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Order, Plans, Fluttershy and Other Things to Avoid

By ZigZagWanderer
Created: 2021-01-05 18:28:30
Updated: 2024-03-19 17:20:20
Expiry: Never
anonfluttershyflutterrape

  1. >These last few days have been great
  2. >You wake up and fart sunshine all the way down to breakfast
  3. >All throughout the morning there are no knocks at your door
  4. >There are no horny pairs of eyes looking at you from outside the kitchen window
  5. >And you’ve still got all your underwear
  6. >Fluttershy has officially left you alone for a week now
  7. >You don’t know why, but you don’t care
  8. >You’re as happy as a clown right now
  9. >In fact, you might even go out today and see what your friends are up to
  10. >Maybe even run some errands and relax a bit
  11. >Fluttershy doesn’t seem to be bothering you anymore and you are going to take full advantage of it
  12. >You get dressed and take a step outside where it seems to be all and it’s rosy and it’s a beautiful day
  13. >From above you you hear a grunt
  14. >As you turn to look a heavy net falls on top of you and knocks you down to the ground
  15. >Struggling to get free you suddenly feel the ropes tighten around your entire being
  16. >Now you’re being dragged by an all too familiar yellow pony
  17. Fluttershy?
  18. >She’s trying to pull you, but you seem to be too heavy for her
  19. >When she speaks her voice is incoherent, until she spits out the rope that is
  20. >”Hi, Anon. How are you this morning?”
  21. Well…
  22. >You begin thrashing around to desperately try and break free from the net
  23. >”Oh, right.”
  24. >Fluttershy sings a few bars and her animal friends come to her aid
  25. >With their help you’re being dragged easily
  26. >And right into a rather large wooden box too, which has a couple of holes for air and a label on the side that reads, “Warning: Beast is Dangerous and Sexy”
  27. >You ranted and raved and cursed as you were being put in the box
  28. >Fluttershy began filming you
  29. >”We’re going to make our own sex tape. Isn’t that exciting?”
  30. >Dammit, that’s your camera!
  31. >Her animals picked you up and took you through the forest so no one could hear you screaming
  32. >Eventually you arrived at a shack in the woods that she called the “Love Hut”
  33. >And thus began the second most horrible time of your life
  34. >But let’s focus on the first, which happened much, much later, and eventually mutated into the best of times
  35.  
  36. >You wake up and do the triple s
  37. >Walking downstairs you pray to God, or whatever, that Fluttershy will show up today
  38. >All during breakfast you were on edge, just waiting for a knock
  39. >Waiting for any word from her
  40. >But there was none
  41. >Great, just great
  42. >That means she’s up to something
  43. >It’s been a week and you haven’t seen her at all
  44. >Last time that happened it was because she had spent the week learning how to set up traps
  45. >So, you can’t help but be a bit paranoid
  46. >You get dressed and head over to Fluttershy’s cottage
  47. >For some reason all of her little animals scurry away when they see you
  48. >Even the bear kind of looks frightened
  49. >Is something up with your hair today?
  50. >Maybe they’re just telling Fluttershy that you’re here
  51. >You knock on her door and mull over what you’ll say to her
  52. >Do you just tell her that you know she’s up to something?
  53. >That probably won’t do much good
  54. >You should just ask her where she’s been
  55. >That’s simple enough
  56. >…
  57. >Wonder how this’ll bite you in the ass later
  58. >Fluttershy opens the door with a smile
  59. Hey, what’s the –
  60. >She screams bloody murder when she sees you
  61. >What the fuck?
  62. >You look behind you, but there isn’t anything there
  63. >Fluttershy is trembling on the floor now, looking up at you with fear in her eyes
  64. Fluttershy, what the fuck are you –
  65. >“Stay away!”
  66. >She scrambles away from you, leaving her door open in the process
  67. >”Run my sweeties!”
  68. >You hear some things being knocked over in her cottage
  69. >Is this some kind of trick or ploy?
  70. I don’t know what you’re doing, but I just want you to know that it isn’t my fetish
  71. >”Don’t come in here!”
