I don't have a title, Twilight Summons Two Anons


                                            >Every single moment in Ponyville is more perfect than the last.

                                            >For months this has been happening.

                                            >The days became more beautiful.

                                            >The flowers became more fragrant.

                                            >Every candy and cupcake became sweeter.

                                            >Everypony was getting along better and better, chummier and funnier.

                                            >All of Equestria was in perfect harmony.

                                            >As a direct result Twilight Sparkle was ready to kill herself.

                                            >She could not bear the current utopia.

                                            >She groaned and moaned to herself inside her room, pacing.

                                            >And due to the open floor plan, which really is so great for letting in natural light and tons of room for activities, Spike took notice.

                                            >"Twilight you've been moping for days. When are you gonna snap out of it?"

                                            >"Never! Not at least until somepony needs my help."

                                            >Twilight frantically throws her hooves into the air as she spazzes out.

                                            >Spike waddles over to his owner to try and calm her down, placing a claw on her shoulder.

                                            >"Come on, you've been here before. You beat it last time. I know you're strong enough to beat it again."

                                            >Twilight and Spike share a comforting smile.

                                            >"And if you're not then I'll have to hide Smarty Pants again."

                                            >Twilight shoves Spike away.

                                            >"I take offense to that."

                                            >"Well just don't do anything drastic. You can't go around making problems again just cause there's no problems in Equestria."

                                            >A disgruntled Spike walks away with his claws raised over his head as if giving up.

                                            >"Just enjoy the break!"

                                            >Spike's last words as he hops down the stairs and leaves Twilight.

                                            >He's gone off to commit several acts of loitering and slacking off around Ponyville.

                                            >It unreasonably disgusts Twilight.

                                            >But she knows she shouldn't be frustrated with him.

                                            >He is right after all and there's nothing more important than being right.

                                            >There are no problems going on, friendship or otherwise, anywhere in Equestria.

                                            >But what about outside Equestria?

                                            >"Hmm."

                                            >Twilight mumbles to herself.

                                            >There could be creatures who need her help who don't even know about her.

                                            >And how can she help them if she doesn't know about them?

                                            >"So what if I brought them here? I'm not making problems then. I'd be fixing them."

                                            >Twilight is talking to herself.

                                            >She'll have to find and fine tune the right spell to summon somepony in need.

                                            >Oh what a joy for her.

                                            >The thought of reading books for spells and fixing friendship problems, Twilight falls into her bed writhing and giggling to herself.

                                            >"But there's no time waste."

                                            >Twilight leaves the comfort of her covers and gallops downstairs.

                                            >She pulls books and tomes and musty journals from the shelves.

                                            >With her magic she creates a vortex of knowledge around her, searching for incantations to suit her needs.

                                            >A way to summon who she needs, from far away, as far away as possible.

                                            >The further the better.

                                            >Somepony in dire need of assistance.

                                            >With a desire to learn would be ideal.

                                            >Why stop there though?

                                            >They should be teaching Twilight just as much as she is teaching them.

                                            >"A mutual exchange of friendship and knowledge. Without upsetting the natural harmony of Equestria. It's brilliant. It's brilliant!"

                                            >Twilight manically monologues to herself.

                                            >"I am *such* a genius!"

                                            >The right combination of words and gestures selected, Twilight re-shelves every book into its proper, organized place.

                                            >The glow of horn's magic reduces as she stops levitating so much around her, and turns into a massive glow as she casts her new spell.

                                            >Flashes of white and magenta cover the room, blinding Twilight briefly.

                                            >Twilight's mind briefly wanders.

                                            >She really should have locked the door or at least put up the closed sign.

                                            >Somepony could just trot in during this.

                                            >When the lights fade and her vision returns, Twilight is left standing before a green man-like creature.

                                            >A man if you will.

                                            >In fact there's two of them, side by side.

                                            >They're standing on their hind legs bewildered, confused, and naked.

                                            >Twilight breaks the ice.

                                            >"So which one of you is the teacher and which of you has the problem?"

                                            >The words spill out of her mouth clumsily, desperately.

                                            >Like a teenager trying to take off a girl's bra or a heroin addict looking for a hit.

                                            >"What's your fucking problem?"

                                            >One of the green men responds to Twilight's query instantly, reflexively.

                                            >The other one answers with his own question.

                                            >"You're Twilight right? And this is Equestria?"

                                            >As if he didn't already know.

                                            >"And honey is that you?"

                                            >The green man asks the rude green man.

                                            >"Do I look like some kinda queer to you?"

                                            >Twilight's heart was racing.

                                            >She's never seen a species like this.

                                            >Similar but not exactly, for one they lack most of a face.

                                            >No eyes or ears.

                                            >And they seem to be chock full of issues.

                                            >So much new information to process, discoveries to be made.

                                            >It was more than she could have ever asked for.

                                            >It was all so invigorating.

                                            >Twilight, using her magic, grabbed some parchment and a pen.

                                            >She could barely contain herself.

                                            >"Let's start simple. My name is Twilight Sparkle, but I guess you already knew that. Hmmm."

