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>You are Anon, on a train and bored out of your mind.
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>Having been mysteriously transported to a reality of being pastel ponies you were ecstatic.
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>Finally some god damn adventure you thought to yourself.
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>You lived a fairly mundane life back on earth. It had its moments sure but a whole new world filled with mystery easily put earth to shame.
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>You were ready for action mainly the ass kicking kinda action sadly those dreams were short lived having realized one thing.
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>Everyone in this strange world seemed to have the intellect of literal god damn children.
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>This fucking place man.
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>The most conflict you’ve seen from this place is when two stallions who weren’t paying attention accidentally bumped into each other.
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>You thought you were going to see an actual argument take place but that was wishful thinking.
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>Because they immediately began apologizing, the only argument that took place was who’s the most sorry.
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>After exactly One minute and thirty seconds they both agreed they were sorry times infinity and hugged and went on like nothing happened.
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>You sigh at the memory this fucking place man.
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>"Anon what’s wrong?" Glancing towards your left your eyes fall on your traveling partner purple smart herself.
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"No everything’s fine Twilight just bored out of my mind” She breathes a sigh of relief before looking up at you with a smile.
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>"Oh well that shouldn’t be a problem Anon sleepovers are always super duper fun.”
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>That’s right the reason for your train excursion a fucking sleepover you can’t believe you gotten this desperate for action.
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>Apparently her brother Shining Armor and his wife Cadence invited Twi over for a sleepover.
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>You don’t really get how the whole husband and wife thing works with the universal lowered intelligence.
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>But it’s one of the many things you learned to just roll with and accept.
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>Regardless upon receiving this information Twilight began bouncing off the walls in excitement.
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>You told her to have a good time and you would keep yourself occupied.
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>Having been staying with her since you first arrived you figured you could brainstorm a way to stay entertained in a library treehouse.
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>That would have been the plan had you not let it slip that you never went to a sleepover before, big mistake.
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>Because Twilight immediately started tearing up utterly distraught at the thought of you never having a sleepover.
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>She practically begged you to come with her you were ready to turn her down immediately but
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>Those god damn eyes man you were physically incapable of saying no after that besides not like you were doing anything.
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>Who knows a change of scenery might be just the shake up you needed to quench that thirst for adventure.
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>So here you are taking a train to the crystal empire for a sleepover. How they maintain and run an empire has also been added on to the list of things you’ve come to just accept.
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>Sensing your still somewhat down in the dumps Twilight does her best to reassure sure about the fun to be had.
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>"Don’t worry Anon for I Twilight Sparkle with the help of Cadence and Shiny pinkie promise to make this the best sleepover ever!"
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>She puffs out her cheeks in an attempt to show how serious she is…
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>Fucking adorable.
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>Not even your perpetual boredom and probably above average sour mood could be kept up at the sight.
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>Deciding against being such a spoilsport you give in to the downright infectious enthusiasm radiating from Twilight.
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"Alright I’ll hold you to that Twi"
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>You place your hand on her head and gently ruffle her mane eliciting a giggle from Twilight.
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>"Anon dooooon’t, you're gonna mess up my mane" You relent leaving purple smart in a giggling fit.
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>You exhale and relax, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
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>Your first sleepover ever is taking place in a strange new world and you're starting to get a little excited.
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>It might even be a ton of fun, finally something to end the dry spell of boredom.
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>Just as soon as you get there and at the speeds you’re currently traveling on this train you’ll get there in no time at all.
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>SCREEEEEEEEEECH.
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>You lurch a little as you unmistakably hear the telltale sign of the train stopping.
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>A quick glance out the window reveals you are infact not in the crystal empire but still in the middle of bum fuck desert nowhere.
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>You swear you see a lone tumbleweed roll past your window mockingly.
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>Alright universe there better be some god damn avenger level blocking this train or you and the universe are gonna fight.
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>Moving closer to the window to look towards the front of the train and spotting absolutely no obstructions whatsoever.
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>Yep that’s it the universe is long overdue for a thrashing, what could possibly be the reason for stopping.
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>"SNACK TIME EVERYPONY!"
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>"YAYYYYYYYYYYY!"
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>A chorus of cheers erupts from the train’s occupants you should have known.
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>Of course because why wouldn’t the fucking train stop for snack time literally everything else did.
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>While you attempt to keep sane at this new revelation you see two ponies, a mare and stallion.
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>They walk down the isle along with a trolley consisting of various yogurts and juice boxes
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>Making there way down the isle passing out the snacks eventually passing by you and twilight
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>Your unicorn travel companion reaches out and with her magic floating over two juice boxes two yogurts and two spoons
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“Thanks Twilight" you say with a small smile as you take the snacks from her.
