The Ponkitecht


                                            >"Heya, Nonny..."

                                            >Pinkie swallowed anxiously, her eyes struggling to stay focused on your face

                                            >A bead of sweat rolled down and off of her temple, narrowly avoiding the frosted confection in her shaky hoof

                                            >"Y-you want a cupcake?"

                                            >Now, this wasn't an unusual question for the Pink to ask

                                            >She'd offered you some sort of sweet treat nearly every day since you arrived to Equestria

                                            >Free of charge, too!

                                            "I'd love one, thanks!"

                                            >You take the cupcake from Pinko

                                            >As you start licking up the frosting from it, savoring the immaculate sweetness

                                            >It's only when you start eating the breaded portion of it that you notice that Plonk's eyes have moved lower

                                            >Following her intense gaze, you see that she's staring at your stomach

                                            >You can't help but notice how your gut is tenting your shirt, like a tarp over a hill

                                            >You grimace at the sight

                                            >Looks like it wasn't just in your head

                                            >Now other people are noticing how you're...cultivating mass

                                            >Your disgust only deepens when you turn your attention back to the bitten cupcake in your hand, the residual taste of frosting in your mouth no longer tasting quite as sweet.

                                            "Y'know what, Pinks?"

                                            >"Uh-huh?" Pinkalink acknowledges, her eyes never leaving your belly

                                            "I-I think I'm good on sweets from now on."

                                            >"Sure thi-huh!?" Pink interrupts herself when your words register

                                            >Poonk watches in horror as you step over to a nearby trashcan and deposit the remaining cupcake

                                            "Thanks, Panks!" You wave goodbye as you head out of Sugarcube Corner

                                            >Pinkie whimpers pathetically, her eyes still trained on where you had once stood.


                                            >"Come on, lift those knees!"

                                            >Be sweaty, tired, breathless Anon on the verge of collapse

                                            >Also be running

                                            >Since your revelation at Sugarcube Corner last week, you've enlisted the help of the most /fit/ pony you knew

                                            >Unfortunately, Applejack was too busy with the farm, so you had to settle for Rainbow Dash

                                            "Hah...R-Rai..." You managed to wheeze out between laborious breaths

                                            >Your legs and lungs were burning, your vision blurry

                                            >"Ugh, fine, we can take a break."

                                            >You instantaneously drop to your hands and knees, heaving in as much air as humanly possible

                                            >Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at the sight

                                            >"Geez, Anon, you're in even worse shape than I thought. You only ran a minute and a half."

                                            >Rainbow holds a water bottle out to you

                                            >You snatch it and chug 3/4 of that cold, life-giving elixir before Rainbow Dash spoke up again

                                            >"Oh hey, Pinkie Pie."

                                            >Bringing the bottle down and wiping your chins with the back of your arm, you see that Pinkie is in fact bouncing towards the two of you

                                            >A pitcher of golden liquid is held by her mane, and somehow not spilling a drop

                                            "Hi, Pie." You greet when she lands right in front of you

                                            >"Hiya, Dashie! Hiya, Nonster! You guys look like you're workin' up a sweat!"

                                            >You nod and Rainbow gives a "so-so" gesture with her hoof

                                            >"Bet you two could use some refreshments! How about some extra sweet lemonade and a biiiig helping of my Super Duper, Scrum-Wow-umptious, Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Oatmeal cookies!"

                                            >Pinkapoo struck a pose, showing off the plate on her back carrying an impressively precarious pile of the delightful things

                                            >A breeze wafted towards you, the warm scent of the treats invading your nostrils and making your mouth water

                                            >PP's eyes dilate as they watch your hand slowly reaching towards the plate of cookies, a manic gleam shimmering within

                                            >"Woah!" Rainbow smacks your hand, earning a yelp from you and an exasperated glare from Plink

                                            >"No sweets for you, Tubby!" Rainbow scolded as you rubbed your hand

                                            >"You already got your work cut out for ya. If you keep snacking like you used to, you'll never lose the weight, capische?"

                                            >You nodded glumly, still eyeing the cookies like a dog at the dinner table

                                            >Punko cleared her throat, her smile just slightly forced

                                            >"S-say, Dashiebash, could I talk to you? Over there? Where Nonny can't hear us?"

                                            >Rainbow quirked a brow but ultimately shrugged and hovered behind Pinkie as she lead the pegasus a few steps out of earshot of you


                                            >"So, uh, what's up?"

