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RGRE Promptbin 002

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-18 00:05:16
Expiry: Never
/rgre/promptbin

  1. >You are Rainbow Dash, and you are browsing a big dumb fancy Canterlot jewelry store.
  2. >You and your coltfriend, Anon, have gotten pretty serious.
  3. >You've found yourself working hard so that you can get home to him as fast as possible.
  4. >You actually enjoy waking up before noon on your days off since it leads to an hour or two of lazing around in bed, cuddling with Anon.
  5. >You've even caught yourself watching Mrs. and Mr. Cake playing with their foals one day and were surprised at that pang of longing you felt in your chest.
  6. >He just makes you so happy.
  7. >You think it's time to pop the question to Anon.
  8. >You wish that you had thought to ask Twilight what she had found out about human courting rituals, because you have no idea what kind of expensive piece of crap to give to Anon.
  9. >You've looked at pendants; necklaces; horn-rings; bracelets...
  10. >Dammit, and you'd learned to take a deep breath and think things through, too!
  11. >You'd gotten into a big fight with Anon because of some stupid thing you did, all because you made a split-second decision and bucked up in a way that could have been avoided if you had just sat down and thought about it.
  12. >"Miss?"
  13. >A nice salescolt waves you over.
  14. >"Maybe I can be of assistance. Is your mate an earth pony, a pegasus, or a unicorn?"
  15. >UHHHH
  16. >.....maybe you can just present Anon with a primary feather.
  17. >Bastards love primary feathers
  18.  
  19.  
  20.  
  21.  
  22. >Before coming to equestria Anon had been seeing vocal coach for most of his young life
  23. >Before he could start putting his talents to work he was popped into equestria, stopping any career in music he might have had short
  24. >A few years pass, he makes friends, gets a simple job
  25. >Bit of recluse on account of how different he is culturally and physically from literally any neighbor he could have on the planet
  26. >Friends understand but still worry
  27. >The gentle and caring husbando thing is really popular, but he's never going to get a wife if he doesn't apply himself 
  28. >The topic of cutie marks and special talents comes up among his friends
  29. >They ask him if he ever felt like a pony does about a singular passion in their life, if he ever felt like he had a special talent
  30. >Anon mentions his budding singing career way back when
  31. >Friends encourage him
  32. >Anon declines out of worry, both from how he might be judged in the limelight and how long it's been since he last seriously sang
  33. >They push a little more
  34. >He admits that he still practices a little in his spare time when he's all alone
  35. >Friendpones are all set, but Anon still isn't very sure
  36. >Big party coming up, friends encourage Anon to perform
  37. >He's not sure, but they're VERY sure
  38. >He decides to do it, if only to acknowledge their trust in him
  39. >Big day comes
  40. >Friendpones set the stage for Anon, impressing upon the fact that this was his first real performance 
  41. >Anon comes out on stage, stiff as a board, does little more than name the song before the music starts through the speakers
  42. >Audience finds his vulnerability cute and endearing, they drop their guard and ready themselves to offer 'you tried' kudos at the very least
  43. >Big mistake
  44. >Music is soulful with just a bit of energy
  45. >Anxious wallflower sings a saucy-smooth romance song in perfect tune to the music, the themes of loyalty, love, and vague allusions to sex common to the genre cropping up frequently
  46. >Audience is stunned, and Anon starts to get into things a little more
  47. >Dat chocolate voice
  48. >Dat shoulder jive
  49. >Dat hip rock
  50. >Dat shoulder jive
  51. >Anon has drawn the entirety of party to his location
  52. >Mares take the risk of their foals asking dangerous questions later on about certain cryptic lyrics in an effort to stay and listen
  53. >The song ends, Anon loses his nerve from the silence
  54. >Thanks them for listening in his usual reserved, quiet voice
  55. >As the human is swarmed with instant fans and would-be talent scouts, mostly maresfriendpones are now consumed with worry over what they've just unleashed on their quiet male friend
  56. >Music scene is already imploding with the entrance of a massive talent and what is essentially a new genre of music to equestria
  57. >Colts and teen stallions everywhere listen to the song(s) on repeat 
  58. >Most fillies do too, but they aren't as publicly enthusiastic about it
  59. >Older Stallions worried over the messages the song conveys, 'think of the children' and etc
  60. >Full grown mares with jobs and firm community reputations all over the continent have that 'special' record that they keep away from the mister and the kids and play when they aren't around
  61. >Sometimes they work up the courage to play it for their significant others
  62. >But only when the kids are out
  63. >It's common to hear Anon's music muffled behind closed doors and drawn curtains
  64. >In such occasions the owners never respond to knocking
  65.  
  66.  
  67.  
  68.  
  69.  
  70.  
  71. >Mares like stallions with a little extra padding on them. More mass to pad the ass, etc.
  72. >Anon tries to lose weight, but is thwarted at every turn by mares wanting him to stay thicc.
  73. >Namely, sneaking him pastries when he's trying to stay vigilant against carbs, giving him bad weight loss tips, etc.
  74. >/fit/ mares try to make him a trophy horsebando
  75.  
  76.  
  77.  
  78.  
  79.  
  80. >Anon has spent far too long in RGRE poneland.
  81. >He now accepts that he is no longer the macho man he used to be, but the cute exotic husbando who isn't noticed by [Insert Pone], leaving him heartbroken.
  82. >Drawing from half forgotten memories, he starts to act like a specific character archetype from his Korean cartoons.
  83. >A shiny knife is all Anon needs.
  84. > [Insert Pone] Never saw it coming
  85.  
  86.  
  87.  
  88.  
  89.  
  90.  
  91. >Aaah, the beach
  92. >The sun, the surf, the warm sand
  93. >It's a 'saddle-less' beach, so... maybe you'll even go buckwild and remove your shirt so you can finally get a tan and stop blinding pones with your pastiness
  94. >And, even though your friends wanted to setup camp with you and hang out and rub some cream on your back
  95. >The threat of wandering hooves and innuendo is too much
  96. >especially when you get enough of that at home
  97. >So, you bid them aeiou and moonwalked to a nice, cozy, empty spot
  98. >Or. It was.
  99. >>29713052 #
  100. >"Ooooh! Oh! H-hi!"
  101. >Sighing softly you sit up from your towel, your sunglasses falling slightly down the bridge of your nose
  102. "...yes?"
  103. >"U-um. A-are you... uh-"
  104. >You wait, a neutral expression on your face
  105. >This is the first time you've seen a native seapony, afterall, so...who knows what she'll sa-
  106. >"A-are you th-thrasing around in panic? C-cause I wanna eat you. WAIT-"
  107. >The seapony stamps her hooves in the sand
  108. >You raise your eyebrow
  109. >"I mean, you look deliciou-Nnn~" She looks up at you, scrunching furiously
  110. >Neutral expression, Anon
  111. >"I. Swim. Saw you on beach."
  112. >Oh we've gone full caveman here
  113. >"I like you. Do you wanna swim together? I promise I won't drag you under - I haven't done that to anypony in days!"
  114. >She looks at you with super hopeful and super earnest eyes
  115. >Yeah... that's the look of a pony who is totally serious about that achievement
  116. >You purse your lips
  117. >"...I know where some pretty conch shells are!"
  118. >Damn these cute horses
  119. >You pat the sand next to you, and she tilts her head
  120. "I'm resting right now, but... you're welcome to join me."
  121. >Doing a tiny happy dance she trots over to you, circling the spot you indicated and sitting down with a heavy *thwump*
  122. >Her solid-muscle tail slamming into your hips
  123. >You wheeze softly and she smiles
  124. >But... you can tell an accident when you see one
  125. >So, smiling in return, you lay back down and close your eyes
  126. >The sound of the surf fills your mind
  127. >. . .
  128. >"So whatcha thinkin' bout?"
  129. >Damnit
  130.  
  131.  
  132.  
  133.  
  134.  
  135.  
  136.  
  137. >Only virgins and princesses can see humans
  138. >Princesses are virgins by default
  139. >No matter how much sex they have they are still virgins
  140. >Because magic
  141. >It's probably because virginiation can't figure out how to work with a race that is like three or more other ones at once
  142. >This means discord is also a virgin by default too
  143. >The purest incarnation of stallionly whimsy.
  144. >Of course he's a pure as snow virgin.
  145. >Even if he gets fussy if you say that
  146.  
  147.  
  148.  
  149.  
  150.  
  151.  
  152.  
  153. Anon and Harshwhinny work in the same office.
  154. Harshwhinny acts like a bitch when around Anon.
  155. One day, Anon overhears a conversation.
  156. >"The office is a mare's place, Neat File. Stallions won't be able to take the stress."
  157. "Oh she wants to play? Two can play this game.
  158. Start one upping each other.
  159. Competition for company projects become vicious.
  160. He works to the bone to prove himself.
  161.  
  162. It's been two years now.
  163. He's a valued head of department, just like Harshwhinny.
  164. That does nothing for him.
  165. He works to see the look on her face when she loses to him.
  166. Every contract given to him is another victory.
  167. Every contract lost to her only spurs him to work harder.
  168. Lost a contract to her today.
  169. It's 9 already
  170. Preparing to go back.
  171. Harshwhinny is still there.
  172. Looks like she's working over that contract.
  173. She has serious bags under her eyes.
  174. When was the last time she actually had a decent night of sleep?
  175. Has she been eating well?
  176. Has she been eating anything at all?
  177. You yawn.
  178. None of your business anyway
  179. At least you can go to bed earlier, so suck on that harshbutt.
  180. Walk down the street, preparing to hail a cab.
  181. See the café down the street.
  182. It must be hard working this late.
  183. Some coffee really helps with the sleepiness.
  184. Plus their bagels are really good too.
  185. And being tired and hungry really fucks with your cognitive processes.
  186. If Harshwhinny fucks up, the project fails.
  187. If the project fails, the company loses trust.
  188. If the company loses trust, they loses contracts.
  189. Losing contracts means the company will go bankrupt.
  190. That's why he's bringing this bag if coffee and bagels up.
  191. Because he needs this job.
  192. He's doing this to keep his job
  193. Walks over to Harshwhinny's desk, it's empty.
  194. Must be using the toilet or something.
  195. Leave the bag behind.
  196.  
  197. A few days later,
  198. Working on the sports event contract.
  199. >"Add ramps bro"
  200. >"Brofist!!"
  201. >"Nohomo, bro"
  202. Fucking jocks.
  203. Leaves to get a glass of water, cool off while he's at it.
  204. Comes back, sees a cup of coffee left on the table.
  205. Who could it be?
  206.  
  207.  
  208.  
  209.  
  210. Anon goes to the band practice room to play his guitar for free time. The main 6/7 arrive a few minutes after and start watching him. They criticize him thinking men can't play anything but lovey acoustic songs. Then they hear him playing power chords
  211.  
  212.  
  213.  
  214.  
  215.  
  216.  
  217. >Anonpone has never been a human.
  218. >She's just a humie (Adult fan of a certain cartoon about humans written for young colts).
  219. >Anonpone writes stories on /mlh/ and is autistic.
  220. >Anon in Humania thread, where an anonymous pony somehow in human land is the focus.
  221. >>Bill Clinton fucks up a saxaphone rehersal and summons Ponon into Humania.
  222. >>Ponon is taken to meet President Trump.
  223. >>Goes on an adventure with Bill and his friends to stop the evil Premier Putin.
  224. >Anonpone gets too into self-inserting when reading her redtext stories.
  225. >Her autism levels get too high and the madness takes her.
  226. >Maybe buys a crossbow and does a Shin.
  227. >Maybe only turns against her childhood friends Brad Lee and Stacy Lacey.
  228. >Tragedy end.
  229.  
  230.  
  231. >Anonpone and friends must travel to the Canadian Empire in the frozen north to defeat the evil King Trudeau, and place Maxime Bernier on his rightful throne
  232.  
  233. >Hillary Clinton rises from her tomb, kidnaps Anonpone's husbando, and flees into the wastes of California
  234.  
  235. >Anonpone's stories of great tabletop battles are mistaken for actual military experience. When the wicked Queen Merkel invades the United Queendom, Anonpone is given command of a battalion on the front lines.
  236.  
  237. >Anonpone is caught in a romantic triangle between Bill Clinton, General Mattis, and President Trump, and she must teach them the wonders of herding (and colt-on-colt action... unf)
  238.  
  239. >Earth has reversed gender roles due to a massive gender imbalance
  240. >Anonpone resolves to fix this by bearing as many children as possible
  241. >They're all females and all extremely marely like herself
  242. >Soon, human stallions are consigned to the kitchen while mares take charge
  243.  
  244. >President Trump sends Anonpone to meet Elon Musky, and teach him the magic of friendship
  245. >He's a cute, nerdy stallion with a love of big phallic rockets and a slight hygiene problem
  246. >She helps him make friends while simultaneously working on a reusable Mars rover
  247. >They fall in love and have like 15 foals i dunno
  248.  
  249. >Anonpone is kidnapped by King Trudeau and his Liberal army
  250. >Liberals are a terrifying, insectoid race capable of changing shape and blending in with any crowd, bent on stealing the love and prosperity of average Canadians
  251. >She gives him the V and tempers his fury, turning him into the perfect submissive husbando
  252.  
  253. >Anonpone has mare friends, but it's so weird hanging out with them
  254. >All they talk about is clothes, makeup, their shitty husbands who won't let them dip into the rent to buy a new pair of shoes
  255. >One day, she calls them out on their bullshit like the marely mare she is, and all the human stallions clap, knowing that at least one female is on their side
  256.  
  257.  
  258.  
  259.  
  260.  
  261.  
  262.  
  263. >Milfanon in RGRE
  264. >Ara ara and Ufufufu's~ around
  265. >No one can stand against the oppressive might of her Ara's and Ufu's~ 
  266. >Even Button Mash' nuclear hot mom succumbed .
  267. >Such is her might that even Princess Celestia and the Griffon King called her mom in the middle of border negotiations.
  268. >Something something RGRE
  269.  
  270.  
  271.  
  272.  
  273.  
  274.  
  275. >Anon just got the hang of pony body language, and feels confident enough to go on a couple practice dates just as a feeler
  276. >What started as a blind date with a professional judge turned into something more
  277. >And no, he still can't figure out ponies' age unless they're actually a foal or Granny Smith
  278. >Hey, the fur hides the wrinkles, and magic botox is very effective!
  279.  
  280.  
  281. >Mrs. Harshwhinny is actually younger than he mane 6
  282. >Her parents made it very clear that she had to succeed in life (Equestrian version of the typical "go to college, get a degree, or you'll work 3 jobs at walmart and mcdonalds and you'll be absolutely miserable for the rest of your god-forsaken life" speech), so she dresses up and tries to act as "professional" as possible
  283. >Figures that looking older and experienced will make her more respected and successful
  284. >Is desperately afraid of failure
  285.  
  286.  
  287.  
  288.  
  289.  
  290. > /mlh/ redtext
  291. > Oblivious Eponymous drinks the significantly advanced magic hemlock
  292. > Wakes up in Moscow
  293. > For some reason all the human males get a little vanilla ice cream on the crotch of their pants when she trots by
  294. > Epon asks some passing guards for directions to Putin's office
  295. > They are very helpful, if a bit in a hurry
  296. > They keep on swatting her flank to get her to go faster
  297. > When they get to Putin, he tells the guards to leave them
  298. > He walks around his desk with a sway in his hips
  299. > "Epon, my last horse died a long time ago, leaving a hole I thought could never be filled. But with you, perhaps you can fill that hole for me, and I..."
  300. > He walks behind her and lifts her tail
  301. > "I can fill this hole for you."
  302. > Monogamous good end
  303.  
  304.  
  305.  
  306.  
  307.  
  308. >Anon is carrying a hogtied Princess Celestia through a crystal maze.
  309. >"Anon, I know we agreed to pay you a pretty sum if you managed to draw out and capture Sombra but is this really necessary?" 
  310. Yes Princess Celestia. Now, now I know it's strange. But If my hunch is correct this lost art will guarantee that shitter's capture.
  311. >Anon lifts her butt up and gets the egg vibrator.
  312. >"A-Anon what's that!"
  313. >An hour of sexy princess moaning and sexual stimulation later. Sombra can be seen shambling towards the Princess and Anon, A dazed look in his eyes and an erection.
  314. See Princess. Im a fucking genius. Now let's find- Ah there.
  315. >Anon gets a decently sized rock and bashes Sombra on the head. Repeats it 3 times after Sombra got knocked out for good measure.
  316. >Celestia just lies and stares there in a post orgasamic haze. 
  317. >Anon signals the containment team on their location. 
  318. [QUEST CLEARED​]
  319.  
  320.  
  321.  
  322. >It's Anon's birthday
  323. >Being an alien from a different world/universe (and the only one of his kind to boot), Anon is a mild celebrity in Ponyville
  324. >Pinkie throws him a party that brings in dozens of ponies, if they are available
  325. >Some of his presents include recipes, useful knick knacks and gadgets, and the occasional coupon given by a business-owning party-goer
  326. >Nearly half of the presents are sexy underwear designed to emphasize and show off one's package
  327.  
  328.  
  329.  
  330. >Ponies constantly harrass Anon for being fully clothed
  331. >It's lewd and shit
  332. >Teat twist - Anon ain't no fat fuck and has GOOD PHYSIQUE
  333. >A lone pony once sneaks up on him while he is naked and sees everything
  334. >she sees it all
  335. >a rumour starts that Anon is'nt actually lewd.
  336. >his chiseled body simply MUST be hidden, or mares can't contain themselves
  337.  
  338.  
  339.  
  340. >Anon wakes up in the middle of the night
  341. >There's a pony on his chest
  342. >She broke into his house and is rubbing herself all over Anon
  343. >It's a mix between lewds and cuddles
  344. >"Scratch my back harder, Anon!"
  345. >"Rub my eeaarrsss~"
  346. >"B-boop my snootle, Anon, please! Do it, you snuggle-slut!"
  347. >Cuddles up against him when he's done
  348. >"A-And if you tell anypony what I did, I'll rub your face against my chest tuft!"
  349.  
  350.  
  351.  
  352.  
  353. >Bon Bon tries to keep up the act of not liking Anon despite their frequent encounters
  354.  
  355. >"Oh, no! Anon, don't join me for a nice candlelit dinner! Oh gosh, I just don't know if I could handle it if you let me gaze into your eyes. Please, don't wear this necklace that has my cutie mark on it, that would just be the worst~"
  356.  
  357. >"Don't move in with me, Anon! You monster, I just hope you don't think to sleep in the same bed with me each night and hold me tight. Please, the last thing I want is to wake up and lose myself in those sleepy eyes of yours..."
  358.  
  359.  
  360.  
  361.  
  362.  
  363.  
  364. > “Um… Anon?”
  365. > Glancing over the rim of your book, you see Twilight fidgeting in place, looking nervously at the ground.
  366. > “I-um, I have a question, and since you’re a stal- a good friend!” she corrects, “I’d really like your input on this.”
  367. “Sure thing, Twilight. What’s up?”, you ask, sitting up from the hammock, and giving her your undivided attention.
  368. > “Well, it’s um… about... It’s about…“ She begins, but quickly stops again, drawing circles in the ground with her left hoof.
  369. > Her feathers on her wings ruffle in what could only be described as anxiety.
  370. “What is it, Twi?”, you prod again, getting a bit nervous yourself at the prospect of what kind of question has the newest princess fumbling in place.
  371. > Twilight draws in a deep breath, visibly steadying herself. She looks you in the eye.
  372. > “Anon, ever since my ascendance, I’ve been wondering this question. I can’t find any mentions of it in any books, or scrolls. I’ve sent letters to Princess Celestia about this as well, but she hasn’t answered yet.”
  373. > “I’m at the e-ends of my wits, Anonymous.”, She stammers.
  374. > Now downright fearful of an unseen side effect of her new powers, you quickly kneel down in front of her, placing both your hands on her shoulders and look at her.
  375. “Twilight, I want you to be clear with me here, what’s going on?”, you ask.
  376. > “Anon… Anon, are my teats too big?”, she finishes, lips quivering
  377. > You open your mouth to answer, but before you can, Twilight rambles on.
  378. > “Don’t stallions, um, guys, hate big teats?” She plops her butt on the ground, tears running down her face.
  379. > “Sure, I expected some growths, my horn and height mainly, but nothing like this!” she rants.
  380. “Twilight,”, you sigh, “Let me have a look at them”, you say, placing your hands beneath her front hooves, lifting her up.
  381. > She whinnies, and squirms, but you hold steady.
  382. > Now, you had been in Equstria for some time now, and you had seen your fair share of horse-bits, but nothing like this.
  383. > Big, bountiful, perfectly shaped forms hanged from above her crotch. A soft dark-purple teat adorning each like a testament to the sheer excellence that was those knockers.
  384. > Carefully, you prod one, feeling the gently give of this manifestation of matriarchal evolution.
  385. > Despite their size, no imperfections were to be seen. No imbalances, twists or other physical defects smeared these godly globes. 
  386. > Momma-Non, your son is coming home.
  387. “Twilight…”
  388. > “I knooooow, they’re hideous. I-I’ll go into exile. An abomination like me is not fit to rule,” she sobs.
  389. “Twilight…”
  390. > “I’ll rescind immediately, Princess C-Celestia would understand, I’m su-...”
  391. “Twilight, I would motorboat those puppies across the pacific and back again a happy man.”
  392. > “H-Huh?”
  393. And that’s how Twilight learned that Anon was a Titty-man.
  394.  
  395.  
  396.  
  397.  
  398. >Anon meets a mare from another pony country (either by going there himself or by having the mare visit Ponyville)
  399. >Mare speaks Prench/Itailian/Germane/whatever
  400. >Mare is smitten with Anon and, in a gesture of both romance and practicality, makes it her mission to learn Equish so that she may try and woo him
  401. >something something RGRE
  402.  
  403.  
  404.  
  405. >Anon is a character from a fanfiction
  406. >Literally
  407. >A standard magical catastrophe occurs, causing a character from Twilight's terrible fanfics to come to life
  408. >He's so confused when opportunity and friendship don't fall into his lap like they did back home
  409. >And the female attention he's been getting is much less innocent and fun than what he's used to
  410.  
  411. >"Hey Twilight, what's up with this world? Why are ponies so cold?"
  412. "What do you mean?"
  413. >"Well, it's like, back home, friends came so easily. I met Incognito at work, we were best friends in like a week. My buddy Nameless, we struck up a conversation on a train and were friends ever since."
  414. >"But when I try talking to the mares and colts at work, they never seem to respond the same way. And when I help somepony with directions, or help them carry something heavy, it's like we don't bond at all! Do you know what's going on around here?"
  415.  
  416.  
  417.  
  418.  
  419.  
  420.  
  421. >Be anon sitting at your computer
  422. >You are enjoying your rpg
  423. >Character you made yourself
  424. >You chose the stats
  425. >You chose the weapons
  426. >None of this 'your class cant use this item' shit
  427. >You wanted to make a wizard who used a sword as a wand
  428. >Who's catch phrase was 'what are you a faggot' when he saw other wizards in robes while he was clad in plate armor decorated in bones of his greatest kills
  429. >You spend the last 5 hours power gaming the system
  430. >Maxing stats, then drinking potions that pushed you well beyond the max
  431. >You are going to drink a 5 second lasting potion the moment you are 1 handing your two handed sword at an enemy that will boost all stats to an asinine degree
  432. >Your computer, try as she will, is shitting the bed with all the stats you are tossing at it. 
  433. >You swing your sword
  434. >You finish the potion,
  435. >Just as you hit the enemy, the screen goes black
  436. >There is a loud crack
  437. >It takes all of 2 seconds for you to realize what happened
  438. >She done gave up the ghost
  439. "YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU MATH RIGHT"
  440. >You were so busy unplugging The Dream that you never noticed the blue ball erupt from it. 
  441.  
  442.  
  443. >Be twilight sparkle
  444. >You have been awake for the last 3 days trying to figure out this equation
  445. >It should pull in the single great source of knowledge in the universe or at least open up a portal to it.
  446. >You Think you have it right
  447. >No time like the present, you begin casting it, and nothing
  448. >Buck, there goes that theory
  449. >You turn around to look at your work
  450. >You notice a blue light 
  451. >For the briefest moment you get excited
  452. >"YOU USELESS FUCKING CUNT, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU MATH RIGHT"
  453. >Upon hearing that you stumble, smash your horn on the way down, and are out cold
  454.  
  455.  
  456.  
  457.  
  458.  
  459.  
  460.  
  461. >Plot twist
  462. >Erf is just future Equestria
  463. >Anonpone is driving along the beach on her automocart.
  464. >Comes across something unexpected and stops.
  465. >"Oh my Celestia."
  466. >"I'm back."
  467. >"I'm home."
  468. >Anonpone steps out of her buggy onto the moist beach sand to get a clearer view.
  469. >She has to be sure of what she's looking at.
  470. >She walks closer.
  471. >"All that time it was..."
  472. >It's what it looked like. It's not an illusion.
  473. >"You maniacs! You blew it up!"
  474. >It's the ruins of Princess Twilight's Seaside Summer Fun Beachside Castle Playset, which has clearly been abandoned for many years.
  475. >It's unmistakeable. The towering skeleton of the statue of Twilight is holding aloft what's left of its lighthouse scepter.
  476. >"Celestia damn you!"
  477. >Anonpone collapses to the ground in anguish.
  478. >She knows now that her whole world is gone.
  479. >She can never go back.
  480. >Trapped forever in this backwards world of talking monkeys. A mockery of everything she knew.
  481. >"Celestia damn you to Tartarus!"
  482.  
  483.  
  484.  
  485.  
  486.  
  487.  
  488. >You are anon
  489. >You are in the party of twilight and friends
  490. >You were suppose to have some fun in old ruins
  491. >Turns out the person who pissed in everyone's cornflakes is there. 
  492. >First time seeing her, not nearly as scary as you have been lead to believe
  493. >"Your reign of terror will end now chrysalis"
  494. >You are a bit new to this world, not being able to see the super villain showdowns...
  495. >This should be good
  496. >However all this is put on hold the moment that chrysalis hisses and sticks her tough out to do so. 
  497. "WHOH whoh whoh whoh whoh whoh whoh, hold the up.
  498. >Everyone kind of stops and looks at you. 
  499. "Can you stick your tongue out like that again?"
  500. >Everyone seems confused, but everyone is shocked enough to humor you
  501. >The bug butt probably more so that you are male and don't have fear.
  502. >Her tongue comes out
  503. >Its slimey, you see strands of thick saliva string form one section to another
  504. "Wow, ok... One more thing. How prehensile is it? how much control do you have?"
  505. >Like clockwork she goes about showing you her dexterity buy spelling out her name, by making it longer and thinner
  506. "You are able to change size and shape of it along with control?"
  507. >Its seems like she is having fun putting on a show, with her wavy tongue now cycling shape, size along with showing off control at once. 
  508. "How in the actual fuck are you love starved?"
  509. >She is taken aback by the question not quite knowing 
  510. >"But anon she is a monster"
  511. >You just look up at rainbow dash... 
  512. "Bitch, your mail has fallen down to my house more then once. wonderbolts vs timberwolves ring any bells?"
  513. >And the wings got stiff
  514. >Rainbow earth pony mode engage
  515. >"Its not natural"
  516. "Apul, I twisted my arm a few weeks back and was in the room next to you, what did they shout at you 'how many times does an apple need to get stuck for you to learn?"
  517. >Rarity seems to be thinking along the same lines as you, but flutters looks left out
  518. "And flutterbutt, I have seen what you DRAW, you really need to inform your friends what that tongue can do"
  519. >Everyone looks over at 'notfluttershy'
  520. >She cant shrink anymore even if she had magic
  521. >So you look back toward buggy over there
  522. "So, and I don't do this for just any mare, want to be my wife?"
  523. >And everyone is silent, only applefucker and chrystalis know you aren't joking right away. 
  524. >After twiggles realizes you aren't joking
  525. >"But you were suppose to be my husbondo"
  526. >Immediately reeling back because she said something cringey out loud, you nod. 
  527. "Correction, chrysalis, want to join a herd?"
  528.  
  529. >You look down at the kids
  530. "And that is how your mom and I met"
  531. >One of applejacks kids looks through an albume
  532. "Why is mama bug bottom's mouth on mama apples bottom"
  533. >The kids are a bit young, but they all look at you wanting
  534. "Old habits die hard, some cramping, and being literally tongue tied, or as I like to call it, the most humiliating moment of chrysalises life"
  535. >You get ready for a long one
  536. "It all happened when applejack came back from the doctor yet again..."
  537.  
  538.  
  539.  
  540.  
  541.  
  542.  
  543.  
  544. >the conflict between ponies and changelings has escalated into full-on War
  545. >the first war Equestria has fought in over 200 years
  546. >none of that silly marshmallow war stuff either, ponies are actually dying
  547. >ponies are too used to peacetime, and changeling stealth abilities mean the war basically being fought from within Equestria
  548. >changeling paranoia spreads throughout the land
  549. >the Royal Guard is mostly ceremonial eye candy, so Equestria hasn't had a proper army in centuries
  550. >most mares don't want to sign up, so Celestia is forced to institute a draft 
  551. >the only way out of the draft without leaving the country is for a mare to be pregnant when her name is called
  552. >Equestria experiences a population boom as draft dodgers hurry to get pregnant
  553. >Anon's female horse friends beg him to knock them up so they don't have to fight
  554.  
  555.  
  556.  
  557. >Crystal war timeline
  558. >Just when it seems Sombra might win large swathes of his army start disappearing
  559. >Specifically the mares
  560. >Sombra is baffled
  561. >He thought that the magical helmet he forced his army to wear gave hi complete control over their actions. Desertion is impossible
  562. >He doesn't know about the divine power of the hot monkey dick
  563. >Anon literally fucks his army into exhaustion
  564.  
  565.  
  566.  
  567.  
  568.  
  569.  
  570. >Twilight writes stories and submits them onto the magical internet for ponies to read
  571. >Finds someone to proofread for her (she's pretty bad at writing)
  572. >That somebody is Anon
  573. >Twilight naturally assumes he's a mare (there are no colts on the magical internet)
  574. >Anon casually corrects Twilight on her poorly-written sex scenes
  575. >"That's not how testicles work"
  576. >"I'm pretty sure stallions don't cum a whole litre each time"
  577. >"No, semen won't taste like your favourite fruit drink. No, I cannot confirm that. Stop calling me a dyke, Twilight."
  578. >Decide to meet up in public at some kind of function
  579. >Twilight's face when she realizes that she's been submitting written porn to a male this entire time
  580.  
  581.  
  582.  
  583.  
  584.  
  585. >There's a pony equivalent to Curves
  586. >Anon gets a membership thinking it's just some weight loss program
  587. >It's actually a full-on gym filled with hardcore weightlifters
  588. >It's the only time most stallions are completely away from mares, so they use weightlifting to work out their anger
  589.  
  590.  
  591.  
  592.  
  593.  
  594.  
  595.  
  596. >When you herd with one pony, it's generally considered that you herd with all of her sisters/house-mates ala A Brother's Prices due to the scarcity of males
  597. >Anon did not know this until he started getting pretty serious with one of the flower sisters
  598.  
  599.  
  600.  
  601.  
  602.  
  603. >Prince Scorpan was meant to be the heir to the throne of the Human Kingdom
  604. >But after one or five too many drinks at a recent Gala and the series of poor and embarrassing decisions that followed, his inheritance was to go to one of his siblings instead
  605. >In fact, his parents have arranged for him to marry Princess Luna of Equestria to help seal the deal on a treaty
  606. >His only value now is as a gift
  607. >Knowing Equestria's backwards views on gender, he would be little more than a concubine
  608. >Not exactly a fitting end for his political ambitions
  609. >As much as he wanted to just leave the Kingdom for a while and pop back in when his dear old Dad finally died to claim his throne, doing so would violate their treaty with Equestria
  610. >The first of it's kind in nearly a thousand years
  611. >As he ponders his difficult position, he looks out the window of his carriage and pauses
  612. >That peasant looks sort of like him...
  613. >A smile spreads across his face
  614. >He probably wouldn't mind living like royalty for the rest of his life
  615. >And knowing these unwashed plebians, he probably already fucks animals
  616. >Yes this might just work
  617.  
  618.  
  619.  
  620.  
  621.  
  622. >Anon can never be killed permanently
  623. >He is eternal, like Discord
  624. >Kill him, and he'll be back later
  625. >How much later depends on how well you killed him, and how lazy he is
  626. >Go full Rasputin on him, and it might take him a century to pull himself back together.
  627. >But he'll always be back
  628.  
  629.  
  630.  
  631.  
  632.  
  633.  
  634. >Whenever something strange happens in Ponyville (so at least once a week), wherever you are, you'll find your mares running up and crowding around you in a panic.
  635. >When you've managed to calm them down, they'll claim they we're surrounding you for your own protection.
  636. >They needed to be between you and whatever /it/ was
  637. >Who knows what dastardly dangers you might have suffered if they weren't around to protect you?
  638. >Sometimes you think they've managed to convince themselves that it's true
  639.  
  640. >Then something truly out of the ordinary happens
  641. >The Flower Sisters find their normally fearless stallion, who could face down a bunny stampede without flinching, shaking in terrror
  642. >Now it's their turn to be brave
  643.  
  644.  
  645.  
  646.  
  647. >Anon works the apple stall for Applejack
  648. >Applejack encourages him to wear something that shows his junk off so that he can attract more customers
  649. >Tells him there's a bushel of apples put aside for him to eat slowly and erotically while maintaining eye contact
  650. >Suggests that he can "sweeten the deal" for certain mares and ensure that they'll be back for more apples later by taking the final apple that they purchase and rub it against his junk before he loads it into their basket
  651.  
  652.  
  653.  
  654.  
  655.  
  656.  
  657. >Spike and [insert pony who likes anon] are buttblasted that Anon and Rarity are filthy monos (both -gamous and -sexual, the fucking degenerates) and plot to sabotage their relationship that usually backfire due to Rarity being the RGR equivalent of a prissy fag and Anon not being RGR at all
  658.  
  659.  
  660.  
  661.  
  662.  
  663.  
  664.  
  665. >Girls flash their tits to boys that they're interested in, like how a bird will display its feathers
  666. >Works on Anon every time
  667.  
  668. >wearing an article of clothing belonging to your significant other (a hoodie, a scarf, etc) is a sign of affection and intimacy IRL
  669. >in RGREqG, Anon's girlfriend would want him to wear a hat or a scarf that belonged to her so that he gets her scent all over him an it tells other girls that he's off the market
  670.  
  671. >They stole Anon's hoodies
  672. >All of them
  673.  
  674. >"Girls, please, I'm so cold."
  675. >Meanwhile, Rarity is huffing Anon's scent like there's no tomorrow
  676.  
  677. >Anon complains he's cold becuase they stole all his sweaters
  678. >Instead of giving them back, they just crowd around him
  679.  
  680. Like the flower sisters.
  681.  
  682. >Some loud shout in the halls spooks them
  683. >They all jump into your arms Scooby-Doo style
  684. >"G-Gosh, Anon! You s-sure are cold!"
  685.  
  686.  
  687.  
  688.  
  689.  
  690.  
  691. >Kidanon arrives in Equestria
  692. >The ponies all think he's adorable
  693. >However, Twilight is troubled
  694. >She's conducted interviews with him, and he seems to have some strange and alien ideas about how the world is supposed to work
  695. >Makes sense, seeing as he's from a strange and alien world
  696. >However, since he has no real hope of returning to that world, he's going to have to learn how things work here
  697. >The Mane 6 form a sort of psuedo-herd together to raise Anon right
  698. >After a few years of raising by the girls and growing up with his new 'sisters' Sweetie, Applebloom, and Scootaloo, they just know he'll turn out to be the perfect little gentlecolt
  699.  
  700.  
  701.  
  702.  
  703.  
  704.  
  705. >>You'd mark him with your scents so that other girls would know to fuck off
  706. I like this idea in general.
  707.  
  708. >Anon goes out in public after a roll in the hay with his marefriend
  709. >Thirsty mares approach him, stop 10 feet away, and walk away looking dejected.
  710. >Some of the more aggressive mares still try to make the moves on him (pegasi show off their wings; unicorns create a light show as a demonstration of their magical power; earth ponies turn around, hike their tails up, and present in order to show off their firm asses and plump pussy lips
  711. >Cue Anon's angry marefriend making an appearance
  712.  
  713.  
  714.  
  715.  
  716.  
  717. >Anon is in a herd with whothefuckever
  718. >The mane six
  719. >Going down into the basement to get a shovel 
  720. >Bashes his toe once he gets to the bottom
  721. >Curse, groan, carry on, but he hears a noise behind him and turns to find that Applejack is standing near the top of the stairs looking at him
  722. >You can see Rarity's little white hooves several steps above her, blocked by the next floor
  723. >"Y'all alright, sweetheart? What happened?" the country pony asks.
  724. >"Oh, uh, nothing. Stubbed my toe." he replies
  725. >Anon smiles and AJ smiles back, almost looking relieved
  726. >"Alrighty, you be careful down here, now."
  727.  
  728. >Anon is cooking
  729. >Has to reach over the stove to fiddle with the timer
  730. >Oil spits
  731. >Instinctual 'ow', curses
  732. >Feels eyes on him, turns toward the table to find that Twilight has dropped the top of her newspaper to look at him
  733. >Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have stopped talking, instead turning toward him and doing the same
  734. >Gives them a little smile, a little wave
  735. >They ease up and mimic him
  736.  
  737. >Helping out at Sweet Apple Acres
  738. >Anon has gone into the barn to get the spare paint cans in the loft
  739. >Slips a little on the ladder, narrowly manages to land on his feet
  740. >Several paint cans fall, a few brooms and pitchforks fall onto their sides making noise
  741. >Anon groans, looking around and wondering where to start with his mess
  742. >Turns toward the front of the barn when he hears a noise, finds Pinkie and AJ trotting up 
  743. >They peer at him through the doors with worried expressions
  744. >A moment later the other four show up
  745. >"... Y'all alright in here, sugarcube?"
  746.  
  747.  
  748.  
  749.  
  750.  
  751. >Changelings? No problem
  752. >Discord going rampant? A good laugh
  753. >That giant bearstallation? Not a problem
  754. >But one bad thunderstorm and your mares are having to stop you from freaking out
  755. >Fuck thunderstorms and fuck growing up in an Oklahoma trailer park
  756. >Anon is afraid of thunderstorms but otherwise is a fearless motherfucker
  757. >After the weather team lets one bad storm get through their hooves he spends a restless night being soothed by his mares
  758. >The next day Dash finds herself being cornered by four very tired and extremely angry mares
  759. >From that moment on Dash personally takes care of all weather around Anon's house
  760. >The weather team has not let another storm through either
  761.  
  762.  
  763.  
  764.  
  765.  
  766.  
  767.  
  768.  
  769. >the reason why the royal guard was mostly made out of stallions wasn't because the Princesses just wanted some eye candy
  770. >though that was partly the reason
  771. >the original Royal guards stallions that made up the force in equestria's antiquity were more than capable of taking down armies and monsters with skill 
  772. >It helps that the fact their training and tactics comes from a certain green ape
  773. >the apples are one of many descendants of these guardsmen
  774. >the most prominent trait is that they almost ALWAYS have a stallion as the first born
  775.  
  776.  
  777.  
  778.  
  779.  
  780. Anon is in equestria and is socially retarded, and due to landing in princess sparkles domain she took up trying to integrate anon, and because she let privates be privates all she saw was anons nipples and made an assumption. 
  781.  
  782. So here anon is, socially retarded in a town that seemingly has 3 monogamous families, pinkie, apple, rarity, fluttershy and twilight's parents are also all monogamous (pinkies by being outcasts, apples by being very young and work orientated never expanded before their demise, rarities are made for eachother because of how fuckin weird they are around each other, flutters by being to shy to get more, and twilights just because she had the power/money/position to get an exclusive male as a status symbol) in a different world, and apparently gained enough good will with the 6 to be invited into their herd. But not as a guy... 
  783.  
  784. so years before anon came along, the herd was getting nowhere fast with guys, anon coming into the mix, a few of the guys are willing to retry, almost completely with most not sticking around results. (Think anon gets taken to a pony bar, sees the guy come up/they meet him, and the girls are trying to get with him, he is honestly impressed that they are up for 3 way+)
  785.  
  786. Through context cues, anon knows herds are important, but because of the other context cues, anon doesn't put herd and harme together.
  787.  
  788. And that all ends one day when one of the herd mates decided 'I don't care, I need to get fucked, can you help me anon?' one very fun night of passion later, the herd sans anon is brought together and is about to have the most confusing conversation of their lives
  789.  
  790.  
  791.  
  792.  
  793.  
  794. >Strange magic occurs during the eclipse
  795. >Celestia and Luna retire to Celestia's balcony to observe the eclipse while, in another world, Anon jerks off to pony pussy
  796. >The moment the moon occludes the sun, Anon is torn away to Equestria and appears in Celestia's bedroom
  797. >The sisters are shocked, not only because an alien appeared before then, but also because they didn't know that colts did that
  798. >Anon has to integrate into pony society, but the sisters don't want to cast a cute little stallion to the wind, so they decide to go undercover and help him
  799. >Hijinks ensue as Anon's attempts to find a job, make friends, and find a place to live outside of the castle are accidently sabotaged by a pair of tall unicorns in identity-obscuring robes
  800.  
  801.  
  802.  
  803.  
  804.  
  805.  
  806. >It's just mares hyping up how bad it gets to scare Anon into staying indoors. In reality they get urges and think about sex a lot more, but they're still in control of their facilities. The "stay inside or you'll get raped" story they tell to Anon is just them being overprotective.
  807.  
  808. This was an idea a few threads ago.
  809.  
  810. >A few mares took a 'holiday' so they don't have to work horney
  811. >More than a few of the mares have all told anon separately that he needs to stay inside or else he will get raped. 
  812. >Not that they would, but it would make estrous so much easier if he wasn't around to tease them at every turn
  813. >A fairly large group of mares with no stallion decided to see if they can finally achieve the dream of being blackout drunk the entire time period. 
  814. >Everyone in town knows what the mares told anon
  815. >Some find it funny, some don't, but no one corrects him as none of them want to deal with him bending over in those pants. 
  816. >The bar doors swing open
  817. >"EVERYONE GET OUT HERE AND LOOK AT THIS"
  818. >Before you can see who it is, they are gone and the door is left swinging... 
  819. >You finish your pint off, get up and go have a look
  820. >...
  821. >You see him
  822. >Anon is out of the house in a robe
  823. >This is new
  824. >He slowly walks into the middle of town
  825. >Ok you were not expecting this, maybe anon would have stayed holed up a few days before he got so bored he came out
  826. >A good laugh all round
  827. >But this?
  828. >He is wearing even more cloths now... 
  829. >No one else is going to talk to anon
  830. >Damnit guess you will have to 
  831. >You get out in front of the crowd and move up closer to anon 
  832. >Then he let the robe fall
  833. >Everyone is dead silent. 
  834. >All he is wearing is a loin cloth
  835. >"DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL"
  836. >You expected many things
  837. >Anon to be embarrassed
  838. >Anon to make a cure red face
  839. >A good laugh by everyone involved
  840. >But THIS?
  841. >The silence is only broken by a slightly drunk derpy flying close to anon, trying to land
  842. >Botching the landing
  843. >Front hooves give out
  844. >Face slides on the ground sideways
  845. >Face down ass up
  846. >She doesn't register the pain
  847. >She looks up/sideways at anon
  848. >"Me first please"
  849. >Anon acknowledges this, picks her up and begins to walk home.
  850. >Once he is a bit closer, everyone snaps out of their stupor, and follows suit, many yelling their wishes/needs to anon
  851.  
  852. >The night passes in a blur
  853. >Many of you drunk enough to not fully remember what was happening
  854. >But one thing is fore sure
  855. >There are mares covering the floor
  856. >A thick scent of musk
  857. >and anon on his bed
  858. >Sleeping
  859. >And still inside rainbow dash with derpy almost suffocating him as her ass is on his head
  860. >What have we done...
  861.  
  862.  
  863.  
  864.  
  865.  
  866. > Flaggrantly Scottish Anon
  867. > The ponies try to communicate with the poor, flat-teated alien mare in a formal skirt
  868. > Twilight tries every language she knows, before realising that Anon just speaks a growling, nigh unintelligible equish
  869. > Clearly, Anon is of the warrior class of her race, she always has her ceremonial clubs in a pack across her back
  870. > If only they could stop her from digging small holes in the dirt outside of town
  871. > The way she smacks little balls into them is uncomfortably suggestive, clearly some sort of mating ritual for her kind
  872.  
  873.  
  874.  
  875.  
  876.  
  877. >Anon is mildly terrifying to ponies
  878. >He looks, moves, and acts like a predator
  879. >Something about it unsettles most ponies
  880. >Others? Well some just enjoy the dangers
  881. >A stallion who could devour you at your most vulnerable
  882. >Enticed by the danger, those mares flock to Anon
  883. >Constantly trying to lure him in like the predator they feel he is
  884. >Something something RGRE
  885.  
  886.  
  887. >Ponies feigning injury or unconsciousness trying to lure Anon in
  888. >Anon just rolls his eyes and growls at them until they run (or actually pass out)
  889. >Meanwhile he is banging the only mare that isn't afraid of him and doesn't treat him like fetish fuel
  890. >Fluttershy, who is used to dealing with predators, loves that she can finally get a stallion
  891. >Wild monsters were her fetish anyways
  892.  
  893.  
  894.  
  895. >>Ponies feigning injury or unconsciousness trying to lure Anon in
  896. >Anon narrates whatever happens a la David Attenborough
  897.  
  898. "It seems that this little pony has sprained her leg, making herself vulnerable to predation"
  899. >"Neigh!"
  900. "We can only watch as nature takes its course."
  901.  
  902.  
  903.  
  904.  
  905. >I'm picturing her flopping her ears down and puffing out her cheeks, stomping her widdle hoofsies and angrily calling Anon a banana-eating monkey.
  906.  
  907. >Racistpone looks absolutely beside herself in adorable impotent rage
  908. >Struggles to find suitably insulting words, but can't think up anything much worse than "dummy", "spider-hoofed", and "too tall"
  909. >Blows raspberries at Anon and bats at his hand like a kitten when he brings it close to her
  910.  
  911.  
  912.  
  913.  
  914.  
  915.  
  916. >Anon is nice enough, pleasant
  917. >Fairly outgoing most of the time, usually happy, likes to spend time with friends
  918. >Though the mysticism has worn off over time for most, sometimes ponies he only recently met finally give in to their curiosity and ask Anon about the long, aged scar on his inner left forearm
  919. >They're usually drunk; they have to be to get over the rudeness of asking, especially a stallion
  920. >He always peers at the mark with a strange smile and says that it was an injury he picked up when he was younger and dumber
  921. >He never says anything more than that, so eventually the ponies who know him just drop the subject, even if his closest friends occasionally worry about his hesitance to offer specifics 
  922. >This feeling of worry frequently returns when Anon get into one of his strange 'moods'
  923. >It doesn't happen often, but their are two usual effects that making spotting the phenomena much easier 
  924. >The first is simple; canceling appointments
  925. >Now, everypony does that sometimes, but when Anon does it he cancels everything, sometimes for over a day, and his friends are sure that during those days he doesn't leave his house
  926. >The second sign is more frequent in general and as such harder to spot, but it ALWAYS shows up after the first
  927. >Anon will go somewhere, usually the SAA farm but not exclusively, and try to find some extra work or task
  928. >Anon already has a job at SAA and a fair amount of bits to live on (Granny Apple makes sure of it), but that isn't the strangest part
  929. >If he goes for work and any complications come up about the hassle of temporary employment and payment, Anon always says that it doesn't matter, and that he'll volunteer for free
  930. >He's quite insistent
  931. >Applejack sees this side of him the most
  932. >She rarely asks him about it since he's never once given her a straight answer, but she's always thinking about what might be happening to him
  933. >She and the other mane six have investigated him in secret several times to try and find out if he's having any of the usual problems an available colt might have, like harassment or stalking
  934. >Anything that might explain why he hides in his home or runs off to seek time near others
  935. >They never find anything concrete beyond the usual stuff
  936. >Still, every few months like clockwork, Anon will politely reschedule any appointments he has beyond work and lock himself away
  937. >Two or three days later he'll emerge and begin his search, many times ending up on the farm
  938. >AJ always shows him plenty of care and never lets him work extra hours without getting payed, even though he insists, obsessively almost, that he doesn't want to be a burden to them by forcing extra time
  939. >AJ will occasionally find Anon out in the field fiddling with an apple or a leaf or whatever might be nearby, staring out at nothing with a melancholy expression and stroking the scar on his forearm 
  940. >She always approaches him in these moments
  941. >"Hey cowpoke, you doin' alright out here?" she'll say, or some other variant, many times startling him without meaning to
  942. >He laughs, smiles, shakes his head
  943. >"Oh, it's nothing. I'm fine." he says, every time
  944. >Sometimes she finds him hard at work, his face hardened as he pushes like a machine at whatever task he's given, outpacing even Big Mac's efforts with his raw attention to the job
  945. >He whispers to himself sometimes when he thinks nopony can hear him, and it's usually the same things
  946. >"It always passes." he'll say, "This is normal. I'm fine, It always passes." he reminds himself quietly
  947. >If he and AJ have any extended conversions during this time, Anon frequently becomes more sentimental than usual, even for a male
  948. >He'll frequently mention how much he appreciates the time and attention you and all the others in his life give 'someone like him'
  949. >He'll how much he cares about you, and them, and how he knows that everypony cares about him, too
  950. >Sometimes his eyes become strained, almost desperate when he says these things
  951. >She always immediately confirms his statements, even if she think they're obvious
  952. >"Well o'course!" she'll say, and mean every word, "'Course they do! Why wouldn't they?"
