Anonfield [COMPLETE]

 

Part One:

>It's another sunny day in Ponyville

>Probably

>You've been stuck inside for the past week or so

>Anon Y. Mous, resident human

>Resident of the library, at any rate

>You lucked out and after an incident involving a carelessly dropped banana peel and a flight of stairs, landed in your dream Afterlife:

>Equestria!

>Though clearly all those foalcon threads you tugged your meat over ensured that your destination wasn't quite perfect

>For one, you didn't arrive early enough to slap Starswirl's spell out of Twilight's hooves and prevent Twilicorn

>For two, you're not the only human in Equestria

>Fucking far from it, chief

>Though your compatriots seem more on the level of one of Fluttershy's critter friends than contemporaries

>Fuckers can't even talk, mostly just stare at you with glassy eyes

>That's a real low bar to clear, even the cows here can speak

>Though technically speaking you can't either

>Nothing wrong with your vocal chords, but the ponies just don't understand you

>Fluttershy picks up the general gist at least

>But otherwise it's just gibberish to them, and no one seems interested in trying to see if you're trying to converse or just making noise

>As far as everyone's concerned you're just another yappy human who could probably use some discipline

>And at first, you admit, the realization that your lot in life had been reduced to a pet was depressing

>All those years in college, wasted

>Your mom and dad, Incognito and Nondescript, God knows how they are

>Or how they're taking it

>But... shit, you're going to be honest

>This ain't so bad

>Beyond just being in Equestria in general

>Circumstances led to you being taken in by Twilight Sparkle out of all ponies

>Some real main character magnet shit going on there

>"Rooming" with the Princess comes with some nice perks

>For starters, Twilight and Spike are almost always out of the Library

>Either off engaging with her friends, away on business, or trying to find a private spot in town to jerk his dragon dick off to Rarity since he doesn't have a proper room of his own

>So you don't have to worry about acting like a 'normal' human

>Secondly, even if you can't speak the language, you can read the books

>Good luck figuring that shit out

>But it does mean you have a literal library's worth of literature to pass the time with

>Even if pony fiction is a bit too saccharine for your tastes

>But that's fine

>If the library fails to keep your attention, you have another option to entertain yourself with:

>Namely, fucking with your roommates

>It's almost sad how easy it is

>One of them's a big purple pile of neuroses

>The other's a smaller purple pile of nerves and burgeoning teenage hormones

>The way they passive aggressively snipe at each other when you eat (or throw away some of) food that's clearly for one of them is a real treat

>Twilight twitching when you deliberately put books in the wrong place according to the sorting system of the week she's cooked up

>By this point you're pretty sure she's just bullshitting some of these systems to try and keep Spike's hands busy

>(You aren't sure if she's just committed to the bit or actually autistic enough to be taking it seriously)

>If all else fails though, you got old reliable on hand

>It's taken some effort to train your face, but you manage to keep your expression completely neutral as you slap Twilight's cup right off the table as she's trying to read

>"Anon! Come on!"

>The Twiggiest of Princesses grumbles as she uses her magic to siphon up her apple cider back into her mug, looks at it contemplatively,

>And then lets out a sigh of defeat as she levitates it to the kitchen's sink, having just enough dignity to not drink floor-cider, even in the privacy of her own home

>That gives her at least one up on Rainbow Dash

>"Alright, I get it, just give me a minute to clean this up and we'll go for a walk, okay?"

>Fuck yes, you haven't seen the sun in way too long

>Another victory in the life of Anonfield

 

Part Two:

>In any relationship it's important to look out for one another

>Showing that you're noticing when someone is in need is the most basic way of letting them know you care about them, after all

>"Anon!!"

>So really, the fact that you've turned this walk into a frantic chase is just your way of noticing your purple princess could stand to burn some more calories is a way of showing you care

>(You) are Anonymous, pet of Twilight Sparkle

>That's a very literal term by the by, so don't get too excited

>Unless heat season comes around and it turns out she shares more in common with white women than being voiced by one

>Concerns for later though

>For now though it's time to utilize all the Five 'D's

>Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge

>Roseluck and her sidekicks scream as you dive over their stall

>But that and their subsequent fainting is just their natural state of being so you aren't too concerned

>The market's still a bit crowded even this late in the afternoon so you're getting plenty of time to dip between startled ponies

>Using their bodies as equine shields to keep Twilight from just nabbing you with her magic

>The Princess is gasping for air audibly a few feet back, too worn out to simply overpower you in her current state

>Honestly you're starting to think you might need to slow down just so she doesn't lose sight of you

>It's not like you're actually trying to escape, after all

>"I GOT THAT VARMINT, TWILIGH'!"

