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The Substitute

By SpeedBoostBlaziken
Created: 18th December 2020 07:14:08 AM

  1. Originally binned on November 24th, 2014
  2. (It's gonna be pretty shit before the 2020 continuation kicks in, be warned).
  3.  
  4. >"Good morning, class. Ms. Cheerilee is visiting sick relatives today, so you'll be having a substitute English teacher today"
  5. >"You will also be having a new student, transferring from Manehattan"
  6. >You were hearing this announcement over the intercom from Principal Celestia
  7. >You were sure this day would be just delightful
  8. >Everyone loves new students, and substitute teachers
  9. >And there were both today
  10. >And you were one of them
  11. >No one was going to like you today
  12. >You could feel it
  13. >That underconfidence was going to be your downfall one day
  14. >You shuffle over to your desk, sit down and brace yourself
  15. >Hopefully this will be over quickly
  16. >Suddenly, Vice Principal Luna comes in
  17. >"Hello, Anonymous. Mind standing up and introducing yourself?"
  18. "Oh, sure"
  19. >She looks at you with a little worry
  20. >You were still a little out of it, after all
  21. >But nonetheless you stand up and announce to everyone
  22. "Hello, my name is Anonymous E. Bateman, but you can call me 'Anon' for short"
  23. >You look around the room at the students
  24. "I am your substitute teacher for today. Now where is our new student?"
  25. >A purple hued girl walks in from behind Luna
  26. >She has hair that's a much darker shade of purple, with a lighter purple stripe
  27. >Her rectangular rimmed glasses framed her violet eyes beautifully
  28. >Her hairstyle was a bit messy, but you liked that
  29. >Focus, Anon
  30. >Sure she's in the senior class, meaning she's at least eighteen, but you're here on business
  31. >And while you are a poor example of humanity's potential, you take your business seriously
  32. >"Hello, I'm Twilight Sparkle. I'm here because I, uh, am excited about the academic teams here at CHS"
  33. >She says this nervously, as if there's a another reason, and she forgot to make up this excuse beforehand
  34. >"Two Twilight Sparkles?" asks Luna
  35. >Purple girl looks at her quizzically
  36. >"Uhhh, that's right! You see, uh, we were, um, separated at birth, given to two sets of parents. How funny that they would give us the same name, right?"
  37. >"Hmmmm"
  38. >VP Luna can tell something's up
  39. >Personally, you've never heard of any Twilight Sparkles before
  40. >"So I understand you're quite an accomplished student. Already a senior at sixteen, right?"
  41. >"That's correct, I've been moved ahead a grade. Twice."
  42. >"I'm also taking dual credit courses, which I was told would apply here"
  43. "Very well. Do try not to get in any trouble. Senior year isn't the usual playground, if you're not careful, these guys will eat you alive."
  44. >You turn to the rest of the class
  45. "Right boys?!"
  46. >All the boys in the class, and some of the more laid-back girls, begin howling and gnashes their teeth, acting like wild animals
  47. >"SILENCE!" shouts Luna
  48. >All the students reluctantly quiet down
  49. >"Alright, Miss Sparkle, please take your seat. and don't worry, this is just Anonymous' way of teasing new students who happen to come in when he's subbing"
  50. >So says Vampire Principal Luna
  51. >Seriously, did she resent the sun or something?
  52. >That office could be used to develop photos
  53. >Anyway, the new girl obeys the Vice Principal and takes a seat near the front of the class
  54. >Luna shoots you a glare
  55. >It basically says, 'what the fuck, dude?', but non verbally
  56. >You've dealt with her before, and she's savvy to your MO
  57. >You give her an innocent looking smile, trying to emulate the one that that Shimmer girl does
  58. >Judging from Luna's expression, you're at a solid 0/10
  59. >She then turns and leaves, exiting the classroom and shutting the door
  60. >You remain standing and prepare to teach
  61. >You may be a lazy, sleazy, bum of a human being with no aspirations or direction in life, but dammit, if there's one thing you took seriously, it's teaching
  62. >After all, you don't want a generation of kids to grow up to be like you
  63. >Uninspired, unfulfilled
  64. >So you fought the war on ignorance wherever you could
  65. >Thus you came prepared, and you already knew the lesson plan and how exactly to follow it
  66. >It also helps that English is your strong point
  67. >Fuck those mathfags with their fancy jobs and high pay
  68. >They may be good with numbers, but ask any of them to communicate with another human, and suddenly they can't compute
  69. >You turn to your class and begin to lecture them
  70. "So, class, you've been studying the writing process and how it relates to your essays. When I was told a few days ago that I'd be subbing here today, I took the liberty of skimming a copy of your book from the library, and I must say it's not very clear on a couple of key points. A fine book, but it's missing some, intimacy, in its explanations"
  71. >You look at the class and begin to explain what you mean
  72. "The writing process has guidelines to help you succeed in composing a well-written essay, novel, short story, or other literary piece. Too many people write in ways where the writing process does not apply. Texting using shorthand. Social Media posts with no proofreading. Writing fan fictions on bulletin board websites"
  73. >After that last one, you raise your hand in a guilty way, exciting a few giggles, a laugh, and a chortle or two, plus a handful of smiles, at least one groan that says 'I feel you bro', and a glare that says "I'm not amused"
  74. >That pale green girl over there clearly takes her fan fiction seriously
  75.  
  76. "Anyway, it's important to utilize proper writing methods whenever possible. So I talked to your regular teacher, and she and I agreed on an assignment for you to do over the weekend"
  77. "For every paragraph you write without using the writing process, or for every five text messages you send without preparing a draft and revising, you are to write one paragraph minimum. It can be a novella. It can be a short story. It can be an essay on why this assignment is complete bull crap. Of course, we can't check how much extra writing you're doing without a serious invasion of privacy, so there'll be a thirty paragraph minimum. That should work out to about twelve to fifteen pages"
  78. >Groans
  79. >Groans everywhere
  80. "Keep in mind, these thirty paragraphs need not be in the same work. You won't have to write that much for a single essay or story. You just need to turn in a total of thirty paragraphs. The first ten will be due on Monday, the next ten on Tuesday, and the final ten on Wednesday. To make things a bit easier, you also will not receive any homework assignments Monday or Tuesday"
  81. >This relieves the students a bit, and they seem to warm up to the idea a little
  82. >Of course that's not saying much
  83. "Now, let's get down to the revision process"
  84.  
  85. "One way of revising is to go back and look at what you've written after a period of time. I can't tell you how many times I've written what I thought was a masterpiece late at night, come back to it the next day, and spotted several egregious errors. So one way to revise if you're alone on this is to sleep on what you've written, come back to it in the morning, and read it as though it were someone else's work"
  86. >You noticed that all of your students were at least casually writing down notes on your lecture, if not outright studying your words carefully
  87. >This is what's so great about CHS
  88. >Even the lazy students do the work, just not as vigorously
  89. "Of course, there's several other ways to gain feedback that remove your own positive or negative bias of your work. Can anyone give me any examples?"
  90. >You see several students raise their hands
  91. >You decide to call on a yellow girl with yellow and red hair
  92. "Yes, Miss..."
  93. >"Sunset"
  94. "Miss Sunset, can you give me an example?"
  95. >"Peer review?"
  96. "Exactly! Peer review is one of the best ways to get feedback on your story. So, for every paragraph you peer review for a fellow classmate, you can strike one paragraph off your own writing quota, down to a fifteen paragraph limit"
  97. >Now this garnered their attention even more
  98. >The chance to look over someone else's work, in order to make less work for themselves
  99. >You look around the room, scanning to see which ones are paying close attention
  100. >These are the ones you like to assign special projects to help you get through all your work
  101. >There are six people paying special attention to your lecture
  102. >Two are guys, one blue with a headband and a pedo-stache, and one pale with green dreads
  103. >Also watching you closely are
  104. >The purple girl from earlier
  105. >A gray girl with dark gray hair
  106. >A cream colored girl with strawberry hair
  107. >And Sunset, the girl who just answered your question
  108. >Come to think of it, these four girls seem to be paying VERY close attention
  109. >Actually, dreads over there seems to be giving you bedroom eyes too...
  110. >No, wait, he's just stoned
  111. >But those girls, something about the way they looked at you
  112. >Did you forget to turn your swagger off?
  113. >Either way, this could get ugly, what with you being a sub
  114. >Best not get involved
  115. >At least, not until AFTER your job here is done
  116. >But, if you get called to this class again, things could get even more awkward
  117. >What to do, what to do
  118.  
  119. >The rest of the lesson goes by normally
  120. >With precise timing, you wrap your lesson up, and prepare to head out
  121. "And that, dear students, concludes our lesson"
  122. >Less than a full seconds later
  123. >BRRRRRRRING!
  124. >"Will Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, um, Rose, Octavia, please stay behind just a moment. I have something I'd like to discuss with you. The rest may go"
  125. >The four students you assigned stay in their seats, but pack up their books and supplies
  126. "The reason I asked you four to stay behind is because-"
  127. >"Because you're going to hit on us, right?"
  128. >Gray bitch
  129. "Actually, I have a special assignment for all of you"
  130. >"Does it involve shagging you?"
  131. "Gray bitch"
  132. >You just realized you said it aloud that time
  133. >Twilight looks shocked, Sunset looks embarrassed, Rose is giggling like a mad girl, and Octavia looks offended
  134. >You do a double take and sigh, fed up with this
  135. >It's not like she was wrong, anyway
  136. >She just doesn't have to be such a gray bitch about it
  137. "Look, what I want you to do is talk to the other students and let them know you'll be willing to review their work or let them review yours, got it?"
  138. >"Yes Mr. Bateman" they all say in unison
  139. "Good. You may go now"
  140. >All of them get up and prepare to exit class
  141. >But one of them stays behind
  142. >The one named Rose
  143. "Can I help you?"
  144. >"You know, Mr. Bateman, it's not because of your lectures that I pay so much attention"
  145. >Feigning ignorance, but really being done with this shit, you reply
  146. "Oh really?"
  147. >"I mean, it's not that you're a bad teacher or anything. In fact, I find your abilities to lead a class quite... attractive, not to mention the rest of you"
  148. >You decide to end it here
  149. "Look, I'm flattered, you know. I mean, an attractive student suddenly coming on to me? I mean, it's just like one of my Japanese animes, right?"
  150. >She lets out a hearty giggle at your joke
  151. >Obviously she gets it
  152. "But in real life, I'd kinda be in a pickle if I did that"
  153. >"Come on, teach, I'm 17 already. Even older than that Twilight girl you were so into"
  154. "Was it really that obvious?"
  155. >"Yeah, it kinda was"
  156. >"Anyway, I'm of age here, so..."
  157. "Hold it! As a teacher, I have a professional relationship with you. Therefore, it'd be illegal for me to get involved with you until you turn eighteen"
  158. >"Aww come one! Please, Mr. Bateman."
  159. "Hey, I didn't write the law, I just studied it," you say
  160. >Giving her a wink, you continue
  161. "VERY carefully"
  162. >"Please, there has to be some way. I've been in so many classes you've subbed for before. I know how nice you are. I know that you take on tutor work. You're an attractive guy in his early twenties-"
  163. "Twenty-three to be exact"
  164. >"Who's a really nice guy with a stable job and a good life"
  165. "Listen, Rose. You know nothing about my life. You have no idea what I'm like outside school. Sure, I tutor kids. I take my job seriously."
  166. >"Exactly-"
  167. "But you know what? The reason I do that isn't because I'm a nice guy, or that I care about you guys. I just don't wanna see you all turn out like me. I drink. I sleep around. I screw people over for my own benefit, on a daily fucking basis. Trust me, I'm the last guy you wanna get involved with."
  168. >She looks at you heartbroken
  169. >"You know what? I think you're just telling yourself that"
  170. "You what?"
  171. >"I thin- I KNOW, that you could be as nice of a guy outside the classroom as you are on the inside"
  172. "Maybe, but-"
  173. >"If what you say is true, it's only because you're making it true"
  174. >Geez, she's on the verge of tears now
  175. >"All I want is a chance to help you like you help them- us. Please."
  176. >Fuck, man, she really is serious about this
  177. >"You're just afraid of commitment. Of having people rely on you personally like they rely on you professionally"
  178. >She's hit the nail on the head
  179. >But you gotta let her go
  180. "Like I said, there's no way. I can't date a student who's under eighteen. It'd be a crime."
  181. >"Well, no. It would be a crime to have sex with me, but not to just go on dates with me."
  182. "True, but anyone would accuse me of bedding you. And you know how good my chances are of being convicted, even if you testified for me?"
  183. >"Well,"
  184. "Just the fact that I'm a man means the court'd be biased against me, plus my history of sleeping around brings it to right around 99%"
  185. >"B-but I?"
  186. "Look, when do you turn eighteen, anyway?"
  187. >"M-my 17th birthday was five days ago."
  188. >Ouch
  189. "Look, I'd love to, really, but I just can't"
  190. >She starts tearing up now, tears gently flowing down her cheeks
  191. >At least she's not sobbing
  192. >She's just a kid, but she really seems serious about this
  193. >Hey, she's still old enough to know what love is
  194. >But she's young enough to confuse infatuation with love
  195. >Not to say the latter can't become the former
  196. >Should you really take this on?
  197. "Well, you know,"
  198. >She looks up at you and wipes away her tears
  199. >"What?" she says, sniffling hard
  200. "There, well, there IS a loophole. One that'd even make it legal for me to have sex with you before you turn eighteen. If I was actually going to, which I'm not."
  201. >"R-really? Well why didn't you tell me before!?" she shouts
  202. "You, might not like it exactly"
  203. >"Whatever it takes to get you to just give me a shot, I'll do it"
  204. "Alright, the loop hole is..."
  205. >"Yeah?"
  206. "You get employed by the school and become my coworker."
  207.  
  208.  
  209. ***
  210.  
  211. >"Y-you can't be serious? You want ME, to get a job, here at CHS"
  212. "I don't WANT you to do anything. You seem to want to date me, for whatever reason, and if so, getting yourself official employment here is my stipulation"
  213. >She takes a step back, takes a deep breath, and looks up at you, appearing calm
  214. >"Okay, let's say i decide to get a job here so you'll date me. What kind of job can I get at the school anyway?"
  215. "Well, first of all, it doesn't have to be CHS, it can be any school in the Greater Canterlot Region school system. Secondly, there are generally some after-school and weekend jobs available, like "custodian", or "weekend security guard'"
  216. >she shakes her head and looks at you quizzically
  217. >"So you're saying that if I want to date you, I'll have to be a janitor?"
  218. "Hey, at least you wouldn't be doing it for free"
  219. >You give your thighs two slaps, followed by a clap
  220. >This time Rose doesn't get the joke
  221. >"Might as well be free, right?"
  222. "True, true, they do get paid minimum wage. But as I always said as a teenager, minimum wage is better than no wage."
  223. >"Problem is, I already volunteer at the Canterlot Animal Shelter with that Fluttershy girl after school most days, and on Saturdays"
  224. "Okay, find someone else to volunteer there and look for a job here"
  225. >She just looks down and sighs
  226. >"You really are serious about me getting a job with the school system, aren't you?"
  227. >You look at her blankly and say
  228. "As serious as you are about dating me in the first place"
  229. >She sighs again, this being the longest and most dramatic sigh of them all thus far
  230. >"Alright, since you're willing to give me a chance, I'll think about it."
  231. "Perfect. You can drop by my office tomorrow to let me know, if you've made your decision by then"
  232. >"But won't someone get suspicious? I mean, you won't even date me unless I get a job because of the possibility of someone accusing you of sex and a court declaring you guilty without evidence. No offense, but you're kinda paranoid"
  233. "Nah, no one'll get suspicious. Like you said, I tutor students all the time."
