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Old Man Anon

By Olibird
Created: 2020-12-24 18:04:35
Expiry: Never

  1. >Be Anon.
  2. >You've had a good, long life.
  3. >And you're about to begin the last leg of your journey.
  4. >Your body's failed you over the last few years and you've given in. You can't live on your own anymore.
  5. >Your two oldest kids, Incognito and Innominate are here, helping you go through everything, determining what you want to bring with you to the nursing home, what you want to sell, and what will go into storage.
  6. >Your youngest, Unknown, is at some fucking furry convention.
  7. >You don't like to talk about Unknown.
  8. >"Hey Dad, what's 'mlp?'" Innominate asks, coming down the attic stairs with a rather large cardboard box.
  9. >Fuck, why does that sound so familiar?
  10. "Bring it here, let me see."
  11. >You try to wrack your brain for a long forgotten memory as she does, cutting the ancient tape open for you.
  12. >Pulling the box open you see...oh god, it's her.
  13. >You reach down with unsteady hands and gently lift the Luna plushie you commissioned all those years ago.
  14. >You gingerly run your fingers over that soft fur, blinking back tears as all the memories suddenly rush back.
  15. >That feeling when you first saw the show.
  16. >How 4chan shared your obsession.
  17. >All the gets, the time Faust visited, how so many people wanted to cum inside Rainbow Dash.
  18. >That day when moot's satanic replacement shut down the board during the series finale.
  19. >Stroking your thumb over the matted fur on her face, you remember when you unboxed her, and some fag got quints telling you to cum on her face.
  20. >You couldn't say no to quints.
  21. >...huh
  22. >tfw people stopped saying fag decades ago.
  23. >"Dad? Are you ok?" Incognito asks as he comes down with what you presume to be more of Femanon's old holiday decorations.
  24. >That woman sure loved to go all out for them.
  25. >...it's the future, why the fuck haven't they cured cancer yet?
  26. "Yea...yea, I'm fine. Kids? Meet your dad's first girlfriend."
  27. >You rest the plushie on your leg, her legs holding her against it as you start going through the rest of the box.
  28. >You long ago stopped caring how much spaghetti your kids saw you spill.
  29. >You'd never even come close to Unknown.
  30. -
  31. >Later that night, you hugged that old plushie close as you laid in bed, just like all those years ago.
  32. >You roll over to face Femanon's side as you close your eyes.
  33. >It's been 17 years, but it's still her side.
  34. >Ah fuck it, time to indulge.
  35. "Good night Moons,"
  36. >...huh...feelsgoodman
  37. -
  38. >You awake with a jolt, sitting up in bed.
  39. >There's someone in your house.
  40. >Heart pounding, you get out of bed, looking for anything you could use as a weapon.
  41. >Right, everything's packed. Your defensive options are currently two pillows and a 70 year old stuffed animal.
  42. >Fuck.
  43. >You get out of bed and start to shuffle over to your closet with all the old man speed you have.
  44. >Which means you make it about two feet before your heard the door open.
  45. >Well brain, we had a nice run. Probably better to go out with a bang rather than a whimper at this point.
  46. >"Hello, Anonymous."
  47. >...well you haven't been shot. That's always a good sign.
  48. >”It is good to see you’ve returned.”
  49. >Fuck that voice is familiar.
  50. >You turn around and see...a blue...horse?
  51. >Specifically a grinning blue unicorn pegasus with a long flowy star filled mane and god it’s a living version of that toy on your bed.
  52. >You can’t help but stare at it? Her? for a moment, that grin never leaving her face, before saying,
  53. "Huh. So this is what it's like going senile? I never thought it'd be so psychotic."
  54. >The smile fades from her face. "Wh-what? No, Anonymous, this is a dream…surely you realized that?”
  55. "Oh. Well that explains it...Usually my dreams involve less...horse. And coherency.”
  56. >You sit back down on your bed
  57. “So...was this because I found the box of your stuff earlier?”
  58. >Luna gives you the same smile you gave your kids whenever they learned a life lesson.