>Oh fuck

>Scratch that, time to sprint

>You had 1 in 3 odds but it looks like they weren't in your favor today

>Applejack's running the family's stall today and she's caught wind of the situation

>Big Mac's far too stoic to get involved and Applebloom's too small to be a threat (by herself anyway)

>But the Element of Honesty won't hesitate to help out

>Plus if (when) she catches you she's going to want to "wrassle"

>And the way her hooves travel south she's definitely a white woman spiritually

>You're pretty sure you can't get married anymore

>Either way, you can at least try and mitigate the damage, taking a sharp turn right away from the direction of the Applestall

>Forcing Applejack to waste time vaulting over it in an effort to join the chase

>Despite the distance the farmpony is in much better shape than your owner

>She catches up way too quickly for your liking and lunges

>Duck!

>The Five 'D's come in clutch once again as you drop to your hands and knees, causing Applejack to soar right over head

>That was fast too, she was definitely going to crush you

>The farmpone subsequently crashes into another stall, getting herself stuck in the structure

>You chuckle darkly to yourself at the sight and prepare to duck into a nearby alley

>When your limbs find themselves uncooperative

>And the familiar chime of magic rings in your ears as your body is lifted into the air

>The aura surrounding you isn't Twilight's magenta

>Though the soft blue is still very familiar

>"Good effort darling, but I've got the little ruffian, don't you fret!"

>Rarity titters as she glides you over to her and Twilight

>Twilight is looking pretty rough

>Drenched in sweat, tongue lolling out of her mouth a bit

>She takes a few deep breaths while Rarity dotes on you

>Mostly teasing and calling you a 'crafty little rogue'

>The good shit

>When Twilight catches her breath the aura shifts from blue to magenta as she takes possession of you

>She drapes you over her sweaty barrel, though she doesn't release you from her magic grip

>She's learning, you absolutely would've bolted again once you got away from Rarity and Applejack otherwise

>"Thank you, girls. I don't know what happened! He was so calm at the start of our walk but then he just bolted. I'm starting to think you were right about getting him a leash, Applejack."

>Good luck with that shit, no strip of leather or cloth in the universe is keeping your ass down

>Alicorn stink aside, this was a pretty rousing success, so long as she...

>"All this running's worked up my appetite, though. How would you two like to go to the Hayburger? It's the least I can offer for your help."

>Well shit

>She's absolutely going to eat at least twice as many calories as she burnt chasing after you

>It was a good effort though, Anonfield

>You'll just have to give her the slip even harder next time

 

Part Three:

>In retrospect, taking Twilight on a whirlwind chase across Ponyville may have been a bad idea

>Not for the act itself of course, Twiggy desperately needs the cardio, but she's definitely got a hair up her plot over it

>She's been holed up in the Library for several days now, and yeah, that's typical

>But less typical is the fact that she's solely been focused on (You) the entire time instead of studying and hosting sleepovers and shit

>((You) being her pet human of course, but you knew that already)

>Twilight is unsurprisingly miffed and putting way too much effort into trying to come up with ways to make you behave

>She's littered the main floor of the Library with charts and graphs

>Which, even with your ability to read the language, you can't really make heads or tails of

>Both in terms of her writing growing increasingly illegible and from her ideas just plain being retarded

>As far as she knows you can't read, so why the hell would you want a book as a reward for not slapping her mugs off of surfaces for a week?

>Besides, that's like, your favorite thing next to eating one of Spikes gem-encrusted muffins and spitting out all the gems in the trash

>Either way, this is starting to chafe a bit

>You don't normally have to keep up the 'normal half-sentient half-dumb-as-a-rock native human' act much due to Twilight and Spike having such busy lives

>And despite how much they like to pretend there's no way in Hell they actually understand that owl, you're pretty sure he's tried to rat you out before to no avail

>You've entertained the idea before of trying to communicate with the Ponies in writing

>You understand and can read the words, after all, so even if it takes some time you're pretty sure you could figure out how to scrawl them yourself

>That idea at the time got shot down because you figured if the equine populace at large figured you were sapient they might try and figure out why that is by any means necessary

>That idea didn't live a long life in your mind as you saw how gentle and kind these folks really are

>But instead it got supplanted by the much bigger horror that if they figured out you were sapient they would absolutely want you to get a job and pay taxes

>And probably move out of Twilight's house because it'd be weird now

>While at the time you said 'fuck that', Twilight's Twilighting is reaching a fever pitch and making the idea of spontaneously becoming fully literate and writing 'calm down, bitch' pretty tantalizing

>Fortunately, it's when you're reaching out to slap the quill out of her magical grip that the front door bursts open

>Loud, yes, but nothing compared to the shrill screech of delight that follows it

>"TWILIGHT, WE FOUND HIM!"