                                            >She furrows her brow and jots that down for later.

                                            >"What are your names?"

                                            >The polite one answers first.

                                            >"I'm Anonymous."

                                            >The rude one laughs at him.

                                            >"Uh sorry, I meant to say Anonymous."

                                            >Twilight continues jotting down her notes.

                                            >"I'm not trying to say my name is Anonymous. It's not. My. Name. Is. Anonymous."

                                            >The rude one interjects.

                                            >"Are you being retarded on purpose?"

                                            >"No. I mean I'm not an R-word. I'm not doing this on purpose. I know that's not my name but it's all I can remember when I try. What's your name?"

                                            >"Anonymous."

                                            >"Now who's being stupid?"

                                            >"Shit."

                                            >Twilight is now the one who looks confused.

                                            >She asks, "So you're both named Anonymous?"

                                            >The polite Anonymous responds.

                                            >"No. At least not like in real life. It's more of a framing device for self inserting."

                                            >"So what should I call you two then?"

                                            >Both men shrug and say "Anon."

                                            >"Well you can't both be Anon."

                                            >This time the rude one speaks first.

                                            >"I'm not doing this bit. You can be Anon. I'll be Moose."

                                            >"Ok but like how do you wanna spell that? Like moose the animal or mous as anonymous you know?"

                                            >The polite Anon brings up a good point.

                                            >Twilight agrees when she chimes in.

                                            >"This *is* for posterity. So spelling is important."

                                            >"Does it fucking matter? Just write it however."

                                            >Twilight is taken back a little.

                                            >"Ok. M-o-o-s-e. Lots to work with here. And where are you two from? Another nation? Another dimension?

                                            >Moose isn't being very talkative and Anon has some questions of his own.

                                            >"Is it just us two? There's no one else like me or him? A green woman I guess?"

                                            >"Oh a little give and take. No, as far as I am aware only you two popped out when I cast my spell."

                                            >"Are you sure? There's no one else?"

                                            >Suddenly, Moose feels like participating.

                                            >"She said no the first time. Take the dicks out of your ears."

                                            >"I have to be sure. I need to ask."

                                            >"Why? You know she's not wrong. You know she's the smart one. D-y-e-w-t-s?"

                                            >"Shut up. I need... I need to find her."

                                            >Anon starts to hyperventilate.

                                            >His skin feels hot and itchy.

                                            >"I gotta get outta here."

                                            >Anon turns around looking for the door and once he spots it rushes it.

                                            >Being the gracious host she is, Twilight attempts to intercept her distressed guest.

                                            >She teleports in front and to the right of him.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >It's of no use.

                                            >Anon ignores her and is about to open the door ready to run out.

                                            >Right before he can try he's beaten to it by a blue tomboy on the other side.

                                            >"Twilight Twilight Twilight! I need you to help measure my speed so I can-"

                                            >She stops mid sentence upon seeing a naked thing before her.

                                            >"Aughhhahh!"

                                            >She lets out what sounds like an extensively practiced but poorly performed masculine scream.

                                            >"Dude what the fuck is that?!"

                                            >She points vaguely at Anon, perhaps completely indiscriminately at Anon.

                                            >But having his previous tunnel vision interrupted he only interprets it as her pointing at his unclothed genitals.

                                            >"Oh shit I'm sorry."

                                            >Feeling embarrassed he covers himself up with his hands.

                                            >With Twilight and Moose watching, Moose immediately recognizes an opportunity.

                                            >"Did you forget your dick was out bro?"

                                            >An opportunity to berate someone.

                                            >Twilight attempts to regain control.

                                            >"Anon could you *please* close the door? Rainbow Dash I'll help you later."

                                            >Suddenly, the tomboy forgets about what she's just seen.

                                            >Dash moves so that her head peeks out from in front of Anon, hoping to continue this dialogue with Twilight.

                                            >"But Twiliiiiiiight."

                                            >"I said later!"

                                            >Using her magic she shuts the door on her friend, returning the conversation to just Anon, Moose, and herself.


                                            >Twilight retakes control of the situation.

                                            >She levitates Anon back to Moose.

                                            >”Anon I would appreciate it if you'd finish answering my questions. I have *so* many.”

                                            >Moose comes over and inserts himself between Anon and Twilight.

                                            >Standing naked and bare with barely a dick-width between the two men.

                                            >”Twilight. I want some clothes.”

                                            >”Oh well I don't think I've got anything that will fit you.”

                                            >”Then get Rarity to make some.”

                                            >”Ok. I guess that's fine. You can wait though, right? I've just got a few questions to get through.”

                                            >Moose doesn't say anything back.

                                            >He walks away and plants himself down on a nearby stool.

                                            >”Is that a no? Yes?”

                                            >”Clothes.”

                                            >”Oh boy.”

                                            >The situation Twilight finds herself in is becoming clear to her.

                                            >This Moose is exceptionally miserable and takes it out on everypony near him.

                                            >This will be an exceptionally hard nut to crack, friendship to form.

                                            >Fantastic!

                                            >But don't just roll over, Twilight thinks to herself.