                                            "Well..."

                                            >Be Pinkie Pie

                                            "Ya know how Nonny-wonny is one of my bestest-estest friends ever?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash gave a nod

                                            "And ya know how you're one of my bestest-estest friends ever?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash nodded with a smile

                                            >"Yeah, we're all really good friends. What about it?"

                                            "Ya see, since we're all such bestest-estest-festest of friends, I was thinking maybe you could..."

                                            >You gesture a hoof to feign as if you're mulling your words over

                                            >"Yeah?"

                                            >Rainbow glanced in Anon's direction

                                            "Maybe you could take the chub lo-WEIGHT! WEIGHT loss, stuff."

                                            >Nice save, Pinkie

                                            >Thank you, Pinkie

                                            "Maybe you could dial it back."

                                            >You put on an innocent grin

                                            >Rainbow quirked a brow incredulously

                                            >"Uh, Pinkie, you know Anon asked me to do this, right?"

                                            "I get that, but-"

                                            >"He's the one who wanted me to push him this hard. Heck, he practically begged me!"

                                            >Anon...begging?

                                            >You were barely able to suppress the moan in your throat as your marehood winked just at the thought

                                            >"You okay?"

                                            >Ponyfeathers, she must've seen the disgustingly raw arousal on your face

                                            >You quickly nodded

                                            "Yup, just, ummmmm, hot! Real hot out!"

                                            >Throwing your head back, all the lemonade in the pitcher is sent 10 hooves straight up into the air

                                            >With an exaggerated "Aaah!", you open your mouth wide with your tongue lolling out

                                            >The lemonade comes splashing down, soaking your entire face and mane in the sweet, yellow liquid

                                            >You slowly bring your head back down, an anxious smile slapped on your face

                                            >Rainbow stares nonplussed for a few moments before speaking up again

                                            >"Yeah, that's...great, Pinkie. Anyways, I really gotta get back to it. Anon's been chillin' for WAY too long."

                                            >Rainbow hovered close and smirked widely while she elbowed your side twice, bringing her voice down to a sleazy whisper

                                            >"Hey, maybe once Anon's lean and mean, he'll let me take his new bod for a spin, if ya nawmsayin!"

                                            >L-L...lean?

                                            >Rainbow snickered at your shocked eyes and waved goodbye before dashing (heh, nice one, Pinkie) off to keep coaching Anon

                                            >You didn't even notice the pile of cookies toppling off your back as you stared at them running off together

                                            >...You know what you have to do, Pinkie.


                                            >Be Future Pinkie

                                            >Well, only if you're Past Pinkie

                                            >Which, technically you are

                                            >Right?...

                                            >...

                                            >ANYWAY, it's been a few days

                                            >And you're in Anon's house!

                                            >Now, some ponies might say that being in somepony's house uninvited is wrong

                                            >Especially when they're not home

                                            >And those same ponies would probably say it's wrong to be modifying his food to be more fattening

                                            >However!

                                            >...Yeah, they might be right.

                                            >You return your attention to the task at hoof

                                            >Injecting sugar water into Nonny's vegetables

                                            >At the same moment that your syringe pierces the head of cabbage, you cringe at the sound of a THUMP from upstairs

                                            >Thinking back on it, you never actually checked if Anon was home or not

                                            >Sneakily as a sneaky lil' snake, you sneakily snake up the stairs

                                            >Approaching Anon's bedroom door (you can tell by the smell), you can make out a muffled sound from within

                                            >"Goodness, what a GARISH wardrobe!"

                                            >You slowly push open the door

                                            >Not enough to see, but enough to hear a second, quieter voice

                                            >"But Rarity, you made all those clothes."

                                            >"Did I? No, surely not. Some...harlot with a muff the size of a canyon. Yes, she must have." The louder, more intrusive voice said

                                            >"What's a muff?" The quieter voice asked

                                            >"Ehm...oh, what the Tartarus, you're old enough. Now, a muff-"

                                            >That's when you push the door open fully

                                            >There, head popping out of one of Anon's drawers, was none other than Ponyville fashionista, Rarity

                                            >Behind her was a very concerned-looking Sweetie Belle

                                            >"Oh, Pinkie Pie. What a...unexpected acquaintance."

                                            "Heya, Rarity. Whatchya....Whatchya doin'?"

