-
BE TWILIGHT SPARKLE
-
>"--And that's when he said that he didn't want anypony to help him and shooed us away!"
-
>You find yourself frowning as Rarity tells her rather disconcerting tale
-
>It looked like what Applejack, and some other ponies that you had spoken to, had said was right after all
-
>Anon didn't want your help digging the hole for his septic tank
-
>Which didn't sit well with you and any other your friends
-
>Applejack and Rarity seem particularly concerned about it since they were concerned that Anon was going to hurt himself with all of that digging
-
>A concern that you shared
-
>Anon was a stallion after all
-
>And not to sound sexist or anything but colts were a good bit more fragile than a mare
-
>If he swung that pick axe of his he could get seriously hurt!
-
"Are you sure he actually told you to go away?" you ask your friend. "You know how colts are; them telling you to go away could just be another way of saying that they want some help."
-
>Rarity shakes her head
-
>"I'm afraid not," she tells you with a shake of her head. "It sounded like he really just wanted to do it himself."
-
>Huh...
-
>But why and the hay would be want to do something like that though?
-
>You had a brother, you knew what colts were like
-
>Even though Shining was a guard even he wouldn't want to dig a hole by himself
-
>He'd let a mare help him if they asked
-
>Heck, he'd probably GET a mare to help him
-
>Sweet Faust above, even Big Mac, one of the hardest working stallions you knew, wouldn't want to dig a hole by himself
-
>Hmmm...
-
>Something wasn't right about this...
-
"I think something else is going on here girls," you tell the other elements, all of whom were sitting around the friendship table of doom with you.
-
>You see Rainbow shrug
-
>"I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this, Twi," she says before yawning and ruffling her feathers. "If the stallion wants to do the work himself then why make a big deal out of it?"
-
>She licks her lips
-
>"And besides, now we got some eye candy whenever we're in town. Watching a stallion work is as hot as buck."
-
>Rarity scoffs
-
>"Rainbow's views aside--"
-
>"Hey! I'm just speaking the truth, Rarity!"
-
>"--We really should go and help the poor dear out. No stallion should have to do hard labor like that..."
-
>Pinkie hops out of her chair and lands onto the table
-
>"Yeah! And we can have a hole digging party afterward I can invite everypony and wecanhavelotsoffunand--"
-
>Rolling your eyes, you try to pick Pinkie off of the table with your magic but she hops around, envaded it
-
>"andmaybewecanget'Nonnytomeetsomemare'ssoitdoesn'thavetodothisagainand--"
-
>Waitaminute!
-
>Thelightblubisabovemyhead.eureka
-
>This time you manage to grab Pinkie with a spell and you bring her close to you face
-
"Pinkie!" you say, grabbing her cheeks. "Say what you just said again!"
-
>Your pink friend blinks
-
>"...We're going to have lots of fun and I'll and I can finally try out that chocolate fountain that I just bought?"
-
>You shake your head
-
"No, what you said after that!"
-
>"And maybe we can get 'Nonny to meet some mares?"
-
"That's it!"
-
You drop Pinkie and throw up your hooves
-
"Why didn't I think of it sooner!"
-
>The girls look at each other before looking back at you
-
"Um, if you don't mind me asking, Twilight, what are you talking about?" Fluttershy mumbles from behind her mane
-
>Lifting Pinkie off of the table you hop up on it yourself
-
"Just think about it girls! Stallions are usually extremely social creatures! If they're not with their friends they're with their herd mates or marefriends or what have you!"
-
>"An' your point is sugarcube?" Applejack asked
-
>You turn to face her
-
"We already know that Anon doesn't have a herd right? But when was the last time you've seen him running around with a group of stallions? When did you last see him accept a mare's advances? ANYTHING like that"
-
>Rarity understands where you're going with this first, her eyes widening as she gasped dramatically
-
>"Oh sweet Celestia! The poor dear must feel so isolated from everypony!"
-
>You nod
-
"Exactly! Since Anon isn't from around here he has no idea about pony culture and mannerisms, so when he acts differently stallions stay away from him and when a mare shows her interest he either ignores them or drives them away even if he doesn't know he's doing it!"
-
>How couldn't you have seen it earlier?
