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Diggy Hole 4

By lapsbin
Created: 2020-12-25 16:39:30
Expiry: Never

  1. >You race back to your house with the speed of a thousand Kenyans
  2. >Ponies have to throw themselves out of the way to keep from getting run over
  3. >And you might have actually ran a pone or three over
  4. >But fuck that!
  5. >Appul hoers was touching your stuff!
  6. >And that's a bad pone
  7. >A bad, bad pone!
  8. >And all bad pones get sent to the no-no corner for half an hour!
  9. >80%angry!
  10. >"'Nonny wait!"
  11. >Out of the corner of your eye you see Pinkie running, or hopping in her case, right beside you
  12. "WHAT?!"
  13. >"See? And you said you weren't grumpy! Now how about you stop and let aunt Pinkie--"
  14. >You skid around and corner and growl when you see your house
  15. >Sure enough you can make out a shovel head from here
  16. "OI! GET THE FUCK OUT MY MUH HOLE!!!"
  17. >With your prize in sight you find an extra burst of speed, which causes you to break away from Ponk
  18. >Oh Applejack done fucked up today!
  19. >You were gonna boop her SO HARD!
  20. >Then, after that, you were going to tickle her until she cried
  21. >Twice!
  22. >And maybe hit her with a rolled up newspaper to finish it all up
  23. >Yeah you're a monster
  24. >What the FUCK are you gonna do about it?!
  25. >As you draw nearer you see Applejack poke her little horse head out of the hole to look at you
  26. >It doesn't look like she had that big of a pile of dirt next to her
  27. >Which means that she must have just started digging
  28. >Good, that meant you actually had something to dig
  29. "Applejack!" you yell. "Get out of there! Bad! BAD!"
  30. >With a mighty roar you take a few steps before launching yourself into the air
  31. >The wind whipped at your face, your clothes rustled, and your stomach turned as you flew the rest of the from the entrance of your house (which was like two feet), through the air, and into the hole (which, all in all, might have been a bit more than five feet but who's counting?)
  32. >Applejack yelps in surprise as you fly overhead and land a foot next to her
  33. >...Shit!
  34. >You nearly rolled your fucking ankle...
  35. >Glaring down at the little orange horse before you you try to discreetly roll your ankle around, trying your very hardest not to wince in pain
  36. >7/10 landing
  37. >Any landing you survive is a good landing but would prefer a smoother one next time
  38. >Apple tries to open her mouth to say something but you grab her by the scruff of her next and left her bodily into the air
  39. "What. Did. I. Say. About, Wanting. Help?"
  40. >She glares right back at you while adjusting the hat on her head
  41. >"I'ah heard what ya said yesterday but I'ah ain't havin' any of it," she says, poking your chest. "Ya'll ain't diggin' this here hole of yers without mah help anymore!"
  42. "I already told you I appreciate the offer but--"
  43. >Applz just scoffs
  44. >"But nothin'!"
  45. >She poked you again
  46. >"I'ah don't care if yer bein' ornery or if yer just thick in the head! Yer a stallion an' this ain't stallion work, at least not by yerself. So shut yer trap an' let me help ya finish digging up this here hole!"
  47. >Your chest receives another poke
  48. >"Now why don't ya be a good colt an'--
  49. >Your eyes narrow dangerously
  50. >This little horse comes onto your property, uses your equipment without asking, and tells you that she's digging out your hole just because
  51. >And she poked you
  52. >More than once
  53. >In the motherfucking chest!
  54. >Oh...
  55. >You done fucked up now little horse
  56. >You bring her so close that you noses were touching, your lips drawing back into a snarl
  57. "Applejack," you growl. "If you don't--"
  58. >She pokes your chest again and you eye twitches
  59. >...This pone is about to get a fucking smack down...
  60. >If she pokes you ONE MORE FUCKING TIME!
  61. "--don't get out of my hole and off my property in the next five seconds I'm going to TOSS you through the air as hard as I can."
  62. >Apple pone leans in for another poke but stops when she sees the look on your face
  63. >"Why don't ya want anypony else helpin' ya ya ornery varmin?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing down to slits
  64. >Your frown grows
  65. "Because it's my hole and I took a fucking week off to dig it! I don't want any of you coming around here trashing up my yard anymore than it needs to be."
  66. >You lift Applejack a bit higher before booping her like like she's never been booped before
  67. "AND I'll get more done by myself than if I had a shitload of you crawling around everywhere getting into my shit."
  68. >Shaking your head you toss her out of the hole and pick your shovel back up
  69. >Looking up you see Applejack glaring down at you with her widdle nose scrunched up in irritation as she quietly huffed and puffed to herself
  70. >Little pone mad
  71. >Though you couldn't find a fuck to give at the moment
  72. >You had dealt with enough fuckery today
  73. >Work NEEDED to get down
  74. >For christ's sake
  75. >Waving her away you make a show of starting to dig
  76. "Now if you excuse me I have work that I need to--"
  77. >Applejack tries to hop back into the hole but you're too fast for her, snatching her out of thin air and holding her against your chest
  78. >"Let go of me an' let me help ya, Celestia damnit!" she yells, squirming in your grasp
  79. >Keeping a tight grip on the little cow pone you get out of the hole
  80. "Fuck off Applejack."
  81. >"Yer bein' difficult fer no good reason!"
  82. "Fuck off Applejack."
  83. >"Yer goin' ta get yerself hurt if ya keep on workin' like this gosh darnit!"
  84. >"Fuck off Applejack."
  85. >You grip her tightly as she struggles as hard as her little horse body will let her
  86. >"STOP TELLIN' ME TA BUCK OFF!!!"
  87. >Making your way to the end of your front yard you drop Applejack in a heap on the other side of your fence
  88. >She hits the ground with a grunt, her hat falling off of her hat and gently floating down and onto to her rump
  89. >You might have laughed if you weren't so jacked right now
  90. >...But...
  91. >Eh what the hell
  92. >Kek...
  93. "I didn't tell you to buck off," you say, grabbing her hat, dusting it off, and leaning over your fence to put it back on her head. "I told you to FUCK off."
  94. >Emerald eyes glare up at you as you look down at her with the tired determination that came when a man had to deal with horse bullshit for far too long
  95. "So if you'd kindly FUCK OFF and let me go back to my digging then I'd greatly appreciate it."
  96. >Not taking her eyes off of you Apple bottom climbs to her hooves
  97. >"This ain't over, Anon, ya here!"
  98. >Still glaring at you she slowly begins to trot away
  99. >"THIS AIN'T OVER!"
  100. >You watch as she leaves, more than ready to grab her, boop her, and toss her right back over if she tried anything funny
  101. >You had your hands in booping position and everything
  102. >But thankfully she just leaves, leaving you mildly upset and irritated and drained
  103. "Fucking horses," you mutter making your way back to your hole.
  104. >Hopping back into said hole you sigh
  105. >Sweet baby Jesus were you having a fucking day
  106. >And you kinda almost didn't have the energy to dig after all of the weird, random shit that you had had to put up with
  107. >But you were going to be DAMNED if you weren't going to do it now!
  108. >This was your fucking yard
  109. >This was your fucking dirt
  110. >And that tank was yours to fucking dig up
  111. >No matter what anyone had to say on the matter!
  112. >Grumbling to yourself you grab your shovel and swing it into the earth
  113. >You were gonna get this fucking hole dug, by your fucking self, even if it killed you!
  114. >Out of spite if nothing else!
  115. >Damnit!!!
  116. >You don't know who long you stay in that hole
  117. >It could have been minutes, it could have been hours
  118. >But in that time you focus on throwing as much dirt over your shoulder as possible
  119. >Right now you were on an inner journey with your spirit tonka truck
  120. >A journey where you would learn the meaning of life, the workings of the universe itself, and how to make the best honking sounds to sound EXACTLY like a car
  121. >A big, fast, awesome care
  122. >With flames on the sides
  123. >You dig and dig and dig, all the while muttering about apple horses and pone mayors and random I'll-ask-to-blow-you-when-the-whole-towns-watching pones and vrooming to yourself until you stop for a moment to take a breather and see how you were doing
  124. >...
  125. >...
  126. >...
  127. >Holy fucking shit...
  128. >You must have dug like two more feet!
  129. >Boy did you work like a champ when you were mad!
  130. >Now smiling slightly you put your hands on your hips, taking a moment to bask in your own glory
  131. >You must have been five or six feet down by now
  132. >If you worked for a bit longer you could finish the rest of this shit up tomorrow easy!
  133. >But first you should probably go and move all of that dirt
  134. >Now you you were looking at it you could see that you were running out of places to toss the stuff...
  135. >Still smiling you climbed out of your hole, and you were about to make your way toward your wheelbarrow, when you hear something
  136. >Something that sounded suspiciously like a lot of hooves stomping around...
  137. >You just stop and cock your head to the side, trying to listen carefully
  138. >...Yep, that sounded like hooves
  139. >What were the little towns pone's doing running around this late in the day?
  140. >And why in the hell did it sound like there were a load of them?
  141. "The fuck is going on?" you mutter, walking toward your fence
  142. >The sound seemed to pick up with each passing second and by the time you reach the fence, leaning out into the streets to see what the hell was going on, you could very clearly hear, and feel, the sounds of marching
  143. >"We gotta find a a way!"
  144. >"WE GOTTA FIND A WAY"
  145. >"To show our friend that we care!"
  146. >"TO SHOW OUR FRIEND THAT WE CARE!"
  147. >"And he needs to know that he has some really great hair!"
  148. >AND HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT HE HAS SOME REALLY GREAT HAIR!"