                                            >Rarity's already flushed face reddened more deeply

                                            >"Why, I'm simply...Tell her, Sweetie Belle."

                                            >Sweetie squeaked, her face taking on a burn as intense as her older sister's

                                            >"We, uh, w-we...Rarity's pregnant!"

                                            "She is?!"

                                            >Rarity's head snapped towards Sweetie Belle, "I am?!"

                                            >Sweetie squirmed, her hooves tapping anxiously

                                            >"Y-yeah! And-and-and she was just, um, l-looking for...uh...." Sweetie Belle's eyes darted side-to-side, sweat beading up on her forehead

                                            >A small, high-pitched whine emanated from deep within Sweetie

                                            >The filly shrank into herself as her whining continued, still kneading at the floor and screwing her eyes shut

                                            >Rarity shook her head, her entire body swaying as she did

                                            >She turned her attention back to you

                                            >"Well I, I suppose an explanation is in order."


                                            >You stared expectantly as Rarity unsteadily swayed

                                            >"What?" Rarity asked

                                            "What? I'm waiting for an explanation."

                                            >"What explanation?"

                                            "What explan-what? Rarity, are you ok? You're talking all funny."

                                            >"Piinky, I've never been better." Rarity jutted a hoof in your general direction

                                            >"In fact, allow me to enLIGHTEN you, Pinkie, darling."

                                            >Rarity clopped over to you, lurching with each hoofstep

                                            >She brought her muzzle close to yours, her unfocused eyes looking around conspiratorially

                                            >"I have...I have taken a liking towards a stallion."

                                            >The smell of her breath makes your snoot scrunch up

                                            >"One of lesser class, no less."

                                            "Well, gosh, Rarity. I had no idea you had a crush!"

                                            >Your lips stretch into a devious smirk

                                            "Is it Time Turner? Or Big Mac? Or Caramel?"

                                            >You gasped and brought your voice down to a whisper

                                            "Is it Mr. Cake?"

                                            >Rarity shook her head sluggishly

                                            >"While those colts are plenty dashing in their own right, none have quite the je ne sais quoi-"

                                            "The janny sucks wha?"

                                            >"-needed for a lady such as moi."

                                            >"No, the stallion for me is that brutish human!"

                                            >Rarity threw a hoof into the air for emphasis, the swift motion making her stumble back a half-step

                                            >Oh sweet Celestia please no

                                            "Y-you like Nonamon, Rares?!"

                                            >Rarity shook her head again

                                            >"Not in a million years. Anonymous is rude, incompetent, and wouldn't know good taste if it kicked him in the unmentionables."

                                            >"But!" Rarity shoves her muzzle against yours again

                                            >"That's exactly what makes my snatch wink."

                                            >Your snooty scrunches more deeply and your ears fold back against your head

                                            "...It is?"

                                            >Rarity let out a hearty chuckle

                                            >"That's right, Pinkie Pie. Nothing makes my flower bloom more than the thought of being rrRRUTTED by that filthy, two-legged slob, Darling."

                                            >Your eyes move from Rarity's unfocused gaze down to the still-quivering Sweetie Belle curled up on the floor

                                            >Rarity really shouldn't be talking about this in front of her

                                            "Geez, Rarity, you're being real...forthcoming, about all of this really private info. Is th-that why you're here? To have Anon...'rut' you?"

                                            >Rarity shook her head and turned her attention towards Anon's dresser, levitating some sort of plastic brick over to herself

                                            "Ooh, what's that?"

                                            >"This is called 'deodorant', Darling. Creatures like our dear Anonymous use it to hide their scent."

                                            >You open your mouth to respond, but before a word can escape your lips, both yours and Rarity's ears perk up and swivel toward the sound of the front door opening

                                            >"Well, there's my cue."

                                            >Rarity used her teeth to pick Sweetie Belle up by the scruff and stumbled over to the open window

                                            >She looked back towards you, hoof on the windowsill

                                            >"Ta-ta, Dahling!"

                                            >Rarity scrambled out the window, disappearing with filly and deodorant in tow

                                            >A moment later, a stray pair of dirty underwear was levitated off the floor and out the window as well


                                            >Your heart skips a beat at the sound of footsteps ascending the stairs

                                            >Fun time's over, Pinkie

                                            >You scurry over to the window

                                            >Hooves on the windowsill, now you just gotta-

                                            >"Pinka?"

                                            >Buck

                                            "Heya, N-Nonnypoo..."

                                            >You put on your best emergency smile, step down from the window, and slowly turn around to see Anon standing in his bedroom doorway, puzzled

                                            >"Pinka, what are you doing in my house?"

                                            >Non stepped inside, quickly surveying his bedroom

                                            >"And why are all my vegetables on the table downstairs?"

                                            "I can explain!"

                                            >He stepped closer, placing his hand on his hips

                                            >Your nose twitches reflexively as a stray breeze wafts the scent of a day's worth of stale sweat into your sinus

                                            >Sweet Celestia, Rarity wishes she was here right Now

                                            >"Well?"

                                            >Nonny looks kinda scary when he's mad

                                            "Y-ya see, OnNonAnon, I was, umm..."

                                            >Think, Pinkie!

                                            >"Pi-"

                                            "PARTIES!"

                                            >Nonagram's face screws up skeptically

                                            >"Parties?"

                                            >You nod frantically

                                            "Yup! I was planning up a party. For you! And, uh, ya caught me! Whoopsie-pooples!"

                                            >Leaning back onto your haunches, you give an exaggerated shrugged

                                            >"Oh, a party, huh? It's not my birthday, so what kind of party?"

                                            >Buck, buck, buck

                                            "Well, of course it's not your birthday, silly bo-billy! It's a party to celebrate, ummm-"

                                            >The "um" continues as your eyes dart around the room, landing on a kettlebell near the foot of Anon's bedroom

                                            >You cringe and groan internally as an out formulates in your brain

                                            "-mmm, celebrate you...on the loss of your...weight."

                                            >Anonon's skeptical glare melts into one of realization

                                            >"Oh, you...really?"

                                            >You feel a pang in your chest as you nod

                                            "Yeah, heh-heh. You've lost so...so much weight, since you started working out. Figured I'd throw you a...'Congrats on losing 1.537 pounds' party."

                                            >"Wow, Panko, that's - wait, how do you know how much weight I've lost?"

                                            >You shrug weakly, your despair trying to worm its way through your smile

                                            "You know me, hehe...I'm Pinkie..."

                                            >Anon let out that deep chuckle he makes when he's amused and relieved at the same Time

                                            >"Right, of course. I'm...well, gee, I'm really touched, Plinko."

                                            >"To be honest, I thought you might've had a problem with me trying to get fit."

                                            >Your ears fold back

                                            "Y-you did?"

                                            >You thought you had kept things pretty covert up until now

                                            >"Yeah, y'know, since you kept bringing me snacks and sweets all the time. But, throwing a party just to motivate me?"

                                            >Anon shook his head in pleased disbelief as he knelt down, placing a hand on your head and giving you some scratches in that one place next to your left ear that makes your thinking go fuzzy

                                            >"You're a really good friend, Pinkie.", Anon smiled like he was the luckiest stallion in the world

                                            >You force your smile to widen

                                            "Y-you too..."

                                            >Anon stands back to full height

                                            >"Welp, I'll let you get back to it. I gotta take a shower."

                                            >Anon spins around, giving a "See ya, Plank!" before disappearing down the hall

                                            >Your everything deflates once you're sure he's out of earshot

                                            >Now you have to throw a party.

                                            >A...weight loss party

                                            >You never thought you'd see the day

                                            >You drag yourself over to the drawer that Rarity had left open earlier

                                            >Pushing aside the rolled-up underwear, you start bobbing your head over it

                                            >Several hooffuls of candy sprinkle out of your mane

                                            >Once the bottom of the drawer is hidden beneath a layer of confections, you gently shut it, then make your way downstairs and out the front door


                                            >Be...

                                            >Pinkie

                                            >"Woo-whee! Heckuva hoedown, Pinkie!"

                                            >You continue staring at the banner

                                            >'GREAT LOSS, ANON!'

                                            >'KEEP IT UP!'

                                            >Applejack gives you a friendly slap on the back, her hoof staying there and giving you a shake

                                            >"Goodness, ya alright there, Pinkie? Ya look worse than a mule stuck in Marexico."

                                            "Y-yeah, AJ. I'm just...tired."

                                            >Applejack quirked a brow

                                            >"I didn't think you got tired, Pinkie."

                                            "I was, uh...I stayed up all night."