  72. >Fine, sheesh
  73. >You close the door and stand there for a little bit before taking your leave
  74. >Don’t know what it is, but something is going on
  75. >You look in the stream at your reflection and don’t see anything out of the ordinary
  76. >As you study the cottage you wonder if maybe Fluttershy has finally snapped
  77. >Either way, you still feel uneasy
  78.  
  79. >At dinnertime you’re still thinking about what happened at the cottage today
  80. >That pants-shitting fear is definitely a reaction you weren’t expecting, and didn’t like
  81. >And you still don’t know if she’s planning something
  82. >Dammit, what if she just acted like that so you’d go away?
  83. >Fuck, that was probably it
  84. >You better go over there and –
  85. >Hey, someone’s knocking on your chamber door
  86. >That must be Fluttershy
  87. >Thank god
  88. >You thought for sure something awful was going to happen
  89. >Well, you better proceed with caution anyway
  90. >You look in the peephole and see that it isn’t actually Fluttershy at your door, but some stallion
  91. >Open the door and see that he’s wearing a police uniform
  92. Uh, can I help you?
  93. >”Are you Anonymous?”
  94. Yes
  95. >”Then you’re going to have to come with us. Cuff the human.”
  96. >Another cop steps forward and asks you to put out your hands
  97. Am I under arrest?
  98. >”Were you at Fluttershy’s this morning?”
  99. Yes, but –
  100. >The officer cuffs you
  101. >”Then yes, you’re being detained for violating the restraining order that she has taken out on you.”
  102. A fucking what?
  103. >”You didn’t know, huh?”
  104. Yes
  105. >”You did know?”
  106. Goddammit, I mean no
  107. >”You should’ve gotten a notice in the mail.”
  108. Well I didn’t
  109. >”Well either way you need to come with us.”
  110. >Fuck, this is all part of one of her plans, you just know it
  111. >Why a restraining order though?
  112. >It just doesn’t make sense
  113. >She’s fucking crazy about you, literally
  114. >You try to wrap your head around it as you make your way to the jailhouse with the police
  115. >When you arrive they put you in a small cell that only had a bench, a small window, and a toilet in it
  116. >”We’re gonna go look to see if you got that notice, if you did then you’re being fined, if you didn’t then you’re free to go.”
  117. >Well you didn’t, so at least you know you’ll be out of here soon
  118. >You don’t like being detained in a small space like this
  119. >It reminds you of that crazy shack Fluttershy had you in – hold on!
  120. >If you’re trapped in here, then that means Fluttershy has free reign from your watchful eye
  121. >Shit, she probably set this all up so she could finish planning whatever the hell it is she’s planning
  122. >And even if it isn’t that she could still break into your house and steal your underwear
  123. >Then you’d have to go ask Rarity to make more.
  124. >And she’d be like, “darling, you simply must tell me what has happened to your undergarments this time.”
  125. >And you’d be all like, “Rarity, I’m in jail, just shut the fuck up and be generous dammit.”
  126. >You got to get out of here right now
  127. >The door opens and the stallion confronts you
  128. Hey, I got to tell you something
  129. >”Hey, so do I, your restraining order did get sent to you.”
  130. >Your jaw drops
  131. >Goddammit Fluttershy
  132. >”Well, you still got something to say? You got plenty of time to do it.”
  133. Look, I know that nobody ever believes me when I say this –
  134. >”The ol’ ‘Fluttershy is a sex-crazed rapist’ thing? Yeah, we know all about that here at the precinct.”
  135. I know, you don’t take my calls anymore. You have to believe me this time though, Fluttershy stole that notice from me
  136. >”Well even if that’s true why did you go to her house if she’s such a ‘crazy rapist’?”
  137. Fuck, you don’t get it. She’s planning something big to try and get in my pants
  138. >”You sure like to flatter yourself.”
  139. >This is some bullshit
  140. >You give up with this guy
  141. So, how am I getting out of here?
  142. >”Believe it or not someone is coming for you. We got a wire almost right when you got here.”
  143. >Well who could that be?
  144. >Can’t be Fluttershy, because she’s working on her plans
  145. >”Have a hard time believing Fluttershy would like someone like you. I don’t really see the attraction myself.”
