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Anon The Biologist Gets Too Curious About Applejack's Cloaca Part 1

By Guest
Created: 2025-07-31 11:07:00
Expiry: Never

  1.  
  2. >Be human biologist
  3. >That is, a biologist who is a human
  4. >You have no interest in human biology
  5. >The natural world is where it's at
  6. >Also studied toon physics in college
  7. >An uncommon combination despite how fascinating the two fields are when combined
  8. >Anyway
  9. >After college you spend a few years studying wild horse migrations and discover something impossible
  10. >The horses are just straight-up teleporting from region to region
  11. >Remember a sugar-addicted geek from college who would passionately talk over the professor during toon physics lectures
  12. >Stuff about a teleportation project
  13. >You look him up and email him about a possible anomaly but don't go into much detail, just that you're the biology guy and you've found something weird
  14. >The next morning there's a knock on your apartment door
  15. >Look through the peephole
  16. >Lo and behold, it's the teleportation geek
  17. >Hm. That was fast
  18. >You open the door and step outside
  19. >After irrelevant formalities and catching up on what each of you did after college, the geek asks about the anomaly
  20. "You got any microphones on you?"
  21. >"What? Why?"
  22. "What we're about to discuss might be important to some powerful people"
  23. >"You really think I'm working for anyone powerful?"
  24. "You got a cell phone?"
  25. >"Yeah. Why?"
  26. "It has a microphone in it"
  27. >"It's mathematically impossible for the government to listen in on everyone's conversations"
  28. "Unless they store all the conversations until voice recognition gets a little better"
  29. >"That's a lot of hard drives"
  30. "Black budgets"
  31. >After a little back-and-forth with the nowhere-near-paranoid-enough geek he agrees to leave his state-of-the-art flip phone in his car as the two of you go for a walk and finally discuss some science
  32. >You explain what you've discovered
  33. >Wild horses run in the direction of a forest before disappearing without a trace, only to re-appear on the other side of the forest
  34. >The geek tells you to stop for a minute as he pulls out a notebook and scribbles in it
  35. >And then correctly guesses the location of the forest
  36. >And the exact date
  37. >What the-
  38. >He explains how he calculated the time and location of the anomaly, based on ley lines, moon phases, and some of his own experimental data
  39. >The two of you immediately agree that this warrants further study
  40. >The geek has some complex equipment and needs a second pair of hands to operate it
  41. >The anomaly is going to be active again the following afternoon
  42. >You both have empty schedules the next day so you agree to meet up by the spot of the anomaly at noon
  43. >You go home and pack gear for the two-hour-long trip to the middle of nowhere
  44. >Sleep
  45.  
  46. >You wake up, eat breakfast, blah blah blah
  47. >You take your gear and drive to the spot, arriving at 11:54 ante meridiem
  48. >Teleportation geek is already there setting up his equipment
  49. >The area sure is colorful today
  50. >You've been here a couple times before because, y'know, you're a biologist
  51. >You help him set up his equipment, aiming sensors around the spot where the hoofprints suddenly stop
  52. >The two of you inevitably start discussing the so-called "toon force"
  53. >You explain the physics-bending organelles that must exist in toon cell walls
  54. >He explains his theory that teleportation isn't actually an aspect of the toon force, but actually an entirely separate force that toons can tap into via the toon force
  55. >And that the fact that it's separate means that non-toons should be able to utilize it via specialized equipment
  56. >You're having your most fascinating conversation in years when the wind starts to pick up
  57. >The anomaly is becoming active
  58. >Out of the corner of your eye you spot a white-tailed doe
  59. "Look, a deer!"
  60. >The doe pronks through the clearing, headed in the general direction of where the anomaly should be
  61. >She disappears in mid-air
  62. >You were half-expecting weirdness but this is still shocking
  63. >The geek fumbles with his equipment while you try to spot where the deer went
  64. >That had to have been an optical illusion
  65. >Like how the trees are shimmering from the convection
  66. >On a cool day
  67. >With a strong wind
  68. >K-CRACK!!
  69. >The sudden lightning strike causes one of the geek's metal boxes to explode, sending parts everywhere
  70. >"Oh no oh no oh no"
  71. >He's panicking
  72. >You see a colorful vortex appear
  73. >"RUN!"
  74. >He takes off with surprising speed away from the vortex
  75. >You chase after him
  76. >And trip
  77. >On a satellite dish
  78. >And unplug it
  79. >You watch in horror as the geek spaghettifies, being pulled into the vortex like a vivid painting of a black hole
  80. >Then you start to float
  81. >And get pulled in, feet first
  82. >The whole world squishes and turns gray around you as you are pulled towards the vortex, the sound of a theremin emanating from it drowning out your own screaming
  83. >You faint
  84.  
  85. >You are laying face-first in the dirt
  86. >The air is warmer
  87. >You sit up, your vision blurry, and look around
  88. >Trees to the left
  89. >Trees to the right
  90. >They all look the same in your blurry vision
  91. >The air smells like apples
  92. >THOK!! TH-THUMP-THUMP!!
  93. >What was that sound behind you
  94. >You jerk your head and look
  95. >Orange movement
  96. >You rub your eyes and look again
  97. >An orange quadruped trots, carrying baskets of red apples like saddlebags
  98. >The creature's a, a-
  99. >Holy shit look at the size of that eye
  100. >You have no idea where you are but you might be gazing upon an alien being
  101. >Your vision is still a little blurry
  102. >You fumble for your phone to take a picture
  103. >Right. You didn't bring it you dummy
  104. >You could have at least brought a film camera
  105. >Regretfully and hopefully you close your eyes for a few seconds
  106. >Your vision is now clear
  107. >You are in a cartoon orchard
  108. >What
  109. >Where's the creature
  110. >There it is
  111. >The orange quadruped is walking away from you at an angle
  112. >It has large hooves, a yellow mane with a hair tie on it, a matching tail angled upwards to reveal a cloaca, and a stetson hat
  113. >And it's as cartoony as the trees around you
  114. >Hooves and a cloaca
  115. >You have discovered a brand-new species
  116. >Holy shit
  117. >Your heart thumping, you watch as the creature places its baskets by an apple tree and bucks it like a horse
  118. >THOK!! TH-THUMP-THUMP!!
  119. >To your astonishment all of the apples fall off the tree and land perfectly in the baskets
  120. >An intelligent creature with control over physics
  121. "Whoa."
  122. >Your hands shoot to your mouth as the creature turns its head in your direction and looks at you with its enormous eyes

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