- =BiE 26=
- >Sunday.
- >Around four in the afternoon.
- >Anon and Rainbow went off to the Wonderbolts museum, which was good. If they stayed in bed all day they'd work themselves into a rut.
- >Ba-zing.
- >It worked out for you though.
- >It gave you time to do what you came here to do.
- >You approach your target.
- >Canterlot Castle: Home of Princesses Celestia, Luna, and countless other nobles.
- >You had spent most of yesterday scoping it out, even took a guided tour.
- >The ground floor with the throne room was mostly for the tourists, you were aiming higher.
- >Past that was the residences, where everypony from the royal sisters to the royal eighth-aunt-twice-removed lived. Closer, but not optimum.
- >Above that was the little used maintenance hallways with roof access. That was what you were aiming for.
- >Anon had told you that both princesses were at the derby yesterday.
- >If these ponies were anything like people, they would be relaxing at home after a day at the races.
- >And if one pony in particular behaved the way you thought she did, then the roof was your best chance of getting to her.
- >That was your plan.
- >Get inside.
- >Get to the rood.
- >And prank Celestia.
- >You enter the castle walls.
- >Two guards stood by the door.
- >Easy.
- >You toss them both a wave.
- >"Hey, the Princess called me in. She wants to me some stuff about my homeworld."
- >The two of them exchange looks. "We weren't notified."
- >"Yeah, it was kinda sudden. She caught me at the derby yesterday and invited me over."
- >The two of them exchange another glance.
- >These two were the biggest hurdle, they could stop this plan before it started.
- >Not that you'd give up, there was always another way.
- >"What's in the bag?" the ask.
- >Half-truths, Mous.
- >"Just some stuff from my world I brought with me, I figured I'd show the Princess. I have some clothes...a toothbrush...and a music player." you list off.
- >The guards exchange one final glance before they step aside.
- >"The Princess is in her quarters." they say.
- >You offer a quick bow and head inside.
- >Phase one: Done.
- >That was fairly simple.
- >It's not those guards fault they didn't ask which princess you were here to see, it's not like this stuff happens too often.
- >With an alibi and a pair of witnesses secured, you make your way through the castle.
- >Your strategy of "Walk around like you own the place." is doing you well, nopony asks what you're doing here.
- >Okay...from the tour yesterday, the stairs up should be behind the throne room.
- >You find the stairs and sneak your way up. Phase two begins now.
- >Phase one may have had the biggest opportunity for failure, but phase two is no slouch.
- >If anyp0ny caught you up here, they could pretty easily call your alibi into question by simply asking the princess.
- >Getting caught by Celestia with your pants down wasn't something you wanted to happen. Both figuratively and literally.
- >You keep your head held high as you walk. It would deter a cursory glance, at least.
- >You spot a mirror hanging from the wall up ahead.
- >You can spot two guards on duty in its reflection.
- >Fuck. Sneaking by wasn't an option.
- >You take a knee by a vase to think.
- >You're so caught up that you don't notice the pony sneaking up on you.
- >"Who are you?" they whispered.
- >You don't like being snuck up on as it is. That goes double when you're trespassing.
- >You shoot up from your knee and nudge the vase.
- >Fuck!
- >You spin around and stop the vase from moving before it crashes.
- >Heh. It seems all those days of playing games in Anon's living room have paid off.
- >You turn to face your new friend.
- >He was taller than most ponies, white coat, goldilocks mane, unicorn horn, and a...lapel?
- >"Who are you?"
- >The colt gets a disbelieving look on his face. "I asked first." he says.
- >Had you there.
- >"I'm Mous, I met the Princesses a few months ago. You?"
- >He leans his head to the side and his incredulous frown gets deeper.
- >"I am Prince Blueblood. I have been RELATED to the Princesses for my entire life."
- >A noble? Named 'Blueblood'? You have stopped being surprised.
- >He gets in your face. "Why are you here!? Only members of the royal family live on this floor."
- >Remember your cover.
- >"The Princess sent for me, I was looking for her room."
