GREEN
274
0
2036 11.09 KB 195
2036 11.09 KB 195
-
>Sleep?
-
>Who needs sleep?
-
>You don’t, you’ve been restless all night.
-
>Still being tormented by those fucking thoughts.
-
>Each time it shrinks the flame of hope you have little by little.
-
>You even tried sleeping pills, didn’t make you fall asleep, just more tired.
-
>Getting up from your bed again, you try to distract yourself.
-
“All I have to do is kill time, I’ll go over to my parents shortly, they will help.”
-
>’You honestly think that?”
-
>Squeezing your eyes shut, you let out a long groan.
-
“I fucking hate this.”
-
>’Hate it all you want, but you cannot deny the truth Connie.’
-
“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.”
-
>Heading into the living room, you see the clock says it’s still early.
-
>’Waiting for the right time? How sad, you really think there is a perfect time to visit them?’
-
>You try to ignore it and look over some papers on your desk.
-
>Various notes are still scattered on papers, mostly from when you were energized.
-
>The party you never had for getting first chair, visiting your parents, composing some music.
-
“Wish I had the sense to follow through some of these when I had the chance.”
-
>’Wouldn’t have mattered. You were being arrogant for getting first chair, you rarely visit family, and you really think you could be original enough to write your own music?’
-
>You grit your teeth, these thoughts are becoming unbearable.
-
“I could’ve tried, that’s what matters.”
-
>’Tried? What kind of excuse is that? No pony who mattered tried, they did it, unlike you.’
-
>You stand abruptly, shoving your chair aside and scream.
-
“THAT’S NOT TRUE!”
-
>As you shake from adrenaline, you shake your head furiously and stomp your hoof.
-
“This is insanity, I have to stop acknowledging these damn thoughts. Figured I’d learn by now, but no, I keep taking the bait.”
-
>Breathing in and releasing it slowly, you start to get yourself under control once more.
-
-
>Relief isn’t given to you though, instead that numbness returns.
-
>You hear a knocking at the front door.
-
>Letting out a long sigh, you know who it is, one of your neighbors.
-
>Upon answering it, you see you’re right.
-
>”Hello Connie, I don’t know what’s going on, but could you keep it down?”
-
>You feel your eye twitch.
-
>Don’t unload on him, don’t unload on him.
-
“Yeah, sorry, it won’t happen again.”
-
>He gives you a smile and nods.
-
>You close the door and sit down.
-
“I can’t keep doing this. Almost all day yesterday and last night.”
-
>As you get up to get your things, a stray thought enters your mind causing you to pause.
-
“Eri says cutting herself helps with the thoughts and pain.”
-
>Your eyes widen and you feel dread.
-
“What am I saying? I would never do that.”
-
>But the thought remains, you could hurt yourself to silence the thoughts.
-
“No, I have to stop this. I’ll go now, I can’t wait any longer.”
-
>You gather your things as quick as you can, your heart races.
-
>Fear and anxiety haven’t let up, only worsened, slowing you down.
-
“Just get what I need, just the essentials, then head to mother and father’s home.”
-
>You drop a few items, and even stumble a little.
-
>Thoughts are racing, it’s getting harder to focus.
-
>Thankfully, you have what you need in your bags and you put them on.
-
“I have to try to calm down, I don’t want to pass out.”
-
>You take a moment to pause and breath slowly.
-
>Your heart starts to slow down, and things become a little clearer once more.
-
>It doesn’t stop the dread within.
-
“Good enough, time to go.”
-
>Locking up as you go out, you head outside and hail a taxi.
-
>The fact they live on the other side of the city doesn’t help you any.
-
“Just get to mother and father, that’s all I have to do.”
-
>Your patience starts to wear thin, as there is no taxi stopping.
-
“Could this get any worse? No, don’t think that.”
-
-
>A few ponies stare as you talk to yourself.
-
>Straightening up, you gather yourself.
-
>I have to stop talking to myself like that.
-
>Eventually you manage to flag a taxi, and you get aboard.
-
>Along the way, your mind starts to race again.
-
>Everything will be fine, mother and father will be home.
-
>’And what if they aren’t?’
-
>They will be.
-
>’There is a chance they won’t be home Connie, remember they have their own lives.’
-
>Shut up!
-
>Just shut the hell up!
-
>I’m tired of hearing these thoughts.
-
>You’re unable to stop yourself from tearing up.
-
>No, no, no, no!
-
>Keep it together dammit, I can do this.
-
>Looking around, you take in the sights in an attempt to calm yourself.
-
>Honestly, Manehattan can be beautiful at times.
-
>The various buildings, while sometimes looking similar, remind you of a jigsaw puzzle.
-
>Scenery passes, and it starts to soothe you.
-
>Exhaustion finally settling in, your eyes feel heavy
-
“Suppose I could rest for now, wouldn’t hurt.”
-
>Closing your eyes, sleep takes its hold at last.
-
>Dreams are a mishmash of various memories.
-
>The concert, meeting Eri, your first home.
-
>However, it is not to last, and you are woken up the taxi driver.
-
>”Hey, get up. We’re here.”
-
>You nod, letting out a yawn and hoofing over some bits.
-
“Keep the change.”
-
>He takes off, leaving you in arguably, one of the highest residential areas in Manehattan.
-
>A weight slowly lifts from you, and you feel some peace.
-
>The large house in front of you hasn’t changed since you last saw it.
-
>You trot up to the front door, each step you feel the flame of hope grow within.
-
“Everything will be fine.”
