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Flanking Maneuvers Episode 20: Family Incident.

By Mandroid
Created: 19th December 2020 01:38:10 PM
AIE Safe Anon Celestia Comedy

  1. =Flanking Maneuvers Episode 20=
  2.  
  3. >Panic was an appropriate word to use to describe everything at the moment. From Luna's levitating the two of you in her grip and flying you over the city to your room to Celestia's thousand yard glare to your own mental breakdown at the news.
  4. >The parents in law were coming to visit.
  5. >The incredibly harsh and not very nice King Cosmos was coming to visit.
  6. >And Celestia was still looking like a seventeen year old.
  7. >You're just a mite frazzled.
  8. >Luna lands on your balcony and all but throws the two of you onto the bed. "I must prepare myself! They'll be here for supper so you two must make haste!"
  9. >With that she rockets off back to her own room.
  10. >You roll off the bed rubbing the back of your neck.
  11. "Okay...I figure if we leave RIGHT NOW, we can get enough of a head start on your dad to crash the carriage into Abbadon's Fury and be done with it."
  12. >Celestia gets up and trots over to her beauty desk. "We both know that won't work dear...He'd be able to find us in a heartbeat."
  13. >Stupid scary hyper-god horse...
  14. "Why can't your dad just be one of those guys who brings me into his trophy room with the dozens of animal heads on the wall? That'd be so much easier..."
  15. >"Heh. You don't want to see his trophy room, dear."
  16. >You start rummaging through your good suits, no real time for a shower.
  17. "So how bad will it be when he sees you and smells the sex stank coming off us?"
  18. >"Hopefully nothing Mother cannot assuage..." Celestia says as she pulls the comb through her pink hair.
  19. >Yeah...Galaxia and Luna were probably your only ace in this hole.
  20. >You pick out ties, settling on the red one. It'd help you go faster in the event you had to run.
  21. >...Here's hoping it would help.
  22. "Hey...if something, like, happens tonight I-"
  23. >"Not another word."
  24. >You cock an eyebrow and look at Celestia. "Nothing is going to happen, darling. We're US! The two world champions of escaping trouble. And I wager that if we can survive each other, we can survive my father."
  25. >You smile.
  26. "Hope your confidence pays off, babe..."
  27.  
  28. >Waiting for Galaxia and Cosmos to show up was always nerve wracking.
  29. >The three of you...just standing alone in the dining hall silently waiting for the portal to wherever they lived to open up.
  30. >It was enough to drive a guy to drink but the damned servants didn't leave any out.
  31. >You're halfway through your plan to escape this when twin portals of light and dark open up in the center of the room and two alicorns trot out.
  32. >As they do, the ones standing to your side run forward to greet them, each shouting "Mommy! Daddy!"
  33. >The family sans you embraces as you make your way over to them.
  34. >"Oh my girls! So long has it been since I saw you last!" Galaxia coos.
  35. >Cosmos looks Celestia over. "Although not that long by the looks of it..."
  36. >Celly clears her throat. "Relax dad, it was simply a magical mishap, easily fixable."
  37. >He cocks an eyebrow. "Then why hasn't it been fixed?"
  38. >You interject. [spoiler][/spoiler] "You kinda snuck up on us with this visit, Cosmos."
  39. >His brow furrows. "We sent a missive..."
  40. >Shit. when was the last time you even checked the mail?
  41. "You know how the postal service is."
  42. >He snorts. "Yes..."
  43. >You nod to Galaxia. [spoiler][/spoiler] "Your Highness."
  44. >She nods back with a warm smile. "Sir Mous."
  45. >Galaxia had always been cool with you, one thing you weren't afraid of showing was that. If only to piss off Cosmos.
  46. >Luna clasps her hooves together. "Well! Shall we sit down to eat?"
  47. >"Oh! Heck yeah!" Celly says.
  48. >You almost laugh.
  49. "I could eat."
  50. >Cosmos and Galaxia trot towards the table, only Galaxia speaking up with  a "Thank you, sweetheart."
  51. >Okay...
  52. >You take your seat next to Celly.
  53. >Now you just had to survive dinner.
  54.  
  55. >"And so then Pippen burst out of the water on the serpent's back shouting "I'm the king of the Pirates, I am!" Luna says laughing.
  56. >The rest of you don't say anything, all too busy taking sips from your drinks.
  57. >It was always wise to preoccupy yourself whenever Luna went on about Pip...lest you say something to make her FREAK.
  58. >You and Celly have spent the majority of the dinner silent, wanting to ignore the dragon in the room and hoping that Cosmos and Galaxia would do the same.
  59. >That turns out to be stupid to think.
  60. >"So how did this...mishap happen?" Cosmos asks.
