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Encountering Aliens

By SmutAnon
Created: 2024-10-11 19:32:32
Updated: 2024-10-17 21:54:50
Expiry: Never
ocsafe/rgre/anonymousgreentexthumanrgre

  1. >Be Fast Lane.
  2. >The best damn runner in the city.
  3. >At least that's what you tell the others in the business. You might be right, though.
  4. >That doesn't matter all that much at the moment, though.
  5. >What matters is where you're at currently, and who you're facing.
  6. >Cap, or "The Boss", as she keeps telling everyone to call her, is currently sitting behind her desk, sneering at you.
  7. >Your expression is more or less the same as hers, right back at her.
  8. >You're pretty sure the little dry-cunt bastard's real name is something like Raspberry Cupcake, if the rumors are to be believed.
  9. >You're fairly inclined to believe them.
  10. "What the crap was that, Cap?"
  11. >Her sneer gets harder.
  12. >"It's either Capo or Boss, Lane. Learn it already, or I'll have to beat it into you one day."
  13. >Her goons give you nasty grins, arranged in a rough semi-circle around the table. Two hornheads, one pegasus and an earth pony.
  14. >You don't even blink, though. You're the best for a reason, and half of them owe you favors, anyway.
  15. >You snort disdainfully.
  16. "I asked you a question, Cap."
  17. >Her sneer turns into an angry grimace.
  18. >"Watch your tone, sky-rat. You're lucky I'm so patient, but if you keep testing that patience, you'll regret it. Now, I'll give you one chance to get out of my sight and cool down, before you say something really stupid."
  19. >You roll your eyes.
  20. "Uh huh. Right when I get my payment."
  21. >She sneers again.
  22. >"Payment? For a failed delivery? What, did you hit your head on the way back here? Oh no no, little bird. Not only you're not getting paid, you owe me a straight five thousand bits for the lost product now."
  23. >You can't help but snort, barely holding in laughter at the incredulous number.
  24. "FIVE THOUSAND?! HAHAhahah, how much was I supposed to be carrying, ten bricks of the crap? You're bucking with me. Do you seriously expect to pull a fast one on me? You'd need to be faster than that, and I'm the fastest around, you little bastard. That horn of yours must be pressing in on your brain."
  25. >She grits her teeth this time, leaning forward and hissing.
  26. >"Final warning, sky-rat. Don't. Test. Me. You owe me for the lost-"
  27. "Nothing. I owe you nothing, since the package was empty," You retort disdainfully.
  28. >"What?!"
  29. >Even the goons look surprised.
  30. "Yeah. I busted it open after I got clear. Looked inside. It was empty. I was wondering why it was so light. You couldn't even bother to pack it with sand to make it look heavier, or something? Pathetic. This was an obvious set-up from the start. You tried to get me caught. You probably didn't even expect me to get away, did you?"
  31. >She stares at you for a few long seconds before chuckling.
  32. >"Well aren't you smart. You were getting a bit too big for your horseshoes, bossing my mares around like you're in charge. Now-"
  33. "Now you owe me two hundred for the run."
  34. >You laugh on the inside at the look on her face.
  35. >She's genuinely stunned by your audacity.
  36. >"Did you huff a cup of the stuff before going, or what? What makes you think you're getting a single bit from this? Since you got away, I was thinking I'd pluck your wings, but it looks like we'll need to break some bones for you to straighten you out."
  37. >You bark out a laugh, out loud this time.
  38. "Because we had a deal. Two hundred for each run. And in this business, breaking deals means getting broken. Remember that, hornhead? You told me that yourself, if you'll recall. Which you probably don't. Can't fault ya, I suppose. The two working braincells in your head are too busy fighting for third place."
  39. >She growls angrily, finally having had enough.
  40. >"Alright, that's it. I heard e-"
  41. "So have I."
  42. >You have been tense this entire time, and it was good to release that tension. Specifically, by giving your wings a big flap.
  43. >The goons start jumping back and forth, trying to cut you off. Two jump in front of the "boss" to protect her, while two more try to cut off the escape routes.
  44. >All it does is make them knock into each other, as you don't actually move an inch from where you're standing.
  45. >Instead, your target is the desk Cap is sitting behind.
  46. >The cunt always liked to show off, having piles of bits on her desk like it was nothing.
  47. >Now, though, there was also a big pile of breezie powder, with the whole measuring set-up: scales, tiny flasks to distribute it in, and so on. Loose, lightweight, powder. Key word being "was".
  48. >Now, it's flying all over the room, a big, expensive pile of product pretty much wasted as the mares hack and blink from the sudden powder in their eyes.
  49. >You follow up by pulling a smoke bomb from your saddlebag, laughing like a maniac as you toss it in Cap's face.
  50. >The chaos in the room grows worse as the air gets polluted even more.
  51. >You grin confidently as you plan your next move, spreading your wings wide again.
  52. >You didn't become the best without learning a few tricks, after all.
  53. >Most ponies called the smoke bombs childish novelties, but they saved your flank dozens of times. You always carried at least three, though that was the last one you had on you. Had to use the others to get away from that stupid set-up you were sent on.
  54. >You leap into the air, doing your patented (It's not really patented, but whatever, you're the only one you know that does these kinds of tricks) aerial somersault, gathering momentum before launching yourself right at Cap, forehooves aimed right at her annoying face.
  55. >"Aaaaargh- *hack, cough* - Damn, it, someone sto- *gragchk*!"
  56. >You give her a good few solid hits as she falls over and goes down to the ground. Instead of following up, though, you land on the desk, quickly sweeping all the bits into your bags as you hold your breath in the smoke and powder.
  57. >As much much as revenge and knocking the bastard down a few pegs is fun, you always were a practical mare.
  58. >Also, smarter than the average ganger. You're fully aware that the element of surprise will only carry you so far. They might be disoriented for now, but you're not sure you could safely take out all five of them before they regroup.
  59. >Best to just cut and run.
  60. >Your next flap takes you towards the only window in the room, bits safely secured.
  61. >It's sealed off tight, but you know that the glass is just regular stuff, and there's no bars on the window.
  62. >You land with your forehooves hugging the walls, while you buck the glass out with your hindlegs.
  63. >Unfortunately, your concerns begin to bear out as a pegasus blindly flies out of the smoke towards you.
  64. >You dodge back as she slams into the wall, cursing quietly as you scan the room with squinted eyes. Even half-blind, they can still grab on to you, and then you'd be done for.
  65. >A magical bolt whizzes by, missing you completely as it hits a wall.
  66. >The pegasus shakes her head and gets up from the ground, blinking furiously as she snarls at you.
  67. >The next moment, though, she gets blasted right in the chest by another magical bolt, getting slammed into the wall again.
  68. >She wheezes, the wind brutally knocked out of her as she lays in a crumpled pile.
  69. >"Watch where you're aiming that thing, you cunt!"
  70. >No way was that an accident.
  71. >"I can't see crap in this smoke, dumbflank! I just followed the noise of the breaking glass!"
  72. >Your eyes meet the eyes of the unicorn that shot the blast.
  73. >She's clear-eyed, probably having used some magic to clear her sight.
  74. >She mouths "we're even now", before nodding towards the window.
  75. >You nod back, giving her a salute before flapping your wings.
  76. >Now and again, some mares told you that you were a bit too nice for someone in the business.
  77. >Helping others out got you nothing in return most of the time, and could just as easily bite you in the flank later on.
  78. >You really weren't, though. Well, maybe a little. But you always made sure to make them know that this wasn't a charity hoof-out. They *owed* you now, and everyone knew what happened to those that didn't pay their debts.
  79. >And it certainly paid off to have a few of Cap's closest goons be in your debt after you pulled their flanks from some sticky situations. Situations that, now that you think about it, more than likely were more of Cap's idiotic set-ups to "keep them in line".
  80. >Dumbflank kept sabotaging and shaking down her best mares the moment they got too successful for her liking. Did she think they'd try to overthrow her, or something? What a coward. And a moron. If they actually figure it out, you're pretty sure she's going to wake up to someone slitting her throat one day.
  81. >Speaking of Cap, she slowly gets up from the floor as she rubs her eyes, spitting blood with an absolutely livid expression.
  82. >"Where is-"
  83. "Right here, clit-sucker!"
  84. >You can't help but make a final fly-by instead of going straight for the window, slamming her face with your hindlegs as you kick off her and towards freedom.
  85. >You're pretty sure you heard something crack. Nice.
  86. >Hope she lost some teeth. The thought of her trying to look intimidating with half her teeth missing makes you laugh as you fold your wings close to your body, sailing outside.
  87. >The other goons dive for you and the second unicorn tries to shoot you, but it's too late.
  88. >You immediately dive low, using the momentum to bank left.
  89. >Moments later, you're gone from their line of sight. A few more, and the house is no longer visible.
  90. "Ha ha ha... Hahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
  91. >You begin laughing madly from the adrenaline and the rush, feeling the weight of hundreds of bits in your saddlebags.
  92. >They were bigger denominations, too, so you had a couple thousand's worth, probably.
  93. >Teach that loser to buck with you! That's right, who's the best in the whole damn Portal Town?!
  94. >You, that's who!
  95. >Well, you're just a simple drug runner, but still.
  96. >You were reasonably sure you were the best, or, at the very least, near the top. Not like other mares in your profession came together to have contests who's the best.
  97. >Still, you didn't get by in the business for over a decade and not getting caught even once by being stupid or careless.
  98. >You allow yourself to enjoy the rush for a couple more minutes before you immediately start planning your next steps.
  99. >Despite constantly calling herself a "mafia boss", you're pretty damn certain Cap is just the head of a street gang.
  100. >You're not really sure what's the official definition of a street gang or a mafia anyway, but you're fairly certain that actual "mafia" have bigger operations than what you were involved in.
  101. >All she has are several dozen dumb-as-bricks thug mares and a few slut colts that are into tough fillies. Occasional pickpocketing, tourist traps, dropping some drugs that they bought off the actual big players, and so on.
  102. >Still, doesn't mean they couldn't - or wouldn't - beat you to death if they caught you.
  103. >Portal Town was like that. Lawless place, ponies from outside called it. Well, where laws were lacking, ponies always ended up going by street rules, and Portal Town certainly had its share, enforced by the local gangs.
  104. >One rule was that you didn't buck around in public too much. Even if all the local cops were bribed to the nines, calling too much attention to yourself would get the big players to take you out faster than you could blink.
  105. >As such, you felt pretty safe as you flew between the massive trees and the houses, deliberately using the main thoroughfares, with the most traffic.
  106. >Of course, the moment you stepped into some dark alley, all bets were off. Plenty of ponies disappeared quietly in inter-gang fights, without the coppers so much as batting an eye.
  107. >As you smell food from some surrounding eateries, your stomach growls.
  108. >You bite your lip as you consider your options.
  109. >If you don't eat, you'll become weak. If you do, you're going to use precious time you could be using to pack up your meagre possessions before skipping town.
  110. >You always figured you'd leave Portal Town one day, and this time seemed as good as any. While you didn't think that Cap's gang was all that dangerous, you wanted to see more of the world, given that you lived most of your life here, and you didn't want to be a drug runner forever.
  111. >However, you know that the trains to and from the city are not very frequent, and the next one out is at least a few hours away.
  112. >Landing, you find yourself a pub.
  113. >Not too expensive for the food to be fancy junk, not too cheap for you to get food poisoning. Perfect.
  114. >You hesitate for a moment as you wonder whether to get a drink with your food.
  115. >Eventually, you go for a mug of hard cider. Just something to steady your nerves.
  116. >The bits in your bags are weighing you down, and you know better than to get smashed now. You saw plenty of morons that strike it big get wasted and brag about their loot, only to get mugged minutes later. By your own gang, sometimes.
  117. >As you quickly eat, you keep glancing around, checking if someone is after you, or trying to swipe your bags.
  118. >Nothing stands out, though you see a few bats fly by here and there outside, seemingly looking for something. Or someone.
  119. >Couldn't be you, could it?
  120. >The leatherbacks tended to keep to themselves and form their own, bat-exclusive gangs, so you're fairly certain that Cap couldn't really send them after your tail.
  121. >Still, it's better to be careful.
  122. >You make sure the coast is clear before stepping outside, flapping into the air and towards your place, avoiding any other fliers.
  123. >When you reach the vicinity of your small flier's apartment, though, your eyebrows rise towards the very top of your head, before lowering down as you scowl at the sight.
  124. >Your place was an almost literal hole in the wall - an apartment in a building with no stairs whatsoever, which only fliers or ponies with really tall ladders could access.
  125. >Inconvenient if you had friends that didn't have wings, but it sure was cheaper than regular places. Safer too, though that safety clearly didn't bear out this time.
  126. >The door is smashed wide open, and you see some figures milling about inside.
  127. >You never told Cap where you lived, but it's not like it was too hard to find out. Even if she didn't know, there were always ponies that dealt in information that would gladly tell her everything she wanted to know, for a price.
  128. >You guess that you pissed her off enough that she was willing to pay that price.
  129. >Frowning, you quickly look around before beelining for the nearest tree, hanging upside down on a branch and hiding in the leaves.
  130. >While you don't like the leatherbacks much, you did learn their methods and tricks. Never know when unorthodox tactics might come in handy, after all, and no one would suspect that the pony hanging upside down on a branch is actually a pegasus, unless they looked at your wings closely.
  131. >You hang there for a while, flicking your ears and straining to hear something.
  132. >The ponies inside are talking about something, but you only catch indistinct sounds and the occasional crashes and thumps as they smash your place up.
  133. >Fortunately, you knew better than to stash your savings in your place, save for a small amount of spending money.
  134. >An occasional bit of debris is thrown out through the broken door, landing on the ground.
  135. >You consider leaving, but you're curious to see just who Cap managed to rustle up. You were one of only two pegasi in the gang, the rest being hornheads or ground-pounders , and there was definitely more than one mare in there.
  136. >It doesn't take them very long. You hear one of them raise her voice sharply in some command, and soon after, three bats hop out of the door one by one and fly off.
  137. "No way."
  138. >You whisper to yourself with disbelief as you watch them fly off.
  139. >How?
  140. >How did that cunt get the leatherbacks to go after you?
  141. >Was she more powerful than you actually thought?
  142. >Your guts tighten a little with worry, but you shake off your fear. It's far too late to change anything now. The only way is forward.
  143. >You're tempted to go in and check if they missed something, but you know that that's a bad idea.
  144. >You're fairly certain you saw one of the three land in a tree in a similar fashion to you, so they're probably staking your place out.
  145. >Which might have worked, if the idiots didn't leave the door smashed wide open. Anyone who's on the run would turn around the second they saw the damage. What kind of moron do they take you for - hold up.
  146. >You slowly grin as an idea starts forming in your head.
  147. >Well, if they're such idiots, then why not take advantage of that, and try to acquire some information?
  148. >You thoroughly scan your surroundings, slowly and quietly taking to the air again.
  149. >You don't manage to notice any other hidden sentries, so there's probably just the one.
  150. >You double back a bit, deliberately approaching your place from the direction of the tree you saw the leatherback land in, looking at it through your peripheral vision the entire time.
  151. >There's a rustle, and you see the almost glowing bat eyes go wide.
  152. >Pfft. For a tribe that boasts about being sneaky, most of them really suck at stealth.
  153. >Now, is she going to run back to her buddies, or chase after you alone?
  154. >If she runs, you're going to fly off and leave whatever pursuers she manages to call in in the dust.
  155. >But if she tries to go after you... Well, you're no fighter, but you're pretty sure you can take one leatherback. And then, you can ask her some questions.
  156. >It's a risky plan, but you're feeling lucky today.
  157. >You pretend not to notice her, beelining for your place, hoping to make her think that she could corner you inside.
  158. >Flying through the door and landing, you quickly look around.
  159. >As expected, the place is completely trashed. Bits of broken furniture litter the floor, feathers from ripped pillows, and so on.
  160. >You don't particularly care, though, quickly sifting through the garbage to try and find some kind of improvised weapon.
  161. >There's a chunk of a table leg with some heft to it, which you quickly pick up.
  162. >Better yet, you find a couple intact smoke bombs near a box, the rest of them pulverized.
  163. >picking up a shard of glass, you quickly rise to the ceiling with your new weapons in tow, glancing through the window as you do.
  164. >To your delight, the bat did decide to try and take you alone, almost making it to the entrance as you press yourself to the ceiling.
