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Flanking Maneuvers Episode 16: Old Flames.

By Mandroid
Created: 19th December 2020 01:30:39 PM
AIE Safe Anon Celestia Comedy

  1. =Flanking Maneuvers Episode 16=
  3. >You are Mous and you are not happy.
  4. >Breakfast time with the family was usually a time of warm talk and the occasional thrown piece of food, but not today.
  5. >Not with him here.
  6. >He sits across the table from you drinking his milky and twirling a doughnut around in the air, his serpentine body barely fitting into the chair he sat in.
  7. >A roll pokes and prods at your mouth in a golden magical grip.
  8. >"Eat up, Mister Grumpy Gus." Celestia says.
  9. "M'not hungry..." you mutter.
  10. >Celestia reels back a bit. "Aww...what's wrong, dear?"
  11. >You spin your knife around and point it down at your guest.
  12. "He's here."
  13. >Discord drinks his milk and feigns innocence. "Me? And why would I ruin your breakfast oh "Prince"."
  14. >You don't like the way he spat out that last part.
  15. >Your knife digs into your food as you glare at him.
  16. "Don't play dumb."
  17. >Discord chuckles. "Hmmm...I think I'll leave that to you, Prince."
  18. >THAT'S IT.
  19. >You grab your knife, jump out of your chair and charge across the table at Discord screaming.
  20. >To his credit, he floats out of his own chair and readies his fingers to snap you back to the stone age.
  21. >What no doubt would have been an epic battle between bedlam and a butter knife was about to unfold.
  22. >At least until the both of you are trapped in a magic aura and slammed into opposing walls.
  23. >Celestia sits in her seat at the table and daintily sips her tea, her horn aglow and keeping you both immobilized. "Don't make me have to  separate you two." she says.
  24. >You and Discord's eyes dart between each other and Celestia.
  25. >She had you both by the balls and she knew it.
  26. "So...what's on the agenda, hon?" you croak out.
  27. >Celestia releases the two of you onto the floor and smiles.
  28. >"We're going out today."
  30. "Dammit Celly, everyone's looking at us."
  31. >"Tch. Don't flatter yourself, Prince." Discord says.
  32. >You jam your hands in your pockets and walk behind Celestia and Discord.
  33. >The entire city seems to have come out to catch sight of the Draconequus walking with their monarchs through the city.
  34. >"Hmmm. I see you've changed the banners again, Celestia."
  35. >"That I have, I like the addition of the golden edges to it, it catches the sun so nicely."
  36. "Looks like crap."
  37. >Celly and Discord look back at you.
  38. "Gold with yellow is just obnoxious. It's like putting a big sign that says "LOOKIT ME!" on it."
  39. >Discord jerks a thumb back to you. "Is he always like this?"
  40. >Celly giggles. "Almost every day."
  41. >The two of them share a guffaw as you stew.
  42. >Fucking Discord. He had become a problem shortly after you and Celestia had become a thing.
  43. >You snuck your way into their camp and ended up icing him through some trickery, had to betray the kingdom to do it.
  44. >Celestia had gotten you off with a "warning" at court. They weren't there when she came in after hours and made you sorry.
  45. >"Police brutality!" you had shouted to no one.
  46. >Celly and Discord continue you laugh.
  47. "Yeah yeah, giggle it up, chucklefucks."
  48. >You blow past the two of them.
  49. "Let's just get this day over with so I can stop getting looked at like I'm taking my retarded brother out for a day on the town, eh?"
  50. >You can practically hear Discord roll his eyes from behind you. "Subtle."
  51. >"He has his moments." Celestia says.
  53. >The day wears on and the townsfolk came out to meet and greet their monarch.
  54. >There were a few questions about why Discord was with you, but Celestia had placated those voices.
  55. >Currently you and Discord sat by a fountain as Celestia spoke to some school children out to play.
  56. "So...been a while."
  57. >Discord crosses his arms. "Yes, I remember. I believe the last time we met you got me killed, yes?"
  58. "You deserved it."
  59. >He waves his hand. "Semantics."
  60. "I was having a nice day and you just had to show up and screw it."
  61. >Thanks Fluttershy, you cunt.
  62. >"No need to be jealous, Prince, it doesn't suit you."
  63. >Well that clinches it...
  64. >You had always figured that Celly and Discord had some sort of something way back when, not that she'd ever tell you.
  65. >In fact, anything about those two was the best kept secret in the entire kingdom.
  66. >You lean back and groan. [spoiler][/spoiler] "Brilliant..."
  67. >"Oh don't be so bitter, you know what Celestia is." he says with a wave of his paw.
  68. "There's a difference between the doughnut shop owner and my worst enemy, cock head."
  69. >"So? You know who you were marrying, it's not my fault that you feel self conscious."
  70. >You growl and turn away.
  71. >Discord hops off the bench. "Well I'll have none of it! No sir!" he says.
