Fucking Nightmare Night! Fucking Fluttershy!


                                            >You were slowly learning that all pony horror movies sucked.

                                            >The two remaining ponies, a boy and a girl, had turned their last wrong corner while trotting away from the blob monster.

                                            >Their eyes sunk in with fear when they saw the dead end before them, and that fear became dread when they turned to face the monster, who was now blocking their only escape.

                                            >No pony would be coming to rescue them.

                                            >The monster had eaten all of their friends, and now it was their turn.

                                            Finally.

                                            >You sat up in your seat and leaned closer to the television, letting stray candy wrappers tumble off of your belly and fall to the floor.

                                            Get 'em, Blobbie! They're trapped, kill 'em!

                                            >Just as all hope seemed lost, the camera zoomed in on the lead mare's face, and her expression changed to a look of determination.

                                            >She stood up to the monster.

                                            >"Stop! You don't have to do this."

                                            >And the monster listened, stopping and waiting patiently to hear what the mare had to say.

                                            >A familiar pit of despair tugged at the bottom of your candy-filled stomach.

                                            No, no, no. You have 'em right where you want 'em. Don't listen to what she has to say, kill her.

                                            >"We can be friends!"

                                            >"She's right," the lead stallion says, coming up on her side. "You may have done some horrible things, but it isn't too late for you to change your ways."

                                            >The monster started talking.

                                            >It sounded like it had a wet diaper full of shit in its mouth.

                                            >"You'd really be my . . . friends?"

                                            >In a moment they were all hugging and the credits were rolling.

                                            >A bowl of popcorn ricocheted off of the glass television screen.

                                            Fucking bullshit!

                                            >That's the fifth movie you've seen tonight that ended with the ponies befriending whatever monster, maniac or demonic entity had been attacking them.

                                            >You were never asking Twilight for movie recommendations ever again.

                                            >You sighed and got up to get another glass of milk.

                                            Knew I should've asked Glimmer for some movies instead.

                                            >You saw those pictures she had of her old room.

                                            >Bitch had a serious thing for skulls.

                                            >At least her movies probably wouldn't have ended with the last girl giving the bloody, axe-wielding psychopath a hug.

                                            >You filled your glass and made a note to go out and get some more milk.

                                            >Might as well, it'd give you a chance to check out all the ponies in costume, see all the Nightmare Night decorations that are up.

                                            >You could also refill on candy, too.

                                            >The trick or treaters had been coming regularly for a few hours now.

                                            >And since the movies had been a bust so far, you'd been depending on your stash of candy more and more for entertainment so far tonight.

                                            >You set your glass on the coffee table and picked up the next movie in the pile.

                                            >'The Mare Mummy Mangles Manehattan!'

                                            Oh goodie, more crap.

                                            >You put it on and then went back to the kitchen to throw away the empty milk jug.

                                            >But the best part of the whole night was that Fluttershy was not going to be around to harass you.

                                            >Word from her friends was that she locked herself in her cottage every Nightmare Night, not coming out until the night was through.

                                            >Apparently dressing the corners with fake cobwebs and pretending that a bowl of peeled grapes are eyeballs is scary enough to have her curled up on the floor in the fetal position and bawling.

                                            >That doesn't surprise you though.

                                            >You saw her get scared by a farm book once when she opened it and the little barn popped up from the pages.

                                            >Though she was running away from you when it happened, and the book only opened when she stepped on it and slipped.

                                            >That was just about when you and the baseball bat you were swinging at her had caught up with her.

                                            >Yeah, good times . . .

                                            >Still, you took the necessary precautions to keep Fluttershy out.

                                            >You locked all the doors and windows, took any spare keys inside, closed the chimney.

                                            >Cleaning soot out of a carpet was something you hoped you would only ever had to do once in your life.

                                            >She even asked you if soot was your fetish, once it had all settled upon your entire living room.

                                            >You threw her out into some rose bushes as an answer, and you heard a very genuine "Darn it!" as her reaction.

                                            >But nothing of that rapey sort would have to be dealt with tonight.

                                            >You were just going to veg out, eat candy, and watch terrible monster movies all night.

                                            Too bad none of them are scary.

                                            >You tossed the milk jug into the trash so that it smashed against the sides of the bin, the plastic echoing and sending stray droplets splattering onto the surrounding refuse.

                                            >From the living room came a gasp that seemed close enough to touch your shoulder, and you turned as if to meet the sound face to face.

                                            >It seemed close enough to be real.

                                            >Was the first kill of the movie already happening?

                                            >That'd be a vast improvement over the others.

                                            >Finally, a diamond in the pile of shit that Twilight gave you.

                                            >And you were missing it!

                                            Dammit!

                                            >You rushed back to the living room only to have your hopes instantly dashed by what you saw on the screen.

                                            >A slow, lumbering, toilet paper marelet of a mummy was approaching two Fresh Prince-looking douchebags.

                                            >And apparently they had no idea that they were in danger, because they were standing perfectly still whilst delivering their dialogue.

                                            >"Hey guy, you lost your way to the costume party or something?"

                                            >"Yeah, bathroom's that way, bro!"

                                            >Que the fake, forced laughter and hoof bumps--as well as your sneer.

                                            >This wasn't fucking scary.

                                            >Coming up from behind the couch, you saw something that made your blood run cold.

                                            >It was Fluttershy, curled up in the fetal position on your couch, her peeking eyes covered by her arms but still locked intently onto the screen.

                                            >Now that was scary.

                                            >For a second, anyway.

                                            >Then it pissed you off.

                                            >How did she even get in?

                                            >And why was she wearing one of your suits and a pair of your pants?

                                            >Which were on backwards, by the way; with the tail peeking out from your zipper.

                                            >You stood directly above her from behind the couch, glowering down at her, your hands on your hips.

                                            >There was a musical sting from the television as the two Fresh Prince ponies finally realized something was wrong, after letting the mummy get within a foot of them.

                                            >"Hey, what's wrong, you sick, dude?"

                                            >"I don't think that's no dude, bro!"

