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Diggy Hole 5

By lapsbin
Created: 2020-12-25 16:40:40
Expiry: Never

  1. BE TWILIGHT SPARKLE
  2. >You look all around the main lobby of your library
  3. >You had maps of Ponyville all laid out on a table and both Princess Celestia and Luna, both wrapped in towels holding cups of cocoa, were sitting beside you
  4. >This was your impromptu war room
  5. >Your fellow princesses were your generals
  6. >You were the starry-eyed commander that had been tasked with the most difficult of missions
  7. >Show Anon just how much you cared about him by digging his hole up
  8. >Even though he didn't want you to help ONE BIT
  9. >...
  10. >...
  11. >...
  12. >A task that you had so far, even with help, had failed at completely
  13. >Badfeelsfilly
  14. >The entire room was dead silent as you all quietly think over what the hay just happened
  15. >Princess Celestia was the first one to speak
  16. >"...Well, You were correct in saying that this was a problem."
  17. >Luna nodded, her teeth drawing back in a snarl
  18. >"Forsooth, sister mine."
  19. >She growled
  20. >"Never in all of Our years have we seen such... such..."
  21. "Aggression from a stallion?" you suggest, rising from your throne
  22. >Luna grunted and Princess Celestia nodded, both of them looking at you expectantly
  23. >You had hoped that the two of them would be able to deal with Anon but it appeared that not even two all powerful goddesses could sway a huffy stallion
  24. >They weren't able to move him with words, and force had been met with greater force
  25. >Sweet gods, Anon brushed off a bucking combat hug from the Princess like it was nothing!
  26. >A. COMBAT. HUG!
  27. >If Princess Celestia did that to you you'd be out like a light for THREE DAYS!!
  28. >THREE!
  29. >You begin to pace the room, quietly putting your thinking cap on
  30. >You had tried a frontal assault in every way you could think of
  31. >A night attack didn't work
  32. >An all out attack didn't work
  33. >Even bringing in two heavy hitters did jack shit!
  34. >You had been defeated and dishonored
  35. >Your foremothers were rolling in their graves loudly demanding that you commit seppuku
  36. >But you weren't going to do that
  37. >Since what the buck did your ancestors know?
  38. >All of them were DEAD!
  39. >So...
  40. >...So you were just going to have to come at this in a different way
  41. >YES!
  42. >That was it!
  43. >Even the most difficult and impossible situations could be overcome by thinking outside of the box!
  44. >You had to immortals that were eons old, and (not bragging) but you were a pretty smart cookie
  45. >If the three of you put your heads together you could think up something that was sure to knock Anon's sexy, sexy little socks off!
  46. >You could still do this!
  47. >Youcouldstilldothis!!!
  48. >Your expression must have changed since Princess Celestia rose from her chair and made her way over to you
  49. >"Is something wrong, my dear student?" she asked, laying a wing over you
  50. >You shake your head so hard that you darn near knock yourself over
  51. "No! There's nothing wrong at all," you say, looking at both your teacher and Luna. "In fact I think I might know a way we can get Anon out of that hole of his!"
  52. >Princess Celestia and Luna look at each other, Luna getting out of her chair and trotting toward you
  53. >"If you had an idea I'd be more than happy to hear it Twilight," Princess Celestia said with a tired smile. "I'd love to have this matter settled without razing half of the town to do it."
  54. >Luna growled again
  55. >"WE would also like to best this stallion and show him who his betters are."
  56. >They both look down at you
  57. >"We're all ears, my faithful student."
  58. >"Aye, regale us."
  59. >You have to resist the urge to start hopping up and down
  60. "Alright, I want your opinion on this..."
  61.  
  62.  
  63. BE ANON
  64. >You find yourself panting like a dog as you thrown another shovelful of dirt over your shoulder
  65. >The dirt hits the ground behind you with a thud and a quiet sizzle
  66. "...FUCK..."
  67. >You reach down and grabbed the dirty rag that you had tucked into your pants and whipped your face
  68. "Man... FUCKITY FUCK," you mutter, reaching down and grabbing the big jug of water that you had in the hole with you
  69. >You unscrew the lid and take a drink
  70. >Spitting it out the second the water's in your mouth
  71. "Fucking piss warm," you grumble to yourself, throwing down the jug and picking your shovel back up
  72. >And no fucking wonder
  73. >What with it being a hundred and three FUCKING DEGREES OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW
  74. >It was about noon time and the sun (which seemed a hell of a lot closer than it had been a few hours ago) was baring down on everything
  75. >You could see the air shimmering, you could feel the hot air burning in your lungs along with the sun's rays doing their very best to kill you, and hell, you could even SMELL the fucking heat
  76. >Heat that was only made worse by the fact that you were in a fucking HOLE
  77. >It was hot
  78. >REALLY hot
  79. >The kind of hot where most people would be hiding indoors
  80. >In fact you couldn't help but notice that there wasn't a little horse in sight walking the streets
  81. >Seemed like everyone was tucked away in their houses lying in front of their magic air conditioners
  82. >Like a bunch of smart little pone's
  83. >Which meant that this was the PERFECT time to dig up this fucking hole
  84. >Sure you were soaked with sweat and miserable and you were going to have some fucking wicked sunburn on the back of your neck but no one was outside
  85. >No little horses out to try to dig your hole
  86. >Or try to wrestle you or whatever the fuck Celestia was doing to you this morning
  87. >You were free and in the clear!
  88. >All you needed to do was suck it up, be a man, and dig, dig, DIG
  89. >...
  90. >...
  91. >...
  92. >By odin's hairy BALLS was this going to be awful...
  93. >Still grumbling to yourself you continue to dig
  94. "Come on, Anon," you mutter to yourself. "You've done shit a thousand times as hard as this when you were twice as miserable! This heat ain't shit! In fact it's fucking COLD out right now and--"
  95. >"By the stars! It's sweltering out!"
  96. >You pause for a second, just closing your eyes and putting your head down onto the backend of your shovel
  97. >Oh sweet babby Jesus not right now...
  98. >You didn't want to deal with anyone when it was THIS fucking hot outside!
  99. >You just stay as you are for a moment before your mystery speaker loudly clears their throat
  100. >"Ahem, I said, 'By the stars! It's sweltering out.' "
  101. >...I heard you the first fucking time...
  102. >Not even bothering to try and act civil you wrench your head up
  103. "WHAT?!"
  104. >You look up to see Celestia, Luna, and Twilot all looking at you from the otherside of your fence
  105. >Both Celestia and Luna were missing their royal nick-knacks and their manes were tied up in pony tails and their tails were braided
  106. >But that wasn't all folks!
  107. >Celestia, from what you could see from the safety of your little hole, had replaced her royal regalia with something more... appropriate for this fucking HEAT
  108. >And by "appropriate" you meant that she was KINDA dressed up like a whore
  109. >A pony whore
  110. >A whorny
  111. >...Man is this sun fucking with you...
  112. >The Princess in question was wearing what looked like a yellow g-string-- that looked like it was two sized too small since it was straining against her massive ass-- with this weird seashell string thingy that was wrapped around her waist
  113. >...
  114. >...
  115. >...
  116. >You know what?
  117. >You'll take back what you said about her looking like a whore
  118. >It actually didn't look all that bad...
  119. >In fact it looked pretty alright in her
  120. >She almost made the look kinda classy
  121. >Like one of those fancy whores that basketball players hire for the night to take to places and shit
  122. >Moonbottom was wearing a simple dark blue swimsuit bottom with the same weird string thingy around her waist except instead of seashells it had these metal moon looking things on them
  123. >But Twilight...
  124. >Oh sweet babby Jesus...
  125. >Even though it was like a thousand fucking degrees outside and you were sweaty and hot and miserable you couldn't help but smile as you looked at the little purple princess that was leaning on your fence with a nervous smile
  126. >While Celestia was skirting risque to its uttermost degree, and Luna's outfit was conservative, Book horse had gone about as conservative as you could get
  127. >The little mare had on a dark purple one piece that looked just a bit too loose on her widdle body and, for some (probably adorable) reason, she had on a pair of water wings
  128. >Little ducky water wings
  129. >Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg.....
  130. >Your heart could hardly take it!
  131. >You very nearly clench your chest but you stop yourself
  132. >No
  133. >You can't show weakness in front of the horses
  134. >They'd be on you like a pack of piranhas...
  135. >The three princesses look away from you the second you look up at them
  136. >"Luna, my sister!" Celestia says, turning to Wuna. "It is ever so hot out here."
  137. >Luna nods while you try to keep from groaning
  138. >"Yes, Sister it is very-"
  139. >She looks down at her hoof
  140. "-warm outside, as you have just observed! In fact we all might melt if we do not do something to-"
  141. >She once again looks down at her hoof, her lips moving
  142. >"-cool ourselves off!"
  143. >Twilight balances herself on her back legs and throws her hooves up into the air
  144. >"But WHAT could we use to cool ourselves off?"
  145. >Is this...
  146. >Is...
  147. >What is...
  148. >For fuck's sake it sounds like the three of them are reading off a fucking script!
  149. >The three princess hum loudly before Celestia throws a hoof up into the air
  150. >"Wait! I have an idea!"
  151. >The alicorn's horn glows, and there's a pop, and a medium sized plastic kiddie pool appears in your yard
  152. >Is this real life?...
