BiE 17: Bro Time.

>You awake to, what a surprise, the sun in your face.
>You grumble as you rise from your slumber.
>That sun has ruined your fun for far too long.
>Gentleman? How do we kill the sun?
>You know the sun personally.
>You probably have a sexual assault case on the sun.
>You guess you could travel to Canterlot, fight off all her guards, no doubt have to fight her sister, and then actually kill her to remove the sun.
>...
>That sounds like a crazy amount of work.
>You look at your clock; 12:15.
>That is way too much work for this hour on your day off.
>Why the fuck were you up anyway? You weren't scheduled to come in today.
>You lay your head back on your pillow and begin to drift off to sleep again...
>You are interrupted by a trio of bangs on your door.
>"Yo! Mous! Wake up man!"
>You throw yourself out of bed and make for the door.
>You consider caving Anon's head in with a nearby model before you open the door.
>No...
>Learn what he wants first, then bash his brains in with a Scout Titan.
>You swing open the door and give him your best glare.
>"WHAT!?"
>He jumps back at your sudden outburst, but a smile is quick to form on his face.
>"Good morning to you too, dude." he says with a giggle.
>If your glare could kill someone, it would be doing it now.

>You bring yourself back from the simmering rage you were at.
>"What. Do you want. Anon." you spit out.
>You've known him for over a decade, he better fucking know you hate waking up by now.
>He leans against the wall and grins at you.
>"I was wondering if you wanted to go to town with me today, we're both off and I have some shit to do." he says.
>"Get Rainbow to go."
>Maybe that pegasus could finally come out and fucking say it and these two would leave you to sleep all day in peace.
>"Rainbow is in Cloudsdale for till tomorrow, just you and me." he retorts.
>Silence falls in the hallway as you bury your face in your hand.
>Anon eventually speaks up again.
>"C'mon bro, please?"
>Damn his eyes. He knew you were gonna fold.
>You really wanted to sleep in.
>But hanging out with Anon would be cool.
>"The last time we hung out together, I got mauled."
>"So think of how easy it will be to do better than that!" he says spreading his arms wide.
>You peek through your hand to glare at him.
>His smile is still wide as a mile.
>"...give me a half hour."
>Anon crosses his arms and rolls his eyes. "Slowpoke."
>You'd punch him or something, but you were already on your way to the kitchen.

>You pick through your cupboards, what was there to eat here?
>Fruit? No. Applejacks are still not proven safe. Gorilla Munch isn't fit for dogs.
>You knew what you needed to get you through this.
>Some mother bucking pancakes.
>You were amazed that the ponies here had pancakes.
>You were even more amazed that they had pancakes that came in a box, you had expected them to only have batter.
>You throw them in your microwave and head to the bathroom while you wait.
>This was the last day you needed these Antitoxins, your pain had nearly faded away.
>You pop one in your mouth and pocket the bottle for later, not bothering with the painkillers.
>Your food is done and you sit down to eat, Anon already sitting across from you as he held his head up with his hands.
>"Are you just gonna sit there and watch me eat until we go?"
>"Yep." was his response.
>You sit down and start eating your delectable prize for being up at this hour.
>You only saved pancakes for important days.
>You finish your meal and start to head to the shower.
>"You think they can fix Rainbow at the hospital?" Anon asks.
>That took you by surprise.
>"What's wrong with her?"
>You were concerned. Rainbow was a friend.
>"Lately, I've been seeing her wings get real stiff all of a sudden. I think she may have some sort of paralysis."
>You bang your head against the wall in frustration.
>Dammit. Anon was the smartest guy you knew, he's not allowed to be this dumb.
>You walk into your room and grab your anatomy book.
>School was in session, bitch.
>You flip to the section on pegusi wings.
>"Read."
>You don't wait for a response.