  165. >You quickly throw the shard of glass through the bathroom door, just as she lands and looks around.
  166. >As she looks left and right, her ears twitch as the glass shard impacts the wall in the bathroom, clinking and making noise as it falls down.
  167. >With a cocky grin, she cracks her neck and starts trotting forward, only for you kick off the ceiling and smash into her with your entire weight.
  168. >"Wargh!"
  169. >You follow up by immediately starting to liberally apply the broken table leg to her head, the mare wheezing as you mercilessly pummel her.
  170. >Her wings aren't injured, though, and she manages to flap them hard and send herself zipping forward and slipping away from you, not that it improves her situation at all.
  171. >Since she was facing the bathroom, that's where she ends up in, slamming hard into the wall with a pained wail.
  172. >You don't give her time to recover, tossing a smoke bomb after her and listening with a smug grin as she hacks and coughs from the acrid fumes.
  173. >You quickly take position next to the bathroom door, landing steadily on your forelegs and readying your hindlegs.
  174. >The moment she stumbles out, you give her your best buck, hitting her square in the side and sending her flying across the room.
  175. >Quickly galloping over, you put her in a chokehold, allowing yourself a smug victory chuckle.
  176. "Thought you had me cornered, huh, leatherback? Really thought I'd be that stupid? Well, looks like the hunter became the hunted."
  177. >She snarls furiously as she struggles, but between the beating and the choking, she's too weak to break free.
  178. "Now, I think I'm going to leave your corpse here as a message, so the likes of you know not to mess with a mare of MY caliber."
  179. >Her eyes go wide, and she struggles harder, though it's clear she's almost about to pass out.
  180. "Orrrr.... You could tell me some things, and I might let you off easily... You want to live, leatherback?"
  181. >She nods with the last of her strength, tears falling from her eyes.
  182. >You're not really going to kill her, but it's best to let her believe that you would.
  183. >You unceremoniously drop her, the bat hacking and coughing as she sucks in fresh air.
  184. >You give her a few moments before biting her by the mane, lifting her up and pressing her against the wall, a hoof on her throat.
  185. "Don't think I'm not going to change my mind if I don't like what I hear, though. Now, start talking. Who sent you here? Does Cap actually have cronies among you?"
  186. >"Hkkkkkh-"
  187. >You roll your eyes as she chokes.
  188. "Sometime this century, please."
  189. >"I- Bounty-"
  190. >You raise your eyebrows.
  191. "By who?"
  192. >"Your - *hack* - boss..."
  193. >You shake your head.
  194. "Not my boss any more. How? I just got away and got some food, and you pests are already smashing my place up. How did the news spread so fast?"
  195. >"F-fifty thousand for your head."
  196. >You choke on your own spit as you hear the number. Yeah, with numbers like that, you bet the news would spread fast.
  197. "Fif- HWAT?! Are you shitting me?!"
  198. >She coughs and shakes her head, sniffling a bit as blood drips from her nose.
  199. "You know that Cap's just a street rat, right?"
  200. >She gives you a confused look, her eyes looking a bit dazed.
  201. >"Huh?"
  202. >You shake your head a little, though you don't take your eyes off the bat.
  203. "Filly, I'm pretty sure she never had fifty thousand saved up in her entire life. She has, like... A couple dozen mares under her at most. She does NOT have that kind of money to throw around, or she'd be a way bigger player. "
  204. >She frowns, looking pretty pissed.
  205. >"...Huh."
  206. "Yup, you got your flank kicked for imaginary money."
  207. >You shake your head as you let go of her and consider the implications, the bat slumping on the floor.
  208. >Making false promises like that would get Cap killed, no doubt about that.
  209. >But before that happened, someone would actually need to try and collect on the bounty, which meant that you would be dead either way.
  210. >And, who knows? Maybe if she shook her mares down extra hard or something, maybe Cap would actually be able to scrape up the fifty kay. Not likely, but again, you'd be dead either way.
  211. >Looks like you REALLY need to leave town.
  212. >Shaking your head, you give the bat a (hopefully) intimidating look.
  213. "I suggest that you don't try to follow me. Next time, I won't be this nice."
  214. >She spits some blood at your hooves with a scowl, but doesn't move to get up.
  215. "Good mare. I'll be off, then."
  216. >As you get ready to leave, you notice a piece of a mangled, shredded pegasus feather on the floor.
  217. >You blink as you remember that you did maybe have one thing you wanted to save from this place - the feather.
  218. >The only memento you have of your mother.
  219. >Too late now, though. It's trampled and torn to bits. You shake your head as you force yourself to move, picking up speed.
  220. >You gallop through the door, spreading your wings and moving towards the middle of the city.
  221. >A bit counter-intuitive, perhaps, but you're hoping to take advantage of one of the street rules of the city.
  222. >For fifty bangers, someone might even try to shank you in broad daylight - but not in front of Portal Keep, that's for sure.
  223. >While everyone knew that the copper-armored ponice mares were bought and paid for to largely ignore the small-scale crime that the gangs engaged in, the other street rule was quite simple:
  224. >You did NOT buck around with the Portal Guards.
  225. >The garrison of the keep and the city guards were completely different beasts. The coppers were civilian recruits, while the Portal Guard were an elite military outfit, stationed there in case of an attempted invasion from the other side of the portal.
  226. >And mare, they did NOT buck around. They didn't patrol the city, but if you approached the keep and so much as looked at them funny, they'd take you down faster than you could blink.
  227. >As you keep flying, your thoughts are running almost as fast as your flight.
  228. "Think, Fast Lane, think..."
  229. >What should you do now?
  230. >With that bounty, the train station is going to be chock full of gangers hoping to collect. After all, it was the only way out of the city, and the surroundings were either dangerous jungle full of venomous snakes and insects to the south and west, an arid, barren desert to the north, or the badlands some distance to the east. And wilderness survival is definitely not one of your skills.
  231. >You'd be safe in the city center, but for how long?
  232. >You can't just sit in front of the keep and have a stare down with whoever's after you until everyone gets bored.
  233. >As you think, you notice a pair of bats flying in a parallel path to yours on your left some distance away.
  234. >Coincidence?
  235. >That notion gets dispelled when you notice a similar pair on your right, too.
  236. >Great.
  237. >You're pretty confident about giving them the slip if you feet like it, but how long can you keep it up? You'll need to sleep eventually.
  238. >As you idly scan your surroundings while running various scenarios through your head, you notice an unusual form below.
  239. >Tall and spindly, walking in that odd, two-legged gait. "Bipedal", you think the fancy word to describe it is.
  240. >A human.
  241. >The strange, nigh-incomprehensible, alien species that live on the other side of the portal.
  242. >Your eyes widen and you almost fall out of the air as a crazy, audacious idea hits you.
  243. >Flapping your wings to catch yourself, you grin like a madmare as you slowly start to descend.
  244. >Not too fast, though. Wouldn't want the human to kill you because you spooked him, after all.
  245. >Where not bucking with the Portal Guard was a local rule, not bucking with humans was a nation-wide rule. They were known to freak out if you so much as sneezed around them, and they were more than capable of killing just about anything that breathed with those alien weapons of theirs.
  246. >This might just be your craziest, most risky, mad plan ever. But again, you're feeling lucky today.
  247. >As you slowly bank down, you notice the iron dagger strapped to his waist, the ritualistic weapon signifying his ability and intent to immediately kill anyone and anything that threatens him.
  248. >As expected, he is a stallion. You've seen a number of humans over the years, and they were all stallions, every time.
  249. >Some mares say that they don't even have human mares at all, their entire species being only males.
  250. >That's dumb as hay, of course. If they have stallions, that means that they must have mares, though the way their species works is clearly quite different from the way ponies work.
  251. >There were some stories from the first years after the portal opened, about human mares coming through along with their stallions.
  252. >Not a single pony could agree on what actually happened, but there were some incidents, which led to the mares not coming to Equestria any more.
  253. >Which was probably for the best. A human stallion was more dangerous than a pissed off elder dragon already. With their mares inevitably being more powerful, one could probably level a city.
  254. >You recall one of the stories about the incidents with the human mares as you slowly land.
  255. >An altercation happened between a small group of human and pony mares for some reason or other, and it is said that one human mare let out a banshee screech so loud and terrible, it deafened a hundred ponies all around her, blood pouring from their ears.
  256. >Her friends likewise screamed and chanted something about a "Slay Queen", which was probably the banshee's title.
  257. >Tough as you are, you do NOT want to even get close to something with a title like that.
  258. >Their stallions - men, you think they call themselves? They, at least, could be reasoned and bargained with.
  259. >With how few human mares there were, some said that there were a hundred human men to each human mare, which made them expendable and worthless in their mare's eyes.
  260. >Which apparently led them to do risky and dangerous things, though, with them being weaker than their mares, they were forced to be more cautious instead.
  261. >You're banking on that caution as you catch the human's eye, meekly folding your ears as you slowly approach him.
  262. "Hello there, sir. May I talk to you for a moment?"
  263.  
  264. >You swallow nervously as one of his hands immediately slides down towards his dagger, idly running a finger across the handle. At least, you're hoping that the action is idle.
  265. >He takes a few moments to look you up and down before answering.
  266. >"Perhaps, little fey. What do you want?"
  267. >You purse your lips at the strange epithet. You knew about it, of course, having lived in Portal Town for most of your life, but knowing didn't mean understanding. Humans kept calling ponies all sorts of weird things even if they were entirely capable of pronouncing "pony", and no one truly knew their full meanings.
  268. >From what you managed to piece together, it wasn't an entirely neutral way to address a pony, either. It meant that the human didn't trust you, though you're not sure if that really changed anything. Far as you knew, humans didn't trust *anything* while they were in Equestria, not even the ground they were standing on, or the air they were breathing.
  269. >Steeling yourself, you start talking, doing your best to appear non-threatening. The second part doesn't take much effort, given that doing that would be a near-certain death sentence.
  270. "W-well, you see, I, uh... Lived here in Portal Town for most of my life... Saw a bunch of humans over the years, heard the occasional bit of information or story about your world..."
  271. >He tilts his head slightly, raising his eyebrows a touch.
  272. >"Yes? Go on. Something you wanted to confirm or deny from those stories?"
  273. "Well, actually, I was kind of interested in going one day."
  274. >It's not entirely a lie. You did entertain some idle thoughts here and there, but it seemed a bit crazy to go to another dimension when you barely even knew what Equestria actually looked like.
  275. >Some ponies absolutely insisted that humans knew if you lied, which was probably a load of manure, but you decide to play it safe and lie as little as possible either way.
  276. >After all, though you could almost definitely lie to a human without them knowing, every pony knew that if they actually found out about it, it probably wouldn't end well for you, unless you were somewhere far away when they found out.
  277. >He considers your words, scratching his chin.
  278. >He seems to do that after every thing you say, like he's picking what you said apart in every way he can, to find any hidden tricks.
  279. >Which is something you heard from other ponies when they talked about humans as well. Something about believing that words have some kind of hidden power, or something.
  280. >"Alright, well... Something you want to know before you go?"
  281. "Well, ah... I heard a bunch of broad, general stuff, but... What do I *do*? I mean, go through the portal, sure, but what about right after? I don't need to know about all the countries and stuff, just... Where do I go right after I step through the door?"
  282. >"Well, it's not too different from here. Okay, it's actually a fair bit different. The climate... It's basically a desert. No jungle like here. All open and sunny and damned hot. Apart from that, though, there's a settlement on the other side, much like here. Except built by humans. There's hotels and eateries and stuff there too."
  283. >You nod slowly, gears turning in your head.
  284. "And are they easy to find? How many tourist traps do I have to get past before reaching them?"
  285. >He chuckles, his forcefully neutral expression split by a small smile for a brief moment.
  286. >"You're a sharp one. Yeah, I don't know the prices very well, but I bet some of them do charge you out the ass. Can't help you much in that department, unfortunately. You might be better off renting a room privately, though that depends on how long you're planning to be staying there."
  287. >That's a good question. You don't know how long it would take for the heat to die down and for Cap to (most likely) get capped, but you're inclined for it to be at least several weeks, rather than a few days. You might be feeling lucky today, but you know that luck can turn at a moment's notice.
  288. "And how would I find a place to rent?"
  289. >He shrugs, not taking his eyes off you.
  290. >"Ads. Those corkboard things with local services pinned to them. Talking to people."
  291. "People like you?"
  292. >He smiles faintly again.
  293. >"Well, I do have a lot of space in my place, but I haven't really been looking for a tenant."
  294. >You perk up, immediately forcing yourself to calm down again.
  295. "Why not? I can pay, I'm not a slob, and, uh... I don't snore?"
  296. >You're not entirely sure what kind of requirements a human would have for a tenant, but it shouldn't be too weird... right?
  297. >You hope.
  298. >He blinks before pursing his lips, looking at you through heavy, lidded eyes.
  299. >You feel your heart rate go up, shrinking a little under his gaze as he rubs the handle of his dagger again.
  300. >"...What is this the reason for this conversation? Why'd you pick me?"
  301. "I just saw you walking down the street, I swear. It was a split-second decision!"
  302. >"Right. No weird fey tricks?"
  303. >You shake your head,
  304. "I don't even know what that means."
  305. >"Hm. Guess you're young... Or you look like it, at least."
  306. >You snort.
  307. "No one else that I asked knows either. What's fey?"
  308. >He smiles faintly again.
  309. >"You, perhaps, little fey. Or not. Can't ever be too careful with the skinwalkers, you know?"
  310. >You sigh as he just tells you more nonsense words. That's pretty typical for a conversation with a human, from what you know.
  311. "What's a skinwalker? Is it something that walks and has skin? Pretty sure you walk and have skin too."
  312. >"Heh. No. I'm talking about those shapeshifter freaks. Changelings. You're not a changeling, are you?"
  313. >Well, that part makes some sense, at least.
  314. >The human's paranoia about changelings is legendary. You're surprised it took this long for him to ask you. Some ponies say that humans start every single conversation with asking a pony whether they're a changeling or not. Even those that they knew for months or even years.
  315. >You shake your head.
  316. "No, and it wouldn't matter on the other side, would it? The soul drain... It stops absolutely everything, doesn't it?"
  317. >"Yeah... yeah, changelings included," He confirms quietly.
  318. "Uh, so..."
  319. >He thinks for another minute. From the corners of your eyes, you see a few bats circle around, though they're keeping an impressively healthy distance from the human. Just as you intended.
  320. >"Tell you what. I'm not making any binding deals with a potential fey until I'm sure there's no shenanigans involved. If you're really serious about visiting Earth..."
  321. "I am," You confirm.
  322. >"Then we can talk this over when we're on the other side."
  323. >That might sound acceptable for a regular pony, but you've been working the streets way too long not to know the myriad ways how that could go wrong.
  324. "And what about me? Do I have any assurances that you won't just dump me, mug me or change your mind?"
  325. >He ponders for a moment before shrugging and putting his hand on his chest.
  326. >"I hereby solemnly promise that if I change my mind, I will, at the very least, bring you to a hotel, free of charge."
  327. >Biting your lip, you nod slowly.
  328. "Alright, that... That will have to do."
  329. >You both go quiet, standing there slightly awkwardly.
  330. >After a moment, you clear your throat.
  331. "So, are you going now? I saw you walking towards the Keep, and I kind of assumed..."
  332. >"Oh, yes, right. I'm going. Do you need to get anything?"
  333. "Nope, I'm good. Got everything I need," You nod, patting your bags stuffed with bits.
  334. >He nods, starting to walk.
  335. >"So, were you going to go anyway? Even though you didn't know much about the other side?"
  336. >You shake your head.
  337. "Hey, I practically grew up here, I picked up enough tidbits from plenty of humans. And going there was totally planned, just a bit of a... Sudden choice to do it today."
  338. >He glances at you as you try not to bend the truth too much.
  339. >"Yeah? Can I ask what triggered it?"
  340. >You ponder for a moment before shrugging and going with the truth.
  341. "My place got broken into and smashed up. I've been thinking about skipping town for a while already. But then, I saw you."
  342. >You leave out the part of why it gotten broken in to and the bit about you using him as a shield to not get yourself killed, of course.
  343. >"Oh. Huh."
  344. >The mention of the crime does out him slightly more on edge, though, and he looks around, glancing at all the gangers watching you from the distance.
  345. >You look as well, noticing more than just bats now, at least a dozen in all, from all tribes. A few unicorns, a pegasus, a trio of earthers...