>Pinkie Pie bounces into the Library, grinning from ear to ear

>Her unique locomotion jostles and throws her cargo into the air

>One mildly nettled looking teenage 'baby' dragon

>"Oh thank Celestia! I've been worried so sick! Where ever did you find Spike, Pinkie?"

>The Ponk finds some mercy in her heart and stops leaping up and down, letting the dragon settle on her back before he gets sick all over the place

>"The station! It was the funniest thing, he was getting out of a train! I never would've thought to look inside the cars, especially since I'm pretty sure that train wasn't here yesterday! I never knew you were so good at hide-and-seek, Spike!"

>Twilight looks apoplectic at the news, whirling on Spike, who has the wherewithal to speak up despite how queasy he looks

>"I didn't just run off, Twilight, I swear! Somepony attacked me again!"

>That gets Twilight off guard, inspecting her little brother for injuries as he keeps speaking

>"I don't really remember what happened, the last thing I recall was getting hit in the back of the head. Then I woke up in a crate en route to the Crystal Empire! The Crystal Ponies were happy to see me of course and they kindly let me borrow the Royal Train to come back as soon as possible- which is good, because the trip there was a lot less pleasant! Cadence and Shining Armor say 'hi', by the way."

>And that'd be why her plans and writing were getting so terrible

>Mailing Spike to various towns has always been your most desperate maneuver

>You try not to use it too often, in case you raise suspicion

>But goddamn does this pony sometimes not want to fuck off

>So, whenever the Princess of Friendship is being too much of a hermit

>The hand of fate must be forced

>You haven't sent him anywhere dangerous of course, you're not a dick

>(Though you have tentative daydreams of trying to send him away with his own Fire Mail Breath just to see what would happen)

>The Crystal Empire's definitely the furthest away he's gone but he's basically a Thane there, he was fine

>Spike goes on a little adventure, comes home no worse for wear, and like clockwork...

>"Well, if you're sure you're okay. Lets head on over to Sugarcube Corner and get some Ruby Cupcakes to put this behind us, how does that sound?"

>"It sounds supersplendorific! Of course, the last time I tried one of Spike's treats I cracked a tooth, but Minuette set it right just fine! Lets go!"

>The trio of two ponies and a dragon head on out, laughing on the way

>Leaving you alone in the library

>Perfect

>Without any witnesses beyond that bitch owl, you flop on one of the sofas and slip the book you've had to put off for the past few days out from under it

>Alright, lets see where your adventures lead you next, Coltanova...

 

Part Four:

>With Spike returned from his little trip up north, things quickly reset back to normal

>Or rather, what passes for normal around Ponyville

>Twilight was so relieved at her little brother's return she completely dropped the idea of training you

>And as is typical, picked up on a few new obsessions almost immediately

>First there was a big old hubbub about some locked box

>You were only half listening so you aren't sure if you remember right about her getting it from a tree

>Either way after she spent a few days moping around the Library about how she couldn't brute force the thing open, she got a letter from the local God to go looking for ideas out in the nearby Cursed Woods

>Which resulted in a lovely evening at home eating all of Spike's hidden brownies and curling up with a decently written story about a forbidden romance between a Diamond Dog and a pony

>(By this point you're curious how much Twilight scrutinizes what she's putting on her shelves, because this is pretty saucy. Is she scanning for quality, or just hoarding anything with a bunch of pages and some binding?)

