- =BiE 32=
- >Nine hours.
- >NINE.
- >CUNTING.
- >HOURS.
- >This wedding had better be worth it.
- >There had better be shit loads of cake.
- >You stood in the Fillydelphia train hub and looked around.
- >Passing ponies were staring at you with either fear or revulsion.
- >It smelled like gas and piss.
- So just like Philly back home?
- >Looks that way brain.
- >You walked out of the train station and headed down the road.
- >You kept your eye's high. Fillydelphia certainly inherited the right skyline.
- >It almost made you forget where you were.
- >You were glad you could get off for this.
- >It helped that you were dating your boss.
- >She said she'd give you a bonus if you caught the bouquet for her.
- Hehe. "Bonus."
- >Dammit brain, we've been dating for like, three weeks tops. That's not what she meant.
- Yeah, but she wouldn't mind if we thought it's what she meant.
- >Piss off.
- Someone's afraid.
- >I am not afraid...I'm taking it slow.
- Out of fear.
- >Out of respect.
- Respect for what? She kissed you on the introductory date. I'm pretty sure I felt tongue.
- >Piss off. I'm done with you.
- I can taste your fear from here.
- >You frown.
- >Your brain was an asshole.
- >You cross through the center of the city.
- >Chariots were locked in an eternal gridlock in the roads.
- >The streets were chocked with passersby and the occasional tourist.
- >Every one of them was staring at you.
- >You didn't mind it, but goddamn.
- >You were glad you lived in a small town.
- >The trio of guards that were following you didn't help.
- >Ever since the train station.
- Just like Earth.
- >Seems that way.
- >You cross through the center of the city.
- >Dammit. Where was this hotel Lyra and Bon Bon said to go to?
- >A shouting pegasus in a pavilion catches your ear.
- >"This 'order' that the Princesses have set up is against the very nature of the world! Hiding us all away from the chaos of life has made us weak! Complacent!"
- >Who's this douchebag?
- Religious nut?
- >Never a shortage of those in the city...
- >You walk away as he starts to yammer about some crap that happened a millennium ago that you didn't give a shit about.
- >You finally arrive at the hotel.
- >Not a bad place, marble floors, brass accents.
- >Swanky.
- >You walk up to the front desk and ring the bell on it.
- >Some snooty looking pony walks out, he takes one look at you and frowns. "Can I help you...sir?"
- >Stay calm, play it co-
- Kick his ass.
- >Fuck off brain.
- >"Yes, I'm here for the Bon Bon - Heartstrings affair.
- >He raises his eyebrow at that and levitates a key to you. "I have also been instructed to direct any...pony to the dining hall at 7..."
- >You nod and head towards the elevator.
- >Racist asshole.
- >Your room is midway up, overlooking the north side of the city.
- >Cool, no sun in your face.
- I wonder if the West side is still dangerous here...
- >You look at the clock. 5 in the evening.
- >You collapse on your bed.
- >Leaving town at the same time you normally woke up was not fun.
- >And bullshit could you sleep on a seat not designed for you.
- >It would be nice to rest a bit...
- We need to talk.
- >Or would have been.
- >What?
- About Lotus.
- >This shit again? What?
- How do you feel about her?
- >I kissed her goodbye today, I'd say I feel pretty good about her.
- You know what I mean.
- >I really don't...
- You can't lie to me. I'm you. The honest side, it seems.
- We need to talk about what Lotus means.
- >What she means?
- Lotus is the first sentient life form we have shown interest in. Ever.
- >And?
- And that signifies a change. A change in our personality.
- >How do you know we weren't a horsefucker this entire time?
- Because we'd been here two months and not shown any interest. Even when their immortal god-empress propositioned us. Even when we had our current special somep0ny and her twin sister locked up in our house.
- >We were not taking advantage of Aloe and Lotus over Estrus, That's sick.
- And Celestia?
- >My way is more fun.
- But somehow, Lotus gets through. What did she do?
- >You know wha-
- And why did you reciprocate?
- >You were there, you kno-
- I know you, you're committed until this thing goes down. Why here and not on Earth?
- >...
- Well?
- >She was nice to us.
- >No one is ever nice to us.
- >She gave us a job after a look and a test we bullshitted through.
- >She was the only pony in town to worry about us after the manticore.
- >I don't know where this is going, but Lotus deserves a shot with the guy she thinks we are.
- And that's enough?
- >If she can get us to date her, who knows what else she can do?
- ...
- >Yeah. Thought so.
- Yo, wake up.
- >You wake up in a puddle of your own drool.
- >The clock says 6:45.
- >Fuck, get up lazy ass.
- >The dining hall was nice.
- >Big. Very big. Big enough for the hundreds of ponies that were in it.
- >The hundreds of ponies now looking at you in silence.
- >Shit. Uh...
- >"Hi, Everyp0ny!"
- Hi, Doctor Mous!
- >Eat shit.
- >"Mous!" you hear from your side.
- >You turn to spot Lyra galloping towards you, Bon Bon right behind her.
- >"Finally, the guest of honor has arrived!" she said.
- >Guest of honor? What?
- >"Nice to see you Lyra."
- >"Oh, let me try this out!" she says as she lifts her leg and her horn starts to glow.
