[short]Indecent Anon


                                            [copied from https://pastebin.com/DkXGiRRY ]

                                            "Indecent Anon"

                                            >-------------------


                                            Original Author: 1/3 Mon 22 Sep 2014 22:18:16 No.19844108

                                            >Ponyville is a pretty nice place to live at all things considered.

                                            >Most ponies are nice, just as in the show.

                                            >Case in point - you are walking down the street to your appointed meeting with the mayor and there's constant "Heya Anon! Good looking!" from the mares you don't even know.

                                            >You can't blame them. Your suit is dandy and cool. Even though it's a little hot - you prefer to look dashing. Especially because it's so far the only clean suit you have.

                                            >It was pretty hard to convince Rarity to use your design, plain and without any bells and whistles.

                                            >She was all like "i don't design THAT kind of stuff"

                                            >Well duh, she haven't had the chance design for humans.

                                            >But with some convincing and touching her nerve... Calling her a chicken and suggesting she's not up to a challenge proved useful.

                                            >Now you are a proud owner of a full black suit, a hat and a cane. Where did she got the cane you'll never know.

                                            >But despite your marvelous attire some ponies, again like in the show, behave themselves openly xenophobic.

                                            >They don't even want to look at you as you pass by, just turn their heads with the disgusted look.

                                            >At least they don't hide in their homes.

                                            >You look again at the letter that you found earlier in the morning.

                                            >An official invitation to a meeting with the Mayor Mare. Date, time, topics - "Negative tendencies in interaction between Anon and Ponyville's population"

                                            >That's probably it? This should be about these xenophobic ponies.


                                            >Mayor's office greeted you with a smell of dusty papers and a pretty "slow" accountant mare.

                                            >Yeah, yeah, humans are unique but it's time to get used to you and not lead you with your eyes and half-opened mouth.

                                            >Anyway - you passed through

                                            "Anonymous, you are not late and this already is promising. I will get straight to the point and say that your behavior is intolerable. Over the last month I got multiple complaints about our town turning into something... indecent. I have to put a stop to your provocations.

                                            >Say what?


                                            "I am sorry but I don't really understand what you mean. How am I indecent? I am fully clothed in public at all times, I don't recall an episode..."

                                            >"The NERVE on this one! You even came here! To an official meeting with the mayor like that! And you seriously see nothing wrong with it? I mean I don't consider myself a prude, have never thought of myself as such, but there are always boundaries! Some limits a pony can't go over and stay a respectable member of our society"

                                            "Listen mayor..."

                                            >"You may have Celestia's protection and my authority can't override her orders to not influence you, but this doesn't mean I have to tolerate you in our town! Believe me I will find a way to make your life miserable"

                                            "Hey I still don't understand what this is all about."

                                            >"Playing the dumb card, are we? Or do you seriously not see how clashing, provocative and harmful your behavior is! We had three family scandals over the last month - all related to you!"

                                            "Can you fucking explain what the fuck are you talking about already? Because I seriously have no idea what in the flying fuck's name is going on!"

                                            >"Oh no mister, I am DONE here. You go out of my office and we will see who has more merit! Thousand years of tradition or one manwhore!"

                                            "Manwhore? I haven't even slept with anyone!"

                                            >"OUT IMMEDIATELY!"

                                            >A huge stack of papers is flung at you as you quickly retreat from the crazy's office.

                                            >God dammit what got into her?

                                            >Indecency? Provocative behavior? Manwhore?

                                            >And this somehow linked to clothes? Literally what?


                                            >You are now Mayor mare

                                            >And this stupid colt! Whoring himself out constantly! Wearing all those clothes in the open and not even caring about something being wrong with it!

                                            >You thought you are too old for this horseshit, but when he walked in! Plain dark costume, covering every part of him! Even the feet!

                                            >Colts were somewhat decent in your past. Now Ponyville is turning into a brothel.

                                            >You proceed to contemplate the plans to return dignity to Ponyville while trying to shake of the vision of that sexy sexy ass in black pants.


                                            (Cont)

                                            >You are now Twilight Sparkle

                                            >And it's been a very VERY stressful month for you.

                                            >Time to look for some gray hairs, haha.

                                            >Why could an ALIEN VISITOR not be a mare?

                                            >No, universe, it just had to be a sexy...

                                            >Ugh, that's not scientific. Let's call him... an objectively attractive male specimen.

                                            >Science! Thanks for distracting and allowing you to keep a cool head about all the endevour.

                                            >You have always been shy around stallions, but this is just getting out of control.

                                            >Looking into yesterday's research notebook entries you sigh audibly.

                                            >Once again - three or four questions and the whole interview goes down the drain with personal questions.

                                            >"What's your favourite color", really, Twilight?

                                            >Instead of asking about his race's technical advancements that's what you can think of?

                                            >At least you are able to avoid the "what's your race's maiting ritual" question. Maybe you should ask Spike to review all of your questions before the interview?

                                            >It should prevent the questions like "What's your favourite sex position" from being suddenly asked ever again.

                                            >And valuable time of Canterlot archivists from beings spent on looking into mentiones of "doggy style" in any of their books.