  61. >You and Celestia both practically choke on your food and look at each other.
  62. "Uh..."
  63. >"Well, you see..."
  64. >Cosmos huffs. "Out with it, the both of you."
  65. >Okay, you can do this.
  66. "Well..."
  67. >"You see..."
  68. "She was casting a spell."
  69. >"At noon."
  70. "Using the power of the high sun."
  71. >"And I was too slow and the spell misfired."
  72. "Everything went CUH-RAZY."
  73. >"Because I redirected the energy."
  74. "And when the smoke cleared, she was like this."
  75. >"Because the redirected energy flowed back into my and this was the result."
  76. >The two of you smile at your lie. Cosmos sips his drink. "...What was the spell?"
  77. >"What?" you both say in unison.
  78. >He sets his cup down. "The spell, what was it?"
  79. >Celly waves a hoof. "Pshaw, don't worry daddy! Just a little alteration spell."
  80. >"For?"
  81. >Celestia coughs. "Haha what?"
  82. >"What was the spell for?" Cosmos asks, glaring down his long snout at Celestia next to you.
  83. >Shit. That gaze scares even you, you can only guess what Celly's feeling.
  84. >"It was *mumble*"
  85. >"Speak up, child."
  86. "Hey-"
  87. >"I am speaking to my daughter." Cosmos booms, making everyone at the table flinch.
  88. >"...The bedroom." Celestia says quiet as a mouse.
  89. >"What."
  90. >She clears her throat. "The spell was uh...for the bedroom, dad."
  91. >For a minute you could hear a pin drop in the room.
  92. >At least before Cosmos smashed his hoof on the table.
  93.  
  94. >Everyone recoils at the loud sound of hoof on wood.
  95. >"Enough." Cosmos says.
  96. >"...Daddy?" Luna asks.
  97. >"Hush, Luna. I am speaking to your sister."
  98. "Doesn't sound li-"
  99. >"You I do not even have the patience to tell to hush, human."
  100. >Cosmos turns to Celestia. "I have had enough of this. I have had enough of ignoring it all."
  101. >Galaxia rolls her eyes and reaches out with her hoof. "Dear..."
  102. >"No! For millennia we have ignored her...proclivities whenever we speak to her! Hoping silently that it would solve itself and she could become a proper ruler!"
  103. >You stand out of your chair. [spoiler][/spoiler] "Hey!"
  104. >"I AM TALKING." Cosmos booms.
  105. >That actually shuts you up.
  106. >Dammit! That was your trick!
  107. >Cosmos looms over Celestia. "For an eternity I have watched you gallivant around, child. Most of the time you have the good sense to not make a SHOW of it! But now we have combined forces of your insatiable lust with your past inhibitions? There wouldn't be a mare or stallion safe for miles!"
  108. >Celestia actually looks away at that and you've had enough.
  109. "Hey asshole!"
  110. >He ignores you. "And not only have you not fixed it, but you say that the REASON for it is because of your perversions in the first place!?"
  111. "I have orally pleasured Celestia in the middle of a diplomatic meeting before!"
  112. >Cosmos blinks twice and turns to you. "You did -WHAT-?"
  113. "Lied just now, but it shut you up. Lay the fuck off, man! What the hell kind of father are you to say that to her?"
  114.  
  115. >"Dear!" Celestia shouts.
  116. >Cosmos huffs. "The kind of father who is concerned about how this will affect her reputation as a ruler in the years down the line."
  117. "Her reputation's fine, there isn't a pony for hundreds of miles who doesn't love her."
  118. >"Which is the problem here, isn't it? There isn't a pony within that hundred miles who HASN'T loved her at least once!"
  119. "Screw you!"
  120. >Cosmos gets out of his chair, Galaxia is already out of hers trying to play peacemaker. Luna just watches.
  121. >"Will the both of you sit dow-" Galaxia tries to get out.
  122. >"I will not sit here and be lectured on how my daughter should act by an alien!"
  123. "And I won't let someone who's been out of civilization for thousands of years insult my wife!"
  124. >Cosmos huffs black smoke from his nostrils. You take your chance despite Celestia urging you to stop silently behind you.
  125. "You have to accept that this is who your daughter is, man! And your job as a parent isn't to force her into something she's not suited for. The fact that the kingdom is doing well should show that she can do both!"
  126. >Galaxia and Cosmos look to their daughter.
  127. "And this is TEMPORARY! It can be changed back whenever and she's so happy like this!"
  128. >Celestia nods her head. "I am, daddy...so happy to relive this."
  129. >Cosmos glances between Celestia, you, Luna, and Galaxia before sighing.
  130. >"You two are right about one thing..."