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>"No problem, Anon. It's important to stay nourished, especially on long train rides like this," she replies with a smile of her own.
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>You nod in agreement, taking a sip from the juice box. The sweet, fruity taste is refreshing and helps to distract you from the frustration of being stuck in the middle of nowhere.
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>Welp no use in fretting over it you’ll be moving again in no time and-
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>"AHHHHHHHHHH!"
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>A ear piercing shriek emits from the seat adjacent to your own causing you to inhale sharply as your juice goes down the wrong pipe.
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>Coughing and sputtering as you try to recover whilst twilight lightly pats your back with a hoof.
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>The force of which does little to alleviate your lungs but you appreciate the effort.
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>You look over and see a terrified mare looking out her window and pointing a trembling hoof towards something out the window.
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>Having recovered from the juice attack, you and a few other ponies turn and glare at the mare.
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>Well in reality only you turn and glare as the rest of the train’s occupants look at the mare with looks of worry and confusion etched on their face as she stammers out
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>”B-B-B-B”
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>You groan in barley repressed rage as you couldn’t possibly fathom what the mare could have seen to startle you out of your refreshment
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>You’re about to her to spill it out when a nearby stallions speaks first
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>"Ooh ooh a works guessing game uhh is iiiiiiiiiit berries?!"
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>There's no way this was happening right now
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>"Oh is it brunch?"
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>A mare asks joining the impromptu game of guessing that took place the mare stammer on.
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>"B-B-B-B-B"
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>Guesses continue to fly as nopony seems to be getting any closer. This is stupid and you feel the need to voice this.
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"This is stupid"
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>This causes your purple traveling companion to giggle to herself.
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>"Silly anon that doesn’t start with B and that’s too many words"
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>This fucking place man.
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>Getting up from your seat you make your way over following the shaky mares hoof with your eyes.
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>You have to squint against the sun but as you focus you see in the distance the you see five silhouettes shrouded in shadow before they advance kicking up a dust cloud behind them.
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>No way those couldn’t be.
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>“b-b-b-BANDITS!”
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>You are anon and are currently deaf in one ear now as an ear piercing scream was set off right next to you.
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>Covering the offended ear you gaze around the train as the only thing that can be described as panic ensues.
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>Some join the original mare in her panicked rambling making a horrible cacophony of noise amidst the cries.
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>others trot around in small circles frantically or clop their hooves nervously on their seats.
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>you swear amidst the impromptu panic session you hear three soft pomfs hitting the train floor before you hear a mare exclaim.
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>“The horror THE HORROR” before a final pomf happens again.
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>Yep this was getting outta hand fast you turn back from the window and head back to your seat checking on your traveling companion.
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>Upon returning to your seat twilight seems to be fairing slightly better but is clearly just as spooked as the other ponies.
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>Seeing your return she quickly straightens up in her seat wiping a tear from her eye with a hoof and giving you a smile though her ears still pin back.
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>“Don’t worry Anon, stuff like this happens all the time, even if it’s really scary you don’t have to be afraid!” The trembling says trying to reassure you while putting on a brave front.
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>You chuckle at your companions antics and gentle reach out a hand to ruffle her mane again
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“Thanks twilight you're being very brave” your words cause the purple unicorn to beam up at you, tension fading from her form.
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>As you take another gander around the train things have mostly calmed down, as a few train attendants have deployed emergency blankets and snacks to the distressed ponies.
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>As the conductor comes trotting down from the front of the train car.
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>“Now I know everypony is afraid of the super s-scary bandits, but we must remain calm and-”
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>the conductor pony stops speaking as you raise your hand.
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>the last time you interrupted somepony while they were speaking, you got put in time out for five minutes.
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>which apparently was a harsher punishment regardless, you aren’t curious enough to find out if they have timeouts on trains.
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>“Yes Anon?” The conductor calls your name having been giving permission to speak which you note is stupid
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“Couldn’t you just ya know start the train again?” You question reasonably.
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>“No, we couldn’t possibly do that” the train conductor replies.
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“And why not?” You prompt bracing for the coming response.
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>“Because snack time isn’t over yet silly!”
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>You sigh expecting this much but your were secretly ecstatic finally a chance to kick ass and save a train full of ponies
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“Thanks conductor, I'll handle this” before he can ask what you mean.
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>You reach under your seat and pull out a long case. Twilight suddenly looks nervous but you pay her no mind. It was time for justice.
