GREEN
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1378 7.67 KB 139
1378 7.67 KB 139
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My stupid greentexts from https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/41847236/
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>you have the only computer in equestria
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>it still has internet access, thanks discord
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>this has made you you stick to your old neet habits
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>there's a wide magical world out there but you can still shitpost on 4chan and play immersive sims, what more do you need?
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>there's just one itty bitty problem
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>"Anooon!"
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>you let sweetie belle use your computer one time
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>one fucking time
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>and now she comes over every day after school to try and play gta online
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>you can hear her hooves scraping against your door as she whines outside
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>"I just wanna finish my heist! I'll be such a good filly, I won't buy any cars this time! I promise!"
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>she's gonna buy more cars
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>she even figured out how to buy shark cards, the little shit
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>"Anooon... I just really like spending time with you, it's... i-it's really fun..."
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>you can hear her sniffling
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>motherfucker
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>you're going to regret this
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>you plug the gamepad into the front of your tower
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>sweetie belle's already standing on your chair, practically bouncing with excitement
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>you set the controller down just in front of her and get the game started, joining a private session
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>her horn sparks and flickers with just enough magic to let her move the sticks and press the buttons
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>you suspect that's part of the appeal for her, even her limited telekinesis skills work for this
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>she's a smart filly
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>smart enough to press down on the d-pad and see that there's no player list
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>"Hey! I wanna play with everypony else!"
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>she huffs and puffs up at you for a moment
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>and then she remembers what actually gets you give in
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>that puppydog expression, she's pleading
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>"It's a lot more fun when I'm not alone..."
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>fucker.
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>you go into the settings and switch her to a public lobby
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>the moment she's in, she's looking towards the microphone on your desk
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>"Hi everypony! I hope you're all having fun!"
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>you can hear half a dozen people telling the squeaker to fuck off
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>she just giggles
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>you really, really hope she doesn't start using the vocabulary she's learning from playing this
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>part of you wants to head off and do something else but hearing regular people calling the filly slurs reminds you that you do have some responsibility here
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>so... you just watch her play
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>she's absolutely not good at the game, she can't move both sticks at the same time, but she is playing it regardless
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>it takes her a little while to get people for the last mission of her heist
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>mostly because the average person leaves the party the moment they hear her voice
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>but eventually she has three people who don't give a shit and she can actually go ahead with the heist
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>one of the other party members takes care of most of it but she's having a blast regardless
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>even when she's just sitting in the back of an armored car she's praising the driver for his skills
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>you're pretty sure he's russian and is just grinding out heists for easy money
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>when the mission's complete she cheers
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>"Great job everypony! You're the best robbers ever!"
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>the russian actually says 'you're welcome', the other two are silent
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>sweetie's just happy that she won
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>back in the main lobby, sweetie belle goes into one of your garages and examines your car collection
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>"Your cars are so boring looking, Anon... why don't you make them pretty?"
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>her idea of pretty is a lot like her older sister's
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>you really, really don't want her to customize your entire collection
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>and luckily, you don't have to worry about that this time because she gets distracted
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>what she gets distracted by is far more concerning
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>someone just noclipped through the wall into the garage
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>cheaters are never a good sign
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>she's just excited to have a friend, of course
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>"Hi mister! Wanna check out Mr. Anon's cars with me?"
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>he doesn't
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>instead, he spawns hundreds of bags of cash and disappears
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>oh no
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>you try and warn her but she's not listening, she's spamming the A button to try and sprint faster
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>she picks all of it up. all of it.
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>"Thank you so so much mister! I won't have to buy Shark Cards and make Mr. Anon mad at me now!"
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>you already know what's going to happen
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>she gets booted out of the lobby and the popup informs the both of you that she's been banned from grand theft auto online
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>you look down at her, she's just confused
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>"Did something happen?"
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>you have to try and explain it to her
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>by the time she understands what's happened, she's crying
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>"B-but... but... why would he do something that would get me in trouble!? I... I didn't..."
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>you're really not great with kids
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>a few minutes of consoling later, you agree that you're going to try and get discord to make you an xbox because hackers aren't on xbox
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>why didn't you make sure she played peggle or something?
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>you could've prevented all of this
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bonus:
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>you've spent the past hour terrorizing some little brat
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>you've sent endless mountain lions after her, she's had a 5-star wanted level the whole time, her apartment is unusable
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>she's clearly having no fun
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>"T-that does it! I'm writing a letter to the princess about this!"
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>lmao she has an imaginary friend
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>the next day you get on your pc and find you have no internet connection
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>you go and check your modem
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>there's no cable in the wall
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>it's just gone, the wall looks like there was never one in the first place
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>you go outside
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>there's not even a cable going into your house anymore
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>what the fuck just happened
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bonus 2:
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>you've let sweebs play on your pc again
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>you walk into your bedroom and she waves at you, though she doesn't look away from the screen
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>she's clearly entranced
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Hey Sweetie. What's the game?
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>you walk on over and get a clear view of the screen
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>teenage cadance is sucking a nondescript human's dick
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>oh no no no no no
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>"Anon... is this real? Cadance didn't do that, did she?"
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NO. It's... it's like, uh. A joke? Yeah. It's a joke.
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>she tilts her head a little
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>"...Huh. I don't get it."
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Haha yeah I don't either! So weird! Anyways, you wanna play something else?
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>you go to grab the mouse
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>she pulls it towards herself and holds it protectively
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...Sweetie Belle.
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>"I wanna see the other animations."
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>fuck, you're getting a talking to from twiggles after this one
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bonus 3:
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>Scootaloo's standing on her hinds, wings buzzing wildly to try and help her stay stable.
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>Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are to either side of her, trying to keep her from tipping over.
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>The Wiimote's clamped between her front hooves.
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>She can't really swing but she can at least move it around.
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>Tennis is going surprisingly decently, she's managing some back-and-forth.
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>Eventually she tries to lean far to the right in order to catch the ball and causes the three of them to tip over.
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>Immediately, they're all looking at her flank.
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>"...Nope, not a tennis pro!" She doesn't sound surprised.
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>Sweetie Belle's less convinced. "You need the outfit! We looked at the pros on Anon's computer and they all have cool tennis outfits!"
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>They spend the next few minutes arguing about how to get their cutie marks from playing a video game.
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bonus 4 (gta 4 edition):
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>you made a cup telephone so you two can talk 'over the phone'
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>she's been practicing the accent for days now, even at school
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>the worker at the bowling alley is very confused by why she's saying the same lines over and over
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>both of you mostly roll gutterballs but it doesn't matter
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>when you're all done, she leads you over to sweet apple acres to drink cider
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>she's trying to imitate euphoria drunk physics on the way back home
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>eventually, her antics go a little too far and she scrapes her knee
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>those eyes stare up at you
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>she's pleading again
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>god damn it
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>you carry her back to the boutique while she continues to pretend to ragdoll, limbs flailing lazily this way and that
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