- >He doesn't buy it. "It's day. No one knows that Princess Luna is even awake and Princess Celestia has been...indisposed...for the entire day."
- >Well, there's your confirmation on her habitual behavior.
- >But fuck. There goes your alibi.
- >Dammit!
- >You ignore Blueblood as you slump on the nearby wall and think of the consequences of this.
- >You would probably be detained for a bit. Hauled off. Anon and Rainbow would be grabbed and asked why you snuck into the palace.
- >As for punishment? You don't see why Celestia wouldn't take matters into her own hooves, especially if you were so keen on interrupting her.
- >You're she would find the right irony for your punishment...
- >You shudder.
- >Blueblood wants answers. "Well!?"
- >You sigh.
- >"I'm here to prank Celestia."
- >He tilts his head. "Prank?"
- >"Yes, prank. It's sort of like a game we play, we try to mess with each other whenever we meet."
- >That was the best explanation you had for your relationship with Celestia.
- >Blueblood leans his head towards you. "What kind of prank?"
- >You grab his ear and whisper your plan to him.
- >A devious smile parts Bluebloods lips as he hears what you have in store.
- >"And you're sure it would work?" he says.
- >You simply nod.
- >"Then get up, I'll help you get past the guards." he says.
- >Whoa what?
- >"You're helping me? Why?"
- >You never did anything for this guy.
- >"Maybe I can just appreciate a good prank?" he says with a smirk.
- >Holy shit, did you just make a bro?
- >Broblood signals you back to him as he walks a few feet back.
- >"Play along." he whispers.
- >"And so there I was, with cake all over my new tie, when who walks in? But the duke of Trottingham."
- >He leads you down the halls past the guards as he talks, he must not have guests because they seem a bit shocked.
- >"I was so embarresed, I ran as fast as I could into the bathroom to wash up, luckily the dukes lovely daughter was kind enough-"
- >He throws you around a corner and peeks back at the guards.
- >"They aren't moving." he whispers.
- >"Where to?" he says as he turns back to you.
- >This was starting to look up.
- >"The roof, that's the best bet."
- >"Follow me." he says with a grin.
- >The royal apartments had quite a few guards.
- >Luckily, your new companion was able to talk his way past every single one of them.
- >"There it is." Bluebro says pointing towards a wooden door at the end of the hall.
- >You make for the door when a familiarly regal voice stops you. "Nephew?"
- >You both spin around. "A-Aunt Luna?" Blueblood. says.
- >Luna walks towards the two of you. "What, may We ask, art the two of you doing?"
- >Luna motions towards your backpack. "And what is that thou carries?"
- >Shit think fast.
- >"Blueblood and I met at the market yesterday...and...he was giving me a tour of the palace."
- >Luna looks confused. "Then, why art thou headed for the roof?
- >Fuck.
- >"The view?"
- >Luna takes a step towards Blueblood and smiles. "We are proud of thee nephew! Tis so nice to see thee making friends after the...unpleasantness...at the Grand Galloping Gala."
- >Blueblood doesn't miss a beat. "Thank you Aunt Luna, it's nice to be making friends."
- >"Well, we shan't keep you from your day." Luna says as she walks off.
- >Blueblood and you both exhale a sigh of relief and enter the door to the roof staircase behind you.
- >The staircase leads you to a door with the best view you've ever seen.
- >You can see almost all of Canterlot from up here. From the main gates and the train station, to the Wonderbolts stadium. You can even spot your hotel.
- >The sun was starting it's decent, giving you plenty of afternoon light to disrupt an afternoon delight.
- >Bluebro leads you to his best approximation of where Celestia's roof is.
- >You hear it before you get there.
- >Shit. You didn't have much time if the growing crescendo of their voices was any indicator.
- >You throw your bag down and start unpacking your things.
- >"So, what did Luna mean by 'unpleasantness'?"
- >Blueblood sighs "Up until recently, I was a selfish, bigoted, ungrateful pony who was only interested in himself. At the latest Grand Galloping Gala, it finally came to a head when I tossed a mare in front of me to avoid a falling cake."