  346. >All looking mighty put out by the fact you're accompanied by a human.
  347. >You do your best not to laugh at their expressions. Some of them look like puppies that got their treats denied.
  348. >A few seem impressed by the sheer ovaries on you, though, staring with wide eyes, one of them laughing before giving you a respectful salute and trotting off.
  349. >More arrive, but even with a couple dozen of them trailing you, not a single one dares get any closer.
  350. >They might think that you're going to go your own ways once you reach the keep, but mare are they wrong.
  351. >As you approach, you regard the massive stone box in front of you.
  352. >You saw it plenty of times before, of course, though you never went inside.
  353. >You also saw some pictures of castles now and then, and despite officially being a fortress, the Portal Keep was completely different.
  354. >As it was said, it was not built to keep people out, it was built to keep them in. As such, there were almost no external fortifications. Just big, thick walls with almost no windows.
  355. >You can't help but turn your head around and give your pursuers a smug look once you reach the gates, wiggling your eyebrows mockingly before turning forward again and flashing them as you flick your tail.
  356. >There's some kind of noise, like an angry scream, which immediately turns the guardsmare's that have been examining you and the human attention towards the small crowd in the distance.
  357. >Turning back again, you think you see Cap among them, the mare's face bruised almost beyond recognition.
  358. >The attention from the guards makes all of them scatter instantly, though, Cap remaining alone before spitting on the ground and wobbling away on unsteady hooves.
  359. >Heh. Looks like she breathed in a bit too much of the powder when you sent it flying in her face.
  360. >You follow the human through the gates before the guards figure out that you are somehow related to what happened, and turn their attention back to you.
  361. >There's a wide corridor with more guards here and there, eventually ending in a large, but completely windowless and enclosed room.
  362. >There's a number of doors, along with a bunch of desks, staffed by various ponies.
  363. >"So, since you never went, I'm guessing you don't have any paperwork done?" Your companion asks.
  364. >You shake your head.
  365. "No, but I heard from others that went that it was shockingly easy to go. Just pay a few coins, a couple questions and tests, and they let you right through, right?"
  366. >"Yeah, pretty much," He nods. "A far cry from our side, especially when it was locked down. Now, it's more or less the same, though... Well, the paperwork is still pretty huge compared to here. Be happy that your bureaucracy is not so advanced as ours."
  367. "Uh... Yay?"
  368. >Paperwork is hardly something you ever encountered yourself, given your less than legal line of work, but every pony that happened to mention it spoke of it as some kind of form of torture.
  369. "So, you'll wait for me, right, uh... I never got your name."
  370. >"Sure. Names have power, though," He smirks slightly.
  371. >You scrunch your muzzle. You're fairly certain he's just bucking with you at this point.
  372. "Really. Do they? What do I call you, then?"
  373. >"You may call me... Anonymous," He says grandly, with an overdramatic wave of his hand.
  374. "...Ha. Good one. Alright, in that case, Im... Uh..."
  375. >You didn't really have a reason to have many fake aliases since drug running meant *not* interacting with ponies, so it takes you a few moments.
  376. "You can call me Swift Sprint!"
  377. >He nods.
  378. >"Cute."
  379. >You scrunch again.
  380. "No it's not! That's a completely normal pony name."
  381. >"Yes, and your names are cute. Now come on. Get going."
  382. >He nudges towards a desk with a "REGISTRATION" sign hanging over it as you continue scrunching.
  383. >The mare sitting behind it looks mildly bored, looking right through you.
  384. >"First time visitor or returning?"
  385. "First time."
  386. >"The full registration procedure will be twenty bits. Fill this form, please. And this one. And sign here..."
  387. >You want to know what you're signing, but in this case, being from the streets is a disadvantage.
  388. >Reading is a bit hard since you didn't exactly get any formal schooling ever, but the forms are mercifully short. You manage to mostly skim over them, the longest one being something about you stating that you understand that Earth is not Equestrian jurisdiction, and that any bodily harm you might come to is your own responsibility, blah blah blah.
  389. >Kind of obvious it's dangerous, since you're going to the human world, though from what ponies said, humans on their side are far less jumpy due to what happens to ponies when they cross over.
  390. >Some ponies say that they even turn outright friendly, though you're not sure you're buying that.
  391. >You spit out the pen as you finish.
  392. "Done."
  393. >"Thank you, stand still for the camera, please."
  394. >She pulls out an odd-looking thing, which has to be of human make. Nothing like the normal cameras you see tourists carry.
  395. >Your eyes go wide slightly in surprise, which makes the flash blind you for a moment.
  396. "Gah."
  397. >The mare makes no reaction, putting the thing down and inspecting the forms.
  398. >"If you're ready to proceed, please pay the fee, and move on to the next desk."
  399. >You fish out the bits from your bags, and move on without a word. It doesn't look like the mare cares much about your lack of manners.
  400. >The next one has a "BAGGAGE INSPECTION" sign on it.
  401. >The mare behind that one looks marginally less bored.
  402. >"Anything to declare?"
  403. "Uh..."
  404. >She rolls her eyes.
  405. >"Any exotic trade goods you're carrying on you? Deadly weapons?"
  406. "No, just bits. Uh, what's this about, anyway? I heard that humans don't really care much what ponies bring with them."
  407. >"Procedure," The mare sighs in tired exasperation. "Yes, they largely don't care, though they are iffy about stuff like explosives and some other things. And I still have to do this, pointless as it may sound. Please put your saddlebags on the table for inspection."
  408. "Uh... Alright."
  409. >You take off your bags, and the mare waves her horn over them, her aura surrounding the bags.
  410. >You're fairly confident that you're going to pass fine, but there's a small ping from the magic, like a bell, and the mare frowns.
  411. >She focuses her magic on a specific point, and pulls out the last remaining smoke bomb.
  412. >Crap! You completely forgot about that!
  413. >You tense up as the mare looks at you with a raised eyebrow.
  414. >"What's this?"
  415. "Oh, uh... Just a, uh... Toy I got for a prank. A smoke bomb. Totally forgot it was there."
  416. >"Well... Even if it's not a real explosive, I'm not sure if I can let you carry that through."
  417. "That's fine, you can... Keep it?"
  418. >You have no idea what's going to happen. You're half afraid of the mare calling the guards on you and getting chained and jailed for this, so you're massively relieved when she just nods nonchalantly and tosses it in a bin nearby.
  419. >You curse yourself in your head despite the relief, though.
  420. >Flaming Tartarus, Fast Lane, you're a drug runner! You should be better than this! This is literally the first time you got caught carrying something you weren't supposed to!
  421. >Not that you knew you weren't supposed to, but still.
  422. >Speaking of drugs, though, the mare blinks as she pulls out a hoofful of coins from your bags and runs her magic across them.
  423. >"Huh, that's odd..."
  424. "Something wrong?"
  425. >"Picking up some stuff, let's see... Is that... Breezie powder?"
  426. >Double crap! Triple crap!
  427. >The bits got coated in some of it when you sent it flying!
  428. >Are you going to have to leave all of your money here?!
  429. >Are they going to arrest you!?
  430. >Buck! Buck it all to Tartarus! You are soooooo screw-
  431. >"All right, you can go."
  432. "Wh- huh?!"
  433. >She gives you a curious look.
  434. >"What's the matter? You weren't actually trying to smuggle breezie powder into the human world like this, right? There's barely a tiny dusting of it on the coins, and it'd be worthless on the other side."
  435. "Well, of course not, I was just surprised. I don't even know how it got there," You lie through your teeth without blinking.
  436. >"Yeah, this town is shady as buck in some places," She nods knowingly. "Let me guess, you got these from the bank? Big coins, all pretty new and shiny... Just shows how deep the drug trade runs here," She scoffs.
  437. "Yup, the bank," You nod. "What's that about it being worthless, though? You mean you'd let ponies walk through here with piles of drugs?"
  438. >She chuckles.
  439. >"Wow, you're definitely new here. You know about the soul drain, right?"
  440. "Hey, I lived in Portal Town most of my life, and yeah, I know. Pretty sure everyone that knows anything about Earth does, it's the first thing you learn, after all. All creatures completely lose their magic on the other side What about it?"
  441. >"All magic loses its power, not just creatures. Artifacts, gems... Plants."
  442. "Oh. Oooh... So breezie powder is magical? I barely know anything about it, only heard stuff in passing."
  443. >She nods.
  444. >"Yup, so it just becomes useless dust on the other side."
  445. >You didn't really know that, but it makes sense, since you're pretty sure a good chunk of the customers for the stuff are actually humans. You figured they came here because the smugglers couldn't get contraband through the portal, but it turns out that it only works on this side.
  446. "So... Is that all?"
  447. >"Yup, proceed to the next desk, please."
  448. "Thanks."
  449. >Next one is a medical examination, and you have to step into a separate room for that.
  450. >Fortunately, it is very quick as well, the doctor scanning you similarly to how the other one scanned your bags.
  451. >That you need to do this at all is confusing, though, given how many ponies go through the portal to cure various magical ailments.
  452. "What's this for? Don't all diseases die on the other side?"
  453. >"Not all of them," The doctor explains in a voice with a similar level of boredom to the first desk mare. "Just the magical ones. Some can survive, and even infect humans. Anyway, you're clean. Off you go."
  454. "Alright then."
  455. >The final desk actually has a mare and a human working it together, the human giving you some familiar-looking forms.
  456. >"Reason for visit?"
  457. "Uh... Just to... Look around?"
  458. >"I'll write down "tourism"," He nods.
  459. >A few similarly pointless-sounding questions later, he hands you a strange necklace with a shiny plastic card on it. Examining it, you see your own face on it, likely from the photo the first mare took. There's also a bunch of really weird, shiny runes, official-looking seals, and other odd squiggles on it. It looks pretty fancy.
  460. "Huh."
  461. >"Yeah, the humans work fast with their magic. That's your passport. Keep it safe and keep it with you. You can come back if you lose it, of course, but you will have to pay for a new one," The mare says.
  462. >"Stamp, it's technology, not magic," The human sighs, like he already said it a thousand times.
  463. >"So you keep saying. I'll believe it when I see it."
  464. >"You literally saw the process- forget it," He throws his hands up in exasperation. "Have a nice visit, ma'am."
  465. "Uh, thank you, sir."
  466. >You put on the necklace, nodding to the human and looking around for Anonymous.
  467. >Remembering his thing about names, you turn the necklace around so that the side of the card with your name rests against your body.
  468. >"All ready?" He asks.
  469. "I think so, yes."
  470. >"Let us away, then."
  471. >You leave the room through a large door with a large sign saying "PORTAL" above them.
  472. >As you enter the final room, pins and needles start racing all across your body. You tense and flex your wings, and you suddenly feel a cold sweat break out when you take in the details.
  473. >The room is huge and box-shaped, much like the fortress that houses it. There are two more entrances on your left and right, one being for cargo that has a conveyor belt and tracks for some kind of magical carts that move silently along them, without any visible drivers or steam engines.
  474. >The other one is for patients, several ponies slowly rolling two gurneys with prone figures on them towards the portal.
  475. >The sections are cordoned off from each other by thick metal railings, and there is a final set of desks in the middle, staffed by an even number of ponies and humans. From what you see, arrivals go to the pony desks, while those going to Earth go to the human ones.
  476. >None of that is what caused the reaction, though. Rather, it was the last, and final detail.
  477. >The Portal.
  478. >It doesn't look like much. In fact, it looks positively drab. A square tunnel of absolute gray, lit up by electric lights in regular intervals.
  479. >However, the moment you step inside, you're not going to be in your universe any more.
  480. >Not that you really know what most of the words mean, but you heard plenty of explanations of what it is. "A space between universes", it was called. "A spatial distortion, wedged open by magic, not of our universe."
  481. >And it showed. While it looked like a boring tunnel, the whole thing was just... Wrong.
  482. >It was like the world was a photo, and the tunnel was a weird hole someone splotched on it with a pen. You could *see* it, but it was like it just... Wasn't connected to this reality.
  483. "Guuuuuh..."
  484. >Your companion notices your distress.
  485. >"Try not looking at the edges. Only look at the tunnel, or towards the floor," Anonymous suggests. "Makes the whole thing less wrong. If you focus only on one reality, it helps... A little."
  486. "Yeah... Yeah. Thanks."
  487. >You glue your eyes to the floor, and the two of you make it to the desks.
  488. >Your shakes only subside a little, though.
  489. >With the rush to get away alive and the whirlwind of activity, you haven't really stopped to think what you're doing through.
  490. >Go to Earth, the world of the aliens? Seriously?
  491. >Well, the alternative is an almost certain death, but still...
  492. >No, no.
  493. >You're Fast Lane! The best damn runner in the city!
  494. >You're going to be fine. You're quick, you're smart, you can fly!
  495. >...And you can't do any of those things on the other side any more due to the soul drain.
  496. >Going through the portal didn't actually drain your "soul", though some ponies did insist that going to the other side forced your soul out of your body and made it wait by the portal until you returned, since only beings with souls had magic, and losing it also meant losing your soul.
  497. >And if you died on the other side, your soul would be stuck waiting, forever and ever.
  498. >You weren't even sure if you believed in souls, but it wasn't a fate you were interested in experiencing.
  499. >Well, it wasn't like you were planning to die there.
  500. >You mentally smack yourself.
  501. >Get ahold of yourself, filly!
  502. >You survived the streets of Portal Town! You'll survive this, too!
  503. >The two of you reach the desks, and you present your "passport" to the human.
  504. >He sticks it under a weird light, there's a beep, and he waves you through.
  505. >Huh. Getting to Earth really is easy. You don't think the entire registration took more than half an hour.
  506. >As you approach the portal, your legs shake a little, which doesn't go unnoticed.
  507. >"Are you... Going to be okay?" Anon asks awkwardly.
  508. >You laugh mirthlessly under your breath as you keep looking towards the floor.
  509. "Well, I certainly damn hope so. All the ponies keep saying that it's unpleasant, but completely nonlethal, unless you're at death's door already. But will it... Will it hurt?"
  510. >He shakes his head.
  511. >"I don't know, but the ponies I pass in the tunnel sometimes mutter about how cold they feel. That's it."
  512. "Alright then. Let's go."
  513. >You briefly close your eyes, raising your head and looking into the Portal.
  514. >It's still wrong, but not looking at the edges where reality and unreality intersects does seem to help a little.
  515. >Glancing at each other, you both nod, taking a step over the threshold.
  516. >It's bizarre, like stepping into a cloud. It's like there's sudden difference in the air pressure, and at the same time, not. You can move with the same ease as in Equestria, but your body just isn't equipped to properly tell you what doing this actually feels like, so it just feels weird.
  517. >Step by step, you move your body inside the tunnel, feeling heavier with each one, your saddlebags weighing you down
  518. >Anonymous is clearly completely unaffected, but he slows down for you as you slowly and deliberately take each and every step.
  519. >It doesn't take long the aforementioned cold to set in as your magic is swiftly drained from your body.
  520. >You shake and shiver, in a way that you never felt before in your entire life.
  521. >Pegasi were very cold resistant both due to their coats and their innate magic, but you never knew just how much of it was actually magical.
  522. >You manage to make it halfway through, the other side already visible.
  523. >Your legs refuse to move, though, as you stand there, panting.
  524. >"Take your time," Anonymous says quietly. "I'll wait."
  525. "T-thank you," You whisper.
  526. >You slowly start moving forward again, though it seems like every step takes you a minute.
  527. >The sound of wheels on...
  528. >What?
  529. >You haven't noticed what the surfaces in the tunnel are actually made of. You assumed that it was some kind of gray stone or concrete, but it's not. It's just... Grayness.
  530. >Trying not to think about it, you turn towards the direction your ears pointed you to, and see a pony being wheeled on a gurney in the other section of the tunnel. It's a stallion, obviously sick with some magical malady, strangely colored splotches dotting his coat. He's delirious, barely conscious as his eyes flutter open and closed.
  531. >It's a fairly familiar sight to you. An unexpected side effect of a completely non-magical world was apparently the fact that it tended to kill off strange magical diseases that doctors didn't have cures for, and even completely nullify any curses or hexes, which turned the usually extremely dangerous world into a health destination for the desperate.
  532. >Not that they stuck around for long, of course. They'd just go into a completely separate, quarantined building, stay there for a day or two, and get wheeled right back to Equestria.
  533. >And the reason you knew about all of that was because they were easy targets for gangs like yours, and the cutpurses often bragged just how easy they were to rob.
