BiE 26: Master Plan.


                                            =BiE 26=


                                            -Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHUkBAIOHzY-

                                            >Sunday.

                                            >Around four in the afternoon.

                                            >Anon and Rainbow went off to the Wonderbolts museum, which was good. If they stayed in bed all day they'd work themselves into a rut.

                                            >Ba-zing.

                                            >It worked out for you though.

                                            >It gave you time to do what you came here to do.

                                            >You approach your target.

                                            >Canterlot Castle: Home of Princesses Celestia, Luna, and countless other nobles.

                                            >You had spent most of yesterday scoping it out, even took a guided tour.

                                            >The ground floor with the throne room was mostly for the tourists, you were aiming higher.

                                            >Past that was the residences, where everypony from the royal sisters to the royal eighth-aunt-twice-removed lived. Closer, but not optimum.

                                            >Above that was the little used maintenance hallways with roof access. That was what you were aiming for.

                                            >Anon had told you that both princesses were at the derby yesterday.

                                            >If these ponies were anything like people, they would be relaxing at home after a day at the races.

                                            >And if one pony in particular behaved the way you thought she did, then the roof was your best chance of getting to her.

                                            >That was your plan.

                                            >Get inside.

                                            >Get to the rood.

                                            >And prank Celestia.


                                            >You enter the castle walls.

                                            >Two guards stood by the door.

                                            >Easy.

                                            >You toss them both a wave.

                                            >"Hey, the Princess called me in. She wants to me some stuff about my homeworld."

                                            >The two of them exchange looks. "We weren't notified."

                                            >"Yeah, it was kinda sudden. She caught me at the derby yesterday and invited me over."

                                            >The two of them exchange another glance.

                                            >These two were the biggest hurdle, they could stop this plan before it started.

                                            >Not that you'd give up, there was always another way.

                                            >"What's in the bag?" the ask.

                                            >Half-truths, Mous.

                                            >"Just some stuff from my world I brought with me, I figured I'd show the Princess. I have some clothes...a toothbrush...and a music player." you list off.

                                            >The guards exchange one final glance before they step aside.

                                            >"The Princess is in her quarters." they say.

                                            >You offer a quick bow and head inside.

                                            >Phase one: Done.

                                            >That was fairly simple.

                                            >It's not those guards fault they didn't ask which princess you were here to see, it's not like this stuff happens too often.

                                            >With an alibi and a pair of witnesses secured, you make your way through the castle.

                                            >Your strategy of "Walk around like you own the place." is doing you well, nopony asks what you're doing here.

                                            >Okay...from the tour yesterday, the stairs up should be behind the throne room.

                                            >You find the stairs and sneak your way up. Phase two begins now.


                                            >Phase one may have had the biggest opportunity for failure, but phase two is no slouch.

                                            >If anyp0ny caught you up here, they could pretty easily call your alibi into question by simply asking the princess.

                                            >Getting caught by Celestia with your pants down wasn't something you wanted to happen. Both figuratively and literally.

                                            >You keep your head held high as you walk. It would deter a cursory glance, at least.

                                            >You spot a mirror hanging from the wall up ahead.

                                            >You can spot two guards on duty in its reflection.

                                            >Fuck. Sneaking by wasn't an option.

                                            >You take a knee by a vase to think.

                                            >You're so caught up that you don't notice the pony sneaking up on you.

                                            >"Who are you?" they whispered.

                                            >You don't like being snuck up on as it is. That goes double when you're trespassing.

                                            >You shoot up from your knee and nudge the vase.

                                            >Fuck!

                                            >You spin around and stop the vase from moving before it crashes.

                                            >Heh. It seems all those days of playing games in Anon's living room have paid off.

                                            >You turn to face your new friend.


                                            >He was taller than most ponies, white coat, goldilocks mane, unicorn horn, and a...lapel?

                                            >"Who are you?"

                                            >The colt gets a disbelieving look on his face. "I asked first." he says.

                                            >Had you there.

                                            >"I'm Mous, I met the Princesses a few months ago. You?"

                                            >He leans his head to the side and his incredulous frown gets deeper.

                                            >"I am Prince Blueblood. I have been RELATED to the Princesses for my entire life."

                                            >A noble? Named 'Blueblood'? You have stopped being surprised.

                                            >He gets in your face. "Why are you here!? Only members of the royal family live on this floor."

                                            >Remember your cover.

