Butt Off 11


                                            "Anon! ANON! You bucker! Open this door right now!"

                                            >You are Caramel

                                            >For the past two and a half hours you had been been trying to get out of Anon's bathroom

                                            >You had tried screaming, you had thrown things and you had even tried kicking the door but you were getting nowhere

                                            >Stupid Anon and his love for well-made doors...

                                            >For a while the fellas had been helping you in getting the door open, but, after an hour or so, they had given up

                                            >Time Turner was rooting around in Anon's cabinets hoing and hawing about the color of his towels, Mr. Cake was laying in Anon's bathtub sleeping and Thunderlane and Spark Plug were watching you furiously bucking the door as they ate crackers

                                            >A real good team you had here

                                            "ANON! I swear to Celestia when I bucking get out of here I'm going to beat the horse apples out of you!" you roared, rearing back and bucking with all of your might

                                            >Though there was a satisfying thumping sound as your hooves hit the door it barely moved

                                            >Just like the last hundred times you kicked it

                                            >Groaning, you let your tired, sweaty body hit the floor with a groan

                                            "I can't believe that that bucking stallion just LOCKED us in here," you muttered

                                            >Spark Plug and Thunderlane exchanged glances

                                            >"Huh... you were right, Sparky," Thunderlane said, whipping out a small bag of bits and hoofing it to Spark Plug. "I thought that he was gonna give up ten minute in but he really did keep going and going..."

                                            >Spark Plug smiled as he stuffed some more crackers into his mouth

                                            >...

                                            >Did...

                                            >Did those colts place a bet on you?

                                            >...

                                            >Mr. Cake lifted his head up to look at you

                                            >"Are you finally done throwing a hissy fit, hon?" he asked

                                            "I am NOT throwing a hissy fit," you snapped, sounding a bit harsher than you meant to be. "I'm just trying to get us out of here!"

                                            >Time Turner poked his head out of Anon's towel cabinet, a disgusted look on his face

                                            >Not that you could blame him

                                            >Even from here you could see how AWFUL Anon's towel selection was


                                            >Didn't the colt know that you were NEVER supposed to buy salmon-colored towels without getting some smaller deep red hand towels to accent them?

                                            >The pleb

                                            >"Anon was right, Caram--Oh Celestia, why would you just have ONE purple towel?! He REALLY couldn't go and get another?!"

                                            >Snorting, Time Turner closed the cabinet and turned toward you

                                            >"Anon was right; we should just stay here and wait for this to blow over."

                                            >"I'm sure that Pinkie and the other girls are solving the problem as we speak," Mr. Cake added. "So why don't you--"

                                            "Anon's out there right now with those mares doing heaven knows what to them!" you snapped, staring hard at your friends. "Those queens could be tearing him apart as we speak!"

                                            >Your eyes narrowed as you stared at each and everyone of them

                                            "Now I know that Anon is a bit of a bucker, and every once in a while I'd like to smack him over the head--more than once in a while; like all the time really-- but us stallions need to stick together! We need to help each other out and be there for each other!"

                                            >You noticed that nopony in the room could look you in the eyes

                                            >Good

                                            >They had every right to be ashamed of themselves for just giving up

                                            >You could be out there helping Anon RIGHT NOW!

                                            >You could be the heroes!

                                            >You could go and show all of those mares that thought stallions were nothing more than breeding, cooking machines that you could go out and do something!

                                            >You could--

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            >You took a step toward Anon's bathroom shower, then another, then another, your eyes glued on the window that you just noticed

                                            >You could feel the fellas eyes on you as you stepped over Mr. Cake, opened up the window, which all of you could clearly fit through, and turned back toward them, your face a grim mask

                                            >You could see their eyes widen in surprise as they too suddenly noticed A BUCKING WINDOW THAT YOU COULD HAVE USED TO GET OUT OF THIS BUCKING BATHROOM ANY TIME THAT YOU BUCKING WANTED!


                                            >...

                                            >A bemused snort left Mr. Cake's mouth

                                            >You just closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose

                                            "I'm... I'm going to go out there and try to help, Anon," you slowly said. "You all can stay in here if you want to but I'm going out."

                                            >Thank Celestia that there was nopony else here to see just how STUPID you all are...

                                            >You looked back toward the window, your muzzle scrunching up in thought

                                            "But first I need to get into Anon's bedroom..."


                                            >Be Anon

                                            >Or the naked, sweaty mess formally known as Anon

                                            >The queens and princesses alike were staring at you as you laid on the ground looking up at the sky

                                            >Some of them were looking at you in concern, others were giggling and others still were eyeing your junk with intent

                                            >You needed to get some sleep after this

                                            >You needed to take a bath, get something to eat and you needed to go to sleep and not wake up for a LONG while

                                            >...

                                            >Sweet Christ above were you going to be sore...

                                            >But hey, it looked like you saved the day

                                            >No elements were needed, the town wasn't destroyed, no one was trying to destroy each other and you got laid many, many times

                                            >All-in-all it was a pretty good day, the exhaustion not withstanding

                                            >"Anon... Do you need any help?" Twilight offered, stepping out from the line of royals. "You look like you need some help..."

                                            >Aw

                                            >This nice little gentlemarely horse, helping people and shit

                                            "I could use some help sitting up it you don't mind," you said, doing your best to look at her. "I kinda... CAN'T at the moment."

                                            >The princesses and Chrysalis looked over at Nightmare suspiciously

                                            >"Just what DID you do to him?" Celestia questioned, though it was more quizzical than demanding

                                            >Nightmare grinned

                                            >"Oh, all I did was open Anonymous's mind up just a hair," she said, blowing you a kiss. "Nothing too harmful."