  59. >”But of course! I am glad to see you remember that caveat.”
  60. “Right. So then why hasn’t my ultra-porn showed up? Or my old cars, or Santa, anyone from literally any of the shows my kids watched?”
  61. >That look on Luna’s face slowly fell at that, ended with her applying a hoof to her face.
  62. >”No...no, Anonymous.”
  63. >She sighs heavily before staring at you, continuing,
  64. >”I am not some mere construct of your mind. I am THE Princess Luna from Equestria, and I am finally visiting you in your dreams.”
  65. >You know, you’ve seen a lot of shit in your time, and a long time ago you might have believed this.
  66. >Hell, for years you wished for this exact thing to happen.
  67. >But that was a long time ago.
  68. “Right. So how exactly does me finding a box filled with shit from my 20s convince a pretty pony princess from a tv-show to pay a visit?”
  69. >"Due to the non-equine nature of your species, I can only visit a human's dream if they actively desire it, even on an unconscious level. As for the ‘show,’ I assure you, My Little Human used to be quite popular in Equestria."
  70. >Wow. She rattled that off like she's said that hundreds of times.
  71. >Maybe she has.
  72. >Hey. Hey brain. Do you want to be the weird creepy grandpa? Because believing this shit is how we become the weird creepy grandpa.
  73. >"Judging by that effigy of me on your bed, it wasn't merely unconscious."
  74. >Hey Anon?
  75. >Yes brain?
  76. >Too late.
  77. >Dammit, you were just tired of being alone at night.
  78. >You pinch the bridge of your nose before looking into the large, teal eyes of the dream horse who had the biggest shit eating grin you’ve seen in quite some time.
  79. “Ok, fine. So...why NOW, then? Why not when I was young? I remember begging for this to happen for years.”
  80. >Moonpony’s smile quickly fades.
  81. >”I tried to, Anonymous. I tried to visit every human who wished...but there were so many of you, that I was unable to visit all of you before you all drifted away…and now...”
  82. >She looks away, staring off in the distance.
  83. >”Now there are so few of you left, that I immediately notice when any of you return.”
  84. “Return? What, you mean the show never has any new fans?”
  85. >”Neigh, Anonymous.”
  86. >Now THAT has to be bullshit. Fucking sanic shit is still posted everywhere on the internet.
  87. >”Not for decades have any truly new humans viewed it as anything more than an antiquated television show. Now there’s naught but a few dozen of you who will be able to enter Equestria.”
  88. >Enter Equestria?
  89. >Wait.
  90. >You remember that.
  91. >God dammit brain, I thought we weren’t going to worry about this shit.
  92. >”Worry about what shit, Anonymous?”
  93. >...Fuck, you just said that last bit out loud.
  94. >”No, but I can hear a dream’s inner dialog.”
  95. >...Moonmare can read your mind.
  96. >...
  97. >I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY’S NERVES,
  98. >EVERYBODY’S NERVES,
  99. >”Anonymous!” Luna screams, unleashing the Royal Canterlot Voice on you.
  100. >...Well, your ears are ringing now.
  101. >”I assure you, if I merely wished to spy on you, I would not have made my presence known.”
  102. “Ok, fine, then. Why ARE you here, like this, and before you answer, if it has anything to do with an afterlife, I’m not interested. The Mormons already bug me about that weekly.”
  103. >Luna hesitates, looking you over.
  104. >”You think me to be your mind’s attempt to cope with your impending death, don’t you. That’s what that comment was about.”
  105. >It wasn’t a question.
  106. “I would say so. Everyone else I know suddenly got reeeeaaal interested in religion a few years ago.”
  107. >”Then it appears I need to show you that I am not a simple spectre of your unconsciousness.”
  108. >She approaches you before rearing up and planting both hooves on your shoulders.
  109. >Before you can react, she pushes you down against the bed, all the while her gaze never leaving yours.
  110. >She lowers her head, pressing her soft, pillowy lips against your.