  146. >Okay, kind of weird, but whatever, you agree
  147. I know, me either
  148. >”… That was meant to insult you.”
  149. As far as I’m concerned I don’t get enough insults in my life
  150. >The cop scoffs and walks away, muttering something about you being “ugly and dumb”
  151. >Meanwhile you sit there and think about the dozens of questions filling your mind
  152.  
  153. >Eventually the cop comes back
  154. >”Your free ride is here.”
  155. >He gives you a funny look and you shrug your shoulders at him
  156. >”You better be on your best behavior or I’ll kick your flank right in that cell you are sitting in.”
  157. >What is with this guy?
  158. >You hear the door open again and…
  159. >Fluttershy is standing beyond your cell
  160. >”Hi, Anon.”
  161. You? What are you doing here?
  162. >”Getting you out of jail.”
  163. >So many fucks fill your mind
  164. Fucking why?
  165. >”Because she’s kinder to you than you deserve,” says the cop. “So shut up.”
  166. >”Oh, please don’t yell at him. I feel so bad that his notice didn’t come in the mail and this happened.”
  167. >The cop falls completely for her bullshit babe in the woods routine and begins to blush
  168. >Great, the cop has a boner for Fluttershy
  169. >No wonder they don’t take you seriously around here
  170. >The cop smiles smugly at you
  171. >”Alright listen up, it would be my privilege to personally watch your every single move to make sure that you never bother this nice mare again. To beat the tar out of you and lock you up if you even so much as went near her cottage.”
  172. >He pulls out a club and runs it against the bars of your cell
  173. >”I’d do it too. You may be big, but you got knees just like the rest of us. It would be my absolute privilege to keep you in my pocket and make you regret ever being in there.”
  174. >The cops here are fucking crazy and Fluttershy isn’t even batting an eye
  175. >Because she’s crazy too
  176. >Are you the only one who isn’t fucking crazy?
  177. >"It would be my absolute privilege.”
  178. >He sighs and begins pouting, “But I can’t because I have to work.”
  179. >Oh thank god
  180. >”That’s why this eager volunteer is going to do it.”
  181. >Fucking what?
  182. >You look over and see Pinkie Pie beaming at the officer, “I’ll make you proud, sir.”
  183. Pinkie, what the shit fuck are you doing?
  184. >”Nonny, do you like my police hat? Isn’t it snazzy? Look, I got a whistle too.”
  185. >She runs down the hall, blowing the whistle all the while
  186.  
  187. Alright, just tell me the truth, are you planning something?
  188. >”Yeppers, I’m planning a party for next week, and –“
  189. Not you! Fluttershy.
  190. >The three of you are walking back to your house
  191. >”Well, um, you’ll have to wait and see.”
  192. >”Aw, how come Nonny gets the surprise? I want a surprise too.”
  193. Was a restraining order really fucking necessary though? And what was with the screaming this morning?
  194. >”I was playing Pin the Tail on the Pony, and –“
  195. Pinkie, seriously, stop
  196. >Fluttershy pulls a tape recorder out of her saddlebag and hits play
  197. >It has her screams on it and your voice
  198. You framed me?
  199. >”No, that’s a harsh word. I like to say it’s more like… passing out my mix tape.”
  200. That’s retarded! Pinkie, you’re a cop now, she’s framing me, arrest her.
  201. >”Nonny, just because it’s not your kind of music doesn’t mean you have to be a meanie about it.”
  202. >You feel as though you could scream, and yet it would still not be enough to adequately express your immense rage
  203. >”Pinkie, I’m glad you volunteered to help me.”
  204. >”Are you kidding? I get to hang out with two of my best friends all the time now. I hope all my friends get restraining orders!”
  205. I can’t believe you got a restraining order that fast
  206. >She shrugs
  207. Fuck! I can’t believe I never thought of getting one!
  208. >You arrive at your house and try to open the door, but it’s locked and your key isn’t in your pocket
  209. >Great, that asshole cop forgot to give it back to you when you emptied your pockets
  210. Shit, where’s that spare again?
  211. >”In the bushes to your right.”