                                            >The mummy lunged at the camera and the two ponies screamed.

                                            >Then it cut away.

                                            >Didn't even show any death footage.

                                            >Lame.

                                            >Still made Fluttershy flinch and turn away from the screen.

                                            >"No!" she screamed.

                                            >Enough of this.

                                            Fluttershy, what--

                                            >She looked up at you with deep shrunken eyes.

                                            >And then screamed bloody murder.

                                            >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

                                            >You flinched this time and took a step back.

                                            Fluttershy, what the hell?

                                            >She jumped up off the couch and clung onto your face, her chest suffocating you.

                                            Oh God!

                                            >Your hands fumbled all over her barrel before you grabbed a hold of her from under her pits.

                                            >You pulled her off and held her before you, where she shrank under your serious gaze.

                                            >"Sorry. You startled me."

                                            I startled you?!

                                            >You dropped her and she fell on her rump, hitting the floor with a dull thud.

                                            >She rubbed her sore behind while listening to your tirade.

                                            You think it's okay to just come into my house like this! You think you can just make yourself at home where you aren't wanted?

                                            >"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

                                            You didn't mean to startle me, but you still came here uninvited. You screamed and jumped onto me.

                                            >"It was the movie. It's way too scary for me."

                                            >She folded her ears and trembled at the glow of the television on her side, looming over her.

                                            >You pursed your lips and looked at the screen briefly.

                                            >A lone royal guard was investigating a cemetery.

                                            >"Boy, I sure hope that mummy isn't in this spooky crypt!"

                                            >The mummy immediately jumped out from the only corner on screen.

                                            >"Roar!"

                                            >The guard froze in place.

                                            >"Oh No!"

                                            >Fluttershy's eyes shrank to pinpricks and she laid down on the couch, covering her eyes and ears with her trembling arms.

                                            >"Please turn it off . . . !"

                                            Nuh-uh. First I have some questions, and I'll grab your head and make you watch if you don't answer them.

                                            >You sat down next to her.

                                            >She immediately crawled over and latched onto your thigh for comfort.

                                            >You rolled your eyes.

                                            >Stupid pony.

                                            How did you get in my house?

                                            >"Oh, I can't tell you--"

                                            >You grabbed her mane and pulled her face out from your leg, forcing her to watch the two ponies on screen.

                                            >"A pyramid in the middle of Manehattan!" the one pony said. "Was that there before?"

                                            >"The mummy must be in there," said the other pony. "Let's go in there."

                                            >Fluttershy gasped.

                                            >"No, don't go in there! That's where the mummy is! NO!!"

                                            >You yelled in her ear:

                                            Talk, Fluttershy!

                                            >"Okay, okay. I was already inside when you started locking up."

                                            >Oh, so she was hunkered down in your house all night, while you slept.

                                            >Nothing creepy about that.

                                            Where did you hide?

                                            >"I can't tell you where--"

                                            Oh, look at that, they found toilet paper at the entrance to the pyramid.

                                            >Her shoulders tensed up and she let out an "Eep!"

                                            Here, let me just turn the volume up for this next part.

                                            >"Fine! I was in your closet, I made a cozy little safespace in there."

                                            >She must have been under the three foot pile of clothes you have on the floor in there.

                                            >Note to self: clean that closet.

                                            >Then burn those clothes.

                                            >Fluttershy had stopped fussing and was cooperating more now, so you let her go.

                                            >She sat up and moved to the end of her side of the couch, looking away from you with a dejected look on her face.

                                            So you were in my closet all night, and you just came out now. Why?

                                            >She sighed.

                                            >"Because it was time."

                                            Do you have some crazy rape plan you're trying to enact?

                                            >"Nothing like that," she said. "I just . . . wanted to ask you something."

                                            >She was looking down and tracing a small semi-circle onto the couch cushion with her hoof.

                                            >Fluttershy was pretty untrustworthy, but even she had her tells; and she was acting way too self-conscious to be planning anything devious.

                                            What did you want to ask?

                                            >She took a deep breath, then turned to you earnestly.

                                            >"Will you please take me trick or treating?"

                                            That's all you want, for me to take you out trick or treating?

                                            >"Um . . . yes," she said. "I never got to do it when I was a filly, and my friends all have their own plans."

                                            Why does it have to be me?

                                            >She hid her eyes behind her mane, but peeked out from her shy bangs to look at you.

                                            >"I just wanted it to be you because I know you could protect me if I got too scared. That's even why I dressed up like this."

                                            >She gestured to your clothes she was wearing.

                                            You're saying that I'm your costume? You're going as me?

                                            >"I wanted to go as something that would make me feel good, so it was either you or one of my critters. I chose you, though, because I was hoping you'd . . ."

                                            >She brushed her mane out from her face and looked up at you.

                                            >"I was hoping that you'd like it. Because I really do like you, and, um, I wanted you to always know that whenever you looked at me."

                                            But I already know that you like me. You've made it very clear.

                                            >"I know, but I also wanted you to feel good when you saw me. I've always wanted you to feel good whenever you saw me, wanted you to know that you were special.

                                            >"Because I truly believe that about you."

                                            >She smiled.

                                            >"I truly believe that you're special. That you're special to me."

                                            >She began nervously fiddling with her hooves, tapping the tips together in front of her chest.

                                            >"And even though I try, I know I haven't found a good way to express that to you yet. Sometimes I make you angry, and I'm sorry. But it's just . . .

                                            >"You don't have to feel the same way I do towards you. But I want you to understand what I feel in my heart for you."

                                            >She blushed and gasped to herself, eventually placing one of her nervous hooves onto her chest.

                                            >Her eyes closed.

                                            >"It's beating so hard. I wish you could feel it right now. I wish you could feel it and know that you're one of the people it beats for."

                                            >She opened her eyes and looked within herself.

                                            >"The good feeling you give me. . . ."

                                            >She turned fully towards you, her whole being, and said:

                                            >"I want you to know about it, to understand that it's real, and one day feel good about it, too; feel good that you could cause such feelings to exist within a pony, within me."