                                            >"The Princess sent for me, I was looking for her room."

                                            >He doesn't buy it. "It's day. No one knows that Princess Luna is even awake and Princess Celestia has been...indisposed...for the entire day."

                                            >Well, there's your confirmation on her habitual behavior.

                                            >But fuck. There goes your alibi.

                                            >Dammit!

                                            >You ignore Blueblood as you slump on the nearby wall and think of the consequences of this.

                                            >You would probably be detained for a bit. Hauled off. Anon and Rainbow would be grabbed and asked why you snuck into the palace.

                                            >As for punishment? You don't see why Celestia wouldn't take matters into her own hooves, especially if you were so keen on interrupting her.

                                            >You're she would find the right irony for your punishment...

                                            >You shudder.

                                            >Blueblood wants answers. "Well!?"

                                            >You sigh.

                                            >"I'm here to prank Celestia."

                                            >He tilts his head. "Prank?"

                                            >"Yes, prank. It's sort of like a game we play, we try to mess with each other whenever we meet."

                                            >That was the best explanation you had for your relationship with Celestia.

                                            >Blueblood leans his head towards you. "What kind of prank?"

                                            >You grab his ear and whisper your plan to him.


                                            >A devious smile parts Bluebloods lips as he hears what you have in store.

                                            >"And you're sure it would work?" he says.

                                            >You simply nod.

                                            >"Then get up, I'll help you get past the guards." he says.

                                            >Whoa what?

                                            >"You're helping me? Why?"

                                            >You never did anything for this guy.

                                            >"Maybe I can just appreciate a good prank?" he says with a smirk.

                                            >Holy shit, did you just make a bro?

                                            >Broblood signals you back to him as he walks a few feet back.

                                            >"Play along." he whispers.

                                            >"And so there I was, with cake all over my new tie, when who walks in? But the duke of Trottingham."

                                            >He leads you down the halls past the guards as he talks, he must not have guests because they seem a bit shocked.

                                            >"I was so embarresed, I ran as fast as I could into the bathroom to wash up, luckily the dukes lovely daughter was kind enough-"

                                            >He throws you around a corner and peeks back at the guards.

                                            >"They aren't moving." he whispers.

                                            >"Where to?" he says as he turns back to you.

                                            >This was starting to look up.

                                            >"The roof, that's the best bet."

                                            >"Follow me." he says with a grin.


                                            >The royal apartments had quite a few guards.

                                            >Luckily, your new companion was able to talk his way past every single one of them.

                                            >"There it is." Bluebro says pointing towards a wooden door at the end of the hall.

                                            >You make for the door when a familiarly regal voice stops you. "Nephew?"

                                            >You both spin around. "A-Aunt Luna?" Blueblood. says.

                                            >Luna walks towards the two of you. "What, may We ask, art the two of you doing?"

                                            >Luna motions towards your backpack. "And what is that thou carries?"

                                            >Shit think fast.

                                            >"Blueblood and I met at the market yesterday...and...he was giving me a tour of the palace."

                                            >Luna looks confused. "Then, why art thou headed for the roof?

                                            >Fuck.

                                            >"The view?"

                                            >Luna takes a step towards Blueblood and smiles. "We are proud of thee nephew! Tis so nice to see thee making friends after the...unpleasantness...at the Grand Galloping Gala."

                                            >Blueblood doesn't miss a beat. "Thank you Aunt Luna, it's nice to be making friends."

                                            >"Well, we shan't keep you from your day." Luna says as she walks off.

                                            >Blueblood and you both exhale a sigh of relief and enter the door to the roof staircase behind you.


                                            >The staircase leads you to a door with the best view you've ever seen.

                                            >You can see almost all of Canterlot from up here. From the main gates and the train station, to the Wonderbolts stadium. You can even spot your hotel.

                                            >The sun was starting it's decent, giving you plenty of afternoon light to disrupt an afternoon delight.

                                            >Bluebro leads you to his best approximation of where Celestia's roof is.

                                            >You hear it before you get there.

                                            >Shit. You didn't have much time if the growing crescendo of their voices was any indicator.

                                            >You throw your bag down and start unpacking your things.

                                            >"So, what did Luna mean by 'unpleasantness'?"

                                            >Blueblood sighs "Up until recently, I was a selfish, bigoted, ungrateful pony who was only interested in himself. At the latest Grand Galloping Gala, it finally came to a head when I tossed a mare in front of me to avoid a falling cake."

