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greenie

By Guest
Created: 2025-03-25 16:01:08
Expiry: Never
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  1. >7:38 is when you check the clock after touching down at the bachelor pad
  2. >2 fucking dumbasses got in a pileup and shut down three lanes of the highway
  3. >but you got 6 keys made and confirmed they all work
  4. >you take a deep breath, sprawled on the couch
  5. >and open FB messenger
  6. >"Hey, just got home. I have 6 keys for you all. You coming?"
  7. >throw ur phone down and turn on the TV
  8. >theres a buzz as you tap into sportsurge
  9. >click through the 5 different jerkmate ads...
  10. >fuck. panthers are down 1-3 to the ducks
  11. >how the-oh. bobrovskys not in net. checks out
  12. >pick up phone
  13. >"Yeah! Well be there in 30 minutes."
  14. >hit her with a thumbs up
  15. >this is actually happening
  16. >suddenly your condomlooks a lot more dirty
  17. >dusty table you dont even use...
  18. >blanket and pillow compressed into one side of the couch
  19. >your grand total of 7 dishes in the sink
  20. >plate, big ass spoon, blender, water cup, cereal bowl, all purpose skillet and pasta pot
  21. >could stand to clean up a bit
  22. >dont get too flustered tho, end of the day theyre paying you to live here
  23. >8:10, as you dry off your pan, you hear a racket coming up the stairs
  24. >theyre not footsteps though
  25. >its... clopping
  26. >hooves on concrete
  27. >and a lot of them
  28. >what the fuck?
  29. >and a chorus of girls voices chattering to each other
  30. >you drop your skillet and look out the front window
  31. >you can *hear* them go to the front but cant see any of them-holy fuck
  32. >you swear you saw a purple horn poking up over the bottom of the sill and bob up and down towards your door
  33. >followed by extremely loud clops on your door that reverberate through all of your walls
  34. >"IM HERE!" you yell out as professionally as you can
  35. >you put your ear to the door
  36. >theres at least 5 voices giggling and laughing to each other
  37. >like rick harrison says, you never know whats gonna come through that door
  38. >and your lifes about to change forever
  39. >deep breaths now
  40. >turn the knob
  41. >open the door
  42. >get on the floor
  43. >everybody walk the dinosaur
  44.  
  45. >just kidding
  46. >you swore this shit only happens on fimfiction
  47. >and you havent even read one since high school
  48. >but now you have the mane 6 staring up at you with their big ole' eyes
  49. >5 seconds go by until you realize twilight intoduced herself
  50. >even though you know exactly who they are
  51. >"oh... yes. im anon, youre at the right place."
  52. >you shake her hoof
  53. >its so soft...
  54. >pinkie giggles
  55. >"come on in"
  56. >you step aside
  57. >the 6 mares worm their way in
  58. >raritys flank brushes the fronts of your legs
  59. >dontgetabonerdontgetabonerdontgetaboner
  60. >twilight turns around to address you again
  61. >"Oh! I shouldve introduced my friends
  62. >"im Rainbow Dash! fastest flyer in equestria!"
  63. >"dashie he doesnt know what that is!"
  64. >you stifle a laugh with all your jedi training
  65. >"ah'm applejack, thanks for lettin' us live here!"
  66. >you shake her hoof
  67. >soft fur, but tough as nails underneath
  68. >"IM PINKIE PIE!"
  69. >now theres 3 balloons and a few streamers on your floor
  70. >"I'm Rarity~"
  71. >where did, oh there she is, on the wall
  72. >"what's your name?"
  73. >as if you didnt know
  74. >"im fluttershy..."
  75. >"can i call you flooter?"
  76. >she giggles and nods slowly with her whole head and neck
  77. >god shes so fucking cute
  78. >the restless ponies are already curiously poking around at your furniture
  79. >"so uhh,yeah. you saw the pictures i mean, thats the 2nd bathroom, thats my office with a spare bed. this is living room, kitchens down the hall, my rooms up there the door on the left, ive got a home gym in the other one you can use it if you want and... yeah, make yourselves at home"
  80. >twilight and flooter were the only ones listening
  81. >"we cant thank you enough mister anon"
  82. >only your boss calls you that
  83. >"were gonna take some time to get situated and bring our stuff in, do you wanna get a bite with us after?"
  84. >its been a long fucking day
  85. >"eh its kinda late and its only wednesday. maybe tomorrow?"
  86. >"that's ok!"
  87. >fuck, you just remembered you cant
  88. >"so how much stuff do you... ponies... have?"
  89. >cant let on how much you know
  90. >you follow twilight back into the hallway
  91. >and see a mountain of suitcases and beauty stuff piling up to the ceiling
  92. >"dont worry, 80% of that stuff is Rarity's"
  93. >like a bird on your shoulder, rainbow dash remarks from right beside you
  94. >she hasnt touched the ground once
  95. >"i shoulda guessed."