                                            >There was a pause and, for a moment, only the fluttering pulse of her heartbeat could be heard within the room.

                                            >You looked into her big blue eyes and felt her kind soul reaching out to yours, pouring over your own soul in soft gentle waves.

                                            >All she wanted tonight was to experience something that was new to her, and she wanted to do it with you by her side.

                                            >She had only considered you to do this with.

                                            >Maybe that was special.

                                            >You felt many things from her words, things you would never feel from anyone else.

                                            >But you would never tell her any of them.

                                            >"Oh no, a mummy!"

                                            >"Roar!"

                                            >Fluttershy tried her best to ignore the scary scene playing at her side, even folding the ear that faced the television.

                                            >She picked up off the ground a small pink plastic pail that had monarch butterflies painted on it.

                                            >Then she scooted closer to you.

                                            >"So will you take me trick or treating?"

                                            Fuck no. Get out of my house.

                                            >In a moment you were holding a wriggling, fighting Fluttershy beneath your arm as you walked towards the door.

                                            >She kept pleading.

                                            >"How about just enough to fill the pail once. Please!"

                                            No.

                                            >"You know, I really tried to open up to you back there, and I'm not really feeling any appreciation from you for any of the things that I said."

                                            Look, I get that you like me or want to imitate me or something.

                                            >"It was more than that! Did you even listen?"

                                            Fluttershy, you're crazy, and I'm not going to go trick or treating with a crazy pony. It'll just encourage you.

                                            >"B-But--"

                                            >There was a knock at your door.

                                            >Trick or treaters.

                                            Oh crap.

                                            >"Don't throw me out there, it's scary!"

                                            Shut up!

                                            >You managed to get the door open with one hand and a flailing pony beneath one arm.

                                            >Three costumed foals, accompanied by their parents, stood at your doorstep, holding their bags and pails forward.

                                            >"Nightmare Night! What a--AGH!!!"

                                            >And were interrupted mid-chant by a hurled Fluttershy, who tumbled in the air over their heads before landing gracefully into the rosebushes off to the side.

                                            I'm sending you a bill for that suit of mine you just ruined!

                                            >Time was of the essence, so you rushed through your part of the exchange with the stunned foals.

                                            Yeah, yeah, happy Nightmare Night. Here's your candy!

                                            >You grabbed a handful of kandy korn and after-dinner mints from the glass dish next to the door and threw them on the ground.

                                            >They all looked down in confusion at the heap of candy at their hooves.

                                            >Just be glad it's actually candy and not toothpaste or something, you little shits.

                                            Enjoy!

                                            >Fluttershy rose out from the rosebush and started flying towards the door.

                                            Gotta go now! Cheers!

                                            >You closed the door just in time to hear Fluttershy smacking into it facefirst, and the surprised shrieks of every pony who witnessed her do it.

                                            Well, that takes care of that.

                                            >You wiped your hands clean and sat back down on the couch.

                                            >Now you could enjoy the rest of your night in peace.

                                            >Watching terrible movies.

                                            >Eating all the good candy yourself.

                                            >And washing it all down with a nice, cold, refreshing glass of--

                                            It's empty!

                                            >Fluttershy!

                                            >You kicked the front door open.

                                            You drank my milk!

                                            >The two mares who had been helping Fluttershy out of the bushes took one look back at you.

                                            >Then they dropped Flutters like a sack of hot potatos and trotted off.

                                            >"You're on your own, sister. He's crazy!"

                                            >You walked over and grabbed Fluttershy by her mane.

                                            >At your touch, her head sank down between her shoulders.

                                            >"Oh dear."

                                            >You held her up at eye level.

                                            Why did you drink my milk? You knew I was saving it, didn't you?!

                                            >"I'm sorry," she said, flinching. "I was in your closet for hours. I was thirsty when I got out."

                                            Drink. Some. Water! . . . You don't just drink a guy's milk like that!

                                            >You dropped Fluttershy on the ground.

                                            >Then, still not satisfied, you picked her up again and then dropped her back in the rose bushes.

                                            >She landed in them with a crunch, sinking down into a hole that was made on the top foliage.

                                            >"Ouch . . . !"

                                            >She was in pain.

                                            >You smiled and sighed, feeling contented.

                                            >But in all the excitement, you realized you had forgotten your bit bag.

                                            >You turned around to go get it.

                                            >That was when you saw your front door slam in your face.

                                            Wait . . .

                                            >And you heard the deadbolt slide into place, locking it.

                                            No!

                                            >You leaped forward and jiggled the knob but it was no use.

                                            >You were locked out.

                                            >Your head fell into your hands in despair.

                                            >How could this have happened?

                                            >How?!

                                            >The leaves behind you rustled and Fluttershy appeared, looking very smug and satisfied.

                                            >"Good boy, Angel. Momma's so proud."

                                            >You followed her eyes to window.

                                            >That was where you saw Angel bunny.

                                            >He was standing up on the sill inside your house, and holding very clearly the one spare key that you had brought inside, to prevent Fluttershy from using it.

                                            >Fluttershy exited the bushes and approached you, smiling and brushing away the stray thorny twigs that had gotten tangled in her mane.

                                            >"I can ask him to open the door back up for you, if you want."

                                            I am not taking you trick or treating.

                                            >"Oh, that's not what I want."

                                            Good, because I'm not doing it.

                                            >"I want you to let me spend the night watching movies with you, and take me trick or treating."

                                            What?!

                                            >"That's the deal. Unless you want to spend the night at my cottage, which I wouldn't mind, really. . . ."

                                            >She blushed and turned away from you, trying to hide her embarrassment.

                                            >You stayed silent, stoic.

                                            >And a moment later you were standing next to your front room window, and she was turned away for a different reason.

                                            >You held a softball-sized rock in your hand.

                                            Don't think I won't do it.

                                            >"Please don't! You could get hurt."

                                            Then let me back in.

                                            >She visibly deflated and shrunk back timidly.

                                            >"Well I can't really do that, I mean . . ."

                                            >You looked away from the flip-flopping mare to see Angel was sticking his tongue out at you.