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>Opening the case reveals your tried and true and most dependable ally.
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>Your spiked bat.
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>It's hero time as you can now hear the clipping and clopping of hooves approaching, you grasp your bat ready to.
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>You test the weight of your bat. It feels extremely light and you notice a severe lack of spikes and badassery.
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>Setting down the case you turn to the purple pony who is pointedly looking away from you.
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“Twilight?”
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>no response
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“Twilight?”
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>still no response. You take the ‘spiked bat’ and bap twilight on the head. It gives a harmless squeaky noise.
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>“Owie! anon what was that for?” she rubs the spot we’re your bat struck, despite her taking no visible damage.
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“You took my bat!” You say looking down at the imposter bat how were you supposed to dish out justice now?!
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>“It was dangerous and not safe so I got you a better one it’s safer”
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“But I needed that. What did you do with it?”
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>“I’m not telling you, bonked me!” she sticks her tongue out at you before turning away from you.
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>Welp fist to cuffs it is you discard the squeaky bat ready to throw down, as you see the bandits are at the front train door looming menacingly outside.
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>You’ve seen this before you take cover behind a chair, ready for the train cars doors to explode off and.
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>thump thump thump.
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“Um excuse me, would you mind opening up? pretty please with a cherry on top!
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>there was no way this was happening, why would any sensible.
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“Oh of course right away” the conductor start making his way to the doors to open them
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>Hold on what the fuck there’s no way
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“Hey you stop” you say as the prompted pony turns around
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>”Yes Anon, how can I help you”?
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“Please don’t tell me you were about to open that door?” You say knowing that’s exactly what he was about to happen
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>“Well yes I was because he’s-”
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“About to literally rob the train and all its occupants including yourself” you say waiting for the logic to sink in.
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>“Yes but… he said pretty please with a cherry on top!” He takes another step forward the door
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“Don't you dare”
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>another step
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“Don’t do it”
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>another step
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“I swear to fu-“
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>he opens the door greeting the bandit with a warm smile
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>”Hello everypony welcome aboard the friendship express, can we get you anything? We were just having snack time”
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>this fucking place man.
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>when the bandits enter the train you count two pegasi, two earth ponies and an unicorn pony.
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>They’re all wearing cowboy hats, and have white bandanas over their muzzles with a smiley face that looks drawn on.
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>As well as form fitting vests, that seem the holster something you can’t quite make out.
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>Okay well this was going to be a little tricky but hey you could always.
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>“Sorry for the intrusion everypony, this shouldn’t take too long and we ask that you kindly work with us” the unicorn says holding up a large sack in magic.
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>“We would all greatly appreciate it if you would put your belongings in here if you all don’t mind of course” he says making his way down the aisle pegasi in tow as they collect items for the passengers, while the earth ponies clear out the snack cart.
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>This was not what you were expecting, currently being aired out by the nicest bandits of all time.
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>Regardless you still have a train to save even though you have no idea how you’re going to do that.
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>Your thoughts are interrupted as the unicorn bandit leader makes it to your seat, holding the nap sack open expectantly.
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>Twilight is about comply before you hold up a hand to stop her.
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>“Um Anon, what are you?”
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“Hush purple this is dumb and we’re not doing that” you turn to the offending pony.
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“Listen you, we’re not giving you our stuff” you say looking down at the baffled pony.
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>“But… but… I asked nicely!” the pony lets out a petulant whine stamping a hoof.
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“Yeah don’t care not my problem”
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>“But Anon he asked Nicely!” Your purple partner pipes.
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>“Yeah I asked nicely!” the bandit says again, utterly appalled at how you could possibly refuse.
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>You've had enough, quickly standing up you Brandish your squeaky bat, and bring it down on the pony’s head it connects with a high pitched squeak.
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>The pony looks confused as he’s been bonked, before one of his pegasi partners perks up.
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>“HE'S GOT A SQUEAKER!” The mare pipes up before you find yourself on the receiving end multiple guns.
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>WHAT THE FUCK?
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>Your arms immediately go into the air, dropping the bat, it makes a defeated squeak as it collides with the floor.
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>All the train's occupants also followed suit, this was not what you were expecting.
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>Your eyes trial to the guns in question they’re all black with a red frowny face sticker on it.
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>Which would be endearing if it wasn’t a FUCKING GUN.
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>“Well well well looks like we got a real meanie head on our hooves” he says having recovered from your attack.
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>“And you know what we do to meanies?” the lead bandit whirls around to his fellow bandits, who all have their weapons trained on you.
