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Flanking Maneuvers Bonus Episode: White Christmas.

By Mandroid
Created: 2020-12-19 13:59:52
Expiry: Never
anoncelestiasafecomedy/aie/

  1. Flanking Maneuvers Bonus Episode
  2.  
  3. >The doorbell to the royal apartment rings and a baby points to it.
  4. >”Dadee, do'.”
  5. “Yes, I head, thank you Astra.” you say as you fuss with your belt.
  6. “DOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!”
  7. >”I'M HANGING THINGS!” came Celestia's response from the living room.
  8. >”LUNAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DOOOOOOOOOOR!”
  9. >”WE ARE RAISING THE MOON!”
  10. >God. DAMMIT.
  11. >What was the point of being a prince if you couldn't boss people around.
  12. >”I ge', dadee.” Astra says as she gets onto her hovsies and waddles to the door.
  13. “Hold up there, poozer.”
  14. >You swoop in and snatch up Astra in your arms, she giggles while you hold her against your chest as the two of you answer the door.
  15. >Beyond it is a face you knew as well as your own and his cyan comrade.
  16. >”Merry Christmas, nerd.”
  17. “It's Hearthswarming, Anon. Get with the vernacular.”
  18. >The two of you embrace in the doorway around Astra. “It's good to see you.”
  19. “You too, man.”
  20. >You lean back.
  21. “And how's our latest Wonderbolt?”
  22. >Rainbow Dash flexes her forelegs. “Faster than ever, but not fast enough!” she exclaims. Anon puts his hand on her shoulder. “We're asking her to take it just a -bit- easy for her health.”
  23. “That's probably smart.”
  24.  
  25. >The wriggling caterpillar in your arms can no longer be contained as she squirms and reaches her arms towards your guests. “Unca! Atee!” Astra blurts out.
  26. >Anon kneels down a bit and pets Astra's mane. “Have you been a good filly this year, Astra?”
  27. >She beams back at him.
  28. >You kneel down a bit.
  29. “Sup Thunderstrike.”
  30. >”Hey uncle.”
  31. “How's being ten? Your birthday was recent.”
  32. >He shrugs. “Kinda the same as being nine.”
  33. “Enjoy it while you can, man. Puberty sucks.”
  34. >”Don't scare the kid.”
  35. “I'm sorry, who's the parent of the perfectly behaved princess? I thought so.”
  36. >Anon rolls his eyes. “Can we come inside?”
  37. “Sure, sure, come inside Rainbow Dash, Anon.”
  38. >You step aside and let them pass, Anon looks down at your waist as you escort them to the living room.
  39. >”Is that-?”
  40. “Missletoe, yes.”
  41. >”And it's-?”
  42. “On my belt. Ahuh.”
  43. >“...I'm guessing to mean...?”
  44. “Yes, it means Kiss my dick.”
  45. >Merry fucking Christmas.
  46. Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZOBRbVCJL4
  47.  
  48. >Later at the dinner table you had another headache.
  49. “Luna, I still have absolutely zero idea what the point of this game is.”
  50. >Luna looks up from her handheld chalkboard. “Tis simple, in-law of mine. One simply draws what they wish for for Hearthswarming and then, when we open our gifts, we shall see if anyone is correct! Whomever is, is awarded a prize!” she says beaming.
  51. “I mean why are we doing this while we wait for dinner instead of just making smalltalk.”
  52. >Those servers are taking too goddamn fucking long...
  53. >”This is more fun!” she exclaims.
  54. >You are not amused.
  55. >You put your hand on Celestia's hoof and your other on Astra's head.
  56. “I've already got what I asked for for the holidays.”
  57. >”Such a sweetheart...” Celestia starts. “And what might that be?”
  58. “That your parents aren't coming over.”
  59. >Across the table, Anon bites back a laugh with his food.
  60. >Aaayyyy.
  61. >Celestia continues to draw. “See? I knew it was coming.”
  62. >The doors at the end of the hall open and servers file out.
  63. “FINALLYY.”
  64. >Now you can-
  65. >Luna puts down her chalk. “I am complete! And just in time, too!”