  149. >The marching gets louder and louder and more thunderous, so much so that you can feel the vibrations in your feet,until Twilight motherfucking Sparkle turns the corner
  150. >With about a THOUSAND fucking ponies
  151. >Earth pones, bird pones, horny pones of all shapes and sizes marched behind the purple princess in perfect formation and in step
  152. >They had determination in their eyes, their little heads were held high and their chests were puffed out
  153. >And
  154. >They
  155. >Were
  156. >All
  157. >Marching
  158. >Toward
  159. >Your
  160. >FUCKING
  161. >HOUSE
  162. >...
  163. >...
  164. >...
  165. >Shit!
  166. >With a yelp you charge back toward your hole and hop into it
  167. >You knew those fucking looks!
  168. >The little horses had finally formed a pone version of the KKK (like you knew they would) and now they were marching around town lynching/raping/other all of the minorities!
  169. >And since you were the only non pony in town (other than all of the donkeys but who gives a fuck about them?) they had come straight to your fucking house!
  170. >Looking around desperately you find your shovel, reaching down and grabbing it before poking your head out from the hole as best as you can and watching as the mob marches toward you
  171. >You always knew that these little horses were out to get you!
  172. >What with them looking at you funny whenever you walked around outside to buy things or shouted obscenities at them whenever they pissed you off
  173. >They didn't like the fact that you wore clothes
  174. >They didn't like the fact that you had hands
  175. >They didn't like that you had come down here with your new fangled ideas and views on life and shit
  176. >And you couldn't even go and get help, what with Princess Pork Spork leading the little fuckers
  177. >For all you knew the head horses up in Canterlot wanted your ass murdered Tupac style
  178. >Except with widdles hooves instead of bullets
  179. >And horses were killing you not gang members/the government
  180. >Most people would have had the common sense, after seeing a big ass mob marching toward you Nazi style, to take a hint and run the other direction
  181. >Maybe go find that Zecora bitch and live your days out as a kickass witch doctor
  182. >But you were going to be DAMNEd if they were going to scare you off or take you without a fight
  183. >This was your fucking house!
  184. >And even though the ponies here didn't want you you liked this fucking town!
  185. >If these little horses wanted to get you than that'd have to come down here and MAKE you leave
  186. >Your grip on your shovel tightens as you look at the adorable little pone surpremists
  187. >With their fucking smiles...
  188. >And the way that they chatted happily while the front row sang about friendship...
  189. >Blood thirsty, and racists, monsters
  190. >The lot of them!
  191.  
  192. BE Twilight Spong
  193. >You can't help but feel terribly pleased with how all of this had turned out
  194. >After Daisy and her sisters had gathered up everypony in town you had spend the next two or three hours explaining everything
  195. >How Anon looked at everyone and town, seeing friendship blossom and strengthen, and felt alone and sad at not experiencing them himself
  196. >How the poor, poor stallion must have felt because of having a culture that was a little different than his
  197. >How he obviously wanted friends but didn't know how to show you all that he cared or that he even wanted to be friends
  198. >Needless to say every single mare in attendance had been horrified; the stallions doubly so
  199. >Every single one of them had passed by, talked to, or had been around Anon
  200. >But not a single one of them knew he was hurting as bad as he was
  201. >You, until very recently, included
  202. >But that was in the past!
  203. >Now that you all knew the problem you could all fix it!
  204. >It almost brought tears to your eyes (no homo) with how quickly the towns ponies had rallied around you, dropping everything they were doing to go and console this gentle(ish) giant that you had all come to know
  205. >A gentle giant that was peering out from his hole, looking absolutely terrified as you all march up to his house
  206. >Alright Twilight!
  207. >You had a stallion that was in emotional
  208. turmoil on your hooves
  209. >Time to be an alpha mare, walk up and tell him that everything was going to be fine, hit him with a friendship lesson, and begin to make out furiously so that the other mares didn't try anything funny with him
  210. >...
  211. >Y-You know
  212. >For friendship and... stuff!
  213. >Your little army of friendship stops with you
  214. >Alright
  215. >Time to shine!
  216. "Anon!" you call. "Can you come over here for a second? We all have something really, really important we need to tell you!
  217. >"Fuck off purple!" the human yells, waving a shovel at you. "You're not gonna fucking lynch me!"
  218. >The smile that had been on your face dips
  219. >What the hay was a "lynch"?
  220. "Anon what are you--"
  221. >"You might have formed a fucking pone power movement, Spackle, but don't think I won't fucking go down fighting!"
  222. >Now you can hear ponies behind your starting to speak amongst themselves
  223. "Anon plea--"
  224. >"I already got a big ass hole dug up so we don't need to motherfucking graves! I'll make sure we all die tonight!"
  225. >Glaring at you all he points a shovel into the crowd
  226. >"Especially you Bon Bon!"
  227. >Ever pony in the crowd turns to look at Bon Bon, who frowns
  228. >"What?! Why me?" the earth pony demands indignantly, stomping her hoof
  229. >Anon waves his shovel around a bit more
  230. >"Fuck you! You know what you did you dirty little horse!"
  231. >"No fuck you!"
  232. >You awkwardly clear your throat
  233. >With had obviously gotten out of hoof already
  234. >You just needed to swing it back in a more friendship-y direction and everything would be fine
  235. "Um, Bon Bon, maybe--"
  236. >"Fuck me? You don't even know what fuck means!"
  237. >"I don't care!" Bon Bon roars back, stepping out of the crowd and walking toward Anon's fence. "Fuck whatever fuck means and FUCK YOU!"
  238. >The human, his eyes narrowing, crawls out of his hole and stomps toward her
  239. >"Double fuck you you little marshmallow-looking candy-maker!"
  240. >Bon Bon, growling, hops up onto her back legs, leaning against Anon's fence and butting heads with him as soon as he's within headbutting distance
  241. >"Triple fuck you you whiney, weird, clothes obsessed monkey thing!"
  242. >"Chubby, three color tone having, grouchy tooty-fruity!"
  243. >"Gangily, weird dick having, fuddy-duddy!"
  244. >Anon growls
  245. >"And how do you know what my dick looks like you taffy stand monk tickler?"
  246. >Bon Bon answers his growl with her own, though you could see a blush forming on her face
  247. >"Because I just do you..."
  248. >She blinks, trying to think of an insult
  249. >"...you...you... you double zigger!"
  250. >Anon's eye bug out, and he staggers back as if struck
  251. >You can hear ponies in the crowd gasp at the blatant racism as you eye twitches
  252. >This...
  253. >This wasn't friendship...
  254. >This wasn't friendship at all!
  255. >"Double zigger?!?!?! You--"
  256. >"WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST BUCKING MAKE OUT ALREADY?!"
  257. >Both Bon Bon and Anon look back out into the crowd
  258. >"FUCK OFF!" they both snarl before once again butting heads, growling and glaring at each other
  259. >...What is--
  260. >Why--
  261. >How--
  262. >You can't help but groan, facehoofing so hard you very nearly knocked a tooth you
  263. "Well everypony just calm down for ONE SECOND?!"
  264. >With a flap of your wings you launch yourself over Anon's fence and toward Anon's side
  265. >Grabbing him you gently pull him away from Bon Bon
  266. "Bon Bon! You know that Anon's really emotional right now! WE'RE supposed to be here to show him that we care, not scream at him!"
  267. >Bon Bon's face scrunched up dangerously
  268. >"No! Buck you and fuck him!"
  269. >She bares her teeth as she leans over the fence so far that you fear she's going to break it
  270. >"Fuck you Anon! Fuuuuuccccckkkkk yyyyyoooooouuuuu! If you think I stopped making my gum drops just to get yelled at by a stallion for no BUCKING REASON THAN YOU HAVE ANOTHER--"
  271. >You watch as Lyre slowly trots out of the crowd, shaking her head
  272. >"Bonnie, sweetie, remember what the doctor said about that temper."
  273. >With her magic she pulled the frothing at the mouth Bon Bon away from the fence and dragged her into the crowd
  274. >"I'm sorry about that, Fingers," the mint green mare calls over her shoulder as Bon Bon struggles against her magic. "I hope that the princess manages to help you out with all of your biz and stuff."
  275. >"FUUUUCCCCKKKK YOOOOOUUUUUU ANNNNNOOOONN--thmp!"
  276. >"Come on, Sweetie, let's get you home before you pop a blood vessel."
  277. >You, Anon, and pretty much the whole town watches the two leave before all eyes turn to you
  278. >You can't help but whimper, sitting heavily on your rump and sniffling
  279. >This... hadn't turned out like you had been expecting
  280. >There was supposed to be a song and dance and Anon was supposed to get real happy when he found out that you all cared about him and--
  281. >You wipe your nose with a hoof, sniffling again as your wings drooped onto the ground
  282. >Don't you bucking cry!
  283. >Not in front of everypony!
  284. >Don'tyouBUCKINGCRY!
  285. >"God is Bon Bon a cunt," Anon says before looking down at you
  286. >"Twilight? what the hell's biting you?"
  287. >He gets down on one knee and puts one of his hands on your shoulder, giving it a squeeze
  288. >"Hey now, there's no need to cry."
  289. >Still sniffling, and uncomfortably close to crying, you shuffle forward, burying your face into Anon's chest and wrapping your hooves around him
  290. >You'renotgoingtocry!
  291. >You'reabigmare!
  292. >Abigmare!
  293. >Anon wraps those glorious arms of his around you, rocking you both back and forth as he runs his hand through your mane
  294. >"There there, everything's alright, Nerkle."