>That in itself led to a lot more quiet nights where you could just let it hang out and do whatever

>You've picked up on trying to cook

>As nice as it is to just eat whatever your roommates leave out and your human chow (It's not so bad, ponies can tolerate feeding their pets fish so you're not totally vegetarian, plenty of beans for protein, and vegetables sans any flowers and such since ponies know enough about their charges not to poison them)

>You miss the satisfaction of making yourself something to eat

>So a few weeks of Twilight and pals holing themselves up in some ruins is the perfect time to work on your pan flip

>Sadly, all good things have to come to an end

>You're not sure which of the gaggle brought it forward but working on restoring a castle that's been abandoned for over a millennium without an actual crew, or tools, or... anything you'd logically assume would be involved in that kind of operation is stressful

>To say nothing of the project being housed in a forest where most of the things would try and eat you if they didn't have one of the only Ponies who could negotiate with the wildlife in tow

>So, it's time for a break

>Incidentally, it's also about that time of the week when the girls remember they have pets and want to socialize them

>Being a more recent addition to that crew you haven't really had to worry about it

>But Rarity

>Dear Rarity

>Got it in her head that maybe if Twilight brought you to their Pony Pet Playdates, it could help with your "roguish behavior"

>'You do leave the poor thing cooped up an awful lot, darling. I'm sure he'd be much more relaxed when you go out together if you gave him an outlet for his energy' was more or less her thought process

>Now, out of Twilight's friend group, you probably like Rarity the most

>She's pretty level headed unlike Pinkie, she doesn't get physical with you like Applejack and Rainbow Dash

>And she doesn't stare at you like a complete weirdo like Fluttershy

>Plus she did an excellent job of saving what she could of your clothes after they got torn up in the Everfree

>The apparent 'quality' of your clothing has her convinced you were a runaway from some noble household

>(Not a terrible assumption, most humans around town have been dressed in basic tunics and the like to keep their bits out of view, since they weren't afforded sheaths, tails, and more obscured placement of their tits like ponies)

>Regardless, as much as you favor the marshmallow out of the group

>Sitting here in the park, getting yapped at by Winona while Opalescent digs her claws into your shoulder and hisses at the dog

>To say nothing of the alligator that is absolutely trying to eat your foot no matter what Pinkie claims

>You would not be opposed to punting her in the ass right about now

>The only saving grace is that Fluttershy is running late

>That fucking rabbit of hers reminds you too much of the terminally online dipshits from back home

>Completely confident in fucking with you, and knowing that there's not much you can do about it (though in this case it's less because they're behind a computer screen a gorillion miles away and more the fact there would be some serious repercussions if you tried to eat that little fuck)

>Of course, you know the trope

>Speak the Devil's name and he shall appear

>Trotting at a brisk pace for herself, Fluttershy crests the hill leading into the park

>Though, she's not alone

>Well, even less alone than usual

>Angel Bunny's riding on her back as usual

>One of the Pegasus's wings are wrapped around the hand of a guest

>A bidepal, hairless sans some shoulder length, red hair on her head guest

>Fluttershy has a human in tow

>Specifically, a human woman

>(Where the Hell did she even get the money for that? She's a hermit who lives outside the city limits)

>"So sorry I'm late, girls!"

>Fluttershy is breathless, and you can already tell she's excited, because you didn't have to strain your ears to hear her talk

>"I wanted you all to meet the latest addition to my cottage, Ruby Sprint!"

>You say a silent prayer that your wagie nametag survived your hike through the Everfree

>God only knows what dumbass name they would've given you otherwise

>Either way, Fluttershy's got a new pet and she's keen to show her off

>Apparently she's a rescue from some racing derby

>Not abused or anything like that, just got a bit too old to run at the levels her handlers expected out of her

>Circumstances happened, as they usually do, and Ruby here landed in the care of Fluttershy

>"I've never had a human to care for! The opportunity was just too good to pass up on! Oh, I hope she and Anon get along..."

>Bit of an unfounded concern, that

>As mentioned before, you're far from the only human in Equestria

>Hell, there's a fair handful of them in Ponyville

>Most of them are fairly docile, and aside from giving you a weird stare with their not-all-there eyes, they haven't tried to go apeshit on you

>It's a very 'live and let live' situation when you have to interact with an Equestrian human

>So you're expecting pretty much the same when Ruby strides up to inspect you and the rest of the pets currently hanging off and/or chewing on you

>That leaves you perfectly open for the woman to reach out and grab a firm handful of your junk, and start making some demonic apeish grunts

>"Oh wow, I think she definitely likes him!", Pinkie announces while giggling and snorting behind her hooves

>There's a bit of a scramble to separate you, as that grip is anything but pleasant, causing you to flip your shit a bit and flail around the other girl's pets in your struggle

>Fluttershy apologizes profusely, but there's a glint in those cyan eyes, that... is a little unsettling

>You have the distinct feeling this is going to be a problem, Anonfield

 

Part Five:

>Alright we're ditching the pithy (You) intro

>You're Anonfield, you're Twilight's pet, go

>We got a fucking situation here

>Which for the most part you've been doing an excellent job avoiding by hiding underneath various bits of furniture

>(The amount of clearance Twilight's couches have is fucking insane, who designed this shit?)

