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Average Anon in Equestria

By SunriseLightbeam2
Created: 2025-06-26 05:56:58
Expiry: Never
eqgequestria girlsanon in equestriawallflower blushponiesaie

  1. >Long story short, you've been in Equestria a few weeks now, Ponies, hooves, ears, manes all of that stuff you're expecting
  2. >But you're also immune to magic for better or worse, you can't be healed by magic and you can't be hurt by it either.. well twilight levitates a rock and throws it at your head again
  3. >"Anon I was just testing!" she says, sure.. sure..
  4. >Ever read star wars books? Basically it's like you're lacking midichlorians or some shit. it doesn't really matter how or why. that's boring
  5. >While in thought about the past few days you bump into a pony, this happens alot. they're so low to the ground by comparison
  6. "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't see you there"
  7. >The green mare looks up, never before have you seen such a sad yet sternly monotone expression
  8. "Are.. you ok?"
  9. >"Uhuh, just look where you're going next time.. weird monkey thing.."
  10. "You know I heard that right?"
  11. >Her green freckled cheeks go a bit red
  12. >"Uhhh.."
  13. >Than she just leaves. trots away like nothing happened
  14. "See you around?.."
  15. >You can hear her mumble something under her breath but she's too far now to be heard
  16.  
  17. >A week or so passes and you're in the market
  18. "Cmon you have to have some bacon or a steak in there"
  19. >The strawberry mare is not happy
  20. >"Anon I still do NOT sell meat! go bother an earth pony"
  21. "I'm just double checking"
  22. >"no no, triple, quadruple, even.. even SEXTUPLE checking!"
  23. >>"Sex.. tuple?.." some random stallion says while walking by
  24. >>"Can I come?.."
  25. >Both you and the strawberry mare look at each other then back to the stallion
  26. >>"Am I really that ugly?.. I promise I don't have a problem with monke-
  27. >You grab his snoot
  28. "Just stop talking man, Sextuple is a word meaning 6 of something, like Triplets are 3 babies, sextuple is 6"
  29. >>"I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO BE!"
  30. >the dude gallops faster then you've ever seen a pony move
  31. "Wow bet he could outrun rainbow dash"
  32. >"No way.. but it would be close"
  33. "Ok fine I'll go ask Applejack, those pigs have to be for something.."
  34. >Bump
  35. >Looking down you see that Green mare again
  36. "Oh! sorry, again Ms?.."
  37. >"I'm Wallflower Blush, Not like you'll remembe-wait, Again? you recall last time?"
  38. "yeah, you called me a weird monkey or something like that"
  39. >"Wha.. huh.. hm.. ok.."
  40. >She then leaves again
  41. >"Who was that?" Said the strawberry mare
  42. "She says Wallflower Blush"
  43. >"Doesn't ring any bells"
  44. "Well I imagine she lives here since I saw her not a week ago"
  45. >"Who?"
  46. "Wallflower.."
  47. >"Again.. who? just go bother an earth pony already! geez.."
  48. >ponyville.. oh so fucking weird
  49.  
  50. >Long story short, you never found any Bacon at the pony market
  51. >You decide to stop by Rainbow's to harass her, her big ego is easily bruised
  52. >You look up to dash's cloud house
  53. "Hey! Hey! Wingger get down here! I need your aid, HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HE-
  54. >"WHAAAAAAAAAAT! ANON, WHAT do you WANT? i'm BUSY"
  55. >>"Who's this dweeb?"
  56. "Come on down! I need to talk to you"
  57. >Rainbow groans and floats down
  58. >She sighs and asks "What anon.."
  59. >You boop her and she freezes like all ponies do
  60. "Do you have any bacon in your fridge?"
  61. >"W-what? huh?" she says regaining her snowpity after the boop
  62. "Bacon, fridge, gimme"
  63. >Gilda chuckles at the boop and rainbows response to it
  64. >"Bacon?.. like meat?.. no?.." She looks at you like you're stupid
  65. "Prove it, Show me your fridge"
  66. >"Anon you can't stand on clouds, we tried this remember? I live in a cloud"
  67. >>"Bacon? this ape eats meat? I thought your kind ate only berries"
  68. "and I thought birds only ate worms"
  69. >"Bwahaha! BIRD, wow.. oh anon you're SO in for it!"
  70. >>"GRRRRR!" Gilda divebombs you
  71. >You boop her beak and she flops over and falls on her ass on the ground
  72. >You bet tiny cartoon birds are flying around her head now
  73. >>"Wha.. gr.."
  74. "Hey bird, got any bacon in your fridge?"
  75. >>"I don't LIVE her in this stupid town.. but yes, I do back home"
  76. "Oh neat. where do I buy that?"
  77. >>"Nowhere around here, ponies don't eat meat"
  78. "And rainbow didnt get any to make you some while you stay? rudebow dash as always, so inconsiderate.. bad friend huh?"
  79. >>"What? no not reall-"
  80. >"ANON i'm a GOOD friend, the best awesomest coolest friend anypony could ever have!"
  81. >She is doing that proud puffed out chest pose again
  82. "Sure whatever you say rambo"
  83. >"w-wha.. rambo?.."
  84. "anyways, see you gloopboobs later"
  85. >You always make up a new 'human insult' so rainbow dash repeats it later and you act like you've never heard the word and everyone gives rainbow dash the 'are you retarded?' stare
  86. >you leave to go to applejacks
  87.  
  88. >Bump