                                            >”Alright. I'll go get Rarity and we'll put something together. For both of you. But after that *you* are gonna satisfy my curiosity.”

                                            >Moose doesn't even have the decency to respond with words.

                                            >He just grunts.

                                            >Anon is less appeased.

                                            >”But Twilight I would really love to go looking for someone right away.”

                                            >”Look, please just stay right here. I'll be back before you know it. I don't have a kitchen but there's some snacks you can have under my assistant Spike’s bed. It's the little one.”

                                            >Before Anon can continue protesting Twilight trots out the door and slams it shut.

                                            >Once out of sight Twilight makes haste and gallops away.

                                            >Leaving Anon and Moose alone.

                                            >Anon finds another stool to sit on across from Moose.

                                            >What would have been an enjoyable silence for Moose is ruined by Anon.

                                            >”So you're from the board too?”

                                            >”Unfortunately I share it with you, yes.”

                                            >They go quiet again for a bit.

                                            >”Well what threads do you browse?”

                                            >”You don't have to talk to me.”

                                            >”I’m just trying to be friendly.”

                                            >”Let me rephrase. I don't want to talk to you.”

                                            >”Ok. Uh, sorry.”

                                            >Anon, feeling awkward and even more distraught than before, was unable to defuse any tension between himself and Moose.

                                            >Instead they silently agreed to just sit and wait.


                                            >They are rescued in modest time when the entrance to the library reopens revealing Twilight and Rarity with sewing supplies in tow.

                                            >But it seems they're not alone.

                                            >As Twilight and Rarity enter, Twilight turns to stop a few more friends from coming inside.

                                            >A certain tomboy with loose lips has rallied a couple ponies to fight the monsters in the library.

                                            >”Look! AJ! There they are. Let's get ‘em.”

                                            >”Ah'll hogtie those cretins faster than a critter crawling up a canopy!”

                                            >Twilight is politely holding back her friends with her hooves.

                                            >”For the last time they're not monsters! One is just rude!”

                                            >Despite her valiant attempts to blockade her friends, one had miraculously slipped through.

                                            >A sweet, bubbly, pink friend.

                                            >The pink one grips the hand of Moose between two of her hooves and shakes vigorously.

                                            >”Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet ya!”

                                            >”Pinkie not you too. Please I just need some help from Rarity so I can get back to helping them.”

                                            >Rainbow Dash seems far more concerned for the well-being of her friend as she barks.

                                            >”Watch out Pinkie! That's their claws you've got in your hoof!”

                                            >Dash pauses for a moment to think.

                                            >”Try twisting it off!”

                                            >Twilight's patience is wearing thin.

                                            >”Just stop!”

                                            >She shouts before she teleports Pinkie out of her home and outside with the rest of her friends.

                                            >”They are perfectly harmless, see?”

                                            >Twilight points behind her to Anon and Moose.

                                            >They wave back both in their own sincere and sarcastic way.

                                            >”Aw shoot.”

                                            >Applejack throws her hat to the ground grumbling.

                                            >She then immediately picks it up.

                                            >”Darn it Dash. Ah thought ya said this was an emergency. Ah can't go runnin’ off the farm every time ya cry timberwolf.”

                                            >”But- I didn't-”

                                            >Dash looks around at her frustrated friends and the not so mean greens.

                                            >”Ugh. Whatever!”

                                            >Rather than stay and take her licks, she flies off to deal with her embarrassment alone.

                                            >”Sorry for trouble Twi.”

                                            >Applejack has no licks to take as she is never wrong and promptly turns to go home.

                                            >Leaving just Pinkie who stares expectantly at Twilight with a big dumb smile.

                                            >”Pinkie.”

                                            >”Yes Twilight?”

                                            >”I really need you.”

                                            >”Uh huh?”

                                            >”To please go away.”

                                            >The grin on Pinkie Pie’s face loses its luster.

                                            >It turns to a frown and puppy dog eyes.

                                            >Not even Twilight has the willpower to resist.

                                            >”Ok fine but just come back later and then you can make a new friend.”

                                            >Her smile and optimism restored.

                                            >”Okie dokie. I'll be waiting riiiight,”

                                            >And Pinkie really extends that “right”,

                                            >”here.”

                                            >Twilight has a tired smile on her face as she nods in agreement with Pinkie.

                                            >Pinkie nods back as sounds of a baby rattle can be heard from her head.

                                            >Twilight starts slowly closing the door, still nodding.

                                            >And Pinkie stays, right there, nodding back.

                                            >It's finally shut.

                                            >She's finally able to turn her attention to Rarity and the Anonymous men.

                                            >Rarity being such a gem was not distracted or deterred by her friends’ antics.

                                            >She's already gotten to work, using her magic to size up and measure the greenies.

                                            >Twilight breathes a sigh of relief.

                                            >”Thanks again Rarity.”

                                            >”Oh darling I'm just over the moon with this project! It's like they were made to wear clothes.”

                                            >Her excitement is practically tangible.

                                            >”Do they speak?”

                                            >”Sparingly.”

