BiE 77: The Best Kind of Diplomacy.


                                            =BiE 77=


                                            >Year 268 in Equestria.

                                            >You stomped your way through the embassy.

                                            >Why did she have you do this?

                                            >There had to be somep0ny better qualified for this.

                                            >Dammit Celestia, I'm a logician, not a diplomat.

                                            Are we really a logician?

                                            >It sounds better then "Royal problem solver".

                                            >"They in?" You asked the receptionist.

                                            >"Third door on the left, sir." She said.

                                            >Brilliant.

                                            >You walked down to the number room you were instructed.

                                            >You opened the door and spotted three Griffins sitting at the table inside.

                                            >"Gentlemen, how do?"

                                            >The lead Griffin grunts. "We have been waiting here for over an hour."

                                            >Idiot meeting planners.

                                            >"Yes, bit of a clerical mix-up. At least you had a good view."

                                            >You motion to the large window overlooking the valley underneath Canterlot.

                                            >If you squinted, you could see P0nyville in the distance, expanding after all these years.

                                            >You throw your file onto the table and flip it open.

                                            >"Now let's see what we're here for, huh?"

                                            >The Griffins glare at you as you peer over the file. The idea that a diplomat wouldn't come to a meeting fully prepared with the information about what he's there for was inconceivable to them.

                                            >Well screw the lot of them, you weren't planning on behind here.

                                            >"Increased troop deployment along the border? That won't do at all."

                                            >The Griffins feathers shift as you pull out a seat.

                                            >"Alright gents, let's chat."


                                            >Cut to FOUR DAMN HOURS LATER.

                                            >These Griffins were being right assholes about all this.

                                            >You asked nicely, they shot you down.

                                            >You offered to ease trade tariffs, they refused.

                                            >You told them you killed Discord and they laughed in your face.

                                            >The chair you were leaning in was balancing quite well as you leaned back on it in silent contemplation.

                                            >These Griffins were stone cold serious. Each of them was wearing solid armor across their chest, as well as a plumed helmet and a single gauntlet on their right talon.

                                            >Wait, single gauntlet?

                                            >"What's with the gloves?"

                                            >The Griffins snort. "You're asking about our apparel now?"

                                            >You nod. Not in the mood for questions.

                                            >They all three hold up their talons. "We are each a member of the Wind Raiders. The founder of our organization lost his talon in a raid by an anonymous chariot many years ago, and spoke of a creature he had never seen before doing it. Now, all Wind Raiders wear a gauntlet over their talon as testament to his sacrifice."

                                            >Griffin lost a talon.

                                            >Chariot attack.

                                            >Mystery attacker.

                                            >Well, this isn't weird at all...

                                            >One of the Griffins snorts. "This ape wastes our time. Better to simply leave then to spend the entire day asked about what we wear by Celestia's lapdog."

                                            >'Lapdog'?

                                            >Okay, that was it.


                                            >You lean forward and let the chair slam against the floor.

                                            >"Alright birdies, let's talk."

                                            >The lead Griffin speaks up. "I think we're don h-"

                                            >"When I said "let's talk" I meant "I'm talking". Besides, you're gonna want to hear this."

                                            >The Griffins sit back down, placated a bit.

                                            >"You Griffins are the masters of the sky, right? Surely you've had to deal with dragons every now and then."

                                            >The lead Griffin nods. "Of course."

                                            >"And surely you've heard of the oldest and angriest of them all, Grougaloragran, right?"

                                            >The Griffins exchange glances before they nod.

                                            >You reach into your file and pull a map of the Griffin kingdoms out.

                                            >"Well, here's the deal. We stole his egg. And we hid it in one of your cities."

                                            >The Griffins eyes go wide as you point to the map.

                                            >"Now, we have it hidden from his senses by a spell, but that spell can be turned off at pretty much any time."

                                            >You meet the Griffins eyes as you drop your voice down.

                                            >"If you walk out of here without promising to remove your troops from the border, or breathe a word of this to the High Jarl; that spells goes down, Grougaloragran senses his egg, and he burns half your kingdom to the ground to get it back."

                                            >You swear you could see sweat dripping through their feathers. "You have no honor." They said.

                                            >"I also don't have something a big pissed off dragon wants hidden underneath a couple hundred thousand of my citizens lives."

                                            >You rise from your seat and head for the door, leaving the Griffins to contemplate your words.

                                            >"Get your troops away from my border, or I just might lower the spell anyway."


                                            >You slammed the door behind you and walked down the corridor.

                                            >Ha. Idiots.

                                            >Griffins were too honorable and Klingon-esque to consider the fact that the diplomat they were speaking to might in fact be lying through his teeth about a threat too big to ignore, even if they had never heard of the dragon before.

