Brief shitpost


                                            I'm indulging in telling, rather than showing, because I don't have time to write 50 pages of background for what is, in the end, a shitpost.


                                            >Be Anonymous, the Grand Impregnator.

                                            >Demon.

                                            >Sort of.

                                            >Long ago -- or perhaps not very long -- you were pulled from your own dimension by a minotaur witch-queen. Her twisted magics reshaped your flesh and bone, turning you into a hulking fiend straight out of a bad paranormal romance novel.

                                            >Tail, horns, wings, rippling muscles, oversized cock, and balls full of potent sperm capable of impregnating anything female and (in defiance of the most basic biology) some effeminate males.

                                            >In short, you are the rather cliched full package, complete with a stupidly high libido.

                                            >Iridium Whimsy had intended to make you into her own personal executioner and sex slave.

                                            >You didn't take her gross violation of your human rights very well.

                                            >You still remember the sound of her neck snapping.

                                            >It brings a smile to your face.

                                            >Unfortunately, when she died, you were banished to limbo. Blank grey nothingness. No sense of passing time.

                                            >Sort of like working a shitty office job.

                                            >Except you don't have coworkers or bosses.

                                            >Some improvement there, at least.

                                            >You weren't sure how long you drifted in the void before someone summoned you again.

                                            >It had been a cabal of communist occultists. They'd wanted you to commit acts of supernatural terrorism.

                                            >Make no mistake, you're all for doing horrible things to the globalist financial elite, their pet politicians, and their useful idiots. However, your summoners demonstrated that they fell into the latter category when they asked you to help BLM and Antifa.

                                            >Unfortunately for them, they'd done a really sloppy job on their summoning circle.

                                            >Shortly after demonstrating that (edgily), you'd left the cooling bodies and impregnated victims behind to go on an even edgier rampage through New York and Washington DC.

                                            >Your acts of butchery, rape, property damage, and more rape were cut short when the Israelis flung a nuke wrapped in ancient Hebrew sorcery at you.

                                            >The kabballistic missile banished you back to Limbo when it went off.

                                            >You drifted in the void again, working through your anger and irrational feelings of guilt over the collateral damage.

                                            >Yes, you'd committed atrocities that would make Vlad Tepes queasy, but you at least tried to make sure that your victims were guilty.

                                            >It could have five hours or five millennia before another summons tore you out of Limbo.

                                            >You have to admit, you hadn't been expecting a pitch-black winged unicorn in armor.

                                            >Pretty metal.

                                            >Her plan for world domination, however, is exceptionally bad.


                                            "I'm just saying, night has its good points -- nothing like a walk in the woods under a full moon, or looking up at all the stars during a new moon -- but eternal night is a terrible idea. You need sunlight."

                                            >"WE DO NOT. DO NOT TROUBLE YOURSELF WITH MATTERS BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION, STALLION."

                                            "Okay, I'm ignoring that. But your plan has one rather glaring flaw. With no light, the plants will die. Then all the herbivores -- including your subjects -- will starve. The carnivores and scavengers will gorge themselves until there's nothing edible left. Then they'll eat each other. Then they'll starve. Even the insects will starve, eventually. Do you really want to spend the rest of eternity ruling over a barren, dead world, surrounded by bones, dead trees, and withered plants? In time, even those will be gone. It'll just be you and your kingdom of dust. Might as well be the moon."

                                            >Nightmare Moon's eyes dilate until you can barely see the iris, and her ears flick back. "NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO!!! WE ONLY WANTED TO BE APPRECIATED!"

                                            "Then you need to keep the sun coming up in the mornings. Can you do it yourself, or will you have to make peace with your sister?"

                                            >"WE CAN RAISE THE SUN WITHOUT RECALLING OUR GLUTTONOUS SISTER FROM HER WELL-DESERVED BANISHMENT! LET HER CAKE-SWOLLEN HAUNCHES REST ON THE MOON FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS, THAT SHE MAY'ST SEE HOW SHE LIKES IT!"

                                            "Do you have any other volume settings, Your Highness?"

                                            >Nightmare Moon turns a baleful glare on you. "PRITHEE, MINION?"

                                            "Never mind."

                                            >"GO THOU NOW AND SMITE THE FOE, LEST THEY FIND THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY AND BANISH US AGAIN!"

                                            >You went. And you smote.

                                            >Not with your dick, either.

                                            >The bright blue mare you confronted on the edge of a chasm smelt like an anchovy's cunt. Total boner-kill.

                                            >You wrung her neck, ate her heart, wiped your bloody mouth on her pride flag of a mane, and brought her body back to Nightmare Moon.

                                            >"STREWTH, NOT EVEN BISMUTH HAS THIS MANY EDGES. NEVER HAVE I SEEN A STALLION WHOSE WHIMSY TAKES SUCH A MORBID TURN."

