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Bit of a departure from the Anonstallion stories; something featuring the big green monkey man instead. Taking a bit of the piss out of the human pet stories that were popular a few years back: I'm striking while the iron's ice-cold, motherfuckers!
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Part One:
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>It's another sunny day in Ponyville
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>Probably
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>You've been stuck inside for the past week or so
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>Anon Y. Mous, resident human
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>Resident of the library, at any rate
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>You lucked out and after an incident involving a carelessly dropped banana peel and a flight of stairs, landed in your dream Afterlife:
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>Equestria!
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>Though clearly all those foalcon threads you tugged your meat over ensured that your destination wasn't quite perfect
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>For one, you didn't arrive early enough to slap Starswirl's spell out of Twilight's hooves and prevent Twilicorn
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>For two, you're not the only human in Equestria
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>Fucking far from it, chief
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>Though your compatriots seem more on the level of one of Fluttershy's critter friends than contemporaries
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>Fuckers can't even talk, mostly just stare at you with glassy eyes
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>That's a real low bar to clear, even the cows here can speak
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>Though technically speaking you can't either
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>Nothing wrong with your vocal chords, but the ponies just don't understand you
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>Fluttershy picks up the general gist at least
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>But otherwise it's just gibberish to them, and no one seems interested in trying to see if you're trying to converse or just making noise
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>As far as everyone's concerned you're just another yappy human who could probably use some discipline
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>And at first, you admit, the realization that your lot in life had been reduced to a pet was depressing
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>All those years in college, wasted
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>Your mom and dad, Incognito and Nondescript, God knows how they are
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>Or how they're taking it
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>But... shit, you're going to be honest
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>This ain't so bad
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>Beyond just being in Equestria in general
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>Circumstances led to you being taken in by Twilight Sparkle out of all ponies
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>Some real main character magnet shit going on there
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>"Rooming" with the Princess comes with some nice perks
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>For starters, Twilight and Spike are almost always out of the Library
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>Either off engaging with her friends, away on business, or trying to find a private spot in town to jerk his dragon dick off to Rarity since he doesn't have a proper room of his own
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>So you don't have to worry about acting like a 'normal' human
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>Secondly, even if you can't speak the language, you can read the books
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>Good luck figuring that shit out
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>But it does mean you have a literal library's worth of literature to pass the time with
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>Even if pony fiction is a bit too saccharine for your tastes
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>But that's fine
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>If the library fails to keep your attention, you have another option to entertain yourself with:
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>Namely, fucking with your roommates
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>It's almost sad how easy it is
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>One of them's a big purple pile of neuroses
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>The other's a smaller purple pile of nerves and burgeoning teenage hormones
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>The way they passive aggressively snipe at each other when you eat (or throw away some of) food that's clearly for one of them is a real treat
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>Twilight twitching when you deliberately put books in the wrong place according to the sorting system of the week she's cooked up
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>By this point you're pretty sure she's just bullshitting some of these systems to try and keep Spike's hands busy
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>(You aren't sure if she's just committed to the bit or actually autistic enough to be taking it seriously)
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>If all else fails though, you got old reliable on hand
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>It's taken some effort to train your face, but you manage to keep your expression completely neutral as you slap Twilight's cup right off the table as she's trying to read
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>"Anon! Come on!"
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>The Twiggiest of Princesses grumbles as she uses her magic to siphon up her apple cider back into her mug, looks at it contemplatively,
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>And then lets out a sigh of defeat as she levitates it to the kitchen's sink, having just enough dignity to not drink floor-cider, even in the privacy of her own home
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>That gives her at least one up on Rainbow Dash
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>"Alright, I get it, just give me a minute to clean this up and we'll go for a walk, okay?"
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>Fuck yes, you haven't seen the sun in way too long
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>Just another day in the life of Anonfield
by Hearthsong
by Hearthsong
by Hearthsong
by Hearthsong
by Hearthsong