Flanking Maneuvers Episode 7: Assholes and Art.


                                            =Flanking Maneuvers: Episode 7=


                                            Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmGkfWDtv78

                                            "This is stupid."

                                            >"Stop pouting."

                                            "No, art galleries are stupid."

                                            >"And where would you rather be?"

                                            "Fillydelphia, Tartarus, The moon, The oblivion after death."

                                            >You and Celestia stepped through the doors of the gallery, Celestia instantly groaning as she did.

                                            "Did you get another ladyboner?"

                                            >"It's him..."

                                            >You follow her eyes to a stallion with black hair and a tie talking to a group of other ponies.

                                            "Who, the dude with the eyebrows?"

                                            >"His name is Filthy Rich. He lives out in Ponyville and has been making quite the name for himself in Canterlot."

                                            "And this has your pissy because?"

                                            >"Because he made his name by bribing his way into parties and badmouthing me."

                                            >Oh.

                                            "Tell him to piss off?"

                                            >"A ruler can't seem so petty."

                                            "Even when she totally is?"

                                            >"Shut up."

                                            "Make me."

                                            >Celestia's horn glows and you feel the back of your pants tighten around your ass.

                                            "Oi! Fuck off."

                                            >Celestia giggles for a second before her face falls again.

                                            >"Great. Filthy saw that. I can only imagine how much fun this event is going to be."

                                            "We could just fucking leave."

                                            >Celestia nuzzles your face. "Come dear, we need to get some culture in you."


                                            "This looks like a fucking ass."

                                            >Celestia trots up behind you. "That's because it's an actual ass, dear."

                                            >You tilt your head to the side and re-examine the painting.[spoiler][/spoiler] "Oh. I knew that."

                                            >Celestia rolls her eyes as the two of you move on to the next exhibit.

                                            >It was a painting of a stallion who's hair braid seamlessly weaved into his tail.

                                            >Celestia was particularly interested in it. "He reminds me of those horsemen from that show you showed me."

                                            "The Dothraki."

                                            >Celestia's eyes glaze over. "Such liberal use of clothing..."

                                            "Are you trying to get me to eat your heart or something?"

                                            >She turns back to you with lidded eyes. "As the stars look down in witness?"

                                            >You roll your eyes and walk down the hall, flipping your wife the bird as you did.

                                            >Why did you show her those DVD's?

                                            >You came up on some crazy sculpture with dozens of bends and twists in it with a dozen ponies clustered around it.

                                            >As the guide droned on, you leaned over to Celly.

                                            "Look, they stole your dildo."

                                            >Celestia leans back to you. "No, mine is red."

                                            "Pft. No surprise there."

                                            >Gotta go fast.

                                            >The guide stopped talking and lead the group on to the next exhibit.

                                            >One pony however, remained behind and walked towards the two of you.

                                            >You heard a sharp intake of air from Celestia as he approached.


                                            >"Filth Rich, a pleasure to see you." She said through gritted teeth.

                                            >He scowls. "I wish the same could be said for me, Celestia."

                                            "It's Princess."

                                            >He looks back to you. "Ah yes. The new prince. I'm told that the only reason you are here with her today is because she snatched you up into her room one day."

                                            "And who told you that?"

                                            >"A mutual acquaintance."

                                            >Fancypants.

                                            >You can't be mad at trousers, least of all for the friends he keeps.

                                            "That's weird, an acquaintance of mine told me that your daughter is a massive dripping cunt."

                                            >His eyes narrow and his voice grows icy. "And who would this acquaintance be?"

                                            "The royal spymaster. Considerably more trustworthy a source then a socialite."

                                            >Filthy is about to open his mouth before he snaps it shut.

                                            >He trots back to the rest of the group, giving you the stink eye the entire way.

                                            >Celestia rests her head on your shoulder. "Only you are allowed to insult and belittle me?"

                                            "Just like you're the only one who gets a pass on me. Fair trade, Celly."