                                            >They'd fly home and get the troops away from the border before spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to find an egg that didn't exist.

                                            >You stepped out into the sun and thought about what to do next.

                                            >Might as well give Celestia a report on the meeting and then...you don't know, spit off the wall or something.

                                            >You walked down the street towards the castle.

                                            >The years had been...decent to you.

                                            >You hit a rough patch for a long while after Lotus died, you admit that.

                                            >Anon had eventually helped you drag yourself out of it and do something with your long life.


                                            >You walked down the road and saw a light show from the Arcanium that would put Pink Floyd to shame.

                                            Speaking of Anon...

                                            >Anon had taken to the Grand Magisters position like white on rice after Twilight had died.

                                            >Even now the city was running more efficiently as he reworked the leylines.

                                            >Thought's of Twilight brought you down the path to the rest of the old gang...

                                            >Pinkie had been the first to go after Rainbow, all those years of partying finally catching up to her.

                                            >She had made you all promise to wear party hats to her funeral.

                                            >Fluttershy went after her, passing away quietly in her sleep.

                                            >Rarity had lived with Blueblood for a while before she became a household phrase in the world of fashion. You think you were wearing one of her coats...

                                            >Applejack had opened up her own orchard out west. The last time you had seen it, it had gone on past the horizon.

                                            >Twilight had been the last to go; as the Grand Magister of Canterlot, with a special gravesite in the royal gardens.

                                            >You looked down a familiar path in the park.

                                            >Well...maybe not the last one.


                                            >You decided to cut through the park on your way to the castle.

                                            >You came here often.

                                            >Sequestered just off the main path was a statue that you had commissioned.

                                            >But it wasn't a statue.

                                            >It was an antenna.

                                            >And it was sending a message.

                                            >Derpy and Dinky hadn't been at Rainbow's funeral.

                                            >They hadn't been around for years.

                                            >A little after Dinky graduated from school, the entire family had just vanished.

                                            >Dinky, Derpy and Mr. Hooves.

                                            >It didn't take an idiot to figure out what had happened, you probably should have just been glad he held off as long as he did.

                                            >You were rather choleric for a few weeks until you came up with the idea for this antenna.

                                            >It was off the main path, sitting in the middle of a small clearing with a straight line of sight into the sky.

                                            >Anon had helped you rig it up to broadcast a message into space every ten minutes.

                                            >Every ten minutes for the last 200 years.

                                            >Anon was the only one who knew why you did it. He had assured you that a couple of mana batteries would keep a short message broadcasting for millennia.

                                            >"Take care of them."

                                            >That was all you had the message say. A simple request of the one who had taken over protecting them now.

                                            >You popped the cover off the antenna base and ensure that everything was in working order.

                                            >Satisfied, you rose to your feet and looked into the sky.

                                            >"They better still be there, Time Lord."

                                            >You turned back and headed for the path.

                                            >You'd come back next week to check on it again.


                                            >You walk through the castle to Celestia's room.

                                            >The door opened before you reached it and a mountain of a stallion stepped out.

                                            >He made Big Mac look like a colt.

                                            Fucking hell...

                                            >You recognized him as one of the guards who patrolled the North wall at dusk.

                                            >"Soldier." You said as you passed.

                                            >"Sir."

                                            >You stepped into Celestia's Bastion of Horror's to find her sitting at a beauty desk in the corner.

                                            >You peer back at the stallion as the door closes.

                                            >"So, can you just unhinge your jaw or something? Or is there magic at play here?

                                            >"I'm willing to bet that magic is the reason you aren't gagging on the smell of musk right now, if that's what you're asking."

                                            >Celestia turns her head to you. "How did it go?"

                                            >"Despite being seriously out of my element, I was able to lie to the diplomats. They'll probably be pulling their troops out within a week."

                                            >Celestia eyes you. "You heard them say that, did you?"

                                            >"I inferred from their faces."

                                            >Celestia grunts and turns back to her mirror. "I hope you're prepared to stake Canterlot's security on that Mous."

                                            >"Nothing a little assassination of a High Jarl can't fix. We can use that crossbow I stole once."

                                            >Celestia pulls the comb through her hair. "Let's exhaust diplomacy first."

                                            Right...only a matter of time before the High Jarl is the one you catch walking out of here.

                                            >"Well, I've got a lot of nothing to do. Don't hurt yourself, Sunshine."

                                            >"Send in the next one~!" Celestia calls behind you.

                                            Gross...

                                            >You meet a stallion headed for Celestia's room on your way out.

                                            >"Here to see the princess?"

                                            >He silently nodded.

                                            >"Something came up, she's busy for the rest of the day."

                                            >The stallion looked disappointed and trotted away.

                                            Ha.

                                            >You were such a dick.