                                            >Alright, that's it.

                                            Here it comes, you little shit!

                                            >You reared your arm back and threw the rock as hard as you could at the window.

                                            >It hit the glass.

                                            >And then immediately bounced backwards and smashed into your right eye.

                                            >You heard a wet crunch as the rock ricocheted out from your eye socket.

                                            >There was a ringing in your ears.

                                            >You shut your eyes and did not open them again.

                                            >When you came to you were lying flat on your back.

                                            >Fluttershy was leaned over you, and pressing something cool onto your sore eye.

                                            >"There. Does that ice pack feel good?"

                                            >You opened your mouth to say yes but only a groan came out.

                                            >"Just try to lie still, mister. You were out for a little while."

                                            >You must've been.

                                            >The clouds had left with the sunset and the night sky was now as clear and dark as a pool of water.

                                            >Your back was cold on the grass, and your eye was burning up.

                                            >You looked over at the window you had bashed in.

                                            >There wasn't a scratch on it.

                                            >Fucking seriously?!

                                            >That rock was huge and you fucking hurled it at the glass.

                                            >And it ain't strong glass.

                                            >Fucking Rainbow Dash breaks at least one of your windows every month whenever her dumb ass crashes into your house.

                                            >How did it not break at all?

                                            >This was bullshit.

                                            >You were right back where you started.

                                            >You sighed deeply.

                                            Alright, Flutters, let's compromise.

                                            >Until the pail was full: that was the compromise.

                                            >You would trick or treat with Fluttershy until she had filled her pail.

                                            >Then she was allowed to stay over and watch the rest of Twilight's movies with you.

                                            >After that, you were free and could do whatever you wanted--even kick her out.

                                            >Yeah, you were keeping your one good eye out for Rainbow Dash.

                                            >You'll drag her back to your house and toss her through the window yourself if you have to.

                                            >Ponyville was all decorated for Nightmare Night.

                                            >Strings of glowing white ghosts hung between the houses lining the streets.

                                            >The candles inside the carved pumpkins were flickering in the breeze.

                                            >Even the ground seemed to glow a sick, otherwordly green color.

                                            >It was certainly festive.

                                            >But, of course, it wasn't scary.

                                            >There's nothing scary about fake ghosts and jack-o'-lanterns, no matter how well placed they were.

                                            >So, naturally, Fluttershy was terrified.

                                            >Her hooves trembled with every step she took and her head kept turning to and fro swiftly, as though she was looking for something.

                                            >All she found was you staring at her, a mixture of pity and shame on your face.

                                            >This is the pony who outsmarted you, the one who's scared of toilet paper mummies and fake vampire teeth?

                                            >God you're lame.

                                            >Fluttershy finally broke out of her catatonic state to ask you something.

                                            >"I'm h-having f-f-fun. H-How about you?"

                                            Your voice is shaking. And to answer your question, I feel retarded.

                                            >"Maybe you'd feel better if you wore a costume."

                                            I'd feel better if I wasn't escorting somebody who's terrified of Halloween props that wouldn't even scare a two-year-old.

                                            >"You should try to relax and have some fun. I'm having fun, and I'm absolutely on edge right now."

                                            You're shaking so much that you're turning white. How could you possibly be having any fun?

                                            >"Because I'm trying to decide which house we should stop at first."

                                            Oh?

                                            >You scanned the houses nearby.

                                            >They were your typical Nightmare Night houses, fake cobwebs on the doors, jack-o'-lanterns on the front step.

                                            Just pick any house, they're all the same.

                                            >"You're right," she said, gulping. "They're all terrifying."

                                            Oh for God's sake. . . .

                                            >You couldn't watch her acting like this, if only for your own sanity.

                                            >So you looked the other way.

                                            >She still kept at it, though.

                                            >"I mean it," she said, turning to face you with serious eyes. "If you weren't here with me right now, I would've started panicking and--"

                                            Rainbow Dash!!

                                            >You saw Rainbow Dash flying through the sky and quickly ran after her.

                                            Rainbow Dash, get back here!

                                            >From behind you, you heard Fluttershy wheeze out a sound that was a mix of a squeal and a high-pitched death whinny.

                                            >"Wait, don't leave me!"

                                            Sorry, chump, I just spotted my rainbow-colored ticket back home.

                                            >"But we had a deal!"

                                            >You stopped.

                                            Right, the pail.

                                            >You quickly turned back and grabbed her pail.

                                            >You scooped up a handful of mud, then slapped it into the pail before throwing it back at her.

                                            There, pail's full. Got to go now.

                                            >You ran after Rainbow Dash once more, leaving Fluttershy to curl up into the fetal position in the middle of the street.

                                            >Oddly enough, she became the scariest thing there.

                                            >Every pony went out of their way to avoid the creepy mare with the thousand-yard stare.

                                            >Except for you that is, when you had to shuffle back with a disgruntled look on your face.

                                            Yeah, it wasn't Rainbow Dash. Turns out it's hard to see clearly out of one eye.

                                            >Fluttershy took one look at you.

                                            >Then she jumped up and clung onto your face.

                                            God dammit! Not again!

                                            >"Oh! Just make sure you never leave me again or else I'll never let go of you next time!"

                                            Let go of me! AGH!!!


                                            >You dumped the mud out from her pail.

                                            Alright, Flutters, let's go already. I didn't leave any candy out when I left, and I don't want to go back and see that my house got egged for it.

                                            >"Okay, I'm ready," she said, full of determination. "Let's go."

                                            >Only she didn't move.

                                            >She just stood in the same spot, looking proud of herself for some reason.

                                            >But she quickly folded when you stared her down.

                                            Fluttershy . . .

                                            >"I know, it's just--I can't choose. They're all too scary."

                                            >You groaned before picking her up by the scruff of her neck.

                                            >You started with the house furthest on the left.

                                            We'll start here and work our way down, alright?

                                            >You set Fluttershy down near the front step, her whole body trembling like a pair of chattering teeth--including her teeth.

                                            >"O-O-Okay . . . !"