  534. >Most were sick to the point of delirium, and while patients obviously didn't tend to carry bits or valuables, they often came with relatives, who *did* carry cash and valuables, and were often too distracted with worrying about their sick family members to worry about getting their shinies nicked.
  535. >The vast majority even survived and did, in fact, get better, though this stallion didn't look particularly well.
  536. >Instead of scaring you, however, the sight invigorates you.
  537. >If ponies like that go to Earth and make it out even better than they came in, you're going to be fine.
  538. >You're going to be fine.
  539. >Step by step, you make it to the second threshold, finally reaching Earth.
  540. >Unlike leaving Equestria, there's practically no difference when you cross, save for the air feeling slightly warmer.
  541. "Tartarus..."
  542. >"No," Anonymous shakes his head. "Earth. Welcome to Earth."
  543.  
  544. "Right then..."
  545. >You reflexively spread your wings wide, flapping a few times to hover above the ground a bit.
  546. >Except, it doesn't happen. Your wings feel like they're filled with lead, and your hooves remain firmly attached to the ground.
  547. >A long, quiet whine escapes your throat as you keep flapping, more and more frantically.
  548. >"Um..."
  549. "I can't- I can't-"
  550. >Anon walks in front of you, grabbing your face with those alien appendages of his.
  551. >The shock makes you freeze, your wings still spread wide and proud, quivering from the exertion.
  552. >"You knew that this would happen... But you didn't really internalize it, did you?" He asks, his voice gentle.
  553. "Y-y-ye-"
  554. >"Shush. Breathe. Just breathe. It's going to be okay. You're not going to die from this."
  555. "I'm- I'm not d- I'm a *flier*. F-fastest In P-portal Town. Flying is what I DO," You manage to stammer out, embarrassment at stuttering like a little filly slowly overtaking your panicked response.
  556. >MARE UP, FAST LANE! MARE THE BUCK UP!
  557. >"Well... You're going to need to come to terms with that. Unless you want to turn around and go back to Equestria. I saw ponies do that sometimes."
  558. >Back to Equestria...
  559. >You're tempted, until you remember what's waiting for you there.
  560. >No. Not yet. Not until the heat dies down.
  561. >No way but forward.
  562. >You furiously shake your head, as much to dislodge the cowardly thoughts as to say no.
  563. "No. Let's go. I'm not going to turn around now."
  564. >He shrugs.
  565. >"If you're sure."
  566. >You nod resolutely.
  567. "I am."
  568. >Forcefully clamping your wings to your sides, you take a step forward, though with how tense all your muscles are, you stumble, falling flat on your belly.
  569. "Oh bucking- Ugh..."
  570. >"May I help?"
  571. "Uh? Sure, I guess?"
  572. >You're a bit dazed, so what Anonymous is offering doesn't really register properly in your befuddled brain.
  573. >Moments later, two long alien arms snake around your torso, lifting you up from the ground.
  574. >You whimper again, helplessly wiggling your legs as Anon lifts you in the air, pressing you against his torso.
  575. >"Huh. Not as light as you look."
  576. "You- you don't need to carry me..."
  577. >He shakes his head, moving forward and taking you with him.
  578. >"Just for a moment. Let's clear the passport control and go sit down for a minute, yeah? There's benches on the other side just for this occasion. You're not the first pony that got a bit overwhelmed."
  579. >As you're getting carried, you idly scan the room. It seems to almost be a copy of the one in Equestria, the metal fences still segregating it into three parts, the sick ponies going left to a separate door, cargo to the right, and regular travelers going straight.
  580. >The main difference is the fact that this room doesn't appear to be in the middle of a fortress. There's plenty of windows, with bright sunlight shining through.
  581. >You guess the humans don't really feel threatened by an invasion from Equestria, given the whole soul drain thing.
  582. >The process is identical to the one on the other side. Flash, beep, and you're through.
  583. >The human at the desk smiles at you comfortingly.
  584. >"Don't be afraid, ma'am, no one's going to hurt you here."
  585. "Thanks," You squeak, nodding, though your eyes are still wide with barely contained panic.
  586. >Anonymous carries you towards the aforementioned benches, and you collapse bonelessly into one.
  587. "Hoooo... Well, this trip is certainly something."
  588. >You can't help but flex your wings, spreading and folding them over and over as you try to get your body back under your control.
  589. >"You're going to be fine, you know," Anonymous points out. "Some ponies even come to Earth for the magic drain on purpose, for strength training."
  590. "Huh?"
  591. >That's the first time you're hearing that bit of information.
  592. >He nods, continuing.
  593. >"Yeah, I guess it's something like the people that take ice baths to force their bodies to adapt and increase their endurance and stuff. It's pretty extreme, but it does seem to work, since there's a small, but dedicated amount of ponies that keep doing it. So if you tough through this, you should be even stronger when you come back."
  594. >You'd be an even better flier? And you were the best in town already!
  595. "Oooooh. I like the sound of that."
  596. >"Yup, though from what little I know, you do actually need to train a bit to build up strength."
  597. "So what exactly have you heard about that?"
  598. >He shrugs.
  599. >"I heard nothing, actually. I saw. There's a small building not too far from where the sick ponies go, and you can see pretty easily through the windows that it's a gym of some kind, and only ponies seem to go there. There's not many of them, but there's always some, doing pushups or lifting weights, or running and stuff. I can only assume that there has to be some kind of special advantage to working out on Earth. Why would they do that otherwise?"
  600. "Huh. Okay."
  601. >That puts a bit of a damper on your enthusiasm.
  602. >Working out always looked super lame to you. Why bother pretending that you're running on some stupid machine or lift weights with your wings, instead of going for an actual run, or flight? It certainly worked for you, given how good you got without ever really working out.
  603. >Still, becoming some kind of a supercharged flier does sound tempting, especially given that you're probably going to need to be real fast when you go back to Equestria.
  604. >Something to consider, you suppose.
  605. >You remain lying on the bench for a while, until most of the shakes subside.
  606. >"Ready to go?" Anon asks.
  607. >You raise your head to you look him in the eyes.
  608. "Go where? To your place? We didn't agree on anything yet, remember? You wanted to be on the other side. Well, now we are. So now what?"
  609. >He pauses for a minute.
  610. >"Oh. Right. Well... You're probably not a changeling, at least."
  611. >You snort, shaking your head a little.
  612. "How many changelings did you even ever encounter, anyway? And what do you mean by probably? Look at me! I'm completely magicless."
  613. >You flap your wings one more time for good measure, still to no effect.
  614. >He purses his lips.
  615. >"Well I don't bloody know. That's rather the point with those things, isn't it? It's impossible to tell who's who when they're disguised. Which is exactly why you need to always be vigilant."
  616. "Don't you have pictures, or something? Pretty sure everyone in Equestria saw the photos after they were found out. There's even some posters and stuff hanging up in bars and the like."
  617. >"Sure, there's loads of photos. The feds even released some videos from the first incident. Weird-ass, chitinous freaks."
  618. "And... Do *I* look like one? Do you think I glued my coat on my shell? Go on, touch me."
  619. >You're aware that being this aggressive with a human is a bad idea, but you don't feel like taking this crap after you already went to the other side of the weird Tartarus portal into this horror dimension with no magic, and he's still not fully convinced that you're not a changeling.
  620. >"...Alright."
  621. >He runs his hand across your entire body, starting from your mane, going down your neck, and towards your tail.
  622. >What comes out of his mouth was not what you expected to hear, though.
  623. >"Oooh... Sooo soft.." He coos quietly.
  624. "Hey, what?! I'm not soft! I'm super tough! I'm one of the toughest mares in Portal Town! The best runner there is!"
  625. >He looks at you with slight confusion as you scrunch at him, attempting to assert your dominance. Predictably, it fails completely against the powerful alien.
  626. >Laughing, he shakes his head.
  627. >"I meant your coat. It's really soft. And what do you mean by runner? I thought you said you were a flier?"
  628. >You shrug.
  629. "It's just what delivery mares are usually called, even though most of them are fliers, yeah. And my coat may be soft, but I. Am. Tough. "
  630. >He grins.
  631. >"Suuure you are, cute little pony."
  632. >You scrunch harder than you ever scrunched, to no effect.
  633. >Damned aliens and their magicless dimension. He wasn't so damn smug on the other side of the portal. Bet he feels pretty safe now that you can't do anything.
  634. >At least he's probably not likely to attack you if he doesn't feel threatened.
  635. "Don't believe me? Feel my muscles instead of my coat, then."
  636. >"Wait, what are-"
  637. >You force his hand that was near your backside onto your flank, his fingers reflexively closing and squeezing, as your own muscles likewise tense up from the unfamiliar contact.
  638. >He stares for a few seconds, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, before yanking his hand back, looking away and coughing awkwardly.
  639. >"Uh, w-well, uh, yeah, those are some impressive muscles, yeah. Nice. Real nice."
  640. >You raise your snout in the air proudly, not that it does much given just how taller he is than you.
  641. "Told you."
  642. >"Right then, since you're definitely not a changeling..."
  643. >He trails off, still looking a bit awkward.
  644. >Did you do something wrong? At least he's not angry, you suppose.
  645. >You stick your hoof into your saddlebags, pulling out one of the ten-bit coins.
  646. "So if you don't have any more objections, how much are you going to charge me for the room?"
  647. >He raises his eyebrows and takes the coin, examining it intently for a brief while before slipping it into a pocket.
  648. >"That's your rent covered for a month, then. Let's go."
  649. >What?
  650. >WHAT?!
  651. >You're completely flabbergasted until you remember that humans apparently value gold much more than ponies since it's rarer on their world, or something.
  652. >You heard that tidbit before, but you never knew *just* how much more valuable it was.
  653. >You were halfway expecting to have to sacrifice a good chunk of your loot for your safety, but now...
  654. >Your head spins as you attempt to do some math.
  655. >With the gold you have, you could stay here for... Years! Decades! Maybe even for the rest of your life!
  656. >...And you'd never be able to fly again.
  657. >What a tradeoff. Definitely not worth it, but it felt good to know that you weren't on a tight clock to leave.
  658. >While all of that is running through your head, you remain sitting on the bench, Anonymous giving you a slightly concerned look.
  659. >"You alright there, Swift? Still can't walk?"
  660. >Swift?
  661. >Oh right, your fake name.
  662. >You shake your head as you get back to your hooves.
  663. "No, I'm fine. Well, mostly fine. Just feeling a bit slower than usual."
  664. >"Probably the lack of magic. I heard it messes with your head a bit, too," He nods.
  665. >Now that he mentions it, you do notice a bit of a brain fog in your head. It's not entirely unlike the time you tried the breezie powder for the first time, only without making you giggly.
  666. >Could be a problem. You certainly need to keep your wits about you in here.
  667. >Forcefully focusing your thoughts, you look at him again.
  668. "Where to next?"
  669. >"Let's catch a bus, my place is a bit far to walk to, at least with you in your condition."
  670. >Catch a... Bus?
  671. >You're not sure you're up to catching anything right now. And how would that help you get to his home?
  672. >None of what he said makes any sense at all, but you decide to just remain quiet, follow along, and keep your ears and eyes open to understand what those alien words mean.
  673. >He leads you out of the building, and you get your first look at Earth.
  674. >Everything seems a lot more... Built up, with paved roads, buildings, and hoof paths everywhere.
  675. >There are some humans walking around, with the occasional pony.
  676. >The sunlight is bright, but it's already cresting the horizon, which confuses you. It definitely wasn't that late yet.
  677. >It takes you a minute to realize that that's not Equestria's sun, and that the times between the two worlds certainly don't match.
  678. >It seems like a small detail, but the realization still makes a shiver go down your spine as the reminders that you're not only no longer in your country, but not even your home dimension just keep piling up.
  679. >You do your best to clamp down on those thoughts and focus on Anonymous, trotting obediently at his side as he casually navigates the streets, bringing you to some kind of tiny, roofed shelter from the wind, several other humans standing around.
  680. >He stops there, studying some kind of writing on a metal pole nearby as he glances at a clock on his wrist.
  681. >Is this how you catch buses?
  682. >He nods in satisfaction, turning to you.
  683. >"Alright, looks like we won't have to wait long at all. The bus should be here soon."
  684. "Okay."
  685. >You really don't know what else to say or think, so you just stand there, carefully studying your surroundings from the corners of your eyes.
  686. >Any runner worth their salt learns how to use their peripheral vision to its fullest potential. Those that don't don't last long in the business. Even if the coppers don't get you, rival gangs are more than happy to nab whatever you're carrying for themselves.
  687. >The other humans all seem to be glancing at you with strange smiles now and then, though they don't appear to be threatening... You think.
  688. >You notice one of them staring non-stop at you, which makes your instincts start screaming at you to scram.
  689. >Except you can't exactly fly, or go anywhere, so you do your best to appear calm and unbothered, pretending not to notice him.
  690. >As you keep studying him, though, you get more and more confused.
  691. >He has this big protrusion on his chest, which is not something you ever saw other men have.
  692. >And an unusually long mane.
  693. >That means something, doesn't it?
  694. >You dig through your memory, looking for forgotten tidbits about humans that you heard in passing.
  695. >Long mane, big chest...
  696. >A conversation you listened in on in the past comes back to you.
  697. >"Yeah, I actually saw some of them back in the day. Those human mares are real weird. They have their teats on their chests, see? How weird is that? Imagine trotting around with your teats on your front!"
  698. >Crap.
  699. >That's not a him.
  700. >That's a her. A *human* her.
  701. >As you're reminiscing, you see her hands twitch, reaching in the direction of your mane for a split second before pulling back, a mad, hungry, desperate look in her eyes. Starved, even.
  702. >CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP
  703. >NOPE
  704. >Whatever this is, you want no part of it.
  705. >Would Anonymous protect you?
  706. >Is he even capable of doing that? Against a mare of his kind? Is that even legal for him?
  707. >Not like you have any other choice but to trust him right now.
  708. >Pretending to stretch your muscles, you stretch out your back legs one by one, making a few steps in place before flexing your wings and moving slightly, putting Anonymous between yourself and the human mare.
  709. >He glances at you, but doesn't seem concerned.
  710. >You can't see the human mare's expression any more, but she doesn't move to follow you or push Anonymous out of the way, so that's good.
  711. >Fortunately, the "bus" arrives pretty soon, ending the tense situation.
  712. >You stare at the weird machine, trying to fit it into your understanding of the world.
  713. >You think that it's like a carriage at first, but when you see its huge length, you decide that it looks more like a self-contained train car, only one that doesn't need rails. Human technology is really something.
  714. >You guess that "catching" it must have been a euphemism of some kind.
  715. >The other humans get on first, Anon paying for both of you with some kind of foreign coins.
  716. >He notices you examining the money intently, waving it off.
  717. >"Don't worry, it's on me. You can visit the money changers later, when you're feeling better."
  718. "Thanks," You nod gratefully.
  719. >He leads you towards an empty row of seats, mercifully far away from the other passengers.
  720. >The human-style seats are a bit odd, but large, so you don't have much trouble finding a comfortable way to sit.
  721. >The journey is uneventful, with a strange, mechanical voice announcing the names of every stop.
  722. >You spend the time glued to the window, staring with fascination at the completely alien landscape.
  723. >Just like the stories say, since humans have no magic, their entire existence is built on machines. Dozens of tiny buses that seem to only have four seats pass by on the other side of the road, with an occasional bus as large as yours.
  724. >There's just so much... Machinery everywhere. And buildings. Flashing lights on large metal poles, roads, glowing signs on shops and restaurants...
  725. >You think you even saw a flying machine of some kind high up in the sky, though you couldn't focus on it before the roof of the bus hid it from view.
  726. >You're not sure how long the journey took, but by the time Anonymous nudges you, the Sun has already disappeared beyond the horizon, the last bits of orange light still coloring the sky.
  727. >"This is our stop, Swift."
  728. "Alright. Lead the way."
  729. >Getting off the bus, the pair of you trot for a few minutes longer before he brings you to his house.
  730. >As you take it in, you can't help but let out a low whistle.
  731. >He grins proudly as he fishes in his pocket for his keys.
  732. >"You like it?"
  733. >You nod.
  734. "It's like a damn fortress."
  735. >And it is. Two - or three, there's a window in the part that looks like the attic - stories tall, with a massive fence made of really thick metal poles and concrete, with bars on the windows. You can't really tell from the outside, but the walls look extra thick as well.