                                            >Moose opens his mouth only when he can be a smart ass.

                                            >It does startle Rarity, causing her to jump.

                                            >”Oh! You little rapscallion.”


                                            >Rarity is having a ball.

                                            >She has a great big smile on her face as she starts drawing and cutting patterns.

                                            >”I know just the thing for you two. I've been feeling stuck lately and this is exactly the kick in the hindquarters I need.”

                                            >Rarity’s excitement is infectious.

                                            >Even Moose is smiling at her.

                                            >Twilight notices and takes her moment.

                                            >”So tell me Moose, where are you from?”

                                            >”No place worth learning about.”

                                            >”I disagree.”

                                            >”I promise you. There is absolutely nothing worthwhile about where he or I came from.”

                                            >Twilight frowns.

                                            >”You are a really difficult person to talk to.”

                                            >Moose shrugs and turns his head away.

                                            >Twilight stifled a groan.

                                            >”Ok next question. Do you currently have any friendship problems, issues, or even inconveniences?”

                                            >”No.”

                                            >This is going nowhere.

                                            >Twilight turns her attention elsewhere.

                                            >”What about you Anon, can you tell me where you're from?”

                                            >”Sure. I'm from this exciting and fascinating place called… Earth!”

                                            >He paused for dramatic effect.

                                            >”It's another universe where everything is similar but different to Equestria. The first thing you should know about Earth is-”

                                            >”Did you fucking rehearse this?”

                                            >Twilight is running out of patience.

                                            >”Moose don't interrupt Anon.”

                                            >”No. He's being a dumb ass and I won't let him poison you with his bullshit.”

                                            >Rarity, still in the room and working hard, gasps at Moose's profanity but doesn't let it interrupt her flow.

                                            >”Well I want to know and if you're not going to tell me he is.”

                                            >”He doesn't belong here. Neither of us do. The best thing you can do to help us is send us back where we came from.”

                                            >Anon takes a personal offense to this.

                                            >”This place is paradise and you want to leave?”

                                            >”It can't be paradise as long as you or I are in it.”

                                            >”Done!”

                                            >Rarity shouts as she finishes a rather extravagant tuxedo with coattails.

                                            >Moose reacts instantly and grabs what he claims as his clothing.

                                            >It's a very involved and awkward process to put on while he's angry.

                                            >Twilight attempts to cool him off.

                                            >”Well I can't send you back until at least helping you with whatever is the source of all this anger and frustration.”

                                            >”Alright. He's my source then. Fix whatever his problem is.”

                                            >Moose finishes putting on his outfit with a few final touches and adjustments from Rarity.

                                            >Anon is familiar with a tux and puts his on no problem.

                                            >”Oh I don't have any problems. I was perfectly happy back on Earth with my family.”

                                            >”I just knew you lived with your parents.”

                                            >”Would there be something wrong with that? I live happily with my… spouse?”

                                            >Anon sounds confused again.

                                            >Moose groans.

                                            >”And you're the kind of faggot who says ‘spouse’ instead of husband or wife. I find it hard to believe you're even married you normalfag.”

                                            >Moose’s inflammatory remarks snap Anon out of it.

                                            >”There's nothing wrong with doing that.”

                                            >Twilight just continues writing more and more notes about the two men.

                                            >Until she receives a nudge and loud, guttural ahem from Rarity, imploring Twi to step in.

                                            >”Well I think it's great that Anon found somepony to share his life with. I think you mentioned a ‘green woman’ before. What's her name?”

                                            >”It's the most wonderful name. Ano-”

                                            >Anon’s face frowns.

                                            >His eye brows push together and he shakes his head lightly.

                                            >”I can't remember what it is.”


                                            >”Maybe that's why you came here? So I could help you remember.”

                                            >”No that's not it. I was just with her. I can remember cuddling in bed, talking to her about my current favorite game. We just finished having dinner. We made the same dinner we'd been having for years just the way we both like it.”

                                            >Anon’s gaze wanders.

                                            >He's looking around the library, at his fellow man and ponies.

                                            >There's someone dear to him missing.

                                            >”Oh God. She's not here.”

                                            >Anon puts his face in his hands.

                                            >Twilight thinks about what to do.

                                            >Rarity doesn't, she acts.

                                            >She trots over to Anon and places her hooves around him, giving him a comforting hug.

                                            >”What an awful, dreadful thing to happen.”

                                            >Moose interrupts the touching display.

                                            >”So send us back and this guy can go back to his perfect life. Problem solved.”

                                            >Twilight sighs.

                                            >”I suppose that's one way to fix Anon’s problem.”

                                            >The guilt that she might have caused another problem because of her own insecurities.

                                            >Anon is unresponsive.

                                            >”Ok, Rarity, step back.”

                                            >”Of course darling.”

                                            >Twilight’s horn glows and shines.

                                            >Her mane flows in an otherworldly wind.

                                            >She strains and blasts the entire room with light.

                                            >When everypony can see again they can see there is still an everyone.

                                            >Anon and Moose are exactly as they were before Twilight's magic.