-
>You had wondered why a colt like Anonymous had stayed on the market for as long as he had
-
>He MUST have noticed mares tripping over themselves to win over a stallion or join a herd
-
>And it must have hurt when not a single one--or so he thought-- showed interest in him
-
>Human females MUST attract males differently than how mares did
-
>That HAD to be it!
-
>That was why Anon always seemed to stay to stay away from everypony!
-
>...
-
>...
-
>...
-
>...Oh
-
>...He must be REALLY hurting...
-
>Stallion from another dimension or not that's a blow to any ego...
-
>The poor thing, with no stallion friends and probably thinking that he was the ugliest thing in the world...
-
>But he WASN'T ugly!
-
>He wasn't ugly one BIT!
-
>He was a big intelligent, funny, handsome, muscular glass of water that you...
-
>Hey now!
-
>Not in front of your friends!
-
"Poor Anon," Applejacks says with a shake of her head. "The fella must feel mighty awful..."
-
>"That must be why he doesn't want anypony to help him out with his digging," Rarity adds. "He must think we're just doing it out of pity..."
-
>The other girls mutter the same as you look at each and every one of them
-
>Thefeelsarebeingfelt.feel
-
"BUT we can fix this!" you say brightly. "Now that we know the problem we can work on solving it!"
-
>Hopping off of the table you motion for your friends to crowd around you
-
"Alright girls, here's what we're going to do..."
-
-
>BE ANON: LORD OF DIRT AND SHOVELS
-
>It's the third day of you digging this big ass hole
-
>Since you had gotten some peace and quiet the other day you had gotten a hell of a lot more work done
-
>You must have dug up three tons of dirt and moved it all by your lonesome
-
>Hell, you had even managed to find someone who'd be willing to take any dirt that you weren't going to use
-
>#DiggyDiggyHoleHole
-
>You were happy with your process but two days of some pretty hard labor was starting to beat you down a bit
-
>Your shoulders, back, and hands ached
-
>You had blisters on your blisters
-
>And you were TIRED
-
>Like the kind of tired where you wanted to just pass out on your bed for a day or five
-
>But you were a big boy
-
>All you had needed was some bandages for your hands and you were fine
-
>You were still kinda bored, since you were just digging a hole and doing nothing else for three fucking days straight, but you weren't going to bitch about it
-
>Your pa taught you better than that!
-
>And it wasn't like what you were doing was THAT awful
-
>You had taken plenty of breaks in between digging
-
>And thank god the last couple of days had been pretty mild, otherwise you'd be pretty miserable right now
-
"I've been working in this hooooole, alllllll the fuckinnnnnnggggg daaaayyyy!"
-
>Humming your little tune to yourself you throw another shovelful of dirt over your shoulder
-
"Soooomething something woooooordddddds woooooorrrrrrdddddsss! Blah blah blahblah!"
-
>*quiethorsenoises*
-
>You pause for a second
-
>It sounded like someone had just said something...
-
>Maybe...
-
>It was so quiet that it could have just been the wind but you swore someone had just said your name...
-
>Leaning against your shovel you wait for the speaker to pipe up and say something else
-
>You wait for about a minute before scratching your head and looking around
-
>There wasn't a single little horse in sight
-
>And the last time you checked this little horse town wasn't infested by any microscopic talking critters or ghosts...
-
"Huh... I guess it was just the wind or something," you mutter, going back to your digging. "Bit I could have sworn I heard--"
-
>"Um... excuse me?"
-
>Usually a voice speaking out of nowhere would have scared the SHIT out of you
-
>But because the voice was so quiet and timid and quiver-y that all you did was look around once again
-
>Though you couldn't see the speaker you know who that voice belonged to!
-
"Flutters? Where the hell are you?"
-
>You hear someone landing behind you
-
>"O-Oh, I'm sorry if I frightened you... I was just trying to get your attention but you couldn't hear me so I decided to fly a little closer.... I'm sorry..."
-
>Turning around you see Fluttershy, as shy and Flutterish as ever, doing her best to hide behind her mane as you stared at her
-
>"I'm sorry that my voice wasn't loud enough for you to hear the first time, Anon..."
