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Anon vs Hormones by Cerenth

By kqaii
Created: 5th February 2021 06:27:26 AM

  1. Copied from
  2. Original Author Cerenth(pastebin.com/u/Cerenth)
  3. -------------
  4.  
  5. >You are Anonymous the human.
  6. >And currently you are running LUDICROUSLY FAST.
  7. >Seriously, on a speed of 1 to Kenyans, you’re beating Usain Bolt.
  8. >The reason for this is the horde of mares chasing you.
  9. >Flashback to 20 minutes ago.
  10. >It’s estrus, not to be confused with Easter as you originally thought.
  11. >So your stupid ass stayed in town, where you were bringing eggs to your friends, the main 6.
  12. >Upon entering P0nyville you noticed the lack of stallions.
  13. >You saw Rainbro Dash up on a cloud above the town square.
  14. >Her tail is hanging over the cloud, twitching back and forth.
  15. >She’s... moaning?
  16. “Hey bro! What’s going on? I have a present for you!”
  17. >”IS IT YOUR COCK?”
  18. >lolwut
  19. >Hold on, brain. There’s got to be a reasonable explanation for this.
  20. “Ha! Good one, bro. I have an Easter egg for you! Come down and get it!”
  21. >She swoops down from her cloud perch. Perhaps a little too eagerly and gazes at you with a lustful gaze. You’ve never seen her like this before.
  22. “Dash, are you ok?”
  23. >”MIIIIIIIIIINE!”
  24. >You wheel around just in time to see Rarity pounce out from Sugarcube corner, a deranged look in her eye.
  25. >”BACK OFF I SAW HIM FIRST! HE’S –MY- BRO!”
  26. >You duck, and Rainbow Dash leaps clean over you, turning around in mid air to buck Rarity as she lands.
  27. >Rarity sails through the air and lands a good 6 feet away. Rainbow would make quite a good apple bucker, you’re sure.
  28. >Rarity recovers quickly though. You didn’t know she was that tough.
  29. >She tenses up, glaring daggers at Rainbow Dash, and snorting steam from her nostrils.
  30. >”I NEED HIM NOW, DASH. WE ALL DO. HE’S THE ONLY ONE LEFT.”
  31. >”Well you can’t have him, he’s mine!”
  32. >With this, Rarity pounces, and a cartoon dustcloud appears, the sounds of fighting filling the town square.
  33. >This attracts the ponies in their houses, and they come outside to see what the commotion is.
  34. >Twilight Sparkle shouts, “THERE’S ONE LEFT, GIRLS! GET HIM AND WE CAN SHARE HIS COCK!”
  35. >The ponies start advancing on you, nothing but looks of lust on their faces. Some of them are drooling.
  36. >Derpy even has her eyes straight, looking at your crotch.
  37. >Dude, they like, want to buck.
  38. >Silly brain, we can’t buck ponies. We don’t have hooves!
  39. >You know what, dude; I’ll give you one last smart piece of advice, then I’m out of here.
  40. >Run.
  41. >And with that your brain puts on his hat, picks up his suitcase and walks out of your ear.
  42. >Great, now you’re on your own.
  43. >And while the two mares are fighting you start to put all the clues together.
  44. >Rainbow Dash doesn’t want an egg, she wants your cock.
  45. >Twilight Sparkle wants your cock, and she implies that the rest of the mares want it too.
  46. >The hamster in your head finally gets his ass off the floor and starts running in his wheel.
  47. >They want to fuck.
  48. >Upon this realisation you turn 360 degrees and start moonwalking away.
  49. >The mares advance upon you. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.
  50. >You turn an additional 180 degrees and high tail it out of there.
  51. >This causes Rainbow Dash and Rarity to stop fighting, and focus on the prize.
  52. >”GET HIM!” a raspy voice calls out behind you.
  53. >Rainbow Dash is officially off the bro list.
  54. >And that brings you to where you are now.
  55. >You’ve got a good 100 metres between you and the mares, and you’re on the road heading to Sweet Apple Acres.
  56. >You daren’t look back anymore.
  57. >Last time you did, you saw Lyra, and that was terrifying.
