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Flanking Maneuvers Episode 13: Anti-Love Songs.

By Mandroid
Created: 2020-12-19 13:17:52
Expiry: Never
anoncelestiasafecomedy/aie/

  1. 1.
    =Flanking Maneuvers Episode 12=
  2. 2.
    -Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmGkfWDtv78-
  3. 3.
     
  4. 4.
    >You sat in the banquet hall in Canterlot as the party surged around you.
  5. 5.
    >Today was the longest day of the year, as well as the Summer Sun Celebration.
  6. 6.
    >Celly had done her thing with the sun and the party had gone on all day.
  7. 7.
    >Now you sat with more or less your closest friends and family taking it all in.
  8. 8.
    >Anon and Rainbow were over talking to Luna.
  9. 9.
    >By some miracle, Celly had gotten her parents to attend this year.
  10. 10.
    >By an even GREATER miracle, they both seemed to be enjoying themselves. Both Queen Galaxia and King Cosmos were laughing and drinking and talking to other ponies.
  11. 11.
    >That may be a reason for it, the booze.
  12. 12.
    >You were liquored up and happy after a long day, most everyone here was.
  13. 13.
    >Including your buzzed wife next to you.
  14. 14.
    >"Heheeeehehe...never knew daddy to be a dancer."
  15. 15.
    "Never knew your dad to be anything fun."
  16. 16.
    >You turn to her.
  17. 17.
    "Does booze just fuck up EVERYONE in your family or only the weirdoes?"
  18. 18.
    >Celly lets out a sharp laugh. "And who in my family is a "weirdo"?"
  19. 19.
    "Everyone who isn't your mother."
  20. 20.
    >She shakes her head. "Asshole."
  21. 21.
    "Bitch."
  22. 22.
    >"Dick."
  23. 23.
    "Cunt."
  24. 24.
    >"Idiot."
  25. 25.
    "Slut."
  26. 26.
    >"Happy anniversary."
  27. 27.
    "Cockho-what?"
  28. 28.
    >A bit of red shone through her cheeks, you were hoping it was from the drink.
  29. 29.
    >"Today was the day when you lost bet, remember? This time then you and I were married."
  30. 30.
    >You lean back in your chair as you remember through the buzz.
  31. 31.
    "Well...shit."
  32. 32.
    >"Mhmmm~." Celly coos.
  33. 33.
    >And here you were without a gift.
  34. 34.
    >That would not do.
  35. 35.
    >You peel yourself off your chair and head out to the floor, smacking the jukebox onto a new tune along the way.
  36. 36.
    >The floor clears a bit as the song starts.
  37. 37.
     
  38. 38.
    -Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRP6egIEABk-
  39. 39.
    >You bob your whole body to the tune and your own buzz.
  40. 40.
    "I hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us."
  41. 41.
    "I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us"
  42. 42.
    >You spread your arms and sing to the sky.
  43. 43.
    "I hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight."
  44. 44.
    "And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late."
  45. 45.
    >You take a few steps to the door and point out it.
  46. 46.
    "And I hope the book store a few blocks from here someday burns down!"
  47. 47.
    "And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away and I never come back to this town again."
  48. 48.
    >You walk around the floor looking at the guests.
  49. 49.
    "In my life."
  50. 50.
    "I hope I lie."
  51. 51.
    >You point a finger at Celly.
  52. 52.
    "And tell everyone you were a good wife and I hope you die!"
  53. 53.
    >You gesture at yourself.
  54. 54.
    "I hope we both die."
  55. 55.
    >You dance around the floor as the music flows.
  56. 56.
     