  153. >"We can use THIS to cool ourselves off!"
  154. >Luna slaps her sister on the back
  155. >"Excellent idea-"
  156. >She looks down at her hoof and you find yourself frowning
  157. "If you're going to stand in front of my house and do some weird theatrical shit the least you could do is learn your "lines" and not put them on your fucking hoof!" you call out
  158. >The princesses act like they hadn't heard you, Luna continuing without missing a beat
  159. "-Sister! We can use this to beat the heat!"
  160. >You don't even bother to stop them as they all leap over your fence and make their way over to the little pool that was just a few feet away from you
  161. >This feels like it's going to be one hell of a shit show
  162. >And you just HAD to watch to see what happened
  163. >The Pone princesses happily trot over to the kiddie pool (still pretending that you weren't there)
  164. >There's another flash of magic and three lounge chairs, and umbrella, and a small metal table with some assorted goodies appear next to it
  165. >...Of course they didn't put the umbrella where YOU'D get a little bit of shade...
  166. >Twiggy awkwardly rolls into the pool as Celestia and Luna stand by the little table with their asses presented to you
  167. >Tails out of the way and everything
  168. >"Ah yes, this was just what I needed, my dear sister!" Luna says robotically. "But I do believe I would enjoy a quick bite to eat and a frosty beverage before venturing into the pool!"
  169. >"I could go for something to eat as well, Luna!" Celestia says, her eyes scanning all of the consumables
  170. >All which looked awfully phallic in nature, you couldn't help but note
  171. >"I think that I will have this long, HARD banana here!"
  172. >Sunhoesr gives her big behind a little wiggle as she peels her banana
  173. >"Boy does it look tasty~"
  174. >Celestia turns her head (making sure to give you the best view no doubt) before going to town on the piece of fruit held in her magic
  175. > The sun glistens off the sweat on her boys as she rubs her lips along the tip of the banana before her tongue starts to tease the "crown"
  176. >"Oh I do so love having long and hard things to gobble up," she says to no "one in particular" as she takes a bite out of her treat. "I enjoy it so much that if anypony just so happened to present something LONG and HARD to me it'd spend all day and night gobbling it up with a smile on my face!"
  177. >Luna, now obviously trying to look at you out of the corner of her eye, picks up a cucumber
  178. >"Yes! I just so happened to enjoy putting long and hard things into my mouth as well, Sister!"
  179. >She tries to put the cucumber into her mouth but it's just a bit too big and she just ends up gnawing on the first half inch of it
  180. >"I also would be more than happy to listen to a stallion's problems or what have you; especially stallions that were interesting and handsome and had an eye for fashion!"
  181. >Twilot pokes her head out of the pool
  182. >"It is a shame that there isn't a stallion that would let the three of us take care of all of his needs while he tries to beat this heat!"
  183. >"It is a shame, that's what that is!" Celestia added, now looking at you out of the corner of her eye as well. "We're all right here willing to do whatever a stallion would just so happen to what to do with us!"
  184. >"It is a shame that there's nopony that was all hot and-"
  185. "Will you stop looking at your fuckin--"
  186. >"-AND SWEATY THAT us three beautiful mares, who are good listeners and good cooks and whatever else a stallion might like, could look after and pamper on this hot, hot afternoon!" Luna finishes
  187. >Celestia once again shakes her ass, as does Luna
  188. >And you were sure sure Twiggy would be shaking what her mother gave her if she wasn't in that pull right now
  189. >You just look at the three of them, just letting all of... THIS sit
  190. >After about a minute all three of them finally turn to look at you
  191. >...Anonymous?" Luna says, her butts still gently shaking
  192. >You lean on your shovel
  193. "Yes Princess Luna?"
  194. >"Art thou aroused?"
  195. >You make a point of looking down at your crotch
  196. "Nope. I'm as hard as a wet noodle right now."
  197. >Celestia gives you what you think are bedroom eyes
  198. >"Well, if you just get out of that dirty hole of yours the three of us would be more than happy to remedy that~"
  199. >Luna waves the cucumber that she was trying to eat around
  200. >"Wouldst thou enjoy watching us fellate this vegetable some more?"
  201. >Twilight nervously smiles at your bored expression
  202. >"H-How about it, Anon? Don't you want to be pampered by three--"
  203. "Twi?"
  204. >Twilight gulps while she runs her hooves along the edge of the pool
  205. >"Y-Yes Anon?"
  206. "Why are you wearing water wings in that kiddie pool?"
  207. >Book horse looks down at you floaties, blushes, and looks down at the ground
  208. >"W-Well... I don't swim very well so I thought it'd be safer to have them on then not to have them on..."
  209. >Aw...
  210. >It was kind of dumb that she wore them in a kiddie pool that was like two and a half feet deep
  211. >But aw...
  212. "Alright then."
  213. >You smack your lips loudly, not looking at anything particular, before once again letting the conversation descent back into awkward silence
  214. >Sun horse rocks back and forth and Moonbottom frowns
  215. >"Anonymous, we--"
  216. "Get the fuck off my property with ALL of this bullshit."
  217. >Twilight's eyes widen, and she opens her mouth to say something, but then Luna interrupts her with an angry snort
  218. >"Nah! We will not "fuck off" as thou demand, Anonymous!"
  219. >She starts stomping toward you
  220. >"We three hath offered thou pleasures beyond thy understanding and comprehension!"
  221. >Standing at the foot of your hole she pokes your chest
  222. >"Any stallion of a right mind would KILL to be looked after by three of the most beautiful mares in the whole world!"
  223. >She wiggles her flank so hard that she very nearly tears her swimsuit bottom
  224. >"Especially dressed as we were! Look upon us mortal! For we art scantily dressed for thy benefit!"
  225. >She continues to poke you while you just look up at her blankly while leaning on your shovel
  226. >"So We believe that we will stay here until thou get out of that wretched hole so that we may copulate with thee until exhaustion, where we will then finish digging this hole!"
  227. >Looking down at you like you were the scum of the earth, Luna leans down and presses her nose against yours, daring you to tell her to fuck off
  228. >Was...
  229. >Was that really their plan?
  230. >Puff
  231. >Where the hell did they get that from?
  232. >Some shitty romance novel?
  233. >Keks4daysson
  234. >Keking internally you regard the angry widdle horse in front of you for a moment or two
  235. >She wanted to play chicken?
  236. >Alright then, you'll fucking play chicken
  237. >In fact you'll do her one better
  238. >This horse didn't know who she was fucking with
  239. "Oh really? So that's how it's gonna be then is it?"
  240. >"Aye."
  241. >Nodding you let go or your shovel and stand to your full height
  242. "Alright then, allow me to retort..."
  243.  
  244. BE RAINBOW DASH
  245. >Tiredly dragging yourself into your bedroom after a double shift as a weather mare
  246. >Your asshole boss had made you fly all the way over to Dodge Junction to help with a pretty nasty thunderstorm
  247. >So were tired, you were soaked, and your mane was a mess
  248. >And you weren't even going to THINK about your mane and tail...
  249. >Ugh...
  250. >...Did you mention that you were tired?
  251. >Cause you were
  252. >So tired in fact that you didn't even bother to bathe or brush your teeth or even get out of your uniform as you dragged your sorry kiester to your soft, inviting bed
  253. >With a happy little groan you flop down on it and close your eyes
  254. >Yeah
  255. >That's the bucking stuff right there...
  256. >You close you eyes, ready for--
  257. >"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
  258. >Your eyes snap one as a blue blur flies through your bedroom wall, streaks across into your other bedroom wall, and disappears, all in the snap of a second
  259. >Your ears perk up, and you can still hear the sounds of screaming and cursing before it fades off into the distance
  260. >Well...
  261. >That was... something
  262. >Since you live in a cloud house the clouds simply wiggle around a bit before returning to their wall-y state
  263. >...
  264. >...
  265. >...
  266. >...As you were saying, you close your eyes, ready to hit the hay
  267. >Celestia knows that you bucking deserve it...
  268.  
  269. BE TWILIGHT SPONGNARKLE BOB BOOKPANTS
  270. "Are you sure that this is going to work, Princess?"
  271. >"Of course I'm sure, Twilight. This little ditty here's helped me out of a jam more than once."
  272. >You can't help but eye the big wooden pony that you're dragging behind you with a mixture of concern and doubt
  273. "But... there's holes all through it and it looks like a lot of the wood's rotten..."
  274. >Deep from within the bowels of the two story tall wooden horse you could hear a snort
  275. >"Well of course the Neighgen horse is a little... weathered. It HAS to be well over eighteen hundred years old!"
  276. "Wait! This is actually the ORIGINAL Neighgen horse?! The one that helped you conquer the Broadshire Empire?!"
  277. >"Yep!" your teacher chirps from within the wooden beast in a prideful tone. "It took a bit of leg twisting for the Canterlot Museum to lend it to me but I just HAD to have it for this."
  278. >Your teacher tapped the wooden pony's stomach from within
  279. >"It didn't let me down in Broadshire, it didn't let me down when I invaded the Gryphons, it didn't let me down when I sieged the Diamond dog capital, and it won't let me down here."
  280. >...Well
  281. >She's not WRONG
  282. >But just look at this thing!
  283. >It looked like one light tap would send this thing crashing down!
