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BiE 77: The Best Kind of Diplomacy.

By Mandroid
Created: 19th December 2020 12:58:54 PM

  1. =BiE 77=
  2.  
  3. >Year 268 in Equestria.
  4. >You stomped your way through the embassy.
  5. >Why did she have you do this?
  6. >There had to be somep0ny better qualified for this.
  7. >Dammit Celestia, I'm a logician, not a diplomat.
  8. Are we really a logician?
  9. >It sounds better then "Royal problem solver".
  10. >"They in?" You asked the receptionist.
  11. >"Third door on the left, sir." She said.
  12. >Brilliant.
  13. >You walked down to the number room you were instructed.
  14. >You opened the door and spotted three Griffins sitting at the table inside.
  15. >"Gentlemen, how do?"
  16. >The lead Griffin grunts. "We have been waiting here for over an hour."
  17. >Idiot meeting planners.
  18. >"Yes, bit of a clerical mix-up. At least you had a good view."
  19. >You motion to the large window overlooking the valley underneath Canterlot.
  20. >If you squinted, you could see P0nyville in the distance, expanding after all these years.
  21. >You throw your file onto the table and flip it open.
  22. >"Now let's see what we're here for, huh?"
  23. >The Griffins glare at you as you peer over the file. The idea that a diplomat wouldn't come to a meeting fully prepared with the information about what he's there for was inconceivable to them.
  24. >Well screw the lot of them, you weren't planning on behind here.
  25. >"Increased troop deployment along the border? That won't do at all."
  26. >The Griffins feathers shift as you pull out a seat.
  27. >"Alright gents, let's chat."
  28.  
  29. >Cut to FOUR DAMN HOURS LATER.
  30. >These Griffins were being right assholes about all this.
  31. >You asked nicely, they shot you down.
  32. >You offered to ease trade tariffs, they refused.
  33. >You told them you killed Discord and they laughed in your face.
  34. >The chair you were leaning in was balancing quite well as you leaned back on it in silent contemplation.
  35. >These Griffins were stone cold serious. Each of them was wearing solid armor across their chest, as well as a plumed helmet and a single gauntlet on their right talon.
  36. >Wait, single gauntlet?
  37. >"What's with the gloves?"
  38. >The Griffins snort. "You're asking about our apparel now?"
  39. >You nod. Not in the mood for questions.
  40. >They all three hold up their talons. "We are each a member of the Wind Raiders. The founder of our organization lost his talon in a raid by an anonymous chariot many years ago, and spoke of a creature he had never seen before doing it. Now, all Wind Raiders wear a gauntlet over their talon as testament to his sacrifice."
  41. >Griffin lost a talon.
  42. >Chariot attack.
  43. >Mystery attacker.
  44. >Well, this isn't weird at all...
  45. >One of the Griffins snorts. "This ape wastes our time. Better to simply leave then to spend the entire day asked about what we wear by Celestia's lapdog."
  46. >'Lapdog'?
  47. >Okay, that was it.
  48.  
  49. >You lean forward and let the chair slam against the floor.
  50. >"Alright birdies, let's talk."
  51. >The lead Griffin speaks up. "I think we're don h-"
  52. >"When I said "let's talk" I meant "I'm talking". Besides, you're gonna want to hear this."
  53. >The Griffins sit back down, placated a bit.
  54. >"You Griffins are the masters of the sky, right? Surely you've had to deal with dragons every now and then."
  55. >The lead Griffin nods. "Of course."
  56. >"And surely you've heard of the oldest and angriest of them all, Grougaloragran, right?"
  57. >The Griffins exchange glances before they nod.
  58. >You reach into your file and pull a map of the Griffin kingdoms out.
  59. >"Well, here's the deal. We stole his egg. And we hid it in one of your cities."
  60. >The Griffins eyes go wide as you point to the map.
  61. >"Now, we have it hidden from his senses by a spell, but that spell can be turned off at pretty much any time."
  62. >You meet the Griffins eyes as you drop your voice down.
  63. >"If you walk out of here without promising to remove your troops from the border, or breathe a word of this to the High Jarl; that spells goes down, Grougaloragran senses his egg, and he burns half your kingdom to the ground to get it back."
  64. >You swear you could see sweat dripping through their feathers. "You have no honor." They said.
  65. >"I also don't have something a big pissed off dragon wants hidden underneath a couple hundred thousand of my citizens lives."
  66. >You rise from your seat and head for the door, leaving the Griffins to contemplate your words.
  67. >"Get your troops away from my border, or I just might lower the spell anyway."
  68.  
  69. >You slammed the door behind you and walked down the corridor.
  70. >Ha. Idiots.
  71. >Griffins were too honorable and Klingon-esque to consider the fact that the diplomat they were speaking to might in fact be lying through his teeth about a threat too big to ignore, even if they had never heard of the dragon before.
