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Apple Wooing

By lapsbin
Created: 2020-12-25 17:08:32
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
    BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
  2. 2.
    "Urgh... fucking alarm..."
  3. 3.
    >BE ANON
  4. 4.
    >Welp
  5. 5.
    >It looked like it was that time again
  6. 6.
    >Time to get up, go to work, and be a productive member of society
  7. 7.
    >Grumble grumble fuck work grumble
  8. 8.
    >Though you REALLY don't want to get out of the comfort of your nice warm bed the Quill and Sopa's store was acallin'
  9. 9.
    >Unfortunately
  10. 10.
    >Fucking book horse taking away your government checks because you called her a tubby tuba tummy tum tums...
  11. 11.
    >Yawning hugely you sit up in your bed and open your eyes
  12. 12.
    >Your bedroom was just as you left it
  13. 13.
    >Not too neat, not too dirty
  14. 14.
    >Every place had a thing and everything had it's place
  15. 15.
    >But it looked like all was not well in Candyland folks
  16. 16.
    >There, sitting on your nightstand, was a single apple
  17. 17.
    >A Red Gaia you think
  18. 18.
    "Fifth time this week... goddamn apple fairy..."
  19. 19.
    >Rubbing an eye you reach over and pick the apple up, running your fingers over the perfect apple-y skin
  20. 20.
    >Yep
  21. 21.
    >It's an apple
  22. 22.
    >A plain, ordinary apple
  23. 23.
    >Just like all of the other apples that had been appearing in your house for no fucking reason
  24. 24.
    >With your apple in hand you get up and start your day
  25. 25.
    >You're greeted with another apple-- a granny smith-- in your bathroom
  26. 26.
    >After your shower you find two more in your underwear drawer
  27. 27.
    >And three more in your closet
  28. 28.
    >When you went downstairs and into your kitchen you saw about a dozen of them stacked up on your counter
  29. 29.
    >Shaking your head you place all of the apples on your table and grab yourself a glass of OJ
  30. 30.
    >Last week seeing all of these apples around your house would have freaked you the fuck out
  31. 31.
    >In fact it HAD had freaked you the fuck out
  32. 32.
    >Pretty badly in fact
  33. 33.
    >You had rushed to the locksmith and got brand new locks for everything and locked your doors and slept with a baseball bat all of that shit
  34. 34.
    >You weren't going to be murdered by some weird apple fetishist!
  35. 35.
    >But then it just kept happening
  36. 36.
    >You'd wake up and find an apple by your head or by the counter or some shit like that
  37. 37.
    >THAT had scared the shit out of you
  38. 38.
    >You were expecting to wake up in some rape dungeon or murdered or something
  39. 39.
    >But then... nothing really happened
  40. 40.
    >Whoever was going through the trouble to break into your house wasn't doing anything other than leaving you a whole bunch of apples to find
  41. 41.
    >They weren't stealing anything
  42. 42.
    >They weren't breaking anything
  43. 43.
    >To the best of your knowledge they weren't doing anything to you
  44. 44.
    >They were just leaving apples everywhere
  45. 45.
    >So you had eventually calmed down and rolled with it
  46. 46.
    >It wasn't like finding a bunch of apples every morning was a BAD thing
  47. 47.
    >More weird than bad if you thought about it
  48. 48.
    >And at worst there was just some apple fairy running around leaving apples in peoples houses... or something like that...
  49. 49.
    >Sure, it was weird, but just another day in horse land right?
  50. 50.
    >And for all you knew there actually WAS a fucking apple fairy running around
  51. 51.
    >'Tis a silly place horseland is
  52. 52.
    "At least I don't have to go and buy apples anymore," you mused, grabbing one of the apples and rubbing it against your shirt before taking a bite out of it
  53. 53.
    >Hmm
  54. 54.
    >Apple-y
  55. 55.
     
  56. 56.
    BE APPLEJACK
  57. 57.
    >It's lovely ah day out
  58. 58.
    >Celestia's sun was a'shinin'
  59. 59.