  284. "...Maybe we should try to fix it up a little before trying this, Princess?" you helpfully suggest. "I don't think Anon would want something like this when it's so broken..."
  285. >The Princess guffawed
  286. >"Oh, just trust me my dear student when I say that this will work like a charm."
  287. >You could hear her moving around the hollowed out wooden pony, probably trying to get comfortable
  288. >Frankly, you were surprised that she'd be able to fix at all (what with the secret compartment being so small and all) it looked like it could barely keep a foal inside it, much less a full grown alicorn
  289. >But somehow she managed to squeeze herself into it so you HAD to give her credit for that
  290. >...Now the problem with that plan of hers was that she was going to have to somehow get out of the thing...
  291. >THAT was going to be one heck of a thing to see
  292. >Hopefully she had some lube or something in there to help her with that
  293. >"We'll leave this in Anon's front yard, he'll think that we left and that this is an offering to the gods for a safe return home and he'll take it inside his yard so he can use this "gift" to gain the gods favor, and when he least suspects it we'll jump out and hogtie him before he knows what's happening!
  294. >Though you can't see your teacher you know she's smiling
  295. >"I've done this a thousand times. Just trust me my dear student."
  296. >Another snort came out of the giant pony that you were lugging along with your magic
  297. >"We do not understand why thy enemies didn't grow wiser to thy tactics, dear sister. One would think they would learn after you used this horse for the third or fourth time."
  298. >Celestia giggled
  299. >"It's very hard to outthink a military genius like myself, Luna."
  300. >"...If thou art a military mastermind then we fear for this world..."
  301. >"HEY! You take that back, Luna!"
  302. >"...Nay.Thy plan is bad and thou should feel bad for it and--OW! DO NOT HIT US!"
  303. >"Then don't tell me or my Neighgen horse is dum--HEY! DON'T YOU BUCKING START TRYING TO BITE!"
  304. >You know...
  305. >You don't want to shit all over your teacher or anything but you don't think that this "plan" was going work all that well
  306. >You flinch as one of the princesses hooves breaks through part of the giant pony's belly
  307. >"OH! NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!"
  308. >"WHAT I DID?! IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT--"
  309. "Could you two please keep it down?" you beg, feeling the begins of a headache coming on. "We're going to be there in a minute or two!"
  310. >"...Yeah. Be quiet, Luna."
  311. >"Shut thy trap or we will strike thee again, Sister."
  312. >Now that you don't have to listen to a shouting match you do your best to think over what you had to do
  313. >And on paper your task was a pretty simple one
  314. >All you needed to do was to get this wooden pony in Anon's front yard and run away before he saw you
  315. >But off paper there were...
  316. >Problems
  317. >Big ones
  318. >Like how you were going to get this GIANT, CREAKY WOODEN HORSE into his yard
  319. >A wooden horse that was, at the very least, two stories tall and almost wider than this whole street
  320. >...Well, you could cast an illusion spell on the thing and maybe a noise dampening charm
  321. >And as long as the princesses managed to keep quiet and you were fast enough to be--
  322. >...
  323. >...
  324. >...
  325. >What the hay is that?
  326. >As you turn the corner on the end of the street to Anon's house you see what looked like two ponies standing in front of Anon's house facing outward
  327. >And it also looked like they were wearing... armor?
  328. >...
  329. >...
  330. >...
  331. >Wot?
  332. >Oh you just HAD to see what the hay that was about...
  333. >Almost without thinking about it you cast your cloaking spell and your dampening spell on the wooden pony while picking up your pace a little
  334. >Remember to act like you weren't using your magic to carry a two ton giant wooden horse behind you
  335. >You were just Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, and you had decided to take a walk down this particular street for... reasons
  336. >And ease up on the smile filly
  337. >You want to look normal, not like you've just murdered a bunch of ponies and stuffed them under your bed
  338. >...Wow
  339. >That got a dark a bit too fast
  340. >Maybe you should go ahead and ease up on the horror novels for a little while...
  341. >With each step closer to Anon's house you're able to see the two mystery ponies just a little bit better
  342. >When you were at the end of the street they looked like to armored sentinels that were unmoving and still as statues
  343. >When you had gotten about halfway down the street you could see that one of the ponies was hopping around while the other just looked kind of defeated and irritated
  344. >Not to mention that there armor was looking a LOT less like real, metal armor, with each step
  345. >It kind of almost looked plastic-y and...
  346. >It...
  347. >Wha...
  348. >Were those hoofball shoulder pads and helmets?
  349. >...
  350. >...
  351. >...
  352. >Alright
  353. >What the hay was going on over there?
  354. >When you were about fifty feet from the house you finally got your answer
  355. >There, standing at (at least to the best of their ability) attention and holding a broom and a feather duster respectfully, were Lyra and Bon Bon
  356. >...Wat?
  357. >Lyra manages to spot you first, the bubbly mare almost dropping her duster as she waved
  358. >"Hiya Twilight! How's it going?"
  359. >With an awkward and nervous smile you keep walking toward the two of them until you were just a few feet away
  360. >Ohsweetstarsplsdon'tletthemseethewoodenpone
  361. "Oh hello Bon Bon, Lyra," you say as casually as you can manage. "How's it going."
  362. >Bon Bon, looking about as irritated and grumpy as you've ever seen her, grunts before going back to looking at nothing in particular
  363. >Lyra shoves the pouty earth pony
  364. >"Aw come on Bonnie, don't act like that!"
  365. >"...Don't you tell me what to do..."
  366. >With a giggle and a roll of her eyes Lyra looks back over at you
  367. >"I'm sorry, Princess, Bonnie's in another one of her MOODS. We're both fine though; thank you for asking."
  368. >Doing your best to look inconspicuous you look past the two
  369. >A bit of a ways in the yard you can still see Anon throwing dirt over his shoulder
  370. >Which meant that he was still here
  371. >And since he wasn't yelling that also meant that he hadn't seen you yet
  372. >Good
  373. >Letthegamesbegin.png
  374. >Awkwardly coughing, you once again look at the two ponies blocking your way
  375. "Well... it IS nice to see you two but I really--"
  376. >You try to take a step forward but Bon Bon and Lyra block you with their "weapons"
  377. >"I'm sorry princess, but we can't let you in," Lyra says apologetically, using the tip of her duster to gently push you back
  378. "Wait, why?!" you demand with a stomp of the hoof
  379. >Lyra shrugged
  380. >"Because Anon told us to keep everypony out until he finished digging his hole."
  381. >She giggled again, her helmet sliding down her face
  382. >"He said that I'd get to play with his hands if we helped him!"
  383. >You look over at Bon Bon
  384. "...And what did he offer you, Bon Bon?"
  385. >The mare's eyes narrowed and she turned and glared at Lyra
  386. >"Lyra MADE me come with her."
  387. >She crossed her hooves
  388. >"I don't even want to help that bucking monkey..."
  389. >Wait
  390. >When the hay did Anon get out and...
  391. >No that doesn't matter!
  392. >Think of the mission, Twilight!
  393. >Remember what the hay you still have TO DO!
  394. >Though you try to keep a smile on your face you're fidgeting
  395. >It's only a matter of time before Anon looks up!
  396. >And if he looked up this mission was a bust
  397. >You needed to get these two silly mares out of the way ASAP!
  398. >Now frowning you stand tall and puff your chest out
  399. "I'm sorry you two but I'm going to have to insist that you move."
  400. >You gesture to the yard
  401. "I need to get into Anonymous's yard for... reasons..."
  402. >10/10
  403. >You got that 100 speech filly
  404. >Bon Bon and Lyra look at each other
  405. >"I'm... sorry Princess but we still can't help you out."
  406. >With a cheery smile on her face Lyra points at a small wooden sign that was in the middle of the yard
  407. >...How the BUCK didn't you see that thing?
  408. >It's right in the middle of the bucking yard!
  409. >...Maybe you should go and get your eyes checked...
  410. >"...Um Bonny? What did Anon want us to say if one of the princesses came by?"
  411. >Bon Bon groaned and rolled her eyes before looking into yours
  412. >"Your authority is not recognized in fort kickass."
  413. >Sure enough, written in what looked like magic marker, were the words, "FORT KICKASS"
  414. >...Wait
  415. >Anon's house isn't a fort
  416. >There weren't walls or gates or anything that would make it even closely resemble a fort!
  417. >And even if he was talking about his hole he'd probably have to call it a tench sinc...
  418. >What
  419. >Why the buck are you even thinking about this?!
  420. >You didn't have time to THINK
  421. >You only had time to COMPLETE THE MISSION!
  422. "Lyra, get the buck out of the way!" you snap, irritated. "And THAT isn't a fort! That's a hole!"
  423. >Lyra hummed thoughtfully
  424. >"...You know what? You're right!"
  425. >She looked over her shoulder in Anon's direction
  426. >"Hey Anon!"
  427. >"What!"
  428. >"Princess Twilight's here!"
  429. >"Did you tell her to fuck off?"
  430. >"No, We told her what you told us to tell her!"
  431. "Guys plea--"
  432. >"Did she leave?"
  433. >"No!"
  434. >"Then tell her to fuck off then!"
  435. >Bon Bon and Lyra look at each other while you consider running away
  436. >Your cover was blown so you--
  437. >"I'll tell her in a second but she said the same thing I told you a little while ago!"