- >That sounds like a tale.
- >"It culminated with the mare screaming at me and driving me away. When I heard what the other ponies were saying about me...I..I couldn't bare it, because every word of it was true. From that day on, I have strived towards self improvement in an attempt to assuage the damage I have done.
- >Damn, you could feel for him.
- >Having a shit reputation is the worst, especially around people you like.
- >"Hey. I don't care what everyone else says, you did good by me today. Thanks"
- >You hold out your fist, Bluebro bumps his hoof against it.
- >"You should get out of here, Celestia will be pissed when she hears."
- >"Are you sure you can handle her?" he asks with concern in his eyes.
- >You smirk.
- >"Don't worry, Bro. This was the plan all along."
- >Bluebro nods and gallops off to the door you entered.
- >The voices coming from the open window below you were getting more intense.
- >Nothing to do now but wait...
- >You were Princess Celestia, and you were getting laid.
- >You had met him at the derby yesterday, Fancypants, his name was.
- >He had spoken about a mare companion often, but it seemed they were on a break.
- >Which was perfect, Fancypants was good at this.
- >"Ah...come on...come on..."
- >Fancypants increased his fervor.
- >Just then, a sound wafted through your window.
- >The sound of music.
- >It sounded like something with strings.
- >Was the royal band practicing? Oh well, didn't matter.
- >"Ah! Right there! Don't stop!"
- >Fancypants grunted and started giving it his all.
- >By the stars, you were close.
- >"Keep going!"
- >That music was still continuing.
- >Where was that coming fro-aaaaahhhh!
- >Any second now...
- >That music was really nice...
- >But where was it...
- >Just then, the music got words.
- >"Here comes the sun..."
- >WHAT?
- >"WHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!?"
- >NO!
- >NO DAMMIT NO!
- >THAT MUSIC RUINED IT!
- >"P-Princess?" Fancypants spoke.
- >"Wait here."
- >You were more terse with him then you wanted, but what did he expect? This ruined your afternoon.
- >You fly off your balcony and follow the source of the music.
- >Was it coming from the roof?
- >You flew up and saw the source of the disturbance.
- >Him.
- >He was laying on your roof, head in hand, grinning like a madman.
- >Next to him sat a small white square that was projecting the music you heard.
- >He spoke.
- >"Princess Celestia, has anyone ever told you that you would make an absolutely lovely tenor?"
- -Optional music: www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6tV11acSRk-
- -Mous PoV-
- >Shit eating grin: ON MOTHERFUCKER.
- >Music: Staying on, who doesn't like The Beatles?
- >Celestia, it seems.
- >She landed on the roof a few feet away.
- >"Hello Princess, like my little concert?"
- >She just glared at you. "What are you doing here?"
- >You carefully got up, this joke would be ruined if you went and fell off the damn roof.
- >"Why, just seranading Canterlot with some music from my world. I was in the area and I thought "You know, the Princess would really like some of this music, and I have to pay her back for checking on me during estrus." so I worked my way up here, found your room, and here I am.
- >"Why, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"
- >You stared her down.
- >This was your biggest gamble, whether she would take it well.
- >Her eyes stare right into yours.
- >You can't break contact here, if this goes tits up, your gall might be the only thing that saves you from a trip to the moon.
- >You were peripherally watching her mouth for the signs of...
- >Yes!
- >"I think I see a smile..."
- >Celestia quickly turns her head away as she works to regain her composure.
- >You still hear a few giggles escape.
- >"I'm glad you enjoyed my show, Princess."
- >She turns back to you, composure restored, but a smile present.
- >"Yes, very elaborate, very fitting. You certainly have thought this through, haven't you?"
- >You give a wide shrug.
- >"I told you, I'm a bit of an odd guy."
- >You cross your arms and begin to relax...this isn't over yet.
- >Celestia takes a step closer "However."
- >And there it is.