  295. "I just wanted to bring e-everypony to s-show you t-that we all c-cared a-and--"
  296. >You can't help but sink against the human as much as you can
  297. >You felt so comforted, so safe in those arms
  298. >You could have stayed like this forever...
  299. >And there, in the arms of the big stallion that you had come to comfort you started crying
  300. >Like a big colt
  301. >A colty colt
  302. >And sweet Celestia, if you didn't feel so safe and loved right now you would have died from embarrassment
  303. >#PrincessProblems
  304.  
  305. BE ANON
  306. >Welp
  307. >It looks like Bon Bon broke Spackle
  308. >Her and maybe you just a little bit but it was mostly her fault
  309. >...Fucking Bon Bon
  310. >She knows what she fucking did...
  311. >You do you best to calm the crying pony in your arms as she mumbles something about friendship and care and holes
  312. "It's alright. Shush, it's alright..."
  313. >Damn
  314. >It must be more stressful organizing a lynching mob than you thought...
  315. >You take a minute to look up at the crowd
  316. >All of whom look slightly uncomfortable and confused as to what the hell was going on
  317. >You also were confused as to what the hell was going on
  318. >Time to change that
  319. "Hey you."
  320. >A little horse from the crowd looks at you
  321. >"Me?" she says, pointing a hoof at herself
  322. "Yeah you. What the hell's going on? Are you all here to lynch me or some shit?"
  323. >Your question is met with looks of confusion
  324. >"..What the hay is a Lynch?"
  325. >The mare looks at her fellow soon-to-be murders
  326. >"We're all just here to help you."
  327. >You frown as the whole lot of them say as much
  328. >Help you?
  329. >What the hell did they mean by that?
  330. >Was is the good kind of help or was it the help where you find yourself in a death camp?
  331. "...And what, pray tell, are you here to help me with?"
  332.  
  333. >BE TWIBORG DARKLE
  334. >You don't know how long you've been in Anon's wonderful, caring arms
  335. >It could have been a minute, it could have been an hour
  336. >You weren't the best judge of time whenever you were being a cry baby
  337. >But when you HAD finally managed to stop your crying and unlatch yourself from his chest you could see that the sun was about to set
  338. >"There you are, Purple."
  339. >Wiping your tear-riddled face with a hoof you look up and see Anon looking down at you
  340. "H-Hey, Anon, " you say weakly, hiccuping
  341. >The human gives your back a rub
  342. >"You feel better now?" he kindly asked
  343. >You lean into the rubbing, your wings twitching in delight
  344. "... A little bit," you answer
  345. >Boy must you look like a baby right now...
  346. >Holding onto a colt while you cry your eyes out in front of everypony...
  347. >Anon nods, patting your back before getting to his feet with a grunt
  348. >"So, I've been talking to the little army of horses over there," he says, pointing at all of the towns ponies that you had brought with you. "And they mostly told me what the hell was going on while you had your little... moment."
  349. >You can't help but blush a bit as you nod
  350. >You wanted to say something, wanted to take what all of these wonderful and caring ponies behind you had (hopefully) told him and say some words of wisdom that would be the cherry on top but you were a bit scatterbrained at the moment
  351. >It was hard to think now that you had Anon's scent all over you
  352. >His powerful, alluring, stallion-y scent...
  353. >Your wings twitch once again
  354. >But it's because of a different kind of excitement
  355. "Aha..." you say almost absentmindedly, trying your very hardest to keep your wings in check
  356. >"And I just want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I appreciate what you were trying to do."
  357. >Your ears perk up as he pats your head
  358. >Looking over your shoulder you see the towns ponies all smiling at you
  359. >"It's nice to know that all of you little guys care enough about lil' ol' me to come out and do this," Anon continues, a small smile making its way onto his face.
  360. "Even though I'm not the kind of guy that likes the feelsy stuff all that much it's nice to know that someone cares. Really, it does."
  361. >Anon shrugs, rubbing the back of his head
  362. >And I know I haven't been the... BEST neighbor in the whole wide world, and I know that I'm a pretty hard guy to be around and befriend and all of that shit-- hell, I don't even know all of you guy's names when you know mine-- and that's pretty shitty of me... To treat you all like that I mean..."
  363. >You look up at Anon with wide eyes
  364. >Was this it?
  365. >Was this the moment when this shit show turned out alright and everypony learned a lesson about friendship?
  366. >You can't help but find yourself smiling, rocking to and fro in giddiness
  367. >Oh it's happening wasn't it!
  368. >You could FEEL it in your bones!
  369. >Your friendship bones!!!
  370. >"I'm a big boy. I can admit it when I'm wrong."
  371. >Anon throws his arms up in the air
  372. >"And I'm wrong... I guess. So I'm sorry. For being a dick and stuff... I'll try to work on my dickery in the future and try to act more friendly and nice and stuff."
  373. >"And you'll stop swearing at us whenever we walk by your fence?" somepony in the crowd asked
  374. >Anon stiffens
  375. >"Hey! I didn't start swearing at some of you for no reason"! he says defensively. "Some of you little fuck--"
  376. >Anon stops himself, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath
  377. >"...Fine. I'll stop swearing at you all whenever you walk by my fence alright?"
  378. >The towns ponies look at each other before each muttering that they accepted his apology
  379. >...Wait
  380. >You did it?
  381. >You solved the friendship problem?
  382. >Even after all of the horse apples that happened today that tried its best to mess this up?
  383. >HAH!
  384. >Who's the bucking Princess of Friendship?!
  385. >You were that's who motherbucker!
  386. >You were the BEST Princess of Friendship!
  387. >Whoooo!!!
  388. >Squeeing you leap into the air, doing a little dance, before landing on your hooves
  389. >We did it!
  390. >We did it!
  391. >We did it!
  392. >Yay!
  393. "So does that mean you'll let us help you dig your hole?" you ask him
  394. >Oh you could not WAIT for write a friendship report about his!
  395. >Princess Celestia was going to be so--
  396. >"Nope."
  397. >You freeze
  398. >The towns ponies freeze
  399. >About half a mile away a flock of geese freeze
  400. >...
  401. >...
  402. >...
  403. >Wat
  404. "...What?"
  405. >Anon nods, shooing you out of his yard
  406. >"While I'm up to the gills in love and understanding and friendship and shit I'm still gonna dig the hole by myself."
  407. >Looking back at his hole Anon frowns
  408. >"I would have probably finished almost all of it today if it wasn't for all of the other stuff that I had to do but I'm sure I'll finish it tomorrow. Right now I got a shower and some leftover pizza calling my name."
  409. >Nudging you with his foot, Anon pushes you out of his front yard
  410. >"See you guys later."
  411. >No!
  412. >This wasn't how this was going to go down!
  413. >NOT AGAIN!
  414. "Wait a minute!" you cry. "Anon! We're not going to let you work on this by yourself!"
  415. >It took a minute to figure out why he was STILL being difficult
  416. >But then you remembered that this was how his species' stallion's acted
  417. >You HAD to get a aggressive with him!
  418. >Even though you weren't particularly comfortable doing so
  419. >Anon cocks his head at you, the smallest of frowns coming to his face
  420. >"Yes you are, Narkle," he says, crossing his arms. "If you were my friend then you'd understand that I want to do it alone."
  421. >Oh that bullshit friend shaming wasn't going to work on THIS bucking mare!
  422. "But friends help friends with whatever they need, Anon!" you retort. "I know you don't want us help--though I have no bucking idea why you wouldn't want anypony to help you with digging up a hole-- but you've got to stop being so stubborn and let us help you!"
  423. >It almost felt like you were talking to a male right now Applejack for Celestia's sake
  424. >And if stubbornness and/or thick-headedness was as common trait among humans as you think it was then Applejack would probably fit right in on "Darth"
  425. >Or however Anon pronounced the name of his world
  426. >But you HAD gotten Applejack to let you and the girls help her with her farm after Big Mac got hurt
  427. >You were SURE that you'd wear Anon down!
  428. >One way or another
  429. >"I already told Applejack that I didn't want any of you fucking up my yard, Twilight," Anon said, his tone slightly raised, though you could tell that he was trying to keep himself calm. "You little horses are little walking hurricanes! I'd rather dig out this hole by myself than let you all come in here and touch everything with your grubby little hooves."
  430. >Hey now...
  431. >That sounded awfully racist...
  432. >You DO NOT have grubby hooves
  433. >And pretty much everypony you knew took hoof care very seriously
  434. >You weren't a zeb--
  435. >Hey!
  436. >Now you're bucking doing it!
  437. >Youaren'tracistdamnit!
  438. >Anon gives both you and the crowd a look before turning around and walking toward his house
  439. >"Now I don't want to hear about anymore about you helping! I appreciate it but it's not going to happen! For Christ's sake..."
  440. >You watch Anon walk away from you all with slowly narrowing eyes
  441. >It appeared that diplomacy had failed
  442. >You didn't need to be a genius to figure out that Anon wasn't going to let you help with this willingly
  443. >So now it looked like you were going to have to do it by force!
  444. >Luckily you had explained to the little mob behind you that this might be something that you'd all have to do so they were ready
  445. >You could already see a few of them pulling out the shovels that they had brought with them
  446. >Sighing loudly, you magick a shovel to your person
  447. >Sorry Anon
  448. >You might be one hunk of a stallion but you had let your stubbornness get the better of you...
  449. >Time for a mare to straighten you out...
  450. "I'm sorry to hear that, Anon," you say.
  451. >The towns ponies began walking toward Anon's fence, hopping or flying over it as the human turned to look at you all in confusion
  452. "But we're not going to take no for answer!"