  58. >Unfortunately for you, you’re not as fit as you like to be, and adrenaline will only take you so far.
  59. >You’re going to have to end this soon if you want any hopes of avoiding gang >rape.
  60. >Your jimmies are pretty rustled at this point, and you’ve charged up your rustle gauge to limit break time.
  61. >It’s time to end this.
  62. >You slow down slightly, to close the gap between you and the mares. You spy a post up ahead on the side of the road.
  63. >Twilight Sparkle is leading the pack, with Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash close behind.
  64. >Damn that librarian can run when she wants to.
  65. >When they’re about 10 metres away you release your rustled jimmies to give you one final burst of speed.
  66. >You catch the post ahead with one hand and swing yourself round, landing your boot firmly into the side of Twilight’s face.
  67. >K.O.
  68. >Good job, dude. You took out the strongest magic user. Now you have about 60 other ponies to take down.
  69. >Thanks, brain. Good to see you’re back with me.
  70. >You... You know what? Go get them, tiger. Here, have some more adrenaline. It’s on the house.
  71. >You prepare yourself for the oncoming pastel coloured wave of >rape.
  72. >The mares file in around you, enclosing you.
  73. >Fluttershy steps forward.
  74. >”YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE ME!”
  75. >With that she leaps towards your chest.
  76. >You’ve just about had enough of this bitch. She’s been a constant annoyance with her traps, fetish games and >rape attempts EVERY SINGLE DAY.
  77. >The thought of it alone rustles your jimmies up to level 2, and you hulk out at her.
  78. “I’ve had enough of you!”
  79. >You easily catch her as she collides with your chest.
  80. >It’s at this time that you notice that these ponies are actually pretty light.
  81. >Your hands are both full now, so you run with your first thought to try and end this bitch.
  82. >You raise her flank to head height and bite down into her.
  83. >She tastes of... marshmallows?
  84. “I KNEW IT!” you exclaim, triumphantly.
  85. >Fluttershy is now in shock though, so you toss her into the crowd, knocking over about 5 ponies who weren’t fast enough to move out the way.
  86. >Next up is Rarity, who decides to use her magic to help her out.
  87. >Her horn lights up and you decide to rush in to stop her casting her spell.
  88. >It’s too late though, as a similar glow surrounds your body.
  89. >Oh shit brain, what do we do?
  90. >Do the counterspell!
  91. “AUUUGHARRGHLEBA... huh?”
  92. >Rarity is straining with her magic, her horn having several levels of overglow.
  93. >You feel a slight tugging on your shirt sleeve.
  94. >wat
  95. >Is that it? Is that all she can do?
  96. >This is just getting sad now. Twilight did mention once your weird alien magic cancelling abilities.
  97. “HAHA! The counterspell worked!”
  98. >Rarity collapses from her efforts, and you gloat in your relaxed victory.
  99. >It’s short lived though, as Rainbow Dash flies up in your face.
  100. >This ex-bro thinks she can take you on? You have rustled jimmies on your side.
  101. >She pulls back her hoof, preparing to knock you out so she can have her way with your unconscious body.
  102. >You flinch and close your eyes instinctively, and she throws her punch.
  103. >*pomf*
  104. >wat... again
  105. >”ARRGH MY FRICKING HOOF!”
  106. >She’s rolling around on the ground clutching the hoof that she punched you with.
  107. >You guess that marshmallow isn’t a very good weapon against humans.
  108. >With your victories against 4 of the main 6 under your belt, the rest of the crowd are looking pretty nervous.
  109. >You decide to end this now.
  110. “ABOOGAWOOGA!” you scream at them, taking a sudden step forward as you do so.
  111. >The crowd disperses and flees, blind terror replacing their previous lust.
  112. >You smile to yourself, safe in the knowledge that your pony virginity gets to survive another day.
  113. >”Mah turn.” You hear from behind you.
  114. >You wheel around to see a lasso coming straight for you.
  115. >You’re not able to react fast enough, as it neatly sits itself around your elbows, pinning your arms to your sides.
  116. >”It’s rodeo tahm!”
  117. “No, Applejack, no!”