                                            >Now it's your turn to glare.

                                            "If you wanted her alive, Your Highness, you should have said so. Generally, words like 'smite' tend to be interpreted rather...permanently. She had five friends on the other side of the crevasse. Did you want them alive and intact?"

                                            >"INDEED. WITHOUT AN ALICORN AMONG THEM, IT WOULD REQUIRE SIX PONIES TO POWER THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY. BRING ME THEIR LEADER, THE PURPLE UNICORN -- ALIVE AND INTACT. THE OTHERS ARE NO THREAT TO US NOW."

                                            "One pony-shaped plum, coming up."

                                            >"PRITHEE?"

                                            "Never mind. I'll go fetch her."


                                            >When you threw the protesting purple pony down in front of Nightmare Moon and the constellation of arcane runes she'd drawn, you weren't sure what to expect.

                                            >A shriek of "No! Not the 63rd Rune!", followed by the little mare being forcibly changed into a little stallion was not it.

                                            >Still, the little purple mare had been ugly. The little purple stallion was actually pretty cute.

                                            >While he was still staring around in horror, Nightmare Moon pulled his face into her chest tuft.

                                            >Things got lewd from there.

                                            >You'd ended up sandwiching him, making Twilight Sparkle perhaps the first creature on Equus to both impregnate  and be impregnated at the same time.

                                            >Nightmare Moon had decided to claim him for her own after that.

                                            >You were somewhat disgruntled, but she set you up with a lovely squishy redhaired nerd-icorn as a reward, so you can't complain too much.

                                            >Pussy's better than anal.

                                            >Always.

                                            >And Moondancer's pussy tastes like cheesecake.

                                            >Equus really believes in encouraging oral sex.


                                            >Nightmare Moon also appointed you her official henchman and troubleshooter after that.

                                            >Kind of fun.

                                            >Capture a horse-Time Lord and seize his horse-TARDIS for Nightmare Moon's ends? Fun.

                                            >Help convince said horse-Time Lord that he'd be happier as a little grey pegasus's love-slave?

                                            >Less fun, but worth doing.

                                            >Get to use a horse-TARDIS to fight threats to the comfy little life you've set up?

                                            >Also pretty fun.

                                            >Occasionally lewd, too.

                                            >Moondancer isn't as much of a cuck as most unicorns, but she does get cucky during the last month or so of pregnancy.

                                            >You'd like to complain, but you don't want to risk hurting the baby satyrs growing in Moonie's womb.

                                            >So dealing with threats to Nightmare Moon's Equestria by lewd means is a decent compromise.

                                            >Your hips slap against the orange unicorn's as you hilt yourself to the root again.

                                            >Stellar Flare wails in ecstasy.


                                            >Be Sunset Shimmer.

                                            >You came back to Equestria to find Princess Celestia banished to the moon, and Nightmare Moon ruling the world.

                                            >Her demonic hench-ape and his traitorous unicorn bride abducted you shortly after you returned to Equestria.

                                            >Now you're chained to a wall, watching the ape-demon fuck your mother on the very night you were supposed to be conceived.

                                            >You're being cucked out of existence.

                                            >Damn your stupid fetish, anyhow!


                                            >Be Moondancer.

                                            >You're mildly amused by the mix of arousal and self-loathing warring on Sunset Shimmer's face as she watches Anonymous fuck her mother.

                                            >Sunset's hips buck as she sprays squash soup all over the floor beneath her.

                                            >"Monster! Both of you...monsters...AHHNNNN!" Another gush of squash soup hits the floor. "What did I do to deserve being wiped out of exist--ENNNNNCE?" Yet another blast of marecum sprays from her cunt.

                                            >"Oh, Sunset. You're not going to be wiped out of existence. Unlike the late and unlamented Starlight Glimmer, you actually have good points. We just want you to be loyal to Nightmare Moon."

                                            >"Never! I'll never give in to your twisted regim--EEEEEEEE!"

                                            >You rub your swollen, pregnant belly. "Oh, Sunset. You won't have a choice. They don't call Anon the Grand Impregnator for nothing."

                                            >"What --"

                                            >Stellar Flare screams, "I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR MANAGER!!!" as a final, brutal orgasm wracks her body.

                                            >Anon's roar of "I AM THE MANAGER!!!" comes an instant later.

                                            >Sunset's form warps, twists, and blurs.

                                            >The very UNIVERSE warps, twists, and blurs.

                                            >Then Sunset's stumbling towards you, mumbling "Mama!"

                                            >You feel a twisted sense of pride and triumph as Sunset buries her face in your shoulder.

                                            >Yes, you're technically the stepmom here, but you love Sunset just as much as you love the baby satyrs growing in your womb.

                                            >At some point, Anonymous joins the hug.

                                            >Everything is well again.

                                            >You are a family.