  66. >Oh no.
  67. >The night princess turns her board around. “For my Hearthswarming, I have asked for polish for my telescope! Rainbow Dash, what have you asked for?”
  68. >Suddenly put on the spot, the rainbow gets a bit more red in it. “Uhh...well, I could use some new goggles, the old ones are starting to fog up permanently.”
  69. >Anon silently pats her hoof and you not-so-silently tap your foot under the table. Dinner was RIGHT THERE.
  70.  
  71. >”Anon?”
  72. >He flips his board over. “Microscope. I'm a simple man.”
  73. >Luna nods. “Mous?”
  74. “Pass.”
  75. >Luna narrows her eyes a bit. “We will return to you... Little Thunderstrike, what of you?”
  76. >Thunder turns his. “Uhh...there's a new Red Riding scooter that just came out in October, I'd love to take that to school.”
  77. >”Has Astra...?” Luna begins. Your little girl is biting her board.
  78. >Further proof that you were the father.
  79. >”Ah...well, sister?”
  80. >Celestia turns her board around. On it is a little drawing of a human with an angry face and predominant muscles. “I would be overjoyed if I woke up to this tomorrow.”
  81. “Oh ha ha ha. Can we eat now?”
  82. >The servers start forward, but Luna stops them. “Wait! We have yet to see your gift wish, Mous?”
  83. >Ohmigod.
  84. >She would not.
  85. >Let this.
  86. >Go.
  87. >You look down at the blank board you had and snatch up your chalk, creating a shape as you turn it around.
  88. “There. It's my wife's dignity. Now get that food over here or someone at this table is going to get eaten.”
  89.  
  90. >Dinner is served and no sooner than its in front of you is it getting shoveled into your mouth. Everyone else not named Astra eats with a bit more tact, she was cool.
  91. However not a minute can go by without someone getting on your case so a servant trots up next to Celestia and whispers in her ear, fortunately it's loud enough that you hear too.
  92. >”Your Highness, we've come across a...contraption set up in front of the fireplace. With your permission, we will dismantle it.”
  93. >Celestia's about to nod when you swallow your food.
  94. “Don't you dare.”
  95. >Eyes turn to you.
  96. >”Dear? Is there something about this thing?” Celestia asks.
  97. “It's a Kramups trap.”
  98. >Now all those eyes are arching their eyebrows. Except Celestia who's face, as the husband who can read these things, says “This again”.
  99. >”Dude...” Anon states.
  100. >”Uncle...” Thunderstrike starts. “Krampus isn't-”
  101. >You point your spoon at him.
  102. “Mouth. Shut. Now.”
  103. >Thunderstrike doesn't shut his mouth, but at least stops talking when you gesture to Astra who continues to eat her food.
  104. >Suddenly the table gets it.
  105. >”Mous...” Celestia starts.
  106. “Let her believe.”
  107. >”Your heart is in the right place, dear...”
  108. “At least until she's eight.”
  109. >”A crazy Rube Goldberg thing isn't going to preserve her innocence any longer, man.” Anon says.
  110. “Then suggest something else, smart guy.”
  111. >Anon looks around the room at everyone assembled and scratches his face. “Hey...do you guys have a tailor on call here?”
  112.  
  113. >After dinner you're in the front of the apartment.
  114. “Okay, does it look right?”
  115. >”Yeah dude, you're fine.”
  116. “Am I straight?”
  117. >”Probably not, but you hide it well.”
  118. “Fuck you.”
  119. >”Well you used to, at least.”
  120. >You punch Anon in the shoulder and he chuckles.
  121. “You're sure Rainbow knows the whole story?”
  122. >”This isn't the first time I've explained what Christmas is to her.”
  123. “Thank her for me after I get out of this.”
  124. >”Roger dodger."
  125. >You heft a sack over your shoulder.
  126. “Not bad for a heathen.”
  127. >”At least hell will be warm.”
  128. >You kick the door leading to the living room.