    >The apple trees were ready for buckin'
  60. 60.
    >An' there you were outside Anon's window watching as he took ah bite out of one of the apples you left him
  61. 61.
    >An' NO
  62. 62.
    >You weren't stalkin'!
  63. 63.
    >You were just... scoutin' out for a potential mate the good ol' Apple way!
  64. 64.
    >Like your ma and her ma before 'er you left apples all 'round Anon's house while he was sleepin' to see how well he'd take to 'em
  65. 65.
    >If'n he liked the apples you left him that meant that he'd like you
  66. 66.
    >'Cause you liked apples and apple accessories
  67. 67.
    >And were also an Apple
  68. 68.
    >So it make a whole lick of sense
  69. 69.
    >You guessed...
  70. 70.
    >...At least that what Granny told you...
  71. 71.
    >...
  72. 72.
    >...
  73. 73.
    >...
  74. 74.
    >But why would Granny be wrong?
  75. 75.
    >In her day she'd have the stallions darn near knocking down the door!
  76. 76.
    >You were gonna listen to your gut and stick to the Apple way
  77. 77.
    >An' the Apple way said that you needed to find a stallion that loved apples
  78. 78.
    >Though it looked like you didn't have to worry none about that with Anon there!
  79. 79.
    >No ma'am!
  80. 80.
    >Every morning the big colt would walk all through his house lookin' for your little gifts
  81. 81.
    >An' most importantly he'd eat one or two before headin' on to his job where he's wear that cute little outfit of his!
  82. 82.
    >Heh
  83. 83.
    >You couldn't WAIT to get him in a cute little outfit yourself...
  84. 84.
    >...Hey!
  85. 85.
    >HEY
  86. 86.
    >Now none of that there fantasizin''!
  87. 87.
    >You needed to stay focused ya hear!
  88. 88.
    >Giving your head a shake and doing your best to ignore the blush that had somehow made its way to your face you watch as Anon took another bite out of your apple
  89. 89.
    >You could almost HEAR him hummin' at the taste
  90. 90.
    >You sure could see that pleased look on his face though!
  91. 91.
    >You can't help but do a happy little wiggle in your hide-y bush
  92. 92.
    >Anon liked your apples!
  93. 93.
    >An' you liked your apples!
  94. 94.
    >The two of you made for each other
  95. 95.
    >As sure as sugar!
  96. 96.
    >He done passed the first test!
  97. 97.
    >He liked apples! Maybe even loved them!
  98. 98.
    >An' don't forget him being good lookin' and nice and...
  99. 99.
    >You try not to yelp as Anon looks through his window in your direction
  100. 100.
    >OhsweetCelestiayougottahide!
  101. 101.
    >You duck into the bush that you were hiding him and pray to both Celestia and Luna that he didn't see you
  102. 102.
    >You didn't want to explain why the hay you were out here like this...
  103. 103.
    >Granny sure was right!
  104. 104.
    >It was harder an' hay gettin' yourself a mate
  105. 105.
    >You had to stake out his house day in and day out
  106. 106.
    >You needed to pick the most perfect apples to give to 'em
  107. 107.
    >You needed to break into his house--making sure he didn't wake up-- and leave them apples where he's find'em
  108. 108.
    >AND you had to keep yourself from pokin' at'em while he was asleep in his bed!
  109. 109.
    >Shoooot!!!
  110. 110.
    >None of your friends had to deal with any of that nonsense you bet
  111. 111.
    >Though, to be fair, your friends usually weren't racking the stallions in
  112. 112.
    >'Cept Rarity
  113. 113.
    >But you knew the ones she got weren't the kind that you'd want to bring home to your parents...
  114. 114.
    >Like Anon was...
  115. 115.
    >You can't help but smile
  116. 116.
    >Even though you knew that this all was a bit of a pain you knew it'd be worth it
  117. 117.
    >Anon would be the mother of all catches
  118. 118.
    >He was a hard worker
  119. 119.
    >He never complained
  120. 120.