- >A minty green hand forms at the end of Lyra's hoof.
- >You grab and shake the hand. Damn, it feels just like flesh, even down to the heat emanating.
- >"Someone's been practicing."
- >Bon Bon finally catches up with her bride to be. "Oh...she's been practicing all right."
- >She nuzzles Lyra.
- >We gave two lesbians hands.
- Hands we then shook.
- >Gross
- Gross.
- >"Come meet my dad, Mous!"
- >Lyra leads to back to a table being set up.
- >Standing next to it is an elderly unicorn with a brushed back mane, a forest green coat, and a red jacket.
- >Various medals and ribbons hung on it.
- A guard vet, so it seems.
- >So it seems.
- >Time to impress.
- >"Good day, sir."
- >You toss up a salute, one that he returns with a smile.
- >"Ah, hello my boy. Captain Harmonica, good to see a guest with respect to the guard."
- Holy shit, his voice.
- >This man could conceive children with his voice alone.
- >"Of course, Sir. I have met many guards and respect the work they do."
- Getting chased out of Canterlot doesn't count as meeting guards.
- >Shut up, I don't want him to talk and make our heart stop.
- >"Dad, I was gonna bring Mous along to the party tonight, is that okay with you?"
- >Lyra was giving the Harmonica the puppy dog eyes.
- >"Of course sweetheart, the more the merrier."
- >Harmonica walks off and you approach Lyra.
- >"Party?"
- >She gives you a big grin.
- >"My bachelorette party! We're gonna show these Fillydelphians how it's done!"
- Lesbian pony party?
- >Shit, I'm game.
- >You collapse back on to your bed around 3:00.
- >Ow.
- >Ow.
- >Oh ow.
- >Brain, stop trying to kill us.
- HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED HOW LOUD YOU COULD YELL!?
- >Aaaaaah.
- >I am initiating emergency consciousness override.
- >Piss off brain.
- THE CANDY MAN MAKES, EVERYTHING HE BA-
- >...
- >Silence.
- >Good.
- >Damn. Lyra can fucking drink.
- >Not so much Harmonica...surprisingly.
- >Somewhere between the third club and the fire, you sorta spaced.
- >Somepony fucking spiked your drink, it's the only explanation.
- >Oh well, at least you can think and don't have to move anymore.
- >Don't even really have to think anymore with brain offline...
- >...
- >I wonder how Lotus is doing.
- >Dammit. Brain was fucking with you even when he wasn't there.
- >It was normal to think about them so often this early, right?
- >Right?
- >You were still you, right?
- >Dammit. You need someone here.
- >Brain! Wake the fuck up!
- ZZZzzzZZzzZzzZZzzz
- >Asshole.
- I'm here man.
- >Heart?
- At your service.
- >Oh good, what's our blood alcohol level at?
- A little bit passed pissed.
- >Shit.
- Yeah.
- >So, can you help? Why are we thinking about Lotus so much?
- Well duh dude, it's because we like her.
- >...we do?
- Is that not obvious?
- >I don't know, we never liked someone before.
- Come on man. We may be weird, but we've seen enough cartoons and daytime soaps to know what it's like to like somepony.
- >So... is this good?
- I'm a bit biased here, but I think it is. Lotus is good for us.
- >How?
- We've gotten our ass kicked for Anon a bunch of times, now we have somep0ny who'll kick our ass herself if that happens.
- >And how is that good?
- It makes us think of new options, maybe ones that don't involve hostage situations?
- >That only happened once...
- Also, you know, we like her. Quite a bit. That's a good reason on it's own.
- >Lyra and Bon Bon were well on their way to Canterbury for the honeymoon.
- >Here's hoping they actually get out of the hotel room.
- >The wedding went off without a hitch.
- >No protesters against a same sex marriage, no time traveling blue boxes, no dinosaurs.
- What was that last one?
- >Brain! Good of you to join us!
- What did we drink last night?
- >Lol I 'unno.
- Where are we?
- >Train back home, should be getting close. It's about nine at night.
- Why are we still in our tux?
- >"Cause all the girls crazy 'bout a"
- SHARP
- >DRESSED
- MAN
- >Yeah.
- You're a dork.
- >You sang along too.
- But seriously, why the tux?
- >Maybe I just like to dress to impress for special events?
- Whoa. Wait. Did you plan something without me?
- >It's a surprise.
- We hate surprises!
- >MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
- >You pull into the station as you put Brain on silent.
- >Bag over your shoulder, you head to the front.
- >Where is she...
- >"Dressed up just for me? I'm touched."
- >You spun around and saw Lotus sitting on a bench, she hopped off and trotted over to you.
- >You put your bag on the ground and sit at eye level with her.
- Dude, what are you doing!?
- >"Hey there pretty pony."
- >You had spent the entire train ride back thinking of that, you were very proud.
- >You grab her chin and kiss her.
- >Longer then you normally did.
- >Deeper too.
- >You didn't feel obligated to do this, nor did you feel uncomfortable about doing it in public.
- >You break off and press your forehead against her.
- >"Mous! What was that for?" she squealed.
- >Her cheeks were red, even through her coat.
- >She was cute when she was surprised.
- >"Just happy to be home."
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