-
>You do your best not to groan
-
>Silly little horse apologizing for every single little thing
-
>If you didn't know any better you would have sworn that she was fucking Canadian
-
"Hey, it's fine, flutters," you say, wedging your shovel into the ground before wiping your dirty hands off on your pants
-
"There's no need to apologize because you have some weird condition that only lets you talk in whispers."
-
>The little yellow bird horse blinks
-
>"W-Wait, that's not why--"
-
>Stretching, you groan as something in your back pops
-
"Hey, Flutters, could you do me a favor and grab that jug of water and that pickaxe?"
-
>You point toward them out with a hand before using your shirt to clean up your sweaty face
-
"I'd appreciate it."
-
>Fluttershy looks like she wants to say something but decides against it, going over and grabbing the items that you asked for and placing them next to your hole
-
"Thanks, Fluttershy," you say, grabbing the jug of water and uncorking the bottle. "You're a lifesaver."
-
>You take a big gulp of your H2O and sigh
-
>Hmmm
-
>Watery
-
"Now, what did you need?"
-
>You watch as Fluttershy just looks at you for a second, waiting as the little gerbil in her head to start running again so she could remember why she was here
-
>...At least that's how you think ponies brains work
-
>Them being silly little talking horses and all
-
>"Oh! Um, well..."
-
>A blush quickly forms on her face
-
>"I j-just wanted you t-to know that you're n-not alone, Anon. Everypony h-here cares about you and we all t-think you're a w-w-onderful s-stallion."
-
>She bites her lip while you were busy processing what she had just said
-
>"A-And... I thinkyou'rehandsome!"
-
>With a quiet epp she takes off into the air and darts away from you
-
>...
-
>...
-
>...Alright
-
>That... happened...
-
>Where the hell did all of that come from?
-
>Did flutters have a thing for you?
-
>And what was that part about all of the little ponies caring about you?...
-
>With a shake of your head you grab your shovel
-
>It looked like the last guy that put in this old tank had decided to take the piss and put in a shit ton of big stones that you were gonna have to dig out
-
"It's going to be one of those days," you mutter, bringing your pickaxe up and swinging it down. "I just fucking know it..."
-
-
BE TWILIGHT SPACKLE
-
>You and the girls watch as Fluttershy zooms toward you, her eyes as wide as saucers and her face as red as a tomato
-
>"Ohmygosh!" she whisper-shouted, landing in front of you all and trotting in place. "Ican'tbelievethatIsaidallofthat!"
-
>You smile, walking over and placing your hoof on her shoulder
-
>The other girls might have been concerned at first about Fluttershy being the one to kick off your master plan
-
>The poor mare usually got so nervous around stallions that she could barely BREATH
-
>But despite her nervousness she HAD been a supermodel, and she was a pretty good-looking mare (no homo)
-
>If anypony would be able to tell Anon that he was a looker and get away with it it was her
-
"I'm proud of you, Fluttershy," you tell your friend. "Those confidence classes really are working!"
-
>Fluttershy just continues to trot in place, muttering to herself while she hyperventilates
-
>"Hey now," Applejack says, walking over and wrapping her a hoof around Flutter's shoulder. "You just calm down now, ya here? We don't want ya go and passin' out on us."
-
>The cowpony leads Fluttershy away as Rainbow Dash walks over to you with a smirk
-
>"So is it my turn, Twi?" she asked, her feathers ruffling and her tail swishing back and forth in what you can only assume is excitement
-
"Just give Anon a few minutes to digest what Fluttershy said, Rainbow," you say with a shake of your head
-
"Somepony just appearing out of nowhere and complimenting you could be a bit much for anypony. I want to see how he takes Fluttershy openly telling him that he's attractive to a pony before I go sending you in."
-
>You heard Rainbow sigh as you pull out your binoculars and sp--er study Anon from afar
-
>It looked like he hadn't even slowed down after what Fluttershy had said!
-
>Talk about a thick-skulled stallion!
-
>He was just digging, pulling stones out of the hole and tossing them out with little effort
-
>Adjusting your binoculars you notice that the human had worked up quite the sweat...
-
>And... you could see those muscles of his tensing and straining each time he swung his pickaxe or picked up a rock...