  453. >You lift your shovel into the air and point it at him
  454. >You hoped with all of your heart that nopony would be overly pushy with Anon when they made him go back into his house
  455. >It'd kill you if you made him cry
  456. >Or if he got hurt in ANY way
  457. >But it really couldn't be helped
  458. >Hopefully all of you could all laugh about this in the morning when it was all over
  459. >I'mheretokickflankandchewbubblegum.pog
  460. "GET HIM!"
  461.  
  462. BE ANON
  463. >You know, it had been a pretty fucking weird day all things considered
  464. >But if someone would have told you that you would have ended your day with a god damned 1v100 drawl you would have scoffed
  465. >Unfortunately you weren't scoffing now
  466. >Nor were you chuckling, cackling, laughing, giggling, or anything in between
  467. >Right now you were dirty, exhausted, your clothes were torn, and you were pissed right the fuck off
  468. >You had told those little horses that you wanted to dig your hole alone
  469. >You had said these works more than once to multiple ponies
  470. >You had thought this was something that their widdle horse minds could understand
  471. >And that they would leave you alone so you could dig your hole
  472. >But each time you told them to fuck off they just came back with more little horses and more reasons why they needed to help you
  473. >You liked their spunk, you really, honestly did, but this was too god damned far
  474. >So, like any pissed off individual that had intruders on his property you calmly and civilly told them to piss off
  475. >By tossing them, throwing them, calling them names, breaking their shovels, and much much more
  476. >Sure, you could have had at them with your shovel, but you REALLY didn't want to hurt the little guys
  477. >You might have been a dick but you weren't a monster
  478. >...At least you weren't THAT much of a monster...
  479. >They had tried defending themselves from your "onslaught" but you would not be stopped
  480. >You were a juggernaut on this ridiculous field of battle
  481. >They had tried stopping you with blankets but you tore through them like they were paper
  482. >They had tried to beat you down with pillows but you had batted them away like they were nothing
  483. >One stallion even called you names for about ten minutes, something that horrified his fellow ponies (for some fucking reason) but it had flowed off your back like you were a duck in water
  484. >Even though you had almost stopped the scuffle with how ADORABLE they ponies were being you had hardened your head
  485. >They had fucked up your yard and you weren't going to let them get away with it
  486. >You weren't going to let them get away with it
  487. >One
  488. >Fucking
  489. >Bit
  490. >No matter how adorable they were and how silly their methods of self defense
  491. >"Anon! PLEASE!"
  492. >Book horse did her best to try and wiggle out of your grasp as you carried her by the scruff of her neck away from the battlefield that had become your yard
  493. >Shovels and clumps of grass were scattered across the place, and the big pile of dirt that used to be next to you hole was gone
  494. >During some part of your little "battle" the horses, seeing that you were tearing through their ranks like they weren't shit (and they WEREN'T shit), had, in their panic, dumped the WHOLE FUCKING PILE back into your hole
  495. >Making all of your hard work for the day mean jack shit
  496. >You hadn't even felt sorry for Cloud Chaser when you had tossed the bitch into a tree
  497. >And hell, you almost giggled when you sent Hooves running with a string of yo momma jokes
  498. >...God damned, motherfucking, pissing, cocking, bullshitting ponies...
  499. >But there was a silver-lining in all of this bullshit
  500. >Really, there was!
  501. >Now that you had (metaphorically) bashed in some heads hopefully you wouldn't be bothered again
  502. >Ponies might not have been the brightest bunch but even THEY weren't this dumb
  503. >You had just showed them how much you didn't want them helping you
  504. >So now they'd leave you and your hole alone
  505. >All you needed to do was toss the little "leader" of this shit show and your statement would be complete
  506. >"Anon! If you'd just listen for me for one second so I can--"
  507. "Look at all of the fucking damage you all fucking caused!"
  508. >You poke her again
  509. "Do you know how much work it's going to take to fix all of this?"
  510. >Not that much really, what with there being magic and all, but you may as well make her feel bad about what she did
  511. >Bust her balls as it were
  512. "I'm probably going to have to spend the next two or three fucking days working on all of this!"
  513. >You expected Twilight to look ashamed
  514. >Or at the very least a little upset since you foiled her plan and all
  515. >But she was just looking at you with look of utter determination
  516. >"I'm going to help you with this, Anonymous," she said. "I'm going to help you with this, and the girls are going to help you with this, because we care."
  517. >You find yourself frowning as she lurches forward and wraps her hooves around your shoulders in what you assumed was a hug
  518. >Wat?
  519. >What was she--
  520. >You watch as Book hoers teleports away from you in a pop, appearing a in the street a second later
  521. >The two of you have this weird... stare down for a few seconds before she raced away
  522. >"Don't you worry Anon!" she yells. "You might have beaten me this time but I'll find a way to beat you and dig that hole out! It's be our friendship hole, Anon! OUR FRIENDSHIP HOLE!!!"
  523. >You just stand there watching as she sprinted around the corner, your mind trying to piece together what the hell she was yammering on about
  524. >...
  525. >...
  526. >...
  527. >You know what?
  528. >Fuck it
  529. >You were too tired to deal with this shit!
  530. "Fucking ponies," you mumble to yourself. "I swear to fucking god..."
  531. >Right now your fucked up lawn and your fucked up neighbors and your fucked up life could wait
  532. >You wanted to get something to eat
  533. >You wanted to take a fucking bath
  534. >And you wanted to just RELAX for five minutes
  535. >Sit down for a bit, maybe have a deer or ten
  536. >If anyone deserved to take a break right now it was YOU
  537. >But then, after your leisure time, you needed to get back out here and man the fort
  538. >From the look on Twilight's face, and all of the bullshit that she had just put you through, it looked like this nonsense was far from done
  539. >She, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to help you dig this hole
  540. >And you, being the unreasonable cunt you were, weren't going to let her
  541. >Because she just wouldn't leave you alone
  542. >Because she had gotten like half of the town to jump you and ruin your front yard
  543. >Because freedom and America and fireworks and shit!
  544. >Because some men aren't looking for anything logical like money
  545. >They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with
  546. >Some crazy, fucked up men just want to watch the world burn
  547. >YOU were that crazy motherfucker
  548. >And TWILIGHT
  549. >WAS
  550. >NOT
  551. >GOING
  552. >TO
  553. >FUCKING
  554. >TOUCH
  555. >YOUR
  556. >MOTHERFUCKING
  557. >HOLE
  558. >JESUS
  559. >CHRIST!
  560.  
  561.  
  562. BE TWILIGHT SPARKLE
  563. >You had been unprepared
  564. >Vastly unprepared
  565. >You didn't expect Anon, a stallion, to put up that much of a fight!
  566. >Not one bucking bit!
  567. >Human females must have been bucking shit brick houses to deal with that shit!
  568. >Trying your hardest to ignore the burning in your legs you race toward your house, magicking open the door and running through into your home without stopping
  569. >So from what you had gathered human males were more aggressive, stronger, and a lot tougher than stallion males
  570. >But the problem was you didn't know HOW tough or strong he WAS
  571. >And you couldn't test the waters by using your magic on him because you, along with most mares you knew, didn't have the stomach to try to physically overpower a male
  572. >You mother had taught you better than that
  573. >So that left you with only one choice
  574. >You needed somepony with the experience and knowledge to handle any type of stallion
  575. >Somepony who's presence demanded respect and awe
  576. >And if words wouldn't sway Anonymous then they would have courage and the grit to lay down the law and force him to step down!
  577. >Scrambling upstairs you race toward your desk, putting out a quill and a piece of paper
  578. "Dear Princess Celestia...
  579.  
  580. >BE ANON
  581. >You weren't gonna lie
  582. >It had been a pretty rough night
  583. >After your shower and regulary scheduled masterbation secession you had walked by one of your windows to find a group of ponies trying to dig up your hole in the middle of the night
  584. >They had latern helmets and they were singing songs, and it was adorable, but still...
  585. >Though all it had taken was some yelling and threats on your part to get them to go away you had been paranoid that they were going to come back the second that you went to sleep
  586. >So you had done the only thing that made sense at the time and slept outside in your hole with a broom on your right and your shovel on your left
  587. >Which, oddly enough, wasn't as bad as you thought it was going to be
  588. >It wasn't cold out, so all you needed was a thin blanket that you had wrapped around yourself
  589. >Since the ground was all dug up that made it a pretty comfortable to lay on
  590. >...Maybe better than your bed now that you think about it...
  591. >Fuck did you need to get a better bed...
  592. >But the whole sleeping outside thing wasn't what made it hard to sleep last night
  593. >What made it hard to sleep was the fact that you had been correct in assuming that the little horselets would try to come back later in the night
  594. >At about twelve in the morning you had awoken to about five or six of the little buggers trying to drag you out of your fucking hole by your t-shirt
  595. >Which you hadn't been happy about one fucking bit
  596. >So instead of the sleep that you had been wanting to get you had spent most of the night playing sentry, just waiting with your broom to give someone hell
  597. >And that meant, as the sun peeked its fiery head over the horizon, you weren't in the best of moods
  598. >You were tired
  599. >You were achy from digging and fighting yesterday, and sitting in a hole for about eight hours wasn't helping one bit
  600. >And you were starting to get hungry and you kinda had to go to the bathroom
  601. >But FUCK all of that!
  602. >You weren't going to leave this hole!
  603. >You were going to wait until the sun came up and then you were going to dig this motherfucker!
  604. >Fucking ponies
  605. >Telling you that you couldn't dig your hole by yourself!
  606. >And why the hell not?
  607. >This was YOUR property!