-Anon PoV-
>Damn, what jittered his critters?
>You turn to the book and flip through some of the pages.
>You had no idea what this had to do with Dash, but you'd humor Mous.
>Pegusi wings can carry up to 200 pounds...blah blah blah...feathers mold every summer.
>This was stupid.
>You were worried about your friend, why learn about basic statistics?
>You skip ahead a few pages.
>Hollow bones, protected by innate magic.
>Main bones run along the outer edge with smaller ones inside, muscle and skin stretched over them.
>Bones are hollow.
>They have primary blood vessels the same way that you had in your legs.
>What did this have to do with anything?!
>You're worrying about your friend's health and your bro hands you a book of useless facts? What is this?
>You're about to close the book when you get to a section that catches your eye "Wing Phenomena"
>Your interest re-ignited, you dive back into the text.
>Genetic deformities where wings grow in backwards...horrible, but no...wings locking up in flight.
>You come to one phrase that causes you to stop.
>"Optera Tumesence"
>You go through your knowledge of scientific phrasing to try and decipher this thing.
>"Swollen Wing" That sounded promising.
>"Pegusi wings can become swollen for a variety of reasons, be they from injury, or poor diet." the book read.
>Rainbow didn't look hurt and apart from booze, her diet was phenomenal.
>"While pegusi wings are sensitive normally, they become doubly so in this state." it continued.
>So her wings were hurting? You continued reading.
>"While pegusi wings can become swollen for many reasons, the most common is seems to be due to arousal."
>Okay, so it looks like Rainbow's wings were always stiff because she was really turned on, that's a relief.
>Whoawaitwhat?

-Mous PoV-

>You step into your room and toss on some clothes.
>You weren't dressing to impress here; tee shirt and cargo pants it is.
>You walk out into the living room and take a quick glance at Anon.
>He looked like his brain just imploded.
>"I take it you figured it out."
>He looks up at you, his eyes were still wide.
>"Hehe...yeah. "Arousal" huh? Nuts. Who do you think is causing it?" he says.
>"Huh?"
>"Who do you think is getting Rainbow so turned on?" he asks again.
>Oohhh...
>No.
>Dammit, no.
>You showed him the book, why can't he put two and two together?
>Whatever, baby steps here.
>"I dunno dude, let's get going."
>You hate lying to Anon, but you'd rather not have to explain this situation to him.
>You both step outside into the Equestrian sun.
>You try not to glare at the object that constantly wakes you up as you head to the path.
>"So what are we headed to town for?"
>"Groceries, mostly. I could also do with a new notepad for work." Anon says.
>"You went through that big ass notebook that fast?"
>Anon shrugs. "Hey, I'm a research assistant."
>The both of you continue walking until you see a floating mass of grey and yellow a bit further down.

>There she is.
>"Hey! Derpy!"
>The mailmare spins around at the sound of her name and flutters towards you.
>Her smile is infectious.
>"Hey, Anon and Mous!" she shouts.
>"Hey Derpy."
>"Hi Derpy."
>"Why are you two headed into town?" she asked as she fell in line with the two of you.
>"Groceries, we're low."
>"How about you, Derpy?" Anon asks.
>"Oh, you know, gotta get these letters out. Especially with tomorrow being what it is."
>Tomorrow?
>What's special about it?
>You think, it was mid February, and you know these ponies had an analogue for Valentines.
>Wasn't it called...
>"Heart's and Hooves day?"
>"That's one thing!" Derpy beams.
>You're about to ask her about that when Anon jumps in.
>"You have any letters there from you Derpy? Maybe to someone you have your eye on?" he chides.
>Derpy blushes and turns away. "Hehe. No, no special stallions in my life."
>"That doesn't mean squat, don't think I haven't seen the looks you give that stallion at the clock store."
>Derpy blushes harder at your teasing.
>A quick look to Anon tells him to keep your little meeting with the clock store stallion to yourselves.
>Derpy can find out about Time Lords when she's ready.