    >He was an' honest one
  121. 121.
    >An' he had the best flank in town
  122. 122.
    >An' you were gonna reel'em in!
  123. 123.
    >Just you wait an' see!
  124. 124.
    >A couple more apples an' he'd be chasing YOUR tail!
  125. 125.
     
  126. 126.
    BE ANON AGAIN
  127. 127.
    >Humming a little tune to yourself you walk out your door you finish the apple that you'd been munching on and toss it into a nearby bush while hefting the apples that you'd gotten this morning in a paper bag
  128. 128.
    >You kinda needed to get rid of all of these
  129. 129.
    >You liked apples and all but you must have had like six dozen in your house right now
  130. 130.
    >There was no place to put them and he had others to eat so these one's had to go
  131. 131.
    >...But who you were going to dump them off on?
  132. 132.
    >THAT was the question of the day...
  133. 133.
    >A question that you were going to have to answer later
  134. 134.
    >Right now you had to go to work and earn your pay check!
  135. 135.
    >You're about to start walking when you hear a little voice squeaking out in the distance
  136. 136.
    >"Hey Mr. Anon!"
  137. 137.
    >Looking around you see little Applebloom trotting toward you with a smile and that ADORABLE little bow of her's
  138. 138.
    >Goddamn is that horse a weapon of HNNNG destruction
  139. 139.
    >You swear your teeth hurt just by looking at her
  140. 140.
    "How's it going Applebloom?" you greet as the little filly stops right in front of you
  141. 141.
    >"I'm just headin' on ta school," she says, eyeing the bag in your hands with a curious expression. "Whatcha got there?"
  142. 142.
    "Apples from the apple fairy."
  143. 143.
    >The little filly blinks owlishly
  144. 144.
    >"Apple fairy? What the hay's that?"
  145. 145.
    >You shrug
  146. 146.
    "Someone that breaks into my house everyday and leaves a bunch of apples around my house for some reason."
  147. 147.
    >You receive another blank look
  148. 148.
    >"Is that right?"
  149. 149.
    "Yep, it's been happening for a couple of days now."
  150. 150.
    >Nodding slowly, the little earth pony follows you as you step off your porch and onto the dirt road that led to town
  151. 151.
    >"Ain't ya worried 'bout whoever's breakin' into yer house?"
  152. 152.
    >You shrug again
  153. 153.
    "Nah, not really."
  154. 154.
    >Humming thoughtfully you look down at your bag of apples
  155. 155.
    "Hey, you think Cheerilee would want these for her class? I got so many apples I don't know what to do with all of them."
  156. 156.
    >It's Applebloom's turn to shrug
  157. 157.
    >"You can come an' ask 'er if'n you feel like it," she tells you. "I'll take a couple if you're really hankerin' to get rid of 'em."
  158. 158.
    >You can't help but smile at that
  159. 159.
    >Those silly little appul horses really do love their apples
  160. 160.
    >That and their countryisms
  161. 161.
    "I got a bit before my shift starts so I can go and ask her. At the very least I can just dump them off you kids when teacher pone isn't looking."
  162. 162.
    >There's a rustle behind you
  163. 163.
    >"B-But muh a-apples of marely l-love!"
  164. 164.
    >Both you and Applebloom stop and look around
  165. 165.
    "...Did you hear that Applebloom?"
  166. 166.
    >"...I recon I did, Mr. Anon."
  167. 167.
    >Huh
  168. 168.
    >There's no one around though...
  169. 169.
    >Maybe it was just the wind?
  170. 170.
    >Eh, whatever
  171. 171.
    >You had to get to work
  172. 172.
    >You could deal with talking shrubs after your shift was over
  173. 173.
    "Come on, Applebloom, let's get you to school."
  174. 174.
    >The tiny little horse smiles up at you and does a happy little hop
  175. 175.
    >"Alright, Mr. Anon!"
  176. 176.
    "Hey, whatever happened to that sister of yours? I swear I haven't seen her around in like a MONTH..."

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