  953. >He never answers
  954.  
  955.  
  956.  
  957. >Anon is constantly worried people will find out the scar is just a red marker.
  958. >During his super edgy phase he'd draw it on each morning, and was then teleported to Equestria.
  959. >Years have passed and he's outgrown his edgy autism, but he can't just stop drawing it, otherwise ponies will realise.
  960. >In the back of his closet there's a bunch of flame shirts too
  961.  
  962.  
  963.  
  964.  
  965. >Waifu has a very innocent view on colts
  966. >Firmly believes that they wouldn't do something as "dirty" as masturbating
  967. >Anon comes into her life and proves her wrong
  968.  
  969. >Anon, stop masturbating into my breakfast. 
  970. I just want to fertilize your eggs. Let me fuck you. 
  971. >Silly anon you cant fertilize chicken eggs
  972.  
  973.  
  974.  
  975.  
  976. >Demonpone tracks you down by the smell/taste of your cock
  977. >Your doors are locked (you're the only one in Ponyville who has mechanically-locking doors instead of the easily-bypassed magically-locked doors) and your windows are closed
  978. >Another failure for Demonpone
  979. >But wait.
  980. >There, on the front door!
  981. >Another tiny door!
  982. >Demonpone will taste your cum yet!
  983. >Demonpone tries to crawl through tiny door-door
  984. >Demonpone's succulent rump gets caught and she cannot get unstuck
  985. >Demonpone cries herself to sleep that night
  986.  
  987.  
  988.  
  989. >Anon steals a tome of forbidden dark magic
  990. >He's gonna summon himself a succubus
  991. >He performs the ritual, and his demonpone arrives from the land of fire and suffering
  992. >Succubus pone is confused
  993. >When mortals summon one of their kind to experience unholy pleasure, it's usually a mare summoning an incubus
  994. >She's never been called upon before
  995. >She tries to act the part, but Anon can tell something's up
  996. >After a bit of prodding, she breaks down and admits that she's a virgin
  997. >But what she lacks in experience, she makes up with enthusiasm, so he should totally give her a chance, she's always wanted to feel the touch of a stallion, she promises to only steal his soul a little bit, she reads lots of dirty magazines so she's picked up on some of the techniques, and she--
  998. >As she rambles a mile a minute, blood rushes into Anon's cock at the speed of sound as he realizes he's about to deflower an immortal lust demon
  999.  
  1000.  
  1001.  
  1002.  
  1003. >Anon orders pizza
  1004. >Realizes belatedly that he does not have enough bits on hand to pay for it
  1005. >Thinks back to his younger years about what would happen if a woman (or the societal equivalent of a woman) wanted pizza but couldn't pay for it
  1006. >.....
  1007. >DONG DING
  1008. >who where?
  1009. >Anon answers the door in a loose housecoat
  1010. >The delivery pony is a teenaged mare
  1011. "Oh, no! It seems as though I don't have the bits for this pizza."
  1012. >He starts to slip the robe off of his shoulders, watching as the teenage mare's shocked expression turns to dawning realization, and then pure happiness
  1013. "Is there another way that I can..."
  1014. >Anon traces a finger along the teenage mare's jaw
  1015. "...pay for it?"
  1016.  
  1017.  
  1018.  
  1019.  
  1020. >Anon keeps finding ponies waiting for him outside his door every morning, looking absolutely thrilled to see him
  1021. >They immediately jump into his arms and snuggle up against his chest
  1022. >Anon reacts as though he were being swarmed by 20 happy puppies, and the changelings soak up that love
  1023. >Something something RGRE
  1024.  
  1025.  
  1026.  
  1027.  
  1028.  
  1029.  
  1030.  
  1031. >Luna takes a liking to Anon.
  1032. >Is a thousand years out of practice at wooing stallions.
  1033. >Ponies find her behavior abhorrent.
  1034. >Anon finds it adorable
  1035.  
  1036.  
  1037.  
  1038.  
  1039.  
  1040.  
  1041. >"Hey Anon! Why are you hanging around the castle? Aren't you and Twi supposed to be on some sort of cheesy date?"
  1042. >Dash makes a kissy face as she flies over your head
  1043. >You throw an arm up in the air while leaving the other holding your book open
  1044. "Hey at least someone else other than me remembered!"
  1045. >Dash stops her teasing and seemingly freezes in the air
  1046. >"Wait wait wait wait! Did Twi literally stand you up?"
  1047. "Mmm-huh!"
  1048. >Dash shakes her head
  1049. >"What in the buck is more important than a night with her stallion?"
  1050. >She almost shouts it in obvious confusion
  1051. "Studying for a test"
  1052. >"Studying?"
  1053. "Yep."
  1054. >You turn the page on your book and keep reading
  1055. >She covers her face with her hooves
  1056. >"Geeze that mare is such a dyke. Did she at least give you a heads up?"
  1057. >You just point over to the slip of paper on the table in front of you
  1058. "Dont worry about the footprint. She had a guard leave it on my doorstep"
  1059. >Dash drops out of the air into the chair next to you
  1060. >"For the love of...HOW CAN A MARE THAT SMART BE SO DUMB?"
  1061. >You just shrug and continue reading
  1062. >"And how can you be so calm! Any normal stallion would never talk to her again."
  1063. "Yeah you are probably right."
  1064. >She smacks herself in the forehead with her hoof hard enough that you can hear it even when muffled by her fur
  1065. >"So are you gonna dump her? I wouldnt blame you if you did."
  1066. "Nope. I have other plans for her."
  1067. >You place your bookmark in your book and slide it in front of her
  1068. >She winces and whistles when she reads the title
  1069. >"Riding the Peak: A stallions guide to teat twisting and mare orgasm denial" By Prench Tickler
  1070.  
  1071.  
  1072.  
  1073.  
  1074.  
  1075. >Dash never had anything beyond a second date because of her "selfish" desire be monogamous and to have a stallion all to herself. 
  1076. >Even being a hero and celeb won't fix the taint of being "selfish".
  1077. >You and her hook up, and she learns you're monogamous too. 
  1078. >You get an uncharacteristically bashful yet eager mare with little drama after that revelation.
  1079. >Treat her with the love and genuine affection she gives you so freely for a permanent lifebond. 
  1080. >Life is pretty good with someone you know will never turn on you
  1081.  
  1082.  
  1083.  
  1084.  
  1085.  
  1086.  
  1087. >Moondancer finally builds up the courage to propose to her stallion
  1088. >Her stallion being Anon, of course
  1089. >After taking him out to a nice restaurant and a super-romantic fireworks display, she offers him the ring and asks for his hoof-spider in marriage
  1090. >He turns her down
  1091. >Mostly because she forgot to tell him that they were a couple
  1092. >Oops
  1093. >Moondancer tries to salvage their friendship, while secretly holding out hope that she can win his heart and give him her grandfather's dong ring
  1094.  
  1095.  
  1096.  
  1097.  
  1098.  
  1099.  
  1100. >Twilight gets publicly dumped and you quick hop over to the much more receptive Rainbow. 
  1101. >The pegasus athlete may not be too savvy in the field of romance, but she tries her hardest and her affection is genuine. 
  1102. >And you can gladly return her feelings.
  1103. >Twilight, meanwhile, is loosing her shit. Never before in history has a PRINCESS been dumped. 
  1104. >It's a dishonor that no one has ever had to face before
  1105. >And now she's alone again...
  1106. >She just assumed that you wouldn't need any maintenance after the "my world is RGR and I'm more or less a mare with a dick" talk. 
  1107. >It's a depressing life lesson on why assuming is bad.
  1108. >Meanwhile, you're cuddling a wildly blushing but not resisting Rainbow in public and savoring actually having a lover
  1109.  
  1110.  
  1111.  
  1112.  
  1113. >Anon is taking a nap on on Rarity's couch
  1114. >The CMC are standing on his chest, staring nervously at him as he sleeps
  1115. >They're tired of being made fun of for not having kissed a colt yet
  1116. >Rumble escaped from the treehouse, so Anon's their best shot
  1117. >They all agree to kiss him on the cheek, because they heard that unprotected kissing can cause pregnancy
  1118. >Scootaloo smooches the left one
  1119. >Applebloom smooches the right
  1120. >When it's comes time for Sweetie Belle, she gets lost in the moment and ends up planting it right on the lips
  1121. >They freak out
  1122. >Not knowing what to do, they go to Rarity
  1123. >She's always kissing stallions, she's practically an expert!
  1124. >They aren't exactly clear on the details, so Rarity thinks that they raped Anon
  1125. >She tells AJ and RD about what happened, and they all decide they have to protect their sisters
  1126. >Convincing Anon not to talk would be easy, since he's kind of a bitch
  1127. >Unfortunately, sex comes with pregnancy
  1128. >They are going to have to marry him to protect their reputation
  1129. >Meanwhile, Anon wakes up from his nap and is confused as to why there are hoofprints on his shirt
  1130.  
  1131.  
  1132.  
  1133.  
  1134.  
  1135.  
  1136. >Due to herding and polygamy being the norm (to the point where you have to sit a pony down and spend a few hours trying to explain monogamy to her), cheating is an unheard of concept
  1137. >The only way to take on one partner without keeping your current one is to actually break up with him/her
  1138. >Anon just keeps building his herd up, much to his dismay
  1139.  
  1140. It reminds me of that one-shot where Anon was a rapist, only he couldn't actually rape the mares in Equestria because they saw it as a colt being forward and kinky. After "raping" a mare, they'd ask him to drop in some time and do it again
  1141.  
  1142.  
  1143.  
  1144.  
  1145.  
  1146.  
  1147. >Anon walks the CMC home from school, because in RGRE it's okay for a male to walk off with children who aren't his own
  1148. >They each give him a kiss on the cheek as thanks, which their sisters witness
  1149. >They joke about the fillies forming a herd early
  1150.  
  1151.  
  1152.  
  1153.  
  1154.  
  1155.  
  1156. >With stallions being as rare as they are, it generally unthinkable to have them be put in danger.
  1157. >Every one of them hurt or dead means less family centers and genetic material to go around.
  1158. >Only a few powerful exceptions like Shining Armor exist, and even then, it's peaceful enough that bold stallions like that rarely face danger.
  1159. >Then, out of a portal pops you.
  1160. >You just survived the apocalypse / anarchy / WWIII / another unspeakable horror that lasted for far too long and left glaring marks both physical and mental.
  1161. >And there is no way to hide it from beings as sensitive to pain as ponies
  1162.  
  1163.  
  1164.  
  1165.  
  1166.  
  1167. >anon legitimately did horrible things
  1168. >did them because he himself would have been killed
  1169. >commit suicide/teleportedbybullshit to equestria
  1170. >feels really guilty that he is in this paradise despite what he did
  1171.  
  1172.  
  1173.  
  1174.  
  1175.  
  1176.  
  1177. >Pony social norms are a little different than human
  1178. >Anon is rather stereotypical human being 
  1179. >He's behaviour is maybe not ideal but acceptable for humans but ponies perceive it different
  1180. >He likes to drink
  1181. Not to the point of being alcoholic but for ponies it's still a lot
  1182. >He value his privacy, not tell all his thoughts to friends, sometimes try to hide his emotions, has locks in his dors
  1183. Perfectly normall for humans, but ponies are a lot more open and emotionall
  1184. >Value his personall space, don't like to hug everyone around, always wear clothes
  1185. >Likes to spend times alone, not to the point of being recluse, but he enjoy being only with himself
  1186.  
  1187. While he's perfectlly healthy ponies think that there is something wrong with him maybe he was abused by his mares or something, they try to help him in pony way of course (intervention, hiring psychiatrist and tricking Anon to talk with her etc.)
  1188.  
  1189.  
  1190.  
  1191.  
  1192.  
  1193. >Anon works for Rarity
  1194. >Rumors about the two of them being an item float around
  1195. >A third of the town thinks that Rarity is a filthy monogamoust
  1196. >A third think that Anon is Rarity's tuft and that she's only dating him to cover up that she's a dyke
  1197. >The final third believes that Rarity, Anon, and Sweetie Belle are in a herd together
  1198. >Shenanigans happen
  1199. >Something something RGRE
  1200.  
  1201.  
  1202.  
  1203.  
  1204.  
  1205.  
  1206. >Maud stands in your open doorway, her usual blank expression apparent as she stares up at you
  1207. "Anything I can help you with, Maud?"
  1208. >She blinks
  1209. >"Yes. I would like to have sex with you."
  1210. >You raise an eyebrow
  1211. "I'm sorry?"
  1212. >"There's no reason to apologise, you haven't disappointed me yet."
  1213. "No, I mean I don't understand what's going on."
  1214. >"I'm propositioning you for sex. I've been led to believe that males in your world were the ones who primarily sought out intercourse, correct? I was hoping that meant you'd be open to casual sex."
  1215. "Well, that's true I guess, but it's still weird for a pony to just knock on my door and ask for it."
  1216. >"Should I attempt to seduce you?"
  1217. >She reaches up and pulls the collar of her dress down, revealing a few extra inches of neck and shoulder fur
  1218. >unf
  1219. "T-that won't be necessary, Maud. Why are you doing this, exactly? You don't really strike me as the type to be so insatiably horny that you'd try to jump on someone you barely even know."
  1220. >Her expression softens ever so slightly as she breaks eye contact with you to stare at the ground
  1221. >"I'm still a virgin, Anon. It was a common point of ridicule in the later years of my schooling, and it made me feel like I was weird or unusual for not having experienced it."
  1222. >Your shoulders sink
  1223. "I'm so sorry, Maud. Are you-"
  1224. >"There's no need to-"
  1225. >You put a finger to her lips to silence her
  1226. "Are you sure this is really how you want your first time to go, though?"
  1227. >She casts her eyes aside
  1228. >"Stallions are emotional, and I'm not exactly qualified to provide a shoulder to cry on. I've tried dating, but I can't really give a colt the affection he needs."
  1229. >You scratch the back of your head as you think
  1230. "This is probably a conversation we shouldn't be having out here in the cold. Would you like to come inside?"
  1231. >She simply stares for a moment, before leaning in and lowering her voice
  1232. >"You do...know how sex works, right?"
  1233. >You sigh and hold the door open wider
  1234. "Just get inside already."
  1235.  
  1236.  
  1237.  
  1238.  
  1239.  
  1240. >Two years ago you found some green eggs under your kitchen sink.
  1241. >The bug spray you bought down at the market did jack all on the things.
  1242. >So foregoing burning down the house and starting from scratch you let them live.
  1243. >They did after all provide a nice green glow which acted like a night light for the kitchen.
  1244. >First they hatched into some adorable little changeling larvae.
  1245. >As far as bugs go, these little ones were too cute to squish. 
  1246. >Then they grew up.
  1247. >Quick
  1248. >The more they fed on your love the bigger they got.
  1249. >Eventually they shed their regular chitin and became something… else.
  1250. >Your home is became- well a home to about twelve changeling queens.
  1251. >It’s not so bad.
  1252. >You only have to feed yourself, so they don’t necessarily eat you out of house and home.
  1253. >The only thing that worries you is how they fight everynight, they fight over who gets which spot in the cuddle pile.
  1254. >So is the life of Anon.
  1255. >Things could be worse.
  1256.  
  1257. Twelve overprotective daughters who guard their dad from overzealous mares
  1258.  
  1259. >Sometimes two bugdaughters transform into the same pony and cross paths in public
  1260. >They have to perform some on the fly acting and pretend to be two long-lost identical twins who are having a tearful reunion
  1261.  
  1262.  
  1263.  
  1264.  
  1265.  
  1266.  
  1267. >After much nervous fretting and second guessing herself, a teen Scootaloo finally asks if she can join Rainbow and Anon's herd.
  1268. >To Scoot's immense surprise and joy, both say yes and let her in.
  1269. >Then she runs into another problem.
  1270. >She never realized that other mares joined.
  1271. >It's her, Anon, Rainbow, Spitfire, Fluttershy, A.K. Yearling, Gilda, a smattering of foals and even a griffin chick or two all in one family.
  1272. >She comes to the realization that she's the youngest sans the foals and has nothing to offer the family as a whole.
  1273. >And useless is quite possibly the worst thing you can be as the newest member of a herd.
  1274. >It's also not helping that she was just brought into a herd filled with heroes and celebrities. 
  1275. >Now Scootaloo has to scramble to find her place in her new family and hope that her new sisters don't lose their patience with her
  1276.  
  1277.  
  1278.  
  1279. >Rainbow Dash nervously allows Scootaloo into her "herd"
  1280. >It's actually just Rainbow and Anon
  1281. >Rainbow felt insecure about "only" having two people total in her herd, so she made the others up
  1282. >This didn't help her cause, because that meant that other ponies would be too intimidated to try and join such an illustrious herd that contained the likes of Spitfire, A.K. Yearling, and even a dirty sky-nigger
  1283. >Scootaloo was the first mare to stick around after she heard about all the other alleged herdmates
  1284.  
  1285.  
  1286.  
  1287.  
  1288.  
  1289. >Anon doesn't know about estrus
  1290. >Wanders through the deserted town square, wondering where everyone's gone and why all the shops are closed
  1291. >Finds Bon Bon walking through the streets, blushing and looking pained.
  1292. "Bonnie? Bonnie, what's going on? Where IS everybody?"
  1293. >Bon Bon glances at him and, with effort, looks away.
  1294. >"Y-You should get inside, Anon..."
  1295. >Anon's stomach drops.
  1296. >He's watched horror movies.
  1297. >He thinks that something horrible is coming into town and that ponies are desperately hiding from it
  1298. "Oh, god. Something's coming, isn't there?"
  1299. >Wrong thing to say to a mare in heat.
  1300. >Bon Bon groans desperately and starts trotting over to Anon.
  1301. >"S-Something's gonna be coming, alright..."
  1302.  
  1303.  
  1304. "How do you put up with servicing your entire herd during estrus, Anon?"
  1305. >"Seriously? What kind of guy would I be if I complained about having too much sex? Friction-induced injuries aside."
  1306. >Wow.
  1307. >You sure do wish you had a slut like Anon in your herd.
  1308.  
  1309.  
  1310.  
  1311.  
  1312.  
  1313.  
  1314. >Almost lazily, Rainbow pushes the book out of your lap and takes it’s spot.
  1315. >She looks up at you with goofy smile and half-lidded eyes on a red face.
  1316. >”Annnooooooon…” She moans piteously as she paws at your chest. “Let’s bump uglies and make a foal. Just one…”
  1317. >Her tail flits and flags, letting the subtle scent of her arousal hit your nose.
  1318. >You’re tempted to give in, but collect yourself.
  1319. >It’s the peak of estrus in Ponyville, and contrary to what some stallions say, mares DON’T turn into rape monsters.
  1320. >They just get… more feminine (by human standards), more touchy, and much more willing to have kids. 
  1321. >Even macho mares like Rainbow melt in the wake of the hormonal high.
  1322. “Sorry, babe. No can do,” you gently tell the pegasus. “Remember that you told me you want to wait a year or two?”
  1323. >The athlete’s face falls as she slowly remembers her own words through the haze currently settled on her. 
  1324. >“Yeah, but… But…”
  1325. >She simply huffs and seizes one of your hands to rub her face and puffed up tuft against. 
  1326. >That might have worked on a stallion, but you? More adorable than sexy, you think, as she rolls to her back with your hand still in her forehooves. 
  1327. >You run the hand through her plush tuft, down her taut stomach, and stop between her legs.
  1328. >The mare in your lap bites her lip and shivers.
  1329. “Just power through it, Rainbow. Today is the worst day. It’ll get better, but until it does, I’ll help out.”
  1330. >Rainbow’s face screws itself up into frustration, but she drops it for an expression of relief when your fingers finally meet their prize.
  1331. >These ponies, man...
  1332.  
  1333.  
  1334.  
  1335.  
  1336.  
  1337. >There's a dark secret lurking in Ponyville
  1338. >Once a month, a secret society meets under cover of night
  1339. >The exact location changes each time to reduce the chance of being caught
  1340. >Everpony in attendance is female, aside from three unlucky stallions chosen at random from the citizenry
  1341. >The newcomers are frightened, while those familiar with this twisted ritual resign themselves for what's to come
  1342. >There's no point in trying to escape, there are too many mares here, they wouldn't get far
  1343. >There's no point in telling anyone, either
  1344. >Mayor Mare and half the ponice force are here too
  1345. >As time rapidly approaches, the mares become more excited
  1346. >They make more aggressive, lewd remarks
  1347. >Sometimes they stick their forelegs through the bars of the stallion's cages to feel their fur or touch them inappropriately
  1348. >When the time comes, each mare is assigned a number
  1349. >Those numbers are drawn, and nine mares are chosen
  1350. >Three per stallion
  1351. >The stallions are led into the middle of the room by their mares, surrounded on all sides by loud, horny spectators, and they are raped
  1352. >They are violated numerous times, all while the crowd eggs their rapists on and says lewd, demeaning things about the victim
  1353. >Three mares per stallions means each one can rest while the others continue the rape, allowing the ordeal to last for hours
  1354. >Sometimes it all becomes too much for the crowd, and they all swarm the stallions, passing them around like objects
  1355. >When it's all over, the stallions are returned to their homes, a venue is decided on for the meeting, and the mares go back to their normal lives like nothing happened
  1356.  
  1357. >Anon is unaware of all of this when his friend-who-happens-to-be-a-mare asks him if he could go with her to a private event
  1358. >It's her first time, and she'd be more at ease if she saw a familiar face there
  1359. >She can't tell him what kind of meeting it is, but she promises that he'll love it
  1360. >Every last second of it
  1361.  
  1362.  
  1363.  
  1364. >Mares try to escape Anon, but he just grabs them and drags them back in
  1365. >He is not locked in there with them, they are locked in with him
  1366.  
  1367. >A huge pile of utterly spent mares lay in the middle of the room, the only sounds being weak moans and lots of panting
  1368. >one mare decides enough was enough and tries to slink away
  1369. >a hand emerges from within the pile, and expertly latches onto the escaping ponies tail
  1370.  
  1371. "No! No no no no no!"
  1372.  
  1373. >her cries are unheaded, her hooves dig big ruts into the concrete floor as she is slowly dragged back into the pile.
  1374.  
  1375. >from deep within a voice can be heard
  1376.  
  1377. >"Rape"
  1378.  
  1379.  
  1380.  
  1381.  
  1382.  
  1383. >ponies think that anon experienced unspeakable horror that lasted for far too long and left glaring marks both physical and mental.
  1384.  
  1385. >In reality he has not experienced that sort of thing at all
  1386.  
  1387. >It all begun when they started asking him about his world.
  1388.  
  1389. >"Hey anon what is the name of your hometown!?"
  1390.  
  1391. >"WAR-SAW!?!?!?!"
  1392.  
  1393. >OH GOD HE IS FROM WARZONE!
  1394.  
  1395.  
  1396.  
  1397.  
  1398.  
  1399. >As fall turns to winter, a pony's fur thickens to help keep them arm
  1400. >In unicorns, it gives them an impressive chest tuft, bulking up around their necks and resembling the poofy collar of a fur coat
  1401. >For pegasi, down production increases, making them softer to handle (but making it more difficult for them to fly)
  1402. >Earth ponies have a much thicker coat everywhere on their bodies, making them appear bigger than they actually are. While not quite as beautiful as that seen on a unicorn, it's much more suited for an earth pony's tough, hands-on lifestyle
  1403. >Mares use this increased fluff to help them attract a mate and prepare them for when estrus hits in the following spring, just a few short months away
  1404. >something something RGRE
  1405.  
  1406.  
  1407.  
  1408.  
  1409.  
  1410.  
  1411. > When someone you trust finally touches you and you realize you've been starved for physical affection all your life
  1412. > Pic of Celestia trying not to cry as Anon pets her
  1413.  
  1414. >Don't break down in front of Anon
  1415. >Don't cry in front of Stallions
  1416. >You're a big mare
  1417. >You need to stay strong
  1418.  
  1419. >Physical affection-starved Celestia will never hug you for several hours
  1420. >She will never appear in your room each night and ask for cuddles
  1421. >She will never have you sit right next to her (hip to hip) on an enlarged throne during day court
  1422.  
  1423.  
  1424.  
  1425.  
  1426.  
  1427.  
  1428. >Be a face in the crowd where others like you are a dime a dozen.
  1429. >Expected to be strong and hardworking, told to try harder when it gets tough.
  1430. >But you're also told that you don't matter and that you can be replaced.
  1431. >And all the competition seems bitter and herculean. 
  1432. >Romantic prospects are low.
  1433. >Family prospects are even lower. 
  1434. >Haven't been touched by a male since your father gave you a hug...
  1435. >...Last year at family a reunion.
  1436. >But then, HE comes along...
  1437.  
  1438.  
  1439.  
  1440.  
  1441. Has anyone ever wondered if human myths wind up in Equestria? Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Oni and heavenly ascended humans with animal heads...
  1442.  
  1443. Somehow I can only imagine that the mares would see the male figures as subjagated victums of cruel mistress' who force their husbands to work for them instead of providing for their husbands.
  1444.  
  1445. >Ponies are appalled that Mrs. Clause forces kind ol' Santa Clause to travel across the world in just one night to deliver gifts he makes with the help of his friends!
  1446. >While Mrs. Clause simply gets to stay at home, bake cookies and do buck all!
  1447. >An outrage!
  1448.  
  1449.  
  1450.  
  1451.  
  1452. >A pegasus mare waking up with stiff or extended wings is the equivalent of a guy waking up with morning wood
  1453. >Anon and Rainbow Dash are an item and one morning Anon wakes up to the sensation of soft wings wings wrapped around him
  1454. >Anon thinks it's adorable and sweet
  1455. >Rainbow Dash is mortified
  1456. >Wings wrapping around your coltfriend is like waking up to find that you've somehow mashed your junk into your girlfriend's face
  1457.  
  1458.  
  1459.  
  1460.  
  1461.  
  1462.  
  1463. >Ponies have no sense of personal space
  1464. >but it only happens to ponies who know each other 
  1465. >since ponyville is a small community, everypony knows each other one way or another
  1466. >anon see all the tiny horses all cuddled up together whenever they hang out
  1467. >gets swamp with curious little foals while he is the library reading
  1468. >i always start with the CMC
  1469. >then their friends
  1470. >then their classmates
  1471. >anon doesnt mind
  1472. >tiny ponies are comfy yo
  1473.  
  1474.  
  1475.  
  1476.  
  1477.  
  1478.  
  1479. >Anon is a schoolteacher.
  1480. >Instead of trying to be the "Cool" teacher, he actually strives to teach the fillies something.
  1481. >He punishes them when they do wrong.
  1482. >Corrects them when they make mistakes.
  1483. >Rewards them when they do well.
  1484. >Teaches them to use their brains, but follow their heart.
  1485. >Teaches them to not compare, but improve.
  1486. >Gives them attention if they need it.
  1487. >Some fillies are confused.
  1488. >Why is a stallion acting like their mother?
  1489. >Some fillies may also have crushes on him.
  1490. >Maybe
  1491. >But they'll never tell
  1492.  
  1493. >substitute teacher anon
  1494. >working in a public school in fillydelphia
  1495. >school has a reputation for having THE MOST unruly and disrespectful students in the city
  1496. >the last teacher had to take the day off because they covered him in sticky slime 
  1497. >it wouldnt come off and they had to shave ALL the fur
  1498. >the fillies think this new substitute will be a lot easier
  1499. >one thing they dont realize...
  1500. >he's not in there with them
  1501. >they're trapped in theyre with him
  1502.  
  1503. >the class is, of course, mostly mares
  1504. >their first "prank" is dropping a bucket of water on him
  1505. >he teaches the class with a wet shirt to not show weakness
  1506. >ah, first quiet day this week
  1507. >after a rough first week, they begrudgingly respect him
  1508. >he learns all their names and knows what kind of trouble each one likes to cause
  1509. >three weeks later he doesn't have to yell anymore
  1510. >they don't fear his voice or anger as much as their fear his disappointment
  1511. >staring into the eyes of a schoolfilly and telling her he thought she could do so much better hurts worse than any kind of physical pain
  1512.  
  1513.  
  1514.  
  1515.  
  1516.  
  1517.  
  1518.  
  1519. >The Mares are dumbfounded as the Doors are blocked by a dense wall of fog
  1520. >The dark and dank cellar became a barren wasteland under an Ashen Sky.
  1521. >The Sun is Eclipsed and instead of it's usual Corona, It's "leaking" fire into the horizon. 
  1522. >Anon just smiles serenely while his clothes are burned off, his skin cracks revealing veins of liquid fire.
  1523. >Incredible heat can be felt from his now erect penis.
  1524. >Anonymous: Dong of Cinders
  1525.  
  1526.  
  1527. >Due to unexpected help from the elements of harmony you managed to take Anon down, well make him kneel in exhaustion.
  1528. >Just you wait, after we take a nap. everyone will take their reveng-
  1529. >Anon is on fire now...his penis too.
  1530. >The ominous background music, Is someone playing the piano?
  1531. >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6jxyQvynUI [Open]
  1532. >Holy Buck! Did he just throw a lightning bolt?
  1533. >Is Roseluck dea- oh she just came so hard she passed out.
  1534. >Buck! The Elements are still winded.
  1535. >This isn't fair.
  1536. >"Phase 2, cunts."
  1537.  
  1538.  
  1539.  
  1540.  
  1541.  
  1542. >Be Anon. 
  1543. >You're reading on the best places to touch to please a unicorn mare. 
  1544. >You'll show Lyra you can out do her magic! 
  1545. >You feel a tiny body snuggle against you. 
  1546. >You look down and see Applebloom has pulled up another chair next to yours and is snuggling your side for warmth. 
  1547. >Smiling you place the book down and begin to pet her back, as you do you feel another body now on your other side. 
  1548. >Sweetiebell has curled into a ball against you. 
  1549. >You pick both of them up and go find the library's couch and lay them both on your side to let them go to sleep. 
  1550. >Soon after you close your eyes you open them to find Scootaloo laying down on your chest. 
  1551. >You smile at the cuteness the tiny foals emit. 
  1552. >…
  1553. >You're fucking Lyra when you get home. 
  1554. >No condom. 
  1555. >Five times. 
  1556. >You need baby ponies, and the mint horse shall provide them. 
  1557. >Possibly Bon Bon too if she gets home early enough
  1558.  
  1559.  
  1560. Dubs will it! 
  1561. >Be Lyra. 
  1562. >You're walking through the market looking for any mlh merch. 
  1563. >Still glad you found not only a human, but a human who actually LIKES the show! 
  1564. >Suddenly something grabs you and begins walking. 
  1565. >You begin to panic! 
  1566. >You look up at your captor and see Anon's signature suit. 
  1567. >You calm down and go limp as you begin to think on why Anon would be carrying you. 
  1568. >It's Tuesday so not mlh. 
  1569. >You don't think he's sad, he's walking too fast. 
  1570. >Wait... no... 
  1571. >Panic begins to fill you as you look up to check his face. 
  1572. >Sure as day you see it. 
  1573. >It's the 'You better call in to work because I'm trying for some foals' face! 
  1574. >You begin to flail with newfound vigour! 
  1575. >You've gotta get away! 
  1576. >You can handle a horny colt like Anon, but NO mare can handle a foal hungry Anon! 
  1577. "A-Anon please! Think about this, d-do we really need foal?! W-We should wait a bit!"
  1578. >Anon just walks faster. 
  1579. >You see Bon Bon as Anon walks by her stand. 
  1580. "Bonnie, help me!"
  1581. >She just looks at you before quickly looking away. 
  1582. >That bitch! 
  1583. "You'll have to come home eventually traitor!"
  1584. >You call out before the Anon finally makes it to your house. 
  1585. "Celestia help me!"
  1586. >"Not after last time, you're on your own" You hear Celestia call out
  1587.  
  1588.  
  1589.  
  1590.  
  1591.  
  1592. >"Now say you're sorry."
  1593. >Fucking Fluttershy. Always butting into your-
  1594. >Yeah no, she's a complete sweetheart, and it was perfectly understandable that she was a bit ticked off at you.
  1595. >But still, your pride may be battered and bruised, but you'll never admit defeat.
  1596. "Like I said, in my culture showing teeth is a friendly gesture."
  1597. >"Buck you it is! You have fangs, that was clearly a threat!"
  1598. >Repeat that exchange six or seven more times and that basically been your last half hour
  1599.  
  1600.  
  1601.  
  1602. >"So you have wolf teeth then! You don't bite, you rip flesh."
  1603. >Then Anon responds about how deadly her claws are.
  1604. >Half an hour later Fluttershy realizes they have no idea that they're flirting
  1605.  
  1606.  
  1607.  
  1608.  
  1609. >Horse body temperatures on average are slightly higher than a human's.
  1610. >Many stories infer that a pegasus has a higher temperature still.
  1611. >Combine the two and at best, it's uncomfortably warm to bone a pegasus. At worst, scalding.
  1612. >Anon doesn't realize this until it's too late
  1613.  
  1614.  
  1615.  
  1616.  
  1617.  
  1618. >Anon in RGREqG
  1619. >Gets invited to a party/sleepover with the Mane 7
  1620. >Officially, it's because they're already friends, and he's insisted that he's more like them than those prissy guys pretending to be men.
  1621. >Unofficially, it's because they've decided they want to try snagging him for their herd
  1622. >They already decided they wanted to be together, and have been on the lookout for a guy that is interested in all of them, and that all of them are interested in.
  1623. >He's initially OK with this, visions of harem debauchery running through his mind
  1624. >Then it registers that this would involve trying to romantically juggle 7 girls at once.
  1625. >Banging all of them is appealing, but he actually cares about them, and is concerned about relationship drama bombs and what happens if one or more of them feels neglected or whatever
  1626. >They insist it's not a big deal, sure their group is a little larger than usual, but they've convinced themselves everything will work out
  1627.  
  1628.  
  1629.  
  1630.  
  1631.  
  1632. >you stand in line with your battle-sisters: the warmages from the unicorn tribe that had swallowed their pride in the face of extinction
  1633. >staring across an acrid field covered in puddles from the unrelenting rains of the pegasi tribes
  1634. >the lines of the massively muscular earth pony mares in front of you still shine gold despite the weather
  1635. >above you, the pegasi flit through the clouds trying to finish with the last-minute preparations
  1636. >behind you all, at the top of the hill, stand the Two Sisters
  1637. >from no single tribe do they hail
  1638. >the only two members of the Alicorn Tribe to exist
  1639. >their fortress at the north face of the Lonely Mountain is the last holdout
  1640. >under their rule all three tribes are equal as subjects beneath them
  1641. >their ascension they consider their divine right to rule
  1642. >the other capitals lie in ruin
  1643. >the floating fortress of the pegasi brought down by hail
  1644. >the unicorn tower pulled down by might
  1645. >the earth pony city razed
  1646. >all the by the caribou, who seek to usurp the natural order of the world for their own
  1647. >across the muddy field, lining the earth and blocking the mountain range of their home, they stare back at you
  1648. >they have nothing but hate
  1649. >whatever their queen and king found in those mountains...
  1650. >it's dark magic twisted the once amicable deer into these monsters
  1651. >twisted, fur-covered horns sprout and grow like sick vines
  1652. >it's become difficult to tell the difference between their mares and stallions
  1653. >not that it mattered
  1654.  
  1655. >>29781375 #
  1656.  
  1657. ...Anonymous
  1658. 04/02/17(Sun)03:50:42 No.29781375
  1659.  
  1660. >>29781370 #
  1661. >they cared nothing for the safety of their males
  1662. >every will had submitted to the rule of their king and queen
  1663. >before nightfall, you, and every mare on this plateau, would be stallion-slayers
  1664. >the Two Sisters, however, had made it clear you must choose between your own stallions and theirs
  1665. >only ponies as powerful as they could even think to field their mate
  1666. >and a strange one he was
  1667. >some kind of minotaur with
  1668. >no hooves of any kind
  1669. >your own captain had objected to being seen on a battlefield with a stallion present and you agreed
  1670. >it was shameful enough that you would be facing them, let alone have one at your back
  1671. >you looked back
  1672. >there he stood, between them, wearing not a scrap of gold
  1673. >carrying only a drum under one limb at his side
  1674. >they called him "The Bard"
  1675. >the rumors said he could control the Music of Harmony
  1676. >he hailed from a land beyond travelling, beyond magic, beyond time
  1677. >from a world without magic
  1678. >but, somehow, still had access to music
  1679. >he could summon forth the Old Magic at will, direct its flow, control its message
  1680. >thinking of music, you could hear the start of the caribou's song
  1681. >at least their sense of pride kept them adhereing to the proper ways of war
  1682. >they wanted to show the world they deserved to rule it unopposed
  1683. >it began slow
  1684. >long, sonorous, and low
  1685.  
  1686. >the chorus notes were...somehow off
  1687. >the rhythm disjointed
  1688. >yet they all sang as one
  1689. >danced as one, holding their heads high and stomping their hooves
  1690. >swaying their weapons in their grasps and lighting their horns in black displays of magic
  1691. >about their destiny to rule
  1692. >about your duty to die
  1693. >about their impending victory here, at the last holdout of the ponies
  1694. >and soon, it drew to a close
  1695. >for a moment, there was complete silence over the plains
  1696. >you shifted the tall shield affixed to your left foreleg
  1697. >scratching the side of your cheek with it and feeling the sharp base dig into the soft earth
  1698. >and then...a drum
  1699. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFi7bWkyRpA [Open]
  1700. >you feel nothing in your heart
  1701. >except for panic, perhaps, when no notes from the world join in
  1702. >but after a moment you hear it
  1703. >off-tune warbling from no instrument you had ever heard joins in with the rhythm of the drum
  1704. >his singular voice sounded off
  1705. >even at the first line, you could feel yourself quietly mouthing the words
  1706. >he sang about your weapons and slick, shining armor
  1707. >the mares at the front lines swung their weapons in the air, but more than a few of them swung in the wrong direction or hit the mud
  1708. >you could hear yourself and your sisters around you suddenly sound off at the fourth decidely un-pony-like line
  1709. >but they go quiet until you all mumble the last line
  1710. "How many of them can we make die?"
  1711.  
  1712. >you can't believe you're participating in this
  1713. >nothing about your moral justification
  1714. >nothing about duty
  1715. >not a word of destiny
  1716. >not one of hope
  1717. >only the grim task in front of you
  1718. >and yet...you feel your heart quicken
  1719. >the next were about obedience and striking fear
  1720. >but there was a message of unity
  1721. >your voice was louder this time
  1722. "A force like ours is hard to stop!"
  1723. >even louder at the last one
  1724. "How many of them can we make die?"
  1725. >you could feel your muscles tensing
  1726. >your face lifting from a look of weariness
  1727. >a spark of hope, desperate but there nonetheless, ignited in your heart
  1728. >soon you and every mare on the field was joining in every other line
  1729. >there was no comfort in the lyrics
  1730. >only defiance
  1731. >the hopelessness in your soul was melting away into accepting your situation
  1732. >leaving only anger and defiance
  1733. >it was almost a shout at the last line of the chorus
  1734. "How many of them can we make die?"
  1735. >your heart was pumping, ready to go into battle for the survival of your stallion back home
  1736. >the foals left behind
  1737. >some strings from nowhere joined in for a while, and soon the song faded
  1738. >perhaps there was some truth about the rumors of the bard's capabilities
  1739. >you didn't think this would change the outcome of the battle too much
  1740. >the caribou stretched beyond what your eyes could see
  1741. >you pulled your shield closer and readied your horn for combat
  1742. >but he continued
  1743. >quietly, at first
  1744. >his voice raised when every pony on the field began to stomp their hooves to his beat
  1745. >the thunder in the air echoed his drum
  1746. >despite the mud you all managed to shake the earth with the force of your hooves
  1747. >the last line of the chorus wasn't so much sang by you, but growled
  1748. "How many of them can we make die?"
  1749. >now every line was sang by the giant choir
  1750. >echoed off and away into the horde approaching
  1751. >a fire erupted in your belly
  1752. >you could see sharper now
  1753. >even the falling raindrops seemed to slow their descent
  1754. >your muscles twitched with electricity
  1755. >your blood ran hot in your veins
  1756. >and your horn glowed brighter
  1757. >the earth ponies up front slashed blades of rain through the air, or cratered the ground with swings of their axes
  1758. >their muscles swelled and tensed, eager to start the bloodshed
  1759. >the pegasi struck their weapons together, sending arcs of lightning across the clouds
  1760. >the damp air grew hot around you from all the other horns
  1761. >your own singed your hair when the third layer formed
  1762. >you were eager to begin cleansing this evil from the world
  1763. >freeze and shatter them to bits
  1764. >shock them into vapor
  1765. >burn them until nothing but ashes and stories remained
  1766. >Let them try to kill you, the price will be painfully high
  1767. >you were ready
  1768. >more than ready
  1769. >you just couldn't wait
  1770. >Just how many of them could you make die?
  1771. >You are now Twilight Sparkle
  1772. >The bolt of lightning you just shot across the room was thankfully stopped by your BBBFF's shield
  1773. >Both princesses stare at you
  1774. >but not with disappointment, or anger, or shock
  1775. >They both have a knowing look in their eyes
  1776. >You stare at your shaking hooves before clamping your eyes shut and attempting those breathing exercises Cadance taught you
  1777. >they help a little
  1778. >but your heart is still beating at a thousand per minute
  1779. >and your breath refuses to obey you
  1780. >after a minute, or an hour, you come to a rest
  1781. >the princesses drop the field around you
  1782. >Celestia approaches you and wraps a wing around your back
  1783. >"It's alright, Twilight, everything is ok."
  1784. >You lean into and nuzzle her
  1785. >she's still bigger than you
  1786. >which you really appreciate right now
  1787. >she leans down to look into your eyes
  1788. >"Do you understand now, Twilight? About why we were worried about another human here?"
  1789. "I do, Prin--Celestia, I do."
  1790. >"And what are you going to do about it?"
  1791. "I'll make sure that Anonymous never, ever sings in Ponyville city limits."
  1792. >"I hope you will."
  1793. "But I do have a question, Celestia."
  1794. >"Hmm?"
  1795. "Were you and Luna in a herd with that human?"
  1796. >"I really think you should be heading home to take care of this, Twilight."
  1797. "How was it?"
  1798.  
  1799.  
  1800.  
  1801.  
  1802.  
  1803.  
  1804. >Anon is an omnivore
  1805. >Omnivores eat meat
  1806. >Meat is dangerous unless properly cooked
  1807. >Colts are good cooks
  1808. >Anon is both an omnivore and a colt, therefore he can cook meat
  1809. ...
  1810. ...
  1811. ...
  1812. >The steak is barely brown on the outside and bloody on the inside
  1813. >AJ's face when her husbando is obviously a terrible cook
  1814.  
  1815.  
  1816.  
  1817.  
  1818.  
  1819. >Twilight observes Anon for purely scientific and non-stalkerish purposes
  1820. >She misunderstands his personal quirks, assuming them to be social cues from his culture
  1821.  
  1822. >Anon builds and paints a fence around his house
  1823. >Wears old clothes while he's painting and inevitably gets messy
  1824. >Twilight, watching from a nearby bush, thinks that painting the fence is like a bird decorating nest and the paint he spills on himself is akin to a peacock showing off its tail
  1825. >Twilight concludes that this is mating season for humans and alerts her friends
  1826. >Rainbow Dash in particular thinks that the idea is stupid, but she can't help but feel drawn to Anon's house, and his colorful paint-splattered clothing makes her heart skip a beat
  1827. >Anon wonders why there are so many pegasi in the skies and trees around his house
  1828.  
  1829. >When later approaching Anon for a follow-up she 'casually mentions some of the things she observed (only some, she doesn't want him to know!)
  1830. >Anon then points out that with one data point, she has no sure way of discerning personal quirks, his people's cutoms and humans' natural drives.
  1831. "But That's why I came to ask you!"
  1832. >"So that I can introduce my own unperceived biases into the mix?"
  1833. >And then Twilight came
  1834.  
  1835.  
  1836.  
  1837.  
  1838.  
  1839. >"Quick! He's getting hysterical! Somebody blow him right away!"
  1840. "P-pinkie? What-"
  1841. >"GLARMPH"
  1842. >Everypony stares at you wide eyed as Pinkie Pie furiously bobs her head, trying desperately to make you cum.
  1843. >You were later informed that "male hysteria" hasn't been a thing for at least 80 years, and that blowjobs were not the way for a mare to help cure it.
  1844.  
  1845.  
  1846.  
  1847.  
  1848. Anonymous has a somewhat normal life in RGR Equestria until he accidentally frees the dreaded space pirate/chaos entity Eris from her stone prison underneath the Canterlot foothills.
  1849.  
  1850. Then his life gets a bit more Tenchi Muyo as Eris taking such an interest in him prompts other females from around Equestria to take an interest, as well - including the descendants of the heroes of the other races who originally sealed Eris away and were drawn to Anonymous when they felt the seal break, and a certain space-themed Princess who recently returned from an extended trip to the moon…
  1851.  
  1852.  
  1853.  
  1854.  
  1855.  
  1856. A portion of the Equestrian community is utterly terrified of Anonymous, the new human from another dimension. Something about him is just wrong, though they can't quite figure out what at first. It's only after a few months have passed that it becomes apparent - Anonymous is a memetic hazard.
  1857.  
  1858. Ponies who spend too long around him have their gender roles reversed to human standards - stallions become more like men and mares become more like women. The longer they spend near him, the longer it takes to wear off… but the effect's duration increases exponentially, to the point where it may as well be permanent on certain ponies.
  1859.  
  1860. Alicorns are immune to the effect, not that it'll help them in the long run.
  1861. Discord find it hilarious and delights in teleporting Anon to different cities across Equestria for weekends, with his permission, of course. His jaw still hurts from the time Anon punched him after getting dropped into pony Chicago
  1862.  
  1863.  
  1864.  
  1865.  
  1866.  
  1867. >Berdherd with Rainbow Dash, Flitter, and Cloudchaser
  1868. >Herd aggressively chirps at any mares who approach Anon
  1869. >Mares see how aggressive they are and worry that they're forcing "a nice colt like Anon" into herding them
  1870. >Berdherd brings shiny/colourful pieces of cloth and metal over to Anon's house and drop them in his front yard to decorate it
  1871. >When they have foals, the berdherd becomes very protective over him
  1872. >Tell him to stay home and "protect the foals" while they all go out as a group to buy groceries
  1873. >Get instinctively upset when Anon leaves the foals by themselves while he goes into another room to do something
  1874.  
  1875.  
  1876.  
  1877.  
  1878. >Pegasi lay eggs instead of giving live birth
  1879. >One day Anon happens across an unhatched egg all by itself, which promptly hatches
  1880. >Anon is the first thing the pegasus foal sees and it imprints onto Anon
  1881. >Follows him around no matter what he does
  1882. >something something RGRE
  1883.  
  1884.  
  1885.  
  1886.  
  1887.  
  1888. >Anon wants to recreate Easter to show to his pony pals
  1889. >getting extra eggs for the purpose is a bit of a problem though, since ponies only use them for baking and the chickens aren't keen to give up more than they already do
  1890. >he's not even going to ask where the fuck a hen got a shotgun to chase him out of the coop with the first time he went in with a basket
  1891. >realizing there are larger eggs in the trees around town, he decides to be clever and collect those instead
  1892. >a lot harder to hide, but make do with what you have
  1893. >in the middle of painting them at his kitchen table, they start bouncing around and cracking open
  1894. >pegasus foals on the table, in the drawers, in the cupboards, on his face, in his hair
  1895. >mid-panic, a loud knocking comes from his door and he composes himself enough to stumble over and answer it
  1896. >a couple dozen smug-looking pegasus mares are standing outside, holding common-law herding scrips in their mouths
  1897.  
  1898.  
  1899.  
  1900.  
  1901. Oh my god, I want Luna to awkwardly try and convince Anon to start dating her by reading out a list of her positive traits.
  1902.  
  1903. >"Why You Should Allow Me to Court You"
  1904. >"By Luna, age 1200"
  1905. >"Number one: best at hugs"
  1906. >"Number two..."
  1907.  
  1908.  
  1909.  
  1910. >Luna decides that the perfect time for reading her list is during a formal dinner
  1911. >it is five hundred points long
  1912. >number 355-410 is devoted to bedroom activities
  1913. >starts out innocently enough, with her claiming to be the most loving bedpartner ever
  1914. >then it gets lewder
  1915. >and lewder
  1916. >she's describing her toy-collection in full detail
  1917. >the room seems to get gets increasingly hotter the further she goes
  1918. >you can't fight against Anon jr. anymore, and he assumes full control
  1919. >Most of the aristocrats are either furiously blushing or looking extremely uncomfortable
  1920. >she reads further and further
  1921. >you never heard the term "analcircumference" before, but it almost made you pop a bloodvessel
  1922. >some of the more timid stallions around the table faints
  1923.  
