Boner Police


                                            > copied from

                                            >Boner Police Ep. 01: Boner Police / Dickasaurus ---  https://pastebin.com/tBeDzmji

                                            >Boner Police Ep. 02: Reptile House / Hot Pee For Teacher   --- https://pastebin.com/vyYeUvrn

                                            >Boner Police Ep. 03: Rage/Boner Patrol/Dragon Slayer Deluxe   ---https://pastebin.com/peUz3HBr

                                            >Boner Police Ep. 04: Escape / Cover       ---  https://pastebin.com/cFCRRKFG

                                            >Boner Police Ep. 05: Season Finale         ---https://pastebin.com/z197zKRk


                                            [original writer _Leaf_]

                                            [original writer's pastebin https://pastebin.com/u/_Leaf_ ]


                                            >>-----------------Boner Police Ep. 01: Boner Police / Dickasaurus


                                            >It's a pretty chill evening at your pad.

                                            >Everyone left you alone today.

                                            >Fucking ponies.

                                            >You kick your feet up on the table and watch some tv.

                                            >Holy shit pony tv sucks.

                                            >It's almost all reality shows.

                                            >Right in the middle of Dragon House, your door is kicked in.

                                            >Rainbow Dash, Lyra and Fluttershy all walk into your house.

                                            >They're wearing police uniforms complete with fake mustaches.

                                            "What the fuck do you three think you're doing?"

                                            >All of your little rapists are here.

                                            >Lyra begins putting yellow tape over your broken door, "this is a crime scene, stay back ponies!"

                                            >Rainbow Dash points a squirtgun at you, "don't you bucking move punk!"

                                            >Fluttershy approaches you slowly, "p-please don't move sir, we are the um, Boner Police and we're here to rub out c-crime."

                                            >Lyra looks over her her shoulder and whispers loudly, "and his dick, say his dick!"

                                            >"Oh yes and um, your hot monkey d-d-d-d-"

                                            >Rainbow Dash jumps on you.

                                            >You grab her face and push.

                                            "Get the fuck out!"

                                            >"We got a 5150 in progress!" Rainbow Dash pulls out a real taser and shocks you.

                                            >Your body spasms then goes limp.

                                            >The three stand above you, staring down with their ridiculous mustaches.

                                            >Lyra pulls out her baton, "good job team. Hand jobs all around."

                                            >Rainbow's wings are hard as rock, "I'm gonna make you make me squeal like a pig."

                                            >Fluttershy rubs your face, "another day r-raped thanks to the Boner Police."

                                            >You spend the rest of the night being tasered, handcuffed and batoned by three ponies wearing fake mustaches while they fuck you.

                                            >The next day you submit a report with the real police.

                                            >And are arrested for rape.


                                            +++BONER POLICE+++


                                            >Day drugs are cool in Equestria.

                                            >You've finally gotten your hands on some legit pony acid.

                                            >Hopefully the Boner Police™®© don't find out about this shit.

                                            >You've locked yourself away safely, ready to trip balls.

                                            >In the CMC's tree house.

                                            >You take the tab and wait.

                                            "No looking at your hands again and no looking in the mirror. Got this Anon."

                                            >It doesn't take long for the effects to come on.

                                            >You get up and walk over to the chair that's smiling at you.

                                            >"Hey Anon, I'm Chairman Roosevelt."

                                            "Pffff..."

                                            >"You should spin me! Spin me good!"

                                            >Why not?

                                            >You spin that chair.

                                            "Spin that chair."

                                            >Done spun it good.

                                            "Spun it good."

                                            >Suddenly the window explodes, making you scream and fall on the floor.

                                            >Fluttershy peaks through the window.

                                            >She's become a massive yellow tyrannosaurus.

                                            >You piss yourself and she looks at you with a giant eye, "ROA-R... I'm um, I'm a D-Dickasaurus. My sight is based on um, dicks. If that's o-okay with you."

                                            >You spend the next two days high as fuck, running away and screaming as Fluttershy chases you with a green box on her head all over town.

                                            >No one stops it.


                                            >>---------------------Boner Police Ep. 02: Reptile House / Hot Pee For Teacher


                                            >Today you are going to the zoo.

                                            >You are taking Lyra since it's her birthday.

                                            >Even though she's one of your three rapists.

                                            >She's the smart one too...

                                            >Rainbow Dash is the muscle, Fluttershy is the spirit and Lyra is the brains.

                                            >You'll have to be extra careful.

                                            >She is also a part of the Boner Police after all.

                                            >The trip starts out pretty normal.

