BiE 77: The Best Kind of Diplomacy.

=BiE 77=

>Year 268 in Equestria.
>You stomped your way through the embassy.
>Why did she have you do this?
>There had to be somep0ny better qualified for this.
>Dammit Celestia, I'm a logician, not a diplomat.
Are we really a logician?
>It sounds better then "Royal problem solver".
>"They in?" You asked the receptionist.
>"Third door on the left, sir." She said.
>Brilliant.
>You walked down to the number room you were instructed.
>You opened the door and spotted three Griffins sitting at the table inside.
>"Gentlemen, how do?"
>The lead Griffin grunts. "We have been waiting here for over an hour."
>Idiot meeting planners.
>"Yes, bit of a clerical mix-up. At least you had a good view."
>You motion to the large window overlooking the valley underneath Canterlot.
>If you squinted, you could see P0nyville in the distance, expanding after all these years.
>You throw your file onto the table and flip it open.
>"Now let's see what we're here for, huh?"
>The Griffins glare at you as you peer over the file. The idea that a diplomat wouldn't come to a meeting fully prepared with the information about what he's there for was inconceivable to them.
>Well screw the lot of them, you weren't planning on behind here.
>"Increased troop deployment along the border? That won't do at all."
>The Griffins feathers shift as you pull out a seat.
>"Alright gents, let's chat."

>Cut to FOUR DAMN HOURS LATER.
>These Griffins were being right assholes about all this.
>You asked nicely, they shot you down.
>You offered to ease trade tariffs, they refused.
>You told them you killed Discord and they laughed in your face.
>The chair you were leaning in was balancing quite well as you leaned back on it in silent contemplation.
>These Griffins were stone cold serious. Each of them was wearing solid armor across their chest, as well as a plumed helmet and a single gauntlet on their right talon.
>Wait, single gauntlet?
>"What's with the gloves?"
>The Griffins snort. "You're asking about our apparel now?"
>You nod. Not in the mood for questions.
>They all three hold up their talons. "We are each a member of the Wind Raiders. The founder of our organization lost his talon in a raid by an anonymous chariot many years ago, and spoke of a creature he had never seen before doing it. Now, all Wind Raiders wear a gauntlet over their talon as testament to his sacrifice."
>Griffin lost a talon.
>Chariot attack.
>Mystery attacker.
>Well, this isn't weird at all...
>One of the Griffins snorts. "This ape wastes our time. Better to simply leave then to spend the entire day asked about what we wear by Celestia's lapdog."
>'Lapdog'?
>Okay, that was it.

>You lean forward and let the chair slam against the floor.
>"Alright birdies, let's talk."
>The lead Griffin speaks up. "I think we're don h-"
>"When I said "let's talk" I meant "I'm talking". Besides, you're gonna want to hear this."
>The Griffins sit back down, placated a bit.
>"You Griffins are the masters of the sky, right? Surely you've had to deal with dragons every now and then."
>The lead Griffin nods. "Of course."
>"And surely you've heard of the oldest and angriest of them all, Grougaloragran, right?"
>The Griffins exchange glances before they nod.
>You reach into your file and pull a map of the Griffin kingdoms out.
>"Well, here's the deal. We stole his egg. And we hid it in one of your cities."
>The Griffins eyes go wide as you point to the map.
>"Now, we have it hidden from his senses by a spell, but that spell can be turned off at pretty much any time."
>You meet the Griffins eyes as you drop your voice down.
>"If you walk out of here without promising to remove your troops from the border, or breathe a word of this to the High Jarl; that spells goes down, Grougaloragran senses his egg, and he burns half your kingdom to the ground to get it back."
>You swear you could see sweat dripping through their feathers. "You have no honor." They said.
>"I also don't have something a big pissed off dragon wants hidden underneath a couple hundred thousand of my citizens lives."
>You rise from your seat and head for the door, leaving the Griffins to contemplate your words.
>"Get your troops away from my border, or I just might lower the spell anyway."