                                            >You get a peck on the cheek as Celestia moves onto another exhibit. "How sweet. My marriage is based on economics."


                                            "This looks like your twat."

                                            >Celestia was practically hanging off you as she leaned up to read the plaque underneath the painting.

                                            >"That's because it seems like you commissioned this piece based on your descriptions of "The Doorway to the Heavens." She turns her head back to you with a smile. "One can only imagine what that is."

                                            "One hell of a birthday present for my wife. She was too much of a bitch to accept it, though."

                                            >Celestia smiles. "Perhaps she simply doesn't need a picture to see her own "Doorway to the Heavens."

                                            >You point to the edge of the painting.[spoiler][/spoiler] "Look, you can see where I had him sneak in my face."

                                            >Celestia places her head on your shoulders again. "Hmm...I don't need a picture for that either."

                                            >You throw your hands up as you adjust your footing.

                                            "Okay, why are you so on today?"


                                            >"I have no idea what you're talking about." Celestia says matter-of-factly.

                                            "Get real. If you were any more turned on you'd be leaving a trail."

                                            >Celestia chuckles and removes her head, looking at you with lidded eyes.

                                            >"Perhaps I'm simply elated that for all the abuse my husband and I put each other through he still makes an effort to defend my Princessly honor."

                                            "If you had any, sure. But whatever, don't mention it."

                                            >She rests her chin on top of your head.

                                            "Seriously, don't. I don't need you to go starting to expect it."

                                            >Celestia releases a single throaty chuckle.

                                            >You walk down to the next painting on the wall.

                                            >A crowd scene.

                                            "Hey look. Your exes."

                                            >"Speaking of males who could satisfy me..."

                                            "Feeling a bit less whimsical now?"

                                            >"You simply have that effect on ponies, dear."

                                            "At least you're not at risk of drowning the gallery in your Sunny Delight anymore."

                                            >Celestia chuckles and perches her head on your shoulder again. "A Dothraki would ride me from sun up to sunset..."

                                            >This crap again?

                                            >Wait...

                                            "Celly..."

                                            >Here eyes snap open from their daydream and lazily look at you.

                                            "Was that a challenge?"


                                            >You were Filthy Rich and you were still mad.

                                            >That idiot prince had insulted your daughter and gotten away with it.

                                            >Why did you let him get away with it?

                                            >True, little Tiara had her...moments.

                                            >But "dripping cunt" was rather low.

                                            >You had kept an eye on the royal duo as they went around their trip.

                                            >The tart of a Princess was practically mounting him the entire time.

                                            >You had tolerated them when those aliens had arrived in town, but marrying into the royal family?

                                            >Influencing the ruler of the nation herself?

                                            >Getting her to send Fancypants away like that?

                                            >As a stallion of constitution, you could not let that go unpunished.

                                            >You had spent the last months badmouthing her, both in protest to the alien whispering in her ear and as revenge for Fancy.

                                            >You peer back to see what they were up to no-

                                            >Wait, where did they go?

                                            >You twist your head around as you look for them.

                                            >What happened here?


                                            >Your mind goes white as Celestia clenches down on you and sends you over the edge.

                                            >Her horn continues to spark and her wings slowly droop down from their ridged state as she moans into the ground.

                                            >You spit the tip of one of her wings out with the accompanying feathers as you separate the two of you and pull your pants back up.

                                            >As soon as you do, you feel a magic force pull you back down to the ground and lay you on your back.

                                            >Celestia scootches her way up to you and nuzzles her face into your cheek. Cooing the entire time.

                                            "Somep0ny enjoyed herself if she's this intent on fondling me."

                                            >Celestia releases a contented sigh. "Who's my Stallion Who Mounts the Sun?"

                                            >You grimace.[spoiler][/spoiler] "Please don't make this that weird."

                                            >Celestia chuckles and kisses your cheek as the two of you lay on the floor together.

                                            >You rest your hands on your somewhat sore stomach as you look around this mirror-y dome thing Celly had dragged you into.

