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BiE 26: Master Plan.

By Mandroid
Created: 19th December 2020 12:38:32 PM

  1. =BiE 26=
  2.  
  3. >Sunday.
  4. >Around four in the afternoon.
  5. >Anon and Rainbow went off to the Wonderbolts museum, which was good. If they stayed in bed all day they'd work themselves into a rut.
  6. >Ba-zing.
  7. >It worked out for you though.
  8. >It gave you time to do what you came here to do.
  9. >You approach your target.
  10. >Canterlot Castle: Home of Princesses Celestia, Luna, and countless other nobles.
  11. >You had spent most of yesterday scoping it out, even took a guided tour.
  12. >The ground floor with the throne room was mostly for the tourists, you were aiming higher.
  13. >Past that was the residences, where everypony from the royal sisters to the royal eighth-aunt-twice-removed lived. Closer, but not optimum.
  14. >Above that was the little used maintenance hallways with roof access. That was what you were aiming for.
  15. >Anon had told you that both princesses were at the derby yesterday.
  16. >If these ponies were anything like people, they would be relaxing at home after a day at the races.
  17. >And if one pony in particular behaved the way you thought she did, then the roof was your best chance of getting to her.
  18. >That was your plan.
  19. >Get inside.
  20. >Get to the rood.
  21. >And prank Celestia.
  22.  
  23. >You enter the castle walls.
  24. >Two guards stood by the door.
  25. >Easy.
  26. >You toss them both a wave.
  27. >"Hey, the Princess called me in. She wants to me some stuff about my homeworld."
  28. >The two of them exchange looks. "We weren't notified."
  29. >"Yeah, it was kinda sudden. She caught me at the derby yesterday and invited me over."
  30. >The two of them exchange another glance.
  31. >These two were the biggest hurdle, they could stop this plan before it started.
  32. >Not that you'd give up, there was always another way.
  33. >"What's in the bag?" the ask.
  34. >Half-truths, Mous.
  35. >"Just some stuff from my world I brought with me, I figured I'd show the Princess. I have some clothes...a toothbrush...and a music player." you list off.
  36. >The guards exchange one final glance before they step aside.
  37. >"The Princess is in her quarters." they say.
  38. >You offer a quick bow and head inside.
  39. >Phase one: Done.
  40. >That was fairly simple.
  41. >It's not those guards fault they didn't ask which princess you were here to see, it's not like this stuff happens too often.
  42. >With an alibi and a pair of witnesses secured, you make your way through the castle.
  43. >Your strategy of "Walk around like you own the place." is doing you well, nopony asks what you're doing here.
  44. >Okay...from the tour yesterday, the stairs up should be behind the throne room.
  45. >You find the stairs and sneak your way up. Phase two begins now.
  46.  
  47. >Phase one may have had the biggest opportunity for failure, but phase two is no slouch.
  48. >If anyp0ny caught you up here, they could pretty easily call your alibi into question by simply asking the princess.
  49. >Getting caught by Celestia with your pants down wasn't something you wanted to happen. Both figuratively and literally.
  50. >You keep your head held high as you walk. It would deter a cursory glance, at least.
  51. >You spot a mirror hanging from the wall up ahead.
  52. >You can spot two guards on duty in its reflection.
  53. >Fuck. Sneaking by wasn't an option.
  54. >You take a knee by a vase to think.
  55. >You're so caught up that you don't notice the pony sneaking up on you.
  56. >"Who are you?" they whispered.
  57. >You don't like being snuck up on as it is. That goes double when you're trespassing.
  58. >You shoot up from your knee and nudge the vase.
  59. >Fuck!
  60. >You spin around and stop the vase from moving before it crashes.
  61. >Heh. It seems all those days of playing games in Anon's living room have paid off.
  62. >You turn to face your new friend.
  63.  
  64. >He was taller than most ponies, white coat, goldilocks mane, unicorn horn, and a...lapel?
  65. >"Who are you?"
  66. >The colt gets a disbelieving look on his face. "I asked first." he says.
  67. >Had you there.
  68. >"I'm Mous, I met the Princesses a few months ago. You?"
  69. >He leans his head to the side and his incredulous frown gets deeper.
  70. >"I am Prince Blueblood. I have been RELATED to the Princesses for my entire life."
  71. >A noble? Named 'Blueblood'? You have stopped being surprised.
  72. >He gets in your face. "Why are you here!? Only members of the royal family live on this floor."