  57. 57.
    >Your spinning dance comes to a stop as the song continues.
  58. 58.
    >You decide to go back to your swaying motion.
  59. 59.
    "I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long."
  60. 60.
    >You raise a finger.
  61. 61.
    "Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises."
  62. 62.
    >You wag it.
  63. 63.
    "We're pretty sure they're all wrong!"
  64. 64.
    >You point to Luna with a stein in her hand.
  65. 65.
    "I hope it stays dark forever! I hope the worst isn't over!"
  66. 66.
    >You turn away from Luna as she grimaces and back to Celly.
  67. 67.
    "And I hope you blink before I do and I hope I never get sober!"
  68. 68.
    >You jump up on the table.
  69. 69.
    "And I hope when you think of me years down the line, you can't find one good thing to say!"
  70. 70.
    "And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out you'd stay the hell out of my way!"
  71. 71.
    >You spin across the table.
  72. 72.
    "I am drowning there is no sign of land."
  73. 73.
    >You grab Celly's hoof.
  74. 74.
    "You are coming down with me hand in unlovable hand!"
  75. 75.
    "And I hope you die!"
  76. 76.
    "I hope we both die!"
  77. 77.
    >You do a jig to the drunken clapping of the room.
  78. 78.
    >As the song winds down, you jump off the table back into your seat.
  79. 79.
     
  80. 80.
    >A few hours pass and more drink flows.
  81. 81.
    >You and Celly have devoured two courses of food and shown the ballroom that you are the rulers of both the Kingdom and the dance floor.
  82. 82.
    >Galaxia and Cosmos had said they were planning to go, but a quick "last round" and a song got them to stay.
  83. 83.
    >You were currently sitting feet propped up between a passed out Twilight and a lounging Celly.
  84. 84.
    "*Urp!* Happy Anniversary, Celly."
  85. 85.
    >"Haaaaaah. And I get a song about how you hope I die for a gift."
  86. 86.
    "Just like your birthday, right?"
  87. 87.
    >"Guess it's a better gift than when you covered yourself in chocolate..."
  88. 88.
    >She leans over and nibbles on your ear a bit.
  89. 89.
    >"But not by much~."
  90. 90.
    >In your drunken state you can only summon up the energy to wave her away with your hand.
  91. 91.
    "So you gonna sing r' what?"
  92. 92.
    >Celly cocks an eyebrow.
  93. 93.
    >You elbow her.
  94. 94.
    "C'moooon! It's my anniversary too!"
  95. 95.
    >Celly smiles and rolls her eyes before she rises from her seat.
  96. 96.
    >"I may have an idea..." she says as she walks to the dance floor.
  97. 97.
     
  98. 98.
    -Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHID8hMgWKc-
  99. 99.
    >Celly plays a jaunty tune on the nearby piano with her magic.
  100. 100.
    >The guests are used to this from you two now, quickly clearing an area.
  101. 101.
    >You knit your fingers and place them behind your head as you sit back and enjoy the soon to be show.
  102. 102.
    >"I ache for the touch of your lips, dear."
  103. 103.
    >"But much more for the touch of your whips, dear~."
  104. 104.
    >She tosses you a wink.
  105. 105.
    >"You can raise welts."
  106. 106.
    >"Like nobody else."
  107. 107.
    >"As we dance to the masochism tango."
  108. 108.
    >She dances along on shaky legs as she sings.
  109. 109.
    >"Let our love be a flame, not an ember!"
  110. 110.
    >"Say it's me that you want to dismember!"
  111. 111.
    >"Blacken my eye!
  112. 112.
    >"Make my marehood all dry!"
  113. 113.
    >"As we dance to the masochism tango!"
  114. 114.
    >She prances up to your table as you had done to her.
  115. 115.
    >At my command!"
  116. 116.
    >"Before you here I stand!"
  117. 117.
    >You know this part, you grab a handful of food in preparation.
  118. 118.
    >"My heart is in your hand... ecch!
  119. 119.
    >She bats the food out of your hand.
  120. 120.
    >"It's here that I must be."
  121. 121.
    >"My heart entreats!"
  122. 122.
    >"Just hear those savage beats."
  123. 123.
    >"And go put on your cleats."
  124. 124.
    >She flutters her eyelids.
  125. 125.
    >"And come and trample me~."
  126. 126.
    >"Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany."
  127. 127.
    >"That's why I'm in such exquisite agony~."
  128. 128.
    >She gyrates her ass as she sings.
  129. 129.
    >"My soul is on fire it's aflame with desire!"
  130. 130.
    >"Which is why I perspire when we tango..."
  131. 131.
     