>Derpy parts company with you two as you enter town.
>You even get a hug goodbye this time.
>That's new...
>As the two of you make your way to the market, you're stopped by someone else calling your name.
>"Mous!"
>Goddammit, who noWHOASHIT.
>FUCK.
>LYRA.
>ABORTABORTABORT.
>You panic as the mint green mare canters up to you both with a cream coated earth pony following her.
>"Mous! Hey! I didn't expect to see you in town!" she calls.
>The earth pony looked pissed.
>"Oh. Hi Lyra. Who's your friend?" you say through gritted teeth.
>Gotta keep this conversation short.
>This mare looks pissed.
>"I'm Bon Bon." she said.
>"Bon Bon is my-" Lyra started.
>"We're together." Bon Bon finished.
>Holy shit. Did her voice just change.
>A glance to Anon shows that he saw it too.
>TIMETOGO.
>"WELLLYRAITWASNICETALKINGTOYOUWEHAVETOGONOW!" you say as you grab Anon and leg it.
>"Mous! Wait up!" you hear her call.
>You're around the corner before she finishes.

>"Did you hear her voice!?" Anon shouts as you walk.
>"Yeah, dude."
>"What's the deal with that!?"
>"I have no idea, but being around Lyra is rarely a good thing."
>You both continue walking.
>"So...what's Lyra's deal?" Anon asks.
>"I don't know, she's obsessed with humans, apparently. Something about our hands."
>You wiggle your fingers as you say that.
>"Does she always find you like that?" he asks.
>"She comes into the spa at least ten times a week."
>Anon is silent for a minute.
>"What are you gonna do?" he asks.
>He's right. You had to do something.
>Seeing Lyra a dozen times a week wasn't fucking working.
>"I dunno, man."
>You'll think of something later, you had shit to do.
>The Ponyville market had everything, you just had to know where to look.
>You grab Anon by the shoulder and turn him to you.
>"Split up, grab your shit, meet back here in twenty." you say with accompanying hand movements.
>"Gotcha." Anon says as he heads off.
>You make your way around the stalls.
>Some bread here, grapes there.
>You pay the mare behind the counter.
>Next is your delicious pancakes.
>You grab as many boxes as will fit and pay the...mare.
>You have everything you need and start to head back.
>On your way, you begin to notice something off...

>You meet back with Anon in the center of the market.
>"Book store next?" you ask.
>He smiles. "Nah, they had some notepads on the other end of the plaza. I picked up a few."
>The two of you share a fist bump at your good fortune and head for home.
>Anon speaks up when you're out of town.
>"Hey...about the market...did you notice..."
>"...all the mares?
>"And there being NO stallions?
>"And how the market was way less crowded then usual?"
>It was a bit rare for the two of you to get on this wavelength.
>Usually, one of you had to explain it to the other.
>"What was the deal with that?"
>"I have no clue dude, I've never heard of anything like that." Anon said.
>Maybe it was some weird pony thing. Like Penguin migrations or something.

>You arrive back at the house.
>Check the clock; 2:15.
>You were too wired now, can't get back to sleep.
>Your perfect day of absolute sloth has been ruined.
>You turn to Anon.
>"...day drinking?"
>He smiles. "You're on."
>Anon heads to the kitchen to grab the booze as you hit the lights and start a movie.
>'Lady in the Water'? Why did you even own this?
>You and Anon take your places on the couch as the movie starts.
>"So, lesbian ponies."
>"I know right!" he cries.
>After a marathon run of movies, booze, and whatever conversation you could grasp at, the both of you are so far gone they need a map to find you.
>Sleepin on the couch tonight.
>Anon is passed out on the couch, drooling again.
>That fucker could never handle his alcohol.
>You grab the remote in your mentally disheveled state and mash buttons until the room is pitch black.
>You settle in as you drift off to sleep.
>Anon had woken your ass up on your fucking day off so that you could help him get groceries.
>Still...
>This was good.