  234. >"Oh, right. Well, I better get going. The buses will leave soon."
  235. "Alright then. Oh, and if you do miss the bus, swing by Celestia's office. I'll be in a meeting with her there, and you can ask for a ride home."
  236. >"Won't that be doubly suspicious?"
  237. "Nah, Celestia drives students home all the time, but she won't be able to today due to a string of meetings. I'll just offer to fill in for her"
  238. >"Okay then, bye"
  239. >She turns to leave, and walks out the door, into the bustling crowd of students
  240. >What the fuck just happened?
  241. >You begin to recap for yourself the events that just transpired
  242. >A student who's only 17 hit on you
  243. >She really really really likes you
  244. >Or at least she really really really likes an image of you
  245. >An image she's created of you being a nice guy
  246. >An image of you being a good boyfriend, who wouldn't cheat on her, get drunk, and kick her out in a stupor
  247. >You walk over at look at yourself in a mirror sitting on a shelf near the back of the class
  248. >Maybe she was right
  249. >Maybe you could change
  250. "Tell you what, Anon," you say to your reflection,
  251. "If she goes through with this and actually gets a job just to be your coworker, I'll try my best to change my ways"
  252. >You do a clockwise spin and look at yourself again
  253. "Alright, Anon, we have a deal"
  254. >You do a counter-clockwise spin and look yet again
  255. "Great. i just hope she doesn't go through with it"
  256. >Another clockwise spin
  257. "That's no way to think. She's a really nice girl, and you've already led her on thus far. It's only fair to hope for the best"
  258. >Another spin the other way
  259. "The best case scenario would be me not having to get involved with someone 6 years younger than me, and a minor at that"
  260. >Another clockwise spin
  261. "Look, she's your best shot at getting a real girlfriend and no longer being such a bullshit excuse for a person"
  262. >Counter Spin: Source
  263. "Good point. Alright, I'll try my best at this relationship. That is, I will if she does go for it"
  264. >A Clockwise Orange
  265. "It was great talking with you, Anonymous"
  266. >Genuine Granite Counter-clockwise
  267. "You too, Anon"
  268. >These theater class conversations with yourself never ceased to make you feel a childish joy
  269. >Or fail to make you feel dizzy
  270. >You decide to head to Celestia's office before you're late
  271.  
  272. ***
  273.  
  274. >Be Celestia
  275. >The upteen hundredth parent is calling to complain about the "creepy pedo guy hanging around the kids"
  276. "Miss, I assure you, Mr. Bateman is one of our top tutors. If he's 'hanging around' with your children, as you call it, then I guarantee that it's to teach them something academic, most likely English"
  277. >"So you're not worried about a man being around those kids unsupervised? I mean, if it were a woman I wouldn't be worried at all, but a man? Really?"
  278. "Mam, it's the twenty-first century. I'm pretty sure we can put the sexism behind us. Having a penis doesn't mean someone's going to try to use it on everyone they see"
  279. >"Ex-CUSE me? I am being sexist? Do you know what men like him do to innocent children?"
  280. "Yes, ma'am, they educate them. Something that obviously no one did for you"
  281. >"I can't believe this! This is an outrage! How dare you speak to me that way! I'll have you know I'm a well-respected member of my community"
  282. "Really? Tell me what community respects you so I can make sure to avoid it."
  283. >"I-I-I"
  284. >You've reduced this bitch to stuttering
  285. >You glance over at the clock
  286. >Really?
  287. >It took you THAT long to get her speechless?
  288. >You're losing it, Celestia
  289. >"Well I know I can't be the only one who's worried about him."
  290. "Oh, no, not at all. I've received hundreds of complaints from concerned parents, school board members, even police officers, all voicing concern over Mr. Bateman's interactions with the students."
  291. >"Wha- REALLY?! Then why haven't you acted on any of these complaints?!"
  292. "Because none of them were ever valid, and guess what? Neither is yours. Now I'm going to hang up, and if you continue to call our school and treat our staff this way, I WILL report you to the police for harassment. Good day."
  293. >"Now you listen here-"
  294. "I SAID GOOD DAY"
  295. >You slam the phone down on the receiver
  296. >Why anyone uses the speaker phone when slamming the phone down is so satisfying is beyond you
  297. >Damn it feels good to be a principal
  298. >You wonder to yourself, what is it like to be a principal at another school
  299. >You know, one that's not #1 in the NATION for academic test scores, graduate/dropout ratio, graduates entering college, AND High School Soccer
  300. >You sure as shit wouldn't be able to talk to angry parents that way
  301. >But with your school being part of the largest private school network in the country, as well as being the top money maker for it,
  302. >Well, you had a bit of leeway to work with
  303. >Actually a lot of leeway
  304. >Actually you could do whatever the flying fuck you want
  305. >Sure the corporate board complained, even docked your pay a few times
  306. >But your pay had room to be docked, and you weren't gonna be a doormat for any amount of money
  307. >As you lose yourself in thought, you swivel your chair around and notice a man standing there
  308. "Ah, the man of the hour, Mr. Anonymous E. Bateman. How long have you been standing there"
  309. >"Ever since the part about avoiding someone's community"
  310. >You sigh, and shake your head
  311. "Sorry you had to hear that, Anon"
  312. >"Sounds like someone's not happy with you"
  313. "People rarely are"
  314. >"It about me again?"
  315. "Unfortunately, yes. Seems like a lot of people in this part of town hold the idea that you get flirty with your students."
  316. >"Eh, I'd blame 'em it I wasn't such a lady-slayer"
  317. "True, but you only go for women your own age"
  318. >"And up" he says, winking at you playfully
  319. "Indeed, which reminds me. I just wanted to say thanks again for Wednesday night. I really needed that"
  320. >"Any time, Tia"
  321. "Anyway, back to business. So, you probably know why you're here"
  322. >"You wanna check up on me, make sure I'm not doing anything decrepit?"
  323. "Actually, it's a different matter altogether."
  324. >"Oh? He says, surprised
  325. >"You, uh, want a repeat of Wednesday night, is it?"
  326. "Maybe later. Right now this is strictly business."
  327. >It's time to deliver Anonymous the news
  328.  
  329. ***
  330.  
  331. >Be Anonymous
  332. >Celestia wants to give you some big news
  333. >Better brace for impact
  334. >"As you know, you don't have the same academic qualifications that CHS would normally look for in a teacher. You possess a bachelor's degree in English, and associate's degrees in math and physics. Pretty impressive for a twenty-three-years-old person. Alas, it's not enough for a full teaching position."
  335. "Right, that's exactly why I'm a substitute for the systen and not a regular teacher."
  336. >"BUT, due to your level of actual experience, and your positive work history, you may have the option to change that."
  337. >Suddenly you're interested
  338. "What do you mean?
  339. >"Miss Cheerilee called to report that she's staying in Baltimare and will be teaching there, which means the position of English teacher just became available."
  340. "Oh really?"
  341. >Is this going where you think it's going?
  342. >"Despite your lack of shiny university-signed papers, the board and I have agreed to let experience be your credentials. Anonymous, would you like to be our new permanent English 104 teacher?"
  343. >Oh shit times ten to the power of a googolplex
  344. >This is happening
  345. "Uh- well, I love the offer. I mean-"
  346. >"Let me guess, you're apprehensive about taking on such a permanent role."
  347. >"Having to come up with the lessons yourself, having less time to tutor and to sub other classes, et cetera."
  348. >"I get it. It would be a huge change in your professional life. Am I close?"
  349. "You've pretty much summed up my thoughts on the matter."
  350. >"Well, seing as how you planned to sub for her class until Wednesday anyway, you have until then to make a decision. We have others lined up we could contact, but we wanted to give you first pick"
  351. "Wait, so you have people more qualified than me to do it, and you're letting me choose?"
  352. >"No, Mr. Bateman, it would be impossible for us to find anyone more qualified to teach this class than you. We just have people who look more qualified on paper."
  353. "Alright, fair enough. I'm flattered, but, I'll need a little time to think about it."
  354. >"Sounds fair to me."
  355. >You stand up and get ready to exit
  356. >"Oh, and um, Anonymous,"
  357. "Yeah, Tia?" you ask, turning to her
  358. >You notice that she's playing with her hair.
  359. >She hardly ever does that
  360. >"Feel free to uh, drop by my place tonight, and let me know how the, uh, decision-making process is going."
  361. >You equip your Shit-eating Grin of Ashteroth, giving you +15 to smugness
  362. "Sure thing. Oh, and if you want, I can also give you the dick."
  363. >She cracks a smile and does the little sharp-breath-laugh-thing
  364. >"Yeah, that too"
  365. >Suddenly the door clicks open
  366. >"Um, Principal Celestia, I was told to come in"
  367. >Rose steps out from behind the door
  368. >"I'm not interrupting am I?"
  369. >"Not at all," says Celestia, with an almost motherly tone in her voice
  370. >"Is there anything you need"
  371. >"Well," says Rose, "I missed the buses, and both my parents work late, and my house in on the other side of town."
  372. >"Oh dear"
  373. >Celestia sounds disappointed
  374. >"I'd love to help you, really, but I'm afraid I'm stuck here all evening."
  375. "I could give her a ride home"
  376. >You say this as casually as you can
  377. >"Are you sure about that, Anonymous?"
  378. "Yeah, it's not too far out of my way, assuming she means 'on the other side of town' as the east side."
  379. >You turn to Rose and ask,
  380. "Is that right?"
  381. >"Yeah, it's right by the mountain exit"
  382. "Great, I'm not too far"
  383. >Alright, then, Anonymous. You can take Rose home"
  384. >Rose looks up at you and smiles
  385. >"Thanks, Anon"
  386. >Celestia cocks an eyebrow at that
  387. >"Oh? You two are on a first-name basis, huh?"
  388. >Oh shit times ten to the power of the cube of a googolplex
  389. "Uh, yeah. She stayed behind class to ask some questions about the material. During that time we started calling each other by our first names"
  390. >Nice save
  391. >"But I thought you had a strict policy against using first names with students, to prevent showing emotional attachment to them."
  392. >Or Not
  393. >"Look, whatever you're doing outside the classroom is your business. Just remember that you tread thin enough ice without actually doing anything, Anonymous."
  394. "Right. I know that."
  395. >You begin to walk toward the door, and Rose opens it for the two of you to leave
  396. >Before you do, Celestia speaks up
  397. >"Oh, and Anonymous,"
  398. >You stop but don't turn around
  399. "Yes, Celestia?"
  400. >"Take her to HER home, not yours"
  401. >As you continue walking with a slight smirk on your face, you flip Celestia a backhanded middle finger
  402. >Rose's jaw drops
  403. >"Did you just-"
  404. "Eh, it's all in good fun. Celestia and I are pretty close. We've known each other for a while.
  405. >"Ooh, you gotta tell me all the juicy details."
  406. "Oh I will, but for now, know this: you know the thing you're doing to me right now? Starting a relationship with me even though I'm your teacher?"
  407. >"Yeah?"
  408. >Shit-eating Grin equipped
  409. "I did the same thing to Principal Celestia back when she was just a teacher"
  410. >Rose stops in place, her jaw attempting to discover subterranean oil deposits
  411. >You continue walking, your grin only growing larger and more powerful with each step.
  412.  
  413. ***
  414.  
  415. >You are Roseluck
  416. >People just call you "Rose" for short
  417. >You are in the car of Anonymous, a substitute teacher working for the local private/public/confusing clusterfuck bureaucratic corporate school system network... thing
  418. >You've just found out a lot of big stuff about him
  419. >Like that he apparently used to date Celestia
  420. >And he also was in the same situation as you at one point
  421. >He should understand your position
  422. >Well, he sort of does
  423. >It was awkward, but you were going to ask him about it
  424. "So, Uh, Anon?"
  425. >"Yeah, Rose?"
  426. "So you and, uh, Celestia, what was that all about?"
  427. >"Oh, she wanted to talk to me about my position at the school."
  428. >He glances at you and gives you a warm smile
  429. >"Don't worry, I'm not in trouble or anything."
  430. "That's... not what I meant. You mentioned trying to date her when you were my age."
  431. >"Oh, right. Well, you see, as you can probably tell, Celestia is quite attractive."
  432. "Yeah? I guess I hadn't noticed"
  433. >"Well anyway, she was just as beautiful back then, about seven years ago. I was only sixteen at the time."
  434. "Really? So what did you do? Get a job at the school?"
  435. >You flash him a cheesy grin, and nudge him in the rib
  436. >"Nah, she never would bang me when I was that young."
  437. >Taken aback, you must be showing your surprise with your expression
  438. >"I mean, keep in mind that I was just as horny and sex-driven back then as I am now. Unlike you, I wasn't looking for anything serious, just sex. I still haven't changed over the years either."
  439. >At this point, you're not sure if he's serious, or just trying to pull his "I'm a bad guy" routine to try to push you away
  440. >"So anyway, I threatened to transfer schools if she wouldn't let me into her bed"
  441. "What did you end up doing?"
  442. >"I transferred from CHS to the public school, Firefly High School. That way, I wasn't under her authority, and it wouldn't be illegal any more. She still wouldn't go for it though."
  443. "I see. So she still didn't sleep with you?"
  444. >"Nope. Not when I was under eighteen, anyway."
  445. "And after you turned eighteen?"
  446. >"Well, let's just say she let me insert my penis into her vagina and withdraw it repeatedly, if you know what I'm saying"
  447. >You can't help but blush at his sudden vulgarity
  448. >At least he was being himself around you
  449. >That was a good start
  450. >Suddenly, a thought pops into your head
  451. "Wait, so you transferring to the public state-run school system made it legal for you to bang her if she had agreed to?"
  452. >A few moments of silence pass as the two of you sit at the red light
  453. >"Fuck."
  454. >Anonymous puts on his turn signal, checks to make sure nothing's coming, and guns it around the corner to the right
  455. >He then pulls into a parking lot and puts his car in park
  456. >"Rose. Look me in the eye right now. Okay, look at me."
  457. "Okay, okay, I'm looking at yo-"
  458. >"DO NOT transfer schools, understand? I didn't mean to let that other loophole slip, alright?"
  459. "Anon,"
  460. >"CHS is the best option available. The fact that you were able to get in, it's a real opportunity for you,"
  461. "Anon!"
  462. "And I don't want you to waste it just to try to score a date with m-"
  463. "ANONYMOUS!"
  464. >He leans away from you and looks scared for a moment, then annoyed
  465. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout. It's just, you have nothing to worry about, okay?"
  466. >"Oh yeah?"
  467. "I'm not going to transfer schools just to date you. I mean, sure I like you, but I'm not going to throw away an opportunity like CHS just because I'm to impatient to wait to date you."
  468. >He smiles at you, his expression softening up, and a huge smile forms on his face
  469. >"I'm so relieved to hear that from you, Rose."
  470. "I still plan on getting that job though. I WILL get you to date me, even just once, just to try it out. But I'm not going to be stupid about it."
  471. >"So you have decided to work for the school network?"
  472. "Yeah. I'm gonna apply for a job and get employed at the school, just for you."
  473. >He smiles, and puts his hand on yours for a second, giving it a cute little squeeze
  474. >"I guess you really are a big girl"
  475. >Now you equip your own Shit-eating Grin of Torash'na
  476. "Like I said,"
  477. >"Wha-"
  478. "For you."
  479. >The grins you both sported could be used to land a plane
  480. >Or crash it
  481. >With no survivors
  482.  
  483. ***
  484.  
