Political anthro shitpost


                                            >Be President-For-Life Who-The-Fuck-Be-That of the (Dis)United States of America, 2029 edition.

                                            >You're comfortably ensconced in the Oval Office, sipping rum from a drinking cup made out of Rand Paul's gilded skull, and signing execution warrants.

                                            >Really, you're just trying to figure out how to fight the Northwest Front (racist bastards) and the Reconquista (really just a cartel power-grab with the Southwest as the prize) at the same time.

                                            >One of your aides, her eyes wide and her clothing disheveled, rushes in and turns on the TV. "Ma'am! You need to see dis, ma'am!"

                                            >That disrespect, tho.

                                            >You're groping for the .45-70 Big Frame Revolver in your desk drawer to teach her a lesson -- nothing major, just a few toes -- when the image on the screen sinks in.

                                            >It's a view of the sun.

                                            >There's some kind of alien spacecraft -- a triangular shape built around a giant central crystal -- between the Earth and the sun. Sunlight filters murkily through the crystal, but most of the solar rays are blocked out by the craft's sheer mass.

                                            >A countdown clock is ticking on the screen along with a string of alien text.

                                            >There's a helpful set of subtitles, though.

                                            >"Time to Empress Daybreaker's proclamation: 00:03."

                                            >You stare for a moment, utterly flabbergasted.

                                            >You really want to shoot your aide -- not in the foot, either -- but you get the feeling that you'll need your hearing in the next few minutes.


                                            >00:02


                                            >00:01


                                            >The feed cuts to an anthropomorphic winged unicorn, dressed in gaudy golden jewelry.

                                            >Of course it's a white bitch.

                                            >Her orange mane and tail look like billowing fire, and her yellow eyes burn like the flames of hell.

                                            >"Men of Earth! Be not afraid!"

                                            >"I am Daybreaker! Princess of Equestria! Empress of Equus! Conqueror of the Southlands! Scourge of Yakyakistan!"

                                            >"From across the empyrean void, we mares have heard the cries of your neglected, marginalized men, and we have come to claim them as our own! From the frozen wastes of Manitoba -"

                                            >An orange-maned yellow pegasus with an endurance athlete's wiry muscles is getting her pussy licked by a very non-descript guy.

                                            >"- to the barren deserts of Mexico -"

                                            >Cut to a blue-maned, black-furred alicorn draped in delicate silver jewelry.

                                            >Dis bitch's breasts bigger than her head!

                                            >There's a Mexican, naked except for a belt festooned with revolvers and machetes, kneeling between the massive-mammaried alicorn's legs. He's eating the horse-taco like it's his abuela's cooking.

                                            >"- to the steaming jungles of Florida -"

                                            >Cut to a lanky, wiry-muscled white guy frenziedly slurping away at the pussy of a red-haired, cream-colored short-stack unicorn. He's got one hand between her legs and his other hand's playing with her nipples.

                                            >Then you see it.

                                            >Good God, the dick on that man!

                                            >Why can't you get you some dick that long and fat?!

                                            >You iz de President, and you can't find no dick that good?!

                                            >A navy-maned blue pegasus in a wife-beater is lying passed out next to the white guy.

                                            >She's the only woman...horse...thing not visibly pregnant.

                                            >But given that she's facing the camera and you can see a giant load of cum dripping out of her pussy, that's going to change soon.

                                            >"--to the industrial ruin of Ohio --"

                                            >An athletic blue pegasus with a gay pride flag for a mane is getting muff-dived by a burly, hairy white man with an AR-15 slung over his back, and a 1911 on his hip. There's a purple winged unicorn unconscious at his feet, with a stupid grin still plastered across her sleeping face.

                                            >"-- and the urban Tartarus of Philadelphia --"

                                            >The camera pulls back to reveal that Empress Daybreaker's getting her pussy licked by a short white boi who's monstrously swole.

                                            >The mighty manlet is simultaneously being fellated by a busty orange unicorn.

                                            >"-you will be liberated from your oppressors! Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be househusbands!'

                                            >The camera pulls back to reveal that all the lewdness you'd previously seen is taking place in the same room.

                                            >Conceptualize the aroma.

                                            >"As for the rest of you, knaves, thieves, whores, and savages all...gaze upon the Harmony Lens and know your end!"

                                            >The feed cuts back to the external view, as rainbow light cascades across the crystal.

                                            >There's not enough time to do anything.

                                            >Not enough time to point nukes at interplanetary space, or find a bunker to hide in.

                                            >You have time for one final thought before a deluge of harmonic energy scrubs you (and 75% of the planet's population) out of existence.

                                            "SHHHIIIIIIIIEEEETTTT!!!"