Flanking Maneuvers Episode 2: Dinner and a Show.


                                            Flanking Maneuvers: Episode two.

                                            -Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmGkfWDtv78-


                                            >"Mous, put on your tie right. This is a formal dinner." Celestia said as you tried to get this stupid tie on for the third time in five minutes.

                                            "Formal dinners blow.

                                            >"They do, but we both need to make an appearance."

                                            "I can make an appearance in my boxers. And who cares about these clothes? You're naked all the time anyway. I'm starting to feel like you're showing off to the other stallions."

                                            >"Ohhh, is the human jealous?" She asked as she brushed her hair.

                                            "I just want to know if I'm going to get tapped out from having to ride this bouncy castle once in a while."

                                            >"You'd kick the other stallions off the castle the moment they set hoof in it."

                                            "I'd also bite."

                                            >Celestia tightens your belt with her magic. "Mous, don't make promises to me you can't keep."

                                            "See? You're more interested in other things too. Let's go to the throne room and play King of the Hill on the throne again."


                                            >"Dear, when Luna caught us the last time, she almost passed out."

                                            "Hey. She was on the moon for a thousand years, she has to learn about the Baltimore Back Flip sooner or later."

                                            >"Perhaps it would have been better for her to learn in a more controlled environment?"

                                            "That's no fun."

                                            >How the hell do these cufflinks go on?

                                            >"Mous, having to move my unconscious sister back to her room because she caught us fooling around is not particularly enjoyable."

                                            "Says you. That guard behind her was checking her ass out when we were going up those stairs, I saw it.

                                            >Okay...Now just take a small step an-

                                            "Goddammit! This stupid tie does not want to stay right!"

                                            >"Oh, let me."

                                            >Celestia grips the tie with her magic and gets it situated.

                                            "Thank you."

                                            >Celestia giggles as she goes back to her mirror. "I would assume you knew better by now then to let me near your neck with something."

                                            >Heh.

                                            "You're kinky, but carrying my dead weight ass to dinner would be bad form. Not to mention a pain."

                                            >"I can only imagine what everyp0ny would say." Celestia chuckled.

                                            "It's probably par for course by now."

                                            >"At least it would be better then showing up at the Grand Galloping Gala naked. Again."

                                            >You said you were sorry...

                                            >You had lied, but you said it...


                                            >This. Dinner. SUCKED.

                                            >A bunch of stupid dignitaries doing stupid diplomacy over a stupid dinner.

                                            >You leaned over to Celestia for the fifth time this hour.

                                            "Seriously, I will go fuck you in the bathroom. Anything to break up this monotony."

                                            >"I've told you five times, not until the band starts playing."

                                            >You sink back into your seat and stab at your peas.

                                            "I should just get us ejected."

                                            >"And how would you do that, dear?"

                                            >You shrug.

                                            "Go around kicking people in the balls, probably."

                                            >Celestia chuckles.

                                            >"That would make quite the scene."

                                            "That's the plan."

                                            >Celestia levitates a mouthful of food up to her, but pauses for a moment. "Dear, I have a proposition for you."

                                            "Celly, do you remember the last proposition one of us made? Look where we are now."

                                            >Celestia chews and swallows her food. "A wager then."

                                            >That had your ear.

                                            "Oh, baby. You know just how to get me going~"

                                            >Celestia chuckles at you. "You will have free reign to do whatever you want in this ballroom, the only condition is that you cannot get us ejected."

                                            "Denying me the prize? You terrible temptress."

                                            >"Are you turning me down?"

                                            >You stand from your seat.

                                            "We both know you'd just take what you want anyway. Deal."

                                            >You grasp and shake Celestia's hoof.

                                            >"Have fun dear." She says as you walk away.

                                            >That's the plan.


                                            >Okay.

                                            >On the prowl.

                                            >You swipe a drink a waiter was carrying and spit in it.

                                            >Baby steps?

                                            >Hell no, baby steps are lame. Time to take this up a notch.

                                            >You walk over the a group of ponies having a conversation "lead" by an old friend.

                                            >After all, who else in this room can you say has slept with your wife other than Fancypants?

                                            >Probably half-ish.

                                            >He spots you as you approach. "Mous, good to see you old boy!"

                                            "Hey Trousers."

                                            >He laughs at your nickname for him as you join the little circle.

                                            >Fancypants leads the conversation again, taking the crowed off on wild tangents about airships and Wonderbolts.

                                            >You spend the entire time thinking how best to do this.

                                            >It should involve Celestia, that much is certain.

                                            >You look around the room as you plan the rest of this little Dinner from Hell.