                                            >That sounds like a tale.


                                            >"It culminated with the mare screaming at me and driving me away. When I heard what the other ponies were saying about me...I..I couldn't bare it, because every word of it was true. From that day on, I have strived towards self improvement in an attempt to assuage the damage I have done.

                                            >Damn, you could feel for him.

                                            >Having a shit reputation is the worst, especially around people you like.

                                            >"Hey. I don't care what everyone else says, you did good by me today. Thanks"

                                            >You hold out your fist, Bluebro bumps his hoof against it.

                                            >"You should get out of here, Celestia will be pissed when she hears."

                                            >"Are you sure you can handle her?" he asks with concern in his eyes.

                                            >You smirk.

                                            >"Don't worry, Bro. This was the plan all along."

                                            >Bluebro nods and gallops off to the door you entered.

                                            >The voices coming from the open window below you were getting more intense.

                                            >Nothing to do now but wait...


                                            >You were Princess Celestia, and you were getting laid.

                                            >You had met him at the derby yesterday, Fancypants, his name was.

                                            >He had spoken about a mare companion often, but it seemed they were on a break.

                                            >Which was perfect, Fancypants was good at this.

                                            >"Ah...come on...come on..."

                                            >Fancypants increased his fervor.

                                            >Just then, a sound wafted through your window.

                                            >The sound of music.

                                            >It sounded like something with strings.

                                            >Was the royal band practicing? Oh well, didn't matter.

                                            >"Ah! Right there! Don't stop!"

                                            >Fancypants grunted and started giving it his all.

                                            >By the stars, you were close.

                                            >"Keep going!"

                                            >That music was still continuing.

                                            >Where was that coming fro-aaaaahhhh!

                                            >Any second now...

                                            >That music was really nice...

                                            >But where was it...

                                            >Just then, the music got words.

                                            >"Here comes the sun..."

                                            >WHAT?

                                            >"WHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!?"

                                            >NO!

                                            >NO DAMMIT NO!

                                            >THAT MUSIC RUINED IT!

                                            >"P-Princess?" Fancypants spoke.

                                            >"Wait here."

                                            >You were more terse with him then you wanted, but what did he expect? This ruined your afternoon.

                                            >You fly off your balcony and follow the source of the music.

                                            >Was it coming from the roof?

                                            >You flew up and saw the source of the disturbance.

                                            >Him.

                                            >He was laying on your roof, head in hand, grinning like a madman.

                                            >Next to him sat a small white square that was projecting the music you heard.

                                            >He spoke.

                                            >"Princess Celestia, has anyone ever told you that you would make an absolutely lovely tenor?"


                                            -Optional music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6tV11acSRk-

                                            -Mous PoV-

                                            >Shit eating grin: ON MOTHERFUCKER.

                                            >Music: Staying on, who doesn't like The Beatles?

                                            >Celestia, it seems.

                                            >She landed on the roof a few feet away.

                                            >"Hello Princess, like my little concert?"

                                            >She just glared at you. "What are you doing here?"

                                            >You carefully got up, this joke would be ruined if you went and fell off the damn roof.

                                            >"Why, just seranading Canterlot with some music from my world. I was in the area and I thought "You know, the Princess would really like some of this music, and I have to pay her back for checking on me during estrus." so I worked my way up here, found your room, and here I am.

                                            >"Why, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

                                            >You stared her down.

                                            >This was your biggest gamble, whether she would take it well.

                                            >Her eyes stare right into yours.

                                            >You can't break contact here, if this goes tits up, your gall might be the only thing that saves you from a trip to the moon.

                                            >You were peripherally watching her mouth for the signs of...

                                            >Yes!

                                            >"I think I see a smile..."

                                            >Celestia quickly turns her head away as she works to regain her composure.

                                            >You still hear a few giggles escape.

                                            >"I'm glad you enjoyed my show, Princess."

                                            >She turns back to you, composure restored, but a smile present.

                                            >"Yes, very elaborate, very fitting. You certainly have thought this through, haven't you?"

                                            >You give a wide shrug.

                                            >"I told you, I'm a bit of an odd guy."

                                            >You cross your arms and begin to relax...this isn't over yet.

                                            >Celestia takes a step closer "However."

                                            >And there it is.


                                            >"There is the matter of how you managed to sneak directly above my room in the royal palace, I'm sure my Captain of the Guard would like to have a word with you about that."