                                            >After ringing the doorbell, you took notice of all the roses growing near the door.

                                            >Must be Roseluck's house.

                                            >Something smelled like horseshit too.

                                            >Fertilizer, maybe?

                                            >Hell, she is a horse, so maybe she shits in her own yard.

                                            >You could hear the door opening before you could start looking around for any horseshit.

                                            >"Um, I just realized . . ."

                                            >What is this, another problem?

                                            >You should have strangled this mare.

                                            What now, Fluttershy?

                                            >"The Nightmare Night chant--I don't know all the words."

                                            Well that's--

                                            >"You do it!"

                                            What?!

                                            >You turned on her swiftly.

                                            Why do you think I know it?! I'm the alien here!

                                            >The light from the opening door flashed on Fluttershy's face.

                                            >You could see she was practically catatonic again, her mouth stretched in a Chesire Cat grin and her eyes shrunk to the size of pebbles.

                                            >Oh, she's useless.

                                            >Mechanically, you turn to face the pony in the doorway.

                                            Nightmare Night! What a . . . fight.

                                            >Already, you were wrong.

                                            I want candy. . . .

                                            >What was next?

                                            >Bubblegum and taffy?

                                            >Luckily, Roseluck looked about as lost as you were.

                                            >And all the help you got from Fluttershy was a barely-audible squeak that whistled through her clenched teeth.

                                            >You sniffed and then wiped your nose before addressing Roseluck.

                                            But, yeah, I want candy. Give me some, please.

                                            >Roseluck pursed her lips.

                                            >"Wow," she said. "That might have been the worst Nightmare Night chant I've ever heard."

                                            >She cast a sympathetic eye over you both.

                                            >"I mean, really, this is both of your guys first time trick or treating, I thought you'd put some effort into it."

                                            >Fluttershy was pinning her ears back and folding further and further within herself.

                                            >You just felt confused.

                                            How do you know this is our first time?

                                            >"Isn't it obvious? You're that alien, human guy who lives down the street, so I know you've never gone. And every pony knows that Fluttershy never goes out on Nightmare Night."

                                            >You could have explained to her that Halloween existed back on Earth.

                                            >But you didn't care nearly enough about Roseluck's opinion in order for you to do that.

                                            >You grabbed Fluttershy's pail out from her mouth and held it forward.

                                            Whatever. Candy us, already.

                                            >"Fine."

                                            >Roseluck dropped a candied apple into the pail.

                                            >It was enough to fill up the bottom one-thirds.

                                            >Fucking score!

                                            >You held the pail out towards Fluttershy.

                                            This apple totally counts, don't try to say it doesn't.

                                            >She didn't even acknowledge you.

                                            >She was just staring straight ahead like she was shellshocked or something.

                                            >Roseluck's eyes moved back and forth between you both, and something in your appearance elicited a scoff from her.

                                            >"Seriously, though," Roseluck said, "aren't you two a little too old to be trick or treating?"

                                            >Like you gave a damn, your hand was forced.

                                            >Fluttershy gulped; she was sweating bullets.

                                            >"It was his idea."

                                            Excuse me!?

                                            >"Welp, got to go," Roseluck said cheerily. "You two figure out that chant, okay?"

                                            >She closed the door.

                                            >Fluttershy sat there for a moment, her eyes like sunken frightened holes.

                                            >Then she quickly turned and her face fell into despair.

                                            >"Let's get out of here."

                                            >She trotted back to the relative safety of the street, whimpering as she passed by a fake grave that was on Roseluck's lawn.


                                            Well I'm glad we got out of there.

                                            >"Me too."

                                            Her place smelled like horseshit.

                                            >You grimaced suddenly when looking at her.

                                            Oh, and thanks for throwing me under the bus back there.

                                            >"I'm sorry," she said, looking crestfallen.

                                            It was your idea to go trick or treating, not mine.

                                            >She sighed heavily.

                                            >"I know, I just didn't think I was going to feel so embarrassed by her."

                                            >You'd feel bad too if you got owned by a pony who's house literally smelled like shit.

                                            >"I really should've been ready, but I got too scared. I'm sorry. I let you down."

                                            >She folded her ears and bent her head down to the ground, the darkness completely shading her face.

                                            >Seeing her first Nightmare Night get off to such a bad start, you felt a strange pity for her.

                                            >You placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

                                            Don't worry about it, Fluttershy. Everyone knows Roseluck is a bitch anyway. So what if you didn't know the stupid chant.

                                            >You patted down on her shoulder and made a start forward.

                                            Come on, let's go the next house.

                                            >She nodded weakly.

                                            >"O-Okay."

                                            >But she did not move from where her sunken rump was.

                                            >This time you sighed heavily.

                                            Do you want me to carry you again?

                                            >"Yes please."

                                            >You picked her up by her mane and carried her towards the next house.

                                            I feel like a stupid caveman.

                                            >"Do you want to unga bunga me?"

                                            No, Fluttershy.

                                            >"But aren't cavemen supposed to explore caves?"

                                            >She tittered a bit at her own innuendo.

                                            >At least she was getting her spirits back.

                                            >So much so that she had started rubbing your ass with her wing.

                                            >Yeah, you should have let her stay depressed.

                                            >The smell of daisies and horseshit greeted you at the next door.

                                            >You put Fluttershy down.

                                            Sheesh. I can smell Roseluck's crappy house from here. It must suck to live next to her.

                                            >"This is Daisy's house, I doubt she'd mind," Fluttershy said.

                                            >Right, the flower triplets.

                                            >Roseluck, Daisy, and . . . someone else.

                                            >You rang the doorbell.

                                            >"I don't think that particular, um, smell is coming from their houses."

                                            What?

                                            >Daisy opened the door.

                                            >Neither of you said the chant.

                                            >The flower mare stood stockstill for a moment before breaking out in a big grin.

                                            >"Wow, your guys' costumes are great," she said.

                                            >She pointed at you.

                                            >"You're, like, some kind of cyclops or something."

                                            >Correction: she was pointing at your one good eye.