-
>You bit your lip
-
>Sweet Celestia on her golden throne was Rainbow right
-
>Watching colts work up a sweat was the hottes--
-
>"Hey Egghead! YO! Twilight!"
-
>You almost drop your binoculars in shock as Rainbow gives you a light shove
-
>"Are you alright there? You've been looking through those binoculars of your's for like five minutes..."
-
>Ohshityoucansmellthesauce!
-
>Anditgoingtogeteverywhere!
-
>Trying your very hardest not to blush you start to awkwardly laugh
-
"O-Oh, I was just making sure that he's still calm and stable! Yep! We want the calmest and most stable human we can get if this is going to work!"
-
>Rainbow frowns as you magick your binoculars away
-
>"...Are you sur--"
-
"YesI'msurenowjustdropitplease!"
-
>Rarity giggles at your little outburst
-
>"Oh come now, darling," she chides, walking over to join you and Rainbow. "There's no need to be sheepish like that~"
-
>You can' help but squirm under the fashionista's gaze and that smile of her's
-
"B-but muh research..."
-
>Gently shushing you Rarity looks over at Rainbow
-
>"Rainbow dear I do believe that Anon has had enough time to think over what dear Fluttershy told him."
-
>She nudges toward Anon's general direction with her head
-
>"Why don't you be a dear and start your part of Twilight's "masterplan"?"
-
>You try to say something but one look from Rarity shuts you right up
-
>"Do be gentle now, dear. Anon is not like the... gentlecolt's that you usually associate with."
-
>Your Rainbow-maned friend frowns at that
-
>"Hey! What the hay do you mean about that?!"
-
>Pinkie, who had been balance a ball that she had gotten from... somewhere on her nose finally piped up
-
>"She means whorses, Rainbow. You spend a lot of time around and sleep with whorses."
-
>Now blushing herself, Rainbow stomps her hoof
-
>"HEY! I do NOT sleep with Whorses!"
-
>Pinkie bounces the ball on her nose and giggles
-
>"Well, you might not PAY them but I' heard that Thunderlane will--"
-
>Rarity loudly clears her throat
-
>"Girls, please! We can talk about Rainbow's choice in stallions at another time!"
-
>Rainbow glares at Rarity and Pinkie before walking toward Anon's house
-
>"I do NOT sleep with whorses," you heard her mutter. "Sure, Hooves might be a bit... loose and Jelly Belly might know how to eat a mare out but..."
-
>Rarity loudly sighs
-
>"Oh sweet Celestia I do hope that that mare doesn't do anything to ruin this plan for us."
-
>She bites her lip
-
>"Anon is such a nice stallion and it pains me to think of how lonely he must have been these past few months..."
-
>You can't help but smile
-
>Your friends were going out of their way to help a colt that must have felt alone and different for no other reason than to make sure he didn't feel like an outsider
-
>Sure... YOU might have been a little...skewed toward helping Anon and all (sinceyoulikedhimandstuff) and Rainbow would make a pass at him if he offered, but the other girls were doing this because they cared about him
-
>Not because they wanted to get in his pants and get all up in that monkey dick, but because he was their friend
-
>And you know what?
-
>Even if you didn't want to ask Anon out on a date maybe-if-he-wasn't-too-busy-or-something you'd probably still be out here helping him
-
>Because like the others you were this stallion's friend
-
>And friends help friends no matter what!
-
>Sure, he was a bit... distant with you all
-
>And sure, he usually preferred working than making friends
-
>But he was a good colt
-
>And more importantly he was a good friend
-
>You smile at your little revelation
-
>If you still wrote to your teacher this all would probably get turned into a friendship re--
-
>"So, Twilight," Rarity says, nudging you with a sly smile. "Why don't the two of us have a little talk about attracting colts."
-
>You flinch, ears pinning against the sides of your head
-
>Oh horse apples!
-
>You're bucking blushing again!
-
>spaghettimancer100
-
>Rarity's smile widens when she sees you in a flustered state
-
>"Now I know you said that Anon wouldn't respond to pony mating rituals but I happened to have a few pony sutra's that I'm SURE would be interesting to take a look at in case you ever happen to be thinking about looking outside your species to find somepony."
-
>You can't help but squeal as she nudges your ribs with her elbow
-
>"If you know what I mean."