  485. >You are Anonymous
  486. >It's 1:15 PM and you're just now waking up
  487. >Sundays, amirite
  488. >You can't remember anything from the previous night
  489. >Or the previous day
  490. >Or the night before that
  491. >In fact, the last thing you remember is dropping Rose off at her place Friday afternoon and then going clubbing
  492. >Geez, man, have you ever forgotten an entire weekend before?
  493. >You pull yourself out of bed, shuffle into your kitchen, and set to work making brunch
  494. >Grabbing chorizo, eggs, tortillas, cheese, and hot sauce, you gather the ingredients
  495. >Then comes putting the pan on the stove, oiling it up, and turning on the heat
  496. >Suddenly, you hear three sharp knocks on the door
  497. >Now who in their right mind would try to visit with you on a Sunday afternoon
  498. >You shuffle over to the door and undo the locks
  499. >Swinging it open, you see a girl with strawberry hair
  500. "Rose? What're you doing here today?"
  501. >"Oh, Hi Anon, guess what happened?"
  502. "What?"
  503. >"Well, it's a bit of a story. Mind if I come in?"
  504. "Huh? Oh, sure, sure. Say, have you already had breakfast?"
  505. >"Um, well I had a bowl of cereal this morning, but I haven't had anything else."
  506. >Poor girl's gonna starve if she keeps that up
  507. "Well, I was just about to make some breakfast burritos. Wanna have some?"
  508. >"Ooh, that sounds delicious"
  509. >You usher her into your apartment and seat her at the table
  510. "Make yourself at home, I'll be back shortly with something to eat"
  511. >She sits down at the table and immediately pulls out her smartphone and starts playing on it
  512. >She's such a teenager
  513. >You fire up the chorizo, put in on a paper towel on a plate, and stick it in the oven
  514. >Next comes eggs
  515. >You brown them in the same pan using the chorizo grease to cook them
  516. >Finally, you set these down on a plate too
  517. >You bring the sausage, eggs, tortillas, cheese, and hot sauce into the dining room and set them down
  518. >Normally, you'd just make them in the kitchen, but since you had a guest, you'd let her make her own
  519. >She might be picky about it after all
  520. "So, here you go, feel free to assemble them to your own specifications."
  521. >"Ooh, goodness, this smells amazing"
  522. >You begins to spoon some ingredients onto a tortilla, as she does the same
  523. >You notice that she likes to stuff a lot of the meat into hers, with less eggs and cheese
  524. >That's fine, you liked to use more egg and cheese anyway
  525. >Right before she takes a huge bite of her food, you decide to ask her why she's here
  526. "So, you said you had something to tell me?"
  527. >"Oh, right."
  528. >She says as she sets her burrito down
  529. >"Let me tell you about my weekend."
  530. "While you're at it, could you tell me about mine? I don't remember any of it"
  531. >She giggles a bit, before moving on
  532. >"Well, you see, after you dropped me off at my house, I went over to the sports stadium. You know, the one run by the same company that owns CHS?"
  533. "Yeah?"
  534. >"So I asked them for a job application for any part of the company"
  535. "Go on,"
  536. >"They had an opening at CHS for after school security guards"
  537. "Oh really?" you say, barely suppressing a laugh
  538. >If this was going where you think it's going, you're about to have yourself a Grand Galloping Giggle
  539. >"Yeah, so I filled in the application and turned it in"
  540. "You applied to be a security guard at the school?"
  541. >Your smile is enormous, your stomach convulsing with suppressed laughter
  542. >"Yep, and I had an interview yesterday morning. They said they'd consider it."
  543. "And what, pray tell, have you heard from them?"
  544. >"Get this: they called me this morning, and... I got the job! I'm gonna be working at CHS as an afternoon security guard!"
  545.  
  546. ***
  547.  
  548. >You are Roseluck
  549. >Codename: Rose
  550. "Anon..."
  551. >...
  552. "Anon, please."
  553. >...
  554. "Could you at least not literally roll on the floor"
  555. >"I-I'm sorry! I JUST CAN'T EVEN..."
  556. >He's acting like a scientist is using a mechanism to fire up the humor center of his brain to max capacity
  557. >"Y-y-you! Are gonna beeeEHEHEH! A SECURITY GUARD!"
  558. >His laughter is gonna get him a complaint from his neighbors
  559. >He doesn't care though
  560. "Yeah, I am"
  561. >"S-so, what exactly made them decide to take you on as a security guard, as opposed to, you know, someone over five-foot five, and not skinny like a malnourished animal"
  562. "As a matter of fact, the interview involved three tests. One was controlling a guard dog to sniff out drugs. Another was spotting suspicious activities, like hiding a weapon or substance. The last one was tackling an intruder and restraining him with pepper spray in my eyes."
  563. >"Jesus, Rose, they put you through a gauntlet, eh?"
  564. >At least he's calmed down enough to talk properly
  565. "Yeah, and I passed satisfactorily."
  566. >"Really? How'd you manage that?"
  567. "My experience with animals led me to know just what to do with the guard dog, and I've always known what suspicious behavior looks like"
  568. >"And what about the last test?"
  569. "Well, uh,"
  570.  
  571. ***
  572.  
  573. You are Anonymous E. Bateman
  574. >Your student Rose has just revealed that she's been selected as an after school security guard
  575. >"My experience with animals led me to know just what to do with the guard dog, and I've always known what suspicious behavior looks like"
  576. "And what about the last test?"
  577. >"Well, uh,"
  578. >Suddenly, she looks down at the table
  579. >She blushes and does that little thing where she reaches behind her back with one arm and grabs the other
  580. >"You see, what happened is, they gave me a light spray of mace in my eyes and nose"
  581. "And?"
  582. >At first you expected her to say it didn't even affect her because she was too tough
  583. >But with this expression on her face, you can't wait to see what she says
  584. >"Well, see, the thing is,"
  585. "Yeah?"
  586. >"I rolled around on the ground crying like a little girl screaming 'I don't wanna do this anymore! I wanna go home!' the whole time"
  587. >...
  588. >You are Anonymous, and whatever remnants of your sides that once existed have been thoroughly annihilated on a subatomic level
  589.  
  590. "So wait, they still hired you?"
  591. >Well, two out of three wasn't too bad. Plus I was the only applicant out the, I don't know, four or so, that actually did that well overall."
  592. "Oh, do tell"
  593. >She tells you about the other applicants being a couple of tough looking guys and a butch looking girl, all of whom at least passed the pepper spray test, but failed the dog and spot-check tests
  594. "I see. So as of now, you're officially employed by the school corporation."
  595. >"Uh-huh, and you know what that means."
  596. "It means that I'll be your boyfriend now, as I promised"
  597. >"Yep. My parents were excited about me getting a job too. They didn't like that they sprayed me with mace as part of the interview, but they had already signed the waiver without reading it."
  598. "Yep that's what parents will do."
  599. >Oh shit times the square of infinity
  600. "Uh, Rose, speaking of parents, what exactly are we going to tell them?"
  601. >"Well, they don't exactly know that I'm going to be dating yet."
  602. "Oh boy. Okay, Rose, I'm sorry, but I did not think this far ahead. I don't know if I can do this anymore."
  603. >"Relax, sweetie. Uh, mind if I call you 'sweetie'?"
  604. "Uh, I guess, but I'd rather hold off on that for now while we focus on the fact that YOUR DAD IS GOING TO MURDER ME."
  605. >"Like I said, relax. My dad isn't like that. When my sister Lily started dating at age fifteen, the guy she was dating was seventeen. My dad made it clear that no funny business was to occur, and besides that, he was cool with it. Not even a shotgun shell moving faster after ten pm joke."
  606. "Okay, okay. Tell you what. I'll go with you to talk to your parents about it. You tell them that you want to date me. If things get out of hand, I'll try telling them that I only went along with it to humor you."
  607. >"Alright. But I want you to tell Principal Celestia about us tomorrow."
  608. "Deal"
  609. >Speaking of Celestia, that name brought back a few memories
  610. "Oh yeah! That's what I was doing all day yesterday: boning Celestia!"
  611.  
  612. >Rose drops her burrito
  613. "Oh yeah, guess I won't be able to do that any more, with us dating. I think that'll be the hardest part of it for Tia to take, honestly."
  614. >"Oh, right, well, um. You know, I wasn't really planning on, you know, sleeping with you. A-at least not at first."
  615. "Same here. Honestly, I thought you were just another horny student like that Sunset girl that the math teacher was telling me about. I didn't plan on having sex with you at first either."
  616. >"Well, I wouldn't want you to go and just throw away a big part of your life just for me, even if it is, uh, sex."
  617. "What are you-"
  618. >"And sex is a totally normal and even healthy activity for men your age to engage in, so I guess what I'm saying is, uh, even though you won't be having sex with me, you can still, um, have, you know, sex, with... not me."
  619. "Rose, are you telling me you want me to continue sleeping with other women even as I date you?"
  620. >"Well, I mean, people date non-exclusively all the time, right?"
  621. "But I thought you were really serious about wanting a relationship with me."
  622. >"I do! I-I am. It's just, I don't want to put that restriction on you, you know."
  623. "I... see. Well, if that's how you feel, that we should have sex with other people but not each other-"
  624. >"Oh, not us. Just you. I'm a... I'm.. well, I've never actually..."
  625. "Rose, are you a virgin?"
  626. >"Y-yeah."
  627. "Awww, that's adorable."
  628. >Speaking of adorable, she puts on the CUTEST pout, and puff up her cheeks
  629. >"Hey! Don't go acting like I'm a little kid now. I've had enough of that from my sisters."
  630. "No, no, really. It's sweet. Virgins are sweet and cute by nature. People who say that someone's not a real man or woman just because they're a virgin are full of themselves."
  631. >"Really?"
  632. "Well, at any rate, people who say that someone's not a real woman just because she's a virgin are full of themselves."
  633. >She giggles, and your heart is close to melting
  634. >Suddenly, three more knocks come on your door
  635. >"Wait, who else is here?"
  636. "Umm"
  637. >You look over at the clock
  638. >Two PM
  639. >Sunday
  640. >Oh
  641. >Right
  642. "Well, Rose, guess we'll be telling Celestia about our relationship today"
  643.  
  644. ***
  645.  
  646. >Be Celestia
  647. >You are at the apartment of one Anonymous E. Bateman
  648. >He invited you to come over on this day and at this time because, well
  649. >Let's face it, you're horny
  650. >Everyone who doesn't work for you thinks of you as too old and stuffy
  651. >You're only thirty-eight for crying out loud
  652. >the people who DO work with you, well, they're off limits
  653. >You don't want a sexual harassment lawsuit on your hands
  654. >So you're here at Anon's house
  655. >He was always good at satisfying you
  656. >And when he couldn't he'd even found someone who could
  657. >Yes, Anon had been your wingman on a few occasions
  658. >He even joined in for a threesome once
  659. >He refused to do anything with the other guy though because "dat shit hella gay", as he put it
  660. >He was always funny when he was drunk
  661. >And when he was sober
  662. >But more so when he's drunk
  663. >The elevator's dinging snaps you out of your thoughts and you walk down the hall to his room
  664. >Number three hundred ninety-four
  665. >He actually requested this room number so that when giving directions he could suddenly put on a depe voice and say
  666. >"Turn to apartment three hundred ninety-four."
  667. >He has an odd sense of humor
  668. >It actually helps him with the children on many occasions
  669. >You deliver three sharp knocks to his door, and wait for his response
  670.  
  671. >A few moments later, you see Anonymous standing before you in his pajamas
  672. >"Celestia, so great to see you!"
  673. "Melon."
  674. >...
  675. >Anonymous puts on a scowl and slams the door in your face
  676. >A few more moments later he flings it open
  677. >He flies at you and embraces you in a friendly hug
  678. >"You remembered"
  679. "Oh, whatever. The least I could do is appease your insane sense of humor."
  680. >"Right, well come in, come in."
  681. >As you enter, you notice someone else is here
  682. >"Tia, you remember Rose, right?"
  683. "Why yes, I do. Pray tell Anonymous, what exactly are you doing here with her."
  684. >"Well," he says with nervousness on his face
  685. >"Rose was just telling me about her new job."
  686. "Oh? And you decided to talk over brunch?"
  687. >He's sweating nervously
  688. >His breath is quickening
  689. >You can feel how on edge he is
  690. >Oh, how you loved doing this to him
  691. >To everyone
  692. >Seeing him get all hot and bothered, well,
  693. >It got you hot and bothered
  694. >"Yeah, poor girl came to see me about school-related stuff, told me she hadn't eaten anything but cereal, so I cooked for her."
  695. >"Ahem."
  696. >Rose is looking up at Anon with an annoyed expression
  697. >"Anon, you promised to tell her."
  698. >"Right, right," he says, "I was just getting to that."
  699. >He turns back to you and continues his story
  700. >"So, the reason that Rose got the job is because there was something she wanted me to do for her, and I required her to get a job with the school network so she'd be my co-worker."
  701. "And what, exactly, Mr. Bateman, did she want you to do?"
  702. >"Well, Principal Celestia, simply put: Rose wants me to date her."
  703. >You'd pretty much figure this
  704. >You turned to Rose
  705. "You really don't wanna date Anonymous."
  706. >"Hey, I already tried convincing her of that, but she refused to accept it."
  707.  
  708. "And what about dating one of your students seemed like a good idea, Anonymous?"
  709. >"Well, she was adamant about me giving her a shot at a relationship. She was heartbroken when I refused. Sobbing and everything"
  710. >Suddenly, Rose speaks up from the table
  711. >"Actually, it wasn't just because you refused to date me that I was crying about it."
  712. >Anon looks at her, and then realization strikes his face
  713. >"Yeah, come to think of it, you seem to be a little too strong to be sobbing over a guy turning you down. What was that about anyway?"
  714. >"It was the reasons you gave. As you told me 'I'm sorry, but I just can't', I saw the look in your eyes. At that moment I realized that it had nothing to do with laws or teaching or anything. I realized that you really thought of yourself as a monster. You wanted to stay away from me for my own good. It made me feel heartbroken to see someone think of themselves that way."
  715. >Finally fed up with all this mushy bullshit, you decide to lay down the law
  716. "Listen, sweetie, that's really sweet, but he was telling the truth. Anon's not the kind of person who'd make a good long term partner for anyone."
  717. >"Yo, I'm right here."
  718. >You turn to Anon and look him in the eye
  719. "I expect you to cut this nonsense out immediately. Now send this girl home before anyone find out she was here."
  720. >Suddenly she stands up from the table and glares at you
  721. >"Excuse me, but this isn't 'nonsense' to me. I got this job so that Anon and I could at least have a shot at being together, and I'm not going to throw it all away for-"
  722. "ENOUGH!"
  723. >She jumps back a little, looking like the scared little girl she is
  724. >To your left, Anon is beginning to look angry
  725. "As of right now this doesn't concern you. I'm going to discuss this with Anonymous, and you're going to go home and-"
  726. >"No!"
  727. "ExCUSE me?"
  728. >"I said no. You're the one that this doesn't concern! This is between me and my new boyfriend, and if you don't like that, too-"
  729. "Oh ho ho! You think this doesn't concern me? Is that what you think?! You have no idea what I've sacrificed to cover Nonny's ass when he wasn't even doing anything but hanging around high schoolers looking creepy to people who don't know any better! You think I'm gonna let him throw that all away to run around nilly willy dating a bunch of his students?"
  730. >"He wasn't going to date 'a bunch of his students', just me."
  731. >You can't help but laugh at her pathetic little fantasies
  732. "Is that really what he told you?! Hahahah, you have no idea, huh? Say, Anonymous, why don't you tell her why I came here. Or do you want me to tell her?"