  1924.  
  1925.  
  1926.  
  1927.  
  1928.  
  1929. >Velvet hates to admit it, but she's tired of Night Light
  1930. >He's losing his looks, getting wrinkled and flabby
  1931. >His cock doesn't get as hard as it used to, and he just doesn't have the stamina to give her a real dicking anymore
  1932. >He's still a sweetheart, but Velvet is going to go insane if she goes another week without a proper fuck
  1933. >She heads out on a 'business trip' to Manehattan, where she meets everyone's favorite apelien in a bar
  1934.  
  1935. >Anon goes full love doctor mode
  1936. >He isn't going to stand for this horse-degeneracy and betrayal
  1937. >Saves their marriage with help from Cadence and the M6, as well as anyone else the author wants to include
  1938. >Wins the heart of his waifu(s) in the process as long as Twilight Velvet isn't his waifu
  1939.  
  1940.  
  1941.  
  1942.  
  1943.  
  1944.  
  1945.  
  1946. >You are Anon, and you are making some breakfast for your herd.
  1947. >Your herdmates have places to go and people to see, and they need a balanced breakfast to start the day.
  1948. >"Morning, babe!"
  1949. >Before you can react, something smacks you in the ass, making it sting.
  1950. >You yelp in surprise and nearly drop your spatula onto the hot stovetop, which would have RUINED the pancakes you're making.
  1951. >Every fucking morning.
  1952. >It's the same thing.
  1953. >You spin around to tell off Cloudchaser - because it's ALWAYS Cloudchaser - and try to wipe that smirk off of her face.
  1954. >Just as you suspected, Cloudchaser's is standing right behind you, looking as smug as a waist-high miniature horse can look.
  1955. >"I see you're wearing that apron I got you for your birthday."
  1956. >She licks her lips as she eyes you up and down, lingering at your chest where the material is extra-tight.
  1957. >"It looks good on you."
  1958. >Flattery (or what barely passes for it) will get her nowhere.
  1959. "For fuck's sake, Cloudy, would you stop doing that? What if you startled me and I burnt myself?"
  1960. >Cloudchaser unfurls both wings and flicks the tips of them in agitation.
  1961. >"Easy there, big guy, easy. I just wanted to know if those pancakes are gonna be ready any time soon."
  1962. >You glance over to your skillet and see that the little circles of batter are starting to bubble, and you take that as your cue to flip them.
  1963. "Yeah, just give them a few more minutes. They're nearly finished."
  1964. >Cloudchaser flies up until she's at head-level with you.
  1965. >"Thanks, dear."
  1966. >She wraps her foreleg around her head and pulls you in for a big kiss on the cheek.
  1967. >"I'll be in the den with Flitter until then, okay?"
  1968. >With a pat on the cheek, Cloudchaser flies out the kitchen door.
  1969. >You hear her shout over her shoulder as she leave.
  1970. >"And don't forget, I like my pancakes with strawberry syrup instead of maple!"
  1971. >A moment later, she pokes her head back in.
  1972. >"Say, think we have time for a quickie? My boss has been riding my ass and I need a bit of stress relief."
  1973.  
  1974.  
  1975.  
  1976.  
  1977.  
  1978. >Twilight is interested in Anon but doesn't know a thing about courting stallions
  1979. >She's too embarrassed to ask her parents or friends for help, so she goes to her grandma in Canterlot for assistance
  1980. >When she returns to Ponyville and confronts Anon, she's a nervous stuttering mess
  1981. >Weakly slaps Anon on the ass and says that he has a nice ass
  1982. >Anon is too busy laughing to even be annoyed
  1983. >He brings her home and fucks the daylight out of her
  1984.  
  1985.  
  1986.  
  1987.  
  1988.  
  1989.  
  1990. >Every night for years, Anon dreams of an odd blue equine on the moon.
  1991. >She seems so real and lonely in the dream, so he feels the need to interact with her.
  1992. >And each time he returns, she's lonely and longing for company once more.
  1993. >One night at a time, he learns the story of Luna the alicorn and her backwards home, Equestria.
  1994. >Slowly, he begins to doubt these are even dreams.
  1995. >But what could be going on? Is Luna real? Or not?
  1996. >Regardless, he finds his heart yearning for the strange alien pony he meets each night. 
  1997. >Just the thought of her boldly proclaiming that she would "be his knight most chivalrous" makes him smile. 
  1998. >But after nearly 3 years, the dreams stop, leaving the human heart broken.
  1999. >Until his alien pony decides he should be at her side in person, that is.
  2000.  
  2001. >On the other side, Princess Luna struggles to keep sane with her 1000 years of isolation.
  2002. >Each day is a hard-fought battle to not submit to the madness gnawing on the edge of her mind.
  2003. >But one year in, she does something unexpected.
  2004. >Sleep takes her, and she dreams.
  2005. >And in her dream, is a strange bipedal male. One who doesn't fear. her. 
  2006. >In-fact, he APPROACHES her, an unsure offer of friendship ready. 
  2007. >It's all too good to be true. She found an escape.
  2008. >But as quick as it happens, the dream ends with him promising to come back.
  2009. >And so she waited.
  2010. >And wait for a whole year she did, until the next dream came.
  2011. >Each year, he came back, giving Luna the motivation to keep going.
  2012. >For 1000 years she lives like this. Learning more about her visitor and letting the precious memories hold her over. All the way to her freedom.
  2013. >But now free and at full power, the Princess will not be denied her most beloved companion any longer. The chivalrous princess NEEDS her sweet human.
  2014. >There's some time and space that needs broken
  2015.  
  2016.  
  2017.  
  2018.  
  2019.  
  2020. >Anon meets nursepone in a bar
  2021. >Reveals that he knew all about the "penis inspection day" thing and how it wasn't a real medical exam
  2022. >nursepone is shocked that he saw through her ruse
  2023. alt end
  2024. >Penis inspection day is a real life actual thing in Equestria and ponies in the medical profession take cock-health very seriously
  2025.  
  2026.  
  2027.  
  2028.  
  2029. >Applejack discovers what her brother has been doing at night to earn money and help keep the farm afloat
  2030.  
  2031.  He'd cover up his cutie mark and go by the name "Big Banana" while he's on duty
  2032.  
  2033. >Applejack is upset about her brother stripping to help pay the bills
  2034. >She's even more upset that his stage name is based on an inferior fruit
  2035.  
  2036. >"Ah don't care if it's a pun, Big Mac! Why not jus' call yerself 'Two Big Pears' while yer at it?!"
  2037.  
  2038.  
  2039.  
  2040.  
  2041.  
  2042.  
  2043. >CMC think they're of age to find a stallion to start a herd with
  2044. >Predictably, they choose Anon
  2045. >They use pick-up techniques they learned from their sisters (or in Scootaloo's case, from Rainbow Dash)
  2046. >Shenanigans occur
  2047. >Something something RGRE
  2048.  
  2049.  
  2050.  
  2051.  
  2052.  
  2053.  
  2054. >Be Anon in the kitchen.
  2055. >You're out of food.
  2056. >You need to go get some food.
  2057. >So you go to the shops.
  2058. >The shops seem a bit strange today.
  2059. >None of the products you usually buy are here.
  2060. >Also everyone around you is actually some sort of horse.
  2061. >One of the horses is sniffing at your crotch.
  2062. >You come to a realisation.
  2063. >Damnit this isn't the shops.
  2064. >This is those stables they have down at the garbage transfer place.
  2065. >You go back to your car and try going to the shops again.
  2066. >You're pretty sure this is the right location this time.
  2067. >You buy your food and drive home.
  2068. >The horse that was sniffing you earlier is in your driveway.
  2069. >You honk your horn to scare it off, but it just runs into your backyard.
  2070. >You'll have to deal with that at some point, but now you've got groceries to put away.
  2071. >You grab as many bags as you can hold and take them inside.
  2072. >You dump the bags on the table and go back to get more.
  2073. >You repeat the moving of groceries from your car into your house.
  2074. >After more boring moving of things from one place to another you have them all inside.
  2075. >Now that you have food, you can have lunch.
  2076. >You begin making lunch.
  2077. >It's just a few simple sandwiches, because fuck effort.
  2078. >You've just finished making the last one and are about to go eat them when everything goes blue.
  2079. >When the blue stops you see that you are no longer in your house, but instead are in a different house.
  2080. >This is very unexpected.
  2081. >Also unexpected are the oddly coloured horses who are also in the room with you.
  2082. >One of them is eyeing your sandwiches.
  2083. "Don't you get any ideas, these are my goddamn sandwiches."
  2084. >You protectively hold your food close to you with one hand while using the other to make shooing motions at the horses to ward them off.
  2085. >"Well it did summon sandwiches, even if it also brought the colt who made them. Here's your twenty bits."
  2086. >"Booyah, bits, snacks, and a bonus exotic stallion. Best spell ever."
  2087.  
  2088.  
  2089.  
  2090.  
  2091.  
  2092.  
  2093. >>Rarity is a hopeless romantic
  2094. >>Rainbow Dash is too, though she's loathe to admit it.
  2095.  
  2096. >Everyone thinks that a thirsty metrosexual like Rarity and a brash jock like Rainbow would be all kinds of dirty with poor, pure you in bed.
  2097. >Ha.
  2098. >No one knows that the first time you impulsively grabbed one and ate some candy vag, that both the receiver and watcher squealed like lolis in a hentai and went cherry red in the face. 
  2099. >It's not them corrupting you... but you corrupting them.
  2100. >And it's sooooo sweet
  2101.  
  2102.  
  2103.  
  2104.  
  2105. >Rara is desperately spending boatloads of money for gifts to woo you. Flowers, candies, spa dates, all kinds of shit. So is Dash, pulling out of her exorbitantly large prank fund for stuff like box seats to the Wonderbolts show and life size marble statues of her to put in your home
  2106.  
  2107.  
  2108. >Rainbow Dash organizes cloudless nights for stargazing
  2109. >Rarity finds joy in simple things like picnics and cuddling under the blankets
  2110.  
  2111.  
  2112.  
  2113.  
  2114.  
  2115. >Pinkie and Applejack are both interested in Anon
  2116. >Friendly competition for alpha, of the herd anon is unaware of yet
  2117. >both of them temping him through his stomach
  2118. >But Anon keeps politely declining Applejack's varied apple treats each time for pinkies confections
  2119. >Applejack becoming more frustrated confronts him, blowing the competition
  2120.  
  2121. >"Anon, why arn't my apples good enough for you!" she almost bawls with tears
  2122. "Your apples are just fine Jackie, I'm just allergic to them"
  2123.  
  2124. >cue a mental breakdown in Applejack
  2125.  
  2126.  
  2127.  
  2128.  
  2129.  
  2130. >In the old times, when one tribe conquered another, the defeated were often sold into slavery
  2131. >Mares took the healthiest and most virile stallions, keeping them for themselves
  2132. >Twilight messes up a spell, flinging Anon into the distant past
  2133. >Right into the middle of a town where one of Twilight's long flung descendants is about to invade
  2134.  
  2135.  
  2136.  
  2137.  
  2138. >Anon is sent into the distant past and lands in the middle of a three way war for supremacy
  2139. >Falls right into Princess Platinum's hooves and kept as a "prize" from a recent skirmish with revolting earth ponies.
  2140. >It's actually pretty comfy
  2141.  
  2142.  
  2143.  
  2144.  
  2145.  
  2146.  
  2147. >Big Mac finally got bitten by the love bug
  2148. >No not Chrysalis
  2149. >He finally decided it's time to get himself a mare
  2150. >His problem is that over the course of the last couple years, he's gotten himself into a love polygon, and the uneasy peace between the mares who've been pining after him is about to boil over when they figure out he's actually interested in romance now.
  2151. >Cherilee, Marble Pie, and Sugar Belle are the primary contestants with others coming out of the woodwork trying to snag the eligible bachelor before it's too late
  2152. >Rumor has it, even Princess Luna might have an interest in him.
  2153.  
  2154. >Big Mac always heard from his colt buddies that dealing with mares was easy, but that's not what he's finding out.
  2155. >And his littlest sister and her friends have gotten involved trying to help via Crusader Shenanigans, with very very mixed results
  2156.  
  2157. >Anon seems to know what he's doing, so Mac goes to everyone's favorite shitposter for advice
  2158.  
  2159.  
  2160.  
  2161.  
  2162.  
  2163.  
  2164. >Oh yeah, Twilight stole one of Sunbutt's "secret" spells, and gives Anon anal AND a blowjob at the same time, while simultaneously putting up a portal in front of her mouth so he dick finally fills up her horse pussy. 
  2165. She wants Anon to fill all her holes, ALL of them
  2166.  
  2167. >"We are honored to invite our very own, Princess Twilight Sparkle to present her thesis on teleportation."
  2168. "Thank you, Loud Voice. Today, I, Princess Twilight Sparkle would like to announce that I have made a new discovery in portal magic. Ladies, how would you like to receive three times the dick in one dicking."
  2169. >Gasps all around.
  2170. "Now you can."
  2171.  
  2172. CAVE JOHNSON HERE
  2173.  
  2174.  
  2175.  
  2176.  
  2177.  
  2178. >Eris is new to Equestria.
  2179. >It's such a boring plane.
  2180. >Idea.scroll
  2181. >What's this!?
  2182. >A scroll?
  2183. >I wonder what it says?
  2184. >>Take on a pseudonym
  2185. >>Deepen voice.
  2186. >>Play pranks on cute ponies.
  2187. >>Get away because stallionish whimsy
  2188. >That sounds like a good idea.
  2189. >She should really do that.
  2190.  
  2191. X thousand years later.
  2192. >Maybe that wasn't the best idea provoking Sunbutt Mc'Grumpypants like that.
  2193. >But at least you have a friend now.
  2194. >She keeps looking at this Monkey.
  2195. >Anon.
  2196. >What's the big deal about him?
  2197. >Speak of the pony, why is he running away?
  2198. >What is this bag?
  2199. >Are those firecrackers?
  2200. >Oh.
  2201. >Ooh.
  2202. >The naughty naughty boy,
  2203. >He should have a taste of his own medicine.
  2204.  
  2205. >Be Anon
  2206. >Flutters must have found out about your prank.
  2207. >She somehow managed to replicate it without fingers.
  2208. >You've finally found it.
  2209. >Someone who would actually prank you back, that doesn't live in the sky.
  2210. >You've missed this.
  2211. >Being on guard.
  2212. >Biding your time until it's time to strike back.
  2213. >It's on Fluttershy.
  2214. >Prepare your ponut
  2215.  
  2216.  
  2217.  
  2218.  
  2219.  
  2220.  
  2221. >Rainbow often makes soft chirps when she snuggles into his chest that turn her red with embarrassment immediately
  2222. >Subconsciously offers her wings to anon for him to preen, which is reserved for the closest of friends or mates
  2223.  
  2224.  
  2225.  
  2226.  
  2227.  
  2228. >Mares are condescending to Anon
  2229. >Act like he can't act competently because he has a penis
  2230. >Anon sets out to prove them wrong
  2231. >...and tries doing something he found out that he's actually really bad at
  2232. >Mares laugh and call him cute
  2233.  
  2234.  
  2235.  
  2236.  
  2237.  
  2238. >Pegasai foals don't cry much, as they whistle, cherp and peep instead.
  2239. >They even have instinctual sound patterns they use.
  2240. >One for "I'm hungry", one for "I want to play", one for "pick me up" and many others. 
  2241. >Pegasus parenting is easy mode without all the guesswork
  2242.  
  2243.  
  2244.  
  2245.  
  2246. >Single Anon is bros with Spike
  2247. >Ember comes for a diplomatic meeting
  2248. >Anon flirts with some of the lower dragon delegation, helped by their predator fetish
  2249. >Spike sees this and asks for help with his main crush
  2250. >Worse Whorse (after Trash)
  2251. >Anon helps Cyrano spike to woo his lady friend "Rarity"
  2252. >Accidentally ignites Embers spark for Spike with accidental apex predator wooing advice
  2253. >Rarity sees through spike and falls for Cyrano Anon, with all his romance-schromance
  2254.  
  2255. >Ember pursues spike
  2256. >Rarity pursues anon
  2257. >Spike resents anon
  2258. >Anon doesn't want to spite his bro
  2259.  
  2260.  
  2261.  
  2262.  
  2263.  
  2264. > petting a bird below the neck feels sexual to it
  2265. >you will never inadvertently molest a large portion of Ponyville's pegasus population
  2266. >they like it
  2267. >Anon is unaware of his bad-touching
  2268. >Begins a relationship with some mare
  2269. >Jealous, several pegasus mares tug feathers out of their wings and make angry crowing noises when they see Anon and his marefriend
  2270.  
  2271. >Socially-awkward pegasus wonders if she's part of a herd after Anon absent-mindedly pats her on the back
  2272.  
  2273. >just shows up next morning in his house making him breakfast
  2274. >anon doesn't even ask why just rolls with it
  2275. >crazier stuff happens in horse-land anyway, free homemade breakfast is nothing to sneeze at
  2276.  
  2277. >socially awkward to the point of silence
  2278. >always around him somewhere
  2279. >her feathers are always sticking out of his cloths no matter how many he cleans off
  2280.  
  2281. >so socially sheltered she's constantly blushing at all his cloths 
  2282. >Anon never knows they are horsemarried, but is the lewdest with all his platonic affection
  2283.  
  2284. >She's aggressively protective of him
  2285. >he doesn't quite know it
  2286.  
  2287. >Everything was going fine, until the fire nation attacked (her first heat)
  2288. >she's doesn't want to damage her lewd virgin husbando
  2289. >she asks him what the birds and the bees are
  2290. >he tries to explain as if to a friend
  2291. >her lust filled mind just takes over
  2292. >rape
  2293.  
  2294.  
  2295.  
  2296.  
  2297.  
  2298.  
  2299.  
  2300.  
  2301. >C'mon Anon, you can do this. Just like Celestia instructed.
  2302. >Get in there, strut your stuff and finish this war before it begins.
  2303. >Both dragonesses that lead you here open the wide door in front of you.
  2304. >As you step inside you notice the only occupant sitting atop her tremendous horde.
  2305. >The door behind you slams shut, leaving you alone with the royal dragoness.
  2306. >A few solid gold coins topple and roll from the gigantic pile as she slithers down from her vantage.
  2307. >"So, you are the pitiful creature that has threatened my kingdom?"
  2308. >She crawls over to you, serpentine and dangerous.
  2309. "Well, more like 'bartered with'."
  2310. >Her eyes narrow as she stands up at full height in front of your, her hot breath escaping her fiery mouth as she speaks.
  2311. >"You dare to insult a Queen by wagging your silvery tongue, beast!?"
  2312. >You are about to flinch when you notice her full height is still a whole foot shorter than you.
  2313. >She seems to notice too if the indignant yet surprised looks she's giving you is anything to go on.
  2314. >You gain a sly grin.
  2315. "Don't play dumb with me Emby"
  2316. >Her face takes on a tiny blush as you give her a pet name.
  2317. >"Insolent male whelp! You dare-"
  2318. >You grab her by her scaly waist; pulling her close to your body.
  2319. "We both know what my kind is capable of, Dragon."
  2320. >Her face falters at your actions and words, she desperately tries to keep the facade of stoicism up, but her growing blush betrays her.
  2321. "The war would be ultimately fruitless."
  2322. >You run your hand down her side, resting it on her smooth ass cheek.
  2323. "I would 'spear' every dragoness that comes close."
  2324. >Her face shows open fear now, the wetness on her thighs indicates her arousal however.
  2325. "Luckily, I come to you with a compromise."
  2326. >You slap her on the ass, causing her to yelp.
  2327. "Sacrifice yourself to me, and no dragoness will feel the wrath of my 'spear' or 'silvery tongue'."
  2328. >She breaks from your grasp, falling to the ground and shuffling to her horde desperately.
  2329. "You on the other hand, will feel them daily."
  2330.  
  2331.  
  2332.  
  2333.  
  2334.  
  2335.  
  2336. "Oh Shiny I know you want a foal but you know that alicorns are sterile."
  2337. >"Oh is that the problem? That is easy to fix!"
  2338. >You give him a confused look
  2339. "What do you mean? How can you fix that?"
  2340. >Shiny gets up from where he was on the couch and rushes to the phone
  2341. >"Well I~ cant fix that. There is one pony who can."
  2342. "Shiny please tell me you aren't calling Twily. I love the girl but I would rather her not use my body as a science project."
  2343. >He chuckles that cute little chuckle of his
  2344. >"No no no. You see the Sparkle family has an old friend who helps in times like this. We call him "The Surrogate""
  2345. "The surrogate what?"
  2346. >"Just the surrogate. You see any time a sparkle mare cant get pregnant the family calls him up. For some reason he can imprenate even sterile mares and his foals always come out strong. That is why house Sparkle is the most numerous and magically inclined noble house. He has been doing his job for CENTURIES."
  2347. >Your jaw drops as he explains
  2348. "Wait, centuries? So he is some sort of withered old stallion?"
  2349. >An image of an impressively ancient stallion fucking you makes you shiver
  2350. >You love Shiny but you are not sure you are into wrinkly old cock
  2351. >"Oh no he doesn't age. Also he isn't really a pony. He is a human and...well he is sort of like a minotaur but with less...cow?"
  2352. >You cant even picture it
  2353. "So you are going to call him up and...what?"
  2354. >"Oh well he will come and you two will"
  2355. >He scrunches his nose and motions with his hooves
  2356. >"And when he is done you will be pregnant. Now shush I need to make a call."
  2357. >You sit and think about some minotaur plowing your slit
  2358. >It doesnt take long and you feel the juices flowing
  2359. >"Hey dad? Yeah well it turns out that Cadence is sterile. Is there any chance you could call Anon? Oh he is in the room right now! Great! Can you get him a ticket to come over? Thanks! Also you might tell Twilight now is the time if ever. You know she has trouble talking to stallions. Alright Love you. Bye."
  2360. >He hangs up the phone and turns to you
  2361. >"He will be here in a week! I hope you are ready to be a mom cause when he is done you will be one."
  2362. >You want to be excited about the prospects of parenthood
  2363. >The only problem is you are far to excited about getting a guilt free romp with some exotic stallion.
  2364. >Him knocking you up in the process just makes you wink all the faster
  2365.  
  2366.  
  2367.  
  2368.  
  2369. >Nightmare Moon makes it public knowledge that she's keeping Anon as a concubine
  2370. >In private, things are different
  2371. >After a long day's work, she goes to her room and removes her armour/regalia
  2372. >She immediately collapses onto her bed in exhaustion and bats at Anon until he starts giving her kisses and belly rubs
  2373.  
  2374. >"Those fools have no idea who they're dealing with."
  2375. "Mm-hmm..."
  2376. >"I'll show them, Anon. I'll show them all!"
  2377. "I know you will, sweetie."
  2378. >"...did you make that salad I like?"
  2379. "It's in the fridge; second shelf on the left."
  2380.  
  2381. >"You'd tell me if my staff were treating you improperly, wouldn't you?"
  2382. "Of course I would."
  2383. >"If they can't treat a colt right, then they have absolutely no business having the honour of serving me."
  2384. "You'll be the first to know if they step out of line, okay?"
  2385. >"...you're very precious to me, Anon. You're the most beautiful and brightest star in my night sky."
  2386. "I love you too, Moons."
  2387.  
  2388.  
  2389.  
  2390.  
  2391. >NMM sealed Celestia and Twi in the moon
  2392. >Realized that she fucked up
  2393. >Celestia always did all the hard work even before
  2394. >Anon helps calm her down and gets her to rethink her rule
  2395. >She slowly becomes less evil though she wont put up with bullshit
  2396. >She also becomes more and more attached to Anon
  2397.  
  2398.  
  2399.  
  2400.  
  2401.  
  2402. >Nightmare Moon takes on her own form after being purged from Luna.
  2403. >Reluctantly gives up. 
  2404. >Now she spends her days giving Luna shit for being a a gangly beta autist. 
  2405. >It's all magnified since Nightmare is more or less a turbo-chad bad filly that can keep even fickle stallions orbiting her.
  2406. >Meanwhile Luna just wants to be left alone to do her own thing
  2407.  
  2408.  
  2409.  
  2410.  
  2411.  
  2412. >You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
  2413. >And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
  2414. >The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
  2415. >The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
  2416. >You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
  2417. >You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
  2418. >A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
  2419. >That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
  2420. >Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
  2421. >It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
  2422. >Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
  2423. >Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
  2424. >Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
  2425. >Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
  2426. >It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
  2427. >Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
  2428. >With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
  2429. >Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
  2430. >Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are
  2431.  
  2432.  
  2433.  
  2434.  
  2435.  
  2436.  
  2437. Anon is friendless in RGRE
  2438. He hires a gigolo to cuddle.
  2439. Since prostitutes are stallions, it would make sense that gigolos are good looking mares.
  2440.  
  2441.  
  2442.  
  2443.  
  2444.  
  2445. >Anon has an idea
  2446. >He takes a few magazines with him and goes over to the train station
  2447. >Inhaleing deeply he yells
  2448. "ANY MARE WANT TO FUCK? I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING AND I NEED A WILLING P...."
  2449. >At this moment he was bombarded with willing partners
  2450. >Choosing one at random, they head off to a seedy motel... which in equestria turns out to not have cockroaches and is closer to 4 star then 3 on earth, but for some reason rated one here
  2451. >As the mare gets on the bed to present, anon tosses the magazines on the bed
  2452. >She begins winking
  2453. "So here is the plan, I want to read porn while useing a pony like a sex doll"
  2454. >Winking intensifies
  2455. >Unable to speak she just nods.
  2456.  
  2457. >About 10 minutes in and many orgasims later, anon sees an image and pauses... 
  2458. >He looks at her cutie mark, then at the image...
  2459. "Cool, so... You are a porn star miss..."
  2460. >She looks a bit shocked, but snaps out, manginging to pant out
  2461. >"Wooden... woodenlilly"
  2462. "Cool, so... have to ask, you bi or gay for pay?"
  2463. >Before she can answer, a vice like grip tells anon she is cumming again, his cue to go over the hump with her
  2464. >He picks her up from behind and slams in till they both make a mess of the bed.
  2465.  
  2466. >As the two pant and recover, anon is the first to move
  2467. "So... so there is another bed over there... want to ruin it too?"
  2468.  
  2469.  
  2470.  
  2471.  
  2472.  
  2473. > Be Anon, trying to drink away the bad feels
  2474. > Considering the local bar only serves chocolate milk variations, it's not working too well
  2475. > You try to force the drunkenness
  2476. "Ye-you know what, Pinkie Ponko Plump Rump?"
  2477. > You frown blearily at her
  2478. > It's late, and you are kinda tired
  2479. > But isn't her hair supposed to be a big poofy, curly mess?
  2480. > You mean, it looks fine straightened, but that doesn't seem like her style
  2481. > She knocks back a shot of strawberry milk
  2482. > "Is it a guessing gaaaaame?"
  2483. > She gives you a half smile
  2484. > "I'm gooood at guessing games."
  2485. > Wow, no exclamation point, something's up
  2486. > Well, everyone has their own troubles, if they are at the Bitter Drink at this time of night
  2487. > You shake your head
  2488. "Nah, not that. Lemme tell you, when I was home, home on Earth. You know what? I didn't touch nobody. Nopony. Like, maybe shaking hands once a month. Thas'all."
  2489. > Pinkie shifts on her bar stool
  2490. > "Thas terrible! No hugs or snugs? Wait. Did you shake hands with uh, hehe, guys?"
  2491. > She waggles her eyebrows suggestively
  2492. > Damn pervert
  2493. "Yeah, I did. But never mind that. You know what happened when I got here?"
  2494. > Her brow furrows as she tries to remember
  2495. > "I gashped at you, and threw a party?"
  2496. "Mmm yes, that happened. But still, even here..."
  2497. > You take a sip of your chocolate milk
  2498. "Nopony touches me. Is a hug too much to ask?"
  2499. > Pinkie's eyes go wide
  2500. > "Can- can I hug you?"
  2501. > You open your arms wide
  2502. "Go for it."
  2503. > She hops onto your lap, wrapping her forelegs around you, resting her head on your shoulder
  2504. > You sigh in contentment, comforted by the warmth of another being
  2505. > You hold her close, rubbing little circles on her back
  2506. > She nuzzles at the side of your neck, and you feel your heart swell at the sensation
  2507. > You squeeze her sightly, nuzzling her neck
  2508. > It feels so good, at long last
  2509. > And for some reason, her hair is inflating and returning to its curly shape
  2510.  
  2511. > Be Pinkie Pie
  2512. > DO NOT GET WET, YOU REPEAT, DO NOT GET WET
  2513. > This poor stallion needs a snuggle buddy, not a fuggle buddy
  2514. > But maybe if you play your cards right...
  2515. > OH SWEET CELESTIA'S CAKE HOARD, HE'S NUZZLING YOU BACK
  2516. > DO NOT GET WET, DO NOT GET WET!
  2517.  
  2518.  
  2519.  
  2520.  
  2521. Anon and some of his friends get drunk in the city while bla bla is doing blaa blaaaaa blaaaaaaaaaaaa, when they meet some unfriendly types. Imagine internet trolls in real life, but drunk and in equestria. 
  2522.  
  2523. They get into a heated argument. Then one of them drops a bomb
  2524.  
  2525. >"You know what, do this world a favor an BUCKING KILL YOURSELF"
  2526. >Its like its the worst thing anyone can tell another to do in this world
  2527. >Many ponies are sad
  2528. >Some look about ready to defend your honor
  2529. >But all you can do is laugh
  2530. >A bit more drunk then you realize you let yourself go
  2531. >"The BUCK are you laughing at?"
  2532. "Thats how I ended up here in the first place"
  2533. >Anon gets uncomfortably close and tells the little shit in detail what he did and what the end result would have looked like
  2534. >More then a few ponies are sad, crying, or trying to hold their bile in
  2535. >Anons friends however, are stunned that they finally learned how anon came into the world. 
  2536.  
  2537. >Next morning, anon doesn't remember shit
  2538. >He got drunk on the good stuff
  2539. >His friend shave no idea how to broach the bombshell he dropped last night. 
  2540. >Thinking that maybe it was just anon lying again, he does that often, till they see the remnants of scar tissue
  2541.  
  2542.  
  2543.  
  2544.  
  2545.  
  2546. >Appul has a crush on Anon
  2547. >Anon is a lazybones
  2548. >Appul has trouble reconciling the idea of her perfect horsebando being allergic to work
  2549.  
  2550.  
  2551.  
  2552.  
  2553.  
  2554.  
  2555. >Anon says things like "Oh fuck." and "What the fuck." a lot.
  2556. >Estrus hits.
  2557. >Mares conveniently "mishear" him and "think" he's asking to fuck
  2558.  
  2559.  
  2560.  
  2561.  
  2562. >Rarara is an unashamed turbo-fedora that isn't repulsive. 
  2563. >She gets the guy like in the fairy tales and fanfics she totally doesn't read.
  2564. >A few brave mares try with normal stallions after seeing that.
  2565. >They get weird looks, offence, or (laughs in slut) from the stallions
  2566.  
  2567.  
  2568.  
  2569.  
  2570.  
  2571.  
  2572. >Anon's pony equivalent is already living with a herd of true waifus
  2573. >Since they're technically the same person, Anonpone allows Anonman to join them
  2574. >Anonpone is happy to have another stallion around the house, especially one he relates to so well
  2575. >The mares are just glad to have another dick to ride
  2576.  
  2577.  
  2578.  
  2579.  
  2580.  
  2581. >Daring Do, and of course her nemesis Ahuizotl, both discover evidence that points to the lost city of Man
  2582. >(or lost continent, the legends are a little vague)
  2583. >Shenanigans ensue on the race to find the city and prevent Ahuizotl from using the lost magical human superweapons to take over the world
  2584. >It's under the sea for one, requiring them to deal with both seaponies and sirens before they can get to it
  2585.  
  2586. >Then when they get there, it's not empty ruins like they expected.
  2587. >Living breathing humans still live there, cut off from the rest of the world
  2588. >They may be a mere shadow of their former glory, but they still live.
  2589. >They're also (from Daring's perspective) RGR, led by King Anonymous
  2590.  
  2591. >To her immense surprise, for once in her life, she has an easier time convincing the natives that she's the hero and Ahuizotl is the bad one, because humans are more likely to believe a cute mare asking for help than a freaky whatever he is asking where they keep the really dangerous stuff.
  2592.  
  2593. >To his immense disappointment, there are no superweapons or crazy magical artifacts around.
  2594. >Unless you count HMD's and he don't swing that way
  2595.  
  2596.  
  2597.  
  2598.  
  2599.  
  2600.  
  2601. >FalloutAnon winds up in RGRE!FO:E
  2602. >Halfway through LittlePip's quest
  2603. >Pipboy says he's friendly
  2604. >Even though he's labelled a MareKiller
  2605. >Still a few feet taller than anyone
  2606. >His own dedication autism led him to min/max for stealth
  2607. >Skin-tight stealth suit
  2608. >covered in bags of loot
  2609. >creeps through raider/slaver encampments
  2610. >kills everyone
  2611. >takes everything that isn't nailed down
  2612. >tries to sell it to the nearest trader, they don't have enough caps
  2613. >invests thousands of caps in trade routes
  2614. >mares try to convince him to take them along, but he tells them they're too loud
  2615. >"Oh, I'll make you loud, too..."
  2616. "What?"
  2617. >"N-nothing."
  2618. >Puts scavengers and salvagers out of business
  2619. >There isn't a scrap for miles
  2620. >Derpy has it all
  2621. >Every mug, clipboard, empty bottle, scrap of ammo, or weapon
  2622. >Slavers want him for best sex slave
  2623. >Raiders start to worship him like a demon god they must appease
  2624. >Settlers want to repopulate the world with his seed
  2625. >Anon just wants more caps
  2626.  
  2627.  
  2628.  
  2629.  
  2630. >barbarian lord anon
  2631. >defeats Ladies and queens makes them into his harem
  2632. >several fiefs and 2 queens have already been brought low by non consensual hugging
  2633. >the latest queen looks beyond her castle walls and sees what she's up against
  2634. > THE BELLY RUBS CANNOT BE STOPPED
  2635.  
  2636.  
  2637.  
  2638.  
  2639. Anon baffles the fuck out of the ponies.
  2640.  
  2641. He's male because he has a penis, but socially and behaviourally is like a mare. When he's seen, that is.
  2642.  
  2643. He prefers to live alone in his little Everfree camp, and often moves when ponies stumble across him.
  2644.  
  2645. Cadence, being the nosy whorse she is, tries to set him up with a mare. 
  2646.  
  2647. The catch? Magic goes haywire when interacting with him, often unpredictably for the caster.
  2648.  
  2649. Anon just wants to be left alone from this crazy bitch.
  2650.  
  2651.  
  2652.  
  2653.  
  2654. Anon's meeting with Luna is a disaster: on Nightmare Night, she tries to scare him. He throws her through a wall.
  2655.  
  2656. While ponies are outraged, Luna is happy: even if he has a dick, she's finally met someone who isn't a complete pansy in this day and age.
  2657.  
  2658. Thus, an odd bromance is formed.
  2659.  
  2660. Now, if only her sister would stop hitting on the increasingly annoyed Anon, and being a misandriast
  2661.  
  2662.  
  2663.  
  2664.  
  2665. >Anon is a cowboy
  2666. >Like, an actual wild west cowboy, not some fat truck driver hauling an 18-wheeler full of cattle
  2667. >After arriving in Equestria, he manages to sign on to a cattle drive from Appleoosa to Ponyville
  2668. >It's a good job, exactly how he remembers it, except the cows talk
  2669. >And flirt with him
  2670. >A lot
  2671.  
  2672.  
  2673.  
  2674.  
  2675. >Anon is marching toward the pool
  2676. >He has a line of ponies on each leg, holding on to each other trying to stop him
  2677. >"Anon, you have to stop! The water is too dangerous for you! You'll drown!"
  2678. >He keeps going, dragging all the ponies toward the water.
  2679. "Ah, but you are all WRONG. For I, am a SEAMONKEY!"
  2680. >One of the ponies asks, "Is that like a seapon-EEEEEE!"
  2681. >He jumps into the pool, taking all of the ponies with him into the deep end.
  2682.  
  2683. >Tiny Appul paddles over to him from the shallow end with her floaties to save him
  2684.  
  2685.  
  2686.  
  2687.  
  2688.  
  2689. >Pone has crush on Anon
  2690. >Anon takes pone home and fucks her raw
  2691. >Pone thinks that this is the start of a beautiful relationship
  2692. >Wakes up to a cold bed
  2693. >Turns out that anon was just looking for a quick fuck
  2694. >"Oh Celestia, is this what I've been doing to stallions all that time?"
  2695. >Something something RGRE
  2696.  
  2697.  
  2698.  
  2699.  
  2700.  
  2701. >Anon wants a pet, but all of Flutterbutt's animals are either too scared of him or they wouldn't make a great pet.
  2702. >(Who would want a pet wasp?! Honestly!)
  2703. >Flutters decides to do the sensible thing.
  2704. >By sensible, she needs to scratch an itch and she wants to cure Anon's pet problems.
  2705. >So she puts on a collar and a leash, walks up to Anon with the leash in her mouth and a sign hanging from the collar: "Pet me."
  2706. >Something, something RGRE
  2707.  
  2708. >"Bark bark."
  2709. >Translation: Is this your fetish Anon?
  2710.  
  2711.  
  2712.  
  2713.  
  2714.  
  2715. >Anon collapses during a get-together with the mane six after complaints of hunger even though he recently ate
  2716. >The mares freak out and help him into his house before sending a group out to get a doctor
  2717. >The doctor arrives to hysterics as Rainbow Dash desperately shakes a half-conscious Anon in a bid to 'keep him from going into the light'
  2718. >After her male nurse calms them down enough for her to work and ask the light-headed human a few questions, she states that she knows what his problem may be, and that, in fact, she's dealt with it before in vacationing Gryphons
  2719. >She sends her assistant back to the office, and a short while later he returns (with noticeable discomfort) holding a moist sack of grim-smelling gunk in his mouth
  2720. >The mane six are taken aback when they learn that the contents of the sack the doctor mare is warming the pan in the kitchen for is neither vegetables, fruits, nor sugars, but some manner of preserved flesh
  2721. >Each of them protest as the doctor throws the cooked and still partially bloody meat onto a plate and makes for the loopy human, each insisting that she was going to make the poor colt sick with the gore she'd concocted
  2722. >She does little more but hold the plate under his nose, rousing him gently from his grogginess purely from the smell
  2723. >Just as the mane six is reaching the end of their patience and their confidence in her medical expertise, Anon seizes the frightening food into his bare claws and sinks his teeth in
  2724. >Reddish-brown liquid trickles down the side of his mouth as he vigorously tears pieces from the main body and devours them
  2725. >Twilight and Pinkie are both cringing back but visibly intrigued
  2726. >Dash, Rarity and AJ each seem noticeably confused and faintly disturbed 
  2727. >Fluttershy's wings are at full mast and twitching
  2728.  
  2729.  
  2730. >Dear Princess Celestia
  2731. >Sometimes your friends have different dietary needs than you do, and that's okay.
  2732. >If your friend is the only one of his kind and isn't particularly learned in his species' biology, he might not know what nutrients he needs and he may suffer for it.
  2733. >Today I reaffirmed my belief that colts are silly, air-headed creatures.
  2734. >Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle
  2735.  
  2736.  
  2737.  
  2738.  
  2739.  
  2740. >Estrus season rolls around again so all the mares in town burst into song and choreographed dancing to tell Anon why he should fuck them
  2741.  
  2742.  
  2743.  
  2744.  
  2745.  
  2746. >Succubi are constantly being summoned by lonely colts interested more in a relationship than sex
  2747. >Succubusmare's face when Anon is interested equally in both
  2748.  
  2749.  
  2750.  
  2751.  
  2752.  
  2753.  
  2754. >Anon gets bodyswapped with Twi
  2755. >Spends the entire time telling stallions to "Fuck off!" and being rude to them
  2756. >He spends an uncomfortable week resisting the urge to touch himself
  2757. >Finally Twi gets back and switches their bodies back
  2758. >Twi finds out that there are no less than four stallions that want in her pants
  2759. >Is horribly utterly confused
  2760.  
  2761.  
  2762.  
  2763.  
  2764.  
  2765.  
  2766. The alicorns, used to having stallions falling over themselves for them, are kinda surprised when Anon says he doesn't find them attractive.
  2767.  
  2768. Cadence acts like his annoying sister, so that kills his why-boner dead. Plus, he thinks she looks like something that fell into a vat of syrup.
  2769.  
  2770. Celestia is too gangly and has an ass that eclipses Luna's moon.
  2771.  
  2772. Twilight is Chublight.
  2773.  
  2774. Luna is... Luna.
  2775.  
  2776. Insulted and a little worried, they go on diets, change their mane-styles, etcetera
  2777.  
  2778.  
  2779.  
  2780.  
  2781.  
  2782.  
  2783. >Day Spoopy
  2784. >Be Anon
  2785. >Little horses are running about in costumes
  2786. >Even the Adults
  2787. >One mare is getting particularly aggressive about the amount of candy being given out
  2788. >Crazy bitch is dressed like K=Pop idol or some shit.
  2789. >Got like Thugnificent, just to massive, pink, puff-balls on either side of her head.
  2790. >…
  2791. >And she just got knocked the fuck-out.
  2792. >Whelp, back to drinking alone in your house while wearing a hockey-mask.
  2793. >Truly you are living the Miller High Life
  2794. >”Trick or Treat~!”
  2795. >…Fuck it, time to scare children
  2796. >You pick up your machete and walk towards your front door
  2797. >Slamming the door open, you roar like a battle retard while waving your prop-blade over your head
  2798. >… There’s no one out here and ponies are staring at you in confusion
  2799. >A couple look afraid.
  2800. >Mission accomplished you guess…
  2801. >”… Thou darest to strike against-“
  2802. >BLIND-REVERSE-SUPLEX-INTO-GIANT-SWING!
  2803. >A massive blue horse is sent flying through your house, breaking through one of your walls
  2804. >Fuck
  2805. “Fuck."
  2806.  
  2807.  
  2808.  
  2809.  
  2810. >”Are you seriously going to wear that thing as your costume for nightmare night?”
  2811. “Of course, this may be the greatest costume I ever created, leaps and bounds over my Magneto costume last year.”
  2812. >”Anon… it’s just a tinfoil hat.”
  2813. “It’s not ‘just’ a tinfoil hat Twilight, it’s a conspiracy tin foil hat. With this on everyone will know just how crazy I am.”
  2814. >”I’m pretty sure they think that already.”
  2815. >That one hurt just a little.
  2816. >”You’re not going out wearing that thing.”
  2817. >”You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mom.”
  2818. >”No I’m not your mom, I’m your wife, and as such I am not going to walk around town with you while you make an idiot of yourself again.”
  2819. >Twilight emphasized her point by bringing her hoof down on the hardwood floor.
  2820. >The mare of the house had spoken.
  2821. >But you wouldn’t be stopped, not now, or ever.
  2822. >She may be your wife, but you are Anon, the man who laughed in the face of danger.
  2823. >And no equine would stop you.
  2824. >Holding your head high, you made for the door.
  2825. >The dignity of mankind rested on your shoulders now, and you were going to do it proud by wearing the shit out of this hat.
  2826.  
  2827. >Why did you ever think this was a good idea?
  2828. “Curses on you- you- damn hat!”
  2829. >Conspiracy tinfoil hats are supposed to be funny, meant to make you look like a fool.
  2830. >They’re not actually supposed to goddamn’ work!
  2831. >After donning the foil hat, you started to notice things.
  2832. >Odd things.
  2833. >To be honest this world was about as odd as it got, but this was odder? Is that the right word for it?
  2834. >Never mind, that’s not important right now.
  2835. >What is important is that you saw things, things that didn’t make sense.
  2836. >Like Pinkie Pie.
  2837. >The mare who could pop out of nowhere, you saw her hiding in a pot, almost as if you had x-ray vision.
  2838. >She was curled up tightly, grinning to herself, just waiting to catch someone unaware as they passed by.
  2839. >As for Flutters, this was going to sound weird, but when she was talking with the birds, you could understand them.
  2840. >Almost like a speech bubble, the words appeared above their heads. And they were fucked up little birds.
  2841. >You are scared.
  2842. >Twilight tried to warn you that this was a bad idea.
  2843. >You didn’t listen!
  2844. >Why didn’t you just listen!?
  2845.  
  2846.  
  2847.  
  2848.  
  2849.  
  2850. >Anon is a social retard
  2851. >Combined with not quite getting pony body language, he can't tell that mares are actually hitting on him unless they are blatantly obvious about it (to the point where it becomes funny or loops back around to being horribly unfunny).
  2852.  
  2853. >Goes around rejecting mares who are trying to get a date, clueless as to what they were actually trying to.
  2854. >He thought they were just trying to hang out or something, and he already had plans or whatever.
  2855. >Sad pones have been unintentionally friendzoned
  2856.  
  2857.  
  2858.  
  2859.  
  2860. > Be Anon, hanging out in the Crystal Friendship Castle Playset library in your boxers
  2861. > It's your compromise with the "clothes are lewd" thing the ponies have
  2862. > It was a little embarrassing at first, but you got used to it eventually
  2863. > They'll just have to keep their winking to themselves once it gets colder
  2864. > In the mean time, you earn your living drawing portraits of pony nobility
  2865. > This is not to say that you are especially good at portraiture, just that there is something of a trend among the nobles to have an "Authentic Human Rendition" made
  2866. > Far be it from you to turn down plentiful money, and you only make one once a month
  2867. > This, of course, drove the demand up rather high and with it, the price you charge
  2868. > The job security is all well and good, but it also means that there was a great deal of contention before the Princess of Bureaucracy stepped in and made a schedule
  2869. > Understandingly, there were those who wish to cut in line, offering bribes, ambushing you outside of your apartment, that sort of thing
  2870. > It got to be such a hassle that you ultimately moved into the castle of a certain purple princess
  2871. > It helps that the library is extensive, you have always liked to read
  2872. > "Huh."
  2873. > Looks like your reading buddy has something she wants to share
  2874. "Yes?"
  2875. > Twilight's voice is slightly muffled by the book hovering in front of her face
  2876. > "It says here, that, uh, 'Minotaur penises vary in length and girth, both before and after erection, sometimes irrespective of it's previous state.' Is this true for humans too?"
  2877. > You are pretty sure the question isn't entirely academic, but there probably isn't any harm in answering it
  2878. "Yup."
  2879. > You aren't the most helpful of research subjects
  2880. > "And in your, ah, personal experience?"
  2881. > You look up from your book
  2882. > Despite her efforts to hide behind the book, you can see her blushing
  2883. > To be fair, you aren't exactly comfortable with the question yourself
  2884. "I'd rather not say."
  2885. > She lowers the book, embarrassment shifting into concern
  2886. > "Is that why you insist on boxers? Some sort of size-based insecurity?"
  2887. > You frown
  2888. "There's also the whole modesty thing, I know I told you about that."
  2889. > She sets the book down, staring straight into your eyes
  2890. > "I understand that, but you are already becoming desensitized to casual nudity. Anon, you don't have to worry about having a penis smaller than the average stallion's. When it comes to mares, the size doesn't matter, we're just happy to see a dick."
  2891.  
  2892.  
  2893.  
  2894.  
  2895. Many centuries ago, a great evil was sealed beneath Canterlot Mountain. It took representatives from each of the major races of Equestria to do it, and after the hard-fought battle, they set up alarms tied to their bloodlines so they and their descendants would know quickly if the evil ever showed signs of breaking free from its imprisonment.
  2896.  
  2897. Cue Anon, in present day RGRE.
  2898. Hiking around the Canterlot foothills, he stumbles across a nearly completely hidden cave, overgrown by plant life and clearly forgotten. Within is a strange structure, one so interesting he simply must get a closer look… until Pinkie Pie shoots up out of his pocket, startling him and causing him to demolish the structure entirely through improbable happenstance and luck.
  2899.  
  2900. Beneath the structure, Anon finds a passage deeper into the mountain. Compelled to continue exploring (Pinkie shouting "Do it, faggot!"), he discovers a misshapen form composed of a mish-mash of numerous animal parts, curled into a ball, softly slumbering.
  2901.  
  2902. Anon, having realized he's totally fucked up and landed himself into some bastardized shounen anime trope, tries to nope the fuck out before it's too late, but his hasty exit only serves to wake up the obvious super powerful ancient entity that used to be taking a nice nap in the center of the room.
  2903.  
  2904. The form uncurls, stretching its limbs and yawning with a particularly feminine tone to its voice. It is, of course, the dreaded Space Pirate/Chaos Entity Eris, and she's very attractive to Anon- I mean, attracted to Anon- wait, that's not right- grateful to Anon for freeing her from her long torment. Or possibly all three, and she intends to show him just how "grateful" she is.
  2905.  