  438. >Anon finally poked his head out from his hole, and even from here you could see a frown on his face
  439. >"That bullshit about how I should change the sign?"
  440. >Lyra nods
  441. >Yeah! It's not NOT a fort! It's more of a trench... thing!"
  442. >Anon throws his hands up
  443. >"Then fucking CHANGE it! I'm not going to argue with you!"
  444. >"Alright!" Lyra chirped, spinning around
  445. >You and Bon Bon watched as Lyra walked over to the sign, magicked herself up a black magic marker, X'ed out the FORT and Wrote the word TRENCH above it
  446. >"Alright Anon, I changed the sign!"
  447. >Shaking his head Anon went back to his digging
  448. >"Good for you! Now tell book horse over there to fuck off!"
  449. >Nodding once again Lyra trotted back over and stood back in front of you
  450. "...Lyra--"
  451. >"Fuck off!"
  452. >...
  453. >...
  454. >...
  455. >Is this real life?
  456. >Is this really rea--
  457. >"Luna, can you see what's going on?"
  458. >"Nay, sister."
  459. >"But there's a big hole to the left of your head."
  460. >"Truly? Where?"
  461. >"Right there! You just make it like a minute ago! Are you blind or--"
  462.  
  463. CRACK!
  464.  
  465. >You watch with a twitching eye as, with a thunderous crash, both your teacher and Princess Luna come flying out of the invisible wood pony in a spray of splinters
  466. >"Oh horseap--OMPH!"
  467. >You find yourself sitting down on your rump as Celestia hit the ground with a loud and painful sounding thud, not even getting a second to collect herself as Luna crashed into her
  468.  
  469. SNAP!
  470.  
  471. >"Muh breadsticks!"
  472. >"Our rump!"
  473. >"Hiya Princess Luna, Princess Celestia!" Lyra said with a little wave, seemingly unphased at the sight before her. "... Oh wait... HEY ANON!"
  474. >"WHAT?"
  475. >"DO WE NEED TO TELL THE OTHER PRINCESSES TO FUCK OFF TOO OR WAS IT JUST TWILIGHT?"
  476. >"TELL EM ALL TO FUCK OFF! NO HORSE PRINCESSES IN TRENCH AWESOME SAUCE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CALLED IT!"
  477. >Lyra nodded, her golden eyes once again meeting yours
  478. >She was the picture of innocence and happiness you were about ready to walk over to a random building and keep hitting your head against it until either your skull or the wall broke
  479. >"Fuc--"
  480. "No, fuck YOU, Lyra!"
  481. >Something just... snapped inside of you and you find yourself seeing red
  482. "FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOOOOUUUUUU! I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT FUCK. YOU!"
  483. >Bon Bon snorted
  484. >"No, fuck you you purple chubby smelling-like-old-books curd sniffer."
  485. >She pushed you away from Lyra with her broom
  486. >"You better back up before you get smacked up purple drank."
  487. >Grinding your teeth you turn your attention toward Bon Bon
  488. >A mare that just so happened to buck RIGHT UP just now!
  489. >Spreading out your wings you take a step toward the bored-looking earth pony
  490. >Is Twilight gonna have to smack a bucking filly?
  491. >...
  492. >...
  493. >...
  494. >It looks like Twilight motherbucking Sparkle's gonna need to smack a--
  495. >"Ahem, excuse me. Excuse me!"
  496. >You, Bon Bon, and Lyra look over to see a mare with a construction workers helmet on
  497. >Behind her there were a group of mares wearing similar helmets carrying a great big metal... thing
  498. >...Wait
  499. >Is that?...
  500. >The mare looked down at a clipboard
  501. >"This wouldn't happen to the residence of Anon Y. Mous is it?"
  502. >You just stare at the mare for a moment, your anger slowly draining out of you
  503. "...Yes, yes it is," you say, pointing toward Anon. "He's right over there..."
  504. >The mare nods, scribbling something on her clipboard
  505. >"Great. This is the house girls! Bring the tank over!"
  506.  
  507. BE ANON
  508. >You couldn't help but feel a bit giddy
  509. >You were almost done with this FUCKING HOLE
  510. >You must have had less than half a foot to dig up before you were done!
  511. >Which meant that just a bit more digging and you could get this fucking tank out!
  512. >No more noisy ponies
  513. >No more fucking around beating yourself up outside
  514. >You could just lie around, enjoy a frosty beverage or two and--
  515. >"Excuse me, Mr. Anonymous?"
  516. >Oi?
  517. >What the hell's this?
  518. >That didn't sound like any pone that you knew
  519. >You look up and see a little horse wearing a hard hat and holding a clipboard walking toward you
  520. >And behind her...
  521. "Holy shit finally!"
  522. >Grinning, you climb out of your hole
  523. >Looking around you see, Lyra, and Bon Bon the destroyer of worlds, and the three princesses, all standing on the other end of your fence watching you
  524. >Princesses that DIDN'T fuck with your hole!
  525. >HAH!
  526. >They didn't DO SHIT!
  527. >You did it
  528. >You fucking did it!
  529. >YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
  530. "So is this my tank?"
  531. >The little worker pone looks down at her clipboard and nods
  532. >"Yep, I'm sorry that it took a bit longer than it we had originally told you," she says, not sounding very sorry about it at all. "We've been kind of swamped and--"
  533. >With a chuckle you pat her on her widdle head
  534. "Don't worry about any of that," you interrupt, pawing at her clipboard. "Just let me sign whatever the hell I need to sign so I can get this thing put in the ground!"
  535. >She moved her clipboard away with an irritated frown
  536. >"Well you wouldn't happen to have your old septic tank out would you?"
  537. >She looked around your yard
  538. >"My clipboard here says that we're supposed to take your old tank away but you need to get it out of the ground yourself before we can do that."
  539. >The smile on your face lessens just a bit
  540. "...Really?"
  541. >You had kinda figured that they'd get it out of the ground for you
  542. >I mean, how was someone gonna pull one of those things out of a fucking ten foot hole by themselves without professional help?
  543. >The mare nodded again
  544. >"Yep, technically we don't even need to take it off your property expect if you pay for the service but since we're so late and my boss doesn't want you going to her office and yelling her ear off she decided to throw that service in for free."
  545. >She finally looked up from her clipboard to look at you
  546. >"So do you have it out or not?"
  547. >...
  548. >...
  549. >...
  550. >...Fuck
  551. >You open your mouth, only to close it again a second later
  552. "Well... you see..."
  553. >Someone to your left loudly clears your throat
  554. >"Actually, I'd be more than happy to help with that..."
  555. >Both you and the blue collar pone look over to see Sunny buns, Wuna, and Purple Nerple smiling at you
  556. >Celestia takes a step forward, nudging her head toward your hole
  557. >"...If you'd like Anon..."
  558. >...Alright
  559. >Now you have a hell of a choice, Anon
  560. >You could let Sun Hoers lift up your tank and save you what was probably going to be a hell of a job
  561. >Or you could figure out how to lift what was probably a two ton metal tank out of a ten foot deep hole using nothing but your wits, grit, and tuffness
  562. >...
  563. >...
  564. >...
  565. >Aw shit
  566. >Celestia's giving you "the face"
  567. >You know, the kind of face that put a roomful of puppies and kitties to shame
  568. >...AND her lip's sticking out
  569. >FUCK!
  570. >...
  571. >...
  572. >...
  573. >And now all of them are doing it...
  574. >Come on, Anon
  575. >You gotta resist
  576. >You gotta...
  577. >You...
  578. >Yo...
  579. >...
  580. >...
  581. >...
  582. >Fuck...
  583. "... I'd appreciate the help, Princess," you say, though you're trying your hardest not to sound happy about it
  584. >The princesses squee and Twilight looks like she's about ready to leap at you but they all somehow manage to reign it in
  585. >Barely
  586. >With a smile Celestia leapt over the fence and trotted to your side, looking as pleased as punch
  587. >"Well then, I'd be more than happy to help!" she chirps as you look back down at the construction pone
  588. "Alright then... so can I sign whatever the hell I need to sign?" you asked
  589. >She nodded, handing you her clipboard
  590. >"Alright... I don't know what the hays going on but... here you go!"
  591. >God dammit...
  592. >You REALLY didn't want any of these little horses helping...
  593. >But...
  594. >Eh
  595. >What the fuck were you going to do?
  596. >Pretty much all they were going to do was dig up a tiny bit of dirt and that tank out
  597. >You still did pretty much all of the work
  598. >So that took most of the sting out of it...
  599. >"So if you'll just sign on the dotted line then we can hand over your large septic tank and..."
  600. >Wait
  601. >A LARGE septic tank?
  602. >With wide eyes you quickly read over the clipboard
  603. >Son of a fucking BITCH!
  604. >They brought you the wrong fucking tank!
  605. >These. Little. Niggers. Brought. You. The. Wrong. Tank!
  606. >A growl escapes your throat as you drop the clipboard, lean down, grab the little hard hat pone, and lift her up
  607. "You motherfucker's brought me the wrong tank," you snarl as the mare yelps in surprise
  608. >"W-What are you talking about?"
  609. >You give the little horse a little shake as Celestia steps away from you in surprise
  610. >Visions of the last few days flash through your mind
  611. >The sleepless nights
  612. >The ponies harassing you
  613. >Having to piss in jars so you didn't have to leave your FUCKING POST!
