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/emo/ Unstable Symphony, chp 8 (End)

By NHanon
Created: 23rd October 2020 03:54:07 PM

  1. >Sleep?
  2. >Who needs sleep?
  3. >You don’t, you’ve been restless all night.
  4. >Still being tormented by those fucking thoughts.
  5. >Each time it shrinks the flame of hope you have little by little.
  6. >You even tried sleeping pills, didn’t make you fall asleep, just more tired.
  7. >Getting up from your bed again, you try to distract yourself.
  8. “All I have to do is kill time, I’ll go over to my parents shortly, they will help.”
  9. >’You honestly think that?”
  10. >Squeezing your eyes shut, you let out a long groan.
  11. “I fucking hate this.”
  12. >’Hate it all you want, but you cannot deny the truth Connie.’
  13. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.”
  14. >Heading into the living room, you see the clock says it’s still early.
  15. >’Waiting for the right time? How sad, you really think there is a perfect time to visit them?’
  16. >You try to ignore it and look over some papers on your desk.
  17. >Various notes are still scattered on papers, mostly from when you were energized.
  18. >The party you never had for getting first chair, visiting your parents, composing some music.
  19. “Wish I had the sense to follow through some of these when I had the chance.”
  20. >’Wouldn’t have mattered. You were being arrogant for getting first chair, you rarely visit family, and you really think you could be original enough to write your own music?’
  21. >You grit your teeth, these thoughts are becoming unbearable.
  22. “I could’ve tried, that’s what matters.”
  23. >’Tried? What kind of excuse is that? No pony who mattered tried, they did it, unlike you.’
  24. >You stand abruptly, shoving your chair aside and scream.
  25. “THAT’S NOT TRUE!”
  26. >As you shake from adrenaline, you shake your head furiously and stomp your hoof.
  27. “This is insanity, I have to stop acknowledging these damn thoughts. Figured I’d learn by now, but no, I keep taking the bait.”
  28. >Breathing in and releasing it slowly, you start to get yourself under control once more.
  29.  
  30. >Relief isn’t given to you though, instead that numbness returns.
  31. >You hear a knocking at the front door.
  32. >Letting out a long sigh, you know who it is, one of your neighbors.
  33. >Upon answering it, you see you’re right.
  34. >”Hello Connie, I don’t know what’s going on, but could you keep it down?”
  35. >You feel your eye twitch.
  36. >Don’t unload on him, don’t unload on him.
  37. “Yeah, sorry, it won’t happen again.”
  38. >He gives you a smile and nods.
  39. >You close the door and sit down.
  40. “I can’t keep doing this. Almost all day yesterday and last night.”
  41. >As you get up to get your things, a stray thought enters your mind causing you to pause.
  42. “Eri says cutting herself helps with the thoughts and pain.”
  43. >Your eyes widen and you feel dread.
  44. “What am I saying? I would never do that.”
  45. >But the thought remains, you could hurt yourself to silence the thoughts.
  46. “No, I have to stop this. I’ll go now, I can’t wait any longer.”
  47. >You gather your things as quick as you can, your heart races.
  48. >Fear and anxiety haven’t let up, only worsened, slowing you down.
  49. “Just get what I need, just the essentials, then head to mother and father’s home.”
  50. >You drop a few items, and even stumble a little.
  51. >Thoughts are racing, it’s getting harder to focus.
  52. >Thankfully, you have what you need in your bags and you put them on.
  53. “I have to try to calm down, I don’t want to pass out.”
  54. >You take a moment to pause and breath slowly.
  55. >Your heart starts to slow down, and things become a little clearer once more.
  56. >It doesn’t stop the dread within.
  57. “Good enough, time to go.”
  58. >Locking up as you go out, you head outside and hail a taxi.
  59. >The fact they live on the other side of the city doesn’t help you any.
  60. “Just get to mother and father, that’s all I have to do.”
  61. >Your patience starts to wear thin, as there is no taxi stopping.
  62. “Could this get any worse? No, don’t think that.”
  63.  
  64. >A few ponies stare as you talk to yourself.
  65. >Straightening up, you gather yourself.
  66. >I have to stop talking to myself like that.
  67. >Eventually you manage to flag a taxi, and you get aboard.
  68. >Along the way, your mind starts to race again.
  69. >Everything will be fine, mother and father will be home.
  70. >’And what if they aren’t?’
  71. >They will be.
  72. >’There is a chance they won’t be home Connie, remember they have their own lives.’
  73. >Shut up!
  74. >Just shut the hell up!
  75. >I’m tired of hearing these thoughts.
  76. >You’re unable to stop yourself from tearing up.
  77. >No, no, no, no!
  78. >Keep it together dammit, I can do this.
  79. >Looking around, you take in the sights in an attempt to calm yourself.
  80. >Honestly, Manehattan can be beautiful at times.
  81. >The various buildings, while sometimes looking similar, remind you of a jigsaw puzzle.
  82. >Scenery passes, and it starts to soothe you.
  83. >Exhaustion finally settling in, your eyes feel heavy
  84. “Suppose I could rest for now, wouldn’t hurt.”
  85. >Closing your eyes, sleep takes its hold at last.
  86. >Dreams are a mishmash of various memories.
  87. >The concert, meeting Eri, your first home.
  88. >However, it is not to last, and you are woken up the taxi driver.
  89. >”Hey, get up. We’re here.”
  90. >You nod, letting out a yawn and hoofing over some bits.
  91. “Keep the change.”
  92. >He takes off, leaving you in arguably, one of the highest residential areas in Manehattan.
  93. >A weight slowly lifts from you, and you feel some peace.
  94. >The large house in front of you hasn’t changed since you last saw it.
  95. >You trot up to the front door, each step you feel the flame of hope grow within.
  96. “Everything will be fine.”