                                            >You watch Lyra chase around a peacock, wave at the monkeys (ignoring her jokes about them being your family), try to convince a janitor to let her into the tiger exhibit and finally buy her lunch.

                                            "Where do you want to go next Lyra?"

                                            >She makes you hand-feed her popcorn so she can lick your fingers.

                                            >Fucking birthday wishes.

                                            >"Oo! I heard there is an exhibit where you can hold reptiles! Like frogs and stuff!"

                                            >After you finish the embarrassing lunch/snack, you take her to the reptile house.

                                            >She walks right up to a pony holding a snake.

                                            >"Can I get that snake?"

                                            >You turn and look at the poisonous tree frogs.

                                            >"Anon! Look! He likes me!"

                                            >You turn and lose your shit.

                                            >Lyra stands with her ass to you.

                                            >The yellow snake is halfway in her vagina, wiggling all over the place.

                                            >She groans and the snake is sucked all the way in.

                                            "LYRA! What the fuck?!"

                                            >The handler pony is freaking out, "sir! You have to get that snake out of her! It's extremely rare!"

                                            >You can't say no and spend the rest of your time at the zoo wrist deep in Lyra, trying to pull out a slippery snake.

                                            >Lyra moans the whole time.

                                            >"Best. Birthday. Ever."


                                            +++HAPPY BIRTHDAY+++


                                            >Right. Left. Another right.

                                            >A cramp is forming in your side.

                                            >It's pretty foolish to try out running Rainbow but you seem to be losing her.

                                            >Today you woke up to her staring at your morning wood, flexing her wings.

                                            >She was wearing that horrible mustache.

                                            >You open a door and run into a random building.

                                            >Outside you can hear Rainbow Dash zoom by, screaming like a siren.

                                            >"BWEEW BWEEW BWEEW!"

                                            >Fuck that was close.

                                            >"Anon? School is closed on Sundays."

                                            >You notice Cheerilee standing in front of you.

                                            >Looks like you've hidden in the school.

                                            "Please just let me hide here Ms. Cheerilee, I can't go out there!"

                                            >She sets down her papers and smiles, "I'll let you hide here. You just have to do me one little favor."

                                            "Sure. Anything."

                                            >She walks over to you and tosses her mane, "pull down your pants."

                                            >You put a chair in front of you.

                                            "Hell no."

                                            >She looks over at the phone

                                            >"It would be terrible if I had to call the Boner Police and tell them some ruffian broke into the school..."

                                            >You laugh nervously.

                                            "They can't a-arrest us all."

                                            >She throws the chair aside, "I don't think you believe that Anon. Just drop the pants."

                                            >You comply.

                                            >Cheerilee looks at your crotch and licks her lips.

                                            >She lays down in front of you, exposing her belly.

                                            >"Now pee on me. Douse me in gold."

                                            >This bitch be trippin'.

                                            "I don't-"

                                            >"I will call Boner Chief Fluttershy, Anon. Unless you soak me in your piss. I've had a long week and I need to decompress."

                                            >For three hours you piss all over the teacher pony.

                                            >Only stopping to drink water.

                                            >Today was no stranger than any other in Ponyville.


                                            >>---------------------Boner Police Ep. 03: Rage/Boner Patrol/Dragon Slayer Deluxe


                                            >Day rage in Equestria.

                                            >You wake up to the sound of breaking glass somewhere in your house.

                                            >Run downstairs freaking out.

                                            >Cherry Berry is in your kitchen with her flight goggles on, smashing all of your shit.

                                            "Cherry! What the FUCK are you doing?!"

                                            >She picks up your table and flips it.

                                            >"I'M ANGRY!"

                                            >You run over and tear the cookie jar from her hooves.

                                            "HOLD ON! QUIT BREAKING MY SHIT!"

                                            >She sits down with a sigh and glares at you.

                                            "Why are you angry? Why are you in my house? Why me?"

                                            >She flares her nostrils, "these three ponies just stole my air balloon saying they were seizing it for Boner Police activities! Now. I'm. ANGRY!"

                                            >Your best china is flung at the wall.

                                            "Calm down! Do you want me to help you?"

                                            >She seethes, "take me out to lunch!"

                                            "What? Don't you want to get your balloon back?"

                                            >Cherry stomps her hooves and whines, "I'M HUNGRY AND I'M AAAAAAANGRYYYYYYYY!"

                                            >Fuck this shit.

                                            "Fine! Fine! We can go out for lunch. Do you want to go to Sugar Cube Corner?"

                                            >She sits back down and puffs her cheeks, "no. Pinkie Pie is a bitch."