  614. "I ORDERED a normal sized tank," you growl, the edges of your vision turning red. "Not a fucking giant one!"
  615. >The pone in your arms blinks
  616. >"...Really?" she asked in surprise, looking over her shoulder at the other little horses carrying the tank that you couldn't FUCKING USE!
  617. >"I guess that that kind of makes sense since tanks this big are usually for buildings that have more than one--"
  618. >The mares yelps as you shake her around a bit
  619. "Look, I don't give a fuck about all of that BULLLLLSHIT!"
  620. >The little pone yelps once again as you drop her roughly to the ground
  621. "Just go back to your warehouse or hidey hole or wherever the FUCK you keep these tanks and go and get me the one that I ACTUALLY ORDERED!"
  622. >Looking more than a bit nervous, the widdle mare adjusts the helmet on her head and scrambles to her hooves
  623. >"W-Well there might be a-a little p-problem with that..."
  624. >Your eyes narrow and you take a step toward the now retreating mare
  625. "And WHAT do you mean by that?"
  626. >"Well... We may not have another normal sized septic tank..."
  627. >"WHAT? How the hell do you--"
  628. >"I'm sorry, I'm SORRY! If you just check my clipboard!... There's a list of our inventory and..."
  629. "So that means I have to TAKE THIS FUCKING THING?!"
  630. >Celestia steps in your way as you take another step toward hard hat pone
  631. >"Anonymous, please just--"
  632. >You try to walk about her but her wings spread out, effectively blocking you as the cowardly little pone practically runs back to her other work horses
  633. "DO I?!"
  634. >"W-Well we can either give you this one or you could wait the few weeks until we get a new shipment in and--
  635. >Alright
  636. >Maybe there's a way you could salvage this
  637. >So what if the tanks to fucking big for your house?
  638. >You still should be able to use it right?
  639. "Could you just leave the fucking tank here so I can use this one?" you ask. "You can come and get the other one after I dug out the extra--"
  640. >"A-Actually, we're not a-allowed to l-leave a tank h-here out in the o-open."
  641. >Looking a hell of a lot paler than she had when she had come in here the mare hopped over your fence
  642. >"I-It's company policy a-and we c-could get in a-a lot of trouble i-if we did it. S-So I'm sorry but we're going to h-have to t-take the t-tank back u-until you--"
  643. >You couldn't help it
  644. >After realizing that all of your work had JUST been fucked over
  645. >That there was a good chance you had a hell of a lot more work ahead of you in the upcoming days
  646. >Along with more horse harassing
  647. >And sleepless nights
  648. >And pissing in jars that you may or may not be tossing at horses whenever they walk by
  649. >You just kind of...
  650. >Snap
  651. "RRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
  652.  
  653. BE CELESTIA
  654. >Also be scared, confused, and holding your hooves to your ears to block out whatever the... sound Anon was making
  655. "ANON!"
  656. >"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--"
  657. "ANON!"
  658. >Gritting your teeth you force yourself to take a step forward
  659. >The sheer force of his scream almost sends you skidding back but you dig your hooves in
  660. >"EEEEEEEEEEEEE--"
  661. >All around you you would see the sky getting dark and stormy
  662. >And was your sun turning blood red?
  663. >Ohs hit filly
  664. >You had to do something!
  665. >Come on now Celestia
  666. >You HAD to stop this yelling
  667. >Ponies were going to be wondering why their windows were rattling
  668. >...And why it looked like the world was ending
  669. >You really didn't want to bother anypony with that
  670. "ANON! STOP. YELLING. RIGHT. NOW!"
  671. >Looking up you see that Anon has his legs spread wide, his head thrown back, and...
  672. >Were his irises white?
  673. >...Whatever
  674. >Ugonnatackleacoltnow!
  675. >With a battlecry you charge forward and, moving your horn out of the way so you don't impale poor Anon, you tackle the human to the ground
  676. >You think you hear your student gasping behind you but you're too busy using your magic to close Anon's mouth to really take notice
  677. "ANON!"
  678. >"THmpmepromfep!"
  679. "ANON! CALM DOWN, SWEET GODS ABOVE CALM DOWN!"
  680. >"THPRMERNERPFENRPOE!"
  681. >Mind racing you lift up a hoof and bring it back
  682. >Celestia'sgonnahavetosmackacolt!!!
  683. >Grityourteethson!
  684.  
  685. SLAP!
  686.  
  687. >...
  688. >...
  689. >...
  690. >Oh no...
  691. >NO STOP!
  692. >Time seems to slow as your hoof connects with Anon's cheek
  693. >You...
  694. >You just hit a stallion...
  695. >Ohholyhorseseedyoujusthita--
  696. >"Who, what, where?" Anon cries, his eyes returning to normal as he looked around dazed. "The moon landing was fake, Ronald Reagan was the devil, the illuminati are real and--"
  697. >Anon stops his squirming when he sees you standing over him with an open mouth, your brain still processing the fact that you had JUST hit a stallion
  698. >And you hit him because he was noisy no less!
  699. >You had just committed one of the most horrible nd deequinizing acts a mare could do to a stallion
  700. >You were a fiend
  701. >A monster
  702. >Sweet gods above, you've thrown mares behind bars for what you just did!
  703. >Now'sthetimeforpanic!
  704. >NOW'STHETIMEFORPANIC!!!!
  705. >What were you going to do?!
  706. >Whatwereyougoingtodo?!
  707. >You didn't mean to HIT HIM!
  708. >He just wasn't listening and you wanted him to stop yelling and--
  709. >...
  710. >...
  711. >...
  712. >Holy motherbucking horse apples...
  713. >You were a BAD PONY!
  714. >A BAD, BAD, BAD PONY!
  715. >You had to figure out a way to make this up to Anon!
  716. >You had to, you had to--
  717. "EPP!"
  718. >Your wings flap in surprise as Anon (who had somehow managed to roll away from you and get to his feet while you weren't looking) grabbed you by the scruff of the neck and lifted you into the air
  719. >"Where the FUCK did those worker ponies go?" he growled, looking around
  720. >You couldn't help but look up at him wide-eyed
  721. >Why wasn't he crying or screaming?!
  722. >You JUST hit him!
  723. >Like the evil, horrible, terrible mare that you were!
  724. >Sure he looked mad, maybe matter than you've ever seen him, but--
  725. >You yelp once again and he brings you close to his face
  726. >Even now you couldn't help but marvel the strength in those arms
  727. >"Celestia."
  728. >You can't help but flinch when you heard the pure, unadulterated rage in his voice
  729. "A-Anon?"
  730. >"Where. Did. The. Fucking. Work. Ponies. Run. Off. Too?"
  731. >A quiet whimper escapes your throat
  732. >You could see the red mark on Anon's cheek where you hit him...
  733. >You bet it still stung
  734. >And maybe worse...
  735. >You, a mare that had sworn to protect all that were under your care, had struck a defenseless stallion for no gosh darn reason
  736. >...
  737. >...
  738. >...
  739. >Which meant that, along with being a bad pony you were a bad princess...
  740. >You blink when you feel the beginnings of tears starting to form in the corners of your eyes
  741. >Hey now
  742. >Don't you bucking cry
  743. >DON'T CRY
  744. >Even though you just did something that would make your mother and father ashamed and make your subjects horrified and...
  745. >And...
  746. "A-Anon?"
  747. >The human's gaze softens when he hears you sniffle
  748. >He gently put you down, got down on one knee, and put his hands on your shoulders
  749. >"Celestia? Are you alright there?"
  750. >He was asking YOU if you were alright?
  751. >YOU weren't the one that just got s-slapped by a cruel, uncaring, evil--
  752. "ANONI-I'MSORRY!"
  753.  
  754. BE ANONYMOUS: THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS
  755. >A few moments ago you had been angry
  756. >Hell, you might have been angrier than you've ever been in your life
  757. >And in your righteous fury you had been more than ready to drag that little construction worker pone and her little posse all the way back to their boss so you could put her over your knee, then the work ponies, then the boss again, until you had the septic tank that you HAD FUCKING ORDERED GOD DAMNIT!
  758. >But it looked like you rage had gotten the better of you
  759. >The little horses and their little hard hats had disappeared to parts unknown, you had a crying sun horse blabbering into your ear as she hugged you, and for some reason you wanted chicken tenders
  760. >...And there was something about normal people but what the fuck ever about that...
  761. >But do you want to know the real kicker about this?
  762. >The kicker was that you REALLY didn't really know what had... happened
  763. >The construction ponies running off and sun horse part; you knew why the hell you had been pissed off
  764. >Sweet lord almighty did you know about that!
  765. >...But after that little mare with her clipboard told you you were basically fucked all you remember was seeing red and then...
  766. >Nothing...
  767. >...
  768. >...
  769. >...
  770. >Did you go fucking bonkers or something?
  771. >Because that's what it kind of feels like wh--
  772. >"Oh A-Anon! I didn't mean to hurt y-you!"
