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Apple Wooing

By lapsbin
Created: 2020-12-25 17:08:32
Expiry: Never

  1. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
  2. "Urgh... fucking alarm..."
  3. >BE ANON
  4. >Welp
  5. >It looked like it was that time again
  6. >Time to get up, go to work, and be a productive member of society
  7. >Grumble grumble fuck work grumble
  8. >Though you REALLY don't want to get out of the comfort of your nice warm bed the Quill and Sopa's store was acallin'
  9. >Unfortunately
  10. >Fucking book horse taking away your government checks because you called her a tubby tuba tummy tum tums...
  11. >Yawning hugely you sit up in your bed and open your eyes
  12. >Your bedroom was just as you left it
  13. >Not too neat, not too dirty
  14. >Every place had a thing and everything had it's place
  15. >But it looked like all was not well in Candyland folks
  16. >There, sitting on your nightstand, was a single apple
  17. >A Red Gaia you think
  18. "Fifth time this week... goddamn apple fairy..."
  19. >Rubbing an eye you reach over and pick the apple up, running your fingers over the perfect apple-y skin
  20. >Yep
  21. >It's an apple
  22. >A plain, ordinary apple
  23. >Just like all of the other apples that had been appearing in your house for no fucking reason
  24. >With your apple in hand you get up and start your day
  25. >You're greeted with another apple-- a granny smith-- in your bathroom
  26. >After your shower you find two more in your underwear drawer
  27. >And three more in your closet
  28. >When you went downstairs and into your kitchen you saw about a dozen of them stacked up on your counter
  29. >Shaking your head you place all of the apples on your table and grab yourself a glass of OJ
  30. >Last week seeing all of these apples around your house would have freaked you the fuck out
  31. >In fact it HAD had freaked you the fuck out
  32. >Pretty badly in fact
  33. >You had rushed to the locksmith and got brand new locks for everything and locked your doors and slept with a baseball bat all of that shit
  34. >You weren't going to be murdered by some weird apple fetishist!
  35. >But then it just kept happening
  36. >You'd wake up and find an apple by your head or by the counter or some shit like that
  37. >THAT had scared the shit out of you
  38. >You were expecting to wake up in some rape dungeon or murdered or something
  39. >But then... nothing really happened
  40. >Whoever was going through the trouble to break into your house wasn't doing anything other than leaving you a whole bunch of apples to find
  41. >They weren't stealing anything
  42. >They weren't breaking anything
  43. >To the best of your knowledge they weren't doing anything to you
  44. >They were just leaving apples everywhere
  45. >So you had eventually calmed down and rolled with it
  46. >It wasn't like finding a bunch of apples every morning was a BAD thing
  47. >More weird than bad if you thought about it
  48. >And at worst there was just some apple fairy running around leaving apples in peoples houses... or something like that...
  49. >Sure, it was weird, but just another day in horse land right?
  50. >And for all you knew there actually WAS a fucking apple fairy running around
  51. >'Tis a silly place horseland is
  52. "At least I don't have to go and buy apples anymore," you mused, grabbing one of the apples and rubbing it against your shirt before taking a bite out of it
  53. >Hmm
  54. >Apple-y
  55.  
  56. BE APPLEJACK
  57. >It's lovely ah day out
  58. >Celestia's sun was a'shinin'
  59. >The apple trees were ready for buckin'
  60. >An' there you were outside Anon's window watching as he took ah bite out of one of the apples you left him
  61. >An' NO
  62. >You weren't stalkin'!
  63. >You were just... scoutin' out for a potential mate the good ol' Apple way!
  64. >Like your ma and her ma before 'er you left apples all 'round Anon's house while he was sleepin' to see how well he'd take to 'em
  65. >If'n he liked the apples you left him that meant that he'd like you
  66. >'Cause you liked apples and apple accessories
  67. >And were also an Apple
  68. >So it make a whole lick of sense
  69. >You guessed...
  70. >...At least that what Granny told you...
  71. >...
  72. >...
  73. >...
  74. >But why would Granny be wrong?
  75. >In her day she'd have the stallions darn near knocking down the door!
  76. >You were gonna listen to your gut and stick to the Apple way
  77. >An' the Apple way said that you needed to find a stallion that loved apples
  78. >Though it looked like you didn't have to worry none about that with Anon there!
  79. >No ma'am!
  80. >Every morning the big colt would walk all through his house lookin' for your little gifts
  81. >An' most importantly he'd eat one or two before headin' on to his job where he's wear that cute little outfit of his!
  82. >Heh
  83. >You couldn't WAIT to get him in a cute little outfit yourself...
  84. >...Hey!
  85. >HEY
  86. >Now none of that there fantasizin''!
  87. >You needed to stay focused ya hear!
  88. >Giving your head a shake and doing your best to ignore the blush that had somehow made its way to your face you watch as Anon took another bite out of your apple