  733. >Anon looks between you and the child, shifting his eyes nervously
  734. >"W-w-well," he stammers
  735. >"Let me guess," says the girl
  736. >Her expression has a sort of smugness to it, as if she knows something you don't
  737. >"He invited you over for sex, right?"
  738. >Or maybe she knows something that you did know, but you didn't know that she knew
  739. "So, you did know what I know but didn't know you knew"
  740. >"Yes, I did. From what i understand, you seem like quite a cock-hungry nymph outside your office."
  741. >You chuckle at her lame attempt at an insult
  742. "So what if I enjoy sex? You know how great it is, don't you?"
  743. >Suddenly she looks down
  744. >"Well, um."
  745. "Oh. OH! Oh this is too precious. You're a virgin?! Oh how cute! You wanna give your first time to Anon, is that it?"
  746. >She looks up at you in defiance
  747. >"Maybe I do, so what?"
  748. >Damn, she's a tough one
  749. >But you're still better than her
  750. "Well, then, do you still want to be Nonny's little girlfriend knowing that he was prepared to cheat on you?"
  751. >"Okay, first of all, we weren't officially dating until about an hour ago, long after he invited you over."
  752. "Hmm, fair enough, but you know, Anonymous won't just turn down some of my hot, sweet pussy just to take you to some movies and dinner. He's gonna ravage me like the savage he is. Are you okay with that, Rose?"
  753. >You put all the sting you had into that that last word
  754. >Anonymous is still staring, speechless and uncomfortable
  755. >"Yeah, actually I am. As I told Anon before, I'm fine with him getting his sexual release elsewhere, at least until I'm ready to give it to him myself."
  756. "Well... I..."
  757. >Wait, what is this?
  758. >Your mind is blank
  759. >You can't think of a single comeback, a single burn, a single way to counter what she's just told you
  760. >NO!
  761. >Fuck!
  762. >You can't have run out of ammunition, you can't have lost
  763. >Casting your face down, you can do nothing but stare at the ground, and accept your defeat
  764. >After what felt like an eternity of awkward silence, Anonymous finally breaks the silence
  765.  
  766. ***
  767.  
  768. >Be Anonymous
  769. >Celestia has just gone on a rampage against Rose, acting spiteful and rude, which was out of place for her
  770. "Celestia, what the fuck's gotten into you? You- you're a lot better than this."
  771. >You see tears form in her eyes, and she looks at your with sorrow
  772. >She gets close to your face and whispers
  773. >"Anon..."
  774. >Wait a minute
  775. >*sniff sniff*
  776. "Whoa! Holy shit, Celestia, you're fucking blitzed!'
  777. >"Wha- no, no, I'm... just a little buzzed is all."
  778. >"Well I'm pretty upset that you got tipsy and came here acting this way."
  779. >"I'm so sorry, Anonymous. I just, it's like I said, this is gonna create so much more work for me, and, and, well..."
  780. "Well, what?"
  781. >"I was afraid you wouldn't satisfy my needs any more."
  782. >You look to Rose and equip your upgraded All-consuming Grin of Otherworldly Shit-eating
  783. >Both Celestia and Rose look at you, wondering why you're smiling so much
  784. >Only Celestia starts to speak
  785. >"Anon, what are you-"
  786. "See, Rose."
  787. >You smile at Celestia and back at Rose
  788. "I told you that'd be the hardest part for her to take."
  789. >You feel a flick on your face
  790. >"Have you been talking with Rose about our sexual relations?"
  791. "Uh, you were there when she guessed why you were here and called you a 'cock-hungry nymph'."
  792. >"Oh, right, yeah."
  793. >Speaking of Rose, she's the one you should be apologizing to
  794. >Wiping the tears from her eyes, she turns to Rose
  795. >"I'm very sorry, Roseluck. I-I didn't mean those things I said"
  796. "And Roseluck, I want you to apologize to Tia for calling her her a 'cock-hungry nymph'."
  797. >"But she's a cock-hungry nymph"
  798. "Rose,"
  799. >"Sorry, Principal Celestia."
  800. >"I forgive you"
  801. >Something suddenly hits you
  802. "Wait a minute!"
  803. >Rose and Celestia both look at you
  804. >"What?" says Rose
  805. "Your name is Roseluck?"
  806. >...
  807. >Simultaneous reactions:
  808. >"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow."
  809.  
  810. ***
  811.  
  812. >You are still Anoymous
  813. >You, Celestia, and Rose are sitting on your couch
  814. >Celestia on your right and Rose is on your left
  815.  
  816. >"So, you didn't even know her real name?"
  817. "No one's ever told me it."
  818. >You turn to Rose
  819. "You never told me"
  820. >She pouts and puffs her cheeks again
  821. >"I assumed you knew."
  822. "Hey, I'm a substitute, I've only known you for a few days."
  823. >"Well, we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other, boyfriend."
  824. >She says this last word with emphasis
  825. >EMPHASIS
  826. >She's very cute, what with her childish views of love and dating
  827. >Older teenagers like her are so strange, being totally childish in some ways, and so mature in others
  828. >No, wait
  829. >Don't think of her as an older teenager
  830. >Think of her as a young adult
  831. >Celestia looks over at Rose
  832. >"You mean Anon hasn't told you yet?"
  833. >You glance at Celestia and do a throat cutting motion
  834. "No, I haven't, and there's a reason for that."
  835. >Rose looks at you worriedly
  836. >"What aren't you telling me, sweetie?"
  837. >You rub the back of your head and try to think of a way to explain it
  838. "It's, well, it's a secret. I just... have a big decision to make, and I know that if I tell you what it is you're gonna do everything you can to try to influence me to one side, and I don't want anyone trying to influence my decisions with emotions."
  839. >"Oh, well, I, uh, I guess I understand then."
  840. "I have until Wednesday to come up with my answer, and as soon as I come to my final decision, I'll let you know what it is and what my decision is."
  841. >Rose sits back and starts to relax, but she still looks uneasy
  842. >You don't blame her, knowing that someone's keeping something from you intentionally isn't a very good feeling
  843. >But you had no other choice
  844. "By the way, Tia, sorry you won't be getting that sex you were her for."
  845. >"Oh, that's quite alright. I guess I'll be going now."
  846. >Rose bolts forward again
  847. >"Wait, guys, remember what I said earlier. You guys don't have to, well, stop, just because of me."
  848. >Celestia gives her a humored smile
  849. >"Oh, no, I couldn't ask you to leave just so I can have sex with your boyfriend behind your back."
  850. >Celestia seems to be taking the Roselationship quite well now
  851. >Damn, son, even you think that pun was bad
  852. >Rose starts blushing and looks away
  853. >Now why could that be?
  854. >"Well, um, actually, I was hoping you guys would do it, and uh, well..."
  855. >You and Celestia are now looking at her intently
  856. >"I was hoping that, maybe I could, um, I mean, maybe, if you guys wouldn't mind too much, uh..."
  857. "Yes, what is it Rosey, spit it out."
  858. >"I was maybe hoping that, uh, well, maybe I could... watch?"
  859.  
  860. ***
  861.  
  862. >You are Roseluck
  863. "Anon, Celestia-"
  864. >...
  865. "Guys, please-"
  866. >...
  867. "Could you at least not literally roll on the floor?"
  868. >Anonymous and Celestia are rolling on the floor
  869. >They both look much slimmer, what with their sides being gone
  870. >Finally, Anonymous manages to get himself under control just enough to speak
  871. >"I-I'm sorry Rosey, but, that's just, it's too much!"
  872. "Guys, I'm serious. I wanna see you two do it!"
  873. >Celestia has now calmed herself enough to speak
  874. >"A-are you sure about that? Don't you think it might be a little uncomfortable?"
  875. "Well, maybe, it's just, I've always kinda wondered about it, you know? And I've always been a little, uncomfortable with the thought of it. That's why, even though I've had guys hit on me before, and even though I felt, well, like I wanted it, I still didn't, because I, well I guess I'm just..."
  876. >"Just what?"
  877. "Just... a bit, well, afraid of it."
  878. >Celestia looks at you with an understanding tone
  879. >"So what you're saying is that you've had those hormonal urges before, but psychologically, you've been to afraid of the idea to do through with them?"
  880. "Yeah, that's basically it."
  881.  
  882. >Celestia looks to Anon and asks him
  883. >"Well, what do you think, Nonny?"
  884. >He looks at her with a puzzled expression
  885. >"What do you mean?"
  886. >"What do you think about letting her watch us?"
  887. >"Wha- OH. Well, um, I, uh, I guess if she really wants to, then I'm, well... okay I'm not gonna lie and say I'd be comfortable with it, but I'm willing to do it for rose."
  888. "Hehehehe"
  889. >"What? What was so funny about that?"
  890. "Hehe, '"do it" for Rose'."
  891. >...
  892. >"You know, sometimes you're quite childish."
  893. >You decide to mess with Anon by putting on an innocent face and saying
  894. "But Mr. Bateman. I AM just a child."
  895. >"Ugh, don't remind me."
  896. "So, whadaya say? Will you let me watch you guys?"
  897. >He buries his head in his hands for a while
  898. >Finally, he looks up and says
  899. >"Fine"
  900. >You stand up and jump, shouting "WOHOO!"
  901. >"So," says Celestia as she stands up, "what do you say we all take this to the bedroom?"
  902. >Anon smiles at her, and so do you
  903. >You both give her the same response at the same time
  904. "Right behind you"
  905.  
  906. ***
  907.  
  908. >You are Anonymous
  909. >You, Celestia, and Rose are in your bedroom
  910. >Rose looks around before speaking to you
  911. >"So, uh, I guess I'll just sit in this desk chair."
  912. "Wherever you're comfortable."
  913. >"Um, that'd be nowhere, hehe. I'm doing this to try to get myself more idea with the idea of, well, you know."
  914. "Say it."
  915. >She looks at you a little uneasily
  916. >So does Celestia
  917. >"W-what?"
  918. "Say it. Say what you're not comfortable with. Say what Celestia and I are about to do. Oh, and look me in the eyes when you say it. Now, what are you uncomfortable with?"
  919. >"S-s-sex." she says softly
  920. "What was that?"
  921. >"Sex."
  922. "And what are Celestia and I about to have?"
  923. >"Sex."
  924. "And what are you about to watch?"
  925. >"Sex."
  926. "Now, do you still okay with all of this?"
  927. >For a second, she looks like she might back out
  928. >She shakes her head and looks at you confidently
  929. >"Yes, I am."
  930. "Alright then, let's get started."
  931. >You and Celestia get into your normal routine
  932. >She stands in front of you facing away, and with a little help from her, you pull her shirt up and over her before tossing it to the side
  933. >Next you slip her pants down, exposing her bright pink panties
  934. >Looking around her, you see your student beginning to blush a little
  935. >Returning your attention to Celestia, you unhook her bra, and slip it down and around before discarding just like the shirt
  936. >Rose is now blushing fairly hard
  937. >Celestia starts to turn around, but you stop her and shake your head
  938. >She turns back toward Rose, and tries giving her a friendly smile
  939. >Rose reciprocates with her own smile, but it's more like a kid who's hiding something and is a afraid of getting caught
  940. >You slip your hand down the front of Celestia's panties, and begin to rub all around her vulva with her fingers
  941. >You find her clitoris and give it a light twist, while at the same time slipping a pinky inside her already wet tunnel of love
  942. >Finally, you slip her panties down, exposing her dripping folds to your girlfriend
  943. "So, Rose, starting to get a little uneasy?"
  944. >"J-just a little..."
  945. >Celestia, through her moans, speaks to her
  946. >"Hey, this was your idea after all, Rosecuck."
  947. >Suddenly Rose's breathing stops
  948. >Your hand stops
  949. >All atomic motion stops
  950. >"What?"
  951. "Did... did you just?"
  952. >"What? I thought you'd be proud of me for making such a groanable pun."
  953. "Tia, come one, even I thought that was was too bad to be good, not to mention insulting."
  954. >You look to Rose and apologize for Celestia
  955. >"Oh, come on, Nonny, I thought that injecting a little humor into the situation might help ease our guest a bit."
  956. "How about you leave the humor to me. Say, Rose, if you want, we can stop now."
  957. >"N-no, that's okay. If it gets to be too much for me, I'll just leave the room and watch some YouTube with my earbuds."
  958. "Alright, then. Tia, it's your turn."
  959. >"Mmm, I can't wait to see this." she says, moving around behind you
  960. >She pulls your robe off, exposing your bare chest and boxers
  961. >"Say, Anonymous?"
  962. "Yes, Celestia?"
  963. >"Are you, ah, sure that YOU want to go through with this? You DID say you'd be uncomfortable with this too."
  964. "Yeah, well, I got over that pretty quick when I thought back to just what your body feels like."
  965. >"Haha, okay then."
  966. "But wait."
  967. >"Okay..."
  968. >You look to Rose one last time
  969. "Are you ready, Rose?"
  970. >"Y-yeah."
  971. >She looks right at your junk and steels herself
  972. >"I'm ready"
  973. "Alright, then. Hit it, Tia!"
  974.  
  975. ***
  976.  
  977. >She slips your boxers down, and your beast is unleashed
  978. >At this point Rose begins to really live up to her name with her cheeks
  979. "So, what do you think?"
  980. >"I-it's, well, it looks... nice."
  981. "Glad you like it."
  982. >"Can I... touch it?"
  983. >You smile at her softly
  984. "Go right ahead."
  985. >She cutely reaches her hand forward, and...
  986. >Gives it a little poke before withdrawing her hand at approximately 8 times the speed of light
  987. "Is that- are you, done?"
  988. >"Y-yeah, now I've touched a penis. That's step one. I think I'll just go back to watching."
  989. "Whatever suits you."
  990. >You sit down on the bed, and Celestia moves in front of you, getting ready to go down
  991. >You move your right leg up onto the bed
  992. "Hey Tia, mind moving to your left a bit so Rosey can get a better view?"
  993. >She scoots over, and Rose can get a full view of the action
  994. >Celestia give you a few good licks to get you going as hard as possible
  995. >She takes the head into her mouth and begins to suck on it
  996. >You look at Rose, who's mouth you notice is agape
  997. "That's right Rosey, you want your mouth to be open wide, just like that."
  998. >Celestia glaces over just in time to see what you mean, and nearly jokes on your dick
  999. >Rose quickly shuts her mouth
  1000. >As Celestia brings you closer, you look at Rose and say
  1001. "Alright, you're gonna wanna pay close attention to this."
  1002. >You're right at the edge
  1003. "Oh, and Tia, let's do it outside this time, so she can see it happen."
  1004. >Tia's so deep into it it takes her a minute to comprehend what you've said
  1005. >You begin to moan, getting louder quickly, before releasing your first shot into her mouth
  1006. >She pulls off in time for the subsequent shots to go into her open mouth and onto her face
  1007. >Rose looks on, awestruck
  1008. >You eye her up and down, and that's when you notice
  1009. >Her jeans are pulled down and her left hand is deep in her panties
  1010. "So, liking what you see so far?"
  1011. >"Y-yeah, I didn't think I would, but, I kinda actually am liking it."
  1012. "Well then, you'll like what you see here"
  1013. >Celestia trades you places, sitting on the bed with her legs spread
  1014. >Rose seems to be staring intently into it
  1015. "You seem pretty lost, there. Don't you have one of these yourself?" you ask, pointing to Tia's crotch
  1016. >"Um. Well, actually, the thing about that is, sweetie, there's something I need to tell you."