  96.  
  97. >the next morning you were woken up by a clop on your bedroom door
  98. >at 5:30 in the morning
  99. >after a long night of chattering and rearranging with the lights on
  100. >you open it up and theres applejack, hat on and all
  101. >"mornin' anon, uhh, i saw you had some eggs and bell peppers, can i make some breakfast?"
  102. >this is gonna be a slippery slope
  103. >"sure" you grunt out
  104. >but stop yourself from slamming the door in her face
  105. >"thanks! ill leave you some"
  106. >she winks and turns back around to start cooking
  107. >you peek over at the living room
  108. >rainbow and flooter are curled up on opposite ends of the couch
  109. >raritys sprawled out luxuriously on her fainting couch, diagonal in the center of the room amongst vanitys and other nicknack pieces of furniture
  110. >gonna have to navigate around that in a few hours
  111. >you go back to bed with the scent of of eggs and butter coasting into your nostrils
  112.  
  113. >iphonealarmtone.wav
  114. >god damnit
  115. >the three S's are muscle memory at this point
  116. >grab the dirty skillet and wash it
  117. >slap it on the stove, open the-
  118. >oh, theres a plate of food
  119. >thanks AJ
  120. >shes nowhere to be seen though
  121. >mozy out ot the living room so you can be closer to the mares
  122. >because whos day isnt brightened by 6 mares
  123. >your office door's closed, twilight and pinkie must be in there
  124. >rarity and fluttershy are in the exact same position as earlier
  125. >and a very done-with-this-shit dash eating a bowl of cereal at your table
  126. >"sup, action figure" she drones out
  127. >oh yeah, you dont have a shirt on
  128. >"sup blue fast, you always loot peoples cereal on the first night?"
  129. >"AJ said it was up for grabs"
  130. >told you, slippery slope
  131. >"whered she go, anyways?"
  132. >dash shrugged as she slurped down a spoonful of your corn flakes
  133. >"where do *you* go at this time?"
  134. >"work. so i can, you know, exist"
  135. >dash chuckled
  136. >she was starting to wake up and get that spunk in her voice
  137. >"ive got some clouds to shuffle around today, showers at 4 youknow?"
  138. >"oy vey you just fly in from israel?"
  139. >"huh?"
  140. >"nevermind"
  141. >"and then make a biiiiig awesome rainbow after it!"
  142. >she makes a rainbow motion with her hooves
  143. >you crack a smile
  144. >dash picks up her bowl and starts drinking the rest of it like a true bro
  145. >but then starts lapping up the inside of it like a dog
  146. >you just wanna stick your arm out and ruffle that rainbow-
  147. >'ahhhhhhh'
  148. >-and milk covered muzzle
  149. >"welp i gotta finish getting ready so if you fly outta here ill seeya tonite"
  150. >"alright, seeya around!"
  151. >about 15 minutes later you start to exit, as put together as you can get in that time
  152. >rarity's gone, the fan's on in the guest bath, and the shower's running
  153. >youre not one for irish goodbyes, but wagies gotta get in the cagie
  154. >a ray of teal light catches your eye as you reach for the door
  155. >the yellow pegasus quickly shutters her eye after tracking you across the hall
  156. >"bye fluttershy" you say out, calling her bluff
  157. >she grins and stops pretending to sleep
  158. >"bye anon..." she quietly says back, starting to unfold and sploot out
  159.  
  160. >as dashie brushes her teeth, a staccato thumping starts to vibrate through the walls
  161. >"ugh, what is that *racket?*" rarity melodramatically whined from the shower
  162. >*pbbt* "better than the last place ill say that" dashie says
  163. >and comes out to meet fluttershy eagerly staring out the window
  164. >"look rainbow, its anon!"
  165. >the thumping revved up and down like an engine backing out of a parking spot
  166. >and the two pegasi watched as a black and blaze orange dirtbike banked left and rode off out of the condo complex
  167. >"coool, what is that?"
  168. >"i dont know, it looks like one of those, uhm, what are they called?
  169. >"cah-rrs i think"
  170. >"but like half of one, on two wheels"
  171. >"that's different though, the ones we always see are like, swoopy, or like those stupid scooter things"
  172. >"i think theyre cute..." fluttershy said softly, her sensitive snowpity a bit hurt
  173. >rainbow pulled her friend into a sidehug
  174. >"sorry flutters, i didnt mean it"
  175. >"goooOOOOOOOD MORNING EVERYPONY!!!!"
  176. >oh celestia, pinkies awake
  177. >"hey pinkster, you got the need?"
  178. >"yeah i do, the need..."
  179. >"FOR SPEED!" both of them yelled out and brohoofed
  180. >somepony watched Top Gun recently

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