  608. >You should be able to do whatever the hell you wanted
  609. >This house of your's was your castle
  610. >Your kingdom
  611. >Your motherfucking empire
  612. >And you were it's ruler
  613. >The one that looked after and maintained everything!
  614. >Not Twibnight, not appul hoser, not anyone else
  615. >So you were GOING to dig this hole
  616. >'Cause it was your hole
  617. >And no one else's
  618. >YOUR'S
  619. >Yawning hugely you hold your blanket tight against your shoulders before rubbing your eye
  620. >But that didn't mean you were too happy about it
  621. >...FUCK this no sleeping bul--
  622. >"Nonny! NONNY!!! Whoo! Over here!"
  623. >Turning your head you see Ponk skipping down the street toward you, a paper bag in her mouth and a spring in her step
  624. >Still yawning you reach over and grab your broom
  625. "Morning Pinkie," you say tiredly, hefting your weapon as she made her way toward you
  626. >She giggled
  627. >"I saw that somepony was being a grumpy gills and decided to sleep outside!"
  628. >She drops the paper bag at your feet
  629. >"But not like camping outside because you didn't have a sleeping bag or a campfire or a tent! Did you need a tent Nonny because--"
  630. >Why the hell does she have to sound so chipper right now when it must be five in the fucking morning?
  631. >No one's supposed to be happy at five in the morning!
  632. >...Fucking morning people...
  633. >Quickly tuning out the chatting pony you reached down--making sure to keep an eye on Pank so she didn't try anything funny-- and grabbed the paper bag
  634. >Frowning slightly, you give it a little shake
  635. "Oi, Pinkie," you say, interrupting... whatever Pinkie was saying. "What's in the bag?
  636. >Still smiling Pinkie reaches behind her back and pulls out a steaming foam cup of coffee
  637. >...At least you think it was coffee...
  638. >It SAID coffee on the side so...
  639. >"I thought that you'd like some breakfast, Nonny Puss! You'll need the energy to "dig your hole of freedom!"
  640. >You bat at Pint's legs with the bag as she stomps around your hole, deepening her voice and making faces at you as she said it.
  641. "Hey, I did NOT say that," you mutter, taking a careful sip of your coffee
  642. >Hmm
  643. >Hot and black and bitter
  644. >Just like you liked your ex-girlfriends
  645. >Pinkie giggled again as you put down your coffee to see what goodies awaited you in your paper bag of mystery
  646. >"I know silly! I just thought it'd be silly enough to get you to smile!"
  647. >You stop messing with the bag to look up at her with bloodshot eyes
  648. "What time is it Pinkie?"
  649. >Pinkie looks up at the sky, squints, and looks back at you
  650. >"It's about four-thirty Nonny Bagonny."
  651. >Four-thirty?
  652. >Jesus Christ
  653. >Did the sun really raise this early?
  654. >What the fuck was wrong with Sun hoers?
  655. "There's no way you're going to get me to smile, laugh, grin, chuckle, or giggle at four-thirty in the morning, Pinkie."
  656. >"Aw, come on, Nanny Panny Fo-Fanny!"
  657. >Pinkie jumps into the hole with you as you finally manage to open up the paper bag
  658. >Huh
  659. >There's a LOT of donuts in here
  660. >And they're Caramel Apple
  661. >Your favorite
  662. >With a grunt you sit down, Pinkie hopping into your lap the second your ass touches the dirt
  663. >"Come on! Give your aunt Pinkie a smile!"
  664. >She squishes your cheeks together as you reach up for your coffee
  665. >"Come on! Who's a silly filly? Who's a big ol' filly--thmp!"
  666. >Pank lets out a pleased hum as you stuff a donut onto her mouth
  667. "Shush," you demand, pulling out another donut from the bag. "Let me get some fucking coffee in me and something to eat before you start yammering again... For fuck's sake..."
  668. >Her ears twitching, Pint nodded with a smile, wiggling in your lap as she reached into your bag and helped herself to another one of your donuts
  669. >Which was just as well since you kind of wanted to make sure she didn't put anything into them
  670. >...Though, knowing Pinkie she'd--
  671. >Ugh
  672. >Too much thinky
  673. >Needed wakey upy foody
  674. >There's a comfortable silence as you and Pinkie just sit there and eat, Pinkie trying to chat with you and you stuffing more food into her face whenever she opened her mouth while you tried to find a way to wake yourself up
  675. >And, after seven to ten cups of coffee, all provided by Pinkie pulling them out of her asshole, and a couple of donuts, you could say that you almost felt halfway awake
  676. "Alright," you say, giving Ponk Pea a pat on the back as you finished up your last cup of life-giving nectar. "Get up off me Pinkie."
  677. >Pinkie, still licking the crumbs off of her lips, hopped off of your lap, allowing you to rise to your feet
  678. >"Do you feel better, Nonnynator?" she asked
  679. >You pat her head with the barest of smiles
  680. "Yeah, I feel like a million bucks, Pinkie. Thanks for the grub."
  681. >Pinkie giggles, hopping out of the hole
  682. >"Alright, this party pony's got some baking to do!" she says with a happy bounce
  683. >You nod, tossing your blanket off of you and grabbing the trusty shovel that had been keeping you comfortable during this long, hard night
  684. "And I gotta get to work since the sun's all out and such."
  685. >Pinkie was about to turn away but then she just stopped
  686. >"Nonny?"
  687. >You yawn again
  688. "Yeah?"
  689. >"How come you don't want anypony helping you?"
  690. >Looking up you see Polio looking down at you with a big, sad look that would melt the heart of even the most dastardly, evil creatures
  691. >...
  692. >...
  693. >...
  694. >We can't take the hnnnngg Cap'n!
  695. "Come on, Pinkie! Don't give me that fucking look!" you demand, shielding your face so as to protect your poor, poor heart
  696. >She doesn't stop, and you swear you can feel the cute seeping through your forearm
  697. "For fuck's sake stop looking at me like that god dammit! You're killing me here!"
  698. >"..."
  699. "I just want to dig it up by myself alright?"
  700. >"..."
  701. >You pick up your shovel and do your best to shield yourself with it
  702. >It didn't work but you tried
  703. "Don't you ever have the desire to do something yourself without anyone helping you?"
  704. >"..."
  705. "I want to dig out this big ass hole by myself and look at all of the dirt and feel proud and shit!"
  706. >You find yourself backing away from Pinkie
  707. >It was like you were looking right at the eye of fucking Sauron
  708. >Except it was a hell of a lot cuter
  709. >...And Pinkie wasn't on fire
  710. "And look at what happened when some of your ponies tried to help me the other day!"
  711. >You wave a hand around the war zone that had become your front yard
  712. "I don't even see what's the big deal about me doing it by myself anyway! It's just digging a fucking hole and--umph!"
  713. >You stagger backwards as Pinkie leaps toward you and wraps you up in a patented Party Pone hug
  714. >"Alright, Nonnykins," she says, nuzzling the side of your face. "I believe you, silly filly."
  715. >Regaining your balance you return the hug--though you're not really too happy about it-- giving the mare a squeeze before the two of you break it
  716. >"Bye, bye Nonny!" Pinkie says with a wave. "I hope you manage to dig your freedom hole!"
  717. "Wait, it's not a freedom..."
  718. >You sigh, facepalming
  719. "Fuck it... See you Pinkie..."
  720. >It's gonna be another long fucking day
  721. >You just knew it
  722.  
  723. BE PRINCESS LUNA
  724. >'Tis another lovely, lovely day in your kingdom
  725. >Or at least it would be if not for some disconcerting news that your sister made you aware of
  726. >Apparently sister had received news--from young Twilight Sparkle no less-- that that odd stallion that your sister had allowed sanctuary was being... difficult
  727. >So difficult that Twilight had requested your sister's help in the matter
  728. >Something that, for the life of you, you couldn't fathom
  729. >Why would she need help with a difficult colt?
  730. >All one needed to do was show them to the nearest kitchen and they would know what to do from here
  731. >Stallions were, by nature, very simple creatures after all
  732. >...Though to be fair, a mare, in many ways, was just as simple...
  733. >And you yourself would LOVE to know how to make a sandwich...
  734. >But enough about your views about the lesser sex!
  735. >You and your sister had a matter of importance to settle!
  736. >And from the way that your sister had insisted on cancelling her schedules to go to Ponyville to see the mattered settled you had figured that it the matter at hoof must have been far more serious than you expected
  737. >...Or your dear sister was simply so bored that she had been looking for any excuse to ditch work and go goof around
  738. >Your expect it to be the latter since she was sitting in the royal chariot next to you looking positively giddy with excitement
  739. >Though you are no better, since you had also decided to postpone your (admittedly minor but horribly boring) duties of the day to, as they say, "play hookie and swing loose man"
  740. >...Or however the fillies and colts say it these days
  741. "Art thou well, sister mine?" you ask, poking her with a wing. "Thou art moving to and fro as though thou hast a swarm of ants in thy pantaloons."
  742. >Your sister just smiles, leaning over to nuzzle you
  743. >"Oh, it's nothing, Luna," she tells you, looking out into the horizon. "I was just thinking on Twilight's letter."
  744. >You nod
  745. "Aye, it is an... interesting read."
  746. >You can't help but chuckle in amusement as what she told you about it came to mind
  747. "Though we fear that it is more fiction than fact."
  748. >Your sister giggles quietly
  749. >"Oh, I'm sure that Twilight just got a little excited over what must be a silly little understanding," she says with a wave of the wing
  750. >You can't help but shake your head in disbelief
  751. "Couldst thou imagine a magicless stallion fighting off a hoard of mares with none but his bare hooves?"