  773. >You blink as a big pair of purplish-pinkish-whateverthefuckish eyes invade your vision
  774. >Real close like
  775. >A bit too close in fact
  776. >Almost reflexively, you gently move the face and those big, pretty, sad eyes away so you could get a proper look at Princess McEatscakealot
  777. >The big mare had tears streaming down her face, her ears were pinned against the side of her head, her nose was running, her usually immaculate coat was smudged and dirty, and her wings were drooped onto the ground
  778. >Sunhoesr, for all intents and purposes, looked like you had just killed a truck load of puppies in front of her
  779. >Adorable puppies that she had spent the entire day naming and playing with before their demise
  780. >She looked sad
  781. >So sad in fact that she was damn near making you sad
  782. >Almost like you were the one that made her sad so now you should feel as sad as she felt
  783. >Like osmosis sadness or some shit
  784. >And you didn't want to be sad
  785. >You wanted to be upset and pissy and throw ponies around because you were a rage-filled monster of destruction
  786. >And there's no way in hell you can be that when you have a sad pone holding onto you for dear life while crying her eyes out!
  787. >Though you're more than a bit confused as to why Celestia was latched onto you balling little a itsy-bitsy little babby you couldn't help but give the widdle big pony a hug
  788. "What the hell's gotten into you?" You ask, using one of your hands to clean up her face as best as you can
  789. >Celestia sniffles, her eyes widening
  790. >"Oh sweet stars above! I must have hit you so hard that I t-traumatized you!"
  791. >A sob escapes the princess's throat
  792. >"I t-traumatized you so n-now you don't even r-remember that I h-hit you!"
  793. >Now shaking, Celestia's grip on you tightens
  794. >"A-Anon! I'm s-sorry t-that I'm a B-BAD PONY!"
  795. >You rock the poor princess back and forth as your brow furrows in thought
  796. >Sunny buns hit you?
  797. >...Huh
  798. >That explains why your cheek stings a bit...
  799. >But you don't know why the hell she's so beaten up about it
  800. >She was a pretty reasonable/thoughtful horse god
  801. >If she actually bopped you one than there was a good chance that you deserved it...
  802. >You were a bit of a dick on occasion after all
  803. "There, there," you murmur, patting her back while she sobbed and cried and got snot and tears everywhere.
  804. >And by everywhere you meant all over you
  805. "It's alright, it's alright..."
  806. >Out of the corner of your eye you see Darkle and Bafoona looking pretty uncomfortable about everything that was happening
  807. >...Whatever the hell was happening...
  808. >Putting your hand under Celestia's rump so she didn't go ahead and just fall off of you you look down at your hole
  809. >For about a minute
  810. >Before you get pissed the fuck off and looking away from the fucking thing
  811. >Man... FUCK that hole...
  812. >If that fucking hole was a person you'd kick that nigga's ass in the middle of the street, steal his fucking wallet, and then go fucking his girlfriend and video tape that shit
  813. >You worked like a fucking DOG for the last couple days in this fucking hole
  814. >And it goes and tries to fucking you
  815. >But it is YOU who will be doing the fucking!
  816. >So fucking this fucking, fucky, faggot hole!
  817. >You're done!
  818. >DONE!!!!
  819. >...At least for the fucking day anyway
  820. >There was no way in HELL you were doing anymore digging
  821. >You'd probably fucking explode with rage or something
  822. >Looking away from the bane of your existence you look back down at the mare in your arms
  823. >...
  824. >...
  825. >...
  826. >So now that that's decided you had to figure out what the hell to do about all of... this
  827. >"Hey, Anon?"
  828. >Looking to your right you see Lyra and Bon Bon (aka Ms. Grumpy Pone) looking up at you with their widdle helmets and shoulder pads
  829. >God were those little dykes as cute as a couple of buttons
  830. "Yeah? What do you need?"
  831. >"I t-tried to be a g-good ruler b-but if I can't e-even keep s-somepony safe f-from myself w-what kind of a-a princess a-am I?!"
  832. >Murmuring comforting words in Celestia's ear you once again start rocking her back and forth
  833. >Though she continues to cry and moan and belittle herself and all of that shit she quiets down a bit, putting her head on your shoulder and whimpering quietly
  834. >Lyra bites her lip
  835. >"...Would it be alright if Bonnie and me go?"
  836. >She waved around at you awkwardly
  837. >"I know that we said that we'd stay here and watch out for you but--"
  838. "Yeah, yeah, you guys can leave," you say with a wave of a hand. 'I'm probably not going to dig for the rest of the day since I'm so fucking pissed off and it looks like I gotta deal with a crying god horse."
  839. >You reach up and give Celestia's head a scratch
  840. >Sniffling she tiredly nuzzles the side of her head into the nape of your neck
  841. >Aw
  842. >Qt pone is cute
  843. "But thanks for helping anyway, I appreciate it."
  844. >Lyra shifts her weight from her left to her right, refusing to meet your gaze
  845. >"...And the whole 'me playing with your hands thing'..."
  846. >Trying not to roll your eyes you nod
  847. "Yeah, yeah... just come over one day and I'll let you do whatever you want with them."
  848. >Knowing that weird little horse it's probably going to be some fucked up shit
  849. >Some REAL fucked up shit
  850. >With a happy squee, Lyra grabbed Banonononononon and started dragging her out of your yard
  851. >"Awesome! Bye bye 'Nonny, see ya princesses!"
  852. >"Fuck off Anon."
  853. "You two Bon Bon... you cunt..."
  854. >Sweet Christ above do you hate that little candy horse...
  855.  
  856. BE TWILIGHT (not the book) Sparkle
  857. >Right now you are trying your very hardest not to flip the buck out
  858. >Not only had your teacher just HIT a stallion but now she was crying like a little colt
  859. >In front of you and Luna!
  860. >And Anon, the colt she just SMACKED, is trying to comfort her!
  861. >COMFORT HER!!!
  862. >You don't know what to think
  863. >You don't know if you could ever see your teacher in a positive light again!
  864. >Sweet stars above you COULDN'T HANDLE THIS!
  865. >Luna looks like she was in the same boat as you, just staring at the scene in front of the two of you with wide eyes and an open mouth
  866. >What the hay were the two of you supposed to do about this?!
  867. >Did you need to fight your teacher to defend Anon's honor?
  868. >Did you have to go and arrest her?
  869. >Did you have to kill Anon to keep this from getting out?
  870. >You didn't want to KILL a stallion!
  871. >Nor did you want to fight your teacher!
  872. >WhatwereyougonnadowhatwereyougonnadowhatwereyougonnaDO?!
  873. >"Oi, purple, dream horse, get your asses over here," Anon barked, making both you and Luna jump slightly in surprise
  874. >The two of you look at him while he taps a foot impatiently
  875. >Usually you'd be a little indignant about a stallion trying to boss you around like that (and you were sure it was the same with Luna but times a thousand) but all of... everything is just too much
  876. >"Will you quit your fucking gawking and get over here for god's sake?!" Anon snarls, his voice cracking like a whip
  877. >You move so fast that you darn near trip over your hooves and Princess Luna's not too far behind you
  878. "Y-Yes Ano--"
  879. >"I'm going to take the princess here into my house to get her cleaned up," he said, deadly calm. "And I'm not coming out of my fucking house for the rest of the FUCKING day."
  880. >Your nose scrunches up when he reaches over and boops your nose
  881. >"The two of you are going to come into my house with me. On the counter in my kitchen is a bag of bits. One of you are going to teleport or use those wings or some shit like that and you're going to use those bits to go and buy a fuckton of pizza."
  882. >Luna opens her mouth to protest but Anon growls
  883. >"I don't care where the fuck you get it, and as long as there isn't any fucking flowers or hay in the pizza I don't give a shit what the fuck you get on it, but you're going to fucking get it."
  884. >His lips drawing back into a snarl, he does his best to lean down toward you with your teacher in his arms
  885. >"And I swear to every fucking god that I can think of, if I get out of my fucking shower and find one of you little horses trying to dig out that hole over there..."
  886. >He growls again, though this time it sounds deeper...
  887. >Almost animalistic...
  888. >"I. Will. Fucking. Eat. You. Little. Niggas."
  889. >Without waiting for either of you to answer he turns and makes his way toward his door, your teacher still sobbing like a colt holding onto him like her life depended on it
  890. >...
  891. >...
  892. >...
  893. >Wait, why the hay were you jealous that Anon was holding your...
  894. >No
  895. >Come on filly
  896. >You're better than that
  897. >Clearing your throat you turn toward Luna
  898. "...So I know I good place in Canterlot that'll deliver all the way here..."
  899. >Luna doesn't look at you, instead watching as Anon slams his door behind him with possibly the loudest bang that you've ever heard
  900. >"We... We will simply teleport you there," she finally says.
  901. >You slowly nod, looking at the door
  902. >Sweet Faust...
  903. >Did Anon slam his door so hard that it cracked?...
  904. "It'll probably save us an hour or two waiting for them," you say. "And I should be able to teleport all the way back with the pizzas when they're done."
  905. >Luna nods and the two of you just kind of awkwardly stand there, letting everything that just happened seep in for a second
  906. "...Princess?"
  907. >"Yes Twilight Sparkle?"
  908. "Do you really think that Anon would ACTUALLY eat us if we tried to dig up his hole?
  909. >Luna opens her mouth to answer but immediately closes it
  910. >"...Come Twilight," she said, slowly making her way toward Anon's house. "Let us get you those bits so that we may teleport thee to Canterlot. We will stay here and await your arrival."
  911.  
  912. BE ANON
  913. >"A-Anon! You let me get out of this shower this i-instant!"
