/k/ Anon & Spider Shim: A Very/k/ammando Christmas


                                            >It's Christmas Eve and you are Anon.

                                            >It's also somewhere around 11 o'clock, But you can't quite fall asleep.

                                            >Not because of the last nocturnal problem you had.

                                            >Those cheeky grey fuckwits haven't bothered you since you held one of them at gunpoint.

                                            >No, tonight you can't sleep because last Christmas some fine upstanding gentleman broke into you and Sunset's apartment, stole the presents you left under the tree, broke a crowbar on your gun safe, and took a steaming shit right in your coffee maker.

                                            >And the two of you slept right through it.

                                            >So this year you're camped out right next to the fire escape with a Mossberg Shockwave loaded with some birdshot and one of Pinkie's special "cupcake shells", whatever those are.

                                            >The chair you've been sitting in is a bit too comfy and you feel yourself drifting off.

                                            >With a snort you jump up as a blast of icy wind cuts through your half-opened bathrobe.

                                            >Through the darkness of the room you see a shadow moving by the tree.

                                            >Rasing the totally legal non-SBS, you command the shape.

                                            "Stop whatever it is your doing, turn around, and put your hands behind your head."

                                            >The shape chuckles, jiggling slightly.

                                            "I said turn around, fatso!"

                                            >The rotund shadow rises, still chuckling.

                                            >"You know that pointing a shotgun at someone is a naughty thing to do, Anon!"

                                            "Yeah, well so is breaking and entering."

                                            >The fat shadow turns and gives a full belly laugh.

                                            >"So it is, Anon."

                                            >You almost drop the Shockwave.

                                            >Standing before you is Chris Kringle himself.

                                            >And you're holding the jolly old elf at gunpoint.

                                            "Fuck."