  212. Oh yeah, thanks, Flut…
  213. >You stop
  214. >Look at Fluttershy who is meekly smiling at you
  215. >”Aw, isn’t Fluttershy a great friend, Nonny?”
  216. >You don’t answer
  217. >Grab your key and unlock your door
  218. >”Um, Anon.”
  219. You’re pushing it
  220. >”It’s just that, it’s a beautiful moonlit night, and –“
  221. I really just want to go to bed
  222. >”But, I was thinking maybe, since I got you out of jail, I could get a reward.”
  223. You’re the reason I’m in jail
  224. >”Can I have a kiss?”
  225. Absolutely not
  226. >You go to shut the door, but something blocks it
  227. >Look to see Pinkie has a club and she’s blocking the door with it
  228. >”Hold on, I was given specific orders by the policeman to give Fluttershy anything that would help her cope with the stress of this situation.”
  229. Pinkie –
  230. >”And I think a kiss would do just that.”
  231. Pinkie, no
  232. >”Aw, come on, Nonny. Why not?”
  233. >Before you know it Pinkie gets behind you and starts pushing you forward with her club
  234. >”She’s really pretty, and I bet you could get lucky too.”
  235. I don’t want to
  236. >Fluttershy flies up so she’s face height with you, and she puckers her lips
  237. >Pinkie keeps pushing you closer and closer
  238. >In a moment of quick thinking you grab Fluttershy’s head and look deep in her eyes
  239. >She closes them and you begin guiding her…
  240. >Right to Pinkie’s muzzle, as you quickly sidestep Pinkie and push Fluttershy’s muzzle into hers
  241. >Fluttershy puts her hooves around Pinkie’s head and pushes her tongue deep into Pinkie’s mouth
  242. >Pinkie’s mane shoots out just like in a cartoon, and her eyes eventually go half-lidded
  243. >Fluttershy breaks the kiss, pants, opens her eyes, and then gasps
  244. >Her face goes red and she trots away from the scene as fast as she can
  245. >Pinkie wiggles her eyebrows at you and licks her lips
  246. >”You missed out, big time.”
  247. >And then she happily hops away, singing a merry tune to herself
  248. >Only one question is on your mind at the moment
  249. >How long are you going to have to put up with this bullshit?
  250.  
  251. >The morning went by with no sign of Fluttershy
  252. >Not good at all
  253. >You’re definitely sure that she’s planning something now and you really want to find out what it is
  254. >Get dressed and head out
  255. >As you lock the door and turn around Pinkie suddenly pops out of your bushes and blows her whistle, which gives you a fucking heart attack
  256. >”Where are you going?”
  257. You scared the shit out of me!
  258. >”Oh, sorry. Do you want me to help clean you, or shove it back in?”
  259. What? No, fuck it. Why are you in my bushes?
  260. >”I forgot to give you this last night.”
  261. >She grabs your key with her mouth and you take it
  262. Uh, thanks
  263. >”Nonny,” Pinkie sighs, “you aren’t going to go to Fluttershy’s, are you?”
  264. >Shit, looks like that whole “watching your every move” thing wasn’t just hot air
  265. Nope
  266. >Pinkie squints at you
  267. >She must really be taking this volunteer thing seriously
  268. >”Ow, your buttons are shiny.”
  269. >You study your brass buttons and see that they are giving off a glare
  270. >Pinkie rubs her eyes and then her smile comes back
  271. >”Well, if you say that you aren’t going by there then that’s good enough for me.”
  272. >She starts blowing her whistle again and trots away
  273. >Well shit, now you’re kind of glad that Pinkie is watching after you too
  274. >You make your way to Fluttershy’s – wait, no you don’t
  275. >Because if you did then that’d mean that you lied to Pinkie, and that would be shitty
  276. >Okay, first you get some binoculars
  277. >Then you make your way to town hall and get a copy of the area map that contains Fluttershy’s cottage
  278. >And then you make your way over to the spot right where her property line ends
  279. >Which is still pretty close to her cottage
  280. >You hide behind a bush just outside her backyard and wait for Fluttershy to come out of her back door
  281. >When she does she… feeds her animals
  282. >And then she talks to some birds for a while
  283. >She waters some flowers beneath one of her windows
  284. >You watch her make a sandwich
  285. >She eats that sandwich in the shade
  286. >She pulls a big cart full of boxes like the one you were trapped in out of her shed
  287. >Then she chats with some squirrels – Hold up!