  73. >Remember your cover.
  74. >"The Princess sent for me, I was looking for her room."
  75. >He doesn't buy it. "It's day. No one knows that Princess Luna is even awake and Princess Celestia has been...indisposed...for the entire day."
  76. >Well, there's your confirmation on her habitual behavior.
  77. >But fuck. There goes your alibi.
  78. >Dammit!
  79. >You ignore Blueblood as you slump on the nearby wall and think of the consequences of this.
  80. >You would probably be detained for a bit. Hauled off. Anon and Rainbow would be grabbed and asked why you snuck into the palace.
  81. >As for punishment? You don't see why Celestia wouldn't take matters into her own hooves, especially if you were so keen on interrupting her.
  82. >You're she would find the right irony for your punishment...
  83. >You shudder.
  84. >Blueblood wants answers. "Well!?"
  85. >You sigh.
  86. >"I'm here to prank Celestia."
  87. >He tilts his head. "Prank?"
  88. >"Yes, prank. It's sort of like a game we play, we try to mess with each other whenever we meet."
  89. >That was the best explanation you had for your relationship with Celestia.
  90. >Blueblood leans his head towards you. "What kind of prank?"
  91. >You grab his ear and whisper your plan to him.
  92.  
  93. >A devious smile parts Bluebloods lips as he hears what you have in store.
  94. >"And you're sure it would work?" he says.
  95. >You simply nod.
  96. >"Then get up, I'll help you get past the guards." he says.
  97. >Whoa what?
  98. >"You're helping me? Why?"
  99. >You never did anything for this guy.
  100. >"Maybe I can just appreciate a good prank?" he says with a smirk.
  101. >Holy shit, did you just make a bro?
  102. >Broblood signals you back to him as he walks a few feet back.
  103. >"Play along." he whispers.
  104. >"And so there I was, with cake all over my new tie, when who walks in? But the duke of Trottingham."
  105. >He leads you down the halls past the guards as he talks, he must not have guests because they seem a bit shocked.
  106. >"I was so embarresed, I ran as fast as I could into the bathroom to wash up, luckily the dukes lovely daughter was kind enough-"
  107. >He throws you around a corner and peeks back at the guards.
  108. >"They aren't moving." he whispers.
  109. >"Where to?" he says as he turns back to you.
  110. >This was starting to look up.
  111. >"The roof, that's the best bet."
  112. >"Follow me." he says with a grin.
  113.  
  114. >The royal apartments had quite a few guards.
  115. >Luckily, your new companion was able to talk his way past every single one of them.
  116. >"There it is." Bluebro says pointing towards a wooden door at the end of the hall.
  117. >You make for the door when a familiarly regal voice stops you. "Nephew?"
  118. >You both spin around. "A-Aunt Luna?" Blueblood. says.
  119. >Luna walks towards the two of you. "What, may We ask, art the two of you doing?"
  120. >Luna motions towards your backpack. "And what is that thou carries?"
  121. >Shit think fast.
  122. >"Blueblood and I met at the market yesterday...and...he was giving me a tour of the palace."
  123. >Luna looks confused. "Then, why art thou headed for the roof?
  124. >Fuck.
  125. >"The view?"
  126. >Luna takes a step towards Blueblood and smiles. "We are proud of thee nephew! Tis so nice to see thee making friends after the...unpleasantness...at the Grand Galloping Gala."
  127. >Blueblood doesn't miss a beat. "Thank you Aunt Luna, it's nice to be making friends."
  128. >"Well, we shan't keep you from your day." Luna says as she walks off.
  129. >Blueblood and you both exhale a sigh of relief and enter the door to the roof staircase behind you.
  130.  
  131. >The staircase leads you to a door with the best view you've ever seen.
  132. >You can see almost all of Canterlot from up here. From the main gates and the train station, to the Wonderbolts stadium. You can even spot your hotel.
  133. >The sun was starting it's decent, giving you plenty of afternoon light to disrupt an afternoon delight.
  134. >Bluebro leads you to his best approximation of where Celestia's roof is.
  135. >You hear it before you get there.
  136. >Shit. You didn't have much time if the growing crescendo of their voices was any indicator.
  137. >You throw your bag down and start unpacking your things.
  138. >"So, what did Luna mean by 'unpleasantness'?"
  139. >Blueblood sighs "Up until recently, I was a selfish, bigoted, ungrateful pony who was only interested in himself. At the latest Grand Galloping Gala, it finally came to a head when I tossed a mare in front of me to avoid a falling cake."