>FOCUS

>As much as you've put this off by fortifying your position

>Eventually Twilight and pals are either going to finish refurbishing that dumbass castle or Rainbow's finally going to pitch a fit about how boring the whole endeavor is hard enough to get the rest of them to fold

>Just like the group's very short lived book-club once the other five voted to ban Daring Do books after going through 1/3rd of the series

>In a row

>Even Twilight was getting bored of that shit and she's just as big of a fan of them as Rainbow Da-

>Dude!

>Two feet in the now, please!

>Yes, you're avoiding even thinking about it

>But this is a problem that isn't going to away by pretending it doesn't exist, like your parents trying to get you to start paying rent:

>Fluttershy absolutely wants you to fuck her pet human

>(And you're like 90% sure she wants to goddamn watch, if not make some sort of excuse to get all up in that too)

>So, get this

>Miss "I've never taken care of a human before" has it in her head that because Ruby tried to turn your nuts into applesauce that means she's down bad

>There's plenty of other explanations for that!

>It could've been a greeting (You've never seen Equestrian humans do that)

>It could've been an intimidation tactic (In which case it fucking succeeded)

>It could've been a...

>A third thing isn't coming to mind but fuck, man

>Either way, you're not interested

>Don't get it twisted, you like women just fine

>Please ignore that you were a virgin in your last life

>But the humans here...

>It's too much like getting with an animal

>There's no soul in there, just base cravings and a lot of hooting

>Sometimes in the dead of night you swear you hear that hooting

>In a twist of fate you'd honestly rather get down with a mare

>They laugh, they talk, they have actual opinions on things

>Sapience is pretty much what's getting your dick going these days

>And Equestrian Humans absolutely do not have it

>(That said Fluttershy's eagerness is off-putting in its' own way, to be honest)

>Twilight seems pretty on the fence about the whole thing

>Possibly due to aforementioned eagerness weirding her out

>But you've heard the two talking during Fluttershy's much more significant visits and you fear she's getting her to come around with the scientific and parental angles she's working

>'Oh gosh, Twilight, wouldn't it just be fascinating to watch the process in pony rather than just read about it?'

>'Gee, Twilight, I thought that sort of thing would really interest you'

>'Don't you think Anon would just be so happy to have some human cubs to take care of while we're all away?'

>'Maybe if he spent his time caring for his own young he'd calm down and stop making you chase him all over town!'

>You definitely saw the wheels turning with that last one

>Fucking chubby ass princess

>Just because you're probably immortal now doesn't make it a good idea to tempt heart failure with all those burgers

>Regardless

>You've accepted the likelihood that Fluttershy is going to successfully needle your owner and stud you out so that the Pegasus can masturbate to it

>Whatever the reason Fluttershy lands a direct hit with doesn't matter

>So, you need to prepare

>Luckily, you've got just the plan for this situation

>A bit of a modification to an old standby that will surely get your dick out of this DEFCON 1 situation

>The girls are out at the castle for the day, Spike's away at some comic book convention

>There's not going to be a more perfect time for this

>So, with your beatin' rock in hand, you traverse the village

>Confident that this nightmare is going to be at an end

>It's a clear shot to Fluttershy's cottage out just past the city limits

>Without their caretaker around to feed and fuss over them, most of the animals are away for the day

>Forced to forage for their own dinners for once, the poor fucks

>You let yourself right in, the door unlocked just in case any critter wants to stop by anyway

>To find your quarry lounging on Fluttershy's couch, limbs splayed in odd angles with everything hanging out shamelessly

>That'd be neat, if, again, you weren't dealing with a bipedal dog here

>So you go right ahead and bring your rock filled fist up

>And then right back down

>THWACK

>The stone connects right on her temple

>And...

>With Spike, who's about two and a half feet tall and weighs about as much as a bag of potatoes, the scaly fella would be out for more than long enough for you to stuff him in a crate and layer that shit in stamps

>Ruby Sprint here, however...

