[CLOP] [AiE] Batter Up


                                            [copied from https://pastebin.com/ZPDJzhDx]

                                            [original author Silver_Smoulder]


                                            >Twilight gently pushes the mass of pink curls out of her field of vision.

                                            "Honestly, Pinkie, how hard can cooking be? It's just applied chemistry."

                                            >Pinkie Pie gives Twilight a dubious look.

                                            "Don't take this the wrong way, Twilight, but-"

                                            >She pauses while Twilight gives her a flat glare.

                                            "-well, it's just that you have this teensy-weensie habit of blowing everything out of proportion!"

                                            "I do not!"

                                            "Twilight, pop quiz - you added three eggs instead of two, WHATDOYOUDO?!"

                                            >Twilight's eyes go wide and her pupils shrink to tiny pinpricks.

                                            "I wasn't prepared - er, I uh, I errr, uhhhh, ohIdon'tknow, I DUMP THE WHOLE THING!"

                                            >Pinkie exhales loudly and pats Twilight on the head.

                                            "Twilight, you may be a Princess now - you have your own Castle Playset (tm)-"

                                            "What?"

                                            "-but you simply need to calm down. Cooking, or baking, or brewing isn't like science. You have to put your heart into it."

                                            >Twilight frowns and looks over at the selection of baked goods arrayed behind Pinkie.

                                            "So, you want to tell me that you put your heart into every single one of those pastries?"

                                            >Pinkie nods solemnly.

                                            "Of course, silly! I would be a pretty poor baker if I didn't want everypony to enjoy my tasty treats! Whenever I take a tray out of the oven, I feel so bubbly, that if I didn't have a line of customers, I'd just bounce all over the place!"

                                            >The pink pony demonstrates by vibrating away from Twilight, who follows along, looking unconvinced.

                                            "Okay, but it's Anon's birthday. I don't want to make it special for everypony, I want to make it special for him."

                                            >Pinkie stops vibrating and throws a sly look at the purple pony princess.

                                            "Ohhhh? Does the Princess of Friendship have a particular Prince in miiiiiind~?"

                                            >Twilight blushes furiously, coughs, adjusts her wings, and adopts a regal expression.

                                            "Of course not, don't be preposterous! I'm simply doing my part, as Princess of Friendship, to let our alien friend feel more at home! By preparing a meal he would like. Nothing more."


                                            "Uh-huh. Well, I know that he periodically stops by and grabs a couple of my special Boss Ton Cremes. You could just get those."

                                            "Oh, ah, no. I'd like to show him that-"

                                            >Sweat beads on Twilights forehead as she struggles to complete the sentence.

                                            "-that... that even... that even a Princess is willing to cook for friends."

                                            >Pinkie pulls a lamp out of a random drawer and aims it at Twilight's muzzle.

                                            "Hey!"

                                            "Oh yeah? Well, when was the last time you cooked for us, huh?"

                                            >Suddenly, Pinkie gasps.

                                            "Unless you've been cooking for us the entire time, but everypony would get to it before I had a chance to try it, and you are actually an amazing cook, and-"

                                            >Twilight places a hoof over Pinkie's mouth.

                                            "No Pinkie. Honestly, the idea never occured to me. You and Applejack are much better chefs than I am. Back when I lived in Canterlot, I was waited on by Celestia's finest cooks. And here, I would either grab food from the two of you, or Spike would do it."

                                            >She blushes.

                                            "So, really, I would just like to try it, see if I'm actually capable of it. And would you please stop shining that lamp in my eyes?!"

                                            >She pushes the lamp aside, while Pinkie stands there digesting what her friend told her.

                                            "All right, Twilight. Wait here a moment, I'll get you the book you need."

                                            >She zips off as Twilight opens her mouth to say something, but the pink pony is back, holding a book in her mouth, which she shoves in Twilight's saddlebags.

                                            "Here you go, Twilight. I know this isn't the book you wanted, but it's my very first cookbook, the one I bought with the first bits I made when I moved off the rock farm."

                                            >She pulls out a pair of glasses, rearranges her hair into a bun, and begins pontificating.

                                            "I believe you will find the extensive notation quite useful, as I have worked through it, experimenting, and adding or removing information based on my studies. Overall, I believe that said volume shall be crucial in your gustative endeavors."

                                            >Twilight's jaw is hanging wide open.

                                            >Pinkie sidles over, closes it, and leans over.

                                            "And once again, Twilight, remember - the best piece of advice I can give you is to put your heart in it."


                                            >Back at her castle, Twilight trots over into the kitchen, levitating the book out.

                                            >The castle feels so empty and cold without her friends there.

                                            >Maybe she should've asked Pinkie for help...

                                            >She shakes her head.

                                            "Stop being a silly filly and do this. How hard could it be?"