                                            >She's definitely not.

                                            "Alright Cherry, then where do you WANT to go?"

                                            >She screams and kicks the shit out of your stove.

                                            >It explodes, sending you both flying out of a window.

                                            >Cherry Berry lands on your chest.

                                            >"I'm so ANGRY! I'm HUNGRY! Anon, your house sucks!"

                                            >Your house is gone.

                                            >She blew it up.

                                            >You pick her up, set her down and walk toward town.

                                            >"Anon where are you going?!"

                                            >You flip her off over your shoulder.

                                            "Please just go Cherry Berry."


                                            +++BONER POLICE+++


                                            >Chillin' in your pad.

                                            >Blinds closed, candles lit.

                                            >You're masturbating to a picture of Trixie's ass.

                                            >Feels good brah.

                                            >There's a strange sound outside.

                                            >Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

                                            >A car smashes through your wall.

                                            "FUUUUUCK!"

                                            >It's an actual police car with a dick spray painted on the hood and dick-shaped sirens.

                                            >Rainbow Dash leans out of the passenger window, "BONER PATROL, BONER PATROL! BWEEW WEEW! BONER PATROL, BONER PATROL! BWEEW WEEW!"

                                            >Lyra hops out of the driver seat and points her gun at you, "get on the ground with your dick out scumbag!"

                                            >You throw some dry wall off of you and jump up.

                                            "I just got my house fixed after Cherry Berry blew it up you faggots! Where did you get a fucking car?!"

                                            >Fluttershy pops out of the sunroof and points a massive gun at you.

                                            >"S-suspect sighted. F-fire!"

                                            >A net shoots out and captures you.

                                            >The three ponies tie you to the back of the car and speed out of your house.

                                            >You are dragged all over Ponyville for an hour.

                                            >Rainbow Dash hangs out of the window laughing, "BONER PATROL, BONER PATROL! BWEEW WEEW!"

                                            >They take you back to Boner Chief Fluttershy's cottage, battered and bloody.

                                            >You are charged with failure to boner and sentenced to be raped overnight.

                                            >This is what Ponyville's taxes pay for.


                                            +++BONER PATROL+++


                                            >Day hate crime in Celestia's white nation.

                                            >You are strolling down the street minding your own business.

                                            >Golden Harvest stops you at her vegetable stand and gives you some free potatoes.

                                            >Being of great Irish upbringing, you raise the roof and thank her kindly.

                                            >Today is gonna be a good day.

                                            >Something wet and heavy slaps across the back of your neck.

                                            >You fall and roll.

                                            >Behind you stands Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Lyra, in uniform.

                                            >They all are holding big limp-

                                            "Are those dildos?!"

                                            >Fluttershy swings her big floppy red dick around, "th-they're our new batons, the Dragon Slayer Deluxe."

                                            >Wait a minute...

                                            "Why are they all slimey? Are those ACTUAL dragon dicks?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash strokes her fake mustache, "had to order them from a special dealer in the Fillypeans."

                                            >Lyra raises her purple dragon shlong above her head, "enough talk! Let's dick this handsome thief down!"

                                            >The three surround you and begin wailing on you with their dicks.

                                            "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash is trying to stick her baton in your mouth.

                                            >"We saw you steal those potatoes sexy man!"

                                            >Fluttershy is trying to jam her baton through your pants, "n-no injustice escapes the B-Boner Police!"

                                            >You're blacking out from Lyra beating in your head with a dragon dick.

                                            "I'M NOT RODNEY KING! I'M NOT RODNEY KING!"

                                            >Ponies all stare, none brave enough to help.

                                            >Rainbow Dash gets on her radio, "we need backup in the market! Suspect resisting dicks!"

                                            >Golden Harvest runs over with a spiked dragon dick.

                                            >She starts to slap your legs with it.

                                            "What are you doing?! You gave me the potatoes!"

                                            >They drag your pants down and hold you while Golden Harvest positions the spiked horror for penetration.

                                            >"This was a sting operapetion motherbucker!"

                                            >Today sucked.


                                            >>--------------------------Boner Police Ep. 04: Escape / Cover


                                            >"Big sweaty ballsac gunna dip in yo mouf boy. I got some jungle juice I mixed up in this here toilet we can drink. Hope you like that big pony dick BOY."

                                            >Fuck, this place is horrible.

                                            >You have been incarcerated for two days ever since you were arrested by the Boner Police for stealing potatoes.

                                            >Your cell mate has taken an interest in you.

                                            >He is sitting on your bed next to you, whispering into your ear.