  914. >And you feel a bit better now that everything had pretty much settled down
  915. >You weren't a hundred precent or anything but you felt alright enough not to bitch too much
  916. >...TOO much
  917. >It must have taken an hour to calm Sunny Buns down and convince her that;
  918. >A: she was not a bad pony nor was she a "colt beater" or whatever the hell she said
  919. >And B: You weren't hurt and you could take a heck of a lot more punishment than her little love tap
  920. >The sweet little horse had insisted again and again that she didn't mean it and that she was sorry and that she'd make it up to you
  921. >You had tried to tell her that it was alright but it was like she didn't hear you
  922. >In fact she kept talking about how she was going to right "this horrible travesty that had to be settled no matter what" with so much fervor and passion that she had followed you into the bathroom while you were trying to take a shower
  923. >You had tried to tell her (as nicely as you could since she still looked a bit tender) to get out of your bathroom but she kept yammering on and on and on
  924. >And, since you had negative fucks to give, you had just kind of let her do her while you got ready for your shower
  925. >She had continued to talk while you, with rolling eyes, stripped down and turned on your shower
  926. >She didn't stop talking when you had hopped into your shower and immediately hopped right the fuck out because it was balls freezing
  927. >But she HAD woken the fuck up when you had picked her up and tossed her into the shower with you
  928. >Since ponies were a bunch of nudist anyways you had figured that Celestia here wouldn't mind if the two of you shared a shower
  929. >She was pretty fucking dirty right now herself and you wanted to save water since you were a cheap bastard
  930. >She'd get cleaned up, you'd have someone to wash your back for you; it'd be a win-win for everyone involved
  931. >But sweet mother Teresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz were you fucking wrong about that
  932. >Celestia, the second that she had seen that she was in your shower with you and you were in your best birthday suit had, and continued to, freak the fuck out, covering her eyes with her hooves and blushing so hard that half of her body was red
  933. >Plus the demands that she be let out and something or other about "honoring a colts virtue"
  934. >Though it wasn't like she couldn't have just gotten out of the fucking tub anytime she wanted
  935. >But, as stated before, you were tired and grouchy and not giving a fuck about nothin' so you let her huff and puff while you cleaned yourself off
  936. "Will you stop being a fucking baby and wash my fucking back for me?" you demand, a bar of soap and a rag in hand.
  937. >Celestia just shakes her head, sitting in the corner of your shower as she wiggles around this way and that, her wings spreading out and pointing at you almost if she was going to use them to drive you away
  938. >...Bitch
  939. >I can see you fucking peeking over your hooves at a nigga!
  940. >Ain'tnobodygottimeforthat!
  941. >Frowning, you flick her nose
  942. >She epps, her head reeling back and her hooves leaving her face to cover her nose
  943. >"Anon! Don't you--"
  944. >She freezes when she sees you standing there in all of your naked glory
  945. >She tries not look below your waist
  946. >She fails
  947. >And now here you are in the shower with the ruler of a country trying to burn a hole into your junk with how hard she was staring at it
  948. >I'mgettingtoooldforthisshit.pgn
  949. >You sigh
  950. "Yep, you're looking at my dick. There's Regan Mc Dickson right between my legs. Here, watch the little fuck dance a little jig for ya!"
  951. >Celestia blushes even harder when you start helicoptering
  952. >Her eyes follow as you rock this way and that and
  953. >...For fuck's sake...
  954. >Rolling your eyes again you shove the rag and the sopa into one of her hooves and turn around
  955. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way why don't fucking help me out here?"
  956. >You hear Celestia get to her hooves and just kind of stand there for a minute or two-- probably looking at your ass you're guessing-- before you feel a soapy rag on your back
  957. >"...Anon?"
  958. "Yeah?"
  959. >You can't help but sigh as Celestia gently moves the rag in a circular motion all along the top of your back
  960. >Shit felt nice
  961. >"I..."
  962. >She pauses
  963. >"Would you be so kind as to help me wash as well after I've helped you?"
  964. >Looking over your shoulder you see that she's looking away from you and biting her lip
  965. >"Your shower doesn't appear to be big enough for me to move as freely as I need to to properly attend to myself... I promise to do my best not to make it anymore awkward than--"
  966. "Princess?"
  967. >"...Yes Anonymous?"
  968. "You know that the two of us are naked together in a shower right?"
  969. >The blush that had been slowly disappearing from her face returned full force
  970. >"Y-Yes, though I find it HORRIBLY inappropriate and I protest being in here with you--"
  971. "Princess just... shut the fuck up. I'd be more than happy to help wash you off."
  972. >Celestia doesn't answer you, in fact if she wasn't scrubbing you back you'd think she left the shower
  973. >Hell, you could barely hear her breathing and she was only a foot or two away from you!
  974. >You had no idea why the hell she was getting so jumpy about this
  975. >She was like a zillion fucking years old
  976. >She's probably seen thousands of dicks in her time
  977. >Seeing your's was probably just a drop of water in a bucket for her!
  978. >The dick bucket
  979. >Hell, when you had first popped up in Horseland this little princess here herself had asked you why you were even wearing clothes in the first fucking place!
  980. >It's not like you're going to spin around and try to shove your willy in her mouth!
  981. >You know horses aren't for sexual!
  982. >...Fucking jumpy ponies
  983. >The rest of your back washing goes by without a hitch, the big pone princess quietly asking if you'd be so kind as to rinse yourself off before handing you the bar of soap and the rag
  984. >"I-I appreciate your help in advance, Anon," she says as you step past her and nudge her forward and into the water. "I w-wouldn't have asked you if I didn't need any help."
  985. "Hey, don't even worry about it," you tell her, making sure to lather up the rag real good. "Now just get wet so I can start cleaning you up."
  986. >"...Oh I'm wet alright..."
  987. "What was that?"
  988. >"N-Nothing! Nothing at all!"
  989. >Trying not to shake your head at the silly horse in front of you you start cleaning her neck
  990. >She tenses at first, her wings flapping a few times, but after a minute or two of gentle scrubbing she relaxes, even going so hard as you offer more of her neck to you
  991. >"Anon?"
  992. "Hmm?" you absentmindedly say, using your free hand to pat the un-soaped side of her neck
  993. >Man, were pony necks soft
  994. >You hear sun hoers sigh, closing her eyes as she leans into your scrubbing even more
  995. >"W-Would you mind not touching my wings?"
  996. >She gave said wings a little flap
  997. >"I have to use a special shampoo to clean them and with normal soap they tend to get a bit... dry."
  998. "Can do, Celestia."
  999. >With that you're off, cleaning the big horse in front of you like a fiend
  1000. >The only sounds that could be heard in that shower was the pitter-patter of the water, your scrubbing, and whatever sounds that the Princess of the Sun just so happened to be making at the time
  1001. >And boy did she make a lot of sounds
  1002. >She sighed and hummed as you scrubbed her from neck to lower back (making sure not to touch her wings)
  1003. >She let out this weird, horsy-bird cooing sound when you scrubbed her back and legs
  1004. >She actually let out a whicker when you washed her mane (which was pretty fucking adorable by the way)
  1005. >And she giggled and chuckled when you scrubbed her sides
  1006. >You know, you honestly didn't think you'd enjoy washing a horse
  1007. >But fuck you up the ass if you weren't pleasantly surprised with how much you enjoyed it
  1008. >It was almost therapeutic washing someone
  1009. >Feeling every twitch and breath and heartbeat as you scrubbed them
  1010. >In fact you might even be a little sad when this was all over and the two of you were drying off
  1011. >But you weren't done yet
  1012. >You still had to wash her tummy tums
  1013. >And you were going to scrub the SHIT out of her tummy tu--
  1014. >"Anon, are you in there? I got the pizzas and--"
  1015. >Both you and Celestia watch as Purple Nurple opens the door
  1016. >And just... stands there
  1017. >Her mouth open and her wings--
  1018. >"OhsweetFaustI'msososorryI'mgonnagonow!"
  1019.  
  1020. SLAM!
  1021.  
  1022. "Oi! Don't go and fucking slamming my doors, Darkle!" you yell, looking up at sun horse
  1023. >...Goddammit she was blushing again
  1024. >Oh well
  1025. >Time to rub some tubs!
  1026.  
  1027. BE CELESTIA
  1028. >It's night time
  1029. >Your sister's moon has begun its descent, though it still shined as bright as ever, bathing everything in its protective, luminescent glow
  1030. >You have a belly full of pizza
  1031. >And you happened to be in a bedroom that was not your own holding into the main reason why you had not been able to get a wink of sleep tonight
  1032. >Anon shifted slightly against your chest, making light noises under his breath as he slept and dreamed his little human dreams
  1033. >Though you don't believe that you've ever seen the young stallion in your hooves look anything other than irritated, bemused, or angry whilst amongst the living, right now he looked actually quite... peaceful
  1034. >His eyes were closed tight, his lips were slightly parted, and he was curled up against you in a way that brought a smile to your lips
  1035. >It was nice to know that he trusted you enough to sleep in your presence in such a way
  1036. >And you meant that with all of your heart
  1037. >Most stallions would be nervous and squirming even while asleep if you were holding them like this
  1038. >You were too big, too intimidating, too marely of a mare for most of the lesser sex
  1039. >Heck, you could usually make most mares sweat buckets with nothing but a raised eyebrow
  1040. >But not this big stallion that was sleepily wiggling himself against your chest to get more comfortable
  1041. >He was as calm as a cucumber
  1042. >Maybe even calmer
  1043. >Almost as if he was used to sleeping with big mares like you
  1044. >Then again that wasn't surprising given the last few days...