                                            >"And you," she said, turning towards Fluttershy. "Well, I don't know what you are, but those clothes are super weird."

                                            >"Oh, I'm a human," Fluttershy said.

                                            >"Does that mean you're grumpy all the time and always yelling?" Daisy said, chuckling in your direction.

                                            >No, it meant that you shat in your own yard like a filthy earth pony third-worlder.

                                            >You didn't say that, though.

                                            >Because she gave you another candied apple.

                                            >That was two for three; the pail was almost full now.

                                            >You had to go check out the last sister's house now.

                                            >"Daisy was nice," Fluttershy said as you entered the street.

                                            Yeah, she was almost less of a dumb bitch than her sister.

                                            >You were too busy looking gleefully into Fluttershy's almost-full pail to engage any further.

                                            >That horseshit smell, though.

                                            >Once you were aware of that rank heavy air, it wouldn't go away.

                                            >In fact it smelled stronger than ever.

                                            >It was then that your foot bumped against a cart that had a big mountain of horseshit in it.

                                            >Your eyes watered from being so close to its strong odor.

                                            What the fuck is this? Do those flower bitches shit so much that the city has to come and pick it up or something?

                                            >"Oh, this isn't the flowers sisters," Fluttershy said, nasally, as she was holding her nose shut.

                                            Then what's it doing here?

                                            >"It must be some foals out having some Nightmare Night tricks."

                                            I don't follow. What's fun about horseshit?

                                            >"Some foals like to, um, throw it onto the houses of ponies that don't give them candy."

                                            >You were taken aback.

                                            You. Fucking. What?!

                                            >Did you just enter India by way of Equestria or something?

                                            >What the actual fuck?

                                            That can't be real.

                                            >"Oh, it's real. Sometimes they even pack the, um, waste onto the house before spraying it down with water, so that way it freezes overnight."

                                            >You thought of your own house being covered in frozen shit.

                                            >And still being bothered by Fluttershy, regardless of the smell.

                                            Okay, that's it. We're getting that last candied apple now.

                                            >You picked up Fluttershy by her mane and headed for the last house.

                                            >It was not a flower pony that opened the door but actually Colgate.

                                            >"Oh, hey, you two," she said, upbeat but confused. "Is there something I can help you with?"

                                            Yeah, look, I don't know the chant or anything. But I need a candied apple so I can fill this pail and go home.

                                            >She smiled.

                                            >"Wait, you two are last minute trick or treating?" she said. "That's so adorable."

                                            >Fluttershy hid her smile bashfully.

                                            >"Oh, thank you. Do you like my costume?"

                                            >"I do," Colgate said. "You're obviously him. And you . . ."

                                            >She looked you over for a second before smacking her lips in acknowledgement.

                                            >"Yeah, I don't know. But your face looks like you were going for a beat up boxer or something."

                                            >You rolled your one good eye.

                                            Colgate, where's that other flower chick? We've got to get our last candied apple and get going here.

                                            >"You mean Lily?" she said, looking confused. "She's actually out of town right now. That's why I'm watching the place for her."

                                            Did she leave you a barrel full of candied apple to give out?

                                            >"No, but I do have these."

                                            >Using her magic, she levitated a brand new tube of toothpaste into your pail.

                                            >"There you go. Just because you look like a boxer, doesn't mean you need to have the teeth of one," she said proudly.

                                            >You looked down into the pail like she'd just dropped a turd in it.

                                            >And a small turd at that; since it didn't even fill the pail up.

                                            What the fuck is--

                                            >"You mean you're giving us this whole tube for free?" Fluttershy said. "But that must cost much more than a piece of candy. We can't possibly take it."

                                            >"No, I insist," Colgate said with an encouraging wave. "Proper oral care is much more important to me than being stingy."

                                            >"That's very generous of you. Thank you."

                                            >"Think nothing of it."

                                            >Fluttershy turned towards you, grinning and oblivious to the plain shock on your face.

                                            >"We really scored big here, didn't we?"

                                            >Silence for a moment.

                                            Are you two fucking insane? You're not supposed to be happy to get toothpaste.

                                            >Fluttershy frowned.

                                            >"But I am. . . ."

                                            >You turned towards Colgate.

                                            And what kind of asshole television sitcom dentist do you have to be to actually give this stuff out to kids on Halloween?

                                            >Colgate folded her ears.

                                            >"What's Halloween?"

                                            >You gave up trying to explain and just held out the toothpaste for her.

                                            Here, take this back and give us a candied apple. Hell, even just a regular apple will do.

                                            >Colgate took a step back and raised her front hoof defensively.

                                            >"You don't want my toothpaste?"

                                            No! Nobody wants your toothpaste. Do kids go out on Halloween to get toothpaste? Of course they don't. If Halloween was a holiday about toothpaste, then nobody would celebrate it.

                                            >You held the pail before her face.

                                            So quit being a Scrooge and ruining everyone's good time, and just fill the pail already--preferably with candy and not something that you'd find in your Goddamn bathroom cabinet.

                                            >Colgate's blue cheeks flushed to the color of wildfire as she glared at you.

                                            >"Give me back my toothpaste. You don't deserve it."

                                            >Using magic, she ripped the tube out from your hand and put it away behind her.

                                            >"There, more for me to fill my bathtub with anyway."

                                            Well, good, because I--

                                            >Wait, fill her bathtub?

                                            >You and Fluttershy shared a confused look as Colgate slammed the door in your faces.

                                            >Then she opened it again and, peeking out, said:

                                            >"Oh, and by the way, you two are way too old to be trick or treating. Get a life!"

                                            >She slammed the door again and soon you and Fluttershy were back out in the street.

                                            >"You know, I would've liked to have had some toothpaste. I just ran out yesterday."

                                            Oh, shut up.

                                            >"I'm just saying, you didn't need to be so rude."

                                            Look, I've been trick or treating a lot longer than you, and I know better. The second people start thinking it's okay to give out toothpaste is the second that they begin doing away with candy altogether.