                                            >Anon is optimistic.

                                            >”Did it work?”

                                            >Moose is not.

                                            >”No.”

                                            >They both turn to Twilight.

                                            >”I don't understand. That should have worked. A simple reversal of the spell.”

                                            >”Well maybe you can cast the spell again the first way you did and bring my,”

                                            >Anon stops to look at Moose,

                                            >”you know here?”

                                            >Twilight shakes her head.

                                            >”Or it could bring back anypony. There's no guarantee it'll bring one specific individual.”

                                            >”Twilight. Please. I need her. She's my everything.”

                                            >Rarity nudges Twilight to get her attention.

                                            >”Twilight dear, when you said you needed my help I didn't realize it was because you were making problems to fix again.”

                                            >”But that's not what the spell was supposed to do. It was supposed to bring the problems to me, not create them.”

                                            >”Well you have created them. It's only just that we help these poor creatures.”

                                            >Moose has had enough.

                                            >He turns towards the door and marches out.

                                            >”I'm sure you'll figure out how to fix the spell. You always do.”

                                            >Twilight follows him.

                                            >”Wait where are you going?”

                                            >”I've run out of energy to be around others.”

                                            >Moose exits the library.

                                            >This offends Rarity for completely material reasons, inciting her to chase after him.

                                            >”Wait! That outfit is supposed to have a cane!”

                                            >Leaving Twilight alone with Anon who is still in disbelief, head in his hands.

                                            >”Oh for Celestia’s sake.”

                                            >She half-heartedly imitates her friend and lays a comforting hoof on Anon's shoulder.

                                            >”Don't worry Anon. I'll fix this. Just need to take another look at that spell.”

                                            >Anon doesn't respond or lift his face.

                                            >He just nods his head in agreement.

                                            >Twilight thinks to herself, “this should take no time at all.”


                                            —


                                            >It's just before dawn, just before Celestia raises the sun.

                                            >Moose’s eyes slowly unfurl, the rest of his body lies still.

                                            >He wakes in a cot located in the basement of the Tree Library.

                                            >Twilight was kind enough to clear some of her things out to make space for them.

                                            >It's been a few days since he and Anon arrived in Equestria.

                                            >Twilight has made no progress.

                                            >Moose turns his head to look at his roommate still asleep in his cot.

                                            >It's Anon.

                                            >Who snores loudly.

                                            >Moose’s half open glazed over stare says, “I hate you”.

                                            >He averts his gaze from Anon.

                                            >Normally he'd prefer to sleep in but Moose will wake early just to avoid Anon.

                                            >Quietly, he rolled out of bed and onto all fours.

                                            >He crawls towards the stairs and grabs his only clothing, his tux.

                                            >He does appreciate the kindness Rarity did for him.

                                            >Moose does wish he had something else to wear though.

                                            >He climbs out of the basement and finds Twilight in the main room.

                                            >She's been working diligently for a way to reverse the spell.

                                            >Twilight hasn't gotten much sleep, her mane is a mess and the bags under eyes drag on the floor.

                                            >She's smiling.

                                            >Moose doesn't say anything to her, nor does she say anything to him.

                                            >He puts on his fancy clothes while Twilight toils away through books and her notes.

                                            >It's not who he is to compliment someone, but Moose admires the restless academic in her.

                                            >Normally Moose would go upstairs to Twilight's room or back down to the basement.

                                            >Whichever he could be by himself.

                                            >He did not feel comfortable leaving the library and preferred spending all his time avoiding Anon.

                                            >Normally he wouldn't get cabin fever but this place lacks all of his usual comforts.

                                            >At the very least some more comfortable clothes would be nice.

                                            >Moose does something he hates.

                                            >He goes outside.

                                            >A trip to Rarity ought to help.

                                            >It's still dark out.

                                            >It occurs to Moose he doesn't actually know where the boutique would be.

                                            >Just what it looks like.

                                            >Whatever, he thinks, I'm a smart guy.

                                            >I went to University.

                                            >It was better than spending another day in the library with Anon.

                                            >Moose spends some time wandering through Ponyville.

                                            >The last time he went out was to escape the others and be by himself, just by the space between Ponyville and the Everfree Forest.

                                            >The sun has risen and he still hasn't found it.

                                            >There were now ponies out and about.

                                            >They waved hi at him.

                                            >One could assume that Pinkie or Rainbow Dash spread the news of his and Anon's arrival.

                                            >They weren't scared of him.

                                            >Moose shunned them however, hiding his face or lack thereof.

                                            >He could ask for directions, he thought.

                                            >But he did not, could not.

                                            >It takes longer than it should have but he does find the boutique.

                                            >Seeing it in person, with all it's fancy decor.

                                            >It makes him feel a little relaxed.

                                            >He enters through Rarity’s front door.

                                            >She's working on somepony’s dress.

                                            >”Oh Moose! Welcome to my glamorous home and shop.”

                                            >”How do you know I'm Moose and not the other guy?”

                                            >”Please, it's all in the details. The way you strut, the clumsy way you wear your outfit. It's all quite wrong. All very much you.”