                                            >Yeah fucking right

                                            >It was going to be DAYS until you could walk right...

                                            >Twilight's horn glowed, her magic encasing you and gently pulling you into a sitting position

                                            "Thanks, Twilight," you said with a smile, before turning your attention to the other demi-gods. "Now, since I've gone and inspected you all I guess it's time that I went and named a--"

                                            >"ANON!"

                                            >Before you could turn your head to see who was screaming at you a pillow clocked you right in the jaw

                                            >Your pillow to be exact

                                            >While you would usually just brush something like a pillow hitting you in the face off like it was nothing--because it was just a pillow--you were in pretty poor shape

                                            >So, instead of giggling or making the joke that whoever tossed the pillow at you threw like a girl, you hit the flopped to the ground with a pained grunt

                                            >...

                                            >Ow...

                                            >You were about to lift your head up when motherfucker Caramel jumped onto yourkjsebfksjdbcskjdb!

                                            >The air escaped your lungs as your little pone friend landed on your chest, a look of pure rage on his face

                                            >"ANON! YOU MOTHERBUCKER!"

                                            >Before you could regain your senses, Caramel began smacking your around with the pillow in his hooves

                                            >Another one of your pillows, you couldn't help but notice

                                            >"What. The. Buck. Is. Wrong. With. You?" he demanded, punctuating each word with a mighty swing of his feather-stuffed weapon

                                            >You tried to cover yourself with your arms to protect yourself from the unrelenting assault but Caramel was determined

                                            >Snarling, he smacked your hooves away before laying into your bread and butter

                                            >"You. Make. That. Bucking. Speech. And. The. You. Just. Leave. Us?! What. The. Buck. Is. Wrong. With. Yo--eep!"

                                            >A yelp escaped Caramel's throat as he was lifted bodily into the air

                                            >"Caramel, hon. We're supposed to be SAVING Anon, not beating him to death."


                                            >...

                                            >Ow...

                                            >Pillows were surprisingly painful...

                                            >Against your better judgement, you looked up

                                            >Your other little horse friends were standing not five feet away from you

                                            >Mr. Cake was holding a piece of broken broom stick, Thunderlane had one of your chairs, Spark Plug was--

                                            >...

                                            >Wait...

                                            >THAT'S ALL OF YOUR SHIT!

                                            >AND WAS TIME TURNER HOLDING YOUR BATHROOM DOOR?!

                                            >DID THAT LITTLE HORSE BREAK YOUR DOOR DOWN?

                                            >IF HE DID HE WAS PAYING TO GET THAT REPLACED!

                                            >Mr. Cake smiled at your bewildered expression

                                            >"Don't you worry, Anon honey, we're here to..."

                                            >He paused, a frown as he looked over at the royals, all of whom looked just as confused as you

                                            >Confusion colored his features as he looked from them to you and back to them

                                            >"...Save you?"

                                            >Caramel, who appeared to be foaming at the mouth as he wildly kicked in the air, tossed the pillow that he was holding at you

                                            >"TIME TURNER! TIME TURNER YOU PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW SO I CAN BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF THIS BUCKING STUPID STALLION!"

                                            >...

                                            >Aw...

                                            >He was worried about you...

                                            "Chrysalis," you called, staring up at the sky once more. "You won. Out of all of the alicorns you have the best butt."

                                            >Chrysalis blinked slowly as she milled over your words

                                            >Though you didn't see it, the Changeling's eyes lit up and she let out a delighted squeal, hopping around in excitement

                                            >Mr. Cake and the other stallions nearly tripped over themselves as the Queen of the Changelings ran over and pulled you into a hug, her wings happily buzzing as she nuzzled your face


                                            >Aw...

                                            >Also OWOWOWOWOWOWOWO!

                                            >The other royals let out disappointed groans

                                            >"Oh, I could have sworn that I had it on the bag," Luna muttered, kicking at the dirt

                                            >Though she looked disappointed, Celestia smiled

                                            >"Congratulations, Chrysalis," she said

                                            >"Yeah, Congratulations, Chrysalis. I'm happy for you," Twilight added

                                            >Through the giggles and bug kisses you managed to see the boyz looking around in confusion

                                            >Even Caramel looked like he had more than a few questions

                                            >With a weak chuckle, you gave them a thumbs up

                                            "Don't worry about anything guys, I managed to keep all of these silly horses from killing each other."

                                            >"...How did you?..."

                                            "With the power of butts of course."

                                            >That seemed to set Caramel off once more, the stallion letting out an enraged growl as he started...

                                            >Wait a tick...

                                            "Hey, you grabbed those stretchy pants that I owed you before coming here," you said, finally noticing your friend's attire

                                            >"YES. YES I DID!"

                                            "You got the socks too."

                                            >"I'M GOING TO SMOTHER YOU WITH YOUR PILLOWS, ANON!"

                                            "The pants look good on you, and so do the socks, buddy."

                                            >Caramel stopped his struggling

                                            >He looked at you hard; like really, really, REALLY hard

                                            >"...Thank you," he mumbled, sounding angry

                                            >Your smile widened just a hair as you let your head flop back onto the ground

                                            >The other royals were making their way toward you, Luna and Celestia and Cadence talking about Changeling peace meetings

                                            >Twilight was standing next to her old teacher, her head held high and her chest puffed out

                                            >Behind all of them Nightmare was staring at you, a toothy smile on her face

                                            >You closed your eyes, Chrysalis still peppering your face with kisses, humming as Time Turner let Caramel down and the stallions began to make their way toward you

                                            >Yep...

                                            >This has been a good ASS day...