  72. >They'd fly home and get the troops away from the border before spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to find an egg that didn't exist.
  73. >You stepped out into the sun and thought about what to do next.
  74. >Might as well give Celestia a report on the meeting and then...you don't know, spit off the wall or something.
  75. >You walked down the street towards the castle.
  76. >The years had been...decent to you.
  77. >You hit a rough patch for a long while after Lotus died, you admit that.
  78. >Anon had eventually helped you drag yourself out of it and do something with your long life.
  79.  
  80. >You walked down the road and saw a light show from the Arcanium that would put Pink Floyd to shame.
  81. Speaking of Anon...
  82. >Anon had taken to the Grand Magisters position like white on rice after Twilight had died.
  83. >Even now the city was running more efficiently as he reworked the leylines.
  84. >Thought's of Twilight brought you down the path to the rest of the old gang...
  85. >Pinkie had been the first to go after Rainbow, all those years of partying finally catching up to her.
  86. >She had made you all promise to wear party hats to her funeral.
  87. >Fluttershy went after her, passing away quietly in her sleep.
  88. >Rarity had lived with Blueblood for a while before she became a household phrase in the world of fashion. You think you were wearing one of her coats...
  89. >Applejack had opened up her own orchard out west. The last time you had seen it, it had gone on past the horizon.
  90. >Twilight had been the last to go; as the Grand Magister of Canterlot, with a special gravesite in the royal gardens.
  91. >You looked down a familiar path in the park.
  92. >Well...maybe not the last one.
  93.  
  94. >You decided to cut through the park on your way to the castle.
  95. >You came here often.
  96. >Sequestered just off the main path was a statue that you had commissioned.
  97. >But it wasn't a statue.
  98. >It was an antenna.
  99. >And it was sending a message.
  100. >Derpy and Dinky hadn't been at Rainbow's funeral.
  101. >They hadn't been around for years.
  102. >A little after Dinky graduated from school, the entire family had just vanished.
  103. >Dinky, Derpy and Mr. Hooves.
  104. >It didn't take an idiot to figure out what had happened, you probably should have just been glad he held off as long as he did.
  105. >You were rather choleric for a few weeks until you came up with the idea for this antenna.
  106. >It was off the main path, sitting in the middle of a small clearing with a straight line of sight into the sky.
  107. >Anon had helped you rig it up to broadcast a message into space every ten minutes.
  108. >Every ten minutes for the last 200 years.
  109. >Anon was the only one who knew why you did it. He had assured you that a couple of mana batteries would keep a short message broadcasting for millennia.
  110. >"Take care of them."
  111. >That was all you had the message say. A simple request of the one who had taken over protecting them now.
  112. >You popped the cover off the antenna base and ensure that everything was in working order.
  113. >Satisfied, you rose to your feet and looked into the sky.
  114. >"They better still be there, Time Lord."
  115. >You turned back and headed for the path.
  116. >You'd come back next week to check on it again.
  117.  
  118. >You walk through the castle to Celestia's room.
  119. >The door opened before you reached it and a mountain of a stallion stepped out.
  120. >He made Big Mac look like a colt.
  121. Fucking hell...
  122. >You recognized him as one of the guards who patrolled the North wall at dusk.
  123. >"Soldier." You said as you passed.
  124. >"Sir."
  125. >You stepped into Celestia's Bastion of Horror's to find her sitting at a beauty desk in the corner.
  126. >You peer back at the stallion as the door closes.
  127. >"So, can you just unhinge your jaw or something? Or is there magic at play here?
  128. >"I'm willing to bet that magic is the reason you aren't gagging on the smell of musk right now, if that's what you're asking."
  129. >Celestia turns her head to you. "How did it go?"
  130. >"Despite being seriously out of my element, I was able to lie to the diplomats. They'll probably be pulling their troops out within a week."
  131. >Celestia eyes you. "You heard them say that, did you?"
  132. >"I inferred from their faces."
  133. >Celestia grunts and turns back to her mirror. "I hope you're prepared to stake Canterlot's security on that Mous."
  134. >"Nothing a little assassination of a High Jarl can't fix. We can use that crossbow I stole once."
  135. >Celestia pulls the comb through her hair. "Let's exhaust diplomacy first."
  136. Right...only a matter of time before the High Jarl is the one you catch walking out of here.
  137. >"Well, I've got a lot of nothing to do. Don't hurt yourself, Sunshine."
  138. >"Send in the next one~!" Celestia calls behind you.
  139. Gross...
  140. >You meet a stallion headed for Celestia's room on your way out.
  141. >"Here to see the princess?"
  142. >He silently nodded.
  143. >"Something came up, she's busy for the rest of the day."
  144. >The stallion looked disappointed and trotted away.
  145. Ha.
  146. >You were such a dick.
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