  752. >"Hands," your sister quickly corrected
  753. >You roll your eyes and wave a hoof dismissively
  754. "It makes no difference WHAT appendages he has, the two of us still have to make the journey down to Ponyville to quell this situation. A situation that your student should--"
  755. >Your sister bit her lip
  756. >"Luna?"
  757. "Yes sister?"
  758. >"I know that you might think that this is silly and all but I'd appreciate it if you'd take the situation seriously. From what Twilight said Anonymous is already agitated with what happened, and there's no need to make things any worse.
  759. >You find yourself frowning
  760. >Your sister didn't think you were going to be serious?!
  761. >You were the definition of seriousness!
  762. >You OOZED it!
  763. >The contents of your chamberpot had more seriousness in it than a room full of diplomats during a world meeting!!!
  764. "We promise that We will give this all of the seriousness that it deserves, sister mine," you tell Celestia
  765. >"And remember what I taught you about today's stallions and how... gentle they can be...."
  766. >You snorted
  767. "I, Princess Luna, Lady of the Night, Mistress of Dreams, swear upon my crown and my honor to look upon the young colt Anonymous' plight with understanding and gentleness. We will also hold his hoof and call him pretty, and--"
  768. >You can't help but grin as your sister slugs you in the shoulder
  769. >"You know what I mean, Luna!"
  770. >Resisting the urge to rub your shoulder you slug your sister right back
  771. "What We DO know is that thou art taking this matter far too seriously, sister. The two of us will go down, solve the issue, and have enough time to frolic with the peasantry."
  772. >Or at least you'd do your best to make sure that was what happened
  773. >Hopefully Anonymous wasn't a screamer, or heaven forbid, a cryer
  774. >You HATED when a stallion was a bucking cryer
  775. >Bucking mare up and take life's lumps like you had a pair of ovaries!
  776. >"Your Majesties," one of your drivers says over the wind. "We will be landing in Ponyville in a few moments."
  777. >You grin, giving your sister a look
  778. "Art thou ready to lay down the law, sister mine?"
  779. >Celestia rolls her eyes and shoves you when you wiggle your eyebrows at her
  780. >"I don't know why I take you anywhere..."
  781.  
  782. BE ANON AGAIN
  783. >Diggy hole, diggy hole
  784. >You were a motherfucker that was digging a hole!
  785. >Not wanting a repeat of yesterday you had decided to take breaks in between your digging to move the soil that you had shoveled up into the back
  786. >All the while keeping an eye out for little horses carrying shovels
  787. >You knew that they were out there
  788. >Waiting for you to be just a LITTLE lax in your vigilance
  789. >Then they'd descend upon you like an adorable tornado of destruction
  790. >You were so paranoid that they were going to jump you again your process was nothing like it had been yesterday
  791. >You just could keep your eyes down for more than a minute without looking around
  792. >For fuck's sake, you had been digging since the fucking break of dawn but had only managed to dig a foot and a half or so!
  793. >...
  794. >...
  795. >...
  796. >But that was fine
  797. >Slow and steady won the race!
  798. >As long as your fucking neighbors left you well enough alone everything would be fine
  799. >You'd dig your hole, you'd put your new tank in, and everyone would live happily ever after
  800. >And if you just--
  801. >"Anon! ANON!"
  802. >...God damnit
  803. >Poking your head up from out of your hole you see book horse leading her little troop of "do-gooders" toward you
  804. >But unlike last time it appeared that they had two extra special guest
  805. >Motherfucking Princess Celestia and Princess Luna
  806. >That...
  807. >That fucking tattletale!
  808. >She told on you didn't she>1
  809. "Did you go and fucking tell on me, Purple?" you demand as they stop just short of your fence
  810. >While Twilot at least had the common decency to look a bit ashamed Celestia looks like she's about to start laughing
  811. >"I wouldn't say that, Anonymous," she says, both her and her sister entering the "danger zone"
  812. >You don't break eye contact as you reach over and grab your broom
  813. >This seems to amuse Sunny bun's further, and even Woona looked like she wanted to crack a smile
  814. >"Oh come now, my little human, there's no need for that. My sister and I have just come here to speak to you."
  815. >Luna nods
  816. >"Aye, we hath come to settle the dispute between thee and the townsfolk."
  817. >Hah!
  818. >You'll be the fucking judge of THAT!
  819. "Oh really?"
  820. >Though they're doing their best to look disarming you heft your broom, making it a point to give it a few practice swings
  821. "There's nothing so you to talking about or oversee or any of that shit," you say as they stop a few feet from you
  822. >Just a bit out of your broom's range you couldn't help but notice
  823. "I told Twinight over there that I didn't want anyone helping me and look at what the hell she did!"
  824. >You gesture to your poor, poor yard
  825. "I wasn't asking her or any of those little horses over there to move a fucking mountain, I just asked them to leave me alone so I could spend the day just getting some yard work done. Is that really too much to ask?"
  826. >Celestia just looked down at you with her motherly smile, taking a step forward and opening her mouth to say something, but then her sister cut her off
  827. >"Anonymous, We would like to know why art thy britches in a bunch?"
  828. >A small frown comes to her face as she brushes past her sister and keeps walking forward until she's at the edge of your hole
  829. >"My sister hath given thee a home to lounge in and put in a good work to thy boss so that she would hire thee--"
  830. >You have to resist the sudden urge to start swinging your broom
  831. >Celestia didn't GIVE you this house
  832. >...Well, she DID, at first
  833. >But after you had gotten back on your feet you had worked tooth and nail to pay her back
  834. >She had tried to protest, the generous little horse that she was, but you wouldn't be denied
  835. >You HATED free handouts
  836. >Especially when you were the one getting them
  837. >"'--Thou also live in a place with a plethora of young and spry mares-- mares who, We are sure, would be happy to settle in with thee and protect thee from the world-- but thou continue to live in isolation like a leper!"
  838. >She snorted, looking you up and down
  839. >"Thou art only getting older by the day, Anonymous. It would be wise for thee to find thyself some good wives before mother time sets her gaze upon thee."
  840. >You watch as the Princess of the Night unfurls a wing and uses it to poke your nose
  841. >"But thou willst never find thyself a mare if thou continue playing the shrew. Now come, crawl out of that hole and let us do what is obviously mare's work while thee speak with our sister."
  842. >She nudges her head toward your house
  843. >"Thou can reward our chivalry by making us something to eat after thou settle thy grievance with her !"
  844. >...
  845. >...
  846. >...
  847. >You very slowly put down your broom
  848. >With narrowed eyes you pick up your shovel
  849. >For a moment, a LONG moment, you consider the chances of getting away with regicide
  850. >And then you put your shovel down after a few more seconds of thinking it over
  851. >No
  852. >You might not have been the smartest tool in the shed, and since Woona was talking in her Ye Oldie you could barely understand what the hell what she was saying, but you understood the gist of it well enough
  853. >This little zigga didn't want to help you get these little horselets away from your house
  854. >She, for whatever fucking reason, had joined them
  855. >And now she wanted to fuck with your hole, your property, and yer liberties
  856. >And not only that she had called you a freeloader and demanded that you go into your fucking house, walk into your motherfucking kitchen, pull out some bread and assorted foodstuffs, and make her a motherfucking sandwich
  857. >The
  858. >Bitch
  859. >Wanted
  860. >You
  861. >To
  862. >Make
  863. >Her
  864. >A
  865. >Motherfucking
  866. >Sandwich
  867. >Oh, you done fucked up now little horse
  868. >You done fucked up real good...
  869.  
  870. BE TWILIGHT
  871. >...Holy hay
  872. >That must have been the most sexist things you've heard since your Granny Sparkle was in town...
  873. >Didn't your teacher said that she was doing all that she could to help Luna get used to the modern life?
  874. >Shit, she could have fooled you!
  875. >...
  876. >...
  877. >...
  878. >...She must have not covered the fact that stallions had rights and all of that stuff yet...
  879. >Oh...
  880. >Yep
  881. >The Princess looks horribly embarrassed...
  882. >"LUNA!"
  883. >And she sounds angry and--
  884. >Oh holy shit....
  885. >Anon looks a heck of a lot angrier than Princess Celestia sounds...
  886. >A LOT angrier...
  887. >And he's getting out of his hole...
  888. >He looks at all of you, his face suddenly becoming emotionless
  889. >"Will you all excuse me for a moment? I have to go and get something."
  890. >Before anyone can think of replying he walks off, leaving you all just standing there looking at Princess Luna, who was very slowly realizing that she MIGHT have said something a bit... inappropriate
  891. >[Angry Human noises off in the distance]
  892. >She looked back at her upset sister, then at the crowd of disquieted--not the stallions though, most of them looked pretty bucking mad--, then at you
  893. >"Oh... did we say something wrong?" she asked, blinking slowly
  894. >You try to hold it back but a groan escapes your mouth
  895. >Thereistrulynopeacefromthisevil.jgp
  896.  
  897. BE PRINCESS CELLERY
  898. >Wha--
  899. >What the heck was that?!
  900. >Did you sister REALLY just do that?!
  901. >You TOLD her to be gentle with Anonymous!
  902. "Luna! What did I say to you in the chariot!" you growled, taking a step toward her
  903. >Your sister just looks around in confusion
  904. >"We were simply saying the truth, sister mine," she tells you as you stand there fuming. "We do not understand where thy anger is coming from nor why it is directed at us."
  905. >Your eye twitches
  906. >Really?
  907. >REALLY?!
  908. "You told him to go and make you a sandwich Luna? What did I tell you about telling stallions that?!"
