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Anon The Biologist Gets Too Curious About Applejack's Cloaca Part 1

By Guest
Created: 2025-07-31 11:07:00
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
  2. 2.
  3. 3.
     
  4. 4.
    >Be human biologist
  5. 5.
    >That is, a biologist who is a human
  6. 6.
    >You have no interest in human biology
  7. 7.
    >The natural world is where it's at
  8. 8.
    >Also studied toon physics in college
  9. 9.
    >An uncommon combination despite how fascinating the two fields are when combined
  10. 10.
    >Anyway
  11. 11.
    >After college you spend a few years studying wild horse migrations and discover something impossible
  12. 12.
    >The horses are just straight-up teleporting from region to region
  13. 13.
    >Remember a sugar-addicted geek from college who would passionately talk over the professor during toon physics lectures
  14. 14.
    >Stuff about a teleportation project
  15. 15.
    >You look him up and email him about a possible anomaly but don't go into much detail, just that you're the biology guy and you've found something weird
  16. 16.
    >The next morning there's a knock on your apartment door
  17. 17.
    >Look through the peephole
  18. 18.
    >Lo and behold, it's the teleportation geek
  19. 19.
    >Hm. That was fast
  20. 20.
    >You open the door and step outside
  21. 21.
    >After irrelevant formalities and catching up on what each of you did after college, the geek asks about the anomaly
  22. 22.
    "You got any microphones on you?"
  23. 23.
    >"What? Why?"
  24. 24.
    "What we're about to discuss might be important to some powerful people"
  25. 25.
    >"You really think I'm working for anyone powerful?"
  26. 26.
    "You got a cell phone?"
  27. 27.
    >"Yeah. Why?"
  28. 28.
    "It has a microphone in it"
  29. 29.
    >"It's mathematically impossible for the government to listen in on everyone's conversations"
  30. 30.
    "Unless they store all the conversations until voice recognition gets a little better"
  31. 31.
    >"That's a lot of hard drives"
  32. 32.
    "Black budgets"
  33. 33.
    >After a little back-and-forth with the nowhere-near-paranoid-enough geek he agrees to leave his state-of-the-art flip phone in his car as the two of you go for a walk and finally discuss some science
  34. 34.
    >You explain what you've discovered
  35. 35.
    >Wild horses run in the direction of a forest before disappearing without a trace, only to re-appear on the other side of the forest
  36. 36.
    >The geek tells you to stop for a minute as he pulls out a notebook and scribbles in it
  37. 37.
    >And then correctly guesses the location of the forest
  38. 38.
    >And the exact date
  39. 39.
    >What the-
  40. 40.
    >He explains how he calculated the time and location of the anomaly, based on ley lines, moon phases, and some of his own experimental data
  41. 41.
    >The two of you immediately agree that this warrants further study
  42. 42.
    >The geek has some complex equipment and needs a second pair of hands to operate it
  43. 43.
    >The anomaly is going to be active again the following afternoon
  44. 44.
    >You both have empty schedules the next day so you agree to meet up by the spot of the anomaly at noon
  45. 45.
    >You go home and pack gear for the two-hour-long trip to the middle of nowhere
  46. 46.
    >Sleep
  47. 47.
     