  140. >That sounds like a tale.
  141.  
  142. >"It culminated with the mare screaming at me and driving me away. When I heard what the other ponies were saying about me...I..I couldn't bare it, because every word of it was true. From that day on, I have strived towards self improvement in an attempt to assuage the damage I have done.
  143. >Damn, you could feel for him.
  144. >Having a shit reputation is the worst, especially around people you like.
  145. >"Hey. I don't care what everyone else says, you did good by me today. Thanks"
  146. >You hold out your fist, Bluebro bumps his hoof against it.
  147. >"You should get out of here, Celestia will be pissed when she hears."
  148. >"Are you sure you can handle her?" he asks with concern in his eyes.
  149. >You smirk.
  150. >"Don't worry, Bro. This was the plan all along."
  151. >Bluebro nods and gallops off to the door you entered.
  152. >The voices coming from the open window below you were getting more intense.
  153. >Nothing to do now but wait...
  154.  
  155. >You were Princess Celestia, and you were getting laid.
  156. >You had met him at the derby yesterday, Fancypants, his name was.
  157. >He had spoken about a mare companion often, but it seemed they were on a break.
  158. >Which was perfect, Fancypants was good at this.
  159. >"Ah...come on...come on..."
  160. >Fancypants increased his fervor.
  161. >Just then, a sound wafted through your window.
  162. >The sound of music.
  163. >It sounded like something with strings.
  164. >Was the royal band practicing? Oh well, didn't matter.
  165. >"Ah! Right there! Don't stop!"
  166. >Fancypants grunted and started giving it his all.
  167. >By the stars, you were close.
  168. >"Keep going!"
  169. >That music was still continuing.
  170. >Where was that coming fro-aaaaahhhh!
  171. >Any second now...
  172. >That music was really nice...
  173. >But where was it...
  174. >Just then, the music got words.
  175. >"Here comes the sun..."
  176. >WHAT?
  177. >"WHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!?"
  178. >NO!
  179. >NO DAMMIT NO!
  180. >THAT MUSIC RUINED IT!
  181. >"P-Princess?" Fancypants spoke.
  182. >"Wait here."
  183. >You were more terse with him then you wanted, but what did he expect? This ruined your afternoon.
  184. >You fly off your balcony and follow the source of the music.
  185. >Was it coming from the roof?
  186. >You flew up and saw the source of the disturbance.
  187. >Him.
  188. >He was laying on your roof, head in hand, grinning like a madman.
  189. >Next to him sat a small white square that was projecting the music you heard.
  190. >He spoke.
  191. >"Princess Celestia, has anyone ever told you that you would make an absolutely lovely tenor?"
  192.  
  193. -Mous PoV-
  194. >Shit eating grin: ON MOTHERFUCKER.
  195. >Music: Staying on, who doesn't like The Beatles?
  196. >Celestia, it seems.
  197. >She landed on the roof a few feet away.
  198. >"Hello Princess, like my little concert?"
  199. >She just glared at you. "What are you doing here?"
  200. >You carefully got up, this joke would be ruined if you went and fell off the damn roof.
  201. >"Why, just seranading Canterlot with some music from my world. I was in the area and I thought "You know, the Princess would really like some of this music, and I have to pay her back for checking on me during estrus." so I worked my way up here, found your room, and here I am.
  202. >"Why, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"
  203. >You stared her down.
  204. >This was your biggest gamble, whether she would take it well.
  205. >Her eyes stare right into yours.
  206. >You can't break contact here, if this goes tits up, your gall might be the only thing that saves you from a trip to the moon.
  207. >You were peripherally watching her mouth for the signs of...
  208. >Yes!
  209. >"I think I see a smile..."
  210. >Celestia quickly turns her head away as she works to regain her composure.
  211. >You still hear a few giggles escape.
  212. >"I'm glad you enjoyed my show, Princess."
  213. >She turns back to you, composure restored, but a smile present.
  214. >"Yes, very elaborate, very fitting. You certainly have thought this through, haven't you?"
  215. >You give a wide shrug.
  216. >"I told you, I'm a bit of an odd guy."
  217. >You cross your arms and begin to relax...this isn't over yet.
  218. >Celestia takes a step closer "However."
  219. >And there it is.
  220.  