  909. >You through you were getting through to her with your lessons about today's males
  910. >About the struggles they had gone through through the years, earning the right to vote, own property, hold positions in government, among other things
  911. >A stallion was no longer just something that a group of mares could own!
  912. >Sweet gods above
  913. >YOU were the one that had fought for male's rights when nopony else would!
  914. >They were creatures with this own thoughts and and feelings and all of that jazz!
  915. >Luna cocked her head, obviously still puzzled as to why you were upset
  916. >"...But what crime is that, dear sister? We art hungry and we would enjoy a hay sandwich with tomato if it was brought it to us. Is it truly wrong for asking to sup with one that you had gone out of your way to help? Hath you and I not had many a feast for a hero that helped save our kingdom?"
  917. >You stomped your hoof so hard that the earth shook
  918. "It is NOT the same thing!"
  919. >"We do not understand why thou art yelling at us," Luna said, now starting to look slightly upset herself. "All that we said was true. Thou gave Anonymous this home, and we hath heard from thy own mouth that thou had set him up with a job."
  920. >She stomped a hoof herself
  921. >"And we are not WRONG about his need to find a mate. The longer he stays without a herd the more likely it is that a group of mares will force themselves upon him."
  922. >Luna turned away from you to look out at the crowd that your dear student had brought with you
  923. >"That is not a fate we would have brought on any stallion and We would spare him of it if We could."
  924. >You open your mouth to continue yelling when you stop
  925. >That--
  926. >Th--
  927. >...
  928. >...
  929. >...
  930. >...Huh
  931. >You take a moment to think over what your sister had told Anon
  932. >It might have been a little... rude and more than a little blunt
  933. >And Anon had every right to be mad that she had said it like that...
  934. >BUT...
  935. >You HAD given Anon that house, even though the silly man had insisted that he pay you back the house's worth...
  936. >And you HAD gone out of your way to make sure that the big colt had gotten a job where he would be able to provide for himself...
  937. >...And even YOU had been slightly concerned about Anon getting taken advantage of by mares that didn't have his interest at heart when you had found out that he STILL hadn't found somepony...
  938. >And heaven forbid if somepony tired to force him to rut...
  939. >...
  940. >...
  941. >...
  942. >Your sister, in her own really, really, REALLY blunt and harsh way, had voiced her concern for young Anonymous...
  943. >...
  944. >...
  945. >...
  946. >Huh
  947. >You really don't know what to feel now...
  948. "...Luna, I... THINK that you mean well--"
  949. >"Of course we mean well, Sister! We wouldn't--
  950. "--BUT the way that you said what you said might have been a little too blunt for Anonymous."
  951. >You hadn't seen hide nor hair of the poor thing since he stormed off
  952. >The dear must have been crying his eyes out somewhere...
  953. >For the briefest of moments your sister looks just a bit unsure of herself
  954. >You can't help but take a step forward and wrap a comforting wing around your little sister
  955. >...You know, this was just as much your fault as it was Luna's
  956. >You knew that your lil' sis was still adjusting
  957. >Of course she'd say something every once and a while that wouldn't be "politically correct"
  958. >You should have known that she might say something like that...
  959. >Then you could have simply explained to everypony that you sister was still learning and that-- even though it didn't look like it-- she cared just as much as you
  960. >If you had done that then Anon wouldn't have stormed off you wouldn't have to look forward to a bunch of angry letters when you got home
  961. >...
  962. >...
  963. >...
  964. >You done bucked up Celestia...
  965. >Luna leaned against your side
  966. >"...We said something wrong didn't we sister?"
  967. >You nuzzled the top of her head
  968. "It's nothing that we can't fix, Luna," you tell her
  969. >Luna nodded
  970. >"Aye, if we said something that truly offended him as a person then we are more than happy to make amends. We art a lady after all, and a princess to boot. It would be shameful if we did not."
  971. >She snorted half-heartedly
  972. >"Though we are still going to dig the stallion's hole whether he wants us to or not. He may be a stallion but we art the night and--
  973. >If you would have been paying attention you would have noticed that Anonymous had finally returned from wherever he had wandered off
  974. >If you would have just looked over your shoulder, or if your sister would have, or if the hundred ponies would have said something (bucking ninnies) you would have seen that he was carrying a hose
  975. >You would have also been able to watch as he attached the end of the hose, muttering angrily to himself, to a spigot, put a nozzle on the other end, and turned the water on
  976. >But you didn't see any of that, which was why Anonymous was able to get right behind the two of you, aim his hose, and fire the cold, cold water
  977. >Hitting your sister right in the back
  978. >"AURTHRGRNGRTOBNRO!"
  979. >The second that the water hit your sister she launched herself out of your wing hug, her wings flaring, and rolled across the grass
  980. >"WHO HATH DARED thmpmepempe!--"
  981. >Still confused as to what the BUCK happening you rolled away yourself, spinning around to see a narrow-eyed human glaring at your sister while he sprayed water right into her face
  982. "ANON?!?!!"
  983.  
  984. >BE ANON
  985. >You watch with no small amount of satisfaction as Moon bottom bucks and rolls and hops around your house, trying her very hardest to get away from your hose of death
  986. >Her body twitched and tensed each time you nailed her with what HAD to be fucking freezing cold water
  987. >"Anon! Thou will cease thy actions at onc--"
  988. >Yawning you flick the end of your hose, causing a jet of water to hit the Angwy Princess of the Night right in the middle of her back
  989. >She lets out a surprised whinney, doing a barrel roll onto the air before crashing in a heap next to your fence
  990. >"ANON!"
  991. >Still making sure that your cold water of doom was hitting some part of Luna (and silently awing as she tried to bat it away with her hoofsies) you turn to see Celestia glaring at you
  992. >She mad
  993. >Not that you have a fuck to give tho
  994. >In fact you give negative fucks
  995. >You're the oxygen of fuckronegativity
  996. >'Cause you be takin' fucks
  997. "Don't you worry," you tell her. "You'll get yours in a minute."
  998. >Luna rolled away from the water, desperately trying to get to her sister
  999. >"Tia, Tia! WE art in need of assistance! The water is too cold! THE WATER IS TOO COLD! We will get a cold if--"
  1000. >Another flick of your wrist sent a turret of water into the princess' face, which forced her to shield her money maker with her hooves
  1001. >"SISTER--THLMPMTHMTPLMTPL! HALP! HAL--FULUREREULRTRL! WE ART BEING OVERWHELMED! THOEUREORNEROI! WE BEG OF THEE TO COME TO OUR AID!"
  1002. >Luna rolled around on the ground, coating herself in newly made mud, trying to get the water off of her body but your hose, and the water coming out of it, followed her
  1003. "Bad horse," you murmur. "BAD. Saying grown folks didn't work for their shit..."
  1004. >"WE SWEAR TO THE GODS OF VENGEANCE THAT WE PUT THEE OVER OUR KNEE AND TEACH THEE TO TREAT THY--THOEKRNEON! SISTER HALP! IT'S GETTING INTO OUR MOUTH! IT'S. GETTING. INTO. OUR. MOUTH!!! WE ART BEING KILLED BY WATER!!! HALP!!!!"
  1005. >...Sweet Jesus was this adorable
  1006. >It was like hosing down a big dog and watching--
  1007. >"ANONYMOUS!"
  1008. >You can't help but drop your hose as what sounded like a fucking gun shot went off right next to your ear
  1009. >A magical golden glow encases your hose, shutting it off and moving it away from you
  1010. >And before you can try to process that an invisible force spins you around to face down an angry-looking Celestia
  1011. >...
  1012. >...
  1013. >...
  1014. >Fuckthepolice
  1015. >You try to dive for your water-tossing weapon but sun hoers is already upon you, her chest puffed out and her wings spread out wide
  1016. >You can't help but back peddle as she stomps toward you
  1017. >Fuckingshit!
  1018. >You might have gone just a bit too far with this one...
  1019.  
  1020. BE CELESTIA
  1021. >Anon just hosed your sister!
  1022. >HOSED HER!
  1023. >You hadn't seen savagery like that in...
  1024. >...In decades!
  1025. >You had expected Anon to be a little upset but you didn't think he was going to outright attack her!
  1026. >Poor Luna was probably going to need counseling...
  1027. >And a towel
  1028. >Warneverchanges.horror
  1029. "ANON!" you roar
  1030. >The human, surprised, drops his terrible weapon, which allowed you to turn it off and throw it away from him
  1031. >Anon spins around, looks, at you, then at his hose, before trying to dive for it
  1032. >Unfortunately for him you're too quick
  1033. "STOP!" you roar, hoping in front of him and spreading your wings
  1034. >Anonymous, letting out a panicked squeak, backpedals away from you, but you don't give him an INCH of breathing room
  1035. >Stallion or not you could not let such an attack on your sister go unanswered
  1036. >You had to put a stop to this AT ONCE!
  1037. >You stomp toward the retreating human with all of the anger of a goddess as he retreats with a panicked look on his face
  1038. "Sister, are you alright?"
  1039. >You see Luna, gasping and shaking, rise to her hooves
  1040. >"We... We shall live... Sister."
  1041. >Anonymous tries to skirt around you but a growl stops him in his tracks
  1042. >He tries to do it again and once again you barely manage to force him back
  1043. >The fear is slowly leaving him when he notices that you aren't attacking
  1044. >He continues to try to get around you as you desperately try to think of a way to stop this
  1045. >You could keep him back with your magic if you had to but the second that it would take to cast the spell might give Anonymous enough time to reach his dreaded weapon
  1046. >Then you'd all be doomed...
  1047. >Wet AND doomed...
  1048.  