  288. >You look in your binoculars and see that Fluttershy is attaching wheels to the bottom of one of the boxes
  289. >Fucking called it!
  290. >Knew she was up to something
  291. >She’s making her traps easier to use
  292. >Damn, you have to get some pictures of this or something
  293. >You back away and then cut through Fluttershy’s lawn when she isn’t looking
  294. >And as you’re running you see Derpy looking at the mailbox, with one eye, and the other is looking at you
  295. >She gasps and quickly flies away
  296. >Shoot! Shoot on a shoot sandwich!
  297. >She isn’t aware of this whole restraining order thing, right?
  298. >You quickly run home
  299. >Two police ponies are there
  300. >Fucking hell
  301. >They take you in and the officer who hates you is smugly grinning at you
  302. Goddammit, you have to believe me. I saw her building traps
  303. >”Well, that’s good enough for a confession.”
  304. >Maybe you should’ve kept your mouth shut
  305. >They begin emptying your pockets
  306. >”Binoculars and an area plan that contains information about Fluttershy’s cottage, you know for as big as you are you’d think that you’d have brains enough to hide something like this from us.”
  307. >This isn’t looking good
  308. >They lock you up again
  309. >Pinkie comes up to your cell looking a bit disappointed
  310. >”Nonny, you said that you weren’t going to go to Fluttershy’s”
  311. I didn’t, well not technically anyway, I stayed off of her property
  312. >For a while anyway
  313. >”Nonny, your restraining order requires you to be much farther away than just her property line.”
  314. >Man, how come no one tells you these things?
  315. >The cop comes in, “hey, loser.”
  316. >Oh, that’s right, it’s because the law here hates you
  317. >”Somepony is coming by to collect you again. Probably Fluttershy, that sweet soul of hers, can’t believe she’s wasting her kindness on you though.”
  318. >Sure enough, after what seems like forever, Fluttershy comes by and lets you out
  319. >As the three of you walk home again Fluttershy speaks:
  320. >”You don’t have to keep getting arrested just to see me, Anon.”
  321. Actually, I do, because you’re the dumbass who filed a restraining order against me
  322. >”I’ll come see you next time. How’s that sound? I’ll go to the judge and make an appointment with her, let her know that the restraining order can be lifted for one day so we can see each other without any trouble. How does that sound?”
  323. And when would this be?
  324. >”When your surprise is ready.”
  325. >Damn, damn, damn
  326.  
  327. >You have your video camera this time
  328. >You had forgotten where you hid it for a while after Fluttershy gave it back, but you found it by your front door under some clothes
  329. >Alright, you are not going to fuck up this time
  330. >Late at night you go out and attach the camera to a tree on Fluttershy’s property
  331. >You make sure that it’s facing her shed and you press record and then sneak off into the night
  332. >This can’t go wrong
  333. >You wait a day and then sneak into the night again and grab the camera
  334. >As you watch the playback most of the same routine happens
  335. >Eventually you see it
  336. >In the afternoon Fluttershy pulls the boxes out and begins working on putting wheels on them again
  337. >This is it!
  338. >Video evidence of her working on traps
  339. >You quickly run to the police station to show that smug bastard officer your evidence
  340. >Can’t wait to see the look on his face when he finds out his waifu a shit
  341. >You open the door and see that the cop is in the reception area
  342. >He raises an eyebrow at you
  343. >”What?”
  344. >Show him the video camera
  345. I got proof
  346.  
  347. >You’re currently locked in the cell, again
  348. >Because technically you did break your restraining order, again
  349. >But you explained your case to the cop, and this time you’re feeling pretty good
  350. >There’s no way that he can dispute the fact that she’s working on traps right there on video
  351. >The cop comes back, and he’s smiling
  352. >Not good
  353. Did you see the video? Those fucked up traps she’s making. You can’t tell me those are for animals or anything like that either, they’re way too big
  354. >He snickers and shakes his head
  355. What is so fucking funny?
  356. >”Before I say anything, I need to tell you that you absolutely cannot break this restraining order again, or else you’ll be sent to Canterlot to do some serious time.”