-
-
BE RAINBOW DASH
-
>You're trotting toward that weird human's house
-
"--And I DID have had to get some shots after a roll in the hay with Caramel but that doesn't mean I can't find a bucking "good colt" or whatever the hay Rarity said..."
-
>And during that three block walk (the egghead had insisted that you didn't fly for some dumb reason) you were evaluating some of your life choices
-
>Namely the ones that revolved around colts and how you may or may not be sleeping with the town bicycles and ONLY the town bicycles...
-
>Though you really didn't know WHY you were thinking about it
-
>You were the awesomest pegasus in Ponyville
-
>No!
-
>You were the awesomest pegasus in the whole bucking WORLD!
-
>All you needed to do was flap your wings and show the colts the tuft and you'd be up to your neck in dick faster than you could BLINK!
-
>So what if the last couple colts that you had tagged and shagged weren't the some of the most... wholesome of specimens
-
>You could get anypony in this town if you wanted!
-
>And what do Rarity and Pinkie know about getting colts?
-
>Rarity only goes after those stuck up bitches up in Canterlot and Pinkie...
-
>Well... you really didn't know what was Pinkie's type
-
>...Or if she had a type
-
>...Or if she even knew what sex was an--
-
>Urgh
-
>StopstopstopstopSTOP!
-
>You don't need to be thinking of shit like THAT!
-
>All you needed to do was walk up to Anon and tell that he was a swell guy and pretty and that you cared about his feeling and shit
-
>You know, feelsy stuff
-
>You didn't know how doing that was going to make him feel any better and get him out of that hole of his but Twilight said that it'd help
-
>And she was an egghead that probably read a bunch of books on making colts feel pretty or something dumb like that so you were willing to take her word for it
-
"--Just because I don't go after the the prissy ones doesn't mean I go for bucking WHORSES..."
-
>Shit!
-
>You were supposed to be in the zone for this!
-
>And what Rarity said DIDN'T bother you because she was a big, dumb tom colt that played with dresses
-
>Youweren'tbuttblisteredaboutanything
-
>Youwereperfectlyhappyaboutyourdatingchoicesthankyouverymuch!
-
>You do a bit of grumbling before kicking a stone on the dirt road that you were walking on
-
"I bet If I bothered I could get Anon out of those dumb pants of his in a heartbeat!"
-
>....
-
>....
-
>....
-
>Yeah
-
>You probably COULD do that!
-
>That'd shut Rarity right up!
-
>You can't help but smile as you begin walking with a pip in your step
-
>Yeah!
-
>And Anon would stop being such a needy little colt after a good rutting you bet!
-
>You and the girls wouldn't have to spend the whole day bothering this colt
-
>Sure, you didn't find him particularly attractive or anything but so what?
-
>As long as he had a dick and not some bitey-grabby thing between his legs you weren't gonna complain
-
>You weren't picky after--
-
>NO!
-
>What you meant to say was that you had very high standards when it came to finding somepony to buck!
-
>You weren't easy!
-
>Nor was anypony that you've rutted!
-
>...Bucking Rarity
-
>But yeah, this was WAY better than the plan that Twilight had cooked up the other day
-
>And after you succeeded in winning over Anon so the other girls could dig up the hole for him all would be well
-
>You'd be able to rub it in Rarity's face (since, as far as you knew, Anon wasn't a sloot)
-
>And you'd get sum fuk out of it
-
>It'd be a win-win for everypony
-
>With your genius idea in hoof you make your way toward Anon's house, humming a little tune to yourself
-
>Alright!
-
>Time to do a quick check to see if everything about you was smexy as possible
-
>Were your wings large and well-preened?
-
>Yep
-
>Was your chest tuft thick and luxurious?
-
>You bet your flank it was!
-
>Were you the fastest thing alive
-
>You knew it!
-
>Weird alien thing or not you were sure that Anon would see how bucking good looking you were the second he saw you
-
>And even IF the whole "he doesn't know pony mannerisms" thing was on point you could always just out and ask him if he wanted to rut
-
>Colts always loved when you were aggressive and upfront about what you wanted
-
>They wanted to be taken by an ALPHA not some beta
-
>And you were alpha as fuaaarrrrkkkkk!