  132. 132.
    >"You caught my nose in your left castanet, love."
  133. 133.
    >"I can feel the pain yet, love."
  134. 134.
    >"Ev'ry time I hear drums."
  135. 135.
    >"And I envy the rose."
  136. 136.
    >"That you held in your teeth, love."
  137. 137.
    >"With the thorns underneath, love."
  138. 138.
    >"Sticking into your gums."
  139. 139.
    >She swings her face directly in front of you.
  140. 140.
    >"Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches."
  141. 141.
    >"The last time I needed twenty stitches."
  142. 142.
    >"To sew up the gash."
  143. 143.
    >"That you made with your lash."
  144. 144.
    >"As we danced to the masochism tango."
  145. 145.
    >She twirls around in her drunken state.
  146. 146.
    >"Bash in my brain."
  147. 147.
    >"And make me scream with pain."
  148. 148.
    >"Then kick me once again and say we'll never part."
  149. 149.
    >"I know too well."
  150. 150.
    >"I'm underneath your spell, so, darling, if you smell something burning, it's my heart."
  151. 151.
    >"Excuse me!"
  152. 152.
    >"Take your cigarette from its holder, and burn your initials in my shoulder."
  153. 153.
    >She rolls her shoulders at you.
  154. 154.
    >"Fracture my spine, and swear that you're mine, as we dance to the masochism tango."
  155. 155.
    >The room falls into steady applause as the song ends and Celly trots back to her seat.
  156. 156.
    >You can smell the smarminess of her grin as she sat down
  157. 157.
    >"How was I?" she asks.
  158. 158.
    >You smirk.
  159. 159.
    "Terrible."
  160. 160.
     
  161. 161.
    >It was late now, the banquet hall was deserted save for the members of your royal family.
  162. 162.
    >And all of them were drunk and passed out.
  163. 163.
    >Save you and Celly, who was currently helping you do a keg stand.
  164. 164.
    >"Go! Go! Go! Go!" she egged.
  165. 165.
    >As you down the last of the brew, you tear your mouth away.
  166. 166.
    "*Cough cough* Enough! Let me down!"
  167. 167.
    >Celly laughs and releases you from her magical grasp.
  168. 168.
    >You wipe your mouth and look around the room.
  169. 169.
    >You and Celly were the only ones still on your feet.
  170. 170.
    "Huh..."
  171. 171.
    >"It...seems we can handle our alcohol better than most..."
  172. 172.
    >...
  173. 173.
    "...POWER COUPLE HIGH FIVE!"
  174. 174.
    >"HOOAH!"
  175. 175.
    >You and Celly slap hoof against palm.
  176. 176.
    "Hehehehehehehe...lightweights.
  177. 177.
    >"It seems our lifestyle has finally given us some positives."
  178. 178.
    "Apart from your horn-rot tests."
  179. 179.
    >Celly snickers at you joke.
  180. 180.
    "Guess we better clean these guys up..."
  181. 181.
    >"Guess so..." Celly says with a smile.
  182. 182.
     
