GREEN
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2036 11.09 KB 195
2036 11.09 KB 195
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>Sleep?
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>Who needs sleep?
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>You don’t, you’ve been restless all night.
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>Still being tormented by those fucking thoughts.
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>Each time it shrinks the flame of hope you have little by little.
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>You even tried sleeping pills, didn’t make you fall asleep, just more tired.
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>Getting up from your bed again, you try to distract yourself.
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“All I have to do is kill time, I’ll go over to my parents shortly, they will help.”
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>’You honestly think that?”
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>Squeezing your eyes shut, you let out a long groan.
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“I fucking hate this.”
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>’Hate it all you want, but you cannot deny the truth Connie.’
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“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.”
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>Heading into the living room, you see the clock says it’s still early.
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>’Waiting for the right time? How sad, you really think there is a perfect time to visit them?’
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>You try to ignore it and look over some papers on your desk.
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>Various notes are still scattered on papers, mostly from when you were energized.
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>The party you never had for getting first chair, visiting your parents, composing some music.
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“Wish I had the sense to follow through some of these when I had the chance.”
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>’Wouldn’t have mattered. You were being arrogant for getting first chair, you rarely visit family, and you really think you could be original enough to write your own music?’
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>You grit your teeth, these thoughts are becoming unbearable.
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“I could’ve tried, that’s what matters.”
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>’Tried? What kind of excuse is that? No pony who mattered tried, they did it, unlike you.’
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>You stand abruptly, shoving your chair aside and scream.
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“THAT’S NOT TRUE!”
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>As you shake from adrenaline, you shake your head furiously and stomp your hoof.
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“This is insanity, I have to stop acknowledging these damn thoughts. Figured I’d learn by now, but no, I keep taking the bait.”
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>Breathing in and releasing it slowly, you start to get yourself under control once more.
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>Relief isn’t given to you though, instead that numbness returns.
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>You hear a knocking at the front door.
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>Letting out a long sigh, you know who it is, one of your neighbors.
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>Upon answering it, you see you’re right.
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>”Hello Connie, I don’t know what’s going on, but could you keep it down?”
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>You feel your eye twitch.
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>Don’t unload on him, don’t unload on him.
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“Yeah, sorry, it won’t happen again.”
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>He gives you a smile and nods.
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>You close the door and sit down.
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“I can’t keep doing this. Almost all day yesterday and last night.”
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>As you get up to get your things, a stray thought enters your mind causing you to pause.
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“Eri says cutting herself helps with the thoughts and pain.”
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>Your eyes widen and you feel dread.
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“What am I saying? I would never do that.”
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>But the thought remains, you could hurt yourself to silence the thoughts.
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“No, I have to stop this. I’ll go now, I can’t wait any longer.”
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>You gather your things as quick as you can, your heart races.
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>Fear and anxiety haven’t let up, only worsened, slowing you down.
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“Just get what I need, just the essentials, then head to mother and father’s home.”
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>You drop a few items, and even stumble a little.
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>Thoughts are racing, it’s getting harder to focus.
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>Thankfully, you have what you need in your bags and you put them on.
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“I have to try to calm down, I don’t want to pass out.”
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>You take a moment to pause and breath slowly.
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>Your heart starts to slow down, and things become a little clearer once more.
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>It doesn’t stop the dread within.
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“Good enough, time to go.”
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>Locking up as you go out, you head outside and hail a taxi.
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>The fact they live on the other side of the city doesn’t help you any.
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“Just get to mother and father, that’s all I have to do.”
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>Your patience starts to wear thin, as there is no taxi stopping.
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“Could this get any worse? No, don’t think that.”
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>A few ponies stare as you talk to yourself.
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>Straightening up, you gather yourself.
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>I have to stop talking to myself like that.
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>Eventually you manage to flag a taxi, and you get aboard.
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>Along the way, your mind starts to race again.
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>Everything will be fine, mother and father will be home.
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>’And what if they aren’t?’
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>They will be.
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>’There is a chance they won’t be home Connie, remember they have their own lives.’
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>Shut up!
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>Just shut the hell up!
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>I’m tired of hearing these thoughts.
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>You’re unable to stop yourself from tearing up.
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>No, no, no, no!
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>Keep it together dammit, I can do this.
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>Looking around, you take in the sights in an attempt to calm yourself.
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>Honestly, Manehattan can be beautiful at times.
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>The various buildings, while sometimes looking similar, remind you of a jigsaw puzzle.
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>Scenery passes, and it starts to soothe you.
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>Exhaustion finally settling in, your eyes feel heavy
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“Suppose I could rest for now, wouldn’t hurt.”
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>Closing your eyes, sleep takes its hold at last.
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>Dreams are a mishmash of various memories.
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>The concert, meeting Eri, your first home.
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>However, it is not to last, and you are woken up the taxi driver.
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>”Hey, get up. We’re here.”
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>You nod, letting out a yawn and hoofing over some bits.
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“Keep the change.”
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>He takes off, leaving you in arguably, one of the highest residential areas in Manehattan.
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>A weight slowly lifts from you, and you feel some peace.
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>The large house in front of you hasn’t changed since you last saw it.
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>You trot up to the front door, each step you feel the flame of hope grow within.
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“Everything will be fine.”