>Equestrian Human skulls must be a few shades thicker than your Terran noggin, because her hazel eyes fly open, expression one of confusion before a bit of blood trickles down the side of her face on to the sofa

>Which she dabs at with her fingers to get a good look at

>Ruby looks at you

>You look at Ruby

>You look at the blood on her digits

>Ruby looks at the rock currently in your hand, which has a suspicious bit of red on it

>Just as your flight or fight senses finally roar back to life in the stupefying face of the situation

>The former racer lunges off of the couch, crashing on top of you

>The last thing you hear before her fist rockets between your eyes is more of the hooting that's been plaguing your nightmares

>...

>...

>Your head hurts...

>Despite the awful pain radiating from every nerve in your body

>Consciousness starts to flood your mind once again

>With a groan you struggle to get up, pressing your elbows into the wooden paneling of Fluttershy's floor to try and drag yourself up

>As you do so you hear voices, however

>Very near

>Groggily looking around you spot Twilight and Fluttershy at the Pegasus's coffee table

>The yellow pony currently petting away at Ruby and looking far too delighted for your liking

>"Oh, see, Twilight? Isn't this so precious? Anon's so smitten with Ruby he came to visit while we were all away!"

>"I suppose he did, though it looks like they had a bit of a tussle..."

>'Tussle' your pristine ass

>Your bones ache

>What the Hell did she do to you?

>"Well, they aren't like you or I, Twilight. Human courtship may be a bit more rough than what ponies prefer, but I'm just so sure they're keen on each other! Oh, it's a shame we didn't get to see this step of the process..."

>You really are glad you didn't have to personally find out whether domestic violence turns Fluttershy on or not

>Before you can fully get back to a standing position and interrupt this whole conversation, Twilight makes a small hum to indicate her thinking

>"... Perhaps. You know, Fluttershy, maybe you're right. Anon hardly ever leaves the Library on his own, so this must mean something. I think we should start seeing if they're interested in mating. The process is pretty fascinating, what with how human women don't have a typical heat season..."

>Well, fuck

 

Part Six:

>With a great sigh, you plop yourself down in your favorite couch in the library

>Despite your best efforts to mitigate it, the inevitable finally happened:

>Rainbow Dash got bored

>And when Rainbow gets bored, she gets whiny

>(Honestly, you love your friend, but the tantrums she can pull are the sort of thing you wouldn't expect even out of Spike or the Crusaders on their worst days)

>That led, naturally, to her brigading the rest of your friend group into siding with her

>They tried to calm her down, but unfortunately her will was just stronger than everypony else's

>'This castle is going to take a million years to clean up by ourselves!' You doubt she remotely sourced that timeframe, progress was going well!

>'I could be practicing right now!' While it was true that Rainbow did practice her routines and such often, you doubted that she didn't just want to take a nap, too

>'This is really cutting into our own work, you know?' You... couldn't argue that, true. Rarity had been complaining that the time to complete her boutique's orders was getting very fine

>So the Castle Restoration Project is on hold

>(You say hold but you know in the depths of your heart that getting the girls to return to it is going to be a difficult task)

>That's disappointing, but there's at least one other project that you can really focus on now that you've been looking forward to

>Namely, the breeding project with your pet, Anonymous

>(You) are Twilight Sparkle, and while you admit you were hesitant at first -

>Especially compared to the kind of enthusiasm Fluttershy had -

>The whole idea has really grown on you

>Beyond the idea of giving Anon an outlet for his energy

>(You do feel bad about how often he's left alone in the Library, thanks Rarity)

>There's an odd maternal chord in your soul being plucked at the idea of having some human cubs in your home

>Your relationship with Spike is... messy

>You hate to admit it, but defining it is impossible, even for somepony as obsessed with categorization as you

>Little brother, son, friend... employee?

>It all worked out, and you love your charge

>But this seems like it'd be way more straightforward:

>Your pet has babies, so you are Grandma Sparkle

>A small shock of excitement at the idea lances through your withers, and your wings shuffle autonomously

>Enough to generate a little breeze, that ruffles some papers on the nightstand

>You hadn't noticed that in in your commiserating over Dash

>It looks like... a letter?