  118. >With that, she uses her freakish strength to drag you back to Sweet Apple Acres, which it turns out you were just outside of when you had your brawl.
  119. >Eventually Applejack gets sick of your screaming and knocks you out with a shovel.
  120. >You wake up at night in a ditch, pants round your ankles and your crotch is covered in applesauce.
  121. >Fucking Applejack.
  122. Part 2
  123. >For two weeks now you’ve sat huddled in the darkness.
  124. >You can’t turn your lights on at night, nor can you use any electronics. That’ll give your position away.
  125. >Since the showdown outside Sweet Apple Acres, you’ve had to avoid the sex crazed mares out for your dingaling.
  126. >Their attempts have been ceaseless. They swarm outside.
  127. >You can hear the pegasi climbing on the roof.
  128. >The earth p0nies try bucking down your door.
  129. >The unicorns try spells which fizzle out at your house.
  130. >You were prepared for this long ago. Since the Axis of Rape started trying to get you.
  131. >Twilight had made your house Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity-proof. But that’s not enough against a legion of mares.
  132. >You can’t risk giving them a chance. It’s a stalemate until they get over this.
  133. >You awake one day and are surprised to find that you can’t hear the sounds of moaning mares outside.
  134. >You get up and peek around one of your curtains.
  135. <Seems like the coast is clear.
  136. >No, brain. I’m not listening to you anymore. You’re out to get me, just like them!
  137. <Whatever dude. I don’t have to listen to you. I know that you’re out of food. And this seems to be the perfect opportunity to stock up.
  138. “Ugh. Fine.”
  139. >You step outside and are immediately assaulted by the smell of two weeks of horny mares.
  140. >That’s going to take ages to scrub out of the lawn.
  141. >But for now, you need food.
  142. >You head into town, sticking to the shadows.
  143. >But when you get there, everything has been turned on its head.
  144. >Everyp0ny is going about their daily business like nothing has happened.
  145. >Even all the stallions are back.
  146. >The mares who had yesterday been clawing at your door and screaming your name are waving to you as you pass them by in the street.
  147. >Fucking bipolar ponies.
  148. >And speaking of bipolar, stomach has been informed by nose that you’re passing Sugarcube Corner.
  149. >He demands to be given treats by the hyperactive mare in there.
  150. >Fine.
  151. >You step inside the shop, knowing full well what’s about to happen.
  152. >Sure enough Pinkie Pie launches herself clean over the counter at you, thrusting a tray full of confectionaries in your face.
  153. >She’s beaten her new record of 1.5 seconds to get to you from when you open the door.
  154. >She must be really excited to see you.
  155. >“Hi Anon! Oh boy, I’m glad you’re here! I haven’t seen you in ages! Well, we haven’t seen any of the stallions in ages, but I haven’t seen you even though you have been around! You wouldn’t even come out of the house when I tried to offer you those free cupcakes!”
  156. >You find the space to interject.
  157. “That’s because they were laced with aphrodisiacs.”
  158. >“Yes, but that’s what makes them super special! And speaking of super special cupcakes, I have something else for you!”
  159. >She thrusts the Sweets on the tray up to your face again. This time at a range at which you can focus.
  160. >The tray holds a selection of cupcakes, all topped with a familiar bright pink frosting.
  161. >They smell of bubblegum.
  162. >Nose approves, and Stomach is getting impatient.
  163. >Oh well, you can’t turn down a free cupcake that smells this good. Down the hatch.
  164. >Oh god, it’s good.
  165. >Like, REALLY good.
  166. >You shed a tear at how good this tastes. Like somebody mixed cotton candy and bubblegum together in some kind of marshmallowy... consistency...
  167. >“Did you like it? I made them myself. From myself!”
  168. >Pinkie Pie turns around to reveal her rump, which has had scoops taken out of it.
  169. “WHAT THE HELL PINKIE?”
  170. >“Oh don’t worry Anon. It’ll grow back!”
  171. >She doesn’t seem to be in any distress.
  172. >Why does it taste so good?
  173. >“Would you like another? Or maybe a taste of the real thing?”
  174. >She licks her lips seductively at you.