  221. >"There is the matter of how you managed to sneak directly above my room in the royal palace, I'm sure my Captain of the Guard would like to have a word with you about that."
  222. >Hmm...you could work with this.
  223. >"Come on Celestia, there's no fun in that. At least give me a handicap."
  224. >"Such as?" she asks as she opens her mouth into an unnaturally wide grin and flutters her eyelashes.
  225. >"Three hour head start."
  226. >"Two."
  227. >"One and a half, and the guards don't know what they're looking for and can't follow outside of the city."
  228. >Celestia stares at you for a second. "Deal."
  229. >You extend your hand.
  230. >"Shake on it."
  231. >Celestia extends her hoof, you grab it and give it a good shake.
  232. >"Well then, I suppose I better get moving? You should go see to your boyfriend. I'm sure he can help you with that Cyan Cunt you have now."
  233. >Celestia just stares at you confused.
  234. >"Oh, just get out of here."
  235. >What was the female term for blue balls anyway?
  236.  
  237.  
  238. >You haul it back to the hotel, Anon and Rainbow better be there and not naked or you're leaving without them.
  239. >You run up the stairs and burst into the room.
  240. >Rainbow and Anon are sitting on the couch together watching TV. "Dude, we have to get cable at the house." Anon says.
  241. >"No time. Pack. We're going."
  242. >Anon looks confused and alarmed. "Uh...Dude? Is something wrong?"
  243. >You don't have the time for this.
  244. >You grab Anon by the shoulders.
  245. >"You know how bros have that thing where they sometimes need you to not say a word and just go along with whatever they say? And he'll handle everything?"
  246. >Anon shakes his head wordlessly.
  247. >"Well, this is that time. We have, like, twenty minutes to get out of the city before the guards get he-"
  248. >You hear shouting from outside.
  249. >You run to the window and pear out. It looked like half the royal legion was outside
  250. >Some white unicorn in a purple accented suit of armor was calling out orders. "Spread out! We're looking for anything out of the ordinary!"
  251. >This was against the deal, but you found yourself smiling.
  252. >"Celestia you bitch..."
  253. >This reminds you of a song...how did it go?
  254. >Oh yeah, Dat bass line.
  255. >Anon grabs your shoulder. "What's going on, dude?"
  256. >You reach into your bag and pull out your sunglasses.
  257. >Sunglasses you slowly lower onto your face as you recite the words you've wanted to for so long.
  258. >"I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together."
  259. >Okay.
  260. >3.
  261. >2.
  262. >1.
  263. >Let's Jam!
  264.  
  265. >You, Anon and Dash burst out of the hotel back door.
  266. >Get to the train station.
  267. >Alert no guards.
  268. >"This way."
  269. >You lead them through an alley to the street behind the hotel.
  270. >"You sure this is a good idea, Bro!?" Anon shouts.
  271. >You turn to shout back at him.
  272. >"Of course it is!"
  273. >He looked scared.
  274. >You must still have your psycho grin on.
  275. >Shit pegusi in the air.
  276. >"Under that overhang!"
  277. >You can see the train station.
  278. >There's  a squad of guards out front.
  279. >"Mous, guards!" Anon cries.
  280. >"I'll handle this, just run past them!" you call back.
  281. >Anon and Rainbow blow past the bewildered guards as you grab the one in the lead.
  282. >"You have to stop him! There's some crazy Gryphon in that store and he's holding them hostage!
  283. >"W-what!?" the guard says. "Come on, this could be it!" he calls to his friends.
  284. >Ha. Idiot.
  285. >You all get through the turnstile and look for your train.
  286. >"There it is!" Rainbow cries.
  287. >Fuck! It was pulling out!
  288. >You all race towards the rapidly leaving train.
  289. >"There they are, get em!" you hear from over your shoulder.
  290. >A quick peek; Fuck! Guards!
  291. >"Rainbow, carry Anon and land on that caboose!"
  292. >Rainbow grabs Anon under the armpits and carries him to the train.
  293. >Only have you now.
  294. >"Outa my way!" you shout to the ponies in front of you.
  295. >You can hear the guards hot on your tail.
  296. >The train leaves the platform.
  297. >Gotta jump!
  298. >You grab ahold of the bars on the back and Rainbow and Anon pull you up.
  299. >Eat your heart out James Bond.
  300. >You turn and flip the guards back on the station the bird.
  301. >All earth ponies. Nice.
  302. >You turn to Anon.
  303. >"See, told you I'd take care of everything."
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