  1017. "Uhhh, Rose? Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
  1018. >"Well the thing is, I have a.. a..."
  1019. >Oh shit times eleventy infinities times the omniverse
  1020. >...
  1021. >"I have a puffy vulva."
  1022. >...
  1023. >"Anon, Celestia..."
  1024. >...
  1025. >"Guys, please..."
  1026. >...
  1027. >"Well, at least you aren't rolling around on the floors."
  1028. "Sorry, Rose. It's not that you have a, ahem, puffy vulva. It's that you were acting so cutely embarrassed about it that makes it funny."
  1029. >She puffs out her cheeks
  1030. >Celestia is trying to contain herself, but can't
  1031. >"Trying to match your puffy vulva with those puffy cheeks?"
  1032. >Rose's blushing reaches maximum capacity
  1033. >"Oh, screw you, Celestia"
  1034. "Alright, how about I get back to licking Tia's pussy and you get back to masturbating to it, alright?"
  1035. >"Sure, whatever you say, sweetie."
  1036. >You begin to run your tongue along Celestia's hot, sweet pussy, making sure to run all around her folds
  1037. >Normally this wouldn't be too exciting for a lady, but Celestia was special
  1038. >She was very sensitive all around and inside her, not just her clit and g spot
  1039. >Speaking of which, you began to look for her love button, and once you found it, you began to suck hard
  1040. >Suddenly, something catches you off guard
  1041. >You feel a small hand start jacking you off from behind
  1042. "Well, look who decided to join the party. Wanna get stripped and jump in?"
  1043. >"No, I... I'm just taking things in steps, you know?"
  1044. "Oh, yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's good, in fact. That's a good thing to do."
  1045. >"Nonny, less, talky, more licky."
  1046. "Right."
  1047. >You resume your work on Celestia, and eventually bring her to an orgasm
  1048. >Right as she's about to burst, you notice that rose is leaned over you, admiring your work, with her hand still reached down milking you
  1049. >Normally, you'd stay close and take all of what was to come, but you decided not to this time
  1050. >"Oh, Anon, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, AH!"
  1051. >Not only is Celestia sensitive, she's a squirter too
  1052. >You pull your head back and lean away, allowing you and Rose to be showered with Celestia's fluids
  1053. >"Wah! What is this? Anon! You jerk!"
  1054. "Sorry, Rose, I guess I just, I don't know why I did that honestly."
  1055. >"Well, I can't say I enjoy being soaked in juices from another woman."
  1056. "Oh, come on, it's hot."
  1057. >"For you, maybe, but imagine being hit in the face by another guys semen. That's how I feel right now."
  1058. "O-oh. Yeah, I-I guess I never thought about that."
  1059. >"You don't think much at all, Nonny."
  1060. "Fuck off, Tia."
  1061. >"Tell you what, sweetie, how about you do to me what you did to Celestia in the beginning there."
  1062. "You mean give you a facial? Are you sure you're ready for that?"
  1063. >"I think I'll be fine. You've already dragged me a little further into this than I would've liked anyway."
  1064. >Damn, it really stings to realize how bad you fucked up
  1065. >Not to mention that cold glare she gives you
  1066. "Wow, I, I am REALLY sorry about that. I guess I just-"
  1067. >"Hup! It's okay, I guess.  No need to apologize so much. I mean, it's kinda like being pushed into a pool of cold water before you were ready. Now that I'm in, it's not too bad."
  1068. >She begins to really pick up the pace of her pumping
  1069. "Well, we'll be done in no time if you keep this up."
  1070. >And in fact, you were getting close
  1071. "I'm about to bust it, Rose. You ready?"
  1072. >"Yep."
  1073. "I'd recommend closing your eyes right about now."
  1074. >She does as told, and you shoot a few sticky globs of cum onto her face
  1075. >She keeps her mouth closed the whole time
  1076. >Must not be ready to taste it
  1077. >She begins to smile a bit, and even giggles
  1078. >You look over to Celestia, who's rubbing herself and twitching, lost in her own little world, then back to Rose
  1079. >"It feels so gooey and weird. It's actually kind of a nice feeling. I imagine it'd be bad to get in my eyes, though."
  1080. "Or your mouth, if you don't like the taste."
  1081. >"Speaking of which..." she says, before wiping a glob of it up with her finger
  1082. >After a moment's hesitation, she goes ahead and tastes it
  1083. >"Blech! Oh, that's kinda gross!"
  1084. >Celestia springs up, still rubbing it out
  1085. >"It's just an acquired taste. Anonymous' is actually relatively tasty as far as semen goes.'
  1086. "It's all in the diet", you say proudly.
  1087. >Rose stands up and gets ready to walk away
  1088. >"I think I need to wipe this off."
  1089. "Here," you say, handing her your boxers
  1090. >"Geez, Anon, could you be more lewd?"
  1091. "You say that as if you didn't just voluntarily have me give you a facial."
  1092. >She finishes wiping her face off and discards your cummy underpants.
  1093. >"So, are you guys gonna do it now?"
  1094. "Well, I'm gonna need a few minutes to recharge."
  1095. >"Well, I'm not gonna do anything with Celestia. She's not really my type, what with being another female and all."
  1096. "You know, sometimes I forget that completely straight girls exist. Anyway, what do you wanna do for the next couple of minutes?"
  1097. >She puts her hand on her chin
  1098. >"Hmmm."
  1099. >"O-oh-OOOH!"
  1100. >Celestia leans back and convulses, riding another orgasm
  1101. >You and Rose turn back to each other
  1102. "Anyway, got any ideas?"
  1103. >"Actually, I just realized something."
  1104. "What's that?"
  1105. >"You've never kissed me."
  1106. "Oh. OH. Yeah, right. I guess we got a little ahead of ourselves."
  1107. >"So, what do you say we make out until you're ready to bang Celestia for my amusement?"
  1108. "Sounds good to me."
  1109. >You draw Rose close to you, and for the first time your lips meet hers
  1110. >You taste the sweet taste of her lips, and smell the scent of her sweat
  1111. >Mixed with some of your own jizz, too
  1112. >But that didn't matter
  1113. >Nothing could put a damper on this moment
  1114. >Wasting no time, or maybe making up for lost time, she slips her tongue into your mouth
  1115. >You push back with yours, and after a minute, the two of you have a steady rhythm dancing your tongues back and forth
  1116. >The feeling of making out with her has resurrected your little Anon quicker than usual
  1117. "Well, I think I'm ready to get back to it."
  1118. >"Great, I'll take a seat and watch. But first, let me give you a little gift."
  1119. >She pulls her jacket and shirt off, giving you a view of her strawberry colored bra
  1120. >But she doesn't stop there for very long
  1121. >She undoes the clasps on her bra
  1122. >Looking away and blushing hard, she lets it drop down, exposing her bare chest
  1123. >They were a tad on the small side compared to many women you knew, especially Celestia
  1124. >On the other hand, they were pretty average overall
  1125. >And they way they perk up is nice too
  1126. >Rose takes her seat back on the chair and gets ready
  1127. >You look behind you and notice that Celestia is started to get dressed again
  1128. >"I'm terribly sorry, you two, but I have to go, now."
  1129. "Aww, are you sure? My girlfriend really really wants to see me fuck you."
  1130. >"I'm afraid it'll have to wait."
  1131. >Rose similarly starts to get dressed again
  1132. >"Well, I'm off. Goodbye Anonymous. Goodbye Rose."
  1133. >"Bye, Celestia."
  1134. "Later, Tia."
  1135.  
  1136. ***
  1137.  
  1138. >You are Rose are now in your room alone
  1139. >Rose is fully clothed, but you're still stark naked
  1140. >You decide to throw your robe on to make things more comfortable for her
  1141. "So, I guess you're done for now, huh?"
  1142. >"Oh yeah, I think I've done enough. You're not upset about that are you? Because if you really are, I suppose I could-"
  1143. >You raise up a hand to cut her off
  1144. "No no, it's fine. More than fine, actually. You already did a lot more than I expected after dating me for..."
  1145. >You check your wall clock
  1146. "An hour and forty-five minutes. I totally understand if you wanna take a break and take things slowly from now on."
  1147. >"Well, I've known about you for a long time before now. I've even been to a few of the study groups you've tutored. I was always pretty quiet though, so not a lot of people notice me."
  1148. >"To me, you've always been something of an idol. I've always been infatuated with the idea of you, so I thought that maybe if I got a chance to get to know you for real, I might actually like you for who you are. And it turns out, I do."
  1149. "I-, you-, that's so sweet. You're really doing a number on my heartstrings here."
  1150. >"I think after I get to know you well enough, I'll probably go all the way with you. But I wanna spend at minimum a full week with you, maybe more."
  1151. "I agree. To be perfectly honest, I too am actually looking forward to dating you because of who you are now, rather than just humor you and play along with it. You might just get me hooked on this whole 'dating non-sexually' thing."
  1152. >She gives a bit of a giggle at you, and you feel something you haven't felt in a while
  1153. >You felt genuinely happy with yourself
  1154. >"Well it looks like we have something in common. We both got into this thinking it was just a silly idea, but now we both think it's something real worth giving a shot."
  1155. "Remember what I said about how childish you can be sometimes?"
  1156. >"Yeah?"
  1157. "Well sometimes, you can be more mature than anyone I know."
  1158. ">She blushes and looks genuinely happy about your compliment
  1159. >She walks over to you and wraps her arms around you, embracing you warmly
  1160. >You return it by draping your arms around her shoulders
  1161. "So, what should we do now? You can pick anything you like."
  1162. >"Well..."
  1163. >She ponders for a moment
  1164. >"I'd like to visit my parents and tell them about us. But we might wanna leave out what just happened here."
  1165. "That's probably for the best. Let me just shower and we can head out."
  1166. >"I think I also need a shower too."
  1167. >She lets go and slips away from you, headed for your bedroom door
  1168. >A slight grin forms on your face
  1169. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
  1170. >"That we should take separate showers and get dressed separately? Yeah."
  1171. >You pout and cross your arms at her
  1172. "You know that's not what I was thinking."
  1173. >She smiles and gives you a nudge on the rib with her elbow
  1174. >"Yeah, I know."
  1175.  
  1176. ***
  1177.  
  1178. >You and Rose are in the car on your way to her house
  1179. >The two of you were going over plans on how to approach this
  1180. >"So I'll go in first and break the news to them. My mom will be a little nervous about it, and my dad will wanna know everything right away."
  1181. "And I'll just wait in the car for this?"
  1182. >"Right. I'll mention that you're waiting in the car, and that they can meet you right away."
  1183. "Got it."
  1184. >The drive to her house is a short one since the two of you lived on the same side of town
  1185. >You pull up to her house and parallel park in front
  1186. >"Okay, wait here, I'll be right back."
  1187. >Rose gets out of the car and heads inside
  1188. >You pull down your sun visor and open the mirror
  1189. "Alright, Anon, you've got this. You just gotta play it cool. She said her parents are chill. That's good, but it's NOT an excuse to let your guard down."
  1190. >After several minutes of waiting, Rose comes out with her mom and dad, and boy, do they not look happy
  1191. >You've kept the car running, now it's time to make a decision
  1192. >Floor it, or get out and face them?
  1193. >After checking thoroughly and not noticing any rifles, shotguns, or telltale bulges of a handgun, you decide to face them
  1194. >You switch off the ignition and open your car door
  1195. >As you approach, you notice that they're both smiling at you
  1196. >This is good, this is a good sign
  1197.  
  1198. >The father, a tall, muscular man wearing jeans and a plaid flannel shirt, is the first to speak
  1199. >"So, you're the young man that wants to be our youngest daughter's boyfriend."
  1200. >As he says this, his expression turns to one of curiosity, and a bit of disbelief
  1201. >Like that of a CIA agent who's just been told that the prisoners he's being given work for Bane
  1202. >Alright, just as you planned, here goes
  1203. "That's right. I see something truly special in her, and just being around her is enough to make me happier than you can imagine."
  1204. >Her mom gives you a slightly psychopathic but still genuine-looking smile
  1205. >"Oh, come in, dear. It'd be nice for your to meet the whole family. After all, we've got everyone together here, so now's the perfect time."
  1206. "Thank you for inviting me in. I look forward to meeting all of you."|
  1207. >So far so good
  1208. >Your manners impeccable, you step politely into their home
  1209. >Several people are gathered in a living room straight ahead of you, with stairs to the right leading upward, and a kitchen and dining area to the left
  1210. >Among the persons in front of you were:
  1211. >A pink woman with blonde hair, who looked to be some few years older than you
  1212. >A slightly darker pink girl who looked to be right around your age
  1213. >Two guys, one brown, with darker brown hair, and one white, with light brown hair, and the most kickass muttonstache you've ever seen
  1214. >And finally, there was a female toddler, appearing to belong to the blonde woman and the King of Facial Hair
  1215. >"So, these are my older sisters, Lily Valley and Daisy. The tall guy with Lily is her husband, Ace, and the guy with Daisy is her husband, Forge. The little girl there is Lily and Ace's daughter, Dandelion, or Dandy for short."
  1216. >They all give you their "hi"s and "nice to meet you"s
  1217. >Rose's father comes up behind you and extends your hand
  1218. >Wanting to be as polite as you can, you turn around and shake his hand firmly
  1219. >"Speaking of introductions, I forgot to introduce myself. My name's Jack. Lumber Jack."
  1220. >No amount of will power could stop you from snorting at that
  1221. >Trying your best to cover your huge smile with your mouth, you look at Rose worriedly
  1222. >Oddly enough, she doesn't seem worried at all at your totally uncouth outburst
  1223. >Suddenly her dad lets out a hearty laugh and smiles at you
  1224. >"You know, of all the prospective boyfriends my daughters have brought to me, you're the first one that's had the balls to laugh at that. Anyway, my real name's Timber Forrest. It's nice to meet you."
  1225. >Damn, dude, Neo ain't got shit on your bullet-dodging skills
  1226. "Nice to meet you too. I must say, you have an acute sense of humor."
  1227. >His wife walks up next to him and extends her had for a shake
  1228. >"I'm Juniper Forrest. It's nice to meet you."
  1229. "Juniper Forrest, you say? Did you happen to take part of your husbands name?"
  1230. >"Why, yes, I did. I know it's not very common, but it works in our case."
  1231. "Indeed. It reminds me of the Cake couple from sugar cube corner. Did you know that Mrs. Cakes maiden name is O'Flour?"
  1232. >"No, I had no idea. Well, why don't you come in and sit down?"
  1233. >You take her offer and sit down in a comfy armchair
  1234. >Rose and her parents sit down on a couch opposite you, with Rose in the middle
  1235. >God, she looks so sweet and innocent and childish
  1236. >She's cute in that way
  1237. >Wait
  1238. >Eh, fuck it, being attracted to innocence in a physically developed woman doesn't make you a pedo
  1239. >Timber leans forward and asks
  1240. >"So, Mr. Bateman. Why don't you tell us about yourself?"|
  1241. >Alright, here it is
  1242. >The real moment of truth
  1243. >What you say next is going to make or break this for you
  1244. "Well, I'm twenty-three years old, and I'm a substitute teacher at Canterlot High."
  1245. >Everything stops
  1246. >Her dad looks at you with a shocked expression
  1247. >Like that of a CIA agent who's just discovered that one of the prisoners he's been given IS Bane
  1248. >"Did you say you're twenty-three?"
  1249. "That's right. Twenty-three years young, haha."
  1250. >Oh shit dude, what the fuck did you say that for?
  1251. >Now they think you're a cradle robber AND a smartass
  1252. >"So, Mr. Bateman, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly made you decide to pursue our daughter in the first place, as opposed to a woman who's, a little closer to your own age?"