                                            Pretty soon they'll start emptying out their junk drawers to fill your bucket, or handing you pamphlets about their church.

                                            >You held up the pail.

                                            This is your first time trick or treating, and my first time in a long time. And we're going to do it right, by filling this pail with candy, not cleansing materials.

                                            >You shook your head resolutely.

                                            Nobody is going to be getting toothpaste on my watch. No sir, Halloween is not going to be cancelled on my watch.

                                            >Feedback rang through the streets, with the town loudspeaker following, saying:

                                            >"Calling ten p.m. curfew every pony!"

                                            >The noise of the street, the talk of tongues, ceased as every pony went inside and shut the doors behind them.

                                            >The streets darkened as the glowing lights in the windows were snuffed out one by one.

                                            >"Calling curfew every pony! And happy Nightmare Night to all!"

                                            >The speakers shut off and there was silence for a moment.

                                            >You turned towards Fluttershy.

                                            What's curfew mean, exactly?

                                            >"It means Nightmare Night is over."


                                            Give me that fucking toothpaste, Colgate!

                                            >The hinges on Lily's door had begun loosening from your constant banging, but still Colgate did not dare to open it.

                                            >You stopped and peered into her dark front room window.

                                            I know you're not asleep yet! I want that toothpaste, Colgate! Open up and give it to me!

                                            >Fluttershy laid a gentle hoof on your thigh.

                                            >You shared a knowing look.

                                            She's not opening up, is she?

                                            >"I doubt it."

                                            >Fluttershy patted your leg reassuringly before stepping off the porch.

                                            >"Nightmare Night is over. Come on, let's go home."

                                            >You sighed heavily.

                                            Fine.

                                            >But when you reached the end of her lawn, you turned around and shouted:

                                            I'm telling everyone about your weird toothpaste baths, Colgate!

                                            >The walk back to your house was silent, completely so.

                                            >Fluttershy even took point, which only further sunk the feeling into you that Nightmare Night was truly over.

                                            >Once you were back inside your house you went over to the candy dish and emptied the rest of the mints and kandy korn into Fluttershy's pail, filling it to the brim.

                                            >You set it on the coffee table before her unceremoniously.

                                            There. I promised you a full pail and now you've got it.

                                            >"You didn't have to give me your own candy. I'm fine, really."

                                            Yeah, well, I did agree to take you trick or treating, and it didn't work out at all.

                                            >You sat down next to her.

                                            You had a terrible Nightmare Night. Even if you say otherwise, I know better.

                                            >"Then you don't know anything."

                                            >She was smiling at you.

                                            >"The candy's nice, but it's not what I really wanted. All I really wanted was for you and I to go trick or treating, and that's what I got."

                                            >You felt your spirits picking up and you stopped slouching and sat up.

                                            So you did have a good time?

                                            >"Oh, um, no," she said, half-smiling. "I don't like trick or treating. It's way too scary."

                                            >You pursed your lips, until she placed a gentle hoof on your arm.

                                            >"But I'll always remember it fondly because we got to do it together."

                                            >A warm pool of happiness was overflowing within your heart, spilling over its brim.

                                            You know, Fluttershy, I think I feel the same.

                                            >The two of you dug your candied apples out and each took a bite of them, savoring the sweetness.

                                            Please stay home next year, though.

                                            >"Oh, I will. It's much less stressful."

                                            >Thank God.


                                            There's got to be a movie here that you can watch.

                                            >"What about this one?"

                                            >She held the movie up.

                                            >You looked at the cover.

                                            >'Giant Mare-aconda Attack!'

                                            Why that one?

                                            >"It's got a snake on the cover. I like snakes."

                                            I'm pretty sure the snakes in that movie are pony eaters.

                                            >"That's fine. A lot of snakes deep in the Amarezon Jungle have been known to eat ponies, but that doesn't mean they aren't big softies deep down."

                                            Deep down. Like in their stomachs?

                                            >"They actually can be really nice. Just, um, don't approach them when they're hungry, is all."

                                            Okay then. . . .

                                            >The living room was dark, the only light coming from the flickering television before you both.

                                            >You put Fluttershy's movie on.

                                            >It was about a bunch of researchers going deep into the jungle.

                                            >One of them found an ancient artifact, she got cursed, turned into a giant snake and started eating her friends, etc.

                                            >Or at least, that was how it seemed.

                                            >You were sure that they were going to pull some magic bullshit by the end so that nobody actually ended up getting killed.

                                            >Fucking pony horror movies.

                                            >"Oh, they're making the snake look so mean!"

                                            >At least you weren't the only one that was upset.

                                            Fluttershy, she's a giant snake that's eating people. She's mean.

                                            >"But they're showing her stalking them, like a hunter. And snakes aren't hunters. They're actually very docile. They wait for their prey to come to them."

                                            Well, she's a magic snake. It's different.

                                            >"But it's not. They specifically said that she turned into a giant anaconda, but look at her eyes. Anacondas have round pupils, but they made hers slit so that she'd look evil."

                                            I can turn it off, if you want.

                                            >"No, wait, I want to see what happens."

                                            >She crossed her arms and sank deep into her seat, her judging eyes narrowing at the screen.

                                            >"But they better start treating the snake more fairly or else."

                                            >Or else what?

                                            >The movie eventually ended exactly as you expected, with everyone coming back to life.

                                            >The researcher that was a snake also turned back into a pony.

                                            >Fluttershy actually started whimpering when the credits rolled.

                                            >"But what happened to that poor little snake? It didn't just disappear when she came back, did it?"

                                            Twilight said there were sequels.

                                            >"So the snake came back," she said, sounding relieved. "Maybe they learned to get along eventually."

                                            Yeah, sure.

                                            >Fluttershy had made a stack of movies that she was interested in watching, most of them having to do with animals.

                                            >You picked up the next one.

                                            A shark movie.

                                            >"Oh, put that one on next. I love sharks."

                                            >The cover showed a seapony about to be eaten by a huge Great White.

                                            Fluttershy, this is another movie about big animals that eat ponies.

                                            >"Actually, sharks only ever attack when they confuse our legs for another sea creature."