                                            >She starts opening the various cupboards grabbing all sorts of sundries - egg beaters, flour, sugar, rolling pins - whatever looks like it might come in handy.

                                            "Put my heart in it - my hoof! Pinkie gave me a recipe book and by gum, I'm going to follow said recipe! I'm certain  it's just like Practical Alchemy for Beginners. Now let's see..."

                                            >She flips the book to the most dog-eared section.

                                            >Her eyes cross and she does her best Derpy impression.

                                            "Huh. Pinkie certainly has an... odd way of taking notes."

                                            >She looks at the crayon scribbles over the text.

                                            "I don't get it."

                                            >She turns the book upside-down.

                                            "That didn't help either. Okay..."

                                            >She quickly flips through the pages.

                                            >Every single one of them has most of the text crossed out and scribbled on with crayons.

                                            >Twilight levitates a checklist and quill, and scribbles down 'talk to Pinkie about pictograms and why ponies stopped using them.'

                                            >She sighs heavily, and floats the book and checklist away.

                                            "Looks like I'm going to have to do some... experiments!"

                                            >A crack of thunder rolls through her castle, causing the purple alicorn to jump up in fright.

                                            "Those hidden party poppers will be the death of me."

                                            >She grins, as a sense of nervous excitement beings to spread its tendrils through her.

                                            >Here she is, about to boldly explore terra incognita, armed with nothing but her keen intellect and vast magical powers.

                                            >She faced off gods of Chaos, demons from Tartarus, and evil sorcerers from olden times.

                                            "All right, what generally goes into a cake? Flour, eggs, sugar, milk, soda, chocolate. Cover that with fudge and frosting. Relax Twilight Sparkle."

                                            >What's the worst that can happen?


                                            >Twilight fires a bolt of magic at the tentacles protruding from the roiling mass.

                                            >It roars and flings a chunk of batter in Twilight's general direction, who dodges it easily.

                                            "Just... need to... get close!"

                                            >Dodging the pastry golem's tendrils, she zooms into the air, concentrates her magic at the tip of her horn, and fires a spell of unweaving.

                                            >It strikes the animated batter, causing it to bubble, moan, and start collapsing in on itself.

                                            "I... just... wanted... to... be... looooooooovveeeburbleburble."

                                            >Panting, Twilight lands next to it on shaky hooves, checks her wings for globs of chocolate, dips her hoof into the formerly animate mass, licks it, and spits it out.

                                            "Blech! All right, note to self, the Come to Life spell should not be used in cooking - it causes abominations to occur."

                                            >She walks over to the fridge, and pours herself a glass of chocolate milk.

                                            "Honestly, I don't see why this should be so difficult! All I need to do is figure out the proper order and proportion. Maybe I need to add the milk before the eggs, adjust the flour-to-sugar ratio by a magnitude towards sugar, and THEN apply Kah-Pony's Miraculous Growth Spell?"

                                            >She places the glass of milk down and rests her muzzle on the counter top.

                                            "Or maybe being a cook is not what I'm meant to be doing at all."

                                            >She pushes the glass away with her hoof but groans when she accidentally knocks it over.

                                            "UGH! I can't take it anymore!"

                                            >She spreads her wings wide and the entire room is wrapped in her magical field.

                                            >Utensils start whirling around, the ingredients start pouring themselves - and then they stop as Twilight slumps down to the ground once more.

                                            "Oh, what's the use. Now I'll never show Anon how much he means to me."

                                            >Her wings are still spread as she blushes and makes an effort to fold them down.

                                            "Ahem. As - oh who am I kidding?"


                                            >She closes her eyes and imagines Anonymous walk into the castle.

                                            "Twilight I am home now."

                                            >He strides in, his withers - er, shoulders - wide, as he takes off his tie.

                                            "And I am looking so handsome and also my shirt opened."

                                            >Twilight stifles a giggle as her hoof slowly reaches towards her nether regions.

                                            "Oooh Anonymous oooh."

                                            >Her hoof presses against her sweat-slicked vagina, as she begins stroking it gently.

                                            >She adjusts her weight so that she has easier access to it, as her hoof starts making circular motions.

                                            >Adjusting her weight, she rests her body on top of her foreleg, as she begins teasing her clitoris.

                                            >Visions of Anonymous caressing her wings pop unbidden into her mind as she begins panting.

                                            >She feels her vagina start to drip fluid as the tip of her hoof slips into her.

                                            >Biting her lower lip, her horn starts to glow, as her wings spread in a mating display

                                            >Her breath is coming in ragged, slightly hoarse gasps.

                                            >She finds the right spot with her hoof and starts kneading her clit with her magic.