                                            >Hmm...you could work with this.

                                            >"Come on Celestia, there's no fun in that. At least give me a handicap."

                                            >"Such as?" she asks as she opens her mouth into an unnaturally wide grin and flutters her eyelashes.

                                            >"Three hour head start."

                                            >"Two."

                                            >"One and a half, and the guards don't know what they're looking for and can't follow outside of the city."

                                            >Celestia stares at you for a second. "Deal."

                                            >You extend your hand.

                                            >"Shake on it."

                                            >Celestia extends her hoof, you grab it and give it a good shake.

                                            >"Well then, I suppose I better get moving? You should go see to your boyfriend. I'm sure he can help you with that Cyan Cunt you have now."

                                            >Celestia just stares at you confused.

                                            >"Oh, just get out of here."

                                            >What was the female term for blue balls anyway?


                                            >You haul it back to the hotel, Anon and Rainbow better be there and not naked or you're leaving without them.

                                            >You run up the stairs and burst into the room.

                                            >Rainbow and Anon are sitting on the couch together watching TV. "Dude, we have to get cable at the house." Anon says.

                                            >"No time. Pack. We're going."

                                            >Anon looks confused and alarmed. "Uh...Dude? Is something wrong?"

                                            >You don't have the time for this.

                                            >You grab Anon by the shoulders.

                                            >"You know how bros have that thing where they sometimes need you to not say a word and just go along with whatever they say? And he'll handle everything?"

                                            >Anon shakes his head wordlessly.

                                            >"Well, this is that time. We have, like, twenty minutes to get out of the city before the guards get he-"

                                            >You hear shouting from outside.

                                            >You run to the window and pear out. It looked like half the royal legion was outside

                                            >Some white unicorn in a purple accented suit of armor was calling out orders. "Spread out! We're looking for anything out of the ordinary!"

                                            >This was against the deal, but you found yourself smiling.

                                            >"Celestia you bitch..."

                                            >This reminds you of a song...how did it go?

                                            >Oh yeah, Dat bass line.

                                            >Anon grabs your shoulder. "What's going on, dude?"

                                            >You reach into your bag and pull out your sunglasses.

                                            >Sunglasses you slowly lower onto your face as you recite the words you've wanted to for so long.

                                            >"I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together."

                                            >Okay.

                                            >3.

                                            >2.

                                            >1.

                                            >Let's Jam!


                                            -Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6jCJZEFIto-

                                            >You, Anon and Dash burst out of the hotel back door.

                                            >Get to the train station.

                                            >Alert no guards.

                                            >"This way."

                                            >You lead them through an alley to the street behind the hotel.

                                            >"You sure this is a good idea, Bro!?" Anon shouts.

                                            >You turn to shout back at him.

                                            >"Of course it is!"

                                            >He looked scared.

                                            >You must still have your psycho grin on.

                                            >Shit pegusi in the air.

                                            >"Under that overhang!"

                                            >You can see the train station.

                                            >There's  a squad of guards out front.

                                            >"Mous, guards!" Anon cries.

                                            >"I'll handle this, just run past them!" you call back.

                                            >Anon and Rainbow blow past the bewildered guards as you grab the one in the lead.

                                            >"You have to stop him! There's some crazy Gryphon in that store and he's holding them hostage!

                                            >"W-what!?" the guard says. "Come on, this could be it!" he calls to his friends.

                                            >Ha. Idiot.

                                            >You all get through the turnstile and look for your train.

                                            >"There it is!" Rainbow cries.

                                            >Fuck! It was pulling out!

                                            >You all race towards the rapidly leaving train.

                                            >"There they are, get em!" you hear from over your shoulder.

                                            >A quick peek; Fuck! Guards!

                                            >"Rainbow, carry Anon and land on that caboose!"

                                            >Rainbow grabs Anon under the armpits and carries him to the train.

                                            >Only have you now.

                                            >"Outa my way!" you shout to the ponies in front of you.

                                            >You can hear the guards hot on your tail.

                                            >The train leaves the platform.

                                            >Gotta jump!

                                            >You grab ahold of the bars on the back and Rainbow and Anon pull you up.

                                            >Eat your heart out James Bond.

                                            >You turn and flip the guards back on the station the bird.

                                            >All earth ponies. Nice.

                                            >You turn to Anon.

                                            >"See, told you I'd take care of everything."