  1253. >You take a bug gulp and prepare to speak
  1254. >Your mouth is so dry you can barely talk, but you push through it
  1255. "Well, to be honest, sir, I didn't really 'pursue' her at all. She approached me first, and I was actually opposed to the idea at first. N-not because there's anything wrong with your daughter of course, but on the principal of, well, you know, the age difference and everything."
  1256. >"I see. So what made you change your mind?"
  1257. "Well, as I explained to Rose, people seem to have this idea in their heads that I'm, well, uh. M-maybe the little one shouldn't be here for this."
  1258. >Your plan to stall for time may look somewhat shitty, but on the other hand it may be seen as caring instead
  1259. >Please please be the latter
  1260. >Lily looks over at her daughter, who's humming and coloring in the corner
  1261. >"Thanks for the concern, but I don't think she's paying attention."
  1262. >Her dad looks back at you and says
  1263. >"Right, go on..."
  1264. >Oh good, they're seeing it in a positive way.
  1265. "Well, as I was saying, some people seem to think I'm, well, a pervert, and it often causes them to assume that I have something, well, sexual going on with my students. I couldn't tell you why they think that honestly. A lot of parents seem to have singled me out to assume I'm that kind of guy when I'm not."
  1266. >"I see. So what you're saying is that you didn't want people to know you were having sex with my daughter, because then they'd have an actual reason to believe those things about you and your students. Is that right?"
  1267. >Oh shit dog, you gotta save this fast
  1268. "What? No, no, nononononononono. You've got it all wrong. You see, the thing is, even though Rose is of the age of consent, she's a student at the school, which would make it illegal anyway."
  1269. >NOW YOU FUCKED UP! NOW YOU FUCKED UP!
  1270. >You messed up the fucking order!
  1271. >You were supposed to start by saying you weren't gonna have sex with her, dumbass!
  1272. >You are fucking dead!
  1273. >Your ass is grass!
  1274. >Rose is grimacing and looking away while simultaneously blushing
  1275. >Oh, and if your palms were any more wet you could wash a car with them
  1276. >"Wait, wait, Rose is one of YOUR students?"
  1277. "Well, you COULD say that, but not quite. I mean, like I said, I'm just a substitute, and I happened to be teaching Rose's class that day."
  1278. >"I see. And how did Rose even know you, then?"
  1279. >Well, you're still in pretty deep, but the fact that he's gone off on this new subject means you can still save this
  1280. "I've subbed a number of classes there over the past few years, and I also tutor many students outside of classes, including Roseluck on a few occasions."
  1281. >Juniper chimes in for the first time
  1282. >"So, what was that you were saying about Rose being of age to consent?"
  1283. >WOW WHAT A FUCKING BITCH, OKAY THAT'S A DICK MOTHERFUCKING MOVE, ASSHOLE
  1284. "Right, so as I was saying, even though I didn't have any plans to have any kind of sexual relations with her anyway, that wouldn't stop people from assuming I was, and even reporting me for it. I wouldn't be the first victim of that sort of thing."
  1285. >"Well, if what you're saying is true, then I know where you're coming from. A family accused me of raping their daughter and taught her what to say to the police to back it up. The idea was to extort money from me. Fortunately they didn't succeed."
  1286. >HOLY DEUS EX MACHINA, BATMAN! SYMPATHY!
  1287. "Yeah, I can only imagine that."
  1288. >Her mom again puts her two cents in
  1289. >"So what made you change your mind and decide to date her anyway?"
  1290. >Now she's even helping you out, giving you the perfect opportunity to get back on track and get the story straight
  1291. "So," you say, clearing your throat,
  1292. "Since I didn't really want to get in any way involved with a student out of fear of false accusations, like I already mentioned, I wanted to give myself a way out."
  1293. >You look at Rose and smile
  1294. "And looking back on it, I'm glad it didn't work."
  1295. >For a moment, everything else was gone
  1296. >There was only you and Rose
  1297. >No stress, no worries, no potentially homicidal family surrounding you
  1298. >Alas, we must snap back to reality
  1299. "So, I told her that it'd be too risky to date her. She begged me to reconsider, and that's when I decided to let her know about the co-worker loophole."
  1300. >Her dad is back to looking curious, and no longer angry
  1301. >"Co-worker loophole? Do tell me more. You've peaked my interest now."
  1302. "Well, because I have what's known as a 'professional relationship' with Rose, it'd be illegal for me to engage in any sexual activities with her, IF I were going to, that is. I wouldn't, of course, but this was just in case someone accused me of-"
  1303. >"Yes, yes, go on. I think I know where this is going."
  1304. >You hope so
  1305. "The idea behind it is that I could use my influence over her to void her ability to consent, or rather, NOT consent. But, the definition of a 'professional relationship' does not apply if she's employed by the same employers as I am, meaning it'd be legal again."
  1306. >"So you refused to date her unless she became your co-worker."
  1307. "Indeed. To be honest, the idea wasn't even for me to have a defense if someone did accuse me of sleeping with her, the idea was to get her to give up on me. Think that I wasn't worth it, or something."
  1308. >"And so that's why she got that job as a-"
  1309. >Suddenly, everyone in the room starts snickering
  1310. >"I'm sorry, but, have you heard what job she got?"
  1311. "Yeah, she told me this morning at my aparment."
  1312. >YOU DENSE MOTHER FUCKER
  1313. >"She was at your home?"
  1314. >You've made it this far, you can pull off at least one more
  1315. "Yeah, she and the school Principal came over today, as we had planned."
  1316. >"Oh really? And, if you don't mind my asking, what were the three of you there for?"
  1317. >Keep it going
  1318. >Bullshit for the bullshit god
  1319. "Well, as a matter of fact, I was recently offered to take a permanent teaching position at the school. Principal Celestia was there to discuss that with me."
  1320. >"Well, congratulations. But what was Rose there for?"
  1321. "Well, as you know, I have a lot of experience tutoring the young people of the school. They tend to feel comfortable around me."
  1322. >You decide to take a gamble on some humor
  1323. >You lean forward, put your hand next to your mouth and mumble out the side of it
  1324. "Even if their dumb parents aren't"
  1325. >Her dad smiles widely, but her mom looks a bit, well,
  1326. >'Offended' isn't really the word, but she looked as though you'd crossed a line just a bit
  1327. >Oh well, one for two, and it's the big scary one that had the positive reaction
  1328. "So, even though we didn't get around to the details of it due to a scheduling mishap, I assume Celestia wanted me to help explain everything about Rose's new job to her. Maybe even just be there to reassure her. A big part of what I do, after all, is to help students get over their anxiety and fear of failing."
  1329. >Rose, who's been silent this whole time, finally speaks
  1330. >Not to you, but to her parents
  1331. >"Remember when you asked what i liked about him, and I said I wasn't sure how to put it? Well, that's it. It's the way he's so kind and compassionate, willing to help out everyone around him to be as good as they can be."
  1332. >Yes, that's it Rose, sugar coat me for your mommy and daddy so they'll like me
  1333. >"I see. Based on what I've heard about you from my darling daughter, you seem like a very nice guy."
  1334. >Your relieved sigh could inflate balloon animals for the children of Australia for a whole year
  1335. "Thank you. I'm glad you feel that way. I'll admit, she does flatter me more than I deserve, though."
  1336. >"Oh, come on, Anon, you know that's not true. I like you for who you are, and who you are is a great guy."
  1337. >Daisy, Lily, Ace, and Forge all tilt their heads to the side and go
  1338. >"Awwwwww."
  1339. >Rose pouts at them, while you and the parents all share a chuckle
  1340. >"Well, Anon, I'm going to go discuss things with my wife. We'll be back in just a moment. Feel free to sit with Rose or chat with everyone until we get back."
  1341. >You get up and move over to the couch to sit with Rose
  1342. "Sooo, how'd I do?"
  1343. >Before Rose has a chance to answer, Forge suppresses laughter to talk to you
  1344. >"If I were you, I'd start running now."
  1345. >Ace smiles before adding
  1346. >"Yeah, man. If you stay here you're a dead man. Better climb out that window while you can."
  1347. >Daisy gives her husband a smack on the head, and Lily flicks hers in the ear
  1348. >Forge responds by smiling and giving his wife a playful punch on the arm
  1349. >Come to think of it, these guys can't be older than twenty-one or so at most
  1350. >Wait, Daisy, that's the one with the three year age gap, right? Or was is Lily?
  1351. >Nah, definitely not Lily, there's no way the dad would be cool with the FIRST boyfriend being that much older
  1352. >Lily looks at you and tried to reassure you
  1353. >"You did just fine. Admittedly you were pretty shaky. In fact we all thought you blew it a few times. I guess you just need to get better at explaining things in the right order."
  1354. >Ace gives you a smile and a nod
  1355. >"Yeah, and don't worry too much about the old man. When i started dating Lily, she was only fifteen, but I was seventeen,"
  1356. >Ah, so it WAS Lily
  1357. >"I thought for sure there was no way he was gonna allow it, but he did. Granted he was on my ass twenty-four seven, but hey, it's better than nothing, right?"
  1358. >Lily snuggles up against him
  1359. >"I'd say it's definitely better than nothing."
  1360. >"Mommy, I want juice."
  1361. >Oh yeah, there's a kid here
  1362. >"Okay sweetie. You wait right here with daddy, I'll go get you some appy juice, okay?"
  1363. >As she leaves, you notice Ace, who's look at you, who's looking at Dandelion
  1364. >"Cute, isn't she?"
  1365. "Wha-huh? Oh, yeah, she's, she's very cute. I was just lost in thought about, uh, you know, how well-behaved she is. Like I don't know what it is, but all the toddlers I've seen manage to turn anything, even asking for juice, into an excuse to get mad and throw a fit. But her, she's so calm and polite. Quiet, seems to be able to entertain herself pretty well. I didn't know kids could be this, well, nice."
  1366. >"Haha, well thanks. We've been raising her from day one to be kind and courteous. We wanna show her all the love we can, but at the same time, there's times when you just have to be firm."
  1367. "Well, I don't deal with little kids, but I know what you mean about having to be firm when you wish you didn't have to."
  1368. >"It's okay, though. As long as we have a happy, healthy daughter, nothing can bring us down."
  1369. >"Come on, dude, you're making us jealous."
  1370. >Daisy's looking over at her brother-in-law with a fake pout, just like Rose's
  1371. >Must run in the family
  1372. "What do you mean? I assumed you guys didn't want any kids yet since you're still pretty young."
  1373. >"Actually, we've been trying to have kids for the past year or so, but the thing is, both Forge and I have, well, complications when it comes to fertility. The doctors have said it's not out of the question, but it'll be difficult without expensive procedures."
  1374. "Oh. I-I'm sorry to hear that."
  1375. >"It's fine, you didn't know, and as for what you said about us being young, well, you have a point there. This just gives us more time to enjoy being young, right?"
  1376. "Yeah, that's how I've looked at it. Personally, I never, uh, actually wanted to have kids. Not that I don't like 'em or anything, it's just, I never really felt like it was for me, you know? But hey, if I could have a kid, and I knew he or she was gonna be like Dandelion, I'd probably go for it."
  1377. >"Hey, trust me man, you don't know how she can get sometimes."
  1378. "Yeah, I know. To be honest I don't really have a lot of faith in myself to be able to pull it off anyway."
  1379. >"Hey, when i was twenty-three, I felt the same way. Now here I am, twenty-nine, looking back and saying, 'Why did I ever doubt myself?'."
  1380. "I guess."
  1381. >Lily comes back, along with her parents
  1382. >Her father stands before you, a solemn look on his face
  1383. >"well, Mr. Bateman,"
  1384. >Uh, oh, that's not a good sign
  1385. >"We've considered many factors, including but not limited to your financial situation, and the age gap between you,"
  1386. >Oh no, please, no
  1387. >Please, god, no!
  1388. >Please let him be trolling
  1389. >"and we've reached our decision. Mr. Bateman,"
  1390. >In that split second, you lose all hope
  1391. >Everything is gone
  1392. >Even though it's only been a short time, you want this
  1393. >You want this so badly, you've worked so hard for it
  1394. >Rose, your beacon in this dark moment, squeezes your hand, and you see a smile start to form
  1395. >Even though she knows as well as you do that you're going to get nixed, she still smiles for you
  1396. >But wait a minute
  1397. >It's not a smile of warmth, or of pity
  1398. >It's a devious smile
  1399. >She knows something you don't
  1400. >MOTHER-
  1401. >"Welcome to the family."
  1402.  
  1403. ***
  1404.  
  1405. >You are Dandelion
  1406. >You don't know why, but everyone is cheering and patting that big green guy on the back
  1407. >You wish they weren't so loud, it makes it hard to color
  1408. >All around you they're talking about how he's "one of us", whatever that means
  1409. >At first you were scared of him, but mommy and daddy seem to like him, so he must be nice
  1410. >If he's "family" now, maybe you can get him to color with you
  1411. >Let's try it
  1412. >You walk over to him, and tug on his pants
  1413. "Excuse me, mister, since you're our family now, will you color with me?"
  1414. >He smiles down at you and says
  1415. >"Sure, I'd love to."
  1416. "Okay."
  1417. >Finally, someone to color with
  1418. >It was nice when mommy and daddy color with you, but no one ever does any more
  1419. >So you just sit in the corner, coloring alone
  1420. >Listening to everything that the grown ups are saying
  1421. >This guy is gonna be dating aunt Rose
  1422. >That means he's gonna be the daddy and she's gonna be the mommy, but they won't have any kids yet
  1423. >You sit down and go for your red crayon, but the green man picks it up first
  1424. "Hey!"
  1425. >You slap him on the back of the hand to make him drop the crayon
  1426. >"Dandy!"
  1427. >Uh oh, that doesn't sound good
  1428. >Oh yeah, mommy doesn't like it when you slap people
  1429. >Why do you always forget that?
  1430.  
  1431. >You are Anonymous
  1432. >You've just been slapped by a toddler for trying to take her red crayon
  1433. "Ha ha, I was wondering when I'd see your naughty side."
  1434. >"Funny," says Daisy, "you think you'd be saying that to Rose."
  1435. >Lily shoots her a nasty look, clearly not wanting her daughter to be part of such jokes
  1436. >You flash Daisy a smirk and reply
  1437. "Soon enough, lady."
  1438. >You whip around and look at her father, almost snapping your neck in doing so
  1439. "That was a joke I swear."
  1440. >"Ha ha, I figured as much. You've really got quite a knack for comedy."
  1441. >"Just wait until you hear his puns." says Rose, cringing and blushing a bit as she does so
  1442. "Try not to blush so hard, sweetie,"
  1443. >You look at her father yet again
  1444. "Is it okay if I call her 'sweetie'?"
  1445. >"Really, man? You're actually asking me that right now? Come on, now."
  1446. "Right, right. Anyway, try not to blush so hard, sweetie. You're looking pretty..."
  1447. >You shuffle your self over on your knees while rotating your pointing hands in a circle
  1448. >Finally, pointing at Rose, you finish the joke with...
  1449. "Rosey."
  1450. >Suddenly, everything stops
  1451. >The whole family's breathing stops
  1452. >Even the little girl's coloring stops
  1453. >After what feels like an eternity, Rose's dad reaches behind a bookshelf next to him and pulls out...
  1454. >A baseball bat
  1455. >Come on, man, it wasn't THAT bad
  1456. >He hands the bat to Rose, before leaning over
  1457. >"Rose, be a dear and hit me on the head as hard as you can."
  1458. >"Only if you promise to return the favor."