  89. >Looking down you see that GREEN PONY again!
  90. "Wallflower! I've been looking for somepony like you!"
  91. >"Huh? me? what? how do you know my name"
  92. "You told me, anyways strawberry.. pony.. whatever her name is, told me to go bother an earth pony, so, so.. Do you have any Bacon in your fridge?"
  93. >She tilts her head, she squints her eyes at you
  94. >"No?.. why.. what do you want, what sort of game is this?"
  95. "I'm just looking for some fucking MEAT around here"
  96. >You forgot human swears were actual spells here, and you just made the ground shake a bit
  97. "My bad! sorry"
  98. >the green pony is now very confused and worried
  99. "Sorry to bother you, I'm going to applejacks now"
  100.  
  101. >Later at applejacks
  102. "hey, hey you! Red Apple"
  103. >"I'm Big Mac"
  104. "Like the Burger?"
  105. >"Ey-u..uh. yup?"
  106. "Sick, say got any bacon around here? I need some meat"
  107. >"Nope"
  108. "How much for one of those pigs?"
  109. >You point at the pig pen.where happy little rotund pigs bounce around "
  110. >"Nope"
  111. "Oh free? sick"
  112. >You begin to walk over to the pig pen
  113. >"NOPE NOPE!"
  114.  
  115. >You sit on the ledge at the ponyville fountain just waiting for something interesting to happen
  116. >Diamond Tiara walks up
  117. >>"Hey monkey! get out of my way, I have a wish to make"
  118. >She flips a single bit with her magic
  119. "Shut the fuck up you brat"
  120. >BOOM she goes flying
  121. >Nopony cares
  122. >>"H-how dare you!"
  123. "I can easily say it again, gimme that bit!"
  124. >>"NO! I will not be robbed by.. by a monkey!"
  125. "Gimme that fuckin' bit"
  126. >BOOM she does a backflip in place and falls on the ground with a squeek
  127. >>"TAKE IT! TAKE IT!"
  128. >she runs away crying
  129. >>>"Ahnnon.. did you just bully diahmond tiarah? aren't yah like.. 40?"
  130. >you turn to see Applebloom
  131. "40?.. I'm 21, Applebloom.. I'm 21.."
  132. >>>"Awh.. mah mistake.. Can you do that agaihn next time you see her though?"
  133. "Yeah"
  134. >>>"Thanks ahnon!" she bounces away
  135. "Sigh.. I wish I could have some bacon"
  136. >You flip the coin and it flies behind you into the water with a plop
  137. >instantly you feel something akin to wax paper slap on your thigh
  138. >Looking down you see what had to be 20-30 pieces of bacon wrapped in wax paper, still cold, appear on your leg
  139. >"Here you go anon, Wish granted"
  140. >You look to see Wallflower Blush, the green pony!
  141. "Oh hey, Wallflower! really? I can just have this? where did you get it?"
  142. >"I stole it"
  143. "Excuse me?"
  144. >"Yeah there was a griffon in the market tod-
  145. >POOF
  146. >>"Anon y mouse, the HUMAN himself ha ha haa! I have it. your wish"
  147. >Discord appears and pulls out a single strip of bacon
  148. >>"you just owe me.. wait.. what.."
  149. >He notices the green pony and the bacon
  150. >>"Who are you!?! how did you get here faster then me"
  151. >She squints her eyes in anger
  152. >"you already FORGOT about me?! you BROUGHT ME HERE!"
  153. >>"Hm?.. oh oh bwahaha.. haaa.. well. well things are complicated and all, Say hows being a pony treating you, little flower?" he smiles with malice
  154. >"just FUCKING great"
  155. >BOOM discord goes flying
  156. >She speaks human?
  157. >"Yes anon, I was a human too like you,. well not quite.. anyways that forked tongued serpent FAGGOT tricked me! now i'm here and people..ponies.. see me even less then at home"
  158. >With that word discord fell apart like legos onto the ground
  159. >>"Stop stop stop saying those words!"
  160. >he reformed himself
  161. >>"I-I get it.. yes..the only thing more chaotic then my magic is human magic, just stop already! I'll send you home if you want, geez"
  162. >Poof you're both in Wallflowers house, it must be hers.. she is.. human! kind of.. weirdly long legs.. and large head, but not quite as large as it could have been
  163. >you see a fridge nearby and place the bacon in there
  164. >"H-hi anon.."
  165. >you look down and see she's wearing the same thing as she was as a pony
  166. >nothing
  167. "Hey yourself" you say looking at her form
  168. >She looks down
  169. >"EEP!" she covers herself
  170. >You turn away
  171. "My bad.."
  172. >"That serpent tongued.."
  173.  
  174. >Few hours pass and you are watching her play the pony. or.. pony-human version of dark souls 2 (wow so peak.. peak game.. peakest game ever made)
  175.  
  176. >>"AHA! I found you!.. wait.. you're not kidnapped? Twilight said you just vanished from town square! where is discord?!"
  177. "He left, Wallflower here said some words to him and he left, he brought us here though"
  178. >>"Wallflower?.. you were in.. PONYVILLE? this WHOLE TIME? I thought you moved.."
  179. >"I did move, to Ponyville"
  180. >>"I.. hm" she squints her eyes "I suppose you didn't lie.."
  181. >>"Well.. Hi anonymous, I am sunset shimmer"
  182. "I know"
  183. >>"Oh? Twilight tell you about me? or maybe Wallflower?"
  184. "No, I saw you on TV once or twice"
  185. >>"I"m on tv?"
  186. "No"
  187. >you're not going to explain
  188. >"Can you be quiet? I'm trying to show Anon how to play this game"

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