>Bearing a somewhat crude drawing of your Cutie Mark

>Odd, if Spike had gotten a missive from the Princess or checked the regular mail, he would've handed that off immediately, not just dropped it on a random table and left it unannounced

>With a chime of magic the note is unfolded and brought up to your face for perusal

>The penponyship is... strange, with an odd slant to it you're not accustomed to

>But it's still legible

>'Dear Twilight'

>'This is going to be one of the hardest letters I ever write'

>'I've tried to think of a different way, an alternate plan than this, but it's very clear that nothing's going to succeed'

>'So, nuclear option it is'

>You scratch at your temple, confused by the terminology, but continue on

>'I've been on the road to learning how to write in this language as fast as possible, but for this I'm pretty much just copying the words I need from other books'

>'I was very tempted to just rip them off the pages and piece this together like a ransom note to convey how serious I'm being, but I think you might kill me if I did that'

>That's not an... inaccurate guess at your response. The idea of your precious books being shredded...

>'But I'm rambling, and there really isn't time for that, so I'm going to say it:'

>'Do not make me fuck Fluttershy's human.'

>Now that gives you pause. Your eyes narrow as you lean in and stare almost point blank at the letter in your magical grasp

>Give it a sniff

>It doesn't smell like frosting or ozone, so that rules out the usual suspects for a prank

>The language is too crass for Rarity...

>Applejack?

>'I get it, she's human, I'm human, but like'

>'I don't know if you guys have studied history and have ancestry mapped out, but it'd be like fucking an ancient horse that isn't Luna or Celestia'

>'Just... just gross, man'

>'So I'm going to lay in on the line here: Convince Fluttershy to drop this, or I'm going to eat you'

>'And no one will ever suspect me, because I'm just a dumbass human who hasn't shown any signs of aggression in the half-year you've owned me'

>'Now look up from that letter, because I've prepared a visual.'

>Shakily, your lower the letter, glancing around the Library for signs of your pet(?)

>And that's when you spot him

>Anonymous is at the kitchen's island, and he has...

>A cookie

>A confection shaped suspiciously like a pony

>Smattered with purple frosting

>Your human makes direct eye contact with you and bites the head off of the cookie

>The sheer absurdity of this 'demonstration' almost takes the tension entirely out of the air

>But then his mouth opens

>And the most heavily accented, terribly pronounced Equestrian tumbles from his lips

>(Along with some crumbs)

>"Seriously, I will eat you."

>The last thing you register as your eyes roll back into your head and you faint is him taking a long draft of something out of a cup

>Setting it on the kitchen counter

>And slapping it off to the floor

 

Part Seven:

"... So I think it might be best to shelf this. Only for now, though! I've thought about it and the points Rarity and the others made were right, I really haven't spent enough time with Anon, both in terms of socializing him with other humans and just... spending time with him in general. I think I want to get to know him better before I add a human cub to my home."

>Fluttershy has been wilting with every single point you've made in this lecture, but you have to be strong

>(You) are Twilight Sparkle, and convincing your friend to put a pin in breeding your humans has been one of the more difficult tasks of your life

>You were already well aware of her enthusiasm for the idea, given that it was her brainchild in the first place

>But now that you've had certain... interests of hers pointed out to you, the reasons why she wants to personally view the proceedings are a lot more obvious

>You really aren't sure what to make of her inviting you to do so with her

>Was that just the obvious courtesy, given that your human would've been involved in the process too?

>Or

>And you really don't care to consider this too thoroughly

>Did she think she was picking up on a vibe from you that suggested you'd also be into that sort of thing?

>Definitely going to need to do some kind of self evaluation to figure that out

>Either way, no matter how sad of a face she makes (and she really is a professional with the way she's actively making her eyes shimmer but not flow over with tears, wow)

>Your hoof has been put down

>You swear you hear her murmur something about how the cub would've been welcome at her cottage before she finally gives off a great sigh and bows her head

>"Okay, Twilight, that's fair. If we did get Anon and Rose to make a cub they would be far too busy taking care of it to really socialize outside of their family unit, after all. Human cubs can't even walk when they're born, can you believe it?"

>You can't, that kind of helplessness sounds like it'd make rearing a child incredibly difficult, especially outside of civilized society like wild humans practice

>You're briefly fascinated by the idea of studying wild human social structures, but feel like it might be a little bit of a slap in the face to Fluttershy to peruse that kind of material after denying her this

>Still, despite her making those dewy eyes at you to try and make you reconsider, you part ways amicably

>Leaving you alone in the Library

>Almost

>A few moments after the door clicks, your human's head peeks out from underneath the very couch Fluttershy had been occupying during your meeting

>You make eye contact with your human for several moments before he slides some scrap paper your way

>'So we're good, right?'