-
>Taking a moment to fluff your tuft up you trot into Anon's front yard
-
"Hey hot stuff! Do I have a proposition for YOU!" you say with all of the swagger your little horse body can muster as you walk over to the hole that the human had been at all day
-
"How'd you like to..."
-
>You frown when you see that the hole was empty
-
>...
-
>...
-
>...
-
"What? Where the hay did you go?"
-
>You quickly look around the front yard to see if he was walking around anywhere
-
"Huh... He must have went to the bathroom or something," you mutter, sitting on your flank
-
>Shoot
-
>You had really been in the wooing zone too
-
>And Anon just had to ruin it by up and vanishing...
-
>And that left you in an awkward position
-
>Should you go ahead with your idea and try to get into Anon's pants?
-
>An idea, now that you really thought about it, could end pretty badly for you if Anon got mad about it
-
>Since he had a shovel and all
-
>Or should you just stick with Twi's idea and just compliment him before leaving?
-
>With a sigh you look back into the hole
-
>...
-
>...
-
>...
-
>Huh
-
>It looked like Anon got a good bit of it already dug out
-
>That'd make it a LOT easier for you and the girls to dig it up the rest of the way
-
>Colt or not Anon could really...
-
>While you were just sitting there thinking your gaze drifted out from the hole and wandered the yard
-
>And that was when you saw it
-
>There, in the corner of Anon's front yard was a bird bath
-
>A stone bird bath that was filled with water and that looked JUST big enough for you to fit in...
-
>With a happy little squeak you trot over and look the thing up and down
-
"Wow! I didn't know Anon had one of these at his house!" you mutter, running your hoof down the bird bath's base
-
>Peering over the top you see that it's practically filled to the brim with water
-
>...
-
>...
-
>...
-
>No...
-
>You really shouldn't...
-
>You still had to help Twilight out with her stupid plan and stuff
-
>And you weren't a bird you were a pegasus for Celestia's sake...
-
>Your wings twitched and you bit your lip
-
>...Just splashing around for a minute or two wouldn't hurt anything
-
>Right?
-
>Driven by your bird-horse instincts, you quickly scramble up into the bird bath
-
>You giggle in delight when you feel the cold water hits your hooves
-
"Yes..."
-
>You can't help but giggle again, letting out a coo as you use your wings to pick up some water and dump it onto your head
-
>Though you didn't know WHY this felt... right
-
>Almost like you were MEANT to do this
-
-
BE ANON
-
>After digging a for a bit longer after Fluttershy's... complement you had decided to go into your house and get something to eat
-
>You needed to keep up your strength and all
-
>After fixing up something real quick, and a trip to the bathroom, you walk outside with a big grilled ham sandwich and a jug of water on your hands
-
>With cheese, 'cause you weren't a dirty savage
-
>You were just going to--
-
>"Hehe!"
-
>You pause mid bite of your sandwich you look over and see Rainbow Dash sitting in your bird bath, splashing around like it was the best thing in the whole world
-
>...
-
>...
-
>...
-
>Fuck
-
>This shit again?
-
>Why the hell did these fucking bird-horses always to try play around in your fucking bird bath?!
-
>You'd had to buy THREE of the damn things since the town's Pegasi population always tried to play around in them whenever you weren't around
-
>Fucking autistic horses
-
>Thinking that just because they had wings meant they were birds
-
>They weren't fucking birds
-
>So they shouldn't. Be. In. Your. Fucking. Bird. Bath
-
>GOD. DAMNIT.
-
>It might have been adorable seeing them splash around the first few times while they made their silly bird sounds but you had had enough
-
>You were tired of them breaking these damned things and you were sure as SHIT weren't gonna fork over the money to buy another one or take the time to chase Rainbow around town to force her to buy a new one if she broke the thing
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>A frown makes its way onto your face as you walk over to the blue fast
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>Rainbow, so caught up in her playing, doesn't notice you until you loudly clear your throat
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"Oi, Rainbow."
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>Rainbow stops her splashing and cooing to look over at you
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>"Oh, hi Anon!" she says, giving you a little wave
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>If your hands weren't full you would have facepalmed
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>Fucking ponies...
by lapsbin
by lapsbin
by lapsbin
by lapsbin
by lapsbin