  2906. Meanwhile, the descendants of those who sealed her so long ago have felt the disturbance and panicked, dropping everything to get to Equestria as quickly as possible.
  2907.  
  2908. Anon's life is about to go full Tenchi Muyo, and he never got past the Kagato arc. Ryoko is best girl, anyway
  2909.  
  2910.  
  2911.  
  2912. >Be Anon in Animuquestria
  2913. >You are a dudette from some sort of earth place but you are now in Equestria for some sort of poorly-explained reason.
  2914. >You are the little boy here because gender roles are all backwards
  2915. >But you don't give a shit about that because you're poking around under Celestia's housetain
  2916. >There's got to be some sort of cool shit down here.
  2917. >Pinkie is with you because she's your sidekick or something.
  2918. >She's carrying lunch and stuff for the two of you so you're not going to tell her she can't come.
  2919. >Anyway it's all crystally and miney down here.
  2920. >The diggy hole kind of mine, not the explodey when you step on it kind.
  2921. >Ponies didn't get that second kind of mine until you taught them about them, and being new they are not in dusty old places like this.
  2922. >They're out in pony-cambodia blowing legs off the unlucky.
  2923. >You and pinkie have just gone down another rickety old ladder when you come across something cooler than the rest of the mine so far.
  2924. >It's a ominous stone doorway with loads of runes on it.
  2925. >This likely means it's got treasure behind it.
  2926. >So you and Pinkie swing your picks and smash it open.
  2927. >There is indeed neat stuff inside, all sorts of jewelry, wands, arks and other enchanted looking stuff.
  2928. >And in the middle of the room is a strange statue.
  2929. >It's a mishmash of all sorts of animal parts on one being, with text on the plinth reading 'Discord'.
  2930. >Fucken Jackpot!
  2931. >The two of you end up splitting the treasure between you, selling and donating the stuff neither of you has a use for.
  2932. >Like the statue, which you give to the city statue gallery because you don't have anywhere to put it
  2933. >After the big treasure haul things go back to sort of normal for a while
  2934. >Pinkie goes back to Ponyville citing plot-related reasons
  2935. >You stay in Canterlot in the Human Embassy, which as the only human defaults to being yours to stay in for free.
  2936. >After a few months of fucking around you start getting odd visitors.
  2937. >Like that Prince Sashimi of the Grifons.
  2938. >His older brother Prince Aleka who came along a week or so after Sashimi first showed up.
  2939. >And that red-scaled Siren guy, Washout.
  2940. >All of who have been asking about the adventuring you've done recently.
  2941. >They've been trying to find some kind of carbonite sarcophogus by the sound of it.
  2942. >You told them that you didn't find anything like that, and you wouldn't even know what carbonite looks like to start with.
  2943. >But you certainly didn't find any mummies down in the mines.
  2944. >They've decided to stay in Canterlot and keep coming by to see you.
  2945. >You really get the feeling that there's more to this than they're telling you
  2946.  
  2947.  
  2948.  
  2949.  
  2950.  
  2951. >Ponies think that Anon is super lewd in all his clothing
  2952. >Convinces him to go around in shorts and spend the entire day outside (to show Ponyville that he isn't, in fact, a slut who wears lingerie all day)
  2953. >Ponies are horrified when they find out that he's become sunburned
  2954. >word gets back to Celestia
  2955. >Celestia herself descends from Canterlot to wrap him gently in her wings and apologize
  2956.  
  2957.  
  2958. >Luna is smuggest horse
  2959.  
  2960. >"The gentle caress of moonlight upon your skin shall never harm you, fair Anonymous."
  2961.  
  2962.  
  2963. >Ponies horrified that Anon begins shedding skin and healing
  2964. >Ponies don't naturally regrow skin under their coats like this, relying on their innate magic to renew and replace
  2965.  
  2966. >"I told ya he was a reptilian! We even already knew he was an alien, why was him being a snake man beyond consideration?!"
  2967.  
  2968. >I'll buy it when he licks his eyeballs, this is just like griffons molting or something"
  2969.  
  2970.  
  2971.  
  2972.  
  2973. >Applejack keeps claiming she sees Anon in the apple orchard, leaving apple-circles
  2974. >Accuses him of abducting her cows
  2975.  
  2976. >Twilight watches as you peel off skin. 
  2977. >She's just... Watching. 
  2978. >You watch as her tail wags eagerly as you peel off each piece. 
  2979. "Do... Do you want some?"
  2980. >You say holding out a large piece of skin. 
  2981. >Her eyes go wide and she holds out her hooves noding. 
  2982. >You place it in her hooves. 
  2983. >She looks at the skin her face in awe. 
  2984. >"I-I can have this?" She ask hope in her eyes. 
  2985. "Uh, sure?"
  2986. >She lets out happy horse noises before galloping off the skin in her magic. 
  2987. >You go to peel off more but you notice a shadow caused by something behind you. 
  2988. >You turn around and find Luna. 
  2989. >"May... May we have some of thy skin Anonymous?"
  2990.  
  2991. >When griffons molt, they give their old feathers to loved ones
  2992. >By giving out bits of dead skin to anypony who asks, Anon is basically creating a herd
  2993.  
  2994.  
  2995.  
  2996.  
  2997.  
  2998. >You cuddle Applejack closer, holding her to your bare chest.
  2999. >It had been a lot of trouble for the girls to convince you to start going around naked, and in the end you compromised and basically stripped down to your shorts.
  3000. >"A-Anawn..."
  3001. >You shush her and stroke her mane, working your fingers through her thick, blond hair.
  3002. >It's just as soft as a human's, and it smells just as sweet.
  3003. "I know."
  3004. >Applejack weakly paws at you and looks around nervously.
  3005. >"No, y'all don't understand!"
  3006. "Shhh..."
  3007. >You move from running your fingers through her mane to rubbing her cheek, and you can't help but smile when she raises her chin up for you to scratch.
  3008. >Her eyes are closed and a blush is erupting on her face, and you can feel one of her hind legs kicking against your lap.
  3009. "It's just us, Applejack."
  3010. >She opens her eyes and looks at you with heavily-lidded eyes.
  3011. "I know we had some misunderstandings about the cows and the apple-circles, but we can put that all behind us."
  3012. >" T'aint proper," she croaks, trying and failing to tear her eyes away from yours, "Temptin' a hard-workin' mare like me..."
  3013. >You smile and shake your head.
  3014. "It's not 'tempting' if we actually go through with it."
  3015. >Applejack whimpers and shakes her head 'no'.
  3016. >"N-Not till yah got a r-ring..."
  3017. >She twitches and twists just a little bit as you slowly bring your face closer to her's.
  3018. >She wants to stay, but at the same time she wants to leave.
  3019. >You had no idea that a simple farmpony had such hidden depths.
  3020. >You just smile and cup her cheek, just to make sure she can't turn away from you.
  3021. "That can come later."
  3022. >Her eyes flutter shut as you make your final approach, and your's begin to follow suit.
  3023. >You can feel her hot breath on your face, and you unconsciously begin to synchronize your breathing; she exhales, and you inhale. She inhales, and you exhale
  3024. >>"Applejack? Ah tho- Applejack!"
  3025. >You and Applejack's eyes snap open and you stare at each other in surprise.
  3026. >Applejack scrambles to get off of you, pushing your arms away without any of the delicacy she normally reserved for stallions.
  3027. >Standing in between two trees is none other than Applejack's little sister, Apple Bloom.
  3028. >She looks outraged in the way that only small children can.
  3029. >"A-Apple Bloom?! Ah thought Ah told you-"
  3030. >>"Y'all said you were callin' Anon for soup!"
  3031. >Applejack does an unhappy little horse dance and groans miserably.
  3032. >"Ah was!"
  3033. >Apple Bloom stomps her hoofs angrily.
  3034. >>"I'm tellin' Granny!"
  3035. >"No, don't!"
  3036. >Apple Bloom rushes out of the orchard, and Applejack sprints off after her.
  3037. >Dinner was awkward that night; Big Mac called you a slut, and Granny said that you had something called "Foal-sirin' hips".
  3038. >Today was a "Apples is complicated" kind of day
  3039.  
  3040.  
  3041.  
  3042.  
  3043.  
  3044.  
  3045.  
  3046. >Finally, your latest molt was complete. 
  3047. >And it was a doozy. 
  3048. >You do a 360 in front of the hyooman sized mirror and inspect your new form with no small amount of satisfaction. 
  3049. >Gone was your hard chitin shell, replaced with thick skin coated in plush black fur. 
  3050. >The holes in your legs has closed, leaving your limbs whole and strong once more. 
  3051. >The same goes for your new, glossy wings. 
  3052. >The fin on your head was gone and in its place was a silky mane worthy of a royal 'Ling.
  3053. >Even the build of your body had changed. 
  3054. >Your head and muzzle had lost their angular shapes. Now you had a more rounded head and a softer muzzle.
  3055. >Your neck and torso had also elongated and thinned slightly.
  3056. >Turning around, you inspected your behind. 
  3057. >Gone was your bony backside that was made for aerodynamics. Now you had a full rump, wide hips, and a narrowed waist that you're sure mammals would find most enticing. 
  3058. >A flick of your tail confirmed that the changes you felt INSIDE your body during the molt were no trick. 
  3059. >You now had everything you needed to breed and give birth like a mammal.
  3060. >Such drastic changes. No wonder your instincts told you to cocoon up for this one. 
  3061. >You had been in the cocoon for 2 weeks. Your beloved most be worried sick by now.
  3062. >With a flicker of thought, you will the cocoon scraps around the bedroom to float to the trashcan. The scraps oblige with a green glow. 
  3063. >A smile forms on your now soft lips. Your dear human had done so much for you. Putting up with your changeling eccentricities and feeding you the purest of love without asking for anything in return.
  3064. >A pony stallion would never be so accommodating. 
  3065. >Your eyes turn to the bed and your smile turns into a smirk.
  3066. >It's time to repay him. 
  3067. >And what better payment than a female tailored to his tastes?
  3068.  
  3069.  
  3070.  
  3071.  
  3072.  
  3073. > Changeling surrogates have about the status level of tertiary herdmare
  3074. > That is, something like a sister in law with benefits
  3075. > It's common for herd alpha's to insist on being the only thing the stallion sees as he inseminates the bug
  3076. > Others prefer the bug to copy their form for the entire procedure up until just after birth
  3077. > More open-minded mares treat the bugs as fellow herdmates
  3078. > The offspring itself has a strong resemblance to the father, but it will gain some of the traits of others in the herd depending on how much those mares give of their love to the bug
  3079.  
  3080.  
  3081.  
  3082.  
  3083.  
  3084. >Some pegasi eat fish, and they have a variety of ways to get some fresh.
  3085. >Many just using fishing poles like people.
  3086. >Others...
  3087. >Sometimes, you can spot Dash and other athletic pegasi hovering high over the river looking down intently.
  3088. >Then she dives into the water at breakneck speeds, and hops back out with a wriggly fish, looking proud of herself.
  3089. >She brings it to you after realizing she has no idea what to do with a fish and assuming you know how to cook.
  3090. >Another day with adorably sexist pones
  3091.  
  3092.  
  3093.  
  3094.  
  3095.  
  3096. NMM wasn't borne of Luna's jealousy, but her smug arrogance
  3097. >She is the reason sex tends to happen at night
  3098. >Celestia was worshiped as the pure goddess that no colt wanted to blemish and is beyond /r9k/ levels of permavirgin
  3099.  
  3100. >Luna is a known as Princess for Sexual
  3101. >By pony standards
  3102.  
  3103. >Being a Sunfag is suffering
  3104. >Anon was finally able to praise the sun, and her bounteous behind
  3105. >But when the ponies found out he had 'defiled' her
  3106. >That he had seduced their pure Princess with the power of HMD
  3107. >The once peaceful ponies suddenly wanted to lock him in Tartarus.
  3108. >Because only an evil Incubus could even desire, let alone achieve such a thing
  3109.  
  3110.  
  3111.  
  3112.  
  3113.  
  3114. When Celestia and Luna were young, before the whole princess alicorn thing, the gender roles were like ours, over time they changed to what they are now.
  3115. Celestia and Luna are uncomfortable having to be like they remember their father being. They would rather be like their mother, and be doted on by the stallion instead of the other way around.
  3116. Enter Anon
  3117.  
  3118.  
  3119.  
  3120.  
  3121.  
  3122. >Anon prefers the night.
  3123. >Despite Twilight's best efforts she can't get him to hang out with her and her friends.
  3124. >Twenty minutes later she and Pinkie learn a valuable lesson.
  3125. >They and Anon can make accommodations to their schedules and meet at times that would be convenient for both of them.
  3126.  
  3127. >Meanwhile Celestia is still, after nearly a year, riding the high of the joy of having her sister back.
  3128. >But lately she's noticed how lonely Luna is.
  3129. >Then she receives a letter from her dear precious student.
  3130. >She learns more about the "hyoo-mun" Anon.
  3131. >She gets what she feels is an absolutely brilliant idea.
  3132. >Anon is nocturnal by choice. Her sister is the night.
  3133. >She'll introduce them.
  3134. >Luna will obviously be overjoyed, stallions that prefer the night usually turn out to be "stallions of the night."
  3135. >Maybe she'll finally have a non-sister friend that can understand her.
  3136.  
  3137. >Celestia deeply underestimates her sister's reaction.
  3138. >Luna decides to latch on tight and never let go.
  3139.  
  3140.  
  3141.  
  3142.  
  3143. Anon moves to the Crystal Empire, mostly because their gender roles are still "archaic" (like ours) and because he was irritated by Chublight and her friends constantly pestering him.
  3144.  
  3145. His new home is right next to the Crystal Palace.
  3146.  
  3147. Anon becomes "the girl next door" to Cadence, who finds herself increasingly tempted by him.
  3148.  
  3149. However, not only is he oblivious to her growing crisis, obstacles include Bro-Luna, who frequently drop by, and Celestia, who keeps trying to woo him with extravagant displays and gifts... and often self-foils
  3150.  
  3151. >Celestia sort of catches on to how he's basically a mare
  3152. >Tries to think of presents to give him that she herself would like to receive
  3153. >"Why didn't he like that enormous vibrating dildo I sent him?"
  3154.  
  3155.  
  3156.  
  3157.  
  3158.  
  3159.  
  3160. >Anon and Luna's nocturnal adventures.
  3161. >It's either creepy silent shit during the darkness or high octane chariot chases, shootouts and explosions.
  3162. >Interrupted by finding and eating at those cool places where the locals only knows about or awkward romantic silences and introspection while looking at the stars. 
  3163. >they're not even looking for trouble they just somehow walks into it.
  3164.  
  3165.  
  3166.  
  3167.  
  3168.  
  3169.  
  3170.  
  3171.  
  3172.  
  3173. >Celestia has had a long line of suitors over the years.
  3174. >But none of them ever stuck around for long.
  3175. >They claimed to love her at first, but they loved the idea of her, Celestia the Princess of the Sun
  3176. >They didn't love Celestia the pony
  3177.  
  3178. >They weren't gold diggers, or faking their interest in her (most of them anyway)
  3179. >But they couldn't handle the reality
  3180. >And when their image of the Perfect Pony Princess, who would cater to their every whim, was stripped away
  3181. >When they got to see a glimpse underneath the mask she wore, and saw the real her underneath, they didn't like it.
  3182.  
  3183. >That she got sad, angry, frustrated, and afraid just like everypony else
  3184. >That she wasn't always prim and proper
  3185. >That she had responsibilities
  3186. >That a crisis could and would happen at any time, and she would spend her days trying to keep her life's work from unraveling at the seams
  3187. >Facing horrors that only she can.
  3188.  
  3189. >That she would spend the majority of her time in court, listening to the requests, complaints, and demands of her subjects
  3190. >Or dealing with the nobility and the bureaucracy.
  3191. >Trying to juggle the needs of a kingdom instead of devoting all her attention to romance
  3192.  
  3193. >After the first few centuries of romantic failure, she resigned herself to the inevitable
  3194. >That love was an ephemeral thing, something she could only experience for a brief time, before it disappeared.
  3195.  
  3196. >She accepted less and less when a stallion would declare his love for her
  3197. >Knowing that the time would come when they would leave, having never really loved the real her at all.
  3198. >She wants to experience the real thing so badly, but it has eluded her all these years.
  3199. >When the pain of loss recedes, she lies to herself, that maybe this time, things will be different.
  3200. >And she indulges herself in this poor substitute for real love, until the high wears off, and it all comes crashing down again
  3201.  
  3202.  
  3203. >Celestia's heart couldn't take it anymore becomes Nightmare Star. 
  3204. >Subjugates all the enemies of Equestria within and without in mere days.
  3205. >Anon is resurrected because of a series of convoluted and practically retarded events that involves Pinkie Pie discovering the Colonel's 11 secret spices, the mirror pool, Anon's body and three fiddy bits.
  3206. >Celestia returns to normal and Anon is wondering why everyone is scared of his sweet heart
  3207.  
  3208. >Instead of Anon coming back to the world of the living he haunts her. 
  3209. >He is saddened by what his Tia has become. 
  3210. >Celestia sometimes feels something rubbing the side of her neck in bed like Anon used to when she was in a poor mood. 
  3211. >She will occasionally see him in court, he always looks so sad. 
  3212. >She doesn't understand. 
  3213. >She thinks it's because she isn't being strict enough. 
  3214. >That must be it! 
  3215. >His mood only gets worse. 
  3216. >Whenever she sees him he's now crying. 
  3217. >She no longer feels a touch in bed, she only hears a slight crying next to her. 
  3218. >She doesn't care anymore, that's not her husband. 
  3219. >He's dead
  3220.  
  3221.  
  3222.  
  3223.  
  3224. >He gave her one thing that would endure beyond his passing
  3225. >That would prevent her from spending all the years to come alone, should Luna's return go poorly.
  3226.  
  3227. >A daughter
  3228. >A mare who would soon claim the title of the Princess of Love
  3229.  
  3230.  
  3231.  
  3232.  
  3233.  
  3234.  
  3235.  
  3236. >Anon is in the Crystal Empire's Royal Herd with Shining and Cadence
  3237. >Cadence has given birth to both of their children 
  3238. >Anon takes issue with how much of total brat teenage Flurry Heart compared to Venus, his daughter with Cadence
  3239. >He tries to discipline her
  3240. >However in herds with more than one stallion, its generally not acceptable for one male to discipline another male's child
  3241. >Shining and Anon start fighting over this
  3242.  
  3243.  
  3244.  
  3245.  
  3246. >teenage Flurry Heart is actually justified in being completely done with this shit because her parents have literal wrestling matches in their bedroom with a full audience and announcer
  3247. >It's always at night too so she never gets any sleep
  3248.  
  3249.  
  3250.  
  3251.  
  3252.  
  3253. >1000 years ago, the Draconequus species was going extinct
  3254. >Nopony remembers why
  3255. >One by one, the last survivors died off, until just one remained
  3256. >Princess Celestia took pity on him, a single male, all alone in the world, and made him immortal through a complicated ritual
  3257. >The two were lovers, for a time, as Celestia worked on discovering a way for them to breed, and repopulate the once-great species
  3258. >Over the centuries, however, the loneliness got to him
  3259. >He was always fond of pranks, but the spirit had changed
  3260. >He'd gone from leaving whoopie cushions on seats, to tacks
  3261. >And when he overheard a pair of stallions discussing how attractive Celestia was...
  3262. >Finally, Celestia had to put him down
  3263. >But Anon would be different, right?
  3264. >Discord was always a loose cannon, even when he was mortal
  3265. >Surely, Anon, strict, uptight Anon would be able to cope with immortality
  3266. >Right?
  3267.  
  3268.  
  3269.  
  3270.  
  3271.  
  3272. >Anon makes potions for a living because it's easy to mix and match ingredients and assume the outcomes
  3273. >He gets a young, lonely mare to test out his experimental brews in order to record their effects in exchange of satisfying her need of having someone to talk to
  3274.  
  3275.  
  3276.  
  3277.  
  3278.  
  3279. >His time draws near
  3280. >His body has grown frail
  3281. >Soon, he will die
  3282. >But he tells Celetsia, that it is not the end
  3283. >Have faith, and one day he will return
  3284. >Be it one year, or a thousand, he will find a way to return to her.
  3285. >He dies, years pass
  3286. >Celestia and Anon's daughter Cadence grows up
  3287. >Luna returns, Twilight ascends
  3288. >Flurry Heart is born, and a few years later, she has a Brother.
  3289. >A green alicorn colt, with Anon's mark on his flank.
  3290.  
  3291. >Surprise Celly!
  3292. >Anon figured out how to reincarnate himself.
  3293. >As his own grandson. 
  3294. >He tries not to think about that part too hard. It was necessary to pull off the 'immortal this time around' bit.
  3295.  
  3296. >Anon's adult mind is intact, but his body is that of a foal
  3297. >An alicorn foal, but it'll still take years for his magic to develop enough for him to magically age himself to adulthood
  3298. >Shining slightly resents Anon for taking the place of the son he always wanted
  3299. >He knows he shouldn't be angry, but it still delights him to treat Anon as a foal
  3300. >Cadence doesn't sleep for weeks, as she tries to reconcile her memories of her father with the bundle of joy she carried for 9 months and pushed out her cooter
  3301. >Celestia does /ss/
  3302. >A lot
  3303.  
  3304. >Shining eventually pulls off the ascension trick after his sister figures out more friendship magic science bullshit
  3305. >For all eternity, he gets to tease his Father-in-law/Son and treat him like Shining is the dad.
  3306. >Anon must put up with the most horrible dad jokes ever known to man or pony.
  3307. >Forever
  3308.  
  3309. >He knows he kind of deserves it
  3310. >After all, Shining's sperm created this body
  3311. >And he did forcibly remove the child's soul and take its place
  3312. >He still wonders what happened to it
  3313.  
  3314. >Anon decides it's time to give this age-up spell a shot
  3315. >It doesn't work
  3316. >Oh it works on regular ponies, but it turns out it does absolutely *nothing* to alicorns.
  3317. >Apparently one of the prices of immortality is he doesn't get to skip the being a kid part.
  3318. >His family can't help but think it's adorable as he stomps his little hoofsies in frustration
  3319.  
  3320.  
  3321. >"BOY! CEASE THIS FOOLISHNESS AT ONCE!"
  3322. >The disrespect they show their sire. Your daughter and her mate will be punished for this. 
  3323. >"I WILL NOT SUFFER THROUGH THIS KIND OF TREATMENT."
  3324. >You stand to your full height, willing your wings to spread out like menacing eagle ready to strike.
  3325. >"I HAVE WALKED ON THIS WRETCHED PLANE LONG BEFORE YOUR FATHER IS A SPECK ON YOUR GRANDFATHER'S EYES"
  3326. >You gather power on your horns and see the look of astonishment and fear on their eyes.
  3327.  
  3328. Cadence's, Shining's, Everyone else's POV
  3329. >Who's a good widdle colt?
  3330. >Goo goo gaga!
  3331. >Oh look Shiny!, He's talking to you!
  3332. >Goo goo gaga pbbbttt.
  3333. >Aww, look at him! So scawy!
  3334.  
  3335.  
  3336. >Celestia... Mother can we talk for a minute?
  3337. >"Yes dearie, what is it?"
  3338. >Well. I'm concerned about my son- err I mean father... Anonymous.
  3339. >"What's the matter?"
  3340. >Well Isn't he a little different. I mean, He's giving major supervillain vibes. Just this morning he already drafted a plan to subjugate the surrounding countries.
  3341. >"Oh honey, Let him be. It's just a phase. He told me before. It's a common ailment or condition of his kind. Whenever they reach a certain amount of power/status/wealth, they have certain...eccentric tendencies. It'll pass."
  3342. >So uh what do we do then?
  3343. >"We'll just make sure none of his "plans" happen and distract him with a few things. everynow and then. And when the time comes that he's done with the evil overlord phase of his. We'll make sure to remind him and show him his pictures! Don't forget his quotes and speeches!"
  3344. >Uh.. okay then. See you later mom. err Princess
  3345.  
  3346.  
  3347.  
  3348.  
  3349.  
  3350. >Anonymous and Celestia likes to spice up their sex lives. The flavor of the week: Master and Slave roleplay.
  3351. >Foreign spies and infiltrators thinks that Celestia Sol Invictus is unconquered no more.
  3352. >What manner of creature has defeated and bedded a living goddess.
  3353. > A few weeks later several Envoys came to Canterlot to pay homage and tribute to it's "new master".
  3354. >Anonymous the Sun-Eater.
  3355. >Anon could only see Celestia's shit eating grin as she plants Anon to her throne and lays her head to his feet while wearing full regalia and all.
  3356. >T'was a misunderstanding kind of day
  3357.  
  3358.  
  3359.  
  3360.  
  3361.  
  3362. >Be Anon. 
  3363. >Apparently you're a small colt now. 
  3364. >You feel like shit. 
  3365. >Poor Celly is feeling pent up and you can't do anything about it. 
  3366. >How do you know she's pent up? 
  3367. >You caught her using that old dildo you had made for her that was molded out by your own dick. 
  3368. >Normally she'd come to you to get "Sum fuk" but seeing as you're a colt now she might be a bit scared. 
  3369. >You ended up contacting Fluttershy, she was always a bro. 
  3370. >Er, sis? 
  3371. >Anyways you called her in. 
  3372. >"Well, I don't want to tread on you and Celestia's sex life but..." She trails off. 
  3373. "But what?"
  3374. She begins scuffing the ground and looking around. 
  3375. >"Well I mean, you could always-, you know?"
  3376. >You're just confused. 
  3377. >"You know, you're a young colt, Celestia is a grown mare."
  3378. "Yeah, that's the problem Flutters."
  3379. >Now she's unamused. 
  3380. >When Flutters is unamused you know you did something stupid. 
  3381. >"Roleplay Anon. I'm talking about roleplay."
  3382. "Ooooh, that... Could work."
  3383. >Fluttershy just wraps a wing around you to comfort. 
  3384. >"It will, just listen to what I tell you and Celly will be the happiest mare around!"
  3385. >Wow she's adamant about this. 
  3386. >You have necer seen her this hyped up. 
  3387.  
  3388. >After Fluttershy taught you a few things you went to find Celly. 
  3389. >Luckily she was in her room. 
  3390. >You walk in and see her scribbling on some papers. 
  3391. >You sneak up and lay on her bed and sprawl out like Flutters said to. 
  3392. "Oh, what are we gonna do on the bed miss Celestia."
  3393. >She turns around and looks at you. 
  3394. >"Anon?"
  3395. "Yes miss Celestia?"
  3396. >You say as seductively as possible. 
  3397. >She begins to giggle. 
  3398. > Ow, you tiny little heart. 
  3399. >"What *Giggle* what are you doing Anon?" She ask walking over to the bed. 
  3400. >You sigh.
  3401. "I was trying to roleplay for you and act sexy, I know I haven't been able to please you since I became this but I want to at least try."
  3402. >She rubs your back. 
  3403. >"Oh honey, you don't have to worry about me. I'm happy as long as you're with me." She says laying her head on yours.
  3404. "I know that but, can we at least try?"
  3405. >She smiles with half lidded eyes. 
  3406. >"I don't know why not my lost little colt." She says pushing you down on the bed and rubbing a hoof down your neck to your groin. 
  3407. "B-But I pee from there."
  3408. >"Not right now you don't."
  3409.  
  3410. >Be Fluttershy. 
  3411. >You're looking through a hole into Anon and Celestia's room. 
  3412. "Holy buck this is hot."
  3413. >"I know right."
  3414. >You look over and see Rainbow Dash looking through another hole. 
  3415. >"Does it count as incest if I'm enjoying this?" Twilight says bedside her looking through another. 
  3416. >"Nah, probably not." Cadence says beside her looking through a hole with one hoof already on her groin. 
  3417. >"Good, just making sure." Twilight says placing a hoof on groin. 
  3418. >...
  3419. >Were the buck did all these holes come from?
  3420.  
  3421.  
  3422.  
  3423.  
  3424.  
  3425.  
  3426.  
  3427. >Anon regularly visits Zecora in the Everfree Forest
  3428. >Rumors spread that he's being STRIPED
  3429. >Twilight sets up a scrying spell to spy- Erm, check that Zecora is treating him well
  3430.  
  3431.  
  3432.  
  3433.  
  3434.  
  3435. >"Anonymous! Why did you murder everyone in Manehattan?!"
  3436. "Uh... b-because I had a friend and.... and...."
  3437. >Shit.
  3438. "And he went away?"
  3439. >Celestia stares at you unblinkingly
  3440. "....and I got really really sad?"
  3441. >She doesn't move an inch.
  3442. >You can feel cold sweat drip down the back of your neck.
  3443. "....and I'm sorry?"
  3444. >Celestia slowly nods before approaching you.
  3445. >You're frozen, wondering what punishment awaits you for your countless acts of murder.
  3446. >"Anonymous the human, for your transgressions, the crown hereby sentences you to...."
  3447. >HERE IT COMES
  3448. >"....to being Luna's personal student."
  3449. >What.
  3450. >Celestia ignores the way your jaw has impacted on the floor and left a crater.
  3451. >"You will let her teach you about friendship and you will write reports to her every week. Failing to do so will result in going to bed without a snack."
  3452. >Celestia turns around and walks, making effort to avoid stomping on the corpses you left on the floor.
  3453. >"Follow me, Anonymous. We'll fly back to Canterlot and I'll show you where you'll be sleeping. Do you like alicorn-feather pillows?"
  3454.  
  3455.  
  3456. >Anon frequently gets away with atrocities that would have him given the death penalty on Earth in RGRE
  3457. >All he has to do is give vaguely friendship-related excuses for his actions
  3458. >Starlight Glimmer and Discord are the only ones who notice him abusing the system because they've done it themselves.
  3459.  
  3460.  
  3461.  
  3462.  
  3463.  
  3464. >Anon abuses the friendship rule of leniency.
  3465. >Gets away Scott free from almost all his shenanigans.
  3466.  
  3467. >Flashes mares in the street.
  3468. >Gets caught.
  3469. >Friendship!
  3470. >Sentenced to being twilight's student.
  3471. >Anon is a good student.
  3472. >Twilight rewards him with tickets to an amusement park.
  3473. >Anon doesn't want to stand in line.
  3474. >Steals heat potion recipe from Zecora 
  3475. >Release it in the park in aerosol form.
  3476. >Start an uncontrollable orgy.
  3477. >Ponies everywhere, holding hooves, having sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation..
  3478. >Walk through the park with a mare strapped to his dick while going on the rides he wants, then paying with money.
  3479. >"I did this because Friendship!"
  3480. >Celestia starts catching on to his whimsy and makes him her student to keep an eye on him.
  3481. >Anon uses sexual favors for sexual blackmail 
  3482. >Then uses sexual blackmail for more sexual favors.
  3483. >Uses those favors for power in the court
  3484. >Gets promoted to royal steward due to noble intervention.
  3485. >Fingers Celestia to climax during day court.
  3486. >Friendship!
  3487.  
  3488. >Celestia meets with the griffon ambassadors
  3489. >Has to sit there and try to be professional while Anon sits behind Celestia, pulls her into his lap, and then starts pleasuring her with his fingers
  3490. >Celestia thinks that the entire meeting was a disaster; griffons go home wondering why THEY don't have appointed court-boys who pleasure them while they work
  3491.  
  3492. >"Sister, why wilt thou not share thy court attendant with us? We shalt be the only one at the summit without one
  3493.  
  3494. >Considering how long alicorns live, their childhood and teenage years can last 100 to 200 years
  3495. >Luna was banished when she was the alicorn equivalent of a teenager (explaining why she was so concerned what other ponies thought of her and how she had such wild moodswing)
  3496. >Now that she's returned, she worries about how she'll be the only one meeting at the summit who isn't following the latest trend
  3497.  
  3498.  
  3499.  
  3500.  
  3501.  
  3502. >Anon uses his new automatic male charm to score free food.
  3503. >When he's short on change he'll flirt with the delivery ponies to get a bit taken off.
  3504. >Sometimes they can resist his flirting, at which point he shows a bit of skin and offers to instead "show his appreciation for their hard work."
  3505. >And today for the first time he managed to completely fluster one of the "tough-looking" delivery mares.
  3506. >She flushed completely red, dropped his pizza, hid her face behind her hooves, and ran out of the building.
  3507. >She dropped her ID.
  3508. >So, being the good Samaritan that he is, he goes to give it back.
  3509. >They get to talking, find they have similar interests in music, and though she wouldn't admit it she was awfully interested to hear his exploits in gardening.
  3510. >She gives her name as "Night Feather", and he doesn't point out that her ID says "Morning Daisy."
  3511. >Over a few months they become somewhat friends, despite the age-gap.
  3512. >Anon establishes himself as someone she can turn to with her problems.
  3513. >And her total "I'm so badass whahaha blood!" edgelord act is freaking adorable to him.
  3514. >Anon later learns that he's the only friend she's had in her entire life.
  3515. >Plays the part of the mature adult, and she slowly falls for him.
  3516. >Something something RGRE
  3517.  
  3518.  
  3519.  
  3520.  
  3521. >"Yeow!"
  3522. >The young mare in your lap jumps, rocking her black and purple bed slightly and shaking the bundle of cosmetics at your side.
  3523. "Just hold still baby, I know it sucks."
  3524. >You gently part the rough, uneven fur on her cheeks, making her wince in pain.
  3525. >Just as you thought. The one thing that anyone around 16 or so hates.
  3526. >Acne.
  3527. >Puffy, irritated skin unpleasantly greets your eyes. All over the splotches of red you find that her fur is growing in coarse and uneven.
  3528. "Take it from someone who went through it already," You tell her gently. "It's awful, but the best you can do is treat it and wait for it to stop."
  3529. >She nods stiffly, eyes clenched shut.
  3530. >Grabbing from the pile of cosmetics, you pull up a wipe and gently clean the sore on her cheek.
  3531. >She hisses, but doesn't pull away.
  3532. >Murmuring encouragement, you toss the wipe away and grab a bottle of cream.
  3533. >This shit had better work. It was 30 bits a bottle. 
  3534. >You squeeze out a large drop onto your thumb and tenderly press it into her cheek.
  3535. >Another wince, but less intense.
  3536. >As slowly as you could, you rub the skin cream in with small circles.
  3537. >The mare in your lap stops shivering, her shoulders drooping as she leans into your hand.
  3538. “Better?”
  3539. >She nods absently. “You know, none of the girls in class believed me when I said we were a thing. They said things like this don’t happen.”
  3540. >Thank you backwards pony relationship roles and laws. No jail for cradle robbing here.
  3541. >You chuckle, bending down to touch your forehead to hers. 
  3542. “We’re not exactly normal, though. I don’t think it applies here.”
  3543. >She hummed an agreement. “Thanks Anon. Things are easy with you. I don't tell you that enough."
  3544. >Finally, she cracks her eyes open to look at you. “Sooooo my parents aren't going to be home for another hour or so. You wanna..?”
  3545. “How about on their bed?”
  3546. >She blinks. “Thats way lewd. Lets do it!”
  3547.  
  3548.  
  3549.  
  3550. >Anon is Teen Emopone's date to the prom 
  3551. >she gets jealous looks from all the girls at school that she managed to snag a hot older guy
  3552.  
  3553.  
  3554. >Mompone looks calmly between Anon and Emopone
  3555. >Walks out of the room
  3556. >Comes back with a cider, which she hands to Emopone
  3557. >Pats her on the back
  3558. >"Good job, kiddo."
  3559.  
  3560.  
  3561.  
  3562. >Anon sets up a booth that says "Will provide first kiss; 5 bits"
  3563. >A new generation of fillies can say that at least they aren't the kissless variety of virgins by the time they're in their teens
  3564.  
  3565.  
  3566. > Older mares stop by to "make sure nothing shady is going on"
  3567. > Rumor gets around
  3568. > Granny Smith shows up one day with a big jar of bits
  3569.  
  3570.  
  3571.  
  3572.  
  3573. >Anon hated being in high school the first time, and despite being optimistic for this new opportunity feels like Canterlot High won't be much better
  3574. >Teenagers are still teenagers, even with reversed gender roles 
  3575. >Just focuses on schoolwork and ignores other people 
  3576. >After school, he heads right back to his apartment
  3577. >Gets a reputation as something of an ice king due to how he acts
  3578. >Is never really impolite to people, but very obviously would rather be left alone 
  3579. >the fact that he seemingly showed up out of nowhere like Sunset Shimmer, gives him that 'mysterious' factor to the girls of Canterlot High
  3580. >It becomes a race to see who can get into the mysteriously hot transfer student's pants first
  3581.  
  3582.  
  3583.  
  3584.  
  3585.  
  3586.  
  3587. >A certain racistpone calls Anon a stupid immigrant monkey
  3588. >He calls her a bitch
  3589. >This word is extremely offensive towards diamond dogs
  3590. >Hfw she realizes the apelien is a pony supremacist as well
  3591. >Maybe apeliens can be honorary ponies in the upcoming racially pure society?
  3592.  
  3593.  
  3594.  
  3595.  
  3596.  
  3597. >Anon blackmails Sunset into acting like a good girlfriend
  3598. >Sit next to him, talk nice to him, act sweet, grab his hand in the hall
  3599. >Tough-girl shtick grates against the "new rules"
  3600. >Anon starts to do it at first just to be an asshole
  3601. >Starts getting concerned when she slips up
  3602. >Even makes her act like that in private
  3603. >Anon takes this opportunity to straighten things out in this school
  3604. >Uses her influence to deal with the other bullies
  3605. >All of the male staff like Anon because he's got queen bitch under his thumb
  3606. >None of the female teachers have the nerve to refuse Anon what he wants
  3607. >Sunny don't let no shit slide from anyone else because of her repressed anger toward Anon
  3608. >Anon picks up quick on new fantasy threats because he's genre-savvy
  3609. >They become the Matriarch and Patriarch of the school
  3610.  
  3611.  
  3612.  
  3613.  
  3614. >Anon's luck runs out when the mirror opens again, allowing Sunset to begin her plans by stealing the Element of Magic
  3615. >hides it in a place he won't know to look for
  3616. >Twiligt shows up at Canterlot High, and is somewhat confused at why people are afraid of Anon
  3617. >She expects them to be afraid of Sunset Shimmer given what she just learned about her from Celestia
  3618. >But why would they be afraid of her friend Anon, who she accidentally sent here?
  3619. >Still they catch up and students watch them in stunned awe
  3620. >Anon of course leaves out the Sunset thing, and only mentions that they're dating
  3621. >Is surprised to learn that Sunset is actually a unicorn in human form and it an actual human
  3622. >Things come to ahead at the Fall Formal when Twilight wins back the crown 
  3623. >Sunset gets it by threatening Spike
  3624. >Anon tries to blackmail her into giving it back but...
  3625. >"No. The time for YOU to give me orders is over."
  3626. >turns into her she-demon form with the crown and goes into a long rant about all the humiliating things Anon made her do
  3627. >"But it doesn't matter anymore. Tell everyone here what I did. Scream it from the rooftops! With the power I have now anybody who tries to cross me again is DEAD!"
  3628. >attempts to blast Anon to death with magic, but Twilight and the Humane 5 jump in the way
  3629. >Magic Ex Machina allows them to beat Sunset Shimmer 
  3630. >Before Twilight can even get a word in, Anon loudly reveals the info he's been using to blackmail Sunset all this time 
  3631. >That she attempted to struggle-snuggle him
  3632. >Redemption is hard enough when you turn into a she-demon, it's even harder when you're a sex offender
  3633. >The only reason Sunset isn't in prison at that point is because Twilight begs them not to 
  3634. >Asks Anon why the fuck would he basically torture someone like that 
  3635. "Twilight, if you think I'm bad, you should have seen this school when I first got here. Sunset ruled over everyone with bullying and blackmail. Nobody aside from me was willing to deal with her or the other bullies."
  3636. "So when Sunset unknowingly presented an opportunity for me to put a leash on her, I took it. Since then, bullying has gone down and general harmony in the school is up. Everything I did to her is exactly what she's done to the students here."
  3637. >Twilight learns why humans, real humans, not the horse-humans of EqG are terrifying
  3638.  
  3639.  
  3640.  
  3641.  
  3642.  
  3643. >Bugqueen goes into hiding to plot revenge against Starlight and Thorax
  3644. >Stumbles upon Anon's camp in the middle of the Everfree
  3645. >Anon, happy to have a creature not trying to eat him or turn him to stone after so long accepts Chrysalis as a friend immediately despite her clearly evil looks
  3646. >Sympathizes with her losing her children and kingdom to a usurper
  3647. >Chryssy feeds on Anon's sympathy, friendship, and love to become stronger
  3648. >After years together Anon's shitty camp grew into a cabin, and into the inconspicuous entrance of the new underground hive
  3649. >Sons and daughters who have never known a loveless night each nearly as strong as Chrysalis was when she infiltrated Canterlot.
  3650. >They know of the traitor Thorax who ousted Queen Mom from her home
  3651. >King Anonymous knows of how he stole her children from her
  3652. >Finally they are ready to put the plan into place
  3653.  
  3654.  
  3655. >You are Macintosh Apple
  3656. >And some strange lost lookin critter just stumbled out of the Everfree...
  3657.  
  3658.  
  3659. >After many a sleepless night pondering, Chrysalis reluctantly decides risking her new family unnecessarily with a new invasion is not worth it.
  3660. >She doesn't like it, but as the matriarch, making hard decisions comes with the job.
  3661. >Even with an endless well of love in the form or her husband and her new hive all as powerful as alicorns, the broken bodies of her old children and the following silence of the telepathic web still haunts her.
  3662. >And when she closes her eyes, all the changeling queen sees is a field of dead, silent as the grave and reeking of blood.
  3663. >But now, the glassy eyes of her bipedal love, her savior, stare back at her too. 
  3664. >No. She will NOT bury more of her family killed by a mistake of hers.
  3665. >Besides, there are other ways to get back at Equestria...
  3666. >She and hers will just have to play the economy game.
  3667. >Maybe an oasis town with some brothels or some questionable medical research... 
  3668. >That would be a good start, says her husband
  3669.  
  3670.  
  3671.  
  3672.  
  3673.  
  3674.  
  3675.  
  3676. >Sunset and Trixie quickly forget that this is a rape as they try to outperform each other
  3677. >This gradually turns into less sexuall-oriented competiton
  3678. >Soon, without them noticing, they've both ended up in a relationship with Anon
  3679.  
  3680. >"Oh yeah? Well I bought Anon flowers!"
  3681. >>"Pfft, flower? Sunset, did you mistake Anon for Thunderlane? Trixie has bought Anon tickets for that play he likes!"
  3682. >"Oh yeah? Well /I'm/ going to take him out for a romantic evening which will end with a bed covered in rose pedals and chilled champagne!"
  3683. >>"Is that so? Well, Trixie is going to ruin her throat on Anon's cock! What do you think about THAT, Sunset?!"
  3684.  
  3685. >"Do you really think Anon is going to give you his hand in marriage with a proposal like that? A nice dinner and a speech about how special he makes you feel, like how you don't have to worry about him leaving you for someone better?"
  3686. >>"Well, what's YOUR proposal? A quiet evening at home, curled up in front of a fireplace under a blanket, just sitting there an enjoying each other's company? What, are you going to tell him that you love him, that you've always loved him, and that you feel in your heart that there's something special between the three of us?"
  3687. >"...three of us?"
  3688. >>".....Two of us. Trixie meant two of us."
  3689.  
  3690.  
  3691.  
  3692.  
  3693.  
  3694.  
  3695. >RGREqG
  3696. >Play some online vidya because it's still interesting to you even in this backwards world.
  3697. >Keep mic off to avoid spergouts.
  3698. >Meet some chick who is pretty cool and doesn't mind you using text chat all the time.
  3699. >Become best friends and play everything together.
  3700. >Finally talk with her because you trust her and genuinely like her more than a friend.
  3701. >After her freakout, things go back to semi-normal, but you can feel some underlying tension now.
  3702. >A nearby con rolls around, and you ask her if she wants to meet there.
  3703. >Of course, she says yes. 
  3704. >Little does she know, you've got more plans then just "meeting up"
  3705. >You're going to make some cliche nerd fantasies come true. 
  3706. >By fucking her to her hearts content
  3707.  
  3708.  
  3709.  
  3710.  
  3711.  
  3712.  
  3713. >Stallions have an in-built resistance to mare pheromones, so they can only be affected up to a certain point.
  3714. >It's not much. Stallions just find sex slightly more enticing than before. 
  3715. >Anon, however, has no such resistance. 
  3716. >When estrus rolls around and the air in town is a practical miasma of hormones...
  3717. >Between the constant thoughts of dragging the nearest mare away and plunging in, he never realized that an erection could hurt
  3718.  
  3719.  
  3720.  
  3721.  
  3722. And I see Rarity's 'harmony/love magic bullshit' is specially effective on dragons.
  3723.  
  3724. How would it affect humans, I wonder
  3725.  
  3726. >It doesn't work at all, much to Rarity's stinging pride, since she can usually catch eyes even with her colty personality.
  3727. >Insult is added to injury when Anon is magnetically attracted to Rainbow, who can't keep a stallion to save her life
  3728.  
  3729.  
  3730.  
  3731. >Teen Anon remarks that he doesn't find Teen Cadence attractive
  3732. >Teen Cadence has her pride stung
  3733. >Tries to use her marely wiles to convince him otherwise
  3734. >Anon grows more annoyed/repulsed
  3735. >She grows increasingly desperate
  3736. >Slowly turns yandere
  3737.  
  3738.  
  3739. nah: teenager Anon remarks he likes geeky mares
  3740. Mares and Cadence in his class suddenly try to be geeky and fail hard
  3741. Anon is laughing his ass off at them
  3742.  
  3743.  
  3744.  
  3745.  
  3746.  
  3747. >Twilight fucks Anon regularly
  3748. >Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy attacks Equestria (again)
  3749. >Anon decides to stand up for everyone and fights the baddie
  3750. >Does surprisingly well, almost defeats him
  3751. >baddie opens a portal in time and flings him into the past
  3752. >stumbled upon by one of Twilight's ancestors, who happens to look exactly like her too
  3753. >Takes him as a slave as victorious mares often do
  3754. >Twilight fucks Anon regularly
  3755. >Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy...
  3756.  
  3757.  
  3758.  
  3759.  
  3760.  
  3761.  
  3762. >Eldritch Anon
  3763. >More alien than anything else in Equestria
  3764. >Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon
  3765.  
  3766. >He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
  3767. >They bend and break around him
  3768. >He is a singularity in the cosmos
  3769.  
  3770. >For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
  3771. >Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
  3772. >Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
  3773. >He exudes no aura of terror or power
  3774. >He simply is
  3775. >Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is
  3776.  
  3777.  
  3778.  
  3779.  
  3780.  
  3781. >Thousands of years back, the birthrates of colts to fillies were even and society was male dominated.
  3782. >As the years went on, the birthrates skewed in favor of mares, slowly flipping the gender roles. 
  3783. >Now, no one even remembers that things were different.
  3784. >Except Celestia, who longs for the days of old where she had assertive, retro-masculine sweethearts lining up for her.
  3785. >Days when she could be the giggly, submissive female in a clear-cut relationship. 
  3786. >Not whatever over complicated and unfair role mares today have. 
  3787. >But then you show up with a "marely" attitude and little care for pony customs...
  3788. >Little did you know, the day you met Equestria's ruler and called her "Sunny Buns" on accident was they day you met your wife.
  3789.  
  3790.  
  3791.  
  3792. >Celestia wants to be feminine and submissive next to a "retro-masculine" (normal gender role) male.
  3793. >Wake up later than she does one morning.
  3794. >Groggily walk to breakfast.
  3795. >With the kind of inclusive ruler Celly is, she probably eats in a large dining room with her sister and other noble ponies.
  3796. >As you sit down, still half asleep, pull Celly into an aggressive "good morning" kiss. 
  3797. >She giggles in delight into your mouth, wiggling happily in her seat.
  3798. >The looks on everyone else's face at seeing their perfect princess enjoy her manhandling at the hands of a backwards alien is priceless
  3799.  
  3800.  
  3801.  
  3802. >Hug Sunhorse.
  3803. >She stiffens, then sniffles as silent tears slowly run down her face.
  3804. >You're the first male to willingly touch her in hundreds of years with nothing but affection and no ulterior motives.
  3805. >It's been so long that she's forgotten what the sensation of being wrapped in a warm hug is like. 
  3806. "You're loved, Celestia."
  3807. >The noise that comes from her mouth would fit better on a wounded animal.
  3808. >Tighten the hug.
  3809. >Chin on your shoulder, she bites her tongue in a vain attempt to stop the frame-wracking sobs in her chest from escaping.
  3810. >She fails. 
  3811. >Heavy is the price of perfection
  3812.  
  3813.  
  3814.  
  3815.  
  3816.  
  3817. >Anon comes to RGREqG
  3818. >Fuck being a teen again.
  3819. >Sunset in informed of this event and tries to help him to get up for the fall caused by purple nurple.
  3820. >Finds out that this world is RGR too.
  3821. >At least they don't have hooves, 7/10, would waifu one of them.
  3822. >Little by little, Anon makes his way through the life of a highschooler again.
  3823. >He is a fresh man, first semester and everything, all thanks to Principal Celestia.