  357. >Son of a bitch
  358. >”Also, I liked the first video better.”
  359. >What?
  360. >He starts laughing again
  361. >”Now look out your window, it should be starting soon.”
  362. >You do so and see a crowd gathered around a big hill
  363. >What’s going on?
  364. >”Oh, and you’re free to go, again.”
  365. >The jail cell opens and Fluttershy is there smiling at you
  366. >As she walks in the cop checks her out like some horny teenager
  367. >Where does he get off?
  368. >Fluttershy then begins rubbing your thigh
  369. >Oh, right
  370. What the hell did you do this time then?
  371.  
  372. >Spike addresses the crowd:
  373. >”Welcome again to the annual Ponyville Boxcar Downhill Derby!”
  374. >At the top of the hill you see that lots of ponies have lined up and gotten their boxcars behind the starting line
  375. >Spike explains that each box will be pushed down the hill and the fastest box will be judged the winner
  376. >Each box has been decorated to suit the style of the pony that is driving them
  377. >If you had watched the video past the afternoon and into the evening you would’ve seen the footage of those ponies coming over and doing that
  378. >You were still trying to figure out pony technology
  379. >Why can’ they just have the “Play” arrow and the “Stop” square? Why does it have to be a horseshoe and a saddle instead?
  380. >Damn horses
  381. >Also, you never saw the tops of the boxes, and thus, you never saw that they indeed had no tops
  382. >Fluttershy wasn’t making traps – that was just a convenience before – she was actually helping out with this community event
  383. >Ain’t that a bitch?
  384. >Fluttershy snuggles your thigh
  385. >”You want some popcorn before the race?”
  386. >You push her off and leave
  387.  
  388. >At this point you’ve given up
  389. >Whatever it is Fluttershy is planning, you’re just going to have to face it when it comes
  390. >You’ve been holed up in your house for a couple days now, just trying to stay away from everyone
  391. >But you have to go out and get some supplies for breakfast now since you’ve eaten everything in the house
  392. >As you enter the market you see Pinkie is there as well
  393. >She’s standing over a scared little colt
  394. >”What are you trying to pull?”
  395. >The colt looks like he’s going to wet himself
  396. >”I was sent by my mother. I didn’t know.”
  397. >”A likely story, but I know a criminal when I see one. They’re the ones who are always breaking the law. You can’t just use expired coupons like that, Rumble.
  398. >”Do you want your mother to cry?!”
  399. >”No, but I still need to get the carrots. B-but I don’t want to break the law. She said that I’d have enough with the coupon, she never told me…”
  400. >He starts crying
  401. >Pinkie hugs him and goes on an extended monologue about how tough it is to be a cop in a crooked, unfair world
  402. Pinkie, you aren’t a real cop. Besides, can’t you go after some real criminals? Stop some real crimes.
  403. >”Never!”
  404. >You shrug and walk away
  405. >Just then Fluttershy bumps into you
  406. >Oh fuck
  407. >You turn around and see that Pinkie has caught on to what has happened
  408. >Fluttershy smiles
  409. >Pinkie pushes the colt away and puts her whistle in her mouth
  410. >No fucking way!
  411. >You run away
  412. >”Wait, come back, Anon.”
  413. >If you get caught again you’re doing hard time
  414. >”Nonny, I have to take you to the court house.”
  415. >Shit, you can’t even go out anymore without getting in trouble
  416. >You run around a corner and into an alley to try and shake them off
  417. >As you get in the middle Pinkie cuts you off
  418. >Fluttershy gets behind you
  419. >”You have to come with us, Anon.”
  420. >”Nonny, it’s time to go to the court house.”