                                            "I don't know if it's possible to make your ass look any fatter, but these mirrors are trying their damndest."


                                            >The two of you sneak back into the main gallery and continue to look around.

                                            >Celly's sprits had been raised after your quickie and she went lead you to another exhibit.

                                            >Celestia stared through the magnifying glass at the grain of rice in the case. "Look, a to scale representation of your manhood."

                                            >You look both ways before giving Celly's Cutie Mark a light smack. A small gasp going through the gallery.

                                            "I didn't hear you particularly complaining."

                                            >Celly looked up at you with a grin. "Your true strength lies in your fingers, dear."

                                            "A-huh."

                                            >You look around the gallery.

                                            "Tell me if you see that Hooves guy. I'd like to met Vincent Van Goat."


                                            >The two of you walk through the rest of the gallery and spot what else? Filthy Rich chatting up a bunch of ponies.

                                            >"-snuck off somewhere with that alien of-"

                                            "My ears are burning."

                                            >Filthy turns to look at you with a scowl. "They should be. We were just wondering what kind of depraved acts you two were up to behind our backs.

                                            >You don't have to be looking at her to know Celestia is rolling her eyes.

                                            "You were probably watching. You tell us what you saw."

                                            >A few of the ponies behind him start to giggle. "Ah. Admittance."

                                            >He turns back to the crowd. "See? This is what our ruler has been reduced to, a slave of some ape man from across the stars."

                                            >Oh come on...

                                            >"Not that she was particularly effective at ruling beforehand."

                                            >Hey now.

                                            >"Nightmare Moon, Discord, Diamond Dogs and a slew of other problems."

                                            >You felt your feet taking you forward and your hand going over a vase next to you.

                                            >"If there is ever a problem that can only be stopped by sleeping with it, we'll know our Princess is more the equi-"

                                            >You tap Filthy on his shoulder.[spoiler][/spoiler] "Hey."

                                            >He turns to you, eyebrow arched.

                                            "Hold this."

                                            >Too bad it came to head wounds. That was a nice vase they had.

                                            Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9VSGPmkUc0


                                            >You sat outside with Celly twenty minutes later, applying ice to your head.

                                            >Who knew bones were so hard.

                                            >"Was that really necessary?"

                                            "What part?"

                                            >"The vase to the head for now."

                                            "He was calling you a slut, and that's my job. I don't need competition in this economy."

                                            >"No thought to your reputation?"

                                            "Reputations are for stupid Princesses who care what other ponies think, I'm fine with mine being about kicking the ass of whoever steps in on my insult territory."

                                            >Celestia smiles and shakes her head.

                                            >"And the fire?"

                                            >You wince.

                                            "I'll admit. That was a little much."

                                            >Celestia sits down next to you. "What in the world am I to do with you?"

                                            "Live a life without want or worry as we continue to physically and emotionally abuse each other for our own sick pleasure?"

                                            >Celestia melodramatically throws herself back. "Oh but a there's so much more out there for a mare!"

                                            >You point to the ambulance tending to Filthy Rich's broken leg and scorched hair.[spoiler][/spoiler] "He's right over there."

                                            >Celestia grins. "I do have SOME standards, dear."

                                            >The two of you stare at him for a bit.

                                            "He so wants to fuck you."

                                            >"Jealousy can be a powerful thing. It can even cause a pony to act like an ass."

                                            "I don't get jealous, what's my reason?"

                                            >"A rare developmental disorder that only allows for brief spurts of intense, uncontrollable emotion."

                                            "What am I, a daytime soap now?"

                                            >Celestia chuckles. "Well, that's what's ensuring you don't get sent to jail for this so perhaps you should play the part."

                                            >You laugh as you move your ice pack to another wound.[spoiler][/spoiler] "Is that what you tell em every time?"

                                            >"No. "He's very stupid." usually works."

                                            >Heh.

                                            >Bitch.