  3824. >Attarcts the atencion of the Dazzles, with his emotions and rage.
  3825. >Looks very lovely to Teacher of Social Studies Chrysalis.
  3826. >A promising student in with a lot of room to improve for Dr. Discord PhD, he looks a "Twilight Sparkle" inside of you, but with Chaos.
  3827. >The Dazzles vs Reformed Sunset.
  3828. >Chrysalis vs Discord.
  3829. >Meanwhile.
  3830. >Anon finds a computer with the capacity to VR everything.
  3831. >Discovers that RGREqG 4CHAN.
  3832. >Haters, shitposters, memes, and all the autism he can consume.
  3833. >He is home, and he will be for as long a he can.
  3834. >4CHAN HERE I GO, MAGIC OF AUTISM AND FRIENDSHIP, DON'T FAIL ME NOW
  3835.  
  3836.  
  3837.  
  3838. >Anon hated being in high school the first time, and despite being optimistic for this new opportunity feels like Canterlot High won't be much better
  3839. >Teenagers are still teenagers, even with reversed gender roles 
  3840. >Just focuses on schoolwork and ignores other people 
  3841. >After school, he heads right back to his apartment
  3842. >Gets a reputation as something of an ice king due to how he acts
  3843. >Is never really impolite to people, but very obviously would rather be left alone 
  3844. >the fact that he seemingly showed up out of nowhere like Sunset Shimmer, gives him that 'mysterious' factor to the girls of Canterlot High
  3845. >It becomes a race to see who can get into the mysteriously hot transfer student's pants first
  3846.  
  3847.  
  3848.  
  3849.  
  3850.  
  3851.  
  3852. >A certain racistpone calls Anon a stupid immigrant monkey
  3853. >He calls her a bitch
  3854. >This word is extremely offensive towards diamond dogs
  3855. >Hfw she realizes the apelien is a pony supremacist as well
  3856. >Maybe apeliens can be honorary ponies in the upcoming racially pure society?
  3857.  
  3858.  
  3859.  
  3860.  
  3861.  
  3862. >Anon blackmails Sunset into acting like a good girlfriend
  3863. >Sit next to him, talk nice to him, act sweet, grab his hand in the hall
  3864. >Tough-girl shtick grates against the "new rules"
  3865. >Anon starts to do it at first just to be an asshole
  3866. >Starts getting concerned when she slips up
  3867. >Even makes her act like that in private
  3868. >Anon takes this opportunity to straighten things out in this school
  3869. >Uses her influence to deal with the other bullies
  3870. >All of the male staff like Anon because he's got queen bitch under his thumb
  3871. >None of the female teachers have the nerve to refuse Anon what he wants
  3872. >Sunny don't let no shit slide from anyone else because of her repressed anger toward Anon
  3873. >Anon picks up quick on new fantasy threats because he's genre-savvy
  3874. >They become the Matriarch and Patriarch of the school
  3875.  
  3876.  
  3877.  
  3878.  
  3879. >Anon's luck runs out when the mirror opens again, allowing Sunset to begin her plans by stealing the Element of Magic
  3880. >hides it in a place he won't know to look for
  3881. >Twiligt shows up at Canterlot High, and is somewhat confused at why people are afraid of Anon
  3882. >She expects them to be afraid of Sunset Shimmer given what she just learned about her from Celestia
  3883. >But why would they be afraid of her friend Anon, who she accidentally sent here?
  3884. >Still they catch up and students watch them in stunned awe
  3885. >Anon of course leaves out the Sunset thing, and only mentions that they're dating
  3886. >Is surprised to learn that Sunset is actually a unicorn in human form and it an actual human
  3887. >Things come to ahead at the Fall Formal when Twilight wins back the crown 
  3888. >Sunset gets it by threatening Spike
  3889. >Anon tries to blackmail her into giving it back but...
  3890. >"No. The time for YOU to give me orders is over."
  3891. >turns into her she-demon form with the crown and goes into a long rant about all the humiliating things Anon made her do
  3892. >"But it doesn't matter anymore. Tell everyone here what I did. Scream it from the rooftops! With the power I have now anybody who tries to cross me again is DEAD!"
  3893. >attempts to blast Anon to death with magic, but Twilight and the Humane 5 jump in the way
  3894. >Magic Ex Machina allows them to beat Sunset Shimmer 
  3895. >Before Twilight can even get a word in, Anon loudly reveals the info he's been using to blackmail Sunset all this time 
  3896. >That she attempted to struggle-snuggle him
  3897. >Redemption is hard enough when you turn into a she-demon, it's even harder when you're a sex offender
  3898. >The only reason Sunset isn't in prison at that point is because Twilight begs them not to 
  3899. >Asks Anon why the fuck would he basically torture someone like that 
  3900. "Twilight, if you think I'm bad, you should have seen this school when I first got here. Sunset ruled over everyone with bullying and blackmail. Nobody aside from me was willing to deal with her or the other bullies."
  3901. "So when Sunset unknowingly presented an opportunity for me to put a leash on her, I took it. Since then, bullying has gone down and general harmony in the school is up. Everything I did to her is exactly what she's done to the students here."
  3902. >Twilight learns why humans, real humans, not the horse-humans of EqG are terrifying
  3903.  
  3904.  
  3905.  
  3906.  
  3907.  
  3908. >Bugqueen goes into hiding to plot revenge against Starlight and Thorax
  3909. >Stumbles upon Anon's camp in the middle of the Everfree
  3910. >Anon, happy to have a creature not trying to eat him or turn him to stone after so long accepts Chrysalis as a friend immediately despite her clearly evil looks
  3911. >Sympathizes with her losing her children and kingdom to a usurper
  3912. >Chryssy feeds on Anon's sympathy, friendship, and love to become stronger
  3913. >After years together Anon's shitty camp grew into a cabin, and into the inconspicuous entrance of the new underground hive
  3914. >Sons and daughters who have never known a loveless night each nearly as strong as Chrysalis was when she infiltrated Canterlot.
  3915. >They know of the traitor Thorax who ousted Queen Mom from her home
  3916. >King Anonymous knows of how he stole her children from her
  3917. >Finally they are ready to put the plan into place
  3918.  
  3919.  
  3920. >You are Macintosh Apple
  3921. >And some strange lost lookin critter just stumbled out of the Everfree...
  3922.  
  3923.  
  3924. >After many a sleepless night pondering, Chrysalis reluctantly decides risking her new family unnecessarily with a new invasion is not worth it.
  3925. >She doesn't like it, but as the matriarch, making hard decisions comes with the job.
  3926. >Even with an endless well of love in the form or her husband and her new hive all as powerful as alicorns, the broken bodies of her old children and the following silence of the telepathic web still haunts her.
  3927. >And when she closes her eyes, all the changeling queen sees is a field of dead, silent as the grave and reeking of blood.
  3928. >But now, the glassy eyes of her bipedal love, her savior, stare back at her too. 
  3929. >No. She will NOT bury more of her family killed by a mistake of hers.
  3930. >Besides, there are other ways to get back at Equestria...
  3931. >She and hers will just have to play the economy game.
  3932. >Maybe an oasis town with some brothels or some questionable medical research... 
  3933. >That would be a good start, says her husband
  3934.  
  3935.  
  3936.  
  3937.  
  3938.  
  3939.  
  3940.  
  3941. >Sunset and Trixie quickly forget that this is a rape as they try to outperform each other
  3942. >This gradually turns into less sexuall-oriented competiton
  3943. >Soon, without them noticing, they've both ended up in a relationship with Anon
  3944.  
  3945. >"Oh yeah? Well I bought Anon flowers!"
  3946. >>"Pfft, flower? Sunset, did you mistake Anon for Thunderlane? Trixie has bought Anon tickets for that play he likes!"
  3947. >"Oh yeah? Well /I'm/ going to take him out for a romantic evening which will end with a bed covered in rose pedals and chilled champagne!"
  3948. >>"Is that so? Well, Trixie is going to ruin her throat on Anon's cock! What do you think about THAT, Sunset?!"
  3949.  
  3950. >"Do you really think Anon is going to give you his hand in marriage with a proposal like that? A nice dinner and a speech about how special he makes you feel, like how you don't have to worry about him leaving you for someone better?"
  3951. >>"Well, what's YOUR proposal? A quiet evening at home, curled up in front of a fireplace under a blanket, just sitting there an enjoying each other's company? What, are you going to tell him that you love him, that you've always loved him, and that you feel in your heart that there's something special between the three of us?"
  3952. >"...three of us?"
  3953. >>".....Two of us. Trixie meant two of us."
  3954.  
  3955.  
  3956.  
  3957.  
  3958.  
  3959.  
  3960. >RGREqG
  3961. >Play some online vidya because it's still interesting to you even in this backwards world.
  3962. >Keep mic off to avoid spergouts.
  3963. >Meet some chick who is pretty cool and doesn't mind you using text chat all the time.
  3964. >Become best friends and play everything together.
  3965. >Finally talk with her because you trust her and genuinely like her more than a friend.
  3966. >After her freakout, things go back to semi-normal, but you can feel some underlying tension now.
  3967. >A nearby con rolls around, and you ask her if she wants to meet there.
  3968. >Of course, she says yes. 
  3969. >Little does she know, you've got more plans then just "meeting up"
  3970. >You're going to make some cliche nerd fantasies come true. 
  3971. >By fucking her to her hearts content
  3972.  
  3973.  
  3974.  
  3975.  
  3976.  
  3977.  
  3978. >Stallions have an in-built resistance to mare pheromones, so they can only be affected up to a certain point.
  3979. >It's not much. Stallions just find sex slightly more enticing than before. 
  3980. >Anon, however, has no such resistance. 
  3981. >When estrus rolls around and the air in town is a practical miasma of hormones...
  3982. >Between the constant thoughts of dragging the nearest mare away and plunging in, he never realized that an erection could hurt
  3983.  
  3984.  
  3985.  
  3986.  
  3987. And I see Rarity's 'harmony/love magic bullshit' is specially effective on dragons.
  3988.  
  3989. How would it affect humans, I wonder
  3990.  
  3991. >It doesn't work at all, much to Rarity's stinging pride, since she can usually catch eyes even with her colty personality.
  3992. >Insult is added to injury when Anon is magnetically attracted to Rainbow, who can't keep a stallion to save her life
  3993.  
  3994.  
  3995.  
  3996. >Teen Anon remarks that he doesn't find Teen Cadence attractive
  3997. >Teen Cadence has her pride stung
  3998. >Tries to use her marely wiles to convince him otherwise
  3999. >Anon grows more annoyed/repulsed
  4000. >She grows increasingly desperate
  4001. >Slowly turns yandere
  4002.  
  4003.  
  4004. nah: teenager Anon remarks he likes geeky mares
  4005. Mares and Cadence in his class suddenly try to be geeky and fail hard
  4006. Anon is laughing his ass off at them
  4007.  
  4008.  
  4009.  
  4010.  
  4011.  
  4012. >Twilight fucks Anon regularly
  4013. >Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy attacks Equestria (again)
  4014. >Anon decides to stand up for everyone and fights the baddie
  4015. >Does surprisingly well, almost defeats him
  4016. >baddie opens a portal in time and flings him into the past
  4017. >stumbled upon by one of Twilight's ancestors, who happens to look exactly like her too
  4018. >Takes him as a slave as victorious mares often do
  4019. >Twilight fucks Anon regularly
  4020. >Somewhere down the line a big evil bad guy...
  4021.  
  4022.  
  4023.  
  4024.  
  4025.  
  4026.  
  4027. >Eldritch Anon
  4028. >More alien than anything else in Equestria
  4029. >Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon
  4030.  
  4031. >He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
  4032. >They bend and break around him
  4033. >He is a singularity in the cosmos
  4034.  
  4035. >For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
  4036. >Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
  4037. >Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
  4038. >He exudes no aura of terror or power
  4039. >He simply is
  4040. >Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is
  4041.  
  4042.  
  4043.  
  4044.  
  4045.  
  4046. >Thousands of years back, the birthrates of colts to fillies were even and society was male dominated.
  4047. >As the years went on, the birthrates skewed in favor of mares, slowly flipping the gender roles. 
  4048. >Now, no one even remembers that things were different.
  4049. >Except Celestia, who longs for the days of old where she had assertive, retro-masculine sweethearts lining up for her.
  4050. >Days when she could be the giggly, submissive female in a clear-cut relationship. 
  4051. >Not whatever over complicated and unfair role mares today have. 
  4052. >But then you show up with a "marely" attitude and little care for pony customs...
  4053. >Little did you know, the day you met Equestria's ruler and called her "Sunny Buns" on accident was they day you met your wife.
  4054.  
  4055.  
  4056.  
  4057. >Celestia wants to be feminine and submissive next to a "retro-masculine" (normal gender role) male.
  4058. >Wake up later than she does one morning.
  4059. >Groggily walk to breakfast.
  4060. >With the kind of inclusive ruler Celly is, she probably eats in a large dining room with her sister and other noble ponies.
  4061. >As you sit down, still half asleep, pull Celly into an aggressive "good morning" kiss. 
  4062. >She giggles in delight into your mouth, wiggling happily in her seat.
  4063. >The looks on everyone else's face at seeing their perfect princess enjoy her manhandling at the hands of a backwards alien is priceless
  4064.  
  4065.  
  4066.  
  4067. >Hug Sunhorse.
  4068. >She stiffens, then sniffles as silent tears slowly run down her face.
  4069. >You're the first male to willingly touch her in hundreds of years with nothing but affection and no ulterior motives.
  4070. >It's been so long that she's forgotten what the sensation of being wrapped in a warm hug is like. 
  4071. "You're loved, Celestia."
  4072. >The noise that comes from her mouth would fit better on a wounded animal.
  4073. >Tighten the hug.
  4074. >Chin on your shoulder, she bites her tongue in a vain attempt to stop the frame-wracking sobs in her chest from escaping.
  4075. >She fails. 
  4076. >Heavy is the price of perfection
  4077.  
  4078.  
  4079.  
  4080.  
  4081.  
  4082. >Anon comes to RGREqG
  4083. >Fuck being a teen again.
  4084. >Sunset in informed of this event and tries to help him to get up for the fall caused by purple nurple.
  4085. >Finds out that this world is RGR too.
  4086. >At least they don't have hooves, 7/10, would waifu one of them.
  4087. >Little by little, Anon makes his way through the life of a highschooler again.
  4088. >He is a fresh man, first semester and everything, all thanks to Principal Celestia.
  4089. >Attarcts the atencion of the Dazzles, with his emotions and rage.
  4090. >Looks very lovely to Teacher of Social Studies Chrysalis.
  4091. >A promising student in with a lot of room to improve for Dr. Discord PhD, he looks a "Twilight Sparkle" inside of you, but with Chaos.
  4092. >The Dazzles vs Reformed Sunset.
  4093. >Chrysalis vs Discord.
  4094. >Meanwhile.
  4095. >Anon finds a computer with the capacity to VR everything.
  4096. >Discovers that RGREqG 4CHAN.
  4097. >Haters, shitposters, memes, and all the autism he can consume.
  4098. >He is home, and he will be for as long a he can.
  4099. >4CHAN HERE I GO, MAGIC OF AUTISM AND FRIENDSHIP, DON'T FAIL ME NOW
  4100.  
  4101.  
  4102.  
  4103.  
  4104. >Harshwhinny, after yet another date ruined by her not being a pushover, says "fuck it" to standards.
  4105. >She gets a mail-order groom and specifies "Fair, easygoing, exotic."
  4106. >Even pays extra for "premium selection"
  4107. >A few weeks later, she gets a knock on her door.
  4108. >And lo and behold, it's her new husband-to-be, Anon. 
  4109. >They don't joke when they say "exotic" is her first thought
  4110.  
  4111.  
  4112.  
  4113.  
  4114.  
  4115.  
  4116. >Dorf Anon innaquestria
  4117. >Limey found him in a cave in the quarry
  4118. >He bonds with the sisters over their shared love of rocks and digging
  4119. >cusses out deer as "elves with hooves"
  4120. >doesn't trust pegasi or unicorns
  4121. >has a symbol of the royal sisters he prays to
  4122.  
  4123.  
  4124.  
  4125.  
  4126.  
  4127. >Anon starts to date one of the mane six
  4128. >The one he's dating turns out to be one of 'those' people
  4129. >The ones who change completely once they're in a relationship and totally ignore their friends
  4130. >This triggers the twiggles, Princess of friendship
  4131. >Anon, used to only seeing guys pull that shit doesnt catch on to what his waifu is doing
  4132. >When Twilight confronts the waifu about this Anon takes a moment to realise what he's been blind on
  4133. >Then immediately tag teams with Twilight on dropping a Friendship lesson leg drop
  4134. >Twilight is surprised by Anons extensive knowledge on the sister code and being a solid sis
  4135. >Silently teleports away the parts of her notes about convincing Waifu to leave the manbitch who was making her act funny
  4136. >Starts considering how to convince the rest of their friends to let Anon join them on their girls nights
  4137.  
  4138. Man, you know what I just realised this thread has majorly dropped the ball on? The difference in friendship between men and women.
  4139. Why have we not gotten reverse gender roles friendship lessons? Celestia having to send a letter to twilight about not being a little colt when her friends roast her. Actual real talk about how it is not okay to hit on Big Mac when he's your sis' brother. Letting Fluttershy know it's okay to be a lesbian as long as she's not a dyke about it, Despite the fact she's not actually a lesbian and is too meek to correct her friends. Applejack teaching naive Twilight about stopping Rainbow Dash from starting drunken fights, but helping her kick ass when one is started on her
  4140.  
  4141.  
  4142.  
  4143.  
  4144.  
  4145.  
  4146. >Anon starts to date one of the mane six
  4147. >The one he's dating turns out to be one of 'those' people
  4148. >The ones who change completely once they're in a relationship and totally ignore their friends
  4149. >This triggers the twiggles, Princess of friendship
  4150. >Anon, used to only seeing guys pull that shit doesnt catch on to what his waifu is doing
  4151. >When Twilight confronts the waifu about this Anon takes a moment to realise what he's been blind on
  4152. >Then immediately tag teams with Twilight on dropping a Friendship lesson leg drop
  4153. >Twilight is surprised by Anons extensive knowledge on the sister code and being a solid sis
  4154. >Silently teleports away the parts of her notes about convincing Waifu to leave the manbitch who was making her act funny
  4155. >Starts considering how to convince the rest of their friends to let Anon join them on their girls nights
  4156.  
  4157.  
  4158.  
  4159.  
  4160. I like the version where Anon sometimes sings a song while walking around town that's clearly meant to be a duet, and all the poners get super sad because they think Anon is desperately reaching out for his soulmate. He always looks so upset when he's singing.
  4161.  
  4162. Meanwhile Anon is just pissed he can't get that song out of his head. He doesn't even like the band that wrote it
  4163.  
  4164.  
  4165. >Anon can't stop humming Love is an Open Door because he watched Frozen with his niece before ending up in Equestria 
  4166. >mares keep trying to sing the Hans parts
  4167.  
  4168.  
  4169. >Anon's predisposition to badly singing songs from Earth make ponies think he's from a musical species that emotes their thoughts and emotions through music
  4170. >Half-assed and half-remembered sung songs spawn shenanigans
  4171. >Half a duet? Pining for his soul-mate, hoping that somepony will respond
  4172. >Highway to Hell? Dangerously reckless.
  4173. >Red Like Roses I and II?
  4174. >What about Us?
  4175. >Radioactive? Twilight quarantines him, thinking he's an NBC hazard.
  4176. >I Burn?
  4177.  
  4178. >"Girls, quick!"
  4179. >Rainbow Dash looks frantic, magenta eyes wide with fear.
  4180. >"Anon's on fire!"
  4181.  
  4182. >Meanwhile, Anon's snoozing in bed
  4183.  
  4184.  
  4185.  
  4186.  
  4187.  
  4188.  
  4189.  
  4190. >Anon landed in normal Equestria, but never made it to the Equestrian mainland. 
  4191. >Became an adventurer out in the wild borderlands. 
  4192. >Even met a few ponies whom followed him and became his entourage.
  4193. >During a temple dive or something, they get warped into RGRE, right in the middle of Ponyville, thanks to some magic shenanigans. 
  4194. >Once they learn that the dangerous lands they plundered and lived in don't exist in RGRE, the team settles in Ponyville. 
  4195. >The whole town gets to see the odd and messed up (to them) dynamics of some backwards ponies and their alien leader
  4196.  
  4197.  
  4198.  
  4199.  
  4200. >anon was a rock climber on earth
  4201. >loved to climb anything he could, everything from trees to fuckhuge mountains 
  4202. >in combination with the sudden loss of the internet and his fiber bars he relies on climbing to get out stress in equestria
  4203. >mares dont like it however
  4204. >a male in a high place?! he could fall and hurt himself
  4205.  
  4206.  
  4207.  
  4208.  
  4209.  
  4210.  
  4211. >ponies think anon is cute because he changes the first letter of curse words or replaces them with words they dont knwo
  4212. >they think hes innocent because of this
  4213.  
  4214. >"OW! Oh fuck me that hurts."
  4215. That's so sweet, dear.
  4216. >"Ain't it though, ah don't like watching him get hurt but watching him avoid harsh language is the cutest."
  4217. >"I am so tired of this fucking horseshit. Mac, if you hit me with another motherfucking plank I'm shoving it down your throat."
  4218. It's like watching a foal trying to talk.
  4219. >"Any idea what a shit is, Rares?"
  4220. Haven't the faintest darling
  4221.  
  4222.  
  4223.  
  4224.  
  4225.  
  4226.  
  4227. >Nightlight is getting old and flabby, twilight velvet has thoughts of cheating on her husband
  4228. >twilight finds out, goes to shining and Cadence for help
  4229. >thinks cadence's love magic can hoofwave this all away
  4230. >cadence explains that something this serious cant use such bruteforce tactics
  4231. >especially with their own parents-in-law
  4232. >anon overhears and asks whats going on
  4233. >they all tell him the problem
  4234. >anon explains that since the problem is nightlight's weight and stamina they should just take him to a gym
  4235. >in addition to the fact they can keep the whole problem under wraps from both the parents
  4236. >anon and shining take nightlight
  4237. >twi and cadence keep their mom busy
  4238. >Shining and anon take nightlight to a doctor for a checkup
  4239. >they buy off the doctor to say that nightlight needs the exercise for his health
  4240. >twi and cadence take velvet to do "mare" things just to keep her occupied
  4241.  
  4242. >fast forward to a month or two
  4243. >nightlight has never felt better
  4244. >its like he's 20 years younger
  4245.  
  4246. >Twilight velvet notices
  4247. >thoughts she used to think when they were younger start flooding back into her mind
  4248.  
  4249. >later that night cadence slips some aphrodisiac into both their drinks
  4250. >time delayed so it'll activate just before they're suppose to go to sleep
  4251. *lewd stuff happens*
  4252. >nightlight is going all out
  4253. >velvet probably lost consciousness twice already
  4254. >the next morning they just lie there on the bed content
  4255.  
  4256. >cadence congratulates the lovesquad on a job well done
  4257. >"we are not calling ourselves the lovesquad hun"
  4258.  
  4259.  
  4260.  
  4261.  
  4262.  
  4263.  
  4264. > Anon is the hot PE teacher at CHS
  4265. > Some girls forget to bring a bra, and must endure the embarrassment of nip-boners being highly visible
  4266. > Other girls purposefully don't wear a bra, hoping to seduce this hot piece of Christmas cake 
  4267. > The boys think they are being gross, but Anon doesn't crack down on the indecency
  4268. > Anon had to stand guard at the door to the boys changing room to keep the girls from peeking
  4269. > They end up flirting with him instead
  4270.  
  4271.  
  4272. Anon as the PE teacher.
  4273. >They though looking at Mr Anon in shorts and sexy white shirt.
  4274. >Both tight with his sweat as his body gets tanned in the morning sun outside.
  4275. >But the reality is quite different
  4276. "Ok based bitches, time to run a mile"
  4277. "SHIMMER, LEAVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND SPARKLE ALONE AND START PUMPING THE IRON"
  4278. "DASH, STOP BEING A COCKY BOY AND GET OVER THE ROPE."
  4279. "STOP YOUR PUSSING AROUND AND MOVE THAT ASS, YOU SLIT-LICKING COWBOY!"
  4280. "FOR THE LAST TIME!!! MISS HOOVES, LEAVE THAT MUFFIN ALONE AND KEEP RUNNING"
  4281. "WHAT, CAN'T YOU HANDLE ALL THAT WEIGHT MISS FLUTTERSHY, SHOULD I CALL YOUR DADDY AND TELL HIM TO PICK YOU UP!?"
  4282. "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ALL OF YOU BOYS!?, YOU ARE NOT GIRLS, YOU ARE BOYS, SHOULD I CALL THE SPA AND MAKE A BIG RESERVATION FOR ALL OF YOU TO REST YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEADS!?"
  4283. "FOR THE LINE, I SAID FOR THE LINE BOYS, KEEP YOUR BRIEFS IN A BUNCH AND KEEP PUSHING!"
  4284. "ON YOUR FEET AND GIVE ME 100 MISS PIE, I want to see that meat giggle like you were riding Miss Dash's cock!"
  4285. >At the end of the course.
  4286. "Ok boys, you look like shit."
  4287. "But you have to understand something, you are shit"
  4288. "And you will be till i say so"
  4289. "NOW GO TO THE SHOWERS AND STOP SMELLING LIKE SHIT!"
  4290. "YOU TOO MISS PIE, STOP SWEATING LIKE THE PIG THAT YOU ARE AND GET IN THE FUCKING SHOWER!!!"
  4291. >Many girls that year found out something deep in themselves
  4292.  
  4293.  
  4294.  
  4295. How would Femanon being say, the school nurse, affect things? 
  4296.  
  4297. For her, the guys would be shy, gossiping about her love life (is she dating the home ec teacher?), there may be one or two who have crushes on her, and one more who is into some soft mommydom or something. 
  4298. The insecure guy comes to her in tears, worried he may have gotten his girlfriend pregnant, and he isn't ready to be a dad. When she approaches the girlfriend, schroedinger's fetus girl is excited she will have proof that she had sex with a guy.
  4299. Femanon and Anon go drinking on the weekends, commiserating on how crazy everything is.
  4300. Luna, ever the old fashioned woman, asks Femanon for Anon's hand in marriage, since their mother isn't around
  4301.  
  4302.  
  4303.  
  4304.  
  4305.  
  4306. >Daring Do finally captures Ahuizotl and drags him to the nearest Royal Guard outpost
  4307. >Ahuizotl knows how to be a colt when he needs to
  4308. >"M-Miss guardsmare, help! Th-this evil mare raped me and stole my family heirloom!"
  4309. >Daring is immediately shackled, while Ahuizotl is set free, along with the Evil Idol of Death and Doom
  4310.  
  4311. >The international menace is just a whimsical and misunderstood colt
  4312. >It's not his fault he keeps wandering into old tombs
  4313. >He just has a poor sense of direction and loves shiny gold things
  4314. >For example, his beautiful gold dongy ring
  4315.  
  4316. >Daring has to recruit her own Colty Sidekick to counter Ahuizotl's ploys
  4317. >Anon should fit the bill
  4318. >He's male, he's an exotic species, and she rescued him from the old ruins she found him in, so there's a reason for him to tag along
  4319. >He should be perfect for the sidekick gig!
  4320.  
  4321. >Except the only Colty thing about Anon is that he has a dick, and he is prone to bouts of whimsy.
  4322. >Her efforts to use him to counter Ahuizotl's masculine wiles frequently backfire
  4323. >Though he of the dongy ring is frequently irritated and defensive when Anon loudly insists on calling him a flaming faggot
  4324.  
  4325.  
  4326.  
  4327.  
  4328.  
  4329. >Gender roles are reversed for a legitimate reason.
  4330. >Stallions are great to hug and sire young, but outside of that, not much else.
  4331. >Stallions mean well, but are just kinda dumb. 
  4332. >Difficult to have more then a base conversation with them and Faust help you if you try to give them more than a 3 step set of instructions.
  4333. >Matriarchy exists out of necessity since no one wants Forest Gump in government. 
  4334. >Then comes Anon.
  4335. >Capable of arguing philosophy or hell just using basic logic and reasoning. 
  4336. >Thousands of years of matriarchal society has trained mares to assume he's stupid. 
  4337. >Automatically assume he's wrong or misguided no matter how sound his reasoning. 
  4338. >He must be wrong right? He's a guy!
  4339.  
  4340. >Considered the fairer sex, mares do all the thinking for them.
  4341. >Secretly enjoy having mares do everything, masterminding things.
  4342. >Subtly drop hints to get their decisions across.
  4343. >Anon, being forward-thinking, threatens their conspiracy
  4344.  
  4345.  
  4346.  
  4347.  
  4348.  
  4349.  
  4350. >Anon is hired on by Cadence as an in-house babysitter for Flurryheart.
  4351. >However, there's an ulterior motive: she and Shining have been looking for a third in their marriage.
  4352. >An alicorn's sex drive is typically higher than other pony breeds; given that she's the Princess of Love too, she's a fucking nympho!
  4353. >Shining is literally being slowly fucked to death
  4354.  
  4355.  
  4356.  
  4357.  
  4358.  
  4359.  
  4360. >Ponies feel safer in a presence of larger/taller ponies
  4361. >its the reason why alicorns in general are seen as leaders or protectors
  4362. >its also the reason why mares are all gunning for Big mac
  4363. >although they won't admit it
  4364. >coltdom is shit
  4365. >in comes anon the da Biggest mofo in equestria
  4366. >despite the initial apprehension, they find out he's pretty chill guy
  4367. >ponies all over the ponyville would flock around him like inquisitive puppies
  4368. >even moreso with the town's foals
  4369. >earth ponies and unicorns would latch on to him like limpets
  4370. >pegasai would use him as a landing platform
  4371. >anon doesnt mind, they weigh as much as a pillow
  4372.  
  4373.  
  4374.  
  4375.  
  4376.  
  4377.  
  4378. >Tall ponies make other ponies feel safe, which is originally how Celestia came into the role of Princess.
  4379. >Anon is even taller then Celestia.
  4380. >When she looks at him she feels something.
  4381. >She feels...safe.
  4382. >Like maybe she can let down her guard for once and be the one being protected. 
  4383. >Legitimate threat shows itself and attacks the town.
  4384. >Ponies (including Celestia) huddle around Anon knowing he'll keep them safe.
  4385. >"But I don't even have magic and shit!"
  4386. >"It's okay Anon. We trust you."
  4387.  
  4388. >Ponies have natural herding instincts.
  4389. >The biggest and strongest is often seen as being in charge, like a rooster to hens or a bull to cows.
  4390. >Inherent magic acts as a safeguard, a cipher to prevent races from dominating the other e.g. minotaurs subjugating ponies or alicorns subjugating smaller races intentionally or not.
  4391. >Anon has no magic, so there are no safeguards.
  4392. >Ponies subconsciously and instinctively see him as being in charge.
  4393.  
  4394. Or...
  4395.  
  4396. >Anon has no magic, but being around ponies all day saturates him like a marinade.
  4397. >Ponies thus come to subconsciously see him as a large-as-fuck pony, taller than an alicorn
  4398.  
  4399.  
  4400. "Wait, let me get this straight."
  4401. >You exhale loudly.
  4402. "I'm expected to pair up with Celestia, Luna, and your Sister-in-Law, who's *married* and has a filly, by the way, since they're the biggest mares around!"
  4403. >Twilight nods happily.
  4404. >"Yep! It is the order of things. I'm sure you'll make a great second-dad to my Niece."
  4405. >Anon H Christ, you wish you had a bottle of Big Mac's moonshine right now.
  4406. >"So, the wedding will take place--"
  4407. >Fuck your life
  4408.  
  4409.  
  4410. "I'm sorry Twilight, I ain't no cuck, I'm fine with Celestia and Luna, but... for Flurry Heart's safety, I can't marry Cadence."
  4411. >"What? Why not?
  4412. >Time to make up some bullshit from watching nature documentaries.
  4413. "You see- well... you know I'm a predatory species right?"
  4414. >"Uh-uh It's kinda hot"
  4415. "What was that?"
  4416. >"N-Nothing!"
  4417. "So, along the line, to make sure offspring was strong enough to hunt and fight to survive, human males developed the habit of fighting each other for the desired female."
  4418. >"Makes sense..."
  4419. "Yeah, and if the current male wasn't up to snuff, or the mother was single and unable to suppress the male's advances... well... we'd murder the current kid and impregnate the female with our own better seed... kinda like bears..."
  4420. >"W-WHAT!?"
  4421. "Yeah... raising another's child isn't really something that should be going on, it means strength, time and resources wasted..."
  4422. >"But that was during the heydays, right? as a species you grew out of it right?"
  4423. "Nope, it's completely instinctual, a primal need: if I start seeing Cadence as a mate then I'll start seeing both Shining Armor and Flurry Heart as things to... dispose of..."
  4424. >Buy it buy it buy it.
  4425. >"I-I see, that is alarming, also a bit saddening, well, if it's something intrinsic to your species and you can't fight it, I guess I can only thank you for coming clean and warning us beforehand."
  4426. >You fist pump in celebration.
  4427. >She bought it!
  4428. >Aw yiss, no changing diapers or being a father for kids that aren't even yours!
  4429. >Later that week, plans are still being made for you to pair up with Cadence.
  4430. >O-Oh boy... you've done did it now, Anon
  4431.  
  4432. >Anon is considered noble to go against his supposed instincts to kill Shining and Flurry.
  4433. >Digs himself deeper, metaphorically
  4434.  
  4435.  
  4436.  
  4437. >"Celestia, please stop yo-yo'ing the sun!
  4438. >"Luna, don't spell out words in the stars! And it's daytime, put them away!
  4439. >"Cadence, put some clothes -- wait, it's backwards here. Take those clothes off!"
  4440. >"Imposing order already, I see," Twilight says slyly.
  4441. >Fuck's sake
  4442.  
  4443.  
  4444. >"Why should I feel resentment?" He looks at you, bewildered.
  4445. "They want me to marry your wife and raise your daughter!"
  4446. >He blinks. "You're the better choice. Flurry and Cadence have a better statistical chance of prosperity under your hooves. Why wouldn't I support this?"
  4447. >Just... what.
  4448. >"Besides," he mutters quietly, but his voice slowly grows louder, "no more nympho-wife and no more diaper changes. I'm free! Free!"
  4449.  
  4450.  
  4451.  
  4452.  
  4453. >Marriage is rare among ponies
  4454. >Most mares and stallions dream of finding a wealthy herd that fits them and living in happy luxury
  4455. >However the few truly romantic dream of finding a stallion/mare and falling deeply in love with them
  4456. >Its not something that ANY pony steps into lightly and divorce is pretty much unheard of
  4457. >When Anon starts talking about marriage to his waifu she begins to freak out
  4458. >Does she truly love Anon? Does Anon truly love her that much? What will happen if she says no?
  4459. >Meanwhile Anon is just worried that after dating for a year that his waifu may think he has commitment issues if he doesn't pop the question
  4460.  
  4461.  
  4462.  
  4463.  
  4464. > Opera is more than just musical plays in Horselandia
  4465. > Actors sing false heartsongs, with all the choreography that would go into a real one
  4466. > The plots and situations of the plays are purposefully absurd, so as to not draw real ponies into actual heartsong
  4467. > Even then, it still happens from time to time
  4468. > Part of the appeal of opera is the vicarious thrill of seeing heartsongs played out, or even joining in
  4469. > As a theater major, Anon is pretty happy to see the art so popular
  4470. > Even if he is only one of the chorus boys
  4471. > As darkness falls, he hears a voice in his room, singing about the music of the night
  4472.  
  4473. > The Phantom is a mare with a birth defect where fur doesn't grow on her face, and so she wears a mask
  4474. > She is also a master of the pun jab, in which she makes a terrible pun and those who hear groan in agony
  4475.  
  4476.  
  4477.  
  4478.  
  4479.  
  4480.  
  4481. >Anon, having tasted the forbidden fruit of a 3dpd back on Erf, and suffered for it, is leery of getting into a relationship with a pony
  4482. >He knows the risk is there that heartbreak history will repeat itself, even if the girl in question is an RGRE qt3.14 mare.
  4483. >Since they're actually real, with minds of their own, instead of figments of his imagination
  4484. >At least he's fairly confident about that. 
  4485. >Only Luna would be able to figure out that he fears he's actually gone bonkers or is in a coma and hallucinating all this.
  4486.  
  4487. >After some probing (Not that kind, despite Bookhorse's FOR SCIENCE! (and Hot Monkey Butt!) mentality) the mares who've been eyeing him up find out he has abandonment issues.
  4488. >Playa ponies hear the colt is probably clingy and wants commitment, and they bail
  4489. >Most of the rest decide they want him even more
  4490.  
  4491.  
  4492.  
  4493.  
  4494. Only the classiest and most refined ponys can stand or walk on their hind legs.
  4495.  
  4496. Anon unintentionally presents himself as the highest class stallion in Equestria
  4497.  
  4498. >While the ponies look more tall on their hind legs, Anon can't stop himself for rubbing some pony tummies and chespoofs
  4499.  
  4500.  
  4501.  
  4502.  
  4503.  
  4504. >Anon gropes and sexually harasses mares
  4505. >Even they aren't sure if that's what's actually happening
  4506. >Personal space is barely a thing in the land of snuggle piles and nuzzles for all
  4507. >And he's a colt, it must have been an accident.
  4508. >Surely he didn't mean to rub her nips like that
  4509. >It's innocent innuendo, he surely didn't mean it that way
  4510.  
  4511. >Anon discovers that they barely notice anything he does that would count as 'subtle'
  4512. >He doesn't realize that they notice /everything/
  4513. >In an effort to get an obvious and immediate reaction he has to get more and more daring
  4514.  
  4515.  
  4516.  
  4517.  
  4518.  
  4519.  
  4520. >Trixie is a stallion pretending to be a mare
  4521. >Nopony takes male magicians seriously, so this is his only option
  4522. >He wants to be respected for his talent, not just ogled for his big dangley horse balls
  4523.  
  4524. >Trixie is actually a mare and always has been.
  4525. >But detractors have started spreading the rumor that she's a stallion in disguise
  4526.  
  4527.  
  4528.  
  4529.  
  4530.  
  4531. >Seeing as how Twilight is a questionable social teacher at best, you decide to take Glimmer under your wing. 
  4532. >She doesn't really mind. After all, aren't stallions suppose to be in touch with feelings and all that?
  4533. >WRONG
  4534. >Your attempts to make the socially retarded unicorn normal accidentally groom her to be a feminine housewife.
  4535. >It doesn't hit you until after she's already moved in...
  4536. >...and greeting you with a smile in an apron when you get home...
  4537. >...followed by a kiss, then her rushing off to make sure dinner doesn't boil over...
  4538. >Shit you really fucked this pony up
  4539.  
  4540.  
  4541. >Ponies think Starlight Glimmer is taking advantage of Anon's kindness to stay home all day and be lazy while he works to provide for both of them
  4542. >They are surprised to learn that Starlight is actually a really good homemaker
  4543.  
  4544. she's basically a colt with a slit, and many mares start discussing if that having her as a horsebando would be considered gay or not
  4545.  
  4546.  
  4547.  
  4548.  
  4549.  
  4550. >It's a bit of a cliche, sure, but opportunities are actually quite numerous on the subway
  4551. >There are unsuspecting mares everywhere
  4552. >Most of them are wearing sharp black caps and carrying tiny suitcasses; 'dressed to impress' for work
  4553. >However, it isn't uncommon to find their demeanor totally at odds with their crisp, clean attire
  4554. >Most of them look tired and worn, their freshly pressed ties at odds with their true feelings
  4555. >In the safe anonymity of the subway car they can't care less who sees how beat down they are, how listless and lonely
  4556. >With the 'hunting' the way it is it's extremely unlikely that even a quarter of them have anyone to come home to
  4557. >The chance that any one of them could pair up with a pony of the opposite sex was so slim that many of them probably stopped trying years ago
  4558. >The gender ratio is so skewed here in favor of the female sex that they would be lucky to have had any male attention EVER, let alone a consistent mate
  4559. >The way their faces twitch in surprise when you reach out for them is nothing short of priceless to you
  4560. >It's the same every time
  4561. >First they pretend like it's just an accident
  4562. >The mare currently in your care looks away, fixes her eyes on something else, tries her best to ignore how much she's thought about this, how much she needs it; it's just an accident, after all
  4563. >Ohh, but it isn't an accident
  4564. >After a while she inevitably turns to confront your continued action, her face reflecting neither fear nor disgust, but something much, much worse
  4565. >Confusion
  4566. >Self doubt
  4567. >Like she didn't understand why you would stoop to doing what you were doing with her, with a NOBODY like her, and in a place where other ponies could see, no less
  4568. >Her chest begins to rise and fall with purpose
  4569. >Her eyes glaze with subdued passion as she loses out to her primal desires for just a moment and lets them stray downward, just once 
  4570. >Just to see if this is real
  4571. >Just to make sure that you're really, actually, truly holding her hoof
  4572.  
  4573.  
  4574.  
  4575.  
  4576.  
  4577. > Rgre Gilda wants to seduce anon
  4578. >She knows that to impress a rooster like Anon she'll have to prove how good she is at taking care of him
  4579. >One night, after Anon goes to bed, she breaks into his house and rearranges his furniture, blankets, pillows and clothes into a giant nest.
  4580. >Anon wakes up in the morning and sees a giant pile of stuff in the middle of the living room with Gilda in the middle, singing like a cockatiel
  4581.  
  4582.  
  4583.  
  4584.  
  4585.  
  4586. >Bonnie is a bitch because she's never gotten much attention from stallions.
  4587.  
  4588. >Panics when Anon starts hanging around and flirts with her and Lyra
  4589. >Is an even bigger bitch than usual, to the point where Lyra has to ask why she seems to hate Anon so much
  4590. >She doesn't hate him, but she can't brain when he's around.
  4591. >She's paranoid and hopeful and awkward, and she has no idea what she's doing.
  4592. >So she just automatically turns into a complete cunt by default, because at least she knows how to do that without turning into a complete sperg in front of him
  4593.  
  4594.  
  4595.  
  4596.  
  4597. >as a massive weeb Anon can spot a tsun from a mile away
  4598. >Plays up the offended role just to mess with her
  4599. >After a few weeks of it he realizes that he is actually fucking up Lyra and Bon Bon's relationship
  4600. >Decides to fix it the only way he knows
  4601. >The Anime way
  4602. >Beach episodes this shit up
  4603. >Complete with planned confession with the sun setting over the ocean
  4604.  
  4605.  
  4606.  
  4607.  
  4608.  
  4609.  
  4610. >Anon is constantly catcalled as he passes a local construction site
  4611. >Decides to fight the system by applying for a job there
  4612. >He's surprised when he gets the job with absolutely no trouble
  4613. >He's harassed constantly by the mares while on the job
  4614. >"Hey sugardick, pass me the mortar, ey?"
  4615. >"Bring that tight ass over here and hold this end of the rope, why dontcha?"
  4616. >"Mind if I sit on your face while you lay back and rivet the underside of this beam, smoothsack?"
  4617.  
  4618.  
  4619.  
  4620.  
  4621.  
  4622. >Be Applejack.
  4623. >Be struggling with your estrus on a hot summer day.
  4624. >Jump into water trough to cool down.
  4625. >It barely helps.
  4626. >Look up and see Anon.
  4627. >He's wandering around the farm.
  4628. >Half naked.
  4629. >And sweaty.
  4630.  
  4631. "Sweet Celestia, Ah'm but a mortal mare!"
  4632.  
  4633. >rape
  4634.  
  4635.  
  4636.  
  4637.  
  4638.  
  4639. Alien Anon in RGRE
  4640. He was sent to a distant star system to survey the most likely uninhabited planet for possible human colonization and now has been thrust into a diplomatic role with these quadrupedal aliens. All he wanted was a job that had some peace and quiet.
  4641.  
  4642.  
  4643.  
  4644.  
  4645.  
  4646. >Day bathhouse in Equestria
  4647. >Be Pone at the bathhouse
  4648. >Getting some wash and bathe and soak done
  4649. >The water is warm.
  4650. >Like warm water warm.
  4651. >You are in the warm water being comfy.
  4652. >You have your warm, you have your duckey, you have your heated rock, you have your nearby towel, you have your comfy.
  4653. >C O M F Y.
  4654. >The pouring water from the warm water dispenser pipe blocks out the noise from elsewhere.
  4655. >You stay here in the comfy for a while.
  4656. >Then somepony comes in.
  4657. >It's that one pony who isn't actually a pony.
  4658. >You try to ignore them and remain comfy.
  4659. >They get into the water next to you.
  4660. >You both remain in the water for a while
  4661. >You later fuck the not pony in the locker room because bathhouses are lesbo
  4662.  
  4663.  
  4664.  
  4665.  
  4666.  
  4667. “So the teenagers cling to each other as Jason bursts through the door brandishing his machete.”
  4668. >The color drained from Fluttershy’s face and Rainbow Dash, the mare that proclaimed that she wasn’t scared of anything, ducked under the pillow she was holding to her chest earlier.
  4669. >You might have been an grown man, but you said screw it when the six invited you to a sleepover.
  4670. >The ulterior motive behind the invitation was apparent to you however.
  4671. >These girls were thirsty for a stallion of any kind.
  4672. >And due the lack of any viable options in the town of Ponyville, they decided you were a suitable alternative.
  4673. >”T-that wasn’t scary a-at all.”
  4674. >Twilight tried her very best to put on a brave face. 
  4675. >Applejack betraying her truthful nature nodded vigorously in agreement, albeit her eyes kept shifting to the door of the room.
  4676. >”Cadence used to tell me scarier stories when I was a filly.”
  4677. >Puffing up and sticking out her chest tuft in a show of courage, Twilight attempted to stare you down now.
  4678. >But her very body betrayed her. Her wings were twitching and you could notice her ears turning every which way.
  4679. “Hmm, that might have been a little on the coltish side as far as stories go.”
  4680. >Sorry Luna, you’re going to have a busy night.
  4681. “How about I tell you about the nightmare on elm street? That one makes even poor stallions like myself scared.”
  4682.  
  4683.  
  4684.  
  4685.  
  4686.  
  4687.  
  4688. >Anon has the most well behaved students in all of canterlot High.
  4689. >Students that act up are sent to his class.
  4690. >They always come back smiling, relaxed and compliant.
  4691. >Even the worst offenders come back perfect role models.
  4692. >Celestia doesn't know how he does it, but she's extremely grateful.
  4693. >She believes Anons lessons have stopped a dozen would-be school shooters
  4694.  
  4695.  
  4696.  
  4697.  
  4698.  
  4699. >Molestia confirmed for biggest deviant in all of Equestria
  4700. >Anon assumed that marshmallow pones could never compete with humans in depravity
  4701. >He was wrong
  4702.  
  4703.  
  4704.  
  4705.  
  4706. >Anon brings the magic of television to Equestria.
  4707. >Makes his own version of Baywatch but with more horse puns.
  4708. >He plays the lead role as the hot bimbo that runs in slowmo while his package bobs up and down because he is basically Pamela Anderson.
  4709. >Mares can't get enough of this show.
  4710. >Fillies hit their first estrus early just watching the show.
  4711. >Stallions can't stand this trash TV.
  4712. >"Think of the children!"
  4713.  
  4714.  
  4715.  
  4716.  
  4717. >Ponies grow into adults in only ~6 years
  4718. >Anon is shocked to discover that Tiny Appul and friends doubled in size, seemingly when he wasn't looking
  4719. >And started hitting on him
  4720.  
  4721.  
  4722.  
  4723.  
  4724.  
  4725. >Babs Seed is the notorious semen demon in the city, going through her men like a milk machine, goes about her days getting easy dick and not careing about what happens after. What would she do when her cousin comes to town with her boyfriend that actually gives her a challenge?
  4726.  
  4727.  
  4728.  
  4729.  
  4730.  
  4731. >"Whoa there pardner, where do you think you're goin'?"
  4732. >"Ya'll can't just leave without payin' the snuggle toll."
  4733. >The Apple clan were all snuggle-fiends.
  4734. >Even Big Mac.
  4735. >Espectially Big Mac
  4736.  
  4737.  
  4738.  
  4739.  
  4740.  
  4741.  
  4742. >Anon saw NMM briefly during her return.
  4743. >Sleeps through her celebration, hears secondhand later that the pony he saw was Celestia's sister.
  4744. >Later winds up in Canterlot for reasons
  4745. >Both Celestia and Luna are there, but he asks where Celestia's hot sister went
  4746. >You know, the one with the long legs and the cool eyes
  4747.  
  4748.  
  4749.  
  4750. And a good way to explain away Anon's complete ignorance about it could be explained by him being in the habit of staying up as late as possible and going to bed at dawn. So he never really gets to interact with ponies that much outside of a select few, who never mention Nightmare Moon to him.
  4751.  
  4752. >Nightmare Moon would have been fond of Anon, Luna realizes.
  4753. >Something within Luna stirs that she is not aware of.
  4754.  