                                            >You push him away.

                                            "Dude. You're a foal. You're like what, eight? Why the fuck did they even put you in here?"

                                            >He rubs his hooves together and grins evilly, "I stole some candy. From the teacher's desk."

                                            ...

                                            >"Then I RAPED HER!"

                                            >This fucking town.

                                            >You have to get out.

                                            >Tootsie Roll, your tiny cell mate, has seriously been trying to rub his nuts on you at night.

                                            >Kid has a problem.

                                            >You pick up the spoon you have snuck in and begin digging.

                                            ...

                                            >It's been five days and you finally have a tunnel dug that you have successfully kept hidden.

                                            >Tootsie Roll stands next to you.

                                            "You ready to get out of here little guy?"

                                            >"Imma get out and the first thing Imma do is RAPE THAT BITCH AGAIN! And play with my toys."

                                            >You dig the last few inches up.

                                            >The ground above you crumbles and you pull Tootsie Roll up to find yourself-

                                            >"BWEEEEEEW! We got us a runner!"

                                            >You have successfully dug yourself into Fluttershy's living room.

                                            >Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Lyra sit at her table.

                                            >They all tackle you and hold you down.

                                            >Tootsie Roll jumps on your face and begins humping.

                                            "Why are you betraying me Tootsie!?"

                                            >His little balls drag across your forehead.

                                            >"I have diplomatic IMMUNITY! And I'm honestly a little sexually confused."

                                            >A few hours later you are back in jail.

                                            >With a new cell mate.

                                            >Sombra stares at you.

                                            >"Hey. Hey you. I know you hear me. Hey. Check it out: my dick is made of crystaaaaaaaal."

                                            >Bed sheets can be made into a noose.


                                            +++BONER POLICE+++


                                            >Day undercover in Equestria.

                                            >Rainbow Dash is in your house.

                                            >The house you just took out a loan to fix again.

                                            >The two of you are alone.

                                            >Dash is actually pretty chill if she's not around the other two rapists.

                                            >"So Anon, can I ask you to do something for the force?"

                                            >You give her a deadpan look.

                                            "Okay first of all, it's not really a 'force'. It's more of a rape mob."

                                            >"Fair enough."

                                            "Second, what do you need?"

                                            >She smiles, "I need you to go undercover so we can bust this pony we're after. If you work with us, we'll leave you alone for a week."

                                            >You don't have to think.

                                            "Deal."

                                            ...

                                            >A couple of hours later, you stand in front of Berry Punch's house in a fat suit and wearing a fake mustache.

                                            >Lyra's voice buzzes right in your ear through a reciever.

                                            >"Just follow everything I say."

                                            >You knock on the door.

                                            >Berry answers with a glass of wine in her hoof.

                                            >"Hey! Come on in!"

                                            "Okay?"

                                            >She pulls you inside and you sit on the couch.

                                            "Hello ma'am, I'm here in regards to some damaged property and stolen uh, kegs at the bar down the street."

                                            >She sets her wine down and smiles at you.

                                            >"Oh I know what you're here for big boy. Rainbow Dash outdid herself with her birthday present to me this year!"

                                            >Oh no.

                                            >She stalks toward you, "she knows chubby stallions are my fetish. And you're so nice to do this for me Anon. Now pull it out, I'm drunk and down to fuck!"

                                            >She jumps on you and begins to undo your pants.

                                            >The fat suit makes it so you can't get up or even reach her.

                                            >You scream into the wire on your chest.

                                            "Help! Lyra my cover is blown!"

                                            >Lyra laughs into the reciever.

                                            >"That's not the only thing about to be blown! Happy bucking birthday Berry Punch!"

                                            >Being drunk, Berry throws up all over your crotch the instant she gets your dick in her mouth.

                                            >She slumps against your fat and giggles.

                                            >"Happy birfday Boner Squad!"


                                            >>---------------Boner Police Ep. 05: Season Finale


                                            "I have gathered you here because I need your help. You all owe me for something or other and I'm cashing in my chips."

                                            >Cherry Berry crosses her legs and nods, "I'm in. Fuck the police. Fuck the Boner Police. I want my fucking balloon back."

                                            >Berry Punch is actually sober today.

                                            >She's weird when not drunk.

                                            >Joyful one moment, depressed the next, then violently angry.

                                            >You think the two berry ponies might be related...

                                            >Cheerilee smiles at you, "I really do owe you Anon, you know, for that time you pis-"

                                            "YES! As I was saying, the Boner Popo should be here at any moment and we're going to have some fun."