                                            >Rarity says it with such a sincere tone.

                                            >”I'm not wrong. I've never worn a tux before.”

                                            >Rarity doesn't let him get to her.

                                            >”I must assume you are here for a refitting? Or perhaps something new? I'm just bursting at the seams with ideas.”

                                            >She's already put aside her current project to start levitating rolls of fabric, threads, and all manners of supplies around herself.

                                            >”I just want something comfortable.”

                                            >”Comfortable?”

                                            >Moose lets out something between a sign and a groan.

                                            >”Please.”

                                            >”That's much better.”

                                            >Rarity uses her magic to undress Moose down to his skivvies.

                                            >”Now just because you want something comfortable doesn't mean it can't be fabulous.”

                                            >”I could go for a track suit.”

                                            >Moose chuckles at the thought.

                                            >Rarity doesn't think it's as funny.

                                            >”You could do much better than that Moose darling. I most certainly can do so much better.”

                                            >Using her magic she wraps material after material around his legs, his hips, his chest.

                                            >”How about some sweats?”

                                            >”Work with me here.”

                                            >Rarity settles on something tasteful enough for her and gets to work.

                                            >The grumpy expression she had before turns to one of determination.

                                            >She’s a master at her craft even on a body type she's worked on only once before.

                                            >The room swirls with her magic cutting and sewing and tapering and such.

                                            >The corners of Moose's mouth turn upright into something one might almost call a smile.


                                            >”We'll be working with silk. I believe that is more than fair for something comfortable.”

                                            >”Don't forget to give some extra room in the crotch.”

                                            >”Oh you scoundrel!”

                                            >Rarity playfully waves her hooves at Moose.

                                            >Her magically enhanced instruments begin invading Moose’s personal and private space.

                                            >”For someone, I mean somepony, who comes off so uptight you sure don't mind getting in there.”

                                            >”Oh I know what you're trying to do Mister Moose and it won't work. Just remember who's the one holding the needle.”

                                            >She twirls said needle in his face to emphasize her point.

                                            >Moose decides that's fine by him.

                                            >He's already spoken more than he needed to.

                                            >It is simpler to let the expert work.

                                            >Before long Rarity has a rough, by her standards, prototype on Moose's body.

                                            >”Now I must admit the tux from before was perhaps a bit much. Especially with the hat. But I think this suits you.”

                                            >She has created some very sleek black slacks and a button up shirt.

                                            >Moose chuckles.

                                            >”There's no way you could know this but it does look familiar on me.”

                                            >”Something just spoke to me. This robust green form needed something formal. I overdid it with the last one but I definitely think I'm getting closer. How does it feel?”

                                            >”Much better than the tux for sure.”

                                            >The happiness in Moose’s voice that had been building up over his visit drains.

                                            >”So what do you want for it?”

                                            >”Nothing at all. You've been dealt a bad hand. Please consider it a gift.”

                                            >”No really, I'm being serious.”

                                            >”So am I.”

                                            >Rarity pats down the sides of his arms.

                                            >”Besides, it's not finished.”

                                            >”Right, you're generosity. I almost forgot. Just reflex.”

                                            >Moose's voice sounds unsure of himself.

                                            >”Now you'll still need some shoes to go with it. I'm afraid I can't have those ready right now. I'll need some time to figure out those uh, things you've got.”

                                            >Moose expects this will be the catch, saved for a later time.

                                            >”Well, thank you for this.”

                                            >He wants to stay.

                                            >”Anytime darling.”

                                            >He's taken up enough of her time.

                                            >She's smiling at him.

                                            >She's so genuine and perfect, he thinks.

                                            >Before he spoils anything, Moose takes his undressed clothes and leaves.

                                            >He swiftly opens and shuts the door behind him.

                                            >He thinks he heard Rarity start to say something before he shut it.

                                            >It might be nice if that were true.

                                            >Moose starts walking with the boutique to his back.

                                            >He assures himself that finding his way back will be much easier.


                                            —


                                            >Anon’s eyes slowly unfurl, the rest of his body lies still.

                                            >He sleeps on his side and has been having trouble sleeping alone.

                                            >Unbeknownst to him he was not sleeping alone.

                                            >There is a ragged looking Twilight, squatting down to meet him eye to eye.

                                            >”Oh uh Twilight, do you have something?”

                                            >”I’m sure of it. Get up and come on.”

                                            >Despite her tired appearance Twilight bounces and skips out of the library basement.

                                            >Her enthusiasm is not lost on Anon.

                                            >He springs out of his cot and puts on his tux.

                                            >When he looks around he sees his roommate has already gotten up.

                                            >It doesn't slow him down.

                                            >Upstairs Twilight has drawn circles with letters and markings unknown to Anon.

                                            >And anypony else for that matter.

                                            >Twilight has surrounded herself with a small fortress of books and her notes.

                                            >”So what's the plan here Twilight?”

                                            >Anon asks as he claps his hands looking around.

                                            >”I'm either going to send you back or there will be a large expansion of space and energy.”

                                            >”Like an explosion?”