  111. >You can feel everything, the rough blanket beneath you, the shape of her hard hooves on your shoulders, the velvety fur of her muzzle, her hot breath blowing against your face.
  112. >You can even feel that one spring Femanon always complained about, digging into your back.
  113. >You can smell her breath-almost like red wine and plain oatmeal.
  114. >Gazing into her large eyes, you reach a hand up, rubbing her closed wing.
  115. >You’ve never had a dream that’s come anywhere close to feeling like this-if it weren’t for the blue alicorn, it’d be indistinguishable from real life.
  116. >Finally, she pulls away from that kiss, lifting her head up, her hooves still pinning you to the bed.
  117. >”Well? Do you believe me now?”
  118. >You lay there, panting for a moment before finally saying with a grin,
  119. “Maybe. Maybe I could use some more convincing.”
  120. >She snorts at that, one of her ears flicking.
  121. >”I would much prefer to wait to do that in pony.”
  122. >She flaps her wings, lifting off from you, quickly setting in her previous position.
  123. >You start shifting and squirming to sit up, your mind racing.
  124. >On the one hand, no sex. On the other hand, the fact that it DIDN’T turn to sex pretty much confirms that this isn’t normal.
  125. >After about a minute of your struggles, you feel a giant hand appear against your back, carefully lifting you up into your sitting position, giving you a nice glimpse of her glowing horn.
  126. “Ok, you win. That was incredible.”
  127. >Luna giggles at that, her cheeks turning red.
  128. >”Well thank you, Anonymous. Now. I am visiting you in this manner to get to know you properly. you humans have such...interesting dreams that it is hard to gleam the being behind them, from the dreams alone.”
  129. “Too much sex?”
  130. >That got another giggle out of her.
  131. >”Far too much, yes. Sometimes I would feel as though I was visiting a mare in heat.”
  132. >That smile of her’s fades as she continues.
  133. >”I also wish that you know how to reach Equestria, should you still desire.”
  134. “I think I remember from the internet. You drink bleach and wake up there.”
  135. >A look of horror settles on that midnight blue face.
  136. >”What?! No! I have never been able to bring any human who committed suicide! They’ve always arrived...wrong.“
  137. >She steps closer, placing a hoof on your leg. “Anonymous. Suicide will NEVER reveal the path.”
  138. >Huh. Here you thought that was a joke.
  139. >How many people tried it that way?
  140. >”Far, far too many, Anonymous.”
  141. >Right, she can read your fucking mind, dumbass.
  142. >You rub your forehead, asking,
  143. “Ok then, maybe you should explain it to me. How DOES someone make it to the land of talking horses?”
  144. >If she says anything about accepting a lord and savior...
  145. >“Continue to remember and wish for me to enter your dreams.”
  146. “...That’s it?”
  147. >Luna smiles wistfully, sighing softly
  148. >”Yes, it sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it has been a rare occurrence.”
  149. >”I am one of the few beings with the ability to bring humans to Equestria, and I can only do it at a very specific time.”
  150. >”At the moment before death, human minds enter the most intense dream state I’ve ever witnessed. It is so strong, that it allows me to transport your being across universes, to our own.”
  151. “So what’s the catch?”
  152. >With a somber expression, Luna continues,
  153. >”You have to allow me access at that time. Most humans think not of the Princess of the Night when they’re surrounded by their family.”
  154. “Huh...well then. I did always say I wanted to go...tell you what. I’ve already made peace with everything. You keep showing up, I’ll let you in.”
  155. >With a smile, Luna wraps her wings around you, hugging you against her.
  156. >Huh, they’re actually cold. Like a blanket in the middle of winter.
  157. >”Do not forget me, and I shall, Anonymous, and Equestria shall be yours. But for now...awaken.”
  158. -
  159. >You open your eyes, staring up at the ceiling.
  160. >The sun’s rays on your face, you roll over to start your morning ritual to get out of bed.
  161. >You spy that plushie, discarded on the floor in your sleep.
  162. >With your dream still running through your mind, you look at that plushie and say, “I won’t forget again Luna. I promise.”

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