  736. >Cap would dream to have a hideout this fortified.
  737. >He nods.
  738. >"Yeah, it's been like the Wild West around here in the first years. It still is, sometimes, so I decided I'd rather not skimp on security. Pretty sure I'd be dead by now if I decided to be cheap. Anyway, let's get inside."
  739. >He unlocks a whole bunch of locks, the workings of some of which you can't make heads or tails of.
  740. >Some seem to use mostly normal-looking keys, while others do the same beeping thing that the passport scanning lights did when Anon does something to them.
  741. >The thick, heavy door swings outward without a sound, and he comes inside, waving you in.
  742. >You wipe your hooves on the mat next to the door as you look around.
  743. >It's easy to see from how much larger the furniture is that it's most definitely not a pony home.
  744. "Wow. This place is huge. Is your family around? Should I introduce myself?"
  745. >He shakes his head.
  746. >"Nope. Just me. You and me, now."
  747. >You tilt your head in slight confusion.
  748. "But this place is massive. What do you need so much space for?"
  749. >He shrugs.
  750. >"Well, I made a killing renting rooms in the past, before they built all the hotels and stuff. Afterwards, I used the rooms as a makeshift warehouse. There were lots of things people wanted to keep safe and secure without others sticking their noses into it, and my house was pretty damn secure."
  751. >Huh. He almost sounds like he was some kind of drug runner too. Or kept a stash for the actual dealers.
  752. >Couldn't be, though... Right?
  753. >"Once everything got more and more built up around here and the city got bigger, though, I lost the exclusivity and the value of renting dropped considerably. I could still make a decent amount of money, but I kind of got tired with having a bunch of strangers living in my house. Too much stress. Same thing with keeping things for other people."
  754. "And now, you have a huge, mostly empty house."
  755. >"Pretty much, yeah. Totally worth it, too. I more than made back what it cost to build it. Could sell it for a pile of money, but I kind of like living here now. Anyway, let's pick out a room for you."
  756. >He leads you across the house, showing you several rooms.
  757. >There was living space on the third floor as you suspected, but the roof was a bit low, which made you feel claustrophobic.
  758. >You decide to pick the one on the second floor, wanting to be somewhere higher up, even if you can't actually jump out the window and fly.
  759. >Hopping on the bed, you knead the mattress for a few moments while Anonymous fetches the pillow and the other bedding stuff.
  760. >Feels pretty comfy. Way better than what you had back in your hole in Equestria.
  761. >"Everything good?" He asks, setting up the bed for you.
  762. "Yup, looks great."
  763. >"Alright, let's go to the bathroom. I hope it's not going to be too different from what you have in Equestria."
  764. >The statement makes you a little nervous, though fortunately, your fears prove to be unfounded.
  765. >When he said that, your mind started painting pictures of bizarre, massive machinery with dozens of levers doing Celestia knows what, where pulling a wrong one would get you cooked instead of washed.
  766. >However, the bathroom looks normal, if fancy and rich as all buck.
  767. >The tiles are shiny as heck, everything's big, the water flows instantly, and the hot water is even hot!
  768. >For all your cold resistance, a hot shower is still nice.
  769. >...And you don't have most of your cold resistance any more.
  770. >After learning how (and using) the toilet, you trot out, thinking about what you should do next.
  771. >Your stomach growls, telling you in no uncertain terms what your next action should be.
  772. >Carefully cantering down the steep stairs meant for humans, you see Anonymous taking off his travelling clothes and hanging them up by the door, also pulling out a bunch of stuff from his pockets and belt.
  773. >Holding your breath, you freeze, studying all the human artefacts.
  774. >You know that some of them have to be the extremely deadly weapons that humans are known for, but as always, human stuff just looks weird and incomprehensible, the only easily recognizable weapon being the iron dagger.
  775. >He holds it in his hand contemplatively for a moment, before putting most of the stuff in a cabinet by the door.
  776. >You continue down the stairs, Anonymous turning his head towards you.
  777. >"So, everything alright?"
  778. >You nod.
  779. "Yes. Way nicer than my place, too. If it wasn't for the soul drain, I think I'd like to stay here for a while. But I don't know how long I can last in this place without going crazy. No offense. I haven't gone a day without going for a flight for years."
  780. >He nods sympathetically.
  781. >"I understand. If I could fly, you can bet I'd be flying everywhere, non-stop."
  782. >You purse your lips, hesitating at the next part.
  783. >From what you heard, making a deal with a human was pretty ironclad. They rarely went back on their word if they agreed to do something.
  784. >However, they also always insisted of the deals being very, very exact.
  785. "So, uh..."
  786. >You nervously rub one hindleg against the other.
  787. >He raises his eyebrows.
  788. >"Yeah? Something else you need? Did I forget something?"
  789. "Well, I know that I only paid for rent, but... I don't have food with me, and I'm pretty hungry..."
  790. >He blinks at you before laughing.
  791. >"Well, I'd be a bad host if I let my guest starve. Come on, kitchen's this way."
  792. >You follow along, your hooves clip-clopping on the tiles as you enter the kitchen.
  793. >As with everything else, the equipment is overly large for a pony.
  794. >Anonymous pulls out a bowl of fruits from the fridge, gesturing for you to sit down.
  795. >"Help yourself to whatever you like while I whip something up."
  796. >You study the offering curiously.
  797. >There's some familiar things like apples and oranges, though there's also some things you never saw before.
  798. "Uh, Anonymous? What are these things?"
  799. >He looks at you in surprise before realizing.
  800. >"Oh, guess you haven't seen some of these fruits before. The long yellow things are called bananas, you need to peel them first, like oranges. The brown ones are kiwis, you can bite through them, though you still shouldn't eat the skin. I guess you don't get many exotic fruits with how remote Portal Town is from Equestria?"
  801. >You shrug, deciding whether to go with the safe option, or try exotic human stuff.
  802. "There's fruit, the leatherbacks can't get enough of their mangoes, for example. Just not these ones. Say, isn't this town also called Portal Town?"
  803. >Eventually you decide to try a "banana", picking it up and trying to figure out how to peel it.
  804. >Meanwhile, Anon shakes his head.
  805. >"No, actually. This place is called something totally different."
  806. >You raise your head and look towards him with some surprise.
  807. "Really?"
  808. >He nods, his voice dead serious.
  809. >"Yes. This is not known as Portal Town. The official name of this place is... Portal City."
  810. >You stare at the back of his head, your mouth slightly open and your eyes narrowed, the banana still in your hoof.
  811. >He eventually turns back to look at you, clearly barely holding in his laughter.
  812. >"Snrk, hahahhaha, oh man, the look on your face..."
  813. >You snort and roll your eyes as he notices the banana and shows you how to crack it open before going back to cooking.
  814. >As you slowly chew on it, you ponder the strange, jarring transformation.
  815. >Back in Equestria. he was paranoid, acting like he would get jumped and killed if he so much as let his guard down for even a second.
  816. >Now, he was all smiles and jokes, seemingly without a care in the world.
  817. >Is Equestria really that scary for humans?
  818. >"Oh, by the way, what's a leatherback?"
  819. >You almost choke on the banana, though you're saved by how soft the fruit is as you quickly swallow the remainder.
  820. "Oh, er... It's a term for... You know. Bats. Batponies."
  821. >He ponders it as he cuts some herbs.
  822. >"Huh. Don't recall hearing that one before... How common is it?"
  823. >You shrug.
  824. "Oh, pretty much every pony around me used it. Not just other pegasi, but the hornheads and earthers, too."
  825. >"...What's a hornhead?"
  826. >Damn it!
  827. "It's... Unicorns. It's a word for unicorns."
  828. >"Right, that make sense. Huh. Wait..."
  829. >He trails off, stopping what he was doing. As he slowly turns around, the huge, giddy smile on his face makes your hackles rise.
  830. >"No way."
  831. "Uh, Anonymous, what-"
  832. >He gets closer, almost getting in your face, still holding the knife that he was cutting the herbs with, making your heartbeat rise rapidly as adrenaline floods you.
  833. >"No way!"
  834. "What?! Don't stab me! What did I do?"
  835. >"Huh, what? Oh, chill, relax," He chuckles, putting the knife away. "I was just surprised to hear what you said! I never expected ponies to have, well..."
  836. >You're still breathing hard, almost ready to jump out of your chair.
  837. "What? Have what?"
  838. >"Well. Racists. Leatherback, hornhead. Those were... Slurs, weren't they?" He asks you with a massive, manure-eating grin.
  839. >You clear your throat, trying to calm down and appear nonchalant.
  840. "I, uh, I don't know what that word means."
  841. >He cackles, clearly not buying it.
  842. >"Do you ponies call it something else, then?"
  843. "....I'm not a tribalist!" You say defiantly, which just makes Anonymous laugh again. "I just... I just mind my own business and don't like it when others stick their muzzles in mine! And the leatherbacks like to act like they're as good as us, when pegasi are the true rulers of the skies! They can't even build cloud cities or do high-altitude flights!"
  844. >At this point, Anonymous is howling with laughter, almost collapsing to the floor.
  845. >"Ahahahahah, got a racist pony tenant, best decision ever, ahahahahahah!"
  846. >...At least he's not berating you for "not following the virtues of Harmony" or some other manure.
  847. >Your ears folded out of embarrassment, you crack open another banana while you wait for his laughter to subside.
  848.  
  849. >It takes a while for his giggles to subside.
  850. >He goes back to making food without saying anything, though he still chuckles occasionally as he cooks.
  851. >As you wait for the food, you wonder what his reaction meant.
  852. >Was he laughing because he thought you were stupid due to what you said? Did he just actually find it funny? Or was there some weird alien reason for it?
  853. >Eventually, once he's almost done, he speaks up again.
  854. >"So, is the whole, what did you call it, tribalism thing a thing in Portal Town for some reason, or is it actually something that exists across your entire nation?"
  855. >You shrug.
  856. "Buck if I know. I spent most of my life in Portal Town. I can barely remember anything before that. Just... Vague bits of cloud cities that I don't even remember the names of. And it's not tribalism. Some ponies are just too stupid to know when to back the buck off and get out of my way."
  857. >He sniggers again, nodding.
  858. >"Sure, sure. Totally get that."
  859. >He finally reveals the food, which turns out to be noodles with a whole bunch of herbs, and a plate with a ridiculous amount of grated cheese on it.
  860. >"I like my pasta criminally cheesy, so add however much you want. And I don't know everything about ponies, but I know that all these herbs are edible for you, so don't worry about that."
  861. "Thanks."
  862. >The food is simple, but good. You're certainly happy that it's not some kind of weird alien stuff. You heard rumors about humans eating all kinds of weird things, from bugs to snakes.
  863. >As you eat, you rethink what happened just then.
  864. >You really need to watch what you're saying more closely. It looks like the soul drain really is making you dumber.
  865. >Not that you actually said anything you wouldn't have said in Equestria, though. It's more to do that he's human.
  866. >Ugh. This clearly won't be a trot in the park, but it's still better than the alternative.
  867. >It looks like he was hungry as well, since he focuses entirely on eating. The dinner passes by without any small talk.
  868. >Once you're done, you lean back in the chair, your wings involuntarily falling from your sides and drooping towards the floor, the strange, alien weight of Earth dragging you down.
  869. >Anon looks you up and down as he collects your plate.
  870. >"The magic drain is really hitting you hard, huh?"
  871. >You nod, grimacing.
  872. "Literally. I never felt so... Heavy before. Like my bones are made of lead."
  873. >"Well, maybe you'll feel better tomorrow. Or not, I don't really know. I saw lots of ponies act like you are right now when they come to this side, but I don't know how long it takes to get used to it."
  874. >You shrug.
  875. "Doesn't matter. It'll take as long as it'll take, or I'll just leave eventually. I'm still strong enough to trot around... Probably."
  876. >"So, anything you wanted to see for your first time on Earth?"
  877. >Crap. You have no idea how to answer that.
  878. >After all, you only really went here to hide, not to be an actual tourist.
  879. >Still, you're pretty sure pretending to be clueless should work.
  880. "Can't say that I'm really aware of what's interesting around here. I figured that just trotting through the city a bit and looking around would be interesting enough."
  881. >He seems to accept that answer with no issues.
  882. >"Alright. I actually forgot when we went through, but there's brochures with some maps for newcomers in the portal building. We can pick some up tomorrow."
  883. >You nod, though you raise your eyebrow.
  884. "We?"
  885. >He thinks for a moment before shrugging.
  886. >"Since you're so new here, I figured I'd at least show you the basics before setting you loose. Where to go, where to maybe not go..."
  887. >You nod, listening intently. That's street knowledge he's talking about, which is always vital to know.
  888. >"Anyway, it is kind of late already. Feel like going to sleep yet?"
  889. "Definitely," You nod.
  890. >"Alright, feel free to take the shower first."
  891. "Thanks."
  892. >He goes off to another room as you make your way to the bathroom, stretching your forelegs to reach the annoyingly high-up handles.
  893. >You did fly around a lot today as well as getting into several fights, so washing off the built up dried sweat under the hot water feels amazingly good.
  894. >There's a bunch of strange, colorful stuff in bottles, but you do manage to find a normal-looking, nice-smelling bar of soap to scrub yourself with.
  895. >It feels almost too good, though, and you just barely catch yourself as you begin nodding off under the warm stream of water.
  896. >Damned soul drain.
  897. >Feeling this weak is pretty foreign to you. You've been sick before, but even then, you could still muster up enough energy to fly, even if just a little.
  898. "Mare up, Fast Lane. Mare up," You whisper to yourself, not for the first time this day. "You survived the streets of Portal Town. You survived your mother dumping you when you were eight. You survived... Everything else. You'll survive this, too."
  899. >Toweling yourself off, you trot to your room, collapsing into the delightfully comfortable bed, falling asleep almost instantly.
  900. >You sleep deeply through most of the night, though strange, half-formed dreams start annoying you when you get close to morning.
  901. >You keep waking up and falling asleep again, with no sense of the passage of time.
  902. >Your body can't seem to decide how to feel, alternating between sweltering when you're under the blanket, and freezing when you kick it off.
  903. >Vague thoughts about being sick form and immediately vanish before you can think any deeper on them.
  904. >Eventually, you wake up enough that your consciousness fully returns, the combined sensations of thirst and your bladder being full preventing you from falling asleep again.
  905. >It takes a few moments of blearily looking around for you to remember why you are waking up in a strange, unfamiliar place.
  906. >You wanted to get away from the heat and you got away so hard, you escaped into another dimension.
  907. >You smile sleepily as you imagine how pissed off Cap must be right now. If she didn't get shanked yet, that is.
  908. >Stretching and spreading your wings, you hop off-
  909. >*Splat*
  910. "*Sigh*"
  911. >Right. You forgot about that.
  912. >Picking yourself up from the floor, you lazily canter towards the bathroom.
  913. >"Morning, Swift," Anonymous calls out across the house.
  914. "Am I really that loud?" You grunt back.
  915. >Your main advantage was speed rather than stealth, but you could be sneaky when you wanted.
  916. >You hear him laughing.
  917. >"The sound of hooves on the floor is pretty distinctive, yeah. And easy to hear."
  918. >Right. Another disadvantage of not being able to fly.
  919. >You lick your teeth as you grimace a bit at the taste.
  920. "Anonymous? Could I borrow a toothbrush?"
  921. >"Didn't pack one? Sure, there's spare ones in the cabinet under the sink. No borrowing, though, I don't think I'll want a used one."
  922. "Thanks."
  923. >Opening the cabinet, you find the toothbrushes, packed in some weird, transparent stuff. It takes a bit of gnawing and wrestling until you pry one free.
  924. >Once you do all the morning stuff, you go down the stairs, holding the torn package in your teeth.
  925. >You might not be this meticulous otherwise, but it's probably better to be a model tenant for Anonymous.
  926. >He glances at you as you enter the kitchen.
  927. >"Damn, ponies carrying stuff with their mouths is just adorable."
  928. >You give him a flat look as you grunt around the piece of garbage.
  929. >He just grins, taking it from you and tossing it in a bin in one of the cabinets.
  930. >"Anyway, it looks like I'm going to have to cook for you if you're going to eat here," He says, cracking eggs into a pan.
  931. "Why's that?"
  932. >"Can you use the stove?"
  933. >You purse your lips at the somewhat insulting question.
  934. "Hey, I figured out your human bathroom just fine, why would this be that different?"
  935. >"I didn't ask if you know how. I asked if you could."
