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Anon The Biologist Gets Too Curious About Applejack's Cloaca Part 1
By GuestCreated: 2025-07-31 11:07:00
Expiry: Never
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From the threads https://boards.4chan.org/mlp/thread/42406697
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>Be human biologist
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>That is, a biologist who is a human
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>You have no interest in human biology
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>The natural world is where it's at
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>Also studied toon physics in college
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>An uncommon combination despite how fascinating the two fields are when combined
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>Anyway
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>After college you spend a few years studying wild horse migrations and discover something impossible
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>The horses are just straight-up teleporting from region to region
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>Remember a sugar-addicted geek from college who would passionately talk over the professor during toon physics lectures
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>Stuff about a teleportation project
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>You look him up and email him about a possible anomaly but don't go into much detail, just that you're the biology guy and you've found something weird
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>The next morning there's a knock on your apartment door
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>Look through the peephole
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>Lo and behold, it's the teleportation geek
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>Hm. That was fast
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>You open the door and step outside
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>After irrelevant formalities and catching up on what each of you did after college, the geek asks about the anomaly
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"You got any microphones on you?"
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>"What? Why?"
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"What we're about to discuss might be important to some powerful people"
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>"You really think I'm working for anyone powerful?"
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"You got a cell phone?"
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>"Yeah. Why?"
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"It has a microphone in it"
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>"It's mathematically impossible for the government to listen in on everyone's conversations"
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"Unless they store all the conversations until voice recognition gets a little better"
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>"That's a lot of hard drives"
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"Black budgets"
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>After a little back-and-forth with the nowhere-near-paranoid-enough geek he agrees to leave his state-of-the-art flip phone in his car as the two of you go for a walk and finally discuss some science
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>You explain what you've discovered
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>Wild horses run in the direction of a forest before disappearing without a trace, only to re-appear on the other side of the forest
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>The geek tells you to stop for a minute as he pulls out a notebook and scribbles in it
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>And then correctly guesses the location of the forest
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>And the exact date
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>What the-
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>He explains how he calculated the time and location of the anomaly, based on ley lines, moon phases, and some of his own experimental data
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>The two of you immediately agree that this warrants further study
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>The geek has some complex equipment and needs a second pair of hands to operate it
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>The anomaly is going to be active again the following afternoon
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>You both have empty schedules the next day so you agree to meet up by the spot of the anomaly at noon
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>You go home and pack gear for the two-hour-long trip to the middle of nowhere
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>Sleep
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>You wake up, eat breakfast, blah blah blah
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>You take your gear and drive to the spot, arriving at 11:54 ante meridiem
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>Teleportation geek is already there setting up his equipment
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>The area sure is colorful today
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>You've been here a couple times before because, y'know, you're a biologist
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>You help him set up his equipment, aiming sensors around the spot where the hoofprints suddenly stop
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>The two of you inevitably start discussing the so-called "toon force"
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>You explain the physics-bending organelles that must exist in toon cell walls
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>He explains his theory that teleportation isn't actually an aspect of the toon force, but actually an entirely separate force that toons can tap into via the toon force
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>And that the fact that it's separate means that non-toons should be able to utilize it via specialized equipment
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>You're having your most fascinating conversation in years when the wind starts to pick up
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>The anomaly is becoming active
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>Out of the corner of your eye you spot a white-tailed doe
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"Look, a deer!"
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>The doe pronks through the clearing, headed in the general direction of where the anomaly should be
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>She disappears in mid-air
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>You were half-expecting weirdness but this is still shocking
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>The geek fumbles with his equipment while you try to spot where the deer went
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>That had to have been an optical illusion
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>Like how the trees are shimmering from the convection
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>On a cool day
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>With a strong wind
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>K-CRACK!!
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>The sudden lightning strike causes one of the geek's metal boxes to explode, sending parts everywhere
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>"Oh no oh no oh no"
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>He's panicking
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>You see a colorful vortex appear
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>"RUN!"
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>He takes off with surprising speed away from the vortex
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>You chase after him
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>And trip
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>On a satellite dish
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>And unplug it
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>You watch in horror as the geek spaghettifies, being pulled into the vortex like a vivid painting of a black hole
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>Then you start to float
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>And get pulled in, feet first
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>The whole world squishes and turns gray around you as you are pulled towards the vortex, the sound of a theremin emanating from it drowning out your own screaming
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>You faint
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>You are laying face-first in the dirt
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>The air is warmer
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>You sit up, your vision blurry, and look around
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>Trees to the left
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>Trees to the right
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>They all look the same in your blurry vision
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>The air smells like apples
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>THOK!! TH-THUMP-THUMP!!
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>What was that sound behind you
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>You jerk your head and look
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>Orange movement
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>You rub your eyes and look again
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>An orange quadruped trots, carrying baskets of red apples like saddlebags
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>The creature's a, a-
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>Holy shit look at the size of that eye
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>You have no idea where you are but you might be gazing upon an alien being
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>Your vision is still a little blurry
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>You fumble for your phone to take a picture
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>Right. You didn't bring it you dummy
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>You could have at least brought a film camera
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>Regretfully and hopefully you close your eyes for a few seconds
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>Your vision is now clear
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>You are in a cartoon orchard
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>What
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>Where's the creature
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>There it is
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>The orange quadruped is walking away from you at an angle
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>It has large hooves, a yellow mane with a hair tie on it, a matching tail angled upwards to reveal a cloaca, and a stetson hat
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>And it's as cartoony as the trees around you
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>Hooves and a cloaca
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>You have discovered a brand-new species
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>Holy shit
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>Your heart thumping, you watch as the creature places its baskets by an apple tree and bucks it like a horse
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>THOK!! TH-THUMP-THUMP!!
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>To your astonishment all of the apples fall off the tree and land perfectly in the baskets
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>An intelligent creature with control over physics
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"Whoa."
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>Your hands shoot to your mouth as the creature turns its head in your direction and looks at you with its enormous eyes
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