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>Grabbing the door knocker, you knock three times and wait.
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>Front lawn is short just like father likes it, still has that oak that you used to sit under and read.
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>Minutes pass and you knock again.
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“Probably didn’t hear me, not a problem.”
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>More time passes, and still nothing.
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>’No pony is home Connie.’
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>Ignoring the thought and the rising fear, you knock again.
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>This time louder.
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>Still nothing.
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>’No pony to help you.’
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“That’s not true, they have to be home, they can’t be gone now when I need them.”
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>Your heart starts to race, and you feel a cold sweat trickle down your barrel.
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>’You’re alone.’
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>Letting the fear get the best of you, you rear up and buck the door.
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“Please answer the door, I need you!”
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>A pair of hoof marks are on the door, but you don’t care.
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>You start to beat on the door in terror.
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“Please answer me, don’t ignore me!”
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>After beating on the door and pleading for a while, your hooves and throat hurt.
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>Tears flow freely down your face.
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>You lay against the door and sob.
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>Whatever flame of hope you once had, is now but an ember.
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“Please...”
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>Evening has started to roll in, and you finally ran out of tears.
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>Getting up, you start the long trot home.
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>You feel completely hollow, like somepony cut your insides out.
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>It’s the worst feeling you have ever felt.
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>Eventually, you approach a store.
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>Rather than giving into those thoughts of cutting yourself, you’ll opt for drinking instead.
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>Heard that drinking can numb the pain, might help.
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>At this point you’ll try anything.
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>You’re not sure what to buy, so you pick up some whiskey.
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>’That won’t help you.’
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“I don’t care.”
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>As it gets darker, you keep your head low.
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>’So pathetic, you really have given up now.’
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>You ignore it and keep trotting along.
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>Finally, you arrive on your block.
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>Hooves are heavy and your heart more so.
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>You pause in front of the mail boxes.
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>It wouldn’t hurt to check, right?
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>One last check to see if anypony wrote you.
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>A few letters, but one catches your eye.
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>It’s from Eri.
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>You don’t hesitate and open the letter right there.
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>Dear Connie, I’m sorry I didn’t write you sooner. I got both of your letters and that’s awesome to hear you earned that chair. Things have been rough here, and I have been having trouble as of recent with my problems. There are times where it feels like my loneliness will consume me. Then I read one of your letters and remember that you’re my friend. I’m still holding onto hope like you said. Maybe one day, I could come visit you like you visit me. I’m still writing poetry, I still think it’s shit, even if you don’t think so. I’ve been trying to go out more, it’s really fucking hard. The other day I went to Sugarcube Corner all on my own. Can’t believe I wrote that, it sounds like I’m a filly again. I won’t let this letter drag on anymore than it already has. Write me back soon and take care. -Eri
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>You’re frozen.
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“She didn’t ignore me.”
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>’That was just a fluke.’
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“Fuck off, you’re just trying to hurt me.”
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>’Didn’t stop you from buying that bottle Connie.’
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“Shut up!”
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>A voice comes from behind you.
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>”Excuse me?”
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>Shooting around, you see Feather standing there.
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“What are you doing here?”
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>She looks confused and concerned.
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>”I was just passing by, and I heard you yell.”
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>Of course she did, you’ve been talking to yourself.
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>Wait, this is not the time for internal dialogue.
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>You shake your head, this is your one chance.
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“You’re right I did.”
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>Taking a deep breath, you prepare yourself.
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>’Don’t do this Connie! You can’t trust her! She’ll lie to you and stab you in the back!’
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“Feather, I know we haven’t been friends for long, but I need somepony I can trust right now.”
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>She raises an eyebrow.
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>”Okay, is something the matter?”
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>You tell her everything, the weird spike in energy and the dark thoughts.
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>She stands there, listening the whole time.
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>As you finish, you hold onto that little ember as tight as you can.
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>Dearly hoping for her to be the one to save you.
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>”That’s a lot to take in, and you’re putting an awful lot of trust in me. However, I would never turn down helping another pony in their time of need.”
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>The ember finally roars into a large flame.
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>With that, you cry tears of joy.
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“Thank you!”
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>You pull her into a hug tightly and cry into her.
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>She awkwardly holds you, but tries to reassure you.
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>”Everything will be okay, we will get you through this.”
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>The two of you stand there for a while, and eventually, you stop crying.
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>”Let’s get you inside, and we can figure things out from there.”
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“Yes...yes you’re right.”
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>You both make your way up to your apartment and settle in for the night.
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>The days that follow are difficult, but she is there with you, helping you out.
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>The medical tests came back negative, but Doctor Heart recommended you to a therapist.
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>Since then, you’ve learned that you suffer from bipolar disorder.
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>Unfortunately it’s not fully understood at this time.
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>With therapy and some medicine, you’ve learned how to handle it better.
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>Soon you will be playing with the rest of the Manehattan Symphony Orchestra again.
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>Speaking of which, you’re practicing now.
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>You feel joy and play in harmony like you used to.
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>Turns out your parents were gone for the night, had you waited around, you would’ve seen them.
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>It’s fortunate that you read Eri’s letter when you did.
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>A part of you worries what would’ve happened, had you not.
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>That’s in the past now, you look forward to the future.
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>A more stable future with friends.
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon
by NHanon