                                            >Twilight rolls her eyes.

                                            >”Well yeah I guess if you want to use the laymare's term.”

                                            >Anon thinks.

                                            >”Ok let's give it a try.”

                                            >He steps onto the circle ready for anything.

                                            >”Ready Anon?”

                                            >”Ready!”

                                            >Twilight begins chanting in tongues.

                                            >The sun is out but the room goes dark.

                                            >Her eyes and horn glow with unnatural shadows.

                                            >Which soon spreads to the circle beneath Anon.

                                            >He does not falter.

                                            >Not even when the runes grow into spectral tentacles and recite Twilight's words back to him.

                                            >A sane man would tell the unicorn to stop.

                                            >”I think it's working!”

                                            >Anon is not that man.

                                            >The tentacles grip around him.

                                            >With a sudden blanket of darkness the spell comes to its end.

                                            >Like smoke pouring out of a burning building the room clears.

                                            >Twilight sees Anon.

                                            >Anon sees Twilight.

                                            >Nothing has changed.

                                            >”Well on the bright side you didn't explode.”

                                            >”That's fine. That's fine.”

                                            >Anon rubs his head and sighs.

                                            >”You're the smartest pony around Twilight. You'll figure it out.”

                                            >Anon walks over to a nearby stool and plants himself on it.

                                            >Twilight trots over to provide some comfort in the form of a very methodical two pats on the back.

                                            >Reflexively he pulls away from her hoof as she touches him.

                                            >”I'm ok. Just please can we try something else?”

                                            >”Sure I've got some ideas. Some more uh, roads we can go down with this.”

                                            >Twilight takes some steps backwards and retreats to her book fort.


                                            >The two of them don't say another word to each other while Twilight flips through pages.

                                            >Anon should eat but he doesn't.

                                            >He should drink but he doesn't.

                                            >He just sits there, waiting for Twilight to try the next bright idea.

                                            >This should be the happiest time in his life.

                                            >He's currently dead to the world.

                                            >He doesn't notice when it's been hours and Moose returns.

                                            >He doesn't respond when Moose mocks him or goes downstairs.

                                            >He does offer a thank you to Spike who was kind enough to bring something to eat for everyone.

                                            >Although it was more like a preprogrammed response.

                                            >It doesn't break him out of his trance.

                                            >Spike waddles up to Twilight, head deep in her books.

                                            >”Twilight, how long are these guys gonna be here? It's gettin’ kinda cramped. Real sausage fest.”

                                            >”That's fine Spike just set it anywhere.”

                                            >He rolls his eyes.

                                            >Feeling rather kind today Spike only puts his fingers between the pages and Twilight's face before snapping them.

                                            >”Rahh!”

                                            >The purple pony lets out a nasally yelp.

                                            >”Oh, sorry Spike. I've just been losing sleep on this one. Nothing I've tried has worked so far.”

                                            >”Have you tried fixing their problems?”

                                            >Twilight flicks Spike’s head fin.

                                            >”What does it look like I'm doing?”

                                            >”It looks like you're doing what you do with every problem.”

                                            >Twilight's eyebrows raise as she shakes her head at Spike demanding his answer.

                                            >”You're reading a book. Look at that poor sap.”

                                            >Spike points a claw at Anon, the poor sap.

                                            >He doesn't even realize they're talking about him.

                                            >”Spike cut it out. As soon as I can reverse the spell everything will be fine. That has worked before. It'll work again.”

                                            >There's a desperate chuckle at the end of her sentence.

                                            >Spike rolls his eyes and sighs, walking away from his adoptive mother.

                                            >He heads upstairs, passing Anon on the way and giving him a comforting pat on the back.

                                            >”Hang in there kid.”

                                            >The dragon waddles on.

                                            >Every room in the library has someone or somepony in it.

                                            >They all stay quiet in their own little worlds for the rest of the day.


                                            —


                                            >The morning after is much the same as the last.

                                            >Moose rouses before Anon, he finds Twilight grinding away in the main room.

                                            >But his excursion from yesterday has sparked his flame.

                                            >Moose can handle staying indoors for extended periods but he needs something to occupy his time.

                                            >He feels he shouldn't but he can no longer resist.

                                            >Twilight is so busy she doesn't notice him going through the rows of books upon the library shelves.

                                            >He pulls anything and everything that catches his eyes.

                                            >Answers to questions he's had since day one of watching the show.

                                            >History books, cooking books, anything non-fiction he can get his hands on.

                                            >One in particular grabs his attention.

                                            >A medical book on pony anatomy.

                                            >He feels dirty looking at it.

                                            >Moose takes it anyway, putting it in the top of his pile.

                                            >He carries them upstairs away from Twilight and Anon.

                                            >A place where he can read alone.

                                            >The books on history read like fairy tales with much of the important details, dates and places, left out.

                                            >Which is aggravating to say the least for Moose.

                                            >Ponies add sugar to nearly everything.

                                            >Moose thinks, “I'm going to get diabetes if I stay here.”

                                            >He pushes it to the side.

                                            >The anatomy textbook tempts him from the corner of his vision.

                                            >Almost like it's calling out to him.

                                            >”I'll never look at them the same way again if I do.”

                                            >He grabs the book and sets it before him.

                                            >With a shameful sigh he opens the cover looking for an index or a table of contents or a glossary of some kind.

                                            >There isn't one.

                                            >Frustrated, he starts flipping through the pages for diagrams and illustrations.

                                            >There is one full body diagram cutting a pony from nose to tail.

                                            >However it’s very rudimentary, it's missing detail all over it and has notes and doodles scribbled next to it.

                                            >Notes and doodles that upon closer inspection appear to be part of the printing itself and not some pony vandalizing.

                                            >Moose feels physically sick at such an academic injustice.

                                            >But what he was initially looking for is there.

                                            >Ponies do have genitals suitable for their frames and stature and…

                                            >Moose gets distracted staring at horse cock and pussy.

                                            >After some time spent on ogling, Moose remembers his priorities.

                                            >He skims through each book to pass the day, but goes back to the medical one to read cover to cover.

                                            >His appetite goes unsatisfied.

                                            >It's severely lacking in verifiable and useful information.

                                            >He can't believe this passes in a library.

                                            >He needs more.

                                            >Moose descends to the main room of the library.

                                            >Waiting for him is a frazzled and messy Twilight with hair kept up in a bun.

                                            >Images of the diagram creep into his mind.

                                            >Those images disappear when he sees Anon slumped over on his temper tantrum stool.

                                            >He looks frustrated today, angry almost.

                                            >”You're looking pretty down Anon. Anything I can do to help?”

                                            >”Yes actually. Could you-”

                                            >Moose walks past Anon mid sentence to return his books and search for more.

                                            >”You can be such a jerk.”

                                            >”I think that was almost an insult.”

                                            >Moose doesn't let Anon’s comment interrupt his flow.

                                            >Searching through the shelves to satisfy his urges.

                                            >He is coming up short.

                                            >Having to ask for help again pains him.

                                            >Moose approaches Twilight with book in hand.

                                            >”Twilight do you have anything more advanced? More in depth on medicine than this?”

                                            >The purple horse raises her head up from the abyss to look at Moose.

                                            >She rubs her eyes.

                                            >”You want more on, heretical packages?”

                                            >Moose pursed his lips.

                                            >He reinspects what he's holding to be sure.

                                            >”Twilight, it says medical practices.”

                                            >Twilight rubs her eyes again.

                                            >Really digging those hooves into the back of her sockets.

                                            >She takes another look at the cover.

                                            >”Aw crap.”

                                            >”Language.”

                                            >Moose teases Twilight involuntarily playful like.

                                            >”Hey, you try making a counter spell to a spell nopony’s ever casted before.”

                                            >”How hard could it be?”

                                            >Twilight throws up her hooves in anger.

                                            >All her papers and notes get swept up in her display, spreading themselves all over the room.

                                            >Moose and Twilight stare at each other.

                                            >They just stare.

                                            >Until Moose, without doing anything else, walks away, back to the shelves to search for more books.

                                            >Twilight is too tired to argue with him over something so petty.

                                            >Before she can do it herself Anon has already started collecting the papers around the room.

                                            >”Thank you Anon. But it's ok.”

                                            >Using her magic she collects everything from her mess and returns them to their rightful places.

                                            >Even the sheets of parchment right out of Anon’s hands.

                                            >His hands clench and ball up.

                                            >With nothing else to do Anon sits back on his stool.

                                            >After only a few moments to breathe there's a knock at the door.

                                            >And then it explodes open as Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash burst in.

                                            >”TWILIGHT TWILIGHT TWILIGHT!”

                                            >Their voices overlap each other.

                                            >”What what what?”

                                            >”WE NEED YOUR HELP RIGHT AWAY!”

                                            >Rainbow hovers right in front of Twilight, inches from her face as she yells.

                                            >So does Pinkie.

                                            >”Stop yelling, what's so important?”

                                            >Their voices are still overlapping.

                                            >”Applejack got attacked by Timberwolves that were actually changelings and they're being ordered around by a time traveling-”

                                            >Twilight jams her hooves into their mouths to stop their shouting.

                                            >”Alright I'm coming. Just give me one second.”

                                            >Twilight takes off her sultry librarian getup and ruffles her hair, letting it down.

                                            >She turns to Anon.

                                            >He looks concerned.

                                            >If he had eyes they would be wide open and misty.

                                            >”I promise as soon as I deal with whatever is going on I'll be right back and we can keep working on the spell.”

                                            >Anon turns his head.

                                            >”That's alright. Go save the day, I know it's what you do.”

                                            >Twilight gives what she thinks sounds like a reaffirming and light hearted laugh.

                                            >She doesn't give anything to Moose.

                                            >She gallops off with Pinkie and Dash and the door closes behind them.

                                            >It's quiet.

                                            >Having nothing else to do Anon slinks back to the basement and climbs into his cot.

                                            >Moose stays up in the main room, looking through more books.

                                            >As many as he can find.


                                            —