  131. >Cosmos' horn glows in a black light.
  132. >"This is temporary."
  133.  
  134. >The blast shoots out from Cosmos' horn in an instant and strikes Celestia, filling the room with blinding light.
  135. >for the second time today, your stomach drops.
  136. "CELLY!"
  137. >You hear fabric ripping as Cosmos pours on the magic and Galaxia and Luna watch in open mouthed shock.
  138. >The magic show ends as quickly as it began and in the place of the Celestia you had seen throughout today there now sat the one you had seen throughout the marriage.
  139. >Older, bigger, ethereally pastel haired Celestia.
  140. >She lifts her hoof and picks up the tattered pieces of the dress she had magicked to fit her. A range of emotions play over her face before she simply utters. "O-oh..." defeated.
  141. >At least that's what you caught.
  142. "THAT'S IT!"
  143. >You're on the table in an instant and tackling Cosmos to the ground in a few more.
  144. >The Space-King grunts as you crash to the ground and your fist meets his face.
  145. "YOU ABSOLUTE -FUCK-!"
  146. >You keep hammering him.
  147. "YOU PIECE OF TRASH EXCUSE FOR A FATHER!"
  148. >"Stop this at once!" Galaxia shouts followed by Luna's own "Please!"
  149. "SHE WAS HAPPY LIKE THAT!"
  150. >"Mous stop!" gets your attention.
  151. >You look at back and see Celestia standing in the tatters of her dress before looking at yourself straddling Cosmos with your fist in the air and his horn glowing.
  152. >"Get off me before I atomize you, ape."
  153. >You smack him in the nose. [spoiler][/spoiler] "You don't have the balls to try, shithead."
  154. >His horn glows brighter and you get ready to go before Celestia shouts "BOTH OF YOU STOP!"
  155. >The two of you look back at her. "Don't...fight over this." she says "I've suffered worse."
  156. >The fire in your gut re-ignites.
  157. "Are you NUTS? You were so happy like that and he ruined it! He deserves it!"
  158. >Celly shakes her head. "Dear we...both knew this was temporary at best." she says with no small amount of disappointment.
  159. "I..."
  160. >You look at Cosmos, Galaxia, Luna, and finally your wife.
  161. "I...can't be here right now."
  162. >You roll off Cosmos and walk out of the room with your hands in your pockets.
  163.  
  164. >Canterlot Castle had a sizable lake in the gardens. The cool blue waters helped dozens of guards and city officials relax by sitting at their edges.
  165. >They weren't helping you too much.
  166. >The surface of the water ripples as you toss the flattest stone you can find across it and hope for a skipper.
  167. >Anon had taught you how to do this at summer camp once, but it always eluded you, as the sinking stone proved.
  168. >As the water settles, it reflects the twilight sky in its depths and takes on a familiar color.
  169. >That of Cosmos coat.
  170. >Your body moves on its own and grabs a rock the size of your head before chucking it into the lake.
  171. "GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
  172. >The splash doesn't reach you, but you couldn't care less.
  173. "...Stupid god-horse in-law."
  174. >"...Dear?" someone says.
  175. >You whirl around and spot Celestia standing in a nearby archway. she was without her dress, probably disposing of the tatters before she came.
  176. >You sigh and sit down.
  177. "Hey...shouldn't you be with your dad? I imagine he's positively livid."
  178. >Celestia walks over and sits lays down next to you. "I'd imagine he is...but I find myself not caring."
  179. "Huh? Don't you have, like, family duties or something?"
  180.  
  181. >Celly tilts her head. "I do but...he has Luna and Mother to console his wounded ego. I think I can put my presence to better use here..."
  182. >You let out a deep sigh and lean against Celestia, she wraps her wing around you.
  183. "Sorry for assaulting your dad..."
  184. >"It was bound to happen eventually...you're both stubborn oxen."
  185. "You married a guy who's like your dad? Gross..."
  186. >Celestia chuckles. "Smart ass."
  187. >You watch the moon rise in the sky from the lake.
  188. "Sorry you got changed back..."
  189. >Celestia sighs. "It was temporary dear...I nice distraction, but a temporary one. There was no way I could have governed the kingdom like that..."
  190. "But you were so happy like that..."
  191. >Celly nuzzles your face a bit. "I can be happy like this too..."
  192. >You return the nuzzles. [spoiler][/spoiler] "Your dad still jumped the gun when he did that..."
  193. >"Oh don't I know it. I wish I could concoct a scheme like I did when I was younger to get back at him like I did."
  194. >At mention of the word scheme, one hatches in your mind. A wonderful and un-ignorable one.
  195. "...I may have one."
  196. >Celly looks into your eyes and smirks. "Oh~?"

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