  936. "What?"
  937. >"Can you reach the top?"
  938. "Uh..."
  939. >You move over to him, eyeing the stove.
  940. >Your head is over the surface of the stove, but it is pretty high up.
  941. >You'd have to rear up to actually reach it.
  942. >You reflexively flap your wings to give yourself an extra kick as you push off with your forelegs, but once again forget just how extra-heavy you are now.
  943. >All that happens is a small hop, and you're standing on the floor again.
  944. "Damn it!"
  945. >He patronizingly pats you on the head as he flips over the eggs with a spatula.
  946. >"Hey, it's okay. We can share, I don't mind making some extra stuff. And there's places you can eat or get takeout in, too."
  947. "It's not that," You grumble. "I could do it just fine if I had my magic."
  948. >You try to swipe an egg from the carton with a wing to show him, but your wing just passes over it.
  949. "What the..."
  950. >You try a few more times with no effect, as Anonymous watches you curiously.
  951. "What's happening to me?"
  952. >"Can't magically grab stuff with your wings any more?"
  953. >You frown.
  954. "That was magic?"
  955. >He laughs.
  956. >"Well obviously. How do you think pegasi grab things without actually grasping them?"
  957. >You study his hands for a minute, his fingers wrapped tightly around the cooking utensils.
  958. "We don't think about that. We just grab them."
  959. >"I see. Still magic, though."
  960. "Great."
  961. >He pats you again as your ears fold in annoyance and embarrassment at being so helpless.
  962. >Sitting down, you spend a few minutes flexing your wings and feathers, and though you still can move them more or less right, you really can't grab things any more.
  963. >At least you can still wrap your foreleg around a fork, though you'd still prefer to be able to use your wings.
  964. >Eating your portion of the eggs, you wonder what to do next.
  965. >There'd always be runs to do back in Equestria, but right now, you're free. Free to do whatever you want. Nothing at all, even.
  966. >You knew that ponies that had normal jobs had these things called "vacations", but the whole idea was pretty foreign to you.
  967. >As Anon finishes, he looks at you thoughtfully as you eat.
  968. "What's up?"
  969. >"Nothing much, just... "
  970. >You roll your eyes a bit.
  971. >It's strange how easy it is to read him right now.
  972. "You want something. Say it."
  973. >"If you're not busy, could we talk about Equestria for a while?"
  974. >You chew on it as you chew the last of your eggs.
  975. "What specifically? And why?"
  976. >He shrugs.
  977. >"Anything. Everything. Your life, Portal Town, whatever else you feel comfortable sharing. I'm curious myself, though I'm not going to lie, I'm going to put it on my YouTube series. Been an extra source of income for a while."
  978. >You shake your head as you drink some water.
  979. "I have no idea what that tube series thing is, and you yourself told me not to make strange deals with fey."
  980. >"Hey, I'm not a fey. You are."
  981. >You wiggle your feathers at him.
  982. "I'm a pegasus, doofus."
  983. >He snorts as he grins.
  984. >"Suppose you are. All I want is some information, though. Just a friendly chat, that's all there is to it."
  985. >You ponder his words carefully as you take another drink.
  986. "You just said that it's also a source of income. If you're getting money for it, then I want two things."
  987. >"Yeah? Name them."
  988. "First, you will explain to me what that "series of tubes" is. Secondly, if I tell you about Equestria, you're going to need to tell me about humans."
  989. >"The Internet is not like a truck. It's a series of tubes," He says with a grin, like he's telling a joke.
  990. >Obviously, though, you don't get it, but you do recognize one word from there.
  991. >Meanwhile, Anonymous doesn't wait for you to ask what he meant, getting up and quickly walking out of the kitchen.
  992. >A few moments later, he comes back with some kind of square thing, obviously human in make.
  993. >"Right then, this thing is called a tablet. It can be used for all kinds of things, including connecting to the internet, originally called the world-"
  994. "Wide Web," You finish for him, swiftly averting your eyes from the glowing screen as he shows it to you.
  995. >Your reaction stumps him.
  996. >"Wh- yeah. Why are you looking away like that?"
  997. "I heard about the internet. Back in Portal Town, humans were the topic of conversation more often than not. I ended up learning lots and lots of things. Some of them are probably entirely made up, but definitely not all of them."
  998. >You, of course, don't care to mention that some of those conversations were between your gang members about coming up with ways on how to rob humans. Many ponies knew that their weapons and artifacts were incredibly powerful, which made them valuable. But, they also knew that humans were incredibly dangerous, so those conversations didn't really end up going anywhere.
  999. >He's all curious now.
  1000. >"Yeah? And what did you hear to make you look away?"
  1001. "I heard that it's powerful, and dangerous. One of, if not the biggest things that humanity has built with their alien technology. A web of technology and machinery that spans your entire world, full of knowledge of all kinds, including dark and cursed knowledge. It's so powerful, in fact, that, if you're not careful, it can consume your mind rather than you getting knowledge from it. You become completely lost in it, a gibbering nutcase that's just repeating random nonsense that you read in there. I think they called them an "an pea sea"."
  1002. >"Pffff..."
  1003. >As you're explaining what you heard, Anonymous puts down the tablet, cramming his hands over his mouth and trying not to laugh. He fails, his entire body shaking as he slowly falls forward, barely supporting himself on the side of the table as he eventually bursts out laughing.
  1004. >"AHAHAHAHAHAH, OH MY GOD, HAHAH..."
  1005. >It goes on for a while while you wait and sip your water. Eventually, he mostly manages to get control of himself, wiping the tears from his eyes.
  1006. >"Hooo... Damn, alright, that's actually a pretty badass description of the internet. Not... Not quite accurate, though, heh heh."
  1007. >You give him a flat look.
  1008. "Most of the things about humans are passed down from pony to pony, but I heard actual humans talk about that, you know. Are you saying that there's no cursed knowledge?"
  1009. >He rubs his chin with a grin.
  1010. >"Well, there's definitely lots of stuff many people would call "cursed"..."
  1011. "And it doesn't turn people into an pea seas?"
  1012. >He snorts.
  1013. >"Hrm, well, NPC's are definitely real, though it's a big question whether the internet turns them stupid, or if they're just stupid to begin with. There were stupid people looong before the internet, you know."
  1014. "Uh huh. I think I'll pass on your eldritch depository of forbidden knowledge. I don't know what my resistance to it would be, especially without my magic."
  1015. >That triggers another bout of laughter.
  1016. >"Look- Swift, listen. That's just not how that works. Technically, you haven't exactly said anything incorrect about the internet. At the same time, though, it's not magical, there's no will or consciousness in the internet. It's just knowledge. Not quite all, but quite close to the sum knowledge of humanity. And knowledge can be valuable, useful... And when there's so much of it, you can just get lost looking through it all. That's it."
  1017. >You ponder his words as you rub your chin.
  1018. >He's right in that knowledge is useful.
  1019. >After all, you asked him to talk about humans precisely for that reason. You were going to need some kind of income once you're back in Equestria, and knowing how to deal with humans was a highly sought-after skill.
  1020. >You yourself were occasionally offered drinks, food, and even decent amounts of bits just to tell ponies what you managed to learn about humans during your time living in Portal Town.
  1021. "Alright... Promise me this isn't going to turn my brain inside out?"
  1022. >"I promise that I'm going to cut your internet access the moment I see you doomscrolling through stupid crap," He says with a grin.
  1023. >Great. Doomscrolling. More terms that don't exactly inspire trust in what you're about to do.
  1024. >Muscles tense, you raise your gaze, looking at the square "tablet".
  1025. "Alright. No funny business, remember."
  1026. >He chuckles and shakes his head, poking the tablet.
  1027. >"Relax already, there's literally nothing dangerous about this."
  1028. >You shake your head.
  1029. "Hard to take your suggestion to relax seriously when humans are always walking around ready to kill everyone around them if someone sneezes near them."
  1030. >That makes his mirthful expression go away, Anonymous screwing up his face.
  1031. >"Hey, people don't start shooting for nothing. Equestria is a goddamn death world. Every single bit of it can be lethal."
  1032. >You look at him in disbelief, skepticism clear on your face.
  1033. "Yeah right. I don't know what a death world is, but Earth sure seems like a death world. No magic, and full of crazy humans and their deadly technology everywhere."
  1034. >"Oh please, technology is harmless if you know how to use it properly," He rolls his eyes. "You certainly won't get horrifyingly mutated and die and unspeakable death on Earth for smelling the wrong flower, unlike in Equestria."
  1035. "Huh?"
  1036. >"Oh, you don't know that one? Perfect. Here, I'll show you. Here's to hoping you have a strong stomach."
  1037. >He pokes the tablet a bunch more times, various little pictures showing up and disappearing, until he reaches something, types some stuff, and a large picture of a grove of trees near a pond takes up the screen. Then, the picture starts moving, sound coming out of the tablet as well as you watch it with some wariness.
  1038. >"This video right here is what we call "found footage". Before Equestria, found footage was just a way to tell a story. A completely made-up movie, deliberately presented in a way as if someone filmed it all and then met a gruesome end, and someone found the camera later on. Now, well... There's less need to come up with fake scenarios with all the real horrors people encounter in your dimension."
  1039. >Whoever is filming starts speaking, though he seems to be having serious trouble with that, hacking and coughing, a bunch of bubbles appearing in the field of view, before a sneeze is heard and a bolt of lightning pops the bubbles.
  1040. >"Th-these, *hack, cough* are the things that infected me, I think. The trees, *cough, cough* specifically, the flooooweeeerrrrssss..."
  1041. >He starts slurring, the camera shaking wildly before stabilizing.
  1042. >"It's- it's too late for me. I can barely move. There's... Jesus Christ, there's a root coming out of my foot. I'll wrap the camera in my coat so it doesn't get *cough*, damn it, damaged if it rains. If someone finds this, I have just one request..."
  1043. >The camera turns around, and you grimace at the sight. There screen is taken up by a human face, or what's left of it. There's disgusting orange blotches on it, with bark and branches growing out of them.
  1044. >"Get a flamethrower. Burn this place down. Including me. Do NOT smell the flowers. If you do, run like hell. Maybe the ponies have a cur-*hurk*"
  1045. >He loses his ability to speak as more and more of his face gets covered by more tree bark at a horrifyingly fast pace, the human fumbling with the camera before it goes dark.
  1046. >The ponies did not, in fact, have a cure," Anonymous says casually as he taps the tablet again. "The poor bastard got turned into a tree in roughly a day. There are some previous entries, but I think you get the gist of it. And how did that happen? He got too close to a flower. He didn't even smell it, it just spit pollen at him. The next poor bastard that found his camera got infected with the same shit, but he got the idea to run back to Earth after ponies told him that there is no cure for it. He figured that since that whole bullshit was clearly magical and all magic stopped on the other side, the infection should stop. And it did. So that's the guy all those sick ponies can thank for figuring that one out. He survived, but he did need to get a bunch of dead branches that were sticking out of him surgically removed."
  1047. >He shows you the tablet again, with several pictures of another human with the same condition, though not as highly advanced. The next picture shows him all bandaged up, with the final one of him smiling as the bandages are taken off, though he does seem to have collected a whole load of wicked scars.
  1048. "Yeeesh."
  1049. >You feel even happier now that you didn't decide to try and break out of the city through the jungle. Who knows what kind of manure you'd have ran in to?
  1050. >Anon nods, tapping the tablet again.
  1051. >"Yup. Your world is pretty damn messed up. Sure, nature is plenty dangerous Earthside, too. You can catch brain-eating amoebas and all sorts of horrible things in some places, but when you toss magic into it? Ho-lee crap, little pony, I'm surprised your people even managed to survive long enough to become sapient and build a civilization. Must be because you have magic yourself. Gives you a natural resistance to other dangerous magic the more magical you are, from what I heard. We humans, though? We don't. Guess what that makes us?"
  1052. >You shrink away from his hard gaze.
  1053. "...Vulnerable."
  1054. >He nods.
  1055. >"Precisely. For ponies, the final stages of that infection - swamp fever, I think it's called - takes around a week to manifest. Humans? Roughly a day. Everything else? Mind control, hell, even telekinesis? Have you heard about the guy that got his head ripped off?"
  1056. "...No?"
  1057. >"Uh huh. Some unicorn got the bright idea to choke a guy out and steal his things. No big harm, right? Just knock him out and steal some trinkets. Except with no magical resistance whatsoever, she tore right through his neck. There's no photos about this since ponies were the one who found the scene, but from the descriptions, the place was *quite* bloody."
  1058. >You grimace as you awkwardly take a sip of water, your throat feeling dry all of a sudden. Though you haven't heard about that specific instance, there were a number of stories about what happened when ponies tried to mug humans, though they rarely ended well for the ponies.
  1059. >The human's vulnerability to magic wasn't exactly a secret, though few ponies dared to try and exploit it, given that they themselves were just as vulnerable to getting their heads exploded in a shower of blood by the human's weapons. In the end, it all ended up on who could get a shot off first, and it usually ended in the human's favor, given that their weapons didn't have a charge up time. Which is why the first bit of advice you told to unicorns was to NEVER cast any magic around humans unless they trusted you.
  1060. "Is it really that bad? I know that there were some bad things that went down in the first years, but everyone's too bucking scared to even look at a human funny these days."
  1061. >He snorts.
  1062. >"And If I let my guard down for a second, someone will jump me. Yeah, no. When humans go to Equestria, they need to crank up their paranoia to eleven and treat every single thing like it can kill you, or they will get killed, no matter where they are. Nature's a horror show, and cities might be crawling with skinwalkers, without anyone even knowing."
  1063. >That word again.
  1064. "You're talking about changelings, right?"
  1065. >"Yeah. Guess it's not accurate to call them skinwalkers since they don't actually need to kill their victim to take their shape, but that's what people called them at first, and the name kind of stuck already."
  1066. >You shake your head
  1067. "Alright, look, I get it, but I still think you're overblowing it. I really don't think there's that many changelings around. With the way you're saying it, it's like there's not even any ponies left in the cities, and it's all just changelings pretending to be ponies."
  1068. >He shrugs, tapping the tablet again.
  1069. >"Who knows? They were able to infiltrate your highest echelons during the First Contact, and snag a number of people before it all went tits up. If even your queen-"
  1070. "Princess."
  1071. >"Right, princess. Even if your princess, the most important and protected pony in the land got bamboozled and her forces infiltrated, well. No one can actually tell how many changelings there might be, can they? After what happened back then, how could anyone trust any assurances of safety from your princess?"
  1072. >You shrug helplessly.
  1073. "I was still a foal back then. I don't actually know what even happened, except that a bunch of ponies, changelings, and humans died, and that it was a big mess."
  1074. >"Tell you what, you can read up all about it yourself. Here. I'll show you how to work the tablet, and you can fill yourself in while I go out to do some shopping. I need to stock up on more food, especially with another mouth to feed."
  1075. >You nervously reach out with your forelegs, pulling the tablet closer to yourself.
  1076. "...Alright."
  1077.  
  1078. >It takes a little while for him to explain things.
  1079. >It sounds simple enough, at least for this task.
  1080. >He also gives you a thing he calls a "stylus", which is what you can use to poke the tablet, since you lack fingers.
  1081. >As he leaves the house, you look at a list of articles that the "search engine" showed you.
  1082. >You don't feel any of it eating your brain yet, so you start reading.
  1083. >Once again, your lack of schooling shows. You managed to learn enough to at least be able to read menus and signs, and read the occasional newspaper now and then, but it was still very slow going.
  1084. >Apparently, the event that was named "First Contact" wasn't actually the first contact. It was just the first officially agreed meeting between the diplomats of humans and Equestria, and they obviously had to meet before that to organize the thing, and the reporters just called it that because it sounded cool, or something.
  1085. >Weirdoes. Whatever.
  1086. >There's a whole bunch of strange human names and descriptions how those humans were jockeying over who got to send their representatives to the meeting.
  1087. >It's only later that you realize that those names might have actually been the names of human countries, rather than people.
  1088. >Shaking your head at the useless information, you start skimming, trying to get to the important parts.
  1089. >You come across a few pictures, but they all look like they are just small bits of photos cut out of bigger ones.
  1090. >You faintly remember a conversation about a newspaper you had with a gang member back in Equestria.
  1091. >It was about some mare getting brutally beaten, but there were no pictures, and the gangster laughed about it, saying that newspapers were a bunch of sissies, and didn't allow photos with blood or dead bodies to be printed.