  175. “No! Thanks, Pinkie. But no.”
  176. >“Hehe. *snort* You said butt!”
  177. >You want some of whatever medication she’s on. It sounds like a blast.
  178. >“I made these cupcakes after Fluttershy told me what you did to her. I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.”
  179. “What?! I’m not! Has Fluttershy been telling everyp0ny about that?”
  180. >“Just the ones that visit her in the hospital.”
  181. >Whoa. That was a shock.
  182. “Hospital? Why is she in the hospital?”
  183. >“She’s healing from that big chunk you took out of her! The doctors have had to replace what she lost. I was going to visit her today if you want to come along.”
  184. >Well now you feel guilty. You may have been defending your small amount of pride, but you didn’t want to hurt the poor girl.
  185. “Yes Pinkie. I’ll go with you. Perhaps Fluttershy and I can both apologise to each other.”
  186. >“Yay! That’s what auntie Pinkie wants to hear! Let’s go!”
  187.  
  188. >You both arrive at the hospital shortly, ferried along by Pinkie’s time and space bending powers.
  189. >In fact, in the distance you’re pretty sure you see yourself entering Sugarcube Corner.
  190. >You walk, and pinkie bounces, up to the reception to find out where Fluttershy’s room is.
  191. >The nurse on duty doesn’t tell you straight away, but instead asks you to wait and calls a doctor.
  192. >Sure enough, a doctor comes and approaches you.
  193. >“Ah! You must be Anon. Come to see Fluttershy?”
  194. “Yes, doc. How’s she doing?”
  195. >“Oh just fine. Her mallow transplant went off without a hitch, and we were lucky enough to find fluff type: P fluff to hand.”
  196. “Fluff? P?”
  197. >“Yes, ponies have fluff in their veins. Fluttershy’s fluff type is actually a quite rare Peeps type.”
  198. >Your body was not ready for this.
  199. >Your sides are obliterated by this information.
  200. >“Well, she’s been talking about you non-stop, my boy. You’ve certainly made a LASTING IMPRESSION on the lass!”
  201. >All the ponies at reception stop what they’re doing at stare disapprovingly at the doctor.
  202. >“What? Can’t a doctor make jokes?”
  203. >The silence is deafening.
  204. >“Well screw you!”
  205. >He pulls a hipflask out of his lab coat breast pocket and takes a swig of liquor.
  206. >Business resumes and he motions for you to come with him.
  207. >You head to her room.
  208. >She’s lying on the bed, her flank heavily bandaged.
  209. >She doesn’t seem to be on any monitors. So she’s doing quite well.
  210. >Pinkie doesn’t give a fuck regardless, and jumps into bed to give Fluttershy a hug.
  211. >“Oh Fluttershy! How are you? I’ve missed you! How’s the food? Terrible, right? I brought you a cupcake to help you get better!”
  212. >Pinkie pulls out one of her “personally” made cupcakes and offers it to Fluttershy, who happily munches it.
  213. >The doctor excuses himself and leaves the three of you in the room.
  214. >Fluttershy turns to you.
  215. >“Oh Anon! I didn’t see you there! Have you come to take another bite? I’m ok with that now, if that’s your fetish! I had no idea you were into this!”
  216. >She tries to eat the cupcake slowly and deliberately in front of you, but it just slides off her hoof.
  217. “No, Fluttershy. Pony vore is not my fetish. I’ve come to apologise for landing you in the hospital.”
  218. >“Oh that’s alright, Anon. I was a little crazy too that day...”
  219. >She blushes and hides behind her mane.
  220. >Pinkie strikes up conversation and the 3 of you talk for a good 15 minutes.
  221. >Then you remember you left your washing on fire and excuse yourself.
  222. >You can only take so much freaky knowledge about sowing before you end up sticking knitting needles in your eyes.
  223. >Pinkie follows you out, and you start to leave the hospital.
  224. >Then it strikes you.
  225. >Ponies have no problems eating marshmallows.
  226. >But ponies are made of marshmallows.
  227. >Do they eat each other?
  228. “Pinkie...?”
  229. >“Yes, Anon?”