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>“Ask nicely for their stuff?” One pipes up.
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>“Make them stand in the corner!” Another responds.
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“Oh oh I know we spay em!” *the mare from earlier looms closer, weapon trained on you.
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>You much prefer the first two options.
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“>All good guesses but no for the meanest of meanies we challenge them to a… DUEL!”
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>A chorus of dramatic gasps echo through the train.
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>“Follow me if you don’t mind” the lead pony prompts and while you most certainly do mind.
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>You get the sinking suspicion you don’t have a choice.
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>As you are escorted off the train your mind reels at the implication of pony land having guns.
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>This makes no sense, they're supposed to be harmless.
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>This was the exact opposite of harmless.
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>“Equip our friend here please” you’re pulled from your thoughts as you exit the train.
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>The bandit mare nods, reaching into her holster with her muzzle and tossing you a gun.
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>You fumble to catch it as it sloshes in your hand.
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>This was really happening and wait sloshes?
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>You shake the gun?
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>More sloshing
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>Water.
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>A water gun lies in your hands.
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>Ignoring the fact that you thought you were possibly about to be gunned by ponies, you remember just exactly where you were.
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>“The rules are simple, we walk back to back ten paces and then fire” the lead pony makes a couple of gun noises.
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>“If I win then you have to give us your stuff! If you win then we leave the ponies alone sound fair” the bandit twirls his water gun in his magic.
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>Fuck it, not like you have a choice, no way you were gonna loose to some ponies playing bandits your pride wouldn’t allow it.
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“Sounds fine by me partner” you try putting on your best cowboy accent it only seems appropriate.
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>“Great Count us down please” he says to one of the bandits as you face away from each other.
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>The ponies of the train car all press against the windows eyes wide as they watch the standoff commence.
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>You are Anon.
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>“ONE, TWO!”
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>Fastest fingers in equestria
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>“THREE, FOUR!”
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>Vanquisher of evil.
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>“FIVE, SIX!”
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>And little did this bandit know.
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>SEVEN, EIGHT!”
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>All those years playing fps.
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>“NINE!”
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>Were not for show.
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>“TEN!”
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>Time seems to slow.
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>Your whirl around with the speed and precision only a master gamer could achieve.
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>Your opponent is too slow.
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>Much too slow.
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>You train your weapon aiming for the head.
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>He finally faces you
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>You utter the line.
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“Nothing personal kid.”
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>You repeatedly pull the trigger of the water gun firing.
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>Each shot meets their mark.
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>Gasps are gasped cheers are cheered cries are cried.
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>But the only cries you hear here are the cries for justice.
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>The stallion hits the ground in slow motion and the water gun falls aside.
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>A single shot never even leaving it.
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>He never stood a chance. It's over.
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>You won.
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>You Flick the water gun around and holster it.
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>You don’t have a holster so it falls to the ground.
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>You don’t care as you approach the fallen pony.
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>He lays on the ground motionless, sticking out.
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>All is silent as you walk over, reaching down you take his hat.
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>Placing it upon your head it’s official there’s a new Sheriff in town.
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“Okay this is stupid can we leave please?” You say having entertained the antics of these ponies long enough.
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>You got way more into that than you ever will admit to yourself.
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“You can stop being dead now” you say to the stallion who peeks and eye open.
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>“Oh okay! That was a lot of Anon!” He says getting up and dusting himself off.
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>Agreements are shared enthusiastically as another successful playtime is achieved.
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“Alright everypony all abroad were ready to get going again” the conductor called out.
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>As the Bandits make their way into the train, guess they are allowed on now.
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>You are met with cheers from the occupants as they congratulate you for saving them and your playtime abilities.
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>You shrug and make it back to your seat where an excited purple pony waits for you.
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>“ANON! that was amazing, you were all like, pew pew pew and bam!” Twiggles makes firing noises, and a exaggerated falling over motion.
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“Well what can I say? No seriously what can I say I had no idea what came over me back there”
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>“That's the power of playtime Anon anything can happen!” The book horse gives you a big smile before settling into her seat as the train lurches forward.
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>Slowly resuming its original speed down the tracks.
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>You settle back into your seat as the train fills with idle chatter.
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>Most about your recent exploit you can’t help but smile.
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>Sure it wasn’t what you were expecting but it was an adventure in its own right.
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>Who knows, maybe you’ll give this playtime thing another try in the future.
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>But for now you’re content to listen to the sound of the train and excited chatter.
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>As you can only wonder what else the future has in store.
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>FIN!
by Guest
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by Guest