  48. 48.
    >You wake up, eat breakfast, blah blah blah
  49. 49.
    >You take your gear and drive to the spot, arriving at 11:54 ante meridiem
  50. 50.
    >Teleportation geek is already there setting up his equipment
  51. 51.
    >The area sure is colorful today
  52. 52.
    >You've been here a couple times before because, y'know, you're a biologist
  53. 53.
    >You help him set up his equipment, aiming sensors around the spot where the hoofprints suddenly stop
  54. 54.
    >The two of you inevitably start discussing the so-called "toon force"
  55. 55.
    >You explain the physics-bending organelles that must exist in toon cell walls
  56. 56.
    >He explains his theory that teleportation isn't actually an aspect of the toon force, but actually an entirely separate force that toons can tap into via the toon force
  57. 57.
    >And that the fact that it's separate means that non-toons should be able to utilize it via specialized equipment
  58. 58.
    >You're having your most fascinating conversation in years when the wind starts to pick up
  59. 59.
    >The anomaly is becoming active
  60. 60.
    >Out of the corner of your eye you spot a white-tailed doe
  61. 61.
    "Look, a deer!"
  62. 62.
    >The doe pronks through the clearing, headed in the general direction of where the anomaly should be
  63. 63.
    >She disappears in mid-air
  64. 64.
    >You were half-expecting weirdness but this is still shocking
  65. 65.
    >The geek fumbles with his equipment while you try to spot where the deer went
  66. 66.
    >That had to have been an optical illusion
  67. 67.
    >Like how the trees are shimmering from the convection
  68. 68.
    >On a cool day
  69. 69.
    >With a strong wind
  70. 70.
    >K-CRACK!!
  71. 71.
    >The sudden lightning strike causes one of the geek's metal boxes to explode, sending parts everywhere
  72. 72.
    >"Oh no oh no oh no"
  73. 73.
    >He's panicking
  74. 74.
    >You see a colorful vortex appear
  75. 75.
    >"RUN!"
  76. 76.
    >He takes off with surprising speed away from the vortex
  77. 77.
    >You chase after him
  78. 78.
    >And trip
  79. 79.
    >On a satellite dish
  80. 80.
    >And unplug it
  81. 81.
    >You watch in horror as the geek spaghettifies, being pulled into the vortex like a vivid painting of a black hole
  82. 82.
    >Then you start to float
  83. 83.
    >And get pulled in, feet first
  84. 84.
    >The whole world squishes and turns gray around you as you are pulled towards the vortex, the sound of a theremin emanating from it drowning out your own screaming
  85. 85.
    >You faint
  86. 86.
     
  87. 87.
    >You are laying face-first in the dirt
  88. 88.
    >The air is warmer
  89. 89.
    >You sit up, your vision blurry, and look around
  90. 90.
    >Trees to the left
  91. 91.
    >Trees to the right
  92. 92.
    >They all look the same in your blurry vision
  93. 93.
    >The air smells like apples
  94. 94.
    >THOK!! TH-THUMP-THUMP!!
  95. 95.
    >What was that sound behind you
  96. 96.
    >You jerk your head and look
  97. 97.
    >Orange movement
  98. 98.
    >You rub your eyes and look again
  99. 99.
    >An orange quadruped trots, carrying baskets of red apples like saddlebags
  100. 100.
    >The creature's a, a-
  101. 101.
    >Holy shit look at the size of that eye
  102. 102.
    >You have no idea where you are but you might be gazing upon an alien being
  103. 103.
    >Your vision is still a little blurry
  104. 104.
    >You fumble for your phone to take a picture
  105. 105.
    >Right. You didn't bring it you dummy
  106. 106.
    >You could have at least brought a film camera
  107. 107.
    >Regretfully and hopefully you close your eyes for a few seconds
  108. 108.
    >Your vision is now clear
  109. 109.
    >You are in a cartoon orchard
  110. 110.
    >What
  111. 111.
    >Where's the creature
  112. 112.
    >There it is
  113. 113.
    >The orange quadruped is walking away from you at an angle
  114. 114.
    >It has large hooves, a yellow mane with a hair tie on it, a matching tail angled upwards to reveal a cloaca, and a stetson hat
  115. 115.
    >And it's as cartoony as the trees around you
  116. 116.
    >Hooves and a cloaca
  117. 117.
    >You have discovered a brand-new species
  118. 118.
    >Holy shit
  119. 119.
    >Your heart thumping, you watch as the creature places its baskets by an apple tree and bucks it like a horse
  120. 120.
    >THOK!! TH-THUMP-THUMP!!
  121. 121.
    >To your astonishment all of the apples fall off the tree and land perfectly in the baskets
  122. 122.
    >An intelligent creature with control over physics
  123. 123.
    "Whoa."
  124. 124.
    >Your hands shoot to your mouth as the creature turns its head in your direction and looks at you with its enormous eyes

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