                                            >Okay...this can work.

                                            >You sit on the sidelines until almost half the room is engrossed in Fancypant's story.

                                            >You look across the room and spot Celestia still eating at the table.

                                            >Fatass.

                                            >Fancypants is still talking. "And so you see, The Patriots had never been there! They had been dead fo-

                                            "My wife wants to have sex with you."

                                            >Everyp0ny turns to look at you, Fancypants included.

                                            >It's silent.

                                            "She's been bugging me for ages to double up on her. I saw you here and figured, hey, why the fuck not?"

                                            >Fancypant's looks a mix of shocked and embarrassed. Fleur looks pissed. "Uh...I-I-"

                                            "She wants us to wear ski masks, though. Something about "taking her"."

                                            >You let your head follow a tray of Hors d'oeuvre's away from the group as Fancypants stammers something out to his wife-hooker thing.


                                            >You all but fall back into your seat next to Celestia after a few more minutes out on the floor. "Have fun?" She asks.

                                            "Tons."

                                            >"I don't see any bruises. Are you sure you did something?"

                                            "Of course I did, Sunny. All good things come in time."

                                            >You stay at the table for a bit and enjoy a bit more of this food you weren't paying for.

                                            >Eventually, Fancypants trots up to you with Fleur looking annoyed besides him. "He-Hellow Princesh."

                                            >Hehe.

                                            >"Uhm...Hello Fancypants."

                                            "Hey Trousers."

                                            >"Ya-yo-Your hushband came an' found me a lil' while ago..and I will take you up on yur offer!" He shouts.

                                            >Celestia turns to look at you. You give your best smile.

                                            >"And what offer was that, Mister Fancypants?" Celestia asked as her eyes narrow.

                                            >Fancypants looks confused. "Th-the one with you? A-and the-the..."

                                            >"Are you okay Fancypants?"

                                            >Fancypants puts a hoof on the table and sways in an invisible breeze for a moment.

                                            >"I-I..." The rest is drowned in a torrent of Facnypant's dinner and about a half bottle of punch.

                                            >Your uproarious laughter drowned out any shock the dinner organizers had.

                                            >Celestia turned to you, looking alarmed. "Did you spike his punch?

                                            >You wipe a tear away from your face and rise.

                                            "Celly..."

                                            >You turn her face to the rest of the ballroom.

                                            >Ponies everywhere are wobbling and falling, a few are in the corners trying to remain steady.

                                            >Celestia's eyes widen as she gets the true level of this feat.

                                            "I spiked all the punch."

                                            >Fancypants vomits on the floor again as Celestia just smiles and shakes her head. "Clever, getting everyp0ny else ejected."

                                            >You smile.

                                            "We're only halfway there, Celly."

                                            >You grab the plate of food you had purposely gone easy on and stand on the table.

                                            "FOOD FIGHT!"


                                            >Celestia levitates you through the bedroom door. You were laughing too much and slowing her down.

                                            "A-and the part where the chandelier fell down!"

                                            >Celestia drops you on the floor, bits of food falling off you.

                                            >With a quick spell, she flings the errant food off the two of you.

                                            >Celestia removes and hangs up her dress, it being summarily ruined by food stains.

                                            "You look annoyed."

                                            >"I've been better."

                                            "Oh, screw off. You said we had to make an appearance and we did."

                                            >"And now the entire kingdom will know that my husband started a food fight after vicariously propositioning me to another stallion."

                                            >She's annoyed, she's using big words.

                                            "Give me some credit, ya goon. I poured three bottles of "Stalliongrad Red" in that punch. Anyp0ny who can remember tomorrow, let alone tonight, deserves that little tidbit of information."

                                            >Celestia glances at you as she removes her crown. "They won't remember a thing?"

                                            "That's the plan."

                                            >Celestia grows a smile as she trots over to you laying on the floor.

                                            >In an instant, she lets her legs give out and lands on your.

                                            "You bitch..." You say through possibly broken ribs.

                                            >"Consider it part of your payment."

                                            "My payment?"

                                            >"You may have gotten everyp0ny ejected from the dinner, but we were included in that number. That was against the rules..." She cooed.

                                            >You thought your actions through.

                                            >You may have gone a bit overboard with the food fight.

                                            "I suppose they were, it was still worth it."

                                            >"And so..." Celestia said. "You must pay the price."

                                            "And what might that be O' She of the One Track Mind?"

                                            >Celestia casts a spell and drowns the room in darkness. "Guess." She whispers into your ear.

                                            "...Stop flicking boogers at you in your sleep?"