  421. No! Why can’t you leave me the fuck alone? I finally give up and now you want to give me the hard time?!
  422. >Pinkie cuffs you and you follow them to the court house
  423. >It’s not fucking fair
  424. >You weren’t even trying anything with her this time
  425. >Come to think of it, this was a good thing too
  426. >Fluttershy had finally gotten a restraining order put out against you and you stalked her like a fucking dipshit
  427. >Well, at least you’ll be in jail for real soon
  428. >Maybe there you can get some peace and quiet
  429. >Pinkie opens the doors to the court house and you make your way to the court
  430. >The judge turns out to be none other than Twilight
  431. >You sit down and your trial begins
  432. >”Alright, settle down everypony,” says Twilight. “Anonymous, who will be defending you?”
  433. >That’s a good question
  434. >”I’ll volunteer!” shouts Pinkie
  435. >That’s a horrible answer
  436. >”I’ll allow it,” says Twilight. “Fluttershy?”
  437. >”Um, Pinkie Pie is my attorney too.”
  438. >Seriously? What a horrible decision
  439. >”I’ll allow it.”
  440. You are a horrible judge!
  441. >Twilight bangs her gavel and calls for order
  442. >”Pinkie, you can state your case now.”
  443. >Pinkie nods and throws her police hat over her shoulder
  444. >She’s now wearing glasses and speaking in a southern accent
  445. >”Fillies and Genitalcolts, let it be known that in this here court we have an extremely delicate case that is about to occur.”
  446. >”How delicate?” asks Twilight
  447. >”Why, it’s even more delicate than an ice cream cone that’s got all thirty-one flavors on it, I do declare.”
  448. >Pinkie reaches into her briefcase – don’t know where that came from – and she pulls out a snow globe
  449. >”Now then, this is delicate. I believe I mentioned ice cream earlier, well if I know pony nature then I know that there will forever be a debate between ponies as to whether ice cream or snow cones are the perfect treat to eat on a summer day when everypony is hot and bothered.
  450. >”There are certain advantages to both; while an ice cream may help win over a date with its sweetness, a snow cone has the sour flavor to its advantage; lime may be the bomb when you eat it as a snow cone, but as an ice cream flavor it’s totally gross.
  451. >”Also, you don’t have to wait for a snow cone to melt if you want to eat it with a straw.
  452. >”We are looking at a case here that compares two perspectives on the same subject; just like an average pony would compare ice cream cones to snow cones, and I must ask that we treat it as seriously as we treat those debates.
  453. >”After all, every day when you’re walking down the street, all the ponies that you meet, have an original point of view. “
  454. >She turns to the ponies behind you, “and I say Hey!”
  455. >”Hey!”
  456. >”What a wonderful kind of day!”
  457. >Twilight bangs her gavel, “no singing yet!”
  458. >Pinkie sighs and pouts
  459. >”Well, I guess that’s it. Just remember that this is all in good fun. We don’t want to hurt anypony’s feelings. Not in court.”
  460. >Pinkie drops the snow globe and it breaks
  461. >”Oh, sorry,” she nervously laughs. “No pony step on that.”
  462. >You’re going to prison
  463.  
  464. >Twilight looks over some papers as she prepares to make her final judgment
  465. >You don’t even remember what happened at this entire trial
  466. >There were some arguments about cold treats, Pinkie bought everyone pizza, and somehow Fluttershy’s animals got called to the stand as witnesses
  467. >Pinkie asked a duck some questions
  468. >It quacked once
  469. >The entire court shrieked and Twilight had to call for order
  470. >Someone from behind you said that you were a sick individual
  471. >By then you were just trying to enjoy the last piece of pizza you’d ever eat before being jailed
  472. >Twilight cleared her throat
  473. >”Everypony, I have reached a decision.”
  474. >This is it
  475. >”I have decided…”
  476. >Your hands are sweaty
  477. >You rub your thighs anxiously
  478. >”I have decided to throw this case out of court.”
  479. >She bangs the gavel
  480. >Pinkie jumps in the air
  481. >”We won! We won! Hooray!”
  482. >She grabs you and Fluttershy and brings you both in for a group hug
  483. >”Congratulations you two! I knew we could do it! Ice cream and snow cones all the way!
  484. >”Oh, Twilight, say it!”
