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Oportunistic research

By pzeezp
Created: 2024-11-22 23:24:19
Updated: 2024-11-23 02:59:31
Expiry: Never
pinkie piegreentexttf2/mlptf2/medic (tf2)

  1. Original thread: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/41650353/#41668881
  2. -----------------------------------------------------------
  3.  
  4. >These ponies, they were an opportunity
  5. >Living self-replenishing magical batteries, each capable of storing unimaginable magical might
  6. >You've seen them fly, defy gravity, ignore physics, conquer nature itself!
  7. >If only you could get a hold of a live specimen…
  8. >Your team, however, was blind to the possibilities
  9. >They didn't understand!
  10. >When they saw you trying to sneak a few, small, inconsequential ponies into your laboratory, they started keeping a closer eye on you, stopping you from making any real progress
  11. >What do they think you'll do to the ponies? You wouldn't kill them!
  12. >They're exaggerating, you've never killed a subject that you wanted to keep alive
  13. >That reminds you, you need to clear out the fridge with all of the with enemy spy heads, it's getting full. And you think they've started conspiring against you
  14. >But now, you have an opportunity
  15. >Most of your team have gone to fight the robots, and they've left you behind along with scout and spy to "guard the base"
  16. >You know better, they don't think you're capable of shredding the tin cans into scrap as well as they can
  17. >They're not brave enough to tell you that to your face however, or else they might wake up to find themselves with their small intestine wrapped around their backbone
  18. >You smirk at the memory, you haven't heard any lip from scout since that little "incident"
  19. >"Whatcha laughing at?"
  20. >You turn around to look at your test subject
  21. >All this reminiscing has gotten you distracted, time to get back to work
  22. "I'm just so excited that you're here with me, now I'll get to know you inside out!"
  23. >You cackle, the blissfully unaware pony you lured into your lab laughing alongside you.
  24. >Well, not really lured, she just started following you around while running off her mouth
  25. >Then, you went into your lab, and she came along
  26. >You can't be blamed if she just came in and wandered into your lab
  27. >Or if the only seating available was on your operating table
  28. >This mare is so innocent, so trusting, and somewhat childish. She was... What's the word you're looking for?
  29. >"Puerile?"
  30. >The pink mare says helpfully with a genuine smile on her face
  31. "Ah yes, that works. Danke"
  32. >You take your notepad and quickly scribble on it; "Telepathy?"
  33. >These creatures surprise you with something new every day
  34. >Focus, you're wasting too much time
  35. >You have to act quickly, before the others come back, before spy shows up and ruins everything
  36. >He's undoubtedly around here, keeping an eye on you
  37. >You're not worried about the scout though
  38. >He's probably still fretting over the horse uterus you told him you dropped inside of him while doing his monthly checkup
  39. >You told him that it'd induce birth if he did any sudden movements, that should keep him occupied for long enough
  40. >You lied of course
  41. >The uterus is activated via a remote, you can't trust scout not to move
  42. >"You want to get to know me?! Oh I love meeting new ponies! What do you want to know first? I'll tell you everything! I was born on a Tuesday..."
  43. >While she babbles on about whatever nonsense comes to her mind, you turn around to start preparing some containers for the upcoming thorough equine research
  44. >One for the Heart, another for the lungs, a small one for the brain, a bigger one for the stomach...
  45. >And a singular one for everything else you probably won't recognize
  46. >You're getting tingles
  47. >The vivisection tingles!
  48. >Better get started
  49. >You turn back around, she's not sitting on the operating table anymore, instead, she's standing on one of your desk, displacing your tools and bumping some vials into the ground
  50. "Dummkopf! Get your dirty hooves off of my equipment!"
  51. >The pink menace ignores you, instead focusing on a remote with a big red button on its center
  52. >"Oh! What's this do?"
  53. >Pinkie presses the button, basically stepping on it
  54. >In the distance, you hear scout screaming
  55. >Well, it was bound to happen someday
  56. >"What'd that do?"
  57. >She asks, a tinge of worry in her voice
  58. "It brings us a step closer towards the next evolutionary chain: Horse men"
  59. >Pinkie lets out an ooo's in amazement
  60. >You're not sure nor really care if she fully understands the implication
  61. >You quickly swipe the remote away from her before she can press it again
  62. "Now, return to your seating, I don't want you to induce any more births before it is time"
  63. >She ignores you of course, zooming around the room seemingly trying to touch everything and anything she can get her little hooves on
  64. >Vials shatter on the ground, important notes are scattered, files and medical records clutter the ground, some even get wet, irreparably damaging them
  65. >You run after her, but she effortlessly avoids you
  66. >Before you can reach her, she opens the fridge. A dozen spy heads stare back at her, giving her side eyes as if she’d just interrupted something important
  67. >She stares at them back, somewhat stunned at the unexpected scene
  68. >That's when you strike
  69. >You grab her from the back, wrapping your arms around her barrel and lifting her towards the table
  70. >She's surprisingly light for a horse
  71. "WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO STAY STILL?!"
  72. >You forcefully lay her down on the operating table
  73. >*THUNK*
  74. >... And accidentally hit her head against the metallic surface, a little too hard
  75. >She goes limp almost immediately
  76. >There's no way that such a small impact to the head knocked her out
  77. >You shine a light on her eyes, place your head against her chest, you look for a pulse, slap her face
  78. >You were right, the impact didn't knock her out
  79. >It killed her
  80. "Ach Scheiße, that's not good"
  81. >The body was still fresh, extremely fresh, maybe you could try pulling her soul back into her body while you look her over and find out how exactly she died
  82. >...
  83. >Well, at least she's still now. You've never been one to waste an opportunity
  84. >You grab one of your trusty scalpels and jam it into her, you start carefully working on her
  85. >Finally, you make a big enough opening to spread her open
  86. >As you gaze into her gaping abdomen you see...
  87. >Nothing
  88. >There's nothing inside her, maybe she operates purely by magic? You better make a note of it
  89. >When you turn around to write down your observations, you're greeted with the sight of the pink pony sitting on the desk
  90. >The pink pony that is also lying dead on your operating table
  91. >Smoking a cigarette, sitting in an upright position
  92. >You cross your arms as you glance back at "Pinkie"'s body, just in time to see it slowly fading out
  93. "Where is the pony?"
  94. >"I threw candy out the window when you turned around, she jumped after it"
  95. >You calmly walk to the window and sure enough, there's the pony, sleeping peacefully on the ground surrounded by numerous candy wrappers.
  96. “You drugged her? I should’ve done that from the start”
  97. >"I had to knock her out, couldn't risk her coming back in"
  98. >From your position on the window you're able to see sniper's van, inside there's the rest of your team, coming back from their seemingly successful mission
  99. >Time's out
  100. >You turn back around, more annoyed than anything else
  101. >You take a breath to tell off spy
  102. >And he's gone, as if he was never here
  103. >This is only a setback, you'll get your chance
  104. >It's only a matter of time

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