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Flanking Maneuvers Episode 17: Circus of Value.

By Mandroid
Created: 19th December 2020 01:31:12 PM

  1. =Flanking Maneuvers Episode 17=
  2.  
  3. >Noise.
  4. >Lots of noise.
  5. >Lots of loud noise, foul smells, and bright flashing lights.
  6. >Such was life when the carnival rolls into town.
  7. >You were standing at the entrance to the Canterlot Carnival, a traveling amusement park that ended every run with a big showing in Canterlot.
  8. >And now Celly was dragging you along.
  9. "Do you hate me?"
  10. >Celestia arches her eyebrow.
  11. "Is that why you're trying to get me killed at some idiot carnival?"
  12. >"But look at how magnificent this is!" she exclaims with a wave of her hood. "Truly a marvel of Equestria engineering! To take such mundane materials and turning them into things that offer hours of entertainment."
  13. >You look over and see a support CLEARLY held together with rope next to a clown vomiting.
  14. "...We're gonna die."
  15. >She flips her hair and begins to walk into the carnival proper, the deathtrap that it was. "Nonsense! Neither of us would let the other go that easily."
  16. >You jam your hands in your pockets and follow along.
  17. "If you wanted rid of me that easy, there have to be ways apart from getting me crushed by a busted Ferris wheel."
  18. >"Well I could throw you in a lake" she sings.
  19. "Or feed me poisoned birthday cake."
  20. >"But I won't deny that I would miss you when you're gone."
  21. >You give her a congratulatory ear scratch for pulling off her part.
  22. "You're still tone deaf as all hell."
  23. >"Better to be at a loss for tone than to have a voice that sounds like gravel and gasoline." Celly quips.
  24. >You chuckle and look around at the various shit-tacular attractions..
  25. "So where to first, of queen of the sluts?"
  26. >Celly looks around and points down a row of stalls. "There." she says before trotting off.
  27. >Now all you had to do is avoid getting tetanus..
  28. >Easy.
  29. >You hope.
  30.  
  31. >KRACKRACKRACKRACKRACK.
  32. >You tug on the coaster's lap harness and make sure that it is indeed secure and not going to send you flying off half way to Fillydelphia.
  33. >The technician comes over and checks you both once before looking you in the eye.
  34. >"Держите конечности внутри автомобиля во все времена, мудак." he says before walking past you.
  35. "Hahaha. What?"
  36. >Celly situates herself. "He was giving us safety instructions, dear."
  37. >Oh.
  38. >Well alright then.
  39. "What'd he say?"
  40. >The chain in the front of the car snaps taut and starts to drag you along the tracks.
  41. >"Whoops! No time! Ride's starting!" Celestia says.
  42. "Yeah, but what'd he say?"
  43. >The car is pulled up the steep incline of the first hill.
  44. >"Oh wow, this is pretty high, huh?"
  45. "Celly, what'd he say."
  46. >"How high do you think this goes?"
  47. "What he say, Celly."
  48. >"A couple hundred feet, I'd imagine."
  49. "CELLY. WHAT'D HE SAY."
  50. >"Look! You can see our balcony from here!"
  51. >You grab Celestia's face right as you pause at the top of the hill.
  52. "WHAT DID HE SAY YOU PUTRID FUCKING CUNT!?"
  53. >Her grin could be seen for miles.
  54. >"Hang on."
  55. >You go over.
  56. "CELESTIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" you scream as you go around the turns.
  57.  
  58. >The car bounces left and right, up and down as it races along the tracks.
  59. >You hold on for dear life, but it's made a bit difficult with the constant sandwiching of you between the side of the car and Celestia's fat ass.
  60. "I TOLD YOU TO LAY OFF THE CAKE!"
  61. >"AHAHAHAHAHA! CAN'T HEAR YOU DEAR, SORRY!"
  62. >You scream in frustration as your car rockets along the tracks.
  63. >Up ahead appears a tunnel, the kind that plunges you into darkness so that they can get a better picture of you.
  64. >"SMILE FOR THE CAMERA!" Celestia shouts.
  65. >You both enter the tunnel.
  66. "FUCK YOU!"
  67. >"YOU NEED TO LEARN TO UNWIND EVERY SO OFTEN DEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
  68. >Apparently this carnival didn't account for too much difference in size because you look over and see Celestia screaming her lungs out as her horn drags along the low hanging ceiling.
  69. >"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! MOUS, STOP THE CAR! MY HORN IS ON FIRE HERE! STOP THE CAR!"
  70. >You do the only thing you can do in this situation.
  71. "AAAAAHAHAHEHEHAHAHOHOHHHAHAHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHWAHWAHAAAA!!"
  72. >"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" she says over the sound of her horn scraping.
  73. "THIS IS HYSTERICAL!"
  74. >The sparks from Celly's horn illuminate the tunnel well enough for you to see a camera dangling from above.
  75. "HEY! HEY SMILE FOR THE CAMERA!" you puppet.
  76. >You're not sure if Celly was able to smile, but you were at least hopeful the picture was nice.
  77.  
  78. "This is a really nice picture."
  79. >You turn the picture over in your hands examining every captured inch of you and Celestia in that tunnel.
  80. >The Princess sits next to you at a "medical tent" getting her heron wrapped in bandages to help with the friction burn.
  81. >You lean over and point to the picture. [spoiler][/spoiler] "See how the light from the sparks plays off your eyes?"
  82. >She glances down at the photo. "No, I don't, because the face of my husband laughing like an absolute lunatic at my getting hurt is distracting."
  83. >You pocket the snapshot.
  84. "It's not -my- fault that you were too tall for the ride."