                                            Whatever. The point is that they're going to be mean to the shark, so don't complain about it when it happens.

                                            >"Okay, I promise."

                                            >The movie was on for forty minutes.

                                            >"They are being so mean to that poor little shark!"

                                            Fluttershy, he's as big as their boat.

                                            >"I'm sorry," she said, not sounding at all apologetic. "But they should know better than to go after him like that. They're scaring the poor thing."

                                            >Next movie: 'Creature from Froggy Bottom Bog.'

                                            >Basically, there's a big fish-monster pony that has claws and can walk on land.

                                            >A bunch of animal biologists and researchers want to catch it.

                                            >One of them happens to be a mare who looked like she should be modeling Rarity's outfits.

                                            >Fluttershy was actually enjoying it.

                                            >"Gosh! I'd love to go out and find a rare creature like that one."

                                            Fluttershy, it's taking those researchers out one by one.

                                            >"Well, it's scared."

                                            I knew you were going to say that.

                                            >Eventually the creature fell in love with the supermodel mare.

                                            >It captured her and took her back to its cave.

                                            >Fluttershy was oddly quiet during all this.

                                            >Then after a while, she said:

                                            >"You know, there's no reason a strange creature like that couldn't fall in love with a nice mare."

                                            >You shrugged her comment off.

                                            >But she kept going.

                                            >"I mean, after all, she was interested in him from the start."

                                            Well yeah, she's a researcher. They didn't meet in the personals.

                                            >"I'm just saying that I think it would be kind of nice if the movie ended with them living together."

                                            >Of course she would, she's a weirdo.

                                            >You turned slightly so she could see your pursed lips.

                                            >That was when you saw that she was giving you bedroom eyes from her side of the couch.

                                            >"I think I'd kind of like it."

                                            >Nope!

                                            >You fixed your gaze forward and tried your best to ignore her.

                                            >Your eyes happened to glance over at the next movie on her stack.

                                            >You couldn't see the title.

                                            >But the cover had a giant gorilla on it, and he was holding a young mare in his hand.

                                            >Maybe you'll just skip that one.

                                            >A few more hours passed, with more movies and more instances of Fluttershy sperging out.

                                            >The further down the stack you got, the quieter Fluttershy became.

                                            >Soon she hadn't said anything for over an hour.

                                            >Your eyes were glued to the action on screen.

                                            So what's the score with this one, Fluttershy? Should they just get out of the carriage and try to befriend the rabid dog that wants to kill them?

                                            >Silence.

                                            >You looked over.

                                            >She was fast asleep.

                                            >Her snores were gentle and her head was tilted and resting on her shoulder.

                                            >You could have just left her there but she didn't look very comfortable.

                                            >You gathered her up in your arms, not knowing really where you were going to put her.

                                            >Her body curled up at your touch and she sighed in bliss.

                                            >You decided to take her upstairs and put her on top of your clothes pile in the closet.

                                            >Immediately upon laying her down, her body stretched out and she smiled, a lazy stream of drool flowing out from the side of her open mouth.

                                            >It was pretty cute.

                                            >Until she started humping a pile of your underwear, and moaning like a drunken seal.

                                            >You closed the door on her then.

                                            >Lying down in bed, you closed your eyes and thought about all you did with Fluttershy tonight.

                                            >She was actually pretty fun to hang out with.

                                            >She at least made watching Twilight's terrible movies a lot more tolerable.

                                            >And she took care of your eye for you after you smashed a rock into it.

                                            >Of course it had been her fault that that even happened to you in the first place.

                                            >You turned over on your side.

                                            >But still, there were times tonight when you were genuinely glad that she was around.

                                            >And there were other times where you wanted to strangle her.

                                            >All in all, you wouldn't mind hanging out with her again, though you would probably regret it later.

                                            >Was there a word which adequately described a friendship like that?

                                            >You couldn't think of any.

                                            >What were you going to do with her in the morning?

                                            >She wouldn't just leave, would she?

                                            >Maybe you could do something special for her.

                                            >If not tomorrow, then maybe someday.

                                            >Someday you'd do something special for her. . . .


                                            >When you awoke you found you were sharing your bed with a strange warm lump that was hidden under the covers.

                                            >A lump that was bobbing up and down over your crotch.

                                            >You threw the covers off the bed.

                                            >Fluttershy's mouth popped off of your erect cock, her eyes going wide at being caught.

                                            >She pinned her ears back and smiled sheepishly.

                                            >"Um . . . Did I scare you?"

                                            >Oh, right, she was a rapist.

                                            >You always forgot about that after a while of her being kind.

                                            >You reached over and grabbed the scruff of her neck.

                                            >Soon she felt herself being lifted up.

                                            >"Oh dear."

                                            >Aiming for the rosebushes, you chucked her out the window.

                                            >Except she landed headfirst into something else: a cart full of manure.

                                            >That was when the heavy odor hit you, started choking you.

                                            >You looked outside.

                                            >Your entire house had been plastered in a fresh coat of frozen horse shit.

                                            Oh my God! You Goddamned animals! You actually did it!

                                            >"Look out!"

                                            >Rainbow Dash's screams echoed throughout the street as a blue blur, leaving a rainbow streak trailing behind it, plummeted from the sky.

                                            >Plummeted right towards your house.

                                            >"Gang way, every pony!"

                                            >Right towards your window.

                                            Dash, turn the fuck around, for God's sake! You're headed right for a big pile of--

                                            >She crashed right through your front room window.

                                            >The echo of her impact with your floor traveled up the walls.

                                            >There was a rumble above you, coming from the roof.

                                            >You looked up.

                                            >And an avalanche of frozen horse apples pelted you in the face, hitting you like a barrage of softballs.

                                            >You also forgot to get more milk last night.

                                            >Fucking idiot.

                                            Goddammit!

                                            >Your last thoughts before losing consciousness, your last direct utterance of hatred, were directed towards two things.

                                            Fucking Nightmare Night!

                                            >And . . .

                                            Fucking Fluttershy!