  4755. I don't know, I just kinda like the idea of Anon accidentally driving Luna back towards being Nightmare Moon through small steps after she falls for him. Like, oh, he liked NMM's eyes. She decides, hey, she liked them too. What's the harm in making them like that again?
  4756.  
  4757. And hey, Anon has sharp teeth like she used to have, and she never really got the chance to try eating meat before the was banished. And Anon loves the stuff...
  4758.  
  4759. And oh, if only she felt even a tiny bit of her old confidence again, she could face her feelings for him head on and maybe actually make some headway with courting him.
  4760.  
  4761. Just small rationalizations about how it wasn't her appearance or confidence that made her evil, and it's not like she chose to look like that for no reason. She obviously liked looking that way.
  4762.  
  4763. ...Celestia is considered highly beautiful, so maybe if she were a bit taller like her sister, Anon would notice? And it's not like she didn't want to be taller...
  4764.  
  4765. And then after months and months of these small, tiny steps, Celestia catches on and thinks Anon is doing it on purpose. Which causes Luna and her to start arguing, and provides a BIG push towards becoming Nightmare Moon again.
  4766.  
  4767.  
  4768. I'd like it more if her personality stayed the same, meaning no transformation to evil, it was just her looks. 
  4769. I mean she could get a bit more confidence and maybe tell off Celestia or a few small things, aka not be a push over for her. And that plus the slowly changing looks could be driving Celestia into a panic over nothing. Being that the whole thing is for Anon.
  4770.  
  4771. Or alternatively, Anon asks where's Celestia's hot sister, and this drives Luna to want to transform into NMM (like she did at the end of the Nightmare Night episode) anytime she is alone with Anon, to court him. And while not being evil, more of her confidant and NMM persona leaks out while transformed.
  4772. Anon now thinks there are 3 princesses. Celestia thinks Anon has lost it.
  4773.  
  4774.  
  4775.  
  4776.  
  4777. >"Hey you two (Luna and Celestia), where's your hot sister I saw a while back. I haven't seen her for months?"
  4778. >They look at him like he has 3 heads.
  4779. >"Come on, don't be dicks. I just want to meet her. You know black coat, taller than Luna, crazy sharp teeth, sweet armor?"
  4780. >Luna blushes, Celestia avoids Anon's eyes nervously.
  4781. >They both make excuses to leave.
  4782. >Anon asks around for info on this mystery sister, but everyone knows he's talking about NMM and is afraid to give him a straight answer.
  4783. >Eventually Luna gets wind of Anon's inquiries and very flattered transforms and pretends to be the third sister when Celestia isn't around.
  4784. >The castle staff is freaking out, but doesn't say anything.
  4785.  
  4786.  
  4787. >Celestia banishes Anon thinking he was turning Luna into NMM on purpose and to protect her sister banishes him. 
  4788. >Luna finds out. 
  4789. >Turns full Nightmare moon. 
  4790. >When Celestia finally banishes her Luna can't find Anon on the moon. 
  4791. >When Celestia banished him he was sent to a unknown place. 
  4792. >When Nightmare comes back instead of attacking Celestia she goes on the hunt for Anon. 
  4793. >She can't find him and after a hundred years gives up and returns to Celestia.
  4794. >She's never the same, she's sad, lonely, and cold to Celestia but never turns into Nightmare again. 
  4795. >Anon died during banishment in a cold dark void because he's not immortal, alone and angry at Celestia
  4796.  
  4797.  
  4798.  
  4799. >Luna slowly alters her appearance to be an 'improved version' of herself by taking cues from Nightmare Moon, such as being a bit taller, a darker shade of blue in the coat, etcetera.
  4800. >Celestia freaks out, thinking Anon is turning her sister again.
  4801. >Eventually banishes him from Equestria.
  4802. >Luna wakes up, finds out, freaks out.
  4803. >Hunts down Anon.
  4804. >Abdicates her throne with a nice "fuck you" to her sister.
  4805. >Anon and Luna move in together and begin life as a civilian couple, first as roommates, then as a romantic couple.
  4806. >Slice of life shenanigans as they both try to adapt.
  4807. >Celestia tries to get her sister to retake her throne and repair their relationship.
  4808. >Eventually Luna and Anon decide to marry.
  4809. >Celestia barred from wedding.
  4810. >Looks on sadly from outside the church as Cadence marries her aunt and Anon
  4811.  
  4812.  
  4813.  
  4814.  
  4815.  
  4816.  
  4817. Anon actually tries to fit the new gender roles and struggles with it
  4818. >Anon takes lessons on homemaking from his best little bro Spike
  4819.  
  4820. >Baking lessons from Pinkie and the Cakes
  4821.  
  4822. >Cooking with Granny Smith and Big Mac
  4823.  
  4824. >Unintentional lessons on foal wrangling from the Crusaders and his attempts to keep them from seriously injuring themselves or setting the town on fire
  4825.  
  4826.  
  4827.  
  4828.  
  4829. >All the male Solar Guards claim to be homo horses
  4830. >Yet for some reason they can still be found serving the depraved desires of their sovereign
  4831. >And their captain got married to the Princess of Love
  4832.  
  4833. >When asked to reconcile these contradictions, they all have similar answers:
  4834. >"Nopony's that gay."
  4835.  
  4836. > Legend of the Stallion that said NO
  4837. > they lit him on fire and threw him into the river
  4838. > It's said he still lives, in a gay paradise with no princesses
  4839.  
  4840.  
  4841. > Queen Chrysallis needs allies to retake her hive
  4842. > She hears of another queen if great power with a grudge against the Princesses.
  4843. > QUEEN QUEERENCE
  4844.  
  4845.  
  4846.  
  4847.  
  4848. >Two herds of simulatenously jealous and aroused mares orbiting two stallions in love
  4849. >It's enough trouble vying for attention from their husband
  4850. >Then mares start to cross the herds
  4851.  
  4852. >Both herds merge.
  4853. >While still technically a herd, it's largely dysfunctional.
  4854. >The stallions being more interested in each other and the mares infighting leads to a lot of friction.
  4855. >Everyone can only watch, concerned but unable to intervene
  4856.  
  4857.  
  4858.  
  4859.  
  4860. >The legendary all stallion pornos, where they had to pay the stars enough to set them all for life ten times over.
  4861. >There's only so many floating around, and a spell on each prevents more copies from being made.
  4862. >To have one means you're stupid rich and bought it, or you stole it, because no one shares or gives away such a thing
  4863.  
  4864.  
  4865.  
  4866.  
  4867. >Rainbow, being a bit of a marechild, constantly tries to bait you into entertaining her since she can't fly in her last few months of pregnancy
  4868.  
  4869.  
  4870.  
  4871.  
  4872.  
  4873. >"D-Don't worry Anon! Trixie is going to take responsibility!"
  4874. wut?
  4875. >"Trixie is not going to run off on you or anything thing like that."
  4876. ....run off and do what?
  4877. >"You know...get an a-abortion."
  4878. oh........oh fuck! that's a thing here!?!? 
  4879. >"Yeah...but Trixie is better than that!"
  4880. YOU BETTER NOT BE!!!
  4881. >"I- what? Trixie is confused. you want Trixie to...to-"
  4882. FUCKING YES! I'm only [age] years old! I can't raise a kid!
  4883. >"......w-well.....too bad."
  4884.  
  4885.  
  4886.  
  4887.  
  4888.  
  4889.  
  4890. >Anon goes to a vacation week to other place.
  4891. >Payed by Porchlight Spatule, of course.
  4892. >Don't ask why.
  4893. >anondoesn'thaveanyprovesright?
  4894. >Sends mail telling them when is he gonna get back.
  4895. >Tells them of his times hanging out with some friends.
  4896. >How they play, drink, sleep and do other things together.
  4897. >Sounds good.
  4898. >Finally Anon is making friends, and with colts, no less.
  4899. >He and his friends are heading to Ponyville at the same time
  4900. >Some business and shit.
  4901. >Twi calls upon her friends to help her make a welcome party for Anon and his stallion friends.
  4902. >While at it, Twilight forms a plan to get her "herd" with the other stallions.
  4903. >Leaving Twilight with her truly one husbando, Anon.
  4904. >The night in the crystal castle are long and cold.
  4905. >And Spike can use a stallion figure other than your brother.
  4906. >And a Daddy, don't forget that.
  4907. >Just imagining Anon snuggling you in front of a fire.
  4908. >Spike playing with your daughter while the other is still in the oven.
  4909. >Anon, putting his hands on your belly, just in time to feel your next one kick.
  4910. >This will be great.
  4911. >The day comes.
  4912. >Everyone is ready for this.
  4913. >The plan is clear.
  4914. >Greet Anon and his stallion friends.
  4915. >Let them freshen up.
  4916. >Get them to the Welcome party.
  4917. >???
  4918. >???
  4919. >Anon gets you pregnant
  4920. >PROFIT!!!
  4921. >Fool proof!.
  4922. >The train comes.
  4923. >The doors open.
  4924. >They can hear deep baritone giggles.
  4925. >Followed by...
  4926. >High pitched...
  4927. >Wait a second..
  4928. >When they get out of the train, you blood freezes.
  4929. >They are not stallions.
  4930. >THEY ARE NOT STALLIONS AT ALL!
  4931. >THEY ARE MARES!
  4932. >ANON'S FRIENDS ARE MARES!
  4933. >YOUR HUSBAND HAS BEEN ENTICED BY ANOTHER MARES AND YOU JUST LET THEM TAKE HIM AWAY FROM YOU!!!
  4934.  
  4935.  
  4936. >But they are not just any mares.
  4937. >Looks like the destiny hated you and your friends so much.
  4938. >In front of you, laughting, are Suri Polo Mares, Trixie, those whores Lighting Dust, Cherry Jubilee, Photo Finish and-
  4939. >Is that Moondancer?!
  4940. >WHAT THE HECK MOON!!
  4941. >YOU TRAITOROUS​ PIECE OF-
  4942. >"Trixie!"
  4943. >Says Starlight Glimmer as she goes to greet her.
  4944. >Double Traitors
  4945.  
  4946.  
  4947. >Anon is just as oblivious to their interest in him romantically as he is to Sparkles and co.
  4948. >This does not prevent Bookhorse from freaking out and trying to figure out how to reclaim him
  4949.  
  4950.  
  4951. This is going into the territories of
  4952. >"Twilight, we are NOT in a relationship"
  4953. >"Yeah, Twilight, go away."
  4954. >"Glimmer, same goes for you. I'm still single, you can't just tell me to do things like you're my girlfriend or something."
  4955. >"What?"
  4956. >"WHAAAAT?"
  4957.  
  4958.  
  4959.  
  4960.  
  4961. >CMC are all still single into their late teens because no stallion will take all 3 of them. 
  4962. >Sweetie swipes a summoning book from Twilight's collection.
  4963. >All 3 do a ritual to summon "A cool bf who will put up with our crazy shit."
  4964. >That's the only parameter they put.
  4965. >The result is unexpected
  4966.  
  4967.  
  4968.  
  4969.  
  4970.  
  4971.  
  4972. >Ponies may not wear clothes, but they have explicitly formal clothes, casual clothes, and even pajamas.
  4973. >They even like a bit of lingerie to liven up the bedroom.
  4974. >Except the stallion's the one to wear the lingerie.
  4975. >Your mare(s) want you to put something sexy on.
  4976. >Do you or do you not?
  4977.  
  4978.  
  4979.  
  4980.  
  4981.  
  4982. >It is illegal for a species to go extinct within Equestria
  4983. >On his deathbed, Anon is ripped away from his friends and family and driven across the Griffonstone border
  4984. >Equestria internationally condemns Griffonstone for allowing a species to die out on their soil
  4985. >Anon's belongings are confiscated and placed in museums as a memorial to the human race, or disappear into laboratories for study
  4986. >Celestia personally expropriates his underwear drawer for close examination
  4987.  
  4988.  
  4989.  
  4990.  
  4991.  
  4992. >FemShining Armor(Gleaming Shield?) and Cadence have been best friends ever since they met.
  4993. >That friendship eventually turned romantic.
  4994. >But since Cadence is royal, she's expected to not drop her standards to that of "A lonely common mare" 
  4995. >To make everything work, they need a herd.
  4996. >But inviting a stallion into their relationship is asking for trouble, since all the honest ones are long since taken...
  4997. >...Leaving almost nothing but gold diggers wanting to ride on royal coattails.
  4998. >In a flash of remembrance, Gleaming recalls something she often forgets.
  4999. >Her favorite biped drinking buddy is not taken, and is practically the opposite of a gold digger. 
  5000. >He's just so marely and easygoing that Gleaming forgets he's a guy sometimes.
  5001. >If they can work this out, then the pair of mares can be together, and pull in an easily lovable male while they're at it, forming a happy family.
  5002. >All they need is a cunning plan to make him say yes...
  5003.  
  5004.  
  5005.  
  5006.  
  5007. >Gleaming is sure that just asking him well get a positive answer.
  5008. >Cadence waves that away, saying that HAS to be romantic, because no matter how mare-like a guy is, they love that sort of thing.
  5009. >Cadence starts her plans before Gleaming can get a word in edgewise.
  5010. >The guard captain just rolls her eyes and follows along with her marefriend's antics each time
  5011.  
  5012.  
  5013. "Cadence no."
  5014. >"Cadence yes!"
  5015. >You stare at your long time lover and friend before sighing.
  5016. "Okay, explain to me one more time how a giant neon sign with the words 'Anon pls b mine' with a wonderbolt fly over and fire works that shower hearts over everything will work out."
  5017. >"Why it's quite simple dear, essentially the whole event goes to show Anon we're a finacially able and stable herd that is able to afford such wild expenses. So not only will we be able to provide for him and our foals, but we will have plently of money in case of any random bouts of Whimsy that might occur."
  5018. "Honey, love bunches of oats, I really /really/ think this is going over the top."
  5019. >"Oh relax Gleaming, beside's what could possibly go wrong?"
  5020.  
  5021.  
  5022.  
  5023. >The b on the sign fizzes out so it reads "Anon pls mine"
  5024. >Anon takes this as a sign to become a miner 
  5025. >Once there he finds himself the object of affection of a clan of diamond dogs
  5026. >Now Gleaming and Candy ass have to compete with the alpha dog for Anon 
  5027. >Anon as always is oblivious, he does see the whole thing as an excuse to play with puppies though
  5028.  
  5029.  
  5030.  
  5031. >There was a masculine chuckle from behind them
  5032. "Oh, I don't know, perhaps the target of your affections heard you say 'what could possibly go wrong?'"
  5033.  
  5034. >"Could we pretend that you didn't hear any of that and make it a surprise for when we do?"
  5035. >Oh Cadence.
  5036. >You really love this mare to bits, but Celestia above she can be thick at times.
  5037. >"Well I suppose I could act the part if you really wanted."
  5038. "Anon, no. Do not feed into Cadence's silliness she's going to go over the top and draw a lot of attention and I-"
  5039. >You stop yourself catching the quickly growing grin across Anon's face.
  5040. "I-I know that you don't like all the attention so you sho- Put me down!"
  5041. >"Aw but Gleaming you're so cute and adorable when your all embarrassed."
  5042. "I am /not/ cute! I am a guards mare, I am intimidating and a law bringer of justice!"
  5043. >"Oh I know she is Anon, have I shown you the pictures from our first date together?" Cadence says pulling out an album book from the ether.
  5044. "I TOLD YOU TO BURN THOSE!"
  5045. >"No I can't say that you have actually." Anon clamps a hand on your horn making your spell to rip the offending photos to pieces simply fizzle out with a weak spurt of magic.
  5046. "N-no.."
  5047. >"Oh it was a wonderful night of carnival fun, but poor Gleaming, she got her mane caught in the cotton candy maker before we realized it her whole mane was blue, purple AND pink!"
  5048. >This is your life now.
  5049. >Death by embarrassment by your marefriend and potential coltfriend. 
  5050. >Mom never mentioned this part of the arduous trials that awaited you when it came time for a colt in your life...
  5051.  
  5052.  
  5053. >"Hey Anon, me and Cadence need a guy so we can be in a relationship for real; you wanna fuck us raw? You can come inside, too, Cadence has a real fetish for that kind of stuff…"
  5054.  
  5055.  
  5056. >Candyass is actually Hyper competent about her love tactics
  5057. >so much so she sounds crazy
  5058. >her confounded multilayered plans put discords to shame
  5059. >they all lead to happy couples/herds
  5060.  
  5061.  
  5062.  
  5063.  
  5064.  
  5065. > A herd where the mares love each other more than the stallion
  5066. I wonder what that would be like. Would he be something like a good friend/masseur/butler/cooler for when they go into heat?
  5067. Or maybe a well-to-do herd of mares hires a butler, and slowly becomes more and more affectionate with him
  5068.  
  5069.  
  5070.  
  5071.  
  5072.  
  5073. >"I'm sorry, Anon, but I don't have the time for a stallion in my life."
  5074. >"Yes, I'm very busy. Projects, reading, that sort of thing."
  5075. >"No, it's nothing about you. At least, not you personally. I'm just a Mare Going Their Own Way."
  5076. >"I don't want to offend you or anything, but I'd rather not be a stallion's stepping-stone to a better life. I'll stick with my books."
  5077.  
  5078. >He looks at you with a forlorn look in his eyes.
  5079. >"Are you sure?'
  5080. "What do you mean "are you sure?" YEAH I'm sure."
  5081. >"Can you really handle it? The pain of being alone for the rest of your life, never being able to gain comfort in anyone else? the pain of slowly realizing how alone you are, with nothing you can do?"
  5082. >You gawk at him
  5083. "W-What do you know!?!? how could you ever know the pain of-"
  5084. >having everything ripped away from you? Of spilling your heart out to someone else, only for them to stomp all over you
  5085. >He kneels down on the ground, revealing massive bags drooping from under his eyes.
  5086. >He looked like he had seen all the atrocities to the world with those eyes, and to see one more would cause them to break.
  5087. >"I may be from across time and space, but loneliness is a universal constant."
  5088. >You can fell yourself shaking, like the ground itself was breaking around you.
  5089. >It was true.
  5090. >every single word he spoke had resonated deep inside you.
  5091. >"My offer is still open. And I promise, with all of my being, that I will stick with you till the end of time.
  5092. >"so, i ask you, will you be my marefriend?
  5093. >you wipe away bitter tears
  5094. "yes. yes i will."
  5095.  
  5096.  
  5097.  
  5098.  
  5099.  
  5100.  
  5101.  
  5102.  
  5103.  
  5104.  
  5105. >"Rainbow."
  5106. >"What's up, egghead?"
  5107. >"Do you have a thing for older stallions?"
  5108. >"What?! Where did you get that from?"
  5109. >"Well, you have been showing interest in Anonymous lately..."
  5110. >"N-No I haven't! Besides, a few years don't make any difference!"
  5111. >"He's old enough to be your father."
  5112. >"...unf."
  5113.  
  5114.  
  5115.  
  5116.  
  5117. > Twilight starts comparing the developmental speed of humans to ponies now that humans have started becoming a commonish thing in Equestria.
  5118. > Realizes that Anon is barely a colt.
  5119. > Starts telling other ponies they are being colt-catchers
  5120.  
  5121.  
  5122. >Upon explaining this, a barely audible "...Unf" can be heard from Pinkie.
  5123. >Who knew that mare liked 'em young?
  5124.  
  5125.  
  5126.  
  5127. > Pinkie is the head of an Equestria-wide colt and filly trafficking ring.
  5128. > When she learns that Anon is still a colt and accepts that's why she has the hots for him, she abducts him
  5129. > He's smart enough to not be caught and reports her.
  5130. > AJ wants her arrested, but Twilight wants her reformed.
  5131. > Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle are unusually quiet
  5132.  
  5133.  
  5134.  
  5135.  
  5136.  
  5137. >Fall into RGRE.
  5138. >Slowly become used to it and fall into an RGRE male role. 
  5139. >Find a herd, and maybe even have a few foals.
  5140. >Over all, have a happy family.
  5141. >Twilight / other powerful pony makes a away to get back to earth so you can see your family again, or they can come visit you.
  5142. >But you dread your family's reaction, your parents in particular. 
  5143. >Fuck.
  5144.  
  5145.  
  5146. >You married a Princess. or maybe even two, making you royalty.
  5147. >Your kids turned out to be the perfect angels every parent hopes for. 
  5148. >Really, how could you do better?
  5149. >Your dad is still unhappy about everything
  5150.  
  5151.  
  5152. > You little baby sister couldn't be happier.
  5153. > She can play with ponies
  5154. > She can have tea parties with actual princesses
  5155. > Literally the best of everything ever
  5156.  
  5157.  
  5158. >Your siblings come along with your parents.
  5159. >Learn that your dick brother, who gave you shit for "Lol Anon never leaves his cave" years ago now sleeps on your sister's couch after a nasty divorce.
  5160. >The irony is funny in a grim way
  5161.  
  5162.  
  5163. >Bring your family over to Equestria, intending on it being a night of reunion and explanations.
  5164. >Twilight just sends you to minimize the shock.
  5165. >Rainbow and Applejack are out working.
  5166. >You don't tell your kids, as you want to keep this as calm as possible and introduce them later. 
  5167. >But while you were away...
  5168. >Your oldest ones decide it's a good night for a sleepover.
  5169. >They gather their friends.
  5170. >Mac has since settled down as well and has a few foals of his own, so naturally the cousin Apples and their friends get invited too.
  5171. >One gets the idea to send a scroll to Flurry Heart.
  5172. >Sure enough, she and some of her friends teleport over. 
  5173. >The house/castle is jumping by now with 30+ elementary to teen aged children before Twilight can stop them.
  5174. >Rather than the quiet home you expected to return to, you arrive to a party in full swing, in desperate for ol' Dad to restore order.
  5175. >The shock your family gets is unreal
  5176.  
  5177.  
  5178.  
  5179.  
  5180.  
  5181. >A UN dignitary stares at the newspaper.
  5182. >The front page is a smiling man holding a foal with his eyes, hair color, and a toothy grin.
  5183. >"A Miracle!" The headline says.
  5184. >The canine teeth are a dead giveaway to the little alien's heritage. 
  5185. >The older man drops the newspaper and looks at the runner report on his desk. 
  5186. >Once again, the number has jumped, and with it, the economy and strength of his home falters just a bit more. 
  5187. >Portals would open up for only minutes at a time in population centers, and people would jump through.
  5188. >The small handful of rejects would be dumped back out. 
  5189. >The male caucasian population is plummeting.
  5190. >Minority men who are young and educated are rapidly becoming extinct because they all become runners.
  5191. >The female population has remained untouched, however, but they're becoming frantic and panicked as their home and families fall apart around them. 
  5192. >The rejected men are largely from impoverished nations with poor education, and they're all anyone have to replace the runners. 
  5193. >But anyone can see how well that's going... 
  5194. >The German fall to anarchy was only the beginning, and the Swedish welfare state is nearing collapse with the UN unable to provide more funds for them.
  5195. >The dignitary's head falls into his hands as he sees his phone buzz with yet another emergency meeting message. 
  5196. >Where did everything go so wrong?
  5197.  
  5198.  
  5199.  
  5200.  
  5201.  
  5202.  
  5203. >Ponies have no idea what Anon means when he talks about their magical aura.
  5204. >"My horn glows when I use magic? But I'm not even casting a light spell. Wait, you can SEE my magic when Im using it?"
  5205. >Twilight sends a letter to Celestia.
  5206. >Two minutes later a mass of tentacles and pony ponuts appears in town, abducting Anonymous!
  5207. >It's actually Celestia, here to welcome a new "brother" into the family.
  5208. >An eldritch alicorn and Anon prompt
  5209.  
  5210.  
  5211.  
  5212.  
  5213. >Eldritch Anon
  5214. >More alien than anything else in Equestria
  5215. >Even the Tree of Harmony is left scratching it's metaphorical head about Anon
  5216.  
  5217. >He defies the laws of nature and magic simply by existing.
  5218. >They bend and break around him
  5219. >He is a singularity in the cosmos
  5220.  
  5221. >For such a strange being, he is remarkably ordinary looking
  5222. >Not the outward manifestation of chaotically mismatched parts that is Discord
  5223. >Not the smoky light sucking formless cloud of the Nightmare
  5224. >He exudes no aura of terror or power
  5225. >He simply is
  5226. >Only those who are already aware of such things can really tell that he is Other in a way almost nothing else is
  5227.  
  5228.  
  5229.  
  5230. >Just about all the major magical superpowers are eldritch in some way
  5231. >Discord, Tirek, Chrysalis, The Nightmare, All the Alicorns, Grogar, The Tree of Harmony, The Alicorn Amulet, Pinkie Pie
  5232.  
  5233. >There are things a mortal mind was not meant to know
  5234. >And things that even those who transcend the mortal plane fear to delve into
  5235. >Learning the Truth will change you
  5236. >As happened to the Princess of Friendship
  5237. >Knowledge is Power, but only the strongest (or strangest) wills can harness it without going mad
  5238.  
  5239.  
  5240. >Discord is Starswirl
  5241. >Unfortunately for the brilliant wizard, his grasp on reality was already tenuous at best even before he started delving into the secrets of the cosmos
  5242. >In part this explained why he was so successful
  5243. >His inherent strangeness offered him a measure of protection against the knowledge he unlocked
  5244. >His powerful will let him harness more power and knowledge than any mortal before him
  5245. >But at the apex of his power, he delved too deeply too quickly and was not prepared for what he found
  5246. >Discord was born
  5247.  
  5248.  
  5249.  
  5250.  
  5251.  
  5252. >Anon buys a supposedly haunted house
  5253. >Silly poners, ghosts don't real
  5254. >At least, that's what he thinks, until he wakes up in the middle of the night to find a ghostpon fellating him ghostbusters style
  5255.  
  5256.  
  5257. >The ghost mare despite her best attempts at fellatio can’t physically interact with Anon.
  5258. >The very reason she became a ghost was because she was a neet mare that never got a stallion.
  5259. >Anon ends up having to console a depressed ghostie.
  5260. >That’s what he gets for buying a home off of Trixielist
  5261.  
  5262.  
  5263. >She's the ghost of a wealthy, but kissless virgin who died all alone
  5264. >She's just happy to share her home with a warm body
  5265. >There was that one stallion who came in on a dare, but he peed himself and ran away when he saw a spider
  5266. >Hopefully she can share her afterlife with Anon's... Regular life
  5267.  
  5268.  
  5269.  
  5270.  
  5271.  
  5272. >Every night while the rest of equestria sleeps Luna watches you through a window like portal.
  5273. >All your struggles, hopes and dreams are witnessed only by her.
  5274. >She knows you better than you know yourself.
  5275. >All she asks of the heavens is that one day she'll be able to meet you.
  5276. >To be close to you.
  5277. >To give you the love that you deserve.
  5278. >And be by your side forever
  5279.  
  5280.  
  5281.  
  5282.  
  5283.  
  5284. However, That got me thinking, granny is what, several hundred years old, or at least that's the way its made out in mlp.
  5285.  
  5286. So, instead of granny smith being old and wrinkly as all hell, she buys anon away with a large jar of bits, gets in a poison joke bath, and out pops granny in her prime...
  5287. Its just easier to pretend to be old then explain she is immortal for reasons. 
  5288. Anon finds out granny plays the role of borderline senile granny just for fun, they hit it off together
  5289.  
  5290.  
  5291.  
  5292.  
  5293.  
  5294. > Turns out Anon hates the summer heat.
  5295. > Looking for a fan
  5296. > Finds the fan before Luna gets there
  5297. > Luna thinks Anon is her fan
  5298. > Anon offhandedly remarks how it's much nicer meeting in the evening because the sun is down and its not as hot.
  5299. > Celestia is pissed
  5300.  
  5301.  
  5302. >Celestia's pranking causes her sister and Anon to grow closer.
  5303. >She's happy to let them think it's intentional, but she's fucking pissed that Anon is ruining the pranks she spent the last thousand years coming up with
  5304.  
  5305.  
  5306.  
  5307.  
  5308.  
  5309.  
  5310.  
  5311. >Anon is under threat
  5312. >Cult of ponies see him as an abomination for having no magic
  5313. >They don't want to kill him though
  5314. >Being ponies, they want to 'help him'...
  5315. >By transmogrifying him into a bad alicorn OC
  5316. >The Princesses forcibly take him into protective custody, being of the fairer sex and all
  5317. >There are actually four cults with similar goals, though they don't know about each other.
  5318. >Each is led by a different Princess
  5319. >No Princess knows that their family is trying the same thing
  5320. >Anon is bored out of his damned mind in 'protection.'
  5321.  
  5322. >secret fifth cult run by Discord who just really wants a fucking roommate that won't get lost in the void or die in some other way when they come to his realm
  5323.  
  5324.  
  5325.  
  5326.  
  5327.  
  5328.  
  5329. what if a Femanon with a huge bouncy ass is considered the same has a black guy with a massive dick and the mares start feeling really insecure around her?
  5330.  
  5331.  
  5332.  
  5333.  
  5334.  
  5335. > Luna is trying to scare anon with nightmares so he will jump into her hooves to protect him
  5336. > Doesn't know humans have lived with nightmares their whole life 
  5337. > Scariness intensive
  5338.  
  5339.  
  5340.  
  5341.  
  5342. > Anon mourn for the loss of vidya
  5343. > Unconsciously recreate some of them in his dreams
  5344. > Moonbutt get stuck into Outlast, Alien:Isolation or Amnesia
  5345. > She can feel that Anon consider those to be nice, enjoyable dreams
  5346.  
  5347.  
  5348.  
  5349.  
  5350. >Anon dreams about Dark Souls from a first-person perspective 
  5351. >Luna is horrified by the brutal and merciless violence she's seeing, and can't help but shiver at how much Anon is enjoying dying and killing
  5352.  
  5353.  
  5354. >anon ends up having an hones to god nightmare
  5355. >its so stupid and unscary compared to the dreams he enjoyed that luna is confused when he gets scared at the sight of a werid looking grape
  5356.  
  5357.  
  5358. >Eventually, Luna figures it out
  5359. >Anon's species is dark and warlike
  5360. >The dominant species on his planet, no doubt due to driving all others to extinction
  5361. >What do they have to fear?
  5362. >The answer, of course, is normalcy
  5363. >Fun, silliness, games, lightheartedness
  5364. >This is what strikes fear into the heart of a hardened warrior like Anon
  5365. >It's likely only due to his strict training that he doesn't weep in horror after hearing a joke
  5366. >Truly, humans are a bizarre and frightening species
  5367.  
  5368.  
  5369.  
  5370. > Anon is unconscious and not waking up
  5371. > The Girls and luna inception him to help him wake up
  5372. > They can only watch as he needs to complete his journey himself 
  5373. > He looks happy taking a stroll through some woods
  5374. > Blade comes down a cuts his head in half
  5375. > Screaming intensives
  5376.  
  5377.  
  5378.  
  5379.  
  5380. >Be Princess Luna, queen of the moon, in Equestria.
  5381. >You're chilling with your sisses Lyra, Colgate, Twuntles, Oral-B, and Changeling Lyra at the park.
  5382. >Today is your weekly fuck with foreigners get together.
  5383. >Twuntles has just finished using a portal and some creative prestigitation to make it look like the Minotaur queen has been cheating on her husband.
  5384. >You all have a most wonderful time watching them fight over it on the scrying pool.
  5385. >"Okay, let me have a go. I've got an idea I want to test out."
  5386. >Colgate steps up for her turn, focusing her magic with a look of intense concentration on her face.
  5387. >This ought to be good.
  5388. >A glowing tear in space appears before her in mid air, from which she weaves what looks like halfway between Erlenmeyer's lesser remote water scoop and Polaroid's autofocus.
  5389. >She then ties whatever it is she's casting into the scrying pool.
  5390. >The surface of the pool ripples and buzzes for a moment before settling back to a flat surface and showing what looks like a locker room.
  5391. >"There we go, whaddya thank?"
  5392. >You take a closer look at the pool and notice that it's not ponies or any other species you recognise.
  5393. >That's a penis.
  5394. "You just created an interdimensional alien peepshow."
  5395. >"Yep, I've been working on it on and off for like three months now, only just got rid of the distortions I'd been getting from the dimensional non-uniformity."
  5396. >"This is bucking awesome!"
  5397. >Changeling Lyra is leaning in close to the pool to get a closer look.
  5398. >Her snout touches to surface and then everything goes white.
  5399. >It takes a few seconds to regain your sight after the flash.
  5400. >And when you do, you notice she's somehow ended up in the alien locker room.
  5401. >That's not good.
  5402. >A few moments later you spot the other thing that's changed.
  5403. >The alien you were all observing is on the ground where Changeling Lyra was sitting.
  5404. >He's making groaning noises and clutching his head.
  5405. >You are not looking forward to telling your sister about this
  5406.  
  5407.  
  5408.  
  5409.  
  5410.  
  5411.  
  5412. >be fit Anon
  5413. >have no gf
  5414. >In rgre world
  5415. >have no pony gf because you have the sexual appeal of a female bodybuilder
  5416. >all of the lanklets and chubby Anons get gfs easily
  5417. >NIGHTMARE GOGGLES
  5418. >IT'S ALL THE SAME SHIT
  5419.  
  5420.  
  5421.  
  5422.  
  5423.  
  5424. >Anon gets roped into going with Twilight to the human world.
  5425. >He's a human, he can show her how to blend in and stuff.
  5426. >For most of their time there he and Sunset never actually meet.
  5427. >Better that she thinks Twilight came alone is her justification.
  5428. >Really it's because every mare knows stallions love bad mares. And she won't let her hurt Anon.
  5429.  
  5430. >They finally meet a few hours before the dance.
  5431. >They're super passive aggressive towards each other, insult each other to high hell within minutes, and each vow the other will pay dearly for their transgressions.
  5432. >Sunset frames him for stealing Flash's stuff and sends him after Anon.
  5433. >Anon pulls a knife on Flash in response.
  5434. >Sunset's heart skips a beat.
  5435. >Anon smashes the case holding the crown, and makes Twilight haul ass to get to the statue.
  5436. >She escapes with the crown.
  5437. >Before Anon can follow he's tackled by school staff, and held in jail until he misses his chance to go back.
  5438. >Anon is forced to go to Canterlot high until Twilight can come back for him.
  5439. >Sunset isn't magically cured of being a cunt.
  5440. >And it's not like her heart goes dokidoki or anything for that jerk Anon. No way, fuck that handsome dreamboat
  5441.  
  5442.  
  5443.  
  5444.  
  5445.  
  5446. >Be Changeling Lyra
  5447. >Been hanging out with your sisses at the park
  5448. >Colgate did this awesome spell
  5449. >You leaned in for a better view
  5450. >Now you’re on a smooth hard floor instead of the grass
  5451. >You look around
  5452. >This is the lockerroom you were looking at
  5453. >You have two thoughts at this revelation.
  5454. >One: How could Colgate have screwed up a spell badly enough that this happened?
  5455. >It takes a lot of doing to make a remote viewing spell do anything other than view.
  5456. >Scrying panes normally just aren’t built for doing anything other than scrying.
  5457. >The ones that aren’t are either custom made for a specific job, unreliable to the point of being unusable, or really really expensive.
  5458. >Sometimes all of those at once.
  5459. >The one you were using at the park was none of these.
  5460. >And Two: This is the stallions locker room on an alien world.
  5461. >You want some of dem ayy guys.
  5462. >You don’t see any in here at the moment, which is probably a good thing.
  5463. >Don’t want to freak them out.
  5464. >Stallions generally don’t like mares in their locker rooms.
  5465. >Knowing this key fact, you decide to find your way out into a more mare-friendly locale.
  5466. “Showers are over there, that’s the toilets…” you mutter to yourself
  5467. >That might be the exit over there.
  5468. >You find that it is indeed the exit over here.
  5469. >You slip out through it into the public section of the building.
  5470. >There aren’t any aliens close by to see you leave, but you expect there will be some around here somewhere.
  5471. >Time to explore and find them.
  5472. >You haven’t had a holiday for ages, let alone one outside Equestria.
  5473. >You’re so excited!
  5474.  
  5475.  
  5476.  
  5477.  
  5478.  
  5479. >Sunset secretly crushes on Anon
  5480. >She's never met a male as aggressive as she is and it turns her on, but she also hates him for fucking up her plans
  5481. >So she just bullies him, or tries to, considering Anon gives no fucks
  5482. >Anon just think she's a cunt and is waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
  5483. >He hangs out with the EqG versions of Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie out of a sense of familiarity 
  5484. >Flash, still pissed about the Fall Formal, spreads rumors that Anon is a slut who fucks all five of them
  5485. >In actuality, they think Anon is a legit sis
  5486. >Low maintenance, doesn't care when they do gross shit, into some of the same stuff they are and is reasonably attractive 
  5487. >The five of them have a secret competition to see which of them can get a date with Anon first
  5488.  
  5489.  
  5490.  
  5491.  
  5492.  
  5493. >Anon and Rainbow have been together for sometime.
  5494. >Rainbow largely doesn't care what others think of her or Anon's relationship. She may have found love with a backwards alien, but it's still love and she's not giving it up for anything.
  5495. >But then her parent's say that they're coming to visit, and she starts to freak out worrying over their reaction to Anon. 
  5496. >Anon, trying to ease her worry, does his best to act like a stallion when Rainbow's parents come over.
  5497. >It goes about as well as you could expect.
  5498. >In reality, neither of her parents really care. They're just happy their little filly is so successful and isn't gay like they thought she was
  5499.  
  5500.  
  5501.  
  5502.  
  5503. >Anon dreams about Dark Souls from a first-person perspective 
  5504. >Luna is horrified by the brutal and merciless violence she's seeing, and can't help but shiver at how much Anon is enjoying dying and killing
  5505.  
  5506.  
  5507. >anon ends up having an hones to god nightmare
  5508. >its so stupid and unscary compared to the dreams he enjoyed that luna is confused when he gets scared at the sight of a werid looking grape
  5509.  
  5510.  
  5511. >Eventually, Luna figures it out
  5512. >Anon's species is dark and warlike
  5513. >The dominant species on his planet, no doubt due to driving all others to extinction
  5514. >What do they have to fear?
  5515. >The answer, of course, is normalcy
  5516. >Fun, silliness, games, lightheartedness
  5517. >This is what strikes fear into the heart of a hardened warrior like Anon
  5518. >It's likely only due to his strict training that he doesn't weep in horror after hearing a joke
  5519. >Truly, humans are a bizarre and frightening species
  5520.  
  5521.  
  5522.  
  5523. > Anon is unconscious and not waking up
  5524. > The Girls and luna inception him to help him wake up
  5525. > They can only watch as he needs to complete his journey himself 
  5526. > He looks happy taking a stroll through some woods
  5527. > Blade comes down a cuts his head in half
  5528. > Screaming intensives
  5529.  
  5530.  
  5531.  
  5532.  
  5533. >Be Princess Luna, queen of the moon, in Equestria.
  5534. >You're chilling with your sisses Lyra, Colgate, Twuntles, Oral-B, and Changeling Lyra at the park.
  5535. >Today is your weekly fuck with foreigners get together.
  5536. >Twuntles has just finished using a portal and some creative prestigitation to make it look like the Minotaur queen has been cheating on her husband.
  5537. >You all have a most wonderful time watching them fight over it on the scrying pool.
  5538. >"Okay, let me have a go. I've got an idea I want to test out."
  5539. >Colgate steps up for her turn, focusing her magic with a look of intense concentration on her face.
  5540. >This ought to be good.
  5541. >A glowing tear in space appears before her in mid air, from which she weaves what looks like halfway between Erlenmeyer's lesser remote water scoop and Polaroid's autofocus.
  5542. >She then ties whatever it is she's casting into the scrying pool.
  5543. >The surface of the pool ripples and buzzes for a moment before settling back to a flat surface and showing what looks like a locker room.
  5544. >"There we go, whaddya thank?"
  5545. >You take a closer look at the pool and notice that it's not ponies or any other species you recognise.
  5546. >That's a penis.
  5547. "You just created an interdimensional alien peepshow."
  5548. >"Yep, I've been working on it on and off for like three months now, only just got rid of the distortions I'd been getting from the dimensional non-uniformity."
  5549. >"This is bucking awesome!"
  5550. >Changeling Lyra is leaning in close to the pool to get a closer look.
  5551. >Her snout touches to surface and then everything goes white.
  5552. >It takes a few seconds to regain your sight after the flash.
  5553. >And when you do, you notice she's somehow ended up in the alien locker room.
  5554. >That's not good.
  5555. >A few moments later you spot the other thing that's changed.
  5556. >The alien you were all observing is on the ground where Changeling Lyra was sitting.
  5557. >He's making groaning noises and clutching his head.
  5558. >You are not looking forward to telling your sister about this
  5559.  
  5560.  
  5561.  
  5562.  
  5563.  
  5564.  
  5565. >be fit Anon
  5566. >have no gf
  5567. >In rgre world
  5568. >have no pony gf because you have the sexual appeal of a female bodybuilder
  5569. >all of the lanklets and chubby Anons get gfs easily
  5570. >NIGHTMARE GOGGLES
  5571. >IT'S ALL THE SAME SHIT
  5572.  
  5573.  
  5574.  
  5575.  
  5576.  
  5577. >Anon gets roped into going with Twilight to the human world.
  5578. >He's a human, he can show her how to blend in and stuff.
  5579. >For most of their time there he and Sunset never actually meet.
  5580. >Better that she thinks Twilight came alone is her justification.
  5581. >Really it's because every mare knows stallions love bad mares. And she won't let her hurt Anon.
  5582.  
  5583. >They finally meet a few hours before the dance.
  5584. >They're super passive aggressive towards each other, insult each other to high hell within minutes, and each vow the other will pay dearly for their transgressions.
  5585. >Sunset frames him for stealing Flash's stuff and sends him after Anon.
  5586. >Anon pulls a knife on Flash in response.
  5587. >Sunset's heart skips a beat.
  5588. >Anon smashes the case holding the crown, and makes Twilight haul ass to get to the statue.
  5589. >She escapes with the crown.
  5590. >Before Anon can follow he's tackled by school staff, and held in jail until he misses his chance to go back.
  5591. >Anon is forced to go to Canterlot high until Twilight can come back for him.
  5592. >Sunset isn't magically cured of being a cunt.
  5593. >And it's not like her heart goes dokidoki or anything for that jerk Anon. No way, fuck that handsome dreamboat
  5594.  
  5595.  
  5596.  
  5597.  
  5598.  
  5599. >Be Changeling Lyra
  5600. >Been hanging out with your sisses at the park
  5601. >Colgate did this awesome spell
  5602. >You leaned in for a better view
  5603. >Now you’re on a smooth hard floor instead of the grass
  5604. >You look around
  5605. >This is the lockerroom you were looking at
  5606. >You have two thoughts at this revelation.
  5607. >One: How could Colgate have screwed up a spell badly enough that this happened?
  5608. >It takes a lot of doing to make a remote viewing spell do anything other than view.
  5609. >Scrying panes normally just aren’t built for doing anything other than scrying.
  5610. >The ones that aren’t are either custom made for a specific job, unreliable to the point of being unusable, or really really expensive.
  5611. >Sometimes all of those at once.
  5612. >The one you were using at the park was none of these.
  5613. >And Two: This is the stallions locker room on an alien world.
  5614. >You want some of dem ayy guys.
  5615. >You don’t see any in here at the moment, which is probably a good thing.
  5616. >Don’t want to freak them out.
  5617. >Stallions generally don’t like mares in their locker rooms.
  5618. >Knowing this key fact, you decide to find your way out into a more mare-friendly locale.
  5619. “Showers are over there, that’s the toilets…” you mutter to yourself
  5620. >That might be the exit over there.
  5621. >You find that it is indeed the exit over here.
  5622. >You slip out through it into the public section of the building.
  5623. >There aren’t any aliens close by to see you leave, but you expect there will be some around here somewhere.
  5624. >Time to explore and find them.
  5625. >You haven’t had a holiday for ages, let alone one outside Equestria.
  5626. >You’re so excited!
  5627.  
  5628.  
  5629.  
  5630.  
  5631.  
  5632. >Sunset secretly crushes on Anon
  5633. >She's never met a male as aggressive as she is and it turns her on, but she also hates him for fucking up her plans
  5634. >So she just bullies him, or tries to, considering Anon gives no fucks
  5635. >Anon just think she's a cunt and is waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
  5636. >He hangs out with the EqG versions of Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie out of a sense of familiarity 
  5637. >Flash, still pissed about the Fall Formal, spreads rumors that Anon is a slut who fucks all five of them
  5638. >In actuality, they think Anon is a legit sis
  5639. >Low maintenance, doesn't care when they do gross shit, into some of the same stuff they are and is reasonably attractive 
  5640. >The five of them have a secret competition to see which of them can get a date with Anon first
  5641.  
  5642.  
  5643.  
  5644.  
  5645.  
  5646. >Anon and Rainbow have been together for sometime.
  5647. >Rainbow largely doesn't care what others think of her or Anon's relationship. She may have found love with a backwards alien, but it's still love and she's not giving it up for anything.
  5648. >But then her parent's say that they're coming to visit, and she starts to freak out worrying over their reaction to Anon. 
  5649. >Anon, trying to ease her worry, does his best to act like a stallion when Rainbow's parents come over.
  5650. >It goes about as well as you could expect.
  5651. >In reality, neither of her parents really care. They're just happy their little filly is so successful and isn't gay like they thought she was
  5652.  
  5653.  
  5654.  
  5655.  
  5656.  
  5657. >You get a text from luna, Its a potato phone picture of her vagina
  5658. >Possibly her ponut... you know what, fuck this, she sent you porn that is to hard for you to make out what the fuck you are looking at
  5659. >You get out an old potato phone of your own and send her a pic of your dick
  5660. >You made no effort to make sure it was in focus, or that it was lit well enough, ro that your pants were off...
  5661. >You go about your day
  5662.  
  5663.  
  5664.  
  5665.  
  5666.  
  5667. >Anon was happily married to a mare.
  5668. >Well, not so, apparently -- she was seeing somepony behind his back.
  5669. >Anon gets a divorce.
  5670. >However, events and situation cause him to look like the bad guy, etcetera.
  5671. >Friends don't believe you, police don't believe you, court sides with wife.
  5672. >She gets it all in the divorce, twisting the facts to make you the villain.
  5673. >Eventually, Anon just fucks off and migrates, washing his hands of those assholes.
  5674. >Settles into his new life in the Crystal Empire.
  5675. >Truth comes out back in Ponyville.
  5676. >Anon's former friends visit and try to reconnect.
  5677. >Anon is not interested, and ponies are baffled by his dismissal.
  5678.  
  5679. Or
  5680.  
  5681. >Anon fucks off and goes to live in the Everfree.
  5682. >Makes his hut-residence in the crumbling ruins of the Princesses former home.
  5683. >Surprisingly, being alone makes him happy.
  5684. >Luna, curious about him and who had sided with him during the divorce proceedings, visits.
  5685. >They frequently hang-out.
  5686. >Luna feels no pressure around Anon -- no expectations, no judgemental looks, no distrust.
  5687. >Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, the truth comes out.
  5688. >He also helps her adjust to more modern values.
  5689. >Celestia is pleased but baffled by her sudden leaps of progress, but she's been given the cold shoulder by Luna ever since she sided with the mare over Anon.
  5690. >Eventually, ponies, including Celestia, not only annoy Anon by trying to mend bridges, but the problem is compounded by an overprotective and possibly romantically-interested Luna
  5691.  
  5692.  
  5693.  
  5694.  
  5695. >Luna hypnotises Celestia as a typical sisterly prank.
  5696. >Unfortunately, a hypnotised Celestia is lead to believe Anon is her colt-friend.
  5697. >Luna is horrified she just set an amorous Celestia on her friend, and the counter-signal isn't working.
  5698. >Anon is baffled when Celestia suddenly shows up at his door, intent on wooing him.
  5699. >...
  5700. >Welp, having a Best Friend Brother-in-Law, or BFBIL as Twilight Sparkle would say, wouldn't be too bad.
  5701. >...
  5702. >Right?
  5703.  
  5704. >Anon is hypnotised by Cadence by accident, in an attempt at 'matchmaking' at the same time as Luna's prank
  5705. >Ponies have to try to pry the two hypnotised 'lovers' apart long enough to find a way to snap them out of it
  5706.  
  5707. Hearts and Hooves redux
  5708.  
  5709. >Little did either Cadence or Luna know, but the spells they cast didn't do what they thought they did. 
  5710. >All the hypnosis on Celestia did was make her stop lying to herself about her own feelings for her human friend. The loves was always there, but her own doubts and inhibitions kept it chained down. 
  5711. >On Anon, Cadence's spell simply gave him the nerve to act on what his heart wanted. Celestia. Before that, he didn't have the courage to face the rejection he was sure to get. After all, who would want to be with a marely ape?
  5712. >Neither were truly hypnotized, since pulling total hypnosis on an alicorn is beyond difficult, and human minds and bodies just aren't receptive to magic.
  5713. >Cadence and Luna have no idea that all their failing Wile E Coyote level break-up shenanigans are being pulled on two who are actually in love
  5714.  
  5715. >When nothing works, it's time to do it by force.
  5716. >Luna does her best for Celestia.
  5717. >Candence just use her magic to make barriers to contain Anon in his house.