  72. >Celestia is rejoined by Discord up with the gather ponies.
  73. >He smiles and snaps his fingers, letting off sparks and pops of fireworks in the air.
  74. >And you sat back on the bench stewing like a chump.
  75. "Brilliant..."
  77. >Back to walking and back to walking behind Celly and Discord.
  78. >It had gotten worse since earlier, now Discord and Celly were talking and laughing and shit while you were stuck in the rear.
  79. >On top of having to see Celly's big fat ass the entire time, you were starting to get major vibes that Discord was moving in on your wife and there was nothing you could do about it.
  80. >Well...almost nothing.
  81. >As the three of you enter the market square, you make your move.
  82. "Is that a banana stall?"
  83. >Celly whips her head around so fast you can hear the wind break. "WHERE?!"
  84. >While Celly gallops off, you snatch Discords talon and drag him into an alley.
  85. >You toss him in the alley and stand in front of the exit. Not for any real effect what with his teleporting, but it made you feel better.
  86. >"Hey! Is that how you treat ALL of your subjects?"
  87. "Lay off Discord."
  88. >He dusts himself off and floats into the air. "What in Equestria are you talking about?"
  89. >You shrug. [spoiler][/spoiler] "I don't know, what AM I talking about?"
  90. >"Well I'm quite sure I don't KNOW, Mous. That's why I asked."
  91. >You take a few steps towards him.
  92. "You sure you don't? You sure it's not about how you're totally moving in on my wife!?"
  93. >Discord balks. "Is THAT it? Am I not allowed to talk to an old friend now?"
  94. "You know how Celestia is" you said, you tell me that was just talking."
  95. >He crosses his arms and bends down to look you in the eye. "Are you really so uncertain of yourself that you see ALL of Celestia's exes like this?"
  96. >A few tense moments pass between the two of you.
  97. "Maybe." you spit out.
  99. >Discord leans his head in closer. "Becaaaaause?"
  100. >You find yourself instinctively taking a step back when you shouldn't be.
  101. "'re all this and Sombra was all that and everyone else she's seen over the years is so big and I'm just here"
  102. >"And?"
  103. >You cock and eyebrow.
  104. "...And?"
  105. >"And aren't you STILL the human who trapped me in Tartarus? The human who angered the Changeling Queen so much as to make her abandon her post so she could be defeated before poisoning her brood? Aren't you one of the only humans HERE?"
  106. "...And?"
  107. >Discord poofs onto a nearby trashbin and summons a nail file that he uses on his eagle talon.
  108. >"Nothing. Just that you may be of more interest to our dear Princess than you let on."
  109. >You continue to glare. [spoiler][/spoiler] "That's still not enough that I won't tell you to piss o-"
  110. >"Oh nag nag nag." Discord says while miming your mouth movements with his lions paw. "Do you really think I'd be so eager to "move in" on Celestia after being overthrown, turned to stone TWICE, being banished to Tartarus, and only brought back so that my "magic can be used for good"?"
  111. "Hell, I don't fuckin' know."
  112. >He tosses the nail file at you and poofs it away before it hits your face. "What Celestia did to not something I can forgive, and it's not something that I'll ever forget. So feel safe "your highness", your royal marriage is safe."
  113. >You're silent for a while as you consider his words.
  114. "...Shoulda made her laugh more if you wanted to get off easy."
  115. >Discord rolls his eyes. "Yes, well, I'm sorry that we didn't have The Beatles in my time."
  116. >You cock an eyebrow.
  117. "You saw that?"
  119. >Discord chuckles. "I've seen a lot you and Celestia have done to each other. I must say that I'm impressed."
  120. >In that moment, you stopped seeing him as you did.
  121. >He wasn't Discord the All Powerful, or some evil king you had beaten, he wasn't even that annoying voice in your head that one time you were in his cult.
  122. >He was Snake shaped, magical you. A silly prankster with his bad streak.
  124. >Discord joins in your laughter and it lasts for a good half minute before you calm down.
  125. "Well...that was an unexpected conversation."
  126. >"I -do- try to be unexpected." Discord says.
  127. >He pops behind you. "Like this." he says with another pop.
  128. >You run out of the alley to see Discord in the middle of the market square standing on a circus ball juggling seals. Ponies from all around were flocking to see his antics.
  129. >And Celestia was standing at the edge near the banana cart.
  130. >With her ass to you.
  131. "Ha..."
  132. >You sneak up and grab a banana from the cart.
  133. "So..." you say coming up on her side. "Having a good DAY!??"
  134. >You twist and jam your hand forward behind her rear and smile at her as she drops her snack and her face turns red.
  135. >"NOT. IN. PUBLIC." Celestia spits out.
  136. >You kiss her cheek as her jaw drops at what you're doing.
  137. "Just trying to be spontaneous, Celly."

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