  485. >Twilight frowns, “I don’t want to. It’s silly.”
  486. >”Aw, Twilight, please.”
  487. >Twilight smiles and rolls her eyes
  488. >”Bring in the dancing lobsters.”
  489. >She bangs her gavel and party music fills the room from somewhere
  490. >The doors open
  491. >Various town citizens come in dressed up in lobster costumes and start dancing
  492. >Their faces are visible
  493. >None of them look comfortable
  494. >Spike dances up to you and Fluttershy and gives her an annoyed look
  495. >”You owe me big time for this, Fluttershy.”
  496. >Pinkie opens her briefcase and pulls out a bucket of fried chicken
  497. >”Who wants some?”
  498. >”Ah do,” says Applejack as she dances up to Pinkie. “Only reason I’m here is for the free food.”
  499. >Fluttershy snuggles your arm
  500. >”Isn’t this wonderful?”
  501. Cheese and crackers! What the fuck is going on?!
  502. >”It’s a party!” Pinkie says as confetti hits you in the face
  503. Party for what? What about my sentence?
  504. >”Anon, I, um, had our restraining order annulled yesterday.”
  505. Why?
  506. >”Lighten up, Anon.” Says Rainbow Dash as she gets out of her costume to get some punch. “It’s a party.”
  507. Would someone please tell me why there is a party!
  508. >”It’s to celebrate us,” says Fluttershy
  509. What are you on about?
  510. >”Well, because,” she blushes, “um…”
  511. >”What she’s trying to say,” says Rarity who is dressed as a pink lobster with sequins for eyes, “is that she’s finally been pursued by you. So we are celebrating that.”
  512. >”Why shoot,” says Applejack, “they ought to call you the hunter after the way you went after Fluttershy like that. Not even the law was stoppin’ ya.”
  513. That’s because I was paranoid out of my skull. Fluttershy…
  514. >You push her off of you first
  515. Fluttershy, if you really think I’m going to party with you then you’ve got another thing coming
  516. >The music stops
  517. >Everyone stops dancing
  518. >Everyone looks at you
  519. >You hear a clicking noise
  520. >Look down to see Pinkie wearing her cop hat again
  521. >She has handcuffed you to the banister
  522. >You’re trapped
  523. >Pinkie begins blowing her whistle wildly and she starts dancing on a table
  524. >The party begins again
  525. >Fluttershy cozies up to you again
  526. >”Isn’t this nice?”
  527. >You growl and try to grab her but she jumps away before you can throttle her
  528. >You lunge forward, but the cuffs keep you back
  529. >She’s just barely out of reach
  530. >”I love you, Mr. Hunter.”
  531. Why don’t you come closer?
  532. >”Um, no. This is a safe distance for now.”
  533. Fluttershy, this plan of yours was stupid as hell
  534. >She sighs, “I know.”
  535. At least I got you to kiss Pinkie Pie
  536. >”Can we please not talk about that.”
  537. >”Nonny, film the party!”
  538. >Pinkie reaches into her briefcase and pulls out your video camera
  539. >You hit the record button but a message comes up saying that there’s no more room
  540. >You have to delete a previous video to record
  541. >A video library of stored data pops up
  542. >Huh, didn’t know it had this feature until now
  543. >Scrolling through them, you see one that catches your eye
  544. >It’s the night Fluttershy and Pinkie brought you home
  545. >Everything is filmed here: the voices outside, Pinkie pushing you with her club, and best of all the entire kiss
  546. >”Is everything alright?”
  547. >You quickly delete the boxcar video and start filming the party
  548. Nah, just trying to enjoy the party
  549. >She beams at you and you shrug
  550. Might as well live for the moment
  551. >You film Fluttershy twirling her mane as you look at her
  552. There’s always time to plan
  553. >And thus began a great time in your life, but that’s quite enough already

All there was and need to know [zigzag story archive]

by ZigZagWanderer

The Growth Process

by ZigZagWanderer

A Secret Place

by ZigZagWanderer

Being Natural

by ZigZagWanderer

Counting with Pinkie Pie

by ZigZagWanderer