  1459. >After saying this, she drops the bat and smiles at you
  1460. >"But seriously though. You think those kinds of puns haven't been done before?"
  1461. "Uh... I guess I never really thought about that."
  1462. "What about her?" you saying, pointing to Daisy
  1463. "What about-"
  1464. >"'Hi, I'm Daisy'? Yeah, been done."
  1465. "Well what about Lily. I've heard that she's not very brave. I guess you could say she's-"
  1466. >"Lily-livered? Yeah, we do say that. A lot."
  1467. >Oh fuck man, you really need an Ace in the hole
  1468. >Ayyyyyyyyyyy
  1469. "But her husband's there for her whenever she needs him, though, right?"
  1470. >"Yeah, he's her 'Ace' in the hole. You done?"
  1471. >This will not fucking stand!
  1472. >You are Anonymous, devout follower and prophet to the legendary Carlos Ramon
  1473. >Now is the time to prove yourself
  1474. "So, to change the subject: Lily and Ace have a kid. Forge and Daisy are trying. What about you, Rose? Have you ever thought about children?"
  1475. >"Oh, I think about children, alright."
  1476. >Her father pinches her ear
  1477. >"Rose! That was highly inappropriate! I thought I've told you not to make off-color jokes like that."
  1478. "Ow ow ow ow. Anon! Help me out here?"\
  1479. >Grinning wildy from ear to ear, you spot the perfect opportunity for a joke
  1480. >Not the pun you're building up to, but it'll do in the mean time
  1481. >"Sorry, Rose, but this is a family matter. As your teacher, I'm not allowed to get into issues between a student and their parent."
  1482. >"Oh ho! This guy gets it!"
  1483. "You know, to be honest, this right here is probably the most awkward thing about this whole ordeal for me. I mean, here I am, and adult, haven't been told what to do by my parents in three years, and here's my girlfriend,"
  1484. >You point to Rose
  1485. "Getting punished by her dad for making an off-color joke. It'll be an adjustment, but if it's for Rose, then it's worth it."
  1486. >"Yeah, to be honest, I almost disallowed this because of the exact reason you just gave. But you know what? It's like you said. If it's for Rose and her happiness, it's worth it."
  1487. >Man, you've really started to connect with this guy
  1488. >"Oh, and um, just so you know, what you two do is, well, your business. She's practically an adult now anyway, so, she has a right to make her own decisions about that. Just, take care of her, okay? Just because she's been thinking about children doesn't mean she's ready for them."
  1489. "Whoa, okay, I think we need to back it up a bit. Rose and I have been an official couple for all of five hours. Five... hours. We haven't even been on an actual date yet. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about there."
  1490. >"I understand, but I also know how easy it is for guys to want to rush things along faster than they ought to go, if you know what I'm saying. I did that once, and, well, the family you see all around you is the result of that."
  1491. >Whoa
  1492. >Okay, this guy must really trust you if he's sharing details like that
  1493. >But then again, given how comfortable he seems with it, it might not be a big deal to him
  1494. >No reason to keep it a secret after all this time, right? Past is in the past, and so forth
  1495. >"I just wanted to make it clear that I'm serious about my daughter, and I want what's best for her."
  1496. "That's something we have in common."
  1497. >Oh right, you almost forgot
  1498. "I especially want to wait until she's ready, eventually, because she's well, you know,"
  1499. >"A virgin?"
  1500. "Right. Come to think of it, she's the only one of her sisters that is."
  1501. >Come on man, keep it together, don't let them see you smile
  1502. >They won't know it's coming if you stay casual
  1503. "So, that means Rose is the only one who hasn't been-"
  1504. >But before you can finish that sentence, her entire family says the same thing all together
  1505. >The exact same thing you were going to say
  1506. >One single word
  1507. >"Deflowered."
  1508.  
  1509. What feels like hours pass, as you look at her family, all of whom are staring intently at you
  1510. >Inside you, a rage is building
  1511. >You can't have met your match
  1512. >This can't be happening!
  1513. >YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS!
  1514. >With nothing else to do, you look toward the sky with your fists rage, and let out an incredible roar of pure anger
  1515. >As you finish, you fall on your face and begin to weep
  1516. >You don't see it, but you can imagine that they're all looking at you like you're crazy
  1517. >Suddenly, an audible growl can be heard from somewhere nearby
  1518. >You spring up and look around
  1519. "Do you guys have a dog or something?"
  1520. >Daisy looks up at you sheepishly
  1521. >"No, that's my stomach."
  1522. >Forty keks
  1523. >Her dad bops himself on the forehead like he's just remembered something
  1524. >"Oh, that reminds me. We were all going out to Des Tas De Blé to celebrate Rose's new job. How would you like to come with us, Anon? Oh, you mind if I call you Anon?"
  1525. "Of course, and, I'd love to. Thank you for inviting me with you. It'll be nice to sit down to dinner with all of you."
  1526.  
  1527. >You got to the restaurant with Rose riding along with you
  1528. "How come you didn't want to ride with your family?"
  1529. >"Well for one thing, rule number one of having a boyfriend is to limit contact with your sisters. Unless of course you're a masochist who enjoys being teased."
  1530. "Ah. So, what can I expect from this place? Of course I'm going to pay for myself, and I was thinking of paying for yours too."
  1531. >"Well the name of the place is literally French slang for 'loads of money', so make of that what you will."
  1532. "Wait, did you say, 'loads of money'?"
  1533. >"Yeah. That's actually what the place is called in French. It's actually a pun though because the slang word used for money literally means 'wheat', 'corn' or 'grain', so the name can be taken as 'loads of money' or 'heaps of grain'. Why do you ask, anyway?"
  1534. "So, in French, since their language is a bit different, would that be spelled 'L-O-D-S-OF-E-M-O-N-E'?"
  1535. >"Wait, what does THAT spell?"
  1536. >Oh she makes it too easy
  1537. >You look upward and shout
  1538. "LOADSAMONEY!"
  1539. >Then you put your hand next to your mouth and lean toward her
  1540. "Prob'ly."
  1541. >...
  1542. >"I'm guessing that that's some kind of reference I'm not getting."
  1543. "Ah, it's before your time. Hell, before my time too. I think your old man was young when it came out."
  1544. >"Hmmm."
  1545.  
  1546. >You get to the restaurant, and boy, is it fancy
  1547. >The building seems to be constructed entirely of white stone and marble like an ancient Greek palace, but with French architecture
  1548. >Good thing you always wear a suit everywhere
  1549. >Ooooh, that's right
  1550. >It's Sunday, so you're not wearing your suit
  1551. >Oh well, your current outfit is far from shabby
  1552. >Slacks, a dress shirt, a sweater vest, a tie, and loafers
  1553. >Still looking sharp
  1554. "Alright, sweetie, you ready for our first date?"
  1555. >Panic sets in on her face
  1556. >"Hey, whoa! It's not a date if my family is there."
  1557. >Time for more ribbing
  1558. "But you're just a kid. Your family should be there to supervise all our dates."
  1559. >"But isn't supervising other people's children pretty much your job?"
  1560. "I- well, uh, damn, you got me there."
  1561. >"Hurry up, I'm starving"
  1562. "Right behind you."
  1563.  
  1564. >The evening goes pretty uneventfully
  1565. >You ordered an expensive fish meal, Rose got a steak, and her family all got assorted things
  1566. >Things are, for the most part, unremarkable
  1567. >Until, at one point, Rose's mother points out something you never thought of
  1568. >"So, with Rose working after school, you won't get much of a chance to spend time with her except on weekends, eh?"
  1569. >You looks up at her, surprised, but then you realize it for yourself
  1570. "Uh, huh. I guess I didn't think about that. Oh well, I generally have work to do and stay late after the school is closed anyway. Nights and weekends would be our only personal time together anyway."
  1571. >"Oh well. As long as you have time together, that's what matters, right?"
  1572. "Right."
  1573. >You stare into your plate, before setting down your utensils
  1574. "Can I just say, that this... this still just feels, absolutely unreal. No, it's not because I'm actually dating one of my students. It's not that she's six years my junior, and a minor. It's not even that her parents are okay with all of this. It's that, well, that I've found someone like her at all."
  1575. >You look around the table, at all the faces watching you give your speech
  1576. "To be honest, even though I've fooled around with, uh, romance, before, I've never actually felt, well, how do i put this? I've never felt connected to anyone before. The idea of a serious girlfriend that I actually have genuine feelings for, it's a new concept to me. So I just wanted to thank you for enabling me to have that for the first time in my life."
  1577. >Tears
  1578. >Tears everywhere
  1579. >Except Dandelion
  1580. >She's been coloring the kids' menu
  1581. >Her father looks at you and places his hand on yours
  1582. >On the surface, it's a little homo for your liking, but you know what he means by it
  1583. >"It's our pleasure. I only ask one things in return."
  1584. "What's that?"
  1585. >"Stay with her. Keep her happy. Keep her safe. Give your all to her."
  1586. >You look down at your hand, then back up to him
  1587. >You look him directly in the eye, and with the utmost sincerity
  1588. "Sir?"
  1589. >"Yes, Anon?"
  1590. >...
  1591. "That's four things."
  1592. >Laughter
  1593. >Laughter everywhere
  1594. >Including Dandelion this time
  1595. >Funny thing about babies is that when the people around them laugh, they laugh too, like it's an instinct
  1596. >Guess Dandy hasn't outgrown that yet
  1597. >As the meal winds down, you say your goodbyes to Rose's family
  1598. >As you're walking to your car, Rose stops you
  1599. >"Wait right here."
  1600. "Ooooookay."
  1601. >She runs over to her parents and huddles with them
  1602. >They shrug, and you overhear her dad say
  1603. >"I suppose you're old enough to make that decision. You'll have to go ask him."
  1604. >She jogs back over to you
  1605. >"So, Anon, I was wondering if, well, if I could join you, for a, well, I guess you could say a sleepover?"
  1606. "Uh, are you sure that's a good idea?"
  1607. >"Please, pretty please?"
  1608. "Well, as long as it's a sleepover and not a sleep-with, then I'm fine with it."
  1609. >"Yay! I'll get some stuff I need from home and be over in about forty-five minutes."
  1610. "Great, see you there."
  1611. >On the drive home, you wondered what the motivation was for this
  1612. >Maybe just to get comfortable spending the night there?
  1613. >Yeah, that's probably it
  1614. >After all, she does like to take this stuff in steps, after all
  1615.  
  1616. >Eight forty-five, post meridian
  1617. >Seven hours and thirty minutes since you officially agreed to be Roseluck's boyfriend
  1618. >Now she's just come inside your apartment to spend the night
  1619. "So, what do you wanna do?"
  1620. >"Well, the reason I came over was to spend some personal time with you before we begin our routine of working back and forth."
  1621. "I see, and ah, what did you have in mind by 'quality time'?"
  1622. >"Well, I was thinking we could chat, read, study, watch tv or something. Maybe cuddle. Non-sexually, of course."
  1623. "Sounds good to me. Why don't you have a seat over there, and I'll bring us some drinks. No alcohol for you, though."
  1624. >She gives you a mischievous grin
  1625. "No, Rose. I've done all this to avoid doing something illegal."
  1626. >"No, not that, it's just..."
  1627. >She's snickering now, almost uncontrollably
  1628. >"It's just that... shouldn't you be the one who's being offered a seat over there?"
  1629. >...
  1630. "Rose,"
  1631. >...
  1632. "Rose, please..."
  1633. >...
  1634. "Could you at least not literally roll on the floor?"
  1635.  
  1636. >The rest of the night was spent telling stories of your pasts on the couch with Rose on your left, cuddling the whole time
  1637. >Non-sexually, of course
  1638. >Until...
  1639. >"Anon, I-, I-I'm really feeling something."
  1640. "What is it, Shulk?"
  1641. >"I-it's something hot, down there."
  1642. "Rose, I don't-"
  1643. >"Please, I'm not asking you to have sex with me, just give me some kind of release. Please."
  1644. >You sigh
  1645. "Alright, I'll, reach in there and, well, you know..."
  1646. >"Please. It's been building up for so long, and I've been trying to ignore it, but I can't any more."
  1647. >You feel around under the blanket you're sharing, until your hand finds her crotch
  1648. >You begin to rub her through her pajama pants
  1649. >Her face turns to one that, on the surface, appears to be pain, but you know better
  1650. >But just in case
  1651. "Does it hurt?"
  1652. >"N-no, keep going."
  1653. >You slip your hand under her pajamas, feeling for her wet spot on her panties
  1654. >Sure enough, you find it, and apply pressure
  1655. >"Ugh, s-sq-"
  1656. "What? What is it?"
  1657. >"P-p-play.. w-wi-with..."
  1658. >You reach your other hand up her shirt and begin to massage her breast
  1659. "You're not wearing a bra to my sleepover."
  1660. >"Y-y-ye-yeah, s-s-so?"
  1661. >You lean in next to her ear and whisper
  1662. "Ha ha, I was wondering when I'd see your naughty side."
  1663. >As the realization hits her, the cutest thing ever happens
  1664. >She begins laughing and moaning at the same time, each laughing convulsion grinding her body against you, resulting in a pleasure convulsion
  1665. >Eventually she's back down to just moaning
  1666. >"Please, do it. All the way."
  1667. "Okay."
  1668. >You slip your hand inside her panties and begin to feel all around her wet slit
  1669. >You begin to pump your middle finger in and out of her, while grinding her clit with your palm
  1670. "You know, you were right."
  1671. >"About what?"
  1672. "You really do have a puffy vulva."
  1673. >"S-stop that!"
  1674. >Not wanting to violate her consent, you quickly withdraw your hand
  1675. >"No, not that, dummy. I meant the teasing!"
  1676. "Oh, right, right, sorry."
  1677. >You go back to fingering her the way you were before, and she slips her hand down the front of your sweats, starting to work your erection with her hand
  1678. "Personally, I think it's very cute."
  1679. >"Y-you haven't even s-seen it yet."
  1680. "I've seen it the same way a blind person would see it, and I think I actually prefer it this way."
  1681. >She chuckles a bit, her breathing getting heavy and her body moving sharply
  1682. >You can tell she's close
  1683. >"Are you saying you'd want to be blind?"
  1684. >You smile and bring her face close to yours, cradling her head in your hand
  1685. "Of course not. Because then I wouldn't be able to see your beautiful face."
  1686. >You pull her into a deep kiss, her moaning into your mouth driving you crazy with love
  1687. >She finishes all over your hand, her panties, her pajamas, your blanket, your couch
  1688. >Fuck your couch
  1689. >Literally
  1690. >She tiredly falls down, her head resting on your lap
  1691. >"Thank you, sweetie. I needed that."
  1692. "Anything for you, my love."
  1693. >"I suppose I should return the favor."
  1694. "Only if you're sure you want to."
  1695. >"Yeah, I think I do."
  1696. >She pulls your package free from your pants and boxers, and brings it over by her head
  1697. >She starts suckling on the tip in the cutest way possible, while pumping it with her left hand
  1698. "Oh, Rose, this is, man this is just so-"
  1699. "Shh, just enjoy it."
  1700. >She pops back onto your dick, taking a little more than just the tip this time
  1701. >You place a hand on her head and start petting her softly
  1702. "Rose, you're a natural at this. I'm starting to get pretty close. You want it on your face again?"
  1703. >She shakes her head before resuming her routine
  1704. "Rose, I'm almost there, if you don't stop soon I'm gonna pop it in your mouth."