  89. >You could almost HEAR him hummin' at the taste
  90. >You sure could see that pleased look on his face though!
  91. >You can't help but do a happy little wiggle in your hide-y bush
  92. >Anon liked your apples!
  93. >An' you liked your apples!
  94. >The two of you made for each other
  95. >As sure as sugar!
  96. >He done passed the first test!
  97. >He liked apples! Maybe even loved them!
  98. >An' don't forget him being good lookin' and nice and...
  99. >You try not to yelp as Anon looks through his window in your direction
  100. >OhsweetCelestiayougottahide!
  101. >You duck into the bush that you were hiding him and pray to both Celestia and Luna that he didn't see you
  102. >You didn't want to explain why the hay you were out here like this...
  103. >Granny sure was right!
  104. >It was harder an' hay gettin' yourself a mate
  105. >You had to stake out his house day in and day out
  106. >You needed to pick the most perfect apples to give to 'em
  107. >You needed to break into his house--making sure he didn't wake up-- and leave them apples where he's find'em
  108. >AND you had to keep yourself from pokin' at'em while he was asleep in his bed!
  109. >Shoooot!!!
  110. >None of your friends had to deal with any of that nonsense you bet
  111. >Though, to be fair, your friends usually weren't racking the stallions in
  112. >'Cept Rarity
  113. >But you knew the ones she got weren't the kind that you'd want to bring home to your parents...
  114. >Like Anon was...
  115. >You can't help but smile
  116. >Even though you knew that this all was a bit of a pain you knew it'd be worth it
  117. >Anon would be the mother of all catches
  118. >He was a hard worker
  119. >He never complained
  120. >He was an' honest one
  121. >An' he had the best flank in town
  122. >An' you were gonna reel'em in!
  123. >Just you wait an' see!
  124. >A couple more apples an' he'd be chasing YOUR tail!
  125.  
  126. BE ANON AGAIN
  127. >Humming a little tune to yourself you walk out your door you finish the apple that you'd been munching on and toss it into a nearby bush while hefting the apples that you'd gotten this morning in a paper bag
  128. >You kinda needed to get rid of all of these
  129. >You liked apples and all but you must have had like six dozen in your house right now
  130. >There was no place to put them and he had others to eat so these one's had to go
  131. >...But who you were going to dump them off on?
  132. >THAT was the question of the day...
  133. >A question that you were going to have to answer later
  134. >Right now you had to go to work and earn your pay check!
  135. >You're about to start walking when you hear a little voice squeaking out in the distance
  136. >"Hey Mr. Anon!"
  137. >Looking around you see little Applebloom trotting toward you with a smile and that ADORABLE little bow of her's
  138. >Goddamn is that horse a weapon of HNNNG destruction
  139. >You swear your teeth hurt just by looking at her
  140. "How's it going Applebloom?" you greet as the little filly stops right in front of you
  141. >"I'm just headin' on ta school," she says, eyeing the bag in your hands with a curious expression. "Whatcha got there?"
  142. "Apples from the apple fairy."
  143. >The little filly blinks owlishly
  144. >"Apple fairy? What the hay's that?"
  145. >You shrug
  146. "Someone that breaks into my house everyday and leaves a bunch of apples around my house for some reason."
  147. >You receive another blank look
  148. >"Is that right?"
  149. "Yep, it's been happening for a couple of days now."
  150. >Nodding slowly, the little earth pony follows you as you step off your porch and onto the dirt road that led to town
  151. >"Ain't ya worried 'bout whoever's breakin' into yer house?"
  152. >You shrug again
  153. "Nah, not really."
  154. >Humming thoughtfully you look down at your bag of apples
  155. "Hey, you think Cheerilee would want these for her class? I got so many apples I don't know what to do with all of them."
  156. >It's Applebloom's turn to shrug
  157. >"You can come an' ask 'er if'n you feel like it," she tells you. "I'll take a couple if you're really hankerin' to get rid of 'em."
  158. >You can't help but smile at that
  159. >Those silly little appul horses really do love their apples
  160. >That and their countryisms
  161. "I got a bit before my shift starts so I can go and ask her. At the very least I can just dump them off you kids when teacher pone isn't looking."
  162. >There's a rustle behind you
  163. >"B-But muh a-apples of marely l-love!"
  164. >Both you and Applebloom stop and look around
  165. "...Did you hear that Applebloom?"
  166. >"...I recon I did, Mr. Anon."
  167. >Huh
  168. >There's no one around though...
  169. >Maybe it was just the wind?
  170. >Eh, whatever
  171. >You had to get to work
  172. >You could deal with talking shrubs after your shift was over
  173. "Come on, Applebloom, let's get you to school."
  174. >The tiny little horse smiles up at you and does a happy little hop
  175. >"Alright, Mr. Anon!"
  176. "Hey, whatever happened to that sister of yours? I swear I haven't seen her around in like a MONTH..."

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