-
>Grabbing the door knocker, you knock three times and wait.
-
>Front lawn is short just like father likes it, still has that oak that you used to sit under and read.
-
>Minutes pass and you knock again.
-
“Probably didn’t hear me, not a problem.”
-
-
>More time passes, and still nothing.
-
>’No pony is home Connie.’
-
>Ignoring the thought and the rising fear, you knock again.
-
>This time louder.
-
>Still nothing.
-
>’No pony to help you.’
-
“That’s not true, they have to be home, they can’t be gone now when I need them.”
-
>Your heart starts to race, and you feel a cold sweat trickle down your barrel.
-
>’You’re alone.’
-
>Letting the fear get the best of you, you rear up and buck the door.
-
“Please answer the door, I need you!”
-
>A pair of hoof marks are on the door, but you don’t care.
-
>You start to beat on the door in terror.
-
“Please answer me, don’t ignore me!”
-
>After beating on the door and pleading for a while, your hooves and throat hurt.
-
>Tears flow freely down your face.
-
>You lay against the door and sob.
-
>Whatever flame of hope you once had, is now but an ember.
-
“Please...”
-
>Evening has started to roll in, and you finally ran out of tears.
-
>Getting up, you start the long trot home.
-
>You feel completely hollow, like somepony cut your insides out.
-
>It’s the worst feeling you have ever felt.
-
>Eventually, you approach a store.
-
>Rather than giving into those thoughts of cutting yourself, you’ll opt for drinking instead.
-
>Heard that drinking can numb the pain, might help.
-
>At this point you’ll try anything.
-
>You’re not sure what to buy, so you pick up some whiskey.
-
>’That won’t help you.’
-
“I don’t care.”
-
>As it gets darker, you keep your head low.
-
>’So pathetic, you really have given up now.’
-
>You ignore it and keep trotting along.
-
>Finally, you arrive on your block.
-
>Hooves are heavy and your heart more so.
-
>You pause in front of the mail boxes.
-
>It wouldn’t hurt to check, right?
-
>One last check to see if anypony wrote you.
-
>A few letters, but one catches your eye.
-
>It’s from Eri.
-
-
>You don’t hesitate and open the letter right there.
-
>Dear Connie, I’m sorry I didn’t write you sooner. I got both of your letters and that’s awesome to hear you earned that chair. Things have been rough here, and I have been having trouble as of recent with my problems. There are times where it feels like my loneliness will consume me. Then I read one of your letters and remember that you’re my friend. I’m still holding onto hope like you said. Maybe one day, I could come visit you like you visit me. I’m still writing poetry, I still think it’s shit, even if you don’t think so. I’ve been trying to go out more, it’s really fucking hard. The other day I went to Sugarcube Corner all on my own. Can’t believe I wrote that, it sounds like I’m a filly again. I won’t let this letter drag on anymore than it already has. Write me back soon and take care. -Eri
-
>You’re frozen.
-
“She didn’t ignore me.”
-
>’That was just a fluke.’
-
“Fuck off, you’re just trying to hurt me.”
-
>’Didn’t stop you from buying that bottle Connie.’
-
“Shut up!”
-
>A voice comes from behind you.
-
>”Excuse me?”
-
>Shooting around, you see Feather standing there.
-
“What are you doing here?”
-
>She looks confused and concerned.
-
>”I was just passing by, and I heard you yell.”
-
>Of course she did, you’ve been talking to yourself.
-
>Wait, this is not the time for internal dialogue.
-
>You shake your head, this is your one chance.
-
“You’re right I did.”
-
>Taking a deep breath, you prepare yourself.
-
>’Don’t do this Connie! You can’t trust her! She’ll lie to you and stab you in the back!’
-
“Feather, I know we haven’t been friends for long, but I need somepony I can trust right now.”
-
>She raises an eyebrow.
-
>”Okay, is something the matter?”
-
>You tell her everything, the weird spike in energy and the dark thoughts.
-
>She stands there, listening the whole time.
-
-
>As you finish, you hold onto that little ember as tight as you can.
-
>Dearly hoping for her to be the one to save you.
-
>”That’s a lot to take in, and you’re putting an awful lot of trust in me. However, I would never turn down helping another pony in their time of need.”
-
>The ember finally roars into a large flame.
-
>With that, you cry tears of joy.
-
“Thank you!”
-
>You pull her into a hug tightly and cry into her.
-
>She awkwardly holds you, but tries to reassure you.
-
>”Everything will be okay, we will get you through this.”
-
>The two of you stand there for a while, and eventually, you stop crying.
-
>”Let’s get you inside, and we can figure things out from there.”
-
“Yes...yes you’re right.”
-
>You both make your way up to your apartment and settle in for the night.
-
>The days that follow are difficult, but she is there with you, helping you out.
-
>The medical tests came back negative, but Doctor Heart recommended you to a therapist.
-
>Since then, you’ve learned that you suffer from bipolar disorder.
-
>Unfortunately it’s not fully understood at this time.
-
>With therapy and some medicine, you’ve learned how to handle it better.
-
>Soon you will be playing with the rest of the Manehattan Symphony Orchestra again.
-
>Speaking of which, you’re practicing now.
-
>You feel joy and play in harmony like you used to.
-
>Turns out your parents were gone for the night, had you waited around, you would’ve seen them.
-
>It’s fortunate that you read Eri’s letter when you did.
-
>A part of you worries what would’ve happened, had you not.
-
>That’s in the past now, you look forward to the future.
-
>A more stable future with friends.
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon