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Flanking Maneuvers Episode 18: Boarder Dispute

By Mandroid
Created: 19th December 2020 01:37:45 PM
AIE Safe Anon Celestia Comedy

  1. =Flanking Maneuvers Episode 18=
  4. >You are Princess Luna and all of you are late.
  5. "Sister! Hurry up!"
  6. >You trot through the royal apartment in your dress. Tonight was the night of the Grand Continental Summit, leaders and delegate from Boardor to the Hooviet Union would be attending to talk matters of trade and politics.
  7. >And you were all going to be late because you can't find your sister and in-law.
  8. "Balderdash!" you exclaim.
  9. >You needed to hurry! The chariot couldn't wait forever.
  10. >Well, technically it could, but you didn't want to make it.
  11. >You trot through the hall and take a deep breath before entering into the bedchambers.
  12. >Holding your breath, you look around.
  13. "Sister?"
  14. >No response.
  15. >You release your breath and sniff cautiously.
  16. "Good..."
  17. >The stench wasn't there...
  18. >Still, the scent of musk being absent meant that this room hadn't seen much use in a while.
  19. >You walk around hoping to find some clue.
  20. "Sister?"
  21. >The bathroom was clean.
  22. "Mous?"
  23. >The patio overlooking the gardens had no one on it.
  24. >You stand in the middle of the room and look around in the hopes of finding something that will clue you in to where they went.
  25. >However the clue comes from underneath you instead.
  26. >At your hooves were two scorch marks  burnt into the carpet.
  27. >OH!
  28. "OF ALL THE-!"
  29. >This was not the time!
  30. "UHG. Why me?" you ask.
  31. >And then you explode.
  33. >You reform in a place not of Equestria.
  34. >Stars and nebula spun in a cosmic dance of lasting decadence off in the infinite reach of space.
  35. >Such was the way of things in the Ethereal Plane.
  36. >Your crystalline horseshoes clink against the invisible "ground" on which all in this place traversed as you walk in search of your family.
  37. "Sister? In-law?"
  38. >Images begin to float past you, images of the past and possible future. Time was abstract in the Ethereal, one could see events from years in the past as if they were unfolding right in front of them.
  39. >Voices soon rise to meet to meet the images, voices you recognized from ages past and some you knew all too well from the present.
  40. >"And this is the part where Starswirl got drunk and fell over the railing!" a feminine one says.
  41. >The second one, a demented mixture of gravel and gasoline, could not stop laughing.
  42. >You come across your sister and in-law laying down on the ground together, Mous leaning against Celestia's side as they both watch an image play in front of them.
  43. "Sister!" you exclaim.
  44. >She turns to greet you and smiles. "Hello Luna! Have you come to join us?"
  45. >You gesture at your dress.
  46. "Sister! The Continental Confrence?"
  47. >The two of them are silent for a moment before Mous tilts his head. "Shit...was that today?"
  48. >Your face contorts into a scowl.
  49. >There were times where you felt like the only sane person in the kingdom.
  51. -Mous PoV-
  52. >After Luna's unceremonious shuffling of the two of you out of the Astral Plane, she spent the next twenty minutes glaring at you to make sure you both got dressed in time.
  53. >Not like the two of you weren't used to throwing on clothes in a hurry, or anything.
  54. >And then came your FAVORITE part of these events, the chariot ride.
  55. >It was a bit of a trip from Canterlot to Tambelon and you hated every second of it.
  56. >Luna's lecture about responsibility didn't help. You wanted to make a joke about her "friend" Pip, but you'd get slapped.
  57. >Again.
  58. >The carriage touches down outside of the newly refurbished Castle Tambelon with the rest of the diplomatic transports.
  59. >From the brochure you read seven times on the way over here, you know that across the courtyard is the building that was once the Necropolis and was flanked on either side by the Spellhold and the Barracks.
  60. >You turn and look at the imposing Castle Tambelon itself resting on the artificial hill, it's guard towers, turrets, and crenellations casting an eerie shadow over the place.
  61.  >Yeesh...
  62. "Grogar sure had a sense of style, didn't he?"
  63. >Celestia and Luna trot past you silently in their dresses and expect you to catch up.
  64. "No really! Spikes are very in right now!"
  65. >You follow the two of them up the stairs, through the doors, and past security and into the castle proper.
  66. >Dignitaries and diplomats from the world over mingle around with their entourages. The first night was simply a night to get settled in and talk casual nation building business, the real work started tomorrow.
  67. "So since I'm one of two humans here, can I nominate myself king of my species and get a say here?"
  68. >Luna rolls her eyes and walks past. Celestia approaches you. "While I'm sure the sight of you declaring your regency would be an entertaining one, dear, I have a special favor to ask you."
  69. >You cock an eyebrow.
  70. "Eh?"
  71. >She titters and walks past you into the banquet hall. "Follow me~."
  73. >Celestia leads you over to a table where a particular pony is sitting. He's about Luna's size with a rich red cloak around his neck and a dark metal headpiece on covering some frankly ridiculous sideburns.
  74. >Across his neck hung several polished steel chains of varying lengths and...was his collar popped?
  75. >His face lights up when he sees Celestia, but drops once his eyes fall to you.
  76. >You look him over. [spoiler][/spoiler] "Who's this douchebag?"
  77. >Celestia chuckles in her throat. "This, dear, is the recently reformed King Sombra."
  78. >He does a slight bow. "Charmed." he spits through gritted teeth.
  79. >Oh boy. Another of your wife's exes who now hates you on principal.
  80. "Reformed, eh?"
  81. >"Fluttershy works wonders, dear."
  82. >Celly bows to Sombra and gets a much deeper one in return. "Princess radiant as ever."
  83. >"King Sombra...still as thick as I remember."
  84. >He chuckles as he rises with a smirk. "Mhmm~."
  85. >...Was he missing the double meaning here?
  86. "So...what's up, man?"
  87. >Sombra rolls his eyes. "The ceiling, the upper floors, Princess Luna's majestic sky. How simple these apes are, right Princess?"
  88. >"Aha...quite, Sombra...Mous, do you think you can entertain Sombra? Walk with him around the room as I speak to the other dignitaries?"
  89. "Whooooaaaa, no. No? No. Hell no. No. No."
  90. >"Hmm..." Celestia's eyes drift upward in thought. "That was six! By the rules of Double Negatives, you said yes!"
  91. "Wait, what the wha-"
  92. >Sombra visibly bristles as Celestia kisses your cheek. "Thank you dear! Have fun~!"
  93. >You and Sombra glare at each other for a few minutes before you sigh in defeat and put your hands in your pockets.
  94. "Let's just get this over with..."
  96. >Sombra and you walk through the ballroom avoiding the more dour looking diplomats as best you can.
  97. "So...king, huh? How'd that work out, champ?"
  98. >Sombra glares at you out of the corner of his eyes. "My rule of the Crystal Kingdom was the most productive one in its history. My boarders were safe and my power was absolute."
  99. >You cock an eyebrow. [spoiler][/spoiler] "Didn't Celestia and Luna have to, like, seal you in ice or something because you were a massive tool?"
  100. >Sombra's eyes narrow. "That was a quarrel, nothing more. But I can't expect your ape brain to comprehend that.
  101. >Oh yeah, this is gonna be fun.
  102. >You and Sombra come across a group of particularly jovial Zebra's laughing in the corner.
  103. >Sombra reels. "Uhg...I can't believe they let THEM in here."
  104. >Oh boy...not only a dick, but a RACIST dick. You had the best luck with friends.
  105. >"I have learn that only time can return your chief to his once great prime." one of them says.
  106. >Sombra tilts a head. "Why are they speaking in such a -ridiculous- manner?
  107. >You try to talk through the hand you were slowly bringing down over your face.
  108. "They're Zebra's dude. Speaking poetically is, like, a cultural thing for them."
  109. >Sombra's look of revulsion contorts into a sly grin. "Come, Prince." he spits that last word out so hard you can feel the venom in it. "Allow me to show these...dirt ponies and you a REAL poem.
  110. >Oh boy, dinner and a show.
  111. >Sombra trots up to them and brushes a hoof on his chest.
  112. "Shallow life,"
  113. "drowning alone,"
  114. "as I gasp for air,"
  115. "coldness creeps over pale skin,"
  116. "there's darkness so deep,"
  117. "it pulls me down,"
  118. "happiness dies in the deep dark sea." he says standing there obviously expecting praise.
  120. >The Zebra's stand there dumbfounded as you walk up and pat Sombra on the back.
  121. >"Don't touch me."
  122. "Dude, that poem blew, it didn't even rhyme."
  123. >He huffs. "Do not call my poems quality into question because you can't understand the subtle nuances of it!"
  124. "Nuances aren't worth shit if it isn't entertaining! And it didn't even rhyme!"
  125. >"Perhaps I siimply did not wish to debase myself to the level of these...these...mud farmers!"
  126. >You hear the gasps of shock from behind you and step in front of them.
  127. "You still have to play by the rules, man. There needs to be SOMETHING cool about your poem like rhyming."
  128. >He rolls his eyes. "As if you could do better, ape."
  129. >You stroke your chin. [spoiler][/spoiler] "Well...I'm not one for rhyming, but..."
  130. >You slap Sombra lightly on the face.
  131. "Sit down Sombra, and let me spin you a superior story to the swill that just spilled from your sooty snout. Straightforwardly said, the statues of this system are that someone saying such statements must constrain their sayings to an often simple standard. You should say that someone else is stupid simply for reasons such as your sonnet sucking."
  132. >You could hear a pin drop around you everyone was so quiet.
  133. >The Zebras behind you begin clapping their hooves together.
  134. >"Well done, son!"
  135. >"Spoken well!"
  136. >"Impressive!"
  137. >Sombra sighs heavily and trots away all pissy, necessitating you follow.
  138. >You take a few steps and turn back to the zebras as you walk.
  139. "I'll be here for the entire summit! Remember to tip your waitress."
  140. >As close as you were to Sombra, you were able to hear him whisper. "Why in the world would I do THAT?"
  141. >Oh yeah, real class act here.
  143. >As Sombra and you continue to mingle, he swipes a glass of wine from a server and downs it in one gulp.
  144. "Hitting it hard there, eh?"
  145. >"Being near you tries my patience, ape.
  146. >Tool.
  147. >Sombra continues to walk and you spot a flash of alabaster out of the corner of your eye.
  148. "Celly?"
  149. >Celestia trots by looking rather pleased with herself and spots you. "Oh, hello dear. Enjoying Sombra's company?"
  150. "Tch. Is that even possible? How can anyone tolerate him for more than five minutes?"
  151. >She titters. "People have said the same about you, dear."
  152. "Yeah, but I'm not a racist."
  153. >"Sombra is old, dear. That's simply how it was back then." she says as she starts to trot away.
  154. "...Were you racist?"
  155. >Celly gets some pop in her step. "Everyone's a little bit racist, it's tru-"
  156. "I'm not singing here.
  157. >"Oh you are ZERO fun."
  158. "And you're a bad liar. Can I ditch this twit, yet?"
  159. >Celestia shakes her head and starts to walk further away. "No dear, I need you to be around him a bit longer."
  160. >Brilliant...
  162. >You go off and find Sombra talking with some lithe, prim and proper earth ponies that had the Prench coat of arms on their chests. "Ah, bonjour Prince Mous! We were just talking to intéressant companion here!"
  163. >You eye a scowling Sombra with an equally toxic gaze.
  164. "Yeah, he's a character. How have things been in Prance, ambassador?"
  165. >He sighs and rubs his head "Stressant, I'm afraid. Ze season has been less than kind to us and our crop of grapes has been suffering."
  166. >Sombra rolls his eyes. "Ignorant dirt ponies can't even get their land to cooperate with them..."
  167. >The three diplomats arch their eyebrows and scowl as you just slap your palm against your face again.
  168. >Sombra reacts as expected. "What? Cultivating of land is what you dirt ponies are good at, to not be able to till your fields would be an immense failure on your part."
  169. >One of the diplomats gets fed up and walks over to Sombra. "Enough! I vill not have zis...vould be king insulting ze great nation of Prance!" he says poking Sombra in the chest with his hoof.
  170. >Sombra leans over to you wide eyed and barely squeaks out. "It'!"
  171. >You hate everything.
  172. >Everyone and everything.
  173. >But mostly this asshole.
  175. >A little while later and six more drinks on Sombra's part found the two of you at the table of the Ib'Xian empire.
  176. >Sombra was keeping his composure well enough while he regaled them with tales of his ancient empire.
  177. >The Ibex diplomat takes a swig of his wine. " mean to tell me that all the females from your city were taken to your-"
  178. >"Pleasure Keep, yes." Sombra says, a slight tinge of rosy red in his cheeks."And once there they would be well cared for and lavished with my affections."
  179. >Uhg...this was a disaster.
  180. >"You...kept them as slaves!" one of them exclaims.
  181. >"Well cared for slaves!*hic*" he retorts.
  182. >"One can only imagine what you did when you tired of them!"
  183. >Sombra sways just a bit on his feet. "Sent them back to the mines, usually."
  184. >Okay, that's it.
  185. >You step forward and put your hand on Sombra's shoulder.
  186. "Dude, just stop talking. There isn't a person in this room who doesn't think your an absolute monster now."
  187. >Sombra downs the rest of his wine and looks back at you. "Remove your paw from me, ape!"
  188. >He jerks away from you but you don't let up.
  190. "You know what? No! You've been a royal bell-end all night and I'm not putting up with it anymore!"
  191. >Sombra reels back in the middle of the room. "How dare you speak to me like that! I captured and ruled a kingdom for hundreds of years! Your greatest accomplishment is to learn to not defecate in your hand and throw it!"
  192. >Oh it's on. You cross your arms and lean back.
  193. "I killed Discord."
  194. >"A fine job you did, seeing as he is back!"
  195. "He got better!"
  196. >Sombra rolls his eyes. "Yes, very impressive! The brute can kill something! Tell me when you can make yourself incorporeal."
  197. "I infiltrated Canterlot Castle and didn't get caught!"
  198. >Sombra jams his face in yours. "I survived a thousand years on my will alone!"
  199. "-I- corrupted an entire Changeling brood!"
  200. >"-I- lead an army and defeated an entire Changeling SWARM!"
  201. >Fuck. That sounded impressive.
  202. >Sombra leans back with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his lips.
  203. >You can't let him win, you gotta think of something he hasn-
  204. "I'm the one Celestia married."
  205. >Neither Sombra or you had a retort. He was too busy punching you.
  207. "Ooow! OW!"
  208. >Celestia smushes the bandage over your head and smirks. "Don't be such a baby."
  209. >You scowl and rub your head. [spoiler][/spoiler] "Hey, his hooves were hard."
  210. >Celestia glances past you. "I can tell."
  211. > The guards were still pulling Sombra away, his horn sparking with the magic he couldn't cast after that eighth glass of wine.
  212. >"Lemmego! He's not good 'nuff! Only I wuz!" he screams again.
  213. "Uhg...what is it with your exes?"
  214. >Celestia shrugs. "It's just the kind of people I seem to attract." she says with a wink.
  215. >You roll your eyes and look over the room. All the other diplomats were watching Sombra get carted away.
  216. "So what'll happen to him?"
  217. >"He'll be put somewhere safe until he sleeps off the drink and then he'll arrive for the conference tomorrow."
  218. "Even after he clocked me?"
  219. >"Diplomatic immunity, dear."
  220. >You sigh.
  221. "Great."
  222. >Celestia puts some snacks in her mouth. "Oh don't be like that, you played your part perfectly."
  223. >You let that replay in your head a bit.
  225. "What?"
  226. >Celestia chuckles and casts a hoof out over the crowd. "Look around...there's not a diplomat in here who didn't see Sombra's outburst. Come tomorrow they'll see him as the malicious buffoon he is."
  227. "You...used me to set up Sombra?"
  228. >Celestia nods smiling. "I needed everyone to see the stallion only I knew and knew that the best way for him to lose his temper was to place him with you!"
  229. "...Why?"
  230. >"Since Sombra returned, he has been lobbying for a return of the Crystal Kingdom to his control. You can imagine what that would be like if he succeeded."
  231. " made me put up with him to piss him off knowing that if I did no one would give him that?"
  232. >"Pretty much!" she beams.
  233. >That was...
  234. "...Wow.
  235. >"A-huh."
  236. "We"
  237. >Celestia cocks an eyebrow.
  238. ", that was REALLY well played and now I gotta do stuff to ya."
  239. >Celestia grins a manic grin and levitates you off your seat.
  240. >At least some good came out of this.
  241. >And you too.

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