  230. “If you’re made out of marshmallow, do you ponies ever eat each other?”
  231. >You had asked this just as you passed through reception again.
  232. >Once more the lobby falls deathly silent.
  233. >Pinkie looks up at you, initially with confusion.
  234. >Then realisation.
  235. >Everyp0ny goes through the same motions in their head.
  236. >You can see the cogs turning.
  237. >Each p0ny looks to the p0ny on their left, then on their right.
  238. >The doctor is the one to break the silence.
  239. >“DIBS ON THE FLUFF BANK!”
  240. >He gallops away as pandemonium breaks out in the hospital.
  241. >P0nies have latched onto each other like piranhas, in some kind of rainbow bloodbath.
  242. >Pinkie has disappeared from your side.
  243. >You hear a shout from Fluttershy’s room.
  244. >“NO, PINKIE! ONLY ANON CAN EAT ME!”
  245. >Fuck that noise.
  246. >You stroll out of there like a boss cause you’re not made out of sugar.
  247.  
  248. >A month after the hospital slaughter, a TV movie adaptation (Hospital from Hell: The Eatening) reminds you that Sluttershy exists.
  249. >You haven’t seen her since the incident, but you’re pretty sure Pinkie ate her.
  250. >As if the universe is responding to your thoughts, you hear a knock on the door.
  251. >You open it up.
  252. >It’s Fluttershy.
  253. >But she’s tiny.
  254. >Like, filly sized.
  255. >“Hello Anon! It’s nice to see you!”
  256. “How are you here Fluttershy?”>“Pinkie ate everything but my head. So I just grew back. So long as we p0nies have our brains left, we can regenerate! It takes a while to get back to full size though. That’s why I’m so small. Anyway I’ve figured out your fetish.”
  257. >Oh god what.
  258. >This thing can’t die.
  259. >Men, you know what to do. Initiate operation final code jimmie rustle.
  260. <”But sir! The Rustle generators are operating at 150% capacity already! SHE CANNAE GIVE NO MORE!”
  261. <”Perhaps you men don’t understand the gravity of the situation. SHE. CAN. NOT. DIE. This is no longer any insubstantial threat we’re dealing with. She cannot be stopped. She cannot be reasoned with. She’s the Jason Vorhees of the rapist pone world.”
  262. >Fluttershy moves closer and snaps you out of your internal dialogue to reveal her diabolical plan.
  263. >“If you don’t like eating me, then maybe you like being eaten!”
  264. >She leaps forward and latches onto your arm like an attack dog.
  265. “ARRRGH GET THE FUCK OFF, YOU CRAZY BITCH!”
  266. >You flail your arm around, trying to shake her off, but to no avail.
  267. >Her blunt teeth aren’t enough on their own to break your skin normally, but fluttershy has the strength of a thousand rapists on her side.
  268. >Her sheer force of will makes her bite down hard enough to draw blood.
  269. >At this she lets go, and you clutch your arm, nursing your small wound.
  270. “JESUS CHRIST WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF- what?”
  271. >Your attention turns to Fluttershy’s eyes, which are locked on your arm.
  272. >A dribble of blood trickles from the corner of her mouth.
  273. >Her pupils are dilated.
  274. >Her only response to you is:
  275. >“More...”
  276. >OH GOD SHE’S TASTED BLOOD
  277. >Getting the jump on her, you vault over the small pony still standing in your doorway.
  278. >You are now filled with pure terror, and somehow your body has used this as fuel for your legs.
  279. >They propel you at speeds unmatchable by the filly sized, bloodlusting psycho behind you.
  280. >Her short stubby legs are no match for your long strides.
  281. >You hide in the Everfree Forest where you meet Zecora.
  282. >She is sympathetic to the crazy antics you’ve been forced to live through.
  283. >“I know right! Those ponies are insane! Know what I do though? I speak to them only in rhymes. It confuses the hell out of them!”
  284. >This mare.
  285. >She shares her stash of poison joke with you as you crash there for a few days
  286. >She’s definitely made it onto the bro list.
  287. >You’ll definitely be paying Zecorbro a visit in the future.
  288. >That shit was dank.
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