"I'm fairly confident that she won't broach the subject for a few months at the very least, yes. I really doubt she's going to permanently table it, especially if you're right about her having a human fetish."

>Anon fully slides out from underneath the couch at this point, brushing some sweat off of his brow with his forearm and giving off an overexaggerated sigh of relief

>The sight of which is... eerie, to say the least

>It's been only a few days since he hoofed down his carnivorous ultimatum

>Since he revealed that he was significantly more sapient than the average Equestrian human

>Seeing him act so equine is still jarring

>His 'human act' was incredibly convincing, granted he didn't have to commit to the bit that often with how often you were out of the Library

>Still

>The proceeding 24 hours was quite a jumble

>At first you were convinced you were having some kind of breakdown over the Castle Renovation Project being put on ice

>Before realizing that if you were going crazy over it you probably would be trying to banish Rainbow to the moon over it or something like that

>You lept to your next conclusion for this whole prank in Discord, but he vehemently denied it

>The Draconequus found humans to be incredibly dull, lacking the ability to react to his types of pranks in an interesting way unlike Ponies

>Your last ditch effort at denying reality had been a very thorough bubble bath using the Poison Joke antidote

>Beyond embarrassing yourself after realizing you were scrubbing the equivalent of an adult stallion and seeing everything

>(You swore to never reveal that to Fluttershy)

>You also struggled a bit in a debate with Anon about whether or not that constituted as an attempt at murder

>'If you see sapience developing in an organism and your first (it was technically third!) instinct is to try and remove it, that seems like trying to force ego death to me.'

>The entire conversation had been fascinating

>Also a bit mortifying as you really couldn't paint your actions in a light that wasn't a little murder-y

>It was the first conversation you had with your human

>Certainly not the last, as you discussed other topics of intrigue

>Such as the history of weather control

>The possibility of another entity or entities that held sway over the seasons like the Unicorn council had over the Sun and Moon before the Royal Sisters took over their mantle

>Even shared speculation over the true cause of the Everfree Forest's wild growth

>Ultimately, it was those debates that had convinced you to keep Anon's nature a secret from the public at large

>While you did assure him that no, it was incredibly unlikely that the scientific community would try and dissect him to get at his brain and try and find out what made it different from other humans

>(Why kill the specimen when they could just use magic to scan for those sorts of things?)

>They absolutely would want to study him

>Likely take him away

>And...

>You enjoyed talking with him

>You never really took advantage of your time in Celestia's Gifted School to engage with your peers

>And so you never got to enjoy these kinds of intellectual discussions

>To say nothing of speaking about your favorite books and getting a very fresh, new take on their plots

>Like your own little Book Club, except Dash isn't here this time to make loud fake snoring noises whenever you're trying to discuss a non-Daring Do novel

>Even if it was a little frustrating having to wait for Anon to write down his responses instead of responding vocally in real-time

>(And when they done with their studies they absolutely would make him engage with society like a regular sapient creature, and living with you would probably be discouraged like he figured, if only for the optics)

>So, you enjoyed a secret friendship with your human

>Maybe in time you'd introduce the real him to your friends

>Fluttershy would absolutely be last on that list at any rate

>You aren't sure what she'd do if she found out Anon was as sapient as you or her

>(Either be mortified at what she was attempting to do...)

>(... Or forego Ruby entirely and try and substitute herself)

>As you physically shake your head to try and dispel that unwelcome mental image of your friends, your stomach grumbles in protest

"Sounds like it's about time to get dinner started. Spike's staying with the Crusaders tonight in their treehouse, so it's just you and me tonight. Any ideas?"

>Anon considers the question, scratching at his cheek in a way you've come to associate with deep thought

>And scribbles down a response

>'I'm thinking... lasagna.'

 

When I thought of Anonfield at first, I figured, 'Lets make some Garfield jokes with the serial numbers filed off, send Spike to Abu Dhabi, that sort of shit'. But I feel like I fucked it up by making Twilight and Anon's relationship so distant. Jim Davis insists that John can't understand Garfield's thought bubbles, he just innately understands Garfield to the point that he can guess at what he's thinking. So, we work towards bringing the human and pony closer. This'll about do it for the 'main story' of the green, but I'll definitely revisit the concept in the future for less partioned, simpler snippets. Those'll most likely be hosted in their own separate Paste.