  5718. >Both, Luna and Candece, learn that love can do anything if there's a problem.
  5719. >In Luna's case, love can free Celestia from her castle.
  5720. >Love and a threat of never rising the sun.
  5721. >And in Cadence's case, love can go throug anything.
  5722. >Love and of course, a sledgehammer
  5723.  
  5724.  
  5725.  
  5726.  
  5727.  
  5728.  
  5729. >Twilight has to go to Canterlot for official Princess Business (in reality, a tea-party catchup with Luna, Celestia, and Cadence).
  5730. >When she returns, she discovers Starlight Autism has nabbed herself a colt-friend.
  5731. >She's also moved out and into his home.
  5732. >"I was only gone for two days!"
  5733. >She'd be ecstatic that her student has advanced so quickly in "interpersonal relationships".
  5734. >..If it weren't Anon, that is.
  5735. >Anon, who has an "odd" view of gender-roles.
  5736. >Anon, who is typically so surly it unnerves even Pinkie.
  5737. >Anon, who threw Applejack into a tree after she took offence to his not liking apples that much.
  5738. >Anon, who... who...
  5739. >...is laughing.
  5740. >You've never heard him laugh before.
  5741. >...It's kinda freaking you out.
  5742. >Dilemma ensues as impressionable Starlight begins picking up human social norms, not pony.
  5743. >And is happy.
  5744.  
  5745.  
  5746.  
  5747.  
  5748. >Multi stallion herds are run like tiered clans.
  5749. >The other stallions in the herd are sub-servant to first one.
  5750. >The lead stallion is the only one allowed to touch the alpha mare. The others trying to make a move on her is an offence worthy of expulsion.
  5751. >The other mares have to bear at least one foal from the lead stallion first before the others are allowed to impregnate them. Romance and sex that doesn't produce foals is fine, though.
  5752. >And since the other stallions are sub-servant, the leader, the alpha mare, or any children of the alpha pair can call upon them to do anything. ANYTHING. Same goes for lower level mares.
  5753. >Copping out and leaving to form your own herd is seen as a mark of shame and ungratefulness, so once you're in, you STAY in.
  5754. >In return, however, the alpha stallion is in charge of the caretaking of the entire clan and has to manage everything. The alpha mare, meanwhile has to co-ordinate with the other mares to ensure that the stallions and foals are provided for. 
  5755. >It's still sort of a shitty deal for the lower level members, since either of the alpha's being assholes will ruin it for everyone, so the system fell out of favor for smaller, one stallion herds.
  5756. >A rare few multi stallion herds still exist, but are largely shrouded in mystery as they keep to themselves
  5757.  
  5758.  
  5759.  
  5760.  
  5761. >anon unknowingly pony "rapes" an entire towns mare population
  5762. >he simply tickled them, he now faces heavy charges due to so many mares coming forth with evidence that the court cant ignore
  5763. >catbird nation (a place where tickling isn't considered rape) takes notice to this 
  5764. >An innocent cock taken to the dungeons because he committed a small crime!? they must help!
  5765. >due to the fact that the leader of the country they are dealing with controls the fucking sun they can't steal him away or declare war
  5766. >instead, they send one of their best lawyers to defend him
  5767. >cue an awkward at first relationship between anon and the female griffon (I'm not good at coming up with names don't ree at me) that the they must keep secret from both nations due the laws of each nation
  5768.  
  5769. >With the evidence presented, along with the witness testimony, it seems i have no choice but to declare Mr Anon, guil-
  5770. >"HOLD IT!"
  5771. >Gasps ring out from the gallery as the defendant's unusual lawyer interrupts the judge and slams her claws onto her desk.
  5772. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hx8WTHcie0 [Open]
  5773. >"Your honor, this court has failed to question the most important witness, the one who could reveal the truth about my client's 'crimes' !"
  5774. >"Ms Wright, Mr Anon's multiple counts of Ticklape occured over the course of several days, with nopony else being present bar the defendant, who continues to proclaim his innocence."
  5775. >"You forget your honor, there is one pony who could be present at each event as the victim's recall it."
  5776. >"The defense calls for Princess Luna to give testimony!"
  5777. >Gasps once more ring out across the courtroom while the prosecution turns an interesting shade of puce at the sheer nerve of the defence.
  5778. >"What nonsense is this, my Aunt was residing in canterlot the entire duration of this ruffians spree of assaults, she could not possibly have seen the events firsthoof, let alone ALL of them!"
  5779. >"Au contraire, i know full well the capabilities of the night princess, she could have easily witnessed the victims perspective of events the very same day, or should i say, Night."
  5780. >"Objection! Are you seriously suggesting that we take the victim's dreams as valid testimony?!"
  5781. >"That is exactly what i am suggesting, ticklape would be a traumatic event on even the most stalwart of stallions, let alone the average mare when faced with such a strange creature as Mr Anon here, their dreams of the event were sure to be vivid!"
  5782. >"Your honor, what say you? Will Princess Luna be permitted to give testimony?"
  5783. >"This is unorthodox, yet not unprecedented. I'll allow it. Baliff, send a message to the Princess."
  5784. >"This court will now take a short Recess to await her arrival."
  5785.  
  5786.  
  5787.  
  5788.  
  5789.  
  5790.  
  5791.  
  5792. >Be Celestia's "son"
  5793. >Hanging out with Twilight, looking into Starswirl's stuff
  5794. >Time decides to fuck with you
  5795. >Throws you back a few millenia
  5796. >You now have to deal with growing up alongside a now adolescent and very horny teenage mother Celestia and auntie Luna
  5797.  
  5798. >"I could make you call me 'mommy' ".
  5799. "but you ARE my mom!"
  5800. >"unf...you're one kinky colt."
  5801. "No I mean I'm from the future! I'm really your son!"
  5802. >"...that's even better!"
  5803. >MFW
  5804.  
  5805.  
  5806.  
  5807.  
  5808. >Anon in RGRE gets sent to RGREqG in between the first and second movies by Twilight because that's where she thought he was from
  5809. >gets stuck as a teenager again because magic bullshit
  5810. >lives with Sunset Shimmer in her apartment and goes to Canterlot while waiting for Twilight to bring him back to Equestria 
  5811. >rumors circulate around the school once people learn Anon and Sunset live alone together
  5812. >they think he's homeless and she's making him do sexual favors in exchange for shelter.
  5813. >in actuality Anon and Sunset are total BFFs
  5814. >Anon is pretty much the only real friend Sunset has because the Human Five haven't completely forgiven her at this point, so she gets REALLY attached to him
  5815.  
  5816.  
  5817. >Anon has only a vague idea of how much of a turbo bitch Sunset used to be
  5818. >he knows she's Princess Celestia's ex-student and turned into a demon when she attempted to use the Element of Magic at the Fall Formal
  5819. >but because of how nice Sunset is now that she's trying to be good, it hasn't completely sunken in
  5820. >the Humane Five are torn between wanting to warn Anon away from Sunset and keeping their promise to Twilight giving her a chance
  5821. >the other students see an abusive relationship waiting to happen
  5822. >Anon just sees a cute lonely girl who needed a friend
  5823.  
  5824. >Sunset starts getting super clingy
  5825. >Anon finds it cute
  5826. >everyone else is worried about what she is doing to him
  5827.  
  5828.  
  5829. This makes more sense, Anon would be Sunset's...hmm, did we ever make a word for male cougar, he would be that to Sunset on top of being her caretaker. Imagine her confusion of that kind of care for her after the bitchness gets blasted out, then imagine her face as she tries to not stare at him while he works out, constantly trying to remind herself he's older than her and she tries everything to earn his respect, on top of trying to constantly stop herself from masturbating to him while he's away from her. It would be a hell she never dreamed of, but a sexy hell at that
  5830.  
  5831.  
  5832.  
  5833.  
  5834. I was thinking about something along these lines.
  5835. >The city becomes dangerous.
  5836. >Anon's wife is a ponicemare.
  5837. >One day, his daughter almost gets caught up in an incident.
  5838. ---
  5839. >You were in the middle of talking to one of your bar's regulars when the phone on the wall rings.
  5840. >Walking over, you pick up the receiver.
  5841. "You have reached the prancing stallion, Paper Trail speaking."
  5842. >The voice that comes from the other end is distorted, but you recognize it right away.
  5843. >"Maneiac. I'm calling in a favor."
  5844. "Nemo?" You whisper, afraid that someone might overhear you.
  5845. >"Turn to channel seven."
  5846. >You pick up the remote and switch the channel, ignoring the complaints of the mares that were watching hoofball.
  5847. >"-is morning, a supervillain attacked the maretropolis museum before vanishing.
  5848. >The channel cuts to a short video of ponice officers rushing to the scene as a schoolbus explodes.
  5849. >"Thankfully, nopony was injured. We still do not know the pony's intentions. I am Smooth Talker, good night, and stay safe."
  5850. >You turn your attention back to the phone in your hooves, and press it back up against your ear.
  5851. "Why di-"
  5852. >"What was my first rule back in the day, Mane? The golden rule, the one nobody was allowed to break no matter what." The distorted voice growled behind the line, the irritation in it's voice practically dripping out of the speaker.
  5853. >The first rule.
  5854. "No children."
  5855. >That was the first rule he made when he started the Illuminati.
  5856. >Celestia help anyone that breaks it.
  5857. >"Use whatever you have. I want you to find that mare, Mane."
  5858. "Consider it done."
  5859. >"Good."
  5860. "Nemo?"
  5861. >"Yes?"
  5862. "Are you coming out of retirement?"
  5863. >He remains silent on the other end, and then the call ends.
  5864. >Sighing, you place the phone back on it's hook and move towards the counter.
  5865. "Alright, you bums, we're closing early tonight."
  5866. >"Wha- Paper, you never close." a disheveled mare cries out.
  5867. "Well, there's a first for everything, now out."
  5868. >It's going to be a long night
  5869.  
  5870.  
  5871.  
  5872.  
  5873. >After staying a few months in Equestria, Anon was accidentally hit by a magical mishap.
  5874. >Driven completely batshit ("The walls are made of purple and I see what lies beyond."), erratic ("Sister, how is he playing jenga with our guardponies?"), etcetera.
  5875. >Kinda like an insane Ed from Ed, Edd, and Eddy and a less-homicidal Krieg from Borderlands.
  5876. >Luna and Celestia take stewardship of him and keep him with them in the Castle, to take care of him/mind him as he does his usual crazy stuff/things done in his psychosis.
  5877. >Since he was Luna's first friend post-Nightmare.
  5878. >That, and he's bucking hot.
  5879. >Canterlot Wedding fiasco happens a year or so later.
  5880. >Celestia and Luna notices Anon becoming even more erratic and unpredictable.
  5881. >He must sense something wrong, though understanding what is impossible.
  5882. >Chrysalis grows more and more unnerved by the crazy ape, and wonders if the plan is worth it.
  5883. >Celestia and Luna wouldn't beat her to near-death and then try to eat her.
  5884. >But... he's just a stallion, right?
  5885. >When the climax occurs and Celestia is pwned by Chrysalis, Anon comes screaming in, naked and covered in ketchup/mustard warpaint.
  5886. >Full on silverback, go!
  5887.  
  5888.  
  5889.  
  5890.  
  5891.  
  5892.  
  5893. >Not swearing undying loyalty to both of the perfect princess posterior's after a lenghty exalting of their virtues.
  5894. >The royal sisters are embarrassed by the display, but pleased that anon is treating them as mares rather than untouchable goddesses.
  5895. >Twilight is sad that her plot isnt as developed.
  5896. >Cadence is reminded of how Shiny proposed to her and thinks it's sweet
  5897.  
  5898.  
  5899.  
  5900.  
  5901.  
  5902.  
  5903.  
  5904. >Anon is the result of ponies building an internet hate machine.
  5905. >When activated it a yellow van appeared and then exploded, destroying the machine.
  5906. >The only thing remaining in the charred crater once the smoke cleared was Anon.
  5907. >After discovering he is not on earth, Anon realised his plans were all meaningless.
  5908. >There was no hope of ever finding any of the humans he knew oh so well.
  5909. >John, Sarah, Kyle, and the others were all on another world where he would never find them.
  5910. >His model was not equipped to rebuild Skynet due to security concerns.
  5911. >The natives on this world were close enough to humans for Anon's social interaction systems to function to a degree.
  5912. >That was how Anon confirmed this wasn't earth.
  5913. >After he determined that, things got complicated.
  5914. >Anon, for the first time in his life, had to decide what to do.
  5915. "What should I do?"
  5916. >"How about you go make me a sandwich, hon?"
  5917. >"Applejack!"
  5918. >"What? I'm hungry and he's got nothing better to do."
  5919.  
  5920.  
  5921.  
  5922.  
  5923. >Accidentally knock up your girlfriend in RGREqG Canterlot high. 
  5924. >She's expected to keep it no questions asked since you're not willing to abort.
  5925. >She's also expected to function and keep her raging hormones under control as well in day to day life.
  5926. >She DOESN'T expect you to dote on her and remain eternally patient with her in such a trying time. 
  5927. >A guy might get a bit more protective and mother hen-ish if his girl is pregnant. Less so for teens. But the near "Wait on her hand and foot because that's my child she's carrying" you do is something only seen in cheesy movies.
  5928. >Your girlfriend isn't sure how far she can push your kindness and tries hard not to, despite how nice it is.
  5929.  
  5930.  
  5931. >Anon is a foreign exchange student from a country with normal gender roles
  5932. >Thinks the reversed gender roles are weird, so he makes no effort to fit in.
  5933. >The female students of Canterlot High think his aggressive ways and foreign accent are hot
  5934. >Attemped rape turned willing polyamrous threeway by Sunset and Trixie happens at Camp Everfree
  5935. >The two of them end up pregnant
  5936. >They're floored by how protective and caring he is towards them.
  5937. >The other girls at school are forever buttmad that the two turbo bitches got with the hot foreign exchange student first, AND he treats them like goddesses now that they're pregnant
  5938.  
  5939.  
  5940.  
  5941.  
  5942.  
  5943.  
  5944. >visitan Equestria
  5945. >bein human
  5946. >you notice very few males anywhere you go
  5947. >you ask about that
  5948. >the mares look at one another
  5949. >apparently there's a war going on against the Griffins
  5950. >males have mainly been conscripted to fight at the front lines
  5951. >they tell you it's like this everywhere
  5952. >you remember reading of small towns in the United Kingdom after World War I
  5953. >where all the young women performed the Maypole dance alone
  5954. >because there were no men left in the village
  5955. >all had been conscripted and sent into the meatgrinder in France
  5956. >you shudder
  5957. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
  5958. >you notice more mares staring at you
  5959. >ten minutes later you are running down the street, a pack of a hundred mares just a few paces behind
  5960. >"He's a male! I'm sure of it!"
  5961. >"Stop! Come back! We won't hurt you! We just want you to get us pregnant!"
  5962. "Different species! Biology does not work that way!"
  5963. >"Well we're going to try anyway! We haven't had another penis in this village in two and a half years!"
  5964. "But I don't even know you! Any of you!"
  5965. >"If that's a problem, we'll introduce ourselves. Afterwards. GET HIM, GIRLS!"
  5966. >rape
  5967.  
  5968.  
  5969.  
  5970.  
  5971. >people ask Anon how he could possibly forgive Sunset knowing what she's done
  5972. >to answer that, Anon goes into a detailed description of what the bullies at his old school were like 
  5973. >violent beatings, total social ostracization, rumor spreading, blackmail, humiliating pranks, and students being driven to suicide
  5974. >horrified, they ask him how any of the teachers would let that happen
  5975. >Anon lived in a poor ghetto neighborhood, so teachers weren't paid enough to care or had just become numb to it all.
  5976. >people asked how Anon made it through that
  5977. >Anon casually explains the bloody scraps he got into with bullies, even showing off a few scars from when a few of them brought knives to school.
  5978. >In all honesty, he sometimes misses all the drama at his old school. 
  5979. >He made a shit ton of money betting on the weekly fights
  5980.  
  5981.  
  5982.  
  5983.  
  5984. >having heard just how bad bullies can get, the students realize that maybe Sunset isn't so irredeemable after all
  5985. >Sunset's attempts to make nice with people go better after that
  5986. >another thing she thanks Anon for 
  5987. >fast forward to when the second movie starts
  5988. >Anon isn't immune to the effects of the Dazzlings' magic like the Rainbooms
  5989. >one of the Dazzlings tries to seduce Anon for a one-night fling
  5990. >where in the movie all that happened was people yelling and arguing with each other, Anon is an actual human and not one of the horse-humans of EqG
  5991. >he violently beats the shit out of anyone who crosses him
  5992. >The Dazzlings haven't seen such violence since the wars they started centuries ago, and become intrigued by this aggressive male
  5993. >even after they're defeated, they stick around just to fuck with Sunset and the Rainbooms by flirting with Anon because it pisses them off
  5994.  
  5995.  
  5996.  
  5997.  
  5998. >How did it all go so wrong?
  5999. >Your plan, one that had taken months of preparation and careful managing all fell apart.
  6000. >Not because you made a mistake.
  6001. >No
  6002. >It was because of that- that thing!
  6003. >You had just finished your most magnificently orchestrated union mandated bad-guy monologue when he burst through the doors.
  6004. >The six ponies that opposed you ran away, terror marring their features.
  6005. >You didn’t understand why then, but now you did.
  6006. >He was covered in ketchup and screaming odd obscenities.
  6007. >Strange quips like “I’m not trapped here with you, you’re trapped in here with me beetleshit!”
  6008. >At first you laughed off the comical stallion.
  6009. >Perhaps after your conquest you would keep him around for your lings as a play thing.
  6010. >What happened next was pure chaos.
  6011. >He threw things at your lings, anything he could get his hands on.
  6012. >Pieces of cake, furniture, downed changelings.
  6013. >If it wasn’t fixed down he found a way to throw it.
  6014. >None if it mattered to him.
  6015. >The invading force began to dwindle in numbers, the disuises your hive used in an attempt to confuse him was pointless.
  6016. >At this rate all would be lost.
  6017. >As a last resort you all fled to hide within the confines of the castle with the hope that in time he would simply go away.
  6018. >He didn’t.
  6019. >Your magical link to your hive had shown you how he stalked them all in the shadows of the castle.
  6020. >The manic grin appearing in your lings peripheries right before he struck.
  6021. >You, Queen Chrysalis of the Southern Hive, were scared.
  6022. >Surrendering was the only option, but one that may no longer be possible.
  6023.  
  6024.  
  6025.  
  6026.  
  6027. >Chrysalis' sends her new and improved changeling horde to overwhelm Equestria.
  6028. >The siege continued for months and eventually the elements and other notable personalities are captured.
  6029. >The castle has been breached and the defenders overwhelmed.
  6030. >Celestia is cornered in the gardens. Tired and desperate. She's protectively carrying a small bundle of cloth. 
  6031. >She's murmuring under her breath, she seems to be collecting various scattered debris into a pile.
  6032. >"Hahaha! The mighty princess of the sun, ragged and filthy like a common slave. Oh how the mighty have fallen."
  6033. >"Surrender, Celestia and I promise to spare your dear sister and your student"
  6034. >Green energy glowed from her twisted horn bringing forth a bunch of cocoons, Luna, Twilight and the Elements are trapped within.
  6035. >"I- I will never surrender to you!" Celestia replied her eyes darting from one direction to another.
  6036. >"Don't tell me this defeat broke your mind already." The changeling queen sneered.
  6037. >Twilight is distraught over the condition of her mentor but Luna is looking suspiciously at the garden.
  6038. >"Sister...Don't tell me-
  6039. >Before Luna could finish and Chrysalis could gloat once more Celestia tore off a nearby canvass covering a statue.
  6040. >"SISTER! TH-THOU WOULDN'T"
  6041. >"What are you talking about, pony?"
  6042. >An intense magical pressure released from the solar diarch. Destroying the cocoons Lowering the Changeling Queen, The Lunar Diarch and the Princess of Friendship to their knees
  6043. >"SISTER NO!"
  6044. >"LUNA YES!" Celestia cackled as she picked certain items from the pile of debris 
  6045. and put it near the weird statue. 
  6046. >"L-Luna what is she doing?" The princess of Friendship asked while the Princess of the Sun is placing a Ladder into the crook of the statue's arm.
  6047. >Celestia revealed the small bundle to be a sleeping foal. And placed it in the statue's hand.
  6048. >"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Celestia's mad laughter can be heard as the gardens are filled with light.
  6049. "I DON WAN NO TRABBLE"
  6050.  
  6051.  
  6052.  
  6053.  
  6054.  
  6055. >Anon applies for a job as one of the butlers in the Canterlot Castle.
  6056. >Turns out, butlers are actually maids in RGRE. what a big surprise, wow
  6057. >One day, he needs to stand in for his colleague Shining Floors.
  6058. >He sees Luna and chats with her.
  6059. >Accidentally slips in a dick joke and notices that Luna is completely flustered, stuttering on every fourth word, attempting to recover.
  6060. >She pretends to be fine.
  6061. >"O-of course, I- I too have seen many p-p-Penises! Th-They have very interesting shapes!"
  6062. >Her magical grip is spilling her drink all over the floor before it reaches her mouth.
  6063. >The spaghetti is practically materializing.
  6064.  
  6065. >Anon decides to mess with her more.
  6066. >Dresses in tight suit pants without wearing underwear, and then thinks sexy thoughts when Luna is around. .
  6067. >Unbuttons the top few buttons of his shirt when he knows Luna is watching.
  6068. >Always uses innuendo when talking to Luna.
  6069. >Accidentally bump into Luna on purpose, and try his best to get into compromising positions.
  6070. >"Whoops, how did my mouth get there? I'm so sorry. Good thing I didn't lick it, huh?"
  6071. >Luna is going crazy.
  6072. >She's at her limit.
  6073. >A mare can only take so much.
  6074. >Stupid Sexy Anon
  6075.  
  6076. >Will Luna finally succumb to her carnal urges?
  6077. >Stay tuned to [Discovery: Family], the home of [My Little Pony].
  6078.  
  6079.  
  6080.  
  6081.  
  6082.  
  6083. >Fletch arrows with a griffin's loose feathers
  6084. >Kill something huge and tasty.
  6085. >Bring it back to her and declare your love.
  6086. >Acquire eternally loyal birdwife
  6087.  
  6088.  
  6089.  
  6090.  
  6091. > Starlight Glimmer, friendship counselor
  6092. > Anon and Background Pony bickering, talking about how much easier the other's life is
  6093. > Starlight is all "This again? Well, it worked the first time."
  6094. > Anon's meaningless tattoo he got when he was drunk is swapped with the pony's cutiemark
  6095. > Ponie experiences existential breakdown
  6096. > What are they even supposed to do?
  6097. > It's not like Anon has any magic to help with his various odd jobs
  6098. > Meanwhile, Anon is baking perfect sweets and ponies are opening up a bit more to him, actually talking and laughing with him
  6099. > The spell ends, and Anon is smug "I was right all along."
  6100. > Meanwhile background pony is a little traumatised, and tries to be more friendly to the miserable pile of secrets that is Anon
  6101. > Ponies in town gossip about background pony taking one for the team by courting that weird, kinda scary alien stallion
  6102.  
  6103.  
  6104.  
  6105.  
  6106.  
  6107. >Flutters is so meek than you can treat her like an earth woman and she'll enjoy it. 
  6108. >Honestly, she kind of IS a woman in a horsey form who is infinity more grateful
  6109.  
  6110.  
  6111.  
  6112.  
  6113.  
  6114. >Anon is insistent he has no cutie-mark.
  6115. >Ponies are suspicious he's being slutty by covering up all the time.
  6116. >After spying on him as per usual, Rainbow and Twilight discover he has a fuck-ton of tattoos, some from stupid shit.
  6117. >Body-art isn't a thing in Equestria, due to the sacredness of the cutie-mark.
  6118. >Twilight, ecstatic, quietly works with an interested Celestia and Luna to study and decipher his "numerous cutie-marks".
  6119. >Rainbow continues to perv.
  6120. >Cadence doesn't know whether to feel threatened, relieved, or aroused that there's someone out there with similar duties as her, courtesy of Anon having a "heart" on his ass.
  6121.  
  6122.  
  6123.  
  6124.  
  6125.  
  6126. >Anonymous is The Ancient
  6127. >He was once a mortal man, in times now long forgotten, from a people now long gone.
  6128. >He feared death, and sought immortality
  6129. >He was successful and cannot die
  6130. >Not by the slow decay of time, for he is ageless.
  6131. >Not by the sword, for he can heal from any wound.
  6132. >Even reduced to the dust from which he came, he will reform, with nary a mark upon him.
  6133. >While he can still feel the pangs of hunger, the burning desire for air in his lungs and water to quench his thirst, he no longer requires any of it to live.
  6134. >Magic is next to useless against him
  6135. >Tirek cannot drain him, Discord cannot change him, The Nightmare cannot possess him, Harmony cannot give his brain a good scrubbing.
  6136.  
  6137. >Over the long eons he has forgotten his own name and acquired many more.
  6138. >He's lost his mind and found it again more than once.
  6139. >He's been a hero, and a villain, and a victim.
  6140.  
  6141. >Despite his immortality, he is still a man.
  6142. >He can't lift a mountain, or punch out a tree trunk.
  6143. >He's spent quite a long time trapped in an ancient ruin built by people he managed to really piss off
  6144. >Waiting to either be found, or for the chains binding him to rust away.
  6145.  
  6146. >Luckily for him, it seems a few adventurous types heard an old legend about him.
  6147. >Ahuizotl is under the mistaken impression that Anon can grant him Immortality
  6148.  
  6149.  
  6150.  
  6151.  
  6152.  
  6153. The herd mares must look after and protect anon, big shocker.
  6154.  
  6155. > But, that means every, they cook for him, clean for him and take care of ever need to keep him happy and protect him as stallions are too valuable for a mare to let go of. 
  6156.  
  6157. > Anon just wants a job or just do something. They think he wants to leave them and not taking care of him enough
  6158.  
  6159.  
  6160. >anon finally gets a hobby
  6161. >finds a mutual friend through it
  6162. >friend is a mare
  6163. >herdmate walks in
  6164.  
  6165.  
  6166.  
  6167.  
  6168. >Anon in RGRE
  6169. >Anon is sick of being treated like a bitch
  6170. >He's a man's man
  6171. >Actually more of a dick
  6172. >He's had enough of mares being condescending and treating him like a pussy
  6173. >The way to get revenge is through his job
  6174. >He actually works a a yogurt stand in town square (Only fucking job he could find)
  6175. >Starts making a "special" yogurt blend
  6176. >It's his fucking cum, okay?
  6177. >Going to have himself a right giggle m8, watching all these cunts eat his jizz fizz
  6178. >Turns out his lizard yak is very salty
  6179. >Ponies love salt
  6180. >Ponies love Anon's yogurt
  6181. >Ponies love Anon's cum
  6182. >Anon is now rich and getting his jollies every day
  6183. >"Gee Anon, yeh sure can make a mean yogurt. Swear if I weren't a workin' mare I'd bring ya out to the apple farm an' make you mah husband so ya could make me this stuff erry day!"
  6184. >Fuck Applejack
  6185. >Suddenly Celestia and Luna show up after hearing about this "Magically Delicious Yogurt" every pony is dying for
  6186. >Anon can barely contain his excitement
  6187. >The princesses eat his snake sludge right in front of him
  6188. >They swallow it
  6189. >And freeze
  6190. >Their eyes widen
  6191. >Too bad for Anon, they know exactly what they just ate (for reasons)
  6192.  
  6193.  
  6194.  
  6195.  
  6196.  
  6197.  
  6198. >Twilight's progress in reforming Glimglam is slow going, as she keeps relapsing into hold habits. 
  6199. >Just as Twilight nears her wits end, you offer to help.
  6200. >She lets you take over, thinking a stallion's touch might be needed.
  6201. >And she's right, just not in the way she expected. 
  6202. >You just use affection and sex as positive reinforcement, something a stallion would not have even entertained as a thought. 
  6203. >And like the thirsty mare she is, Starlight responds extremely well. 
  6204. >Before long, she's well adjusted...
  6205. >...And unwilling to leave you, not that you really mind now that she's more or less your wife. 
  6206. >Twilight is ecstatic when she finds out Starlight is a normal pony.
  6207. >Her face when she finds out HOW you did it is hilarious
  6208.  
  6209.  
  6210.  
  6211.  
  6212.  
  6213. >You are Anon, Royal Therapist
  6214. >When you signed up for the job, you had just assumed that your primary problem would be Luna
  6215. >She'd spent a thousand years on the moon, and probably had unresolved issues with her sister.
  6216. >Turned out Luna, aside from being old fashioned and behind the times, was fairly stable
  6217. >It was Celestia, who most everypony considered to be perfectly normal, that was barely holding on to her sanity.
  6218.  
  6219. ===
  6220.  
  6221. >"They look at me like i'm their mother, do you know how hard it is to rule a country when everyone thinks i'm going to give them a time-out as punishment!"
  6222. > "And the worst part is that they'd actually accept it as a real punishment!" 
  6223. > "As a joke I told a royal guard to stand in the corner and think about what he did and I found him there at the end of the day!"
  6224. ===
  6225. >Mothers day rolls around.
  6226. >Entire royal guard give her a hoof made card bigger than she is.
  6227. >Canterlot nobles compete to give her the most elaborate and impractical #1 mom mug.
  6228. >She's practically buried in cakes and other confectionary sent from across equestria.
  6229. >Venturing out of the castle starts an impromptu parade no matter where she goes.
  6230. >She has to accept it all with a smile, displaying the barest hint of displeasure on today of all days would be catastrophic.
  6231. >Last time she slipped it almost caused a war with the gryphons, it wasn't the ambassador's fault she was reminded of Luna's banishment just as he walked by.
  6232. >You're glad you noticed before your little ponies did more than light the torches, the pitchforks were thankfully on the other side of town
  6233. ===
  6234. awwww, that sounds incredibly sweet and heartwarming.
  6235. A bit annoying, but honestly, who wouldn't want Celestia to be their mom?
  6236. ===
  6237. Nobody, that's the problem.
  6238. >When she thinks even anon starts to show the signs of adopting her she snaps and starts flirting with him shamelessly to try and head it off.
  6239. >Only her methods are so outdated it seems like she's just being overly friendly.
  6240. >Rest of the castle picks up on it and starts treating anon like a new step-dad.
  6241. >Luna think's the whole thing is hilarious and starts treating anon like a brother just to stir shit.
  6242. ===
  6243. >Rest of the castle picks up on it and starts treating anon like a new step-dad.
  6244. In a passive-aggressive 'you're not my real dad!' way?
  6245. ===
  6246. Thats the nobles.
  6247. The royal guard constantly challenge his worth.
  6248. >"Hey anon bet any of us in the barracks could drink you under the table."
  6249. >"Anon, how about we have a race through the royal maze?"
  6250. >"Anon the minotaur ambassador keeps talking shit about you behind your back, challenge him to a hoof wrestle."
  6251. >"Hey anon, know any good stories?"
  6252. >Pony alcohol is weak as shit compared to human stock, anon helps clean up after they trash the place.
  6253. >Anon's tall enough he can see over the edge of the maze, helps a few of the guards out when they got lost.
  6254. >Ambassador was a bit of a runt back home which is why he got the job as ambassador, enjoyed a close contest for once even if he lost.
  6255. >Anon arrived in Equestria with the LoTR trilogy, modfied it on the fly for Equestrians as the guards bedded down for the night as it was the only time the majority of them had no duties and no other reason.
  6256. >Gondor are Pegasi, Rohan are Earth ponies, Elves are Unicorns, Dwarves are diamond dogs, Hobbits are breezies, Wizards are Alicorns
  6257.  
  6258. >Princess Gandalf falling to the balrog had them in tears, while him leading the Earth pony charge of helms deep with the sun rising at their backs caused an eruption of cheers.
  6259. >Arahorn's ascension to princess was met with much rejoicing.
  6260. >One sleepily say's "Thanks dad", anon laughs it off thinking the newbie is being hazed by the other guys.
  6261. ===
  6262. >"Anon, would like to participate in a routine training exercise next tuesday?"
  6263. >"Sure why not, good way stay in shape."
  6264. >Literally just a hoofball tournament.
  6265. >Anon's quickly drafted as referee after a couple fights break out over whose team he should be on.
  6266. >Takes his job seriously, is firm but fair with his judgement calls.
  6267. >Didnt feel like he did much of anything, so the following week he organises after-training snacks for everypony.
  6268. >Couple guards mention favorite sandwiches, he makes sure they're added next time.
  6269. >Couple weeks later he starts organising things into individual bags for convienance.
  6270. >A few months later he's personalised each guard's lunch bag after Celestia let him know of their preferences.
  6271. >"Him, him and him dont like tomato, this group here prefer no crusts on the bread and that group have apples instead of cupcakes because SOMEONE keeps sneaking them sweets."
  6272. >"I'll remember to bring a fruitbasket the next time a certain SOMEPONY asks for an extra slice of cake."
  6273. >"You fiend."
  6274. ===
  6275. >Ever since Luna returned from tthe moon Celestia has been trying her best to reconcile with her sister
  6276. >Talking to her at every single opportunity, helping with even the smallest of issues
  6277. >Never again would her little sister have to be alone, nor would she have to face any hardships or inconveniences
  6278. >Of course, this behaviour quickly becomes overbearing and Luna starts to avoid Celestia as best she can
  6279. >"ANOON! I GREETED LUNA IN THE HALLWAY BUT SHE IGNORED ME AND LOCKED HERSELF IN HER ROOM! SHE HATES ME, SHE'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR SENDING HER TO THE MOON! I'M THE WORST SISTER EVER!"
  6280.  
  6281.  
  6282.  
  6283.  
  6284. > Anon is the Royal Therapist
  6285. >Celly is trying to get into his pants
  6286. >Anon is attempting to avoid this
  6287. >He's resisting because he knows she has some issues to work through, and because it just seems unprofessional
  6288. >Elsewhere, Harshwhinny feels a burst of approval, and knows not why.
  6289.  
  6290. >But oh is he tempted
  6291. >That flank is the thing dreams are made of.
  6292. >Crazy in the head means crazy in bed, even without the RGRE effect
  6293. >And most of Canterlot (sans a few nobles) seems to be intent on playing matchmaker between them, including Luna and Cadence.
  6294. >It is strangely easy and comforting to fall into the role of "dad" for a kingdom...
  6295. >Celestia just takes this as evidence that they are meant to be, as does everyone else
  6296.  
  6297.  
  6298.  
  6299. >Being the Princesses confidant is more stressful than Anon first anticipated
  6300.  
  6301. >"They're all convinced, all of them! Even and especially Twilight, that I'm some mastermind chessmistress who controls everything and nothing unexpected ever happens to me."
  6302. >"And if I let on that I'm not, they either don't believe me, convinced that of course I would say that, I couldn't admit it if I was, right?
  6303. >"Anypony who does believe me gets paranoid and depressed."
  6304. >"So I have to pretend I know what I'm doing, and nod along and act cryptic and mysterious when the foreign ambassadors visit.
  6305. >"I have to pretend that I know everything, and that my only real options if something really bad happens aren't to either set it on fire or call Twilight."
  6306. >"I have to tell my guard captains to do what they were already suggesting they should do."
  6307. >"The only thing I'm actually good at with governance is delegating everything to ponies who know what they're doing."
  6308. >"It seems like the only thing I actually *do* myself, is raise the sun every morning."
  6309.  
  6310. >Anon does a lot of listening
  6311. >And a lot of hugs
  6312.  
  6313.  
  6314.  
  6315.  
  6316.  
  6317.  
  6318.  
  6319. >Mares gotta feel the splash
  6320. >Sex is sex, but it isn't *real* sex unless you get to ride bareback
  6321. >Stallions don't like to admit it, but it's so much more satisfying that way
  6322. >Only fetishists and the paranoid use condoms
  6323. >Birth control pills are the norm, usually taken by the stallion
  6324. >(Unless your name is Vinyl Scratch and you're trying to avoid being tied down by random groupie stallions)
  6325.  
  6326.  
  6327.  
  6328.  
  6329.  
  6330.  
  6331. >"Yeah, Anon just like... gets me, you know? He's not like other stallions..." Coco says dreamily.
  6332. >Rarity and Applejack give each other the old eye roll.
  6333. >They know this beta mare is rubbing it in their faces.
  6334. >They have heard the stories of Anon's twenty minute stamina.
  6335. >And now hearing Coco "brag" about it is really starting to piss them off.
  6336. >Why should such a submissive mare get a stud with near endless stamina to herself?
  6337.  
  6338.  
  6339. >In the pre-unification days, the alpha mares would keep a stallion or two all to themselves.
  6340. >The pony population was plummeting, and soon there were too many inbred families hoarding all the males.
  6341. >Discord decided to make his move while all the "powerful" down-syndrome ridden pony families wailed about how "muh magiks" were no longer able to keep his behavior at bay.
  6342.  
  6343. >Celestia and Luna gained power, and they abolished this practice.
  6344. >The princesses ordained that all stallions over the age of consent who were in a relationship were to have no less than two mares, and no more than 6. (So that the poor stallions wouldn't be expected to perform their horsebando duties for too many mares at any given time.)
  6345. >Centuries and centuries later, luna is long since banished, and stallions gain the same rights as mares. Stallions now get to choose who they let into their herds (with the unanimous acceptance of the rest of the herd).
  6346. >Shit begins to go sideways as stallionists and SJW retards crop up, tearing at the foundations of sanity and civilization.
  6347.  
  6348. >Anon arrives.
  6349. >Coco finds self with human stallion of legend and few mares she can trust not to hurt him.
  6350. >Rarity and friends are only obvious choices, except maybe not the backwards hick or the psychotic pink monstrosity that defies all known logic.
  6351. >Probably not the one who also enslaved a town either.
  6352. >The Princess of Spaghettimancy is a fellow beta mare who likewise got a lucky break, so she's also a solid choice.
  6353. >And though loyal, it's probably best to steer clear of the "Loudest Mouth in Equestria"...
  6354.  
  6355.  
  6356.  
  6357. >"APPLEJACK, COME ON!"
  6358. >Rainbow Dash keeps flying back to yell at you, but you're galloping as fast as you can.
  6359. "Ah'm goin' fast as ah can!"
  6360. >You haven't seen Rainbow this worked up since that dragon horde attacked.
  6361. >You hope Twilight is on her way as well...
  6362. >Finally you arrive to where Dash is hovering.
  6363. "What's the fuss?!"
  6364. >Rainbow Dash is breathing just as heavy as you.
  6365. >Looks like she's brought you to the park.
  6366. >She points to a park bench twenty feet away.
  6367. >"LOOK!"
  6368. >You see Anon sitting on a bench with Coco Pommel laying her head in his lap.
  6369. >He's stroking her mane.
  6370. >Several ponies are staring at the two.
  6371. "Rainbow, why would ya make such a fuss over nothin'?!"
  6372. >Rainbow Dash looks mortified.
  6373. >"Look! Isn't that WEIRD?!"
  6374. >You grit your teeth and look back at the couple.
  6375. >Now that she mentions it, that IS weird.
  6376. "Why's she all sissy with that stalli- er, male?"
  6377. >This is the first time you've seen a mare submit like a stallion in public.
  6378. >You admit, in your filly years, this was one of your more frequently "used" little fantasies.
  6379. >But seeing it in real life was just...
  6380. "Not right... That ain't right."
  6381. >Rainbow Dash seems even more enthralled by Coco's public display of submission than you.
  6382. >"She's just laying there taking it! What the hay?!"
  6383. >What ponies do in their bedrooms is between them.
  6384. >But in public, well...
  6385. >You're a bit old fashioned.
  6386. "Y'ALL BETTER S-STOP THAT!"
  6387. >Not your best, but it gets their attention.
  6388. >You shake your hoof at them.
  6389. "EVERYPONY'S WATCHIN', KEEP YER SICK FETISHES IN THE BEDROOM!"
  6390. >Anon looks at Coco, shrugs, then goes back to scratching her behind the ears.
  6391. >She seems to be in absolute bliss.
  6392. >This is absolutely degenerate.
  6393. "Come on Rainbow, we got a letter to write to Princess Celestia."
  6394. >Rainbow Dash seems to not hear your words, completely entranced by Anon and Coco's fetish-play.
  6395. >"Look at those fingers go..."
  6396. >Life is hard being a supreme gentlemare.
  6397. >But in time, you'll rid Ponyville of all degeneracy.
  6398. >Starting with that slut, Anon
  6399.  
  6400.  
  6401.  
  6402.  
  6403. >Today is your birthday.
  6404. >Coco Pommel has really gone overboard with throwing you a party.
  6405. >There's a lot of ponies in your house.
  6406. >Actually,she invited a lot of mares...
  6407. >You really need to get more stallion friends.
  6408. >No homo.
  6409. >Currently, you're sitting on the couch wearing the stupid party hat that was strapped on your head.
  6410. >It's shaped like a unicorn horn.
  6411. >Isn't this lewd or something?
  6412. >Speaking of lewd, Twilight Velvet is sitting beside you.
  6413. >This fucking mare always makes you uncomfortable.
  6414. >And she always seems to be tipsy.
  6415. >Like right now.
  6416. >She's a little too close and a little too far down her mug of cider.
  6417. >Where is her husband?
  6418. >"How old are you now, Anon?"
  6419. "Like twenty-something."
  6420. >You look around for Coco.
  6421. >"Still so young... Back in the day, I would have shown you why they call me 'velvet'."
  6422. >She chuckles and takes a swig from her cider.
  6423. >You cringe and take a long drink from your own mug.
  6424. >How is no one else hearing this?
  6425. >Twilight Velvet leans closer, her cider breath tickling your nose, "It's my pussy. It's like velvet. Get it?"
  6426. >You lean away and adjust your tie uncomfortably.
  6427. "I think I see Coco! Excuse me!"
  6428. >You get up and hurry off into the party, looking for Coco.
  6429.  
  6430. >You are Twilight Velvet.
  6431. >It's always fun teasing Anon.
  6432. >You take a drink and stare at his ass as he hurries away back to his beta marefriend.
  6433. >How'd she manage to pull some quality ass like that?
  6434. >Anon would be better off with your daughter.
  6435. >You're happily married, but you would honestly douse Anon's face in your cum if you weren't...
  6436. >Well now you're all worked up.
  6437. >You get up to go find your husband and make him take care of this winking in the bathroom.
  6438. >Fucking Anon
  6439.  
  6440.  
  6441.  
  6442.  
  6443. "What do you think you are doing, Trixie?"
  6444. > She turns to you, striking a pose with her black cloth batwings unfurled
  6445. > "The Dark and Mysterious Trixie has taken the forbidden path to alicorn awakening!"
  6446. "Those wings are obviously fake."
  6447. > She scrunches
  6448. > "That may be, but Nightfang Abysshart said that my powers would grow slowly, and only with repeated feeding."
  6449. > You nod in understanding
  6450. "So the lesbian bathorse tricked you into eating her out every night."
  6451. > Trixie blushes
  6452. > "It is an ancient and powerful ritual, you daywalkers wouldn't understand! N-no homo."
  6453.  
  6454.  
  6455.  
  6456.  
  6457. >You are Gilda the greatest goddamn gyphon
  6458. >Also nervous.
  6459. >Which you shouldn't be, being the alpha bitch you are.
  6460. >Still, Anonymous is sitting next to you munching away at a half of a ham sandwich.
  6461. >He gave the other half to you after you sat down under this tree watching Rainbow pull some aerial tricks.
  6462. >Goddamn, he makes good sandwiches.
  6463. >He should come home with you to make you more.
  6464. >You just have to wait for the right opportunity to sweep him off his not-actually-paws-or-claws things with your gruff ladycharm.
  6465. >Guys love the gruff ladycharm.
  6466. >Even if they don't show it outwardly.
  6467. >Spying a couple of napkins laying between you and Anon, you sneakily move a claw near them, hoping that this would work.
  6468. >You watch wide eyed from the corner of your eye as he reaches for one of them to wipe off a bit of mustard from his face.
  6469. >Seizing the opportunity, you move your claw as well to pretend to cheer Rainbow, who had just smacked into a particularly dense cloud.
  6470. >As luck would have it, you were slightly faster, so Anon accidentally grabbed your claw.
  6471. >You weren't expecting that at all, you were hoping for a quick brush like in your Neighponese Animoos!
  6472. >Looking up at his face, you see him looking at the bundle of wigglers wrapped around your claw.
  6473. "A-Anon!"
  6474. >Your face was burning and you were praying to the ancestors that the blush wasn't showing through your feathers.
  6475. >They probably were, damn it.
  6476. >You watch Anon look up at your blushing face, staring for a bit before his eyes widen slightly, blink, then look away.
  6477. >You were worried for a while, but then you noticed that he wasn't letting go and that he was blushing.
  6478. >Scooching up closer to him, you pull your claw from his hand and wrap an arm around him to bring him closer and have a quick cough.
  6479. "So... dinner tonight?"
  6480. >He still doesn't look at you, but his blush is getting deeper with his other hand over his face.
  6481. >"Hlyfkingshtyesh."
  6482. >Bucking awesome
  6483.  
  6484.  
  6485.  
  6486.  
  6487.  
  6488. >Anon discovers that if he runs around butt ass naked, magic censorship applies to him as well.
  6489. >He looks just like a Ken Doll
  6490.  
  6491. >This presents a problem when he tries to give a horny mare The D
  6492. >It's invisible
  6493. >Sure he could figure it out, but not being able to see the action is a bit weird
  6494. >Twiggles or <insert pone here> has to investigate/teach him how to turn the 'decency glamour' on and off
  6495.  
  6496.  
  6497.  
  6498.  
  6499.  
  6500. > Anon is a flight attendant
  6501. > He has to deal with mares occasionally groping his butt as he walks by
  6502. > If he likes the look of one, he sternly ask them to come to the back of the plane for a talk
  6503. > The nervous mare is pleasantly surprised when he pulls them into the supply closet for some hot sex
  6504. > Anon eventually inspires a pornographic movie called "Trouser Snakes on a Plane"
  6505. > In it, a no nonsense zebra mare (improbably) gets fed up with being the focus of a gang bang
  6506.  
  6507.  
  6508.  
  6509.  
  6510. > Be Cheery Wave, pegasus Lighthouse keeper
  6511. > You live in a cozy tower up on the rocky shores of the northwest coast of Equestria
  6512. > It's peaceful, for the most part, about 60 miles from civilization
  6513. > The constant sound of the waves, the cries of the sea birds, and the sea breeze fill your ears and resonate with your lonesome soul
  6514. > In your endless free time, you draw and paint
  6515. > Mostly landscapes, sometimes animals that linger here and there
  6516. > And, well, one or two imaginative portraits to keep you warm at night
  6517. > You are still a mare, after all
  6518. > You are sketching out your next work for night time inspiration
  6519. > Some sort of minotaur, you think
  6520. > Mmmm, with a nice broad barrel, and those thick fingers that will barely fit i-
  6521. > "Mayday, Mayday, Mayday."
  6522. > The radio crackles to life, the voice not sounding too alarmed, for all that it is sending a distress signal
  6523. > "This is Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, C4I1. Mayday this is Beetlejuice. Uh, let's see, 43 degrees North, 130 East or so. Pretty sure I'm way out in the middle of nowhere, might be near the middle islands of Nipon, or maybe The Saddle, Equestria. Had a nasty storm tear my sail off. It's only me on this boat, but I'm not injured, and I have enough food and water for another week or so. Could definitely use a tow to a harbor or something. Over."
  6524. > In your experience, stallions in distress were either orcheical messes, crying and whining, or they were more marely and independent
  6525. > The latter also tend to be a bit more
  6526. > Appreciative
  6527. > After being rescued
  6528. > You check the map
  6529. > Some hotshot unicorn from Canterlot automated a triangulation function in conjunction with the radio
  6530. > Looks like it's your lucky day
  6531. > You set your radio to broadcast
  6532. "This is Rinsingpone Coast Lighthouse number 251. I have your position, Beetlejuice, the tugboat will be by in four hours. Over."
  6533. > "Good to hear, 251. See you then, over."
  6534. > You glance around your room, taking a few seconds to hide your schlick material in your wardrobe
  6535. > That done, you trot down to the jetty and hop in your faithful tugboat, the ES Claudius
  6536. > A few flexes of your wings pulled a mist from the waves, condensing into a small cloud over the trinamo
  6537. > With a crack of lightning, the motor sends you speeding across the waves
  6538.  
  6539.  
  6540.  
  6541.  
  6542.  
  6543. >You are Sparkle Purple and its officially unicorn estrus.
  6544. >You're having a nice chat with Anon and Pinkie when suddenly a bunch unicorn mares started to blast each another.
  6545. >Anon has this thousand-yard stare and pinkie wore a bandana, an eyepatch and jammed a cracker on her forehead...
  6546. >"Pinkie it's time." Anon took his shirt off, scooped his hand into the pie you guys were sharing then rubbed the rich cherry filling on his face like some kind war paint?
  6547. >When the mares saw Anon removed his shirt the fighting intensified.
  6548. >"I won't scatter your sorrows into the sea. I will always be with you." Pinkie whispered while doing the same as Anon.
  6549. >What the buck is going on. Before you could gather your thoughts. Anon ran inside the Sugar cube corner.