  97. >Grabbing the door knocker, you knock three times and wait.
  98. >Front lawn is short just like father likes it, still has that oak that you used to sit under and read.
  99. >Minutes pass and you knock again.
  100. “Probably didn’t hear me, not a problem.”
  101.  
  102. >More time passes, and still nothing.
  103. >’No pony is home Connie.’
  104. >Ignoring the thought and the rising fear, you knock again.
  105. >This time louder.
  106. >Still nothing.
  107. >’No pony to help you.’
  108. “That’s not true, they have to be home, they can’t be gone now when I need them.”
  109. >Your heart starts to race, and you feel a cold sweat trickle down your barrel.
  110. >’You’re alone.’
  111. >Letting the fear get the best of you, you rear up and buck the door.
  112. “Please answer the door, I need you!”
  113. >A pair of hoof marks are on the door, but you don’t care.
  114. >You start to beat on the door in terror.
  115. “Please answer me, don’t ignore me!”
  116. >After beating on the door and pleading for a while, your hooves and throat hurt.
  117. >Tears flow freely down your face.
  118. >You lay against the door and sob.
  119. >Whatever flame of hope you once had, is now but an ember.
  120. “Please...”
  121. >Evening has started to roll in, and you finally ran out of tears.
  122. >Getting up, you start the long trot home.
  123. >You feel completely hollow, like somepony cut your insides out.
  124. >It’s the worst feeling you have ever felt.
  125. >Eventually, you approach a store.
  126. >Rather than giving into those thoughts of cutting yourself, you’ll opt for drinking instead.
  127. >Heard that drinking can numb the pain, might help.
  128. >At this point you’ll try anything.
  129. >You’re not sure what to buy, so you pick up some whiskey.
  130. >’That won’t help you.’
  131. “I don’t care.”
  132. >As it gets darker, you keep your head low.
  133. >’So pathetic, you really have given up now.’
  134. >You ignore it and keep trotting along.
  135. >Finally, you arrive on your block.
  136. >Hooves are heavy and your heart more so.
  137. >You pause in front of the mail boxes.
  138. >It wouldn’t hurt to check, right?
  139. >One last check to see if anypony wrote you.
  140. >A few letters, but one catches your eye.
  141. >It’s from Eri.
  142.  
  143. >You don’t hesitate and open the letter right there.
  144. >Dear Connie, I’m sorry I didn’t write you sooner. I got both of your letters and that’s awesome to hear you earned that chair. Things have been rough here, and I have been having trouble as of recent with my problems. There are times where it feels like my loneliness will consume me. Then I read one of your letters and remember that you’re my friend. I’m still holding onto hope like you said. Maybe one day, I could come visit you like you visit me. I’m still writing poetry, I still think it’s shit, even if you don’t think so. I’ve been trying to go out more, it’s really fucking hard. The other day I went to Sugarcube Corner all on my own. Can’t believe I wrote that, it sounds like I’m a filly again. I won’t let this letter drag on anymore than it already has. Write me back soon and take care. -Eri
  145. >You’re frozen.
  146. “She didn’t ignore me.”
  147. >’That was just a fluke.’
  148. “Fuck off, you’re just trying to hurt me.”
  149. >’Didn’t stop you from buying that bottle Connie.’
  150. “Shut up!”
  151. >A voice comes from behind you.
  152. >”Excuse me?”
  153. >Shooting around, you see Feather standing there.
  154. “What are you doing here?”
  155. >She looks confused and concerned.
  156. >”I was just passing by, and I heard you yell.”
  157. >Of course she did, you’ve been talking to yourself.
  158. >Wait, this is not the time for internal dialogue.
  159. >You shake your head, this is your one chance.
  160. “You’re right I did.”
  161. >Taking a deep breath, you prepare yourself.
  162. >’Don’t do this Connie! You can’t trust her! She’ll lie to you and stab you in the back!’
  163. “Feather, I know we haven’t been friends for long, but I need somepony I can trust right now.”
  164. >She raises an eyebrow.
  165. >”Okay, is something the matter?”
  166. >You tell her everything, the weird spike in energy and the dark thoughts.
  167. >She stands there, listening the whole time.
  168.  
  169. >As you finish, you hold onto that little ember as tight as you can.
  170. >Dearly hoping for her to be the one to save you.
  171. >”That’s a lot to take in, and you’re putting an awful lot of trust in me. However, I would never turn down helping another pony in their time of need.”
  172. >The ember finally roars into a large flame.
  173. >With that, you cry tears of joy.
  174. “Thank you!”
  175. >You pull her into a hug tightly and cry into her.
  176. >She awkwardly holds you, but tries to reassure you.
  177. >”Everything will be okay, we will get you through this.”
  178. >The two of you stand there for a while, and eventually, you stop crying.
  179. >”Let’s get you inside, and we can figure things out from there.”
  180. “Yes...yes you’re right.”
  181. >You both make your way up to your apartment and settle in for the night.
  182. >The days that follow are difficult, but she is there with you, helping you out.
  183. >The medical tests came back negative, but Doctor Heart recommended you to a therapist.
  184. >Since then, you’ve learned that you suffer from bipolar disorder.
  185. >Unfortunately it’s not fully understood at this time.
  186. >With therapy and some medicine, you’ve learned how to handle it better.
  187. >Soon you will be playing with the rest of the Manehattan Symphony Orchestra again.
  188. >Speaking of which, you’re practicing now.
  189. >You feel joy and play in harmony like you used to.
  190. >Turns out your parents were gone for the night, had you waited around, you would’ve seen them.
  191. >It’s fortunate that you read Eri’s letter when you did.
  192. >A part of you worries what would’ve happened, had you not.
  193. >That’s in the past now, you look forward to the future.
  194. >A more stable future with friends.
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