  1092. >Was the same thing happening here?
  1093. >Blinking in irritation as your eyes begin to burn from reading more in a few hours than you usually do in a month, you remember something Anonymous said the day before.
  1094. >"The feds even released some videos from the first incident."
  1095. >You start tapping into the search engine, trying to find something more concrete.
  1096. >Video... First... Changeling... Incident?
  1097. >Luckily for you, something comes up.
  1098. >You sigh as you strain to read the excessively long name.
  1099. >"UNCENSORED! Body camera footage of the agents present in the First Contact..."
  1100. >Good enough.
  1101. >You tap it, waiting with bated breath.
  1102. >The screen shows a huge, fancy corridor, presumably in Canterlot Castle.
  1103. >Damn, Celestia is rich. Marble, rugs, and gold everywhere.
  1104. >The camera suddenly turns a little, showing a similarly fancy-looking human. Black suit, black pants, black tie, white shirt...
  1105. >Also super stiff and serious-looking. Kind of looks like the Portal Guards, though if he's a soldier, it's odd that he's in fancy clothes rather than armor.
  1106. >"...What did you say?"
  1107. >The human's mouth doesn't move, so you assume that he one filming is the one talking.
  1108. >The other human smiles, his features relaxing.
  1109. >"I said calm down, colt. No need to get emotional. So I forgot the protocol for a moment. It's not every day you go to a new dimension, right?"
  1110. >You're not entirely sure, but you think you see the human's brown eyes glow green for a split second.
  1111. >Faster than you can blink, a pair of arms appear in the field of view, a chunk of fancy-looking metal held in the human's hands, pointed right at the other human.
  1112. >"Who the fuck are you and what did you do to Johnson?!"
  1113. >The other one raises his hands soothingly, oddly not reaching for his own weapon.
  1114. >"Whoa, easy there, what's with you all of a sudden? Careful with that thing, you-"
  1115. >"Humans don't call each other "colt", moron."
  1116. >"..."
  1117. >"..."
  1118. >There's a brief staredown as neither human makes the first move, until the one being filmed grins, a fire forming on his forehead as a curved changeling horn emerges, charged with a spell.
  1119. >The not-Johnson cackles as his form warps.
  1120. >"Should have just kept quiet, dumbflank stalli-"
  1121. >Whatever he was going to say next gets interrupted as the human starts blasting the changeling with his weapon, the shapeshifter screeching and howling in a multitude of voices as his - or her, you don't really know - body is engulfed by green flames.
  1122. >Unfortunately, it manages to release the spell it was charging, even if it's not well focused.
  1123. >It hits the human somewhere outside the camera's range, probably in the shoulder.
  1124. >He crumples to the floor with a curse as the screen goes dark, though you're pretty sure that, even with is vulnerability, he's going to live, unlike the changeling.
  1125. >The little streak of magic looked like it was barely holding together to begin with.
  1126. >Meanwhile, the stories say that humans can kill a pony with a single shot, and you count at least six loud bangs, if not eight.
  1127. >It takes a moment, but the human does get up with an angry hiss, examining his foe.
  1128. >As you predicted, the changeling is lying in a rapidly spreading pool of green blood, breathing its last breath.
  1129. >"JESUS HAROLD CHRIST, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!"
  1130. >It sounds like the human is pretty shaken, to say the least. You can't really say that you're not a little shook up yourself. This "video" is almost like looking through someone's eyes.
  1131. >It only takes a couple seconds for shouts to start coming from all sides, more humans quickly piling in, their attention quickly taken up by the changeling's corpse.
  1132. >"Agent! Report!"
  1133. >"Sir! Some kind of... Skinwalker has abducted and replaced Johnson, sir!"
  1134. >"Skinwalker?!"
  1135. >The human in charge is clearly in disbelief, but the camera guy just points towards the corpse.
  1136. >"See for yourself. That thing looked like Johnson just a second ago. More of this world's... Magic, I'm guessing."
  1137. >"What the bloody hell..."
  1138. >They don't get time to discuss what happened, more shouts and loud hoofsteps sounding out as Royal guards start pouring in from every door.
  1139. >An officer of some kind starts yelling, assessing the scene.
  1140. >"What is going on? Why did you all run- What is what thing?!"
  1141. >"That's what I want to know, stupid horse! That thing took and somehow replaced one of my men! Is that some trick of yours? Is that how you actually look?! It's certainly shaped like one of you ponies!"
  1142. >The two officers start screaming at each other and demanding explanations, the grunts on both sides staring at the corpse, though the humans quickly start moving again.
  1143. >Several of them get closer to the one filming.
  1144. >"What the hell happened?" They start asking in hissed whispers.
  1145. >"Joh- Not Johnson, that *thing* - it looked *just* like him, it was talking, mimicking his voice perfectly, but he didn't know shit. Didn't know protocol, slipped up and called me a "colt" which is the same word these ponies use, and I swear I saw the fucker's eyes glow green before he burst into green flames and attacked me," The human explains.
  1146. >The rest of them quickly share out the info, swiftly pointing their weapons towards the group of guards.
  1147. >They don't exactly take it well.
  1148. >"Lower your weapons and surrender immediately, or we will be forced to subdue you!" The Royal officer demands.
  1149. >"Like hell! You already took out one of us by stealth, so stand down, or we start firing! And what did you do with Johnson?!" The lead human snarls.
  1150. >"You forget yourself, impudent alien savage! You stand in the home of Princess Celestia herself, and you do not give orders to Her Guard! Take them down!"
  1151. >A second later, the scene turns into a slaughter as both sides unleash their weapons and magic on each other.
  1152. >There's more Guards than there are humans, but their armor doesn't seem to be helping against the human's weapons much.
  1153. >A few of them also burst into green flames as they get shot, including the officer, which sows confusion and panic in their ranks.
  1154. >Unfortunately, the fancily dressed humans aren't doing that much better, and they get wiped out one by one by magic blasts and thrown spears as more reinforcements arrive.
  1155. >You grimace as the screen glows white for a second, the next view being of the human's lower half of his body lying some distance away as he coughs blood, splattering on the camera and covering most of the view.
  1156. >The still visible part shows a horrified guardsmare standing some distance away, her horn still smoking from the spell.
  1157. >"Bu- but- th- that- stun strength spell-"
  1158. >There's a lot more shouting from the guards, but it sounds like all the humans were dealt with, their weapons silent.
  1159. >With that, the video ends.
  1160. >You blink in confusion as it starts again, this time in a slightly different corridor.
  1161. >You hear bangs in the distance, and the humans almost immediately start running towards it.
  1162. >It takes you a moment to realize that it's showing the same thing, only from the point of view of another human.
  1163. >Just then, the door to the house starts clicking as Anonymous starts unlocking it.
  1164. >You watch for a little while longer as you wait for him to enter the kitchen.
  1165. >He glances at the tablet as he carries his bags, setting them up on the kitchen counter.
  1166. >"Found the video, eh? Took them a while to release it, which made folks doubt that it's even real. Some people still claim that it's all faked even today despite multiple cameras, and all that stuff."
  1167. >You look at him with confusion.
  1168. "Is that possible? Can you just... Make something like that up?"
  1169. >He shrugs.
  1170. >"Well, we do that in movies all the time, yeah. But from multiple angles? Ehhh... I'm not an expert, but the experts usually say that it's near impossible without missing some detail."
  1171. >You stop the video once the shooting starts again.
  1172. >You think on what you saw as Anonymous puts his shopping away.
  1173. >So this is the reason why humans are so paranoid about changelings...
  1174. >And why, by extension, they're also always suspicious of ponies, ready to shoot first and ask questions later.
  1175. >You never thought about changelings much, but you find yourself being pretty pissed at them right now.
  1176. >"So, did you read about how the whole thing ended?"
  1177. >You shake your head.
  1178. "No, uh... The articles were vague and full of unimportant stuff. And using the tablet was a bit harder than I expected."
  1179. >Yup. Totally not because you just suck at reading.
  1180. >"In that case, I think I can summarize it for you. In total, there were twenty six humans in that delegation - ten diplomats and sixteen bodyguards. The diplomats were in a meeting and all survived, but out of the guards, only four got to live, ten got killed, and two were never found - they were the ones replaced by the changelings. Presumably, they're dead as well. Ponies... I think, what, fifteen guards dead and four more taken by changelings as well? A complete mess, right in the center of your capital city. It was a clusterfuck of epic proportions, in other words."
  1181. "And that's what made humans paranoid about changelings," You nod.
  1182. >"No, that's what made us entirely reasonably concerned about changelings," He replies with a roll of his eyes. "Anyway, after that, the diplomats wanted to get the hell out, for obvious reasons. Finding out that this world is full of not just cutesy ponies, but also some kind of insectoid skinwalker horrors made everyone freak the hell out. The guys that came back were put through just about every single medical scan and psychological test that exists to make sure they were actually human."
  1183. "But the soul drain-"
  1184. >"No one really knew for certain if that was true and if it would actually stop changelings back then, and they sure as hell weren't taking any chances. Anyway, the portal got locked down super hard for years after that. Maybe that was for the best, really. The slimy fuckers that would usually jump at the opportunity to scam your people out of their lands and natural resources for toilet paper money were too chicken to stick out their own necks, and the military kept everyone else away."
  1185. >You tap your chin as you dig through your memory.
  1186. >You do remember that time. All visits by humans stopped for the longest time, only starting up years later.
  1187. >On your side, Equestria's military did something similar, focusing on building the keep, with practically no attention to anything else.
  1188. >Of course, fortresses needed supplies and builders and soldiers wanted more things than just what the military issued them with, such as a cold drink after a long shift.
  1189. >Naturally, demand creates supply, and a bunch of ponies started moving in, though the soldiers didn't really have any orders to regulate anything outside the keep, so they didn't.
  1190. >Which is why the small city that grew up around the fortress ended up being completely lawless, the police force that was implemented later on being corrupt from day one.
  1191. >And when humans started moving around again, the population, amount of tourists wanting to see an alien, and, subsequently, the money flow increased a lot, which only made the local gangs stronger as they freely skimmed off the top, the law enforcement turning a blind eye as long as they got their cut.
  1192. "So, did something happen to calm you guys down? Did Celestia reach out with an apology, or something?"
  1193. >He smiles, shaking his head.
  1194. >"Not quite. I think she did make diplomatic overtures and apologies, but after she failed to secure a diplomatic delegation in her own capital, no one trusted her much. No, what happened was... Elections."
  1195. >You tilt your head at the only vaguely familiar word.
  1196. "Elections?"
  1197. >"Yup. And protests. See, we humans... We never met anything non-human that's sapient. That could talk, build civilizations, and all that. However, we have some pretty good imaginations. There were fictional scenarios about meeting aliens for hundreds, if not thousands of years. Many people were afraid that if we actually met them, they'd either wipe us out, or greedy people on our side would wipe them out, due to how much more advanced one side was. And when our first meeting was with cutesy, adorable ponies..."
  1198. "We're not cutesy," You scrunch.
  1199. >"You are to humans," He laughs. "Well, simply put, almost no one really believed them when the world's governments claimed that the portal was locked down due to how much of a horrible hellscape was on the other side. Everyone was worried that they were enslaving you ponies, abducting you for experiments, or doing who knows what else. Since many governments have a history of doing exactly that for profit, people eventually got sick of it and started protesting, big time. There were riots and protests... All over the world, really."
  1200. "...Really? Because they cared so much for us?"
  1201. >He shrugs.
  1202. >"More or less, yeah. No one wanted to see the adorable, precious ponies hurt."
  1203. >You scrunch again, to no effect.
  1204. >He only grins wider, reaching out and ruffling your mane.
  1205. >"Anyway, it's been a few years by that point, and all over the world, election cycles starting up again. A bunch of politicians saw an easy win, and started campaigning on opening up the portal if they got elected. Not that they cared about the situation at all, mind you, they just wanted to get the political positions. Which they did, and, unlike other times where politicians suddenly forget all their promises the second they get elected, they actually had to do it this time, given how fired up everyone was. So, they worked something out with Celestia."
  1206. >You nod, remembering that as well. The princess even visited Portal Town herself, though you barely got to see her during the dramatic procession as she went to the keep to talk to the humans.
  1207. >The buildings and the trees blocked most of your line of sight, the guards and the other onlookers blocking the rest. You could have seen more from the air, but you already fell in with a gang by the time, and were too nervous to call any attention from the patrolling pegasi guards to yourself.
  1208. "So if those politicians didn't really care, how did it all end on your side?"
  1209. >He shrugs again.
  1210. >"They pretty much lifted all restrictions on our side and let Celestia dictate the terms, fucking off to pilfer money from their taxpayers right after. The deal was shockingly lenient, honestly. I don't know if your princess felt sorry, or something, but there's less hassle in going through an interdimensional portal than going through an airport back home," He scoffs with disgust, looking off into the distance for a moment. "Hell, she even let people bring pretty much any guns they wanted for defending themselves, if they felt like it. Which most didn't at first, but when the news of all the horrible deaths from manticores and hydras and fucked up magical flowers and the occasional pony started rolling in, people changed their minds pretty quickly."
  1211. >You shake your head.
  1212. "Why come to Equestria at all, then, if it's so damned dangerous? For some kind of profit?"
  1213. >"No. For the danger, of course."
  1214. >You purse your lips as you consider the answer. Both from what you heard and from your own experience, many conversations with humans tend to go this way. They almost make sense for a while, until they suddenly drop something completely nonsensical.
  1215. >Crazy aliens.
  1216. "Why?"
  1217. >"Well, you know how our civilization is pretty advanced? Our technology is a fair bit ahead of yours?"
  1218. >You blink slowly as you look around, all sorts of machines filling the kitchen, not to mention all the stuff you saw on your way there during the bust trip.
  1219. "...Yeah?"
  1220. >"Well, for better or for worse, that means that most people's lives have become very, very safe. Incredibly safe. But also? Dull. Boring. And there's a lot of humans on this planet. Some of them get the craving for adrenaline, and get into all sorts of stuff. Extreme sports, mostly, but when news of an actual magical dimension full of strange creatures and monsters began spreading? They got an itch for adventure. We explored pretty much every corner of our planet except the depths of the oceans, you know? Some people wanted to be pioneers, see unseen places. Others wanted to look cool and have the head of a manticore on a mantle, or something like that."
  1221. >You nod slowly, at least partially understanding. Seeking out lethal danger for the kicks still seems stupid, but you do understand how taking down some monster would make you a total badflank.
  1222. >"And, of course, let us not forget that a large amount of people are really, really dumb. Back then, people were saying things like "Oh, it's like an actual D&D world, except we can bring guns! It'll be a breeze, we'll be like superheroes!" Except they forgot that it was a real world, and they couldn't exactly save their game and reload, or magically heal their wounds, or get revived if they died. So yeah. A bunch of people formed actual adventuring parties, and most of them met gruesome ends. Which, hey, is fairly accurate, I think. Someone has to die and leave a bunch of loot for the other bunch of adventurers to find," He chuckles.
  1223. "...What's D&D?"
  1224.  
  1225. >He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out.
  1226. >Tapping his chin, he thinks for a moment.
  1227. >"A game, essentially. But it's a game with a made-up fictional world of magic and monsters that's been worked on for... I don't know how many decades now. And it was one, if not the first of its kind, so it grew pretty big over time. The specifics don't matter too much, really. It's just one of the many, many fictional worlds humans made up for fun."
  1228. "How did humans come up with magic in all those stories if you don't have any yourselves?"
  1229. >He shrugs.
  1230. >"We have good imaginations, I guess?"
  1231. >Weird aliens.
  1232. >You run out of questions, so you lean back in your chair, idly glancing at the tablet.
  1233. >Now that you're no longer distracted, your bladder makes itself known, forcing you to get up.
  1234. >Glancing at a clock, you purse your lips.
  1235. >It might not have eaten your brain, but you still spent several hours on the internet without realizing.
  1236. >Best to be cautious with it in the future.
  1237. >As you do your business, you ponder what else to do today.
  1238. >You still feel weak, but that's probably a permanent effect while being on Earth.
  1239. >Should you go out?
  1240. >No, it'd probably be best if you went out with Anonymous, like he suggested.
  1241. >You make your way back to the kitchen, where he's doing something with unfamiliar bits of food.
  1242. >He glances at you as you reenter the kitchen.
  1243. >"So, you hungry yet?"
  1244. >You take a moment to listen to what your body is saying.
  1245. >You felt all kinds of strange, but your hunger stayed constant. If anything, it feels like it even increased somewhat, probably to compensate for the lack of magic.
  1246. "Yeah, I could eat something."
  1247. >"Alright. You might not have eaten some of these things before, but I know that they're safe for ponies, so don't worry."
  1248. "...Okay."
  1249. >You tap your hooves on the table as you watch Anonymous work.
  1250. "So, can you tell me about that tube thing?"
  1251. >"Sure. Essentially, it's really simple. Youtube is a website on the internet that people put videos on. It's a bit like a library, except just about anyone can add their stuff there, and how many people watch your videos depends on how good they are, and how many are interested in the topic. If lots of people watch them, you get a bit of money."
  1252. "And I'm guessing that ponies are a popular topic."
  1253. >"Pretty much."
  1254. >You hum as you think.
  1255. >You spent most of your life as a drug runner for the city's gangs. What could you even tell him that wouldn't be somehow incriminating?
  1256. >But would it matter? Would humans care enough to nark you out to the guards?
  1257. >Your instincts all scream at you to keep quiet, though.
  1258. >Excessive bragging and other kinds of inabilities to keep their stupid mouths shut often led to bad things happening to ponies, you saw that yourself plenty of times.
  1259. "I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable with talking about myself to potentially... Thousands of humans?"
  1260. >"Millions, more like."
  1261. >...Millions?
  1262. >You're barely even aware of how big that number is.
  1263. "Yeaaahh... I think I'd prefer to keep my identity and my life secret."
  1264. >Unfortunately, that only catches his curiosity.
  1265. >"Oh? Have you done anything bad?" He asks with a grin.
  1266. "...No," You shake your head resolutely.
  1267. >He laughs, clearly not buying it.
  1268. >"Well, we could do an anonymous interview."
  1269. "What do you mean by anonymous, Anonymous?"
  1270. >He pauses for a second as he re-runs what you just said in his head.
  1271. >Shaking his head, he continues,
  1272. >"I mean that we could do it in such a way that no one would know who you are. Put you in a dark corner so there's only your silhouette visible, maybe even use a voice changer as well. Completely blank out any distinctive features."
  1273. "Hmm..."
  1274. >On one hoof, running your mouth is still dangerous.
  1275. >On the other hoof, every proud pegasus mare gets an itch to brag about her achievements now and then, and with how cautious you were. you didn't get to scratch that itch pretty much ever, no matter how much you wanted to.
  1276. >And it might be a good way to get Anonymous to tell you more about humans, too.
  1277. "Yeah... Okay. I'll do it."
  1278. >"Great. Do you have any plans? If not, we can do it today."
  1279. "No, I'm free."
  1280. >"Perfect."
  1281. >He continues cooking, eventually presenting you with something he calls "baked potatoes" with a bunch of other vegetables.
  1282. >You don't know what potatoes are, but they're pretty good.
  1283. >Once you're done eating, he brings you to what he calls his "recording room".
  1284. >There's a whole bunch of unfamiliar machines there. The only ones you recognize are the cameras, and a glowing screen that's similar to the tablet.
  1285. >"Alright, let's set this up..."
  1286. >He messes around with his technology as you study the room.
  1287. >There's a few posters on the walls, one of which catches your attention.
  1288. "Anonymous? What's that?"
  1289. >There's one with what looks like a... Dead human, if you're not mistaken. It's hard to tell, since it looks like it's been burned to a crisp, and then stuck on a sharp stone spike.
  1290. >Stala... Something. You don't remember what they're called.
  1291. >He glances at it before scoffing and going back to what he was doing.
  1292. >"That's the price of stupidity, and the reason some dragons attack humans on sight now."
  1293. "Could you elaborate?"
  1294. >He sighs.
  1295. >"Alright, so... Ponies don't know humans very well, right? Especially, you're not too savvy on our weapons. Now, we have weapons of all kinds, from small and weak ones, to hardcore military stuff. Most of the things people take with them to Equestria are the civilian ones."
  1296. >They have even more powerful weapons?!
  1297. >It sort of makes sense, but it makes you feel a little scared.
  1298. >"And, since Celestia allowed people to bring pretty much whatever they felt like bringing, some genius decided to take an anti-materiel rifle with him. See, he had heard about dragons. How, much like in our own myths, they have nigh-indestructible scales, nasty attitudes, as well as huge hoards of gold... And so, he decided that he wanted to get rich and famous by becoming a dragon slayer. So he prepared everything he needed and set out towards where dragons supposedly live, though he forgot one tiny detail... He didn't bother to find out whether dragons in this world are sapient. No one knows if he actually managed to kill one or not, but... The REST of the dragons that were there clearly didn't take kindly to him attacking one of their own. You can guess what happened next."
  1299. "Damn."
  1300. >"Yup, exactly. Now, from what I heard, dragons aren't exactly the nicest bunch around. I don't imagine they exactly got their hoards of golden valuables by making it all themselves, after all. Still, he did shoot first, so... That's all on him, though what I don't like is that he made it harder for other humans as well. Anyway, I have it there so it's in the background when I make my videos. That's mostly what my channel is about... Interesting stories that I can manage to find, a lot of which end up being cautionary tales."
  1301. "What's interesting about me, though? You don't know anything about me... Do you?"
  1302. >He shrugs.
  1303. >"Not really, but I had nothing but humans on my channel. You'll be the first pony. Should be interesting either way."
  1304. >He ushers you to a chair, pointing a bunch of stuff at you.
  1305. >"That's the microphone, try speaking in its general direction all the time so there's no ups and downs in the audio... That's the camera, I guess you don't have to look at it since it's going to be dark anyway..."
  1306. >He dims the lights until there's only the faintest hint of light left in the room. All you can see are silhouettes.
  1307. >"Right, now no one will know who you are. I'll make an intro later by myself, so... Let's begin. Swift Sprint, what can you tell me about yourself?"
  1308. >You shrug.
  1309. "Anything, I guess?"
  1310. >"Alright, let's start at the beginning. Where are you from?"
  1311. "Portal Town. Grew up there."
  1312. >"Really? It's been ten years since the portal opened, though, and you look older than that."
  1313. "Yeah. I arrived there with my mother when I was eight. She heard about the huge opportunities and all that stuff in a new settlement, and came there with me, hoping to get work."
  1314. >"And your father? He remained back home?"
  1315. >You shake your heard, feeling silly when you remember that it's probably invisible in the dark.
  1316. "No. I don't have a father. My mother got pregnant from some slut back in the day. And we didn't have a home, either. She was a drifter, and I just... Tagged along. Not like I had much choice."
  1317. >"...Oh."
  1318. >There's a bit of a pause. Does he want you to keep talking?
  1319. "Anyway, the lack of work wasn't the problem. If she felt like it, she could have found work just fine everywhere else. The problem was that she was a complete deadbeat, and liked booze a little too much, spending all her bits on it the moment she got them, and showing up wasted the next day. So, predictably, it didn't take long for her to get fired from pretty much anywhere that would take her in the first place. My wings and flight magic were starting to properly develop by that point, and, without any supervision or anyone to tell me no, I started zooming all around the city, using everything as an obstacle course, including the construction sites. The builders were pretty pissed at me," You chuckle at the fond memories.
  1320. >"And what did you do for food? Did your mother at least feed you?"
  1321. "Barely," You grimace. "Fortunately, it's pretty hard for ponies to go hungry anywhere there's grass... Not that that's a pleasant thing, mind you, surviving just on raw grasses and plants. Still, when you're a foal and that's all you knew for your entire life... I didn't know any better, and subsisted off what I could."
  1322. >"Wow. Okay. What happened next?"
  1323. "Well, it didn't take long for a unicorn foremare to get pissed enough to yank me out of the air with her magic and smack me upside the head. It happened a few times, though one of them actually offered me a job while smacking me. Soon, I became a gofer, carrying messages and fetching stuff from one building site to another, and other similar tasks. Getting my own coins for the first time was... Exhilarating."
  1324. >You still remember it. Your heart was beating faster than after going full speed through a tight dive.
  1325. >Anon's voice becomes concerned.
  1326. >"And... How did your mother react?"
  1327. >You snort, confirming his suspicions.
  1328. "She tried to swipe them the moment she saw them, saying that I should be a good filly and give her the coins so she could keep them safe and that mommy really needed a drink after a long day. Fortunately, she was half-drunk already, so I was too fast for her."
  1329. >He sighs quietly, not saying anything else. You guess you should continue?
  1330. "I found a hole in a tree to hide them in, doing my best to be as sneaky as possible, and took a good hoofful to spend them on real food, just to piss her off. I... Ate way too much and got sick, but mare, it was delicious. After that, I resolved that she wasn't going to get a single damn bit of my money, ever. I was afraid she was going to try and beat me - she rarely did it before, but I was still nervous - but fortunately, it didn't come to that. Barely a few days after that, she just told me that I was now able to take care of myself, and clearly didn't need her any more. And after that, she just... Left."
  1331. >"An eight year old?! She really left you to fend for yourself?"
  1332. "Yup," You say, not without bitterness.
  1333. >"So, I'm guessing that you just... Continued on?"
  1334. "Pretty much. I was young, so I remained a gofer for much longer than ponies usually do, since it's usually an entry position before they give you training and stuff. By the time I reached my teenage years and they offered to train me in construction work, though, I had no interest in hammering in nails or whatever. My entire skill set consisted of flying fast through all kinds of obstacles, and mare, I bucking loved it. I became the best damn runner in town, and no one could keep up with me, not even those leatherback bastards!"
  1335. >Your triumphant declaration is interrupted by a faint snigger from Anonymous.
  1336. >"Hm? What are leatherbacks, Swift?"
  1337. >Oh crap, not again.
  1338. >Then again... To Tartarus with it. It's an anonymous interview, right?
  1339. "Bats! Since Portal Town is located in the jungle, the bat-winged freaks pretty quickly set up shop there, because it's their natural habitat or something. A good chunk of the population there are leatherbacks, and they like to act like they own the place. I had to sleep in trees for a long while until I saved enough to rent a place, and the favorite pastime of the bastards was chasing me around and using me as a punching bag. Now, I was fast, real fast, but there's only so much of getting chased around a mare can take, you know?"
  1340. >"Oh. Why did they do that? Because you were a pegasus?"
  1341. "There was little for foals and teenagers to do back then but make their own fun, since the city was still getting built. And not everyone's hobbies were as harmless as using construction sites as obstacle courses. Some of them made their own fun by hunting me down. One of them also saw me stash money in the hollow of a tree once, and, obviously, stole it. She made the mistake of bragging about it to me, though. Probably thought she'd make me cry, or something. Instead, she made me so pissed, I blasted at her at full speed and knocked one of her fangs out! Little bastard started crying herself! I'd have kept wailing on her, but a swarm of those scum quickly flew in to her aid. After that, she was super mad at me, swearing and screeching about revenge and putting me in my place, even though she robbed me first, and then literally asked for it! The leatherbacks are just scum, seriously!"
  1342. >"And did you ever manage to get them to stop chasing you, or was that a problem even recently?"
  1343. "Well, they had to stop as we all got older, and our chases became more and more serious. I was getting pissed, and we had a few midair scuffles now and then, where I knocked them out of the air REAL good. What really stopped them, though. was me getting some ranged support, though. One time, as I was getting chased, a few unicorns started blasting the manure out of them all of a sudden. I had no idea what was happening, and it was only after the bats ran away that they explained that they were "defending their turf". Without knowing it, I became involved in a territorial dispute between two gangs."
  1344. >"Oh, wow. Did you hightail it out of there once you learned what was going down?"
  1345. "Nope, they told me that they saw me fly around and get chased before and were impressed by my talent and how I never got caught, and offered me a job, far more than what random deliveries paid me. And so, I became a drug runner for their gang."
  1346. >There's an even longer pause this time, and when Anonymous speaks, his voice is full of disbelief and excitement.
  1347. >"/Really/?"
  1348. "Yeah. Don't know if you know this, but Portal Town is a pretty lawless place."
  1349. >"I actually didn't know that, but... Well, Portal City is certainly similar in some ways, though it's not really the gun-and-run style of crime."
  1350. "Neither is it there, at least, not in the open. The city guards are swimming in bribes up to their ears, but the Portal Guard is super serious, so no wants to attract too much attention to themselves, lest the actual soldiers start enforcing order. So, they try to remain quiet and clean up any evidence when there's a gang war or something."
  1351. >Anonymous whistles.
  1352. >"Damn, that's... Wow. Okay. Can I ask, uh... What sorts of drugs did your gang deal in?"
  1353. "Breezie powder, mostly."
  1354. >"Yeah, I have no idea what that is."
  1355. "Honestly, I'm not totally sure myself. I just know that it has something to do with plants."
  1356. >"And what does it... Do?"
  1357. >You lean back, trying to put the experience in words.
  1358. "It makes you... Giggly. Happy. Some say that it makes you feel like you're on a cloud, but I'd say that it's more like you ARE the cloud. But also, uncoordinated, and it loosens your tongue. You start blabbing, some ponies start singing, others start bragging uncontrollably, shouting, or talking crap about other ponies. That tends to get them in trouble if said ponies are nearby."
  1359. >"So you took some yourself?"
  1360. >You nod in the darkness again.
  1361. "Yeah. I mean, it's kind of inevitable, when you're surrounded both by the stuff, and by other gangsters that all use the thing. So yeah. The gang leader slid me some as a reward for an exceptionally fast run. And I snorted it. It... It was fun. It felt good. But..."
  1362. >"Yeah?"
  1363. >It takes a bit off effort to say the next part.
  1364. "...I came to on the floor, giggling my flanks off. I never felt so relaxed, and my mind went to my younger years. And I... Remembered my mother, collapsed on the floor, giggling her flanks off as she was too drunk to stand. And it suddenly felt like I was dunked in an ice-cold shower."
  1365. >"Ouch."
  1366. "Yeah. I actually liked it, I really did. Same with cider and other booze. But... I wanted to be the best. I AM the best. And I couldn't be the best if I was a drunk, drugged wreck. I enjoyed being the best runner in town more than I enjoyed the drugs. So... The next time I was given some of the stuff, I just quietly sold it off to another member of the gang with a discount."
  1367. >"You know, in those kinds of situations, young kids in gangs are given drugs to keep them addicted and loyal to their supplier, not really as extra rewards for a job well done. They just disguise it as such."
  1368. >You freeze as his words sink in, reflexively flexing your wings in anger a few moments later.
  1369. "That smartflank cunt... I didn't even think of that! Wait, how would you know about that?"
  1370. >"You can find all sorts of information on the internet, including how gangs work. Turns out, nearly all of them end up working by more or less the same principles. I guess that even applies to pony gangs... Though I'm honestly surprised by that fact."
  1371. "Huh..."
  1372. >There's a minute of silence again as you run out of things to say, and Anonymous thinks up more questions.
  1373. >"So... Any particular reason the drug trade is so strong in Portal Town? Are the locals all addicted, or is it some kind of big production or distribution center?"
  1374. "I don't have the foggiest about where it's made or where it comes from, but I think it's because the place is both lawless and a tourist destination to see humans, ponies arrive from other, more secure cities for more than just seeing an alien. Also, I think a decent chunk of the clients might be humans as well."
  1375. >"Really?! They use your weird magical pony drugs? Humans and magic really don't tend to mix well."
  1376. "Probably. I never saw any take them, but occasionally, it would be a human that was accepting the package, so I'm guessing that they do."
  1377. >"Damn. Okay. This is new and fascinating information. I'll have to ask around and try to dig into this... Anyway, uh..."
  1378. "Yeah?"
  1379. >"Um, what made you come to Earth all of a sudden? Wanted a new thrill?"
  1380. >Oh, filly, here's your chance.
  1381. >Should you?
  1382. >...Definitely.
  1383. "Well, it's a bit of a story. The leader of my gang, Raspberry Cupcake, decided that I was getting too big for my britches, and set me up to fail with a fake delivery run..."
  1384. >Anonymous can't quite contain his snorts and giggles.
  1385. >"Wait wait, your gang leader's name was RASPBERY CUPCAKE?!"
  1386. >You can't quite keep a grin off your face as you nod.
  1387. "She always insisted that everyone called her "boss" or "capo", but word on the street was that that was her real name, yeah."
  1388. >You don't know if she's even still alive, or if any of this will make it back to her, but you're going to make that cunt the laughing stock of every human that watches this video.

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