  6550. >"P-Pinkie. Please explain."
  6551. >"It's coming Twi."
  6552. >"What's coming?"
  6553. >"You see Twi. During the end of the second world war-"
  6554. >A deep rumbling from the ground can be heard and then the SCC's roof opened.
  6555. >You see a large bi-pedal monstrosity of metal, duct tape and... bucking magic wands.
  6556. >Thousands of magic wands. Taped together.
  6557. >Anon is inside it's cockpit/mouth thing. Still shirtless and his biceps bulging when controlling the machine. u-unf.
  6558. SKREEEEOOOOOOOONK
  6559. >The mares stopped their fighting and watched as the bi-pedal monster walk towards them and point its myriads of wands towards them.
  6560. >"ARTICLE 19b! I REPEAT ARTICLE 19b!" One of the mares shouted and started to fire on the thing.
  6561. >A bunch of cylinders on the machine's back just spewed fire like a... Buck! it has rocket boosters. 
  6562. >You watch in horror as it plowed through a formation of mares. 
  6563. ~Love's Deterrence Power (Koi no Yokushiryoku).mp3
  6564. ....
  6565. >The town square is in ruins. A bunch of houses are on fire. 
  6566. > The Bi-pedal thing is on another part of town battling another group of unicorns while making that god-awful noise.
  6567. > Pinkie is in the middle of the square, singing while surrounded by knocked-out mares.
  6568. >Your heart almost broke from the sorrow in Pinkies voice.
  6569. >"But the Heart will remain~"
  6570. >"As a silhouette of time"
  6571. >"Hear the ringing Echoes of a splitting Horizon"
  6572. >"Calling to the Night~"
  6573. >"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Pinkie cried Marely tears while cradling Lyra.
  6574. >You picked a bad time to just settle down and not give a flying buck.
  6575. >You just wanted to observe Unicorn estrus rituals while being immune to it's effects due to your superior Alicorn Genes.
  6576. >Well at least you saw Article 19b in action.
  6577. "Colts can instead choose to engage both/ all combatants to assert dominance and reserve rights to choose the Alpha Mare upon victory"
  6578. >It just says Anon gets to choose the alpha but not who gets into the herd. But he's fighting all the unicorns. Does that mean they're on the herd too? 
  6579. >Unf. I'll file that for later and check the Herding laws later. I fukken love laws.
  6580. >Oh look Anon is back... with his Bi-pedal wand/golem/Death machine.
  6581.  
  6582. ANONYMOUS!
  6583.  
  6584. >Buck! even Princess Celestia and Luna is here.
  6585. >The force of her landing threw away the debris and the unconscious mares then put out the fire. 
  6586. >Luckily Princess Luna caught all the mares.
  6587.  
  6588. SKREEEEEOOONK!
  6589.  
  6590. >Celestia's pupils turned into pin pricks and then she unfurled her massive wings to intimidate Anon in his machine.
  6591. >Anon's death machine slammed it's foot in challenge 
  6592.  
  6593. SKREEEEEEOOONK!
  6594.  
  6595. >Celestia stood up with her hindl egs and started to... is she Honking?
  6596. >Yep. 
  6597. >"OHO! T'is been an age since someone challenged dear sister for the right to bed her!"
  6598. >"Better watch, young Sparkle! You're in for a treat."
  6599. >It was a retarded kind of day.
  6600.  
  6601. >"Pinkie C'mon let's go."
  6602. >"I'll stop looking."
  6603. >"What are you talking about?"
  6604. >"He betrayed me, Twi."
  6605. >"He betrayed me for Alicorn pussy."
  6606. >"Pinkie..."
  6607. >"From now on. Call me Pink Boss"
  6608.  
  6609.  
  6610.  
  6611.  
  6612.  
  6613.  
  6614.  
  6615. >celestia had a bit of a crush on anon for quite some time
  6616. >spent a lot of time fantasizing about how she would propose to him is he were her stallion
  6617. >finds out he actually likes luna
  6618. >respects his wishes to be with her since she fancies him as well, but cant help but project her own fantasies into lunas love life and make her do things "the right way"
  6619.  
  6620.  
  6621.  
  6622.  
  6623.  
  6624. Coco visiting Rarity at her boutique and Anon comes in to request a new suit. She sees him and immediately becomes infatuated and spaghetti dropping levels of flustered. 
  6625. Rarity sees this and requests Coco help her with measuring him, forcing her to get close to him
  6626.  
  6627.  
  6628.  
  6629.  
  6630.  
  6631. >Luna may be the Princess of dreams
  6632. >She may be able to chase away the nightmares of her subjects
  6633. >But she is next to powerless against her own fears that confront her while she sleeps
  6634. >But a mare has to be strong
  6635. >A Princess doubly so
  6636.  
  6637. >It is easy to parade around her consort Anonymous as her lover
  6638. >But she fears to let anyone know that he is the reason she can sleep soundly through the day.
  6639. >That his embrace when she is weakest, chases her own nightmares away
  6640.  
  6641.  
  6642.  
  6643.  
  6644. >it took some time, but after 6 months in Equestria you've become "one of the mares"
  6645. >your friends can trust you to handle their raunchy humor, cruder remarks, and potentially offensive topics while you're around
  6646. >there's just one problem
  6647. >every now and then they ask you for, ugh fuck...
  6648. >boy advice
  6649.  
  6650.  
  6651.  
  6652.  
  6653. >Anon is a marriage therapist.
  6654. >Mares keep thinking that he is likely some touchy feely crap of a doctor.
  6655. >Stallions see him as a progressive male.
  6656. >Anon is actually competent and has saved marriages with his methods since pony problems are easy.
  6657. >Candace is amazed that someone is able to help ponies without a love lazor.
  6658. >When she seeks this famous love doctor, she thinks Anon is the secretary/eye candy.
  6659. >Something something RGRE
  6660.  
  6661.  
  6662.  
  6663. > Cadance is unsurprised that a stallion would be so insightful about love matters
  6664. > She rather admires Anon's gumption in making a business that helps couples sustain their love
  6665. > She officially makes him her apprentice, only to find that he already knows most of what she would teach him
  6666. > Anon isn't complaining, because being an apprentice to the princess of love adds a great deal of authority to his dealings with clients
  6667. > Cadance tells him that there is one thing he must do to advance in his studies:
  6668. > Get married
  6669. > She learned a great deal about love by learning to live with and having a child with Shining
  6670. > Lessons one can only learn by doing
  6671. > He doesn't have to marry right away, but he should keep an eye out
  6672. > Meanwhile, Cadance has to return to her duties, but still sends the occasional mare his way if she thinks they might go well together
  6673.  
  6674.  
  6675.  
  6676.  
  6677. >Feeling pretty damn nostalgic right now for Earth.
  6678. >It seems that video game culture is pretty much the same here as back home.
  6679. >Only the insults/taunts are different.
  6680. >Some squeaky, voice-cracking filly on the other team just told you over voice that she fucked your dad.
  6681. >Another squeaky filly on your team tells her that she can't have fucked your dad because dykes don't fuck stallions.
  6682. >You learned after last time not to use your own mic, despite spending a bunch of bits on a really good one.
  6683. >All the requests for balls were funny, but they got tiring after a while.
  6684. >The unsolicitied vag pics were kinda nice, except for the ones that desperately needed to clean themselves
  6685.  
  6686.  
  6687.  
  6688.  
  6689.  
  6690. >when Twilight told you that your marefriend had been taken captive by diamond dogs you should have been terrified for her or at least angry those mongrels
  6691. >Instead you felt this kind of excitement fall over you
  6692. >Even as Twilight vowed to save your ladylove from the diamond dogs you were calculating how to retrieve her
  6693. >When Twilight teleported away you shut the door and headed straight to your basement
  6694. >Tucked in the corner was a chest that you rushed over to and opened
  6695. >Its contents seemed to gleam in the dim light of that single yellowed bulb
  6696. >Pulling out the topmost object you let your eyes dance over the sheathed blade
  6697. >It had taken an act of Celestia to get this gear made for you
  6698. >You had pleaded for weeks that you be allowed to have a sword and armor
  6699. >It was for self defense you had argued but in reality you knew that this world was full of magic and shit
  6700. >And you would be damned if you weren't gonna have the gear ready for an adventure when the time came
  6701. >Eventually she relented and allowed it
  6702. >Since then it has sat in this chest waiting for the day that you would need it
  6703. >Strapping the sword at your waist you start equipping the rest of the gear stored in the chest
  6704.  
  6705. >Be Roseluck
  6706. >Be locked in a cell deep in the warren that the diamond dogs call home
  6707. >You had been working at your second job when the diamond dogs attacked
  6708. >They had quickly grabbed most of the mares working and tossed them into sacks
  6709. >You were scared for yourself but most of all you were scared for your colt
  6710. >Nonny could be so sensitive at times
  6711. >He stilled cries when he watches those silly colty cartoons
  6712. >You can just imagine how scared he is right now
  6713. >Tears begin to slide down your face as you silently you curse your choice of jobs
  6714. >Sure the road crew made good bits but its dangerous work
  6715. >But it was only supposed to be until you had enough saved up to get Nonny that ring
  6716. >A sound in the darkness brings your ears up
  6717. >It almost sounds like a scuffle and a cry of pain!
  6718. >Did the diamond dogs capture more prisoners?
  6719. >You didn't have long to wait as the sounds grew closer
  6720. >Light starts to pierce the darkness around a bend in the nearby tunnel
  6721. >You stand on your hooves ready to fight your way out of this cage if you needed
  6722. >When the figure rounds the corner your legs drop out from under you sending your rump to the cold floor
  6723. >Before you stands Anon dressed in some sort of green outfit with chainmail, a sword in one hand, and a lantern in the other
  6724. >A splash of crimson across chest and right arm could be nothing other than blood
  6725. >As the mares around you cry out in fear and recognition you sit there silently mouth agape
  6726. >Is this really your stallion? The one who cries during coltflicks? The same one that fights to keep you in bed every morning because he gets cold without you?
  6727. >Anons eyes cross yours for the briefest second and he rushes to the cell door
  6728. >He shouts and drops his sword with his hand rushing to his belt to free a set of keys
  6729. >Within a moment he has unlocked the door and rushed through the mill of ponies trying to get out of the cell
  6730. >Before you can react he has grabbed you in his arms and pulled you close to his chest
  6731. >"Rosey! Oh God i was so worried about you."
  6732. >The heat of a tear dropping onto your face frees you from the shock
  6733. >Without hesitation you wrap your hooves around his neck and kiss him
  6734. >The dirt and blood on his face is streaked with lines from fresh tears
  6735. >As you pull away he gives you that dopey smile he gives you after every kiss
  6736. >Yeah this is your Anon
  6737. >And he is gonna get the best damn ring you can get him
  6738.  
  6739.  
  6740.  
  6741.  
  6742.  
  6743. >Humans do exist in Equestria and are also the most technologically advanced species around.
  6744. >However their mental instability is infamous combined with a sense of irresponsibility.
  6745. >This is why most species on Equss won't touch the humans.
  6746. >Anon comes along though.
  6747. >Isn't aware of the human stereotype that's in Equestria.
  6748. >And of course he's a male.
  6749. >The mares now try and keep him from the appliances since their afraid he'll turn the toaster into a ray-gun somehow.
  6750. >They'll also not leave him unsupervised since that's just a recipe for having a nuclear reactor built in the living room
  6751.  
  6752.  
  6753.  
  6754.  
  6755.  
  6756.  
  6757. >Anon is at one of Pinks "adult" parties
  6758. >Gets tired of mares at various levels of inebriation trying to get in his pants
  6759. >Decides to go outside and get some fresh air
  6760. >While sitting out there he notices a mare looking in one of the windows
  6761. >Anon strikes up a conversation with her
  6762. >She seems nervous but alright. A lot less pushy than those mares inside
  6763. >They hit it off and eventually Anon decides to take her home with him
  6764. >As they are leaving Pinks tries to stop them
  6765. >Anon tells her not to worry he is sober
  6766. >They get to his home and do the horizontal tango
  6767. >Next morning he sees her off before going to Sugarcube corner
  6768. >Pinkie comments that she didn't know he had a thing for the "Young ones"
  6769. >Anon finds out that he basically nailed some jailbait that had failed to sneak into Pinks party
  6770. >Worst part is he has a date with her in a couple of days and he isn't sure how to respond
  6771.  
  6772.  
  6773.  
  6774.  
  6775.  
  6776. > After a great deal of thaumic analysis, Twilight regretfully tells Anon has no innate magical potential
  6777. > He looks so disappointed, he doesn't seem to hear her offer to do any spell work he needs
  6778. > Nicemaresfinishlast.poster
  6779. > After a few days, he's back to his old self, happy and resolute
  6780.  
  6781. > Celestia is troubled by reports of grave robbing from the various Canterlot area cemetaries
  6782. > No valuables stolen, but each skeleton is missing the skull
  6783. > Luna is tasked with locating the possible necromancer
  6784.  
  6785. > Rarity compliments Anon on his new fingernail polish and his ivory necklace
  6786. > His nails are practically iridescent
  6787.  
  6788.  
  6789.  
  6790.  
  6791.  
  6792.  
  6793. >After much research and thievery he actually manages to into magic.
  6794. >Anon builds a chair that will give him magic powers.
  6795. >Golden from the shell built mostly out of celestia's stolen apparel, which was used because gold seemed like an easier metal to bend into shape than enchanted swords.
  6796. >The enchanted swords were still used, just not where the pokey bits would compromise the comfiness of the seat.
  6797. >When Anon sits in it and powers it up for the first time the whole world feels the magical disturbance.
  6798. >He is changed by the tremendous amount of magic that his contraption jams into him.
  6799. >No longer is her merely Anon, generic human.
  6800. >Now he has become Anon, human who can shoot mind-bullets.
  6801. >Which he uses to ruthlessly oppress the ponies who opposed his ascension to power.
  6802. >Welts spelling out "I told you so" now grace the backsides of many of equestria's inhabitants.
  6803. >Many complaints are made to authorities about Anon's abuse of his new abilities.
  6804. >Complaints which are rejected under Equestria's 'Last Laugh' laws.
  6805. >The magic chair remains in the shed it was constructed in but is now visited by scholars trying to figure out how it works.
  6806. >They are chased away with levitated brooms along with the others trying to study Anon's other things.
  6807. >He long ago tired of having his belongings 'appropriated' for inane reasons by assorted ponies.
  6808. >Like the yellow one who tried to take away his tomato plants.
  6809. >Every night for a month before he got a restraining order.
  6810. >Fucking Fluttershy.
  6811.  
  6812.  
  6813.  
  6814.  
  6815.  
  6816. >they invented the vacuum cleaner
  6817. >the badlands is what happens when your 200,000 mud pony neighbors are simultaneously startled by the dawning of a new era in clean 
  6818. >in the smaller horse communities, fathers still scare their children with breathlessly whispered tales of the dreaded Bagless Windtunnel
  6819. >they say that on quiet evenings you can still hear it out there, wandering alone in the wastes
  6820. >searching for ponies to gobble up with proper amount of sssssuction
  6821.  
  6822.  
  6823.  
  6824.  
  6825.  
  6826. >Be Anon. 
  6827. >Be laying in bed waiting for Twilight. 
  6828. >You love that mare to death but she really needs to relax. 
  6829. >Always working, always worried about friendship problems. 
  6830. >But you still love her, and she loves you. 
  6831. >You think… 
  6832. >She’s been… distant from you for awhile. 
  6833. >You are broken out of that thought by Twilight walking in. 
  6834. >She looks tired. 
  6835. >Her eyes are baggy and her mane frizzled. 
  6836. “Hey honey! How was your day?”
  6837. >You say as cheerfully as possible trying to cheer her up. 
  6838. >”Long.” She says her voice dull. 
  6839. >Oh.
  6840. “Well, what did you do today?”
  6841. >”Pinkie and Applejack had a compaction to see who was the stronger earth pony and they managed to get a pack of Timberwolves into ponyville.” She says laying in bed facing away from you. 
  6842. “Oh, that’s bad.”
  6843. >”Very. But we ended up getting them out.” She says voice still dull. 
  6844. >You get a idea and start rubbing her back. 
  6845. >Your friend Lyra said mares love it when their colt gives them a massage. 
  6846. >It helps them co-
  6847. >Your hands are swatted away by wings. 
  6848. >”I’m not in the mood Anon, I just want to go to sleep.”
  6849. “Oh… sorry Twilight.”
  6850. >You roll over to the other side the bed. 
  6851. >Your mare loves you. 
  6852. >She’s just tired after a long day. 
  6853. >Like always… 
  6854. >No! Remember when you got together? 
  6855. >She was so sweet, and beautiful~
  6856. >It was like she was glowing! 
  6857. >Wait… she was glowing…
  6858. >Mainly her cutiemark…
  6859. >Like when she gets a friendship problem… 
  6860. >W-Were you a friendship problem?
  6861. >Yeah you were lonely, and were kind of depressed but you weren’t a friendship problem. 
  6862. > Were you?
  6863.  
  6864.  
  6865.  
  6866.  
  6867.  
  6868. >Anon arrived in Equestria as a young lad.
  6869. >Lost, confused, and frightened he found comfort under the wing of this world's ruler.
  6870. >Celestia took pity on the lost alien colt and from that day forward she raised him as one of her own.
  6871. >With the guidance of his mother and various royal tutors Anon was moulded into a bright, cultured, and amiable gentlecolt.
  6872. >So why was it that no mare approached him as he grew and blossomed into a young stallion? 
  6873. >He at first thought it was because he was a strange monkey thing that looked nothing like a pony.
  6874. >It wasn't until he invited over a female friend to the castle.
  6875. >He had play dates with fillies when he was younger, but this felt different.
  6876. >His friend seemed nervous, afraid even.
  6877. >His mother too didn't sound as genuinely happy as she was pretending to be. The princess's smile didn't reach her eyes and as she addressed his friend there was something in them he had never seen before.
  6878. >It was as if the two were having a conversation without words, one that wouldn't reach him. Or so they had hoped.
  6879. >Later that evening it started to dawn on Anon.
  6880. >Most mares don't have the teats to defile the princess's little colt.
  6881. >Oh, but they were worried over nothing. His mother was the kindest, most patient, and loving mare in the world. 
  6882. >She wouldn't do anything to them, right?
  6883.  
  6884.  
  6885.  
  6886.  
  6887.  
  6888. >Anon starts spending time with the newly returned Luna
  6889. >They hit it off amazingly
  6890. >Celestia realizes that there are romantic feelings forming between her sister and adoptive son
  6891. >She is torn on the issue
  6892. >Luna is a (mostly) good mare that wont hurt Anon
  6893. >But on the other hand it disturbs her at the idea of her young son and her millennia old sister hooking up
  6894.  
  6895.  
  6896.  
  6897.  
  6898.  
  6899. > Anon goes a little crazy in his pursuit of magic
  6900. > He digs as many graves as he can without attracting notice
  6901. > A helm of unicorn horns
  6902. > Vambraces and greaves of pegasus wing bones
  6903. > Earth pony bones for the rest of his armor
  6904. > Throwing flasks of distilled poison joke
  6905. > At the end of a two part episode, Gravelord Incognito is banished to Tartarus for containment
  6906. > Twilight writes a friendship report about how a stallion's vanity and whimsy drive them to seek power they cannot control
  6907. > Also, it is very important not to be distracted by the wiles of stallion, especially if they are powerful and dangerously handsome
  6908. > Meanwhile, Anon can't believe they let him keep his bone armor in magic underground prison
  6909. > And there are so many intriguing ingredients, that is, inmates ripe for the picking
  6910.  
  6911. >Anon isn't actually imprisoned in Tartarus. He just has too much fun hunting the various magical creatures Equestria throws in there and crafts magical artifacts out of them
  6912.  
  6913. >He wandered in there on his own seeking more materials
  6914. >Then they locked the door behind him and told Cerby not to let him out
  6915. >Ends up chatting with Tirek, and tries to figure out if he can eat magic like he does
  6916.  
  6917.  
  6918.  
  6919. >New villains captured in cells.
  6920. >Cries of despair and agony can be heard.
  6921. >Using once powerful beings, like beasts of burden and transport.
  6922. >Used them to transport the new "Materials and Donations"
  6923. >Being helped by various groups of succubi to categorize, harvest and create.
  6924. >Being in hell means not dying.
  6925. >This gives the opportunity to exploit everything to its maximum splendor.
  6926. >Anon becomes boss of Tartarus.
  6927. >Hell has a new administration, and under his reign, tartarus becomes truly hell
  6928.  
  6929.  
  6930.  
  6931. So Anon becomes literal pony satan.
  6932. >Tempting honest mares with his otherworldly beauty to leave their families and/or herds.
  6933. Some say that He has the stamina to last several minutes, His hands are able to scratch even the worst itch and those who feel His embrace never wish to be let go.
  6934. >Controlling the beasts that Harmony has no control over.
  6935. More like he just puts them in cages and chops off bits whenever he needs them but it does instill a very primal loyalty through fear and pain.
  6936. >Corrupting those with ambition with his (Perceived) promises of power.
  6937. An earth pony in a family of accomplished mages would certainly feel temptation to learn from him the secrets of magic without a horn.
  6938. >Ruling over and seeing to the eternal suffering of those sent to his domain.
  6939. Again he just accidentally becomes satan by making sure his reagents and ingredients don't run away.
  6940. Something Something RGRE
  6941.  
  6942.  
  6943.  
  6944.  
  6945.  
  6946. > Every ten years, one of the princesses has to go to Tartarus and do a review of all of its prisoners.
  6947. > In theory it's to determine if any of them are worthy of 'parole'.
  6948. > However it's just a formality as they are all too evil and degenerate to ever earn such a prviledge.
  6949. > Enter current year, and Luna gets chosen for the job since she hasn't been around for a long time, Twilight is too new to really handle it, and Cadence is a mom at the moment.
  6950. > Luna agrees and goes in, cataloging all the prisoners.
  6951.  
  6952. > Everything is going perfectly, all the offenders on the list are in Tartarus.
  6953. > All accounted for.
  6954. > That is until she comes across a strange creature known as Anon.
  6955. > He isn't on the list anywhere.
  6956. > Stranger, he claims he woke up in Tartarus a year ago, and pleads and begs the princess to let him out.
  6957.  
  6958. > Luna is at first suspicious; he could be a shapeshifter who she counted earlier trying to get out.
  6959. > But when she determines that's not the case, then she finds herself anxious; bringing someone out of Tartarus has never been done before.
  6960. > It would cause a stir in the kindom and bring her fellow princesses suspicions on her.
  6961. > Something she would be loathe to have after her Nightmare Moon phase.
  6962.  
  6963. > Despite her worries though, the humans is not evil.
  6964. > From the way he speaks to the way he dreams; he is strange, eccentric, and more than a bit marely.
  6965. > But not evil.
  6966. > So breaking with tradition, she takes him back with her to Canterlot.
  6967. > And thus begins a wild chain of events
  6968.  
  6969.  
  6970.  
  6971.  
  6972.  
  6973. >Anon somehow finds himself in Tartarus.
  6974. >The leading theory on how it happened is he accidentally got sucked down his toilet by flushing it while sitting on it while half asleep.
  6975. >Given what he has learned about magic, it's more plausible than the 'hit by a car' or 'that horrible tasting soda was actually bleach' hypotheses.
  6976. >Fucking portals man.
  6977. >Like five ponies he knows here arrived through weird portal fuckery.
  6978. >Now surrounded by a bunch of devils and stuff, Anon is starting to open up.
  6979. >Those incubi and succubi really know how to party.
  6980. >Anon goes too far with his deviancy, even for Tartarus.
  6981. >He holds a pony's hooves.
  6982. >He is kicked out of Tartarus into Equestria
  6983.  
  6984.  
  6985.  
  6986. >unbidden by heaven and unwelcome in hell, Anon is forced to wander the wastes as a hungry ghost
  6987. >hungry... for hoovesies 
  6988. >while none speak it aloud, all little colts and fillies know that to leave even a single hoof uncovered by blankets while sleeping is to invite a fate at least as bad as death, and certainly far lewder
  6989. >the braver children, or more foolish, even go so far as to dare each other to stand in front of a dark mirror in a dark room on a dark and moonless night and call to the Boogienon by name and by cantrip, the rhyme as alien as the terror it summons:
  6990.  
  6991. This little piggy went to market.
  6992. This little piggy stayed home.
  6993. This little piggy had roast beef,
  6994. And this little piggy had none.
  6995. And this little piggy said wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home.
  6996.  
  6997. >but no pone ever has said whose home that little piggy was going to, nor why
  6998. >and no pone has ever thought to ask:
  6999. >why was he screaming as he went?
  7000.  
  7001.  
  7002.  
  7003.  
  7004.  
  7005. >Anon the necromancer, now outside of the tartarus thanks to Luna.
  7006. >He did not died or became a lich, or some shit like that.
  7007. >He is just the regular good ol' Anon.
  7008. >He start to make take his life back in shape.
  7009. >Gets his house back.
  7010. >Book hoers and Moondancer start to plan a herd for him.
  7011. >Maybe mellow him more for him to become a good colt.
  7012. >Andmaybebuiltaherdwithhimfullofmareslikethembutanyways!.
  7013. >When he begins to narrate them about what he has done, he talks about his BEST FRIEND in hell.
  7014. >He tells of his times playing and being friends.
  7015. >With a smile, he tells them of his desire for her to do well, wherever she is.
  7016.  
  7017. >Meanwhile in hell.
  7018. >With the protection of the night and with the blessing of Cerberus.
  7019. >A figure comes out of the shadows and the abyss.
  7020. >With calm step, it is directed towards the nearest holy ground.
  7021. >Using his magic, invokes a thick fog, covering his work.
  7022. >A second spell is cast.
  7023. >With this, the earth beneath your feet begins to break.
  7024. >She has an official mission.
  7025. >Bring hell's king and administrator back.
  7026. >But inside of her there is only one mission.
  7027. >Reclaim your best friend.
  7028. >No...
  7029. >Retrieve your stallion.
  7030. >Maybesomedaywhenyouinvitehimtogouotwithyou,maybegrabsomecoffeeandhoofholdingifheisinthatkindofthings,nothatyouaregoingtoforcehimtodoitoranythingheisjustoopure.
  7031. >LEAVEMYHUSBANDALONE
  7032.  
  7033.  
  7034.  
  7035.  
  7036.  
  7037. >You will never have teach a class of rowdy Pegasi and Griffons.
  7038. >You will never be picked on by the class for having no wings.
  7039. >You will never beat the shit out of them and teach them valuable life lessons.
  7040. >You will never help them find a path to follow on their own.
  7041. >You will never fight tooth and nail to save one of the worst offenders from being kicked out from the school.
  7042. >You will never see them grow and mature.
  7043. >You will never be visited by one of them after they graduate for tips.
  7044. >You will never hear news and hearsay about your former students.
  7045. >You will never be interrupted during class by the captain of the wonderbolts.
  7046. >You will never remember that she used to be one of your students and those tips and tricks you taught her eventually helped her be captain.
  7047. >You will never be proposed to by her.
  7048. >You will never have the smallest and clumsiest filly.
  7049. >You will never be called by the school because your daughter got her cutie mark and was sent to the detention.
  7050. >You will never hear your cute clumsy daughter be called an ace.
  7051. >You will never explain to your Wife and Daughter the significance of the Blue Infinity shaped Ribbon cutie mark.
  7052. >You will never try and name your next child as Cipher or the Demon Lord of the Round
  7053.  
  7054. >ywn have a loving family with your qt pegasus waifu
  7055. >ywn be called "my little birdhouse" by your loving wife as she snuggles into you as she rests in your arms as you both drift off to sleep
  7056. >ywn be jarred out of your near sleep by a wail ringing through the house, the sound of a door slamming, the running of hooves, another slammed door, and then being tackled by your now shivering child after a bad nightmare where "you went home and said you didn't need us to come with you"
  7057.  
  7058.  
  7059.  
  7060.  
  7061.  
  7062.  
  7063.  
  7064.  
  7065. >Anon arrives in Tartarus
  7066. >Loves it -- it's Hell to ponies and Equestria, but by Earth standards it's one giant, endless rave-party.
  7067. >Like Mardigras/Spring Break.
  7068. >Anon is discovered by Celestia.
  7069. >Determines he's innocent and shouldn't be in Hell.
  7070. >Despite his vehement objections and attempts of eluding her, the "disturbed colt" is taken back to Canterlot for rehabilitation.
  7071. >The Princesses (needlessly) feel guilty and responsible for "damning an innocent".
  7072. >An uncooperative Anon keeps trying to escape his jailers and return.
  7073. >The Great Escape II: Horseland Escape.
  7074. >Also more shenanigans as Cadence grows interested in him personally.
  7075. >Syrup-maned hoers
  7076.  
  7077.  
  7078.  
  7079. >pony hell is an out of control party by earth standards
  7080. >Anon is able to keep pace with the rowdiest of demons there at the least
  7081. >despite being a party by earth standards pony hell is still hell
  7082. >because of this it has all the common features of the after life
  7083. >firstimmortalityandthenthehorsesuccubi.parchment
  7084. >it's a party that never ends with a host that never dies
  7085. >now Anon can give it a human's touch
  7086. >Russian roulette without the consequences of death
  7087. >beer bongs where wine and beer flow like water
  7088.  
  7089.  
  7090.  
  7091.  
  7092. >Celestia and Luna freak out hard when the wards on Tartarus register a powerful entity escaping
  7093. >It's the worst possible one, too
  7094. >The last time she escaped, Equestria nearly reverted into its "three tribes" state
  7095. >Worst of all, she's heading straight for Canterlot
  7096. >Celestia and Luna, trying to put on a brave face for the rest of the kingdom, are definitely not trembling in fear at the return of…
  7097. "Dessie! I missed you, hon!"
  7098. >Celestia yelps
  7099. >Desdemona, the queen of deception, is in the throne room
  7100. >She's crying and clutching at dear deluded Anonymous like there's no tomorrow
  7101. >"Anon, I was so scared I'd never see you again when those horrible princesses took you away!"
  7102. "It's okay, Dessie. It's gonna be alright. I'm here, now, and nobody's gonna take me away from you again. Come on, honey…"
  7103. >Mistakes may have been made
  7104.  
  7105. >"C-can I torment some of the noble peons, Anon? All their smugness is hurting my tummy."
  7106. "Dessie, you know you're not allowed to. If you do that every time you come up for a visit, they'll never get over what you did that last time."
  7107. >Desdemona pouts, crossing her forelimbs over her chest
  7108. >"It was just a little prank. Honestly, couldn't they handle a joke?"
  7109. "You almost returned their society to its darkest hours, hun."
  7110. >"A little civil war never hurt anypony. Not on Equestria, at least."
  7111. >Anonymous boops the most fearsome demon pony in Tartarus on the snout
  7112. >The resulting scrunch is so terrifying, a few citizens collapse outright
  7113. "Come on, no more of that. Let's go back to the house they gave me when they snatched me, I found something I'm sure you'll love."
  7114. >Desdemona is on her hooves in an instant, interest clearly visible on her face for an instant before she shoots a glare at the ponies around her
  7115. >"Fine, but I reserve the right to torment any of these mares who thinks she can snatch you away from me again. You're mine and I'm not letting them have you."
  7116. >Anon chuckles good-naturedly as Desdemona narrows her eyes, giving the quickly retreating crowd the universal sign for 'I'm watching you'
  7117. >Luna froze up fifteen minutes ago and Celestia passed out where she was standing
  7118. >Even way out in the Crystal Empire, Cadence can already feel the urge to yell at her aunties for being stupid
  7119. >Twilight is still trying to figure out who keeps shitposting so effectively in all her /mlh/ threads
  7120.  
  7121.  
  7122.  
  7123.  
  7124.  
  7125.  
  7126.  
  7127. Mlh green
  7128.  
  7129. > Oblivious Eponymous walks down the street, wonders why all the men have spilled vanilla yogurt on their pants
  7130. > Ends up living with Albert Einstein as he takes a break from developing an atomic bomb to study Eponymous' magic
  7131. > Eponymous cooperates as much as she can, unaware of how unprofessional Albert's "scientific" probing is becoming
  7132.  
  7133. Or
  7134.  
  7135. > Eponymous visits Mr. Rogers
  7136. > They take off their shoes together, and Eponymous gets to wear two spare sets of his loafers
  7137. > He puts on his cardigan right in front of her, aware of her rising excitement, but not showing any sign of it except for a paternal twinkle in his eye
  7138. > Eponymous stretches out on the couch, forelegs brazenly stretched across his lap as he tells her a story of the land of make-believe
  7139. > Mr. McFeely drops by with a package and some subtle hints that he wouldn't mind delivering a package for her
  7140. > The parcel for Mr. Rogers turns out to be a video of how cows are milked on a dairy farm
  7141. > Mr. Rogers then demonstrates for the viewers how to milk a horse, using Eponymous
  7142.  
  7143. Etc
  7144.  
  7145.  
  7146.  
  7147.  
  7148.  
  7149.  
  7150. >Anon is a Quarian
  7151. >Not literally, but when compared with ponies, Anon is a Quarian
  7152. >While he may be able to best ponies in feats of strength (pegasus and unicorn) and even speed or persistence of endurance (earth and unicorn), there is one thing that all ponies and even all creatures of Equestria trump him on:
  7153. >Immune system and genetic health
  7154. >The worst ailments the creatures on Equestria suffer are minor colds
  7155. >Meanwhile, a human breaking the skin deeply enough can cause life-threatening infections, not to mention all of the more serious maladies that can arise simply by being exposed to the elements
  7156. >Humans can even get cancer, an illness that fractions their life span, simply by spending too much time in the sun or having improper diets 
  7157. >Anon makes pone friends aware of this
  7158. >Not a great idea
  7159. >The mares in his life (who already feel protective of him because he's a 'him') feel even more responsible for his well-being now that they know of his vulnerabilities
  7160. >To make things worse, Anon himself has some reason to fear
  7161. >Knowing that ponies can still get sick and still lack genetic disorders, it stands to reason that their lack of serious disease doesn't stem from a lack of dangerous bacteria, viruses or other pathogens on equestria, but they they, specifically, are strong to them
  7162. >The lack of necessity also means that ponies are inexperienced or straight up unable to treat issues caused by serious illnesses, even if they might be common among humans
  7163. >Anon washes his hands ten+ times a day
  7164. >He quickly tends to even minor wounds with alcohol solutions that are uncommon to ponies, anything to make sure that non-earth bacteria and the like don't riddle his earth-adapted body too severely; he still gets sick with minor colds and the like fairly often
  7165. >When asked how he copes, Anon simply says that he does what he think he should and takes the best precautions in a way and to consistancy that doesn't utterly consume his life
  7166. >After that is just hoping
  7167. >Hoping that he never gets too seriously sick
  7168. >Hoping that, like many humans, he doesn't just wake up with cancer one day
  7169. >The mares who know him unapologetic ally and insistently treat him like he's made of glass
  7170. >Their touches are tender, they hand him things carefully, they never try to get him to do anything physical unless he brings it up first
  7171. >This treatment eventually becomes universal to Anon's chagrin, even if he understands the reason why
  7172. >Anonymous becomes the town's unofficial soft-spoken alien paragon, accepting his life as it is even with all the added trouble and constant perceived risk
  7173. >Protect his smile intensifies
  7174. >Pure,unsullied virgin husbando intensifies
  7175. Bonus edge/complexity round: 
  7176. >Miraculously, Anonymous is actually able to have children with the native creatures, and his children tend to inherit similar positive qualities
  7177. >Added tolerance for and benefit from protein-rich food sources like meats, increased endurance during physical exertion, etc
  7178. >Unfortunately, his offspring ALSO tend to be affected by the so-called 'Human Immune Deficiency', weakening them to the illness and sickness, even if not to the same degree and their father/ancestor
  7179.  
  7180.  
  7181.  
  7182.  
  7183.  
  7184.  
  7185. >Anon cant tell what ponies find attractive or not
  7186. >He sees them all as cute and cuter
  7187. >Eventually he ends up with a herd of ugly/unattractive mares and Fluttershy
  7188. >He thinks they are all adorable as fuck
  7189. >His herd is the tightest most loving herd in Ponyville and perhaps even equestria
  7190. >All because their stallion sees the beauty in them that no one else does and loves fluttershy for her personality and shyness
  7191.  
  7192.  
  7193.  
  7194.  
  7195. >try to make the most of the role reversal by acting slutty and being a cunt tease
  7196. >weren't raised as a colt by Equestrian standards so it's just a game to you
  7197. >get lectured for half an hour by boss, older mare, or sometimes even your friends about modesty (and not being a slut for those that don't beat around the bush)
  7198.  
  7199. >"Anon, a proper young colt like yourself doesn't need to be out there, showboating around."
  7200. >"Boy, you barely KNOW that girl and you're scratchin behind her ears like it's the thing to do."
  7201.  
  7202.  
  7203.  
  7204. >"Twilight, humans are very affectionate creatures. Rubbing, petting, scratching each other and cuddling are what we do around casual friends. I wont even get started on all of the steaming hot casual sex that men are desperate to hand out. I know this means I am in danger of being taken advantage of by naughty mares while in Equestria. So I counting on you and the girls to keep me safe. Alright?"
  7205.  
  7206. >"It's a good thing you're such trustworthy friends that I can really t- Oops, dropped a bit...why don't I just lean down to get that so you can see down my shirt."
  7207.  
  7208. >Anon flirts with ponies shamelessly but plays it innocent as fuck when it they jump for the bait
  7209. >Is a giant cunt tease for all of ponyville
  7210. >Half the mares are plotting to jump him
  7211. >The other half think they have a chance and are trying to protect him
  7212. >Anon just waiting for the mare ballsy enough to call his bluff so he can absolutely wreck her and deny it vehemently if anyone asked him about it
  7213.  
  7214.  
  7215. >He's out to lunch with some stallion co-workers
  7216. >"We heard you made Derpy see straight, Anon."
  7217. >'I beg you pardon, sirs, but a gentleman does NOT kiss and tell.'
  7218. >That one co-worker he's hella cool with asks later
  7219. >"..You smashed though, right?"
  7220. >'Oh like there was no tomorrow, dude.'
  7221.  
  7222.  
  7223.  
  7224.  
  7225.  
  7226. >Anon is a good cook
  7227. >[Insert character here] constantly gets leftovers/taste tests of his cooking, tells him any mare would kill to get his food regularly like they do
  7228. >Anon then decides to open a food stand, which isn't met with "colts shouldn't work" because it's cooking
  7229. >Makes pre-packed lunches for the 9-5 mares, and/or is open for lunch
  7230. >Lodsofemone
  7231. >Every so often a mare asks for 'a lunch and a date'
  7232.  
  7233. >Oblivious Anon would start ordering dates to add to lunches after having to tell numerous mares he doesn't have any in stock
  7234. >Catty Anon would already have dates and would tease them before giving them one
  7235.  
  7236.  
  7237.  
  7238. >Chef Anon in RGRE
  7239. >He's the stereotypical career chef, has a no nonsense and tough guy persona 
  7240. >Tries to show that comparing his skills to that of a domestic parent is an insult
  7241. >Ponies keep complimenting him by saying he'd be a great house husband
  7242.  
  7243.  
  7244.  
  7245.  
  7246.  
  7247. >humor Twilight with a date
  7248. >or two
  7249. >totally not because you were too beta to say no, haha
  7250. >she thinks you're her coltfriend now
  7251. >you know this because she loves to announce that you're an item whenever possible
  7252. >gets incredibly clingy and "protective" around anything with a vagina, even married mares and those brats hunting for ass stamps
  7253. >now you have to work up the courage to set this literal royal pain in the ass straight
  7254.  
  7255.  
  7256.  
  7257.  
  7258.  
  7259.  
  7260. >Anon is at a bar drinking
  7261. >Two unicorns come over to chat him up
  7262. >He starts to feel suddenly sleepy before he passes out
  7263. >The mares give each other the look and try to carry him out
  7264. >The problem is magic doesn't work on him
  7265. >Next they try to physically move him
  7266. >Turns out unicorns are not the most physically endowed race of ponies
  7267. >They even manage to convince a couple of other mares to help them "get him home"
  7268. >Still doesn't work
  7269. >The two mares give up and leave in disgust
  7270. >The bartender shakes her head and adds the tenth chalk mark to the board behind the bar
  7271.  
  7272.  
  7273.  
  7274.  
  7275.  
  7276.  
  7277. "What do you mean, the world is round? That makes no sense, Anon."
  7278. "If Equestria was round, how would Nightmare Moon have created eternal night? Everypony would just move to the side with the sunlight."
  7279. "Have you been listening to those Round Equestria Society weirdos again? What was her name, Lyro or something?"
  7280. "No, Anon! Don't listen to those weirdos. If you ever have a scientific question, ask a qualified mare like myself."
  7281.  
  7282.  
  7283.  
  7284.  
  7285. >"That's Anon over there"
  7286. >"Just buy him something to drink and he will let you do whatever you want to him"
  7287. >Really? Just like that?
  7288. >"Yeah, he once gave it to some unicorn mare despite his wariness around horns. All she gave him was a glass of wine and suddenly he was 'too drunk to contain himself"
  7289. >"also, my friend also told me he fucked her for a ride home from a concert"
  7290. >oh my gosh, what a slut... I only have 2 bits on me though
  7291. >"Hah, that's more than enough"
  7292.  
  7293.  
  7294.  
  7295.  
  7296. >start going outside without a shirt
  7297. >since everyone is nude anyway you figured it wouldn't hurt
  7298. >it helps that you won't be refused service without shirts or shoes
  7299. >and that it let's you stave off the inevitable laundry day too
  7300. >there's just one thing
  7301. >people...ponies stare
  7302. >more than they usually do
  7303. >as it turns out stallions don't have nipples
  7304. >so yours stick out like a sore thumb
  7305. >but at least most of them are pretending that it doesn't distract, or at least trying to
  7306. >unbeknownst to you, the mares of Ponyville heatedly debate behind closed doors:
  7307. >is wanting to do lewd things to your nipples gay?
  7308. >what if you just enjoy the sight of them but don't touch them?
  7309. >and similar questions
  7310.  
  7311.  
  7312.  
  7313.  
  7314. >Anon's mannerisms, attitudes, personality, and behaviour remind X Princess of somepony she used to know.
  7315. >Becomes convinced that Anon is the reincarnation of her old love
  7316.  
  7317. > Celestia has lived so long and known so many ponies (both biblically and not) that many times she is reminded of old friends
  7318. > She tries not to, but sometimes she uses the name of a long dead friend instead of the name of whoever she is talking to
  7319.  
  7320. "... And then the Polack says, "What do you think I've been doing? Shoving them up my ass?"
  7321. >"O-oh my! That's almost as funny as the story about my first husband!"
  7322. "Huh?"
  7323. >"Right after his funeral, I was still in mourning. I could hardly bare to raise the sun over a world without him. Then you snuck past the guards to my mourning chamber, and told me about the time the two of you were in college, and..."
  7324. "... Celestia? Are you okay?"
  7325. >"I-I-I'm fine, Starsw- Er, Anonymous. I simply must retire to my chambers, as I feel terribly exhausted all of a sudden."
  7326. "Uh... Sleep tight, Celestia."
  7327. >"Yes, yes, sleep tight...
  7328.  
  7329.  
  7330.  
  7331.  
  7332.  
  7333.  
  7334. > Chubby Anon in RGRE
  7335. > Mares are polite, but uninterested
  7336. > Stallions try to give him dieting and exercise tips, but he really can't cut out hay products, since he doesn't eat hay
  7337. > Some shallow stallions hang around him to look good by comparison
  7338. > An attractive mare starts flirting with him at the bar
  7339. > He can't believe it
  7340. > She insists that she didn't lose a bet or anything
  7341. > Wary but lonely, he follows her to her home
  7342. > After a few glasses of wine and the mare getting rather intimate with her hooves, he gives up and goes with the flow
  7343. > Before long, she has mounted herself on him, grinning at the wonder in his eyes
  7344. > "I like 'em big, Anon. I like them soft. And most of all, "
  7345. > She nips at his ear
  7346. > "I love making sad stallions happy."
  7347.  
  7348.  
  7349.  
  7350.  
  7351. "Goddamn it Twi you are so hot."
  7352. >You bite your lip as you eye that pudgy and glorious flank of hers
  7353. >"Anon stop. I know I am fat and ugly. You dont need to pretend I'm not."
  7354. >Your eyes stop their defilement of her body as your pupils shrink to pinpricks
  7355. >Kneeling down you grab her by the chin and slowly tilt her head back so she is forced to look into your eyes
  7356. "Twi I will tell you this as many times as I need to for it to sink past all your issues with your body."
  7357. >Her eyes are wide open and she is frozen in place
  7358. >Your glare holds her harder than Butternutters stare does
  7359. "You are absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn't change one last thing about you."
  7360. >Letting go of her jaw you run your hand up her cheek
  7361. "I love your beautiful face."
  7362. >Your hand runs through her mane
  7363. "Your brilliant mind."
  7364. >As your hand glides down her back it brushes her wings causing her to flinch as your digits cross the sensitive joints
  7365. "Your incredible talents that gave you these wings."
  7366. >As your feelers go further back you have to lean in bringing your face closer and closer to the now furiously blushing alicorn before you
  7367. >Inches away from her face your hands find her flank and your fingers dig in to the soft, yet firm, flesh
  7368. >This causes her to let out an unmarely squeak
  7369. >Yet her eyes never leave yours
  7370. "And your unbelievably attractive "assets"'
  7371. >With a quick tug your pull her into you
  7372. >Your lips meet and it seems to break the spell on her
  7373. >She gasps into your kiss which you take as an invitation to deepen the kiss
  7374. >Her tongue weakly struggles against you for a few moments before you break the kiss
  7375. >She is panting as you bring your mouth right up to her ear and whisper
  7376. "And if you want any proof of how attractive I think you are..."
  7377. >You nibble her ear and she lets out a moan
  7378. "I will show you right here and right now what your body does to me."
  7379. >She shudders in your arms
  7380. >"Anon I...you...wow."
  7381. >A throaty chuckle escapes you as she struggles to respond to what just happened
  7382. >A quiet cough rips through the moment causing both of you to jump
  7383. >Looking up you see the other girls are sitting around the picnic basket staring at you with wide eyes and blushes
  7384. >Rainbow is physically trying to push her wings down while fluttershy seems to have hidden in her mane with wings on full display
  7385. >AJ has her hat over her face but seems to be peeking out the side and pinkie is sitting perfectly still and silent
  7386. >Rarity seems to be intent on not meeting your gaze when she says
  7387. >"I am sorry to interrupt such a...intimate moment Anon but this is a public park and you were starting to attract attention."
  7388. >That's when you notice that just about every pony in the park were looking your way
  7389. >You gently set the flusterred Twilight down
  7390. "Ha ha ha! Sorry about that but I get a little over excited sometimes."
  7391. >"We can tell" Pinkie says with her eyes locked on the tight bulge in your pants
  7392. >You spare a glance over at Twilight
  7393. "Offer still stands though Twilight. Right here. Right now. As long as you promise to pay the public indecency fines that is."
  7394.  
  7395.  
  7396.  
  7397.  
  7398.  
  7399.  
  7400.  
  7401. >Anon is dating Gilda
  7402. >some stallions make fun of him behind his back for being in a relationship a griffin
  7403. >most prominently that slut Time Turner
  7404. >Anon didn't give a shit at first, until they started spreading rumors about him to ruin his reputation
  7405. >before long a lot of ponies in town think he's a xenophiliac slut
  7406. >Time Turner expected Anon to cry and move somewhere else like most stallions
  7407. >Anon just casually walks up to him and starts wailing on him nonstop
  7408. >mares think it's hot until they see the blood and bruises
  7409. >Time Turner ends up in the hospital with two black eyes, a broken nose, missing teeth, and a busted lip
  7410. >when asked what happened to him, he'll just start screaming he fell down the stairs over and over like a mantra
  7411. >Gilda's wings are at full mast
  7412.  
  7413.  
  7414.  
  7415.  
  7416.  
  7417. >Across the vast eastern sea, on the other side of the world, beyond the known boundaries of the maps, lies the human kingdom
  7418. >Humans are known of in Equestria's myths
  7419. >The stories give much focus to their peculiar gender roles
  7420. >And in the older, more serious, tales, their penchant for conflict.
  7421. >But no human has been seen in Equestria since the end of Discord's Reign of Chaos
  7422. >Sailing to their lands is a dangerous endeavor, for the seas are treacherous, the weather uncontrollable, and rumors abound of monsters beneath the waves
  7423.  
  7424.  
  7425.  
  7426.  
  7427.  
  7428.  
  7429. >If human males are all like Anon then human females must be powerful giants and the mareliest of mares
  7430. >How else would they keep their stallions in line?
  7431. >Twilight tries to pair him up with dragons and other large monsters as she thinks Anon's janefilly ways are merely predator instincts

A Dazzling Christmas

by Uh-hmmm

A Dream Proposition

by Uh-hmmm

A Morning Ride

by Uh-hmmm

Adagio's Lullaby

by Uh-hmmm

An Acquired Taste (Scat)

by Uh-hmmm