  761. "Green Leaf sends her regards."
  762. >FALCON, PUUUUUNCH!
  763. >WOO! DAMN, DID YA SEE THAT SHIT?!
  764. >Home. Fucking. RUN.
  765. >And now I've got a class to teach.
  766. >And I've always wanted to be a teacher!
  767. >I walk inside the room and watch all the kids playing around and talking.
  768.  
  769. "Silence, puny mammalians!"
  770. >Everyone goes silent.
  771. >"Wh-where's Ms. Cheerilee?"
  772. "Your teacher of school stuffs has decided that she hates every single one of you, and trusted yours truly to commence schooling!"
  773. >"M-Ms. Cheerilee hates us?"
  774. "The sad, but very true answer to that is hell yeah."
  775. >The filly frowns.
  776. "Now, fillies and faggots, today, I shall be teaching you of algebra today, because I always wanted to! And, if my glorious teaching skills cause you to fall asleep, I shall have you sit in the corner of SHAME!"
  777. >The kids just stay silent.
  778. "Great! Now, if there are no more questions, let the learning begin!"
  779. >One filly groans.
  780. "CORNER OF SHAAAAAME!"
  781. >
  782. >Today was a successful day!
  783. >I was an awesome teacher, just like I thought.
  784. >And I only had six kids in the Corner of Shame.
  785. >I managed to teach a great few of lessons to the kids.
  786. >And all without the homework.
  787. >It was just all a good reminder of what I'd be doing had I stayed in Earth.
  788. >A sad reminder.
  789. >All the kids waved and smiled at me as they left.
  790. >They didn't seem scared of whether I was going to eat them or not.
  791. >The day was coming to an end, and I figured I could go and see Ponk for helping me out earlier.
  792. >I go outside and drag Cheerilee into the class, then leave her passed out on her desk.
  793. >To Sugar Cube Corner!
  794. >Or Sugarcube Corner.
  795. >Same shit.
  796. >
  797. >"Green Le- 'Nonny! You're 'Nonny!"
  798. >I feel around my face with a shocked expression.
  799. "I-I am?!"
  800. >She giggles.
  801. >"So what brings ya here?"
  802. >I shrug.
  803. "Probably need another place to hide, now that I think about it. I kinda drop kicked Twilight's-"
  804. >-Oh shit, Twilight's her fucking friend-
  805. "-character in an arcade game, so she's mad at me for winning."
  806. >Wow that was a fucking horrible save.
  807.  
  808. >"Ooooohhhh! Ok! Well go on up!"
  809. >I'm going into her room, now as a male?
  810. >L-lewd.
  811. >...Hopefully.
  812. >I mean, I still ain't that much into ponies, but that pink tush is kind of a fucking godsend.
  813. >Not to mention being lonely for more than three years, but, well...
  814. >Don't mention it.
  815. >But instead, I just stay there in her room for hours while she covers her shift.
  816. >I think about going down and helping her make shit, but everything is usually made in the morning, and my cooking skills are fucking shit.
  817. >Eventually I end up just falling asleep in her bed like a bitch.
  818. >I probably cock-blocked myself, too.
  819. >
  820. >I wake up with a horrible fucking headache.
  821. >It's also the middle of the fucking night.
  822. >Ponk is sleeping on the floor with a single pillow.
  823. >Fuck, instead of screwing in the bed, I screwed her by taking it.
  824. >Now I feel bad.
  825. >She looks uncomfortable.
  826. >I have to tuck her in and shit, she can't just stay there.
  827. >I hop out of the bed and face plant.
  828. >Why the fuck do I feel so sma-...
  829. >I look down in horror.
  830. >I'm a fucking filly again.
  831. >Damn.
  832. >Well, that shit was good while it lasted.
  833. >Not being able to romantically carry Pinkie anymore, I just nudge her awake.
  834. >"N-huh?"
  835. "Take the bed, Pinkie. I'm heading out."
  836. >"Oh, okay, little filly."
  837. >She unconsciously walks up to her bed and passes out on it.
  838. >Well, at least that trick on Twilight can come out better.
  839. >I leave the bakery and walk straight through the town.
  840. >I know not to worry about getting caught by anyone here because the town is safe as shit.
  841. >The odds of getting kidnapped in this town is literally zero.
  842. >If anyone told me something about a secret underground pedo ring in Ponyville, I'd tell them they were fucking retarded.
  843. >Ponies don't even swear here, much less take and sell kids and shit.
  844. >Seriously.
  845. >Then I spot a group of stallions up ahead.
  846. >They spot and stare at me.
  847. >I freeze.
  848.  
  849. >They continue for a moment, then smile and wave.
  850. >"Hi!"
  851. >I causally wave back, and they resume catching fireflies.
  852. >I fucking told you so.
  853. >I come up to Twilight's castle and casually open the doors before stopping.
  854. >I roll around in the dirt outside and ruin my mane.
  855. >Okay, think about something sad.
  856. >Think about how shriveled up my manhood is.
  857. >And how I didn't land Pinkie.
  858. >I feel a tear forming in my eye.