                                            >There's a sound on the roof.

                                            "Show time."

                                            >The four of you run up your stairs and climb out of your window, onto the roof.

                                            >The Boner Police have landed on your house in Cherry Berry's balloon with Rainbow Dash shrieking.

                                            >"BWEEW WEEW, RAPE FROM ABOVE! DICK SIGHTED!"

                                            >Cherry roars and slaps her goggles over her eyes, "GRAAAAWR!"

                                            >She charges, "FUCK THE POLICE!"

                                            "Cherry no!"

                                            >Berry Punch charges right after her, "fuck parol!"

                                            >You hop on Cheerilee's back and she runs at the balloon.

                                            >The three Boner Police hop out of the balloon, brandishing their dragon dicks.

                                            >Rainbow Dash slaps Cherry across the face with a cock-block, sending her sprawling across the roof shingles.

                                            >Lyra tries to suppress Berry Punch with magic, but her spell is weak.

                                            >She gets kicked right in the face.

                                            >You jump off of Cheerilee's back, sailing through the air straight at a terrified Fluttershy.

                                            "VENGEANCE!"


                                            >You collide with Fluttershy, your bodies tangling and rolling over one another.

                                            >When you come to a stop you see that she has been knocked out.

                                            >You jam her dick baton in her twat

                                            >And toss her off the roof.

                                            >King of the castle.

                                            >You see that Rainbow Dash and Cherry Berry are facing off.

                                            >Running up quietly behind Dash, you squat and punch.

                                            >Your whole arm slides into her vagina.

                                            >Now you have a Rainbow boxing glove.

                                            >She screams and flails but is unable to escape.

                                            >"BWEEW WEEW! OH!"

                                            >You turn and punch Lyra with Dash.

                                            >The two go flying off your roof.

                                            >Cherry Berry hops in her balloon and takes off, shaking her hoof angrily.

                                            >"FUCK ALL OF YOUUUUuuuuuu..."

                                            …

                                            >The next day you are reading the paper.

                                            >You see an article about the Boner Police resigning.

                                            "Best. Day. Ever."

                                            >There's a knock on your door and you go answer it.

                                            >Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Lyra stand outside, looking normal.

                                            >"We're s-sorry about all the trouble Anon," Fluttershy hides in her mane.

                                            >Lyra rubs the back of her head, "yeah, we're done with all that Boner Police stuff."

                                            >Rainbow Dash puts on an eye patch.

                                            >"Yes! Because we're Dick Pirates now! YO HO HO!"

                                            >Berry Punch crashes a huge pirate ship through your house, "yo- hic- ho!"

                                            >The three other ponies jump aboard.

                                            >"Set sail for rape! GARR!"


                                            +++BOOTY AWAITS+++


                                            Fluttershy: Are ya r-ready rapists?

                                            Cast: AYE AYE CAPTAIN!


                                            >Rinbow Dash: Yo ho ho, a pirape life for me.

                                            >Cast: YO HO HO, A PIRAPE LIFE FOR ME!


                                            >Lyra: We rape and we pillage, from dock to dock!

                                            >Fluttershy: We're on a crusade for hot monkey c-cock!


                                            >Cast: YO HO HO, A PIRAPE LIFE FOR ME!


                                            >Berry Punch: We dance all night, why's all the rum gone?

                                            >Anon: I hate you all, get the fuck off my lawn.


                                            >Cast: YO HO HO, A PIRAPE LIFE FOR ME!

                                            >Cast: YO HO HO, A PIRAPE LIFE FOR ME!


                                            >Cheerilee: Some like piss

                                            >Cherry Berry: Some are MAD!

                                            >Tootsie Roll: I'm misunderstood

                                            >Anon: No you're just a fag


                                            >Cast: YO HO HO, A PIRAPE LIFE FOR ME!


                                            >Lyra: Ropes and boats and pegs for hooves!

                                            >Fluttershy: I just want to peg that dude...

                                            >Rainbow Dash: It's more than a hobby oh can't you seeeeeeee!


                                            >Cast: THE PIRAPE LIFE FOR ME!

                                            >Cast: THE PIIIIIRAAAAAPE LIIIIFE FOOOOOOR MEEEEEEE!


                                            >Lyra: wow that was good!

                                            >Rainbow Dash: Nailed it! YO HO!

                                            >Fluttershy: Did anyone record that?

                                            >Berry Punch: My parol officer is gonna love this.

                                            >Anon: No, seriously. Get the fuck off of my lawn. It's three in the morning and you're singing songs. I'm calling the police. Fuck you all. Get fucked.