  1705. >She nods her head this time, and you realize that that's what she wanted the whole time
  1706. >With one final groan, your hips drive upward, and you release globs of sticky semen right into her mouth
  1707. >She doesn't stop sucking though
  1708. >She just keeps going, swallowing it all and suckling away
  1709. "Ah, ah, Rose, sweetie, I'm done, time to stop now."
  1710. >She shakes her head at you
  1711. "Rose, really, stop!"
  1712. >She just drives her head further down your shaft
  1713. >At this point it's too much to take
  1714. >You grab her by the head and shove her off to the side
  1715. >"Waaah!"
  1716. >She falls on the floor and looks up to you with an angry demeanor
  1717. >"What the Hell was that for?"
  1718. "I'm sorry, Rose, but, I told you to stop for a reason!"
  1719. >"What, it didn't feel good when I kept sucking on it?"
  1720. "NO!"
  1721. >She looks at you like she thinks you're bullshitting her
  1722. >"What do you mean, 'no'?"
  1723. "After a man orgasms, the tip of his penis becomes super sensitive. If you keep sucking on it like that it can be overwhelming, even painful."
  1724. >"I... I had no idea."
  1725. "I know. I know. But the thing is, Rose, you know that I will always respect you boundaries, right? I'll never do anything you ask me not to do."
  1726. >"Right, I trust you for that."
  1727. "Well, I need the same thing from you. This is a give-and-take thing. I need to know that you're willing to respect my boundaries and stop when I say to stop, just as I'd do for you."
  1728. >She gets up off the floor and sits down next to you
  1729. >"I... you know, being that you're a guy, and you're older and all, I guess I didn't think about the possibility of you having boundaries that I'd need to respect in the first place. I guess I assumed that everything was open to you, and that I'd be the bottleneck who'd decide what happens and what doesn't one hundred percent of the time. Guess I really am just a naive kid, huh?"
  1730. "Not really. To be honest, a majority and grown adults act that way too, assuming that someone else wouldn't have any limits or boundaries of their own. Especially a guy like me."
  1731. >...
  1732. >"I'm getting tired. Guess I should sleep."
  1733. "It is getting pretty late. Where do you want to sleep?"
  1734. >"Can I, sleep with you in your bed?"
  1735. "Well, I suppose that's okay."
  1736. >The two of you climb into bed, and snuggle up together
  1737. >Rose is being the little spoon, and you're being the big serving spoon that you use to get slice of meatloaf
  1738. >You wish to spend more time with her tonight, but you pass out within minutes
  1739. >As you drift off, you smell a faint smell of strawberries, and know in your heart that everything will be okay
  1740.  
  1741. ***
  1742.  
  1743. >You wake up the next day and look at your alarm clock
  1744. >Fifteen minutes until your alarm is set to go off
  1745. >No point in letting Rose get woken up by that awful sound
  1746. >You gently shake her to wake her up
  1747. "C'mon, Rosey, it's morning."
  1748. >"Five more minutes."
  1749. >You manage to coax her out of bed, and get her to go to your bathroom
  1750. >You wait for her to finish before steeping in yourself
  1751. "So, you wanna take a shower first, or you want me to?"
  1752. >"I'd rather take mine first, if you don't mind."
  1753. "Okay then, help yourself. I keep a stock of clean towels so you should have everything you need."
  1754. >You start to walk away from her, but she stops you
  1755. >"Wait," she says, "stay here for a moment."
  1756. "Oooookay," you say, as you look at her quesitonably
  1757. >She takes her t-shirt off, revealing her cute pink bra
  1758. >It's nothing super-special, but it's got a homely sort of cuteness to it
  1759. >Next she slides down her pajama pants revealing a matching set of panties
  1760. >"So, what do you think?"
  1761. >Her overall figure is pretty slim, but she's got some decently sized thighs, and just a but of pudge on her belly
  1762. >Probably from all of those popular sugary drinks all the teens are gulping down
  1763. "Hot damn, you are one very attractive lady, Rose."
  1764. >Nailed it like a mother fucking Ron Swanson woodworking project
  1765. >"Really? You don't think that my thighs and belly are too big?"
  1766. "Are you kidding? You've got just the right amount of everything. It's not like I wanna date a spooky scary skeleton, right?"
  1767. >She giggles a bit, giving a cute snort along the way
  1768. >"Yeah, I guess that would send shivers down your spine, right?"
  1769. "Heh, right. The thing is, Rose, you are perfect to me. It doesn't matter what you look like physically, which I would describe as 'fucking beautiful', by the way. It's who you are that's made me like you. You saw the chance to make me see myself in a better light, and get serious about something for once."
  1770. >"Th-thanks, sweetie. Now, shall I continue.?"
  1771. "If you'd like."
  1772. >She undoes the hooks on her bra and lets it fall to the floor
  1773. >"A bit small for a girl with my kind of figure, right?"
  1774. >...
  1775. "Oh, sorry, I was lost in that beautiful bust of yours. What were you saying?"
  1776. >"Haha, smooth, Anon."
  1777. >She shifts around a bit before looking you in the eyes
  1778. >"Well, this is as far as I've ever gone in showing you my body. Should I go all the way?"
  1779. "Only if you want to."
  1780. >She hooks her thumbs on the side of her panties
  1781. "Wait."
  1782. >"What, you want me to stop?"
  1783. "No, it's just that..."
  1784. >...
  1785. >"Just that what?"
  1786. "It's- there's something you could do for me that'd make this way better."
  1787. >"And what's that?"
  1788. "while you've got your hands hooked on your panties like that, tell me that you're CIA."
  1789. >"Ummm, okay. I'm CIA."
  1790. >You start giggling like a madman
  1791. >Baneposting is one of the few memes about which Rose doesn't know a whole lot
  1792. >She pretty much knows "big guy for you", and that's it
  1793. >You'll have to indoctrinate her as a Brother- er, Sister, soon
  1794. >"Umm, so you got some kind of secret agent fetish, or what?"
  1795. "N-no, it's just, I'll tell you about it later."
  1796. >She sighs and takes her hands out of her panties
  1797. >"You know what, I'm not really in the mood any more."
  1798. "I, uh, WHAT? Aww, dammit dammit son of a bitch dammit."
  1799. >She flashed you a smile quickly before grabbing her panties and yanking them down
  1800. >And here it is, her nude body in all its glory
  1801. >A whooooole lot of glory
  1802. >"So? What do you think?"
  1803. >...
  1804. "Puffy vulva! Puffy vulva!"
  1805. >She glares at you menacingly as she covers her crotchtal region with her hand
  1806. >"Really, dude? I thought you were better than that."
  1807. "I-I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I just- you have no idea how funny that is to anyone who knows about it.'
  1808. >"Well it's not funny to me at all. Try to consider my feelings over your sense of humor just once in a while, okay?"
  1809. >She slams the door to your bathroom and locks it
  1810. >...
  1811. "I'm sorry, sweetie!"
  1812.  
  1813. ***
  1814.  
  1815. >With the two of you showered, you get ready to head off to the school
  1816. >"So, are we gonna go public today?"
  1817. "Well I suppose putting it off until later wouldn't make much of a difference in the long run. The hard part is convincing everyone that I'm not gonna favor you in my class."
  1818. >"Yeah, if I wasn't specifically your student, I imagine things would go a lot more smoothly."
  1819. "Hey, we haven't seen how they'll go yet. Give it time."
  1820. >Rose looks forward, then down at the clock on your car radio
  1821. >"Hey, how come we're like, half an hour early?"
  1822. "I have to get there earlier than the students."
  1823. >"Oh, okay then."
  1824. >She looks up at the school, looking more bored than anything
  1825. "Hope you're ready for an exciting day."
  1826.  
  1827. >The two of you arrive at the school holding hands
  1828. >As you walk up to the door, several students are staring and whispering
  1829. >Honestly you'd be weirded out if they didn't
  1830. >Two girls, one with mint skin and light mint hair, and another with cream skin and blue and pink hair, run up to you two
  1831. >The mint one looks and Rose, and at you, and back at Rose and asks
  1832. >"Rose? What's going on? Why are you holding teach's hand?"
  1833. >Rose beams at her, and in her most casual, friendly voice ever, she responds
  1834. >"Congratulations, you get to be the first to know: I'm dating him!"
  1835. >She smiles at her friends silently for a minute
  1836. >Minty and White Room by Cream both stare at her
  1837. >...
  1838. >"Lyra, Bon Bon, please..."
  1839. >...
  1840. >"Could you at least not roll around on the ground? You're gonna get dirty."
  1841. >Eventually Mint Biped manages to stand up and speak again
  1842. >"You always were a kidder, Rose."
  1843. >You've wanted to keep quiet, but this time you just can't
  1844. "Don't you mean 'Steve'?"
  1845. >The three girls look at you, and then they all get it at once
  1846. >Their laughter fills the air
  1847. >It's not quite as heavy as when Rose first revealed your relationship, but it's there
  1848. >Of course the two friends both thought that said revelation was merely a joke
  1849. >Seems that these two share Rose's (and your) arcane knowledge of internet culture and in-jokes
  1850. >Time to break it to them
  1851. "But anyway, she's telling the truth. She and I are a couple. We're going to be dating from now on."
  1852. >Caught off guard, they give you the classic 'wha-huh?' looks
  1853. >Rose wraps her arms around your shoulders
  1854. >Then she jumps up and wraps her legs around you to hold herself up
  1855. >Just in time you wrap your arm under her to support her
  1856. >She leans toward you and gives you a peck on the cheek
  1857. >"Whoa," says Light Green Upright-standing Creature Displaying High-Level Intelligence Including But Not Limited To Speech,
  1858. >"Bon Bon, I think they're for real."
  1859. >That rules out who's named what
  1860. >"Well I still think this is just a joke of theirs. A very inappropriate joke if you ask me."
  1861. >You turn your head to face Rose, and kiss her
  1862. >Right on the mouth
  1863. >Not very deep or sloppy
  1864. >Just passionate enough to make it undeniable
  1865. >You turn to the two shocked people and say
  1866. "Is no joke, comrades. Love too stronk."
  1867. >After a moment of smiling at them, while they look at you dumbfoundedly, you turn to the side toward the door
  1868. >Then you walk away, still carrying your girlfriend like a sack of flour
  1869. >Not just those two, but all the students around are stunned
  1870. >Paralyzed
  1871. >Immobilized
  1872. >No motion anywhere
  1873. >You walk into the school with Rose on your side
  1874. >This is gonna be an interesting day
  1875.  
  1876. >As you walk through the hallways (Rose has dismounted you by now), Celestia is leaning out of her office, beckoning you inside
  1877. >You and Rose walk in, and she slams the door behind you, before walking back to her desk
  1878. >Usually whenever Celestia is angry or disappointed, she remains calm and collected, using her words to express her frustration
  1879. >Not this time
  1880. >"AND JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"
  1881. >She stares at you for a minute, her fuming rivaling that of a Hummer in low gear
  1882. >Rose is cowering behind you, and even though you don't show it, you're pretty scared too
  1883. >Nonetheless, your inner Anonymous shines through
  1884. >"WELL?!" she asks impatiently
  1885. "Huh? OH! Sorry, I thought that was rhetorical. You see, we were walking up to the school holding hands, standard couple stuff-"
  1886. >"I'm gonna stop you right there-"
  1887. "Are you real happy for me? Are you gonna let me finish?"
  1888. >"YOU'RE NOT HELPING, ANON!"
  1889. "Right. Right. So, anyway, we kissed before we headed inside."
  1890. >She takes a deep breath and begins to collect herself
  1891. >"Anonymous. You have really crossed a line here. I know that you've gone to length to keep it legal, but you realize this is going to cause a lot of trouble, right?"
  1892. "Look, I understand. I understand this is going to cause a lot of drama, and a lot of work, especially for you. But we can't stand to keep it a secret."
  1893. >Rose starts to come out from behind you, gaining confidence
  1894. >Celestia looks at you like she's plotting your murder, but she simply says
  1895. >"Go on."
  1896. "The idea of seeing each other each and every day, but not being able to show our love. Having to hide away such a huge part of our lives, the thought is unbearable."
  1897. >"You know, for only having been together a few days, you sure do seem confident that you truly love her."
  1898. >Rose and Celestia both look at you intently, and yet in different ways
  1899. >Rose is simply waiting for your response, wondering what you'll say
  1900. >Celestia is waiting for your excuse, wondering how you'll word your way out of this one
  1901. "You know, there's something I haven't told either of you, and the reason is that I've been trying to deny it to myself ever since I began to suspect it."
  1902. >Rose and Tia do what they've done on at least one occasion before
  1903. >They ask you the same question, at the same time
  1904. >"What's that?"
  1905. "I... I suspected that I had feelings for Rose long ago, when i first started tutoring her. I didn't want to believe it myself. I wanted to believe that I had no interest in her. I wanted to believe that Sunday was the first time I truly took an interest in her. While it's true that I may have lied to both of you, it's only because I was lying to myself."
  1906. >Both of them are silent for a while
  1907. >"I too, felt like I liked you for a long time, but I knew you wouldn't give me a chance until I was older. But... but why did you have to hide it from me?"
  1908. >You give a heavy sigh, knowing that things are about to get complicated and shitty
  1909. "See, here's the thing: when you first came here as a freshman, you were only 13, about to turn 14. I was just starting out as a tutor for hire. I wasn't even a substitute teacher yet. What really made me like you was how much you cared about not only doing well yourself, but helping the others do their best too."
  1910. >"Well I-"
  1911. >She stops and the two of you look over at Celestia to see what that crunching noise is
  1912. >She's eating popcorn from a snack bag
  1913. >"Go on," she says
  1914. >"O...okay, I was gonna say, Anon, that that's the reason that I fell in... like, with you."
  1915. >It seems she's still not ready to say the big "L" word yet
  1916. >You humor her by using the same idiom
  1917. "So you fell in like with me because I try to help others? A lot of people who are way better than me do the same thing."
  1918. >"And I fell in love with you because you were willing to go to all that trouble just to give me a shot."
  1919. >Whoa
  1920. >Looks like she IS ready for the big "L" word
  1921. >It's at this point that you almost start to realize just how RIDICULOUSLY fast everything's been moving
  1922. >What's the best way to take your mind off of it?
  1923. >OF COURSE!
  1924. >Humor!
  1925. >You smile at Rose with your "You're about to get fuckin' roasted, kid" look
  1926. "Going to all that trouble? Hey, you were the one that got pepper sprayed just to get a job here because I told you you had to."
  1927. >Celestia starts choking on her popcorn, desperately trying to pour herself some water
  1928. >After a minute of haphazardly fumbling with the cups, she internally says 'fuck it' and starts drinking from the jug
  1929. >As she sits there hacking, you can't help but mildly chuckle at her
  1930. "I take it you haven't heard that story. Remind me some other time to tell you."
  1931. >"Will do. In the mean time, you two need to get going."
  1932. "Right. Off to class."
  1933. >And off to class you go
  1934. >But before you guys make it far, Rose stops you
  1935. >"Wait, before I forget, can we all meet at Anon's tonight?"
  1936. >You look over at Celestia
  1937. >She shrugs and says
  1938. >"I don't see why not, if Anon is okay with it. But I must ask, what for?"
  1939. >Rose grins cheekily at you two and says
  1940. >"So you two can finish what you started yesterday."
  1941. >At this she runs off down the hall before you can respond
  1942. >You look over at Celestia, who's just a bit taken aback
  1943. >You grin from cheek to cheek before walking out the door
  1944. >As you walk, you bounce and rotate your pointing hands in circles
  1945. >Right before ducking out of sight, you stop with both hands pointed at her and wink
  1946.  
  1947. >You are Celestia
  1948. >You are so fucking done
EQG Cheerilee Equestria Girls

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