                                            >Squirming on the ground, she feels flushed and hot and sweaty and sticky, as she presses herself on her hoof and her horn starts leaking magic, while her hoof is now drenched in mare juices.

                                            >Her mind drifts towards Anon again.

                                            "Let's do it."

                                            "Yes!"

                                            >A wave of pleasure ripples through Twilight as she screams out over her orgasm.

                                            >She feels like her brain is turning to mush, whle she keeps clopping.

                                            "And I will leave my mask on."

                                            >Meanwhile, in Twilight imagination:

                                            >Saddles ripping...

                                            >Twilight imagines herself being ridden by Anon, with him looking regal, carrying a riding crop, and just -SMACK- just going -SMACK- on her flanks, oh Celestia, she needs this-

                                            >She tries to turn over from her belly onto her back, but her wings are in the way.

                                            >Moaning, she moves her other forehoof and starts teasing her clit, as her magic winks away.

                                            >Her vagina is pulsating rhythmically as she starts whimpering.

                                            >Ponies turning gay...

                                            >She pictures Anonymous press her and Rarity's faces together, and their tongues begin to grapple with one another, while he just keeps pressing them together as they kiss passionately...

                                            >She can't control herself as she screams once again, with her hooves completely soaked in pussy juice - and then it's over.

                                            >It was amazing.


                                            >She slowly withdraws her hooves from her vag, and looks around.

                                            "Mmmmmhm, Anon, I need you..."

                                            >Her eyes start to glaze over, when she suddenly shakes her head.

                                            "Oh, look at me, I'm a mess! I need a shower!"

                                            >She glances at the clock.

                                            >"Oh, horsefeathers, Anon will be here in two hours! Ohhh, what do I do?!"

                                            >She almost wails in frustration, when suddenly she stops.

                                            "Maybe... maybe Pinkie's idea isn't so bad after all."

                                            >She looks at the ingredients again.

                                            "Hmm. I know Anon likes chocolate, so maybe I shouldn't skimp on that... he doesn't like... hmm-hmm-hmm."

                                            >Almost without thinking she starts levitating the mixing tools around, humming a song under her breath.

                                            >Engrossed in her work, she absentmindedly fires a Come to Life spell at the mop, which wipes away her precious bodily fluids off the floor.

                                            >Nopony will ever know!

                                            >That's one thing she's not going to put in her memory crystals...

                                            >Right then - back to work!


                                            -some time passes-


                                            >Anonymous walk into the Castle, looking around.

                                            "Twilight? Hey, Twilight, you here?"

                                            >He hears odd noises coming from the kitchen.

                                            >"Huh, maybe Spike knows she is. Hey Spiiiiike?!"

                                            "No, Anon, I'm in here!"

                                            >Twilight is in the kitchen?

                                            >The world is certainly about to end.

                                            >Unless... nah, no way.

                                            >He pushes the door and stops, completely flabberghasted.

                                            "Uh, what happened here? Did somepony try to attack you?"

                                            >Twilight grins at him sheepishly, chef hat perched precariously over her horn.

                                            >And she was wearing... stockings?

                                            >She giggles and levitates a...

                                            >Well, Plato once said that there exists an ideal version of an object in some higher dimension, and all other objects are just reflections of this ideal object.

                                            >This cake must be a reflection from a pool of muddy water in a high wind.

                                            >It's lopsided, the candles were uneven, and it was still dripping frosting.

                                            >And yet she looks so proud.


                                            "I remember that you mentioned when your birthday was, so I did some calculations, performed some conversions, and I'm reasonably sure that it's today."

                                            >Anon smiles back at her.

                                            "Awww, thank you! I guess that's for me?"

                                            >She nods as Anon takes a fork and scoops some of the cake, uncovers his mouth, and takes a bite.

                                            "Wow. This is really good!"

                                            >She places it back on the kitchen table and rolls her eyes.

                                            "You're just saying that."

                                            "No, seriously, you should try it! It tastes delicious!"

                                            >She snorts softly, but takes a small bite off his fork.

                                            "Oh... wow. Did I do that."

                                            >The two of them look at one another and start laughing.

                                            "Well, it certainly tastes better than it looks."

                                            "Oh come on Twilight, everyone - er, everypony, especially you should know not to judge a book by it's cover."

                                            >She giggles.

                                            "The Princess of Friendship getting a friendship from somepo- somebody else. Oh the irony."

                                            >Anon reaches over and hugs her.

                                            >She squeaks softly, spreads her wings, and hugs him back.

                                            "Thanks Twilight."

                                            "Mmmm. My pleasure Anonymous."

                                            >The two of them hold on to one another for a moment.

                                            "Anon?"

                                            "Hmm?"

                                            "Do you think you could take your shirt off?"


                                            [spoiler]AND THEN THEY ALL FUCKED![/spoiler]


                                            -END-