                                            >You put on a wide smile

                                            "Now come on, Applejack. Go party!"

                                            >Applejack chuckles and readjusts her stetson

                                            >"Alright, alright. Say, 've you seen Anon? Ah still gotta congratulate 'im."

                                            >You perk up as you follow Applejack's lead and start searching around the room

                                            >It was a small party by Pinkie standards

                                            >Only Anon, the girls, and a hoofful of other ponies from around town, which was still plenty of bodies to fill up Anon's living room

                                            "There he is!" You point in Anon's direction

                                            >He's over by the refreshments table

                                            >And not eating a single thing you made...

                                            >You couldn't even try to stop the scowl twisting your face from the rancidly sour taste in your mouth

                                            >Guess Rainbow must've really drilled in the "No snacks" thing

                                            >"That he is. Thanks, Pinkie Pie."

                                            >Applejack had started making her way over to Anon, and you quickly followed

                                            >Approaching the man you can see that he's talking with Rarity, who's wearing pitch black sunglasses

                                            >Getting even closer, you can start to make out their conversation

                                            >"Trust me, Darling. Every piece you own is a custom Rarity, each with a unique cleansing process. Really, it's no trouble at all, I'm happy to do it."

                                            >"I dunno, Rarity. Feels kinda weird to have a friend doing my laund-Oh, hey, Pinkie! AJ!"

                                            >Rarity turned towards you and Applejack, her smile and ears perking up as Anon waved at you

                                            >"Oh! Why, Pinkie! Just the mare I wanted to see."

                                            >As Rarity trotted past, you felt her silky magic caress your withers

                                            >Rarity leads you away and you worryingly glare back as Anon and Applejack start talking, already too far to listen in

                                            >Soon, the two of you are in the kitchen, alone and far enough away from the rest of the party to not be overheard

                                            "Did you see Anon having any snacks?"

                                            >Rarity's words died in her throat when your question cut her off from speaking first

                                            >She stammered a moment before answering

                                            >"N-no, Darling. He's been very good about keeping true to his diet."

                                            >Probably 'cause Rainbow's been on him like pink on you

                                            >"That's what we were discussing before you came over, actually. I was just congratulating him on the weight loss. Nothing else."

                                            >That sour taste came frothing back up

                                            "Yeah, it's a pretty big loss..."

                                            >A beat of awkwardness

                                            >Rarity politely coughed into her hoof

                                            >"Speaking of loss, Pinkie Pie, I was wondering if you'd lost something. Or, if you haven't, if you were willing to."

                                            >Puzzlement washed away your spiteful disgust

                                            "Whaddya mean?"

                                            >Rarity sucked air between her teeth as she looked around the empty kitchen for any would-be eavesdroppers

                                            >"Well..."

                                            >She took a half-step closer, speaking a bit more quietly

                                            >"I may have been a tad...tipsy, last night, and I may or may not have done some unladylike things."

                                            >"I tried to ask Sweetie Belle what happened, but she refuses to speak to me." Rarity's lips-which you now notice have a shimmery, purple gloss-curl down shamefully

                                            "You really don't remember?"

                                            >Rarity gave a slow shake of her head

                                            "Wow, ok. Well, first I walked in on you-"

                                            >"Upupup!" Rarity's hoof shoots to cover your mouth

                                            >"I'd rather not know, Darling. If it's enough to keep Sweetie Belle of all ponies from talking, I don't think I could live with knowing what I did."

                                            >"I only ask that you do me the greatest of favors, and forget whatever my transgressions may be."

                                            >"Could you do that for me, Pinkie?"

                                            >You mulled it over for a moment before you decided

                                            "Of course! Piece of cake." You reply with a smile

                                            >Rarity sighed, bringing a hoof to her heart.

                                            >"Thank you, Pinkie. You have no-"

                                            "GASP!" You interrupt

                                            >Bringing Rarity's face snoot-to-snoot with your own, hooves squishing the sides of her perfectly symmetrical face(no homo), you stare deep within the UV-resistant glass of Rarity's sunglasses

                                            "That's it! Rarity, you're a genius!"

                                            >"Huh-MM!!"

                                            "MMMMWAH!"

                                            >You give Rarity an exaggerated smooch(NO HOMO) from how happy she's made you with her perfectly wonderful, wonderfully perfect idea!

                                            >You spin around and march towards the living room to put it into action