  859. >There we go.
  860. >
  861. >I burst through Twilight's room and jump on the bed beside her, crying the whole time.
  862. "Mommy! Mommy, I'm so sorry I ran away, I'll never do it again! I'm sorry!"
  863. >The woke up the second I barged in and glared.
  864. >Then she looked confused.
  865. >I snuggle beside her while I continue crying.
  866. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I'm a bad filly..."
  867. >I causally look up at her.
  868. >She's still confused.
  869. >She looks down at me blankly for a while, then manages a small smile.
  870. >"It's okay, Green Leaf, I forgive you."
  871. >I smile, both because my plan fucking worked, and also because I can still see my shoe print on her face.
  872. "I love you, mommy..."
  873. >"I...I love you too, Green Leaf."
  874. >MY PLAN FUCKING WORKED HELL YEAH!
  875. >COME ON, DO A LITTLE BRAIN DANCE!
  876. >Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur!
  877. >YEAH, SHAKE IT!
  878. >God, I'm such a fucking genius.
  879. >Now this bitch thinks that I've basically gone full filly, and that I didn't just finish drop kicking her FACE a few hours ago!
  880. >She believes that Anon is no more, and has been merely overtaken by Green Leaf.
  881. >But she's wrong.
  882. >So. Horribly. Wrong.
  883. >
  884. >WOO, damn, I had a good sleep last night! Why did I-
  885. >Twilight's still cuddling me.
  886. >...This fucking BED must be it!
  887. >This thang is comfy as FUUUUCK.
  888. >Twilight wakes up and smiles at me.
  889. >"Good morning, Green Leaf."
  890. >MORNIN' BIETCH!
  891. "Morning, mommy."
  892. >She kisses my forehead.
  893. >The fuck, man?
  894. >Why couldn't you be all nice and shit when I still acted like myself?
  895. >You filthy fucking nigger.
  896.  
  897. >
  898. >She teleports herself and I into the kitchen.
  899. >"Do you want any breakfast, Green Leaf?"
  900. "Yes, please!"
  901. >She smiles.
  902. >Man, I got this bitch in the palm of my hand.
  903. >I look down at my appendages.
  904. >...Hands, hooves, what-the-fuck ever, same shit.
  905. >She suddenly gives me a curious look.
  906. >"Would you like any meat with that...?"
  907. >I scrunch in mock disgust.
  908. "Eww, why would I want THAT?"
  909. >She softly smiles.
  910. >"I don't know. Just thought I'd ask..."
  911. >I walk over to the table and sit down.
  912. >Alright, so how fucking long am I going to be able to keep this shit up?
  913. >Plus, I don't want to be a fucking filly forever.
  914. >The thought of having no dick still sucks more than it fucking should.
  915. >And I still gotta shag Pinkie.
  916. >...That pink booty, man.
  917. >Gotta have it.
  918. >Twilight comes over with a plate of toast.
  919. >"Just to hold you over for now, okay?"
  920. "Thank you, mommy!"
  921. >I start munching the fuck out of that shit.
  922. >Haven't eaten in a goddamn long while, honestly.
  923. >It's been a while since toast has been this fucking awesome-tasting.
  924. >I get lost in thought as I'm eating.
  925. >Thinking a bit about the future.
  926. >How fucking long am I going to be stuck as a filly?
  927. >The fuck about school?
  928. >Where's my dick?
  929. >Am I going to start WANTING dick?
  930. >I shiver.
  931. >'Tis a horrid thought.
  932. >...Would wanting dick make me gay?
  933. >...And why in the name of our lordy Lucifer am I thinking about this shit?
  934. >
  935.  
  936. >After thinking about my dick, Twilight comes back with an assload of pancakes and eggs and shit.
  937. >"Dig in, Green Leaf, we've got to get you started on your first day of school!"
  938. >I pause.
  939. "Didn't... didn't I already GO to school?"
  940. >She smiles.
  941. >"I've decided to homeschool you myself!"
  942. >Oh sweet Jesus, no.
  943. >I'm too young to drown in flash cards!
  944. >I fake a smile.
  945. "Awesome! I can't wait!"
  946. >I hop off my chair.
  947. >At least seal the fucking deal, here.
  948. >I walk over to Twilight and hug her.
  949. "You're the best, Mommy..."
  950. >She giggles and returns the gesture.
  951. >"No, YOU'RE the best."
  952. >I kiss her on the cheek.
  953. >She kisses me on the forehead.
  954. >And though I'm trying to be a sneaky bitch here, the love and stuff...
  955. >It's... nice.
  956. >I hop off and head back over to my chair.
  957. >Oh man, those fucking pancakes look fucking DELICIOUS.
  958. >Gonna wreck that shit into oblivion.
  959. >I get three of those things and throw them onto my plate.
  960. >"My my, YOU'RE a hungry filly, aren't you?"
  961. >I instinctively let out a girly giggle.
  962. >...It's a good thing I pretty much AM a girl.
  963. >I watch Twilight take a few pancakes for herself.
  964. >Once I'm sure she's not spying on my ass and shit, I make a pancake-egg sandwich and dive in.