  129. “HOES HOES HOES! MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
  130. >Astra's head whips around to the door so hard you swear you hear the wind break. You see her eyes light up like a thousand suns and her smile take up most of her face.
  131. >Rainbow Dash keeps her situated on her knee, she puts her hooves on her cheeks. “Oh my gosh! It's really-”
  132. >”SANTA CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWS!” Astra shrieks before zipping over across the floor to you.
  133. >You fall back on your butt and let her sit on your lap, her big smile the only thing you can look at, though you catch Celestia smiling warmly out of the corner of your eye.
  134. “Ho ho ho...hello little filly. Have you been a good girl this year?”
  135. >Astra nods and nods fast.
  136. “Ho ho...well let's see what we have for you in Santa's bag, shall we?”
  137. >You reach your hand into the bag and pull out a small plush pony which Astra immediately snatches up.
  138. >”TICKLE ME TRIXIE DOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!” she cries.
  139. >Because who else could be vain enough to make a doll that talks, right?
  140. >Astra, enamored with her new gift, squeezes it.
  141. >”You are Trixie's favorite!” it says.
  142. >”You are Trixies favorite! You are Trixies favorite! You are Trixies favorite! You are Trixies favorite! You are Trixies fav-” You put your hand on the top of the doll and push it down a bit.
  143. >That had to stop.
  144. “Ho ho ho...easy there, little one. Come, everyone! Let's see what Santa brought you all...”
  145. >Everyone else begins to crowd around you and you get to hand out gifts.
  146.  
  147. Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMpg8vNRZHg
  148. >Later, after gifts, after cookies, after Astra was asleep and Anon and his family were in the guest room, you sat in front of the fire with Celestia.
  149. >Still in the Santa suit, though unbuttoning it so you didn't fucking die, you rest against Celestia's side like a giant loveseat and let the warmth flow over you.
  150. “Mmmm...”
  151. >”Someone's happy.”
  152. “Because he's full of good food and good cheer.”
  153. >”You weren't at dinner.”
  154. “Dinner was before I saw her face when I came through that door.”
  155. >You reach out and pet behind Celestia's ears, eliciting a soft shudder of comfort from her.
  156. “Thank you for letting me do that.”
  157. >”She's my little treasure too, you know.” Celestia says, nuzzling your face.
  158. “Yeah, but you didn't have to, I appreciate that.”
  159. >”That sounded suspiciously like praise.” Celestia coos.
  160. “There aren't witnesses here, I can afford to speak more...openly.” you tease.
  161. >Celestia chuckles and rubs her neck on yours. You pet one side and kiss the other.
  162. “Who's my favorite?”
  163. >”Astra. Then Probably Anon.” your wife answers.
  164. “Scrouge.”
  165. >”Only when you're around, dear.”
  166. >Celestia pulls back and kisses the top of your head before looking into your eyes with her big magenta globes.
  167. >You let the warmth of the fire wash over you and smile, slowly sliding down onto the floor while still resting on Celestia's side.
  168. >She herself curls up and positions her head right next to yours as she enjoys the same pleasure.
  169. >”Normally by now we'd have your clothes off.”
  170. “Normally, yeah...but this is enough right now.”
  171. >Your eyes closed, you still feel Celestia inch her face closer to you. “Absolutely...”
  172. “Merry Christmas, Celly.”
  173. >”Merry Christmas, fatso.”
  174. >You laugh once and slowly pet her mane until you drift off to sleep.

BiE 1: Introductions

by Mandroid

BiE 2: Train, pains, and narcissism.

by Mandroid

BiE 3: Exposition and espionage.

by Mandroid

BiE 3.5: More trains, soon to be back pains.

by Mandroid

BiE 4: Home Improvement.

by Mandroid