- >"There is the matter of how you managed to sneak directly above my room in the royal palace, I'm sure my Captain of the Guard would like to have a word with you about that."
- >Hmm...you could work with this.
- >"Come on Celestia, there's no fun in that. At least give me a handicap."
- >"Such as?" she asks as she opens her mouth into an unnaturally wide grin and flutters her eyelashes.
- >"Three hour head start."
- >"Two."
- >"One and a half, and the guards don't know what they're looking for and can't follow outside of the city."
- >Celestia stares at you for a second. "Deal."
- >You extend your hand.
- >"Shake on it."
- >Celestia extends her hoof, you grab it and give it a good shake.
- >"Well then, I suppose I better get moving? You should go see to your boyfriend. I'm sure he can help you with that Cyan Cunt you have now."
- >Celestia just stares at you confused.
- >"Oh, just get out of here."
- >What was the female term for blue balls anyway?
- >You haul it back to the hotel, Anon and Rainbow better be there and not naked or you're leaving without them.
- >You run up the stairs and burst into the room.
- >Rainbow and Anon are sitting on the couch together watching TV. "Dude, we have to get cable at the house." Anon says.
- >"No time. Pack. We're going."
- >Anon looks confused and alarmed. "Uh...Dude? Is something wrong?"
- >You don't have the time for this.
- >You grab Anon by the shoulders.
- >"You know how bros have that thing where they sometimes need you to not say a word and just go along with whatever they say? And he'll handle everything?"
- >Anon shakes his head wordlessly.
- >"Well, this is that time. We have, like, twenty minutes to get out of the city before the guards get he-"
- >You hear shouting from outside.
- >You run to the window and pear out. It looked like half the royal legion was outside
- >Some white unicorn in a purple accented suit of armor was calling out orders. "Spread out! We're looking for anything out of the ordinary!"
- >This was against the deal, but you found yourself smiling.
- >"Celestia you bitch..."
- >This reminds you of a song...how did it go?
- >Oh yeah, Dat bass line.
- >Anon grabs your shoulder. "What's going on, dude?"
- >You reach into your bag and pull out your sunglasses.
- >Sunglasses you slowly lower onto your face as you recite the words you've wanted to for so long.
- >"I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together."
- >Okay.
- >3.
- >2.
- >1.
- >Let's Jam!
- >You, Anon and Dash burst out of the hotel back door.
- >Get to the train station.
- >Alert no guards.
- >"This way."
- >You lead them through an alley to the street behind the hotel.
- >"You sure this is a good idea, Bro!?" Anon shouts.
- >You turn to shout back at him.
- >"Of course it is!"
- >He looked scared.
- >You must still have your psycho grin on.
- >Shit pegusi in the air.
- >"Under that overhang!"
- >You can see the train station.
- >There's a squad of guards out front.
- >"Mous, guards!" Anon cries.
- >"I'll handle this, just run past them!" you call back.
- >Anon and Rainbow blow past the bewildered guards as you grab the one in the lead.
- >"You have to stop him! There's some crazy Gryphon in that store and he's holding them hostage!
- >"W-what!?" the guard says. "Come on, this could be it!" he calls to his friends.
- >Ha. Idiot.
- >You all get through the turnstile and look for your train.
- >"There it is!" Rainbow cries.
- >Fuck! It was pulling out!
- >You all race towards the rapidly leaving train.
- >"There they are, get em!" you hear from over your shoulder.
- >A quick peek; Fuck! Guards!
- >"Rainbow, carry Anon and land on that caboose!"
- >Rainbow grabs Anon under the armpits and carries him to the train.
- >Only have you now.
- >"Outa my way!" you shout to the ponies in front of you.
- >You can hear the guards hot on your tail.
- >The train leaves the platform.
- >Gotta jump!
- >You grab ahold of the bars on the back and Rainbow and Anon pull you up.
- >Eat your heart out James Bond.
- >You turn and flip the guards back on the station the bird.
- >All earth ponies. Nice.
- >You turn to Anon.
- >"See, told you I'd take care of everything."
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