  1045. >Not in a thousand years would you have thought a stallion would show enough grit and enough stubbornness to tell not only you but your sister and one of the elements of harmony to buck right off --to your face no less!-- but here was such a stallion
  1046. >A quiet, thoughtful hum escaped your throat as you lifted your head up and nosed your rather unexpected cuddle buddy's face and neck
  1047. >Your hum grew louder at the sensation of his nearly hairless skin against your fur, your nostrils flaring as you took in his scent
  1048. >Oh~
  1049. >Oh by the river Styx...
  1050. >Anonymous did not have the delicate scent of a stallion that hadn't known a hard days work in their life
  1051. >This stallion... this MAN, even though you had spent nearly an hour in the shower with him cleaning each other off, smelled of dirt and sweat and iron
  1052. >He smelled as the fabled warrior kinds of old smelled
  1053. >Strong and musky and overpowering and unquestionably ALIEN
  1054. >Just one whiff was enough to make your heart flutter and know that what you had in your hooves could be your greatest friend or your most horrible and dogging enemy
  1055. >He had the will to not only spit at a command that did not suit him but he had enough strength to resist all but the toughest opponents
  1056. >A strength that you had witnessed with your numerous clashes with this paragon of creatures before you
  1057. >Taking another deep, shaky breath, you bury your muzzle into the bit of mane on the top of his head, your wings spasming and your legs kicking as you bathed in his ESSENCE
  1058. >Oh~!
  1059. >Oh it was almost TOO MUCH!
  1060. >In your mind you couldn't help but relive, again and again, every time that he battled you and your sister
  1061. >When he and you fought in hand-to-hoof combat and you ended up getting soaked for your efforts
  1062. >When he hoisted your sister up by the scruff of her neck and threw her into the air so hard that Luna very nearly became the second pony in recent history to perform a sonic rainboom
  1063. >But there was also a gentleness to this human
  1064. >You had felt it when you had been desperately holding onto him while crying your eyes out at your horrible, terrible mistake
  1065. >You had also felt it when Anon had tossed you into his shower as though you were a filly and washed you whilst humming alien melodies
  1066. >You bit your lip and your tail whipped against Anon's blanket as you remember those strong fingers digging into your sides, playing with and caressing every inch of you so thoroughly and so lovingly that you were surprised that you had even been able to get out of the shower under your own power
  1067. >So thoroughly, so lovingly
  1068. >Touching
  1069. >Kneading
  1070. >FEELING YOU~
  1071. >Though it is pitch black in this bedroom the your eyes look out, your piercing eyes lazily drinking everything that they could
  1072. >You could see clothing lying in heaps all around the room, you could see the question mark designs on the blanket that was covering you and Anonymous, and you could see your beloved student, a big smile on her face even while sleeping as she was, in the arms of Anonymous, her hooves wrapped around his neck and her nose and face buried in the nape of his neck
  1073. >Like Anonymous, Twilight looked peaceful, content, but most of all happy
  1074. >Even when the three of you were getting ready she had not been against being the human's little saddle
  1075. >In fact she had seemed excited just to be in his arms as she was
  1076. >Your dear student had been the one to talk Anonymous into letting the three of you sleep in his bed, so it had been a surprise that she hadn't picked a better position for herself
  1077. >With a smile you leaned in and nuzzled the side of her head
  1078. >Luna would sleep on his couch, she had said, but there was no way in hay that she was going to let him sleep on the floor while the two of them took the bed
  1079. >That had been another thing that had blown you away when you had heard it
  1080. >This stallion in your arms had OFFERED to sleep on the floor so that you and Twilight might be able to rest for the night
  1081. >As though it such a thing was nothing out of the ordinary!
  1082. >Even though not more than a few hours ago the two of you had been enemies!
  1083. >He had offered to house you, he had fed you, and he had forgiven you after you had struck him without a second thought
  1084. >And now he had your student in his arms as some less than honorable thoughts come to your mind unabated
  1085. >Anonymous would not simply let you rut him as another stallion would
  1086. >You would not have to gently coax and encourage him to enter you
  1087. >No, he would fight you for domination
  1088. >He would throw you around on the bed, force you into whatever position he wanted you to be in, and he'd take his pleasure with whatever hole that he would so happen to fancy at the time
  1089. >He would bite you, he would dig those hands on his into your coat, and he would slam against you so hard that the world would spin
  1090. >He would conquer you fully until you were nothing but his slave
  1091. >His treasure
  1092. >His cock warmer and cleaner
  1093. >A quiet moan escapes your mouth as you imagine fighting this MAN, trying to force him to bend to your will so you could pleasure him, only for him to overpower you with that strength of his
  1094. >You once again rubbed your back legs together, trying your best to ignore the wetness streaming down them
  1095. >Yes~
  1096. >He'd hold you down by your neck, rut you until you couldn't move, then he'd wrap you in those arms of his, kiss you right under your horn, and lay there until the two of your drifted off to sleep
  1097. >Your breath starts quickening and you have to fight with your wings to keep them from rising
  1098. >Calm down now Celestia
  1099. >You wouldn't want Anon to know that you were a hairsbreadth away from flipping him over and trying to have your way with him for the rest of the night and most of tomorrow until the two of you were nothing more than two sweaty, happy heaps
  1100. >Heaven knows what he'd do to you if he found out
  1101. >You were already sure that he could feel the pounding of your heart, maybe even smell your arousal from under the blankets
  1102. >Another thought comes to your mind that makes you shiver
  1103. >What if he DID know that the mare holding him in her hooves right now might have less than honorable thoughts/intentions with his person?
  1104. >What if he's just pretending to slumber in your hooves, waiting for you to lose control so that he may overpower you
  1105. >Flaunt his strength over you and push you down onto his bed with your rear sticking HIGH into the air
  1106. >And make YOU the stallion
  1107. >You kiss Anon's cheek, then his throat, lightly running a hoof up his side
  1108. >And just imagine what he'd do to Twilight since she would no doubt try to stop him from... punishing you the moment she was awake
  1109. >It didn't take a genius to figure out that your young student here was quite smitten with him, so he HAD to know as well
  1110. >And knowing that he would also have to know that Twilight would never hurt him
  1111. >So would he simply shove Twilight out of the room, tormenting her with the sounds of your lust filled screams until she was nothing but a lust drive husk of a mare willing to let him do whatever he wished for the slim chance of him using her as he had no doubt used you?
  1112. >Or would he be gentle with her as he had been with you?
  1113. >Would he lay her down, teasing her with light nips and kisses and touches until she was a red faced, twitching, and shimmering mess?
  1114. >Would he let you calm her down with a reassuring smile and an encouraging word as you and him showed her all of the best tricks to please a stallion?
  1115. >Would he let the two of you ride him until he filled you both up with his seed?
  1116. >Almost as if your hoof had a mind of its own it stopped stroking his shoulder and began to travel downward
  1117. >It glided down his chest, past the stomach, and kept going until it--
  1118. >You freeze as Anon let out a quiet snore before muttering some nonsense to himself and shifting slightly while nuzzling his cheek against your student's face
  1119. >"zzz... I didn't kill Biggie Smalls... zzz... pones are for cuddles and pets... zzz... King Kong ain't got shit on me..."
  1120. >Your ears swivel left and right and your hoof stays tense, ready to snake back the second you think he's about to wake up
  1121. >You hold this rather tense, awkward pose for what felt like an hour, your eyes wide and your mind screaming in panic
  1122. >Don'twakeupdon'wakeupdon'tbuckingwakeup!
  1123. >Thankfully Anon's breathing once again slows down and he lies still, making you sign in relief, your hold body visibly untensing
  1124. >Thank the Maker above...
  1125. >With a chuckle and a shake of the head you wrap your hoof around Anon's lower stomach and close your eyes
  1126. >Though it had been rather fun playing out the fantasies in your head maybe you should be getting to sleep?
  1127. >There was a good chance that you were going to be up bright and early once again trying to dig up that silly hole for this silly human here and you needed to be well rested to do such
  1128. >And, knowing Anon, he'd continue to fight you until he got what he wanted, so you had to be in tip top shape
  1129. >You wanted to tease and tense this stallion under you
  1130. >You wanted to see just how stubborn and prideful and strong he could be
  1131. >No longer was this REALLY about some silly hole
  1132. >This was a test of wills
  1133. >A battle of souls
  1134. >And, oddly enough, it was something that you had wanted for a very long time now
  1135. >...Though what Anonymous REALLY wanted had yet to be seen
  1136. >With a sigh you spread one of your wings and drape it over him and your student, both whom let out a pair of sleepy sighs
  1137. >Maybe he'd TAKE what he wanted from you once he noticed that you had a mess of him and his sheets
  1138. >With a quiet giggle you give his cheek a kiss before nuzzling your head into your pillow
  1139. >Maybe he'd make you lick him clean~
  1140. >Ah, a mare could dream...

Diggy Hole 1

by lapsbin

Diggy Hole 2

by lapsbin

Diggy Hole 3

by lapsbin

Diggy Hole 4

by lapsbin

Diggy Hole 5

by lapsbin