>You slammed the door behind you and walked down the corridor.
>Ha. Idiots.
>Griffins were too honorable and Klingon-esque to consider the fact that the diplomat they were speaking to might in fact be lying through his teeth about a threat too big to ignore, even if they had never heard of the dragon before.
>They'd fly home and get the troops away from the border before spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to find an egg that didn't exist.
>You stepped out into the sun and thought about what to do next.
>Might as well give Celestia a report on the meeting and then...you don't know, spit off the wall or something.
>You walked down the street towards the castle.
>The years had been...decent to you.
>You hit a rough patch for a long while after Lotus died, you admit that.
>Anon had eventually helped you drag yourself out of it and do something with your long life.

>You walked down the road and saw a light show from the Arcanium that would put Pink Floyd to shame.
Speaking of Anon...
>Anon had taken to the Grand Magisters position like white on rice after Twilight had died.
>Even now the city was running more efficiently as he reworked the leylines.
>Thought's of Twilight brought you down the path to the rest of the old gang...
>Pinkie had been the first to go after Rainbow, all those years of partying finally catching up to her.
>She had made you all promise to wear party hats to her funeral.
>Fluttershy went after her, passing away quietly in her sleep.
>Rarity had lived with Blueblood for a while before she became a household phrase in the world of fashion. You think you were wearing one of her coats...
>Applejack had opened up her own orchard out west. The last time you had seen it, it had gone on past the horizon.
>Twilight had been the last to go; as the Grand Magister of Canterlot, with a special gravesite in the royal gardens.
>You looked down a familiar path in the park.
>Well...maybe not the last one.

>You decided to cut through the park on your way to the castle.
>You came here often.
>Sequestered just off the main path was a statue that you had commissioned.
>But it wasn't a statue.
>It was an antenna.
>And it was sending a message.
>Derpy and Dinky hadn't been at Rainbow's funeral.
>They hadn't been around for years.
>A little after Dinky graduated from school, the entire family had just vanished.
>Dinky, Derpy and Mr. Hooves.
>It didn't take an idiot to figure out what had happened, you probably should have just been glad he held off as long as he did.
>You were rather choleric for a few weeks until you came up with the idea for this antenna.
>It was off the main path, sitting in the middle of a small clearing with a straight line of sight into the sky.
>Anon had helped you rig it up to broadcast a message into space every ten minutes.
>Every ten minutes for the last 200 years.
>Anon was the only one who knew why you did it. He had assured you that a couple of mana batteries would keep a short message broadcasting for millennia.
>"Take care of them."
>That was all you had the message say. A simple request of the one who had taken over protecting them now.
>You popped the cover off the antenna base and ensure that everything was in working order.
>Satisfied, you rose to your feet and looked into the sky.
>"They better still be there, Time Lord."
>You turned back and headed for the path.
>You'd come back next week to check on it again.

>You walk through the castle to Celestia's room.
>The door opened before you reached it and a mountain of a stallion stepped out.
>He made Big Mac look like a colt.
Fucking hell...
>You recognized him as one of the guards who patrolled the North wall at dusk.
>"Soldier." You said as you passed.
>"Sir."
>You stepped into Celestia's Bastion of Horror's to find her sitting at a beauty desk in the corner.
>You peer back at the stallion as the door closes.
>"So, can you just unhinge your jaw or something? Or is there magic at play here?
>"I'm willing to bet that magic is the reason you aren't gagging on the smell of musk right now, if that's what you're asking."
>Celestia turns her head to you. "How did it go?"
>"Despite being seriously out of my element, I was able to lie to the diplomats. They'll probably be pulling their troops out within a week."
>Celestia eyes you. "You heard them say that, did you?"
>"I inferred from their faces."
>Celestia grunts and turns back to her mirror. "I hope you're prepared to stake Canterlot's security on that Mous."
>"Nothing a little assassination of a High Jarl can't fix. We can use that crossbow I stole once."
>Celestia pulls the comb through her hair. "Let's exhaust diplomacy first."
Right...only a matter of time before the High Jarl is the one you catch walking out of here.
>"Well, I've got a lot of nothing to do. Don't hurt yourself, Sunshine."
>"Send in the next one~!" Celestia calls behind you.
Gross...
>You meet a stallion headed for Celestia's room on your way out.
>"Here to see the princess?"
>He silently nodded.
>"Something came up, she's busy for the rest of the day."
>The stallion looked disappointed and trotted away.
Ha.
>You were such a dick.