  183. 183.
    -Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShMajikZ8wM-
  184. 184.
    >You kick the jukebox and start the swan song of the evening.
  185. 185.
    >You and Celly walk away from the keg on either side of the room and go to pick someone up off the tables.
  186. 186.
    >Celly lifts a passed out Shining Armor off his back and into a seat.
  187. 187.
    >"You're a slob, It's such a bore, your underwear strewn on the floor."
  188. 188.
    >You haul Anon up first and foremost.
  189. 189.
    "And you're a nympho, most extreme, it's how you founded your regime!"
  190. 190.
    >"The toilet's broke, and yet I bet, "His Majesty" ain't fixed it yet!"
  191. 191.
    >You situate Rainbow.
  192. 192.
    >"You're one to talk, sleepyhead, and get your fat ass out of bed!"
  193. 193.
    >You both continued to help the guests.
  194. 194.
    >"Oh but in the eyes of God, we said our vows before the pews. "not until death may we part".
  195. 195.
    >You toss an ass slap back her way.
  196. 196.
    "So until then I'm stuck with you."
  197. 197.
    >Damn...Bluebro was heavy...
  198. 198.
    >"You swore that you'd be good to me, but gave me immaturity."
  199. 199.
    "Why should I give a tinker's cuss? You're just as bad, babe, what's the fuss?
  200. 200.
    >Celly was very careful moving her parents, can't wake Daddy.
  201. 201.
    >"Well then, let's propose a truce. What's good for gander is good for goose."
  202. 202.
    "Hey now that's different, you tried to bed, my little bro and she he wed!
  203. 203.
    >Your family taken care of you both strut towards the center of the room again.
  204. 204.
    >"Oh but in the eyes of God, we said our vows before the pews. "not until death may we part". So until then I'm stuck with you."
  205. 205.
    >"Oh but in the eyes of God, we said our vows before the pews. "not until death may we part".
  206. 206.
    >Celly looked you over once with a face of disappointment but a fire in her eyes.
  207. 207.
    >"This is my curse, I said "I do." Better or worse I'm stuck with you." Celly says with a roll of her eyes.
  208. 208.
     
  209. 209.
    >You both circle each other in the style of some dance they taught you ages back.
  210. 210.
    >"You poked my eye, I wore a patch. I should have given you one to match."
  211. 211.
    >You spread your arms.
  212. 212.
    "Did you forget you got me back? You tried to pierce both of my sacks!"
  213. 213.
    >"You plucked my feathers one by one. You looked like you were having fun."
  214. 214.
    >"You took advantage of my hands, and tried to use on me your brands!"
  215. 215.
    >You continue to circle one another, singing to an empty room save each other.
  216. 216.
    >"Oh but in the eyes of God, we said our vows before the pews. "not until death may we part". So until then I'm stuck with you."
  217. 217.
    >"Oh but in the eyes of God, we said our vows before the pews. "not until death may we part".
  218. 218.
    >You both snap close together and you run a finger through Celly's hair.
  219. 219.
    >"This is my curse, I said "I do." Lest you die first I'm stuck with you."
  220. 220.
    >With her magic, Celly turned down all the lights in the room save the one directly overhead the two of you, leaving a single lit area.
  221. 221.
     
  222. 222.
    >Celly is inches away from you now, the booze in you making you no longer care about it.
  223. 223.
    >"And as I live out my long life, I remember I'm your wife. And as I great each day anew, I'm just glad that it's with you."
  224. 224.
    >You gently cup her face.
  225. 225.
    "And as I sit here for all of time, I'm just glad I can call you mine."
  226. 226.
    "And even though you make me groan, I'm just glad I won't be alone."
  227. 227.
    >"Oh but in the eyes of God, we said our vows before the pews. "not until death may we part". So until then I'm stuck with you."
  228. 228.
    >"Oh but in the eyes of God, we said our vows before the pews. "not until death may we part". So until then I'm stuck with you."
  229. 229.
    >"Oh but in the eyes of God, we said our vows before the pews. "not until death may we part".
  230. 230.
    >Celly nuzzles your hand a bit. "I'm not sad i said, "I do."
  231. 231.
    >"I'm just glad I was stuck with you." you both say.
  232. 232.
    >You pull her in for the most tender part of your drunken make outs tonight as the song winds down.
  233. 233.
    >Once it's finished, the jukebox switches off, leaving you and Celly standing alone together in the single circle of light.
  234. 234.
    >Nothing is said for a while as the two of you let the moment sink in.
  235. 235.
    >Eventually, you open your eyes and she hers.
  236. 236.
    "Know what I'm thinking?"
  237. 237.
    >"That there's no way they'd wake up~?"
  238. 238.
    "And who needs beds?"
  239. 239.
    >You kiss Celly on her nose as she drags the two of you down onto the dance floor.

BiE 1: Introductions

by Mandroid

BiE 2: Train, pains, and narcissism.

by Mandroid

BiE 3: Exposition and espionage.

by Mandroid

BiE 3.5: More trains, soon to be back pains.

by Mandroid

BiE 4: Home Improvement.

by Mandroid