  85. >The carny wraps the last of Celestia's bandages. "A'ight. Y'all are fixed up. Sorry this all happened, Princess."
  86. >Celestia rubs her head as she gets to her feet. "No...no...I understand that I am taller than most."
  87. >You keep your hand on Celestia's back to keep her steady as you walk down the path and buy the two of you some cotton candy.
  88. >The two of you stand off to the side as you eat to let Celestia recover.
  89.  
  90. >Despite what happened, she has a smile on her face.
  91. "You seem rather happy."
  92. >Celly watches a group of children run around playing. "Equestria's youth playing happy in the sun...  it always warms the heart..."
  93. >One of the kids glances over and approaches Celly with open mouthed awe.
  94. >"A-are you really Celestia?" she asks.
  95. >Celly grows a wide and warm smile as she bends down to look the child in the eye. "That I am, My Little Pony. Are you having a good day at the carnival?"
  96. >The filly nods enthusiastically.
  97. >Celly floats down her cotton candy and nods to let the girl know she can take a small bite, something she does with great gusto.
  98. >"Run along now and go play with your friends, there is a lot of fun to be had today for you all, I think." Celestia coos.
  99. >The filly beams a smile back to Celly and runs back to her friends. "Hey guys! I just met the Queen!"
  100. >That sentence lets all the air out of Celestia in an explosive sigh. She casts her eyes downward and trots off in another direction.
  101. >O...kay?
  102.  
  103. >Husband senses tingling.
  104. >You follow after Celestia down the carnival path.
  105. "Hey! Wait up!"
  106. >You catch up and cut her off before she can get too far.
  107. "Whoa whoa! What's up? What's wrong?"
  108. >Celly sighs and looks up at you. "It's nothing, dear."
  109. "Buuuuuullshit it's nothing. I haven't seen you lose your smile that fast since we ran out of bananas."
  110. >Celestia tries to break eye contact, but you cup her cheek with your hand and guide her back.
  111. "Tia...what's wrong? Talk to me here, babe."
  112. >Celestia's eyes shimmer as she snorts through her nose. "It's...what that child said."
  113. "The squirt? What?"
  114. >"Just her...choice of words."
  115. >You replay the conversation in your head.
  116. "What...how she called you a queen?"
  117. >Celly nods.
  118. "So she got your title wrong...so what?
  119. >Celly groans. "It's just that word..."Queen"...it just reminds me that I'm not as young as I sometimes act..."
  120. >You reel your head back.
  121. "You...feel old?"
  122. >She sighs. "I just remember my youth so clearly...the carefree days where the nation didn't rest on my shoulders and there weren't a million things that needed my council each and every day...my title is the very last thing I have that I can hold onto from that time and I'm a bit...sensitive about it."
  123. >All this...
  124. >Because she feels old...
  125.  
  126. "...I think you're fine."
  127. >Celestia looks up at your eyes.
  128. "I like the way you act young. And I like the Celly that has a few years on her than some little teenybopper."
  129. >Celestia gives a tired smile and rests her head on your shoulder.
  130. >"Thank you dear...thank you very much for saying that..."
  131. >You pat the back of her neck. [spoiler][/spoiler] "I have to do something to make you keep me around."
  132. >Celestia pulls away from you and gives you a tired smile.
  133. >Not good enough.
  134. "That's not good enough..." you mumble.
  135. >"What?" she asks.
  136. >You don't answer her and instead begin scanning the carnival stalls until a  stuffed bear half your size in one of them.
  137. "Perfect..."
  138. >You walk away from Celestia towards the stall. "Mous?" she asks.
  139. >The carny at the stall eyes you as you reach him.
  140. "What do I have to do for the bear?"
  141. >He gestures at a field of metal rods sticking out of the ground. "Play horseshoes. Three ringers gets you the bear. Five bits for three horeshoes."
  142. >You hear Celestia come up behind you. "Mous? What are you doing?"
  143. >You dig into your pockets and slam five bits onto the counter.
  144. "Hit me."
  145.  
  146. "Ooookay, OOOOOKAY!" you shout.
  147. >Celestia giggles.
  148. >Walter remains silent.
  149. >The Ferris wheel grinds to a halt at the apex of its spin.
  150. "Wow..."
  151. >The setting sun shined ahead of you and made the verdant field below glow with a brilliant orange hue.
  152. >A bandage flutters past you in the wind and a bright glow heralds the beginning of the twilight hours.
  153. "I guess that means that your horn is feeling better?"
  154. >Celestia sighs and leans back a bit. "It does, thank you for asking."
  155. "Mhmm. And how do you feel?"
  156. >Celestia extends her wing and wraps you in it.
  157. >"I was in a fairly low mood earlier, but then I watched a very stupid man spend over two hundred bits on a game to win a stuffed bear."
  158. >You rest your arm on said bear.
  159. "He did his job."
  160. >You and Celestia sit silently together and watch the moon slowly rise.
  161. "Not a half bad day...huh?"
  162. >Celestia shrugs. "I've had worse."
  163. "It was your idea to get married that day."
  164. >"You could have said no."
  165. "And miss out on free carnival entrance? Not a chance in hell, Tubbyy-tits."
  166. >Celestia laughs a throaty laugh before she settles back down.
  167. >The seat of the cart vibrates and almost covers the "Braaaap" noise.
  168. "...Did you ju-"
  169. >"It was the bear."
AIE Safe Anon Celestia Comedy

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