  965. >It's just the greatest goddamn idea ever, honestly.
  966. >Put bologna, cheese, maybe some salsa or shit?
  967. >Fucking. Amazing.
  968. >It's like pure, breakfast-y porn in your mouth.
  969. >I smile and continue diving into that shit.
  970. >Twilight looks at me suspiciously.
  971. >Mark my fucking words, bookhorse, I WILL turn back at some point.
  972. >You will rue the day you thought you could give Anon E. Moose LEM- TURN HIM INTO A FILLY!
  973. >I put on a fake smile as she looks.
  974. >She does the same.
  975. >It's like the fucking elephant in the room.
  976. >'Is Anon actually a full fledged filly, now?'
  977. >Hell.
  978. >No.
  979.  
  980. >
  981. >Three.
  982. >Years.
  983. >Countless hours spent researching this damned plant.
  984. >This Poison Joke shit.
  985. >All those days spent, observing, recording, researching the Everfree Forest, and I narrowed it down in a year.
  986. >After that was variables, experiments, studies...
  987. >All on a way to control the plant's effects.
  988. >And it was all done in secret.
  989. >Though, Twilight knew of my plant research.
  990. >She thought my 'name' made my special talent in plants.
  991. >Hell, I have my fucking Cutie Mark because of it.
  992. >It's also a green leaf.
  993. >...Go figure.
  994. >But every single Poison Joke research was done undercover.
  995. >And I think it's finally fucking done.
  996. >I finally cracked the code.
  997. >I unlocked the plant's secrets.
  998. >I adjust my goggles and pull a leaf away with some tweezers.
  999. >Then I rub it on my face.
  1000. >Almost immediately, I start to feel a tingling sensation.
  1001. >Fast-reacting...
  1002. >It's a great sign.
  1003. >My hooves tingle, and I feel a bit dizzy.
  1004. >That- that means it's worki-
  1005. >
  1006. >I open my eyes and groan.
  1007. >Headache.
  1008. >Possible listed side effect.
  1009. >Noted.
  1010. >I hold a hand up to my head.
  1011. >I stop.
  1012. >Everything seems to pause.
  1013. >I slowly reach a hand up to my face.
  1014. "It... it fucking WORKED!"
  1015. >I let out a hearty laugh.
  1016. >I hardly recognize my own voice.
  1017. "IT. FUCKING. WORKED!!"
  1018. >I start doing a celebratory dance, just as I hear the door open.
  1019. >"Leafy, I brought yo-"
  1020. >Twilight pauses.
  1021. >The plate she's levitating falls to the ground.
  1022. >I smile and crack my knuckles.
  1023. "Oh, I thought I'd give my old work duds a wear. You like?"
  1024. >I strike a few poses.
  1025. >"I...I...I..."
  1026.  
  1027. "You know, Twilight, three years is a LONG time to be another creature for. I REEAALLY needed a good stretch, here."
  1028. >"W-what did you do with G-Green Leaf?"
  1029. >I pause.
  1030. "What did I do with Green Leaf?... Well, nothing, of course. You're looking at 'er."
  1031. >She starts shaking her head.
  1032. >"N-no, that's, that's impossible! I-I-"
  1033. "-Thought that a whole mind swap thing went on? Yeah, no. That was me the whole time. Every. SINGLE. Second, was just good old Anon here."
  1034. >I slowly walk up to her.
  1035. "And do you want to know what I fucking thought of it all? Of all the days I've spent, playing a little filly for you?"
  1036. >"I-I..."
  1037. >She slowly backs away from you, into the hallway.
  1038. >She gets pressed up against the wall.
  1039. >I smile and pop my neck.
  1040. >She winces.
  1041. >I reel my hands back and smile.
  1042. >She covers her eyes.
  1043. >I grab her.
  1044.  
  1045. >And I hug her.
  1046.  
  1047. >She's shaking.
  1048. >"...W-what are you d-doing?"
  1049. >I sigh and set her down before me.
  1050. >She looks confused.
  1051. >I boop her on the nose.
  1052. "I-I don't u-understand..."
  1053. >I smile and caress her cheek.
  1054. "In the beginning, I was only in it to become human. I wanted SO bad to just become one again and just, punch you in the face or something..."
  1055. >She winces.
  1056. "Then... you told me you loved me for the first time. You cared for me, enjoyed your time with me."
  1057. >She just stays silent.
  1058. "But I thought about it a few times. I thought, 'does Twilight love ME, or the filly?' I spent months, just, researching ways to become a human again, in order to finally stand before you, as Anonymous. And I'm now here to ask... would you be willing to spend another three years with me? As Anon?"
  1059. >She pauses again for a short moment.
  1060. >A tear silently slides down her cheek.
  1061. >She nods.
  1062. >"I've... I've been living with guilt for so long... just to find out that you've been here with me all along..."
  1063. >I grin.
  1064. >She hugs me.
  1065. >"I've missed you, Anonymous..."
  1066. "And I've missed you, too... 'Mommy'."
  1067. >She giggles.

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