  1049. BE ANON
  1050. >You can't help but just stand there for a moment and watch as Sunhoers stomps toward you
  1051. >Her chest was so puffed out that you expected her to fall flat on her face at any moment, her nose was scrunched up adorably, her wings were extended and the ends of them were flapping, and this weird horse-y/ pigeon cooing sound was coming from her mouth
  1052. >...But that was it
  1053. >She wasn't blowing you up with her horse god magic
  1054. >She wasn't trying to fuck you up with that pig sticker on her forehead
  1055. >Hell, she wasn't even trying to hit or tackle you
  1056. >She was just stomping around being adorable and making her silly sounds
  1057. >...
  1058. >...
  1059. >...
  1060. >You honestly don't know if she's just making fun of you or what but you think its about time Princess Cellery and Moonbottom kindly fucked off your property
  1061. >Like right meow
  1062. >You try to walk about her but she takes a few quick steps forward, flaps her wings, and honks at you
  1063. >She honks...
  1064. >Like a goose...
  1065. >You find yourself taking a few steps backwards in shock
  1066. >You didn't know why but you're... intimidated
  1067. >And you're confused as to WHY you're intimidated
  1068. >...Fucking ponies must be rubbing off on you if you think that big white horse stomping around like a ninny was scary...
  1069. >"Yeah!" one of the little horses shouts from the crowd that was--for some reason-- still watching this shit show. "Go get'em Princess! Show that colt who's boss!"
  1070. >"YEAH!" a whole bunch of mares yelled
  1071. >Well fuck you too little horses...
  1072. >"No!" someone that sounded like a stallion screamed right back. "You stand your ground, Anon! Don't let a sexist mare try to oppress you!"
  1073. >"YEAH!" a whole bunch of stallions cried
  1074. >Ohshit!
  1075. >Whatrudoinpone?
  1076. >Staph!
  1077. "Shit the fuck up!" you yell
  1078. >There was no way in HELL you were going to be the cause of a fucking gender war
  1079. >...Not again...
  1080. >You turn around and start making your way toward the crowd, rolling up your sleeves with a furrowed brow
  1081. "And all of you little fucks get away from my house! I just want to dig my fucking hole and--"
  1082. >"Anonymous!"
  1083. >Turning around you see Celestia looking at you with worry on her widdle horse face
  1084. >"You know that I don't look at you different than anypony else, no matter if you're a mare or a stallion, right?"
  1085. >You nod, walking back over to the silly white pone and patting her on the head
  1086. "Yeah, don't you even worry about it, Princess. Don't go and listen to any of these little horses trying to start shit."
  1087. >The princess smiles, nuzzling your hand
  1088. >"Oh thank goodness, I was sure tha-- HAH!"
  1089. >With what suspiciously sounded like a battle cry, Celestia launches herself at you
  1090. >You stumble backward as her hooves wrap themselves around your shoulders
  1091. "Celestia, what the hell--"
  1092. >"Shush, shush," the princess pone whispered, wrapping her wings around you and pulling herself close against you. "Just relax, just relax. Go to sleep, go to sleep..."
  1093. >You heard Twilight gasp
  1094. >"I-Is that a-a combat snuggle?" she asked, sounding horrified. "P-Princess, Anon doesn't d-deserve t-tha--"
  1095. >You feel Celestia nuzzle the side of your head
  1096. >"It's alright, Anon," she whispered, her wings tightening around you. "You're safe here. Nopony's going to hurt you or make you angry. In fact you're not angry one little bit; you're calm, happy, and sleepy... SLEEPY..."
  1097. >You just kind of stand there wondering what was going on
  1098. >Combat snuggle?
  1099. >What the hell was that?
  1100. >And why did all of the little horses look like they've just shit themselves?
  1101. >She was just hugging you....
  1102. >Hugging and whispering nonsense in your ear
  1103. >But that was IT...
  1104. >...
  1105. >...
  1106. >...
  1107. >Fucking ponies...
  1108.  
  1109. BE CELESTIA
  1110. >Your plan worked!
  1111. >You had managed to close in on Anon when he was distracted!
  1112. >Though you hadn't imagined in your wildest dreams that you'd have to combat snuggle anypony, let alone a stallion, when you came down here there was no helping it
  1113. >No matter how much doing this hurt you to your very core you couldn't let Anonymous get near that hose of his
  1114. >You didn't want anypony else to get hosed by the angry human
  1115. >And you were more than willing to taint yourself by committing this vile act to achieve this goal
  1116. >May the gods above save your soul...
  1117. >You feel Anon relax under your assault
  1118. >Soon he'd be incapacitated and you'd be able to talk some sense into the silly stallion
  1119. >And if not you'd just have to cuddle him until he couldn't be cuddled anymore
  1120. >No matter how much it sickened you to cuddle a stallion without his permission
  1121. "There, there," you coo, nuzzling him. "You're getting sleepy, Anon. You want to relax and take a nap."
  1122. >You knew that Anon would collapse at any moment
  1123. >You could feel it in your BONES
  1124. >In your younger years you had spent decades mastering the art of cuddle based combat
  1125. >And though it had been many a year since you had been forced to use it you knew even now that nopony came close to your expertise
  1126. >None could withstand your cuddliness or your softness
  1127. >Just a few more--
  1128. >"...What the hell do you think you're doing?"
  1129. >You stiffen slightly and look down
  1130. >...
  1131. >...
  1132. >...
  1133. >Why didn't Anon look like he was going to fall asleep?
  1134. >Why weren't his eyelids drooping?!
  1135. >Your form in that cuddle leap had been PERFECT!
  1136. >PERFECT!
  1137. >You wiggle around, fluffing your wings and chest tuft out the best you can in your position
  1138. "Shush, it's alright, Anon."
  1139. >You continue to rub your cheek against his as soothingly as you can...
  1140. >But he doesn't even yawn!
  1141. >What the holy horse apples was going on?!
  1142. >Anon looked up at you in irritation for a moment before looking past you and at the hose that was lying a few feet away
  1143. >You follow his gaze before the two of you just look at each other for a long, awkward moment
  1144. "..."
  1145. >"..."
  1146. "...Anon?"
  1147. >"Yes Princess?"
  1148. "You wouldn't happen to feel sleepy or lightheaded do you? Maybe you're about to pass out? Anything like that?"
  1149. >Anon shakes his head
  1150. >"Nope."
  1151. >Anon tried to push you off of him but you wrap both your fore legs and your back legs around him
  1152. "Not even a little bit?"
  1153. >"Get off of me Celestia."
  1154. >Your eyes widen in alarm
  1155. "Oh, I'm not too heavy for you am I dear?" you asked, concerned even while Anon was trying to pull you off of him
  1156. >But you weren't going to let go if you could help it
  1157. >There was too much at stake!
  1158. >...And you REALLY didn't want to get wet
  1159. >Anonymous ignores your question, and begins to make his way over to his hose of doom
  1160. >Ohshitwhatrudoin'?!
  1161. "Anonymous please, we can talk about this!"
  1162. >You try to throw your weight around to hopefully knock him off of his feet so you can try some ground glomping but the man may was well have been rooted to the ground
  1163. "Anon please, be reasonable. There's no need to use that hose."
  1164. >Anonpls
  1165. >You try to cover Anon's face with your hooves and your wings but he just continues to walk forward
  1166. >With an angry growl you grab the human's face
  1167. >Anonstop
  1168. "Anonymous! You will stop right this instance and you wil-- Anon don't you touch that hose! DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT HOSE!"
  1169. >NoAnonplsstahp!
  1170. >You try to keep Anon's arms by his side but the human managed to wiggle his arms free just in front of your boom
  1171. >Why wasn't anypony trying to help you?!
  1172. >What the hay was Twilight doing?
  1173. >What about your sister?!
  1174. >Didn't they see you were in a bit of trouble here?!
  1175. >Anon squats down and paws at the hose as you try your very hardest to push it away from him
  1176. "Anonymous," you say as calmly as you can manage . "Please, let's be reasonable about this."
  1177. >The damnable human continues to ignore you, his eyes narrowing as he comes closer and closer to getting those hands of his on that hose
  1178. >AnonNO!
  1179. "I can give you anything you want if you just stop being so silly. Do you want bits? A title? Clothing? Jewelry?"
  1180. >Your wings bat at his arms, you squeeze his cheeks and look at him as sternly as you can but he still manages to grab that hose of his
  1181. >Flyyoufools.pgn
  1182. >You try to roll away from Anon but one of the human's arms snakes upward and grabs you by the back of your peytral, lifting you bodily into the air
  1183. >You squirm and wiggle with all of your might
  1184. "ANON! You put me down right now!"
  1185. >...You had no idea that Anon was with STRONG
  1186. >Sweet gods above you couldn't remember the last time anyone was able to hold you like this!
  1187. >..Don't you get bucking aroused!
  1188. >Now's not a good time for that!
  1189. >Not looking away from you, Anon very slowly and deliberately brings up the hose and puts the cold metal faucet against your chest
  1190. >You gasp at the sensation, freezing and staring down at the stone-faced human with wide eyes
  1191. >You can feel the human's hot breath wash against you neck
  1192. >You could see his unblinking, merciless eyes
  1193. >For a brief, brief second you couldn't help but feel...
  1194. >Small...
  1195. "...A-Anon pls..."
  1196. >Anon brings you close and leans toward your ear, whispering,
  1197. >"Fuck. The. Pol-ice."

Diggy Hole 1

by lapsbin

Diggy Hole 2

by lapsbin

Diggy Hole 3

by lapsbin

Diggy Hole 4

by lapsbin

Diggy Hole 5

by lapsbin